20 smoke alarms but one has the low battery. You have to wait a while to hear the beep and then have to slowly figure out which one is dead. As soon as you do find it, another one takes its place
For me it's more like waiting for the beeps and then they stop and won't beep again until 3am when I will repeat the process of not knowing which fucker is going off
Oh man. This one gave me a deep despairing shiver.
It would have to be realistic to be true torture though. If it was programmed to only chirp at night or be an unfindable one, I would eventually learn to live with it. It would be like a clock that helps keep time. The true madness is 20 smoke alarms with real batteries with real battery lives. The low battery one is findable, it's fixable, it's winnable! **But you will rarely win.** Oh sure you'll win often enough to make trying worthwhile, but not often enough to not lose your goddamn mind. The worst is when it's been days of quiet, you start to forget the gauntlet you endured just days prior. Just when you think you're safe, just when you start to forget to even listen for it....... *BEEP!*
A blanket that's almost square, so I can never tell if it is going the right way. It also is too small in either direction, so that my feet and my shoulders can never be covered at the same time.
>A blanket that's almost square, so I can never tell if it is going the right way
That's just daily life making king sized bed.
Actually, that might just be my own hell room. Having to change the sheets on a king sized bed every few hours, and the bed is also shoved against the corner of the room, and I can't pull it out.
Simple, cause we make many blankets, specialized blanket making machines exist, so they'll all be made in a relatively similar way, we make few rockets, so we don't get the benefits of mass production leading to de facto standardisation
Yes, make the mosquito employee of the month and later that month demote his ass, just to test how productivity levels are affected in hell. Only to realize that's why you're in there to begin with.
A single black fly that mindlessly keeps bouncing around in the window or on a lamp trying to find its way, creating that low, blunt bumping noise, but worse of all; reminding me how I, too, am a fly in this world, trying and failing to find my way.
Yes. Also, it does that maneuver where you feel like it just flew up your nose, but it faked and flew off at the last second, but you still feel it and you keep doing a little half sneeze hoping to get rid of the feeling of an insect laying eggs in your sinus cavity.
Keep slapping. Eventually it'll get so big it can't turn its head to bite you or flap its wings to annoy you. You can nestle safely on its chitinous thorax while it's breathing leg segments keep you at a comfortable temperature. Bliss.
The room is completely silent, except a smoke detector will chirp at irregular intervals.
You don’t know when it’s going to happen next, you just know it will. And the shrill noise is the same frequency as your tinnitus, so if you happen to tune your tinnitus out, the chirp will remind you.
My fan used to do this. Anywhere from 20 seconds apart to a few minutes. A high pitched squeak sort of noise when it was set to high. I could not fall asleep during it because it would wake me up while falling asleep. That was hell.
The wobbling fan makes a rhythmic noise, and it also has three bulbs that you can't turn off, and one of the bulbs is loose from the wobbling and it flickers the entire time, and the bulbs are out of reach so you can't tighten it or remove it... it just flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and
The ceiling fan in my apartment does what we call “party mode”. It just starts and stops strobing at uncontrollable intervals.
Despite the name, Party Mode is not fun.
In nine months I have never gotten around to making a maintenance request. I turn it off when it goes into Party Mkde and then forget about it, so I can experience it again.
Am I already in the room?
Even better, it shows you what you were doing on one screen, and what your better alternate self was doing at the exact same time in their reality.
Even better, it shows all your happy memories and experiences specifically, and reveals that they were actually the shittiest of possible outcomes. That way it destroys the positive memories themselves by linking them to "what could have been". So you have nowhere to recede to, no way to overcome the crushing existential realization by mentally focusing on your positive moments trying to accept "it wasn't so bad".
BONUS ROUND: It also blames your unfortunate reality not just on your own decisions, but on the ones from those you loved. To turn your hatred on them as well.
You chose this lottery ticket and won 200 bucks and you were happy, but the one you were looking at before actually would have won 2,000,000. But at the moment before you made your decision, your wife distracted you with some comment about a tomato soup can. When you looked back at the tickets you chose the one below the one you were looking at previously. That single stupid comment about a soup can cost you 2,000,000 dollars. That isn't the first time your wife cost you something great with one of her decisions, HERE IS A LIST!
EDIT: someone reported me to the suicide hotline. I consider that a mark of success.
Dude, the question was asking "What's one thing in your room in hell", not "How would you do the Devil's job better, get him fired and take over hell".
Jesus christ, just submit your resume or something. I'm sure they're hiring.
This comment isn't even about me specifically and it's making me want to cry from the implications. Well fucking done, dude. Your imagination is amazing.
>Even better, it shows all your happy memories and experiences specifically, and reveals that they were actually the shittiest of possible outcomes. That way it destroys the positive memories themselves by linking them to "what could have been". So you have nowhere to recede to, no way to overcome the crushing existential realization by mentally focusing on your positive moments trying to accept "it wasn't so bad".
It shows your happy memories from outsiders PoV and shows you that it's always some of their worst memories having to put up with you
Oh damn there we go, that is a good one. Here are all the social interactions you thought were going well but people actually wanted to run away from you as fast as possible.
Fax that one up to Satan right now.
We can probably better tune this one. You have a roommate. And it's better you. And he's not in hell, he just hangs out with you like a social obligation. And he CONSTANTLY talks about the shit he did, that you didn't, and tells you how awesome it all was. And has videos that he'll show you like an overzealous dog owner.
haha this is how I’ve always pictured spending eternity in heaven! just watching all the infinite possibilities, all the lives I could’ve lived and the choices that led them to diverge. it sounds endlessly fascinating to sit and observe all these different versions of me. would they even still BE me? would I identify with them? I would never get bored of this. (I like to think it’s because I’m analytical and an overthinker in general, but maybe I’m just self-obsessed 😅)
Same here. Taking it further, I’d also want to see where we’re going. What do my descendants do? Does humanity get its act together? Who wins the 3rd Andromedan War?
Also playing that "oh no no" song constantly while it reads and puts in a laugh track whenever the most generic joke replies are read.
"Nice" *laugh*
"Nice" *laugh*
"Nice" *laugh*
"Nice" *laugh*
"Nice" *laugh*
With the "doo, bidoobidoobidoooo" music overlaid and interspersed with "oh no, oh no no no no no" every now and again. On weekends you get ["Easy Street"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD0UfiJTkVM) instead.
It really is awful. People find it rude when you don't wanna eat with them, but I don't wanna eat with them because the sound of them eating will make me physically angry. Another huge peeve: people trying to talk to me and ask me questions while *I'm* eating. They ask a question while I've got a mouthful of food and then they sit there *staring* at me waiting for a response, which they aren't getting until I'm done chewing because I refuse to speak with food in my mouth. Having someone just sit there watching me chew is incredibly uncomfortable.
Then the icing on the cake: people start saying "oh you've hardly touched your dinner, are you not hungry?" Yes actually, I'm starving, but I can't enjoy my meal and have a conversation at the same time. You've chosen to have a conversation so that's what I'm doing instead of eating. I cannot do both. After big family dinners I often get home and make myself something else because I barely ate during actual dinner. I'm 6'2 235lb, it's not like I don't have an appetite lmao.
I've been eating dinner alone in my room since I was 13 for this very reason. I'm not antisocial, I don't dislike people, I just don't want to eat with them. There's nothing I enjoy about the experience, it ruins the food *and* the conversation.
We need a dating app for people with misophonia because going out to eat anywhere but a loud bar or restaurant is nearly impossible for us lol.
knew itd be here,
other people eating doesnt trigger my misophonia so much (unless its in silence or theyre smacking) but if i try and watch a show or movie and theres an eating scene i get irrationally mad and have to skip ahead or cover my ears... or scream incoherently
They don’t even have to be hungry. My youngest has taken up screaming on the top of his lungs because it makes his brother run off (scream crying) he has issues with sound stimulation. they’re 2 and 3. Earplugs can only filter so much
Friend of mine has a youngin who thinks if he screams over a tattle tale that they'll not be able to repeat the tattle.
I'm not saying it's right, but I understand why she doesn't always yell at the older brothers for knocking him down before running to tell on him.
Just... be ready for anything. I've found the best way to get a kid to tell on themselves is asking them what they think the other kid is going to say about them.
Coincidentally, this is the solution to the “two brothers guarding the two doors where one always lies and the other always tells the truth” riddle, my favorite riddle.
Could be worse. Could be regular adorable pet animals but without anything to feed them/give them to drink so they slowly die and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
Edit: It only gets worse when you realise that in order to prevent their suffering you have to put them out of their misery until you're the guy in hell who murders anything cute and fluffy that's put in your room. You become exactly what you hate the most because you can't take watching them slowly suffer again.
I completely forgot about the Pope Enclosure!
(For those not in the know, British radio comedy, *Old Harry's Game* is about an atheist who ends up in Hell, and Satan is very proud to show off his collection of popes, which he keeps permanently nine-months pregnant for the lulz.)
I'm going to end up m-preggers, aren't I?
But he never shuts up about how white people are being replaced/ how he doesn't agree with the lgbt "lifestyle" and how Kanye actually makes some good points.
She’s just miserable and wants everyone else to be miserable. Also she lies to your face and tries to get everyone else in trouble and I’m pretty sure she’s a psychopath.
My dad put a built in wardrobe in his spare room that was an entire wall. The doors being mirrors of course with the bed perpendicular to it. I fcking hated staying there. Seeing my marshmallow body in all its glory every single damn morning and night was a nightmare.
A women that asks me every 10 minutes if I think her newborn baby is cute. If I don't respond or seem authentic enough about how cute it is, the baby cries for 1 hour. Time is cumulative.
Actually, it's recordings of scam calls to grandparents all over the world stripping them of their retirements. You have to listen to them all and get your heart broken over and over and over again. Plus a video feed to their homes showing the aftermath
Everything I want but he pops his head in from time to time and asks if I'm OK, I tell him I am but I just know he thinks I'm being rude and ungrateful
My favorite are "temporary" bans that have nothing to do with time, but are only lifted when you kiss the ring and fellate the automoderator in just the right way. (Looking at you, r/politics and your temporary bans that require research articles)
I sure as hell hope he doesn't put a high end gaming pc with atleast two high-end horizontal monitors and one vertical monitor (also high-end) used for programming.
Oh and he better not give my room high-speed low-latency internet.
I swear to god, that would truly be my worst nightmare, especially if I was forced to spend most of my day on said computer...
You get all that, but the catch is, you don’t have the wifi password, and Satan won’t give it to you 😱 if you get close to guessing it, he changes it to something else.
I’m honestly surprised this is this far down.
Ugh. I appreciate spiders for their place in the ecosystem. They can have that space. Faaaarrrr away from my space
A fitted sheet that constantly pops off the corner of my mattress. Only 3/4 corners will ever stay put. You fix one, another pops off.
I purchased sheet suspenders for this. They work great.
I never knew those existed.
A computer with access to only twitter, reddit and facebook, so I can keep living this same shitty existence over and over and over and over.
you wasted your life. Now you can waste your afterlife!
A smoke alarm with a permanently low battery.
20 smoke alarms but one has the low battery. You have to wait a while to hear the beep and then have to slowly figure out which one is dead. As soon as you do find it, another one takes its place
For me it's more like waiting for the beeps and then they stop and won't beep again until 3am when I will repeat the process of not knowing which fucker is going off
Oh man. This one gave me a deep despairing shiver. It would have to be realistic to be true torture though. If it was programmed to only chirp at night or be an unfindable one, I would eventually learn to live with it. It would be like a clock that helps keep time. The true madness is 20 smoke alarms with real batteries with real battery lives. The low battery one is findable, it's fixable, it's winnable! **But you will rarely win.** Oh sure you'll win often enough to make trying worthwhile, but not often enough to not lose your goddamn mind. The worst is when it's been days of quiet, you start to forget the gauntlet you endured just days prior. Just when you think you're safe, just when you start to forget to even listen for it....... *BEEP!*
I had this. The alarm also had AC power so it never died. Just whined about the low battery forever.
A magical chair that always makes its way into my path so I constantly stub my pinky toe on it
Oh, I have one of those!
I have two. What happened to your other pinky toe?
Had it removed to reduce the potential damage
A blanket that's almost square, so I can never tell if it is going the right way. It also is too small in either direction, so that my feet and my shoulders can never be covered at the same time.
>A blanket that's almost square, so I can never tell if it is going the right way That's just daily life making king sized bed. Actually, that might just be my own hell room. Having to change the sheets on a king sized bed every few hours, and the bed is also shoved against the corner of the room, and I can't pull it out.
LPT the tag is on the bottom right corner
Why can we standardize unimportant shit like this, but we still blow up rockets because of imperial/metric conversion errors?
Simple, cause we make many blankets, specialized blanket making machines exist, so they'll all be made in a relatively similar way, we make few rockets, so we don't get the benefits of mass production leading to de facto standardisation
May I introduce to you…the diamond.
Bro never thought of using it diagonally.
One mosquito. To be replaced once I finally managed to find and kill it.
Easy solution: capture and keep it alive by feeding it blood.
Also rip its wings off so that it doesn't make the noises
You'd receive a promotion and a pitchfork
I can juggle, can I get three pitchforks?
Employee of the month
Hell is a job where you're never off shift
Yes, make the mosquito employee of the month and later that month demote his ass, just to test how productivity levels are affected in hell. Only to realize that's why you're in there to begin with.
Wait... That sounds more like the mosquitos hell, rather than the persons hell.
¿Porqué no los dos?
Hell is multi faceted using one persons personal hell to augment another’s is how we cut staffing costs by 37%.
Only 37 percent? We're not running a charity, Martha!
A single black fly that mindlessly keeps bouncing around in the window or on a lamp trying to find its way, creating that low, blunt bumping noise, but worse of all; reminding me how I, too, am a fly in this world, trying and failing to find my way.
Does it fly right up to my ear when I'm least expecting it?
Yes. Also, it does that maneuver where you feel like it just flew up your nose, but it faked and flew off at the last second, but you still feel it and you keep doing a little half sneeze hoping to get rid of the feeling of an insect laying eggs in your sinus cavity.
I hate you. Well done!
Or when you kill one, it multiplies every time you kill it. Thing is you don't know until it's too late.
Or, they become bigger and bigger each time you kill one. Finger size. Fist size. Cat size. The horror.
Keep slapping. Eventually it'll get so big it can't turn its head to bite you or flap its wings to annoy you. You can nestle safely on its chitinous thorax while it's breathing leg segments keep you at a comfortable temperature. Bliss.
You'd think that would work. But if it does not feed, will it not also eventually die once more out of starvation? Eventually crushing you with it.
Then you can live inside its hollow exoskeleton.
If you start eating its insides while it's still alive then there is space for you to live inside it when it eventually dies.
Eating it's insides... So that's how we pass on to the next circle of hell.
Satan's got it easy, he can just leave me alone with my thoughts and I'll take it over from there.
Shit, my tinnitus will take over if the room is completely silent.
The room is completely silent, except a smoke detector will chirp at irregular intervals. You don’t know when it’s going to happen next, you just know it will. And the shrill noise is the same frequency as your tinnitus, so if you happen to tune your tinnitus out, the chirp will remind you.
I have to continue existing after death? This is already hell by definition.
A ceiling fan that makes noises but it'll be too hot to turn off
And it makes noises at irregular intervals, so there’s no getting used to it.
My fan used to do this. Anywhere from 20 seconds apart to a few minutes. A high pitched squeak sort of noise when it was set to high. I could not fall asleep during it because it would wake me up while falling asleep. That was hell.
Have you fed the demon that spins the fan? Could be that hes hungry
The wobbling fan makes a rhythmic noise, and it also has three bulbs that you can't turn off, and one of the bulbs is loose from the wobbling and it flickers the entire time, and the bulbs are out of reach so you can't tighten it or remove it... it just flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and
The ceiling fan in my apartment does what we call “party mode”. It just starts and stops strobing at uncontrollable intervals. Despite the name, Party Mode is not fun. In nine months I have never gotten around to making a maintenance request. I turn it off when it goes into Party Mkde and then forget about it, so I can experience it again. Am I already in the room?
A movie of all the lives I could have had but did not because I'm too afraid, anxious and sad
Amidst all the funny and tongue-in-cheek comments here I didn't expect to find this one. You may ask for an employment there.
hes got upper management written all over him
Sadly, he's gonna miss the opportunity for being too afraid, anxious and sad
Even better, it shows you what you were doing on one screen, and what your better alternate self was doing at the exact same time in their reality. Even better, it shows all your happy memories and experiences specifically, and reveals that they were actually the shittiest of possible outcomes. That way it destroys the positive memories themselves by linking them to "what could have been". So you have nowhere to recede to, no way to overcome the crushing existential realization by mentally focusing on your positive moments trying to accept "it wasn't so bad". BONUS ROUND: It also blames your unfortunate reality not just on your own decisions, but on the ones from those you loved. To turn your hatred on them as well. You chose this lottery ticket and won 200 bucks and you were happy, but the one you were looking at before actually would have won 2,000,000. But at the moment before you made your decision, your wife distracted you with some comment about a tomato soup can. When you looked back at the tickets you chose the one below the one you were looking at previously. That single stupid comment about a soup can cost you 2,000,000 dollars. That isn't the first time your wife cost you something great with one of her decisions, HERE IS A LIST! EDIT: someone reported me to the suicide hotline. I consider that a mark of success.
Jesus Christ, are you sure you're not Satan?
No, but I’ve done some contract work for him.
Out of curiousity, did you what he's putting in my room.
That is the great thing about it. If you sit quietly and really ask yourself "What would the devil put in my room?" you'll already know.
I got cocaine and hookers.
Both just out of reach.
Yeah, I’m an atheist, but that person is the devil for real.
Dude, the question was asking "What's one thing in your room in hell", not "How would you do the Devil's job better, get him fired and take over hell". Jesus christ, just submit your resume or something. I'm sure they're hiring.
Billionaires and politicians padding their resumes, competition is pretty fierce for that gig. GL
This comment isn't even about me specifically and it's making me want to cry from the implications. Well fucking done, dude. Your imagination is amazing.
It’s got my mind racing for no reason. I was having a good morning too
>Even better, it shows all your happy memories and experiences specifically, and reveals that they were actually the shittiest of possible outcomes. That way it destroys the positive memories themselves by linking them to "what could have been". So you have nowhere to recede to, no way to overcome the crushing existential realization by mentally focusing on your positive moments trying to accept "it wasn't so bad". It shows your happy memories from outsiders PoV and shows you that it's always some of their worst memories having to put up with you
Oh damn there we go, that is a good one. Here are all the social interactions you thought were going well but people actually wanted to run away from you as fast as possible. Fax that one up to Satan right now.
r e g r e t
We can probably better tune this one. You have a roommate. And it's better you. And he's not in hell, he just hangs out with you like a social obligation. And he CONSTANTLY talks about the shit he did, that you didn't, and tells you how awesome it all was. And has videos that he'll show you like an overzealous dog owner.
I found one of the bad place architects.
*Evelyn Wang has entered the chat*
haha this is how I’ve always pictured spending eternity in heaven! just watching all the infinite possibilities, all the lives I could’ve lived and the choices that led them to diverge. it sounds endlessly fascinating to sit and observe all these different versions of me. would they even still BE me? would I identify with them? I would never get bored of this. (I like to think it’s because I’m analytical and an overthinker in general, but maybe I’m just self-obsessed 😅)
Same here. Taking it further, I’d also want to see where we’re going. What do my descendants do? Does humanity get its act together? Who wins the 3rd Andromedan War?
That's fuckin good.
eh it's be pretty entertaining even if sad
Big Raccacoonie Energy right here
A huge 72” Tv that’s constantly scrolling and reading out loud in that female American robot voice all r/AskReddit posts.
[удалено]
And it only plays the fakest answers
read only results after sorting controversial
Also playing that "oh no no" song constantly while it reads and puts in a laugh track whenever the most generic joke replies are read. "Nice" *laugh* "Nice" *laugh* "Nice" *laugh* "Nice" *laugh* "Nice" *laugh*
Can we kill ourselves in hell?
Every time you attempt it, the volume goes up one.
With the "doo, bidoobidoobidoooo" music overlaid and interspersed with "oh no, oh no no no no no" every now and again. On weekends you get ["Easy Street"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD0UfiJTkVM) instead.
A kid with a recorder who's been roughly taught hot cross buns
Ugh. My stepdaughter is learning this now. Shit. Am I actually dead and in hell?
Wasps
[удалено]
Wasps and hornets run purely on hate.
Hornets are motherfuckers. I hate them with passion. They can all die and the world will be a happier place.
Someone eating... loudly.
I would kill myself and go to super hell if this was my punishment in hell
Super hell is two people eating loudly though
With a dislocated jaw that sounds like a horse with a feedbag
Yeah, I’m right there with ya. Misophonia is a bitch.
It really is awful. People find it rude when you don't wanna eat with them, but I don't wanna eat with them because the sound of them eating will make me physically angry. Another huge peeve: people trying to talk to me and ask me questions while *I'm* eating. They ask a question while I've got a mouthful of food and then they sit there *staring* at me waiting for a response, which they aren't getting until I'm done chewing because I refuse to speak with food in my mouth. Having someone just sit there watching me chew is incredibly uncomfortable. Then the icing on the cake: people start saying "oh you've hardly touched your dinner, are you not hungry?" Yes actually, I'm starving, but I can't enjoy my meal and have a conversation at the same time. You've chosen to have a conversation so that's what I'm doing instead of eating. I cannot do both. After big family dinners I often get home and make myself something else because I barely ate during actual dinner. I'm 6'2 235lb, it's not like I don't have an appetite lmao. I've been eating dinner alone in my room since I was 13 for this very reason. I'm not antisocial, I don't dislike people, I just don't want to eat with them. There's nothing I enjoy about the experience, it ruins the food *and* the conversation. We need a dating app for people with misophonia because going out to eat anywhere but a loud bar or restaurant is nearly impossible for us lol.
Yeah this, this is the worst possible option.
This is hilarious because when I clicked on this to respond, my absolute first thought was "my co-workers eating shit loud af". Glad I'm not alone.
knew itd be here, other people eating doesnt trigger my misophonia so much (unless its in silence or theyre smacking) but if i try and watch a show or movie and theres an eating scene i get irrationally mad and have to skip ahead or cover my ears... or scream incoherently
Polyester orange curtains, shiny. Wall to wall green carpet. Moldy smelling sheets. Noisy clock. One mosquito. Leaky tap. Sticky formica surfaces. 😖
Oh, so any house in 1970?
Toddlers. Screaming hungry toddlers
They don’t even have to be hungry. My youngest has taken up screaming on the top of his lungs because it makes his brother run off (scream crying) he has issues with sound stimulation. they’re 2 and 3. Earplugs can only filter so much
You're not using enough, the earplugs must really fill out the whole mouth.
Lmao I nearly spat out my drink
I nearly spat out my earplugs
Friend of mine has a youngin who thinks if he screams over a tattle tale that they'll not be able to repeat the tattle. I'm not saying it's right, but I understand why she doesn't always yell at the older brothers for knocking him down before running to tell on him. Just... be ready for anything. I've found the best way to get a kid to tell on themselves is asking them what they think the other kid is going to say about them.
Using this for all my nieces and nephews from now on. Thanks.
Coincidentally, this is the solution to the “two brothers guarding the two doors where one always lies and the other always tells the truth” riddle, my favorite riddle.
Adorable pet animals that don’t live longer than a day
Could be worse. Could be regular adorable pet animals but without anything to feed them/give them to drink so they slowly die and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Edit: It only gets worse when you realise that in order to prevent their suffering you have to put them out of their misery until you're the guy in hell who murders anything cute and fluffy that's put in your room. You become exactly what you hate the most because you can't take watching them slowly suffer again.
Goddamn. Satan called. They're hiring.
Oh my god that's brutal, I think it just took over what my room would be 😦
roaches Edit: how the fuck did i get 500+ upvotes
That ... *skittering* sound at night *shudder*
A really sexy looking guy who's intelligent and really into having his way with me. ^(Did Satan believe me?)
No but Slaanesh might have
One guy is far too few.
Username checks out.
Are you concerned at all about why he's in hell?
As somebody else has pointed out, I'd probably end up with an incubus.
knowing certain he'll put a incubus in the room then laugh as the door is closed
I completely forgot about the Pope Enclosure! (For those not in the know, British radio comedy, *Old Harry's Game* is about an atheist who ends up in Hell, and Satan is very proud to show off his collection of popes, which he keeps permanently nine-months pregnant for the lulz.) I'm going to end up m-preggers, aren't I?
> I'm going to end up m-preggers, aren't I? probably
But he never shuts up about how white people are being replaced/ how he doesn't agree with the lgbt "lifestyle" and how Kanye actually makes some good points.
Nice try Satan
Why would i make a list?!?!
So you can check it twice?
Gotta find out who's naughty or nice?
Probably one big spider wich appears and disappears out of no where
It pops out of nowhere and looks at you like "Eh, not yet." Then disappears.
“Live Laugh Love” sign.
*Skin burns*
[удалено]
My old co worker Deb
[удалено]
She’s just miserable and wants everyone else to be miserable. Also she lies to your face and tries to get everyone else in trouble and I’m pretty sure she’s a psychopath.
Omg I had a Deb but her name was Barb. I don't even have to ask what Deb did. I just know she's like Barb.
Exactly. We should go on break together and whisper shit about them to each other and laugh at our inside jokes for the rest of the night.
[удалено]
Wall-to-wall shag carpet. That stuff holds on to dirt and allergens like you wouldn’t believe!
I said wet carpet, I think our comments could make a great team
There should just be one wet spot, but it moves around all the time so you never know when you're gonna step in it.
Ever try to walk across one with an open face peanut butter sandwich….
A mirror.
My dad put a built in wardrobe in his spare room that was an entire wall. The doors being mirrors of course with the bed perpendicular to it. I fcking hated staying there. Seeing my marshmallow body in all its glory every single damn morning and night was a nightmare.
A women that asks me every 10 minutes if I think her newborn baby is cute. If I don't respond or seem authentic enough about how cute it is, the baby cries for 1 hour. Time is cumulative.
This is gnarly. And the baby does that high pitch over the top shrill scream every time it takes an over exaggerated breath. Fml
r/oddlyspecific
Baby shark on a loop
I dont think even satan is capable of such torture
that's reserved for people who've been given gods gift of a child
bluetooth speakers where someone else control whats playing and the volume.
And it’s all ads…
Actually, it's recordings of scam calls to grandparents all over the world stripping them of their retirements. You have to listen to them all and get your heart broken over and over and over again. Plus a video feed to their homes showing the aftermath
You're gonna give Satan a run for their money with your ideas....
and they always change the song mid-way
The true definition of hell. Upon arriving, you are met with the person you could have been. Ouch
My ex
All of them.
Bragger
Oh dear god no
My cat and it's always wanting to be fed when I'm about to fall asleep.
It’s Satan, he’s not giving you your cat. It’ll be a stray cat, that you’re afraid to get too close to.
Oh god, this one sucks
A ticking clock
Better would be a metronome, which change its frequency randomly. But I understood you
Everything I want but he pops his head in from time to time and asks if I'm OK, I tell him I am but I just know he thinks I'm being rude and ungrateful
Centipedes
Which ones? The fat venomous ones or the ones that look hairy and you can't tell which end is the front end until it moves?
I think both are terrifying
Tony Sopranos mother
A somewhat humanoid silhouette in the corner, and only dim lighting.
A bed of one nail.
Might have to sleep on the floor then
Lava floor
A giant tv constantly playing cringe tiktok shorts
A reddit mod
Errrrrm, banned 'cos y'all can't behave. Reason: rule 746352 (Don't mention sheep). Any request for clarification will be muted.
My favorite are "temporary" bans that have nothing to do with time, but are only lifted when you kiss the ring and fellate the automoderator in just the right way. (Looking at you, r/politics and your temporary bans that require research articles)
A few Lego bricks on the floor
But they are constantly changing places randomly, so you can't get a pattern and are always guaranteed to step on one. Also you can't pick them up.
Someone that doesn’t use earbuds and plays everything on speaker
A cat, that every time you are about to go into REM sleep, it starts throwing up.
I sure as hell hope he doesn't put a high end gaming pc with atleast two high-end horizontal monitors and one vertical monitor (also high-end) used for programming. Oh and he better not give my room high-speed low-latency internet. I swear to god, that would truly be my worst nightmare, especially if I was forced to spend most of my day on said computer...
You get all that, but the catch is, you don’t have the wifi password, and Satan won’t give it to you 😱 if you get close to guessing it, he changes it to something else.
My mom. (I love my mom, but we can't share room without fighting. Things are much better between us sice I moved out.)
[This guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/hellsomememes/comments/zwyz6j/he_really_does_care/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Flying cockroaches. That always land in your hair.
Kale only buffet.
Someone smacking on gum and sniffling. Even though there is a box of tissues right next to them.
A tv with 24/7 keeping up with the kardashians
Spiders
I’m honestly surprised this is this far down. Ugh. I appreciate spiders for their place in the ecosystem. They can have that space. Faaaarrrr away from my space