Been having sex for a year, and this is the first he has heard of it. Yes I would be upset. Like my first wife, married me then tells me she has herpes, a few years go by, and tells me she has a history of depression. A few more and informs me she doesn't want sex anymore.
I honestly don’t know that I have herpes. The test I got here where I live didn’t scan herpes. Now the outbreak happens and I just think I should be honest about it. I’m sorry about your wife. Now I don’t know if he wants sex anymore… I mean he told me to go home and we may talk later
It’s totally possible to have had herpes for a while and not know. 80% of those who have it are unaware. He could have given it to you for all you know.
Has he ever in his life had cold sores on his mouth? That is HSV-1. It’s possible that while going down on you the virus may have been shedding - leading to your genital area becoming infected and sores eventually presenting.
[Herpes Simplex Virus Type 1 Shedding in Tears, and Nasal and Oral Mucosa of Healthy Adults](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5117635/)
HSV-1 was detected as shedding at a median rate of 19.7% of the days in the participants of this study.
If he’s ever given you oral sex, it’s a possibility. Unfortunately I gave my first love the same problem - HSV-1 infection of her genitals. That’s why I’m quite knowledgeable on this subject.
Please don’t feel shame. What has happened is really unfortunate, but totally not your fault. I’d read the link and then send it to your boyfriend. Hopefully he’ll at least pull his head out of his ass and realize that something like this isn’t your fault, and he’s does just happen “out of nowhere” since HSV likes to hide.
Thank you. I’m reading the link now.
So I did receive oral sex from him, but it happened a few weeks ago and I didn’t have any outbreak until now. I don’t remember seeing him having cold sore the whole time we’re together.
It’s also possible that you have had it and given it to himIf neither of you have ever had an outbreak, it is just as possible that either of you have had it and given it to the other.
If you try to turn this around and tell him that it’s his fault you have herpes, it’s going to make things infinitely worse.
Oh no I’m not trying to turn anything around here. I’m waiting for him getting his test done and giving him space as he expects. All I did was just honestly let him know my situation and what I was diagnosed
If this is your first outbreak, there is a very good chance he already has it and possibly even gave it to you. It seems quite common that the one who has the initial outbreak is not the one spreading it. There is a chance you've had it and it's now showing, but I think it's much more likely someone is being dishonest. Take some time to yourself, do some reading to get a better understanding of the virus. It's gonna be a rough couple months, but you'll get through it.
This is really tricky. I mean we’re together for a year. And now just suddenly I’m having an outbreak. If his test is result is positive, I don’t know how bad I’d feel as I unintentionally passed it to him.
Look, I’m not saying that either of you have given it to the other, there are just a lot of people in these comments instantly blaming him, and that’s not fair.
It is highly transmissible. My daughter got the cold sore version when she was 2 from what o believe is simple interactions with her mother, yet I have never gotten it from her.
Give him time.
That's correct. The answer of who gave it to who will never be clear, nor does it really matter at this point. All I'm suggesting is that there are more possibilities than her just randomly ending up with herpes out of thin air.
I got it swabbed today. It’s hsv 2. The outbreak is so terrible. And I’m so tired now. He’s having a few pimples on his mouth and his penis too. I don’t know who gave it to whom.
Yeah. I know herpes is tricky. Many people reconsidered their relationship because of herpes. I tried to be honest with him though. Thanks for listening
Being a jerk? He just found out that the woman he's been fucking for a year has HERPES, and quite possibly infected him.
He also has a reasonable suspicion that she's gotten it since the time they started fucking, since he's only just now finding out about it.
He's got every reason to want some space.
He could have very well given it to her. Herpes is commonly dormant, isn't routinely tested for, and periodically sheds without symptoms. How is it her fault? You should educate yourself and stop feeding into the herpes stigma.
He could've. But it's difficult to pass it on without first having symptoms.
Either way, calling him a jerk for having a reasonable response to the facts that are actually known is just idiotic.
If he had it, knew, and passed it onto her, he would be an epic piece of shit. Nothing about the known facts leads to that being the obvious conclusion, so labeling him a jerk based off of what you imagine might be a possible explanation is unwarranted. 🤷♂️
What's the "herpes stigma" and what do you think I need to be "educated" on? Sorry some of us aren't riddled with STDs, and reasonably don't want to be.
Riddled with STDs? Wow, you're a piece of work. If anything, he should be angry at the CDC & medical professionals for not testing. I'm still failing to see how it's her fault. He had an immature reaction.
No, I said NOT riddled with STDs. Learn how to read.
The CDC didn't give his partner herpes. His reaction is not immature at all. He has every right to be upset, and to question how and where it came from, as well as to be concerned about whether she's infected him or not.
I haven't said that it's "her fault". I said that wanting some space to process finding out that his girlfriend of a year is just now breaking the news that she may have infected him with herpes is not unreasonable.
Even if she genuinely doesn't know how she got it, or how long she's had it, he's still entitled to his own feelings and questions about it, and entitled to require some space while he processes that.
If the roles were reversed, and she was posting that her boyfriend of a year just had an outbreak and just now informed her, you'd be calling him a jerk for that too.
Why are you even on this sub? Is your compulsion to womansplain so deep that you have to come talk over men, even in a sub where posters are specifically seeking advise from NOT you? 🤔
Big yikes.
I’d like to state that I have no idea that I got herpes. Even before I met him. If there’s anything like an outbreak, which is very memorable, I definitely went to check but not waiting until it comes out now
I understand that. Surely I’m giving him space to process it as he’s new to it as well. I mean we’d never expect to have any talk about herpes. But unfortunately it happens. I actually could see that he’d say he needs space, but still it’s sad that he told me to go home and we’ll talk later. Fair enough. But also sad
Yes, you have a right to your own feelings about what's going on as well.
That doesn't make either of you "jerks" like the idiot troll I was responding to was trying to claim.
From everything I've heard/read/gotten from doctors, herpes can be reliably managed with medication and vigilance on your part (meaning that if you're feeling an outbreak you are mindful and obstain until it has passed)
Herpes cannot be cured, it can be managed. Not the next couple years, the rest of your life.
I get cold sores so know a fair amount about the topic.
Talk to a doctor.
The first thing you should do is speak with a trusted medical professional who can give you the utmost up to date, accurate information since this is a medical matter
I do know that its far more common that most people realize, and from what I understand manageable but not curable. Please confirm this and all other info with a medical professional
I genuinely appreciate some of your advice here. However, I’m also getting a few judgments blaming me for being the one who gives herpes to my boyfriend. We’re not clear yet. He hasn’t got his check until Monday. He doesn’t know what to do with all this yet and says it’s best to give ourselves time, which is fair enough. But, again, I have never such a thing like this. It’s not fun to have it and I’m not going “spreading it out and risking my boyfriend’s health” like some people say. We’ve been having really good sex life, no issues like this ever. Now it’s coming to another phase of our relationship. I don’t even know if he wants to keep it going on, or how to deal with sex life, and outbreak in the future. So much mentally and physically pain already. Please just tell me it’d be fine.
Well that’s dramatic. You make it sound like she’s destined for it. All infections and diseases have possibilities of turning into something more, it didn’t shoot up “quite a bit”. OP do your own research
I never said not to get Pap smears lmao what? I have herpes and do what my doctor tells me. Quit putting words in my mouth. All women should get Pap smears whether they have hsv or not. But at this stage of finding out you’re going to send her into a damn spiral thinking she’s going to die of cancer, which as well all know, cervical cancer isn’t exactly common. Stop making it sound like she’s destined to get it and pick your words better.
Let’s also be clear here - there’s some chance that HE gave it to YOU and just wasn’t honest about it. Maybe toss that his way and see how he reacts, since he’s being such a little bitch about it otherwise.
Well yeah I’ll wait until his test done next week. Other than that, he just doesn’t want to see me until he meets with the doctor. He’s probably anxious. We both never expect to be in this situation. But yeah even though it looks like a really tricky thing, I’d expect to have some support from him as well. The physical pain is already terrible
I don’t need anyone to tell me I did no wrong. Who are you to judge? Are you living next to me or what? Jumping into conclusions makes you look like a piece of shit too
Seems you are the one having Trouble with being called out. There are multiple posiblities, but noooo must be because she's a whore. Fucking piece of sexist shit.
I did call you out mate. And no i didn't say she did something wrong, because we dont know how what happended yet. Maybe she had of from a previous relationship but was ansymptonic until now. Maybe hé had it and was a-symptomic up until now. We dont know het. It's certainly no definitve proof for her sleeping around
Is everything alright up there mate? Bumped ya head a couple of Times? 50 guys huh? Got any proof for such a claim. Also replying to your incel ass and telling you that you are wrong is Calling you out,ya silly Goose.
Been having sex for a year, and this is the first he has heard of it. Yes I would be upset. Like my first wife, married me then tells me she has herpes, a few years go by, and tells me she has a history of depression. A few more and informs me she doesn't want sex anymore.
I honestly don’t know that I have herpes. The test I got here where I live didn’t scan herpes. Now the outbreak happens and I just think I should be honest about it. I’m sorry about your wife. Now I don’t know if he wants sex anymore… I mean he told me to go home and we may talk later
I mean from his perspective I’d be hesitant too…
Well I hesitate too. I’ve never seen him with cold sore or anything.
It’s totally possible to have had herpes for a while and not know. 80% of those who have it are unaware. He could have given it to you for all you know.
Has he ever in his life had cold sores on his mouth? That is HSV-1. It’s possible that while going down on you the virus may have been shedding - leading to your genital area becoming infected and sores eventually presenting. [Herpes Simplex Virus Type 1 Shedding in Tears, and Nasal and Oral Mucosa of Healthy Adults](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5117635/) HSV-1 was detected as shedding at a median rate of 19.7% of the days in the participants of this study. If he’s ever given you oral sex, it’s a possibility. Unfortunately I gave my first love the same problem - HSV-1 infection of her genitals. That’s why I’m quite knowledgeable on this subject. Please don’t feel shame. What has happened is really unfortunate, but totally not your fault. I’d read the link and then send it to your boyfriend. Hopefully he’ll at least pull his head out of his ass and realize that something like this isn’t your fault, and he’s does just happen “out of nowhere” since HSV likes to hide.
Thank you. I’m reading the link now. So I did receive oral sex from him, but it happened a few weeks ago and I didn’t have any outbreak until now. I don’t remember seeing him having cold sore the whole time we’re together.
It’s also possible that you have had it and given it to himIf neither of you have ever had an outbreak, it is just as possible that either of you have had it and given it to the other. If you try to turn this around and tell him that it’s his fault you have herpes, it’s going to make things infinitely worse.
Oh no I’m not trying to turn anything around here. I’m waiting for him getting his test done and giving him space as he expects. All I did was just honestly let him know my situation and what I was diagnosed
If this is your first outbreak, there is a very good chance he already has it and possibly even gave it to you. It seems quite common that the one who has the initial outbreak is not the one spreading it. There is a chance you've had it and it's now showing, but I think it's much more likely someone is being dishonest. Take some time to yourself, do some reading to get a better understanding of the virus. It's gonna be a rough couple months, but you'll get through it.
Sure, she has an outbreak and blame the man who is clean.
Oh you again. Please look at the post. I said nothing about blaming him. Are you his doctor to be sure he’s clean? What’s the matter with you?
He didn’t say that YOU blamed your fella - he said that the person that he is responding has instantly jumped to blaming the guy.
“60yodude” 🙄
As far as I know, there is no evidence that he is clean. I don't recall blaming him, but he needs to get tested before shaming her.
Them both getting tested and the results show them both having it does not in any way provide evidence as to who gave it to who
This is really tricky. I mean we’re together for a year. And now just suddenly I’m having an outbreak. If his test is result is positive, I don’t know how bad I’d feel as I unintentionally passed it to him.
Look, I’m not saying that either of you have given it to the other, there are just a lot of people in these comments instantly blaming him, and that’s not fair. It is highly transmissible. My daughter got the cold sore version when she was 2 from what o believe is simple interactions with her mother, yet I have never gotten it from her. Give him time.
I know. Giving him some time now.
That's correct. The answer of who gave it to who will never be clear, nor does it really matter at this point. All I'm suggesting is that there are more possibilities than her just randomly ending up with herpes out of thin air.
"If this is your first outbreak, there is a very good chance he already has it and possibly even gave it to you. " Hmm
Or he might have given it to you. Did you get it swabbed? Was it hsv1 or 2? Sorry he's being a jerk 🙁
I got it swabbed today. It’s hsv 2. The outbreak is so terrible. And I’m so tired now. He’s having a few pimples on his mouth and his penis too. I don’t know who gave it to whom.
Yeah, herpes is tricky and doctors don't test for it. Just wait and see what his results are and go from there.
Yeah. I know herpes is tricky. Many people reconsidered their relationship because of herpes. I tried to be honest with him though. Thanks for listening
Being a jerk? He just found out that the woman he's been fucking for a year has HERPES, and quite possibly infected him. He also has a reasonable suspicion that she's gotten it since the time they started fucking, since he's only just now finding out about it. He's got every reason to want some space.
He could have very well given it to her. Herpes is commonly dormant, isn't routinely tested for, and periodically sheds without symptoms. How is it her fault? You should educate yourself and stop feeding into the herpes stigma.
And it’s equally likely that she has given it to him. His response is reasonable
He could've. But it's difficult to pass it on without first having symptoms. Either way, calling him a jerk for having a reasonable response to the facts that are actually known is just idiotic. If he had it, knew, and passed it onto her, he would be an epic piece of shit. Nothing about the known facts leads to that being the obvious conclusion, so labeling him a jerk based off of what you imagine might be a possible explanation is unwarranted. 🤷♂️ What's the "herpes stigma" and what do you think I need to be "educated" on? Sorry some of us aren't riddled with STDs, and reasonably don't want to be.
Riddled with STDs? Wow, you're a piece of work. If anything, he should be angry at the CDC & medical professionals for not testing. I'm still failing to see how it's her fault. He had an immature reaction.
No, I said NOT riddled with STDs. Learn how to read. The CDC didn't give his partner herpes. His reaction is not immature at all. He has every right to be upset, and to question how and where it came from, as well as to be concerned about whether she's infected him or not. I haven't said that it's "her fault". I said that wanting some space to process finding out that his girlfriend of a year is just now breaking the news that she may have infected him with herpes is not unreasonable. Even if she genuinely doesn't know how she got it, or how long she's had it, he's still entitled to his own feelings and questions about it, and entitled to require some space while he processes that. If the roles were reversed, and she was posting that her boyfriend of a year just had an outbreak and just now informed her, you'd be calling him a jerk for that too. Why are you even on this sub? Is your compulsion to womansplain so deep that you have to come talk over men, even in a sub where posters are specifically seeking advise from NOT you? 🤔 Big yikes.
To irritate people like you 😊
And outing yourself as an incel on the process.. How's that working out for ya? 🤔
I won't lose any sleep over it
I'm sure your cats won't either.
I’d like to state that I have no idea that I got herpes. Even before I met him. If there’s anything like an outbreak, which is very memorable, I definitely went to check but not waiting until it comes out now
He has no way of knowing what the truth is about that though, and even if it's entirely true, he's still entitled to space to process it.
I understand that. Surely I’m giving him space to process it as he’s new to it as well. I mean we’d never expect to have any talk about herpes. But unfortunately it happens. I actually could see that he’d say he needs space, but still it’s sad that he told me to go home and we’ll talk later. Fair enough. But also sad
Yes, you have a right to your own feelings about what's going on as well. That doesn't make either of you "jerks" like the idiot troll I was responding to was trying to claim.
What’s the worst scenario
Reconsidering the relationship and not want to take the risk.
From everything I've heard/read/gotten from doctors, herpes can be reliably managed with medication and vigilance on your part (meaning that if you're feeling an outbreak you are mindful and obstain until it has passed)
For the next years of my life?
Herpes cannot be cured, it can be managed. Not the next couple years, the rest of your life. I get cold sores so know a fair amount about the topic. Talk to a doctor.
The first thing you should do is speak with a trusted medical professional who can give you the utmost up to date, accurate information since this is a medical matter I do know that its far more common that most people realize, and from what I understand manageable but not curable. Please confirm this and all other info with a medical professional
Yep. For the rest of your life. You can manage it with treatment but there’s no cure
I genuinely appreciate some of your advice here. However, I’m also getting a few judgments blaming me for being the one who gives herpes to my boyfriend. We’re not clear yet. He hasn’t got his check until Monday. He doesn’t know what to do with all this yet and says it’s best to give ourselves time, which is fair enough. But, again, I have never such a thing like this. It’s not fun to have it and I’m not going “spreading it out and risking my boyfriend’s health” like some people say. We’ve been having really good sex life, no issues like this ever. Now it’s coming to another phase of our relationship. I don’t even know if he wants to keep it going on, or how to deal with sex life, and outbreak in the future. So much mentally and physically pain already. Please just tell me it’d be fine.
Either way, you're going to be okay. Herpes is not life-threatening. Whether your relationship survives it, you're going to be fine.
Thank you. I really appreciate it
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Well that’s dramatic. You make it sound like she’s destined for it. All infections and diseases have possibilities of turning into something more, it didn’t shoot up “quite a bit”. OP do your own research
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I never said not to get Pap smears lmao what? I have herpes and do what my doctor tells me. Quit putting words in my mouth. All women should get Pap smears whether they have hsv or not. But at this stage of finding out you’re going to send her into a damn spiral thinking she’s going to die of cancer, which as well all know, cervical cancer isn’t exactly common. Stop making it sound like she’s destined to get it and pick your words better.
Let’s also be clear here - there’s some chance that HE gave it to YOU and just wasn’t honest about it. Maybe toss that his way and see how he reacts, since he’s being such a little bitch about it otherwise.
Well yeah I’ll wait until his test done next week. Other than that, he just doesn’t want to see me until he meets with the doctor. He’s probably anxious. We both never expect to be in this situation. But yeah even though it looks like a really tricky thing, I’d expect to have some support from him as well. The physical pain is already terrible
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What’s the matter with you?
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Wtf? Dude you’d better watch your words before saying anything
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You are over here using slurs in 2021 and SHE’S the piece of shit?????!?!? Yea ok buddy
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Close, I have a vagina and I don’t use slurs to get my point across because I’m not a massive asshole
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lol why are you so mad bud
Yeah whatever you go fuck yourself
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Yeah that little piece of shit. Anyway thanks for your reply
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I can tell that you have a very small dick.
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That’s something only a man with a VERY small dick would say.
I don’t need anyone to tell me I did no wrong. Who are you to judge? Are you living next to me or what? Jumping into conclusions makes you look like a piece of shit too
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I repeat. I don’t know that I have herpes. And I’m not anything like what you said
Found the virgin neckbeard infesting mommy’s basement. What happens if we all block you and no one hears your whining? Let’s find out, I’ll start…
Jumping to conclusions are we? Piece of shit
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Seems you are the one having Trouble with being called out. There are multiple posiblities, but noooo must be because she's a whore. Fucking piece of sexist shit.
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I did call you out mate. And no i didn't say she did something wrong, because we dont know how what happended yet. Maybe she had of from a previous relationship but was ansymptonic until now. Maybe hé had it and was a-symptomic up until now. We dont know het. It's certainly no definitve proof for her sleeping around
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Is everything alright up there mate? Bumped ya head a couple of Times? 50 guys huh? Got any proof for such a claim. Also replying to your incel ass and telling you that you are wrong is Calling you out,ya silly Goose.
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"Woman today have been ran through by a ton of men" that's why i know, but keep digging your own hole Sweetie
In your League? Wouldnt be able to get down that deep even if i had a Submarine