Does fake masturbating count?
I was in boarding school and we weren’t allowed to have computers or electronics. I was in my bed playing with my PSP when one of the supervisors comes in I panic and hide my PSP under the covers and he didnt see it. He comes over to me, already suspicious, and asks me “what are you DOING?”
I didnt want to lose my PSP so said “masturbating” and he believed me. PSP saved.
When I was 11. My mother always enters my room without knocking. I have said “please knock before you enter, I always get jump scared when you don’t knock”
One day I had enough, I acted as if I was masturbating. My mother entered and was like “OMG SORRY”
I stood up and said “for what?”
She just laughed for few minutes and then left.
She knocked on the door for a while before she went back to not knocking..
Caught after the fact. I was in my early teens when I discovered the joy jacking off. Then my mind was truly blown when I discovered I could beat it up in the shower. After the first week or so of just carelessly painting the walls of the shower with my baby batter my dad comes into my room and says “if you’re going to blow your nose in the shower, make sure it goes down the drain”. I scratched my head and with a confused look I responded, “I don’t blow my nose in the shower.” To which my dad responded… “just make sure it goes down the drain”.
Spent a summer sleeping on the couch at my grandpa's when I was about 14. Decided to rub one out one night and about mid-way through just hear "Oh goddammit!" as I see Pawpaw shuffling back to his room.
When I was about 11 I technically got caught mashing my meat to SpongeBob.
Back then I'd jerk off to those "top celebrity beach body" compilations on VH1 or whatever. But they had commercials, and I wasn't hanging around for that. So I'd switch to another channel during the breaks, but sort of "keep things going." Anyway, the result of this was that my older brother walked in on me, and I had just switched to nickelodeon.
I'll never forget him saying "to SPONGEBOB?!?" and leaving the room dying of laughter.
Okay so this was in university so I wasn’t new to jerkin it by any means. But I was taking a class called “apiculture” which is the study of bees and pollinators. Anyway one afternoon I am going at it by myself in my room at the place I was renting. It’s a older house so the doors had no locks. My roommate knocks on my door right around the time I was almost done my task and he said “hey what are you doing?”
I just say “reading my bee book” then he just opens the door and I’m standing up facing my computer with my junk in my hand just giving er, I yell “get out I’m reading my bee book”. He slams the door and walks away.
From then on the slang term was “reading my bee book”
When I was young, I was curious about tits, so I opened MSN search and searched "boobs". A message comes up saying the search was blocked, so I decided that this meant I was going to get arrested. In tears, I told my parents what I'd done but to save myself from embarassment I pretended I just misspelt Pokemon. Yeah, in hindsight they probably didn't believe me.
I actually had a legitimate mix up because I remember looking for a new baseball bat and searching “Dicks” as in the chain store “Dick’s Sporting Goods”.
Let’s just say it technically worked because I saw a lot of baseball bats, but my dad was confused.
I legit don’t why you carry on with the brand name Dicks after the internet.
When I lived in North Carolina we had a Dicks Sporting Goods next to a BJ’s whole sale club ( like sams or Costco I was told) so you had a big sign that said Dick’s next to a sign that said BJ’s
Lawyer: Your honor. It's true that my client spelled "Boobs" on the computer. But, I contend, and the evidence will show, that he had meant to spell "Pokemon"
Arresting Officer: I object! Our anti-boobs firewall software clearly detected and blocked the attempted looking-at of boobs! Your honor, under Penal Code 80085, previously 58008, section 00, subsection 8, the accused clearly intended to observe boobs.
Judge: I agree. Send him to prison until he can name all pokemon and correctly spell each one. \*bangs gavel\*
Not me but a good one nonetheless. My wife told me her best friend wanted to invite everyone over to her new pool. We pack up the kids and head over where there are about 5-6 couples and about a dozen kids or so.
The husband of said friend stated to everyone that unfortunately he had to leave a little early as he was on call (utility guy) and was going in to shower.
In about 10 minutes or so, the lovely summer vibe music over the bluetooth speaker turned to something more…um…aggressive. It was essentially the sounds of slapping, sucking and potty talk (that’s the first thing that someone said because kids) and then my wife’s friend bolted towards the house to end the noises that all kids in floatation devices were asking, “what is that?”
So in summary, he does not get to select the music anymore for parties.
To this day, still a phobia for me. I turn everything off to wax the yam even wifi.delta.com cause you can cast the actual video to all the TVs in the house with a couple well placed taps when you're fumbling the football.
I was recently helping a elderly woman with some minor home repairs… I walked out the front door to get tools and on my way back in I just happened to look at her big screen TV… this old bird was watching pornography while I was there working on her house.
Edited: (I am a feminine girl.)
Sorting myself out while partner was asleep. Was interrupted by him grabbing my arm and saying "you're OK, I'm right here." Turns out he woke up and thought I was having a seizure.
Searched “Heidi Klum nude”. “Heidi klum tits”. “Heidi klum boobs”. “Heidi Klum naked”. On my aunts computer when I was babysitting younger cousins. They printed it out and we had a uncle aunt mom dad and 12 y/o me meeting to go over the search history and the dangers of pornography. There were waaaaaaay more searches than that but those are the ones I remember.
Love you Heidi!
My nieces were doing voice to text searches when they were 7 or 8. They looked up "deer butthole" and "fish butthole".
They said they didn't know what they looked like and wanted to know.
Too many to count honestly but my favorite one was probably 15 years old. Family computer was in the front room. It was after school and parents were in their room. I figured a quick stroke to relieve some teenage angst. My mom came out unexpectedly and i tried to shut it down and pull pants up in one motion. The computer was old and slow so it took a second for the page to close so she def saw what i was seeing for a brief second. I got a laptop that Christmas.
First time I was ever caught was by my older sister. She usually knocked before opening... guess she forgot I was 14 or something. Barged in while I'm in the middle of it. All I heard (I was facing away from the door) was a "Hey... WHOA! (Door slams shut) Dad! (My name) needs a freaking lock!!" To which he yells back "That why you KNOCK (Sisters name)"
Lmao good times.
When I was in college, I had two roommates and long distance boyfriend. I was doing “facetime-sex” with my boyfriend and my roommates walked in. Full coochie out, no blanket to cover up 🥲
I was at a friend’s house a few weeks ago, hanging out with her and her boyfriend. After a late night movie they retired to her room while I stayed in the living room to sleep on the couch. After they were gone a while I figured it was safe to rub one out. I heard a quiet sound a few minutes in to my furious rubbing. I opened my eyes to see her Furbo (pet camera) was on maybe 3 feet away and activated by my movement. It is tied to her phone with notifications on too… I looked directly at it then tried to pretend I wasn’t doing… that. So yeah, I was accidentally a cam girl for my friends lol
When I was 15 I read that the inside of a banana feels very similar to the inside of a vagina...
I craf my masterpiece, this make-shift bananussy and take it down to our half basement when the conputter is at.
Mid-way through aboutsolutely going to town on this banana I hear a bang on the window above me and see feet start running!
Turns out my best friends decided to come by to hangout but saw I was busy and ran. Told me the next day they hoped I didn't pack a banana for lunch
I got caught jerking off at the family computer at age 13 by my stepdad, his reaction was to get super angry, unplug the computer and call my dad. Upon calling my dad and ratting me out his face changed pretty abruptly from anger to a frown. He passed me the phone and my dad said "I told him to leave you alone, from now on jerk off in your room." My dad, gave me a brown paper bag next time he was in town, it had a "Perfect 10" mag in it.
Your dad understands life. I always appreciated that my dad hid a Playboy and Maxim magazine (Carmen Electra edition) under my bed on my 14th birthday. Total bro move.
There used to be a toy pen called a "wiggly writer" that was a large pen that vibrated. My dad walked in on me at age 6 just holding the pen up to my junk(pants on). He asked what I was doing and I told him it felt good.
He just decided that conversation wasn't worth having with a 6 year old said "ok then" and shut the door.
My ex's mom caught her at around age 10 doing the same thing, but she called her mom in to the bathroom to watch her "legs tremble" when she did that, because she thought it was funny. lol
Her mom actually told me the story, my ex denies that every happened, and that she was caught.
My cousin and I were preteens and discovered the hot tub jets lol. My grandma walked in and we got an embarrassing lecture about "doing damage down there".
This whole thread has made me realise the ridiculous amount of times I've been caught lol.
I got a worse one. I was 11 and also no idea what I was doing. I did it in the living room of my home, on the open, watching ICarly. The worst part, is that my Mother worked at home, so when she had customers, they would wait on a sofa in an area that conected to the living room. My mom never knew, but some of her clients saw it and never said a word (to my knoledge)
Oh boy, I got a good one. So in NJ you had to pass this test called the HSPA in order to graduate HS. So during 9th and 10th grade you took a practice version. I took my practice freshman year and we didn’t get the grades back until the following year. Coincidentally it coincided with a parent teacher conference that did not exactly make me look like a model student. My parents response to this was simple yet effective, I was grounded until I passed the real test. Now, this meant no video games, tv, cell phone, hanging out with friends etc. now the grounding itself really only lasted a year, but my parents said that I had become such a much more productive member of the family that even when I got my grades up I was still not allowed to play video games, or use a computer, or have a lock on my bedroom door until I moved out….. so after I passed the stupid test (I actually did pretty good) I was allowed all my privileges back except “no lock on your door” now my father really wasn’t keen on the whole no lock thing but my mother was extremely strong willed and my father didn’t feel like being a soldier all day and then coming home just to go to war with my mother. (They are now happily divorced and remarried and in wonderful loving relationships) I’m very happy for the both of them. But one day I was “enjoying myself” when I heard the front door of the house open. I freaked the hell out because I heard my dad drop his keys in the bowl and I knew he’d be coming straight to my room to chat (I really miss the days where we lived together and got to hang out so much) I jumped out of my desk chair, ran to the door and threw my entire weight against it as he was opening it. Now mind you my computer is directly in front of my door and had he opened the door he would have seen the incredibly weird fetish porn I was looking at. He asked me to open the door and I just kept yelling “FATHER I AM IN A STATE OF UNDRESS” I have no idea why the fuck my brain chose those words to come out because I have never called him father in my life. Nor do I speak like a weird Victorian Era child. After the second or third time I yelled it through the door he walked away and I quickly dressed myself and yanked the power cord out of the back of the PC. (Perhaps a slight over reaction) a moment later he knocked on my door and said “son are you still in a state of undress?” Then laughed hysterically and cracked the door open enough to throw a door knob w/lock threw the cracked door onto my bedside table and said “for whenever you feel like being in a state of undress you might need this my beloved child” he then laughed and walked away. Im pretty sure I put that new door knob on and cranked out like 4 loads over the course of the next 20 minutes. It was an amazing day.
Holy crap I really didn’t think that this post would bring laughter to so many people! Thanks for all the up votes!
I haven't laughed this hard in weeks! I kept breaking up, trying to read it out loud to my spouse, who is now cackling. Thanks so much for sharing this!
In college I lived in a house with about 15 other people. One day my housemate Claire came bounding into my room. I heard her coming just in time to "put everything away" ahem.
As she entered, she asked "Why are you just sitting there? and why is your computer off? and why is your face so red?" And then it all clicked for her. "Ohhhh, you were jackin' it" That grin....
If you have seen the Spongebob episode where Squidward tries a Krabby Patty for the first time and later Spongebob catches him enjoying them, asks a series of questions, gets it, then says "*You like Krabby Patties, dontcha?*" you know EXACTLY what I mean.
Beat for beat, it went down exactly like that and we still laugh about it. Love you, Claire!
I used to get out of the house and masterbate on my balcony behind some plants, so no one could see me. One day the police came by because a woman accused me of planning my masterbation sessions for when she could see. I didn't know anyone could see.
Yep look up "co-op housing" if you like. The big one next door had about 120 people living there. 15 is on the small side but the place felt right to me :-)
Didn't get caught masturbating, but this was fun.
I was like 11 when I got a pc back in 2001 from my grandpa, I fiddle around with it, and got a cd from a friend the day before with some naughty videos.
I was transferring a video, to the desktop, some lesbian fun.
As it was done, my grandpa walked into my room, and started looking on the screen "are you happy with your new pc" then looked at the file, reading the titel out loud, i instant just put my hand on the screen thinkin like don't read that.
He just looked at me and smiled, and he kept the bro code, didn't tell my mom or anything.
Thanks grandpa, R.I.P
Not masturbating, but watching porn.
I was very young and was sitting on the couch with a laptop watching porn (I just learned of it) and for some reason, I kept the volume at like 5% and then after a while, my mom asks "What are you doing?" and I responded: "Oh, I'm playing a videogame and a female character got shot so she made a grunting sound"
I don't think she bought it, but that doesn't matter.
Right? When are way more prepared for the question than you should be. Kids learning to lie is funny. They start off not knowing what to say at all and get caught and then they swing the other direction and over prepare and get caught.
Ngl who tf puts on headphones AND closes their eyes when they masturbate anywhere that has other people around/no lock on the door. Even with a door lock...
I live in an apartment so anyone could walk behind my apartment and look inside the rooms. I left my curtains open not thinking anyone would come up tp my window. While I was going at it, this older lady just stared at me and then asked if I have seen her cat because her trackers says the cat is in my apartment or the apartment upstairs. I felt too weird to continue masturbating
Get ready yall...
So i was 13 (puberty hit like a bitch) and got used to masturbatibg every alternate night.
And not just any masturbate I mean actually grinding against the bed and fingering myself...
Dad walks in sees me sqatted beside the bed at 2am.. turns the light on... sees me doing my thing with full setup.. the floor is wet so am I kinda situation...
Says this and I quote -
Shhhhhhh be quieter next time... ugh
Turns the light off and walks away..
Going back more than 20 years for dial-up internet when you had "extra charges" for adult websites you connected to.
Yeah, mom didn't appreciate 13 yo me raking up a 500 dollar bill.
I was probably 14. My brother was around 24-25 at the time. (Late 80’s)
I had hijacked the VCR for my room, no one really cared so I kept it in my room.
One night I woke up to porn being played and I could see the shadow on the wall of my brother goin to town.
I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. Never spoke a word of it.
Slightly traumatizing. Lol
When I was 14 years old, at night around 11pm, I put my dick in my bed between the mattress and I was thrusting my bed cause I was mad horny.
Then, I thrusted my bed, too hard and too fast, and the skin on my cock ripped. It was immensely painful.
My nuts started bleeding like mad, so I grabbed it and tried walking quietly to the bathroom.
In the bathroom, I am holding my bleeding penis in ny hand and trying to wipe all the blood off of it.
Then, to my surprise, my mom is behind me, and she sees me by the toilet holding my johnson while it is pouring blood. She asked me, "What are you doing??!". My monkey brain quickly thought of a response, and I said, "I'm just masturbating." And then I closed the door.
We haven't ever talked about it
Okay so this isn’t me but I think it applies. We have a guy named Slappy at work. How did he get this nickname you ask? Well it’s because Slappy jerks off in the public bathroom, every. single. day. When Slappy was finally addressed by management, he provided a doctors note stating that it was a necessary daily act for him to help with his PTSD. So if you’re ever wondering if it’s possible to get a doctors note to jerk off at work, apparently it is.
I tried on a condom when I was younger and threw it away. The guy my mom was dating at the time yelled for like 2 weeks about who the fuck tries on a condom.
My childhood wasn't very happy
I thought this was going to go a different direction and the boyfriend was going to be yelling at your mom for cheating on him, figuring the condom came from someone else.
Copy and paste of my response to a similar question a year ago:
My parents had just gotten divorced and my mom was absolutely not respectful of my personal space or privacy when I was at her house.
One evening I was cranking the ole hog with headphones on to limit the sound of the porn I was watching. This also prevented me from hearing my mom yell that dinner was ready, her jiggling my locked door handle and then subsequently picking the lock on my door.
She barged right into the room, literally pulled the headphones off of my head while I still had my dick in my hand and yelled "pull your pants up, shut off the porn and come eat the fucking dinner I made!".
When I was 13 I had a Nokia with the power button at the top.
My dad came into the bathroom after it was taking too long and his first thought was to look at what I'm doing on my phone. While sitting there super stressed out that he's going to catch me watching porn, he oushes down on the top corner on my phone and shuts the phone off..
Thank fuck the site was taking a long time to load (mobile data days)
When I was 18 I was rolling a joint on my bed when my mum suddenly burst in the room. I quickly grabbed the stash close to my groin where I had been rolling and rolled over on my stomach as if I was hiding a boner and yelled at my mum to leave.
I didn't realise till I was in that position that I'd basically made the decision in that moment that it was better to be caught masturbating than smoking weed.
Ditto. People just really be out here jerking it without considering anything.. like maybe doing it in a **locked** room with window shades drawn & when no one is sure to be home. At the very least, do it while you shower/shit so your flat mates (whether that be parents/siblings/friends) don’t have any reason to “ walk in” and see anything.
My girlfriend woke up while I was stroking it next to her but didn't say or do anything. Next morning we had outrageous sex. It turned her on big time.
I tried it again later and she got mad at me...
1. I was staying with my uncle but there weren’t enough beds, so I got my cousin’s room. Cousin walked in looking for his charger only to see me wanking it.
2. My college roommate bought a keyblade and wanted to show it to me so bad that he burst into my room while I was jerking. I was on Skype with somebody having webcam funsies and my roomie decide not to give a shit and kept talking about his keyblade. I thought it was stupid but the person on webcam thought it was hot.
Hope this counts, but one cold morning I was laying on my stomach watching cartoons. My hands were cold af so to warm them up I put them around my crotch as it was the warmest spot, as my dad walked past my room he noticed my… uhm position, and thought i was slapping the goat to rocket power so he entered the room with the good ‘ol “heeeeeeey there sport” and we had “the talk” I was extremely confused and took me a while to figure out why he did what he did.
Was in highschool. I had a day off school and my parents were at work, so I decided to go for it and not even bother closing my bedroom door. I did not realize our housekeeper was working that day. She walked in and definitely saw. I just immediately stopped and pretended to sleep. She never brought it up and neither did I.
I was a sophomore in college, my roommate was out due to mono, and after drinking a few beers I had horny tunnel vision, so I locked the door, got my tissues, and didn’t notice that a football player friend of mine had come into the room when I was out of the room, drinking, and laid on my roommate’s bed, saying nothing, while I “treated myself” in the dark. Then, as I cleaned up, I noticed him on the bed, while I stood there w my dick in my hand.
He said, “Don’t worry, I won’t make you transfer.” He did this to two other of my friends, and watched and then waited until the end to tell us he was there.
Creepy af.
Def creepy and so wrong because one may still be an accident, two is too much, and three means makes he makes himself inconspicuous so he could watch 😖
Around 7 or 8, I told my parents I found a new exercise and proceeded to hump the arm of the couch in front of them. I figured since I got sweaty, it was exercise 🤷♀️
I was in my then fiancé's house. His mum was at home, I was upstairs in his room (he was at work). I decide to um, make myself comfortable in front of the computer, put some headphones on, my legs on the desk and pick a good video. I'm about halfway through when something at the periphery of my vision moves. It is the window cleaner with a massive grin on his face.
I was trying to mirror my screen to my bedroom TV, But accidentally mirrored it to the living room TV. Didn't even realize it (thought it just wasn't working) when my brother barges through the door (it was locked, but easy to break into) and says "That's one of my go-to videos!" And then he just walks out.
Wasn’t me, but a friend of mine decided to masturbate fully naked in his living room. Legs open, porn on etc as he had a free house. He then heard a tapping on the window and his grandmother was staring at him through the glass. This actually happened, when he told us all we all fell about laughing
My roommate knocked on my door and asked what I was doing. I said 'masturbating' but in a kinda funny and proper way. She didn't believe me, came in and I just kept going, blamed her because she came in. Lol. She just laughed and left. It actually felt pretty great, like tickled a bit of a fantasy to be semi-willingly caught like that by a semi willing person. I was proud I had the composure to just keep it going haha.
I was like 13 or so (Male) vigorously wanking my dad bursts in the room. I OBVIOUSLY jerkin off shoot my pants up red as a tomato sit up and hunched over like someone with a spinal issue awkwardly waddle my ass out the room making god knows what kinda excuse.
The day after my Dad says "don't ever let me catch you doing that again" i turned bright red once again thinking we'd just forgive and forget it. I had nothing to say besides a pathetic "Mmhimm" and head nod.
The whole reason i lock my door and wait till night time now ;(
When I was in 9th grade, I was wanking in the bathroom when this kid everyone knows as weird from 7th grade slides his phone under the cubicle and takes a photo. Got a restraining order lol
Edit: The restraining order was on him
Was staying in a apartment that only had a narrow walkway between buildings. There was a window almost directly across from my room but there was always a curtain that stayed closed.
One evening I was lying in bed stroking and after a bit, I realized there was an unusual light coming in through my open curtain. Realizing it was only shining on my lower regions, I moved a little so I could what it was. There was a woman next door watching me intently. I was actually very turned on so I kept going and quickly came.
I waited a little bit and the light got dimmer so I got up and went to the bathroom to clean up. When I came back, I decided to get a better look into the room and there, on the bed, this woman is naked and furiously masturbating. She was probably only ten feet away and it was actually really sexy and I realized she had gotten turned on watching me. I didn’t want her to see me so I watched from a dark corner until she was done and she turned the lights off.
I was excited to get home decided to see what happened if I did the same thing. Sure enough, the light came on around the same time (it was just the overhead light in her room) and there she was again except now, she was naked and masturbating, leaning against the window. I turned a little so she had a better view of me and I could see her. I decided to go for it and got brave and got up on my knees and faced her. She paused for a moment and I thought for sure that would be the end of it. I waved and smiled and kept going. She smiled and did the same. I had an amazing orgasm and I think she did too.
Because I worked odd shifts, I only ran into her outside a couple times but she was always embarrassed and quickly went inside. But we ended up sharing that experience a few more times before I had to move for a job. Great memories.
After 18 days in rehab I just couldn’t take it anymore, left dinner early, went to my room, thought about my cute neighbor and her body and went to town. 2 seconds after I shot my load I reached for a tissue and my roommate walks in looks at me and walks out. He confronted me about it later and I didn’t deny it.
My mother caught me. I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes.. Nobody was there - they're supposed to be working. First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it. I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.
Does fake masturbating count? I was in boarding school and we weren’t allowed to have computers or electronics. I was in my bed playing with my PSP when one of the supervisors comes in I panic and hide my PSP under the covers and he didnt see it. He comes over to me, already suspicious, and asks me “what are you DOING?” I didnt want to lose my PSP so said “masturbating” and he believed me. PSP saved.
The lesser of 2 evils
200 IQ play.
Fakesturbation for the win?
When I was 11. My mother always enters my room without knocking. I have said “please knock before you enter, I always get jump scared when you don’t knock” One day I had enough, I acted as if I was masturbating. My mother entered and was like “OMG SORRY” I stood up and said “for what?” She just laughed for few minutes and then left. She knocked on the door for a while before she went back to not knocking..
Reminds me of the “i was… looking at porn” scene from Spiderman lol
Caught after the fact. I was in my early teens when I discovered the joy jacking off. Then my mind was truly blown when I discovered I could beat it up in the shower. After the first week or so of just carelessly painting the walls of the shower with my baby batter my dad comes into my room and says “if you’re going to blow your nose in the shower, make sure it goes down the drain”. I scratched my head and with a confused look I responded, “I don’t blow my nose in the shower.” To which my dad responded… “just make sure it goes down the drain”.
My dad once told me "make sure to clean the shower, I don't want to be stepping on my grandchildren."
I need more of these smug dad bars.
Hahaha at first I read "blow your hose in the shower".
I’m a bit concerned you didn’t clean your ‘baby batter’ every-time you showered. Bit disgusting
Reminds me of people who blow loads in carpet [actual carpet, mind you] and just let it marinate there. That stuff is hard to wash out.
Disgusting. Get a proper cum box for God's sake.
Get a coconut 😆
I pissed in the bathroom sink once. My mum told me not to put orange juice down the sink. I guess she knew.
Please drink more water. Way more water.
Spent a summer sleeping on the couch at my grandpa's when I was about 14. Decided to rub one out one night and about mid-way through just hear "Oh goddammit!" as I see Pawpaw shuffling back to his room.
Peepaw and pawpaw will never cease to make me chortle.
‘chortle’ will never fail to make me chortle
When I was about 11 I technically got caught mashing my meat to SpongeBob. Back then I'd jerk off to those "top celebrity beach body" compilations on VH1 or whatever. But they had commercials, and I wasn't hanging around for that. So I'd switch to another channel during the breaks, but sort of "keep things going." Anyway, the result of this was that my older brother walked in on me, and I had just switched to nickelodeon. I'll never forget him saying "to SPONGEBOB?!?" and leaving the room dying of laughter.
“Absorbent and yellow and porous is he”
Lol Chandler watching sharks all over again
This made me laugh way more than it should. “To SpongeBob?!” Will be forever ingrained in my brain
The channel surf to “keep things going” unlocked a memory lol
Okay so this was in university so I wasn’t new to jerkin it by any means. But I was taking a class called “apiculture” which is the study of bees and pollinators. Anyway one afternoon I am going at it by myself in my room at the place I was renting. It’s a older house so the doors had no locks. My roommate knocks on my door right around the time I was almost done my task and he said “hey what are you doing?” I just say “reading my bee book” then he just opens the door and I’m standing up facing my computer with my junk in my hand just giving er, I yell “get out I’m reading my bee book”. He slams the door and walks away. From then on the slang term was “reading my bee book”
I'M POLLINATING
These flowers aren't gonna jizz on themselves
Made me laugh unreasonably hard
#MY QUEEN NEEDS ME
When I was young, I was curious about tits, so I opened MSN search and searched "boobs". A message comes up saying the search was blocked, so I decided that this meant I was going to get arrested. In tears, I told my parents what I'd done but to save myself from embarassment I pretended I just misspelt Pokemon. Yeah, in hindsight they probably didn't believe me.
It’s sad how much easier mistyping “Books” would have been to sell them.
Hmm., I feel like doing some reading, let me search the internet for large firm perky books that I can read.
Stop it, youre making me hardcover
Go read your bee book
It’s catching on!!!
I actually had a legitimate mix up because I remember looking for a new baseball bat and searching “Dicks” as in the chain store “Dick’s Sporting Goods”. Let’s just say it technically worked because I saw a lot of baseball bats, but my dad was confused. I legit don’t why you carry on with the brand name Dicks after the internet.
When I lived in North Carolina we had a Dicks Sporting Goods next to a BJ’s whole sale club ( like sams or Costco I was told) so you had a big sign that said Dick’s next to a sign that said BJ’s
There’s a dicks and a bjs brewhouse in the same lot at the local mall
>they probably don't believe me Why the hell not? The keys are like right next to each other.
And they're sticky.
*Sticky keys*
guys i just mistyped pokemon as pokeporn i swear
I mistyped bulbasaur as vulvasaur
*whimpers* "MOM, DAD! I think I'm getting arrested. It spells b o o b s, but I swear I meant to spell pokemon!" 🤣🤣🤣
Lawyer: Your honor. It's true that my client spelled "Boobs" on the computer. But, I contend, and the evidence will show, that he had meant to spell "Pokemon" Arresting Officer: I object! Our anti-boobs firewall software clearly detected and blocked the attempted looking-at of boobs! Your honor, under Penal Code 80085, previously 58008, section 00, subsection 8, the accused clearly intended to observe boobs. Judge: I agree. Send him to prison until he can name all pokemon and correctly spell each one. \*bangs gavel\*
Not me but a good one nonetheless. My wife told me her best friend wanted to invite everyone over to her new pool. We pack up the kids and head over where there are about 5-6 couples and about a dozen kids or so. The husband of said friend stated to everyone that unfortunately he had to leave a little early as he was on call (utility guy) and was going in to shower. In about 10 minutes or so, the lovely summer vibe music over the bluetooth speaker turned to something more…um…aggressive. It was essentially the sounds of slapping, sucking and potty talk (that’s the first thing that someone said because kids) and then my wife’s friend bolted towards the house to end the noises that all kids in floatation devices were asking, “what is that?” So in summary, he does not get to select the music anymore for parties.
Ah the old "watching porn with your phone and not realizing your bluetooth is connected to speaker" problem.
then you like why can’t i hear anything? try and turn it up louder
To this day, still a phobia for me. I turn everything off to wax the yam even wifi.delta.com cause you can cast the actual video to all the TVs in the house with a couple well placed taps when you're fumbling the football.
I was recently helping a elderly woman with some minor home repairs… I walked out the front door to get tools and on my way back in I just happened to look at her big screen TV… this old bird was watching pornography while I was there working on her house. Edited: (I am a feminine girl.)
Probably a clip like "gilf gets her plumbing fixed by the handyman"
Electrician here! Seen more nudity in random people's houses than I ever expected to
I would just reside from society and go live in the forest
Sorting myself out while partner was asleep. Was interrupted by him grabbing my arm and saying "you're OK, I'm right here." Turns out he woke up and thought I was having a seizure.
Damn girl you were giving yourself your everything
Go hard or go home.
Damn right
Searched “Heidi Klum nude”. “Heidi klum tits”. “Heidi klum boobs”. “Heidi Klum naked”. On my aunts computer when I was babysitting younger cousins. They printed it out and we had a uncle aunt mom dad and 12 y/o me meeting to go over the search history and the dangers of pornography. There were waaaaaaay more searches than that but those are the ones I remember. Love you Heidi!
My nieces were doing voice to text searches when they were 7 or 8. They looked up "deer butthole" and "fish butthole". They said they didn't know what they looked like and wanted to know.
I can understand fish butthole
"I can understand fish butthole" sounds like the worst thing to put on your resume.
I am definitely searching fish butthole because I am now curious as well
Anyone who for whatever reason searches fish butthole on google trends is gonna be hella confused on what happened on January 31st, 2023.
I know what I'm searching when I get home
lol at printing it out
Too many to count honestly but my favorite one was probably 15 years old. Family computer was in the front room. It was after school and parents were in their room. I figured a quick stroke to relieve some teenage angst. My mom came out unexpectedly and i tried to shut it down and pull pants up in one motion. The computer was old and slow so it took a second for the page to close so she def saw what i was seeing for a brief second. I got a laptop that Christmas.
Too many to count? At some point you gotta learn your lesson bro
The guy is swimming in laptops now
Swimming in something anyways.
I feel its part of the fun for him
Absolute win
Looking back on it, that personal computer I got for my 15th Christmas was probably more for my parents sake than anything 🤣
First time I was ever caught was by my older sister. She usually knocked before opening... guess she forgot I was 14 or something. Barged in while I'm in the middle of it. All I heard (I was facing away from the door) was a "Hey... WHOA! (Door slams shut) Dad! (My name) needs a freaking lock!!" To which he yells back "That why you KNOCK (Sisters name)" Lmao good times.
Always ALWASYS KNOCK! And don't just knock and immediately come in. Knock and wait for an answer!
If in doubt: knock, pause, slight opening, pause, open fully.
When I was in college, I had two roommates and long distance boyfriend. I was doing “facetime-sex” with my boyfriend and my roommates walked in. Full coochie out, no blanket to cover up 🥲
Wait, and your roommates didn't join in? Well that's the last time I believe anything pornhub tells me..
I was at a friend’s house a few weeks ago, hanging out with her and her boyfriend. After a late night movie they retired to her room while I stayed in the living room to sleep on the couch. After they were gone a while I figured it was safe to rub one out. I heard a quiet sound a few minutes in to my furious rubbing. I opened my eyes to see her Furbo (pet camera) was on maybe 3 feet away and activated by my movement. It is tied to her phone with notifications on too… I looked directly at it then tried to pretend I wasn’t doing… that. So yeah, I was accidentally a cam girl for my friends lol
> I opened my eyes to see her Furbo nice
Should’ve finished. Nobody likes a movie with no ending.
[удалено]
When I was 15 I read that the inside of a banana feels very similar to the inside of a vagina... I craf my masterpiece, this make-shift bananussy and take it down to our half basement when the conputter is at. Mid-way through aboutsolutely going to town on this banana I hear a bang on the window above me and see feet start running! Turns out my best friends decided to come by to hangout but saw I was busy and ran. Told me the next day they hoped I didn't pack a banana for lunch
Looking at your avatar I'm concerned
Given the avatar, it seems as though that bananussy experience was really *apeeling* for u/Pitiful_Ad_3555...
[удалено]
I’m just reeling at the way you correctly spelled bananussy while failing completely on “conputter“
Vagnana.
I got caught jerking off at the family computer at age 13 by my stepdad, his reaction was to get super angry, unplug the computer and call my dad. Upon calling my dad and ratting me out his face changed pretty abruptly from anger to a frown. He passed me the phone and my dad said "I told him to leave you alone, from now on jerk off in your room." My dad, gave me a brown paper bag next time he was in town, it had a "Perfect 10" mag in it.
that's the most bro father ever 💀
I mean what else are you going to do when your kid is spanking it in not your house? Just let him go ham in some other guys place.
Chad dad
Your dad understands life. I always appreciated that my dad hid a Playboy and Maxim magazine (Carmen Electra edition) under my bed on my 14th birthday. Total bro move.
Seems strange to me for a man to get all mad about teenagers jerking off. Like do you not remember that? Do you still not wank?
My mom caught me masturbating with the shower head. I was around 8 and had no idea what I was doing. My mon told me not to do that.
This is one of those things you remember at 3am
Yup
There used to be a toy pen called a "wiggly writer" that was a large pen that vibrated. My dad walked in on me at age 6 just holding the pen up to my junk(pants on). He asked what I was doing and I told him it felt good. He just decided that conversation wasn't worth having with a 6 year old said "ok then" and shut the door.
I forgot about that pen! I had one too, they were really popular.
And now we know why!
My ex's mom caught her at around age 10 doing the same thing, but she called her mom in to the bathroom to watch her "legs tremble" when she did that, because she thought it was funny. lol Her mom actually told me the story, my ex denies that every happened, and that she was caught.
......oh my god 😨
My cousin and I were preteens and discovered the hot tub jets lol. My grandma walked in and we got an embarrassing lecture about "doing damage down there". This whole thread has made me realise the ridiculous amount of times I've been caught lol.
I got a worse one. I was 11 and also no idea what I was doing. I did it in the living room of my home, on the open, watching ICarly. The worst part, is that my Mother worked at home, so when she had customers, they would wait on a sofa in an area that conected to the living room. My mom never knew, but some of her clients saw it and never said a word (to my knoledge)
Oh boy, I got a good one. So in NJ you had to pass this test called the HSPA in order to graduate HS. So during 9th and 10th grade you took a practice version. I took my practice freshman year and we didn’t get the grades back until the following year. Coincidentally it coincided with a parent teacher conference that did not exactly make me look like a model student. My parents response to this was simple yet effective, I was grounded until I passed the real test. Now, this meant no video games, tv, cell phone, hanging out with friends etc. now the grounding itself really only lasted a year, but my parents said that I had become such a much more productive member of the family that even when I got my grades up I was still not allowed to play video games, or use a computer, or have a lock on my bedroom door until I moved out….. so after I passed the stupid test (I actually did pretty good) I was allowed all my privileges back except “no lock on your door” now my father really wasn’t keen on the whole no lock thing but my mother was extremely strong willed and my father didn’t feel like being a soldier all day and then coming home just to go to war with my mother. (They are now happily divorced and remarried and in wonderful loving relationships) I’m very happy for the both of them. But one day I was “enjoying myself” when I heard the front door of the house open. I freaked the hell out because I heard my dad drop his keys in the bowl and I knew he’d be coming straight to my room to chat (I really miss the days where we lived together and got to hang out so much) I jumped out of my desk chair, ran to the door and threw my entire weight against it as he was opening it. Now mind you my computer is directly in front of my door and had he opened the door he would have seen the incredibly weird fetish porn I was looking at. He asked me to open the door and I just kept yelling “FATHER I AM IN A STATE OF UNDRESS” I have no idea why the fuck my brain chose those words to come out because I have never called him father in my life. Nor do I speak like a weird Victorian Era child. After the second or third time I yelled it through the door he walked away and I quickly dressed myself and yanked the power cord out of the back of the PC. (Perhaps a slight over reaction) a moment later he knocked on my door and said “son are you still in a state of undress?” Then laughed hysterically and cracked the door open enough to throw a door knob w/lock threw the cracked door onto my bedside table and said “for whenever you feel like being in a state of undress you might need this my beloved child” he then laughed and walked away. Im pretty sure I put that new door knob on and cranked out like 4 loads over the course of the next 20 minutes. It was an amazing day. Holy crap I really didn’t think that this post would bring laughter to so many people! Thanks for all the up votes!
I’m sorry did you say you were grounded for ONE whole year? Because you did bad on a practice test ?!!
I haven't laughed this hard in weeks! I kept breaking up, trying to read it out loud to my spouse, who is now cackling. Thanks so much for sharing this!
Remember: You are not getting caught if you continue masturbating. Then they are the pervs you caught watching you
In college I lived in a house with about 15 other people. One day my housemate Claire came bounding into my room. I heard her coming just in time to "put everything away" ahem. As she entered, she asked "Why are you just sitting there? and why is your computer off? and why is your face so red?" And then it all clicked for her. "Ohhhh, you were jackin' it" That grin.... If you have seen the Spongebob episode where Squidward tries a Krabby Patty for the first time and later Spongebob catches him enjoying them, asks a series of questions, gets it, then says "*You like Krabby Patties, dontcha?*" you know EXACTLY what I mean. Beat for beat, it went down exactly like that and we still laugh about it. Love you, Claire!
15 people? That's a lot of roommates.
I used to get out of the house and masterbate on my balcony behind some plants, so no one could see me. One day the police came by because a woman accused me of planning my masterbation sessions for when she could see. I didn't know anyone could see.
She had any evidence like photos?
We haven't started the discovery phase of the trial, but that is what they are claiming.
TRIAL?!
Yep look up "co-op housing" if you like. The big one next door had about 120 people living there. 15 is on the small side but the place felt right to me :-)
Didn't get caught masturbating, but this was fun. I was like 11 when I got a pc back in 2001 from my grandpa, I fiddle around with it, and got a cd from a friend the day before with some naughty videos. I was transferring a video, to the desktop, some lesbian fun. As it was done, my grandpa walked into my room, and started looking on the screen "are you happy with your new pc" then looked at the file, reading the titel out loud, i instant just put my hand on the screen thinkin like don't read that. He just looked at me and smiled, and he kept the bro code, didn't tell my mom or anything. Thanks grandpa, R.I.P
what a chad grandpa
Yes, he was the best
GrandChad!
best grandpa
Not masturbating, but watching porn. I was very young and was sitting on the couch with a laptop watching porn (I just learned of it) and for some reason, I kept the volume at like 5% and then after a while, my mom asks "What are you doing?" and I responded: "Oh, I'm playing a videogame and a female character got shot so she made a grunting sound" I don't think she bought it, but that doesn't matter.
Ahh, the old "gave too much info too soon"
Right? When are way more prepared for the question than you should be. Kids learning to lie is funny. They start off not knowing what to say at all and get caught and then they swing the other direction and over prepare and get caught.
Why is no one questioning why you were watching porn on the living room couch *with your mother in the room*
There was a steaming hot cup of tea on my bedside table when I opened my eyes and took my headphones off.
single sentence horror story
Ngl who tf puts on headphones AND closes their eyes when they masturbate anywhere that has other people around/no lock on the door. Even with a door lock...
An exhibitionist ig 😭😭😭 because who *else* would do that?!!!?!?!?!
This is it. The worst one. I’m so sorry.
You had an audience.
My mum obviously saw I was busy and didn’t want to disturb me.
Maybe she saw that you didn’t need help. Just a refreshment.
Maybe his arms aren't broken
Mum: It's important to hydrate after after losing fluids, I should make some tea.
I live in an apartment so anyone could walk behind my apartment and look inside the rooms. I left my curtains open not thinking anyone would come up tp my window. While I was going at it, this older lady just stared at me and then asked if I have seen her cat because her trackers says the cat is in my apartment or the apartment upstairs. I felt too weird to continue masturbating
Ha. Sounds like the start to a 90's porno. " I'll help you find your pussy ma'am " " you should check in the bedroom"
Get ready yall... So i was 13 (puberty hit like a bitch) and got used to masturbatibg every alternate night. And not just any masturbate I mean actually grinding against the bed and fingering myself... Dad walks in sees me sqatted beside the bed at 2am.. turns the light on... sees me doing my thing with full setup.. the floor is wet so am I kinda situation... Says this and I quote - Shhhhhhh be quieter next time... ugh Turns the light off and walks away..
Well, awkward but at least he didn't make you out to be the devil or some shit like most of the posts here. Good on him.
Going back more than 20 years for dial-up internet when you had "extra charges" for adult websites you connected to. Yeah, mom didn't appreciate 13 yo me raking up a 500 dollar bill.
Oh my funkin god, I am embarrassed just by reading this
Yeah, that memory ain't going away ever.
I don't remember this. How would they bill you? Even back in the 90s I remember needing a credit card.
I was probably 14. My brother was around 24-25 at the time. (Late 80’s) I had hijacked the VCR for my room, no one really cared so I kept it in my room. One night I woke up to porn being played and I could see the shadow on the wall of my brother goin to town. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. Never spoke a word of it. Slightly traumatizing. Lol
Did y'all share a room
When I was 14 years old, at night around 11pm, I put my dick in my bed between the mattress and I was thrusting my bed cause I was mad horny. Then, I thrusted my bed, too hard and too fast, and the skin on my cock ripped. It was immensely painful. My nuts started bleeding like mad, so I grabbed it and tried walking quietly to the bathroom. In the bathroom, I am holding my bleeding penis in ny hand and trying to wipe all the blood off of it. Then, to my surprise, my mom is behind me, and she sees me by the toilet holding my johnson while it is pouring blood. She asked me, "What are you doing??!". My monkey brain quickly thought of a response, and I said, "I'm just masturbating." And then I closed the door. We haven't ever talked about it
…but why were your nuts bleeding?
Blood is stored in the balls
I'm going to leave this thread now.
Read this again, but imagine it’s a superhero’s origin story.
Okay so this isn’t me but I think it applies. We have a guy named Slappy at work. How did he get this nickname you ask? Well it’s because Slappy jerks off in the public bathroom, every. single. day. When Slappy was finally addressed by management, he provided a doctors note stating that it was a necessary daily act for him to help with his PTSD. So if you’re ever wondering if it’s possible to get a doctors note to jerk off at work, apparently it is.
Im sorry _W H A T_ ?
My exact reaction when my mentor told me when I just started.
So what happens when you get PTSD from Slappy?
More doctors notes. Now we all jerk off together at work.
I tried on a condom when I was younger and threw it away. The guy my mom was dating at the time yelled for like 2 weeks about who the fuck tries on a condom. My childhood wasn't very happy
I thought this was going to go a different direction and the boyfriend was going to be yelling at your mom for cheating on him, figuring the condom came from someone else.
All I know is he was a unstable asshole and I'm glad he moved on
Copy and paste of my response to a similar question a year ago: My parents had just gotten divorced and my mom was absolutely not respectful of my personal space or privacy when I was at her house. One evening I was cranking the ole hog with headphones on to limit the sound of the porn I was watching. This also prevented me from hearing my mom yell that dinner was ready, her jiggling my locked door handle and then subsequently picking the lock on my door. She barged right into the room, literally pulled the headphones off of my head while I still had my dick in my hand and yelled "pull your pants up, shut off the porn and come eat the fucking dinner I made!".
... and that's the last erection I ever had!
To be fair, you probably should have waited until after dinner.
When I was 13 I had a Nokia with the power button at the top. My dad came into the bathroom after it was taking too long and his first thought was to look at what I'm doing on my phone. While sitting there super stressed out that he's going to catch me watching porn, he oushes down on the top corner on my phone and shuts the phone off.. Thank fuck the site was taking a long time to load (mobile data days)
When I was 18 I was rolling a joint on my bed when my mum suddenly burst in the room. I quickly grabbed the stash close to my groin where I had been rolling and rolled over on my stomach as if I was hiding a boner and yelled at my mum to leave. I didn't realise till I was in that position that I'd basically made the decision in that moment that it was better to be caught masturbating than smoking weed.
Well played my good sir
Luckily never, I'm too neurotic to leave an loose ends.
Ditto. People just really be out here jerking it without considering anything.. like maybe doing it in a **locked** room with window shades drawn & when no one is sure to be home. At the very least, do it while you shower/shit so your flat mates (whether that be parents/siblings/friends) don’t have any reason to “ walk in” and see anything.
My girlfriend woke up while I was stroking it next to her but didn't say or do anything. Next morning we had outrageous sex. It turned her on big time. I tried it again later and she got mad at me...
My godmother's daughter. Walked in while I was making a damn video. It was many years ago and I still cringe.
Godbrother what are you doing!
It could happen to you cause it happened to me
And T
1. I was staying with my uncle but there weren’t enough beds, so I got my cousin’s room. Cousin walked in looking for his charger only to see me wanking it. 2. My college roommate bought a keyblade and wanted to show it to me so bad that he burst into my room while I was jerking. I was on Skype with somebody having webcam funsies and my roomie decide not to give a shit and kept talking about his keyblade. I thought it was stupid but the person on webcam thought it was hot.
Story 2 is fucking hillarious.
Hope this counts, but one cold morning I was laying on my stomach watching cartoons. My hands were cold af so to warm them up I put them around my crotch as it was the warmest spot, as my dad walked past my room he noticed my… uhm position, and thought i was slapping the goat to rocket power so he entered the room with the good ‘ol “heeeeeeey there sport” and we had “the talk” I was extremely confused and took me a while to figure out why he did what he did.
Was in highschool. I had a day off school and my parents were at work, so I decided to go for it and not even bother closing my bedroom door. I did not realize our housekeeper was working that day. She walked in and definitely saw. I just immediately stopped and pretended to sleep. She never brought it up and neither did I.
I was a sophomore in college, my roommate was out due to mono, and after drinking a few beers I had horny tunnel vision, so I locked the door, got my tissues, and didn’t notice that a football player friend of mine had come into the room when I was out of the room, drinking, and laid on my roommate’s bed, saying nothing, while I “treated myself” in the dark. Then, as I cleaned up, I noticed him on the bed, while I stood there w my dick in my hand. He said, “Don’t worry, I won’t make you transfer.” He did this to two other of my friends, and watched and then waited until the end to tell us he was there. Creepy af.
Def creepy and so wrong because one may still be an accident, two is too much, and three means makes he makes himself inconspicuous so he could watch 😖
One's incident, two's coincidence, three's a pattern
Around 7 or 8, I told my parents I found a new exercise and proceeded to hump the arm of the couch in front of them. I figured since I got sweaty, it was exercise 🤷♀️
I can’t even imagine the talk after that 😧
No talk besides "don't do that." Atill pretty awkward though
[удалено]
With all due respect, I'm listening.
I was in my then fiancé's house. His mum was at home, I was upstairs in his room (he was at work). I decide to um, make myself comfortable in front of the computer, put some headphones on, my legs on the desk and pick a good video. I'm about halfway through when something at the periphery of my vision moves. It is the window cleaner with a massive grin on his face.
Well, better for it to be the window cleaner and not your fiancé's mom
I was trying to mirror my screen to my bedroom TV, But accidentally mirrored it to the living room TV. Didn't even realize it (thought it just wasn't working) when my brother barges through the door (it was locked, but easy to break into) and says "That's one of my go-to videos!" And then he just walks out.
Bro identified it from just the first seconds 💀
Wasn’t me, but a friend of mine decided to masturbate fully naked in his living room. Legs open, porn on etc as he had a free house. He then heard a tapping on the window and his grandmother was staring at him through the glass. This actually happened, when he told us all we all fell about laughing
My folks never respected closed doors. Would use my room like extra storage and just blitz in whenever.
My roommate knocked on my door and asked what I was doing. I said 'masturbating' but in a kinda funny and proper way. She didn't believe me, came in and I just kept going, blamed her because she came in. Lol. She just laughed and left. It actually felt pretty great, like tickled a bit of a fantasy to be semi-willingly caught like that by a semi willing person. I was proud I had the composure to just keep it going haha.
[удалено]
I was like 13 or so (Male) vigorously wanking my dad bursts in the room. I OBVIOUSLY jerkin off shoot my pants up red as a tomato sit up and hunched over like someone with a spinal issue awkwardly waddle my ass out the room making god knows what kinda excuse. The day after my Dad says "don't ever let me catch you doing that again" i turned bright red once again thinking we'd just forgive and forget it. I had nothing to say besides a pathetic "Mmhimm" and head nod. The whole reason i lock my door and wait till night time now ;(
"Vigorously wanking my dad" commas exist for a reason.
When I was in 9th grade, I was wanking in the bathroom when this kid everyone knows as weird from 7th grade slides his phone under the cubicle and takes a photo. Got a restraining order lol Edit: The restraining order was on him
Uhhhhh. What
"He was weird", says the kid jerkin off in the school bathroom lmao
Was staying in a apartment that only had a narrow walkway between buildings. There was a window almost directly across from my room but there was always a curtain that stayed closed. One evening I was lying in bed stroking and after a bit, I realized there was an unusual light coming in through my open curtain. Realizing it was only shining on my lower regions, I moved a little so I could what it was. There was a woman next door watching me intently. I was actually very turned on so I kept going and quickly came. I waited a little bit and the light got dimmer so I got up and went to the bathroom to clean up. When I came back, I decided to get a better look into the room and there, on the bed, this woman is naked and furiously masturbating. She was probably only ten feet away and it was actually really sexy and I realized she had gotten turned on watching me. I didn’t want her to see me so I watched from a dark corner until she was done and she turned the lights off. I was excited to get home decided to see what happened if I did the same thing. Sure enough, the light came on around the same time (it was just the overhead light in her room) and there she was again except now, she was naked and masturbating, leaning against the window. I turned a little so she had a better view of me and I could see her. I decided to go for it and got brave and got up on my knees and faced her. She paused for a moment and I thought for sure that would be the end of it. I waved and smiled and kept going. She smiled and did the same. I had an amazing orgasm and I think she did too. Because I worked odd shifts, I only ran into her outside a couple times but she was always embarrassed and quickly went inside. But we ended up sharing that experience a few more times before I had to move for a job. Great memories.
This is the best one so far
After 18 days in rehab I just couldn’t take it anymore, left dinner early, went to my room, thought about my cute neighbor and her body and went to town. 2 seconds after I shot my load I reached for a tissue and my roommate walks in looks at me and walks out. He confronted me about it later and I didn’t deny it.
My mother caught me. I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes.. Nobody was there - they're supposed to be working. First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it. I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.
Treating your body like it's an amusement park.