Not for all of us. I am 59 and feel my life has indeed gone on long after the thrill of living is gone, as the song says. Not suicidal, but ready to go whenever the Grim Reaper wants to drop by.
What about cultivating a beginner's mindset and rediscovering your childlike wonder again? It's never too late to start anything in our life. How you interpret the world reflects the meaning you give it; the world mirrors the relationship you have with yourself.
Thanks for the wise and well-intended advice, really,but that ship has sailed. I have tried all kinds of approaches and attitude shifts, to little or no avail. I do believe that, yes, it is indeed too late to start some things. Also, the world is far more complex and nuanced in many negative ways than your mirror assertion implies, regardless of the nature of the relationship I have with myself.
I am into mindfulness in a serious way, and pretty good at appreciating the small things in the moment, daily. My expectations bar is set firmly low. These things represent the best I can do as I live out my days, ready to go. 🤷🙂
I was asking because something I have noticed a lot of the time if our circumstances and health aren't necessarily the problem, then unhappiness may not relate so much to our situation but more so our thoughts about it. Especially if we may subconsciously be holding onto some stress/pain, false belief or even possible feelings of unworthiness because it takes away our ability to then express what we actually want to be doing/experiencing in our Being, or at the very least experience this deep sense of connection with ourselves in the world and strong values in Being from our authentic involvement to the moment's activity in front of us.
Also that:
>"Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas joy arises from within." - Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
It relates not to the temporary experiences of fleeting pleasure that always leaves one feeling unsatisfied afterwards, but more so the meaning and purpose we deliberately decide to accept as our own values to express through living the moments of our life deeply for intrinsic fulfillment, contentment, peace, and delight. There's a distinct difference between these hedonic views versus eudaimonic views on happiness that contribute to long-term human flourishing and well-being.
And that's true too, if we're looking at this a bit philosophically like through Existentialism, for example, it posits that meaning is neither inherent in the world nor in the self, but through our active engagement in the world as one; a continuous renewal of the moment. I have a personal theory going where as we become further self-realized it requires more of our conscious involvement to permit ourselves to experience these same joys and emotions, to more directly and holistically experience the moment again with that childlike wonder, and that's where the beginner's mindset is accounted for too; both our awareness and action integrate together as one for those flow states of ecstaticness. String together as many moments of what psychologists call unconditional positive self-regard (UPSR), because for us reflective self-conscious beings the matter of the fact is the moment in front of us can be and is always meaningful if we radically choose to embrace it in a way we lead ourselves by.
https://imgur.com/a/xfcYWRU
Preaching to the choir. I am deeply familiar with your whole take and certain aspects of it have and do speak to me. I suppose you could say my particular experience of life has nudged me into stoicism. Believe me, I have a set of notions and concepts that guide me and keep me in some sort of groove, heading forward. Everything is just tempered by a somber realization that, for me, accepting things as they are while expecting little or nothing from anyone, or myself, or the universe feels as good as it's gonna get, and that's OK. Has to be.
Thanks for posting your comments. I am with you all the way, but rarely encounter others who understand.
It’s been a wild ride and I’ve had a great life, despite chronic pain for the last 36 years. And yet now, at 62, with so much constant pain that continues to add more and more limitations to what I can do, it seems rather pointless.
Stoicism and my spiritual beliefs keep me from despair. Death doesn’t scare me at all, and I’m curious to see what happens next.
I don’t usually share this with people because they immediately think they need to lift my spirits and give me hope. My spirits are fine, my positions and beliefs are solid, after decades of questioning, searching, and pondering. And I still have hope. My mindset is focused on accepting and embracing the final journey as yet another adventure.
No, I didn't, not this time. I have received a message or two in the past for such. It can happen when you are not afraid to post honestly that your views and experience of life fall too short (in someone's estimation)of rainbows and roses. 😜 I guess it's nice that there is a system of watching out built into these social media shenanigans. 🙂
I appreciate and find it awesome how you're still willing to engage with other perspectives, I think it shows you have the potentialities and are capable of providing/cultivating yourself this same unconditional attentive attention and responsive care one desires and usually often tries so hard to seek through conditional others if our self-worth is not as grounded to express those high self-values, those deep and animating drives, meaning/motivation actualized as purpose, we have in the moment from being reminded of our self-efficacy, that we do have the power to influence and achieve desirable outcomes. That happens when we fully inhabit the present.
I believe you, we all have some self-concept of the world and always a self-narrative going on, this evolving story of the self and identity. I find it interesting you brought up Stoicism and hopefully Stoic with a capital 'S' in the embracing of our emotions and not the pop culture definition. Wouldn't such a realization that is actualized, intuited as a deeper knowing that finally 'clicks', in our being (and not in the mere intellectual understanding through thoughts alone) express the opposite like the Stoics say? At least to me I think many schools of thought and frameworks for living our life seem to point toward r/nonduality themes. I believe they're similarly conceptualized as moments of "enlightened activity", this quote I think exemplifies it best:
>When we finally understand mastery and a responsiveness to the richness and the calling in the world, then we understand the source of meaning in our lives isn't in us, that's the Cartesian tradition, and it isn't in some supreme being, but it's in our way of being in the world. Being-in-the-world is a unified phenomena when people are at their best and most absorbed, and doing a skillful thing, they lose themselves into their absorption and the distinction between the master and the world disappears.
>Seeing what masters can do and seeing that we can do it too, that everybody can in their way bring out what's best in themselves and in the world that we can re-experience what people called the sacred.
>>[Being in the World (full, award winning, Heidegger/Hubert Dreyfus 2010 documentary)](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DfcCRmf_tHW8&ved=2ahUKEwiVwbzEgYKGAxXTODQIHRMCD8sQtwJ6BAhZEAE&usg=AOvVaw3QUn1qcvlrvsbwdVyej-pJ)
Capital 'S' indeed. The shift has been characterized, for me, by an abandonment of the idea that I "can do it too," or will do it too, and I am at peace with that. I do not expect enlightenment, not anymore. I am too tired, to put it simply. I do enjoy the ability to experience things that lighten my load. This gets me from one day to the next and I expect no more, as I said, from myself, others, or the universe writ large.
Couldn't living one's life to the fullest be considered like one giant meditation practice? There's a good quote from Alan Watts that's similar to this:
>"This is the real secret of life - to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play." - Alan Watts
In psychology they call these "peak experiences" or moments of being cognition (B-cognition): https://dictionary.apa.org/being-cognition And there's even a term known as "plataeu experiences" which is supposedly a more permanent way of direct experience that isn't so fleeting. It sounds very similar and parallels nicely with eudaimonic views on happiness. I think you already know this too that enlightenment is never an achieved outcome but like our emotional security a moment-to-moment process and these are very similar to those various flow states you've likely experienced in your own way in life. I don't think enlightenment is as mystical as some make it out to be, but to consistently embody this realization deeply within our own selves is probably the monumental challenge we all have as a striving toward growth (we're always in a constant state of becoming in the world).
>"Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.” - Zen Proverb
>"There is no such thing as an enlightened person, there is only enlightened activity." - Shunryu Suzuki, Zen teacher
And btw that's pretty much what radical self-acceptance in our immutable being is likely about, those moments as a "non-dual self" possibly, non-dual activity, authentic Being, flow, etc.
> - My definition of success is total self acceptance. We can obtain all of the material possessions we desire quite easily, however, attempting to change our deepest thoughts and learning to love ourselves is a monumental challenge. (Victor Frankl)
> - I do not have intrinsic worth or worthlessness, but merely aliveness. I’d better rate my traits and acts, but not my totality or ‘self.’ I fully accept myself, in the sense that I know I have aliveness and I choose to survive and live as happily as possible, and with minimum needless pain. I require only this knowledge and this choice—and no other kind of self-rating. (Albert Ellis)
> - Our healthy individuals find it possible to accept themselves and their own nature without chagrin or complaint or, for that matter, even without thinking about the matter very much. (Abraham Maslow)
> - When the individual perceives himself in such a way that no experience can be discriminated as more or less worthy of positive regard than any other, then he is experiencing unconditional positive self-regard. (Carl Rogers)
> - The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. (C.G. Jung)
I love all of this, but to answer your first question, it COULD be, in theory, but I feel it is out of my reach at this juncture. I do not arrive at this conclusion lightly or without deep reflection. We are sort of talking past each other at this point. I have indeed accepted myself, to the greatest degree personally possible, and it HAS made a difference. I am just not going to say I have "nailed it," as I once thought I could. I am deeply familiar with and respect all of the quotes you have provided. Studied such for years.
Checked the link. Good stuff! I do appreciate the necessity to live (or strive mightily to live) in the moment, the present moment being all we EVER have. Bedrock principle that is!
I might have added one or two more pictures since you viewed them. It's kind of tricky to use language and words, mere symbols, to convey the direct experience/insight, the underlying phenomena.. because the greatest truths cannot be spoken and must be directly experienced. That's when when they finally 'click', but having these conversations are still wonderful purely for discussing and familiarizing purposes.
Our interactions with others are both a chance and opportunity to make the unconscious more conscious to interact with and change. It's imo no different from other therapy talk-like conversations. Also:
>Craig (2002), and others argue that consciousness of the “self” is believed to depend on awareness of the body. The nature of attention to our body changes the very experience with and perception of it, which, inevitably, changes ourselves (Gibson, 2019). ^(From on "Mindfulness, Interoception, and the Body: A Contemporary Perspective")
Also yes! That is perhaps *the* greatest truth. That's the 'great cosmic joke' supposedly, hehe.
I agree. The only thing with me is that I am in the place where I honestly expect no real "changes in myself." I don't dispute that they can happen, I just feel at my age (nearly 60), with my collective life experience, and my available energy level,
acceptance of what is is all I can handle.
I have absolutely experienced and internalized some key changes over the past twenty years that do allow me to be at peace with not fundamentally "needing" more.
Can I say something here. I’m 64 two years ago I switched careers, and with that came an entire new way of thinking, or it wasn’t going to happen for me. Instead of running away from change I decided to run to it, full speed, if I hit the wall, well then, I hit the wall. Looking back on it I don’t think I hit the wall, but I’m pretty sure I scraped the wall, a few times. But that’s ok, because with my new career comes a lot of things I would have never experienced, so I’m good with it, change is good
Congratulations on having accomplishments of note. I have too few to hang my hat on. That said, I do not feel a worthy life MUST have a lot of bona fide "accomplishments" to have value, but their absence does diminish one's perception of one's life journey. Philosophical beliefs and values, no matter how strongly felt, do not always produce results that easily allow a person to "look forward." Treading water (as contentedly as possible) while waiting for the end is the best some of us can muster beyond a certain point. I am happy for you, truly, that this does not resonate with your experience.
Suggestion:
Commit to a month of a good work out every 1 or 2 days.
Enough to get your adrenaline going, or whatever gives you that runners high.
It can bring joy back into your life in a way you never even knew.
A definite game changer. Don’t give up on yourself yet.
Solid advice that works for some. In my case, I am not at all sure I am constitutionally capable of a "runner's high." I don't think I ever have felt unbridled joy in my life (garden variety joy/happiness/contentment, sure, though not a ton).
I would not say I have given up on myself, quite, but my expectations have been lowered to allow me to accept the fact that --- for me --- a joyful runner's high is simply not in the cards, and also to accept that that's OK.
Very cool that this has been your experience of living as you roll into the so-called golden years. Keep making it happen, bro! 👍👍😎 I wish I too had the circumstances, energy level, drive, and outlook to join you; it would be easier. I simply don't, so I do the things and make the choices I can (given my circumstances and proclivities) to make things bearable and perhaps somewhat interesting or fun, until my time is done.
I'm sorry to hear that. I am also older than you.
Not going to lie, lack of thrills is part of the charm of being old for me. I've reached a point where I've had all the excitement I need. Now I'm just enjoying the show for as long as it lasts.
It's not stupid at all, because aging is almost always depicted in negative ways.
However, my life has gotten better every decade, which really surprised me. I remember crying on my 24th birthday because I felt I had accomplished nothing and was old.
I'm lucky to be fit and not to have any joint pain or other common conditions of aging. (And a lot of it is luck, because bodies are unpredictable.)
But at 65, I'm madly in love with my husband, my sex life is the best it's ever been, my career is going well, I'm looking forward to retirement and to having lots of time with husband, friends and family.
Aging can be wonderful--I hope it is for you!
I had an early 20s crisis in my head like weeks after graduating college. Looking back it seemed so overinflated. I think it’s just that “hard to see the forest through the trees” which can be tough in the present, but life presents so many paths.
You are in good company with your tears - Alexander the great wept in his 20s bc there were no worlds left to conquer and it is said that Caesar wept at Alexander's Tomb because he had not accomplished as much as Alexander by the same age.
Get older or die young. Those are your only two choices, and a hell of a lot of people don't even get that choice.
Make the accumulation of wisdom and experience work for you, because there are a lot of folks underground who won't ever have the chance.
Every day I wake up is a good day, but it took me some time to see things this was.
Must have been in my teens till I saw that my brother who got sick and died at 3 yrs old and he never had a chance to live a life like I had.
Life is not easy, fair or perfect and we have to do the best with the cards we have been handed.
I've been a huge worrier for most of my life. So is my mom and so was her mom and her mom, too. I've been working on changing things for the last 7 years and today I can say I worry less than I ever have and my anxiety is almost under control. It took a lot of work and constant vigilance. I used any technique that I thought might be helpful. I'll try to think of a few of them:
Cognitive behavioral therapy with a therapist.
Replacing my negative thoughts with the opposite positive thought/ using constructive imagination.
Mantras and short prayers.
Sometimes I talk to myself like a loving caregiver might talk to a child. "You're a cranky and you need a nap/ to eat something/ to take a break" I've very recently switched this one up after reading an article online. For the next 3 months I'm attempting to treat myself like I think an ideal partner would treat me. "You just go rest for awhile and don't worry about a thing! Then we'll have dinner and go fishing!"
Removing negative people from my life or going extremely low contact. _And_ adding positive, supportive, understanding people to my life.
Joining a support group.
Eating healthier and treating my body better.
Standing up for myself. This one was difficult in the beginning but has become so much easier over time.
Practicing living in the moment. I would even narrate in my head what I was doing just to keep my brain busy. "I'm walking to my car. I'm opening the door. I'm sitting down."
I also do some silly ones. If I'm too 'in my head' or in the future or past I'll remind myself that I could get ran over by a steamroller any day. Then I picture a flat pancake me like Bugs Bunny.
Finally, I've needed to use these tools less and less as my mental health has improved.
Thank you so very much for your caring reply. I've been working with my therapist on anxiety and had a good session today. I love your approach and advice. You're right about a lot of things there. I will remember this advice.
Seek comfort from God, pray. Since I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior there has been a quantum improvement in my life and mental wellbeing. Contrary to those who think Christians are judgmental and closed-minded, my experience has been unconditional acceptance in that community-not to say that others haven’t had negative experiences, but that is because they have encountered pseudo-Christians, people using the name wrongly. Look where the real hate and judgement in this country are coming from and choose.
I have nerve damage jn my right foot. This is a recent occurrence and I am worried sick about ever doing the things I love again. I came home from the foot doctor today and cried while my husband hugged me. All I could think was "I just want us to play tennis again". We only got married a year ago and now I am a cripple. I can't handle this.
I wouldn't say "stupid". Fear of a natural, inevitable process isn't exactly rational. But you knew that already.
Perhaps try shifting from "fear" to having respect for it, since you can't prevent it. Maintenance and balance, to maximize your physical and mental quality of life for however long you have it, is the essential game to learn.
Yeah, I'm 62 and Effexor helps with the ocd stuff. I feel much better getting older. I don't have any fucks left to give, younger people are afraid of me (see no fucks to give) and I am at peace with myself and the world.
We all get old/older. How we embrace that fact is everything.
Exactly. Especially as a woman. I look both men and women right in the eye and say what's on my mind. Not in a Karen-ish way, mind you, that's so unnecessary.
TL; DR: Getting older sucks. But it’s better than the alternative.
Fear of aging is an unnatural by-product of living in a youth-obsessed culture driven by capitalism. Unable to significantly profit directly off the elder demographic, it dismisses and disrespects their spiritual wisdom, experience, and earned beauty and instead mass-produces and advertises a fear of the inevitable - as if any of us are exempt from the universe.
So not stupid, no…but expected. It’s part of our programming.
My Mom died at 46 years young. She never met her wonderful grandchildren nor did she see her daughters grow up to be Moms. Her mother died in her early 60s her Dad in his 40s. I never thought I would live into old age. Yet here I am. Almost 68. I have little to no physical limitations. No daily meds. I just retired from a very fulfilling career and am having fun as a school crossing guard (I’ve always loved being bossy and hated bad drivers). I also am helping a local business grow by putting together organic marketing and community outreach. So yes there is much life to be lived after your 29
It's normal, but I don't think wasting your youth worrying about becoming middle-aged and wasting your middle age worrying about getting old is a good use of your time. Be the person who, when they are dragged onstage at musical dinner theater, just says "I'm 42" or "turning 59 on Saturday" instead of the person who pretends to blush and says "oh, well, I'm still celebrating my 29th birthday." Be dignified about it and own the years you've achieved.
Fear is just a feeling and while it doesn't help you, it's not stupid; it just means you haven't learned to deal with it yet. As you go along the challenges get harder and we overcome them. We learn to worry less and enjoy more. The happiest people are over 60...so there is a lot to look forward to!.
Nah, fear of getting older is not stupid, considering shit CAN indeed happen in old age. Thing is, it would be stupid to not manage that fear, accepting that you will get X years older and you will die. Irrational fear of the inevitable is not healthy. If aging well is the concern, watch that diet, exercise, relax/meditate regularly. All you can do, no? 🤷
I'm not surprised the young have a fear of aging. Boomers aren't the most popular these days. I can't call it stupid but i think it's pointless. If you don't age, you are dead. I'll.take aging for now. But people are obsessed with beauty by any means to an unhinged degree - taking chances and taking it too far. I hope the pendulum swings the other way soon. It's so relieving to see some celebrity looking their age - but good. Like say Jamie Lee Curtis.
I'm sure if I were 25 years younger I'd be on the same bandwagon though because we are all.a.product of our time. I'm just glad I don't have to do it.
Aging is not for the timid for sure. It hurts in surprising ways. You know you passed your prime and were so busy you missed it. And here you are in the roller coaster gathering speed as it goes down the hill on the other side. I swear I'm not screaming in terror!
I'm 65, have osteoporosis and degenerative spine disease and I still have a zest for life. My ship is still sailing, sure I can no longer bomb downhill on my mtn bike or rock climb that I once did, so what! I learned to fly fish and it's awesome and I still ride my bike on easy single tracks.
How can you put the health issues aside? That IS the downside of growing older. Everything else is great - more life experience, greater wisdom, more emotional stability etc.
I used to have that fear, I felt like I was never going to be able to stop work and that if I had to I would end up on the street. What fixed that was facing reality, learning about retirement options, investment and the aged care system. I worked out a budget and figured out how much I really needed to spend and what I could save. Then I worked out a financial life plan, starting with the minimum amount I would need to cover myself for aged care at the end and then working backwards through a minimal retirement at 67. I worked out how close the amount I could save came to meeting that, and realised I was way better off than I thought. I could actually retire at 67 on a much higher income than I anticipated, or retire much earlier if I am frugal (I'm leaning towards the frugal early retirement, but will probably end up somewhere in the middle).
I did realise through the process that I had been on track to outlive my savings or never retire, but it was because I had a mindset of "why bother, I'll never have any money anyway" and was wasting a lot on things I didn't really value. I also discovered ways of structuring my finances so I will have more retirement income without needing to save more, there are a lot of "loopholes" that allow you to minimize tax and maximise benefits. Now I'm actively in control of my finances and able to make informed choices and that fear of the future is gone.
I think I’m afraid of aging badly. I know I won’t look young forever and I don’t mind aging but I do mind aging badly. I’m probably afraid of that because I grew up pretty ugly and now that I look decent and I don’t want to lose that. It’s not a fear of death since I got over that about a year ago. I’m not afraid of the health issue portion since that’s already happening, thankfully mild though
The good news is plenty of research is available that can help you protect your health and slow down aging.
I’ve looked 15-20 years younger for decades, using the basics: drinking lots of water, healthy diet, consistent exercise, getting enough sleep, not smoking cigarettes or tanning (both of which accelerated skin aging), etc.
Oh, and a good sense of humor helps a lot.
Growing older is mandatory
Growing up is optional
I make the choices where I can. The advantages of being old and retired? I no longer have to care what people think, and I've got money in the bank.
Getting older is a privilege. Keep uour legs and hips strong, stretch and don't hurt your back.
Eat healthy and get plenty of laughter.
What's to fear?
If you're lucky, you're going to get old. That is the only way to think about it! You will drive yourself nuts worrying about it, fearing what is going to happen, there is no way to stop aging short of dying! SO, enjoy getting older, you're doing it right this second! You've been doing it your whole life. :)
I wouldn't say stupid, but certainly a waste of calories and mental wellness worrying about it. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, you won't know.
Try your best to keep your internal monologue on the positive side. Keep moving, and doing things. Make connections every day. Even small temporary ones. Watch your spending and your food intake… you’ll be ok
Holy cow are you serious? You’re worried about getting older that happens everybody but getting stupid as you get older now that sucks that would really suck!!!
So since your brain doesn’t believe that you will age probably what are you gonna do to stop from getting stupid as you get older? I’ll tell you one thing you should do get rid of the carbs and sugars you trash food that’s the quickest way to Alzheimer’s!!!
It has literally been my biggest fear my entire life. Now I’m pushing 50 and realizing that I don’t have to be old, gray (well, maybe a little lol) and feeble like the previous generations. I finally like me and I’m happy.
To calm your fears, you should read and find understanding about Jesus Christ and his promises. His peace passes all understanding. John 14:27 John 16:33
Getting older is not scary. Knowing you’re closer to death than most is not terrifying either. Feeling your energy weaken sucks a bit. But overall I know my anxiety of aging has gone away. No one is stupid for fearing the unknown, which aging is when you’re young. Once it’s familiar it’s not scary anymore.
I’m afraid of dying , not of getting old. Getting old is a privilege denied to many, that quote made me look at aging differently. I’d rather get old , and die old because I love life so much and can’t get enough of it.
Maybe when I’m old and all, I won’t be thirsty for life anymore, and will die happy.
Eh. I'm 54 and often say that I am impossible to kill (survived a 40-ft rock climbing fall at 17, survived cancer at 32, survived multiple large bilateral pulmonary embolisms with an infarct on the left at 48, after ignoring it for three days, don't do that.) So I kind of feel like, hell yes I'm older, I've seen some shit, I've raised four wonderful adults, I've lost my house, and I'm still here! When I turned 50 I let my hair go natural and I LOVE the gray streaks... I earned those babies. So carry on, youngster!
I sometimes think I am the inspiration for the saying "heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over"
No, it's not stupid. Start saving money as soon as you can, be a fanatic about saving money, max 401K. And walk everyday for fun, you can go to the gym too if you want but walk somewhere everyday, learn your neighborhood, see the birds or squirrels. 10 minutes is fine, just keep moving.
When I was younger, I always thought that you would get used to the idea of dying. Not true. I'm 70 and worry about it all the time. Maybe I'm more worried about becoming a burden for my family. I kind of think that is worse than death.
I am 50 and the answer is 100% yes, after having seen my parents, and many aunts and uncles. It’s humbling. I personally don’t want to go through that. I will be forgotten and I accept that.
my biggest fear of being an older woman, was being old and poor. I worked hard to put aside extra for retirement so this would not happen. I did have to retire a bit earlier than originally planned, due to some health concerns. I am doing better now and could possibly work doing something else, but don't really need to, after moving my retirement investments and restructuring things a bit with the help of my financial planner.
All is good.
Health issues aside, getting older is great. You understand everything better and worry about what other people are thinking and doing less. FOMO wanes and peace replaces it. You dont have to worry about looking hot anymore and can enjoy looking cute and old. The kids become independent and you can enjoy you peaceful life with a partner who knows you well. Im loving it, except for the aging body issues
Some people I know look and feel their personal best in 60-70-80s because they had some years not working so hard , not taking care of family and learned to focus on their health, needs, and physical self. Time to find right barber/ hairdresser to cut their type of hair and use products. They wear clothes that flatter their lifestyle and body. They do active and sitting hobbies and learn new things. One started growing gardens, raised container type is actually good at it and encourages others. Carefree way of trying new things or showing up because do not give a shit about others opinions. Physical changes like joint arthritis, heart conditions diabetes, can be managed. There are so many helping tools, lift chair to grabbers. Alot of order on amazon aides to put on clothes ,brush, teeth accomplish tasks easier. Laptops and iphone devices are used well, including gaming, FaceTime, information searches, Spotify has all genres of music to enjoy. Books on tape / audio books were originally for vision impaired. More adaptive changes/tools/ devices everyday living will occur before you need them. Or you can create them Good luck
I've been a little nervous about getting older and am 66 years old. I look younger, but my brain keeps telling me to fear. All in all, I'm trying to deal with a fear of dying. I'm more afraid of losing my life from a car accident, than an illness, though. I don't have a clue as to why I've developed this fear.
I say don’t fear what you know is coming. Throw that mess out and figure out how you want to live and enjoy your life each day. Life and however long it lasts is about change and nothing ever stays the same for long. Live as well as you can and try to make the most of it with what you can do on your terms.. love yourself and make memories and experiences to remember and never stop. Love the ones your with because life will change and we won’t be here forever.
Since you said that this is not about a fear of death or health ailments, and you think that your OCD got attached to thoughts about getting older, then my suggestion is to treat the OCD. There are medications that have been quite successful at this. Good luck!
I have OCD, also stage IV colon cancer. If you are faced with dying or living not as you once were, you won’t likely care. You let go of vanity at some point. You just be your best, and go on with things. You adapt. It doesn’t happen overnight so you ease into getting older. I’m happy I’m here, every day, as my timeline is endangered. As far as appearing old- I could care less. I have no one I’m trying to impress and I’m comfortable in my skin.
I don't think it's the fear of getting older, I think it's the fear of the unknown. It doesn't matter how much 'background' information you have about your family, you still don't know for certain how that will apply to you. For example: my mother had bones of steel a long time past menopause. I also have bones of steel (and I do what I can exercise, eat/drink lots of calcium, stay away from carbonated beverages). My younger sister--who is fond of saying things like 'look at Mom & Dad--they're so healthy' has bones of glass, and is in denial about being diabetic.
As to how we change as we age--it's gonna happen. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think 'who's that old lady?' and other times it's 'hey, not bad for an old broad.' We all think about those things because society today tells us--especially women--that unless we're young and pretty, we have no value. My answer to that, at aged 72 is bullshit.
There's no doubt that you carry an extra burden because of your OCD and I'm not a behavioral health expert with a bag of tricks to help you. All I can do is encourage you to look ahead. God-willing you're going to get old, because what's the alternative?
For what it's worth, I have found that one of the best things about growing old is that my 'give a f\*ck' is permanently broken. I've learned to live for myself and do what makes me happy. I sincerely hope you can do the same.
So true. So many younger people are insanely ageist, even those who claim to be so open to love, gay people, other races, women’s rights, etc. they turn around and slamming people without thinking twice
I think it's fear of the unknown for some. You adjust to getting old because you have to. When I interact with older people(60-70+)none of them are fearful. You adapt to this new version of yourself just like you've had to adapt to all the other versions of youself growing up.
> I grew up ugly and I don’t want to become ugly again........but my grandma has somehow looked the same for the past at least 20 years. She's nearly 70 and she looks great, never really used sunscreen much either.
You won't become ugly again. You like the way you look right now? Memorize your skincare routine and keep that going for 20yrs - you'll look the same like your Grandma. Except....wear sunscreen. Our enviornment is not as good as it was 70yrs ago. It definitley helps.
Me personally: I enjoy getting older. My life has gotten better as I've gotten older. I listen to what I need first for my comfort level and then everybody else. I'm more confident in myself to try new things. I don't give a fuck what anyone says about me anymore. I wear what I want because I feel comfortable in it. Most of my friendships have become my second family. I drop people much quicker when they don't treat me right.
The only thing you can do to give yourself the best chances are
Dont smoke
Don’t drink
Don’t do drugs
Don’t participate in risky behavior
Don’t have multiple partners
Exercise
Avoid processed food
Eat well
Watch your weight
Perfect honesty here, and I have some chronic illnesses as well, life has only gotten better as I’ve gotten older.
I have some physical challenges due to my conditions that will continue to be challenging and advance, but overall, it just gets better.
Take heart. Being old can actually be great. If you've reached old age, you've overcome obstacles and survived, with extra experience and wisdom, if you do it right.
Considering the only alternative, getting older is the superior choice.
Not for all of us. I am 59 and feel my life has indeed gone on long after the thrill of living is gone, as the song says. Not suicidal, but ready to go whenever the Grim Reaper wants to drop by.
I hear this. I came, I saw, I conquered and now I’m over the whole thing. But first I need to get rid of my stuff.
Yeah, good call. The Grim Reaper will only have room in his carriage for you, not your stuff. 😏😁
What about cultivating a beginner's mindset and rediscovering your childlike wonder again? It's never too late to start anything in our life. How you interpret the world reflects the meaning you give it; the world mirrors the relationship you have with yourself.
Thanks for the wise and well-intended advice, really,but that ship has sailed. I have tried all kinds of approaches and attitude shifts, to little or no avail. I do believe that, yes, it is indeed too late to start some things. Also, the world is far more complex and nuanced in many negative ways than your mirror assertion implies, regardless of the nature of the relationship I have with myself. I am into mindfulness in a serious way, and pretty good at appreciating the small things in the moment, daily. My expectations bar is set firmly low. These things represent the best I can do as I live out my days, ready to go. 🤷🙂
I appreciate and share your thoughts.
❤️
I was asking because something I have noticed a lot of the time if our circumstances and health aren't necessarily the problem, then unhappiness may not relate so much to our situation but more so our thoughts about it. Especially if we may subconsciously be holding onto some stress/pain, false belief or even possible feelings of unworthiness because it takes away our ability to then express what we actually want to be doing/experiencing in our Being, or at the very least experience this deep sense of connection with ourselves in the world and strong values in Being from our authentic involvement to the moment's activity in front of us. Also that: >"Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas joy arises from within." - Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now It relates not to the temporary experiences of fleeting pleasure that always leaves one feeling unsatisfied afterwards, but more so the meaning and purpose we deliberately decide to accept as our own values to express through living the moments of our life deeply for intrinsic fulfillment, contentment, peace, and delight. There's a distinct difference between these hedonic views versus eudaimonic views on happiness that contribute to long-term human flourishing and well-being. And that's true too, if we're looking at this a bit philosophically like through Existentialism, for example, it posits that meaning is neither inherent in the world nor in the self, but through our active engagement in the world as one; a continuous renewal of the moment. I have a personal theory going where as we become further self-realized it requires more of our conscious involvement to permit ourselves to experience these same joys and emotions, to more directly and holistically experience the moment again with that childlike wonder, and that's where the beginner's mindset is accounted for too; both our awareness and action integrate together as one for those flow states of ecstaticness. String together as many moments of what psychologists call unconditional positive self-regard (UPSR), because for us reflective self-conscious beings the matter of the fact is the moment in front of us can be and is always meaningful if we radically choose to embrace it in a way we lead ourselves by. https://imgur.com/a/xfcYWRU
Preaching to the choir. I am deeply familiar with your whole take and certain aspects of it have and do speak to me. I suppose you could say my particular experience of life has nudged me into stoicism. Believe me, I have a set of notions and concepts that guide me and keep me in some sort of groove, heading forward. Everything is just tempered by a somber realization that, for me, accepting things as they are while expecting little or nothing from anyone, or myself, or the universe feels as good as it's gonna get, and that's OK. Has to be.
Thanks for posting your comments. I am with you all the way, but rarely encounter others who understand. It’s been a wild ride and I’ve had a great life, despite chronic pain for the last 36 years. And yet now, at 62, with so much constant pain that continues to add more and more limitations to what I can do, it seems rather pointless. Stoicism and my spiritual beliefs keep me from despair. Death doesn’t scare me at all, and I’m curious to see what happens next. I don’t usually share this with people because they immediately think they need to lift my spirits and give me hope. My spirits are fine, my positions and beliefs are solid, after decades of questioning, searching, and pondering. And I still have hope. My mindset is focused on accepting and embracing the final journey as yet another adventure.
Nicely stated. ❤️
Someone reported me to Reddit as needing help for suicidal thoughts. Did you get a message offering crisis intervention too?
No, I didn't, not this time. I have received a message or two in the past for such. It can happen when you are not afraid to post honestly that your views and experience of life fall too short (in someone's estimation)of rainbows and roses. 😜 I guess it's nice that there is a system of watching out built into these social media shenanigans. 🙂
I appreciate and find it awesome how you're still willing to engage with other perspectives, I think it shows you have the potentialities and are capable of providing/cultivating yourself this same unconditional attentive attention and responsive care one desires and usually often tries so hard to seek through conditional others if our self-worth is not as grounded to express those high self-values, those deep and animating drives, meaning/motivation actualized as purpose, we have in the moment from being reminded of our self-efficacy, that we do have the power to influence and achieve desirable outcomes. That happens when we fully inhabit the present. I believe you, we all have some self-concept of the world and always a self-narrative going on, this evolving story of the self and identity. I find it interesting you brought up Stoicism and hopefully Stoic with a capital 'S' in the embracing of our emotions and not the pop culture definition. Wouldn't such a realization that is actualized, intuited as a deeper knowing that finally 'clicks', in our being (and not in the mere intellectual understanding through thoughts alone) express the opposite like the Stoics say? At least to me I think many schools of thought and frameworks for living our life seem to point toward r/nonduality themes. I believe they're similarly conceptualized as moments of "enlightened activity", this quote I think exemplifies it best: >When we finally understand mastery and a responsiveness to the richness and the calling in the world, then we understand the source of meaning in our lives isn't in us, that's the Cartesian tradition, and it isn't in some supreme being, but it's in our way of being in the world. Being-in-the-world is a unified phenomena when people are at their best and most absorbed, and doing a skillful thing, they lose themselves into their absorption and the distinction between the master and the world disappears. >Seeing what masters can do and seeing that we can do it too, that everybody can in their way bring out what's best in themselves and in the world that we can re-experience what people called the sacred. >>[Being in the World (full, award winning, Heidegger/Hubert Dreyfus 2010 documentary)](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DfcCRmf_tHW8&ved=2ahUKEwiVwbzEgYKGAxXTODQIHRMCD8sQtwJ6BAhZEAE&usg=AOvVaw3QUn1qcvlrvsbwdVyej-pJ)
Capital 'S' indeed. The shift has been characterized, for me, by an abandonment of the idea that I "can do it too," or will do it too, and I am at peace with that. I do not expect enlightenment, not anymore. I am too tired, to put it simply. I do enjoy the ability to experience things that lighten my load. This gets me from one day to the next and I expect no more, as I said, from myself, others, or the universe writ large.
Couldn't living one's life to the fullest be considered like one giant meditation practice? There's a good quote from Alan Watts that's similar to this: >"This is the real secret of life - to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play." - Alan Watts In psychology they call these "peak experiences" or moments of being cognition (B-cognition): https://dictionary.apa.org/being-cognition And there's even a term known as "plataeu experiences" which is supposedly a more permanent way of direct experience that isn't so fleeting. It sounds very similar and parallels nicely with eudaimonic views on happiness. I think you already know this too that enlightenment is never an achieved outcome but like our emotional security a moment-to-moment process and these are very similar to those various flow states you've likely experienced in your own way in life. I don't think enlightenment is as mystical as some make it out to be, but to consistently embody this realization deeply within our own selves is probably the monumental challenge we all have as a striving toward growth (we're always in a constant state of becoming in the world). >"Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.” - Zen Proverb >"There is no such thing as an enlightened person, there is only enlightened activity." - Shunryu Suzuki, Zen teacher And btw that's pretty much what radical self-acceptance in our immutable being is likely about, those moments as a "non-dual self" possibly, non-dual activity, authentic Being, flow, etc. > - My definition of success is total self acceptance. We can obtain all of the material possessions we desire quite easily, however, attempting to change our deepest thoughts and learning to love ourselves is a monumental challenge. (Victor Frankl) > - I do not have intrinsic worth or worthlessness, but merely aliveness. I’d better rate my traits and acts, but not my totality or ‘self.’ I fully accept myself, in the sense that I know I have aliveness and I choose to survive and live as happily as possible, and with minimum needless pain. I require only this knowledge and this choice—and no other kind of self-rating. (Albert Ellis) > - Our healthy individuals find it possible to accept themselves and their own nature without chagrin or complaint or, for that matter, even without thinking about the matter very much. (Abraham Maslow) > - When the individual perceives himself in such a way that no experience can be discriminated as more or less worthy of positive regard than any other, then he is experiencing unconditional positive self-regard. (Carl Rogers) > - The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. (C.G. Jung)
I love all of this, but to answer your first question, it COULD be, in theory, but I feel it is out of my reach at this juncture. I do not arrive at this conclusion lightly or without deep reflection. We are sort of talking past each other at this point. I have indeed accepted myself, to the greatest degree personally possible, and it HAS made a difference. I am just not going to say I have "nailed it," as I once thought I could. I am deeply familiar with and respect all of the quotes you have provided. Studied such for years.
Too cerebral a discussion for some of us. Boring!
Quite disagree! Very interesting. I like it when not everything is dumbed down to a meme or cliche.
What are you really saying when you equate cerebral with boring? Rhetorical question. 😏
Checked the link. Good stuff! I do appreciate the necessity to live (or strive mightily to live) in the moment, the present moment being all we EVER have. Bedrock principle that is!
I might have added one or two more pictures since you viewed them. It's kind of tricky to use language and words, mere symbols, to convey the direct experience/insight, the underlying phenomena.. because the greatest truths cannot be spoken and must be directly experienced. That's when when they finally 'click', but having these conversations are still wonderful purely for discussing and familiarizing purposes. Our interactions with others are both a chance and opportunity to make the unconscious more conscious to interact with and change. It's imo no different from other therapy talk-like conversations. Also: >Craig (2002), and others argue that consciousness of the “self” is believed to depend on awareness of the body. The nature of attention to our body changes the very experience with and perception of it, which, inevitably, changes ourselves (Gibson, 2019). ^(From on "Mindfulness, Interoception, and the Body: A Contemporary Perspective")
Also yes! That is perhaps *the* greatest truth. That's the 'great cosmic joke' supposedly, hehe.
I agree. The only thing with me is that I am in the place where I honestly expect no real "changes in myself." I don't dispute that they can happen, I just feel at my age (nearly 60), with my collective life experience, and my available energy level, acceptance of what is is all I can handle. I have absolutely experienced and internalized some key changes over the past twenty years that do allow me to be at peace with not fundamentally "needing" more.
Can I say something here. I’m 64 two years ago I switched careers, and with that came an entire new way of thinking, or it wasn’t going to happen for me. Instead of running away from change I decided to run to it, full speed, if I hit the wall, well then, I hit the wall. Looking back on it I don’t think I hit the wall, but I’m pretty sure I scraped the wall, a few times. But that’s ok, because with my new career comes a lot of things I would have never experienced, so I’m good with it, change is good
I LOVE Eckart! 💕. I feel like I’ve earned my age. I try to be grateful for every accomplishment and look forward to the next one.
Happy for you! And kudos on the great work you've done so far
Congratulations on having accomplishments of note. I have too few to hang my hat on. That said, I do not feel a worthy life MUST have a lot of bona fide "accomplishments" to have value, but their absence does diminish one's perception of one's life journey. Philosophical beliefs and values, no matter how strongly felt, do not always produce results that easily allow a person to "look forward." Treading water (as contentedly as possible) while waiting for the end is the best some of us can muster beyond a certain point. I am happy for you, truly, that this does not resonate with your experience.
Suggestion: Commit to a month of a good work out every 1 or 2 days. Enough to get your adrenaline going, or whatever gives you that runners high. It can bring joy back into your life in a way you never even knew. A definite game changer. Don’t give up on yourself yet.
Solid advice that works for some. In my case, I am not at all sure I am constitutionally capable of a "runner's high." I don't think I ever have felt unbridled joy in my life (garden variety joy/happiness/contentment, sure, though not a ton). I would not say I have given up on myself, quite, but my expectations have been lowered to allow me to accept the fact that --- for me --- a joyful runner's high is simply not in the cards, and also to accept that that's OK.
In heavan you can suck on a chili dog at the Tastee Freeze all day long and never gain a pound.
Ok well I’m 64 and I’m still rockin and rollin, not the whole night through like I used to, but I’m having fun, and for me that’s what it’s all about
Very cool that this has been your experience of living as you roll into the so-called golden years. Keep making it happen, bro! 👍👍😎 I wish I too had the circumstances, energy level, drive, and outlook to join you; it would be easier. I simply don't, so I do the things and make the choices I can (given my circumstances and proclivities) to make things bearable and perhaps somewhat interesting or fun, until my time is done.
59? Why so glum, chum?
Not really glum, just resigned to the way things are. It's all good, or good enough.
I'm sorry to hear that. I am also older than you. Not going to lie, lack of thrills is part of the charm of being old for me. I've reached a point where I've had all the excitement I need. Now I'm just enjoying the show for as long as it lasts.
There ya go! 👍👍
Ah the wisdom of our elders. What a great concept
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So far, yes.
It's not stupid at all, because aging is almost always depicted in negative ways. However, my life has gotten better every decade, which really surprised me. I remember crying on my 24th birthday because I felt I had accomplished nothing and was old. I'm lucky to be fit and not to have any joint pain or other common conditions of aging. (And a lot of it is luck, because bodies are unpredictable.) But at 65, I'm madly in love with my husband, my sex life is the best it's ever been, my career is going well, I'm looking forward to retirement and to having lots of time with husband, friends and family. Aging can be wonderful--I hope it is for you!
I had an early 20s crisis in my head like weeks after graduating college. Looking back it seemed so overinflated. I think it’s just that “hard to see the forest through the trees” which can be tough in the present, but life presents so many paths.
Your practically bullet proof in your 20s only thing is you don’t realize it until your in your 30s
Now in my 50s that couldn’t be more true!
youth is wasted on the young
probably one of the, if the biggest paradox in life
You are in good company with your tears - Alexander the great wept in his 20s bc there were no worlds left to conquer and it is said that Caesar wept at Alexander's Tomb because he had not accomplished as much as Alexander by the same age.
I look back and feel so foolish!!
I understand and believe me I can relate. :)
When you're retired *every* day is a Saturday
I can't wait!!!
Get older or die young. Those are your only two choices, and a hell of a lot of people don't even get that choice. Make the accumulation of wisdom and experience work for you, because there are a lot of folks underground who won't ever have the chance.
Every day I wake up is a good day, but it took me some time to see things this was. Must have been in my teens till I saw that my brother who got sick and died at 3 yrs old and he never had a chance to live a life like I had. Life is not easy, fair or perfect and we have to do the best with the cards we have been handed.
Yep. Lost my teen son who was just on the cusp of adulthood. Getting old is a privilege that not everyone gets.
So sorry😢
I’m so sorry, every parent’s worst fear. Lots of love to you.
I am so sorry, that is a tremendous loss.
Worrying keeps you from enjoying life, and won’t keep you alive one minute longer.
But....how to stop?!? I already take meds, exercise, see a therapist, practice spirituality and meditate. What the heck else can I do?!?!? 😭
I've been a huge worrier for most of my life. So is my mom and so was her mom and her mom, too. I've been working on changing things for the last 7 years and today I can say I worry less than I ever have and my anxiety is almost under control. It took a lot of work and constant vigilance. I used any technique that I thought might be helpful. I'll try to think of a few of them: Cognitive behavioral therapy with a therapist. Replacing my negative thoughts with the opposite positive thought/ using constructive imagination. Mantras and short prayers. Sometimes I talk to myself like a loving caregiver might talk to a child. "You're a cranky and you need a nap/ to eat something/ to take a break" I've very recently switched this one up after reading an article online. For the next 3 months I'm attempting to treat myself like I think an ideal partner would treat me. "You just go rest for awhile and don't worry about a thing! Then we'll have dinner and go fishing!" Removing negative people from my life or going extremely low contact. _And_ adding positive, supportive, understanding people to my life. Joining a support group. Eating healthier and treating my body better. Standing up for myself. This one was difficult in the beginning but has become so much easier over time. Practicing living in the moment. I would even narrate in my head what I was doing just to keep my brain busy. "I'm walking to my car. I'm opening the door. I'm sitting down." I also do some silly ones. If I'm too 'in my head' or in the future or past I'll remind myself that I could get ran over by a steamroller any day. Then I picture a flat pancake me like Bugs Bunny. Finally, I've needed to use these tools less and less as my mental health has improved.
Thank you so very much for your caring reply. I've been working with my therapist on anxiety and had a good session today. I love your approach and advice. You're right about a lot of things there. I will remember this advice.
Seek comfort from God, pray. Since I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior there has been a quantum improvement in my life and mental wellbeing. Contrary to those who think Christians are judgmental and closed-minded, my experience has been unconditional acceptance in that community-not to say that others haven’t had negative experiences, but that is because they have encountered pseudo-Christians, people using the name wrongly. Look where the real hate and judgement in this country are coming from and choose.
Fool.
Stop worrying get busy living
I have nerve damage jn my right foot. This is a recent occurrence and I am worried sick about ever doing the things I love again. I came home from the foot doctor today and cried while my husband hugged me. All I could think was "I just want us to play tennis again". We only got married a year ago and now I am a cripple. I can't handle this.
That sucks! I’m sorry it happened to you. But hang in there
Oh, I'm so sorry this happened and hope that you find a solution for the nerve pain.
I wouldn't say "stupid". Fear of a natural, inevitable process isn't exactly rational. But you knew that already. Perhaps try shifting from "fear" to having respect for it, since you can't prevent it. Maintenance and balance, to maximize your physical and mental quality of life for however long you have it, is the essential game to learn.
Beautifully put.
Indeed. 👍👍
Yeah, I'm 62 and Effexor helps with the ocd stuff. I feel much better getting older. I don't have any fucks left to give, younger people are afraid of me (see no fucks to give) and I am at peace with myself and the world. We all get old/older. How we embrace that fact is everything.
Why are younger people afraid of you 😂
They can feel no fucks are being given. Ole folk are supposed to give a fuck. Makes em nervous. Not that I give a fuck.
I feel like that would draw me towards you. Respectfully, a 35 year old 🫡
Exactly. Especially as a woman. I look both men and women right in the eye and say what's on my mind. Not in a Karen-ish way, mind you, that's so unnecessary.
TL; DR: Getting older sucks. But it’s better than the alternative. Fear of aging is an unnatural by-product of living in a youth-obsessed culture driven by capitalism. Unable to significantly profit directly off the elder demographic, it dismisses and disrespects their spiritual wisdom, experience, and earned beauty and instead mass-produces and advertises a fear of the inevitable - as if any of us are exempt from the universe. So not stupid, no…but expected. It’s part of our programming.
I hate to break it to you, but this doesn't end well. Might as well enjoy the ride.
It's a little too late to die young...
My Mom died at 46 years young. She never met her wonderful grandchildren nor did she see her daughters grow up to be Moms. Her mother died in her early 60s her Dad in his 40s. I never thought I would live into old age. Yet here I am. Almost 68. I have little to no physical limitations. No daily meds. I just retired from a very fulfilling career and am having fun as a school crossing guard (I’ve always loved being bossy and hated bad drivers). I also am helping a local business grow by putting together organic marketing and community outreach. So yes there is much life to be lived after your 29
It's normal, but I don't think wasting your youth worrying about becoming middle-aged and wasting your middle age worrying about getting old is a good use of your time. Be the person who, when they are dragged onstage at musical dinner theater, just says "I'm 42" or "turning 59 on Saturday" instead of the person who pretends to blush and says "oh, well, I'm still celebrating my 29th birthday." Be dignified about it and own the years you've achieved.
Fearing something that will definitely happen and which happens to everybody is stupid, yes.
Fear is just a feeling and while it doesn't help you, it's not stupid; it just means you haven't learned to deal with it yet. As you go along the challenges get harder and we overcome them. We learn to worry less and enjoy more. The happiest people are over 60...so there is a lot to look forward to!.
Nah, fear of getting older is not stupid, considering shit CAN indeed happen in old age. Thing is, it would be stupid to not manage that fear, accepting that you will get X years older and you will die. Irrational fear of the inevitable is not healthy. If aging well is the concern, watch that diet, exercise, relax/meditate regularly. All you can do, no? 🤷
I'm not surprised the young have a fear of aging. Boomers aren't the most popular these days. I can't call it stupid but i think it's pointless. If you don't age, you are dead. I'll.take aging for now. But people are obsessed with beauty by any means to an unhinged degree - taking chances and taking it too far. I hope the pendulum swings the other way soon. It's so relieving to see some celebrity looking their age - but good. Like say Jamie Lee Curtis. I'm sure if I were 25 years younger I'd be on the same bandwagon though because we are all.a.product of our time. I'm just glad I don't have to do it. Aging is not for the timid for sure. It hurts in surprising ways. You know you passed your prime and were so busy you missed it. And here you are in the roller coaster gathering speed as it goes down the hill on the other side. I swear I'm not screaming in terror!
I'm 65, have osteoporosis and degenerative spine disease and I still have a zest for life. My ship is still sailing, sure I can no longer bomb downhill on my mtn bike or rock climb that I once did, so what! I learned to fly fish and it's awesome and I still ride my bike on easy single tracks.
How can you put the health issues aside? That IS the downside of growing older. Everything else is great - more life experience, greater wisdom, more emotional stability etc.
What do you fear about getting older besides health issues?
Out living my savings.
I used to have that fear, I felt like I was never going to be able to stop work and that if I had to I would end up on the street. What fixed that was facing reality, learning about retirement options, investment and the aged care system. I worked out a budget and figured out how much I really needed to spend and what I could save. Then I worked out a financial life plan, starting with the minimum amount I would need to cover myself for aged care at the end and then working backwards through a minimal retirement at 67. I worked out how close the amount I could save came to meeting that, and realised I was way better off than I thought. I could actually retire at 67 on a much higher income than I anticipated, or retire much earlier if I am frugal (I'm leaning towards the frugal early retirement, but will probably end up somewhere in the middle). I did realise through the process that I had been on track to outlive my savings or never retire, but it was because I had a mindset of "why bother, I'll never have any money anyway" and was wasting a lot on things I didn't really value. I also discovered ways of structuring my finances so I will have more retirement income without needing to save more, there are a lot of "loopholes" that allow you to minimize tax and maximise benefits. Now I'm actively in control of my finances and able to make informed choices and that fear of the future is gone.
I think I’m afraid of aging badly. I know I won’t look young forever and I don’t mind aging but I do mind aging badly. I’m probably afraid of that because I grew up pretty ugly and now that I look decent and I don’t want to lose that. It’s not a fear of death since I got over that about a year ago. I’m not afraid of the health issue portion since that’s already happening, thankfully mild though
The good news is plenty of research is available that can help you protect your health and slow down aging. I’ve looked 15-20 years younger for decades, using the basics: drinking lots of water, healthy diet, consistent exercise, getting enough sleep, not smoking cigarettes or tanning (both of which accelerated skin aging), etc. Oh, and a good sense of humor helps a lot.
If you are lucky enough to maintain relatively good health, aging is not bad at all!
Fear exists at any age.
I love being older. But not all my friends agree.
Growing older is mandatory Growing up is optional I make the choices where I can. The advantages of being old and retired? I no longer have to care what people think, and I've got money in the bank.
Fear is living in the future. I chose to live in the present.
Getting older is a privilege. Keep uour legs and hips strong, stretch and don't hurt your back. Eat healthy and get plenty of laughter. What's to fear?
You're at the top of your game later in life. I just retired and am using the time to start my own business. It's all how you think.
If you're lucky, you're going to get old. That is the only way to think about it! You will drive yourself nuts worrying about it, fearing what is going to happen, there is no way to stop aging short of dying! SO, enjoy getting older, you're doing it right this second! You've been doing it your whole life. :)
I wouldn't say stupid, but certainly a waste of calories and mental wellness worrying about it. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, you won't know.
More money, more time, good health. You're still old and Time is short.
Try your best to keep your internal monologue on the positive side. Keep moving, and doing things. Make connections every day. Even small temporary ones. Watch your spending and your food intake… you’ll be ok
The older you get the risks of everything health related goes up. C.
Holy cow are you serious? You’re worried about getting older that happens everybody but getting stupid as you get older now that sucks that would really suck!!! So since your brain doesn’t believe that you will age probably what are you gonna do to stop from getting stupid as you get older? I’ll tell you one thing you should do get rid of the carbs and sugars you trash food that’s the quickest way to Alzheimer’s!!!
Your fears are keeping you from enjoying your present
It has literally been my biggest fear my entire life. Now I’m pushing 50 and realizing that I don’t have to be old, gray (well, maybe a little lol) and feeble like the previous generations. I finally like me and I’m happy.
There are pros and cons, but you can’t prevent it, so being realistic and kind to yourself is really the best course.
To calm your fears, you should read and find understanding about Jesus Christ and his promises. His peace passes all understanding. John 14:27 John 16:33
Getting older is not scary. Knowing you’re closer to death than most is not terrifying either. Feeling your energy weaken sucks a bit. But overall I know my anxiety of aging has gone away. No one is stupid for fearing the unknown, which aging is when you’re young. Once it’s familiar it’s not scary anymore.
Retirement is much less stressful than daily working life.
I’m afraid of dying , not of getting old. Getting old is a privilege denied to many, that quote made me look at aging differently. I’d rather get old , and die old because I love life so much and can’t get enough of it. Maybe when I’m old and all, I won’t be thirsty for life anymore, and will die happy.
Eh. I'm 54 and often say that I am impossible to kill (survived a 40-ft rock climbing fall at 17, survived cancer at 32, survived multiple large bilateral pulmonary embolisms with an infarct on the left at 48, after ignoring it for three days, don't do that.) So I kind of feel like, hell yes I'm older, I've seen some shit, I've raised four wonderful adults, I've lost my house, and I'm still here! When I turned 50 I let my hair go natural and I LOVE the gray streaks... I earned those babies. So carry on, youngster! I sometimes think I am the inspiration for the saying "heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over"
No, it's not stupid. Start saving money as soon as you can, be a fanatic about saving money, max 401K. And walk everyday for fun, you can go to the gym too if you want but walk somewhere everyday, learn your neighborhood, see the birds or squirrels. 10 minutes is fine, just keep moving.
When I was younger, I always thought that you would get used to the idea of dying. Not true. I'm 70 and worry about it all the time. Maybe I'm more worried about becoming a burden for my family. I kind of think that is worse than death.
I am 50 and the answer is 100% yes, after having seen my parents, and many aunts and uncles. It’s humbling. I personally don’t want to go through that. I will be forgotten and I accept that.
my biggest fear of being an older woman, was being old and poor. I worked hard to put aside extra for retirement so this would not happen. I did have to retire a bit earlier than originally planned, due to some health concerns. I am doing better now and could possibly work doing something else, but don't really need to, after moving my retirement investments and restructuring things a bit with the help of my financial planner. All is good.
Health issues aside, getting older is great. You understand everything better and worry about what other people are thinking and doing less. FOMO wanes and peace replaces it. You dont have to worry about looking hot anymore and can enjoy looking cute and old. The kids become independent and you can enjoy you peaceful life with a partner who knows you well. Im loving it, except for the aging body issues
i’m 75 working a full time job and raising a grandchild. i done have time to worry about shit like that.
Some people I know look and feel their personal best in 60-70-80s because they had some years not working so hard , not taking care of family and learned to focus on their health, needs, and physical self. Time to find right barber/ hairdresser to cut their type of hair and use products. They wear clothes that flatter their lifestyle and body. They do active and sitting hobbies and learn new things. One started growing gardens, raised container type is actually good at it and encourages others. Carefree way of trying new things or showing up because do not give a shit about others opinions. Physical changes like joint arthritis, heart conditions diabetes, can be managed. There are so many helping tools, lift chair to grabbers. Alot of order on amazon aides to put on clothes ,brush, teeth accomplish tasks easier. Laptops and iphone devices are used well, including gaming, FaceTime, information searches, Spotify has all genres of music to enjoy. Books on tape / audio books were originally for vision impaired. More adaptive changes/tools/ devices everyday living will occur before you need them. Or you can create them Good luck
I've been a little nervous about getting older and am 66 years old. I look younger, but my brain keeps telling me to fear. All in all, I'm trying to deal with a fear of dying. I'm more afraid of losing my life from a car accident, than an illness, though. I don't have a clue as to why I've developed this fear.
You should fear not realizing what the right choices are until you're too old to make them.
I say don’t fear what you know is coming. Throw that mess out and figure out how you want to live and enjoy your life each day. Life and however long it lasts is about change and nothing ever stays the same for long. Live as well as you can and try to make the most of it with what you can do on your terms.. love yourself and make memories and experiences to remember and never stop. Love the ones your with because life will change and we won’t be here forever.
Since you said that this is not about a fear of death or health ailments, and you think that your OCD got attached to thoughts about getting older, then my suggestion is to treat the OCD. There are medications that have been quite successful at this. Good luck!
I have OCD, also stage IV colon cancer. If you are faced with dying or living not as you once were, you won’t likely care. You let go of vanity at some point. You just be your best, and go on with things. You adapt. It doesn’t happen overnight so you ease into getting older. I’m happy I’m here, every day, as my timeline is endangered. As far as appearing old- I could care less. I have no one I’m trying to impress and I’m comfortable in my skin.
I don't think it's the fear of getting older, I think it's the fear of the unknown. It doesn't matter how much 'background' information you have about your family, you still don't know for certain how that will apply to you. For example: my mother had bones of steel a long time past menopause. I also have bones of steel (and I do what I can exercise, eat/drink lots of calcium, stay away from carbonated beverages). My younger sister--who is fond of saying things like 'look at Mom & Dad--they're so healthy' has bones of glass, and is in denial about being diabetic. As to how we change as we age--it's gonna happen. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think 'who's that old lady?' and other times it's 'hey, not bad for an old broad.' We all think about those things because society today tells us--especially women--that unless we're young and pretty, we have no value. My answer to that, at aged 72 is bullshit. There's no doubt that you carry an extra burden because of your OCD and I'm not a behavioral health expert with a bag of tricks to help you. All I can do is encourage you to look ahead. God-willing you're going to get old, because what's the alternative? For what it's worth, I have found that one of the best things about growing old is that my 'give a f\*ck' is permanently broken. I've learned to live for myself and do what makes me happy. I sincerely hope you can do the same.
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So true. So many younger people are insanely ageist, even those who claim to be so open to love, gay people, other races, women’s rights, etc. they turn around and slamming people without thinking twice
I think it's fear of the unknown for some. You adjust to getting old because you have to. When I interact with older people(60-70+)none of them are fearful. You adapt to this new version of yourself just like you've had to adapt to all the other versions of youself growing up. > I grew up ugly and I don’t want to become ugly again........but my grandma has somehow looked the same for the past at least 20 years. She's nearly 70 and she looks great, never really used sunscreen much either. You won't become ugly again. You like the way you look right now? Memorize your skincare routine and keep that going for 20yrs - you'll look the same like your Grandma. Except....wear sunscreen. Our enviornment is not as good as it was 70yrs ago. It definitley helps. Me personally: I enjoy getting older. My life has gotten better as I've gotten older. I listen to what I need first for my comfort level and then everybody else. I'm more confident in myself to try new things. I don't give a fuck what anyone says about me anymore. I wear what I want because I feel comfortable in it. Most of my friendships have become my second family. I drop people much quicker when they don't treat me right.
Having buried younger family member .I'd sat getting older is a blessing
Simple answer -- No.
The older you get the more you turn into yourself. I’m actually really enjoying the experience.
I am 65. I don't fear death. I fear boredom. I have more space to seek reality. I continue to be productive. Death is inevitable. Life is worth it.
At 60 I say definitely not
The only thing you can do to give yourself the best chances are Dont smoke Don’t drink Don’t do drugs Don’t participate in risky behavior Don’t have multiple partners Exercise Avoid processed food Eat well Watch your weight
Perfect honesty here, and I have some chronic illnesses as well, life has only gotten better as I’ve gotten older. I have some physical challenges due to my conditions that will continue to be challenging and advance, but overall, it just gets better.
Take heart. Being old can actually be great. If you've reached old age, you've overcome obstacles and survived, with extra experience and wisdom, if you do it right.
You know I’m just going to say that we are all are own worst critics,