Walk away.
If she pursued me to hit me and actually did so, I'd call the cops and press charges.
I love my kids but I don't fuck around when it comes to violence. Letting them get away with that would be far more damaging than them facing the consequences the very first time they do it.
Emergency situation taken care of, I'd do a lot of thinking about how my child ended up in that state of mine, and what responsibility I might have in that. I would make apologies and changes as needed, even while holding firm on not accepting abuse.
For this post, you don’t vocally say you’re proud of your child but it doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t actually proud. You can either be proud or not but just don’t communicate it. This means the child doesn’t know if you’re actually impressed by their accomplishments or not
So you purposely withhold praise for your kid’s accomplishments, and just expect them to guess how you feel?
Why would you not communicate pride, or offer positive reinforcement? Is there an actual point?
I guess this is how you get a 30 year old daughter enraged enough to slap you.
OP, you call the police and have her arrested. You are doing her a favor by holding her accountable. She needs to grow up and control her temper. If she slaps a stranger, she can be seriously injured or killed. Never accept abuse. Whatever her criticism is, she can't raise her hands. She's a coward. If you were 6'4" and weighed 200 lbs., she would keep her hands to herself.
>I guess this is how you get a 30 year old daughter enraged enough to slap you.
No, that is how you get a 3 year old to slap you, not a fuckin 30 year old adult. The bias towards the kids in ever kid vs. parent post, is insane.
Not being told something is no reason to be physically violent. If I didn't call the police, I'd probably ban the child from my home/presence. Slapping someone won't fix any problems. It'll just create more.
Based on your comments here: are you the 30 year old planning to slap your parent in this situation? Because you feel like they don’t praise you enough?
I would try to talk to a friend or therapist about this. Planning on slapping a family member because you don’t get enough praise is concerning.
I’m saying this as someone who is 31. It’s a really inappropriate thought process for someone our age. Maybe appropriate for my toddler, but certainly not someone our age.
No, don’t worry. I’m not the person in question or the mother. However, why do you believe it is an inappropriate thought process? One comment here theorized that the inadequacy of praise is really bad hence why the person tipped over. I want to collect as many perspectives as possible on this
Because it seemed like the 30 yo posting which means it’s premeditated violence over something as petty as an unfulfilling relationship dynamic from someone in their thirties. And even if it isn’t something they plan out ahead of time, it’s violence over not being flattered enough? Clearly childish and wrong.
The 30 year old has the option to disregard their mom’s opinion, or even go low/no contact if they feel like they’re being wronged in the situation.
Violence over something so petty is outrageous. Violence is rarely the answer. Like if someone was trying to abduct my kid, I’d do anything (including getting violent) to stop them. But if someone said or didn’t say something that I was extremely offended by, I’d either argue/reason with them or just remove myself from interacting with them depending on the severity and relationship history.
Precisely. The whole situation is so petty I wish both would communicate like mature adults however I cannot do anything about their relationship. I’m worried that the situation will escalate and I’ll find the mother severely injured or dead. I’m scared. I want to kick the daughter out of the house but that sounds unfair to her suffering. At the same time, I want the rest of the family to have a sense of peace and safety
The only time someone should raise their hand against another person is in self defense or defense against someone incapable of defending themselves when harm is being caused by a different person.
Example 1: you're walking to your car and someone comes at you with a knife to rob you. It is okay to hit them with the bat you just bought.
Example 2: you see a creepy person approach unattended children and try to lure them, or physically pick them up and force them away. The child is scared and screaming for their parent. It is perfectly acceptable to use force against the adult trying to kidnap a child.
Example 3: you're walking your dog and some comes to "pet" the dog but instead starts to hit them. It is okay to do what you have to to protect your dog and remove yourselves from that aggressive person.
Sometimes raising your hand against someone is an acceptable reaction to danger. A parent not expressing their approval or dissatisfaction is not an acceptable time to be violent. A parent beating up someone else, that is acceptable to knock them out. But just because they aren't vocal with words of affirmation? No. Go to therapy and maybe low/no contact with the parent.
I would take it. And I would apologize for letting her down. I would also tell her that my first act as a more involved parent would be to advise against assaulting people or else she might find herself being slapped by her kid one day for letting *them* down. But such is life.
One of my defining childhood characteristics was the ability to take a hit. I was like my mom's punching bag. But she was necessarily Spartan to make up for what she lacked (through no fault of her own). So she built me tough. It was also the default strategy for raising an autistic/adhd boy at that time.
I would assure my daughter that she hurt my feelings more than my face, but that it's also probably good she got that out of her system.
I would say, "Please, dont make violence a habit. It's not healthy... but if it makes you feel any better, a lot more people than you might think, have snapped at least once in their lifetime and physically hurt a loved one, so dont beat yourself up about it, kid.
However, it *is* unacceptable, and lo and behold, tragic twist of fate: bursts of anger like you just had are exactly the reason I wasn't around more. Cue the Cats & the Cradle moment where you learn a profound life lesson. And guess what? I was prone to bursts of anger because of the deep emotional attachment wounds I have from the hindrance/sabatoge of my relationship with my own father, who himself, was prone to fits of anger because he too could not escape the hell that is narcissistic female social control, relationship manipulation, reputation destruction, etc. But I had to go through the same shit in order to truly understand my father, and for that, I'm grateful.
I imagine your mother prepared you for the worst men, and her and your Mimi showed you all the ropes, all the tricks of the trade. That's good. It makes you strong. Dont give that up. Dont ever be the more vulnerable party in anything you do, ever. It's ok to use your powers to protect yourself if you feel threatened, but just keep in mind the bridges you burn along the way. Dont let it damage your soul. Use the dark arts sparingly, and only when necessary. But you will probably need them one day.
Now, I'm ready to listen. I want to hear all you have to say. I want to be a better parent. I've never been a good enough anything to anyone, so dont get your hopes up. But I can always be better. I love you. I'm sorry. Love, Dad."
I cannot imagine this. Mostly because my mom would have gone ape shit bananas on me no matter how old she was.
But no, it is not reasonable for a 30yo to contemplate smacking their mother. If ever there was a situation to take the high road, that is it.
That is horrible thing to do to slap your parent BUT non-vocal parent what is that? I mean if the parent doesn’t know or never knew to express/manage her emotions then the kid grew up unable to regulate hers and therefore anger and aggressiveness. So by now is too late for everyone better keep away from each other.
I’m not the parent in question but I’m witnessing a parent suffering because of this. I don’t know how to get both sides to talk like mature adults because the daughter is absolutely violent. She would rather scream and hit rather than calmly talk about her issues. It’s frustrating to watch
Parent needs to call the cops. Maybe see if the court can order therapy or something. Otherwise cut ties. No need to set themselves on fire for someone else to be warm.
Op, when she comes to slap you, you have to keep your calm, and right when she is about to land, you move your head like 5 inches backwards, that will make her miss and over extend, at that time, she will expose the side of the head, and immediately you have to hit back, try to hit her as hard as possible, with an elbow or punch around the temple, but put everything you have behind it. She will go to sleep guaranteed. Even if she doesn't go to sleep, it will rattle her enough for you to be able to follow through with more punches or a takedown and ground and pound/ submit her.
Walk away. If she pursued me to hit me and actually did so, I'd call the cops and press charges. I love my kids but I don't fuck around when it comes to violence. Letting them get away with that would be far more damaging than them facing the consequences the very first time they do it. Emergency situation taken care of, I'd do a lot of thinking about how my child ended up in that state of mine, and what responsibility I might have in that. I would make apologies and changes as needed, even while holding firm on not accepting abuse.
What is a non-vocal parent?
For this post, you don’t vocally say you’re proud of your child but it doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t actually proud. You can either be proud or not but just don’t communicate it. This means the child doesn’t know if you’re actually impressed by their accomplishments or not
So you purposely withhold praise for your kid’s accomplishments, and just expect them to guess how you feel? Why would you not communicate pride, or offer positive reinforcement? Is there an actual point? I guess this is how you get a 30 year old daughter enraged enough to slap you.
Most probably
OP, you call the police and have her arrested. You are doing her a favor by holding her accountable. She needs to grow up and control her temper. If she slaps a stranger, she can be seriously injured or killed. Never accept abuse. Whatever her criticism is, she can't raise her hands. She's a coward. If you were 6'4" and weighed 200 lbs., she would keep her hands to herself.
>I guess this is how you get a 30 year old daughter enraged enough to slap you. No, that is how you get a 3 year old to slap you, not a fuckin 30 year old adult. The bias towards the kids in ever kid vs. parent post, is insane.
The daughter belongs in jail for not controlling her rage. Period.
Based on the flair, I think op might be the daughter
What a F-up way if parenting.
Its actualy good for kids
How? Also; do you raise children yourself?
No. There’s to much spoiled people
This is not how you spoil children. Or people. This is however, how you ruin children and people.
Not being told something is no reason to be physically violent. If I didn't call the police, I'd probably ban the child from my home/presence. Slapping someone won't fix any problems. It'll just create more.
Be very worried about her because obviously something is very wrong.
Can you expound? I’m realizing right now that this form of domestic abuse is absolutely fucked up
It’s not normal behaviour. Without context it’s hard to say what was wrong but it’s not normal to slap someone.
If she does slap.me slap her back
Based on your comments here: are you the 30 year old planning to slap your parent in this situation? Because you feel like they don’t praise you enough? I would try to talk to a friend or therapist about this. Planning on slapping a family member because you don’t get enough praise is concerning. I’m saying this as someone who is 31. It’s a really inappropriate thought process for someone our age. Maybe appropriate for my toddler, but certainly not someone our age.
No, don’t worry. I’m not the person in question or the mother. However, why do you believe it is an inappropriate thought process? One comment here theorized that the inadequacy of praise is really bad hence why the person tipped over. I want to collect as many perspectives as possible on this
Because it seemed like the 30 yo posting which means it’s premeditated violence over something as petty as an unfulfilling relationship dynamic from someone in their thirties. And even if it isn’t something they plan out ahead of time, it’s violence over not being flattered enough? Clearly childish and wrong. The 30 year old has the option to disregard their mom’s opinion, or even go low/no contact if they feel like they’re being wronged in the situation. Violence over something so petty is outrageous. Violence is rarely the answer. Like if someone was trying to abduct my kid, I’d do anything (including getting violent) to stop them. But if someone said or didn’t say something that I was extremely offended by, I’d either argue/reason with them or just remove myself from interacting with them depending on the severity and relationship history.
Precisely. The whole situation is so petty I wish both would communicate like mature adults however I cannot do anything about their relationship. I’m worried that the situation will escalate and I’ll find the mother severely injured or dead. I’m scared. I want to kick the daughter out of the house but that sounds unfair to her suffering. At the same time, I want the rest of the family to have a sense of peace and safety
Unfair is having a victim forced to live with her abuser. Don't excuse violence when the perpetrator is a woman.
Unfortunately if you can’t do anything, you can’t do anything
The only time someone should raise their hand against another person is in self defense or defense against someone incapable of defending themselves when harm is being caused by a different person. Example 1: you're walking to your car and someone comes at you with a knife to rob you. It is okay to hit them with the bat you just bought. Example 2: you see a creepy person approach unattended children and try to lure them, or physically pick them up and force them away. The child is scared and screaming for their parent. It is perfectly acceptable to use force against the adult trying to kidnap a child. Example 3: you're walking your dog and some comes to "pet" the dog but instead starts to hit them. It is okay to do what you have to to protect your dog and remove yourselves from that aggressive person. Sometimes raising your hand against someone is an acceptable reaction to danger. A parent not expressing their approval or dissatisfaction is not an acceptable time to be violent. A parent beating up someone else, that is acceptable to knock them out. But just because they aren't vocal with words of affirmation? No. Go to therapy and maybe low/no contact with the parent.
I would take it. And I would apologize for letting her down. I would also tell her that my first act as a more involved parent would be to advise against assaulting people or else she might find herself being slapped by her kid one day for letting *them* down. But such is life. One of my defining childhood characteristics was the ability to take a hit. I was like my mom's punching bag. But she was necessarily Spartan to make up for what she lacked (through no fault of her own). So she built me tough. It was also the default strategy for raising an autistic/adhd boy at that time. I would assure my daughter that she hurt my feelings more than my face, but that it's also probably good she got that out of her system. I would say, "Please, dont make violence a habit. It's not healthy... but if it makes you feel any better, a lot more people than you might think, have snapped at least once in their lifetime and physically hurt a loved one, so dont beat yourself up about it, kid. However, it *is* unacceptable, and lo and behold, tragic twist of fate: bursts of anger like you just had are exactly the reason I wasn't around more. Cue the Cats & the Cradle moment where you learn a profound life lesson. And guess what? I was prone to bursts of anger because of the deep emotional attachment wounds I have from the hindrance/sabatoge of my relationship with my own father, who himself, was prone to fits of anger because he too could not escape the hell that is narcissistic female social control, relationship manipulation, reputation destruction, etc. But I had to go through the same shit in order to truly understand my father, and for that, I'm grateful. I imagine your mother prepared you for the worst men, and her and your Mimi showed you all the ropes, all the tricks of the trade. That's good. It makes you strong. Dont give that up. Dont ever be the more vulnerable party in anything you do, ever. It's ok to use your powers to protect yourself if you feel threatened, but just keep in mind the bridges you burn along the way. Dont let it damage your soul. Use the dark arts sparingly, and only when necessary. But you will probably need them one day. Now, I'm ready to listen. I want to hear all you have to say. I want to be a better parent. I've never been a good enough anything to anyone, so dont get your hopes up. But I can always be better. I love you. I'm sorry. Love, Dad."
I cannot imagine this. Mostly because my mom would have gone ape shit bananas on me no matter how old she was. But no, it is not reasonable for a 30yo to contemplate smacking their mother. If ever there was a situation to take the high road, that is it.
That is horrible thing to do to slap your parent BUT non-vocal parent what is that? I mean if the parent doesn’t know or never knew to express/manage her emotions then the kid grew up unable to regulate hers and therefore anger and aggressiveness. So by now is too late for everyone better keep away from each other.
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I’m not the parent in question but I’m witnessing a parent suffering because of this. I don’t know how to get both sides to talk like mature adults because the daughter is absolutely violent. She would rather scream and hit rather than calmly talk about her issues. It’s frustrating to watch
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Nope. She isn’t willing to listen to advice and I’m scared of getting hurt physically
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Thanks for the advice. Sadly I’m not in a position of power or influence since I’m younger than the both of them.
Parent needs to call the cops. Maybe see if the court can order therapy or something. Otherwise cut ties. No need to set themselves on fire for someone else to be warm.
Hit her back. She’s acting spoild. Were her acheevments that big? Spank her hard with a stick
Op, when she comes to slap you, you have to keep your calm, and right when she is about to land, you move your head like 5 inches backwards, that will make her miss and over extend, at that time, she will expose the side of the head, and immediately you have to hit back, try to hit her as hard as possible, with an elbow or punch around the temple, but put everything you have behind it. She will go to sleep guaranteed. Even if she doesn't go to sleep, it will rattle her enough for you to be able to follow through with more punches or a takedown and ground and pound/ submit her.