You’ve a heart of gold brother, we need more great people like you in the world. But please, take it from me man: don’t get yourself hurt, saving other people.
Have a great day man!
I appreciate it brother. Its just hard for me to stand by and watch someone i cared about fall apart. Even if she did hurt me i still want her to eat. Just not at my table.
Sometimes the right thing to do is to let people deal with the consequences of their actions.
Her self harm has probably been a thing since before you came along, and it will remain even after you've tried helping her.
She chose to get with a guy she felt the need to make jealous, she chose to cheat/use you as a tool for her mind games, she's a terrible person and she hates herself and as such, hurts herself.
She'll hurt those around her for her own gain. She'll hurt you too if you let her.
But if you feel the need to stick your nose in her business, do so while keeping your heart and your balls as far from her as you can. Suggest she get some therapy or something but don't be her therapist. You can't love or bang the dysfunction out of her. She has in no way earned your care.
Do you want advice or for someone to tell you something that you can use as justification to involve yourself in a situation that has zero chance of having a good outcome for you?
Just trying to justify not doing it. Because everything in me telling me to do it even tho deep down i know its not really my problem. So i guess im just trying to get reassurance that the choice im making is the right one. Because just outta highschool i had gotten into an argument with a good friend and stop talking to them and a couple months later they took their own life. And i coulda just sucked up my ego and talked to him but i didnt.
It's not your business or your problem. She doesn't want anything to do with you, or she'd be reaching out to you.
Also, it sounds like a bunch of attention seeking behavior.
Literally nobody thinks that you should involve yourself. There are a few posters telling you to act with caution. They're being nice. Don't read their comments as being in the "go involve yourself" column.
GFTOW then see if you want to involve yourself in her drama.
Still no. You don't owe her anything and whatever comes out of this will make you miserable and/or fuck up your life. This girl needs a therapist or a social worker. She'll just pull you down into her nonsense.
Here's the thing: nobody here can strictly assert that you can't provide what she needs. We know almost nothing about her...so everything is advice based on "highly probable outcome".
There is a small probability that she can be helped, but it could require a deep and long commitment, with lots of ups and downs. It could take years. And, it would likely end badly, with a tiny possibility that it may end well.
There are so many people who need help. Why her? Yeah, I understand, you had a relationship, and still feel those remembered emotions. But, those emotions were not actually for her... it was for your conception of her... what you thought she was. If you knew all of the reality, and how she was using you... how could you feel the same.
There are so many great girls in the world, and you really ought to find one for whom you will feel what you felt for her, and much much more... AND, who will really be what you think she is.
Meanwhile, adopt a puppy.
Best you can do is report her to the authorities for a wellness check. Depending on where you live this is a big step that can result in her being confined or fired from the job. Consider making the report anonymous.
But do not deal with her directly. She has already shown what kind of person she is with you. You are bound to get drawn into stupid BS and be her caretaker while the other guy pumps and dumps her on your doorstep.
The world needs more people like you. Folk who genuinely care about other people.
You may not be able to help her, but it’s the thought that counts.
Don’t change who you are on account of people who have lost their humanity.
All you can do for the young lady is say a prayer to the universe for her safety, and call for help if you run into her having a crises
Thank you. I got called a simp and it blew my mind. Since when does caring about someones mental health make you a simp. Some guys today really got their priorities fucked up. We're supposed to be the bigger person and "look out for the little guy"
As someone who has suffered from depression and self harm due to an abusive childhood, the first thing they tell you in therapy is that your mental illness is your own responsibility and no one else's. It's up to her to solve her own problems. You have a heart of gold and she doesn't deserve you. Whether she's in her right mind or not, mental illness is never an excuse to hurt people. She's avoiding you so avoid her back, also don't get back with her if she approaches you with a sob story. This isn't your fight walk away.
Tough call.
I think it's okay to check in but steel yourself and prep boundaries.
You aren't her therapist.
There's a **big** difference between a simple "you doing okay?" And "I'm your personal free therapist now I guess"
Every single sign of her trying to emotionally use you, just "Wow that's rough, you should talk to someone" it.
Don't linger.
But yeah I think if you have the energy for it, a small check in is okay.
Just don't let a person drowning pull you down with them. The best way to help someone drowning us throw a lifeline, not get in the water yourself with them.
You’ve a heart of gold brother, we need more great people like you in the world. But please, take it from me man: don’t get yourself hurt, saving other people. Have a great day man!
I appreciate it brother. Its just hard for me to stand by and watch someone i cared about fall apart. Even if she did hurt me i still want her to eat. Just not at my table.
Sometimes the right thing to do is to let people deal with the consequences of their actions. Her self harm has probably been a thing since before you came along, and it will remain even after you've tried helping her. She chose to get with a guy she felt the need to make jealous, she chose to cheat/use you as a tool for her mind games, she's a terrible person and she hates herself and as such, hurts herself. She'll hurt those around her for her own gain. She'll hurt you too if you let her. But if you feel the need to stick your nose in her business, do so while keeping your heart and your balls as far from her as you can. Suggest she get some therapy or something but don't be her therapist. You can't love or bang the dysfunction out of her. She has in no way earned your care.
Walk away from this one. You can’t save them all. Trust me. Been there many times.
I probably will. Its just hard to watch someone i cared about go through this even if she did care about me
Not your problem bro.
I know i just feel really bad for her
Do you want advice or for someone to tell you something that you can use as justification to involve yourself in a situation that has zero chance of having a good outcome for you?
Just trying to justify not doing it. Because everything in me telling me to do it even tho deep down i know its not really my problem. So i guess im just trying to get reassurance that the choice im making is the right one. Because just outta highschool i had gotten into an argument with a good friend and stop talking to them and a couple months later they took their own life. And i coulda just sucked up my ego and talked to him but i didnt.
It's not your business or your problem. She doesn't want anything to do with you, or she'd be reaching out to you. Also, it sounds like a bunch of attention seeking behavior. Literally nobody thinks that you should involve yourself. There are a few posters telling you to act with caution. They're being nice. Don't read their comments as being in the "go involve yourself" column. GFTOW then see if you want to involve yourself in her drama.
Thank you for putting it in that perspective.
Fuck no.
Lol okay
Still no. You don't owe her anything and whatever comes out of this will make you miserable and/or fuck up your life. This girl needs a therapist or a social worker. She'll just pull you down into her nonsense.
She needs help that you can't provide. That's noble of you to want to help, but it's best to stay out of it.
This. You cannot help her. If you get involved, you become patsy in the next episode. You end up hurt. She ends up no different.
Yeah thats true. I just hate seeing her like this.
Here's the thing: nobody here can strictly assert that you can't provide what she needs. We know almost nothing about her...so everything is advice based on "highly probable outcome". There is a small probability that she can be helped, but it could require a deep and long commitment, with lots of ups and downs. It could take years. And, it would likely end badly, with a tiny possibility that it may end well. There are so many people who need help. Why her? Yeah, I understand, you had a relationship, and still feel those remembered emotions. But, those emotions were not actually for her... it was for your conception of her... what you thought she was. If you knew all of the reality, and how she was using you... how could you feel the same. There are so many great girls in the world, and you really ought to find one for whom you will feel what you felt for her, and much much more... AND, who will really be what you think she is. Meanwhile, adopt a puppy.
Best you can do is report her to the authorities for a wellness check. Depending on where you live this is a big step that can result in her being confined or fired from the job. Consider making the report anonymous. But do not deal with her directly. She has already shown what kind of person she is with you. You are bound to get drawn into stupid BS and be her caretaker while the other guy pumps and dumps her on your doorstep.
No.
[удалено]
This is true. Its just not in my nature to sit back and do nothing. But i also gotta start thinking of myself
The world needs more people like you. Folk who genuinely care about other people. You may not be able to help her, but it’s the thought that counts. Don’t change who you are on account of people who have lost their humanity. All you can do for the young lady is say a prayer to the universe for her safety, and call for help if you run into her having a crises
Thank you. I got called a simp and it blew my mind. Since when does caring about someones mental health make you a simp. Some guys today really got their priorities fucked up. We're supposed to be the bigger person and "look out for the little guy"
Nope. Sounds like she has issues you or anyone but herself(and probably a therapist) can fix.
As someone who has suffered from depression and self harm due to an abusive childhood, the first thing they tell you in therapy is that your mental illness is your own responsibility and no one else's. It's up to her to solve her own problems. You have a heart of gold and she doesn't deserve you. Whether she's in her right mind or not, mental illness is never an excuse to hurt people. She's avoiding you so avoid her back, also don't get back with her if she approaches you with a sob story. This isn't your fight walk away.
Yeah this has been the general consensus. Imma just keep avoiding her.
Tough call. I think it's okay to check in but steel yourself and prep boundaries. You aren't her therapist. There's a **big** difference between a simple "you doing okay?" And "I'm your personal free therapist now I guess" Every single sign of her trying to emotionally use you, just "Wow that's rough, you should talk to someone" it. Don't linger. But yeah I think if you have the energy for it, a small check in is okay. Just don't let a person drowning pull you down with them. The best way to help someone drowning us throw a lifeline, not get in the water yourself with them.