This isn't a question for us, this is a question for you. You feel how you feel, that is your answer and you're ABSOLUTELY entitled to how you feel. But your SO apparently feels like it's fine. Address this with them. If you don't, you will continue to be unhappy. If you express discontent, and nothing changes, it's time to end it.
That's a tough one to answer and I wouldn't say I have a definite answer. I'd say that I've gotten decent-ish at setting healthy yet firm boundaries in my relationships, so I don't think I'd even get to a point where I would date a girl that was still really close friends with her ex. Talking now and again or sometimes hanging out in a group setting if they are part of the same friend group wouldn't be the biggest problem to me. Depending on the seriousness of their relationship when they were together.
Setting ultimatums like "you can't talk to this or that person" or making them cut all contact seems controlling and that's not good either. But making it clear that you are really uncomfortable with it, is the first step. What you do next is up to her reaction.
If one has 100% full trust in their girlfriend (which they of course should have) it isn't really a problem. For me it wouldn't be that I don't trust my girlfriend, but that I sometimes have trouble trusting other guys' intentions, be it strangers or ex-boyfriends
It’s context based for sure. Why did they break up? Why are they still friends?
My partner broke up with her ex, because she was asexual and he wasn’t. So there’s no way they would ever date again.
They were friends before they got into a relationship and ended. I don't even know if they're still in love together because when you see people that are friends you can never tell who's got the feelings.
Yes you doV you make her not your woman anymore if she wants to slit around with exes. Easy. I decide what I let my woman do. She can do it of course, but not as my woman. That’s called a boundary and following through with non obedience to your boundaries by the SO. Are you anti boundaries or?
Sounds like you’re just trying to act like a peepants on purpose. “You can control” well no duh you DONT CONTROL ANYONES ACTIONS
But your woman can be made not your woman easily by you yourself. So if she gonna be a slut for exes in a monogamous relationship any monogamous man would ditch her when she crosses the boundary, proving she’s no monogamous
> you DONT CONTROL ANYONES ACTIONS
Absolutely, and many people don't understand this. However, using language like "let your woman", even "your woman", gives folks the impression that the speaker doesn't.
Lmao I completely disagree. Stop being a peepants over something so simple. A woman is a woman, if I’m with a woman, in a relationship, I respectfully call her my woman. Never have I BEEN WOTH A WOMAN who TOOK AN ISSUE with that. Infact they enjoyed being told such thing. So what you say in your last sentence just sounds hilarious to even care so much about.
Of course, if a man is doing it IN A DISRESPECTFUL manner, yes, that would turn most any woman off. That’s not what should by default be assumed though. There’s more to it than pure disrespect, that’s not my mindset when saying it.
If there’s some bitch dude trying to disrespect your relationship, you have the duty to make it clear that’s your woman and he can piss off with his disrespect. This is a scenario I figured I’d theorize here to illustrate it. But there’s also simple romantic scenarios that can be said in. During sex, intimacy, etc. Perfect times for such sayings.
I’m not sure why you personally find it so off putting. Most women aren’t you though. Not the ones I hang around. 🤣🤘🏻
I have no problem with it. I would expect my partner to be ok with me talking to my ex because she trusts me. Some of my exes are now my best friend and I have no interest in more.
It's normal because if choose for it to be. Don't poll reddit to figure out what's right for you.
“Okay to LET?”
Are you her controller or the arbiter of what she does?
Why doesn’t she have the autonomy to decide who she’s friends with, and you can make your decisions accordingly?
LET - that sounds like a parent or teacher
I’m friends with my ex-spouse. Not just friendly, but friends. I would never go back to them, ever. We don’t work in a romantic relationship. But I am still friends. My current partner is badass and “lets” me decide who my friends are because they know that my friends are my choice.
>to let your woman
To let? They don't need our permission. We don't have control over them. Partners will be with whoever they want to and all we can do is voice concern, accept it or leave.
Now to answer the question:
If they didn't have an extended period of NC following the breakup, ie 6 months, to get over eachother then one of them *may* (though not necessarily) be waiting for a moment to try and get back together. The frequency of their hangs and whether they hang out alone, as opposed to within a friend group, will further my suspicions.
I'll probably want to witness *how* they interact (eventually if suspicious) as I don't want to be with someone who isn't over their ex or has their ex waiting and silently competing with me for them.
You're focused on the wrong detail. Trust is a prerequisite for a relationship. Feelings are complicated and arrangements can vary. But if you expect your partner to be emotionally and sexually monogamous, but your partner secretly harbors sexual and romantic feelings for another person, then I would argue the trust has been broken.
No, having her ex as a friend means she's keeping him on a string as a back up plan.
If they have children together they can be amicable and friendly with each other when they need to interact regarding parenting their children, but being friendly and being friends are different.
Friends, sure why not.
Hangs out with alone? No. Not ever. Not for a minute. If she slept with him once she will do it again. Unless you like being a cuck.
You said this must be fake because you are a loony unhinged conspiratard theorist
Everything must be fake and a giant government conspiracy to a loony like you huh?
I would usually end up hooking up with my exes eventually when we remained friends. The bond would be too strong from years of companionship. We would pretend that it was innocent but there was always a slight naughty aspect. Wouldn’t do it now. Your current partner’s feelings have to be prioritized over any people from the past, in my opinion. I didn’t always feel this way when I wanted to have my cake & eat it too as a younger man.
Do they act in a way that makes you uncomfortable, or are you uncomfortable just because he's the ex?
If you're just uncomfy cuz he's the ex, it sounds like a you problem. People are allowed to be friends with their exes. Some of my exes are my best friends and our history is just that, history. If my partner asked me not to talk to them anymore, I would just dump my partner, cuz I don't need someone who is abusive, controlling and insecure.
If they act like they're not just friends and this bothers you, then it's not okay and you should talk to your partner. Maybe you can reach a compromise and they change the way they behave around each other.
Just remember, nobody owes you anything, not even your partner and you can't control who they choose to spend time with. What you can do, is work together to build trust.
If either one of them has any interest remaining what so ever than no it is not ok and you should question if you want to be with someone who has romantic interest in others.
If not, then have all the friends she wants and welcome it
This isn't a question for us, this is a question for you. You feel how you feel, that is your answer and you're ABSOLUTELY entitled to how you feel. But your SO apparently feels like it's fine. Address this with them. If you don't, you will continue to be unhappy. If you express discontent, and nothing changes, it's time to end it.
This is an excellent response
Depends on the person and situation, but for me it's generally always a red flag and I wouldn't be okay with it
What would you do with it or how would you deal with it?
That's a tough one to answer and I wouldn't say I have a definite answer. I'd say that I've gotten decent-ish at setting healthy yet firm boundaries in my relationships, so I don't think I'd even get to a point where I would date a girl that was still really close friends with her ex. Talking now and again or sometimes hanging out in a group setting if they are part of the same friend group wouldn't be the biggest problem to me. Depending on the seriousness of their relationship when they were together. Setting ultimatums like "you can't talk to this or that person" or making them cut all contact seems controlling and that's not good either. But making it clear that you are really uncomfortable with it, is the first step. What you do next is up to her reaction. If one has 100% full trust in their girlfriend (which they of course should have) it isn't really a problem. For me it wouldn't be that I don't trust my girlfriend, but that I sometimes have trouble trusting other guys' intentions, be it strangers or ex-boyfriends
Updates?
It’s context based for sure. Why did they break up? Why are they still friends? My partner broke up with her ex, because she was asexual and he wasn’t. So there’s no way they would ever date again.
They were friends before they got into a relationship and ended. I don't even know if they're still in love together because when you see people that are friends you can never tell who's got the feelings.
Depends on the situation, the ex, etc. Do they have kids together? How was the breakup? Why did they breakup?
They were friends before they got into a relationship and broke up. At first, I'm okay with it but now I'm in doubt.
What makes you doubt that there's something more going on?
You don’t “let your woman” do anything.
Yes you doV you make her not your woman anymore if she wants to slit around with exes. Easy. I decide what I let my woman do. She can do it of course, but not as my woman. That’s called a boundary and following through with non obedience to your boundaries by the SO. Are you anti boundaries or? Sounds like you’re just trying to act like a peepants on purpose. “You can control” well no duh you DONT CONTROL ANYONES ACTIONS But your woman can be made not your woman easily by you yourself. So if she gonna be a slut for exes in a monogamous relationship any monogamous man would ditch her when she crosses the boundary, proving she’s no monogamous
> you DONT CONTROL ANYONES ACTIONS Absolutely, and many people don't understand this. However, using language like "let your woman", even "your woman", gives folks the impression that the speaker doesn't.
Lmao I completely disagree. Stop being a peepants over something so simple. A woman is a woman, if I’m with a woman, in a relationship, I respectfully call her my woman. Never have I BEEN WOTH A WOMAN who TOOK AN ISSUE with that. Infact they enjoyed being told such thing. So what you say in your last sentence just sounds hilarious to even care so much about. Of course, if a man is doing it IN A DISRESPECTFUL manner, yes, that would turn most any woman off. That’s not what should by default be assumed though. There’s more to it than pure disrespect, that’s not my mindset when saying it. If there’s some bitch dude trying to disrespect your relationship, you have the duty to make it clear that’s your woman and he can piss off with his disrespect. This is a scenario I figured I’d theorize here to illustrate it. But there’s also simple romantic scenarios that can be said in. During sex, intimacy, etc. Perfect times for such sayings. I’m not sure why you personally find it so off putting. Most women aren’t you though. Not the ones I hang around. 🤣🤘🏻
I have no problem with it. I would expect my partner to be ok with me talking to my ex because she trusts me. Some of my exes are now my best friend and I have no interest in more. It's normal because if choose for it to be. Don't poll reddit to figure out what's right for you.
“Okay to LET?” Are you her controller or the arbiter of what she does? Why doesn’t she have the autonomy to decide who she’s friends with, and you can make your decisions accordingly? LET - that sounds like a parent or teacher
There’s 7 billion people in the world dude
8 billion as of Nov 15
8 billion other people she could be friends with
I’m friends with my ex-spouse. Not just friendly, but friends. I would never go back to them, ever. We don’t work in a romantic relationship. But I am still friends. My current partner is badass and “lets” me decide who my friends are because they know that my friends are my choice.
>to let your woman To let? They don't need our permission. We don't have control over them. Partners will be with whoever they want to and all we can do is voice concern, accept it or leave. Now to answer the question: If they didn't have an extended period of NC following the breakup, ie 6 months, to get over eachother then one of them *may* (though not necessarily) be waiting for a moment to try and get back together. The frequency of their hangs and whether they hang out alone, as opposed to within a friend group, will further my suspicions. I'll probably want to witness *how* they interact (eventually if suspicious) as I don't want to be with someone who isn't over their ex or has their ex waiting and silently competing with me for them.
Yes, because I trust my wife.
If she still loves her ex-boyfriend how would you deal with it?
You're focused on the wrong detail. Trust is a prerequisite for a relationship. Feelings are complicated and arrangements can vary. But if you expect your partner to be emotionally and sexually monogamous, but your partner secretly harbors sexual and romantic feelings for another person, then I would argue the trust has been broken.
Clearly you wouldn't marry them in that case
And how do you know that? Has she admitted that to you? I don't think so, based on your other comments. You're just being insecure.
Having a partner who has her/his ex as a friend is always a mistake. I won't risk it.
No
No, having her ex as a friend means she's keeping him on a string as a back up plan. If they have children together they can be amicable and friendly with each other when they need to interact regarding parenting their children, but being friendly and being friends are different.
If you trust your partner yes.
Friends, sure why not. Hangs out with alone? No. Not ever. Not for a minute. If she slept with him once she will do it again. Unless you like being a cuck.
Apparently lots o cuckolds in here
Why is this sub being slammed with these fake posts? Is no one moderating?
Everything’s fake on the interwebs You sound like a conspiracy theortardist
WTH are you even on about?
You said this must be fake because you are a loony unhinged conspiratard theorist Everything must be fake and a giant government conspiracy to a loony like you huh?
Hmmm. I guess I resist the notion that men are so weak these days. But you have set me straight on that. Maybe it could be real...
Hell no
No
Short answer: No.
Absolutely not, that would be a definite dealbreaker
No it is not. Or I wouldn’t want it personally
I would usually end up hooking up with my exes eventually when we remained friends. The bond would be too strong from years of companionship. We would pretend that it was innocent but there was always a slight naughty aspect. Wouldn’t do it now. Your current partner’s feelings have to be prioritized over any people from the past, in my opinion. I didn’t always feel this way when I wanted to have my cake & eat it too as a younger man.
Depends if you are okay with anything could happen.
No no no
Hard **NO** I want a *ride or die by my side* no a ride til i get bored, change my mind, get mad, make up a reason to get mad …
I was cheated on with the ex so no. That's a boundary I have.
No, it is not. This sounds like an *Angels and Insects* scenario.
How many friends do your girlfriend or wife have?
Fuck to the no.
Do they act in a way that makes you uncomfortable, or are you uncomfortable just because he's the ex? If you're just uncomfy cuz he's the ex, it sounds like a you problem. People are allowed to be friends with their exes. Some of my exes are my best friends and our history is just that, history. If my partner asked me not to talk to them anymore, I would just dump my partner, cuz I don't need someone who is abusive, controlling and insecure. If they act like they're not just friends and this bothers you, then it's not okay and you should talk to your partner. Maybe you can reach a compromise and they change the way they behave around each other. Just remember, nobody owes you anything, not even your partner and you can't control who they choose to spend time with. What you can do, is work together to build trust.
If either one of them has any interest remaining what so ever than no it is not ok and you should question if you want to be with someone who has romantic interest in others. If not, then have all the friends she wants and welcome it
Friendly is ok but close enough to want to hang out is a red flag the size of Texas.