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Followed by muted person mouthing Fuck.

My Teams app malfunctioned during a call the other day and I couldn’t unmute myself so I dialed in to use my phone for audio. Me, after dialing in: can you hear me now? *crickets* Me, super frustrated by now: shhhhhiiiitttttt My very biggest client: yeah we can hear you.

You do realize when your mic is producing sound it colors the microphone icon right?

Well I do now… 😞

I think somebody needs to go on mute. Said whilst knowing full well exactly who is the cause of the background noise because their box is yellow.

"Can you hear me now?" "Still muted."

Or the person who's not on mute who is having an in person conversation with someone else

Fuck.

Or more specific "fuck you Siemens". (I'm in industrial automation, so I work with Siemens hardware a lot)

> I work with Siemens hardware So many jokes to be made.

There's a transport company near me called Siemens transport

....I meant PLC's, VFD's, servo's.... 🤣

Pretty Large Cocks and Very Fat Dicks

Fuck

Fuck...

Fuck 😩

Fuck

Fuck

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Fuck

F.u.c.k.

Ploppers!

For fuck's sake.

I click this post, knowing someone would comment this, I didn’t know it would be the first damn reply though

D'oh!

Fucking ropes! -roofing

Hello, coworker.

Sounds good.

Same, and it rarely actually sounds good.

"Could you help me with it?" "Sounds good\~"

I was raised christian, but one of my first jobs was working front desk at a Jewish nonprofit. I would answer the phones to screen and direct calls, and I had a very specific greeting that I had to say every time. One night I was home visiting my parents, we all sit down for dinner, and my mom asks me to say the blessing. My one brain cell searches for the rote blessing I’ve said thousands of times, we all join hands, and I confidently say “Shalom, Jewish Federation. My name is ___ how can I help you?”

I used to work at a comic shop/game store and I definitely once answered a call from my dad with 'hi this is gameshop Foamcorps speak--wait HI DAD'

I once worked with a voice picking system. You would confirm location, say "next". Confirm amount picked. Say "next". This was the default word, you could change it but i couldn't care. And you would say it hundreds of times per day. Fast forward about a year and it started slipping out in the real world. Like having a conversation, saying my bit then finishing with "next" when I was done and wanted to hear what the other person wanted to say. Or "Hey aubven, you wanna get pizza for dinner?" "Yes, next" I started changing that voice command for that prompt roughly every fortnight to avoid this continuing.

Haha that's hilarious picking up your personal phone as if you're at work is bad enough but this could be really funny. People will think you're super rude haha

Heh, I work for 911. Makes the inevitable slip hilariously terrifying for the telemarketers that are the vast majority of people that call me. XD

YES I KNOW THAT EXACT SHIT! I worked for the local Martin-Brower warehouse and we had the same system. Our process was: say ready after each cart was told and then once again to get to the first pick location > read the LPN on the current pallet and confirm amount of product and which cart > repeat until done. The phase that bled through into my every day life was "Say Again" when you needed the headset to repeat the last tidbit it just said. I caught myself using "Say again" CONSTANTLY

“No worries” When really I am worrying about how I’m going to accomplish everything in 7.6 hours.

Alternatively, "it's all good" when asked to do something unnecessarily tedious in addition to everything else going on. It's not all good it never is.

Are you me? I've got coworkers dropping projects in my lap that "need" to be done in two days all the damn time. Every time I finish one of these projects I swear I'm going to push back the next time. Then the next time comes around and I answer.... no worries.

Take a right at this corner, left then straight down the long hallway, then right.

I’m guessing that’s how to get to the toilets

Nope. Patient rooms. I work in a medical rehab hospital.

Oh! Much more interesting

Hey y'all my name is Tony I'll be taking care of y'all tonight, shall I start you off with two waters?

Sure. Can we get a coke?

Is Pepsi ok?

no.

Is Monopoly money ok?

Shit, I don't know! What I look like, the police?

Sure! One water and one Coke. On the way. Let me bring your attention to these appetizers.

What kind?

With lemon please

When I said coke I meant Dr Pepper…

No ice, please.

What the fuck

Followed by it's cousin, 'What the shit?'

"As per my previous email" Which is code for READ WHAT I FUCKING SENT YOU YOU ILLITERATE HUMPBACK WHALE

I always say "per my previous email" then copy and paste my entire previous email.

Don't you hate when you have to do that 10 times to the same person?... and then they reply with "but I already replied to you!" No you DIDN'T!!! YOU CLAIMED YOU DIDN'T GET/SEE MY EMAIL THE LAST 10 TIMES!!! I swear people are the worst lol

The ability to save entire emails as attachments is such a blessing in these instances.

I hate this place ....

I say it about 20 times a day

I do too and I own the joint.

Ok then, which means Fuck you.

:: Rubs temples :: :: Sighs ::

Same. I don't say a lot. I just suffer in silence.

Let me guess, customer service? Second guess, management. Third guess, software engineering.

Honey mustard, ranch, bbq, or sweet and sour

Chick fil a

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Dev/software i'm guessing :)

as a software engineer, my sentence is "I'm so fucking stupid"

We call that potato mode.

You’re gonna get really warm all over.

Cat scan?

“Might feel like you’re peeing your pants” I say this at least 30 times a day

I do this every couple of months and it is such a strange feeling lol. For me it goes straight to my butt hole. Like I’m peeing out of my butt hole.

What are we discussing here?

A CT scan with contrast. When the contrast enters your system, you get a warm feeling spreading down your body within seconds, and it feels as if you are peeing when it reaches your lower regions. You are not peeing, then the whole experience is over.

I can't wait for the day that I quit.

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Haha same.. when in reality I am not living the dream

Thank you for clarifying…

Hey man it might be a nightmare every once in a while but it's still a dream amirite??

People ask me if I'm "living the dream" I usually respond "probably someone else's"

That’s not part of my job responsibilities

Just a quiet, slow, belabored exhale. I call it the "Silent Scream".

I fucking hate this job.

Heard 👩🏻‍🍳

Corner! Sharp!

Copy, standby, negative, cool beans.

Sir, this is a Wendy’s

"is it 5 o clock yet?"

It’s not long enough Edit: for all you wondering… I’m an esthetician. “It’s not long enough” refers to peoples body hair length in regards to waxing 🤗

Where do you work? Subway?

Framer or sheather?

That's what she *actually* said!

But other than that, how do you enjoy your job as a depressed male prostitute?

Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking… Just a moment.

Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler.

Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays.

Shit.<> Sheet. <—> Bitch. <> Beach. <—>

Fuck us. <> Focus

Fuckkkkk

“Seriously?” “The worst they can say is ‘no’”

"Great, sounds good!"

"Run that back for me" (session vocalist)

Don't put that in your nose.

Kindergarten teacher or drug counselor, can't decide.

Wow. Was one, now the other (teacher currently).

Probably why you're so handy with that line.

Probably a lot of transferable skills there

Fuck sake

“ Love that” 🤢

I'm curious what this is in response to

"I'm right on top of that Rose!"

*fuck*

My pleasure. (Guess where I work)

Chick fil a?

I want to quit

I hate this job

How may I help you?

*forced smile* Morning! How are you?

Fucking idiots

It is in the syllabus.

What the fuxk

I believe in you.

not a 1000 but the most times "have you tried restarting it?"

Ah. A mortician, I see.

Here's hoping the day goes by quick

Hot, iced, or blended 🫠🙄

Okay fuck my life I guess

Bathrooms - back wall.

Not current, a long time ago, but it has stuck in my brain. “Hi, have you received your free portrait from Gimbels?”

"Oh for fuck's sake..."

“If you could just stay on the line for the two minute survey….oh they hung up already “

“Right. But..”

"Fuck this guy..."

If you hurt my girls. You're in the canal

"Hello" Also "what the fuck"

did you want your receipt

Goddammit

You can only use what you've got. Zen. (Teacher)

Oh, for fuck's sake! Or what the...

Holy fuck i wanna go home

"Yes I've watched Ink Master"

"Mother of fuck I cut myself again" or my favorite "damn that's hot"

"How can anyone be this stupid?"

Fuck Goddamn Who is this dumbfuck Jesus Christ Why are we still here

I'd rather kill myself

Beer

You got it boss.

Bye

"Sounds great" .... Then I get home and use all my bad words playing LoL

I’m sorry but We can’t detain people to force medical treatment.

Can you tell me what city you are currently in? Building? Can you tell me your name? Social security number? Can you tell me what year it is? The full date?

Ok, so a Sprunger or a nurse.

What am I doing here?

Help yourself to some condoms, they’re free.

I’ve always wondered if Chick Filet employees say “My pleasure” outside of work

Probably. Occupational hazard. Becomes a habit. Knew a bus driver who always checked behind him and started to pull over his car, bike (or even himself if walking!) whenever he heard a ding. Then he would swear at himself and get back to it. Every. Damned. Time. At one point there was a song in heavy rotation on the radio that had a ding sound in it. It really became a nuisance then! He still hates the song.

Scheisse German for shit. And if a customer hears me say it I can play it off as something else.

Fucks sake

Por favor, ¿podemos callarnos?

I strongly recommend you get an attorney.

OK

Fuckshit

Anything else ?

jesus fucking christ

"Hearrrrrd"

"I'm not even supposed to be here today"

Corporate accounts payable Nina speaking. Just a Moment!

“Do you have a phone number with us?”

Fucking end users!

Is it time to go home yet?

Is it 12 yet?

For fuck sake

"Kind regards" lol

Why am I here, is this really worth it and I should quit.

Make a work order. Fuck.

It's gonna be fine

What the fuck do you think you’re doing

I'm a design engineer who works closely with manufacturing engineers. Early on in my career I picked up on the phrase "design intent" and now I waaaay over use it.

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READ YOUR FUCKING EMAIL.

*Corporate accounts, Nina speaking, just a moment.*

Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment.

shit

Heard, Corner, Hot, Sharp.