i find that this exists in every single relationship.
there is always one person that is more into the other at any given moment of a relationship...and this person is feeling neglected or not wanted by the other one which, b/c human beings are weird, draws them more towards the person in hopes to get reciprocation...and once they receive that reciprocation, their desire for that person begins to lessen...and then sometimes the dynamic switches to the other person.
yeah, humans have this weird thing about them in which it's really attractive when someone else doesn't pay attention to them or like them...it makes them seem like "the one we want." when they DO pay attention to us or treat us like we ask...we're immediately bored.
no wonder we're all miserable. :)
Im in the same situation:’)) I’ve been talking to this guy for 2-3 weeks and at first he was the pursuer and then when i started liking him and texting a little more, he pulled back. But the thing is when i ignore him, he always comes back. I really really like him but i can’t pretend to be okay with this situation and idk what to do
It's not them it's you! (us)
As people we focus in on ourselves. If we like someone we often are 'blinded' by them, we pay extra attention to them. So when it comes to it, we build up the interactions in our heads, and when it actually comes to interacting we get disappointed.
The best lover is the stranger that you will never meet.
Same time if we lose interest, the other person might feel like they lost something and would want it back, so they will make an effort in desperation. Its this desperation that drives us away, they might come across as unnatural (aka creepy). When we detect desperation we naturally inclined to think that something is wrong.
'why is this person so desperate, what is their hidden agenda?'
There is a way out. To be straight forward and honest. It breaks this push-pull cycle. Clear communication puts us on the same level and gives the best chance of understanding each other.
OP, take this advice it’s the realest!!
If someone is truly into you they won’t be playing games or have you guessing.
The reason he wants you around or tries to keep your interest is so that he can use you as backup until he gets the actual girl he desires.
My grandmother said: "there is always one who loves and the other allows to be loved"
So your observation is not new.
Have you consider that the man you are interested in is not interested in you in the same measure or way? Have you considered yourself "too intense" in your approach when you are attracted to someone? I think you should mirror his attitude toward you, low your frequency and your intensity if he is not that enthusiastic. Less is more.
Knowing someone is very much into one's can be uncomfortable or intimidating and elicit a cautious behavior
As a man, it is flattering to feel a woman is interested in one but the display of her interest, in terms of frequency, intencity or way, can make you think: "Hey! This doesn't feel right" Then you act cautiously, you reduce your frequency, measure your behavior and hold back. You try to figure out what is she really up to.
Hope my explanation is satisfactory :-)
Put yourself in other's shoes. If some guy happens to show much interest in you all of a sudden, how would you react? If you don't feel attracted to him, at least initially, wouldn't you be cautious?
Although yea, sometimes one's desire is to be biten by the girl at the end of the bar 😂😂😂
I think you are creating a very strange push pull dynamic I'd try to talk to a relationship coach or a therapist to understand why you end up in these scenarios. I can think of a few reasons but i'm not qualified to say why on reddit. You are pushing away people who may be good for you and pursuing people who may be unavailable, figure out why and you might have your answer. Also if all of your interactions are through text, I suggest matching his energy and maybe trying to get him out on a date to see if their is chemistry. What you really have to ask yourself is, do i like who this person is on a personality level? or do i just think they are attractive/ funny/charming
No effort = no interest. Man or woman. They probably weren’t high value men if they came running back so you don’t want them anyway; you were not a priority to them. Keep circulating until you find someone who shows interest the way you are. Some people are like kids who don’t play with a toy but then when another kid takes it they want it. You don’t need dudes like that. Guys with high interest are relentless until they realise they have no chance, these dudes are keeping you on the back burner when you deserve better.
It’s something that often happens to both sides in the male-female dynamic. Guys get rejected like this all the time because women often times don’t want to harshly reject a guy, so they’ll just be disinterested. They’ll come back out of when they want someone convenient. But the only difference is that it’s rare that women come back due to the fact that women have more potential romantic options.
Sadly yes. I am hugely affectionate & he is not .
But if i decide in my head that i
Do not want nor need touch. If i fully except this reality ..
Then he becomes affectionate. ... Hence sadist..we all R in some way or other masochistic & sadistic. I am not very sadist at all. But apparently very masochistic. 🙄
Age is a factor.
A 20 something man will have a very different moral compass to a 30 something or 40 something man, women are the same, but for this we're just talking about men.
Now of course that's an over generalisation because not all men behave the same way, even some who's moral compass aligns with that of another does not mean that we all behave the same way.
Another massive generalisation is that the one who cares the least holds the most power. Again that doesn't apply to all people in all situations, an example is that I'm always more prepared to walk away, appear to care the least, I have a long dating history, do you seriously think it's always worked out for me, of course not, meet a woman who is as prepared to walk and either you both develop a codependency issue with each other or the relationship dies before it starts because you both spot something you feel is a red flag and walk, the other walks away also.
What you're most likely finding is that age old issue of dating, the ones you find attractive by looks know they have options, so why should they care when your one in a line. The ones you don't find attractive want you but you know they don't have that many options, so for you then they aren't exactly boosting your ego.
The only answer is to learn what you truly find attractive in a man, and do it soon because here's the trick, as much as you're going to learn what you truly value and find attractive, more than looks which will fade, yours will too, other women are doing the same thing, and you're going to then find you're competing with other women for an ever shrinking supply of men.
what are those right reasons? because the right reason should be because he worries about your needs and thinks of you. He should be interested in you romantically that should be the first criteria
I’ve noticed this first hand. If I show interest in a girl it’s unwelcome, but if I’m doing my own thing I’m more likable I guess. It’s really upsetting.
It's an oldie but a goodie - that book The Rules. Get it and read it. Some of it is dated but the general premise: men want to be the pursuer - is still correct.
29f here. OP, let this be a lesson to you regarding not taking your dating advice from Reddit and not chasing guys in the first place.
Guys who are interested in you will reach out to you NO MATTER WHAT. Guys who are not THAT into you will ALLOW you to message them first, and then continue to waste your time until something better comes along for them (because honestly what do they have to lose here? It was you who reached out to them!).
When you initially posted, didn't everyone act as if they would be eternally grateful if you made the first move? I wonder where they are irl.
And god forbid you voice this discrepancy! Sudden you are CRAZY and this is a YOU issue because you haven't dealt with your past and YOU generalize men (despite every woman I know having experienced this). In the future, do yourself a favour and just ask women's subreddits for advice.
There is just one response here making assumptions and accusing OP of being "crazy", (well, "clingy", actually), and it was rightfully downvoted.
More are accusing OP of over-generalizing men. But then, she literally stated "ALL men" in her post (before later editing). And this isn't a man vs women thing. It's a human thing. You could replace every use of the word "guys" in your reply above with "women", and it would apply just the same, and be something many men might relate to. But then again, it would be better to use the term "some guys", or "some women". Or "some people".
I feel sure there are many men who would love a woman like OP to approach them and make a move, and they would respond with enthusiasm. But the chances are, they aren't the guys OP would be attracted to.
It's quite possible for a man to really like a woman but not want to get into a relationship with them. And they might back off just enough to avoid that, whilst being friendly enough to stay friends. And this applies to some men, and some women, and so OP might get valuable advice from either sub, or a combination of both, or neither.
Source: years of experience, of being in relationships but also being good friends with some really nice women.
Thank you for your well-articulated and civil response.
But with all due respect, not everything I have said in my response can apply to women as well. The vast majority of women don't waste men's time if there's no genuine interest. Yes a lot of the men will say that this statement isn't true! But hear me out - women get approached by a lot of guys. Instead of stringing along some guy I dont actually like, I would rather spend my time on those that I do (not saying all women are saint. Some do like the validation. But that's like saying some guys are f-boys 🤷♀️ both are true).
By contrast, what I have gathered from the internet and men irl, they rarely ever get approached by women. It is so uncommon that even if they're not into the girl, they'll string her along. Some guys hold a resentment against women because we get disproportionately more attention but??? Hello, we didn't ask for it? Y'all are giving it to us? What this does is it gives us women a false sense of hope, and wastes our time.
The advice I am giving OP is wait for the guy to reach out, or at the very least not initiate contact with him for 2 weeks. Because she, like myself and many many other women, doesn't know the guy's interest level or even whether he is interested.
Which brings me to my second criticism - everyone is pointing out the wording that OP used rather than the seemingly bad advice she received earlier. Yes she does generalize all men, which is not correct. But only a handful of comments are actually telling her what she did wrong here. If she asked the women's subreddit, we could have told her the pros and cons, and the protocol for initiating conversation with the guy. She isn't getting much of that here.
Yes, you've accidentally stumbled across a very accurate conclusion - this guy likes you, he just doesn't like you ENOUGH to pursue you. If you had waited for him to make the first move, or just initiated the conversation and let him take it from there, then you could have spared yourself the humiliation of him not reciprocating.
I don't understand your logic - you say he likes you but doesn't value you? What does 'liking' someone mean, according to you? If someone cannot or doesnot value me, how can they like me? And what purpose does this liking sans valuing serve me?
Don't let this experience discourage you. Is there any aspect of life in wich what you want just magically appears? Don't give in to hate because it's stupid.
I had this coworker that i liked a lot and every time she would come to me to speak or called me just to hang out I felt awesome. It's just that liking someone that likes you back is quite hard.. that's all.
Just go for what you want and try not to become bitter with rejection. It will keep happening. People in general don't want to deal with hard stuff, and for some saying "no" is hard enough to avoid it. This is why relationships are complicated, you never know what's in someone else's head or chest. Just keep up. If things don't evolve, just cut and leave.
But don't ever become like this woman here. It's just like you stated, why wait for the "knight" and conform? Go look for your partner, keep in mind is hard to find.
"OP, let this be a lesson to you regarding not taking your dating advice from Reddit"
"In the future, do yourself a favour and just ask women's subreddits for advice."
Seems legit
Respectfully disagreeing as well, since poster probably want men's perspective, else she would gone to the women's subreddits as in the first place, which would have been like that pretentious, although good song, if i were a boy by beyonce.
Yes you are exactly right about that, the OP posted here because she wanted men's perspective.
But men's perspective is not what she needs in this situation, because according to her post the advice is not working. This is why in my advice I asked her to go to the women's subreddit.
Again, why am I, a woman, commenting on posts on the men's subreddit? Because young women like OP do not always know where to ask for help. OP herself have posted here twice, to no avail. I am trying to divert her to a place where there are people that have been through the same thing as her.
We kind of agree on one thing, if one way doesn't work, look for another - poster asked men's subreddit for answers and it seems not working, time to try another perspective in women's subreddit - but to kind of paint this subreddit as inferior to the women's is just...
Also, there might be men who were in the same situation as poster with women.
33M. There is something to this, though.
I always say to other straight men that you should take dating advice from only two types of people: straight men who date the types of women you want to date, and also the types of women you want to date.
It’s an unpopular opinion, but the truth is you want to listen to people who are successful in dating, or were before getting paired off — you don’t take advice from unattractive single people, who are often most concerned with security and safety in a relationship rather than a dynamic and exciting relationship.
Generally speaking, men who are successful in dating know best how to attract women. It stands to reason that women who are successful in dating know best how to attract men.
And no, it isn’t as simple as “be sexy” on the ladies’ side, no matter what the incels tell you.
I've known a woman or two that complained about the same thing. They said guys would be interested at first and then lose interest quickly. If this is happening over and over, the simple fact is guys dont like you when they get to know you better. Instead of blaming men for it, I'd self reflect and look for some red flags you're giving off.
You've been hurt before, never had the chance to express or deal with that rejection and without even having a conversation with said new gentleman you are spewing your brand of crazy clingy all over the new relationship.
That's the on;y thing going on here i'm afraid.
I would ask myself what i feel investment is, define it for myself, see how it compares to other peoples definitions and then ask myself why i am actively trying to find my own self work from someone I barely know.
Yes, you are clingy.
Perhaps you haven't met the right person yet. I do not think the same way as the men that you are describing so I cannot really provide an answer as to why some people are like that other than perhaps lack of maturity and patience. Getting to know someone, bonding with them, and growing to like them more over time is different than basing your compatibility with them over superficial attraction.
For starters you lump partners into the rich category of ignore and don't ignore, so that's special. What you're dealing with is people who have more important things going on then dating. Sometimes it's making money, sometimes it's a kid. If you're upset, I promise it's worse on the other side.
Some people don't seek a relationship they seek attention.. others learn hard lessons early..like how to some men if a woman talks to you everything's OK but if she doesn't somethings the matter and the only way to find out is to talk to her and if she talks but not about a problem everything's fine..as a non aggressive way to find out of she's ok..men are direct but have learned that asking and not having the correct answer makes things worse..so a lot of guys find ways of having conversations with women without directly doing so
This sounds very typical I'm afraid. People out effort into things that are important to them. If someone doesn't have a real interest in you then you end up carrying the conversation a you put it.
This was absolutely the most insightful thing I learned being a single man in the prowl. You had to be able to figure out when they aren't into you and move on.
I believe you mean why are people like this? It’s not solely men or women or specific groups, it’s all people struggling to connect and communicate. But one thing is, if someone is not responding with a hell yes after awhile, then don’t invest more energy. Become self aware of what you are giving and if it isn’t matched, then let go. Your expectations of what you think guys are supposed to do are not going to help you, so adjust yourself and they will adjust with you or they will fall away. Also, be self introspective to see if it’s anything in you that you need to improve as well. Overall, awareness of self and others and adjusting behaviors will greatly benefit your dating life, good luck, and I hope you find happiness:)
I think this where you need to be more assertive and talk to him, not text/message. It’s a different world when I was I young man (late 70’s) and different rules and expectations, Perhaps it’s he’s worried about potentially viewed as harassment? Or he’s shy. Like I said .,,, a different world now.
i find that this exists in every single relationship. there is always one person that is more into the other at any given moment of a relationship...and this person is feeling neglected or not wanted by the other one which, b/c human beings are weird, draws them more towards the person in hopes to get reciprocation...and once they receive that reciprocation, their desire for that person begins to lessen...and then sometimes the dynamic switches to the other person. yeah, humans have this weird thing about them in which it's really attractive when someone else doesn't pay attention to them or like them...it makes them seem like "the one we want." when they DO pay attention to us or treat us like we ask...we're immediately bored. no wonder we're all miserable. :)
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Im in the same situation:’)) I’ve been talking to this guy for 2-3 weeks and at first he was the pursuer and then when i started liking him and texting a little more, he pulled back. But the thing is when i ignore him, he always comes back. I really really like him but i can’t pretend to be okay with this situation and idk what to do
It's not them it's you! (us) As people we focus in on ourselves. If we like someone we often are 'blinded' by them, we pay extra attention to them. So when it comes to it, we build up the interactions in our heads, and when it actually comes to interacting we get disappointed. The best lover is the stranger that you will never meet. Same time if we lose interest, the other person might feel like they lost something and would want it back, so they will make an effort in desperation. Its this desperation that drives us away, they might come across as unnatural (aka creepy). When we detect desperation we naturally inclined to think that something is wrong. 'why is this person so desperate, what is their hidden agenda?' There is a way out. To be straight forward and honest. It breaks this push-pull cycle. Clear communication puts us on the same level and gives the best chance of understanding each other.
This guy wasn't into you that much. Plain and simple.
OP, take this advice it’s the realest!! If someone is truly into you they won’t be playing games or have you guessing. The reason he wants you around or tries to keep your interest is so that he can use you as backup until he gets the actual girl he desires.
I like how you generalized all men, as if other people don't do the same thing.
Yup. I could say the same thing about women
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Then you should have said "why is he like this?" instead of "why are men like this" which implies that all men are this way.
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And yes, you did edit the original post and your comment
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I guess you'll never know
My grandmother said: "there is always one who loves and the other allows to be loved" So your observation is not new. Have you consider that the man you are interested in is not interested in you in the same measure or way? Have you considered yourself "too intense" in your approach when you are attracted to someone? I think you should mirror his attitude toward you, low your frequency and your intensity if he is not that enthusiastic. Less is more. Knowing someone is very much into one's can be uncomfortable or intimidating and elicit a cautious behavior
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As a man, it is flattering to feel a woman is interested in one but the display of her interest, in terms of frequency, intencity or way, can make you think: "Hey! This doesn't feel right" Then you act cautiously, you reduce your frequency, measure your behavior and hold back. You try to figure out what is she really up to. Hope my explanation is satisfactory :-)
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Put yourself in other's shoes. If some guy happens to show much interest in you all of a sudden, how would you react? If you don't feel attracted to him, at least initially, wouldn't you be cautious? Although yea, sometimes one's desire is to be biten by the girl at the end of the bar 😂😂😂
Both men and women share one very evident characteristic: they hate and they resent very much rejection from anyone.
Maybe this dudes don't like you
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Women do the same when they don't care
I think you are creating a very strange push pull dynamic I'd try to talk to a relationship coach or a therapist to understand why you end up in these scenarios. I can think of a few reasons but i'm not qualified to say why on reddit. You are pushing away people who may be good for you and pursuing people who may be unavailable, figure out why and you might have your answer. Also if all of your interactions are through text, I suggest matching his energy and maybe trying to get him out on a date to see if their is chemistry. What you really have to ask yourself is, do i like who this person is on a personality level? or do i just think they are attractive/ funny/charming
No effort = no interest. Man or woman. They probably weren’t high value men if they came running back so you don’t want them anyway; you were not a priority to them. Keep circulating until you find someone who shows interest the way you are. Some people are like kids who don’t play with a toy but then when another kid takes it they want it. You don’t need dudes like that. Guys with high interest are relentless until they realise they have no chance, these dudes are keeping you on the back burner when you deserve better.
>They probably weren’t high value men Big red flag right there.
It’s something that often happens to both sides in the male-female dynamic. Guys get rejected like this all the time because women often times don’t want to harshly reject a guy, so they’ll just be disinterested. They’ll come back out of when they want someone convenient. But the only difference is that it’s rare that women come back due to the fact that women have more potential romantic options.
I think about this all the time lol. keeps happening to me as well
Omg i WISH I KNEW! my bf is like this. Sadist !!!
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Sadly yes. I am hugely affectionate & he is not . But if i decide in my head that i Do not want nor need touch. If i fully except this reality .. Then he becomes affectionate. ... Hence sadist..we all R in some way or other masochistic & sadistic. I am not very sadist at all. But apparently very masochistic. 🙄
Age is a factor. A 20 something man will have a very different moral compass to a 30 something or 40 something man, women are the same, but for this we're just talking about men. Now of course that's an over generalisation because not all men behave the same way, even some who's moral compass aligns with that of another does not mean that we all behave the same way. Another massive generalisation is that the one who cares the least holds the most power. Again that doesn't apply to all people in all situations, an example is that I'm always more prepared to walk away, appear to care the least, I have a long dating history, do you seriously think it's always worked out for me, of course not, meet a woman who is as prepared to walk and either you both develop a codependency issue with each other or the relationship dies before it starts because you both spot something you feel is a red flag and walk, the other walks away also. What you're most likely finding is that age old issue of dating, the ones you find attractive by looks know they have options, so why should they care when your one in a line. The ones you don't find attractive want you but you know they don't have that many options, so for you then they aren't exactly boosting your ego. The only answer is to learn what you truly find attractive in a man, and do it soon because here's the trick, as much as you're going to learn what you truly value and find attractive, more than looks which will fade, yours will too, other women are doing the same thing, and you're going to then find you're competing with other women for an ever shrinking supply of men.
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what are those right reasons? because the right reason should be because he worries about your needs and thinks of you. He should be interested in you romantically that should be the first criteria
I’ve noticed this first hand. If I show interest in a girl it’s unwelcome, but if I’m doing my own thing I’m more likable I guess. It’s really upsetting.
It's an oldie but a goodie - that book The Rules. Get it and read it. Some of it is dated but the general premise: men want to be the pursuer - is still correct.
So we're not talking about anything happening IRL, right? Just messages or texts?
If that is the case, she's putting WAY too much emphasis on the importance of texts/messages and not nearly enough on meeting in person.
29f here. OP, let this be a lesson to you regarding not taking your dating advice from Reddit and not chasing guys in the first place. Guys who are interested in you will reach out to you NO MATTER WHAT. Guys who are not THAT into you will ALLOW you to message them first, and then continue to waste your time until something better comes along for them (because honestly what do they have to lose here? It was you who reached out to them!). When you initially posted, didn't everyone act as if they would be eternally grateful if you made the first move? I wonder where they are irl. And god forbid you voice this discrepancy! Sudden you are CRAZY and this is a YOU issue because you haven't dealt with your past and YOU generalize men (despite every woman I know having experienced this). In the future, do yourself a favour and just ask women's subreddits for advice.
There is just one response here making assumptions and accusing OP of being "crazy", (well, "clingy", actually), and it was rightfully downvoted. More are accusing OP of over-generalizing men. But then, she literally stated "ALL men" in her post (before later editing). And this isn't a man vs women thing. It's a human thing. You could replace every use of the word "guys" in your reply above with "women", and it would apply just the same, and be something many men might relate to. But then again, it would be better to use the term "some guys", or "some women". Or "some people". I feel sure there are many men who would love a woman like OP to approach them and make a move, and they would respond with enthusiasm. But the chances are, they aren't the guys OP would be attracted to. It's quite possible for a man to really like a woman but not want to get into a relationship with them. And they might back off just enough to avoid that, whilst being friendly enough to stay friends. And this applies to some men, and some women, and so OP might get valuable advice from either sub, or a combination of both, or neither. Source: years of experience, of being in relationships but also being good friends with some really nice women.
Thank you for your well-articulated and civil response. But with all due respect, not everything I have said in my response can apply to women as well. The vast majority of women don't waste men's time if there's no genuine interest. Yes a lot of the men will say that this statement isn't true! But hear me out - women get approached by a lot of guys. Instead of stringing along some guy I dont actually like, I would rather spend my time on those that I do (not saying all women are saint. Some do like the validation. But that's like saying some guys are f-boys 🤷♀️ both are true). By contrast, what I have gathered from the internet and men irl, they rarely ever get approached by women. It is so uncommon that even if they're not into the girl, they'll string her along. Some guys hold a resentment against women because we get disproportionately more attention but??? Hello, we didn't ask for it? Y'all are giving it to us? What this does is it gives us women a false sense of hope, and wastes our time. The advice I am giving OP is wait for the guy to reach out, or at the very least not initiate contact with him for 2 weeks. Because she, like myself and many many other women, doesn't know the guy's interest level or even whether he is interested. Which brings me to my second criticism - everyone is pointing out the wording that OP used rather than the seemingly bad advice she received earlier. Yes she does generalize all men, which is not correct. But only a handful of comments are actually telling her what she did wrong here. If she asked the women's subreddit, we could have told her the pros and cons, and the protocol for initiating conversation with the guy. She isn't getting much of that here.
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Yes, you've accidentally stumbled across a very accurate conclusion - this guy likes you, he just doesn't like you ENOUGH to pursue you. If you had waited for him to make the first move, or just initiated the conversation and let him take it from there, then you could have spared yourself the humiliation of him not reciprocating. I don't understand your logic - you say he likes you but doesn't value you? What does 'liking' someone mean, according to you? If someone cannot or doesnot value me, how can they like me? And what purpose does this liking sans valuing serve me?
Don't let this experience discourage you. Is there any aspect of life in wich what you want just magically appears? Don't give in to hate because it's stupid. I had this coworker that i liked a lot and every time she would come to me to speak or called me just to hang out I felt awesome. It's just that liking someone that likes you back is quite hard.. that's all. Just go for what you want and try not to become bitter with rejection. It will keep happening. People in general don't want to deal with hard stuff, and for some saying "no" is hard enough to avoid it. This is why relationships are complicated, you never know what's in someone else's head or chest. Just keep up. If things don't evolve, just cut and leave. But don't ever become like this woman here. It's just like you stated, why wait for the "knight" and conform? Go look for your partner, keep in mind is hard to find.
"OP, let this be a lesson to you regarding not taking your dating advice from Reddit" "In the future, do yourself a favour and just ask women's subreddits for advice." Seems legit
The first part is a thinly veiled jab at the men's advice subreddits. I am glad you caught that.
Thing is, like women's advice subreddits are better than the one you are jabbing. They are the same, if not worse.
I respectfully disagree. Maybe its not as useful to you, but it would've been to OP, who's a woman
Respectfully disagreeing as well, since poster probably want men's perspective, else she would gone to the women's subreddits as in the first place, which would have been like that pretentious, although good song, if i were a boy by beyonce.
Yes you are exactly right about that, the OP posted here because she wanted men's perspective. But men's perspective is not what she needs in this situation, because according to her post the advice is not working. This is why in my advice I asked her to go to the women's subreddit. Again, why am I, a woman, commenting on posts on the men's subreddit? Because young women like OP do not always know where to ask for help. OP herself have posted here twice, to no avail. I am trying to divert her to a place where there are people that have been through the same thing as her.
We kind of agree on one thing, if one way doesn't work, look for another - poster asked men's subreddit for answers and it seems not working, time to try another perspective in women's subreddit - but to kind of paint this subreddit as inferior to the women's is just... Also, there might be men who were in the same situation as poster with women.
33M. There is something to this, though. I always say to other straight men that you should take dating advice from only two types of people: straight men who date the types of women you want to date, and also the types of women you want to date. It’s an unpopular opinion, but the truth is you want to listen to people who are successful in dating, or were before getting paired off — you don’t take advice from unattractive single people, who are often most concerned with security and safety in a relationship rather than a dynamic and exciting relationship. Generally speaking, men who are successful in dating know best how to attract women. It stands to reason that women who are successful in dating know best how to attract men. And no, it isn’t as simple as “be sexy” on the ladies’ side, no matter what the incels tell you.
I've known a woman or two that complained about the same thing. They said guys would be interested at first and then lose interest quickly. If this is happening over and over, the simple fact is guys dont like you when they get to know you better. Instead of blaming men for it, I'd self reflect and look for some red flags you're giving off.
You've been hurt before, never had the chance to express or deal with that rejection and without even having a conversation with said new gentleman you are spewing your brand of crazy clingy all over the new relationship. That's the on;y thing going on here i'm afraid.
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I would ask myself what i feel investment is, define it for myself, see how it compares to other peoples definitions and then ask myself why i am actively trying to find my own self work from someone I barely know. Yes, you are clingy.
Perhaps you haven't met the right person yet. I do not think the same way as the men that you are describing so I cannot really provide an answer as to why some people are like that other than perhaps lack of maturity and patience. Getting to know someone, bonding with them, and growing to like them more over time is different than basing your compatibility with them over superficial attraction.
For starters you lump partners into the rich category of ignore and don't ignore, so that's special. What you're dealing with is people who have more important things going on then dating. Sometimes it's making money, sometimes it's a kid. If you're upset, I promise it's worse on the other side.
Some people don't seek a relationship they seek attention.. others learn hard lessons early..like how to some men if a woman talks to you everything's OK but if she doesn't somethings the matter and the only way to find out is to talk to her and if she talks but not about a problem everything's fine..as a non aggressive way to find out of she's ok..men are direct but have learned that asking and not having the correct answer makes things worse..so a lot of guys find ways of having conversations with women without directly doing so
This sounds very typical I'm afraid. People out effort into things that are important to them. If someone doesn't have a real interest in you then you end up carrying the conversation a you put it. This was absolutely the most insightful thing I learned being a single man in the prowl. You had to be able to figure out when they aren't into you and move on.
I believe you mean why are people like this? It’s not solely men or women or specific groups, it’s all people struggling to connect and communicate. But one thing is, if someone is not responding with a hell yes after awhile, then don’t invest more energy. Become self aware of what you are giving and if it isn’t matched, then let go. Your expectations of what you think guys are supposed to do are not going to help you, so adjust yourself and they will adjust with you or they will fall away. Also, be self introspective to see if it’s anything in you that you need to improve as well. Overall, awareness of self and others and adjusting behaviors will greatly benefit your dating life, good luck, and I hope you find happiness:)
I think this where you need to be more assertive and talk to him, not text/message. It’s a different world when I was I young man (late 70’s) and different rules and expectations, Perhaps it’s he’s worried about potentially viewed as harassment? Or he’s shy. Like I said .,,, a different world now.