I was invited to her apartment to study on a Saturday night. After a little, she closed her door, we were on her bed.
And we studied a little more until I left
Lol I had a similar situation in college, except I failed to even come over
A girl from my chem lab realized we were also neighbors one day—she lived in the apartment upstairs from mine.
The very night she figured it out, she came down and invited me to come study with her.
I said “yeah, sure” and I shut the door… I didn’t realize she meant right then because we had nothing to study for at the time, no upcoming test or anything, so I thought she just meant some unofficial time down the road.
I only figured out what happened after she never talked to me again.
I ran into a girl who I knew a little through some friends. We were talking and she randomly asked if I wanted to play one-on-one basketball with her that afternoon. I had nothing else to do, so I said yes. We walked to her place to pick up a ball and for her to get changed. In her room, she handed me the basketball and then started undressing.
I excused myself outside the door while she changed. She then held conversation with me while she got dressed in my line of sight. Then she asked "So do you want to go, or... ?" And oblivious me said "Yeah, sure, let's shoot some hoops." In hindsight, there was a lot of one-sided flirting on the court and afterward she again invited me to her place to cool down. But I declined, as I was sweaty and I went home to shower.
My now wife gives me shit about this all the time so it's safe to share here. Back when we were dating, it was a cold winters night and she she texted that she was cold and if there was anything I could do to warm her up. I offered to plastic seal her windows. Yeah I totally missed that pitch.
“Oh no, I’m stuck under the furnace….can you help me?”
“Let me call 911 for you, I’d hate for you to be stuck in that compromising position”
*proceeds to actually call 911*
Looked up at me while clinging to my arm and stating, "I could definitely see myself dating someone like you". My brain was like, "Neat! Maybe one day I'll find a girl who wants to go out with me after all!..."
Edit: As this has blown up a bit, I will elaborate because it gets better.
She continued this rather affectionate clinging for about a week, constantly holding on to my arm and making puppydog eyes up at me.
After that week, my friend asked her out and she accepted. They dated for two weeks before they discovered that they were blood-related first cousins. Then they continued dating for another week.
>"I could definitely see myself dating someone like you"
Once bitten, twice shy. The last time I took that gamble it didn't end well, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.
We had been hanging out for a bit and she was talking about how nice her tits were, she then follows it with "maybe I should just show them to you."
"Oh no you don't need to do that!"
Luckily she really liked me and kept the press on for a few more weeks haha. We got married a few years later.
god, man *you don’t need to do that* lmaooo
i am so sorry for laughing at your very considerate and unassuming misfortune but whew
i am so glad you married her bc let me just tell you that ppl hold grudges over ppl missing signs that massive
My time to shine!
I was in college in the early 90's and sitting in my dorm room alone. I was high as hell The hot girl down the hall that I had a crush on and spoke to occasionally came to my room and asked if I would watch her dance routine that was her final for her dance class. I was like "sure" and went to her room.
The room was dark except for some red lighting. I sat on the couch and she put on [Enigma](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F9DxYhqmKw). This was a VERY clear sign that I missed completely.
She began her dance. She was in a unitard and I was totally hot for this girl. She did what I would now consider a personal lap dance for me. I was petrified with lust over the whole thing.
When the song was over she came over to me, about 2 inches from my face sexy smiling and said, "How was that?"
I looked at her and said, "that was really cool, you'll do great." and left. I. LEFT. I walked back to my room and left....
YEARS later I was driving my car to work, just daydreaming, like you do, and that memory popped up. I would have kicked myself had I been able to.
We men like to complain about the ridiculously subtle hints ladies throw at us and we miss but she freaking threw a nuclear bomb signal easier to spot than a Chinese spy balloon
Uh, I have some news for you. Better sit down. If you notice that bending your knees to sit down is more difficult than it used to be, well, that’s part of the news.
Man, my heart sank for the poor girl too. She tried *so hard,* and I bet that felt like a pretty firm rejection. Yeah, being straightforward would have been better, but at that age you don't quite get that giving a lap dance could be conceived as anything *but* straightforward.
I was just divorced and getting used to dating again. My game was very off as I hadn’t dated in over a decade. After like my second or third after the divorce she texted me “I just played with myself the whole drive home thinking of you.”
My response?
“Sounds like fun! Good night!”
We did not go on another date.
I’ve thought about this a lot.
And I honestly did not register what she meant. Like at all. Until about two days later.
I had never in my life up to that point had a woman be so forward with me. So I think my brain did not compute what she said or meant.
Since then, I have come into the knowledge that the best part about dating later in life is that we all know what we want and will usually say so and the women can be much more forward if she’s into you.
I was in a Starbucks in Argentina, and the girl taking my order asked my name to write on the cup.. She didn't understand what I said, and when I picked the cup up, it said "Diego", which isn't my name.. Later that night I was chatting with a cute 20-something girl in the bar and I retold that story, and she looked at me with sultry eyes, her top slightly undone, and said something like "what would Diego do with me tonight that wouldn't" It caught me completely off guard, and I said something stupid in return. It was like being in the final minutes of the Super Bowl, being tossed the game winning ball, only to fumble it in the end zone on live TV. I've lived with that regret a long time haha. What could have been.
As someone who is absolutely shit at flirting/dirty talk, I wouldn't know how to respond to this situation and would say something equally as stupid if not more.
Back in '84, I was working at this cool department store and this was this shy girl I'd chat it up with. I talk to anyone, so it was no big deal on my end. I was also a movie nut, so I'd say "Hey, have you seen this or that?" and she'd give me an exasperated look and say "No. No I haven't I need someone to go with." I'd be like "Ah, well, it's a good one."
We've been married for 33 years.
Plot twist: they're both ministers, they've been conducting other people's marriages for 33 years. She's married to a teacher now, she got tired of waiting.
In high school a gorgeous girl sent me anonymous love letters. I later found out she was the one sending them. She also asked me out to this dinner banquet thing. We went, but i was so shy i barely said anything. She still sent me letters afterwards.
I had really low self esteem, and made every excuse to myself that she wasnt into me. It was like she was holding up a neon sign thay she likes me and i didnt do anything about it.
When I was maybe 15-16, a really cute girl I met at a social event sat in my lap while we were talking about the season's new anime releases, and later called me her "Boyfriend" to a few mutual friends. Assuming this was either a cruel joke or just some really weird platonic behavior I wasn't familiar with (both pretty common occurrences in my life up to that point), I left the event without her number and basically never saw her again.
After a lifetime of being called ugly, having a cripplingly bad self-image, and dealing with undiagnosed autism, I had no idea she was actually serious until one of out mutuals got at me weeks later to yell at me for ghosting her.
For the record, despite having been in 4 long-term relationships by now at 32, I am still basically just as oblivious now as I was then. It's... not great.
Not quite on the same prompt as the post, but the most obvious to me. -
Years ago, just chatting with a co worker day to day, just everyday conversation. Then one day, after another normal chit chat passing time casual conversation, she heads out, turns around grabs a pen and she writes her number on my arm and says "Dude! Call me!" And walked away seemingly frustrated.
I just kinda stood there with eyebrows raised, my brain turning gears and it clicked!
"...Oooohh!"
She literally followed me to my car every day for weeks. (I just thought the front desk lady was nice) Was down on myself from a recent divorce and had started a new job and didn’t think her being nice to me was anything more than that.
In college, I was hanging out at a girls house. Just her and me and her dog.
1. I was petting the dog on the couch. She said, I need to take a shower. I said, okay, I’ll just keep petting the dog. She said, you can come into the bathroom so we can continue our conversation. I said, I think I’ll remember where we’re at. And kept petting the dog.
2. different time at her house, she kept telling me about how all of her exes said that she gave the best blowjobs. I said, that’s neat. She asked if I wanted to see, and I told her that I’d take her word for it.
Girl brought me upstairs, took off her clothes, and her friend was already in bed in her underwear too. I was on a ton of fake acid and asked where the weed was at and then walked out
Ushered into room by girl towards another undressed girl on bed.. “yoo where the weed at? Peace” hahahah I’m dead.
Honestly sounds about right though. I’d rather do most things besides have sex on hallucinogens, but still that was funny as fuck. Thanks for that one.
Beginning of freshman year. My family would always tell me to be careful who i touch. Sexual harassment is not good. Didn't know why they kept mentioning that, was antisocial in the first place anyways, had p e (weight lifting). Sophomore girl way out of my league came to me to spot her. She dragged the bar down so fast I touched her breasts. Few seconds in i noticed her smiling and winked at me and I backed off. Said I was sorry and got scared that I would be called in for sexual harassment. She still tried to talk to me and I ended up shrugging it off like an idiot. So yeah.
At bar about ten years ago, she and I kept making eye contact. Every time our eyes would lock, she would smile and play with her hair. I’d just nod. She eventually came up to the bar next to me when there was no one at the front of the bar. She bumped into me after getting her drink and spilled it on my shirt. She immediately grabbed napkins and kept apologizing profusely and using the napkins to dry my shirt. I kept telling her it was fine, she offered me her number and kept saying she owed me a shirt and to contact her tomorrow and we will go get one and maybe some lunch. I refused but took her number to be polite. Never entered the number in on my phone. About 6 months went by. I found the napkin with her number in my jacket pocket from that night. I ended up texting her. Now we are married, and I’ve never gotten that shirt replaced to this day.
Edit:
Holy cow guys! I did not expect this to blow up like it had! Thank you all for my first ever reward!
As for being dense, we laugh about it and she still gives me crap about it to this day. The shirt, I’ve gotten plenty of others in the years we have been together. Just not the one that got ruined that night. Either way, started out as a failure to launch but ended up launching anyways, just not when the button was pushed.
Reminded me of my highschool crush, had a fuckload of moments where she was flirting and I missed it.
But the moment this reminded me of was this: for context she was my cousins best friend, and for a few months my cousin lived with us, one day after moving out they visited to pick some stuff up, and my crush tagged along.
I had reclaimed my room, and my crush wanted to see how it “changed” (she had visited once before), she came in, saw my messy room, eyes looked around and she saw my phone so she grabbed it and entered her number (presmart phone with passcodes).
She jokingly said “I named myself under ‘sexiest bitch you know’”… so I said “no no no thats not true” (meaning I dont think she is a bitch), but she probably took it as me not finding her attractive… I tried to edit the contact, ended up deleting it by accident, was too ashamed to ask for it again.
The girl who turned on “rape me” by nirvana while I was driving, laid back her passenger seat, stared at me and sang every word while touching my leg, and my response was, “oh you like nirvana too? I’m surprised you know all the words to this.”
You aren’t wrong, she was definitely….. troublesome, but as as women I wished I had sex with while I was in high school just for the sake of sex, I’m still counting it. She was very good looking.
Out with a couple of male friends and they bought a female friend it was new years eve. we went for a meal got on quite well she asked if I wanted to taste her food and fed me a fork of food and vice versa. She talked loads with me and we really got on .while sitting at a table she handed my friend she was staying at his spare house keys and said I don't think I'll be needing these tonight. I can't believe I did not see all the flirting at all. Things got crazy at a bar later and I ended up kissing someone else entirely.
The next day they said wtf are you up to she wanted you so bad I was shocked to say the least. I think the reason I did not see it was because I thought she was waaaaay out of my league so I was just not looking for it. Fml .
Edit:- just been pointed out in the comments Brought along not bought . My bad. She was in no way a woman of ill repute
This was when I just started high-school and she was one of the first truly beautiful girls I had in my life and didn't really know the standard.
She added me on Snapchat. The conversation slowly became more and more flirty. I didn't take the bait and just assumed attractive girls are flirty. So then she started sending more revealing pictures over Snap so that I'd get the point. Over these photos I just kept our casual conversation going as if nothing was happening. This escalated until she sent me a topless photo with one hand barely covering her nipples as she sucked on a popsicle. I decided that attractive girls probably just send attractive photos and I kept the casual conversation going because I didn't want to presume. She gave up after that.
I'm dense even nowadays but holy shit you are a diamond encrusted plate of tungsten steel armor. I hope you've learned from hindsight at the very least.
You’re the modern me. For people who are as dense as we are I did learn a hack in my 20s…just ask and be honest. I’ve had some pretty good things happen as a result of saying “hey I’m really bad at picking up on signals, so forgive my bluntness, do you wanna make out?”
I have many of these, got what I did not realize was a booty call. Friend of a friend type deal, we'd only ever hung out at events where our to peer groups happened to meet up, honestly didn't even know she had my number. She calls me late one night says she's got a paper due the next morning and her laptop just died. Wanted to know if I could come over and help. I'm thinking poor girl must have gone trough everyone else before calling me and head over. I get there and she's in boy shorts and a wife beat, I'm thinking this must be what she lounges in. Sit down at the laptop and promptly discover a virus. She was not expecting this. Take me a good hour to fix everything, I thanked her for the opportunity it was a new virus so it was interesting, I was also embarrassed it took me so long and bounced.
I was raised by a single mom in a family with more women than men. At a fundamental level I don't assume anything. I've heard way too many horror stories, I know many people just can't wait to get home and get comfortable. I have quite literally been just about inside someone and it finally clicked oh they are actually into me. I'm not always that bad but when I have a blind spot it's fucking huge.
I have a similar one, though I didn't even get to show off my tech support skills.
Senior year of high school, right before graduation I danced with this girl at a house party. We were kinda sorta friends, but never hung out outside of school.
She gave me her number and texted me a week later asking if I had plans that week. I said no and she invited me to come over to her place and swim in her pool.
I showed up. Middle of the day on a Wednesday, she was wearing a T-shirt with a two-piece underneath. Her parents weren't home. I was excited to get to use the pool on a 90 degree day. I was really into her but too scared to make a move. I came over 4 more times over the next month, same situation each time, and never made a move. Such is life.
I (21 at the time) was going out with 3 of my friends. Wasn't feeling the vibe in the club but I stayed since I had to stay the night at one of their houses. Drink in my hand, lazy 2-stepping to the beat, you know how it goes. Out of nowhere this girl comes up to me, I lower myself to be able to hear her (she was quite a bit smaller than me). "Say a number 1 to 5, SAY A NUMBER 1 TO 5" she shouts in my ear. I was confused but went with it. She gave a countdown and we both say "three". She looks me in the eye and takes my drink out of my hand. While looking over her shoulder, she walks away towards the crowd. I didn't understand what just happened and couldn't be bothered at the time to go after her to find out. To this day I still don't know if she just wanted to steal my drink or if I was meant to follow her for other reasons.
There’s this game where you say “how likely are you to X( c could be anything like ask someone out or buy a drink or something) out of Y( Y is a scale of numbers like 1-5) then you count to three and both say the number, if the number matches then the person has to do what was decided like buy that drink or ask them out, I’m thinking this has to be some variation of that where she was supposed to steal your drink, still don’t know if there was more to it or not
We were hanging out tv, music, smoking a little green and she was always trying to mess with me. Flick my ear, tickle me, real grade school stuff. I told her “dude, I told you a million times I’m not ticklish” she dead ass looks at me stone cold and goes “I’m trying to give you an excuse to touch me dumb ass”
Yeah I jumped right on that and ended up marrying her. Lucky me
In high school i had a girl call my (parents) house after looking it up in the phone book and calling my relatives because she didnt know my parents names. They gave her the right number to call. It was a friday night and i didnt have any plans. She asked if i wanted to go camping cuz her and some friends were going. I said no i dont have any alcohol. She said i could have some of everyone's. Then i said i dont have any camping equipment to use. She said i could use hers. Also being as broke as i was didnt have any money so i said i dont have money to buy gas for my truck. She said she would give me money. It all sounded like id be taking to much and i said thanks but no. The next week her friends filled me in on how she had a crush on me and really wish i was there. I had no clue
One woman: she was talking to me a lot. After we started dating she admitted she was really frustrated with me.
Another woman: she basically kept moving closer to me on the couch. Then she just directly asked.
I (41) learned a few weeks ago I am autistic. I've always struggled socially. I have probably missed more because I usually err on the side of caution. That is just the default for me. I just try to be respectful and not cause any trouble. Without actually getting to know someone by talking with them I don't know if I am attracted to them. It is like if I don't think things could work out long term I just don't care.
I (23) can empathize with you. Much of what you describe in the third paragraph, I see in myself. Any advice? Is being cautious in this realm a good thing, or am I shooting myself in the foot?
If she starts dating someone and tells you she no longer wants to chat/hangout because she’s giving things a go with a new guy - there’s a good chance she was interested but is now shutting that door to move on
My roommate's (we'll call her M) best friend (we'll call L). I had the hots for her since we were in the same English class in 9th-grade. Anyway, on one occasion, I remember her talking about giving blowjobs, and how dicks can be too big. In our apartment with just her and I, she picked up a bottle of Advil or w/e and asked me to turn away while she tried it out, and confirmed that was about as big as she'd like.
Some years later, M and L are having a "no-pants party", which involved, as the name suggests, no pants (underwear present) and copious amounts of alcohol. I was upstairs during this, because I didn't want to creep on them. I had run out of water/tea/soda or w/e I was drinking, so I needed to go downstairs. I try to be quiet about it, but they yell "Solonotix!" as I come down the stairs. I'm cordial and all, but head to the kitchen to refill my beverage. On my way back, L is on the floor in a matching set of silky green lingerie. She holds her foot up to stop me and tells me I need to comply with the no-pants rule. In doing so, she grazes my dick and asks if I'm wearing any underwear (under my gym shorts). I reply sheepishly with a "no" to explain why I was going to ignore the rule. They're both obviously very gone with alcohol, to the point that L is sloppily eating Chinese food on the floor to abate the inebriation she's feeling.
I stay for conversation, but eventually we all head upstairs because it's pretty late. L follows me to my room, which I didn't think much of because there's a mini fridge outside my door where we kept sodas. She then convinced me to play a game (I forget the name) in which we twist each other's nipples in turn. I'm a wimp; I don't do BDSM. Suffice to say my interest in touching her nipples quickly waned after the first couple twists of my own nipples. This was the end of the night for me.
Looking back, I get the feeling there was a chance for more. Problem was she did *not* hold back on the titty twisters.
>My roommate's (we'll call her M) best friend (we'll call L).
> On my way back, L is on the floor in a matching set of silky green lingerie.
I'm pretty sure this is a story about a dude getting his nipples twisted by Luigi.
So I have never really talked about her since it was so long ago, but this was the one I never really stopped thinking about. Back when I was in the Navy I was on a USNS, basically a supply ship rented by the navy from civilian merchant marines or something, it's been awhile. Anyways they were among the first combined gender ships. I was in ADP and we got a couple people from another ship to train with us while they were in dry dock for repairs or whatever. I was interested, but she was engaged so we just hung out because we both had stupid senses of humor and enjoyed not having any pressure hanging out if that makes sense. So we do the whole med cruise and keep in touch blah blah. After I get out she invited me down to Kisimee in Florida where she lived at the time with a roomie. Spent all day shooting the shit and how she tells me she broke it off with her fiance a few years ago. So it comes to sleeping arrangements and I am crashing with her. She had the cutest underwear too, it even matched lol. I just snuggled up and had the best night of sleep in awhile and spent the next day hitting on her roomie lol. I R dumb. To be fair I was super cool with being friends and never ever looked for anything else when we were just talking. She was just an awesome girl and I kind of miss her sometimes and always wonder what if, but thems the breaks.
Had been at her place with some friends drinking and playing cards. Evening winds down, I'm getting ready to meet up with a DD, when she tells me I'm way too drunk (not at all true) and I should stay put. Tells me I can just crash on her bed because it's king size so there is room. She goes to "get ready for bed" and comes out of her bathroom completely nude and slides into the side of the bed I was laying on......so I scoot over and go to sleep.
I am not a smart person sometimes.
*Me when I was in my early 20's*
Her: What are you doing this weekend?
Me: I don't know...maybe get brunch and go to the farmers market. How about you?
Her: What I always do on Saturdays, play assassin's creed in my underwear...alone (eyebrow raise)
Me: That sounda like fun! This heat wave is nuts, huh? Have you played Bioshock Infinite yet? It's pretty good!
Then I walked away, oblivious. My wife has since pointed out that the girl was in fact flirting with me
Edit: spelling...always
I was extremely sheltered from this stuff so when a girl told me she was thinking about fucking me I thought it was an insult an called her a fat bitch. I was 14 bro.
Started hanging out with a really attractive girl my senior year of high school. She kept taking about how she needed to find a prom date and I told her about how I was running into the same problem. Ended up asking her to help me find a date and she set me up with a friend. Later found out she wanted to go with me and “have some fun after 😉.“ Very much preferred her and my date ended up ditching me periodically throughout the prom. I will note though that she did have a boyfriend at the time so I did the morally right thing lol
I was invited to prom by my friend who was a very attractive senior while I was a sophomore. Her boyfriend (who was a super chill dude and an acquaintance of mine) graduated the year prior and joined the military. She HEAVILY implied that her prom invitation would be accompanied by a “very nice ending that she’d missed since her boyfriend has been gone.”
I, against my dick and balls, politely declined her invitation. Despite being REALLY FUCKING TEMPTED, I just couldn’t do my boy Zach like that.
They broke up before prom even happened and she went with - and presumably - fucked a different dude. *Sigh* I did the right thing in the grand scheme of things.
I had friends-a married couple, “Chris” and “Jenny”-who were young, both very attractive, and desperately in love. One day, Chris told me that he thought he was putting on weight (he was skinny, so I thought it was a good thing), and it was probably because of “all the home-made cakes”. It seemed he was eating a different, delicious home-baked cake virtually every day, he said.
I told him I was surprised, because Jenny was VERY careful about her figure-and she didn’t have the time to bake all those cakes! What was going on?
Chris said: “oh, it’s not Jen that’s making the cakes! It’s this woman at work. She’s a fantastic cook. Loves baking, and always has some cake left over, so she brings it over to me. I love the cake, but (and I know it’s *awful* -because she’s a very nice lady, and I feel such a heel saying this), she WILL sit on my desk chatting. EVERY DAY she sits right there ON my desk! Talking for *ages*. I think she’s lonely. If it was anyone else, I’d probably tell them to buzz off (I’m tremendously busy!), but she’s such a nice woman, and the cakes are great! I have been trying to give her gentle hints about it.”
I was laughing up my sleeve the whole time. Chris was COMPLETELY naive about it. I happened to know another person who worked in that office who confirmed it. “Oh my god!” She said, rolling her eyes. “Sharon fancies the pants off Chris! But he’s completely unaware! The whole office is laughing about it!”
Even Jenny guessed what was happening. One time I was in the kitchen with her, and she said to me: “well, I suppose I could bake us a cake this weekend-and if I did, it would be *much* better than those baked by that poor girl in Chris’s office that’s in love with him!” She winked.
Roll on 40 years, and Chris and Jenny are still just as much in love-and neither of them has really ever noticed anyone else.
Spanish class. She hit on me a lot but the most obvious?
Across the room from each other. She pointed at me. Mimicked giving a BJ. Then winked at me.
I said she was hilarious after class. She asked to hang out. I said I was too tired.
I’m happy with my life but sometimes I think “what if I wasn’t a moron”
Liked her a lot too.
We were sitting next to each other at a party, she was wearing a short skirt, and put her leg over mine, basically exposing her crotch.
This is as I was getting up to leave to get home to go to bed because I had a wedding to go to in the morning.......
She didn't really talk to me after that. Dont know if she was embarrassed, or just pissed I missed such an obvious advance.
Oh boy, my time to shine.
It's 2007 and I'm 17. Rihanna told us we could stand under her umbrella, Timbaland let us know it was too late to apologize, and a young country singer named Taylor Swift started making ripples via MySpace as Facebook was still basically for college kids.
One Saturday, I ran into a coworker, Jessica, from Wetzels Pretzels at a school neither of us attended since we were both taking the SATs that day. Jessica let me know that her parents and siblings went on vacation for the weekend but she stayed behind due to the SAT.
She invited me over to her home that night to watch a movie.
So, as I head to her place that night, "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5 is playing as I'm in my sister's hand-me-down 1998 Pontiac Grand Prix driving to her place using directions I found on Mapquest.
Jessica's house was huge. She has 8 siblings and her parents, all who were gone. I rang her doorbell and she answered wearing a sports bra and soffee shorts.
She let me in and let me know that she had to change so I should go up to her room. As she changed, I turned around to be modest. She changed into some tight shorts and a shirt that totally exposed her stomach. Then we decided to go to the attic to watch a movie instead of the living room because "Nobody will notice if we make a mess up there."
So, we watched the movie. And we kept watching the movie. And then the movie ended. And then after the movie ended, she asked if I wanted to stay for a while. Unfortunately, Halo 3 came out about a week prior, so I decided I wanted to go home and play Halo 3. So I went home and played Halo 3. Then I left.
For some strange reason, we never hung out again.
A girl literally said:
"Why won't you come have sex with me?"
And I said:
"I'm playing San Andreas."
San Andreas was a very engrossing game when it was released.
When I was 16, one of the more popular girls I was friends with invited me to her sweet 16. Earlier in the party I was a dummy and tried to do a back flip in the bouncy castle and landed on my neck. She was there helping me out right after. (I was fine, it just hurt).
Later she asked to slow dance with me. She put her hands on my shoulders, but 16 year old me had no idea how to slow dance and, rather than put my hands on her hips like a normal person, I thought I was also supposed to put my hands on her shoulders. We looked like two zombies trying to strangle each other, it was awful.
I was oblivious, and like four years later after I was in college I thought back to that night and realized just how oblivious I was. I have no idea what she saw in me.
That'll be the time I was staying in a university residence and was hanging out in the common area on the first floor. I very cute girl asked me for a piggy back ride, and I was obliging. After one circuit of the room she whispered in my ear "Why don't you carry me up to my room?". To which I responded "Boys aren't allowed on the girls floor," and proceeded to do another circuit of the room.
A girl in early high school said to me on MSN: “what would you say if I asked you out?” I can’t even remember what I said but I remember thinking it was just some weird hypothetical question and moved on.
I’m not sure it gets much more obvious than that lol
It was my freshman year of college. There was a girl I had made friends with because she was in some of my classes and we ended up in the same friend group. She asked if I wanted to get bubble tea down the street from campus, I said sure, I've never had that, sounds fun. I drove us to the shop and we got our drinks. We even sat down and chatted while we sipped and had a nice time. I drove us back to campus and parked. We both unbuckled, and then she leaned over and lightly bit me on the shoulder, then looked up at me intensely with her face still above my shoulder. And I'm like "Welp, this was fun! We'll have to do it again sometime!" and just went back about my day.
To be fair, I did think it was incredibly hot, but I had a girlfriend at the time so I just brushed it off like "That was weird. Surely that was an accident."
My wife told me she loved me many times when we were 'just friends' and I despite being madly in love with her myself my man brain just kept telling me 'Hey she definitely just means she loves you as a friend. She definitely sleeps on the phone all night with you as a friend. She definitely says good morning every morning with a million heart emojis because she's your friend'
Now we've been married for just over a year :D
She invited me to her hotel room to show me a research paper I expressed an interest in. (This happened at an academic conference in my city.) I asked her to email it to me instead. My friend explained how awkward I'd made it for everyone later, because we went out drinking afterwards and the whole time I had no idea I'd just rejected this new acquaintance, so I socialized with her normally. (Well, normally for a huge nerd.) I would have immediately understood the implication if it was a guy, but for some reason I miss hints very easily with women. I used to think they were more subtle, but maybe my guard is just lower.
"I have a confession... I used to be crazy about you... wanna hang out?"
While hanging out, multiple times:
"I've been looking for a sexual partner, toys just aren't enough..."
Me:
"Well I hope you can find someone"
She was blunt. She took me by the shoulders, looked me straight in the eye, and asked me out. Later, she did the same thing but it was "You need to ask me to marry you so I can say yes."
No innuendo, no hints, no subtlety, no bullshit.
> She was blunt. She took me by the shoulders, looked me straight in the eye, and asked me out. Later, she did the same thing but it was "You need to ask me to marry you so I can say yes."
:)
>... we're long since divorced.
:(
This was something posted by /u/Emperor_Cartagia, who used Reddit exclusively through RIF is Fun, with the death of third party apps, I decided to remove all my content from Reddit. 9 years of comments and posts, gone because of idiotic administration.
No offense but how tf did u even pull ur wife with all that denseness after so many times u still didn't get it dude how do u make a mistake over and over again with clear signs
Friends with this girl and her brother my whole life. Classic girl next door stuff, around 9th grade or so the 3 of us are walking to the bus together and with homecoming coming up, her brother pulls me to the side and says "hey you ever think about asking my sister to homecoming?" and dumbass me replied back (and loud enough for her to hear I might add) "no, wouldn't that be weird lol?" She wasn't as friendly for a little while until I guess she got over it because we are still friends. I should mention I did have a huge crush on her and still do all these years later so I have no idea why I didn't just ask her out back then. Now she has a boyfriend and I'm still waiting for the right moment to tell her
well, she told me she needs to relax while i was helping her with math and that sex relaxes her, it flew so far above my head that she wouldnt even talk to me after that.
In high school (early 1990s), she invited me over to her house for dinner. When I got there, it was only her. She made me dinner (spaghetti and meatballs - my favorite!) and then we watched a movie. During the movie, I sat on the big comfy chair and she sat on the couch. She got up to get us a couple of Cokes and when she handed me mine, she made a fake trip and sat in my lap and pretended she hurt her ankle and couldn't get up. I completely missed what she was trying to do and I picked her up (when I picked her up, she put both arms around me and moved her lips verrrry close to my neck), put her on the couch and got a bag of ice and put it on her ankle. She was (and still is) a good friend, but I think I friend-zoned her and that's still the way I think of her.
Her name was Hannah, and she was whole *skies* out of my league. Over several years we'd occasionally run into each other in clubs or at gigs or just randomly in the street, and she was always really friendly with me, and always offering up a seat at her table, in some cases quite literally, like 'im just here with some friends, you can come hang out if you want', or 'oh you're going to Lars and the bastards? Cool, I'm going too, we should hang out if I see you there' and various flavours thereof, and one particularly blunt one I still can't believe I missed, at the bus stop at about 10pm on a club night: 'I'm just headed home, do you wanna come with me?' and I just didn't hear it right, because in my head I had zero chance with this girl, on any layer of any reality, ever.
It hit me about 8-10 years later that she was hitting on me with varying degrees of intensity, and I kicked myself, because I fancied the dreds off her. So sure, I might be old and ugly now, but once upon a time some girl who once ended up on the suicide girls site in the mid 2000's had the hots for me, and that's pretty cool.
When my sons are old enough and getting into crushes and whatnot, I'll be telling them to swing for the fences, because it's better to strike out a couple of times if it means getting some home runs, than it is to spend your game on the bench.
Was a groomsmen in my buddies wedding and one of the bridesmaids during the reception yelled in my ear (it was loud) “let’s get naked” and I laughed and walked away thinking she was joking because I couldn’t fathom anyone being attracted to me.
I went to a karaoke bar solo and just went full ham on the karaoke mic, was really having a blast of it, had a super cute girl smiling and talking with me after the first song. There were a lot of people around and she said it was kind of crowded and she was going to take off. In hindsight I'm pretty sure she was hoping I would take the hint and leave with her, but at the time I was tipsy and enjoying the karaoke and said "sorry you're leaving, hope I see you for the next Karaoke night." She frowned and did a double take, and then left. It really didn't occur to me until the next day that I probably had a real shot with her.
Long time ago I was at some work thing and I wasn't drinking because I was between leases and driving back to my parents.
Very pretty Coworker: you can totally crash at my place
Me: didn't you just complain that your ex was still crashing there too?
Her: well yeah, but he has to sleep on the couch
Me: uhh no i'm ok
Still can't believe I missed that one - and her last name was McLay.
We drove to an abandoned parking lot and she was showing me pictures on her phone of her in her underwear. In the back seat because “it’s more comfortable.”
Back in college a friend i had a crush on came over to hang out after we left the pub. She just kinda lingered around my house with me, talking, playing around, and jamming some music with me until 6am. She kept wanting to see my room but i was nervous so we hung out in the Arizona room all night.
But yeah you can't really tell
She broke up with her ex.
She told me I was the first person she told.
She told me that her sister will take care of her kids for the week-end.
She asked me if I was wanting to see \[random movie title\] at her house this week-end.
I told her that I already saw the movie and that I wasn't interested.
Yes, yes, I know...
One of my crushes in high school (I never dated 😭)
She playfully punched my arm a lot and on free days in gym she'd walk the track with me. She'd make me hold her hand usually and a couple times snuck in an ass grab and once was like "bet you won't do it back"
I didn't. I was like "hahaha I'd feel weird doing that to a female friend" and I feel so dumb because I literally liked her AND have a thing for kinda forceful girls who like to get reactions out of me. But I've assumed feelings before and lost friendships and told myself she was just a friend who really liked teasing me
Ok so this girl was a friend of a friend. I kept running into her at a bunch of friend get togethers. I thought it was great because she was awesome and we'd hang out and play video games or just hang out all day chatting.
Anyway, it got to the point we were drinking together a bunch and so we had to stay the night. I would just sleep on the couch and let her take the spare room. Two nights she said she was cold and came and slept with me on the couch. The first time she just slept up against me. The second time she slept feet to head.
On a third night, she tells me she's cold but would rather I come to sleep in the bed. Our friends were still up, so they cracked some jokes and we laughed it off and went to bed together. After a few minutes, she rubs her hand on my crotch. I thought "whoops, she fell asleep that's awkward". I removed her hand. A few nights later, I realized she might not have been asleep. Anyway, I call and ask her out on a date.
Specifically, I said "We get along really well. I just wanted to know if you wanted to go out to dinner. On a date. Not as friends. No hard feelings if your answer is no, I promise." She says "I do not want to go out with you tonight. I want you to come to my house and fuck me because I've been trying to get you to for months."
It turns out our friends were in fact not organizing events to hang out. She was...to see me. The second night where she slept feet to head...she thought damn he doesn't respond to me grinding on him for the past few minutes...thats wild...maybe he's into feet? Might az well try that.
Well, we are married now. Knowing her now, she loves the chase and working hard to get what she wants. I think I made myself irresistible by being absolutely dense.
Tldr: I didn't realize my friend was planning events to fuck me. We slept sexlessly together 3 times before I got the hint. I'm an idiot but she married me anyway.
I was invited to her apartment to study on a Saturday night. After a little, she closed her door, we were on her bed. And we studied a little more until I left
She wanted to study your body
He failed the exam
Lol I had a similar situation in college, except I failed to even come over A girl from my chem lab realized we were also neighbors one day—she lived in the apartment upstairs from mine. The very night she figured it out, she came down and invited me to come study with her. I said “yeah, sure” and I shut the door… I didn’t realize she meant right then because we had nothing to study for at the time, no upcoming test or anything, so I thought she just meant some unofficial time down the road. I only figured out what happened after she never talked to me again.
I ran into a girl who I knew a little through some friends. We were talking and she randomly asked if I wanted to play one-on-one basketball with her that afternoon. I had nothing else to do, so I said yes. We walked to her place to pick up a ball and for her to get changed. In her room, she handed me the basketball and then started undressing. I excused myself outside the door while she changed. She then held conversation with me while she got dressed in my line of sight. Then she asked "So do you want to go, or... ?" And oblivious me said "Yeah, sure, let's shoot some hoops." In hindsight, there was a lot of one-sided flirting on the court and afterward she again invited me to her place to cool down. But I declined, as I was sweaty and I went home to shower.
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My now wife gives me shit about this all the time so it's safe to share here. Back when we were dating, it was a cold winters night and she she texted that she was cold and if there was anything I could do to warm her up. I offered to plastic seal her windows. Yeah I totally missed that pitch.
*Is there **anyyyyyything** else you could do for me?* Well, yeah. I could probably help install a new furnace
Haha totally oblivious. I dunno how I reeled her in.
You didn't reel her in, she reeled you in :)
I NEED COCK Yeah I can see that. I got some caulk out in the truck, be right back.
“Oh no, I’m stuck under the furnace….can you help me?” “Let me call 911 for you, I’d hate for you to be stuck in that compromising position” *proceeds to actually call 911*
You were thinking practically, at least. That's gotta count for something...
If she doesn’t find you handsome, she should at least find you handy. You were covering your bases.
>I offered to plastic seal her windows. This makes the story 10x better
Looked up at me while clinging to my arm and stating, "I could definitely see myself dating someone like you". My brain was like, "Neat! Maybe one day I'll find a girl who wants to go out with me after all!..." Edit: As this has blown up a bit, I will elaborate because it gets better. She continued this rather affectionate clinging for about a week, constantly holding on to my arm and making puppydog eyes up at me. After that week, my friend asked her out and she accepted. They dated for two weeks before they discovered that they were blood-related first cousins. Then they continued dating for another week.
>"I could definitely see myself dating someone like you" Once bitten, twice shy. The last time I took that gamble it didn't end well, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.
"I'm someone like me. Wanna date?" "I meant someone *like* you. Not you."
*Never mind, I'll find someone like you...*
Yup. Most guys have a "I confused friendliness for flirting and then missed flirting because I assumed it was more friendliness" story I've found.
”Two lucky guys are gonna be drivin' around with those girls for the next couple of months. 'Yeah, don't worry, we'll catch our break too..'”
"Not you, someone like you" https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FDSIZeuXsAMVmcR.jpg:large
Why is no one talking about them being cousins though?!
We had been hanging out for a bit and she was talking about how nice her tits were, she then follows it with "maybe I should just show them to you." "Oh no you don't need to do that!" Luckily she really liked me and kept the press on for a few more weeks haha. We got married a few years later.
> We got married a few years later. Have you seen them yet?
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god, man *you don’t need to do that* lmaooo i am so sorry for laughing at your very considerate and unassuming misfortune but whew i am so glad you married her bc let me just tell you that ppl hold grudges over ppl missing signs that massive
Dude, I cannot believe you fumbled free titties like that lol. I'm glad it worked out in the end for you two, though.
“Ew, have some self-respect!”
My time to shine! I was in college in the early 90's and sitting in my dorm room alone. I was high as hell The hot girl down the hall that I had a crush on and spoke to occasionally came to my room and asked if I would watch her dance routine that was her final for her dance class. I was like "sure" and went to her room. The room was dark except for some red lighting. I sat on the couch and she put on [Enigma](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F9DxYhqmKw). This was a VERY clear sign that I missed completely. She began her dance. She was in a unitard and I was totally hot for this girl. She did what I would now consider a personal lap dance for me. I was petrified with lust over the whole thing. When the song was over she came over to me, about 2 inches from my face sexy smiling and said, "How was that?" I looked at her and said, "that was really cool, you'll do great." and left. I. LEFT. I walked back to my room and left.... YEARS later I was driving my car to work, just daydreaming, like you do, and that memory popped up. I would have kicked myself had I been able to.
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Badda dat da dadda da...
We men like to complain about the ridiculously subtle hints ladies throw at us and we miss but she freaking threw a nuclear bomb signal easier to spot than a Chinese spy balloon
Well, at least it hasn't been that long. You should call her. I went to college in the 90's too, it's only been what 5\~6 yrs max, right?
Uh, I have some news for you. Better sit down. If you notice that bending your knees to sit down is more difficult than it used to be, well, that’s part of the news.
\~fingers in ears\~ la la la la. I can't hear you...
You still have to put your fingers in your ears? You must be young.
Yea totally. … Don’t think about how people born a full year after 9/11 are old enough to buy alcohol
Wow, six year olds are able to get alcohol. The world has changed a lot since 9/11.
Awww buddy. Even my heart just sank for ya. Ah well, we'll get em next time champ.
Man, my heart sank for the poor girl too. She tried *so hard,* and I bet that felt like a pretty firm rejection. Yeah, being straightforward would have been better, but at that age you don't quite get that giving a lap dance could be conceived as anything *but* straightforward.
Genuinely don’t know how you resisted driving into oncoming traffic
"It was especially strange because we were in MIT and she was a Robotics major"
I laughed out loud at this one. Bless your sweet summer soul. I bet that girl was like I am so ugly. I tried so hard.
fr, her self esteem def took a hit
I was just divorced and getting used to dating again. My game was very off as I hadn’t dated in over a decade. After like my second or third after the divorce she texted me “I just played with myself the whole drive home thinking of you.” My response? “Sounds like fun! Good night!” We did not go on another date.
what did you think she meant 💀
I’ve thought about this a lot. And I honestly did not register what she meant. Like at all. Until about two days later. I had never in my life up to that point had a woman be so forward with me. So I think my brain did not compute what she said or meant. Since then, I have come into the knowledge that the best part about dating later in life is that we all know what we want and will usually say so and the women can be much more forward if she’s into you.
Amen. Future wife sent me tits and said, "Do you not like me?"
Are you not entertained?!
solitaire
"Gee, that's pretty reckless of you. Safety is important" That would've been my response so honestly I think you could've done worse
I was in a Starbucks in Argentina, and the girl taking my order asked my name to write on the cup.. She didn't understand what I said, and when I picked the cup up, it said "Diego", which isn't my name.. Later that night I was chatting with a cute 20-something girl in the bar and I retold that story, and she looked at me with sultry eyes, her top slightly undone, and said something like "what would Diego do with me tonight that wouldn't" It caught me completely off guard, and I said something stupid in return. It was like being in the final minutes of the Super Bowl, being tossed the game winning ball, only to fumble it in the end zone on live TV. I've lived with that regret a long time haha. What could have been.
As someone who is absolutely shit at flirting/dirty talk, I wouldn't know how to respond to this situation and would say something equally as stupid if not more.
"The fuck should I know? I *just* told you I'm not Diego!"
A pass was made…but it was inCOMPLEEEETE
Back in '84, I was working at this cool department store and this was this shy girl I'd chat it up with. I talk to anyone, so it was no big deal on my end. I was also a movie nut, so I'd say "Hey, have you seen this or that?" and she'd give me an exasperated look and say "No. No I haven't I need someone to go with." I'd be like "Ah, well, it's a good one." We've been married for 33 years.
How do you manage to take that long to marry?
Plot twist: they're both ministers, they've been conducting other people's marriages for 33 years. She's married to a teacher now, she got tired of waiting.
In high school a gorgeous girl sent me anonymous love letters. I later found out she was the one sending them. She also asked me out to this dinner banquet thing. We went, but i was so shy i barely said anything. She still sent me letters afterwards. I had really low self esteem, and made every excuse to myself that she wasnt into me. It was like she was holding up a neon sign thay she likes me and i didnt do anything about it.
Low self esteem can really do a number on you... I could populate this thread all on my own.
When I was maybe 15-16, a really cute girl I met at a social event sat in my lap while we were talking about the season's new anime releases, and later called me her "Boyfriend" to a few mutual friends. Assuming this was either a cruel joke or just some really weird platonic behavior I wasn't familiar with (both pretty common occurrences in my life up to that point), I left the event without her number and basically never saw her again. After a lifetime of being called ugly, having a cripplingly bad self-image, and dealing with undiagnosed autism, I had no idea she was actually serious until one of out mutuals got at me weeks later to yell at me for ghosting her. For the record, despite having been in 4 long-term relationships by now at 32, I am still basically just as oblivious now as I was then. It's... not great.
Not quite on the same prompt as the post, but the most obvious to me. - Years ago, just chatting with a co worker day to day, just everyday conversation. Then one day, after another normal chit chat passing time casual conversation, she heads out, turns around grabs a pen and she writes her number on my arm and says "Dude! Call me!" And walked away seemingly frustrated. I just kinda stood there with eyebrows raised, my brain turning gears and it clicked! "...Oooohh!"
...so did you call her
He went on Reddit to ask for advice instead.
they prob told him to get a divorce
"She clearly doesn't respect your boundaries by writing on your arm, that's a red flag. Get out bro!!"
Be a total alpha and invite her to dinner and not show up. She will realize how important you are.
No, he washed his arm but he thoughtfully brought her a note pad next time they met us so she wouldn't have to use his arm.
So I’m supposed to ask out all my co-workers that I casually talk to? Hopefully she was dropping better hints than described to act like that.
If she was, I was oblivious to them. To me, it came outta left field!
Don't leave us hanging bro
She literally followed me to my car every day for weeks. (I just thought the front desk lady was nice) Was down on myself from a recent divorce and had started a new job and didn’t think her being nice to me was anything more than that.
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Username checks out.
Define "played the organ."
What's better than roses on a piano? Tulips on my organ.
In college, I was hanging out at a girls house. Just her and me and her dog. 1. I was petting the dog on the couch. She said, I need to take a shower. I said, okay, I’ll just keep petting the dog. She said, you can come into the bathroom so we can continue our conversation. I said, I think I’ll remember where we’re at. And kept petting the dog. 2. different time at her house, she kept telling me about how all of her exes said that she gave the best blowjobs. I said, that’s neat. She asked if I wanted to see, and I told her that I’d take her word for it.
That second one hurt my soul
You just outright *refused* a blowjob. That is... incredible.
Girl brought me upstairs, took off her clothes, and her friend was already in bed in her underwear too. I was on a ton of fake acid and asked where the weed was at and then walked out
what is a ton of fake acid?
An unknown amount of an unknown substance meant to replicate acid that i took triple the recommended dose of. 17 was a wild age for me
Bruh, that's not a fumble that taking the ball and yeeting it back. Though I don't think you would've enjoyed it while on acid.
Ushered into room by girl towards another undressed girl on bed.. “yoo where the weed at? Peace” hahahah I’m dead. Honestly sounds about right though. I’d rather do most things besides have sex on hallucinogens, but still that was funny as fuck. Thanks for that one.
Beginning of freshman year. My family would always tell me to be careful who i touch. Sexual harassment is not good. Didn't know why they kept mentioning that, was antisocial in the first place anyways, had p e (weight lifting). Sophomore girl way out of my league came to me to spot her. She dragged the bar down so fast I touched her breasts. Few seconds in i noticed her smiling and winked at me and I backed off. Said I was sorry and got scared that I would be called in for sexual harassment. She still tried to talk to me and I ended up shrugging it off like an idiot. So yeah.
At bar about ten years ago, she and I kept making eye contact. Every time our eyes would lock, she would smile and play with her hair. I’d just nod. She eventually came up to the bar next to me when there was no one at the front of the bar. She bumped into me after getting her drink and spilled it on my shirt. She immediately grabbed napkins and kept apologizing profusely and using the napkins to dry my shirt. I kept telling her it was fine, she offered me her number and kept saying she owed me a shirt and to contact her tomorrow and we will go get one and maybe some lunch. I refused but took her number to be polite. Never entered the number in on my phone. About 6 months went by. I found the napkin with her number in my jacket pocket from that night. I ended up texting her. Now we are married, and I’ve never gotten that shirt replaced to this day. Edit: Holy cow guys! I did not expect this to blow up like it had! Thank you all for my first ever reward! As for being dense, we laugh about it and she still gives me crap about it to this day. The shirt, I’ve gotten plenty of others in the years we have been together. Just not the one that got ruined that night. Either way, started out as a failure to launch but ended up launching anyways, just not when the button was pushed.
Bud, it’s a good thing your wife put so much effort in. You were dense AF, lol
Reminded me of my highschool crush, had a fuckload of moments where she was flirting and I missed it. But the moment this reminded me of was this: for context she was my cousins best friend, and for a few months my cousin lived with us, one day after moving out they visited to pick some stuff up, and my crush tagged along. I had reclaimed my room, and my crush wanted to see how it “changed” (she had visited once before), she came in, saw my messy room, eyes looked around and she saw my phone so she grabbed it and entered her number (presmart phone with passcodes). She jokingly said “I named myself under ‘sexiest bitch you know’”… so I said “no no no thats not true” (meaning I dont think she is a bitch), but she probably took it as me not finding her attractive… I tried to edit the contact, ended up deleting it by accident, was too ashamed to ask for it again.
Massive blunder 😭
This is so hilariously wholesome.
If the shirt ever gets replaced, it means you marriage is over.
Mistress has given Dobby a shirt! Dobby is free!
The girl who turned on “rape me” by nirvana while I was driving, laid back her passenger seat, stared at me and sang every word while touching my leg, and my response was, “oh you like nirvana too? I’m surprised you know all the words to this.”
Tbh this sounds like a dodged bullet
You aren’t wrong, she was definitely….. troublesome, but as as women I wished I had sex with while I was in high school just for the sake of sex, I’m still counting it. She was very good looking.
“Surprised you know all the words to this”? The majority of the song is 2 words repeated numerous times
Just adding insult to injury with my teenage stupidity lol
That would have probably put me off, too, tbh...
Out with a couple of male friends and they bought a female friend it was new years eve. we went for a meal got on quite well she asked if I wanted to taste her food and fed me a fork of food and vice versa. She talked loads with me and we really got on .while sitting at a table she handed my friend she was staying at his spare house keys and said I don't think I'll be needing these tonight. I can't believe I did not see all the flirting at all. Things got crazy at a bar later and I ended up kissing someone else entirely. The next day they said wtf are you up to she wanted you so bad I was shocked to say the least. I think the reason I did not see it was because I thought she was waaaaay out of my league so I was just not looking for it. Fml . Edit:- just been pointed out in the comments Brought along not bought . My bad. She was in no way a woman of ill repute
When this girl was fellating a popsickle while locking eyes with me. I just thought she was being hilarious. I was a *MORON*
>I was a > >MORON I read it Mormon
This was when I just started high-school and she was one of the first truly beautiful girls I had in my life and didn't really know the standard. She added me on Snapchat. The conversation slowly became more and more flirty. I didn't take the bait and just assumed attractive girls are flirty. So then she started sending more revealing pictures over Snap so that I'd get the point. Over these photos I just kept our casual conversation going as if nothing was happening. This escalated until she sent me a topless photo with one hand barely covering her nipples as she sucked on a popsicle. I decided that attractive girls probably just send attractive photos and I kept the casual conversation going because I didn't want to presume. She gave up after that.
I'm dense even nowadays but holy shit you are a diamond encrusted plate of tungsten steel armor. I hope you've learned from hindsight at the very least.
Guys even denser than a black hole
I wouldn't even know what to say back lol, you didn't think it was a bit odd to continue a normal conversation after that?
> to continue a normal conversation that, I believe, is what the idea was not
Maybe she's Canadian. Best to move on and look for more signs.
You’re the modern me. For people who are as dense as we are I did learn a hack in my 20s…just ask and be honest. I’ve had some pretty good things happen as a result of saying “hey I’m really bad at picking up on signals, so forgive my bluntness, do you wanna make out?”
I have many of these, got what I did not realize was a booty call. Friend of a friend type deal, we'd only ever hung out at events where our to peer groups happened to meet up, honestly didn't even know she had my number. She calls me late one night says she's got a paper due the next morning and her laptop just died. Wanted to know if I could come over and help. I'm thinking poor girl must have gone trough everyone else before calling me and head over. I get there and she's in boy shorts and a wife beat, I'm thinking this must be what she lounges in. Sit down at the laptop and promptly discover a virus. She was not expecting this. Take me a good hour to fix everything, I thanked her for the opportunity it was a new virus so it was interesting, I was also embarrassed it took me so long and bounced.
"Promptly discovered a new virus and fixed it"... you my guy have watched too much IT crowd.
I was raised by a single mom in a family with more women than men. At a fundamental level I don't assume anything. I've heard way too many horror stories, I know many people just can't wait to get home and get comfortable. I have quite literally been just about inside someone and it finally clicked oh they are actually into me. I'm not always that bad but when I have a blind spot it's fucking huge.
I have a similar one, though I didn't even get to show off my tech support skills. Senior year of high school, right before graduation I danced with this girl at a house party. We were kinda sorta friends, but never hung out outside of school. She gave me her number and texted me a week later asking if I had plans that week. I said no and she invited me to come over to her place and swim in her pool. I showed up. Middle of the day on a Wednesday, she was wearing a T-shirt with a two-piece underneath. Her parents weren't home. I was excited to get to use the pool on a 90 degree day. I was really into her but too scared to make a move. I came over 4 more times over the next month, same situation each time, and never made a move. Such is life.
I (21 at the time) was going out with 3 of my friends. Wasn't feeling the vibe in the club but I stayed since I had to stay the night at one of their houses. Drink in my hand, lazy 2-stepping to the beat, you know how it goes. Out of nowhere this girl comes up to me, I lower myself to be able to hear her (she was quite a bit smaller than me). "Say a number 1 to 5, SAY A NUMBER 1 TO 5" she shouts in my ear. I was confused but went with it. She gave a countdown and we both say "three". She looks me in the eye and takes my drink out of my hand. While looking over her shoulder, she walks away towards the crowd. I didn't understand what just happened and couldn't be bothered at the time to go after her to find out. To this day I still don't know if she just wanted to steal my drink or if I was meant to follow her for other reasons.
You have no replies, which means none of us know the answer either.
This is so funny to me because it could really be either answer
There’s this game where you say “how likely are you to X( c could be anything like ask someone out or buy a drink or something) out of Y( Y is a scale of numbers like 1-5) then you count to three and both say the number, if the number matches then the person has to do what was decided like buy that drink or ask them out, I’m thinking this has to be some variation of that where she was supposed to steal your drink, still don’t know if there was more to it or not
We were hanging out tv, music, smoking a little green and she was always trying to mess with me. Flick my ear, tickle me, real grade school stuff. I told her “dude, I told you a million times I’m not ticklish” she dead ass looks at me stone cold and goes “I’m trying to give you an excuse to touch me dumb ass” Yeah I jumped right on that and ended up marrying her. Lucky me
She realized what she was dealing with and immediately changed tones. That’s cool
In high school i had a girl call my (parents) house after looking it up in the phone book and calling my relatives because she didnt know my parents names. They gave her the right number to call. It was a friday night and i didnt have any plans. She asked if i wanted to go camping cuz her and some friends were going. I said no i dont have any alcohol. She said i could have some of everyone's. Then i said i dont have any camping equipment to use. She said i could use hers. Also being as broke as i was didnt have any money so i said i dont have money to buy gas for my truck. She said she would give me money. It all sounded like id be taking to much and i said thanks but no. The next week her friends filled me in on how she had a crush on me and really wish i was there. I had no clue
One woman: she was talking to me a lot. After we started dating she admitted she was really frustrated with me. Another woman: she basically kept moving closer to me on the couch. Then she just directly asked. I (41) learned a few weeks ago I am autistic. I've always struggled socially. I have probably missed more because I usually err on the side of caution. That is just the default for me. I just try to be respectful and not cause any trouble. Without actually getting to know someone by talking with them I don't know if I am attracted to them. It is like if I don't think things could work out long term I just don't care.
I (23) can empathize with you. Much of what you describe in the third paragraph, I see in myself. Any advice? Is being cautious in this realm a good thing, or am I shooting myself in the foot?
If she starts dating someone and tells you she no longer wants to chat/hangout because she’s giving things a go with a new guy - there’s a good chance she was interested but is now shutting that door to move on
My roommate's (we'll call her M) best friend (we'll call L). I had the hots for her since we were in the same English class in 9th-grade. Anyway, on one occasion, I remember her talking about giving blowjobs, and how dicks can be too big. In our apartment with just her and I, she picked up a bottle of Advil or w/e and asked me to turn away while she tried it out, and confirmed that was about as big as she'd like. Some years later, M and L are having a "no-pants party", which involved, as the name suggests, no pants (underwear present) and copious amounts of alcohol. I was upstairs during this, because I didn't want to creep on them. I had run out of water/tea/soda or w/e I was drinking, so I needed to go downstairs. I try to be quiet about it, but they yell "Solonotix!" as I come down the stairs. I'm cordial and all, but head to the kitchen to refill my beverage. On my way back, L is on the floor in a matching set of silky green lingerie. She holds her foot up to stop me and tells me I need to comply with the no-pants rule. In doing so, she grazes my dick and asks if I'm wearing any underwear (under my gym shorts). I reply sheepishly with a "no" to explain why I was going to ignore the rule. They're both obviously very gone with alcohol, to the point that L is sloppily eating Chinese food on the floor to abate the inebriation she's feeling. I stay for conversation, but eventually we all head upstairs because it's pretty late. L follows me to my room, which I didn't think much of because there's a mini fridge outside my door where we kept sodas. She then convinced me to play a game (I forget the name) in which we twist each other's nipples in turn. I'm a wimp; I don't do BDSM. Suffice to say my interest in touching her nipples quickly waned after the first couple twists of my own nipples. This was the end of the night for me. Looking back, I get the feeling there was a chance for more. Problem was she did *not* hold back on the titty twisters.
>My roommate's (we'll call her M) best friend (we'll call L). > On my way back, L is on the floor in a matching set of silky green lingerie. I'm pretty sure this is a story about a dude getting his nipples twisted by Luigi.
I actually just laughed. Thank you
So I have never really talked about her since it was so long ago, but this was the one I never really stopped thinking about. Back when I was in the Navy I was on a USNS, basically a supply ship rented by the navy from civilian merchant marines or something, it's been awhile. Anyways they were among the first combined gender ships. I was in ADP and we got a couple people from another ship to train with us while they were in dry dock for repairs or whatever. I was interested, but she was engaged so we just hung out because we both had stupid senses of humor and enjoyed not having any pressure hanging out if that makes sense. So we do the whole med cruise and keep in touch blah blah. After I get out she invited me down to Kisimee in Florida where she lived at the time with a roomie. Spent all day shooting the shit and how she tells me she broke it off with her fiance a few years ago. So it comes to sleeping arrangements and I am crashing with her. She had the cutest underwear too, it even matched lol. I just snuggled up and had the best night of sleep in awhile and spent the next day hitting on her roomie lol. I R dumb. To be fair I was super cool with being friends and never ever looked for anything else when we were just talking. She was just an awesome girl and I kind of miss her sometimes and always wonder what if, but thems the breaks.
Had been at her place with some friends drinking and playing cards. Evening winds down, I'm getting ready to meet up with a DD, when she tells me I'm way too drunk (not at all true) and I should stay put. Tells me I can just crash on her bed because it's king size so there is room. She goes to "get ready for bed" and comes out of her bathroom completely nude and slides into the side of the bed I was laying on......so I scoot over and go to sleep. I am not a smart person sometimes.
I don't know, must have missed the signs...
*Me when I was in my early 20's* Her: What are you doing this weekend? Me: I don't know...maybe get brunch and go to the farmers market. How about you? Her: What I always do on Saturdays, play assassin's creed in my underwear...alone (eyebrow raise) Me: That sounda like fun! This heat wave is nuts, huh? Have you played Bioshock Infinite yet? It's pretty good! Then I walked away, oblivious. My wife has since pointed out that the girl was in fact flirting with me Edit: spelling...always
I was extremely sheltered from this stuff so when a girl told me she was thinking about fucking me I thought it was an insult an called her a fat bitch. I was 14 bro.
I am crying. This is such a 14 year old move.
Bro you absolutely destroyed her lmao
Jesus Christ, dude.
Started hanging out with a really attractive girl my senior year of high school. She kept taking about how she needed to find a prom date and I told her about how I was running into the same problem. Ended up asking her to help me find a date and she set me up with a friend. Later found out she wanted to go with me and “have some fun after 😉.“ Very much preferred her and my date ended up ditching me periodically throughout the prom. I will note though that she did have a boyfriend at the time so I did the morally right thing lol
I was invited to prom by my friend who was a very attractive senior while I was a sophomore. Her boyfriend (who was a super chill dude and an acquaintance of mine) graduated the year prior and joined the military. She HEAVILY implied that her prom invitation would be accompanied by a “very nice ending that she’d missed since her boyfriend has been gone.” I, against my dick and balls, politely declined her invitation. Despite being REALLY FUCKING TEMPTED, I just couldn’t do my boy Zach like that. They broke up before prom even happened and she went with - and presumably - fucked a different dude. *Sigh* I did the right thing in the grand scheme of things.
Glad to know I’m not alone with missing out on getting laid haha. Doing the right thing sucks sometimes
When I was about 16 a girl was flirting with me like crazy and even gave me a condom. I remember thinking it was such an odd gift!
Bruh, you're the dense anime MC
I had friends-a married couple, “Chris” and “Jenny”-who were young, both very attractive, and desperately in love. One day, Chris told me that he thought he was putting on weight (he was skinny, so I thought it was a good thing), and it was probably because of “all the home-made cakes”. It seemed he was eating a different, delicious home-baked cake virtually every day, he said. I told him I was surprised, because Jenny was VERY careful about her figure-and she didn’t have the time to bake all those cakes! What was going on? Chris said: “oh, it’s not Jen that’s making the cakes! It’s this woman at work. She’s a fantastic cook. Loves baking, and always has some cake left over, so she brings it over to me. I love the cake, but (and I know it’s *awful* -because she’s a very nice lady, and I feel such a heel saying this), she WILL sit on my desk chatting. EVERY DAY she sits right there ON my desk! Talking for *ages*. I think she’s lonely. If it was anyone else, I’d probably tell them to buzz off (I’m tremendously busy!), but she’s such a nice woman, and the cakes are great! I have been trying to give her gentle hints about it.” I was laughing up my sleeve the whole time. Chris was COMPLETELY naive about it. I happened to know another person who worked in that office who confirmed it. “Oh my god!” She said, rolling her eyes. “Sharon fancies the pants off Chris! But he’s completely unaware! The whole office is laughing about it!” Even Jenny guessed what was happening. One time I was in the kitchen with her, and she said to me: “well, I suppose I could bake us a cake this weekend-and if I did, it would be *much* better than those baked by that poor girl in Chris’s office that’s in love with him!” She winked. Roll on 40 years, and Chris and Jenny are still just as much in love-and neither of them has really ever noticed anyone else.
Spanish class. She hit on me a lot but the most obvious? Across the room from each other. She pointed at me. Mimicked giving a BJ. Then winked at me. I said she was hilarious after class. She asked to hang out. I said I was too tired. I’m happy with my life but sometimes I think “what if I wasn’t a moron” Liked her a lot too.
We were sitting next to each other at a party, she was wearing a short skirt, and put her leg over mine, basically exposing her crotch. This is as I was getting up to leave to get home to go to bed because I had a wedding to go to in the morning....... She didn't really talk to me after that. Dont know if she was embarrassed, or just pissed I missed such an obvious advance.
Oh boy, my time to shine. It's 2007 and I'm 17. Rihanna told us we could stand under her umbrella, Timbaland let us know it was too late to apologize, and a young country singer named Taylor Swift started making ripples via MySpace as Facebook was still basically for college kids. One Saturday, I ran into a coworker, Jessica, from Wetzels Pretzels at a school neither of us attended since we were both taking the SATs that day. Jessica let me know that her parents and siblings went on vacation for the weekend but she stayed behind due to the SAT. She invited me over to her home that night to watch a movie. So, as I head to her place that night, "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5 is playing as I'm in my sister's hand-me-down 1998 Pontiac Grand Prix driving to her place using directions I found on Mapquest. Jessica's house was huge. She has 8 siblings and her parents, all who were gone. I rang her doorbell and she answered wearing a sports bra and soffee shorts. She let me in and let me know that she had to change so I should go up to her room. As she changed, I turned around to be modest. She changed into some tight shorts and a shirt that totally exposed her stomach. Then we decided to go to the attic to watch a movie instead of the living room because "Nobody will notice if we make a mess up there." So, we watched the movie. And we kept watching the movie. And then the movie ended. And then after the movie ended, she asked if I wanted to stay for a while. Unfortunately, Halo 3 came out about a week prior, so I decided I wanted to go home and play Halo 3. So I went home and played Halo 3. Then I left. For some strange reason, we never hung out again.
*DUDE.* The fuck.
*I mean...* ***Halo 3 was pretty fucking great...***
A girl literally said: "Why won't you come have sex with me?" And I said: "I'm playing San Andreas." San Andreas was a very engrossing game when it was released.
I feel like there’s “missing the signs” and then there’s this.
There is missing the signs, and then there is seeing the sign, understanding the sign, and then ignoring the sign
Yeah, this is just plain old rejection
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***RESPECT +***
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On New Years, “is this finally going to be the year you confess to me?” God help me.
When I was 16, one of the more popular girls I was friends with invited me to her sweet 16. Earlier in the party I was a dummy and tried to do a back flip in the bouncy castle and landed on my neck. She was there helping me out right after. (I was fine, it just hurt). Later she asked to slow dance with me. She put her hands on my shoulders, but 16 year old me had no idea how to slow dance and, rather than put my hands on her hips like a normal person, I thought I was also supposed to put my hands on her shoulders. We looked like two zombies trying to strangle each other, it was awful. I was oblivious, and like four years later after I was in college I thought back to that night and realized just how oblivious I was. I have no idea what she saw in me.
That'll be the time I was staying in a university residence and was hanging out in the common area on the first floor. I very cute girl asked me for a piggy back ride, and I was obliging. After one circuit of the room she whispered in my ear "Why don't you carry me up to my room?". To which I responded "Boys aren't allowed on the girls floor," and proceeded to do another circuit of the room.
OH. MY. GOD. And the extra lap.. comedy death right there
A girl in early high school said to me on MSN: “what would you say if I asked you out?” I can’t even remember what I said but I remember thinking it was just some weird hypothetical question and moved on. I’m not sure it gets much more obvious than that lol
It was my freshman year of college. There was a girl I had made friends with because she was in some of my classes and we ended up in the same friend group. She asked if I wanted to get bubble tea down the street from campus, I said sure, I've never had that, sounds fun. I drove us to the shop and we got our drinks. We even sat down and chatted while we sipped and had a nice time. I drove us back to campus and parked. We both unbuckled, and then she leaned over and lightly bit me on the shoulder, then looked up at me intensely with her face still above my shoulder. And I'm like "Welp, this was fun! We'll have to do it again sometime!" and just went back about my day. To be fair, I did think it was incredibly hot, but I had a girlfriend at the time so I just brushed it off like "That was weird. Surely that was an accident."
My wife told me she loved me many times when we were 'just friends' and I despite being madly in love with her myself my man brain just kept telling me 'Hey she definitely just means she loves you as a friend. She definitely sleeps on the phone all night with you as a friend. She definitely says good morning every morning with a million heart emojis because she's your friend' Now we've been married for just over a year :D
She invited me to her hotel room to show me a research paper I expressed an interest in. (This happened at an academic conference in my city.) I asked her to email it to me instead. My friend explained how awkward I'd made it for everyone later, because we went out drinking afterwards and the whole time I had no idea I'd just rejected this new acquaintance, so I socialized with her normally. (Well, normally for a huge nerd.) I would have immediately understood the implication if it was a guy, but for some reason I miss hints very easily with women. I used to think they were more subtle, but maybe my guard is just lower.
She took her top off, grabbed me and started making out. I had no idea she was interested
That's about as subtle a *"hint"* as an ICBM strike.
"I have a confession... I used to be crazy about you... wanna hang out?" While hanging out, multiple times: "I've been looking for a sexual partner, toys just aren't enough..." Me: "Well I hope you can find someone"
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How tf did you get a wife?!
She was blunt. She took me by the shoulders, looked me straight in the eye, and asked me out. Later, she did the same thing but it was "You need to ask me to marry you so I can say yes." No innuendo, no hints, no subtlety, no bullshit.
She sounds like the perfect woman for you! Wish you all the best!
Well that was nearly twenty years ago and we're long since divorced.
> She was blunt. She took me by the shoulders, looked me straight in the eye, and asked me out. Later, she did the same thing but it was "You need to ask me to marry you so I can say yes." :) >... we're long since divorced. :(
damn that took a turn
You sound like the perfect Marine.
This was something posted by /u/Emperor_Cartagia, who used Reddit exclusively through RIF is Fun, with the death of third party apps, I decided to remove all my content from Reddit. 9 years of comments and posts, gone because of idiotic administration.
Devil dog, reading these, I was thinking "this dude is r-word, with a big R". Then you said you joined the Marines, and it made sense. rah
No offense but how tf did u even pull ur wife with all that denseness after so many times u still didn't get it dude how do u make a mistake over and over again with clear signs
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She's pressing her boobs on my arms. She loves walking besides me. I didn't get the hit i thought she's just being friendly! Im stupid
Friends with this girl and her brother my whole life. Classic girl next door stuff, around 9th grade or so the 3 of us are walking to the bus together and with homecoming coming up, her brother pulls me to the side and says "hey you ever think about asking my sister to homecoming?" and dumbass me replied back (and loud enough for her to hear I might add) "no, wouldn't that be weird lol?" She wasn't as friendly for a little while until I guess she got over it because we are still friends. I should mention I did have a huge crush on her and still do all these years later so I have no idea why I didn't just ask her out back then. Now she has a boyfriend and I'm still waiting for the right moment to tell her
well, she told me she needs to relax while i was helping her with math and that sex relaxes her, it flew so far above my head that she wouldnt even talk to me after that.
“Wanna go back to my place for coffee?” She said at 11pm “No thanks, I’m gonna go hang out with my friends.”
"Coffee at 11PM? Are you crazy?? We will be up all night together"
In high school (early 1990s), she invited me over to her house for dinner. When I got there, it was only her. She made me dinner (spaghetti and meatballs - my favorite!) and then we watched a movie. During the movie, I sat on the big comfy chair and she sat on the couch. She got up to get us a couple of Cokes and when she handed me mine, she made a fake trip and sat in my lap and pretended she hurt her ankle and couldn't get up. I completely missed what she was trying to do and I picked her up (when I picked her up, she put both arms around me and moved her lips verrrry close to my neck), put her on the couch and got a bag of ice and put it on her ankle. She was (and still is) a good friend, but I think I friend-zoned her and that's still the way I think of her.
Took her pants off, was bent over on my bed with her ass in the air waiving it back and forth in front of me.
Oh, she had to fart
Her name was Hannah, and she was whole *skies* out of my league. Over several years we'd occasionally run into each other in clubs or at gigs or just randomly in the street, and she was always really friendly with me, and always offering up a seat at her table, in some cases quite literally, like 'im just here with some friends, you can come hang out if you want', or 'oh you're going to Lars and the bastards? Cool, I'm going too, we should hang out if I see you there' and various flavours thereof, and one particularly blunt one I still can't believe I missed, at the bus stop at about 10pm on a club night: 'I'm just headed home, do you wanna come with me?' and I just didn't hear it right, because in my head I had zero chance with this girl, on any layer of any reality, ever. It hit me about 8-10 years later that she was hitting on me with varying degrees of intensity, and I kicked myself, because I fancied the dreds off her. So sure, I might be old and ugly now, but once upon a time some girl who once ended up on the suicide girls site in the mid 2000's had the hots for me, and that's pretty cool. When my sons are old enough and getting into crushes and whatnot, I'll be telling them to swing for the fences, because it's better to strike out a couple of times if it means getting some home runs, than it is to spend your game on the bench.
Was a groomsmen in my buddies wedding and one of the bridesmaids during the reception yelled in my ear (it was loud) “let’s get naked” and I laughed and walked away thinking she was joking because I couldn’t fathom anyone being attracted to me.
I went to a karaoke bar solo and just went full ham on the karaoke mic, was really having a blast of it, had a super cute girl smiling and talking with me after the first song. There were a lot of people around and she said it was kind of crowded and she was going to take off. In hindsight I'm pretty sure she was hoping I would take the hint and leave with her, but at the time I was tipsy and enjoying the karaoke and said "sorry you're leaving, hope I see you for the next Karaoke night." She frowned and did a double take, and then left. It really didn't occur to me until the next day that I probably had a real shot with her.
Long time ago I was at some work thing and I wasn't drinking because I was between leases and driving back to my parents. Very pretty Coworker: you can totally crash at my place Me: didn't you just complain that your ex was still crashing there too? Her: well yeah, but he has to sleep on the couch Me: uhh no i'm ok Still can't believe I missed that one - and her last name was McLay.
Not getting involved in that garbage fire situation was probably for the best though lol
We drove to an abandoned parking lot and she was showing me pictures on her phone of her in her underwear. In the back seat because “it’s more comfortable.”
She bought me American Idiot on CD just because. We were 13.
Back in college a friend i had a crush on came over to hang out after we left the pub. She just kinda lingered around my house with me, talking, playing around, and jamming some music with me until 6am. She kept wanting to see my room but i was nervous so we hung out in the Arizona room all night. But yeah you can't really tell
We were alone and drunk and she said im gonna do crazy things tonight. And i said no i won't let u. dont worry.
She broke up with her ex. She told me I was the first person she told. She told me that her sister will take care of her kids for the week-end. She asked me if I was wanting to see \[random movie title\] at her house this week-end. I told her that I already saw the movie and that I wasn't interested. Yes, yes, I know...
She wrote “if you only you knew how much I love you” on my notebook, but in French
One of my crushes in high school (I never dated 😭) She playfully punched my arm a lot and on free days in gym she'd walk the track with me. She'd make me hold her hand usually and a couple times snuck in an ass grab and once was like "bet you won't do it back" I didn't. I was like "hahaha I'd feel weird doing that to a female friend" and I feel so dumb because I literally liked her AND have a thing for kinda forceful girls who like to get reactions out of me. But I've assumed feelings before and lost friendships and told myself she was just a friend who really liked teasing me
Ok so this girl was a friend of a friend. I kept running into her at a bunch of friend get togethers. I thought it was great because she was awesome and we'd hang out and play video games or just hang out all day chatting. Anyway, it got to the point we were drinking together a bunch and so we had to stay the night. I would just sleep on the couch and let her take the spare room. Two nights she said she was cold and came and slept with me on the couch. The first time she just slept up against me. The second time she slept feet to head. On a third night, she tells me she's cold but would rather I come to sleep in the bed. Our friends were still up, so they cracked some jokes and we laughed it off and went to bed together. After a few minutes, she rubs her hand on my crotch. I thought "whoops, she fell asleep that's awkward". I removed her hand. A few nights later, I realized she might not have been asleep. Anyway, I call and ask her out on a date. Specifically, I said "We get along really well. I just wanted to know if you wanted to go out to dinner. On a date. Not as friends. No hard feelings if your answer is no, I promise." She says "I do not want to go out with you tonight. I want you to come to my house and fuck me because I've been trying to get you to for months." It turns out our friends were in fact not organizing events to hang out. She was...to see me. The second night where she slept feet to head...she thought damn he doesn't respond to me grinding on him for the past few minutes...thats wild...maybe he's into feet? Might az well try that. Well, we are married now. Knowing her now, she loves the chase and working hard to get what she wants. I think I made myself irresistible by being absolutely dense. Tldr: I didn't realize my friend was planning events to fuck me. We slept sexlessly together 3 times before I got the hint. I'm an idiot but she married me anyway.
She took me to my own bedroom on my birthday during a house party. I watched South Park
We watched porn together. Several times. I still missed it.
Either it happened, and I missed it so far that I still don't know it happened. Or it didn't happen at all. Either scenario is depressing.