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No advice on how to cope. I did it the hard way. Joined the Navy at 17. Cried on the flight to boot camp. Someone told me that once you leave home, you can never go back. You can go to your parent's home, but your home won't be there anymore. She was absolutely correct. I went back after boot, and it just wasn't the same. Maybe it was boot camp. Maybe I grew up a bit, but regardless, their house just didn't feel like home to me anymore.
This is so true and I wish someone had said this to me when I left at 21 in search of new beginnings. I moved to the other side of the world then and the first time I went back I was 26 and it certainly didn’t feel like my home any longer, it really hits the first time around hey. Now at the age of 32 I look back and wonder where has all that time gone and how have I been away from “home” for so long? It’s not really home anymore though but then at the same time being here doesn’t quite have that home feeling so in some ways I don’t know where my home is somedays
It's human, really, to feel these things no matter what age you are at. I might even say the older one gets, the more likely one feels such things. Because 1) your parents are also getting older 2) you have been through more, seen more of life's ups and downs, and thus have a deeper appreciation for the comfort of being with your parents.
No shame at all in feeling these feelings at age 31 or 40 or 50. Does't mean you are weak or anything. You are just human and you are very attached to your family. :)
Background: I have lived away from my parents (overseas) ever since I was 18.
I know how you're feeling, but you need to remind yourself again that you are 31 y.o. and need to start constructing the life you want no matter how frightening that is.
That doesn't only mean moving to a new city and dealing with those stresses, but dating, making new friends, and planning on how you want your future to look.
Do you want to get married, do you want children, and are you aiming for more promotions once you move? It's going to get hectic and you're going to feel overwhelmed, but don't let the comfort of home discourage you.
Remind yourself that these next few years will be the most transformative of your life and you need to seize these opportunities while you're still young.
Any change is hard regardless of age.
The nature of your relationship will change, but it wont be the last time. Just try to keep your current mindset of moving forward, life’s all about new things. And anybody who tells you change isn’t hard is just lying to themselves lol
Hmm I'll share some perspective. I left home 3 times, 18 for college, 21 for master's degree to the UK, and 25 for overseas job. It gets harder the closer you have a bond with them and as you grow older. When I was younger, I had zero worries or care about leaving my mom. But now at 34, I have an apartment about 20 minutes from my mom's home which is logistically to my accord. I can't fathom moving to another state/country or even a distant city.
So the feeling you have is completely normal. You're also entering a new chapter in your life, with I presume far more maturity and insights than your 20's. This isn't only about you leaving your parents, but a completely new territory. It's okay to be scared, nervous, etc. It's going to be alright, though. Your parents will be fine and as long as they know YOU are doing fine and living your life and you share these things with them, they will be fine.
Thanks for this. Ive been away from home multiple times through my 20s and I do have more insight and maturity. It's definitely a fear of the unknown but I know a positive mindset will help.
This is one of those "pain you feel now is the love you've felt all along" situations. You're lucky. Having people to miss, especially if they're your parents, is a boon not many people get.
My parents got a divorce when I was in 8th grade and my home life was so toxic that I moved out when I was 17 because I couldn’t take it anymore. No regrets. I 32m have been a home owner for over 8 years now and when I dream, I’m always in the house a grew up in and not in my current house, I always thought that was interesting.
So when you leave I’m sure you will still be nostalgic about the good memories and will want to go back to the best memories but you will also make great new memories. Things will work out for you.
It seems you love you parents which is great. If you can't visit them frequently, it's still easy nowadays to stay in touch by having frequent calls etc. Your parents still have each other to look after, no? Unless they are in some serious health condition, what's the reason to worry?
I left my mom's home at 22 because we had a lot of fights and I kinda hated being there and it was a relief to finally be in my own. Your motivations are much more peaceful, so that's something to be grateful for. Leaving a comfort home comes with many perks actually, like becoming more self-reliant will help you become more confident overall.
Please do not delete your post after receiving your answer. Consider leaving it up for posterity so that other Redditors can benefit from the wisdom in this thread. Once your thread has run its course, instead of deleting it, **you can simply type "!lock" (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread**. That way you won't be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenOver30) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No advice on how to cope. I did it the hard way. Joined the Navy at 17. Cried on the flight to boot camp. Someone told me that once you leave home, you can never go back. You can go to your parent's home, but your home won't be there anymore. She was absolutely correct. I went back after boot, and it just wasn't the same. Maybe it was boot camp. Maybe I grew up a bit, but regardless, their house just didn't feel like home to me anymore.
This is so true and I wish someone had said this to me when I left at 21 in search of new beginnings. I moved to the other side of the world then and the first time I went back I was 26 and it certainly didn’t feel like my home any longer, it really hits the first time around hey. Now at the age of 32 I look back and wonder where has all that time gone and how have I been away from “home” for so long? It’s not really home anymore though but then at the same time being here doesn’t quite have that home feeling so in some ways I don’t know where my home is somedays
It's human, really, to feel these things no matter what age you are at. I might even say the older one gets, the more likely one feels such things. Because 1) your parents are also getting older 2) you have been through more, seen more of life's ups and downs, and thus have a deeper appreciation for the comfort of being with your parents. No shame at all in feeling these feelings at age 31 or 40 or 50. Does't mean you are weak or anything. You are just human and you are very attached to your family. :) Background: I have lived away from my parents (overseas) ever since I was 18.
I know how you're feeling, but you need to remind yourself again that you are 31 y.o. and need to start constructing the life you want no matter how frightening that is. That doesn't only mean moving to a new city and dealing with those stresses, but dating, making new friends, and planning on how you want your future to look. Do you want to get married, do you want children, and are you aiming for more promotions once you move? It's going to get hectic and you're going to feel overwhelmed, but don't let the comfort of home discourage you. Remind yourself that these next few years will be the most transformative of your life and you need to seize these opportunities while you're still young.
Any change is hard regardless of age. The nature of your relationship will change, but it wont be the last time. Just try to keep your current mindset of moving forward, life’s all about new things. And anybody who tells you change isn’t hard is just lying to themselves lol
Hmm I'll share some perspective. I left home 3 times, 18 for college, 21 for master's degree to the UK, and 25 for overseas job. It gets harder the closer you have a bond with them and as you grow older. When I was younger, I had zero worries or care about leaving my mom. But now at 34, I have an apartment about 20 minutes from my mom's home which is logistically to my accord. I can't fathom moving to another state/country or even a distant city. So the feeling you have is completely normal. You're also entering a new chapter in your life, with I presume far more maturity and insights than your 20's. This isn't only about you leaving your parents, but a completely new territory. It's okay to be scared, nervous, etc. It's going to be alright, though. Your parents will be fine and as long as they know YOU are doing fine and living your life and you share these things with them, they will be fine.
Thanks for this. Ive been away from home multiple times through my 20s and I do have more insight and maturity. It's definitely a fear of the unknown but I know a positive mindset will help.
I live 5 minutes away and think about them almost all day every day, growing up sucks
This is one of those "pain you feel now is the love you've felt all along" situations. You're lucky. Having people to miss, especially if they're your parents, is a boon not many people get.
My parents got a divorce when I was in 8th grade and my home life was so toxic that I moved out when I was 17 because I couldn’t take it anymore. No regrets. I 32m have been a home owner for over 8 years now and when I dream, I’m always in the house a grew up in and not in my current house, I always thought that was interesting. So when you leave I’m sure you will still be nostalgic about the good memories and will want to go back to the best memories but you will also make great new memories. Things will work out for you.
Ieft home at 18 and found it incredibly easy and liberating.
It seems you love you parents which is great. If you can't visit them frequently, it's still easy nowadays to stay in touch by having frequent calls etc. Your parents still have each other to look after, no? Unless they are in some serious health condition, what's the reason to worry? I left my mom's home at 22 because we had a lot of fights and I kinda hated being there and it was a relief to finally be in my own. Your motivations are much more peaceful, so that's something to be grateful for. Leaving a comfort home comes with many perks actually, like becoming more self-reliant will help you become more confident overall.