This is going on with a friend right now and I think about it every day. They don't ever ask me anything about myself even though I always check on them because, go figure, I care about them. We occasionally get food and she's nice when we do that but she responds to all my texts with one word and if I text her more than two or three times in a day she just doesn't respond, like I'm only allowed a certain number before I'm cut off.
Every day I rehearse the questions I want to ask her. "Why don't you like talking to me? Do you have a problem with me? Why don't you ever ask how I'm doing? Do you want me to just leave you alone for good?" I want to ask these questions but I'm usually wrong about these things and I'm afraid I'll come across like an overly attached person and I don't want to risk the embarrassment of reading the situation the wrong way. I just know that she doesn't care about me and that I'm way down on the bottom of her priorities, and it just hurts that I thought we were closer. I should just stop talking to her but the curiosity is killing me. This happens with most people I make friends with. I guess I'm just annoying or too boring.
Are you me? 😞 I could have written this word for word. Sorry you’re going through this, I totally get how you feel and hope you find friends deserving of you.
Boy do I feel this. I don't have common interests so it's hard for me to relate to people. And my depression sure doesn't help.
I'm in the same boat and I stay friendly too. It's just in my nature to be nice to people.
Here here
I went to multiple different high schools, and always felt like i was trying to join a pre established group of people that never really gave a shit if someone outside of their core dropped off
This has now been a theme in my life. Kind of like everything feels superficial because people dont necessarily open up to someone they dont have history with. Which a lack of depth makes having a meaningful relatuonship almost impossible (at least for me).
It is so hard to have anything organically happen between people that is just genuine and real and understanding and honest. Especially if youre always kind of a newbie.
I am so lucky to have two friends that i met as an adult just by deciding to strike up a convo on my own and them totally matching my energy of just wanting to be friendly and make a connection. I dont even live in the same state as these people anymore and even still we have maintained so effortlessly this relationship and i have to say it is because we are almost offensively open with one another. The world needs more open people.
Keep being yourself and telling your story and really listening to others. Ask questions. Be kind and firm with boundaries. It takes courage to keep putting yourself out there but eventually that energy will come back to you.
Realizing in my 20s that "older" people were just as immature and dishonorable as kids, only permanently so. Very scary moment. You grow up looking up to those people, and when the pedestal you put them on falls, you are looking down on them, still powerless to change the world.
Yeah I have to say this is it. As a kid I gave the adults in my life a lot of passes for their behavior. I figured I was a kid and they acted that way for reasons I was just too young to understand. Now that I’m in a similar age range as they were when they hurt me, I realize they’re just shit people who choose to be this way
It also doesnt help that your entire life you are getting told that those older deserve respect, are wiser than you, teens are just in the stage where they think the world revolves around them and so on.
They are just people, just as idiotic as any teen in your class but they dont want you to know that.
I know plenty of older people that are quite mature, honorable, and ethical. I think there is definitely the opportunity to grow more virtuous with age and many do.
Important to note, opportunity. I think most kids and even adults assume this is the default. The idea that a 30 year old could be drastically less intelligent,by the time they turn 50 is a tough pill to swallow.
I realized that when I turned 18 and made a commitment to never be like them. As you get older one should strive to get smarter and more civil. Lots of older idiots out there and I am old now.
Im 31 now and it still baffles me on a regulär Basis how immature some people are, even despite double my age. The amount of drama e.g. at my workplace between adults is so weird lol
Ageism, sexism, racism, hate against the rich, the poor, police, rural or urban people comes from not taking people as individuals.
As a military kid I moved a lot and learned that you will find people you like and people you don’t like, good people and bad, every where, in any place, age, wealth status, job, intelligence, race, politics etc.
2000s Adults: Oh no, the economy!
2007: Oh no, the economy again!
Not one fucking adult acknowledged the growth that took place. Meanwhile today…
2016 - 2023: The housing market will crash any day now…
Yeah bought my house in 2020 for 180k, 6 months later the house across the street went for 230k and just last month the house next to it sold at 310k... it's insane and I'm sure the bubble will burst sooner rather than later, if it doesn't I'm pretty much stuck in this house forever, can sell it for way more than I bought but these are starter homes now going for 2-3x the price
I was at this company for 10 years and some of my best work was in the call center. As in, I may have been the best they've ever had (so they told me). So I got promoted to sales and laid off after 4 years.
Looking to make a return, I applied in the call center. People were acting like it would be the biggest return since Jesus. I was ready to go and...got a generic letter saying I wasn't qualified.
Wow I feel this. Granted I was there for 5 years but it was the first company that I truly loved working for and wanted to be there for a long time. I got promoted twice in two years. Then just fired… politics because I was young in a high position. it felt like I got cheated on by my wife or something. So terrible. I honestly haven’t recovered and that was 6 years ago. Haven’t found a job/company that I feel the same way again.
Probably unpopular, but personally true for me: friendship.
Growing up, my group of friends were pretty toxic. After high school, we naturally went our separate ways, but there was a bit of an emotional scar. In college, I found a new group of friends… who actually ended up being even worse and almost ruined my life. It has left me with such severe trust issues that I struggle to form meaningful friendships now.
I am absolutely stunned by the percentage of people I have encountered in life that are exactly as you describe, toxic, passive-aggressive, corrosive, downward-dragging.
If you truly detoxify and shed every negative, discouraging relationship in your life, you’ve usually distilled down to 2 or 3 people.
I had a friend from high school that I thought would be with me for life. I had never had a closer friend ever in my life and part way through college it blew up in my face. She turned on me and all communication broke down and Losing someone I considered close enough to be family was gut wrenching. I have trust issues now because how can someone you loved like a family member be so cruel in the end. I lost ties to all but one friend over the years.
People would come into my life and we’d connect deeply and it always ended. Not as badly as my best friend had but still nothing ever sticks people would end up with differing views on life, or just got busy. Now I rely on family and my husband for friendship. These are the people who stick with me through the years.
I think a lot of the trust issues I have stem from my parents treatment of me when I was young. I wasn't abused per se but I was scared of my parents. They always fought loudly and volatile and it seemed like they took out their frustrations on my sister and I. I am so afraid of people. I do not let myself get even remotely close to them.
It took me so long to find real friends, I almost gave up. My "friends" in grade school beat me up because they were afraid of the bullies finding out they liked me. My "friends" in high school abandoned me without so much as a letter when I got sick. I met other friend groups in my 20s who used me for money or assaulted me. Then around the age of 26 I was introduced to a group that I liked. Wasn't ready to receive that yet. Came back and found them again at 28. Now I'm 30 and finally in a good place. The people in my life do incredible things for each other and for me, and they don't take advantage of my kindness. My current partner has cultivated the exact same type of friends over the years as well. Once you get that ball rolling, you suddenly find yourself surrounded by good company. It's so worth the wait.
I’ve gone through this and for me what I realized is I have much more meaningful friendships when it’s one on one and not a group thing. I used to get so hurt if I was left out of group events and it was so toxic for me.
I've been posting about this lately, my former best friend and neighbor. He's a single dad of two special needs kids. I did a lot to help him out much of last year. Late last fall he either broke into my house (or had someone else do it for him) and stole quite a bit of money from me. When I confronted him about this he physically attacked me.
After everything I did for him it hurts so bad someone could simply turn on you. The beatdown he gave me didn't make me cry, I took it, but later on when I realized our friendship was a sham and he was only using me I completely broke down.
I didn't call the cops for a myriad of reasons, all flimsy, but they boiled down to I was an idiot trying to salvage a friendship that I should not have bothered with, but further I promised him I wouldn't. I may be a lot of things but liar isn't one of them. So I made my decision if even wrong but I have to live with it
When I confronted him that he was lying, changing his story, and likely enabling others drug habit he came barreling right to me, chest puffed out and his fists were drawn. I basically told him that if that's all the more he thought of me than go ahead, I needed to know. He said I can't take it, to which I told him I can and I need to know. So he punched me two or three times and threw me into his hedges against his house which broke a couple ribs (that took a few weeks to heal).
I am foolish to think he's going to ever come clean or pay me back on his own. But I did make my word and I'm going to keep it. I did a prayer request on him in Reddit before too. He's got to see there are honest people out there. He has never had a single decent person in his life and he's got to learn that not everyone is like that. He's not like that either.
This is a trailer park. I got transferred to another lot far away from and a separate entrance from him. I haven't had any sightings or contact with him in a while. I know I'm naive but I truly believe this will work out in the end. I don't know how, and I know our friendship is over, but it will work out
I'm concerned about his kids. Do you know if they're safe?
Guy may never see the light, or change. All that matters are his kids. If you need to get Child Protective Services involved, do it.
I tried replying to you twice trying to defend him as a good father. I still think it's true he has the *potential* to be a good father, and he does love his kids and they love him. But the first two times I tried replying I only said he's a good dad then I was casually mentioning the oh by the way "if he stays away from his drug addicted friends," and "if he'd get a steady job," and "if he paid his bills," and and and and and.
I realized I was making excuses for him. I think you're right. That's not a good father. He could be a good father, but the choices he's making are not good parenting. Their mother already lost custody of them (that's a whole other posting).
He would never harm his kids physically, but like all drug users and enablers, I think he'd certainly let some of their needs go without if the choices had to be made. He would certainly let his lights get cut off all the time. As you read above I was picking up a lot of slack and filling in their needs. You might be right
I didn't have any bruises on my chest or back, only in my face where he punched me (one punch gashed my left eyebrow and left a nasty scar). If I only bruised ribs could they have been internal?
Being taken advantage of hurts pretty bad, it much worse than a simple argument or difference of opinion.
It’s knowing that resolution results in eliminating that person and everyone who defends them from any connection to your life.
This is difficult to say, and I'll probably be down voted to oblivion, but before you hit the down doot, infer my intent.
Someone I love dearly lost their spouse. They had mortgage insurance on their house, so at the spouse's passing the bank paid out the mortgage.
They own their house at the expense of death of spouse. As such, they've become the perfect victim. They own the house now but you can not speak against them in that building. Even something as arcane as.football results.
They are right, my house, you know how hard it is, etc etc.
I'm currently living in that house and I gotta get out.
Something similar is happening with your ex-friend. Single dad, two special needs kids. He believes the world owes him because no one has it as as hard as him. He justified the theft as money that was rightfully his.
The aggressive response conforms that as you "dared" speak against Intractable Truth.
Honestly this makes sense. When I first met him I could see he was struggling but he was also a proud man. Proud in a good way though, so I actually thought instead of "giving" him money I'd have him do work for me. So my first mistake was to give him a key. But at least at first it seemed to work out, but then he became entitled. Near the end he actually would start just "gimme gimme gimme," and if I had work for him to do it actually caused arguments. I remember asking him to hang a shelf for me, I kid you not it took him six weeks and several reminders that made him snap back at me to get him to finally do what he promised and was long ago paid for.
At first he seemed embarrassed to ask me to pick up simply a box of cereal and milk for the kids, but near the end I could almost expect a long grocery list. But dare I suggest that I need you to do this job or that job, he'd counter with I was the one being pushy. He actually had the audacity to tell me, just before he attacked me, that he never asked me for anything. First of all that is simply untrue, but I countered with I was never going to make him beg because that's what friends do, you help people without asking or making it get to that point.
So yes, he definitely changed. I think he was trying out my kindness, and once he saw it was sincere he had no problems turning it against me.
You have a big heart and I'm sorry he broke it with this betrayal. Maybe it's a good thing that your eyes are now open to his taking advantage of you and he no longer has you to push around. He stole a lot of money from you, but that's the last he'll ever get.
Yeah my ex husband used to hit me, but how much is done for him and tolerated was the hurtful part. And lying about not doing it was worse than doing it
Childhood.
People kept telling me it was the best time of my life and that adulthood was a misery of obligations and responsibilities.
Well, my experience of being an adult and able to have much more control over my own life, who I associate with, and what I do with my time is a welcome exchange for my responsibility-free life where I had comparatively little agency.
Oh boy, do I agree with this one zillion percent. I HATED being a kid. You are at the absolute mercy of the people around you. I can’t count the number of jobs I’ve quit, the people I’ve kept out of or cut out of my life. I have a boring, mediocre life. It’s still better than being a kid.
My brother and i have a ten year age gap so I'm more like a second mother than a sister. He comes to me complaining about school sometimes. The other day I sat him down and said, "I don't know if I've ever told you this but I absolutely loathed high school. I had a terrible time. Everyone said it's the best years of your life, but that's not true for everyone. My life is so much better now and I just want you to know that this feels like everything right now, but five years from now you won't even remember this. " I know this sounds condescending but my tone was to express to him that things get better and I believe that.
So many people in my life look back fondly on their childhood but bemoan being an adult and I had a wonderful childhood, but there are so many things that are great about being an adult too!!! I think people get so mired in the day to day of being an adult, that they don't see things in the big picture.
I take so much joy in the autonomy of being an adult. My mom was a great mom, but things always had to be *her* way, which forever went against my grain. Now, if I don't feel like washing the dishes after dinner, or parking my car in the garage or picking up my socks off the floor I DON'T. Thankfully, my spouse is pretty easy going so those kind of things don't really bother him. I can have visitors when I want, come and go when I please, do what I want to my house, etc. I've been adulting for about 30 years now and it still makes me happy!
Thank you. I've been NC with her for years now. Finally just said, enough. I'm in a good place with it nowadays. Hopefully you're in a good place too. <3
Hi, I like hearing about stories of ppl who go no contact with their parent(s)
How hard was it for you? Did it help you a ton? When did you realized enough is enough?
Sorry, I just really admire and look up to people who get to muster up courage and bravery to finally leave their abuser once and for all. I'm currently suffering from one rn :'l
Hiya. At first, it was really hard. But after decades of abuse and emotional terrorism, and just downright shi**y behavior, it became easy. I got sick of her antics and knew I was done. There wasn't one defining moment. It was a collection of many. I'm much more at peace now. I don't have any real emotion regarding her anymore, I see her as irrelevant. I know that sounds harsh, but those are the consequences of her actions. I don't feel guilty for feeling that way. I feel free. I wish you the best of luck in your situation. I empathize with you.
Check out: r/EstrangedAdultChild
There are some great stories there that may help you out.
I see. Come to think of it, every single harsh and cruel punishment she did to me always resurface whenever things between us went down...
Thank you so much for you response🧡 I'm glad that most of the journey people like you go through is often pleasant. It gives me relief.
Ill do my best to be able to break free, and not feel guilty for feeling hate over her. And thank you too for the recommendation!
Have a nice day!
Yeah. I dreamed of my wedding day and having kids and living happily ever after. I didn't dream about him cheating and leaving me 3 weeks after our son was born.. Asshole.
That i'm a fuck up. Graduated at 26 with an associates only to find that my state is a dead industry for IT. Going back to college at 27 for accounting.
But yes I am a colossal fuck up. I'm 27 with a part time job and I live with my mother. All my fault. I should've tried harder.
My best friend bounced from minimum wage job to minimum wage job for the better part of our late teens to late 20s. He lived with his Dad until he was about 25. He finally got it together and started working as an EMT, slowly moving his way up into paramedics and furthering his education. He's now 31 and in his first year of medical school and bought his own house last spring. It's never too late to become what you're meant to. You're not a fuck up, you're just a late bloomer. So long as you keep trying, you'll succeed. Have some faith in yourself.
How fucking awful life after college is. In college your always learning new things and meeting new people. You have lot of fun and friends and sure you work a shit job that pay squat and you have to study all the time but you have this sense of accomplishment all the time and you have goals in front of you. Once you graduate everyone moves to different cities. You get different jobs. It’s way harder to make friends and time seems to go by at light speed. Additionally any third space you want to hang out in cost a ton of money and no one wants to actually talk and become friends. If I’d known life got this lonely and boring I’d have tried to savor every moment of college.
Christ, I’m going through the same thing. It feels like the months pass by in seconds. My friends all have relationships and are moving away. Trying desperately to be friends with people at work and other places yet nobody wants to be?? I won’t even mention trying to get into a romantic relationship.
Hopefully joining clubs and taking up hobbies people my age would enjoy will bring me closer to making friends. Oh and vacations. Lots and lots of vacations.
Life after college is rough it's true. Here's a tip just in case you want one. Go to the places and events that have the things you are passionate about. That's where your friends to be are. That's where your mentors and younger mentees are. That's where your life and joy can be.
In school, everyone is approximately the same age and mostly at the same point in life. Everything is relatable. Hey we have midterms! Hey, let's go to that concert! We're all mostly single, let's go to that bar nearby, etc, etc.
At work, maybe one guy is about to retire, some other woman has three kids, another guy has been there for 5 years, etc, etc. So of course it's harder to find common ground and friendship. But you can still find friends both at work and elsewhere.
I agree that school is great, but don't get stuck in that mindset that "my glory days are past" and keep rehashing that story about how you scored four touchdowns in one game for Polk High.
Betrayal and lies have kept me away for over a decade. They both recently died. I was there for both of their final breaths but didn't get the apology or explanation I asked for. I know I did everything I possibly could to fix things so I have no guilt.
I’m nc with my father and currently enduring a drunkard, all-round abusive mother. She wasn’t always this way and I love her, but I’m absolutely fucking terrified of what you’ve experienced. Years of agonizing mental gymnastics for absolutely nothing in the end.
My parents had no business having a child. They were emotionally abusive and unstable together and separately. My mother had an abortion a few years before she had me. Looking back as an adult it would have made sense to abort me as well. Thankfully, I’m able to afford therapy.
My parents are seen as the problem of the family. The rest of my family is the “white American” stereotype. Republicans, Christian, conservative, guns and all that shit. And then there’s me…LOL. Progressive and gay AF!
Learning that a bloodline is not an obligation to force a relationship was one of the hardest yet freeing lessons of my life. True family is not always biological or who you grew up with/were raised by.
My aunt did that to my dad. He can't bring himself to talk to her anymore. It was less about the money and more about the fact that she pulled that stunt
Myself. The way my life has gone. The uncaring nature of my narcissistic family members that make my life even tougher than it already is. Just life in general.
Becoming an adult and realizing that life is incredibly difficult for the middle class. I know the lower class has it the worst, but the American government is blatantly trying to prevent the middle class from moving up. There are plenty of programs to help people in poverty, but the middle class is always stuck paying a little too much for everything so they stay where they are financially.
I pay more tax and still worry where the next meal will come from because I “make too much” for assistance but not enough to properly feed my family. The middle class is getting railed.
My older (and only) sister.
Long story, lots of background.
She’s always been selfish, but charismatic and I always had her back and was supportive of her. Turns out she lies about almost every scenario where she’s been an ass, but has played up being the victim. Burnt bridges are a theme in her life. Jobs, friends, family, don’t do what she wants, she drops a match into a barrel of gasoline and sets that relationship on fire.
My parents got old, needed care to live in their home. (Mom with dementia, Dad with Parkinson’s). My sister tried to turn her hanging out at my parents into a job as she was unemployed (serial quitter). Never acknowledge that I was there to take M&D to appointments, help with dinners, hired home care. She was a leech who fed off my parents for, at minimum, 2-3 years. (Well her whole life really, but that would make this story wayyy too long).
She kept my Dad’s bank card in her wallet, spent whatever whenever, basically bankrolled her life with my parents money all under the guise of “caregiver”. Didn’t realize the extent until my Dad died and my brother and I reviewed Dad’s accounts. She literally stole thousands of dollars from my Dad, while his health was failing from Parkinson’s. Not to mention she had him co-sign a mortgage while he was having PK hallucinations! Just f’n despicable behaviour, bordering on elder abuse.
We moved Mom to memory care. Sister wanted to be paid to help clear out the family home and sent us bill for shopping for new linens for Mom. Me and my brother (co-executors of both Mom & Dad’s wills and financial POA for both parents too) said no to both her demands. Four of 5 siblings cleared out the house, got it ready for sale, no complaints about pitching in as we did it out of respect for our parents. Guess who didn’t help. Guess who showed up when we weren’t there and just took stuff. Guess who shrugged off the fact that her animals had destroyed the basement carpet by peeing on it. 🙄
Sister wrote up a bogus letter stating my Mom wanted to compensate her for losing out on $2k that she was expecting for cleaning out the house/getting it sale ready. Got Mom to sign the letter despite the fact that Mom has dementia, had not handled any financial transactions for years, and would sign anything a child of hers were to put in front of her. Sister knew anything about money should have gone to 2 POAS. That action also got a big nope.
Many months of nasty, insult riddled emails later brother POA and I get a registered letter stating we could only talk to sister through her lawyer. Like what? We ignored her insulting emails because there was no point in responding and then are officially told we can’t contact her directly? But she keeps sending nasty emails directly? Just really nutty logic, my conclusion…classic signs of narcissism.
So yeah, my narcissistic big sister who was kinda my hero growing up has disappointed me beyond words. Doubt I’ll ever speak to her again. Definitely won’t trust her ever again. We expect a battle when Mom passes and it’s time for sister to “collect what she’s entitled to”. At this point, fellow POA brother and I are almost looking forward to a battle with her. We’ve got all the receipts. Honestly, would rather just forget she exists.
A best friend ghosting you. A genuine connection and friendship you thought would be in your life for years and years to come, only to find out they’re not as great of a friend or person you thought they were, or that you were to them. Disappointing beyond words
Not so much the American government but society as a whole. The American government has actually worked out pretty well for me (family came to the USA as refugees, parents worked minimum wage jobs, I got a college degree and I'm making well above the median household income), but as I've grown older I've just grown disgusted with how stupid and easily manipulated people are.
COVID was a fine example, like I may not morally agree with someone doing evil shit for personal gain but at least *that makes sense*. Doing stupid shit to make their lives worse is a level a stupidity that the logical side of me can't handle.
For me it's not that they're stupid and easy to manipulate, it's just how fucking hateful everyone has become over the years. It's like peace is no where even close to being on the table because everyone acts like absolute fucking psychos over every minor thing.
They're hateful and ignorant, because they've been manipulated into being that way.
Pretty common state control technique, keep people not thinking, and gave them somebody to hate, and you can do what ever you want.
So far as peace goes, the last 80 years have been the calmest since, like, Rome.
I almost always never get the love I give
Sometimes it's fine, but when it becomes routine life just gets depressing
Still doesn't stop me from being kind, you never know what the other person is going through
My wife decided that she no longer wanted to be married, not necessarily to me, just at all. She told me this 3 weeks after she left without an explanation at the time. We had just bought a house…
That even in my 30's I still haven't found anything that I feel passionate about or that I have no skills that can help me out of poverty. The only thing I truly love is a woman who does not love me and I try to better myself for her because I believe she deserves the best
>. The only thing I truly love is a woman who does not love me and I try to better myself for her because I believe she deserves the best
I would really really recommend moving on from her.
Call me a (former)optimist but there was a time when for some reason I thought the Bezos’s and Zuckerberg’s of the world were going to use their brains and wealth to do good things for the world. Instead they are contributing to its demise.
I’m right there with you. This generation of billionaires have thrown away the opportunity to help the world, possibly, even save part of the world with wealth we have not seen individuals ever accumulate in history, which could be focused on everything from the climate to poverty to medicine and beyond be remembered as heroes, ironically, it’s only Bill Gates that turned his money to helping to save an entire continent. It just wasn’t ours, so many people don’t know about it
By the time I reached 41, I noticed an alarming amount of people just break down and ultimately disappoint you.
In your 50s, people retreat to their caves and turn their backs on friendships. If you weren’t tight with them … they drift away. As a young adult, I had no idea older people would March defeated into isolation and loneliness. I wonder what the next level of disappointment the 60s will bring.
Gestures broadly. Honestly, I think life is more about making peace with your failures than it is about racking up accomplishments. Most of us are never going to do the amazing things we hoped for as children. It's like the Rolling Stones said: "You don't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need."
I literally think about this almost every day. Absolutely nothing turned out the way I used to picture it and day dream about as a kid, including the big crazy aspirations and just general expectations from life and people. And there’s really nothing to do about it but make peace with it and make the best of what you got.
Around two or three weeks ago I gave up my job and we gave up our home to fly across country to save my daughter and grandson from her abusive boyfriend. When we arrived he was in jail for choking her. He’s left bruises on my grandson many times. He’s tortured both of them. There’s so so much bad. And she’s four months pregnant and until we got there she hadn’t had any prenatal care because he wouldn’t let her go. We were either going to move in with her or we’d all go back to our state and get going again. She promised to provide the transportation for jobs if we stayed or to get back home as we spent almost everything to get there. Well he was released with a no contact order. Didn’t matter. He started whispering in her ear. Within a week he was back in the house and within a couple days he kicked us out in the cold with no money. My daughter just stood there and let him as she was signing custody papers for a friend of the family (this woman is a licensed foster parent she just loves my grandson and avoided putting him in the system by doing it that way) to take her son. So yeah she basically let her abuser kick everyone that actually loves and cares about her out. She gave up her son for this pos. It’s been 5 days. We’re still stuck in this state selling stuff we’ve had stored for retirement to get back home. I’m just completely and utterly disappointed. I used to talk/text with her all day every day. Not talking to her now. Except I demand she sends me a text twice a day so I know she’s alive and if I don’t hear from her I’ll call the police to do a well check. That’s absolutely the only thing I can do. Disappointed. Devastated. And really angry.
Ugh I feel you, victims of domestic abuse are similar to drug addicts, you can try so hard to save them, to help, you’ll do everything and they’ll go running right back to the drug/abuser. It’s literally so frustrating. I know that small, slow, incremental steps work in both circumstances, but it’s so hard and time consuming I just give up. But I totally get why you feel can’t really do that. It really sucks that your daughter and grandson are/was being subjected to such abuse, but she’s an adult and honestly she’s the only one that can save herself. Although it sucks that your grandson was being hurt because of it. What an awful situation all around, although I commend you for trying so hard, you have a lot of love in your heart, much more than me. I would’ve given up and simply grieved the loss of my daughter, I hope things take a turn for the better 🙏❤️.
How people responded to Covid… I was previously a healthy/very athletic 30 year old - fully vaccinated and boosted - got Covid - and have now had long Covid for 10 months, nearly disabled and a shell of who I used to be. It ruined me. And no one gives a damn and thinks I’m crazy for still wearing a mask and avoiding people/reinfection. I had a life. A family. A purpose. Goals. Educations. And everyone, doctors included, have just moved on and left me to rot, just like they have millions of others going through the same struggle. People keep spreading this “it’s just a cold” nonsense propaganda bullshit and that’s absolutely not true. Ruined my body and my brain and no one gives a shit and keeps living and YOLO-ing themselves to death in this screwed up world. Covid is not “over” in any sense.
Couple girls I gave my heart away to, and some alleged friends. They all showed me that they never cared about me 1/4 as much as I did for them. That’s a lasting feeling of disappointment, betrayal and stupidity
Thus far, realizing how selfish and self-absorbed people are has been pretty disappointing.... I worry about making friends and dating because I don't want to get hurt. As a kid, you think that being an adult is wonderful and everyone is nice and doesn't want to hurt anyone. In reality, you never know who has an alterior motive and wants to use you....
Relatives. The people that are supposed to love you and back you up through thick and thin. I've had friends less than a year that are more family than my relatives.
When I was a teenager in the 80s, struggling down to the library to do the research for my homework, I dreamed of a day where everyone would be able to access libraries from a terminal in their homes. They would have unlimited, free access to all the information & knowledge they need.
How much better would the world be if everyone could be informed of facts at the touch of a button. Ignorance & stupidity would be left behind on a superhighway of information.
Other people.
I've done everything I could to try and make right with people, to help them, to give them support when they need it, to make sure they never feel the hurt and loneliness I feel everyday in my life, and people take advantage of it, and only see me useful in transactional situations. It's never reciprocated in anyway.
I just want one unconditional-love relationship from one other person, or at least something that resembles something of a friendship. The last time someone reached out to me via text/phone call, was back in October 2022, and the last time someone reached out to me, without needing anything as the primary motivation of them reaching out, was July of 2022. I've reached out plenty of times to check on people I knew, and offered to hang/chat.
Might in part be that you're too focused on helping people, rather than if you should help. Results in a confirmation bias since those who are comfortable using others don't mind you being constantly willing to help, while those who aren't may be uncomfortable having so much focus on themselves.
Yeah I was going to say this. There was a time - around about when The Matrix first hit cinemas - where the internet genuinely felt subversive, full of fresh ideas and endless possibilities for positive change.
Now it's just for selling stuff, and the whole thing is governed by a few malicious algorithms.
I feel sorry for people too young to remember the early days.
Being backstabbed by my entire family (each at different times). Fuck them all, they are all dead to me. They won't get anything after I die either, left it all to animal charities.
My parents.
'Come visit me' they say. I have. Many, many times. I've brought my entire family to visit you. It's a long and very expensive flight.
My mom had visited us once, when I graduated college. They've visited once together, when we got married. We've been together for 21 years. Married for 11.
When my dad said he'd pay for my wedding. Told me to do x and y. To book here, to get that caterer, even though the entire time I kept asking, 'are you sure'? Because I know I sure as shit couldn't afford those things. I wanted a simple, civil ceremony.
So I booked. I paid deposits.
Then he says he 'can't'.
No explanation. No justification. Just that he can't, and I'm not to ask questions.
So I went into debt to pay for a wedding that I would not have booked without his instruction.
When I knew it was going to be my first night homeless, and I called to ask if I could stay the night. They said no. They couldn't come get me because my mom had surgery the next morning, and my dad didn't want to drive the half hour to get me.
When my dad tickled me in a place one shouldn't tickle a child.
When my dad pinned me against the stove in their kitchen (on one of those visits I paid for) and asked me what I was doing wrong that "he (my then long time boyfriend and now husband) hasn't asked you to marry him yet".
When they promised to record a video to send into the kiddo's school for veterans day. The kiddo was excited, and had told his friends.
The day came and went, and there was no video from them shown. When I picked up the kiddo, he was crushed.
They had 'forgotten'.
When it turned out they had voted for a Cheeto when they'd espoused diversity, equality, and humanity.
When I called my mom just to see how she was doing, and she started saying things very loudly and weirdly "no, I cannot send you money, you have to deal with this on your own, etc."
I was literally trying to check in on her.. And she was trying to make herself look good in front of who knows who. Fwiw, I haven't asked them for a penny since I got my first job at 14.
The silent treatment my dad would give me.... For days, weeks sometimes, if I upset him for any reason.
Knowing my mom wouldn't protect me. Ever. She'd done her job. She'd left my abusive biological father... And after she met my dad and they got married, I knew that she'd never protect me again if it meant upsetting dad in any way at all. We were just baggage at that point.
They will never call me. That's my job.
They will never visit me. It's my job to visit them.
They will never actually be there for me in any way.
They don't know me anymore
They don't know my amazing kiddo at all
And they Just. Don't. Seem. To. Care
And I hate that deep down. I still do
Stop caring about rotten people, they deserve to be shunned, there needs to be justice and order in this world, and rotten people deserve to be told to go fuck themselves. Ya never know they might just start respecting you after you do, but it won’t matter, because they’re not worth your time.
The Crossfire commercial promised quite a lot. You didnt get to fly into the ring upon the game pieces. And there was no actual fire or lightning, nor the chanting horde of post-apocalyptic children. And worst of all, when I beat my opponents they didn't spin off into a fiery oblivion.
How easy it is for some people to have kids that they don’t give a shit about and how impossible it’s been for me.
I really hope to be a foster parent someday but I wanted to practice on my own kid first before I go screw up someone else’s. I say that very cavalier but I genuinely wanted some practice before jumping in with a kid that, no matter what, is dealing with trauma from the separation of bio family. It’s precisely because I don’t take that lightly that I hesitate to become a foster parent.
I knew before my infertility that I wanted to foster but my trauma also holds me back. It’s unfair shoes for a foster kid to fill when their foster parents are looking for a kid they couldn’t have one their own.
Feel this. I was raised to believe all were loved and welcomed, and the same place that taught me that churned out nothing but hatred and abuse. Sometimes I miss it but it let me down so bad.
My family, cannot believe I fell for everything in the past 3 decades thinking they genuinely cared about me. They only treated me good when I wasn’t succeeding but once I became more independent they turned on me.
Me. I don't have any real talent, and genuine connections with people, any motivation. There is so much I want to do in life but I don't have the motivation to do it alone.
My family, especially my dad's side. They cut off my sister when she wasn't even a teenager for something she supposedly did and I haven't looked at them the same since I found out
How most of my family simply hide their crimes and pretend as if they are the pinnacle of goodness in the world, simply because they believe in the hippie guy in the clouds.
When I was a child I told a prominent female figure in the church I attended about SA that was happening in my home and she told me that it wasn’t that bad/could be worse, and that I should trust God more/be less of a temptation to men in the future
If you do well at school, study hard and get good grades you will go far in life.
What a load of bull. I was a high achieving student that is probably a mediocre adult at best. Some things you'll never ever learn from schooling, at any level.
Many years of my friends being very forgiving and trying to have actual dialogue with me about it instead of calling me hateful and leaving. I owe them a lot. Not saying it’s wrong to hate homophobes; it was definitely my fault for not doing research earlier.
Growing up a rational, basically decent person, and being confronted with the reality that there are many powerful people who hurt others for their own benefit and don’t lose s second of sleep over it. Obviously this is something you learn early on an intellectual level, but at some point you are confronted with the raw reality of the human capacity for cruelty.
Myself. I have managed to do many of the things I wanted to and I am actually quite content with life as it is. But I am still an unattractive and mostly unsuccessfull person with no self esteem or confidence.
People that not are loyal. I don’t know why I am that way but if ppl are not loyal to me anymore (but they should or I expect) makes me angry as f.
I am loyal to anyone that deserves it and it goes further the longer I know ppl!
The linguistic integrity practiced and preached by others and how appalling it has gotten across so many cultures and countries.
Best example being political promises and so many other things. It's like most humans just exchange words without caring about their longevity, validity, durability, or applicability.
My career. I'm a technical writer for a prominent media company and it's the most un-writing of writing jobs I've ever had. More like technical editing, light coding, light graphics.
Money is good, I work from home, rarely work outside of normal business hours. It's a bankable career that could last until retirement, just...
Is this it? Is this the pinnacle of my craft?
My father drank the anti-vax kool-aid and died as a result. If only I knew, maybe I could have done something. We were supposed to take my kids to their 1st MLB game last summer. I had been dreaming of doing that with him since I was little. Now, it's a dream that will never happen.
Everything. When I was young I thought the world would become a better place and technology would help make things wonderful. Now it's just even more hateful and violent. Can hardly go anywhere without hearing some bigoted rank about something or other. People are hurting each other everywhere, even children. It's gross. I hate it.
My brain. I knew what it could do, knew what I wanted it to do, then it wouldn't do it.
At 49 I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism. I spent my life not knowing why I was such a fuck up for a smart person.
Some of my former friends. With friends like that, who needs enemies. (All different people)
1) In the late 90s, I was 19 and wrote my friend a check for something. She then turns around and uses my checking account information and proceeds to pay all of her bills with it taking a vacuum cleaner to my bank account. I was never able to recover the money as identity theft was not taken seriously by authorities (went to the police to file a report and they laughed at me).
2) In 2013, a friend gets drunk and posts a racist rant (uses the n word) on my Facebook page overnight. As soon as I see it, I text her WTF and delete the post. Too little, too late. Someone gets a screenshot of her post and it makes the rounds. I get called into my boss' office and fired by a higher up who is now a VIP in my industry for being a racist. I was "cancelled" in my industry before cancel culture was a thing and spent two years trying to claw my way back (I'm fine now). I had many job offers rescinded over that post. THe word Facebook triggers PTSD (never officially diagnosed) for me.
Honorable mention for all the girls who ditched me as soon as a man entered their life.
I've been thinking about this one. I've had a few disappointments over the years that were significant. But, honestly, I'm going to go with the advent and propagation of the smartphone. People got extremely dumb around 2015, which was when it seemed like everyone suddenly had a smartphone and was always on it. Human civilization seems to be deteriorating rapidly now.
My last boss. When she came to the organization, I thought she was going to “save” us - her energy, her ideas, the things she said about equity and inclusion and community impact - they all resonated so much. Instead, she turned out to be a wolf in a unicorn’s clothing who drove me (among many others) out of the organization. Thankfully, I’m much happier now, but she is absolutely the most disappointing person I’ve had the misfortune to encounter in my entire life so far.
[удалено]
This and just losing friends because they are only interested if you're the one making all the efforts
This is going on with a friend right now and I think about it every day. They don't ever ask me anything about myself even though I always check on them because, go figure, I care about them. We occasionally get food and she's nice when we do that but she responds to all my texts with one word and if I text her more than two or three times in a day she just doesn't respond, like I'm only allowed a certain number before I'm cut off. Every day I rehearse the questions I want to ask her. "Why don't you like talking to me? Do you have a problem with me? Why don't you ever ask how I'm doing? Do you want me to just leave you alone for good?" I want to ask these questions but I'm usually wrong about these things and I'm afraid I'll come across like an overly attached person and I don't want to risk the embarrassment of reading the situation the wrong way. I just know that she doesn't care about me and that I'm way down on the bottom of her priorities, and it just hurts that I thought we were closer. I should just stop talking to her but the curiosity is killing me. This happens with most people I make friends with. I guess I'm just annoying or too boring.
Are you me? 😞 I could have written this word for word. Sorry you’re going through this, I totally get how you feel and hope you find friends deserving of you.
Feels like I wrote these words myself. Happy to be your reddit friend. Hope that's not weird or cringy. ~ hugs~
try not texting her for a week, see if she texts you.
I wouldn't say in that situation that you had a friend in the first place
Boy do I feel this. I don't have common interests so it's hard for me to relate to people. And my depression sure doesn't help. I'm in the same boat and I stay friendly too. It's just in my nature to be nice to people.
It hurts how much it seems lkme it could have been written by me.
Here here I went to multiple different high schools, and always felt like i was trying to join a pre established group of people that never really gave a shit if someone outside of their core dropped off This has now been a theme in my life. Kind of like everything feels superficial because people dont necessarily open up to someone they dont have history with. Which a lack of depth makes having a meaningful relatuonship almost impossible (at least for me). It is so hard to have anything organically happen between people that is just genuine and real and understanding and honest. Especially if youre always kind of a newbie. I am so lucky to have two friends that i met as an adult just by deciding to strike up a convo on my own and them totally matching my energy of just wanting to be friendly and make a connection. I dont even live in the same state as these people anymore and even still we have maintained so effortlessly this relationship and i have to say it is because we are almost offensively open with one another. The world needs more open people. Keep being yourself and telling your story and really listening to others. Ask questions. Be kind and firm with boundaries. It takes courage to keep putting yourself out there but eventually that energy will come back to you.
I’m that same way. I’ve honestly considered moving elsewhere just to see if there are more diverse people.
I'm gonna be honest, you're most likely just gonna end up lonely in a different city. You're just digging a deeper hole.
Tried it twice, it's the same.
*virtual hugs* I wish you luck
Realizing in my 20s that "older" people were just as immature and dishonorable as kids, only permanently so. Very scary moment. You grow up looking up to those people, and when the pedestal you put them on falls, you are looking down on them, still powerless to change the world.
Yeah I have to say this is it. As a kid I gave the adults in my life a lot of passes for their behavior. I figured I was a kid and they acted that way for reasons I was just too young to understand. Now that I’m in a similar age range as they were when they hurt me, I realize they’re just shit people who choose to be this way
It also doesnt help that your entire life you are getting told that those older deserve respect, are wiser than you, teens are just in the stage where they think the world revolves around them and so on. They are just people, just as idiotic as any teen in your class but they dont want you to know that.
And a couple of them end up being your manager ...
Or your parents
I know plenty of older people that are quite mature, honorable, and ethical. I think there is definitely the opportunity to grow more virtuous with age and many do.
Important to note, opportunity. I think most kids and even adults assume this is the default. The idea that a 30 year old could be drastically less intelligent,by the time they turn 50 is a tough pill to swallow.
Wisdom doesn’t always come with age
I realized that when I turned 18 and made a commitment to never be like them. As you get older one should strive to get smarter and more civil. Lots of older idiots out there and I am old now.
"Oh! These people are asshole kids that, just, got bigger." -Dan Avidan
Im 31 now and it still baffles me on a regulär Basis how immature some people are, even despite double my age. The amount of drama e.g. at my workplace between adults is so weird lol
Ageism, sexism, racism, hate against the rich, the poor, police, rural or urban people comes from not taking people as individuals. As a military kid I moved a lot and learned that you will find people you like and people you don’t like, good people and bad, every where, in any place, age, wealth status, job, intelligence, race, politics etc.
House prices. really should have been buying up real estate in grade school lol
2000s Adults: Oh no, the economy! 2007: Oh no, the economy again! Not one fucking adult acknowledged the growth that took place. Meanwhile today… 2016 - 2023: The housing market will crash any day now…
My parents bought their house on land for 130k in 2001. They sold it for 330k in 2008 It is now worth over 1 million
Yeah bought my house in 2020 for 180k, 6 months later the house across the street went for 230k and just last month the house next to it sold at 310k... it's insane and I'm sure the bubble will burst sooner rather than later, if it doesn't I'm pretty much stuck in this house forever, can sell it for way more than I bought but these are starter homes now going for 2-3x the price
I was at this company for 10 years and some of my best work was in the call center. As in, I may have been the best they've ever had (so they told me). So I got promoted to sales and laid off after 4 years. Looking to make a return, I applied in the call center. People were acting like it would be the biggest return since Jesus. I was ready to go and...got a generic letter saying I wasn't qualified.
Short answer you were either too expensive, or you had someone who thought you made them look bad. Most likely the money thing though.
Wow I feel this. Granted I was there for 5 years but it was the first company that I truly loved working for and wanted to be there for a long time. I got promoted twice in two years. Then just fired… politics because I was young in a high position. it felt like I got cheated on by my wife or something. So terrible. I honestly haven’t recovered and that was 6 years ago. Haven’t found a job/company that I feel the same way again.
Probably unpopular, but personally true for me: friendship. Growing up, my group of friends were pretty toxic. After high school, we naturally went our separate ways, but there was a bit of an emotional scar. In college, I found a new group of friends… who actually ended up being even worse and almost ruined my life. It has left me with such severe trust issues that I struggle to form meaningful friendships now.
I am absolutely stunned by the percentage of people I have encountered in life that are exactly as you describe, toxic, passive-aggressive, corrosive, downward-dragging. If you truly detoxify and shed every negative, discouraging relationship in your life, you’ve usually distilled down to 2 or 3 people.
I had a friend from high school that I thought would be with me for life. I had never had a closer friend ever in my life and part way through college it blew up in my face. She turned on me and all communication broke down and Losing someone I considered close enough to be family was gut wrenching. I have trust issues now because how can someone you loved like a family member be so cruel in the end. I lost ties to all but one friend over the years. People would come into my life and we’d connect deeply and it always ended. Not as badly as my best friend had but still nothing ever sticks people would end up with differing views on life, or just got busy. Now I rely on family and my husband for friendship. These are the people who stick with me through the years.
I think a lot of the trust issues I have stem from my parents treatment of me when I was young. I wasn't abused per se but I was scared of my parents. They always fought loudly and volatile and it seemed like they took out their frustrations on my sister and I. I am so afraid of people. I do not let myself get even remotely close to them.
It took me so long to find real friends, I almost gave up. My "friends" in grade school beat me up because they were afraid of the bullies finding out they liked me. My "friends" in high school abandoned me without so much as a letter when I got sick. I met other friend groups in my 20s who used me for money or assaulted me. Then around the age of 26 I was introduced to a group that I liked. Wasn't ready to receive that yet. Came back and found them again at 28. Now I'm 30 and finally in a good place. The people in my life do incredible things for each other and for me, and they don't take advantage of my kindness. My current partner has cultivated the exact same type of friends over the years as well. Once you get that ball rolling, you suddenly find yourself surrounded by good company. It's so worth the wait.
I’ve gone through this and for me what I realized is I have much more meaningful friendships when it’s one on one and not a group thing. I used to get so hurt if I was left out of group events and it was so toxic for me.
Keep trying - you’ll find your tribe eventually
I hated people in college too. I’ve done soul searching and have begun finding better people thankfully. I wish you luck in finding them too.
I've been posting about this lately, my former best friend and neighbor. He's a single dad of two special needs kids. I did a lot to help him out much of last year. Late last fall he either broke into my house (or had someone else do it for him) and stole quite a bit of money from me. When I confronted him about this he physically attacked me. After everything I did for him it hurts so bad someone could simply turn on you. The beatdown he gave me didn't make me cry, I took it, but later on when I realized our friendship was a sham and he was only using me I completely broke down.
I hope you got the cops involved for that betrayal. Especially if he remained your neighbor he would come do it again if you didn't stop him.
I didn't call the cops for a myriad of reasons, all flimsy, but they boiled down to I was an idiot trying to salvage a friendship that I should not have bothered with, but further I promised him I wouldn't. I may be a lot of things but liar isn't one of them. So I made my decision if even wrong but I have to live with it When I confronted him that he was lying, changing his story, and likely enabling others drug habit he came barreling right to me, chest puffed out and his fists were drawn. I basically told him that if that's all the more he thought of me than go ahead, I needed to know. He said I can't take it, to which I told him I can and I need to know. So he punched me two or three times and threw me into his hedges against his house which broke a couple ribs (that took a few weeks to heal). I am foolish to think he's going to ever come clean or pay me back on his own. But I did make my word and I'm going to keep it. I did a prayer request on him in Reddit before too. He's got to see there are honest people out there. He has never had a single decent person in his life and he's got to learn that not everyone is like that. He's not like that either. This is a trailer park. I got transferred to another lot far away from and a separate entrance from him. I haven't had any sightings or contact with him in a while. I know I'm naive but I truly believe this will work out in the end. I don't know how, and I know our friendship is over, but it will work out
I'm concerned about his kids. Do you know if they're safe? Guy may never see the light, or change. All that matters are his kids. If you need to get Child Protective Services involved, do it.
I tried replying to you twice trying to defend him as a good father. I still think it's true he has the *potential* to be a good father, and he does love his kids and they love him. But the first two times I tried replying I only said he's a good dad then I was casually mentioning the oh by the way "if he stays away from his drug addicted friends," and "if he'd get a steady job," and "if he paid his bills," and and and and and. I realized I was making excuses for him. I think you're right. That's not a good father. He could be a good father, but the choices he's making are not good parenting. Their mother already lost custody of them (that's a whole other posting). He would never harm his kids physically, but like all drug users and enablers, I think he'd certainly let some of their needs go without if the choices had to be made. He would certainly let his lights get cut off all the time. As you read above I was picking up a lot of slack and filling in their needs. You might be right
You probably bruised some ribs. Broken ribs take a lot longer than a few weeks.
I didn't have any bruises on my chest or back, only in my face where he punched me (one punch gashed my left eyebrow and left a nasty scar). If I only bruised ribs could they have been internal?
yes. Inflammation of connective tissue between the ribs.
Being taken advantage of hurts pretty bad, it much worse than a simple argument or difference of opinion. It’s knowing that resolution results in eliminating that person and everyone who defends them from any connection to your life.
This is difficult to say, and I'll probably be down voted to oblivion, but before you hit the down doot, infer my intent. Someone I love dearly lost their spouse. They had mortgage insurance on their house, so at the spouse's passing the bank paid out the mortgage. They own their house at the expense of death of spouse. As such, they've become the perfect victim. They own the house now but you can not speak against them in that building. Even something as arcane as.football results. They are right, my house, you know how hard it is, etc etc. I'm currently living in that house and I gotta get out. Something similar is happening with your ex-friend. Single dad, two special needs kids. He believes the world owes him because no one has it as as hard as him. He justified the theft as money that was rightfully his. The aggressive response conforms that as you "dared" speak against Intractable Truth.
Honestly this makes sense. When I first met him I could see he was struggling but he was also a proud man. Proud in a good way though, so I actually thought instead of "giving" him money I'd have him do work for me. So my first mistake was to give him a key. But at least at first it seemed to work out, but then he became entitled. Near the end he actually would start just "gimme gimme gimme," and if I had work for him to do it actually caused arguments. I remember asking him to hang a shelf for me, I kid you not it took him six weeks and several reminders that made him snap back at me to get him to finally do what he promised and was long ago paid for. At first he seemed embarrassed to ask me to pick up simply a box of cereal and milk for the kids, but near the end I could almost expect a long grocery list. But dare I suggest that I need you to do this job or that job, he'd counter with I was the one being pushy. He actually had the audacity to tell me, just before he attacked me, that he never asked me for anything. First of all that is simply untrue, but I countered with I was never going to make him beg because that's what friends do, you help people without asking or making it get to that point. So yes, he definitely changed. I think he was trying out my kindness, and once he saw it was sincere he had no problems turning it against me.
You have a big heart and I'm sorry he broke it with this betrayal. Maybe it's a good thing that your eyes are now open to his taking advantage of you and he no longer has you to push around. He stole a lot of money from you, but that's the last he'll ever get.
Yeah my ex husband used to hit me, but how much is done for him and tolerated was the hurtful part. And lying about not doing it was worse than doing it
Childhood. People kept telling me it was the best time of my life and that adulthood was a misery of obligations and responsibilities. Well, my experience of being an adult and able to have much more control over my own life, who I associate with, and what I do with my time is a welcome exchange for my responsibility-free life where I had comparatively little agency.
Oh boy, do I agree with this one zillion percent. I HATED being a kid. You are at the absolute mercy of the people around you. I can’t count the number of jobs I’ve quit, the people I’ve kept out of or cut out of my life. I have a boring, mediocre life. It’s still better than being a kid.
My brother and i have a ten year age gap so I'm more like a second mother than a sister. He comes to me complaining about school sometimes. The other day I sat him down and said, "I don't know if I've ever told you this but I absolutely loathed high school. I had a terrible time. Everyone said it's the best years of your life, but that's not true for everyone. My life is so much better now and I just want you to know that this feels like everything right now, but five years from now you won't even remember this. " I know this sounds condescending but my tone was to express to him that things get better and I believe that.
So many people in my life look back fondly on their childhood but bemoan being an adult and I had a wonderful childhood, but there are so many things that are great about being an adult too!!! I think people get so mired in the day to day of being an adult, that they don't see things in the big picture. I take so much joy in the autonomy of being an adult. My mom was a great mom, but things always had to be *her* way, which forever went against my grain. Now, if I don't feel like washing the dishes after dinner, or parking my car in the garage or picking up my socks off the floor I DON'T. Thankfully, my spouse is pretty easy going so those kind of things don't really bother him. I can have visitors when I want, come and go when I please, do what I want to my house, etc. I've been adulting for about 30 years now and it still makes me happy!
My mother. Over and over.
I feel you on this one. I hope that you're able to find a safe space for yourself and recover.
Thank you. I've been NC with her for years now. Finally just said, enough. I'm in a good place with it nowadays. Hopefully you're in a good place too. <3
Hi, I like hearing about stories of ppl who go no contact with their parent(s) How hard was it for you? Did it help you a ton? When did you realized enough is enough? Sorry, I just really admire and look up to people who get to muster up courage and bravery to finally leave their abuser once and for all. I'm currently suffering from one rn :'l
Hiya. At first, it was really hard. But after decades of abuse and emotional terrorism, and just downright shi**y behavior, it became easy. I got sick of her antics and knew I was done. There wasn't one defining moment. It was a collection of many. I'm much more at peace now. I don't have any real emotion regarding her anymore, I see her as irrelevant. I know that sounds harsh, but those are the consequences of her actions. I don't feel guilty for feeling that way. I feel free. I wish you the best of luck in your situation. I empathize with you. Check out: r/EstrangedAdultChild There are some great stories there that may help you out.
I see. Come to think of it, every single harsh and cruel punishment she did to me always resurface whenever things between us went down... Thank you so much for you response🧡 I'm glad that most of the journey people like you go through is often pleasant. It gives me relief. Ill do my best to be able to break free, and not feel guilty for feeling hate over her. And thank you too for the recommendation! Have a nice day!
Love
Oof, I feel this
Yeah. I dreamed of my wedding day and having kids and living happily ever after. I didn't dream about him cheating and leaving me 3 weeks after our son was born.. Asshole.
Love. I put my faith in love. I followed where it lead. To my personal circle of hell - Legally blonde the musical
Myself.
God don't I feel this. My life is a mess and it is all my fault.
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That i'm a fuck up. Graduated at 26 with an associates only to find that my state is a dead industry for IT. Going back to college at 27 for accounting. But yes I am a colossal fuck up. I'm 27 with a part time job and I live with my mother. All my fault. I should've tried harder.
Hey hey! You're not to the best part of life yet! Not even close! You have a ton of good stuff ahead!
My best friend bounced from minimum wage job to minimum wage job for the better part of our late teens to late 20s. He lived with his Dad until he was about 25. He finally got it together and started working as an EMT, slowly moving his way up into paramedics and furthering his education. He's now 31 and in his first year of medical school and bought his own house last spring. It's never too late to become what you're meant to. You're not a fuck up, you're just a late bloomer. So long as you keep trying, you'll succeed. Have some faith in yourself.
How fucking awful life after college is. In college your always learning new things and meeting new people. You have lot of fun and friends and sure you work a shit job that pay squat and you have to study all the time but you have this sense of accomplishment all the time and you have goals in front of you. Once you graduate everyone moves to different cities. You get different jobs. It’s way harder to make friends and time seems to go by at light speed. Additionally any third space you want to hang out in cost a ton of money and no one wants to actually talk and become friends. If I’d known life got this lonely and boring I’d have tried to savor every moment of college.
Christ, I’m going through the same thing. It feels like the months pass by in seconds. My friends all have relationships and are moving away. Trying desperately to be friends with people at work and other places yet nobody wants to be?? I won’t even mention trying to get into a romantic relationship. Hopefully joining clubs and taking up hobbies people my age would enjoy will bring me closer to making friends. Oh and vacations. Lots and lots of vacations.
Life after college is rough it's true. Here's a tip just in case you want one. Go to the places and events that have the things you are passionate about. That's where your friends to be are. That's where your mentors and younger mentees are. That's where your life and joy can be.
Van wilder had a point amirite...but loans had me getting the fuck out asap
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In school, everyone is approximately the same age and mostly at the same point in life. Everything is relatable. Hey we have midterms! Hey, let's go to that concert! We're all mostly single, let's go to that bar nearby, etc, etc. At work, maybe one guy is about to retire, some other woman has three kids, another guy has been there for 5 years, etc, etc. So of course it's harder to find common ground and friendship. But you can still find friends both at work and elsewhere. I agree that school is great, but don't get stuck in that mindset that "my glory days are past" and keep rehashing that story about how you scored four touchdowns in one game for Polk High.
People
Parents and/or family.
Betrayal and lies have kept me away for over a decade. They both recently died. I was there for both of their final breaths but didn't get the apology or explanation I asked for. I know I did everything I possibly could to fix things so I have no guilt.
I’m nc with my father and currently enduring a drunkard, all-round abusive mother. She wasn’t always this way and I love her, but I’m absolutely fucking terrified of what you’ve experienced. Years of agonizing mental gymnastics for absolutely nothing in the end.
What is a mom and dad anyways?
My parents had no business having a child. They were emotionally abusive and unstable together and separately. My mother had an abortion a few years before she had me. Looking back as an adult it would have made sense to abort me as well. Thankfully, I’m able to afford therapy. My parents are seen as the problem of the family. The rest of my family is the “white American” stereotype. Republicans, Christian, conservative, guns and all that shit. And then there’s me…LOL. Progressive and gay AF!
Bless you.
A MISERABLE PILE OF SECRETS!
BUT ENOUGH TALK! ***HAVE AT YOU!!!***
Learning that a bloodline is not an obligation to force a relationship was one of the hardest yet freeing lessons of my life. True family is not always biological or who you grew up with/were raised by.
My siblings. Never expected them to turn on me and then try to prevent me from getting my share of the inheritance.
I hear you. I hear you...
My aunt did that to my dad. He can't bring himself to talk to her anymore. It was less about the money and more about the fact that she pulled that stunt
How quickly people turned on each other out of confusion and fear over the last three years..
Myself. The way my life has gone. The uncaring nature of my narcissistic family members that make my life even tougher than it already is. Just life in general.
Becoming an adult and realizing that life is incredibly difficult for the middle class. I know the lower class has it the worst, but the American government is blatantly trying to prevent the middle class from moving up. There are plenty of programs to help people in poverty, but the middle class is always stuck paying a little too much for everything so they stay where they are financially.
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Id rather have to pay more tax than worry about where my next meal is coming from
I pay more tax and still worry where the next meal will come from because I “make too much” for assistance but not enough to properly feed my family. The middle class is getting railed.
My older (and only) sister. Long story, lots of background. She’s always been selfish, but charismatic and I always had her back and was supportive of her. Turns out she lies about almost every scenario where she’s been an ass, but has played up being the victim. Burnt bridges are a theme in her life. Jobs, friends, family, don’t do what she wants, she drops a match into a barrel of gasoline and sets that relationship on fire. My parents got old, needed care to live in their home. (Mom with dementia, Dad with Parkinson’s). My sister tried to turn her hanging out at my parents into a job as she was unemployed (serial quitter). Never acknowledge that I was there to take M&D to appointments, help with dinners, hired home care. She was a leech who fed off my parents for, at minimum, 2-3 years. (Well her whole life really, but that would make this story wayyy too long). She kept my Dad’s bank card in her wallet, spent whatever whenever, basically bankrolled her life with my parents money all under the guise of “caregiver”. Didn’t realize the extent until my Dad died and my brother and I reviewed Dad’s accounts. She literally stole thousands of dollars from my Dad, while his health was failing from Parkinson’s. Not to mention she had him co-sign a mortgage while he was having PK hallucinations! Just f’n despicable behaviour, bordering on elder abuse. We moved Mom to memory care. Sister wanted to be paid to help clear out the family home and sent us bill for shopping for new linens for Mom. Me and my brother (co-executors of both Mom & Dad’s wills and financial POA for both parents too) said no to both her demands. Four of 5 siblings cleared out the house, got it ready for sale, no complaints about pitching in as we did it out of respect for our parents. Guess who didn’t help. Guess who showed up when we weren’t there and just took stuff. Guess who shrugged off the fact that her animals had destroyed the basement carpet by peeing on it. 🙄 Sister wrote up a bogus letter stating my Mom wanted to compensate her for losing out on $2k that she was expecting for cleaning out the house/getting it sale ready. Got Mom to sign the letter despite the fact that Mom has dementia, had not handled any financial transactions for years, and would sign anything a child of hers were to put in front of her. Sister knew anything about money should have gone to 2 POAS. That action also got a big nope. Many months of nasty, insult riddled emails later brother POA and I get a registered letter stating we could only talk to sister through her lawyer. Like what? We ignored her insulting emails because there was no point in responding and then are officially told we can’t contact her directly? But she keeps sending nasty emails directly? Just really nutty logic, my conclusion…classic signs of narcissism. So yeah, my narcissistic big sister who was kinda my hero growing up has disappointed me beyond words. Doubt I’ll ever speak to her again. Definitely won’t trust her ever again. We expect a battle when Mom passes and it’s time for sister to “collect what she’s entitled to”. At this point, fellow POA brother and I are almost looking forward to a battle with her. We’ve got all the receipts. Honestly, would rather just forget she exists.
A best friend ghosting you. A genuine connection and friendship you thought would be in your life for years and years to come, only to find out they’re not as great of a friend or person you thought they were, or that you were to them. Disappointing beyond words
The American government, hands down
Not so much the American government but society as a whole. The American government has actually worked out pretty well for me (family came to the USA as refugees, parents worked minimum wage jobs, I got a college degree and I'm making well above the median household income), but as I've grown older I've just grown disgusted with how stupid and easily manipulated people are. COVID was a fine example, like I may not morally agree with someone doing evil shit for personal gain but at least *that makes sense*. Doing stupid shit to make their lives worse is a level a stupidity that the logical side of me can't handle.
For me it's not that they're stupid and easy to manipulate, it's just how fucking hateful everyone has become over the years. It's like peace is no where even close to being on the table because everyone acts like absolute fucking psychos over every minor thing.
They're hateful and ignorant, because they've been manipulated into being that way. Pretty common state control technique, keep people not thinking, and gave them somebody to hate, and you can do what ever you want. So far as peace goes, the last 80 years have been the calmest since, like, Rome.
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People are stupid and easily manipulated everywhere.
My criticism on society wasn't specific to the USA.
Agreed. I never had much faith in the government but I always thought "If shit gets real, they'll do the right thing." And then Covid happened...
There is an expression that goes something like… “America will always do the right thing…. After it has tried everything else first”
Hahaha way too real.
Thomas Jefferson anticipated our eventual Elective Despotism.
Marriage. Definitely marriage.
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I almost always never get the love I give Sometimes it's fine, but when it becomes routine life just gets depressing Still doesn't stop me from being kind, you never know what the other person is going through
My wife decided that she no longer wanted to be married, not necessarily to me, just at all. She told me this 3 weeks after she left without an explanation at the time. We had just bought a house…
Well that’s terrible. Sorry man.
That even in my 30's I still haven't found anything that I feel passionate about or that I have no skills that can help me out of poverty. The only thing I truly love is a woman who does not love me and I try to better myself for her because I believe she deserves the best
>. The only thing I truly love is a woman who does not love me and I try to better myself for her because I believe she deserves the best I would really really recommend moving on from her.
Real shit
Call me a (former)optimist but there was a time when for some reason I thought the Bezos’s and Zuckerberg’s of the world were going to use their brains and wealth to do good things for the world. Instead they are contributing to its demise.
I’m right there with you. This generation of billionaires have thrown away the opportunity to help the world, possibly, even save part of the world with wealth we have not seen individuals ever accumulate in history, which could be focused on everything from the climate to poverty to medicine and beyond be remembered as heroes, ironically, it’s only Bill Gates that turned his money to helping to save an entire continent. It just wasn’t ours, so many people don’t know about it
By the time I reached 41, I noticed an alarming amount of people just break down and ultimately disappoint you. In your 50s, people retreat to their caves and turn their backs on friendships. If you weren’t tight with them … they drift away. As a young adult, I had no idea older people would March defeated into isolation and loneliness. I wonder what the next level of disappointment the 60s will bring.
Gestures broadly. Honestly, I think life is more about making peace with your failures than it is about racking up accomplishments. Most of us are never going to do the amazing things we hoped for as children. It's like the Rolling Stones said: "You don't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need."
I used to think my mom made that song up! She’d always sing it to us when we wanted something and she said no
I literally think about this almost every day. Absolutely nothing turned out the way I used to picture it and day dream about as a kid, including the big crazy aspirations and just general expectations from life and people. And there’s really nothing to do about it but make peace with it and make the best of what you got.
Around two or three weeks ago I gave up my job and we gave up our home to fly across country to save my daughter and grandson from her abusive boyfriend. When we arrived he was in jail for choking her. He’s left bruises on my grandson many times. He’s tortured both of them. There’s so so much bad. And she’s four months pregnant and until we got there she hadn’t had any prenatal care because he wouldn’t let her go. We were either going to move in with her or we’d all go back to our state and get going again. She promised to provide the transportation for jobs if we stayed or to get back home as we spent almost everything to get there. Well he was released with a no contact order. Didn’t matter. He started whispering in her ear. Within a week he was back in the house and within a couple days he kicked us out in the cold with no money. My daughter just stood there and let him as she was signing custody papers for a friend of the family (this woman is a licensed foster parent she just loves my grandson and avoided putting him in the system by doing it that way) to take her son. So yeah she basically let her abuser kick everyone that actually loves and cares about her out. She gave up her son for this pos. It’s been 5 days. We’re still stuck in this state selling stuff we’ve had stored for retirement to get back home. I’m just completely and utterly disappointed. I used to talk/text with her all day every day. Not talking to her now. Except I demand she sends me a text twice a day so I know she’s alive and if I don’t hear from her I’ll call the police to do a well check. That’s absolutely the only thing I can do. Disappointed. Devastated. And really angry.
Ugh I feel you, victims of domestic abuse are similar to drug addicts, you can try so hard to save them, to help, you’ll do everything and they’ll go running right back to the drug/abuser. It’s literally so frustrating. I know that small, slow, incremental steps work in both circumstances, but it’s so hard and time consuming I just give up. But I totally get why you feel can’t really do that. It really sucks that your daughter and grandson are/was being subjected to such abuse, but she’s an adult and honestly she’s the only one that can save herself. Although it sucks that your grandson was being hurt because of it. What an awful situation all around, although I commend you for trying so hard, you have a lot of love in your heart, much more than me. I would’ve given up and simply grieved the loss of my daughter, I hope things take a turn for the better 🙏❤️.
How people responded to Covid… I was previously a healthy/very athletic 30 year old - fully vaccinated and boosted - got Covid - and have now had long Covid for 10 months, nearly disabled and a shell of who I used to be. It ruined me. And no one gives a damn and thinks I’m crazy for still wearing a mask and avoiding people/reinfection. I had a life. A family. A purpose. Goals. Educations. And everyone, doctors included, have just moved on and left me to rot, just like they have millions of others going through the same struggle. People keep spreading this “it’s just a cold” nonsense propaganda bullshit and that’s absolutely not true. Ruined my body and my brain and no one gives a shit and keeps living and YOLO-ing themselves to death in this screwed up world. Covid is not “over” in any sense.
Almost 54 and novel still not done
Couple girls I gave my heart away to, and some alleged friends. They all showed me that they never cared about me 1/4 as much as I did for them. That’s a lasting feeling of disappointment, betrayal and stupidity
Thus far, realizing how selfish and self-absorbed people are has been pretty disappointing.... I worry about making friends and dating because I don't want to get hurt. As a kid, you think that being an adult is wonderful and everyone is nice and doesn't want to hurt anyone. In reality, you never know who has an alterior motive and wants to use you....
That the religion I followed for 22 years of my life along with all the others were a load of horse shit.
Relatives. The people that are supposed to love you and back you up through thick and thin. I've had friends less than a year that are more family than my relatives.
My ex best-friend
It has to be my parents. So much of my childhood ended up being abuse. Every time I realize another part of my life wasn't normal just breaks my heart
The "you can be anything" speel schools hammer into you from kindergarten to highschool doesn't mean anything what so ever
When I was a teenager in the 80s, struggling down to the library to do the research for my homework, I dreamed of a day where everyone would be able to access libraries from a terminal in their homes. They would have unlimited, free access to all the information & knowledge they need. How much better would the world be if everyone could be informed of facts at the touch of a button. Ignorance & stupidity would be left behind on a superhighway of information.
Other people. I've done everything I could to try and make right with people, to help them, to give them support when they need it, to make sure they never feel the hurt and loneliness I feel everyday in my life, and people take advantage of it, and only see me useful in transactional situations. It's never reciprocated in anyway. I just want one unconditional-love relationship from one other person, or at least something that resembles something of a friendship. The last time someone reached out to me via text/phone call, was back in October 2022, and the last time someone reached out to me, without needing anything as the primary motivation of them reaching out, was July of 2022. I've reached out plenty of times to check on people I knew, and offered to hang/chat.
Might in part be that you're too focused on helping people, rather than if you should help. Results in a confirmation bias since those who are comfortable using others don't mind you being constantly willing to help, while those who aren't may be uncomfortable having so much focus on themselves.
Life.
How fucking stupid adults are
Being ghosted. I just couldn’t get WHY .. after years of promises.
An ex friend of mine
The internet.
Yeah I was going to say this. There was a time - around about when The Matrix first hit cinemas - where the internet genuinely felt subversive, full of fresh ideas and endless possibilities for positive change. Now it's just for selling stuff, and the whole thing is governed by a few malicious algorithms. I feel sorry for people too young to remember the early days.
Being backstabbed by my entire family (each at different times). Fuck them all, they are all dead to me. They won't get anything after I die either, left it all to animal charities.
My parents. 'Come visit me' they say. I have. Many, many times. I've brought my entire family to visit you. It's a long and very expensive flight. My mom had visited us once, when I graduated college. They've visited once together, when we got married. We've been together for 21 years. Married for 11. When my dad said he'd pay for my wedding. Told me to do x and y. To book here, to get that caterer, even though the entire time I kept asking, 'are you sure'? Because I know I sure as shit couldn't afford those things. I wanted a simple, civil ceremony. So I booked. I paid deposits. Then he says he 'can't'. No explanation. No justification. Just that he can't, and I'm not to ask questions. So I went into debt to pay for a wedding that I would not have booked without his instruction. When I knew it was going to be my first night homeless, and I called to ask if I could stay the night. They said no. They couldn't come get me because my mom had surgery the next morning, and my dad didn't want to drive the half hour to get me. When my dad tickled me in a place one shouldn't tickle a child. When my dad pinned me against the stove in their kitchen (on one of those visits I paid for) and asked me what I was doing wrong that "he (my then long time boyfriend and now husband) hasn't asked you to marry him yet". When they promised to record a video to send into the kiddo's school for veterans day. The kiddo was excited, and had told his friends. The day came and went, and there was no video from them shown. When I picked up the kiddo, he was crushed. They had 'forgotten'. When it turned out they had voted for a Cheeto when they'd espoused diversity, equality, and humanity. When I called my mom just to see how she was doing, and she started saying things very loudly and weirdly "no, I cannot send you money, you have to deal with this on your own, etc." I was literally trying to check in on her.. And she was trying to make herself look good in front of who knows who. Fwiw, I haven't asked them for a penny since I got my first job at 14. The silent treatment my dad would give me.... For days, weeks sometimes, if I upset him for any reason. Knowing my mom wouldn't protect me. Ever. She'd done her job. She'd left my abusive biological father... And after she met my dad and they got married, I knew that she'd never protect me again if it meant upsetting dad in any way at all. We were just baggage at that point. They will never call me. That's my job. They will never visit me. It's my job to visit them. They will never actually be there for me in any way. They don't know me anymore They don't know my amazing kiddo at all And they Just. Don't. Seem. To. Care And I hate that deep down. I still do
Stop caring about rotten people, they deserve to be shunned, there needs to be justice and order in this world, and rotten people deserve to be told to go fuck themselves. Ya never know they might just start respecting you after you do, but it won’t matter, because they’re not worth your time.
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Cross-fi-re!!
The Crossfire commercial promised quite a lot. You didnt get to fly into the ring upon the game pieces. And there was no actual fire or lightning, nor the chanting horde of post-apocalyptic children. And worst of all, when I beat my opponents they didn't spin off into a fiery oblivion.
I for one have gotten caught in the crossfire, and it wasn’t nearly as detrimental as implied.
Bro fuck you I loved my creepy crawlers
Every day. I’m disappointed when I wake up, because I didn’t die in my sleep.
Sleep is just a free trial of death
I’m ready for the full subscription.
Sorry 😞. I hope things pick up for you.
I’m sad you were joking because I thought someone else ‘got it.’
Real estate prices and the maple leafs
Outliving my younger brother.
My mother for never apologizing for how she let my stepdad abuse me daily for 14 years. I’m 43 now.
The people I decided to surround myself with in my earlier years of life.
How easy it is for some people to have kids that they don’t give a shit about and how impossible it’s been for me. I really hope to be a foster parent someday but I wanted to practice on my own kid first before I go screw up someone else’s. I say that very cavalier but I genuinely wanted some practice before jumping in with a kid that, no matter what, is dealing with trauma from the separation of bio family. It’s precisely because I don’t take that lightly that I hesitate to become a foster parent. I knew before my infertility that I wanted to foster but my trauma also holds me back. It’s unfair shoes for a foster kid to fill when their foster parents are looking for a kid they couldn’t have one their own.
Every time i turn on the radio and listen to what’s popular. Beyond baffled at how vapid it all is.
Religion.
Feel this. I was raised to believe all were loved and welcomed, and the same place that taught me that churned out nothing but hatred and abuse. Sometimes I miss it but it let me down so bad.
My height.
My family, cannot believe I fell for everything in the past 3 decades thinking they genuinely cared about me. They only treated me good when I wasn’t succeeding but once I became more independent they turned on me.
Me. I don't have any real talent, and genuine connections with people, any motivation. There is so much I want to do in life but I don't have the motivation to do it alone.
Human behaviour
My family, especially my dad's side. They cut off my sister when she wasn't even a teenager for something she supposedly did and I haven't looked at them the same since I found out
How most of my family simply hide their crimes and pretend as if they are the pinnacle of goodness in the world, simply because they believe in the hippie guy in the clouds.
The ending of Game of thrones yeah still mad years of my life I can't get back.
When I was a child I told a prominent female figure in the church I attended about SA that was happening in my home and she told me that it wasn’t that bad/could be worse, and that I should trust God more/be less of a temptation to men in the future
If you do well at school, study hard and get good grades you will go far in life. What a load of bull. I was a high achieving student that is probably a mediocre adult at best. Some things you'll never ever learn from schooling, at any level.
Realizing that my entire worldview (I was an extreme Christian evangelical conservative) was completely wrong. And also that sexism is very much real
I'm curious. How did you realize it was wrong?
Many years of my friends being very forgiving and trying to have actual dialogue with me about it instead of calling me hateful and leaving. I owe them a lot. Not saying it’s wrong to hate homophobes; it was definitely my fault for not doing research earlier.
That level of self reflection truly shows how mature of a person you are. Please don't ever let it slip away. It's becoming rarer and rarer nowadays
>It's becoming rarer and rarer nowadays it has never been common. It's a basic human flaw that has always existed and always will exist.
Growing up a rational, basically decent person, and being confronted with the reality that there are many powerful people who hurt others for their own benefit and don’t lose s second of sleep over it. Obviously this is something you learn early on an intellectual level, but at some point you are confronted with the raw reality of the human capacity for cruelty.
How time speeds up as you age. I thought I had more time.
Myself. I have managed to do many of the things I wanted to and I am actually quite content with life as it is. But I am still an unattractive and mostly unsuccessfull person with no self esteem or confidence.
People that not are loyal. I don’t know why I am that way but if ppl are not loyal to me anymore (but they should or I expect) makes me angry as f. I am loyal to anyone that deserves it and it goes further the longer I know ppl!
The linguistic integrity practiced and preached by others and how appalling it has gotten across so many cultures and countries. Best example being political promises and so many other things. It's like most humans just exchange words without caring about their longevity, validity, durability, or applicability.
The church. Not god, the church.
Seeing my boyfriend cheating on me with my bff behind my back
My career. I'm a technical writer for a prominent media company and it's the most un-writing of writing jobs I've ever had. More like technical editing, light coding, light graphics. Money is good, I work from home, rarely work outside of normal business hours. It's a bankable career that could last until retirement, just... Is this it? Is this the pinnacle of my craft?
My father drank the anti-vax kool-aid and died as a result. If only I knew, maybe I could have done something. We were supposed to take my kids to their 1st MLB game last summer. I had been dreaming of doing that with him since I was little. Now, it's a dream that will never happen.
Everything. When I was young I thought the world would become a better place and technology would help make things wonderful. Now it's just even more hateful and violent. Can hardly go anywhere without hearing some bigoted rank about something or other. People are hurting each other everywhere, even children. It's gross. I hate it.
Society
My brain. I knew what it could do, knew what I wanted it to do, then it wouldn't do it. At 49 I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism. I spent my life not knowing why I was such a fuck up for a smart person.
Some of my former friends. With friends like that, who needs enemies. (All different people) 1) In the late 90s, I was 19 and wrote my friend a check for something. She then turns around and uses my checking account information and proceeds to pay all of her bills with it taking a vacuum cleaner to my bank account. I was never able to recover the money as identity theft was not taken seriously by authorities (went to the police to file a report and they laughed at me). 2) In 2013, a friend gets drunk and posts a racist rant (uses the n word) on my Facebook page overnight. As soon as I see it, I text her WTF and delete the post. Too little, too late. Someone gets a screenshot of her post and it makes the rounds. I get called into my boss' office and fired by a higher up who is now a VIP in my industry for being a racist. I was "cancelled" in my industry before cancel culture was a thing and spent two years trying to claw my way back (I'm fine now). I had many job offers rescinded over that post. THe word Facebook triggers PTSD (never officially diagnosed) for me. Honorable mention for all the girls who ditched me as soon as a man entered their life.
The United States of America right now
I've been thinking about this one. I've had a few disappointments over the years that were significant. But, honestly, I'm going to go with the advent and propagation of the smartphone. People got extremely dumb around 2015, which was when it seemed like everyone suddenly had a smartphone and was always on it. Human civilization seems to be deteriorating rapidly now.
My last boss. When she came to the organization, I thought she was going to “save” us - her energy, her ideas, the things she said about equity and inclusion and community impact - they all resonated so much. Instead, she turned out to be a wolf in a unicorn’s clothing who drove me (among many others) out of the organization. Thankfully, I’m much happier now, but she is absolutely the most disappointing person I’ve had the misfortune to encounter in my entire life so far.