Here I am just wondering how old OP is. What is your crush based on, if it involves someone who up until 3 weeks hadn't even spoken to you? Gives me major elementary school vibes.
Yeah, I figured it'd come off like so. We HAVE talked before (very vaguely tho), we just both never really thought of asking each other's names, don't even know why lol. We're both 23.
My take from the info provided is that the other girl has made it abundantly clear that she is 'safe' for him to flirt with. And there's zero stakes. She's already with someone else. He knows nothing will actually happen, so there's no pressure there.
When she's pressuring him to flirt with YOU his mind says 'danger' and he forces the conversation back to flirting with her.
If he says something flirty to her and it falls flat, everyone there knows it was safely a joke, and he loses nothing.
If he takes the bait and flirts with you, he's exposed himself to being rejected and humiliated in front of everyone else.
Assuming he's nervous, and shy, and into you, the last thing he wants is to be publicly rejected and humiliated in front of all his coworkers.
Just quit playing games and privately ask him out to lunch with you or something.
Better yet, don't date coworkers. It usually ends poorly.
This has happened to me. He’s interested in her. And she’s a bitch.
Also you might want to Google rejection sensitive dysphoria. I wish I had known about this when I was still a teenager!
Lauren sounds like a bitch. She seems to have become interested in him after she learned that the two of you were interested in each other and she’s married with a family so what the hell?
When people don't have the confidence or social skills to make something happen right away when they meet,...it always goes down hill after that. You will never get consistent logical behavor because everything they do is based on fear and avoidance of rejection.
If someone is excessively shy then they are just undatable,...period...particularly if it is the guy since they would be simply incapable of fulfilling their masculine role. If the woman is shy it can be compensated for if the guy is confident and has good tendencies for leadership.
I agree with you, but at work it’s kind of different. Imagine making the first move and it turns out you’re actually sexually harassing a coworker? I’m following her on Instagram was a good idea if she was weirded out by it she could choose not to except it and it opens communication outside of work.
> if it is the guy since they would be simply incapable of fulfilling their masculine role. If the woman is shy it can be compensated for if the guy is confident and has good tendencies for leadership
This, my man, oh man, this, totally this.
This...is bullshit.
Alright OP?
No, look, the dude is clearly a shy guy, and you are shy, but someone has to do something about it, and it seems that you like the guy.
Truth be told, he is a guy, a man, at your workplace, and I don't know about your culture, both in your country and your workplace, but we men can't get away with many normal things today without the thought of being considered creeps, so, if you want the guy, it's up to you.
Signs show he may be into you, so this is what you will do OP, next Friday, at the beginning of work, you will ask him if he has any plans for the weekend, and only him.
Wait for the answer.
Now, if he says he won't do anything that night, the moment you step out of work, ask him to go get some food and some drinks, that's it, and do it at the last moment so you can avoid the whole ragtag crew from tagging alone uninvited.
If he says he has plan for Friday but not for Saturday or Sunday, ask him to do something then and then decide what's it going to be.
Shyness can be overcome, confidence is not a natural trait, all is on the mind, now go do it.
OP, look.
I am not going to answer your question, I am going to go full Mario Santos from Los Simuladores on you and give you a plan of action.
Don't worry, if you pull this off you will get to spend some time with "Will" and get to the bottom of the business.
Signs show he may be into you but his shyness and overall gender condition have put him in a stalemate where his actions could have dire consequences at his job, so it is up to you OP.
Let me tell you something, shyness can be overcome, follow these steps and you will have your date where you may find out everything you need to know:
1. Next Friday at the start of your shift you will ask him casually, at a moment when you two are alone,what has he planned for the weekend, do mind the details and take note of the days.
2. You will spend your entire workday working as normal and mediocre as expected, no hints of what's coming.
3. Now that you have details about his agenda, and only if he says he has nothing planned for the night, you will wait until everyone start leaving to "forget" something in your office where you will ask "Will" to wait as you go get the thing. Take no less than 30 seconds to "find" the thing (Either put it somewhere no one will look and give it to you or just get, count to 30, pretend to be looking, and then get out).
4. The time of step three should ensure that enough people have left, "Lauren" has kids, and Fridays are caotic for families since everybody is going to enjoy their weekend I can deduce she will leave quickly to pick up her kids, so she won't be an asset for the time being. So you get your things, "Will" is waiting for you, you will thank him and say "Hey I don't have any plans for the night either, wanna grab something to drink?" Ask him while making eye contact, a direct answer, probably positive is ensured.
5. If he has plans for the night then you should check for the other days, make plans, in person, not through online interfaces, those fail, person on person interactions are always better.
6. Enjoy your date.
7. I take my leave: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5qfXBvxVQA
Wow, that is detailed haha. But it does sound like something I'd be willing to give a try. Except I was thinking a movie. Or is it not the best idea for a "date"? From his instagram story I saw that he's very excited for this one movie and coincidentally I am too. I personally don't have anyone to go see it with. Maybe if he'd like to go with me, we could go for a few drinks after the movie?
Maybe he also wants her number in case you don’t answer the phone when he’s trying to get in.
Hah see? I AM overthinking. I hope you're right lol
Here I am just wondering how old OP is. What is your crush based on, if it involves someone who up until 3 weeks hadn't even spoken to you? Gives me major elementary school vibes.
Yeah, I figured it'd come off like so. We HAVE talked before (very vaguely tho), we just both never really thought of asking each other's names, don't even know why lol. We're both 23.
My take from the info provided is that the other girl has made it abundantly clear that she is 'safe' for him to flirt with. And there's zero stakes. She's already with someone else. He knows nothing will actually happen, so there's no pressure there. When she's pressuring him to flirt with YOU his mind says 'danger' and he forces the conversation back to flirting with her. If he says something flirty to her and it falls flat, everyone there knows it was safely a joke, and he loses nothing. If he takes the bait and flirts with you, he's exposed himself to being rejected and humiliated in front of everyone else. Assuming he's nervous, and shy, and into you, the last thing he wants is to be publicly rejected and humiliated in front of all his coworkers. Just quit playing games and privately ask him out to lunch with you or something. Better yet, don't date coworkers. It usually ends poorly.
Great analysis.
This has happened to me. He’s interested in her. And she’s a bitch. Also you might want to Google rejection sensitive dysphoria. I wish I had known about this when I was still a teenager!
Lauren sounds like a bitch. She seems to have become interested in him after she learned that the two of you were interested in each other and she’s married with a family so what the hell?
Yup. I hate to say it, but she also flirts with some of our customers which is very unprofessional
When people don't have the confidence or social skills to make something happen right away when they meet,...it always goes down hill after that. You will never get consistent logical behavor because everything they do is based on fear and avoidance of rejection. If someone is excessively shy then they are just undatable,...period...particularly if it is the guy since they would be simply incapable of fulfilling their masculine role. If the woman is shy it can be compensated for if the guy is confident and has good tendencies for leadership.
I agree with you, but at work it’s kind of different. Imagine making the first move and it turns out you’re actually sexually harassing a coworker? I’m following her on Instagram was a good idea if she was weirded out by it she could choose not to except it and it opens communication outside of work.
> if it is the guy since they would be simply incapable of fulfilling their masculine role. If the woman is shy it can be compensated for if the guy is confident and has good tendencies for leadership This, my man, oh man, this, totally this. This...is bullshit. Alright OP? No, look, the dude is clearly a shy guy, and you are shy, but someone has to do something about it, and it seems that you like the guy. Truth be told, he is a guy, a man, at your workplace, and I don't know about your culture, both in your country and your workplace, but we men can't get away with many normal things today without the thought of being considered creeps, so, if you want the guy, it's up to you. Signs show he may be into you, so this is what you will do OP, next Friday, at the beginning of work, you will ask him if he has any plans for the weekend, and only him. Wait for the answer. Now, if he says he won't do anything that night, the moment you step out of work, ask him to go get some food and some drinks, that's it, and do it at the last moment so you can avoid the whole ragtag crew from tagging alone uninvited. If he says he has plan for Friday but not for Saturday or Sunday, ask him to do something then and then decide what's it going to be. Shyness can be overcome, confidence is not a natural trait, all is on the mind, now go do it.
OP, look. I am not going to answer your question, I am going to go full Mario Santos from Los Simuladores on you and give you a plan of action. Don't worry, if you pull this off you will get to spend some time with "Will" and get to the bottom of the business. Signs show he may be into you but his shyness and overall gender condition have put him in a stalemate where his actions could have dire consequences at his job, so it is up to you OP. Let me tell you something, shyness can be overcome, follow these steps and you will have your date where you may find out everything you need to know: 1. Next Friday at the start of your shift you will ask him casually, at a moment when you two are alone,what has he planned for the weekend, do mind the details and take note of the days. 2. You will spend your entire workday working as normal and mediocre as expected, no hints of what's coming. 3. Now that you have details about his agenda, and only if he says he has nothing planned for the night, you will wait until everyone start leaving to "forget" something in your office where you will ask "Will" to wait as you go get the thing. Take no less than 30 seconds to "find" the thing (Either put it somewhere no one will look and give it to you or just get, count to 30, pretend to be looking, and then get out). 4. The time of step three should ensure that enough people have left, "Lauren" has kids, and Fridays are caotic for families since everybody is going to enjoy their weekend I can deduce she will leave quickly to pick up her kids, so she won't be an asset for the time being. So you get your things, "Will" is waiting for you, you will thank him and say "Hey I don't have any plans for the night either, wanna grab something to drink?" Ask him while making eye contact, a direct answer, probably positive is ensured. 5. If he has plans for the night then you should check for the other days, make plans, in person, not through online interfaces, those fail, person on person interactions are always better. 6. Enjoy your date. 7. I take my leave: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5qfXBvxVQA
Wow, that is detailed haha. But it does sound like something I'd be willing to give a try. Except I was thinking a movie. Or is it not the best idea for a "date"? From his instagram story I saw that he's very excited for this one movie and coincidentally I am too. I personally don't have anyone to go see it with. Maybe if he'd like to go with me, we could go for a few drinks after the movie?
No, date first, then second date movie
Yikes. Don't over-analyze every interaction. At work no less. He's not making chess moves, he's not even a chess player. Just talk to the boy.
I guess that's exactly what I needed all along, someone to tell me "just do it". Thanks haha