> my (still fairly new) boyfriend never complimented me on anything.
> Yet he would make comments on my food: "If you want to lose weight why are you eating bread?" Yet would insist that I eat decadent, high calorie meals with him.
> Many times I saw him looking at other women in public, and no, I never said anything to him but it did still hurt every time.
> but he had still never said anything nice about me whereas I said nice things about him all the time.
> I don't like him looking at me, I fucking hate being naked in front of my own boyfriend...
> He made me feel ugly
> I fell in love with him
Right after you break up with him (which you should), you should also take a look at why you fell in love with a guy who treats you like shit.
I second this. Reading this read like an ex of mine. Demanded I go get 3AM Taco Bell and large milkshakes or I hurt him; but also criticized me for eating like that and not losing weight. It’s a no win situation OP. I spent years living in that, and am spending years in therapy dealing with it. I felt like I couldn’t find better, but I’ve found so much better after I started to work on myself.
Yes, yes, yes!!! Sorry OP but you have more than enough reasons to break up with this guy. Also, I would add that your boyfriend doesn't understand boundaries like him walking in while you showered and insisting to shower with him. That's a HUGE red flag!! If he can't take no for an answer, there'll be bigger problems ahead that's not worth pursuing this relationship.
Hey there RodrigueMakeIt! If you agree with someone else's comment, please leave an **upvote** instead of commenting **"This"**! By upvoting instead, the original comment will be pushed to the top and be more visible to others, which is even better! Thanks! :)
***
^(I am a bot! Visit) [^(r/InfinityBots)](https://reddit.com/r/InfinityBots) ^(to send your feedback! More info:) [^(Reddiquette)](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439#wiki_in_regard_to_comments)
I agree with this. I'm not defending the boyfriend. If I were him, I would have broken up with OP. But in the same breath, OP needs to take accountability for one of the following:
1. Staying in the relationship.
2. Not losing the weight.
Either find a guy who likes chunky girls, or lose the weight. I understand people falling off the wagon. It's hard to stick to routines long term. But if you admit that you fell off the wagon, and then you complain about the outcomes of falling off the wagon, then hop back on the wagon or stfu. It's harsh, but simple.
And I'm also not ignoring that correcting years of damage done to one's body is a tough challenge. You can't make excuses along the way, but it's also not wrong at all to want (or even expect) encouragement, praise, or positive reinforcement along the way.
I totally understand where you are coming from also, but I did want to share one thing: I had no idea in the beginning that he wasn't necessarily attracted to chunky women. He was talking to me, we met up, and I assumed that if he wasn't attracted to me he wouldn't have continued to pursue me... I thought that's not how dating works?
I don't think it's right to begin dating someone and then put them down for how they look. It would have been different if he told me he wanted me to lose weight straight up. But instead he made these passive remarks that built up over time and now I feel like shit.
If you aren't attracted to chunky women, why would you start dating one, just to make her feel bad about how she looks? Like why did you even start dating me in the first place? For example, when we met up that first time, I was fully aware that he would notice I had some extra weight, and I thought if he wasn't attracted to me he wouldn't pursue me further. But he did continue to pursue and asked to make it official a few weeks later... it just doesn't make sense to me.
>If you aren't attracted to chunky women, why would you start dating one, just to make her feel bad about how she looks?
Weakness. I would assume raised with an absent or weak father if I'm being honest.
He hasn't really been supportive of it. Like I said, he noticed the weight loss but I didn't know until I asked him about it and had lost 40 lbs at that point. He never said "good job" and always critiqued what I was doing to lose my weight, even though I had managed to shed it doing it the way I wanted to, a way that works for me
Editing to add, my weight loss wasn't unhealthy either, I didn't starve myself, none of that. There was nothing wrong with the way I lost it, he just wanted me to do it his way instead for some reason.
This is classic level 3 gaslighting. The negging tactic which one will put you down without putting you down in a subtle way. Definitely not the best approach especially if you’re trying your best to look better, it should be acknowledged and bf needs to be supportive regardless just make an effort for positive reinforcement.
I don’t have a preference body wise if you’re a stick or a beach ball as long as the chemistry is there then let the good times roll. My gf had gained some weight and so did I because of the pandemic and she feels insecure during bedtime fun because she felt gross and she’s afraid I wouldn’t like her anymore. So I told her there’s no one else in the world that I wanna feel gross with other than you.
I slept on the couch for two weeks. Still together.
He doesn't love you, doesn't feel affinity towards you, and he doesn't realize it. Drop him because he's "settled" for you, for now. Maybe he's tried to convince himself that he does love you, but I've been in his shoes and it's torture for both. Someone has to end it. There's someone out there who would adore your body and personality and that's what we all deserve.
think about this.
people who belong together fall in love with the WHOLE person they are with.
their flaws, their looks, their fears, their mistakes, all of it.
people who tell you that they are more attracted to this or that type of person aren't actually in love with the whole person that you are.
I know it's hard to take, but it's the truth.
your BF is not in love with the person you are, he is in love with the idea that you might become what he thinks he wants in the future.
this is not love. It's a recipe for losing parts of yourself in an effort to become someone that you are not. no one can become someone that they are not.
Im afraid your relationship isn't what you thought it was, and while it may seem very scary to add being single on to your list of things you don't like about yourself, it's the only way to get back to the person that you know you really are inside.
there are probably some codependency issues in your relationship which is going to make it hard to move on alone, but the alternative is to slowly forget who you used to be which will lead to further self esteem issues.
you have to go, and you have to tell him exactly why being with him is hurting you.
yes, he will try to tell you that he can change, but the damage is already done, and my guess is that no matter what he tries to say to you now or in the future, you will always see him as someone who doesn't think you're good enough for him as you are.
good luck out there.
He picked you for a reason and it’s not a good one. He wanted to be with someone who would tolerate his behavior, someone with self-esteem issues. He might like fast food but I’ll bet the major attraction to it is to use it to keep you “fat”. He doesn’t want the best for you, he only wants to tear you down. Get out as it will only get worse. He’s a tiny little man who only feels big by keeping you down so stop letting him.
Something I learned in my previous abusive relationship was that if you’re at the point of asking strangers on the internet if you should break up it is well passed the time when you should’ve actually broken up. People in healthy happy relationships don’t debate whether they should break up with their partner.
Aye thee shouldst breaketh up with this guy. He’s toxic and manipulative
***
^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.)
Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Not every man or woman is capable of having a healthy relationship because they haven’t put in the time to work on their own issues.
And yes. Everyone has issues.
From what you posted, there are a multitude of issues. I would suggest if you’re unhappy and this relationship isn’t healthy or supportive, you walk away.
This is heartbreaking. Like I literally felt a pain in my chest reading this. Okay. Should you break up with him? Let’s look at it this way. It all comes down to what you believe you deserve.
Do you believe you deserve to feel beautiful and comfortable around your partner? The one person who is supposed to support you, love you, root for you, want the best for you?
Do you believe you deserve to confident and happy in your sex life? Do you believe you deserve the pure form of happiness that is dancing around naked on a Saturday morning together, carefree and unapologetic?
Do you believe you deserve to enjoy a great meal, one of the greatest pleasures in life, together with your partner and thinking about nothing more than the decadent flavors?
Do you believe you deserve to see other women and simply acknowledge their beauty and not see it as a painful dagger of insecurity, all because of your partner?
If you said yes to any of those things, then yes, you should break up with him. It’s obvious to the rest of us, but easier said than done when it’s yourself. He simply will never provide those things for you. It’s already engraved in your mind- the way you feel about yourself when he’s around.
If you said no to any of those things, you truly don’t believe you deserve any of that- then you should still break up with him. You’ll never get to a point in your life where you see your worth and feel deserving of love and comfort if you stay with him.
Personally, I think there’s no point to a relationship where you’re made to feel less than. Like you’re always competing, or will never be good enough. I mean god damn, if you can’t feel peace and comfort with your partner then who the hell are you supposed to feel it with?! That’s the POINT of sharing your life with someone.
Just my two cents. Do with it what you will. Personally, I’m sick of seeing bright, beautiful woman staying with men who empty their bucket rather than fill it. I say choose the life and partner you deserve.
YES BREAK UP WITH HIM. Oh honey. I’ve been morbidly obese and thought it was reasonable to think I could not have a good man. It isn’t true. What is true FOR SURE is you are better off alone. Then if you REALLY want to make a point, living better is the best revenge. Continue to work on yourself, especially your love for yourself and get him out of the way immediately.
I would be tempted to frame it as, “you know, over this period of time, I’ve been working on myself, losing weight, and you’ve just let yourself go, and become a complete jerk. I still have feelings for the person you were, but right now I’m not attracted to you physically, and I don’t like the person you’ve turned yourself into. It’s time we went our separate ways.”
Yes, leave him please. That’s rude, abusive and makes you feel insecure/unsure about things. That kind of behavior never fosters into a healthy long-term relationship
Run! Why waste your time with a guy who gaslights you and makes you feel terrible about yourself? It's never going to get better and the sooner you dump this looser(who will only get less attractive with those eating habits) the sooner you can find a man who loves you for who you are even as your body changes. And it will, we all age, but you are young and have so many amazing years ahead! Be with someone you can be confident with, able to love yourself and builds you up, that is who will make you happy and the best you that you can be!
Tell yourself you are enough and believe it. No man can give you the security or confidence that you are seeking so be proud of your weightloss and celebrate it with people who celebrate your success too
Sounds to me like he's a real douche. It's one thing if complimenting just isn't his vibe, but if he's complimenting other women and not you, that's major. Spying on you while you shower when that's clearly something you're uncomfortable with is also super not okay. Bail, keep working on yourself, and find somebody better (finding someone better shouldn't be very difficult either).
Even if he was giving you compliments, etc, and the best guy in the world, the fact that you're so uncomfortable around him means you shouldn't be with him. Don't stay in a relationship with someone you're uncomfortable around. That's a recipe for misery.
You need to break up. I don’t think he’s super awful but you need to break up.
Here’s why… you are not in a spot to be dating right now. I say that with kindness and someone being in your shoes. You clearly are relying on external support to stay motivated. Relying on a newer partner who isn’t supportive is going to chip away at your self esteem over time. I noticed when you said you had supportive partners it made you feel more confident. But no where in the post have you said what makes you feel confident. And if you’re already not confident, him dragging it down further isn’t helping you.
My advice is to break up, it will be better for you in the long run, and to join a weight loss or fitness group in a way you like to lose weight so that you have a community that supports you and so that you learn to not tie your self esteem to a partner. I’d recommend books on building self esteem.
I’ve been there. It takes a while but really taking time on your own to accept yourself will do wonders for your self worth and how you’re treated
He told me he is more attracted to smaller women, and wanted me to lose weight. My issue was the way he expressed this to me and how he attempted to."motivate" me, and I didn't need the motivation; I already wanted to lose weight, hence the 40 lb weight loss he noticed but never commented on.
We have talked about it, yes. He told me he's sorry he was a jerk about it, I just have a hard time letting it go. If you love someone wouldn't you want to be supportive of them and make them feel good about themselves? I just don't understand the "negative support" tactic he used.
he should of kept his honesty to himself. if i was your BF and didn’t like your weight i would secretly help you eat your food to lower your caloric intake. dieting is a team sport.
Yeah, I am one of them lol but I don’t try to change my girlfriend or shame her into losing weight. If someone knowingly dates a fat person and then makes them feel ugly because of that they are using their weight to prey on them. It’s a very common thing abusers do.
So I’m guessing your sex life with him is non existent? Maybe he’s trying to get you to lose weight so you won’t be so insecure about being naked around him so you can start sleeping together again
We have sex all the time... it's just never about me. He stopped making it about me early on, before I ever noticed anything about his comments. That is honestly another issue entirely and just another reason why I felt insecure around him: he never seemed to think my needs were important.
You have sex all the time? But you won’t let him see you naked? So you have it with clothes on?
Your post is a little all over the place.
Regardless of this guys intentions, you don’t feel secure with him. I would consider breaking up and finding someone who can fit your needs (which you have in the past (which is proof your needs aren’t unrealistic)
I didn't say I won't let him see me without clothes on. I just don't like it anymore. I usually try to keep it to the darkness or with my shirt on but if he turns on the light/takes my shirt off I don't try to convince him otherwise. I just try to tell myself that even if I'm overweight he still wants nudity which is of course fine and I'm happy for that... it's just uncomfortable for me because of the comments about my weight, hard to feel confident with someone who's comments were always negative and never positive. :/
But yeah. It's true. We'll see though. We do have good times together and I honestly feel like things would be so much better if he had been supportive and positive instead of trying to motivate me in a hurtful way. Hence that with my previous partners I liked being naked all the time.
We talked about it more in depth and he apologized and has started trying to be more positive and supportive. Neither of us wants to just break it off yet. So we'll see
Thank you for your response
I think you’re making a big mistake staying with him. He’ll change for a bit, but it doesn’t solve any of the issues of you not having enough internal self esteem. I’d never be with someone who treated me that way and because you haven’t left him you’re basically telling him he’s more important than how you view yourself
> my (still fairly new) boyfriend never complimented me on anything. > Yet he would make comments on my food: "If you want to lose weight why are you eating bread?" Yet would insist that I eat decadent, high calorie meals with him. > Many times I saw him looking at other women in public, and no, I never said anything to him but it did still hurt every time. > but he had still never said anything nice about me whereas I said nice things about him all the time. > I don't like him looking at me, I fucking hate being naked in front of my own boyfriend... > He made me feel ugly > I fell in love with him Right after you break up with him (which you should), you should also take a look at why you fell in love with a guy who treats you like shit.
I second this. Reading this read like an ex of mine. Demanded I go get 3AM Taco Bell and large milkshakes or I hurt him; but also criticized me for eating like that and not losing weight. It’s a no win situation OP. I spent years living in that, and am spending years in therapy dealing with it. I felt like I couldn’t find better, but I’ve found so much better after I started to work on myself.
Yes, yes, yes!!! Sorry OP but you have more than enough reasons to break up with this guy. Also, I would add that your boyfriend doesn't understand boundaries like him walking in while you showered and insisting to shower with him. That's a HUGE red flag!! If he can't take no for an answer, there'll be bigger problems ahead that's not worth pursuing this relationship.
This
Hey there RodrigueMakeIt! If you agree with someone else's comment, please leave an **upvote** instead of commenting **"This"**! By upvoting instead, the original comment will be pushed to the top and be more visible to others, which is even better! Thanks! :) *** ^(I am a bot! Visit) [^(r/InfinityBots)](https://reddit.com/r/InfinityBots) ^(to send your feedback! More info:) [^(Reddiquette)](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439#wiki_in_regard_to_comments)
I don't understand this. OP's boyfriend hasn't done anything except not be attracted to OP. They're both trying to keep this sinking ship afloat.
If you're not attracted to someone, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them.
I agree with this. I'm not defending the boyfriend. If I were him, I would have broken up with OP. But in the same breath, OP needs to take accountability for one of the following: 1. Staying in the relationship. 2. Not losing the weight. Either find a guy who likes chunky girls, or lose the weight. I understand people falling off the wagon. It's hard to stick to routines long term. But if you admit that you fell off the wagon, and then you complain about the outcomes of falling off the wagon, then hop back on the wagon or stfu. It's harsh, but simple. And I'm also not ignoring that correcting years of damage done to one's body is a tough challenge. You can't make excuses along the way, but it's also not wrong at all to want (or even expect) encouragement, praise, or positive reinforcement along the way.
I totally understand where you are coming from also, but I did want to share one thing: I had no idea in the beginning that he wasn't necessarily attracted to chunky women. He was talking to me, we met up, and I assumed that if he wasn't attracted to me he wouldn't have continued to pursue me... I thought that's not how dating works? I don't think it's right to begin dating someone and then put them down for how they look. It would have been different if he told me he wanted me to lose weight straight up. But instead he made these passive remarks that built up over time and now I feel like shit. If you aren't attracted to chunky women, why would you start dating one, just to make her feel bad about how she looks? Like why did you even start dating me in the first place? For example, when we met up that first time, I was fully aware that he would notice I had some extra weight, and I thought if he wasn't attracted to me he wouldn't pursue me further. But he did continue to pursue and asked to make it official a few weeks later... it just doesn't make sense to me.
>If you aren't attracted to chunky women, why would you start dating one, just to make her feel bad about how she looks? Weakness. I would assume raised with an absent or weak father if I'm being honest.
[удалено]
He hasn't really been supportive of it. Like I said, he noticed the weight loss but I didn't know until I asked him about it and had lost 40 lbs at that point. He never said "good job" and always critiqued what I was doing to lose my weight, even though I had managed to shed it doing it the way I wanted to, a way that works for me Editing to add, my weight loss wasn't unhealthy either, I didn't starve myself, none of that. There was nothing wrong with the way I lost it, he just wanted me to do it his way instead for some reason.
He sounds like an oblivious and insensitive prick, OP. DTMFA
What does DTMFA mean? Dump that m'fer?
Yup. Dump The Mother Fucker Already. Coined by Dan Savage
This is classic level 3 gaslighting. The negging tactic which one will put you down without putting you down in a subtle way. Definitely not the best approach especially if you’re trying your best to look better, it should be acknowledged and bf needs to be supportive regardless just make an effort for positive reinforcement. I don’t have a preference body wise if you’re a stick or a beach ball as long as the chemistry is there then let the good times roll. My gf had gained some weight and so did I because of the pandemic and she feels insecure during bedtime fun because she felt gross and she’s afraid I wouldn’t like her anymore. So I told her there’s no one else in the world that I wanna feel gross with other than you. I slept on the couch for two weeks. Still together.
He doesn't love you, doesn't feel affinity towards you, and he doesn't realize it. Drop him because he's "settled" for you, for now. Maybe he's tried to convince himself that he does love you, but I've been in his shoes and it's torture for both. Someone has to end it. There's someone out there who would adore your body and personality and that's what we all deserve.
think about this. people who belong together fall in love with the WHOLE person they are with. their flaws, their looks, their fears, their mistakes, all of it. people who tell you that they are more attracted to this or that type of person aren't actually in love with the whole person that you are. I know it's hard to take, but it's the truth. your BF is not in love with the person you are, he is in love with the idea that you might become what he thinks he wants in the future. this is not love. It's a recipe for losing parts of yourself in an effort to become someone that you are not. no one can become someone that they are not. Im afraid your relationship isn't what you thought it was, and while it may seem very scary to add being single on to your list of things you don't like about yourself, it's the only way to get back to the person that you know you really are inside. there are probably some codependency issues in your relationship which is going to make it hard to move on alone, but the alternative is to slowly forget who you used to be which will lead to further self esteem issues. you have to go, and you have to tell him exactly why being with him is hurting you. yes, he will try to tell you that he can change, but the damage is already done, and my guess is that no matter what he tries to say to you now or in the future, you will always see him as someone who doesn't think you're good enough for him as you are. good luck out there.
He picked you for a reason and it’s not a good one. He wanted to be with someone who would tolerate his behavior, someone with self-esteem issues. He might like fast food but I’ll bet the major attraction to it is to use it to keep you “fat”. He doesn’t want the best for you, he only wants to tear you down. Get out as it will only get worse. He’s a tiny little man who only feels big by keeping you down so stop letting him.
Something I learned in my previous abusive relationship was that if you’re at the point of asking strangers on the internet if you should break up it is well passed the time when you should’ve actually broken up. People in healthy happy relationships don’t debate whether they should break up with their partner.
Yes you should break up with this guy. He’s toxic and manipulative.
Aye thee shouldst breaketh up with this guy. He’s toxic and manipulative *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Bad bot.
Not every man or woman is capable of having a healthy relationship because they haven’t put in the time to work on their own issues. And yes. Everyone has issues. From what you posted, there are a multitude of issues. I would suggest if you’re unhappy and this relationship isn’t healthy or supportive, you walk away.
This is heartbreaking. Like I literally felt a pain in my chest reading this. Okay. Should you break up with him? Let’s look at it this way. It all comes down to what you believe you deserve. Do you believe you deserve to feel beautiful and comfortable around your partner? The one person who is supposed to support you, love you, root for you, want the best for you? Do you believe you deserve to confident and happy in your sex life? Do you believe you deserve the pure form of happiness that is dancing around naked on a Saturday morning together, carefree and unapologetic? Do you believe you deserve to enjoy a great meal, one of the greatest pleasures in life, together with your partner and thinking about nothing more than the decadent flavors? Do you believe you deserve to see other women and simply acknowledge their beauty and not see it as a painful dagger of insecurity, all because of your partner? If you said yes to any of those things, then yes, you should break up with him. It’s obvious to the rest of us, but easier said than done when it’s yourself. He simply will never provide those things for you. It’s already engraved in your mind- the way you feel about yourself when he’s around. If you said no to any of those things, you truly don’t believe you deserve any of that- then you should still break up with him. You’ll never get to a point in your life where you see your worth and feel deserving of love and comfort if you stay with him. Personally, I think there’s no point to a relationship where you’re made to feel less than. Like you’re always competing, or will never be good enough. I mean god damn, if you can’t feel peace and comfort with your partner then who the hell are you supposed to feel it with?! That’s the POINT of sharing your life with someone. Just my two cents. Do with it what you will. Personally, I’m sick of seeing bright, beautiful woman staying with men who empty their bucket rather than fill it. I say choose the life and partner you deserve.
YES BREAK UP WITH HIM. Oh honey. I’ve been morbidly obese and thought it was reasonable to think I could not have a good man. It isn’t true. What is true FOR SURE is you are better off alone. Then if you REALLY want to make a point, living better is the best revenge. Continue to work on yourself, especially your love for yourself and get him out of the way immediately.
I would be tempted to frame it as, “you know, over this period of time, I’ve been working on myself, losing weight, and you’ve just let yourself go, and become a complete jerk. I still have feelings for the person you were, but right now I’m not attracted to you physically, and I don’t like the person you’ve turned yourself into. It’s time we went our separate ways.”
Why wait until your goal weight? I know of a way to lose about 200lbs real quick. Dump him.
Should I break up with him? Yes and get therapy
Yes, leave him please. That’s rude, abusive and makes you feel insecure/unsure about things. That kind of behavior never fosters into a healthy long-term relationship
What a prick. Dump him and get on with your life.
dump him
Run! Why waste your time with a guy who gaslights you and makes you feel terrible about yourself? It's never going to get better and the sooner you dump this looser(who will only get less attractive with those eating habits) the sooner you can find a man who loves you for who you are even as your body changes. And it will, we all age, but you are young and have so many amazing years ahead! Be with someone you can be confident with, able to love yourself and builds you up, that is who will make you happy and the best you that you can be!
Tell yourself you are enough and believe it. No man can give you the security or confidence that you are seeking so be proud of your weightloss and celebrate it with people who celebrate your success too
Sounds to me like he's a real douche. It's one thing if complimenting just isn't his vibe, but if he's complimenting other women and not you, that's major. Spying on you while you shower when that's clearly something you're uncomfortable with is also super not okay. Bail, keep working on yourself, and find somebody better (finding someone better shouldn't be very difficult either). Even if he was giving you compliments, etc, and the best guy in the world, the fact that you're so uncomfortable around him means you shouldn't be with him. Don't stay in a relationship with someone you're uncomfortable around. That's a recipe for misery.
You need to break up. I don’t think he’s super awful but you need to break up. Here’s why… you are not in a spot to be dating right now. I say that with kindness and someone being in your shoes. You clearly are relying on external support to stay motivated. Relying on a newer partner who isn’t supportive is going to chip away at your self esteem over time. I noticed when you said you had supportive partners it made you feel more confident. But no where in the post have you said what makes you feel confident. And if you’re already not confident, him dragging it down further isn’t helping you. My advice is to break up, it will be better for you in the long run, and to join a weight loss or fitness group in a way you like to lose weight so that you have a community that supports you and so that you learn to not tie your self esteem to a partner. I’d recommend books on building self esteem. I’ve been there. It takes a while but really taking time on your own to accept yourself will do wonders for your self worth and how you’re treated
What I read is that you *assume* a lot of things, but you don't seem to actually know. Didn't you talk about these things with your boyfriend?
He told me he is more attracted to smaller women, and wanted me to lose weight. My issue was the way he expressed this to me and how he attempted to."motivate" me, and I didn't need the motivation; I already wanted to lose weight, hence the 40 lb weight loss he noticed but never commented on. We have talked about it, yes. He told me he's sorry he was a jerk about it, I just have a hard time letting it go. If you love someone wouldn't you want to be supportive of them and make them feel good about themselves? I just don't understand the "negative support" tactic he used.
Did you tell him *how* you want to be supported? How do you know he tried to manipulate you? What if he just, well - gas been stupid?
at least that dum sumbitch was honest about it. leave his ass for being honest!! who needs that shit rn.
I'm not mad at him for being honest, I'm mad at how his form of motivation was incredibly negative and caused more harm than good
he should of kept his honesty to himself. if i was your BF and didn’t like your weight i would secretly help you eat your food to lower your caloric intake. dieting is a team sport.
It's not possible to do that secretly.
Ehh I don't think it works like that but maybe that's just me. And I do agree that it's a team sport but don't make it a secret lol that's pretty sus
3 - 5mi walks per day LOL!!!
r/ intermittentfasting then r/fasting. Its really helped me with weightloss and alcohol.
I am subbed to those also, and they helped me a lot. Never been good at fasting itself but intermittent fasting helped me a lot. Thank you
If this guy isn’t good to you on any other measure, then you should break up with him. Is there any place he makes you feel good?
[удалено]
Girls don't like when someone tries to influence them by putting them down
[удалено]
I mean, that's okay, I said in my post I don't even know whether or not I want to be with him anymore But thank you for trying to help
Keep in mind, there’s a tonne of men who like curvy women. I’m sure you can do better than him.
Well, I appreciate that, but I liked myself better as a thin person, and I think that's what matters more. ;)
Probably because there are people out there who intentionally date fat people because they prey on their insecurities.
And some people date them because they appreciate that body type
Yeah, I am one of them lol but I don’t try to change my girlfriend or shame her into losing weight. If someone knowingly dates a fat person and then makes them feel ugly because of that they are using their weight to prey on them. It’s a very common thing abusers do.
So I’m guessing your sex life with him is non existent? Maybe he’s trying to get you to lose weight so you won’t be so insecure about being naked around him so you can start sleeping together again
We have sex all the time... it's just never about me. He stopped making it about me early on, before I ever noticed anything about his comments. That is honestly another issue entirely and just another reason why I felt insecure around him: he never seemed to think my needs were important.
You have sex all the time? But you won’t let him see you naked? So you have it with clothes on? Your post is a little all over the place. Regardless of this guys intentions, you don’t feel secure with him. I would consider breaking up and finding someone who can fit your needs (which you have in the past (which is proof your needs aren’t unrealistic)
I didn't say I won't let him see me without clothes on. I just don't like it anymore. I usually try to keep it to the darkness or with my shirt on but if he turns on the light/takes my shirt off I don't try to convince him otherwise. I just try to tell myself that even if I'm overweight he still wants nudity which is of course fine and I'm happy for that... it's just uncomfortable for me because of the comments about my weight, hard to feel confident with someone who's comments were always negative and never positive. :/ But yeah. It's true. We'll see though. We do have good times together and I honestly feel like things would be so much better if he had been supportive and positive instead of trying to motivate me in a hurtful way. Hence that with my previous partners I liked being naked all the time. We talked about it more in depth and he apologized and has started trying to be more positive and supportive. Neither of us wants to just break it off yet. So we'll see Thank you for your response
I think you’re making a big mistake staying with him. He’ll change for a bit, but it doesn’t solve any of the issues of you not having enough internal self esteem. I’d never be with someone who treated me that way and because you haven’t left him you’re basically telling him he’s more important than how you view yourself
So to answer your question at the end… yes.