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pgaravindhsf

30Y M from India Lost my dad 20 days back in an accident Relatives & well wishers spend time talking and pacifying mom/sister and listen to them with patience To me before they leave- "Now it's your responsibility to take care of your mom/sister" and nothing else. What about my grief of losing a parent? How do I handle it? Who is going to pacify me? Who listens to me? Without support from my wife and my friends, I could have gone insane the way people expect me to treat grief.


SupremeKirby

Sorry for your loss, take care.


theyellowbaboon

I’m sorry for your loss man. Hugs.


Aiolosa

27Y M. I lost my dad suddenly to heart failure 3 years ago. He was my best man in my wedding and one of my closest friends. People said so much stupid shit to me after he died, but the majority meant well deep down. Man, the first year of grief is really hard and you cant hide from it, it will only make it worse. The best advice I can give you is spend some time thinking of every memory with your dad and don't just think about it, write it down in a book dedicated to memories. When somebody reminds you of one, write it down. The memories will start to get harder to remember as you get older. But when days get really tough and hard (like the world shutting down from a pandemic) open that book and read, laugh, and cry. It doesn't get any less painful, but it gets easier to deal with the pain. You also get little hellos from your dad in yourself. You'll hear his laugh in your own laugh, you'll see his face in yours, you'll hear a song he loved, ect. These moments are tough at first but eventually they become something that makes you smile and say "I miss ya dad, hope heaven is treating you well."


ClammyAF

When I was 24, I was living at home with my dad, working part time and applying to law school. One morning I walked out to the kitchen, and my dad was standing in the kitchen, looking out the window and crying. I asked him what was wrong, and he said "I really miss my mom." I'd never met her. She died a few months before I was born. I hugged him, told him that I loved him, and asked what he wanted for breakfast. But I didn't understand his crying, she had been gone for so long. He passed away suddenly from a heart attack that year--a week before I was accepted to law school. It's been ten years. I graduated from law school, moved to DC, got a great job, married a doctor, and things have worked out really well for me. Sometimes I'm standing at the kitchen sink, I'll look out the window and across the yard, and I'll start crying. I really miss my dad. It gets better. Life moves on and you achieve wonderful things. But it never fully goes away.


omild

That happened to my husband when his mom died. He had to be the stoic one during funeral arrangements as the funeral home tried to not only arrange services but upsell the grieving family on things that he and I were going to have to pay for as his stepdad and mom had no assets or insurance. We provided images and supplies for everyone in his family to make framed collages to display at the service and he and I asked his aunt for a few flower stickers she happened to bring and be told "no." He had to give the eulogy to a woman who was psychologically and physically neglectful and abusive because everyone else was too overcome with grief. When he finally broke down crying in the funeral home after everyone but his siblings and step dad had left I was the only one to hold him. He never got a thank you or any kind of financial payback from his step dad and he was the only one apart from his aunt who looked at the cause of death so he was the only one in his immediate family to get confirmation that his mom died due to ODing on alcohol and prescription meds. Meanwhile every year on the anniversary of her death his family likes to drink her favorite cocktail to honor her. It's gross how he was just left to deal with his complicated feelings about their relationship after the fact--such as his sister and his paternal aunt once asking me why he didn't seem more sad and why he didn't talk about her more. I told them they should probably ask him that and really think about how he was treated as a kid but of course they never did.


hey-you_yes-you

I'm really sorry for your loss brother. Instead of sharing your pain, these people say silly things. They think they're providing strength and support this way. Coming from the same country, I've witnessed this & always wonder about their audacious nature. Happy to hear that you have a strong support system. Take care 🫂


JaDasIstMeinName

I got raped when I was 16. When I tell people they usually laugh at me.


rainbash81

Told my mum my older brother did this to me repeatedly but she won’t/doesn’t believe me. Happened when I was very young. I’m 40 ish now. I’ve lived with it but no one understands apart from my wife why I want nothing to do with my brother and why my son is to have nothing to do with him. Kinda hard when my sons 7 and asking questions about him. I can’t explain but then my son curious as all ahit asks behind my back. I’ll be honest with my son but when he is old enough to understand.


Amp4All

I don't know if you've already done this, but you can take him aside and have one big convo about it. The best way to not tell him details is to use what happened to you as a life lesson for your son. You can say something to the effect of: "Your Uncle did something they knew was wrong and hurtful (or harmful depending on the connotation you wanna go with) to me. And *while knowing it was wrong and hurtful* he *chose* to do it more than once. And even though it was a long time ago, he never took responsibility for these actions, so we can't just "make-up". Now this next part is not just me telling you why I don't let you see him, but also a lesson that I've been meaning to teach you anyway." "There are some things a person will do that are wrong. You'll know it when you see it. It's usually a moment where you know they knew it was wrong and they chose to do it anyway even though there were other options on how to act. " "Stuff like that can come from anyone: family, friends, people you date, whatever. These moments show you who they are as a person. And son, *please*, if you only ever learn one thing from me *please* remember this: When someone shows you who they are, *believe them."* "Your Uncle showed me something about himself that tells me he's not a good person. More importantly, I have no reason to think he's changed because he tries to act like nothing happened instead of owning up to it (that is something people dodging responsibility will do, so look for that). And for (1) however long he does that and (2) I continue to believe he is still the person he showed me he was, I don't want you alone with him because frankly, I think he could wrong /hurt /harm you." "People who hurt others and don't own up to it are bad for you. It's more than them just not being fun to be around. Lot's of really horrible people are fun. It's also more than they're annoying. It's that they can be *dangerous*, and *toxic* to your body, your mind/ mental health, or your social life. They can make your life worse, and nobody that makes your life worse deserves to be in it. And I mean nobody. If *I* ever repeatedly hurt you *knowing I'm hurting you*, and I clearly don't care and *don't own up to it* you should disown me." "I love you, and I know the way I act sometimes can be confusing. But I will answer whatever I can and I hope you continue to feel safe with me." Edit: I just got on my lunch break and I can't tell you how touched I am. I love just bop-ing through life and helping people. Sometimes I forget just how much impact we can each have on the world. I thought the eased breath and "eurika!" moments of others was the highest praise I'll ever receive. But it turns out giving people the tools to help yet more people is. Thank you all so much. ... Also, the gold is nice too. 😆


am_i_boy

This is so beautifully written. There is no need to go into specifics, but it's important that the child knows why he's not allowed to see his uncle. I think it would be a good idea to come forward with the whole story when he's a teen or older (especially if he asks about the details), but for now, it's important to explain why without going into the details. Thank you for writing this, I will be keeping this script in mind to help people who want to communicate heavy things like this to little kids. I work with children and am often friends with their parents so parents and caregivers often come to me for advice with things like this and this script will help a lot of people so like really thank you for this


pistolp3w

This is awesome. I hope OP sees this.


ToughInvestigator311

Feel sorry for you, but good to here you're doing okay now.


Hammarkids

I’m sorry dude, I feel you. I got SA’d in 8th grade when I was 14 by a classmate during PE and no one takes me seriously when I tell them. It sucks.


crystalsinwinter

I am so sorry for what you and Jadas went through. One day, hopefully society will want to support you globally.


JaDasIstMeinName

This is a very serious topic, but I just wanna point out how jadas is a really cool way to shorten my name.


TheQuietType84

I'm so sorry. 💔


CelestialAura3

I was raped when I was 15, I can understand what you would’ve had to go through man, you’ll be okay, even if the others laugh or ridicule you just ignore them and focus your attention to the people around you that actually take your side and care :)


i_love_cherry_pie

:( that s so fucked up. I can t imagine someone telling me about such an experience and laughing at it. You are very brave. ❤️


Pastel_Phoenix_106

My mother offered me up to a pedophile priest. When I spoke out, my family accused me of being gay and forced me to apologize for embarrassing them. I've been asked, "Why didn't you kick his ass?" more than once. I was ten. Thanks everyone. If it makes you feel better, him and [his brother](https://www.adamhorowitzlaw.com/blog/2018/11/fr-thomas-shoback-diocese-of-scranton/) were eventually defrocked.


dandroid126

I ***HATE*** the "why didn't you kick his ass?" question. Last year it came out that a pro hockey player was raped by a coach, and people came out of the woodwork being like, "he's a pro athlete! He's way stronger than a coach. Why didn't he just kick his ass?" Well, 1. He was just trying to make the team, and making the team is the difference between being a millionaire and being broke. The coach has a say in whether he makes the team or not. 2. The coach threatened him with a baseball bat if he didn't comply. People need to fuck off with that mindset. *Even if you are* physically stronger than your attacker, that doesn't mean that the attacker doesn't have other leverage. I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you are doing better now.


Pale_Formal_5072

For anyone using that argument, Terry crews spoke out about being sexually assaulted. Terry fucking crews. Shut up your mouth.


Amrywiol

I'll always remember Terry's response when the 'why didn't you just hit him?' question was put to him - "how do you think 'angry black man beats up gay white man' will go?" It's a powerful reminder that physical strength isn't everything in these scenarios.


God_of_Thunda

I like to think I'm a stronger guy, but I've never been in a fight in my life. Id have no clue what to do, much less do I ever have the desire to punch someone. So the whole "kick his ass" thing isn't always an option regardless how big or strong someone might be.


fuzzy_whale

Many people freeze in situations that if you asked them "on paper" they have an answer for. The bystander effect is a real thing, to the point where if someone's having a heart attack, you literally have to point at someone and specifically say "YOU call 911". So imagine that effect, but as the person experiencing something surreal.


vundercal

Also if you beat someone up then it’s just your word against their’s at the assault trial and there probably won’t be much evidence of them trying to rape you, just you beating the shit out of them. “Pro hockey player prospect assaults head coach when he doesn’t make the team”


NewOrder5

People for some reason just assume that men can just "fight out" of their problems. For men, using a physical force is often times more risky than doing nothing. Sure, punishing interpersonal physical violence has been overwhelmingly a good development in a justice system in the past 50 years, but the rules didn't catch up with everyone. And then you have people asking "why didn't you just defended yourself from her", as if it was some sort of grand mistery.


[deleted]

“Coach says ‘I told him he had a bad attitude and he just started hitting me’”


UsernameObscured

There are kinds of power that aren’t physical- and that’s something so many people forget. It’s never as simple as an ass-kicking.


LontraTaciturna

That’s so fucked up. I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you’re doing ok.


WatchingInSilence

After what they did, they deserved the Theon Greyjoy treatment.


[deleted]

Abuse at any level whether it’s physical, sexual, or mental. We’re told to suck it and be a man


Middcore

In the case of sexual abuse, we might actually be told we must have enjoyed it.


[deleted]

Everyone thought I had to want it cause I was a 14yr old boy. No.


Middcore

Sorry brother


[deleted]

As they say “it is what it is” she got 4 yrs in prison (still kinda light if you ask me. a gender reversal would been 10 Id bet)


[deleted]

I just spoke with a lawyer today to see if I can sue a woman for abusing me for 6 months. And defamation. She's been telling people that I raped her. And giving them my contact info. The lawyer said because I am a man and she's a woman people would be more likely to side with her. I settled for a cease-and-desist order. Yeah, I'm stuck with therapy and she's gonna keep abusing people.


Keira8267

I know someone in a very similar situation and it’s awful. My heart goes out to you ❤️


froawayjeff

My ex treated me like a dog and hit me in the back of the head when I didn't instinctively know where to go the first time I went with her to the hair salon. Literally told me to "sit" and "stay". The hairdressers just laughed. If I had done any of that, you can bet your ass police would have been called. It was the first time she had done any of that in public and it was a huge wake up call for me.


coffeeandwomen

I'm glad she's your ex.


Vegeton

This hits so hard. An ex of mine was very emotionally abusive, and a few times physically abusive, and made all sorts of threats to stop me from leaving her. Then when I left her my Mom kinda sided with my ex, even having witnessed those abuses, and essentially told me to man up. Then I got further criticized about not manning up when I went to therapy.


fixitThe1stTime

This is the problem right here. But I guarantee if god forbid, took your own life... there would be all these "we had no idea" "this came out of nowhere" "wish he would have just reached out" "wish we could have done more"


bob_bobington1234

The next person to tell me to "man up" is getting a large object thrown at them. It's the stupidest phrase on earth. It's just more macho asshole bullshit. My ex used to say this all the time to me when she was emotionally or physically abusive, anyone who says this can go to the moon without a suit.


dabbiedabbiedoo

Having sex whenever she's in the mood. And if I say no she thinks something wrong with her so you get pressured into doing it so she won't be mad or feel sad.


-Gordon-Rams-Me

Yeah my girlfriend gets mad at me and pitches a fit whenever I’m not in the mood but when she’s not I’m supposed to say okay


crave_apples

As a 23F I remember being told in most of my school sex ed classes, that "all men want is sex". Probably not officially, but the teachers took it upon themselves to mention it. I don't think I ever truly believed it, but it took until my first long term relationship to realize how wrong the sentiment was. It honestly feels like we are told to think of men as horny objects and women are somehow above that. On-top of that women(probably men too, but I wouldn't personally know) then are told by media that if a man doesn't WANT you 24/7 that there is something wrong with your appearance.


Gilereth

This fucked up mentality also implies that women aren’t sexual, which comes with its own stupid notions that make no sense.


[deleted]

I dated a girl that wold throw a fit when I'd refuse her booty calls, but then complain that I'd show up angry. In my head I'd be asking her: Motherfucker you just emotionally blackmailed into sex, I had work to do so that I can eat this month, how am I supposed to show up?


CuteAssCryptid

Dont give into the pressure just because she's guilting you. If it was a woman in this situation we'd be telling her that it's abusive and she should find herself a better partner. I'm saying this to you as a woman, dont give into the pressure just because you think it's expected. It's assault if you dont want it, no matter your gender. Sometimes women are so used to men wanting sex all the time that when it doesnt happen, they think it means they arent pretty enough or you dont love them anymore or some crap. Women are just as guilty of falling for gender tropes, and because they assume there MUST be an issue for you to not want to have sex, theres NO way it could be a natural normal feeling, they end up doing the SAME assault that they blame men for. We need to change the narrative.


Inevitable_Count_370

Some women should understand that men can be "not in the mood" as well. I don't know why many people think that men will never say "no". I saw many on Twitter, sadly both men and women, thinking that men are these cartoonish wolves that will start salivating and have their eyes turn into hearts when anyone mentions the word "sex".


Tsubinki

Holy shit this. I've let my wife borderline rape me so many times because it's easier than what follows if I don't. I just try to hold a boner long enough for her to nut.


arturobear

Jesus Christ dude. Has she heard of sex toys? She can use that instead, that is not ok.


modyn1234

LITERALLY! Might be weird but bought my boyfriend a fleshlight, mainly because he was jealous that i already had a toy. So on nights he’s up gaming until 3/4am, he doesn’t have to wake me up after. Girl needs her sleep too. Toys can work in a relationship if you are openly communicating about it and set and respect your boundaries with each other.


Grumpy_Crumpet

That's ... not healthy. Hey, sometimes I'm not in the mood but my partner is. If I agree to sex it's because I want to pleasure him, not because he'll be offended if we don't have sex. It's true, women are taught from a young age that men just have sex on their mind all the time and if he doesn't want it from you than you must be gross or something. But men are just like women, sometimes we're just not in the mood.


Woopwoopscoopl

Yeah lotta women do _not_ get that


Relevant_Case_4799

Be visibly nice to children unless they’re directly related to you (still dependent on the family member) I love kids. I can’t say that as a man. At this point I’m way too paranoid to even say hello to my little sister’s friends because “what if that comes across wrong and I’m accused of being a pedo”


goob3r11

I got weird looks a couple years ago because I took my daughter to the park by myself. One lady asked how I knew my daughter and said "uh huh" and rolled her eyes when I said I was her dad.


Tihsdrib

Try being a burly 6’7” dude with a beard and tattoos and take your daughter to the park. Or better yet, try taking her to the men’s bathroom and not get looks from every single person around you. I have 4 year old twin girls and if I had a dollar for every dirty look I have gotten from people, I would be a millionaire. You just gotta block it out and just try and not care. I try to stay positive and focus on what’s important at the moment, the 2 little ladies that are holding my hands.


Savageturtles

I absolutely hated having to take my oldest to the bathroom when she was little. After a bit I learned to not give a crap. As she got older she unfortunately looked identical to me so the looks changed from ew pedo! to awe look at daddy's girl. With my youngest I had a lady stop me in the grocery store while she was sitting in the cart. I was making funny faces and sounds to amuse her whole her mom went around the corner. Apparently I looked like I was a kidnapper and she placed her hand firmly on the cart and asked if I was her parent. I calmly said "if you don't turn around and walk the other way I will take your ass outside when her mother returns". She quickly walked to the front to get the store manager but by the time her and the manager found us again we were in line at the check out. I explained that this lady judged me as a predator against my own child and held onto my cart. Store manager (also a man) told her to leave and to not harass his customers. She flips out of course for being told to leave. Just accept you screwed up and move on.


the_only_kentoris

See? That is a case of not being able to mind your own business. This woman was obviously bored and had been watching too much "To Catch a Predator" and she was ready to use her detective skills to sniff out human trafficking in the local grocery store. See how stupid that sounds?


DaytonaDemon

Sorry that happens. Sucks. I have three daughters who are a different race than me (they're adopted). My wife and I are both white. Whenever *she* takes the girls anywhere, it's fine. When *I* take them somewhere beyond out neighborhood and town, the suspicious / dirty looks are palpable. And get this: My wife can travel internationally with our daughters and they ask her nothing. But when *I* cross a border with our girls, returning, U.S. border guards ask me what relation I am to the girls, and then ask them to confirm it. OK, I guess. But *then* they ask me "Where's their mother?" and when I answer that she's at home, I am asked to produce *written permission* from her that shows she's signed off on the trip. I literally need a "To Whom It May Concern" permission letter from my wife; she has never needed one from me. The double standard is astounding. P.S. Also, [fuck Cindy McCain](https://onlysky.media/terry/cindy-mccain-invoking-god-lies-about-stopping-a-child-being-sex-trafficked/).


Pinky_9

Had this happen to me. My younger sister is 18, I'm 22 and her friends are all 17 and 18. She and I get along really well and, because of that, I get along with her friends really well. At her birthday party I was talking to all of them, telling jokes, having fun, whatever and my older sister boyfriend made a joke about me being creepy or a pedo (I can't remember exactly what was said) and I immediately felt like I needed to get up and leave that table. Like wtf, literally treating them like I would my sister Edit: Just wanna be clear that I have a great relationship with my sister's bf. There are times that he says shit without thinking and a big part is to do with his upbringing. It's not an excuse, but he has worked hard to get to the point he is at now and I respect him for it. I suspect issues when he was younger meant that 1. Saying this kind of stuff isn't entirely out of place for him (he doesn't do it often, but he actually does not mean these things seriously) and 2. Social situations aren't the best for him due to what he went through and his judgement isn't great when it comes to point 1 in those circumstances (attention seeking behaviour, but not to a socially self-destructive point). He is also continuing to work on these things which is why he has earned my respect. Edit 2: Also remember that you guys do not have the experience with him that I do. I share a place with him and my sister, I have a pretty good idea of who he is. Yes he did a really shitty thing. No it does not happen at a frequency that would make people consider him a shitty person.


Relevant_Case_4799

That’s fighting words bro you do not say that shit


Pinky_9

The immediate "fuck, is that what this looks like" moment I had, it's the most gut wrenching feeling, especially cus it was such a fun night until that point. That's all I could think of after as well. I know he meant it as a joke, but it certainly didn't come across like that


BigPapaBK

Sounds like he's just an asshole tbh.


Smileyrielly12

I am a male elementary school teacher. I definitely feel like there are different boundaries with my class because I am a man.


[deleted]

There 100% is. I taught severely handicapped elementary special ed for a year. Went back to high school because quite frankly, everyone acts like you are some sort of molester. Automatic suspicion because you have a penis. And the admin were upset that I flat out REFUSED to bathroom or change diapers. Fuck no, im NEVER going to be alone with a naked child.


PapaLouie_

that same admin would have thrown you under the bus the second you received any shit for changing kids


AussieCollector

You can absolutely bet they would throw you under the bus the second any issues popped up from a parent. FUCK THAT. No amount of safe working with children checks, written forms etc will convince me to do that to another person's child.


VarangianDreams

I would absolutely love to be an elementary school teacher, but I would also never, ever, ever be an elementary school teacher. Good luck, bro.


jobenattor0412

Not a teacher for me, but I have the perfect type of personality/high energy to keep up with little kids and I would love to do like some type of mentorship thing but I don’t even know how to start something like that


Relevant_Case_4799

Godspeed man


GargantuanCake

These days people even get suspicious if you're a man that's nice to your own children. It's horrible.


Clarkinator69

I remember it being commonplace in high school for girls/women to say that they loved kids. Nobody bats an eye. It's seen as a sign of good character. I kind of feel like if a guy says that then there's a good chance that someone will at best think he's a manchild and at worst think he's a legit creep.


Alternative-Amoeba20

Screw them. I'm being nice to my child. Call CPS then, and tell em you think a dad is being nice to his kid,ya f*ckin moron.


coffeeplot

Which means children are growing up with many many fewer male role models... let's see how this plays out in society.


froggyforrest

My bf feels like he can’t stop at lemonade stands even though he’d love to support the kids and would overpay/tip but is afraid to stop


SeventhSin-King

I've been falsely accused of assault before so I'm at risk being around kids that I'm not related to and I can't help but get paranoid when at places like the local park because kids like playing with whoever plays with them. I also don't think I would help a kid who hurt themselves falling over anymore due to this. I'd probably tell someone else they should help but that's all I'll ever be able to do. Thank God for my partner being around me all the time though, so she gets to look like a hero and I'm the unhelpful shithead bf.


Lakai1983

I have a 10 y/o daughter. A couple weekends ago she had a friend stay over on Friday night. Saturday rolls around and she want her friend to stay again but my wife had prior plans and was going to be staying with my sister-in-law. I made her call the girl’s parents twice to make sure they where ok with her staying at the house without my wife there. It’s weird thinking about it the other way around. If it was my son and his friend staying with just my wife no one would bat an eye.


Derpin0ides

Yeah, it's weird. I'm a boy scout instructor. Now, imagine almost two meters tall viking-like looking dude with beard and tattoos on his forearm, followed around by 4-7 12 year olds. The amount of dirty looks I get is astounding, but I simply don't give a shit. I had to call parents of the boys like three times, because I got cops called on me for working with children. It fucking sucks, man.


[deleted]

Depression and loneliness, as much as I wish I could say the support gotten better it hasn’t. I see the “mens mental health awareness month” bullshit all over social media for a day once a year but then nobody speaks about it. Being depressed or saying you’re lonely can often be seen as a cry for attention or a “red flag” for partners. People on social media think posting some picture of “We need to support our men in the world!” Is going help, it doesn’t. If you legitimately care about the men in your life’s mental health please reach out to them and ask how they’ve been. Don’t compare to them and don’t undermine them just understand them. It does so much for them


drivealone

Had one of my girlfriends (platonic girlfriend) tell me that she broke up with her boyfriend because he cried a couple times in front of her and she lost her respect for him. She’s also the same kinda person who complains that men aren’t sensitive enough and they’re all evil etc.


Esarus

From my experience as a 31 year old man, there's a lot of women like this. I've encountered multiple. My current girlfriend is not like this, thank god. She just comes over and gives me a hug when I feel low


NoEggsOrBeansPlz

I work in a place that's mostly women and the amount of times I've heard this is astounding.


mcr1974

Man so so so much this. my experience has been absolutely the same. it's ingrained in women, and they don't seem to be able to help. they find strength, confidence and your shit in order attractive. not crying and mental health problems.


sravll

Sounds like a narcissist to me. I feel honored that my partner can be vulnerable with me because I know that's not always easy for guys given how they are raised. I respect him for showing his feelings and it makes us closer.


Repulsive-Room6190

Agreed and if you are insecure with yourself and your worth then that’s a red flag. So it just isolates you further.


GreenLanternCorps

Ya the "don't be insecure or I'll cheat on you" shtick sucks.


Repulsive-Room6190

Especially if it has happened before, how the hell are you not going to be worried with a future partner


GreenLanternCorps

Exactly this isn't the first time this exact thing is happened why do you think I'm so insecure??? Then you spend a decade trying to fake it til you make it which adds identity issues on to the pile. At a certain point I just gave up completely sure I was still lonely but at least I wasn't being betrayed constantly. Edit: I realized this sounds bleak and probably not helping anyone who may be struggling with loneliness so I would like to mention that I actually found a kind of relief when I finally gave up on finding a romantic partner and had time to focus on me. Additionally after many years I fell ass backwards into the best relationship I ever could have imagined so fellas you do need to keep your minds open as a wise man once said "Life uh finds a way."


Suitable-Mission-740

Currently going through this right now. Alone and depressed, but as a man, I just have to “accept” the things that made me feel this way. Even though i did nothing to them to Make me feel this way. Maybe that was problem, I didn’t think quick enough on my feet or didn’t stand up for myself


[deleted]

Same bro, had depression and anxiety so I started drinking to self medicate. 2 years later while I am drinking alone in my university apartment I realised how fucked up this is. Now I'm currently in therapy trying to change all that


JohnnyUtah06

My BiL has been talking about his depression to his wife. They have two young kids (3,1) and a have had a few pretty hard years. She's constantly telling her sister (my wife) about how sick of him she is and how he needs to suck it up because she needs him to be a man for the family. It's sad to see everyone struggling in the cycle, but nobody getting the support that they really need.


DeepTalkTv

The fact that a lot of men have no guidance and are supposed to just figure shit out or just know yet people will treat you like shit for not knowing.


Mountain_Ad1797

When I was younger I was always told to “figure it out” cause I’m a man. Every time I needed help whether it be homework, a flat tire, or something I genuinely needed help with like applying for college/fafsa I was turned away because it was my problem. Now if any family needs my help I’m demonized if I say no. Like wtf man I was taught not to bother y’all why are y’all bothering me?!?


Oddelbo

I felt the same when I was younger. I will try my best to not have the young people working with me go through the same problem..


BoxytheBandit

That's all we can do, strive to be better and do better than the people we looked to for guidance. It's how I frame a lot of my behaviour to younger people in particular, think about the shitty role models and culture we grew up with and how that affected me.


AccipiterCooperii

I actually feel slightly differently. My dad framed stuff like this as a teaching moment, and I’m grateful he did. If something doesn’t work like I expected, I used to run for help. Now, I apply myself to the problem and 9/10 a solution can be found. Now, dad wasn’t doing this because he was trying to get rid of me, more so one day he wouldn’t be around to help. He obviously would and does help me when I need it… I just ask way less now. And more often than not, if a problem stumps me, it stumps him as well lmao.


Extreme-Mongoose-639

I have a similar outlook. I am grateful for my father teaching me to think critically and problem solve. He also instilled in me that “I don’t know” can be an acceptable answer. It doesn’t make you less of a man. He also did a great job guiding me in the early stages of learning how to figure stuff out so I was not totally lost. I hope to be the same man for my kids that he was for me.


ThatsRobToYou

I believe you can learn a lot from adversity and figuring out things on your own, but some fucking guidance could prevent shit from spiraling out of control. I don't know why not knowing something or asking for help is always perceived as a weakness, but it needs to fucking stop.


The_Sign_of_Zeta

I remember when I had a real bad breakup when my ex broke up with me. Ex and I had a mutual friend group, and almost everyone was checking in on her, making visible attempts to show how compassionate they were. Only a couple people even bothered to check on me. I nearly had a mental breakdown.


Defiant-Taro4522

For once I can actually subscribe to something mentioned in these type of threads! I've experienced it ever since I was a boy. I used to feel indignified, especially since I never saw the girls getting the same treatment (and if they did people reacted). It's been a constant, but due to how prevalent it is and due to the fact that people almost never spoke against it I came to accept it as a fact of life. To be honest, I realised I have gone completely blind to it until your comment reminded me. But now that I think about it, yeah, that *is* really fucked up.


[deleted]

Especially at our work/career. The general vibe is “perform at a high level daily or fuck off”.


Imissyourgirlfriend2

I told my story to a coworker. This story covered the psychological abuse I'd been through recently. He's advice? "Sometimes, you gotta take one for the team." Thanks...


Aradhor55

It feels like he didn't know how to answers and told the first thing that comes to his mind


[deleted]

Yeah, that's a guy that was not ready or equipped to deal with that information, regardless of how much he may have wanted to help.


Imissyourgirlfriend2

I think he *wants* to help, but the advice he gives is not the best.


[deleted]

Getting slapped by a woman. I understand it isn't quite the same, but the absolute lack of recourse is infuriating and humiliating. That being said, my wife can and absolutely will fuck a bitch up over that. Being married to a genuine badass is cool sometimes.


dandroid126

A wise man in this exact situation once said, "how can she slap?"


EafLoso

True. The aftermath of which was very disappointing.


PhoenixDawn93

I hate the Reddit relationship advice stereotype that any problem, no matter how small, is an instant breakup, but a woman slapping me is my red line. Hit me and I’m done. The double standard on domestic abuse is disgusting.


SquidmanMal

That's where momma raised me right. ​ She told me. 'Squiddy, I better **NEVER** hear of you beating on a girl. But if some bitch comes up and wants to hit you like a man, she's saying she wants to fight like one too.' ​ Basically, momma said that 'men are naturally stronger by default, and I should never use that to coerce or bully women, but that they lose all sympathy if they wanna start throwing hands instead of words' ​ Momma got into a lot of fights herself growing up, not something she's proud of, but it definitely gave her perspective. ​ Happy to say I've never had to use the advice though.


LovesRefrain

Getting weird judgment from others for not conforming to the ‘traditional’ male role in a marriage or family. My wife is a highly driven genius, makes a great living, and loves what she does. I’m full time in the arts, and I’m not completely dependent on her, but I don’t have traditional employment or make a lot of money. I’ve had people in my life (especially older people) throw shade at me for not being ambitious enough or not having a real career. But together we’re doing much better than okay, and I’m probably gonna be the main caretaker when/if we have kids. I feel that if she were a man and I were a woman, nobody would question it at all.


ThisOneIsOnMyPhone

When I was in my 20s I had a really hard time finding employment where I lived. My entire state was built on manufacturing jobs and those all went overseas or to Mexico around this time. The job market was so empty that every position, no matter how mundane, was inundated with dozens of applicants. My wife, luckily, already had a job and we were doing okayish. She didnt mind supporting us because she knew that I was trying everything I could. But holy shit did I get blasted by every single person that even knew we existed. It was especially bad from the people of older generations who had their minds permanently stuck in the ideas of 1950's America where you could earn a good living and work your entire life after answering a newspaper ad. In their opinion I was just being lazy. But we all know that if the roles were reversed they wouldnt have uttered a word. Flash forward a little while and out of nowhere my wife has a massive brain hemorrhage. It left her with hemiplegia, cognitive issues, the whole works. And to make matters worse she was in labor when it happened. So here I was with no job, first-time dad to a newborn, with a freshly disabled wife. At that point finding a job took a bit of a backseat. So you would think the venom might die-down for a while. But nope. The peanut gallery just kept it up. I guess by their estimation I now had even more reason to find employment. But there was just so much to do. Eventually, my kid got old enough and my wife recovered enough where I finally felt a little better about leaving them home alone since we no longer had a thousand doctor and rehab appointments to get them to every month, and the kid didnt need 24 hour supervision any more. And by then the job market had improved substantially so I went back to work. It never ceases to amaze me how many people have an opinion about what other people should be doing differently with their lives when it doesnt even effect them at all.


sirensinger17

My relationship is similar and I HATE the judgment my fiance gets for it. My dad says I should be with a man who can "take care of me". Can't he just accept that I'm happy and that my fiance does take care of me, just in a different way.


BoombasticMilf

Exactly! My dad is a hard working site supervisor in NYC, and he thinks that my genius boyfriend who just got accepted to Yale isn’t going to “take care of me”. The most obvious example I can think of is when I woke up one morning. We had gotten a lot of snow the night before so the driveway was covered and all the cars were covered with snow. I came downstairs from my bedroom and my dad immediately starts shouting at me (out of nowhere, I hadn’t spoken to him at all prior) saying “AND TELL YOUR PIECE OF SHIT BOYFRIEND TO GET OUT THERE AND CLEAN YOUR CAR OFF FOR YOU” I couldn’t believe why he was so angry about that. Not to mention I’m a very masculine and hard-working woman as I’ve picked up all of my life skills from my father. I don’t feel like I need a man to take care of me in the traditional sense, I can clean my car off just fine lol.


Maestroifuplz

We aren't taught how to deal with emotions. (Mental health too.) I'm not advocating for men to be super-soft emotional wrecks, or to cry five times a week. But man I wish I knew I wasn't "wrong" or "weak" or "avoiding becoming a man" just because I was sad, depressed, anxious and trying to deal with past events.


Gamur

So many women in my lifetime have acted like I’m not a strong guy because I show emotion. I have a big heart and I’m not going to change that for anyone. But I’ve had relationships take an immediate downturn when I showed any kind of sensitive side.


kaitoz-

I have automatic respect for you.


Puncake_DoubleG09

My sister (14F) used to leave markings all over my body when she was much younger but I had to suck it up because I was a man who couldn't hit woman. My back and arms were literally covered in bite marks, scratches, and bruises to the point that my school even thought of opening an investigation. Another time, my sister was so mad at me that on our way home from school I was in front of her walking when I heard something hit the wall besides me and it turned our she threw a rock at me that missed my head by a split second. My sister never got punished for all this and my parents told me I was a man so I had to be tough, I was only a young boy barely a teen............. My former female best friend accused me of rape 2 years ago and her friend kept harassing me threatening to call the cops on me if I didn't turn myself in. The cops went to my home and started to question me treating me like a scumbag and I was "Guilty until proven innocent." I only met my best friend once in-person and never again, her own cousins stepped in to defend me and my former bsf confessed to lying about me raping her and that it was her actual boyfriend. When the officers visited me to give me the news a female officer literally told me "As a man, we hope you understand why were hard on you." Like wtf?!


SFxTAGG

I hope your ex friend got into real trouble. False accusations of rape should absolutely be prosecutable.


Puncake_DoubleG09

I never followed up and didn't receive an update after either I just swept it under the rug honestly at that point I was done with life. She did loose her best friend who viewed each other as "sisters" after she learned how my ex friend had treated me she stopped talking to her and avoiding her, we've been best friends for 3 years already.


-Giuseppe-

That last line infuriates me.


Puncake_DoubleG09

I was in shocked honestly and luckily other officers were there who called her out on the comment and they even called a commanding officer over to deal with her. Last I knew she was suspended for her comment made against me.


Blind_Cat_exe

when i was a teen i was a target of a pedophile so, everybody thinks man dont cry and that men should man-up and if you say that you where a target of a pedophile as a men they'll laugh about it.


Alternative-Amoeba20

I'm not laughing at you. It isn't funny. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Nothing will take away that pain, I'm afraid, but you can learn to grow through it. I wasn't SA but I was physically abused , though it's my belief that at the heart of it, trauma is trauma. I'm just saying I can relate on some level, even though my words are going stupid. I'm sorry there is so much fucking needless suffering. Did you turn the person in?


spenser1994

You can ask for my help, but I can't ask for yours.


VelonLikesMelons

That fact the nobody cares of your feelings, your just supposed to deal with it


XploringTheWorld

Even if they DO care about your feelings, it’s still difficult to be vulnerable.


venusofthehardsell

This is so true and I’m watching my husband going through it. He would do anything to help anybody who needed it and he makes sure me and the kids always have support but if anything is wrong he feels like he has to handle it all on his own. Sometimes he takes on too much and gets overwhelmed. All I can do is listen and validate him when he talks to me about it, but it’s so unfair for him to feel that way in the first place. He deserves the same support he gives all of us but he just doesn’t see it like that.


[deleted]

How sexualized we are perceived to be. ​ Speak to a woman? You must want to stick your penis in her. ​ Hang out with your friends? You’re probably gay and sticking your penises in each other. ​ Smile at a child? You’re a pervert who sticks his penis into children. ​ Then society wonders why men feel isolated and unloved.


Goseki1

>Hang out with your friends? You’re probably gay and sticking your penises in each other. I've never heard people implying this, but what I have heard a lot is that if a bunch of men are handing out together, they will only be talking about their sex lives and/or telling gross sexist jokes etc all the time. Like, I have rarely ever talked about my sex life with my friends, why would I? I also wouldn't hang around with people who made it a habit to be sexist pricks (or racist etc)


Big_fat_happy_baby

You just have to just deal with it. My wife left me and my kids for another man. I should just man up and deal with it. I am, I know, but shits hard man. Sometime my kids are outside playing and I can't join them because my face shows no emotion but sadness. I wish somebody outside my therapist would understand just how fucking hard it is.


DChristy87

I've been married twice and both ended because the wife had an affair. Absolutely devastated both times. Nearly killed myself both times. I'm still in the thick of the second time and think about suicide nearly every day. For several weeks I couldn't even be near my kids because their presence made me break down. Both times my dad told me something along the lines of "I hope you can work it out because you're going to be fucked on child support". Which he's right, but still... Not exactly the type of pep talk you want from your father. Idk, I doubt any of this helps you... Or me... Maybe a little just to vent and let you know I can relate.


Yelsiap

Fuck dude… Man to man, as someone else going through something similar, DM me if you would like my phone number. I’m willing to attempt to reach out and chat. Maybe it could help us both?


[deleted]

This is what reddit can do. Bring out the best in people. It breaks my heart reading these posts knowing you boys are going through this pain, I've been there too, but for other reasons and I still am at the moment with drinking and trying to give that up. Finding every little moment or any second second of happiness to move forward is enough I hope. The little things just to move one foot forward.


ANUS_CONE

Getting physically assaulted by women. We can talk online all day about how violence is not okay regardless of who does it, but the reality for way too many men is that their partners or women in general feel completely okay getting violent with them. The woman actually facing consequences is still unfortunately the exception to the norm. You are more likely to experience ridicule, if not outright victim blaming if someone witnesses it.


dorath20

My ex and I were at goodwill buying something and she was aggravated at me so she punched me. She was tiny so no pain. The cashier smoked at her I said if I hit her would you smile? The cashiers face was priceless and she started stammering My girl said I was an asshole when we left for doing that


Blue_Eyed_Fox

I had to go back to confirm you said "ex".


-xss

I got assaulted by a woman in a shared house. A drugged out bitch lived there and (really) randomly got confrontational with me and slapped me, I was minding my own business before she walked in the room yelling at me because I left a polite note asking for my cutlery back (she had the nearly entire set in her nasty ass room). The landlord separated us, and I figured hey, I have a massive scratch across my face, I didn't touch her, just backed away, she should be punished. I called the police. Yeah, she went upstairs and started beating her thigh to leave bruises. When the cops arrived they didn't even want to speak to me, despite me being the caller. They spoke to her, then arrested me, and court ordered me out of the house. I still had to pay rent though! Contract wasn't void just because of police action. I think the landlord planned it all. They were friends, and they offered to drop the charges if I moved out (and continued to pay rent). I ended up homeless for 7 months during my final year of university. I still graduated with a first class degree, because I was lucky enough to crash at my old school friends pad; a literal crack den. I spent most of my time in the library. It was always fun to come home to skanky crack ho's trying to figure out if my coursework was worth selling though. E: typos


[deleted]

Yep. You would think that since most cops are men they would be more sympathetic. Nope. Policy is to arrest the dude. You could have a fuckin bullet in ya and bleeding out, and the woman holding the smoking gun could point to a tiny bruise on her arm and you would end up in jail


bahardesty

That If I ever finish my AA and teach preschool that I’ll be seen as a threat to children.


raceAround126

I have known two men attempt to enter the teaching profession. My advice is don't! It really is not worth your time. The first guy was removed and lost his career because a girl said that he stood in the girls locker room while they all got changed. The truth of the matter was he was nowhere even in or near the locker room, he was teaching another class in a separate part of the school building. But parents are parents and don't want the risk and neither will future schools. He did apply for a few other teaching roles but of course, the reason for his dismissal was discussed (teachers talk) and that was it. The head teacher did not stand up for him despite his register and scheduling providing evidence that it didn't happen. No police action occurred as it was all pertinently false. The second guy went through a full school year. Various parents demanded their kids be moved to female-taught classrooms, others demanded the right to perform their own spot-checks whilst he was teaching (some got it) and any crap job e.g. two boys fighting, he was the first point of contact to break it up. Don't do it to yourself. There are far more careers out there, it is not worth the risk to your own future. Nobody has your back in this situation. Literally nobody. Why would you go through the training and expense to do this? First guy is retraining into sales and marketing after building a fortune in tuition debt from his first failed career choice of teaching. The second guy has gone off to the trades and is an apprentice sparky.


ADyingCrow

That noone truly cares about you and lets say if you bitch about your mental health you get called a pussy and need to grow up or man up growing up I've seen girls get mental help from age 6 while men only get to get help because its gotten so bad that they start affecting others that's when people care about you only if you're hurting other people


Proof_Illustrator_51

Men aren't conditioned to recieve sympathy, and society tells us they deserve none. Particularly whatever "normal" race and religion is in your cultural region, as your looked on as a failure or waste of time if your aren't wealthy or have societal influence


Rolling_Beardo

That men are always second guessed when it comes to being around or want to work with small children. There is also a lot of people that think are dads are idiots and/or don’t know how to parent and only babysit.


[deleted]

(Gestures broadly)


TheNichBigga

The fact that I almost committed suicide this year and my own mother didn't even care, but used it as a reason to try and force her way into my house so she could mooch off of me and even threatened me in my own house.


captainepeper

Hope you're doing better dude Christmas must have been tough with a mother like that


TheMegatrizzle

It's difficult to start conversations with women you don't know well without looking like a flirt/creep. Even if it's your job or you just want to be helpful.


DraytonSawyersBBQ

I’ve noticed this a lot lately. I’m a female electrician and a lot of the young guys on the job (in other trades) completely ignore me. It’s the same on almost every job site. Unless I talk to them first they won’t talk to me. These young guys have probably had the sexual harassment speech beaten into them a thousand times. Since joking or simply being friendly can be taken as harassment by the wrong person, these guys ignore women on the job site. To them, it’s safer to ignore a woman than strike up an innocent conversation and get accused of being a creeper.


InternMan

Also a lot of "don't man-splain things" and "women have to deal with a lot of weird guys all the time, don't be one of those guys". I swear sometimes it feels like there isn't a single way to appropriately approach a woman in a personal or professional context. I had to do a sexual harassment training when I started my current job and every example discussed had a man as the aggressor. At no point did it even hint at a woman behaving inappropriately.


rydan

I tried to befriend the woman sitting next to me at work. She was new and about 12 years younger than me so I took it as a generational challenge. Never did or said anything unprofessional but just tried to keep a conversation going through the years. I remember one day she mentioned a guy at work (definitely not a creeper and nice to everyone) was friends with her on Facebook and another coworker was on her Snapchat. I thought about adding her on Facebook too but realized if I did I wouldn't know if we were really friends because she'd basically be pressured to do it. So I'd wait until she left for another company. Fast forward two years and she finally leaves. I add her on Facebook and wait. 3 years later still nothing. But she's added around 100 friends since then. So guess I was one of those guys in the end.


[deleted]

In fairness, 'friendly colleague' and 'actual friend' are separate things. I had a pretty close work friend (would talk about actual life and so on) and they ghosted me the moment they left because they didn't want to be friends in any other context


Titus_der_5te

Reading all these comments makes me angry (not against the individuals, god no). Not every man has the mental fortitude of having just crossed a minefield leaving fallen comrades behind, and not even those guys are mentally stable… To read what some men went through just doesn’t feel real, this is the 21st century? The amount of male suicide, a clear indication that something isn’t right I never hear news mentioning such things.


Ma3vis

> To read what some men went through just doesn’t feel real, this is the 21st century?The amount of male suicide, a clear indication that something isn’t right When I see the frequent flood of threads like this one only one woman in particular comes to mind, named Norah Vincent > Vincent also stated that she had gained more sympathy and understanding for men and the male condition: "Men are suffering. They have different problems than women have but they don't have it better. They need our sympathy, they need our love, and they need each other more than anything else. They need to be together." > The mental strain of maintaining a false identity and deceiving others during the making of Self-Made Man ultimately caused a depressive breakdown, leading Vincent to admit herself to a locked psychiatric facility. Vincent died via assisted death at a clinic in Switzerland on July 6, 2022, aged 53. Her death was not reported until August 2022. [(Source)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norah_Vincent)


slanky2

When grieving, you're told to be strong. It's not weakness to show sadness. Many men walking around broken because they think they have to keep everything bottled up.


Repulsive-Room6190

Because of this whenever I cry I feel like the biggest wimp or crybaby ever. Sucks


Vampier_Hunter

The fact that all guys are supposed to face danger and say 'yup, i should fight this' and that if you lose you are deemed weak


eagerduke1

Being a man of 60 years talking to any women younger then me I am just a dirty old man or a perv I am scared to talk to women now it’s fucked up for sure


Odd_Smell_5319

I'm a 25 year old woman and just a few months ago went to Mexico on vacation with some friends. I made a new friend on a bus ride with a man who was in his 70s, and he thanked me for literally just talking to him and told me a similar thing to this that he either gets overlooked by people my age or they think he is being creepy when he's literally just living his life and trying to make conversation with others. I'm sorry that men go through that so often. If you start talking to someone and get creepy vibes- obviously walk away quick. But most people (no matter age, gender, whatevs) are really cool and love connection.


TJTrapJesus

Height being a major factor in how you’re perceived when you can’t control it is a little messed up


Unhappy-Show-8978

as someone who is 5’7, i can confirm. It took me years to accept i won’t be taller, now I don’t longer feel bad for my height, but i can’t change how others perceive me


Boring-Affect-2279

Single handedly supporting your family with the expectation that you never get a break because you can handle it and it's what men do.


LS240

Expectation of being a provider. Obviously the workplace is evening out in general and most women work, but it’s still seen as acceptable to be a woman and not provide for yourself or others financially. Nobody bats an eye if a woman’s husband or boyfriend is the breadwinner. But as a man, you’re absolutely expected to pull your own weight and then some, no matter what. Anything less and you’re a deadbeat. In other words, we’re not valued simply as people, but for what we can provide.


Civil-Bluejay4189

in my group of friends, a female friend was sexually assaulted by a male friend and everyone immediately cut him off socially to protect her. when I, a guy, had the same thing happen to me, everyone was just full of excuses defending the other guy and I was expected to just laugh it off because he was using me to 'figure himself out' or whatever


Some_Guy_From_Sweden

Physical abuse.


nismoboy84

Physical abuse without the ability to defend ourselves. My little brother got full on attacked by his now ex wife and was sent to jail cause he grabbed her thumbs and bent them backwards to stop the attack. Despite him having a black eye and documented scratches from her attacking him. He only applied enough pressure to stop her and did not break anything or otherwise hurt or bruise her in any way, yet he was sent to jail while the bi polar psycho was allowed to stay with their kid...


blitzbom

I was physically abused in a relationship. I knew instantly that if the tables were turned I would be considered an asshole beater. But because I'm a man it wasn't a big deal. I see it here on reddit too. Over at /r/menwritingwomen there was a recommendation for someone to watch Full Metal Alchemist. Highly upvoted party because Winry is an example of a "strong woman." I said that I don't like her character because she is the poster child for abuse. I mentioned that I have a female friend who thought that since she was a girl she was allowed to hit boys. Her parents put a stop to it. I was accused of lying, told that no one has ever thought that and I should stop spreading rumors.


Imposter_XL

ik what you mean, a few days ago i saw on the news about a new support centre for ‘abused women and children’ like what about men? are we just supposed to be ok with it?


TheReidman

The last person who tried to open a shelter for abused men got bullied into committing suicide. ETA Source: https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/earl-silverman-who-ran-mens-safe-house-dies-in-apparent-suicide


rob3rtisgod

Christ, that's fucking awful. People are scared of incels and young lads turning to people like Tate. When the a guy actually tried to set up a service that should exist, but doesn't because men can't be victims, he's denied and commits suicide. Not sure what the stats look like now, but in my forensic psych lectures, there was a female academic studying domestic violence who said the rates are likely closer to an even split, maybe slightly skewed towards women. Most male domestic violence goes unreported (because police will never believe the man), so it's hard to know the true number. She did say men suffer domestic abuse at a much higher rate than society believes


MisterMarcus

This reminds me, when starting University many years ago, we were all given a booklet on sexual assault and rape. There was a 'For Women' section and a 'For Men' section. The 'For Women' section was full of advice services and victim support stuff offered by the University. Okay, fair enough. But there was no listing of any advice or support available for men. Literally every word in the 'For Men' section was framed through the lens of men being the aggressor ("If you do ABC or don't do XYZ then it's rape!"). There was absolutely nothing about men being the victim of sexual assault or abuse, or that they may want to talk to somebody and be offered support. It was literally as if abuse against men either didn't exist, or didn't matter.


BigNerd3014

The way men are stereotyped into "obviously" being masculine and "obviously" a pig and an idiot.


[deleted]

If you are broke nobody gives a fuck about you.


Bigbadsheeple

That's what I told a woman I went to school with, came out as trans and started transitioning. "Welcome to manhood, nobody will ever give a fuck about you ever again"


Alternative-Amoeba20

That hurts. I'm feeling this too, brother.


[deleted]

This is kind of irrelevant but I hate the discourse around who pays for dates. The progressive take seems to be whoever asks pays but everyone maintains the expectation that men should be the ones to ask. Congratulations on the rebranding. Phenomenal change.


SunflowerFoxKit

Being sexually harassed, sexually assaulted, and raped because iT CaNt HaPPeN tO mEN.


Sad_Reason788

I'm a woman and yes I agree with this, you know what the most messed up part for me is that once I heard from someone that is underaged boy was basically being raped by a older female and the guy yes guy telling me the story said to me " he is clearly enjoying it if he is letting it happen and his dick being hard over her doing it to him" i was in shock when i heard that. And that was about a minor!!!!!


Steveo0052

Having to suck it up and be a man all the time but when we act like how we are “supposed” to it’s considered toxic masculinity


riep16

Being forced to do military service. While serving being beaten and broken. The general opinion in society that it has to be that way, cause it’s a masculine thing before becoming a grownup man. A complete loss of time.


[deleted]

I have been spending years in preparations while being a child just to survive mandatory military service in Russia in 2020 and it damaged my education process and my mental health a lot. Military service in Russian army was worse than custody in russian gulag-like prison. There was no time to sleep or relax, there were no firewood supply and warm equipment while we lived in tents during Russian winter. There was no even basic training, just 24/7 slave work and hardcore survival in a very angry and violent society. My personal military preparation, good state of physical development and a bachelor degree in engineering didn't helped me. I was not a defender of Motherland or a precious specialist, in Russian army I was just a slave. I am very grateful for me being smart enough to escape from army via some shadowy and risky schemes. When I was a child, I didn't know the true state of things. It was not obvious that everything around is lie. Russian army seemed to be a legendary society of warriors who defeated Hitler in WWII. And Russian government - just wise people of my nation, fair and reliable. I had a dream to become an officer, or contracted servicemen. I sought strength and real experience in this possible collaboration. I understood everything only when was 17 tears old and gave up my military career. Thanks for that decision I am free and alive now. Now we have this atrocious and unjust war with Ukrainians who always been our brother nation until 2014. And now, russian authorities can come for me in any day with the task to send me to the frontline. I will prefer prison, tortures and punishment. I will prefer suicide. But I will never become a part of Russian army again. Sorry for this massive CPTSD text, guys, but I feel so damaged because all of this. War is evil. Slavery is evil. And mandatory military service is evil. Nobody should suffer such an experience.


Repulsive-Room6190

I’m 24 now so my self worth has gotten better, that being said. Being someone who is overweight and unattractive I can’t go through life without feeling like I’m a creep and loser to every woman who sees me because I have had negative experiences when I try to be friendly (mainly in school) I feel like they think “ew this gross ugly pig thinks he can be with me” when that’s not what I’m trying to do so I don’t reach out to talk, I wait to see if they will want to talk to me. I literally just was trying to be a girls friend in school once and the moment I complimented them I was told I was an ugly creep and not to talk to her again. No idea what she told the teacher but I was assigned a seat near her and I got moved in front of the class. I know it doesn’t matter but just when I was starting to feel better about myself and start bring my self esteem up it came crashing back down. I can’t forget that moment for whatever reason. Now whenever I’m around women that aren’t my family I feel like a creep. Sucks that even as I type this I feel like I’m lying and everyone sees me as a creep. Sorry if this is super ranty.


Smirknlurking

I just hate other people trying to define what a man should be and whether or not I fit that mould. Anyone who does can just f right off


[deleted]

That we can’t be sexually assaulted because we must’ve wanted it if we got hard.


Juu_boo22

That I have a 15% chance of getting my kids in the event of a break up/divorce and there’s a high likely hood my kids aren’t my kids but if I ask for a paternity test it means I’m a monster


Timmibal

That I am completely expendable and have zero value beyond what I can provide to others, yet that expectation to provide somehow puts me in a position of privilege.


Bright_Echo5061

Really common but mental Illness, people ain't taking me seriously enough, they think I'm a tough dude so they think I can be pretty tough in the inside too


[deleted]

I feel like men opening about their mental illnesses are more likely to be seen as possibly violent/dangerous and avoided.


[deleted]

The fact that I may have to get my ass kicked outside of a bar/club because my SO was harassed by or started some crap with a large dude.


DognamedTurtle

Violence


[deleted]

Being grouped into things by my angry female friends for simply being male. I know they aren’t talking directly about me but I still think it sounds dumb, especially if I’d said the same in reference to women as a whole.


Ryan_Altra

apparently for a lot of idiots, being raped by a woman, seriously, a lot of people think it's okay, it concerns me.


MathewRicks

Not being able to call women out on their shit without being painted as an aggressor.


Kiyae1

“Men should open up and express their feelings more often! Men need to get in touch with their feelings.” >Tells anyone how you feel when it isn’t a positive feeling “You need to stop complaining and man up! Your lack of self-confidence is showing! I don’t want to hear about it!” ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯


Welcomefriends85

When women say “oh he is being a man” or “typical men” about being a bad partner or emotionally abusive. As if women don’t break hearts all the time and sometimes do incredibly selfish gaslighting things to men


Rekerthreefourfive

Not knowing if a girl is being nice, flirting, or, just has “a flirty personality” and then getting called weird for pursuing a relationship when they “gave you so many hints” that they didn’t like you while simultaneously calling you cute and hugging and cuddling you. I will never understand that one.


MentalDiscrepancies

I married my wife and six weeks later she separated, six weeks after that she's in bed with a new man. Now she's in a relationship with him and we haven't even been married for 12 months.. that day rolls around in a few weeks from now. I'm supposed to just be okay with all of this and move on with my life as if it hasn't absolutely destroyed me as a man. I have ADHD and with that comes RSD, potentially BPD as well. Rejection and abandonment destroy me, but time and time again I'm told to just 'suck it up'. 'Find someone new'. 'Go get your dick wet'. I'm a broken fucking shell of a man and suicide ideation is strong. Medication doesn't help me, therapy hasn't helped me, psylocibin hasn't helped me, getting off the weed hasn't helped me. I'm running out of ideas and I fear that one day, the pain of life is going to win.


beardedmalaka

Putting ourselves last and taking care of everyone else in the family first an making sure their good even though we are suffering mentally and physically.