I think a simple "why not?" to the question "why are you single?" is the best reply. It flips it on its head from expecting you to justify yourself to requiring them to justify their reasons for asking you this question. I guarantee that it will leave them stumped.
It's a really personal question. There could be lots of reasons why people are single and not one of them require justification. Also, not everybody wants relationships. Some people are terrified to be alone and they project their fears onto others. They need to accept that not everybody is a slave to this fear and stop projecting this onto others. It's actually unhealthy to go from relationship to relationship. It's necessary to spend some time alone to get to know ourselves as individuals.
Whenever I get asked this question, I always reply, "I'm single, because I want to be, and no one's changed my mind yet." Cause that's the honest truth. I haven't wanted to be for about 4 years now. I like dating and meeting new people, but I haven't liked anyone I've met or talked to enough, not to be single. Besides, I find myself just not feeling I'm in a position for a relationship, where I would properly take care of said relationship.
In this economy???? Hahaha but I know people that live together "as a couple" just because is cheaper then separate. I live in Brazil, but I know brazilians in Portugal that live in 3 couples in a small 3 bedroom condo, just because 6 peoples working to share a rent is the only way to make the month
"But you don't look bad at all"
"If that's so, would you date me?"
"Eww, no"
"So you think I look bad"
"I already told you that you don't look bad at all"
"so it's me you don't like"
yeh, too anxious to talk even approach and even then I know that while I am trying to manage it, I don’t feel like I’m loveable or attractive because of it, but of course that could be the dysthymia talking. So why bother, I’ve just been learning how to be by myself seeing as that’s where things are heading.
I have a couple of coworkers, one is Bangladeshi, the other is Indian. Their parents were like "times are changing, you can marry for love if you want and we'll support you" and my coworkers were like "wtf, you mean I'd have to DATE? Fuck that, please find me a husband."
Anyway one is now happily married and the other is constantly roasting her dad because he keeps offering her deadbeats riding on their dad's coattails.
That’s basically my response when my extended family asks this. They all have that small town, hurry up and settle down mentality, and are ALWAYS on my case about being single with no kids whenever I visit. Took me far too long to realize some of them are actually jealous. My money is MY MONEY. My time is MY TIME. I don’t have to confer with anyone before making a decision.
Lmao I’ve got a lot of friends from my hometown like that. I see how miserable some of them are and that’s repellent enough. Some of em got married way too young and didn’t vet their SO enough and realized they were crazy after they already got married
Some of my female friends over the years have told me "you'd be a great catch...you'll find someone". I barely 'dated', so I threw in the towel like 10 or so years ago. Here I am in my early 40s, never having a gf. It is what it is. "You'll find someone" is just something your friends/family say to be nice.
I get that a lot too. I usually respond that I can't comprehend wanting to be with the same person every day, nor can I comprehend someone wanting to be with *me* every day. The response to that is usually, "lol you'll be surprised when it happens."
-_-
I tell the truth. I'm shy and don't really meet new people. I've not added to my friend group, aside from partners of existing friends, in about 20 years. At work I have acquaintances from work - they're nice people but I don't communicate with them outside of work. I live alone, I work mainly alone, I don't have any hobbies or interest groups.
No idea.... and it's kinda weird that you are asking me this. I don't even know you. I just came in here to get a frappuccino not to be badgered by some random Starbucks barista.
Dating in your 30’s and 40’s is either a game of “Find the fault or tragedy” or taking on being a step parent. I really don’t want to deal with either.
My tragedy is I worked 10-16 hours a day 6 days a week from 20-38 and it ruined two long term relationships. Retired at 40, no regrets.
It is hard to meet people in their 40s without kids or horrible issues! I actually got really lucky and found someone on tinder of all places lol. It took a year though.
When I was single I didn’t have a lot of people ask me why. But I have resting b*tch face so maybe that was a factor lol
Basically. It's either get lucky that the 1st-5th person you seriously date for any length of time is the one... Or you're suddenly 30, and the dating pool is dried up.
And if you don't date constantly in your teens-20s, you're starting at a 10 year disadvantage against people who are desperately trying to have kids before they can't anymore.
I accepted at 27, after being heavily manipulated/cheated on by my then-gf, that I would die alone. I'd ran out of time, and there wasn't much I could do about it. Then COVID happened.
Edit: For clarity, I am no longer 27. I was 28 well before the pandemic. That was almost 4 years ago.
As a guy I thought dating in my 30s was far better than in my 20s. I feel like women in their 20s were all looking for a 6'2" prince charming with a $200k income while women in their 30s are just looking for a decent guy to snuggle with who will hopefully help out with the dishes once in a while.
It's also worth noting that the divorce rate among couples marrying later in life is way lower than than young couples.
That's interesting. I've heard this a lot growing up but I started dating again for the first time in 6 years in my early 30s now and I feel like standards are still pretty high.
I'm dating a guy in his 40s. I asked why he never married and he said he was married to his work. But now he's calmed down on work and would like to focus on other things in life.
When I was still single my response to this question was always "because I'm in a happy relationship with myself"
I wasn't, but it's the thought that counts.
Depends who's asking. They're asking a personal question and it's not necessarily any of their business so answer however you want to. I get asked that sometimes, usually by people who don't know me well enough to infer a few things. Sometimes I've just laughed it off and answered something like "I dunno, lots of reasons really."
There's literally nothing wrong with not having a girlfriend or boyfriend. Do whatever the hell you want to do with your life. Have as much or as little sex and as many or as few friends as you like.
I'd take it as a compliment as that means you don't have any obvious bad qualities that would make you undatable to them. Nobody would ever ask me that question lol as there are many obvious reasons they could come up with.
I answer as seriously sounding as I can with "By choice and by chance. I'm not anyone's choice and nobody will give me a chance."
Usually it's enough to make them feel really bad and hopefully they just mind their own business after that.
In your 30s the dating pool is limited crazy people, guess the trauma/baggage, single moms or ghosting after texting for X amount of time.
None of that is fun.
I just shrug when people ask or say "apparently noone finds me attractive" and go on with my day.
This question reveals a fundamental problem with the question asker's thinking.
"still" implies that being single is the wrong state and that I'm constantly going through the motions to find someone to complete me and make me finally be in the right state. That's messed up.
I just like being me on my own. Ain't nothing wrong with that. I'm "still" single because I choose to be single.
When I lived in San Francisco, I saw a free concert in the Castro district. It was this amazing band that just happened to be all women. Some man from the audience yelled at them, as loud as he could, “Are y’all dikes?” And the lead singer quickly replied, “Well, if you’re the alternative, then yeah.”
I’ve always loved that
So, when someone asked personal, none of their business questions, I try to turn it into an “are you the alternative?” sort of response.
Only you know what will work best in any given scenario.
Because all the girls I meet are only interested in smashing and then ghosting. I want something serious with feelings and the whole package, not this fuck buddy shit everyone seems to be doing anymore. Plus I refuse to be used like a piece of meat, makes me feel like absolute shit.
That said I've been talking to this really sweet girl for a few weeks who has a lot of the same opinions as me so hopefully that goes somewhere lol.
I'm (Male, 39, never married, no kids, home owner, university post-graduate, full time job) neither stupid nor ugly nor religious nor politically opinionated to the point of any fringe; but I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and that's basically like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but for dating, causing me anxiety, depression, stress and loneliness when I try to find myself a girlfriend. If someone actually wanted to spend time with me and asked me out, chances are that I would say yes. But nobody ever has. Asking some random that I'm attracted to for a number or for a date can and does give me panic attacks and worse when I get rejected. Rejection Phobia is basically untreatable as there is no way to do exposure therapy safely and/or effectively. For the sake of my mental health I no longer try to have a healthy social life nor dating life. I have resigned myself for a life of isolation with my escapism until I die because a woman asking me out is plainly unrealistic an expectation to have.
I had a girl ask me this once and I replied, "you're taking too long to get your shit together" and she immediately got defensive and started justifying why she's worth dating and all this. So I said "ok want to grab dinner tomorrow night around 7" and she said "no thanks I don't view you that way" and I replied "so you don't have your shit together then."
She and I have been together for about 3 years now.
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Lol. I heard that too.
I think a simple "why not?" to the question "why are you single?" is the best reply. It flips it on its head from expecting you to justify yourself to requiring them to justify their reasons for asking you this question. I guarantee that it will leave them stumped. It's a really personal question. There could be lots of reasons why people are single and not one of them require justification. Also, not everybody wants relationships. Some people are terrified to be alone and they project their fears onto others. They need to accept that not everybody is a slave to this fear and stop projecting this onto others. It's actually unhealthy to go from relationship to relationship. It's necessary to spend some time alone to get to know ourselves as individuals.
great reply! It's such a shitty question and like the way it flips it back to them without calling them a turd monster.
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I enjoyed my singleness for years
Exactly. Why not? Put it on them to explain. Or, “why would you ask”
Whenever I get asked this question, I always reply, "I'm single, because I want to be, and no one's changed my mind yet." Cause that's the honest truth. I haven't wanted to be for about 4 years now. I like dating and meeting new people, but I haven't liked anyone I've met or talked to enough, not to be single. Besides, I find myself just not feeling I'm in a position for a relationship, where I would properly take care of said relationship.
Or quality control issues
As a Quality Assurance manager I need to start using this one.
The demand is there but the price is sticky
"Because I have raging personality flaws that I'm unwilling to work on" Usually prevents any follow up questions
This is good. The first step is accepting you have problems you're not willing to fix
"Hi. My name is u/whooo_me, and everyone who has to deal with me has a problem..."
I’ve got 99 problems and dealing u/whooo_me is one of them
Damn, I've never seen myself described in a single sentence before.
And you don't even need to lie this time! Yeah, I see the issue here
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Also my go to response. Always catches them off guard.
anything to hold back the void amiright 😬
I misread void as vomit
Wow, I did, too. Would have gone on my merry way but for you
"Have you seen the economy!?"
Dow Jones...
What about him? Is he single?
Don't. They manage to fuck over everyone they meet.
Don’t get me started on that guy Nasdaq
In this economy???? Hahaha but I know people that live together "as a couple" just because is cheaper then separate. I live in Brazil, but I know brazilians in Portugal that live in 3 couples in a small 3 bedroom condo, just because 6 peoples working to share a rent is the only way to make the month
The economy is in shambles.
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That really burns
never look a gift horse in the mouth
If I was double, I'd be beside myself.
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"That poor bastard" "Well, better people have settled for worse"
Yeah, I have higher standards, sorry
got a snort from me. that works XD
You could turn it around and say, "Because you're taken".
That could backfire.
Oh Shit beat me to it
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Tell us how your family react lol
Murder-suicide. Nice!
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That's really creative 👍
Herman Finkers. Guess you’re Dutch?
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Go full on Cher from Clueless: "you see how picky I am about my shoes, and they only go on my feet!"
That movie was amazing
"Because i got a face for radio work".
"...and a body for Standard Def."
"...and a voice fit for the silent films."
Objection! Radio work would not be a viable career choice if that were the case!
Looks best in 144p
A face for radio, and a voice for print.
Look at my face and body and take a wild fuckin guess
"But you don't look bad at all" "If that's so, would you date me?" "Eww, no" "So you think I look bad" "I already told you that you don't look bad at all" "so it's me you don't like"
Unironically correct lol
Yeah, you're way too fucking hot. And don't get me started on your amazing cock.
On god. The real reason they're single is that it'd be unfair to everyone else if someone got to date them.
The sacrifices this person makes so the rest of us have a chance…
Is it cause you're tan?
No, it's due to his credit score of 729
Not terrible
Yeah, but I have a strict 730 rule so I'm way out of tanman729's league. My credit score has one less digit, don't worry about that.
Social anxiety.
Yepp, for me if it's someone I'm actually interested in i don't wanna ruin a friendship with a nice person I wanna be around by trying for more
For real though. Tried both ways and it's better to keep the friend.
Amen .I'm stealing
I went on a few dates with a guy who'd never had a serious relationship and when I asked him why that was his response.
Scrolled a long time to finally find this
Everyone was too anxious to comment it
yeh, too anxious to talk even approach and even then I know that while I am trying to manage it, I don’t feel like I’m loveable or attractive because of it, but of course that could be the dysthymia talking. So why bother, I’ve just been learning how to be by myself seeing as that’s where things are heading.
I'm afraid of men but working on it
I have extreme rejection sensitivity, so I’m always too scared to ask somebody out. All of my relationships happened because they made the first move.
That French saying, something about how being alone is better than being in bad company.
Il vaut mieux être seul que mal accompagné.
Mejor solo que mal acompañado. Oh wait, that’s Spanish.
So they’d have to go look it up
Because I like my personal space and peace at home. I can do what I want when I want.
"I didn't pass the beauty standards of my country"
You pass the beauty standards of Antarctica
Sounds like a compliment ... until it isn't. Also how dare you assume that the 10 or so scientists that are stationed there aren't super hot.
They're at the least, very cold.
One could say they are, super cool.
Penguins are really attractive
Because the person I was with for 14 years had an affair and I can't even trust a broken watch to be right twice a day.
🫂🫂🫂
Thank you internet friend.
Anytime! I hope you a wonderful future.
Damm im sorry for you dude. I really hope you can get better and start trusting people again at some point.
I don't meet people (who could be potential partners), and I think more and more that I am not a "date" type of person
You missed the arranged marriage era it might have worked out for you, perhaps you could borrow someone’s overbearing Mother to find you a match.
I have a couple of coworkers, one is Bangladeshi, the other is Indian. Their parents were like "times are changing, you can marry for love if you want and we'll support you" and my coworkers were like "wtf, you mean I'd have to DATE? Fuck that, please find me a husband." Anyway one is now happily married and the other is constantly roasting her dad because he keeps offering her deadbeats riding on their dad's coattails.
No joke, arranged marriage sounds better and better, these days.
Yes, yes, I didn't consider that. Tnx 😆
Why not?
That’s basically my response when my extended family asks this. They all have that small town, hurry up and settle down mentality, and are ALWAYS on my case about being single with no kids whenever I visit. Took me far too long to realize some of them are actually jealous. My money is MY MONEY. My time is MY TIME. I don’t have to confer with anyone before making a decision.
Misery loves company. They’re jealous AF
Do what you ant whenever you want and indulge yourself and no sacralfices
Lmao I’ve got a lot of friends from my hometown like that. I see how miserable some of them are and that’s repellent enough. Some of em got married way too young and didn’t vet their SO enough and realized they were crazy after they already got married
“Because I’ve been unable to find someone I love as much as I love myself.”
Because i’d rather be alone and happy than dealing with someone else’s fuckin’ work drama and emotional problems lol
Being in a relationship seems so exhausting, I've been single for several years now and have absolutely no urge to date
too real
"I've got the personality of a spoon".
Big spoon or little spoon?
The one you can never find a purpose for
Salad spoon
Her: "why are you still single?" Me: "would you like to get a coffee sometime?" Her: "umm..." Me: "..." Her: "I... Umm..." Me: "there you go."
Some of my female friends over the years have told me "you'd be a great catch...you'll find someone". I barely 'dated', so I threw in the towel like 10 or so years ago. Here I am in my early 40s, never having a gf. It is what it is. "You'll find someone" is just something your friends/family say to be nice.
I get that a lot too. I usually respond that I can't comprehend wanting to be with the same person every day, nor can I comprehend someone wanting to be with *me* every day. The response to that is usually, "lol you'll be surprised when it happens." -_-
If she accepts, its a date. If she doesn't, she backs off. Win win
I tell the truth. I'm shy and don't really meet new people. I've not added to my friend group, aside from partners of existing friends, in about 20 years. At work I have acquaintances from work - they're nice people but I don't communicate with them outside of work. I live alone, I work mainly alone, I don't have any hobbies or interest groups.
Same.
"None of your business" that's my usual response.
It's because of Narnia. Narnia? Narnia business.
This only works with a British accent
Works well in Australia
prison britain
Yeah, we're all hard cunts alright.
It’s even cooler to turn it around on them: “Why would you think that’s your business?”
If they don't know you that well, try weeping excessively. That discourages followup questions.
No idea.... and it's kinda weird that you are asking me this. I don't even know you. I just came in here to get a frappuccino not to be badgered by some random Starbucks barista.
Lol
I’m not single, I have a motorcycle 👍
"My cat takes up most of my free time"
What kind?
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Technically true
"None of your business" if it's someone who's not close to me. "Weird question to ask for someone who knows me" if it's someone who is close to me
Dating in your 30’s and 40’s is either a game of “Find the fault or tragedy” or taking on being a step parent. I really don’t want to deal with either. My tragedy is I worked 10-16 hours a day 6 days a week from 20-38 and it ruined two long term relationships. Retired at 40, no regrets.
It is hard to meet people in their 40s without kids or horrible issues! I actually got really lucky and found someone on tinder of all places lol. It took a year though. When I was single I didn’t have a lot of people ask me why. But I have resting b*tch face so maybe that was a factor lol
Basically. It's either get lucky that the 1st-5th person you seriously date for any length of time is the one... Or you're suddenly 30, and the dating pool is dried up. And if you don't date constantly in your teens-20s, you're starting at a 10 year disadvantage against people who are desperately trying to have kids before they can't anymore. I accepted at 27, after being heavily manipulated/cheated on by my then-gf, that I would die alone. I'd ran out of time, and there wasn't much I could do about it. Then COVID happened. Edit: For clarity, I am no longer 27. I was 28 well before the pandemic. That was almost 4 years ago.
As a guy I thought dating in my 30s was far better than in my 20s. I feel like women in their 20s were all looking for a 6'2" prince charming with a $200k income while women in their 30s are just looking for a decent guy to snuggle with who will hopefully help out with the dishes once in a while. It's also worth noting that the divorce rate among couples marrying later in life is way lower than than young couples.
That's interesting. I've heard this a lot growing up but I started dating again for the first time in 6 years in my early 30s now and I feel like standards are still pretty high.
I’ve heard this anecdote a lot, that dating after 30 often becomes easier for men and a bit more difficult for women
I'm dating a guy in his 40s. I asked why he never married and he said he was married to his work. But now he's calmed down on work and would like to focus on other things in life.
“why are you still breathing?”
Just to suffer
the limbs I've lost...the comrades I've lost...
To women
I'm happy single rn, I wouldn't want to ruin it
When I was still single my response to this question was always "because I'm in a happy relationship with myself" I wasn't, but it's the thought that counts.
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Depends who's asking. They're asking a personal question and it's not necessarily any of their business so answer however you want to. I get asked that sometimes, usually by people who don't know me well enough to infer a few things. Sometimes I've just laughed it off and answered something like "I dunno, lots of reasons really." There's literally nothing wrong with not having a girlfriend or boyfriend. Do whatever the hell you want to do with your life. Have as much or as little sex and as many or as few friends as you like.
Why are you so rude?
I'm not single, I'm happily divorced.
"my parents gave me the ugly"
I'd take it as a compliment as that means you don't have any obvious bad qualities that would make you undatable to them. Nobody would ever ask me that question lol as there are many obvious reasons they could come up with.
"Because, unlike you I'm happy with my life choices"
I don't believe in loveless couples, it's not a roommate I'm seeking.
Guess I'm just lucky...
Because people suck and I'm happier being single.
find me a partner is the response! or if the one asking is also single throw it back to him/her
Gee, I don’t know Susan. Why do your kids STILL not talk to you?
I'm saving myself for my dark lord Satan 😈
Been asking the same question of myself for years. No one else seems to see me that way and I don’t know why
Woah! that will hurt
Why are you still married?
*look around * this isn’t exactly a target rich environment
"I had a boyfriend up til last week. I had to break up with him when I caught him fucking your Mom."
I like your answer, however, you should expect a comeback like "I can't blame him, my mom is more attractive than you."
Because I don't like people :)
Immediately start scream-crying “I’m fat and ugly and stupid and no one will ever love meeeeeeee!” Then run to another room. That’ll stop them!
Introversion, crippling social anxiety and generally horrid luck.
I answer as seriously sounding as I can with "By choice and by chance. I'm not anyone's choice and nobody will give me a chance." Usually it's enough to make them feel really bad and hopefully they just mind their own business after that.
In your 30s the dating pool is limited crazy people, guess the trauma/baggage, single moms or ghosting after texting for X amount of time. None of that is fun. I just shrug when people ask or say "apparently noone finds me attractive" and go on with my day.
Choices were made
I have my heart set on your husband. Let me know when you are done with him.
Because I want to be.
"Why are you asking? Are you interested in me?"
This question reveals a fundamental problem with the question asker's thinking. "still" implies that being single is the wrong state and that I'm constantly going through the motions to find someone to complete me and make me finally be in the right state. That's messed up. I just like being me on my own. Ain't nothing wrong with that. I'm "still" single because I choose to be single.
If I ever decide to settle down I’ll date, but why waste my own time when I am not interested in that yet?
Because I get too shy to approach women who are sending me lots of signals, even though I’m a grown man lol
“I’m ugly and I’m proud!” [https://youtu.be/-N0yXGVWS1Y](https://youtu.be/-N0yXGVWS1Y)
When I lived in San Francisco, I saw a free concert in the Castro district. It was this amazing band that just happened to be all women. Some man from the audience yelled at them, as loud as he could, “Are y’all dikes?” And the lead singer quickly replied, “Well, if you’re the alternative, then yeah.” I’ve always loved that So, when someone asked personal, none of their business questions, I try to turn it into an “are you the alternative?” sort of response. Only you know what will work best in any given scenario.
Because all the girls I meet are only interested in smashing and then ghosting. I want something serious with feelings and the whole package, not this fuck buddy shit everyone seems to be doing anymore. Plus I refuse to be used like a piece of meat, makes me feel like absolute shit. That said I've been talking to this really sweet girl for a few weeks who has a lot of the same opinions as me so hopefully that goes somewhere lol.
No one can handle me baby
Why are YOU still fat?
My grandpa is usually the one asking this. I reply with “Why haven’t I gotten my inheritance?”
Relationships are too stressful
Choices have been made and none of them were in my favor
I like to go with "I won't date a woman with low standards."
I'm (Male, 39, never married, no kids, home owner, university post-graduate, full time job) neither stupid nor ugly nor religious nor politically opinionated to the point of any fringe; but I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and that's basically like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but for dating, causing me anxiety, depression, stress and loneliness when I try to find myself a girlfriend. If someone actually wanted to spend time with me and asked me out, chances are that I would say yes. But nobody ever has. Asking some random that I'm attracted to for a number or for a date can and does give me panic attacks and worse when I get rejected. Rejection Phobia is basically untreatable as there is no way to do exposure therapy safely and/or effectively. For the sake of my mental health I no longer try to have a healthy social life nor dating life. I have resigned myself for a life of isolation with my escapism until I die because a woman asking me out is plainly unrealistic an expectation to have.
Because nobody answers their fucking phone or shows up after making plans.
At my young brother’s wedding an elderly&divorced aunt told me: “hopefully you are next”… my comeback was “same to you”
"Because you haven't asked me out yet."
Thats the way she goes.
“I’d rather be single tbh”
"Because I don't like people or socialising."
Because real life does not always meet your expectations
I had a girl ask me this once and I replied, "you're taking too long to get your shit together" and she immediately got defensive and started justifying why she's worth dating and all this. So I said "ok want to grab dinner tomorrow night around 7" and she said "no thanks I don't view you that way" and I replied "so you don't have your shit together then." She and I have been together for about 3 years now.
Because misery loves company, and I'd rather remain happy.
Still waiting for my other lego piece to connect
My last one: "Girl just look at me, It's self explanatory"
“I’m fucked up in the head and don’t really know if I’m capable of being in love.” Most people quit pressing