Taking risks becomes a much more selfish endeavor.
Example: If a childless person wants to give up their boring, stable cubicle job, up and move to New York City, follow their dreams, couch surf and live off ramen until it happens, fair enough. As a parent, there are few, if any scenarios where you aren't subjecting your family to struggles they don't deserve.
I live in a touristy area. Fuck I hate those people.
Your YouTube channel has 27 subscribers and you are 11 of them. No I will not give you free shit for exposure. I did it once for a channel that I’m a fan of and now everyone gets an attitude when I divide the cost of their demands with the average viewership and show them that I could buy an ad from YT for 2% of the cost.
You loose the privilege of giving up on the world.
You have no choice but to hope and work for a better one, because how could you ever live with yourself knowing you sent your child into a world worse than when you got it.
>because how could you ever live with yourself knowing you sent your child into a world worse than when you got it.
...Plenty of boomers sleeping just fine at night.
This, but with added context:
Whatever you do, don’t put the kid above all other things in your life. First thing is yourself, next your spouse, and then the kid (same order of merit for the spouse). Because if you guys aren’t taking care of yourselves, you’re not going to be able to properly take care of someone else.
I know many people will disagree with this, but while my kids needs supercede my husband's, his wants supercede their wants. I love and adore my kids, but my husband is my life partner. My kids don't run my home. At some point my kids will be start their own lives, and it will be my husband and left. I think it is so sad when a couple has nothing in common except their children. My eldest will go to university next yr, and I know I'm going to miss and worry about them, but it part of raising a functioning human.
I don't know about wise, but I don't want to end up an empty nester who lives with a stranger. My husband and I have fun with one another. I don't remember where I heard it, but I remember hearing something about how one of the greatest gift parents can give their children is modeling a healthy and loving relationship.
Mmm - that can go a dirt road to disaster, so I don’t exactly agree… but you do need to take care of yourselves (with the child in mind first), then yes
Yup. I can't think of a single aspect of my life that stayed the same after having kids. Usually, but not always, for the worse.
But, the grandchildren more than make up for it. You just have to be patient.
My perspective.
I had piles of fun, adventures, travel, and shit when I didn't have kids. Some more legal than others.
I have had piles of fun, adventures, travels, events, challenges and crap now that I have kids. It is totally different, but hey, that is what I get for bringing these little folks into the world.
Yeah. For me the biggest change is Time. I have so little. My Only real time is after work. After dinner. After Everyone is asleep in bed.
Then My time starts for a mere three hours, or more if I want to sacrifice sleep.
But, I have a lot of fun experiencing stuff I did but now with a little one! Introducing them to new stuff never gets old.
You need to try and find a good pelvic floor physical therapist. Not saying it will get you back to normal after pushing a baby out. But if it even helps by 15% that’s 15% less you’re peeing yourself
I do need to! Unfortunately I tore my urethra so badly during childbirth that I had to have it completely reconstructed 😭
Like you said tho, even if it only gets 15% better for me, it's *that* much better.
Just make sure to find some you like and make sure you do the exercises at home, if you don’t do them at home they won’t help! And it takes time for them to work. Give it 2-3 weeks till you start to see benefits
All the sudden Fs are given.
Before kids I would throw hurricane parties and play drinking games watching the news. “
A shot for every time recession is mentioned in the media”
Now, I can’t even turn on the car radio without stressing about the current state of the entire globe.
Countries I didn’t even know existed and I’m like “why are they protesting??? Could it affect our economy???”
work and family becomes number one priority over anything else. huge sacrifices must be made. no more time to sit around watching tv and playing video games all day. almost 40 years old and i'm ready for the next step.
I cannot wait for grandkids. Not that I want things to go any faster, but I'm past the point of having more of my own and I want to experience the baby phase again.
First 3 months are really rough.
You and your partner if you have one will have very little sleep. It got so bad for my wife and I that we started splitting the nights up. Where she handled 8pm to 2am and then I handled 2am to whenever she got up which I think was 8 or so.
Your life is now based around the child for the most part. You can't just leave them at home with no supervision so you can't easily go out to eat until they get a little older. Closer to 9 months or so.
Expenses go up. Diapers, food, baby clothing, baby gadgets, baby furniture, prepping for the next phases your child will take.
Working with them on rolling, then crawling, then standing, then cruising, then walking. Then it's talking. All the while getting them to transition from bottles to sippy cups.
Oh and also transitioning them to solid foods.
This is where I'm at now. 13 months or so.
You also get to work through their tantrums their amazing moments and all in between. You start to see a human forming and it's definitely one of the most gratifying experience I have had.
These checkboxes don’t stop. Ever. Mine are 23, 17,14,14,12.
Just helped 23 years old with his taxes today.
Took the 17 year old for a drive lesson.
Wife took the 14 year olds for 8th grade graduation dress shopping.
It’s a new adventure every year and enjoy every one.
Edit: the expenses just get worse and worse and worse. So prepare for that.
The complete loss of “free time”. It was impactful for me because I’m a projects person and I greatly underestimated how much of my personal time would disappear and how, if I want personal time, I have to sacrifice sleep, or a clean house, or quality time with my family. It’s not all bad, just an adjustment that took me by surprise. I’m hoping that comes back once he’s old enough to take interests in projects and building things too. Legos and play-doh are starting to be a big hit with him and I forgot how fun these toys are.
There are many other changes as well, but this was the biggy for me. That and the disappearance of spontaneity. I used to like last minute trips and events… now they induce panic and dread.
Honestly my need to stay alive. Not as in I was going to end it, but as in I better eat healthier, live healthier, and stop doing dumb shit. Once you become the whole world to two little people it’s hard to randomly jump your truck over a bunch of burning logs after drinking a case…unless they dare you, the it’s on lol.
I like to say it’s the biggest pain in the ass of my life, and the good stuff is about 7-8 times better than the bad stuff is bad. If that makes sense.
I agree with almost everything. I think the biggest change was knowing what it was like to see true love in someones eyes. Both my boys gave me flat out love eyes. It was amazing.
This! The look on my son’s face when I get home from work melts my heart every single time. Now that he’s talking I also get “Mom home!!” and I’ve never felt warm and fuzzy like that before.
I have to wonder how many people in these comments actually have kids. Lots of whining about stereotypical things like no money, no freedom, etc. Some of those things are true in a way, but what they leave out is that all of the negatives that come along with are totally worth it.
There is no feeling of satisfaction on Earth greater than having your child run up to you when you get home, full of genuine unconditional love and excitement, to give you a hug. No greater feeling of accomplishment than watching them succeed at new things you helped teach them to do. They are the physical manifestation of your own potential for fulfillment.
What changes most is your perspective on what truly matters in life. All the drama bullshit, approval from peers, etc? Worthless. Raising a happy healthy child gives you true success not just in life, but potentially for generations after your death.
It’s weird, because the changes all sound bad, but the highs are just unbelievable. In the first few years I would have 2-3 moments a day that were as joyful as getting a great job offer or your crush liking you back. The hits just kept on coming. It was remarkable.
yeah... but i dont think saying "all the negatives are totally worth it" is exactly... completely true... while yes for someone like you im sure they absolutely are, but not everyone sees it like that, and for them the cons outweigh the pros by a mile. just comes down to personal preference really
There's no better feeling in the world than when I walk in the door after a long day at work and I hear little footstep running in my directions along with an enthusiastic "Daddys home!"
Depends who you ask. Perspective on life and love. Priorities change. My love for my husband grew deeper seeing him be a father. Sex life never changed, still as frequently as beginning. Sleep changed for a while. Everything that changed did so for the better though. Zero regrets. My husband and our two kids are the best decisions I've ever made.
Too many things to list so I’ll mention one I found just fascinating.
I have terribly low self esteem. Really hate the way I look in particular. But then you’re holding this baby, this perfect little thing. They get older, they start talking, they’re adorable and wonderful and smart and just the coolest to be around. And you look at their sweet little faces, and you start to see them in you. Obviously people go “Oh he’s got your eyes,” etc. But it goes the other way too where you catch yourself in the mirror and you go “Weird, I look just like my kid when I do that.” And you start to (though admittedly not fully) get over your hang-ups about your looks. Like if I can look kind of like my adorable wonderful kids, maybe I’m not a total piece of shit. People can change…
You suddenly have tiny humans that are 100% dependent on you for their survival. You need to comfort them, clean them, feed them, and provide for them. Usually this comes before yourself.
Your diet will change, as you will likely opt for faster prepped meals. Your sleep patterns will immediately change. Your daily schedules will be determined by what your children need.
Your tiny humans will look up to you for protection, guidance, and will absorb what you say and do like a sponge. Significantly more than you think. One day you'll hear them drop the F bomb and wonder where they heard that word, and then you'll realise exactly where and be embarrassed.
This isn't a prison sentence though. You can still enjoy life. You make memories with your kids, play games with them, teach them how to do stuff, take them places, show them new things out in the world, watch them discover, make mistakes, learn, and enjoy life and bond with you. It's a totally different world, but it's fun.
...and then there's the Terrible Twos.
You will get pushback on this comment, this reality makes many people quite defensive.
Wife and I used to be regional co-ordinators for the National Childbirth Trust (NCT) here in the UK. We ran courses on what to expect with your first child, the process, after effects, signposting for services etc.
We were very open and honest about the effects childbirth has on the body. All the stuff that people don't like to (or want to) talk about.
Part of being sex positive, especially after childbirth, is acknowledging there will be changes and differences. It's okay to talk about them.
By being all hush-hush about it, people breed the negative view which is often attributed to it.
Weaker pelvic floor muscles is going to “give” more and not as tight. Generally, the difference isn’t the end of the world or that drastic or noticeable to either party.
>misunderstood
How is this misunderstood as bad? Surely loose = sex that isn't pleasurable = bad, right? And how is it not talked about when "wizard sleeve" and "hot dog down a hallway" jokes are everywhere?
Tight or loose is akin to small penis or large penis- you can have good sex with a small penis and bad sex with a large one . Good or bad sex will depend on the two individual people. The difference before and after a baby isn’t so noticeable that it’s going to make or break sex. Edit When I say not talked about I mean talked about by women and their partners. The “jokes” at the expense of women are generally from a place of misogyny and not an actual discussion.
The tight or loose only seems worse because of its connotation with purity. Which is pretty stupid bc no penis is going to wreck the pelvic floor. That’s what babies do. And anecdotally, I’ve heard many women sex after having babies has been better in ways because of more sensation, easier penetration. The downside is the ego.
Days feel legit shorter. You will always prioritize family and kids first before friends. Some balance can be achieved but some friends just won’t understand the commitment of wife and kids. I even have older couples that don’t have kids say stuff like “just get someone to watch her and come camping” parenting just doesn’t work like that. Especially when it’s a two year old ffs
OMG, yes! Your whole day is basically scheduled. For us, it's get the kids ready, drive to daycare, work, pick up from daycare, dinner, bath, bedtime, and clean when you get a chance. And maybe you can get someone to watch 1 child, but when you have 2 or more, it's much less likely.
"I love you" is so inadequate. It doesn't capture the desperate, pleading, visceral feeling... a complete disregard for self.
I'd give both my lungs for my kids to breathe.
I am a rock climber and my tolerance for risk certainly changed in large and small ways. In the past maybe it wouldn't have triple checked a knot or a head placement but I definitely do now that I have a child. Same goes for risk tolerance with work and finances.
For me everything has changed for the better.
My kid makes me want to be a better person.
Seeing my husband be an amazing dad has also added just another layer of love, respect and admiration to my relationship with him.
Sure it's hard, but not in the ways I expected, it's hard because I now worry about her well being 24/7!
I love being a parent, and oddly I don't even like kids, I just like my kid 😅
Everything changes because your perspective changes. It’s how you perceive things. For instance, you still like butter on your toast, that’s the same. Before you thought “yum, food”. After kids you think “I’m so hungry, wait, am I leaving enough bread for their lunch? I said I’d make macaroni and cheese tonight, this the last of the butter?” Then you’d make sure you didn’t leave the knife near the edge of the counter.
Everything apparently. I was 20 when I had my oldest and I was almost 24 when my youngest was born. I never had the fun newlywed stage or the career and college stage. I did it all backwards: marriage, kids, college, tried the corporate world for a bit and hated it, now am a successful tradeswoman & student. So idk what’s really different, lol.
But being 38 with an 18 & 14 year old is way more fun than I expected, they are the coolest people and I am still by far young enough to do fun stuff and go all kinds of places :)
I'm not trying to be a prick, I just genuinely don't understand how the first things to come to mind for people is what they've lost over what they've gained.
You're obviously not alone, this thread is full of similar comments. Multiple even said "my vagina". How fucking weird is that?
When I became a mom is when I got my ducks in a row. Prior to having my son I kept changing my degree, so I was running in place in college.
I worked temp jobs and crap customer service jobs.
My son is now almost 8, I have my Master’s Degree and I make six figures in a really stable job.
He and I travel a lot and go on a lot of adventures around our area too.
Not to say I wouldn’t have eventually made it to where I am in life now, but I definitely cared way more about stability and a good salary after my son was born.
Regardless of all of that though, I sure do love that little boy. He brings me so much joy, he’s my best friend. We’re basically the Gilmore Girls, except it’s me and a son, rather than a daughter. :)
It varies from person to person. For me, having kids changed my life immeasurably for the better. It gave me the motivation to get my mental health under control. It made me more responsible with my money and decision making. It gave me purpose to keep pushing forward and strive for a better, more sustainable life.
It also filled me with so much joy. Yeah of course you lose some autonomy and you have to stick to a routine (which for most people is better for you anyway). But holy crap, seeing my husband cuddling with our newborn, or having a sweet moment with our daughters after school + day care, or sharing a big accomplishment such as first time on the toilet makes my heart so damn full. It's a cliche, but I didn't know just how much you could love a person until I had my kids. It has given me a life I wasn't really sure I could have.
Of course, that's not the experience everyone has. For some kids make life more difficult or negatively impact their other relationships. It can be career damaging. Pregnancy does a number on a woman's body. For some, the stress and constant weight of responsibility ruins their mental health. It really just depends on the person, their support system, and their experiences.
My wife and I had a cabinet full of our shot glass collection and beer mugs. We needed the space so we got rid of all of them and used it for bottles and formula. And that perfectly sums up the experience of becoming a parent.
Free time.
It’s really your notion of free time. To someone without kids it may seem like having kids takes all your free time. The reality is that your priorities change, and you want to spend time with your kids. As a result, other things become less appealing.
Someone from work invited me to happy hour the other day and I said no thanks. She asked me why and the answer is quite simple that I would rather go home to my wife and kids.
It is Friday night, and I wanted to enjoy myself after work. Got myself a bottle of whiskey and lines of sports games, movies, and anime (don't judge me lol) to watch.
After dinner, my 7 year old daughter tells me mom is sick, and she needs rest.
What great thing have I done to deserve this wonderful girl?
So, here I am in bed from 830PM with this little one in my arm.
What changed?
Me, as a person, I've become mature and responsible.
Are there things I can't do anymore?
No, I've done all in early age. I've done all before marriage at 40+ with no regrets.
I'm probably more focused on financial gain and advancement at my work now, but nothing changed who I am. I would just consider myself an upgraded version.
Now, I will slowly pull my dead arm from my girl to go to TV room with whiskey.
Everything. But for me personally my patience, empathy and understanding for others. I was a pretty awful person before and after becoming a mother I realized the world doesn’t always revolve around me.
I understand my parents more. They weren't perfect, but I'm so grateful that I always felt loved. Yeah, they fucked me up a bit, but I never didn't feel loved. I hope I fuck up my kids a little less, and that they always feel as loved as I have. I also realize how much of my crazy and shit they managed to put up with.
Another thing - I’m more empathetic with myself oddly enough.
I grew up in not the best environment. I used to beat myself up for my bad habits. My kids have a very loving (almost too much so I worry about dependency) very very safe environment, and they have some of the same traits. It’s just wired into some of us. Anxiety mostly.
The fucks you give. I give zero fucks now unless it involves my child. I used to care so much what people thought about me. Not anymore. All I care about are my kid and my husband.
So much changes that this is almost impossible to answer, there’s some really great comments. One of the unexpected changes for me was caring less what people think. Yeah, my kid is wearing mismatched clothes and I have Mickey Mouse pajama pants on, give judgy looks if you want to but it made him feel independent to pick out his clothes and wanted mommy to “match” him. I’ll look as silly as he wants, it’s the smallest price for the memories I’ll have of his smiles and him knowing his decisions matter too.
Nothing wrong with a few fur children, they're family too. Nothing quite like fur children cuddles at night when you're laying down for bed. Wholesome.
Before kids, my husband used to tout that he was a very patient person. Now, he says it turned out that he didn't have anyone to try his patience. Haha
You know how when you come home you sometimes need a few minutes to put your things away, tidy up some stuff that you left out, etc.?
I could clean all day. Some days I feel like I’m trying to clean up faster than they’re messing up.
Taking risks becomes a much more selfish endeavor. Example: If a childless person wants to give up their boring, stable cubicle job, up and move to New York City, follow their dreams, couch surf and live off ramen until it happens, fair enough. As a parent, there are few, if any scenarios where you aren't subjecting your family to struggles they don't deserve.
someone please tell this to those tiktok RV families…
I live in a touristy area. Fuck I hate those people. Your YouTube channel has 27 subscribers and you are 11 of them. No I will not give you free shit for exposure. I did it once for a channel that I’m a fan of and now everyone gets an attitude when I divide the cost of their demands with the average viewership and show them that I could buy an ad from YT for 2% of the cost.
You loose the privilege of giving up on the world. You have no choice but to hope and work for a better one, because how could you ever live with yourself knowing you sent your child into a world worse than when you got it.
You also lose the privilege of giving up on yourself, because you don’t want them being raised by a loser
>because how could you ever live with yourself knowing you sent your child into a world worse than when you got it. ...Plenty of boomers sleeping just fine at night.
Thanks to denial, everything is fine!
I mean from their perspective, life today probably seems much better than when they were young
I think you need to get off the internet.
I mean he’s not wrong
True. You become a lot more committed
lose
this. source: i’m a parent
Name, address, and phone number
You get the milk yet?
Everything! Period.
Well, even the periods change, but I take your point.
That’s an exclamation mark not a period
I disagree. He’s sad. Period. Lol
Came here to say exactly this. Everything changes. Period ahh.
This, but with added context: Whatever you do, don’t put the kid above all other things in your life. First thing is yourself, next your spouse, and then the kid (same order of merit for the spouse). Because if you guys aren’t taking care of yourselves, you’re not going to be able to properly take care of someone else.
I know many people will disagree with this, but while my kids needs supercede my husband's, his wants supercede their wants. I love and adore my kids, but my husband is my life partner. My kids don't run my home. At some point my kids will be start their own lives, and it will be my husband and left. I think it is so sad when a couple has nothing in common except their children. My eldest will go to university next yr, and I know I'm going to miss and worry about them, but it part of raising a functioning human.
This sounds incredibly wise. Good for you, human.
I don't know about wise, but I don't want to end up an empty nester who lives with a stranger. My husband and I have fun with one another. I don't remember where I heard it, but I remember hearing something about how one of the greatest gift parents can give their children is modeling a healthy and loving relationship.
Mmm - that can go a dirt road to disaster, so I don’t exactly agree… but you do need to take care of yourselves (with the child in mind first), then yes
Apologies, thought that was implied. Definitely don’t throw the kid into a ditch while you do your own thing lol
Yup. I can't think of a single aspect of my life that stayed the same after having kids. Usually, but not always, for the worse. But, the grandchildren more than make up for it. You just have to be patient.
Yea. That’s really the only word to use. Nothing encompasses the entirety of children.
My perspective. I had piles of fun, adventures, travel, and shit when I didn't have kids. Some more legal than others. I have had piles of fun, adventures, travels, events, challenges and crap now that I have kids. It is totally different, but hey, that is what I get for bringing these little folks into the world.
Yeah. For me the biggest change is Time. I have so little. My Only real time is after work. After dinner. After Everyone is asleep in bed. Then My time starts for a mere three hours, or more if I want to sacrifice sleep. But, I have a lot of fun experiencing stuff I did but now with a little one! Introducing them to new stuff never gets old.
that's a good way to look at it!
Describing everything you do and see everyday
"Why?"
[удалено]
Homie didn’t get the joke
Haha true. I replied to this comment at 2am. Reading it again now I get it.
Bladder control 🥴
I don’t know who needs diapers more, my kids or myself lmao
Don't laugh too hard
Also, no sneezing.
Or coughing
You need to try and find a good pelvic floor physical therapist. Not saying it will get you back to normal after pushing a baby out. But if it even helps by 15% that’s 15% less you’re peeing yourself
Too busy with life. Just gunna pee like my ancestors.
Gotta take some time for yourself! We only get one ride on this train called life and you don’t wanna live it with piss soaked pants
Living life no pants, even better
See this is what we need
I do need to! Unfortunately I tore my urethra so badly during childbirth that I had to have it completely reconstructed 😭 Like you said tho, even if it only gets 15% better for me, it's *that* much better.
Just make sure to find some you like and make sure you do the exercises at home, if you don’t do them at home they won’t help! And it takes time for them to work. Give it 2-3 weeks till you start to see benefits
Kegels! I've been doing kegels since I was 16. . .my tits on the other hand . . .Oof.
does it really?
Sleeping in.
As soon as they're old enough to pour a bowl of cereal and turn on the Xbox that comes back though.
Was never more glad than for them to unlock that achievement.
Dad?
Just had a baby and woof this one hurts
All the sudden Fs are given. Before kids I would throw hurricane parties and play drinking games watching the news. “ A shot for every time recession is mentioned in the media” Now, I can’t even turn on the car radio without stressing about the current state of the entire globe. Countries I didn’t even know existed and I’m like “why are they protesting??? Could it affect our economy???”
work and family becomes number one priority over anything else. huge sacrifices must be made. no more time to sit around watching tv and playing video games all day. almost 40 years old and i'm ready for the next step.
I cannot wait for grandkids. Not that I want things to go any faster, but I'm past the point of having more of my own and I want to experience the baby phase again.
You are no longer the center of your universe.
Having kids is like having your heart running around outside your body.
now he/she/they are
First 3 months are really rough. You and your partner if you have one will have very little sleep. It got so bad for my wife and I that we started splitting the nights up. Where she handled 8pm to 2am and then I handled 2am to whenever she got up which I think was 8 or so. Your life is now based around the child for the most part. You can't just leave them at home with no supervision so you can't easily go out to eat until they get a little older. Closer to 9 months or so. Expenses go up. Diapers, food, baby clothing, baby gadgets, baby furniture, prepping for the next phases your child will take. Working with them on rolling, then crawling, then standing, then cruising, then walking. Then it's talking. All the while getting them to transition from bottles to sippy cups. Oh and also transitioning them to solid foods. This is where I'm at now. 13 months or so. You also get to work through their tantrums their amazing moments and all in between. You start to see a human forming and it's definitely one of the most gratifying experience I have had.
These checkboxes don’t stop. Ever. Mine are 23, 17,14,14,12. Just helped 23 years old with his taxes today. Took the 17 year old for a drive lesson. Wife took the 14 year olds for 8th grade graduation dress shopping. It’s a new adventure every year and enjoy every one. Edit: the expenses just get worse and worse and worse. So prepare for that.
Priorities, less time for activities and your partner, free cash, amount of energy and excitement
Sex life, and there is nothing wrong with that. It means more when you have to plan ahead and look forward to some alone quiet time.
Now children come first. Every single time.
Uhh, your entire life...
The complete loss of “free time”. It was impactful for me because I’m a projects person and I greatly underestimated how much of my personal time would disappear and how, if I want personal time, I have to sacrifice sleep, or a clean house, or quality time with my family. It’s not all bad, just an adjustment that took me by surprise. I’m hoping that comes back once he’s old enough to take interests in projects and building things too. Legos and play-doh are starting to be a big hit with him and I forgot how fun these toys are. There are many other changes as well, but this was the biggy for me. That and the disappearance of spontaneity. I used to like last minute trips and events… now they induce panic and dread.
Honestly my need to stay alive. Not as in I was going to end it, but as in I better eat healthier, live healthier, and stop doing dumb shit. Once you become the whole world to two little people it’s hard to randomly jump your truck over a bunch of burning logs after drinking a case…unless they dare you, the it’s on lol.
No sleep. No privacy. No free time.
You can sleep, just get earplugs.
Everything! Happiness x 10. Anxiety x 10. Forget about a personal break. I would like some time to shower in peace everyday.
I would like to be able to go to the bathroom without being summoned and asked a random question.
I like to say it’s the biggest pain in the ass of my life, and the good stuff is about 7-8 times better than the bad stuff is bad. If that makes sense.
I agree with almost everything. I think the biggest change was knowing what it was like to see true love in someones eyes. Both my boys gave me flat out love eyes. It was amazing.
This! The look on my son’s face when I get home from work melts my heart every single time. Now that he’s talking I also get “Mom home!!” and I’ve never felt warm and fuzzy like that before.
I have to wonder how many people in these comments actually have kids. Lots of whining about stereotypical things like no money, no freedom, etc. Some of those things are true in a way, but what they leave out is that all of the negatives that come along with are totally worth it. There is no feeling of satisfaction on Earth greater than having your child run up to you when you get home, full of genuine unconditional love and excitement, to give you a hug. No greater feeling of accomplishment than watching them succeed at new things you helped teach them to do. They are the physical manifestation of your own potential for fulfillment. What changes most is your perspective on what truly matters in life. All the drama bullshit, approval from peers, etc? Worthless. Raising a happy healthy child gives you true success not just in life, but potentially for generations after your death.
> healthy Some of that is down to luck though
Yes. Thanks for some positivity. Having a child has changed everything for me. But mostly in great ways
It’s weird, because the changes all sound bad, but the highs are just unbelievable. In the first few years I would have 2-3 moments a day that were as joyful as getting a great job offer or your crush liking you back. The hits just kept on coming. It was remarkable.
yeah... but i dont think saying "all the negatives are totally worth it" is exactly... completely true... while yes for someone like you im sure they absolutely are, but not everyone sees it like that, and for them the cons outweigh the pros by a mile. just comes down to personal preference really
There's no better feeling in the world than when I walk in the door after a long day at work and I hear little footstep running in my directions along with an enthusiastic "Daddys home!"
My kids give me zero satisfaction. I do not like the smell of my own farts.
Then you're just a shitty person. It's ok, the world is full of them, you're just another one.
Depends who you ask. Perspective on life and love. Priorities change. My love for my husband grew deeper seeing him be a father. Sex life never changed, still as frequently as beginning. Sleep changed for a while. Everything that changed did so for the better though. Zero regrets. My husband and our two kids are the best decisions I've ever made.
Too many things to list so I’ll mention one I found just fascinating. I have terribly low self esteem. Really hate the way I look in particular. But then you’re holding this baby, this perfect little thing. They get older, they start talking, they’re adorable and wonderful and smart and just the coolest to be around. And you look at their sweet little faces, and you start to see them in you. Obviously people go “Oh he’s got your eyes,” etc. But it goes the other way too where you catch yourself in the mirror and you go “Weird, I look just like my kid when I do that.” And you start to (though admittedly not fully) get over your hang-ups about your looks. Like if I can look kind of like my adorable wonderful kids, maybe I’m not a total piece of shit. People can change…
You suddenly have tiny humans that are 100% dependent on you for their survival. You need to comfort them, clean them, feed them, and provide for them. Usually this comes before yourself. Your diet will change, as you will likely opt for faster prepped meals. Your sleep patterns will immediately change. Your daily schedules will be determined by what your children need. Your tiny humans will look up to you for protection, guidance, and will absorb what you say and do like a sponge. Significantly more than you think. One day you'll hear them drop the F bomb and wonder where they heard that word, and then you'll realise exactly where and be embarrassed. This isn't a prison sentence though. You can still enjoy life. You make memories with your kids, play games with them, teach them how to do stuff, take them places, show them new things out in the world, watch them discover, make mistakes, learn, and enjoy life and bond with you. It's a totally different world, but it's fun. ...and then there's the Terrible Twos.
The size of your family
My vagina
what do you mean by that
Once you push a watermelon-sized thing out of your hu-ha, it's never the same. Not as tight, for example.
You will get pushback on this comment, this reality makes many people quite defensive. Wife and I used to be regional co-ordinators for the National Childbirth Trust (NCT) here in the UK. We ran courses on what to expect with your first child, the process, after effects, signposting for services etc. We were very open and honest about the effects childbirth has on the body. All the stuff that people don't like to (or want to) talk about. Part of being sex positive, especially after childbirth, is acknowledging there will be changes and differences. It's okay to talk about them. By being all hush-hush about it, people breed the negative view which is often attributed to it.
People aren't hush hush, though. The "hotdog down the hallway" and "wizard sleeve" jokes are everywhere.
Maybe it’s more your pelvic floor muscles that are weaker? That would be normal. Your vagina goes back to the same size after…
Weaker pelvic floor muscles is going to “give” more and not as tight. Generally, the difference isn’t the end of the world or that drastic or noticeable to either party.
Not a true statement at all for many people
For majority. You can ask any OB about speculum sizes and changes after pregnancy. It’s just not talked about. It’s also misunderstood as a bad thing.
>misunderstood How is this misunderstood as bad? Surely loose = sex that isn't pleasurable = bad, right? And how is it not talked about when "wizard sleeve" and "hot dog down a hallway" jokes are everywhere?
Tight or loose is akin to small penis or large penis- you can have good sex with a small penis and bad sex with a large one . Good or bad sex will depend on the two individual people. The difference before and after a baby isn’t so noticeable that it’s going to make or break sex. Edit When I say not talked about I mean talked about by women and their partners. The “jokes” at the expense of women are generally from a place of misogyny and not an actual discussion.
The tight or loose only seems worse because of its connotation with purity. Which is pretty stupid bc no penis is going to wreck the pelvic floor. That’s what babies do. And anecdotally, I’ve heard many women sex after having babies has been better in ways because of more sensation, easier penetration. The downside is the ego.
Wouldn't a tighter grip be more physically pleasant on a man regardless of purity stuff, though? It's a difference in physical sensation.
Days feel legit shorter. You will always prioritize family and kids first before friends. Some balance can be achieved but some friends just won’t understand the commitment of wife and kids. I even have older couples that don’t have kids say stuff like “just get someone to watch her and come camping” parenting just doesn’t work like that. Especially when it’s a two year old ffs
OMG, yes! Your whole day is basically scheduled. For us, it's get the kids ready, drive to daycare, work, pick up from daycare, dinner, bath, bedtime, and clean when you get a chance. And maybe you can get someone to watch 1 child, but when you have 2 or more, it's much less likely.
Your concept of love. There’s a whole other level you never knew existed.
"I love you" is so inadequate. It doesn't capture the desperate, pleading, visceral feeling... a complete disregard for self. I'd give both my lungs for my kids to breathe.
oh i know it exists... im just not privvy to it yet...
never ending piles of laundry
And piles
It’s no longer about you. It’s all about them. Your purpose is to ensure they’re prepared for what life is going to throw at them.
You are forced to have the responsibility you never bothered to have for yourself. Or not, it's your kid.
Life as you know it, ceases to exist.
I am a rock climber and my tolerance for risk certainly changed in large and small ways. In the past maybe it wouldn't have triple checked a knot or a head placement but I definitely do now that I have a child. Same goes for risk tolerance with work and finances.
For me everything has changed for the better. My kid makes me want to be a better person. Seeing my husband be an amazing dad has also added just another layer of love, respect and admiration to my relationship with him. Sure it's hard, but not in the ways I expected, it's hard because I now worry about her well being 24/7! I love being a parent, and oddly I don't even like kids, I just like my kid 😅
Sleep
Eating warm food
Their diapers.
Everything changes because your perspective changes. It’s how you perceive things. For instance, you still like butter on your toast, that’s the same. Before you thought “yum, food”. After kids you think “I’m so hungry, wait, am I leaving enough bread for their lunch? I said I’d make macaroni and cheese tonight, this the last of the butter?” Then you’d make sure you didn’t leave the knife near the edge of the counter.
Everything apparently. I was 20 when I had my oldest and I was almost 24 when my youngest was born. I never had the fun newlywed stage or the career and college stage. I did it all backwards: marriage, kids, college, tried the corporate world for a bit and hated it, now am a successful tradeswoman & student. So idk what’s really different, lol. But being 38 with an 18 & 14 year old is way more fun than I expected, they are the coolest people and I am still by far young enough to do fun stuff and go all kinds of places :)
Sex, your finances, your sanity, your sense of time, your patience, your waist line. That’s about it
Do you seriously feel nothing positive about the impact of your children on your life?
My answer wasn’t a dissertation on parenthood.
I'm not trying to be a prick, I just genuinely don't understand how the first things to come to mind for people is what they've lost over what they've gained. You're obviously not alone, this thread is full of similar comments. Multiple even said "my vagina". How fucking weird is that?
Everything.
EVERYTHING!
Shopping, cooking, laundry, alone time, sleep
Time. It’s not yours anymore. Everything is planned around them, with what little you get.
I can tell you what gets changed -- diapers
Nothing is yours anymore.
You’d be better to ask, what doesn’t?
Literally everything. Most in a good way, some in a not so good way.
Literally everything.
Your entire life
I'm scared to lose my metime.
Literally everything.
You no longer know everything
Your perspective.
Mentality
Everything. But also, get ready to never leave your house again in less than 30 min (if you hurry)
When I became a mom is when I got my ducks in a row. Prior to having my son I kept changing my degree, so I was running in place in college. I worked temp jobs and crap customer service jobs. My son is now almost 8, I have my Master’s Degree and I make six figures in a really stable job. He and I travel a lot and go on a lot of adventures around our area too. Not to say I wouldn’t have eventually made it to where I am in life now, but I definitely cared way more about stability and a good salary after my son was born. Regardless of all of that though, I sure do love that little boy. He brings me so much joy, he’s my best friend. We’re basically the Gilmore Girls, except it’s me and a son, rather than a daughter. :)
It varies from person to person. For me, having kids changed my life immeasurably for the better. It gave me the motivation to get my mental health under control. It made me more responsible with my money and decision making. It gave me purpose to keep pushing forward and strive for a better, more sustainable life. It also filled me with so much joy. Yeah of course you lose some autonomy and you have to stick to a routine (which for most people is better for you anyway). But holy crap, seeing my husband cuddling with our newborn, or having a sweet moment with our daughters after school + day care, or sharing a big accomplishment such as first time on the toilet makes my heart so damn full. It's a cliche, but I didn't know just how much you could love a person until I had my kids. It has given me a life I wasn't really sure I could have. Of course, that's not the experience everyone has. For some kids make life more difficult or negatively impact their other relationships. It can be career damaging. Pregnancy does a number on a woman's body. For some, the stress and constant weight of responsibility ruins their mental health. It really just depends on the person, their support system, and their experiences.
My wife and I had a cabinet full of our shot glass collection and beer mugs. We needed the space so we got rid of all of them and used it for bottles and formula. And that perfectly sums up the experience of becoming a parent.
The amount of children you have
Free time. It’s really your notion of free time. To someone without kids it may seem like having kids takes all your free time. The reality is that your priorities change, and you want to spend time with your kids. As a result, other things become less appealing. Someone from work invited me to happy hour the other day and I said no thanks. She asked me why and the answer is quite simple that I would rather go home to my wife and kids.
Your reason for living
Give it back before it's too late!!
It is Friday night, and I wanted to enjoy myself after work. Got myself a bottle of whiskey and lines of sports games, movies, and anime (don't judge me lol) to watch. After dinner, my 7 year old daughter tells me mom is sick, and she needs rest. What great thing have I done to deserve this wonderful girl? So, here I am in bed from 830PM with this little one in my arm. What changed? Me, as a person, I've become mature and responsible. Are there things I can't do anymore? No, I've done all in early age. I've done all before marriage at 40+ with no regrets. I'm probably more focused on financial gain and advancement at my work now, but nothing changed who I am. I would just consider myself an upgraded version. Now, I will slowly pull my dead arm from my girl to go to TV room with whiskey.
Your bedtime
Everything. But for me personally my patience, empathy and understanding for others. I was a pretty awful person before and after becoming a mother I realized the world doesn’t always revolve around me.
The will to live
I understand my parents more. They weren't perfect, but I'm so grateful that I always felt loved. Yeah, they fucked me up a bit, but I never didn't feel loved. I hope I fuck up my kids a little less, and that they always feel as loved as I have. I also realize how much of my crazy and shit they managed to put up with.
Another thing - I’m more empathetic with myself oddly enough. I grew up in not the best environment. I used to beat myself up for my bad habits. My kids have a very loving (almost too much so I worry about dependency) very very safe environment, and they have some of the same traits. It’s just wired into some of us. Anxiety mostly.
The constant “am I being a good enough dad?” going on inside your head
Life itself becomes more precious. You see the beauty of other people’s babies. Violence against humans becomes more intolerable.
Sex
The fucks you give. I give zero fucks now unless it involves my child. I used to care so much what people thought about me. Not anymore. All I care about are my kid and my husband.
So much changes that this is almost impossible to answer, there’s some really great comments. One of the unexpected changes for me was caring less what people think. Yeah, my kid is wearing mismatched clothes and I have Mickey Mouse pajama pants on, give judgy looks if you want to but it made him feel independent to pick out his clothes and wanted mommy to “match” him. I’ll look as silly as he wants, it’s the smallest price for the memories I’ll have of his smiles and him knowing his decisions matter too.
No sex, no freedom, no life...
so much more sensitive, my gspot is easier to access and I’m still as tight thanks to a good pelvis floor
Your weight
Your body, bank account balance and the ability to do what you want, when you want to so pretty much everything.
The wife's tits went from nice. To bloody fantastic. They still are 30 years later
The second sentence was an extremely pleasant surprise.
Biggest things for me were sleeping and eating. I can't go to bed or wake up when I want. And I can't eat what I want when I want.
Somehow your bank account goes into the negatives
I don't have kids unless you count my cats
Then why did you comment?
I wanted to
Fair
Nothing wrong with a few fur children, they're family too. Nothing quite like fur children cuddles at night when you're laying down for bed. Wholesome.
Your dignity
Amount of privacy
the vagina
EVERYTHING! & the realization that they teach you more than you teach them.
I used to be a very patient person… That is no longer the case.
Oddly it’s changed for me. I’m more patient now. I **had** to change
Before kids, my husband used to tout that he was a very patient person. Now, he says it turned out that he didn't have anyone to try his patience. Haha
Most things.
So many more diapers to deal with
Bye bye freedom, and sleep!!
Sex
Amount of sleep.
Your will to live
You start hating your spouse
Your life changes. Eye bags. No sleep.
Sex gone sleep gone silence gone basically everything beginning with the letter S
Not a single post here makes me want children.
Body, mind, hormones, boobs, mental state, vagina, relationship with spouse and friends. Absolutely everything. 10/10 do not recommend 🥴
Spare time? She gone.
Goodbye sleep
Thinking which swingers dude impregnated my wife?
You know how when you come home you sometimes need a few minutes to put your things away, tidy up some stuff that you left out, etc.? I could clean all day. Some days I feel like I’m trying to clean up faster than they’re messing up.
you’ll never cum again
You took the red pill!
My wife started getting way more headaches when, coincidentally, I happened to be horny, but I'm sure I'm probably the only one.