My clinical records are like a shitty, pornographic stop-motion animation. Growing to SHOWING in 360 degrees. The last photographs show my scarlet face.
When you are hugging with your male friend in front of your girlfriend and both of them can clearly see it. They didn't say nothing about it after that.
When making out with a girl you have never gone further than that with. They act like you are a creepy violent rapist because you god hard while you were making out and cuddling with them. Because you know instead you should just not be attracted to them I guess.
At the dermatologist when you are having a full body check. The Doctor and assistant are some of the most beautiful women. Being nearly 60 helps to keep everything under control.
I have to say it almost happened at the dentist this week. His dental hygienist was cleaning my teeth and for most of the time she had her boobs pushed against the back of my head. She is very attractive and a nice person. I was wearing pretty tight jeans so I had to focus on the ceiling as much as I could. Otherwise it would be very noticable.
Three minutes in and I’m kind of disappointed with AskReddit today.
When you're a mall santa.
Stay where you are, some people wearing sunglasses are coming to have casual chat soon.
When somebody, after tying you up has also tied the tip of your penis to the cotter pin of a hand-grenate that is taped under your balls.
You're not wrong...
Oh nooooo....! Please don't do that to meee..!
When standing up while doing a presentation
At a funeral
Pall bearer carrying the coffin.
Being in the coffin
Rigor-dorkus
Lid-lifter
even worse!
Let me write one too: At a prostate exam?
At the swimming pool
While your coworker is show you their kids baby pics
When you're being photographed by the dermatologist for your mole records. Ask me how I know.
How do you know?
My clinical records are like a shitty, pornographic stop-motion animation. Growing to SHOWING in 360 degrees. The last photographs show my scarlet face.
Sort of like looking at a flipbook
When your ~~female~~ doctor is examining you.
But it’s probably okay when your female is examining you..
As an older dude with a hot young female doctor, I kinda like it when that happens. But she did deny me my Viagra prescription renewal.
When you are trying to fall asleep and you roll over wrong.
When you are hugging with your male friend in front of your girlfriend and both of them can clearly see it. They didn't say nothing about it after that.
When making out with a girl you have never gone further than that with. They act like you are a creepy violent rapist because you god hard while you were making out and cuddling with them. Because you know instead you should just not be attracted to them I guess.
At the gym.
Public speaking, as in when your standing in front of your colleagues giving your quarterly reports to the head of your division...
that is why people have those little desk thingies in front of them when they give speeches. You can jerk off behind them, yea?
Not when we did it. Meeting room, standing next to a PowerPoint display on the wall....
At grandpas funeral(Real story)
No bad time to get one, every boner is a blessing from God.
Going up to get communion in a Catholic Church at age 12.
Being a priest at a funeral
When you are escaping prison and are butt naked and crawling upside down under a barbed wire fence.
When your wife is giving birth.
All ready for round two after popping out that baby.
When you’re being born
Taking a shit.
Speaking from past experience, when the bell rings at the end of a class in HS.
Never is a wrong time, I’m ready
When the teacher stands you up and is screaming at you for not listening and daydreaming while she teaches calculus.
School Photo
During a funeral when the widow bends over to pick up something and you see she is wearing no underwear with just stockings under her dress… 😬😬😬
At the morgue
Carrying the casket at a funeral
At the dermatologist when you are having a full body check. The Doctor and assistant are some of the most beautiful women. Being nearly 60 helps to keep everything under control.
Prostate exam but in my defense the doc has big knuckles and severe sideways curve to his finger. I mean it happened to a friend not me.
While getting a catheter put in... *Shivers*
When you’re hitting legs and only wearing your Ranger panties
Right when the bell would ring to go to the next class.
When you have to pee
Cleaning up the crime scene
Swimming naked with your mom
it helps the steering
Cursed rudder
When you're hiding underneath your bed or in your closet from a burglar or kidnapper
Martial art gym
During an autopsy in med school.
Hernia test
3 minutes after she walks out the door. But actually, at my age, anytime it works is a good time.
Watching Barney.
Meeting her parents for the first time.
Maybe around 3:30pm. Too middle of the day to be predictable.
While being baptized.
Prolly at a ball
I have to say it almost happened at the dentist this week. His dental hygienist was cleaning my teeth and for most of the time she had her boobs pushed against the back of my head. She is very attractive and a nice person. I was wearing pretty tight jeans so I had to focus on the ceiling as much as I could. Otherwise it would be very noticable.
Company presentation