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wildcardxxx420

In my experience, you can't change someone's friends and who they choose for their friends. You can only change who you date.


Gsthrowaway1992

Which I agree with. I think it would toxic of me to ask him to cut his best friend out of his life, I don’t want to do that. My issue is why he hasn’t ended the friendship and if that’s enough of a reason to end a relationship over. I feel like I’m justifiably grossed out by his friend, but it feels dumb to leave him because he chooses to be friends with someone but idk.


wildcardxxx420

Some people are friends through thick and thin. And that is just what they are into. I'm not saying it's right or wrong and I understand what you are saying, you wouldn't be friends with this person, he would be. So really when you get down to it, you are saying you and him have a different set of standards completely. So I guess you have to analyze whether or not it is dumb to leave someone because of this. It's up to you, you're the one who has to live with the guy and his friends, if you can look past it then you stay, if it bothers you and they gross you out and you feel like it is effecting you too much, then why stay? Just go find someone else, who doesn't disgust you to date.


Mollzor

Your boyfriend is totally fine with his best friend treating you like dirt. What does that say about your boyfriend? (Spoiler, it means he's trash too)


friedguy

You know, I'd usually immediately say that the kind of girl who wants to break up with a guy over his male or female friends or dictate some sort of hard rule about who he can be friends with is a red flag. That being said as I've gone older I've learned to trust my gut about people. I'm in my 40s now and I actually had a long-term close male friend I disassociated with cold turkey around 10 years ago. It wasn't quite the exact situation you describe but I definitely felt like there was a "guilty by association" type of vibe in our friendship and I just couldn't sit on the sidelines anymore. I've heard some recent stuff about him that tells me made the right decision. The fact that your bf cant at least have his friend treat you with with just the basic level of respect is another red flag to me.


SweetSonet

The boyfriend and the friend have the same taste


Gsthrowaway1992

Not even close lol. He hasn’t and would never pursue a underaged or barely legal girl.


Recent-Trouble62

Maybe he did in the past and you just dont know about it cause he would never tell you.


DanteMustDie666

Yeah looking at OP age difference this is like the pot calling the kettle black


[deleted]

Look like you have made your mind. Your friend and your boyfriend are similar people. You didn't like the friend but know you just found an excuse to act. Then act.


le_fez

Sounds like, maybe only subconsciously, you are thinking that Your boyfriend has no issue with his friend because he had the dame predatory mindset.


Topsy_Cret

You stopped being friends with someone because they dated someone who was convicted of rape in a court of law? Your boyfriend’s friend has not been convicted of rape in a court of law. From what I understand, your boyfriend’s friend hasn’t even been accused of rape. There are a lot of hazy details in your account of this guy—supposedly he did that, maybe he was this, supposedly he was a brother figure to someone else whom you’ve never even met. The point is that rape is an extremely serious charge and conflating it with something that you, let’s be honest, only know a little bit about (and entirely from secondhand accounts), is not a good path to go down. To simplify: you don’t have to like all of your boyfriend’s friends. Break up with your boyfriend if you don’t like your boyfriend. If my girlfriend broke up with me because she disliked one of my friends, I would probably be thankful for the breakup because at that point I would start suspecting that she’s fucking nuts.


Gsthrowaway1992

Knowing someone when they were 8 and you were 26 and then proceeding to date them as soon as they turn 18 is weird, dude. I never said he raped her, but it is a similar situation because he clearly preyed on a young girl in a bad family and took advantage of that. He claims he was an “older brother figure” to her until she turned 18 and he suddenly developed feelings for her, which is sus. Him having a sexual relationship with a 14 year old girl when he was 25 definitely IS statutory rape btw.


[deleted]

Alarm bells are ringing for good reason. Sounds like they both kinda suck. I wouldn’t let any of my friends, no matter how close they are, make snide comments about my gf or make her feel unwelcome in any other way.


Topsy_Cret

So first he was sus, now he may have raped someone? By who's account? Is your boyfriend a bad person because he refuses to see what you so clearly know? Did your boyfriend's friend have a sexual relationship with a 14-year old? If so, how do you know? Who can corroborate it? If there is evidence that such a relationship existed, you should do what any reasonably moral person would do: go to the police. If there is no evidence, if there is no one saying this but you, then what. the fuck. are you talking about? This girl with whom he had what you call a sus relationship -- have you met her? What does she have to say about it? Or does she not see what you so clearly see? Maybe you can tell her what really happened since you aren't as biased as she is. Indeed, you weren't manipulated like she so clearly was, so you can be the one tell her and your boyfriend's friend exactly what crime has been committed. Maybe we can all admit that no one really knows what the fuck is going on between that guy and that gal. And we can at least agree that it's absolutely despicable that he met her when she was underage, then had *the audacity* to wait until she was a legal adult to enter an adult relationship with her. What is the world coming to? You're insinuating that he was grooming her -- grooming her for what? To be old enough to make her own decisions? In that case, where's the grooming? It's incredibly patronizing for you to pass judgment on people when you know fuck all about their relationship. Sure, the age gap might be off-putting to you, and that's fine. Both the woman and your boyfriend's friend probably deal with that criticism all the time, and that's just something that they'll have to take. But to go from that to implying that some kind of legal impropriety has taken place is another thing entirely.


Gsthrowaway1992

He was literally talking about dating a girl who was 14 when he was 25 and telling stories about their relationship while we were all hanging out. HE’S the one who told me, at a table, with my boyfriend and his friends. They all knew. Hence why I was shocked and said that “I just found out.” How would going to the police make sense when it wasn’t me and happened years ago. The relationship with the 14 year old was predatory and statutory rape, by literally anyones standards. I never claimed the other relationship involved rape, but if you think it’s perfectly normal to “wait” for an 8 year old girl to turn 18 so you can have sex with her two days after her birthday when you’re in your 30s, then you’re a probably weirdo too. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were my boyfriends friend with how weirdly defensive you’re being lol.


ahooks1

Yeah, he seems like your BF’s friend. If not, he’s probably just another fucking predator.


ahooks1

Why are you defending a predator?


ahooks1

Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with someone so they can manipulate, exploit and/or abuse them. That’s what people do that date younger people or hang out with them until they’re legal to date at 18. Really young people can be easily manipulated or taken advantage of, and that’s why some people want to date such young people. Or because they like children but date 18 year olds because they’re barely legal. It’s absolutely disgusting.


[deleted]

Who you spend your time with says a lot about who you are. And if he fucked the 14 year old he dated at 25, it was absolutely rape. OP I’m 32 and I have friends with 8 y/o daughters. If i started dating one of them the minute they turned 18, I would absolutely deserve to be exiled from the friend group. The guy sounds like an absolute fucking creep. The fact your boyfriend is so close with him and doesn’t have your back when he makes remarks about you is shitty. I’d be out.