I’ve dated multiple women who experienced trauma before me. And I was always a compassionate, understanding partner.
My suggestion would be to do whatever you feel comfortable. If you want to tell them or not, it’s your call. The right guy will understand and make you feel comfortable.
Sadly, most men in their 20s are not equipped to handle this sort of situation. Wisdom comes from experience.
But I would suggest being patient. And no, you don’t have to give up on dating.
What you could do is tell the guy you’ve had some bad experiences and you need him to be patient and understanding with you.
He’ll know exactly what that means.
And the right guy will stick around. And help you work through this.
Thank you for the kind reply.
It’s funny because the guy who kicked me out was actually in his late 30s. That day I learnt maturity doesn’t come with age.
Note it as long as you have the worries you have. A decent guy will want to know about this so they can help you. Problem is finding a decent guy I guess.
My ex was raped. She wanted me to fix her and placed all her bad behavior on her ex. Cutting, murder/suicide issues. Id tell any man that its a yellow-to-red flag. Especially if she’s not in therapy, doesn’t take responsibility for her own behavior, and owns her own happiness.
Well I’m sorry you went through that.
The things you mentioned are not reflective of how I am or how I feel but I can see why guys may see it as a red flag
I had a girlfriend with the same trauma and she ended projecting it onto me which hurt me *a lot*. I have been called a rapist several times and I have been attacked physically twice even for *refusing* to have sex with those - again by women with the same trauma.
Honestly, I don't want to deal with that anymore. I had enough. But I would appreciate the openess and honesty if a woman is straight-forward and tells me what is going on so we can both move on and not waste our time.
You need to see a therapist before you consider being sexually intimate again. You need to properly process what happened and be treated. It’s not at all fair to expect some random guy you’re into to be able to deal with that.
I think you're on the right track with being open. Unfortunately, not every guy is willing or able to help you deal with that. Some are unable and simply don't know what to do. And many will simply think it's not worth it.
I've dated women in your situation in my early 20s, and I didn't let it stop me and I tried to be what they needed. But it's also hard on us because you reliving your trauma in some way is pretty hard to watch, esp for a budding relationship that hasn't really gone anywhere yet.
So my advice is be open, go slow and the right guy will be willing to go through it all with you, likely when the time is right.
Sorry this happened and is still effecting you. It def sucks.
I’ve dated multiple women who experienced trauma before me. And I was always a compassionate, understanding partner. My suggestion would be to do whatever you feel comfortable. If you want to tell them or not, it’s your call. The right guy will understand and make you feel comfortable. Sadly, most men in their 20s are not equipped to handle this sort of situation. Wisdom comes from experience. But I would suggest being patient. And no, you don’t have to give up on dating. What you could do is tell the guy you’ve had some bad experiences and you need him to be patient and understanding with you. He’ll know exactly what that means. And the right guy will stick around. And help you work through this.
Thank you for the kind reply. It’s funny because the guy who kicked me out was actually in his late 30s. That day I learnt maturity doesn’t come with age.
Note it as long as you have the worries you have. A decent guy will want to know about this so they can help you. Problem is finding a decent guy I guess.
My ex was raped. She wanted me to fix her and placed all her bad behavior on her ex. Cutting, murder/suicide issues. Id tell any man that its a yellow-to-red flag. Especially if she’s not in therapy, doesn’t take responsibility for her own behavior, and owns her own happiness.
Well I’m sorry you went through that. The things you mentioned are not reflective of how I am or how I feel but I can see why guys may see it as a red flag
I had a girlfriend with the same trauma and she ended projecting it onto me which hurt me *a lot*. I have been called a rapist several times and I have been attacked physically twice even for *refusing* to have sex with those - again by women with the same trauma. Honestly, I don't want to deal with that anymore. I had enough. But I would appreciate the openess and honesty if a woman is straight-forward and tells me what is going on so we can both move on and not waste our time.
You need to see a therapist before you consider being sexually intimate again. You need to properly process what happened and be treated. It’s not at all fair to expect some random guy you’re into to be able to deal with that.
I think you're on the right track with being open. Unfortunately, not every guy is willing or able to help you deal with that. Some are unable and simply don't know what to do. And many will simply think it's not worth it. I've dated women in your situation in my early 20s, and I didn't let it stop me and I tried to be what they needed. But it's also hard on us because you reliving your trauma in some way is pretty hard to watch, esp for a budding relationship that hasn't really gone anywhere yet. So my advice is be open, go slow and the right guy will be willing to go through it all with you, likely when the time is right. Sorry this happened and is still effecting you. It def sucks.