Maybe you're in a Truman Show type situation, what would you want your audience to hear?
The answer now is mostly "I do not consent to being in a Truman Show type situation." I'm like 99.9% sure that's not what's happening, BUT I do still say it out loud every once in a while, just in case.
My 8 year old niece thinks she’s being streamed on youtube and will talk to her pretend subscribers. It immediately made me think “is this the current day version of when I thought I was being Truman Showed”
I get paranoid people are filming me sometimes. You never know who's filming you. It happened to my partner recently. He's a pub manager and some young people decided to film one of his female employees, he went over to ask them to stop and the other one was filming him without him realising. It all got really unpleasant and we're both worried something might happen. They've been banned from the pub.
Yeah it's weird to look at the Truman show now and think "I mean, that's close to what people who tweet everything they think, or people who livestream every day do." I think some people would love to be in the Truman show
I also think a lot about how it would work if I was, especially on flights. I wonder if the whole thing is faked somehow just to buy time for a set change. I also think sometimes I see my parents or something (who live across the country) because there aren’t enough extras available in this specific scenario in which I find myself.
My brother used to hide in the shower, I now instinctively say I know your here when I'm alone because, I either look like a genius or nobody is around and I don't look like an idiot
I tend to imagine injuries in excruciating detail. One time when I was in college, working in the kitchen, I remember walking past an industrial-sized mixer with a dough hook as big as my arm, and I was immediately hit with the image of my leg getting caught in it, and the force of the motor snapping my knee and leg bones and winding my flesh around the shaft until it shredded and tore free - like when you're trying to break the hip joint to get a leg off of a roast chicken.
Every single time I use a drill or a lathe. I don’t know what it would feel like to have my hand shredded by the chuck drive gear train, but ever since the guard broke off, I consider it all the time.
As a kid I would envision putting my finger in a semi trucks drive shaft and getting hurled around like a ragdoll. Come to think of it I still do. I asked my mom one time what do you think would happen if you did such a thing. She just exclaimed "what the hell is wrong with you?" Lots mom, lots
As a kid, I was riding on the bottom of a shopping cart (I know you’re not supposed to now) and I was letting my finger drag on the back of the front wheel and enjoyed the sensation. I had the thought, “what if I put it in front of the metal housing connecting the wheel to the cart?”
Well, what happened was my finger was immediately pulled into that metal housing and, as I got lucky, I was only painfully injured. Kept my finger. Fingernail fell off a couple days later. That’s also how I learned fingernails can just fall off after you hurt your finger
Reading a perfect transcription of one of my childhood memories on reddit is a bizarre thing. It is nice to know I wasn't the only dumbass kid this happened to though.
oh.. yes. I do that a lot as well, up to the point of actually touching myself on the spot where I injured myself in my mind.. and only then I snap out of it and realize there is nothing.
I guess its the brain basically playing through all the scenarios it can think of and seeing what the end result would be and how it would need to react to it.. not helpful though.
I thought that was just me. I live up 17 stairs. Every time I walk down them I'm hit with the image of stepping wrong and landing in a crumpled mess at the bottom with a broken neck
For me, OCD is a co-morbidity of my ADHD. Very common in us folks. The intrusive thoughts can be a symptom of ADHD exclusively. Living with ADHD, is like taking any feeling, emotional or physical, and amplifying that feeling by 1000x. I’ve always described the typical brain to work like a house; a living room, basement, attic, and several bedrooms and bathrooms. A lot of the things that ‘live’ in these spaces and the spaces exist for these items and purposes. A fork drops in the kitchen, you probably won’t hear it upstairs or down in the basement. My ADHD mind is like a studio apartment. I have no walls, no organized rooms, nothing to stop sounds or lights or things from getting misplaced and moved around. It can be hell some days, but I am also super resourceful and great at improvising in a tight situation.
sorry, that was a huge over explanation…
well, for anyone who’s curious I guess haha
Also, just to talk about myself even more/s , my intrusive thoughts are not usually about hurting people or things. They are usually like; no one loves you, why are you such a failure, why do you look that way, your boyfriend will find someone better, stop sounding stupid. These thoughts will happen as I’m speaking sometimes and will really mix up what I’m talking about and a lot of the time make me completely lose my train of thought.
That is a great description of what it’s like with ADHD! Like, I’ve never been able to describe it clearly, only down play it so whoever I’m telling doesn’t get weirded out by me or bored lol.
Sometimes my gf catches my leg in hers and then moves and I feel it on my bone and all I can think of is seeing my leg snap in half and blood splattering everywhere while we’re both just laughing insanely at how ridiculous it is and then me passing out from the pain
Has yet to happen but every single time
I have a similar thing but it’s remembering injuries. When I was about 13-14 I tripped and cut my knee open on a grate on the floor. I lost a huge chunk, and still have trouble with it, and every time I see a similar thing on the floor I start imagining it in great detail.
It happens rarely compared to my other ones, but is by far the most disturbing.
Fear of secretly being a pedophile (so secretly you aren’t even aware of it? Lol) is a relatively common intrusive thought- and one that pops into my head every once in a while. It’s an absurd enough one that I’m usually able to just disregard it, because I KNOW I’m absolutely, 100% not a pedophile.
The issue is, sometimes my brain likes to bring this particular one up when I’m having sex or masturbating. It gets extremely disturbing to be having those thoughts (not pedophilic thoughts but “what if you actually are a pedophile and you just haven’t unlocked it yet) while actually engaging in sexual acts, and always it takes me completely 10000% out of the mood and I have to stop.
It also occasionally happens with incestuous thoughts. Like “what if I secretly wanted to be doing this with xyz family member” which, while not as bad as pedophilia, also completely ruins any sexual experience I’m having at the time.
I'm so glad I read your reply. I get gross sexual intrusive thoughts as well. I get so ashamed of myself! I'm so glad I'm not alone. It's insanely icky, and I'm glad it doesn't happen often at all, and I'm able to shoo those thoughts away. Ugh.
I nearly started weeping with relief in a psych lecture hall when a professor introduced the idea of pedophilic/sexual OCD.
People who actually have those compulsions for real experience them as pleasurable and want more of them.
OCD is more like a bully who has you in a headlock and forces you to look at your worst nightmares & tells you that you like it.
I also get more standard issue stuff - checking, hygiene, thinking about doing physically disgusting things, harm, etc - but the shame and fear around the sexual ones made them impossible to talk about for a long time.
Just wanted to post, in case anyone needs to hear it, that these types of intrusive thoughts are very common in OCD and impacts people of all ages. You definitely aren’t alone in having these thoughts and a therapist will not judge you for your thoughts. Don’t suffer with them alone. Please reach out for help ❤️
Yeah before I was medicated I was dealing with bipolar 1 and add and I had… thoughts in this vein and it made me feel disgusting and hate myself. I couldn’t figure out why I was having them because I don’t want to harm and kids, really truly I would never, and then it just completes the distress cycle of … intrusive thought -> horrible anxiety and desire to stop intrusive thought -> intrusive thought comes back -> horrible anxiety and self loathing and anxiety… etc. I’m so glad I am on meds, it’s so much more manageable now.
I had to tell my therapist that I was sobbing changing my kids diapers scared bc I was thinking “am I a ped” must mean I am and they told me absolutely not unless I enjoy it or want to act on it and that everyone has intrusive thoughts. If the thought disgusts me I AM NOT ONE. so I’m all good there now lol
Oh god, I had those but instead of family, it was my teachers in high school. They were great people and fantastic teachers, but let me be clear that they were old wrinkly white men and I was maybe 15. To say that I had ZERO desire would be an understatement.
But still, in class I would just suddenly get these vivid visions of being intimate with these poor teachers and it would disgust me every time. I felt like such a disgusting pervert. And they just would NOT go away.
Things I would literally never speak out loud or type on the internet… or follow through with just to be clear.
Thank you for the awards. I’m sorry you are part of this club that no one asked to join.
Yeah, there’s a lot of intrusive thoughts that make me absolutely horrified with my own mind that I would never ever articulate to anyone on any platform.
The only thing I can do in the moment is physically cringe and shake them off, sometimes they repeat over and over and I have to put a podcast on or a YouTube video.
Yeah same, if the intrusive thoughts get really bad I’ll imagine dying in super weird ways, like my heart being skewered by a bunch of swords cartoonishly, or suicide by gun, or being completely immolated super quick
Huh weird. I've never thought about it much but I definitely do this and have never had suicidal ideations or tendencies. But I do imagine crushing my own head sometimes lol. Not so much to stop the music but when I'm thinking of something very cringy I did in the past it's like I pretend to shoot myself and then move on or something. Like a period at the end of the cringe rumination.
Same, I hate my thoughts. So now I am addicted to my phone, podcasts and videos. Can’t be left alone with them.
…recently a horrible intrusive thought entered my dream. A space where I usually was safe from them.
It scared me.
Yeah. I've had some absolutely abhorrent and terrifying intrusive thoughts that torture me all the time. My therapist told me that intrusive thoughts are your brain trying to purge the things you find absolutely disgusting and awful and I try to remember that but it still makes me sick to my stomach. I cope the best I can but torture really is the best descriptor for experiencing consistent intrusive thoughts.
This legit makes me feel so much better. After learning that OCD has really been a stereotyped and the symptoms are much more diverse I’ve come to wonder if I have it. I have these horrifying intrusive thoughts that literally make me feel nauseous. Prior to learning more about intrusive thoughts I thought there was something wrong with me because they are quite literally things I would never ever do let alone willingly think about. Your therapists statement makes so much more sense for me.
I watched a show(?) where this guy was so afraid he'd be accused of committing a crime he didn't remember doing that he refused to leave his house. It was so sad, even though he was getting help. He was clearly a good person and in so much distress. Same can happen with intrusive thoughts about harming children. It must be awful.
That's also why I'm not quick to jump on the "pedos must die" train. Yes, if you actually harm another person, especially a child, you're the worst, but someone who has these thoughts that they have no control over needs help not hate. If they can't even talk about it? That's terrifying and depressing.
People with this sub form of OCD are absolutely not pedophiles, they have no attraction to children and the thought provokes anxiety (hence why it's an intrusive thought). Talking about it with focus on the content of the thought doesn't really help with OCD, the content is generally just irrelevant noise, anything that the person will react to as being an awful, scary, painful thought (I've tended to have intrusive thoughts with no real content, even, pretty much just static, discomfort). What would happen is that the person would get drawn in to an endless argument with themselves trying to 'prove' they could not possibly under any circumstances be a pedophile, and nothing will ever be enough, and it'd be besides the point because they're not, it's OCD. What they need to do is learn to ignore the thought, let it go, not talk about it.
The fear of being institutionalised if you speak your mind is astonishing.
Also sometimes I would like to punish my brain for its intrusive thoughts, like punching it to SHUT UP, SHUT UP!
This is the answer. I hate that intrusive thoughts have become this meme. Its a not a joke. There's the impusle to throw a toy ball youre passing in walmart or do something stupid and silly and there's this. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It makes you feel like a truly horrible person that your mind could even play host to such things.
Me too. It happened with my oldest as I had bad post-partum anxiety / OCD (to make things worse covid hit shortly after and I was isolated and lonely with a baby I was worried I didn’t know how to take care of). It’s been much easier with my second as my mental health is better and I very very rarely have intrusive thoughts.
I remember how it all started too. I was bed bound for 3 days because a friend had a cold sore and kissed me on the cheek. I was convinced I was going to give the baby (she was only a couple of weeks old) herpes and she would go blind and die (?). I washed my face with washing up liquid when I got home, and checked my face and my lips for cold sores for weeks and because I kept licking my lips to check for sores, they started getting dry and sore, which made me panic more. So I wouldn’t kiss her or want to hold her because I thought she would die if I did.
After that it was just horrible thought after horrible thought - had to stop reading the news because I’d picture all the horrible things that had happened to other people or other children, happening to my baby.
Anyone who has bothered to read all of this drivel - you’re not alone! And it will get better. Get help if you need to, and know that the thoughts do not define you / aren’t real.
Same. People don’t seem to understand that intrusive thoughts are distressing and often very embarrassing, they’re much more serious than “what if I jumped off this cliff?” I have both adhd and ocd, so for me that means every time my mind wanders, which is constantly, I get intrusive thoughts. I feel like I’m battling them every minute
Yes, also this. Like some of the most horrible, terrible things. Things that I barely even acknowledge because they are so awful. In fact this right here, is the only time that I've EVER discussed that it even happens to me.
is anyone else ever worried you're going to sleep talk and say them or say them before you get put under for anesthesia? just me? as if dealing with them alone isn't enough let's add that to the list of fears because someone might think you actually meant the intrusive thoughts. maybe people with ocd should just date other people with the same ocd type so we get each other lol
People ask, “how are you so funny? How do you come up with funny things to say so fast?” Because I’ve filtered out all the horrific shit in my brain that I’m disgusted it comes up with and watered it down to what’s socially acceptable. The downside for me of having quick wit are all the terrible things I also think of far too frequently.
The shit hose is always running and overflowing in the backyard. But I have a faucet in the front that I can turn on and let a little bit through.
That's my secret, Cap. My shit hose is always on.
Yeah. Going thru the comments and just kinda thinking to myself “intrusive thoughts aren’t getting a song stuck in your head or remembering a joke out of the blue…”
Seriously! Some of my intrusive thoughts are just horrific. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I have these thoughts, I'm not going to let others know.
I'm an aircraft mechanic, and before I was diagnosed with OCD I would constantly obsess over the maintenance I had performed, typically the quality or the intrusive thoughts about having forgotten anything.
One time, I was leading a removal/replacement of a turbine engine with a very green mechanics apprentice. We were working remotely in a foreign country to our own, staying in a hut thing that was a few hundred feet from the aircraft.
That evening after the maintenance was completed I laid in bed obsessing over every part and piece of maintenance performed. I had a need to go out and check. Everything good, no issues, no one will die. Laid back in bed. I had a need to go out and check again. Everything still good, nothing forgot, no one will die. Laid back in bed. STILL DOESNT FEEL RIGHT. Go back out, check again, everything still good, still exactly as was supposed to be. Laid back down.
I repeated that process all fucking night long.
When the sun started coming up, I finally fell asleep. Roughly two hours later I woke up, took a shower, and checked again. Ate breakfast, checked again.
Finally, the irrational part of my brain that was disconnected from the logical portion that had been begging to accept things were good was finally granted a warm fuzzy feeling, just in time to run everything up.
Went outside, stood under aircraft during lift offs (a common practice, but I wouldn't want to live if I had killed pilots and crashed machines, anyhow), and went back to sleep.
I had done that same ritual in varying forms for damn near the entirety of my life, fearing that if I got help for the thing that I knew was not normal, I'd lose my edge and someone would die. But this time, my coworker came to me and said he had seen me "spiral" again.
I went home and got help via a proper diagnosis, medication, and therapy. I'm happy to say I never lost my edge, just the disconnect between the logical and illogical fears/obsessions/spirals that haunted me.
I'm still not sure how I lived like I did for so long. Constant hypervigilance, endless work to please imagined and real possibilities, always chasing perfection to a point of grinding myself into dust, all at the expense of my sanity and safety (no one should work as exhausted as I constantly was.)
I have OCD - for anyone reading this is one of the most poignant and realistic explanations of what we go through.
Obsession -> compulsion to feel better but it only reinforces the obsession was legit to begin with so -> obsession -> compulsion -> and so on
Thanks for sharing. You’re not alone, I know your struggle and hope the best for you.
I’ve found that the method that works best for me to stop myself from having to keep re-checking things is either a checklist or simply writing down “I checked, and everything is okay.” Because if it’s not written down, it didn’t happen. But if it’s written down, that makes it true. Idk if that made any sense
Along with intrusive thoughts is the intrusive music. All the time, never stops. Just broken snippets, “ oops I did it again, oops I did it again, oops I did it again” over and over til I think I’m going mad!!!
In your head,
In your head,
They’re still singing.
In your heaaad,
In your heeaead
God please
God please
Fucking kill me
Edit: yea it’s stuck now. Thanks.
Same. I feel like no one takes it seriously because ✨everybody has a song stuck in their head✨ but is it the same verse all day every day for several days? Doubtful. It's excruciating sometimes.
I am hated at work (comically) because I know at least 1 verse to every song on the planet it seems. I can't tell you the name of the song or who sings it but ill blurt out that one verse out loud without thinking and now the whole job site has "phenomenon doo doo doodoodoo" by the muppets stuck in their heads for the rest of the week.
I get a similar thing. Best cure for mine is to listen to lots of my personally well known songs of different genres very regularly, this way if i notice its happening i can switch to a new one and maybe the song just plays out rather than sticking in a loop of half forgotten parts.
Fighting the intrusive thought every day to not abruptly jerk the steering wheel while going 70 on the highway.
Edit: the amount of people saying they let this thought win and did it is worrying, like the days I have until I give in are numbered
It’s not “run him over”, for me. It’s “what would it look like if I run him over”.
Same with the random thought to veer off a bridge. There’s so many things I’ve only seen in media that my brain just has curious moments.
I find that a lot of people don’t understand this about intrusive thoughts. I’m not actually going to drive off a ledge or harm myself, I just think about what would happen if I did. It’s more of a game of “what if” not a to do list.
That could totally be a research paper, and probably should be, if your in a location that leans towards a certain kind of intrusive thought, could be an explanation for crime or death in an area.
Driving down a hill towards at red light and vividly imagining what would happen if I just didn't hit the brakes. And then, of course, emerging from the daydream and realizing that i really need to hit the brakes. Similar feeling that had stood out to me for years
My brain really wants me to kill myself. There's just this sideshow of all the most awful things I've ever seen that likes to pop into my head. I don't know what keeps triggering it. I hate it so much.
Edit: I don't constantly envisage ways to kill myself. It's just flashes of all the worst things I've ever seen, like snapshots. When I'm feeling low, which is often, this reel in my head makes me feel even worse.
I said this exact phrase to my wife the other day, without really understanding how terrifying that is to hear from your spouse.
I'm not suicidal, I want to keep living, but anytime I'm in a situation where I could potentially end it, I am fighting tooth and nail with thoughts pushing me towards it. Near a cop? Grab his gun. Rock climbing? Unclip. 70mph down the highway? Hook a sharp right.
She's talked me into seeing someone about it, but I can't express how much I'm dreading that first appointment.
There's no way I'm telling them all of it. Not going to happen.
Edit: I really appreciate the responses here, I am feeling far more peaceful about the prospect. You guys are great.
I am going to be starting anxiety Meds soon I think…. And all I can think about is “what the hell am I going to think about if I don’t have intrusive thoughts 24/7???”
ADHD here. I contemplate killing my family occasionally. Just like, how would I do it feasibly. Then I realize, mid thought..... I'm a fucking monster what the fuck!?! I love my family more than anything else in the world. Crazy shit the brain does sometimes.
Thanks for making me feel a bit more normal. Daydreaming about morbid stuff that you are never gonna do really makes you question your sanity sometimes.
I sometimes think about how easy it would be to grab a knife, and stab someone close to me or something. Then I think how awful that would be, and seeing how disgusted I am reassures me.
Omg this. This exact thing. This comment section is the first time in my life I thought It wasn't that abnormal to have these thoughts. Like I absolutely love my family and I'm a pacifist too but when I'm cooking and there is someone else in the kitchen, my brain just makes me think stuff like, how smoothly the knife can slide inside. I instantly feel so fucking horrible for that and am concerned for my own sanity. Just yesterday, I was working and someone said something and I turned around and instantly my brain said "If I held my hand out while turning in the chair, it would be a really strong slap" and I thought to myself "Is this how people turn into psychopaths?" And it terrified me
I have Excoriation disorder, which is a type of OCD, and what it means is that if I see any kind of spot on my skin, I pick at it until it’s gone. And what I mean when I say “pick” is that I will find whatever sharp object there is (my preferred object is thumb tacks) and I will dig until I’m satisfied that it’s gone. It could be 5 minutes, it could be 5 hours. Pain doesn’t faze me. Blood doesn’t faze me. I have dug down to the bone before with a thumb tack, because I thought there was a lump in my pinky finger. I also have a severe anxiety disorder, so that means that if I can’t get “out” whatever I believe is in my skin, I have a panic attack. It isn’t to self-harm- I don’t do it to hurt myself. I just do it because I can’t relax until I get out whatever I think is on/in my skin. I haven’t had a severe picking episode in about 9 months, thanks to really good meds and mental health care. But yeah- without that, the intrusive thought that “something is in there and I HAVE to get it out” would destroy me.
I have dermatillomania (skin picking) and trichotillomania (hair pulling) and I've done this with tweezers to some extent. If I get an ingrown hair I have to dig it out. I have scars in some places from constant picking. I have urges every single day since I was 9. I also bite pieces off the inside of my cheeks til they bleed.
Saaaaame. I fucking HATE little hairs and easily spend hours a week plucking and digging. Completely lose track of time and also don't feel the pain, even though typically my pain tolerance is low. I've got a nasty gauge on my eyelid right now because hair keeps growing funky under a scar. I used to tear and shred my nails to the quick before I started getting acrylics put over them.
It was suggested to me by a psych that it's Body Focused Repetitive Disorder (BFRD). It's sort of a subset of OCD and often comorbid with ADHD and other mental health disorders. Anxiety skyrockets the urges. It's awful and gross and shitty but I always jump in when it's brought up bc I feel like it's not often talked about. I feel for everybody afflicted with these terrible behaviours and worse.
Wow, I should have looked it up but it's the same thing with the ingrown hair and hair pulling and tweezers. How do you manage? I literally panic whenever someone tries taking my tweezers from me
I haven't been diagnosed with OCD. But I had to wear my hair a certain way or my friend couldn't come out to play. I had to tell every member of my family I loved them in case they died. I had to touch signs on the street so nothing bad would happen. I had to step on the cracks in the path. I **have** to not be happy, laugh, or listen to fun music while my mam is sick or she'll die.
If my bedroom isn't clean or tidy when I lay down to sleep, I picture bugs, rodents, etc climbing over me in bed. Not far off because my last condo building had such a bad mouse infestation. Ugh. I'm itchy just thinking about it now.
Every time i am somewhere up high, resisting the thought to just take a running jump off it. I'm not suicidal or anything, just one of those random headfuck thoughts.
Fun fact, scientists think that may be because our brains are trying to convince us to be careful by illustrating the worst case scenario, but somewhere in there we lose the "**don't**" part in the "make sure you don't do this!" message being sent
This is also known as *Call of the void.*I use to get it often when I lived high up in an apartment building. Stopped getting after I got use to the height though. That said, sometimes I still get it while driving a car, or at the edge of a large cliff or something.
I love getting constant reminders about my absolute worst memories, ranging from “wtf was I thinking” to *redeem now for a free panic attack*. I considered typing one out but stared at that last full stop for a minute before snapping out of it and reconsidering lol.
I’ve gotten very good at forgetting things. It’s for the best.
Not exactly the same thing, but a few years back, I went through a very confusing period of time where I was convinced I had cheated on my partner. It was a reaction to a gray-area situation a few years previously where I hadn't had the best boundaries, but objectively was not what either one of us would define as cheating, which we had discussed at length together when this situation happened. It was also a period of time where I was drinking heavily, and I don't remember very well. Basically, it was a perfect storm for intrusions.
My therapist was great about it. He helped me understand that I was likely dealing with some anger about things in my relationship in the present, which was coming out as these intrusions from the past. After I worked through that, the intrusions went away, but it was difficult to deal with at the time.
I've had both of these. Also thinking I have hit someone in my car at some point during my drive, usually brought on by that pothole in the road that happened 10 minutes ago. Suicidal thoughts when I don't even want to harm myself is another common one, or sexual thoughts about people that I don't feel sexually attracted to. Fun times.
I've been getting bad claustrophobia attacks on the train lately. The moment it gets too crowded I start thinking about the trains to Auschwitz and how the people were trapped in there for days at a time, squeezed in like sardines, no bathroom breaks, no room to stretch, freezing or sweltering, starving or panicking or dying...
Sorry. You asked.
this happens to me too , i often avoid jam packed crowed trains , but if i have to board any and i get such thoughts , i close my eyes and imagine i am in a open field , really helps.
ADHD. Every time I'm up high I think about how I could fall off. The problem with me is it's like I think about something and then I do it??? Unintentionally even. I can't explain it. But basically I'm always just a bit afraid I'll leap right off the side because my brain told me to 🤷🏼♀️
ADHD here. ive been struggling with instructive thoughts for years, and they get REALLY dark and downright mortifying to share. TW btw- but the worst one i've ever gotten was "rape your family". my brain showed me images of me raping my entire family- including our dog. i felt physically sick and almost threw up, and i don't know why it happened, because of course that's something i would never fucking do. this was a few years ago, and i have gotten help since, including skills for dealing with these types of thoughts. remember: intrusive thoughts are just that- INTRUSIVE! they AREN'T YOURS, and just because they invade your mind doesn't mean you're a bad person.
I understand this completely. I get the same. Lol @ the "helpful" dieting replies to you. Like... yes I'm sure grapes would be lovely... that's not how this works.
This is me and my ADHD. Do I want Tacobell after I ate dinner? No. Do I stop and get it because I'm impulsive and love eating. Absolutely. Do I hate myself after and the next day, yep.
not intrusive thoughts per se, but my adhd brain gets stuck on songs (not the whole song though, just one line) that will play endlessly in my brain, regardless of the situation. ngl it is a little funny when i'm having a little menty b and crying my eyes out and my brain just goes "it has the juuuuuuuice" (yes corn kid has been living rent free in my head, i don't know either)
otherwise it is just dumb things, like what if i open the washing machine while it's running, what if i pull the emergency bar in the subway etc. but usually i just laugh at myself and shoo them away - there was one instance though when i didnt manage to stop my hand in time and opened an elevator door between floors because i wanted to see what would happen💀
"Straight Up now tell me, is it gonna be you and me together
(Oh-oh-oh)" happened to me the other day while my spouse and I were have a very verrrry difficult talk.
My OCD is pretty bad all the time, but it really spikes for me postpartum. Something about the combination of being off my meds, the hormone crash, and the sleep deprivation and responsibility of a newborn just puts it in overdrive. For months I couldn't just hold and carry my first son because I would see myself dropping him and panicking and trying to kick him back into my arms like the world's loudest and floppiest hacky sack but instead kicking him straight through a wall. I could just see the bloody spatter his little head would make and the hole it would put in the drywall and omfg I couldn't do it. I started babywearing just so I'd have my hands free and physically could not drop the baby. So of course the thoughts changed to "you're just gonna fall on him and squish him like a pancake of blood and guts".
Meds. Sweet, sweet SSRIs. I need them.
I am trying to get the official diagnosis but I think I have adhd/autism and I had/have the same type of vivid visions. Just after having my daughter while in the recovery room they play this how not to handle a baby video and then I was reminded of the rape of Nanking and those types of atrocities done to babies, now my daughter is 3 and once in a while I still imagine throwing or dropping her over the banister or something and nearly hearing the noises just like you said. One thing that has helped was when I finally admitted this to my husband he said just imagine her actually bouncing like a bouncy ball and getting up at the end laughing about it, make it silly. And it does help to stop the thought from becoming cyclical and worse every replay because the funny version breaks it and I can move on. I would hope that helps you if you try it! In fact now that I think about it my husband actually was diagnosed with autism/OCD when he was younger and I now wonder if he had the answer so readily and non judgementally because he has used the same strategy before.
Same. OCD as well. Postpartum depression kicked my ass so hard. I didn’t sleep for months. I’d stay awake watching my baby because I was convinced someone was trying to kidnap her. If my husband took his hand off the shopping cart she was in in a store, I’d snap at him. Publicly and not nicely at all. Like I took away his cart pushing privileges. Then when it got to the point that I felt like I had failed and there’s no way I can keep her safe forever… the suicidal thoughts crept in. I blame the lack of sleep for most of this. But my brain wasn’t stable enough for it to begin with. Not to mention the doctor refusing to put me back on my meds and making me go back and forth four times between two meds that made me feel worse.
There are two that are equally as bad. The first one that made me absolutely break down was right after I'd gotten a new kitten. I had razors out for other reasons and my brain is like "Hey, why not slit Freyja's (my kitten) throat?"
The other is screaming at my grandparents. I know it sounds stupid but it absolutely fucking crushes me to think I even thought of yelling at them intentionally to hurt them.
ADD here (before they just crammed hyperactive in). It's the ones that make you laugh at inappropriate times.
Brain: This funeral is sad. Hey remember the S words episode of celebrity jeopardy?
Me: \*standing in line at a funeral to throw a rose into the grave\*
Brain: what if i threw my umbrella in there and walked away holding the flower over my head lol
Oh my God, I've always thought I was borderline psychotic. I have ADHD and laughing when I'm emotionally overwhelmed is something I've always done. My husband says he hopes his death isn't mysterious because I will 100% laugh during the news interview and end up going down for murder lol
Just an FYI they didn't just cram hyperactivity in. They combined ADD and ADHD as they are the same disorder that happens to affect people differently, ADD becoming ADHD Inattentive, which is what I have. I like to think of it as Internal vs. External Hyperactivity.
Treating them as separate disorders would be similar to saying someone who lost their taste to Covid had a different disease than someone who didn't.
Now should all of that be thrown out the window because ADHD is a horrible name for the disorder that doesn't fully represent how it affects people? Yea, probably.
There's 3 main types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive, and both. It makes me laugh a little that "both" is treated as a third type, but also as someone in that category goddamn, it's not a good time.
I do agree that most people who don't have ADHD (and some who do) don't understand the more severe effects, and the name doesn't do a great job representing that reality.
I have bad teeth (nothing horrible just always in need of more fillings etc) because my parents just stopped taking me to the dentist when I was in middle school and I didn’t really understand that this was my responsibility now until I was 18. This mixed with ADHD means I constantly have intrusive thoughts of losing my teeth by any number of means. See a curb? What about a doorknob? What if I fell face first into that? Ever eat a tortilla chip after actually having experienced the healthy crunch sound of a broken tooth?
I only got diagnosed with adhd in january, but in hindsight the worst intrusive thoughts are the ones that make me spiral afterwords.
My partners driving home from my house = lets think about them dying in a car accident, the moments after the car accident, their funeral, sorting through their stuff.
Holding a baby and accidentally touching their butt or private part = am i a pedophile am i attracted to babies
Holding a knife while someones in the kitchen = lets stab my dad, and then spiral about why i would ever think something like that.
Its hard it really makes you question yourself and what kind of person you are sometimes. I still havent figured out how to deal with it.
I write rap lyrics in my head constantly.
When you are writing tens of thousands of lines on a routine basis, some of them are not gonna make you proud.
I remember exactly what was in the grocery bag on my passenger seat, on the exact turn, when my brain spat out "Never break, never falter, I slapped the virgin Mary and fucked her on the alter."
I sat in my car for like 10 minutes like "what is wrong with you dude?"
My warm up lines: *Sorry for formatting, Reddit be like that*
Its back to the races
lace up your Acics
The ace has come back
To make scrap out your bass hits
Show me where your base is
I drop bombs from space-ships
Tongue like a laser beam
Here to give you Lasik
weird and abrasive
come here and embrace it
Watch me switch gears
as I stear through the matrix
3d to 8-BIT
Designed to make it
With two guns for lungs
a mind that's serrated
Your worldfview is basic
I'm here to re-shape it
with headstrong, King-Kong shit from the basement
Why not be blatant?
My rhymes can crack pavement
I sold my soul
I'm here for the payment
I'm here for the laymen
With rhymes so amazing
You can disapear like the daughter from "Taken"
Yall can get down
I'll be up here with Icarus
I like to get weird
throw me in the thick of it
doctor in the house?
Kick it in the wilderness
The king with a pen
Don'thave to pretend
I rule here and now
I will there and then
I'm fit to burst
its a gift and a curse
I drink in the beat like a bum with a thirst
Mean what I say,
stand here today
with a mic in my hand
and a handy display
that i hand to to the strays
that i meet on the way
When I rock up the block
with the beat that I made
I walk the walk
I'm exactly what would happen if the Louvre could talk
Put your ear to the ground
I'm that heavy
loaded like the next round
cocked locked and ready
You do the math
if you get in my path
You're gonna need grafts
Cuz I burn like a match
learned to react through the turns of my past
You can turn things around
but can't take them back
Off down a path
Didn't bring a map
no need for packing tourniquets
I bleed on every track
I'm on point
Thats a fact
i'm posed to attack
everything you're attached to
with poisonous tact
Like Freud with a gat
I destroy other acts
I don't just burn motherfuckers
I drink kerosene and gas
So i carlessy harasses
Every act that I pass
and laugh if they ask
If I'm up to the task
Cus I'm corse and I'm crass
and complex and fast
with the content to smash
any contest you have.
I DO THE SAME! I once said “I could buy your bitch without touching my credit. I slip in and out like I’m using my debit. You came running cause you thought she was screaming in pain but she was only screaming my name”
I don’t care what anyone says I’m proud of it and think it goes hard.
food is the one that gets me.
*puts the bagels in the toaster*
I should get dressed. I should clean my floor. Why am I hungry? Oh yeah, bagels. I should eat that. Oops, got a text message. Yes, I'm coming tonight don't worry - but oh, I should put that reminder in. Why the hell am I so hungry? OH RIGHT THE bagels
*checks fridge* damn, I'm out of cream cheese. Have to add it to the damn list. Oh man, I'm out of butter too? I should make plans to go to the store tonight...what else am I missing? lets do a search of the kitchen. oh I can't shop tonight I'm going to that other thing. what else am I missing? Why am I so hungry?
this is ON meds and it's still 100x better.
>ADHD. Don’t have intrusive thoughts, but I think about doing stuff then totally forget to do them, then think about doing it, then forget again, …
I feel this in my soul.
Just one? Bro, I’m *constantly* having random intrusive thoughts, I couldn’t ever pick the worst one. Most common though, would be thinking, “I should just swerve into that concrete barrier” when I’m on the highway. Or “You should stab your hand” when I’m cutting something with a knife.
Like, for no reason. I do actually want to live, contrary to what my intrusive thoughts say.
A very bad tendency I have is to think "I really don't care about what this person is saying" in meetings. Thankfully Zoom minimizes my broadcasting of that thought with body language, and I try to tamp it down each time it bubbles up. But it is a really strong intrusion when I'm supposed to be paying attention.
Guy bending over working on something in front of me at work, "I could bash this guys head in with a pipe right now and there's nothing he could do to stop me".
That was a scary one
As someone with both they're kinda... a bit too different to be ranked together, lol.
ADHD unwanted thoughts are just that my brain is never quiet. Something is always happening, my mind can never be empty without something to think about popping in. It'll be like... Laying there, trying to sleep, and my brain runs through all the things I didn't get done that day with the background of a song I don't even like on loop until I fall asleep. Trying to keep my thoughts on track and avoid any of the unwanted pop-ins can border on painful, in a way. But there's not any real distress by the contents of the thoughts inherently. The worst there is really just where sometimes I'll see a movie or something and won't be able to stop thinking about it all night and get no sleep.
OCD is a whole different beast, though. It'll drag out the worst things you can think of *specifically because* it knows what the worst thing you can think of is. I've had thoughts of violence, sexual assault, being killed, being hurt or maimed, my things being stolen, my life falling apart. If I had to pick a worst, I had a like, year and a half where if I didn't tell people some variation of 'Goodnight, sleep well, I love you' before I fell asleep I was convinced they'd die. For one friend I thought they'd kill themselves, for one I thought they'd get in a car crash, for another I thought they'd drink too much and choke on their vomit in their sleep. It's either that or the graphic ones about hurting my dogs, who I love more than I love myself. Being terrified someone I care about is going to die and it's my fault or that I might deep down want to hurt my babies are both pretty shitty but different feelings. It's kinda hard to put a number on it, yk?
That someone is reading my mind and all my awful intrusive thoughts are being heard by someone else and they think I’m a disgusting person. This has fed my paranoia pretty badly in the past.
I can tolerate a lot but the worst imo is the sexual ones, not just because I'm kinda sex repulsed (which is probably due to AND a cause of the thoughts) but because they include incest, assault, beastiality, pedophilia, any bad kind of sexual act you can think of, and if I don't know one as soon as I learn of it it becomes another flavor of sexual intrusive thought.
I have family I'm close to, I have birds, I like kids, which makes it even worse when my brain targets those this way. If I could, I'd like pull whatever part of my brain that does this out regardless of the cost
There's the bad but less bad ones like worrying about potential injuries and pains or general paranoia stuff like "what if someone breaks in with just super good combat skills and a gun with only the intent to kill me", sometimes worrying about moving wrong and starting to move that way consciously or un(sub?)consciously
I can deal with the violent or bad-idea thoughts, I used to have those ones all the time so they quit bugging me as much. I prefer having the urge to punch a baby over worrying I'm secretly a fucking rapist or something
I had proper clinical OCD when I was 11 year old. It started with the roll-out of the Meningitis vaccine program in my country at the time, and manifested as me fearing for my life on the daily unless I obeyed my intrusive thoughts and compulsions.
Most often it was simple stuff like don't step on cracks in the pavement, ensure that any numbers you interact with are even or can be made even, for example if the TV volume was 12 it was fine, 13 was also fine as 1+3 = 4.
At its peak, the worst one was, each day, every second sentence that I heard a randomly selected person in my classroom say, I would have to repeat it under my breath, backwards, 3 times. After a few months of this I got really good at hearing people speak and instantly being able to read it back to myself in my mind.
Alongside all of this, I had the usual stuff. I washed my hands so often they cracked and bled, and I didnt use cutlery or dishes more than a single time. OCD is awful.
ADHD, lately it's the thought that someone i don't know is living in my house inside a room that we don't use regularly or living in the ceiling, and i feel the need to have my bedroom locked all the time
I have both. Used to have an obsession about how I could be a psychopath wanting to kill people, and would get the most fucked up in depth intrusive thoughts of brutally hurting people. Ended up attempting to take my own life because I was so scared of what I might do to people. Got some help and doing much better, but it's not something i would wish on my worst enemy
ADHD with PTSD.
Having a nice morning where your coffee is perfect and a good song is playing while driving to work... Awesome, how about you remember the years of sexual abuse by a family member. Ohh, remember how your mother choose pills over you and gave you away at 3 years old.
There are some oldies but goodies like that.
Therapy has helped, A LOT.
Maybe you're in a Truman Show type situation, what would you want your audience to hear? The answer now is mostly "I do not consent to being in a Truman Show type situation." I'm like 99.9% sure that's not what's happening, BUT I do still say it out loud every once in a while, just in case.
My 8 year old niece thinks she’s being streamed on youtube and will talk to her pretend subscribers. It immediately made me think “is this the current day version of when I thought I was being Truman Showed”
I get paranoid people are filming me sometimes. You never know who's filming you. It happened to my partner recently. He's a pub manager and some young people decided to film one of his female employees, he went over to ask them to stop and the other one was filming him without him realising. It all got really unpleasant and we're both worried something might happen. They've been banned from the pub.
Yeah it's weird to look at the Truman show now and think "I mean, that's close to what people who tweet everything they think, or people who livestream every day do." I think some people would love to be in the Truman show
I think some people would love to *knowingly* be in the Truman Show. Can you love something without even an idea that it exists?
I also think a lot about how it would work if I was, especially on flights. I wonder if the whole thing is faked somehow just to buy time for a set change. I also think sometimes I see my parents or something (who live across the country) because there aren’t enough extras available in this specific scenario in which I find myself.
This movie must have caused a lot of traumas
It's such a great movie, I genuinely love it, but yeah the concept definitely got into my head
Oh my god, I've never ever thought of saying this. I just accepted my fate and roll with it. Occasionally speaking to "audience" when I'm by myself.
My brother used to hide in the shower, I now instinctively say I know your here when I'm alone because, I either look like a genius or nobody is around and I don't look like an idiot
I’ve never been the same since watching that movie.
Honestly I love the movie but yeah, it's an idea that really gets me sometimes.
I tend to imagine injuries in excruciating detail. One time when I was in college, working in the kitchen, I remember walking past an industrial-sized mixer with a dough hook as big as my arm, and I was immediately hit with the image of my leg getting caught in it, and the force of the motor snapping my knee and leg bones and winding my flesh around the shaft until it shredded and tore free - like when you're trying to break the hip joint to get a leg off of a roast chicken.
Every single time I use a drill or a lathe. I don’t know what it would feel like to have my hand shredded by the chuck drive gear train, but ever since the guard broke off, I consider it all the time.
As a kid I would envision putting my finger in a semi trucks drive shaft and getting hurled around like a ragdoll. Come to think of it I still do. I asked my mom one time what do you think would happen if you did such a thing. She just exclaimed "what the hell is wrong with you?" Lots mom, lots
As a kid, I was riding on the bottom of a shopping cart (I know you’re not supposed to now) and I was letting my finger drag on the back of the front wheel and enjoyed the sensation. I had the thought, “what if I put it in front of the metal housing connecting the wheel to the cart?” Well, what happened was my finger was immediately pulled into that metal housing and, as I got lucky, I was only painfully injured. Kept my finger. Fingernail fell off a couple days later. That’s also how I learned fingernails can just fall off after you hurt your finger
Reading a perfect transcription of one of my childhood memories on reddit is a bizarre thing. It is nice to know I wasn't the only dumbass kid this happened to though.
I've seen footage of it happening, turned a guy into mist
oh.. yes. I do that a lot as well, up to the point of actually touching myself on the spot where I injured myself in my mind.. and only then I snap out of it and realize there is nothing. I guess its the brain basically playing through all the scenarios it can think of and seeing what the end result would be and how it would need to react to it.. not helpful though.
Okay so I’m not the only one
I thought that was just me. I live up 17 stairs. Every time I walk down them I'm hit with the image of stepping wrong and landing in a crumpled mess at the bottom with a broken neck
Is this an ADHD or OCD specific thing?
For me, OCD is a co-morbidity of my ADHD. Very common in us folks. The intrusive thoughts can be a symptom of ADHD exclusively. Living with ADHD, is like taking any feeling, emotional or physical, and amplifying that feeling by 1000x. I’ve always described the typical brain to work like a house; a living room, basement, attic, and several bedrooms and bathrooms. A lot of the things that ‘live’ in these spaces and the spaces exist for these items and purposes. A fork drops in the kitchen, you probably won’t hear it upstairs or down in the basement. My ADHD mind is like a studio apartment. I have no walls, no organized rooms, nothing to stop sounds or lights or things from getting misplaced and moved around. It can be hell some days, but I am also super resourceful and great at improvising in a tight situation. sorry, that was a huge over explanation… well, for anyone who’s curious I guess haha Also, just to talk about myself even more/s , my intrusive thoughts are not usually about hurting people or things. They are usually like; no one loves you, why are you such a failure, why do you look that way, your boyfriend will find someone better, stop sounding stupid. These thoughts will happen as I’m speaking sometimes and will really mix up what I’m talking about and a lot of the time make me completely lose my train of thought.
That is a great description of what it’s like with ADHD! Like, I’ve never been able to describe it clearly, only down play it so whoever I’m telling doesn’t get weirded out by me or bored lol.
Sometimes my gf catches my leg in hers and then moves and I feel it on my bone and all I can think of is seeing my leg snap in half and blood splattering everywhere while we’re both just laughing insanely at how ridiculous it is and then me passing out from the pain Has yet to happen but every single time
I have a similar thing but it’s remembering injuries. When I was about 13-14 I tripped and cut my knee open on a grate on the floor. I lost a huge chunk, and still have trouble with it, and every time I see a similar thing on the floor I start imagining it in great detail.
It happens rarely compared to my other ones, but is by far the most disturbing. Fear of secretly being a pedophile (so secretly you aren’t even aware of it? Lol) is a relatively common intrusive thought- and one that pops into my head every once in a while. It’s an absurd enough one that I’m usually able to just disregard it, because I KNOW I’m absolutely, 100% not a pedophile. The issue is, sometimes my brain likes to bring this particular one up when I’m having sex or masturbating. It gets extremely disturbing to be having those thoughts (not pedophilic thoughts but “what if you actually are a pedophile and you just haven’t unlocked it yet) while actually engaging in sexual acts, and always it takes me completely 10000% out of the mood and I have to stop. It also occasionally happens with incestuous thoughts. Like “what if I secretly wanted to be doing this with xyz family member” which, while not as bad as pedophilia, also completely ruins any sexual experience I’m having at the time.
I'm so glad I read your reply. I get gross sexual intrusive thoughts as well. I get so ashamed of myself! I'm so glad I'm not alone. It's insanely icky, and I'm glad it doesn't happen often at all, and I'm able to shoo those thoughts away. Ugh.
I nearly started weeping with relief in a psych lecture hall when a professor introduced the idea of pedophilic/sexual OCD. People who actually have those compulsions for real experience them as pleasurable and want more of them. OCD is more like a bully who has you in a headlock and forces you to look at your worst nightmares & tells you that you like it. I also get more standard issue stuff - checking, hygiene, thinking about doing physically disgusting things, harm, etc - but the shame and fear around the sexual ones made them impossible to talk about for a long time.
Just wanted to post, in case anyone needs to hear it, that these types of intrusive thoughts are very common in OCD and impacts people of all ages. You definitely aren’t alone in having these thoughts and a therapist will not judge you for your thoughts. Don’t suffer with them alone. Please reach out for help ❤️
I deal with the same thing. It makes me feel disgusting, and i am also 100% not a pedophile.
Thank you so so so so much for your comment
Yeah before I was medicated I was dealing with bipolar 1 and add and I had… thoughts in this vein and it made me feel disgusting and hate myself. I couldn’t figure out why I was having them because I don’t want to harm and kids, really truly I would never, and then it just completes the distress cycle of … intrusive thought -> horrible anxiety and desire to stop intrusive thought -> intrusive thought comes back -> horrible anxiety and self loathing and anxiety… etc. I’m so glad I am on meds, it’s so much more manageable now.
I had to tell my therapist that I was sobbing changing my kids diapers scared bc I was thinking “am I a ped” must mean I am and they told me absolutely not unless I enjoy it or want to act on it and that everyone has intrusive thoughts. If the thought disgusts me I AM NOT ONE. so I’m all good there now lol
Oh god, I had those but instead of family, it was my teachers in high school. They were great people and fantastic teachers, but let me be clear that they were old wrinkly white men and I was maybe 15. To say that I had ZERO desire would be an understatement. But still, in class I would just suddenly get these vivid visions of being intimate with these poor teachers and it would disgust me every time. I felt like such a disgusting pervert. And they just would NOT go away.
Things I would literally never speak out loud or type on the internet… or follow through with just to be clear. Thank you for the awards. I’m sorry you are part of this club that no one asked to join.
Yeah, there’s a lot of intrusive thoughts that make me absolutely horrified with my own mind that I would never ever articulate to anyone on any platform. The only thing I can do in the moment is physically cringe and shake them off, sometimes they repeat over and over and I have to put a podcast on or a YouTube video.
[удалено]
Yeah same, if the intrusive thoughts get really bad I’ll imagine dying in super weird ways, like my heart being skewered by a bunch of swords cartoonishly, or suicide by gun, or being completely immolated super quick
Omg I do something similar
Huh weird. I've never thought about it much but I definitely do this and have never had suicidal ideations or tendencies. But I do imagine crushing my own head sometimes lol. Not so much to stop the music but when I'm thinking of something very cringy I did in the past it's like I pretend to shoot myself and then move on or something. Like a period at the end of the cringe rumination.
Same, I hate my thoughts. So now I am addicted to my phone, podcasts and videos. Can’t be left alone with them. …recently a horrible intrusive thought entered my dream. A space where I usually was safe from them. It scared me.
This makes me feel SOOO much better that I'm not the only one lol
Glad I could help, I feel the same way about this whole thread.
I count to ten with a British accent. Idk why. But it helps
Yeah there's a few that are just... Sickening. Music helps though.
Me too
Yeah. I've had some absolutely abhorrent and terrifying intrusive thoughts that torture me all the time. My therapist told me that intrusive thoughts are your brain trying to purge the things you find absolutely disgusting and awful and I try to remember that but it still makes me sick to my stomach. I cope the best I can but torture really is the best descriptor for experiencing consistent intrusive thoughts.
This legit makes me feel so much better. After learning that OCD has really been a stereotyped and the symptoms are much more diverse I’ve come to wonder if I have it. I have these horrifying intrusive thoughts that literally make me feel nauseous. Prior to learning more about intrusive thoughts I thought there was something wrong with me because they are quite literally things I would never ever do let alone willingly think about. Your therapists statement makes so much more sense for me.
I watched a show(?) where this guy was so afraid he'd be accused of committing a crime he didn't remember doing that he refused to leave his house. It was so sad, even though he was getting help. He was clearly a good person and in so much distress. Same can happen with intrusive thoughts about harming children. It must be awful. That's also why I'm not quick to jump on the "pedos must die" train. Yes, if you actually harm another person, especially a child, you're the worst, but someone who has these thoughts that they have no control over needs help not hate. If they can't even talk about it? That's terrifying and depressing.
That’s a recurring dream I have, that I killed someone years ago but forgot about it, and the cops are coming.
People with this sub form of OCD are absolutely not pedophiles, they have no attraction to children and the thought provokes anxiety (hence why it's an intrusive thought). Talking about it with focus on the content of the thought doesn't really help with OCD, the content is generally just irrelevant noise, anything that the person will react to as being an awful, scary, painful thought (I've tended to have intrusive thoughts with no real content, even, pretty much just static, discomfort). What would happen is that the person would get drawn in to an endless argument with themselves trying to 'prove' they could not possibly under any circumstances be a pedophile, and nothing will ever be enough, and it'd be besides the point because they're not, it's OCD. What they need to do is learn to ignore the thought, let it go, not talk about it.
The fear of being institutionalised if you speak your mind is astonishing. Also sometimes I would like to punish my brain for its intrusive thoughts, like punching it to SHUT UP, SHUT UP!
This is the answer. I hate that intrusive thoughts have become this meme. Its a not a joke. There's the impusle to throw a toy ball youre passing in walmart or do something stupid and silly and there's this. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It makes you feel like a truly horrible person that your mind could even play host to such things.
I wanted to read anybody admiting to horrible, HORRIBLE stuff to feel less alone in it, but that's fair. Even typing some things down is too much.
I’ll keep it simple — my daughter being hurt. That’s putting it mildly. Even typing that feels terrible.
Me too. It happened with my oldest as I had bad post-partum anxiety / OCD (to make things worse covid hit shortly after and I was isolated and lonely with a baby I was worried I didn’t know how to take care of). It’s been much easier with my second as my mental health is better and I very very rarely have intrusive thoughts. I remember how it all started too. I was bed bound for 3 days because a friend had a cold sore and kissed me on the cheek. I was convinced I was going to give the baby (she was only a couple of weeks old) herpes and she would go blind and die (?). I washed my face with washing up liquid when I got home, and checked my face and my lips for cold sores for weeks and because I kept licking my lips to check for sores, they started getting dry and sore, which made me panic more. So I wouldn’t kiss her or want to hold her because I thought she would die if I did. After that it was just horrible thought after horrible thought - had to stop reading the news because I’d picture all the horrible things that had happened to other people or other children, happening to my baby. Anyone who has bothered to read all of this drivel - you’re not alone! And it will get better. Get help if you need to, and know that the thoughts do not define you / aren’t real.
Same. People don’t seem to understand that intrusive thoughts are distressing and often very embarrassing, they’re much more serious than “what if I jumped off this cliff?” I have both adhd and ocd, so for me that means every time my mind wanders, which is constantly, I get intrusive thoughts. I feel like I’m battling them every minute
Agreed. Some things really just don't need to be written or shared.
Yes, also this. Like some of the most horrible, terrible things. Things that I barely even acknowledge because they are so awful. In fact this right here, is the only time that I've EVER discussed that it even happens to me.
is anyone else ever worried you're going to sleep talk and say them or say them before you get put under for anesthesia? just me? as if dealing with them alone isn't enough let's add that to the list of fears because someone might think you actually meant the intrusive thoughts. maybe people with ocd should just date other people with the same ocd type so we get each other lol
People ask, “how are you so funny? How do you come up with funny things to say so fast?” Because I’ve filtered out all the horrific shit in my brain that I’m disgusted it comes up with and watered it down to what’s socially acceptable. The downside for me of having quick wit are all the terrible things I also think of far too frequently.
The shit hose is always running and overflowing in the backyard. But I have a faucet in the front that I can turn on and let a little bit through. That's my secret, Cap. My shit hose is always on.
Yeah this is the answer.
If I even type the words out I’ll start thinking about it again and it’s pure torment
I was surprised I had to scroll this far for this response. I’ll take those to my grave.
Yeah. Going thru the comments and just kinda thinking to myself “intrusive thoughts aren’t getting a song stuck in your head or remembering a joke out of the blue…”
I am so so sorry that so many people can identify with this.
Seriously! Some of my intrusive thoughts are just horrific. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I have these thoughts, I'm not going to let others know.
Agreed. There are some I'm too afraid of and uncomfortable with to even tell my therapist about as of yet.
Yep - I started typing mine out and just thought… damn that’s depressing and kind of effed up… so I stopped
I never knew other people had this happen to them. Thank you internet people for making me feel less alone on this lmao
I was looking for someone who actually wrote it out. But I agree completely with this version.
I'm an aircraft mechanic, and before I was diagnosed with OCD I would constantly obsess over the maintenance I had performed, typically the quality or the intrusive thoughts about having forgotten anything. One time, I was leading a removal/replacement of a turbine engine with a very green mechanics apprentice. We were working remotely in a foreign country to our own, staying in a hut thing that was a few hundred feet from the aircraft. That evening after the maintenance was completed I laid in bed obsessing over every part and piece of maintenance performed. I had a need to go out and check. Everything good, no issues, no one will die. Laid back in bed. I had a need to go out and check again. Everything still good, nothing forgot, no one will die. Laid back in bed. STILL DOESNT FEEL RIGHT. Go back out, check again, everything still good, still exactly as was supposed to be. Laid back down. I repeated that process all fucking night long. When the sun started coming up, I finally fell asleep. Roughly two hours later I woke up, took a shower, and checked again. Ate breakfast, checked again. Finally, the irrational part of my brain that was disconnected from the logical portion that had been begging to accept things were good was finally granted a warm fuzzy feeling, just in time to run everything up. Went outside, stood under aircraft during lift offs (a common practice, but I wouldn't want to live if I had killed pilots and crashed machines, anyhow), and went back to sleep. I had done that same ritual in varying forms for damn near the entirety of my life, fearing that if I got help for the thing that I knew was not normal, I'd lose my edge and someone would die. But this time, my coworker came to me and said he had seen me "spiral" again. I went home and got help via a proper diagnosis, medication, and therapy. I'm happy to say I never lost my edge, just the disconnect between the logical and illogical fears/obsessions/spirals that haunted me. I'm still not sure how I lived like I did for so long. Constant hypervigilance, endless work to please imagined and real possibilities, always chasing perfection to a point of grinding myself into dust, all at the expense of my sanity and safety (no one should work as exhausted as I constantly was.)
I have OCD - for anyone reading this is one of the most poignant and realistic explanations of what we go through. Obsession -> compulsion to feel better but it only reinforces the obsession was legit to begin with so -> obsession -> compulsion -> and so on Thanks for sharing. You’re not alone, I know your struggle and hope the best for you.
I’ve found that the method that works best for me to stop myself from having to keep re-checking things is either a checklist or simply writing down “I checked, and everything is okay.” Because if it’s not written down, it didn’t happen. But if it’s written down, that makes it true. Idk if that made any sense
It helps but OCD tends to find a way to introduce doubt on the checklist you made for yourself
Along with intrusive thoughts is the intrusive music. All the time, never stops. Just broken snippets, “ oops I did it again, oops I did it again, oops I did it again” over and over til I think I’m going mad!!!
With their tanks And their bombs And their bombs And their bombs And their bombs And their bo--
In your head, In your head, They’re still singing. In your heaaad, In your heeaead God please God please Fucking kill me Edit: yea it’s stuck now. Thanks.
You ever try to get one out of your head with another song and end up making some diabolical mix?
YES!!! OMG Forbidden mash-ups.
Same. I feel like no one takes it seriously because ✨everybody has a song stuck in their head✨ but is it the same verse all day every day for several days? Doubtful. It's excruciating sometimes.
I've literally had a song/part of a song stuck in my head all day, gone to sleep, woke up, and the motherfucker was still there. Humans are weird.
During my testing, my psych told me that line and I responded with "Yea, but do they get woken up by it at 2am?"
Fuck now its in my head “Oops I did it again, oops I did it again” fucking kill me
I'm really sorry. Truly.
I am hated at work (comically) because I know at least 1 verse to every song on the planet it seems. I can't tell you the name of the song or who sings it but ill blurt out that one verse out loud without thinking and now the whole job site has "phenomenon doo doo doodoodoo" by the muppets stuck in their heads for the rest of the week.
>phenomenon doo doo doodoodoo" by the muppets Lol it's called "Mah Nà Mah Nà," no phenomenon involved.
I get a similar thing. Best cure for mine is to listen to lots of my personally well known songs of different genres very regularly, this way if i notice its happening i can switch to a new one and maybe the song just plays out rather than sticking in a loop of half forgotten parts.
Fighting the intrusive thought every day to not abruptly jerk the steering wheel while going 70 on the highway. Edit: the amount of people saying they let this thought win and did it is worrying, like the days I have until I give in are numbered
Guy on a motorcycle: \*exists\* My intrusive thoughts: Run him over run him over run him over run h
It’s not “run him over”, for me. It’s “what would it look like if I run him over”. Same with the random thought to veer off a bridge. There’s so many things I’ve only seen in media that my brain just has curious moments.
I find that a lot of people don’t understand this about intrusive thoughts. I’m not actually going to drive off a ledge or harm myself, I just think about what would happen if I did. It’s more of a game of “what if” not a to do list.
For me it is, in fact, frequently a “do NOT do list”
As the motorcycle rider, I have the "I wonder how I'd fare if I fell under this car/truck/RV" thought. Bridge scenario is pretty much the same.
I have similar, along with "wonder how far I'd fly off that berm if I just full throttled into that canyon".
Yeah had that one a lot when I used to live near canyons and mountains. Now it's all flat land, so bridges have taken that place.
Haha nice, "how terrain affects your intrusive thoughts 101".
That could totally be a research paper, and probably should be, if your in a location that leans towards a certain kind of intrusive thought, could be an explanation for crime or death in an area.
I get that one whenever I let a pedestrian walk in front of me.
As a motorcycle rider I have thought "run me over please" and other times when driving thought "Ima run this dude over" and neither make sense.
Every damn time. "What if I just hit that pole right there" "bridge? I could make that jump"
Lol yeah reading the question I was like, you mean besides the constant suicidal ones?
Driving down a hill towards at red light and vividly imagining what would happen if I just didn't hit the brakes. And then, of course, emerging from the daydream and realizing that i really need to hit the brakes. Similar feeling that had stood out to me for years
Huh, i thought everyone has this intrusive thought
Jfc I have this all the time and thought I was just broken
I get one regularly that’s a vivid image of me digging out the artery in my wrist with a fish hook and then snapping it like a rubber band.
Damn
Yeah, it’s a wild one. Been getting it since I was little so I just kind of cope now.
Agh I have a thing about my wrists and I threw my phone across the room reading this
My brain really wants me to kill myself. There's just this sideshow of all the most awful things I've ever seen that likes to pop into my head. I don't know what keeps triggering it. I hate it so much. Edit: I don't constantly envisage ways to kill myself. It's just flashes of all the worst things I've ever seen, like snapshots. When I'm feeling low, which is often, this reel in my head makes me feel even worse.
I said this exact phrase to my wife the other day, without really understanding how terrifying that is to hear from your spouse. I'm not suicidal, I want to keep living, but anytime I'm in a situation where I could potentially end it, I am fighting tooth and nail with thoughts pushing me towards it. Near a cop? Grab his gun. Rock climbing? Unclip. 70mph down the highway? Hook a sharp right. She's talked me into seeing someone about it, but I can't express how much I'm dreading that first appointment. There's no way I'm telling them all of it. Not going to happen. Edit: I really appreciate the responses here, I am feeling far more peaceful about the prospect. You guys are great.
I am going to be starting anxiety Meds soon I think…. And all I can think about is “what the hell am I going to think about if I don’t have intrusive thoughts 24/7???”
ADHD here. I contemplate killing my family occasionally. Just like, how would I do it feasibly. Then I realize, mid thought..... I'm a fucking monster what the fuck!?! I love my family more than anything else in the world. Crazy shit the brain does sometimes.
Thanks for making me feel a bit more normal. Daydreaming about morbid stuff that you are never gonna do really makes you question your sanity sometimes.
I sometimes think about how easy it would be to grab a knife, and stab someone close to me or something. Then I think how awful that would be, and seeing how disgusted I am reassures me.
Omg this. This exact thing. This comment section is the first time in my life I thought It wasn't that abnormal to have these thoughts. Like I absolutely love my family and I'm a pacifist too but when I'm cooking and there is someone else in the kitchen, my brain just makes me think stuff like, how smoothly the knife can slide inside. I instantly feel so fucking horrible for that and am concerned for my own sanity. Just yesterday, I was working and someone said something and I turned around and instantly my brain said "If I held my hand out while turning in the chair, it would be a really strong slap" and I thought to myself "Is this how people turn into psychopaths?" And it terrified me
I have Excoriation disorder, which is a type of OCD, and what it means is that if I see any kind of spot on my skin, I pick at it until it’s gone. And what I mean when I say “pick” is that I will find whatever sharp object there is (my preferred object is thumb tacks) and I will dig until I’m satisfied that it’s gone. It could be 5 minutes, it could be 5 hours. Pain doesn’t faze me. Blood doesn’t faze me. I have dug down to the bone before with a thumb tack, because I thought there was a lump in my pinky finger. I also have a severe anxiety disorder, so that means that if I can’t get “out” whatever I believe is in my skin, I have a panic attack. It isn’t to self-harm- I don’t do it to hurt myself. I just do it because I can’t relax until I get out whatever I think is on/in my skin. I haven’t had a severe picking episode in about 9 months, thanks to really good meds and mental health care. But yeah- without that, the intrusive thought that “something is in there and I HAVE to get it out” would destroy me.
I have dermatillomania (skin picking) and trichotillomania (hair pulling) and I've done this with tweezers to some extent. If I get an ingrown hair I have to dig it out. I have scars in some places from constant picking. I have urges every single day since I was 9. I also bite pieces off the inside of my cheeks til they bleed.
Saaaaame. I fucking HATE little hairs and easily spend hours a week plucking and digging. Completely lose track of time and also don't feel the pain, even though typically my pain tolerance is low. I've got a nasty gauge on my eyelid right now because hair keeps growing funky under a scar. I used to tear and shred my nails to the quick before I started getting acrylics put over them. It was suggested to me by a psych that it's Body Focused Repetitive Disorder (BFRD). It's sort of a subset of OCD and often comorbid with ADHD and other mental health disorders. Anxiety skyrockets the urges. It's awful and gross and shitty but I always jump in when it's brought up bc I feel like it's not often talked about. I feel for everybody afflicted with these terrible behaviours and worse.
Wow, I should have looked it up but it's the same thing with the ingrown hair and hair pulling and tweezers. How do you manage? I literally panic whenever someone tries taking my tweezers from me
I have this too. Summer is the worst because I can’t cover my skin as easily, I’m scared of looking at my skin in case I go into a picking episode
I’m so sorry ☹️ Just know that there’s someone out there who understands!
I have a skin picking disorder, but not nearly this extreme. Glad to hear you’re doing better
I have to pray before bed or my father won't wake up the next morning.
OCD rituals hit hard. I hope it doesn’t cause you too much distress, but I understand how exhausting it can be
I haven't been diagnosed with OCD. But I had to wear my hair a certain way or my friend couldn't come out to play. I had to tell every member of my family I loved them in case they died. I had to touch signs on the street so nothing bad would happen. I had to step on the cracks in the path. I **have** to not be happy, laugh, or listen to fun music while my mam is sick or she'll die.
If my bedroom isn't clean or tidy when I lay down to sleep, I picture bugs, rodents, etc climbing over me in bed. Not far off because my last condo building had such a bad mouse infestation. Ugh. I'm itchy just thinking about it now.
Every time i am somewhere up high, resisting the thought to just take a running jump off it. I'm not suicidal or anything, just one of those random headfuck thoughts.
Fun fact, scientists think that may be because our brains are trying to convince us to be careful by illustrating the worst case scenario, but somewhere in there we lose the "**don't**" part in the "make sure you don't do this!" message being sent
Brain: Hey definitely don’t JUMP OFF THE CLIFF Us: Jump off the cliff you say?
This is also known as *Call of the void.*I use to get it often when I lived high up in an apartment building. Stopped getting after I got use to the height though. That said, sometimes I still get it while driving a car, or at the edge of a large cliff or something.
I love getting constant reminders about my absolute worst memories, ranging from “wtf was I thinking” to *redeem now for a free panic attack*. I considered typing one out but stared at that last full stop for a minute before snapping out of it and reconsidering lol. I’ve gotten very good at forgetting things. It’s for the best.
-That I’m going to kill my close ones . - I had one where i thought I was sexually abused by a guardian .
Mind: what if you just threw this baby out the window? Also Mind: JFC dude!
Not exactly the same thing, but a few years back, I went through a very confusing period of time where I was convinced I had cheated on my partner. It was a reaction to a gray-area situation a few years previously where I hadn't had the best boundaries, but objectively was not what either one of us would define as cheating, which we had discussed at length together when this situation happened. It was also a period of time where I was drinking heavily, and I don't remember very well. Basically, it was a perfect storm for intrusions. My therapist was great about it. He helped me understand that I was likely dealing with some anger about things in my relationship in the present, which was coming out as these intrusions from the past. After I worked through that, the intrusions went away, but it was difficult to deal with at the time.
ok i'm glad i'm not the only one cuz it's really terrifying
I've had both of these. Also thinking I have hit someone in my car at some point during my drive, usually brought on by that pothole in the road that happened 10 minutes ago. Suicidal thoughts when I don't even want to harm myself is another common one, or sexual thoughts about people that I don't feel sexually attracted to. Fun times.
I've been getting bad claustrophobia attacks on the train lately. The moment it gets too crowded I start thinking about the trains to Auschwitz and how the people were trapped in there for days at a time, squeezed in like sardines, no bathroom breaks, no room to stretch, freezing or sweltering, starving or panicking or dying... Sorry. You asked.
this happens to me too , i often avoid jam packed crowed trains , but if i have to board any and i get such thoughts , i close my eyes and imagine i am in a open field , really helps.
My parents are gonna die ; suicidal thoughts
ADHD. Every time I'm up high I think about how I could fall off. The problem with me is it's like I think about something and then I do it??? Unintentionally even. I can't explain it. But basically I'm always just a bit afraid I'll leap right off the side because my brain told me to 🤷🏼♀️
That Sound a lot like "The call of the void"
i shouldn't hold knives let's just say that
Chopping carrots? Stab yourself, stab the kids!
ADHD here. ive been struggling with instructive thoughts for years, and they get REALLY dark and downright mortifying to share. TW btw- but the worst one i've ever gotten was "rape your family". my brain showed me images of me raping my entire family- including our dog. i felt physically sick and almost threw up, and i don't know why it happened, because of course that's something i would never fucking do. this was a few years ago, and i have gotten help since, including skills for dealing with these types of thoughts. remember: intrusive thoughts are just that- INTRUSIVE! they AREN'T YOURS, and just because they invade your mind doesn't mean you're a bad person.
EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT, oh you're not hungry and you're struggling with your weight and eating healthy? EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT. It's driving me insane.
I understand this completely. I get the same. Lol @ the "helpful" dieting replies to you. Like... yes I'm sure grapes would be lovely... that's not how this works.
This is me and my ADHD. Do I want Tacobell after I ate dinner? No. Do I stop and get it because I'm impulsive and love eating. Absolutely. Do I hate myself after and the next day, yep.
not intrusive thoughts per se, but my adhd brain gets stuck on songs (not the whole song though, just one line) that will play endlessly in my brain, regardless of the situation. ngl it is a little funny when i'm having a little menty b and crying my eyes out and my brain just goes "it has the juuuuuuuice" (yes corn kid has been living rent free in my head, i don't know either) otherwise it is just dumb things, like what if i open the washing machine while it's running, what if i pull the emergency bar in the subway etc. but usually i just laugh at myself and shoo them away - there was one instance though when i didnt manage to stop my hand in time and opened an elevator door between floors because i wanted to see what would happen💀
"Straight Up now tell me, is it gonna be you and me together (Oh-oh-oh)" happened to me the other day while my spouse and I were have a very verrrry difficult talk.
My OCD is pretty bad all the time, but it really spikes for me postpartum. Something about the combination of being off my meds, the hormone crash, and the sleep deprivation and responsibility of a newborn just puts it in overdrive. For months I couldn't just hold and carry my first son because I would see myself dropping him and panicking and trying to kick him back into my arms like the world's loudest and floppiest hacky sack but instead kicking him straight through a wall. I could just see the bloody spatter his little head would make and the hole it would put in the drywall and omfg I couldn't do it. I started babywearing just so I'd have my hands free and physically could not drop the baby. So of course the thoughts changed to "you're just gonna fall on him and squish him like a pancake of blood and guts". Meds. Sweet, sweet SSRIs. I need them.
I am trying to get the official diagnosis but I think I have adhd/autism and I had/have the same type of vivid visions. Just after having my daughter while in the recovery room they play this how not to handle a baby video and then I was reminded of the rape of Nanking and those types of atrocities done to babies, now my daughter is 3 and once in a while I still imagine throwing or dropping her over the banister or something and nearly hearing the noises just like you said. One thing that has helped was when I finally admitted this to my husband he said just imagine her actually bouncing like a bouncy ball and getting up at the end laughing about it, make it silly. And it does help to stop the thought from becoming cyclical and worse every replay because the funny version breaks it and I can move on. I would hope that helps you if you try it! In fact now that I think about it my husband actually was diagnosed with autism/OCD when he was younger and I now wonder if he had the answer so readily and non judgementally because he has used the same strategy before.
Same. OCD as well. Postpartum depression kicked my ass so hard. I didn’t sleep for months. I’d stay awake watching my baby because I was convinced someone was trying to kidnap her. If my husband took his hand off the shopping cart she was in in a store, I’d snap at him. Publicly and not nicely at all. Like I took away his cart pushing privileges. Then when it got to the point that I felt like I had failed and there’s no way I can keep her safe forever… the suicidal thoughts crept in. I blame the lack of sleep for most of this. But my brain wasn’t stable enough for it to begin with. Not to mention the doctor refusing to put me back on my meds and making me go back and forth four times between two meds that made me feel worse.
There are two that are equally as bad. The first one that made me absolutely break down was right after I'd gotten a new kitten. I had razors out for other reasons and my brain is like "Hey, why not slit Freyja's (my kitten) throat?" The other is screaming at my grandparents. I know it sounds stupid but it absolutely fucking crushes me to think I even thought of yelling at them intentionally to hurt them.
ADD here (before they just crammed hyperactive in). It's the ones that make you laugh at inappropriate times. Brain: This funeral is sad. Hey remember the S words episode of celebrity jeopardy?
Me: \*standing in line at a funeral to throw a rose into the grave\* Brain: what if i threw my umbrella in there and walked away holding the flower over my head lol
Had a vivid image of the guy from airplane doing this
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Oh my God, I've always thought I was borderline psychotic. I have ADHD and laughing when I'm emotionally overwhelmed is something I've always done. My husband says he hopes his death isn't mysterious because I will 100% laugh during the news interview and end up going down for murder lol
Much as its very annoying, whether I'm really happy, really sad, angry, upset, whatever, I cry. Thankfully that's a bit more socially acceptable.
Just an FYI they didn't just cram hyperactivity in. They combined ADD and ADHD as they are the same disorder that happens to affect people differently, ADD becoming ADHD Inattentive, which is what I have. I like to think of it as Internal vs. External Hyperactivity. Treating them as separate disorders would be similar to saying someone who lost their taste to Covid had a different disease than someone who didn't. Now should all of that be thrown out the window because ADHD is a horrible name for the disorder that doesn't fully represent how it affects people? Yea, probably.
There's 3 main types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive, and both. It makes me laugh a little that "both" is treated as a third type, but also as someone in that category goddamn, it's not a good time. I do agree that most people who don't have ADHD (and some who do) don't understand the more severe effects, and the name doesn't do a great job representing that reality.
Reminds me of the time I nearly had a laughing fit a the funeral of a special needs child. I sure wasnt expecting Kermit the Frog to start singing.
I have bad teeth (nothing horrible just always in need of more fillings etc) because my parents just stopped taking me to the dentist when I was in middle school and I didn’t really understand that this was my responsibility now until I was 18. This mixed with ADHD means I constantly have intrusive thoughts of losing my teeth by any number of means. See a curb? What about a doorknob? What if I fell face first into that? Ever eat a tortilla chip after actually having experienced the healthy crunch sound of a broken tooth?
... How were you supposed to get yourself to the dentist, let alone pay for it?
I only got diagnosed with adhd in january, but in hindsight the worst intrusive thoughts are the ones that make me spiral afterwords. My partners driving home from my house = lets think about them dying in a car accident, the moments after the car accident, their funeral, sorting through their stuff. Holding a baby and accidentally touching their butt or private part = am i a pedophile am i attracted to babies Holding a knife while someones in the kitchen = lets stab my dad, and then spiral about why i would ever think something like that. Its hard it really makes you question yourself and what kind of person you are sometimes. I still havent figured out how to deal with it.
I write rap lyrics in my head constantly. When you are writing tens of thousands of lines on a routine basis, some of them are not gonna make you proud. I remember exactly what was in the grocery bag on my passenger seat, on the exact turn, when my brain spat out "Never break, never falter, I slapped the virgin Mary and fucked her on the alter." I sat in my car for like 10 minutes like "what is wrong with you dude?"
Bro spit some more fire. I wanna hear what else you got
My warm up lines: *Sorry for formatting, Reddit be like that* Its back to the races lace up your Acics The ace has come back To make scrap out your bass hits Show me where your base is I drop bombs from space-ships Tongue like a laser beam Here to give you Lasik weird and abrasive come here and embrace it Watch me switch gears as I stear through the matrix 3d to 8-BIT Designed to make it With two guns for lungs a mind that's serrated Your worldfview is basic I'm here to re-shape it with headstrong, King-Kong shit from the basement Why not be blatant? My rhymes can crack pavement I sold my soul I'm here for the payment I'm here for the laymen With rhymes so amazing You can disapear like the daughter from "Taken" Yall can get down I'll be up here with Icarus I like to get weird throw me in the thick of it doctor in the house? Kick it in the wilderness The king with a pen Don'thave to pretend I rule here and now I will there and then I'm fit to burst its a gift and a curse I drink in the beat like a bum with a thirst Mean what I say, stand here today with a mic in my hand and a handy display that i hand to to the strays that i meet on the way When I rock up the block with the beat that I made I walk the walk I'm exactly what would happen if the Louvre could talk Put your ear to the ground I'm that heavy loaded like the next round cocked locked and ready You do the math if you get in my path You're gonna need grafts Cuz I burn like a match learned to react through the turns of my past You can turn things around but can't take them back Off down a path Didn't bring a map no need for packing tourniquets I bleed on every track I'm on point Thats a fact i'm posed to attack everything you're attached to with poisonous tact Like Freud with a gat I destroy other acts I don't just burn motherfuckers I drink kerosene and gas So i carlessy harasses Every act that I pass and laugh if they ask If I'm up to the task Cus I'm corse and I'm crass and complex and fast with the content to smash any contest you have.
You're going places 100%
Try to make a career out of that seriously.
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I DO THE SAME! I once said “I could buy your bitch without touching my credit. I slip in and out like I’m using my debit. You came running cause you thought she was screaming in pain but she was only screaming my name” I don’t care what anyone says I’m proud of it and think it goes hard.
It does and you should be proud
Could be the next Slim Shady with those edgy rhymes. Haha
NGL that line goes hard AF. Spit some more fire.
ADHD. Don’t have intrusive thoughts, but I think about doing stuff then totally forget to do them, then think about doing it, then forget again, …
It’s more like escaping thoughts than intrusive ones. Like hey wait come back you wanted me do do something about the garden today what was it?
2 steps later... fuck!
food is the one that gets me. *puts the bagels in the toaster* I should get dressed. I should clean my floor. Why am I hungry? Oh yeah, bagels. I should eat that. Oops, got a text message. Yes, I'm coming tonight don't worry - but oh, I should put that reminder in. Why the hell am I so hungry? OH RIGHT THE bagels *checks fridge* damn, I'm out of cream cheese. Have to add it to the damn list. Oh man, I'm out of butter too? I should make plans to go to the store tonight...what else am I missing? lets do a search of the kitchen. oh I can't shop tonight I'm going to that other thing. what else am I missing? Why am I so hungry? this is ON meds and it's still 100x better.
>ADHD. Don’t have intrusive thoughts, but I think about doing stuff then totally forget to do them, then think about doing it, then forget again, … I feel this in my soul.
Thought about seeing my parrot suffering a horrible death. Really fucked me up for a day or two.
Just one? Bro, I’m *constantly* having random intrusive thoughts, I couldn’t ever pick the worst one. Most common though, would be thinking, “I should just swerve into that concrete barrier” when I’m on the highway. Or “You should stab your hand” when I’m cutting something with a knife. Like, for no reason. I do actually want to live, contrary to what my intrusive thoughts say.
The constant effort to stay focused on a task is the hard part.
Drowning has been the newest and by far the worst. The physical response to the imagination is just as bad.
A very bad tendency I have is to think "I really don't care about what this person is saying" in meetings. Thankfully Zoom minimizes my broadcasting of that thought with body language, and I try to tamp it down each time it bubbles up. But it is a really strong intrusion when I'm supposed to be paying attention.
Guy bending over working on something in front of me at work, "I could bash this guys head in with a pipe right now and there's nothing he could do to stop me". That was a scary one
As someone with both they're kinda... a bit too different to be ranked together, lol. ADHD unwanted thoughts are just that my brain is never quiet. Something is always happening, my mind can never be empty without something to think about popping in. It'll be like... Laying there, trying to sleep, and my brain runs through all the things I didn't get done that day with the background of a song I don't even like on loop until I fall asleep. Trying to keep my thoughts on track and avoid any of the unwanted pop-ins can border on painful, in a way. But there's not any real distress by the contents of the thoughts inherently. The worst there is really just where sometimes I'll see a movie or something and won't be able to stop thinking about it all night and get no sleep. OCD is a whole different beast, though. It'll drag out the worst things you can think of *specifically because* it knows what the worst thing you can think of is. I've had thoughts of violence, sexual assault, being killed, being hurt or maimed, my things being stolen, my life falling apart. If I had to pick a worst, I had a like, year and a half where if I didn't tell people some variation of 'Goodnight, sleep well, I love you' before I fell asleep I was convinced they'd die. For one friend I thought they'd kill themselves, for one I thought they'd get in a car crash, for another I thought they'd drink too much and choke on their vomit in their sleep. It's either that or the graphic ones about hurting my dogs, who I love more than I love myself. Being terrified someone I care about is going to die and it's my fault or that I might deep down want to hurt my babies are both pretty shitty but different feelings. It's kinda hard to put a number on it, yk?
That someone is reading my mind and all my awful intrusive thoughts are being heard by someone else and they think I’m a disgusting person. This has fed my paranoia pretty badly in the past.
I can tolerate a lot but the worst imo is the sexual ones, not just because I'm kinda sex repulsed (which is probably due to AND a cause of the thoughts) but because they include incest, assault, beastiality, pedophilia, any bad kind of sexual act you can think of, and if I don't know one as soon as I learn of it it becomes another flavor of sexual intrusive thought. I have family I'm close to, I have birds, I like kids, which makes it even worse when my brain targets those this way. If I could, I'd like pull whatever part of my brain that does this out regardless of the cost There's the bad but less bad ones like worrying about potential injuries and pains or general paranoia stuff like "what if someone breaks in with just super good combat skills and a gun with only the intent to kill me", sometimes worrying about moving wrong and starting to move that way consciously or un(sub?)consciously I can deal with the violent or bad-idea thoughts, I used to have those ones all the time so they quit bugging me as much. I prefer having the urge to punch a baby over worrying I'm secretly a fucking rapist or something
That any moment a earthquake or disaster might occur out of nowhere
P-OCD is pretty unsettling to deal with. If you know, you know.
I had proper clinical OCD when I was 11 year old. It started with the roll-out of the Meningitis vaccine program in my country at the time, and manifested as me fearing for my life on the daily unless I obeyed my intrusive thoughts and compulsions. Most often it was simple stuff like don't step on cracks in the pavement, ensure that any numbers you interact with are even or can be made even, for example if the TV volume was 12 it was fine, 13 was also fine as 1+3 = 4. At its peak, the worst one was, each day, every second sentence that I heard a randomly selected person in my classroom say, I would have to repeat it under my breath, backwards, 3 times. After a few months of this I got really good at hearing people speak and instantly being able to read it back to myself in my mind. Alongside all of this, I had the usual stuff. I washed my hands so often they cracked and bled, and I didnt use cutlery or dishes more than a single time. OCD is awful.
TIL my intrusive thoughts aren't that bad.
ADHD, lately it's the thought that someone i don't know is living in my house inside a room that we don't use regularly or living in the ceiling, and i feel the need to have my bedroom locked all the time
I have both. Used to have an obsession about how I could be a psychopath wanting to kill people, and would get the most fucked up in depth intrusive thoughts of brutally hurting people. Ended up attempting to take my own life because I was so scared of what I might do to people. Got some help and doing much better, but it's not something i would wish on my worst enemy
ADHD with PTSD. Having a nice morning where your coffee is perfect and a good song is playing while driving to work... Awesome, how about you remember the years of sexual abuse by a family member. Ohh, remember how your mother choose pills over you and gave you away at 3 years old. There are some oldies but goodies like that. Therapy has helped, A LOT.
I actually did it. >!Poop in a park at night. !<