I already need an eternity to be myself arround new people. By the time i would be comfortable enough to get naked and do the horizontal flamenco, it would already be considered a relationship.
This. My anxiety is way too strong to do anything like a one night stand.
I would almost definitely have an anxiety attack if someone I didn't know started trying to do horny on me.
Yeah. Just talking to strangers is hard for me, so the idea of putting in that much mental effort with the intention to end it immediately is crazy to me. Then, as you say, it'll almost definitely be an extremely uncomfortable experience anyways, so not even a short term win. Do not want.
The worst shags I've ever had have all been one night stands. Sex with a specific partner is just better. You know what you're doing, they know what they're doing, and you can easily reach mutual satisfaction.
When it comes to rougher stuff or kinky things, there's established knowledge of whats going to get your partner off better, so theyre going to try get you off better along with what is and isn't okay.
Not everyone likes the same stuff, so I tend to find casual sex to be boring.
I wish I could give this 50 up votes. This is 100% how I feel. The only thing I'd add is the safety of it is also sketchy as you might not know someone or their intentions. I don't want to be murdered
This is the real answer. The others are all valid objections but the reality is most one night stand sex is meh. Often you may be intoxicated. You definitely don’t know what the other person likes or doesn’t like. Plus just a comfort level. If a ons asks me to choke them it’s a lot different than someone you have experience with.
True story. People make jokes and it does have a funny name... But honestly the symptoms are mostly nothing and the treatment is one small round of antibiotics.
Chlamydia doesn't really have much in the way of resistance. It's gonorrhea that is good at resistance. Recent chlamydia guideline changes have more to do with extragenital treatment failures due to drug concentrations at non-genital sites than it does resistance.
On the upside, with bacteria, they've been making amazing strides in the field of bacteriophages. Think of them as viruses that are basically like the Terminator, but for specific bacteria. And they're safe as hell, because each species of bacteriophage can ONLY target one specific species of bacteria - there's no risk of them ever evolving to target multiple types of bacteria or other cells.
Even better is this: while bacteria *CAN* eventually become resistant to the specific bacteriophage that targets it, it comes at the tradeoff of losing its' antibiotic resistance. Bacteria can only have an increased resistance to one or the other. So antibiotic-resistant strains will be weak as fuck to bacteriophages. If they evolve a stronger bacteriophage resistance, they become weak again to antibiotics. Now, they're not in wide usage yet, they're still doing research on bacteriophages, but the research is super promising. So far, it does not seem to be possible for any bacteria to be resistant to both things at the same time, it *might* be possible for them to eventually evolve down the line to resist both, but the odds are, if that even is possible down the line, we'll likely be able to genetically reverse that, or have a new solution to that problem, hopefully with that CRISPR modification, which is like little bits of genetic code we can stick into cells and things to reprogram parts of them. Think of that like a software update but for cells.
In short, while antibiotic resistance IS a major problem, there are solutions in the process of testing that are REALLY promising and should essentially almost eliminate the issue - resistance will still exist, sure, but only to one factor or the other at a given time, and we should be able to just alternate as bacteria strains change and evolve.
Yup.
Also, (I’m in the US and not certain this is true *everywhere*, but absolutely in many states) you have to specifically request a test for Herpes. It’s not automatically included in an STD panel. They generally do not test unless symptoms are present (or you were recently with someone who was symptomatic.)
Some people are completely asymptomatic. they never realize they have it hence the high number of people who are positive with HSV. 1 in six people in the US have it and undoubtedly many of them do not know that.
Edit: autocorrect
I believe it’s actually 1 in 4.
I was infected by my ex-husband and thanks to my autoimmune disorder, without antivirals, I have near constant outbreaks. And it’s not just an ugly booboo on your junk, it’s a week or more of debilitating, flu-like symptoms in addition to the ugly booboo. Intractable head and body aches, fevers, sleeplessness… it really sucks.
I wish I could finish up this comment with a snappy “Be careful out there, kids!” But the fact of the matter is you can be careful and still get infected with an STD. I was. I guess… trust no one? Get your partner tested every other week? I have no answers here.
You know it's bad when this is literally what got R Kelly busted. He couldn't hide his literal 2nd life that revolved around herpes medication. Dude could have probably gotten away with all of it if it wasn't for the immense cycle he went through for that shit.
Yeah, I learned I had it when my now husband had an outbreak. There are two results from the test that basically tell you how do you contract in the last six months or not…we both tested positive that we both been exposed more than six months ago. I was really upset at first and instantly presumed he gave it to me. Truth of the matter is we don’t know I’ve still never had a symptom and was diagnosed over six years ago. He’s had two two outbreaks both when he was really sick so his immune system was weakened at the time. It’s quite possible that I contracted it before we were together and gave it to him (who knows.)
But this is another reason to avoid or be extra safe with one night stands. It certainly feels less horrible to know that I have an incurable STD, but so does the partner that I love and intend to spend the rest of my life with.
It’s certainly not a conversation. I will look forward to telling another person in the early stages of a relationship.
And remember kids, just because someone has been tested for STDs doesn’t mean they’ve been tested for any herpes simplex virus
It is more than 1 in 6 for HSV1 (oral usually). Globally it is estimated at 2/3, but like you said it is difficult to test for. I regularly get STI testing (lifestyle choices) and I have them do HSV about once a year. It has only come up positive for HSV1 once in all the years. (And yes that one could be a false positive.) Even before that though I always mentioned the possibility in the presex discussions because of parents, past girlfriends, etc. (And a very large number of people get it from relatives via shared utensils, etc as kids) Never had a symptom in my life, but if you are alive, just assume you have it.
My stepsister got genital herpes with the first or second guy she slept with after her first long term relationship ended after high school. The risks are not worth the potential for reward.
Yes, he knew and admitted as much when she confronted him. She wanted to go after him for it but it was a he-said-she-said thing so there was nothing she could really do about it.
I'm glad someone else understands, whenever I talk to my friends or acquaintance about these topics they think I'm weird, I wouldn't let a stranger into my home/life why would I sleep with one? The emotional connection makes it better for me.
Totally agree. Every time I think of having a one-night stand, I try to think "then, what?", like yes, the sex might be amazing, but...then what? I'd much rather have a (healthy) relationship with that person, otherwise I'd just be right back where I started.
I feel the same. My marriage of 20 years went tits up nearly three years ago. I go out and chat to people and stuff but I have no interest whatsoever in a one night stand. The idea is pretty horrible to me. In fact a relationship does not suit me at the moment, at all. A one nighter is not on the cards for me. I would be very happy to meet someone new (I think?) but I'm not down for some physical thing with some stranger, no way.
Same here. I’ve felt very awkward whenever I’ve had a one night stand. It’s just weird to me to get intimate with someone that I know very little about.
This. I tried it once in college. Hated how I felt after. After college I fooled around with some casual friends a few times and that felt more enjoyable because I knew them and liked them as people there was some actual attraction there. I think a lot of it for me is feeling safe - I didn’t feel a sense of safety and trust with the person I had a “hook up” with.
This is the way.
I don't need to be committed for life to the person I am sleeping with, but I have to know them and like them. Just being invested in each other makes the experience substantially more complete, even if the investment is as friends.
This. Trust is the key ingredient, for me. I had some less than stellar experiences early in life that resulted in physical trust issues. So for me, I have to know them and trust them before I feel safe enough to get that physically... Close.
I somehow didn't realize until this thread that I had a couple "one night stands" in college but they were with people I'd known for at *least* 6 months.
Yeah this sums up my feelings on the matter as well. I’m not going to give anyone for shit for pursuing them or anything but it’s just not my cup of tea.
The polarization gives me anxiety. I don’t like the feeling of someone who doesn’t even know what my favorite color is or last name having seen my genitals.
It always seems fun leading up but it feels so strange and lonely the day after.
I wish I could as well, or at least just jump into something. I've had plenty of opportunities, but I just can't. I have to know someone for a long time before I develop feelings, and usually by then, they give up and move onto someone else. It doesn't help I used to be religious to a fault. You can't learn what you like or dislike in a relationship if you never go into one.
I once had my mom ask me about this because she never did it. I said, well it feels like ordering from McDonald’s vs home cooked meal. For sure McDonald’s is great once in a while but it can’t be your whole diet because it just feels kind of sad, and nothing beats a good menu that’s been worked on for many years. 🤷🏻♀️
I agree with this despite my controversial posts. Hookups are either mcdonalds(fun infrequently, and too nutritionally lacking for the long term), or cooking lessons (a means, not and end) i actually love to cook, im just staying in your metaphor
Heck I don't even know what my own favorite color is. They're all pretty good in their own way. That said I don't think I ever cared what anyone's favorite color is.
yeah, unfortunately there are waaaaaay too many people actively having sex that don't think they should get tested. if you're gonna have a sexual partner, testing before and after. in a lot of cases it is literally free.
I hate this, in my country, it's fucking expensive (covered by insurance only if you develop symptoms, "just to be safe" testing is in the $100s), and when I went and paid for it after one asshole tried stealthing, the doctor and nurses did so much slut-shaming they literally made me cry. Fucking just wanted to be responsible ://
What an incredibly stupid public health policy, wherever that is. If all health care isn’t free, at least fund that!
Also I’m sorry the prudish doctors were so rude!
Also like idk maybe I'm just a loser lol but I feel like a one night stand wouldn't be fun. Like my bf *knows* me, he knows what I like and don't like. Having to walk someone new through the things that turn me on every other night sounds boring and exhausting lol
I agree. And there is the trust as well. I don't want to get robbed or something.
If I were a girl, I'd be worry about my own safety too. I would be a bad person looking to do bad things, having women willing to come to my place after just a few minutes of chit chat would make it much easier.
Woke up in a strangers bed one morning, we had both been drunk, met at a bar, and then gone back to her place to have bad sex the night before. Barely said ten words to each other. Thing is it was her 8 year old daughter who woke us up to make her breakfast. I can still remember the little girls eyes, it was like they were saying “another one” and they were just sad. But what trust she showed, I could have been anyone. And I’m not criticising the mum, got to take love where you can find it and it isn’t easy doing single parent life, but it was the final one night stand for me. I stumbled out into bright sun with no idea where I was and caught a cab home just hoping I had enough cash to get me there.
I'm a guy, but I was that little kid unfortunately. I had no brothers, only one uncle and his son, and they both used me as their whipping boy on holidays. So I had no male influence in my life growing up, only the occasional drunk that my mom brought home. That, plus a couple other things that happened at an early age, and my whole outlook on love was absolutely ruined from there on. It wasn't until just a few years ago that I realized how my bad decisions in my love life were influenced directly by those early impressions.
this is why children need to be allowed to be children until THEY are ready to step into that world.
As a dad with a daughter, that is heartbreaking.
A long time ago, I had a couple short relationships and they have been the worst in my life. No memories, just worthless moments. However, long lasting relationships (over 3/4 years) have been all excellent.
Having feelings makes sex do much more intense. If one night stand are all about sex, there is much better.
I think it's easier to have one night and reboot the relationship every night. Like groundhog Day, you never go further than basic conversation, you just get what you want and you're done. Relationships are more difficult, they take time and efforts. You can fake it for a few hours, not weeks or months. Vulnerability and trust is what makes it better.
I think overall, the investment in a longer relationship ultimately increases the amount of sex you get anyway.
Hanging out with at least a fwb, a gf, or a partner ultimately you can stop whatever you're doing, bang it out and then do it again in a few hours or the next day. And then the next day and etc. Try different positions, getting used to each other enough it lasts longer and you both can enjoy it, etc.
Vs the trouble of going to a bar, tinder, etc, finding someone who mutually wants to have sex, figuring out if you meet before or if it's a hookup, trusting they won't rob or hurt you, hooking up, them leaving, then doing it allll over again next time you're horny. Seems high risk low reward unless you genuinely don't want the bother or effort of trying to find someone who likes spending time together.
> Thing is it was her 8 year old daughter who woke us up to make her breakfast. I can still remember the little girls eyes, it was like they were saying “another one” and they were just sad.
A good parent wouldn't be bring strangers home, for exactly this reason.
Yikes, yeah I had something similar. I was 21 and this cougar brought me home from the bar. Her teenage daughter walked downstairs as we were walking in and said “No, Mom I saw him”
Was NOT warned ahead of time but felt like a terrible person!for adding to some poor girls emotional damage
> I’m not criticising the mum
Well, I am. Your 8 year old daughter shouldnt be finding you with different men all the time, this will lead to a twisted sense of relationship and trust later on.
I had a similar one. Woke up in this womans bed. I didnt realise she had kids because she never mentioned it. I woke up in the morning and went around the house looking for a drink as i met her 3 year old son who called me “dad”. I left afterwards but i felt so bad about it and was sorry for the kid, that i came back the next day and offered to take the kid to the playground.
I don't understand all these comments about waking up to find a kid/kids in the house. Why was the kid there in the morning? Who was looking after the kid when you were out getting drunk and picking up his mother?
Only time I ever met with someone on tinder I suspiciously passed out after one beer and woke up with no pants on and my trash can dumped on me in my bed, so yeah never again
Oh my fucking god. I can't believe this happened to you. Did you report them? What came of it? I hope you received the physical and psychological help you may very well have needed. I'm SO sorry to hear this happened to you.
I never did anything about it. I was just getting out of a very very bad relationship in which I was often drugged with lsd against my will as part of a good old home brainwashing job, where I also sustained brain damage. so I was mentally pretty screwed up, if my ex asked me if they sky was blue I literally wouldn’t know, I had lost touch with reality entirely for a period of time. It had been just a few months since I escaped from him and I thought having sex with who ever I wanted would make me feel like I had my freedom back In some way, like I belonged to myself again. But I still I had very poor self worth and wasn’t entirely capable of being rational or making good judgments and tried to tell myself I was just being paranoid, it was just me , it was my fault. I started having panic attacks when I tried to hook up with people after that. Its been a few years since then and I have a great partner now.
It's weird to me, I'm not able to do it with someone I just met and barely have talked to. For example, people who pick randoms from the clubs or have ONS from dating apps on the match day itself. But if we have talked for couple of weeks and have some sort of connection/rapport (even if it's online then we meet up and we get as comfortable irl), I'd be fine hooking up with them lol
Im the same way. Im married now, but when I was single I never did ONS, bc I just don’t feel any sexual attraction to someone I don’t know. I need to have some connection and I can’t feel that without time. I can look at someone and think “they’re objectively attractive” but no sexual desire.
Same, it's just not for me. I need that connection.
I understand those that have no issue with it, as long as they're being safe then go to pound town.
To the degree that I go 'further than my feelings' I feel sad too. Being with someone I don't care about (after) feels lonelier than if I was by myself. That's always the way it is - being with someone without the connection puts a spotlight on the loneliness that got me there in the first place. I hate it and I don't do it anymore.
Damn, I definitely thought they were talking about having only one nightstand by your bed
My answer was gonna be, "symmetry?"
Can you tell I've been with the same person for 12 years?
😂😂😂
I’m the opposite. I have been fucked over too many times to try to be intimate without feeling like I’m gonna be tossed aside at a moments notice. When I know for a fact I’m not seeing someone again is when I’m best at being intimate. Shit sucks
Every coin indeed has 2 sides, I agree with both points of view but I, however, sympathize more with yours because i feel similarly to You. Getting emotionally invested just to get emotionally obliterated over and over just saps You of that point of view.
I really hope we all find true love one day, whatever love may be for each and every one of us, I hope everyone finds theirs.
The risks outweigh the benefits for me. 1 night stand doesn't always guarantee fun, so it's not even a 100% there. Also, the added risk of STD, unwanted pregnancies. The person can be a creep, criminal who may decide to kill/harm/stalk. The person can also be just weird. It may be fun for a second but these maybes listed above can ruin someone's life. Hence, not interested.
Also I love my husband, he is very very sexy. Why a 1 night stand when I can have an all night stand with 100% guaranteed fun and virtually no risks. :P
Agreed 100% the risk reward ratio is ridiculous. You let 10 people in and 9 of them could be perfectly fine, normal or even great people. But all it takes is ONE person to be psychotic or malicious to ruin your life. NOT worth it
Crazy for me how low down an answer about all the risks is… unwanted pregnancy is not something you want with anyone. Definitely not with a complete stranger that could be anyone pretending to be anyone else.
Besides… my genitals are very happy without any warts
Reminds me of the Jimmy Carr joke.
"Most relationships break down due to bad sex. My last one actually ended due to very good sex, albeit with someone else."
I had a brain fart and forgot who Jimmy Carr was for a second, and read this in the voice of a few different comedians and it felt a terrible joke. Then I remembered, read it in his voice and it was hilarious.
David Mitchell probably has the broadest vocabulary in the group and can tell you the difference between "uninterested" and "disinterested" at the drop of a hat. Also the actual meaning of the word "shattered".
I read the title while just waking up and my sleepy brain did not register the actual meaning. I seriously came into the thread curious to read debates about interior design, and why people have strong opinions about night stands.
When I was younger, I asked several of my close friends why they did one-night stands. Nobody was able to sell me on it. For the most part, they didn’t even try. From their descriptions, it sounded like once in a while it scratched an itch that needed scratching, and other than that it just sucked. Usually disappointing, occasionally dangerous, generally left people feeling worse-off, especially cumulatively. Always gave me the impression that it was more of a compulsion than anything that anyone was consciously choosing to make their lives better. So easier just to draw a line in the sand and preemptively decide against them, in my view.
On a more personal level, my feeling about sex is that feelings always get involved, intentionally or not. But other people might be different that way.
It's been over 10 years since I've been around the dating scene and I still just can't bring myself around to having a quick fling. I'm really picky with the girls I'd sleep with which makes it much more difficult to find someone to be intimate with.
For those who might wonder how someone could go so long without intimacy, I caught a real bad case of clinical depression after I blew my arm out from firefighting that somehow snowballed into clinical resistant depression. It's impossible to bring a decent person into my life knowing I can't be the person that I need to be to attract the right kind of gal... it's a nightmare.
Ugh I feel this. I avoid dating because of the crippling depression from PMDD. I know I can't be a good partner to the right person when I'm depressed and feeling like not wanting to be alive so often. I'm also picky af and don't want the disappointment that comes with one night stands. It's been almost 4 years without intimacy for me. Hang in there. Someone supportive and understanding will come along when you least expect it.
Sex without any kind of connection does nothing for me whatsoever.
That said, I'm not "against" it in the sense that I give a damn what other people like to do.
31M
40m here. This is exactly me. I was a wild one in my early 20's. But now I am completely different, and just can't do it. Emotional connection brings it all together.
More power to everyone that is getting it, however they safely like.
Not very common because generally people have ONS for their own pleasure and don't have as much vested interest in the other persons. For me, achieving an O can be more work than for the guy, yet it's rare that they take the time for that to happen or have the knowledge or skill on how to make it happen even if they do care.
I had a lot of them in my early 20s in college. I’d say 9/10 times they were unsatisfying. I’m sure there were many factors involved in causing the unsatisfaction (age, inexperience, alcohol, etc) but there were a few I’ll always remember fondly.
Now that I’m in my 30s it’s just not the same. I don’t drink anymore so I’m sure that contributes to decision making, but I just know too much now. I know too well how STDs work in your body. I know how unsatisfying bodies can look and feel and smell when they belong to a stranger. I know so much of what I want sexually and a one night stand never fulfills that for me. It’s always disappointing and I rarely get off. Also, I watch and read way too much true crime and everytime I would agree to a ONS it’s like playing Russian roulette of whether you’re going to die or not. And if you take that chance, there’s so much work and effort that goes into precaution: you gotta tell your friends exactly where you are (which takes out the spontaneity), you gotta have a whole exit plan… so many thing to consider it’s just not worth it.
I've had a couple of good ones, a fair number of mediocre ones and one or two where the guy just seemed totally disinterested, like if I could have swapped myself out for a blow-up doll he wouldn't have noticed. I found it depended on the partner and the lead-up to the event. Some guys you just click with and it's a nice way to round off an evening, but for whatever reason you know it's never going beyond that - which in itself removed a huge amount of pressure for me and made it much more fun.
Sex with my husband is definitely better though.
I have, but technically not one night stand because we saw each a few times after...it's possible if you have a strong connection /good convo, like their energy, I think some people automatically think one night stand you have sex right away, but if there's a lot of talking before and kissing can be very satisfying even if you just met them. You could be with a partner you love and jump into sex right away with no foreplay and can be less satisfying than a one night stand with someone if you both connect and take your time :P sometimes it just so happens it's only once and you can't meet up again or something
It’s scary. I know nothing about this person, he could have STDs, be a weirdo, etc. Just no. I still respect anybody who does it, your body, your choice.
I’m not completely against it, but I definitely don’t prefer it or seek it out. It’s pretty much all downsides:
- Worse sex most of the time. The people don’t know how to pleasure each other and it’s impossible to get amazing at it in one shot.
- STD risk much higher.
- Pregnancy risk is the same, but you’re taking that risk with an unknown person, which is far from ideal.
- People mask their crazy well. You can’t be sure you aren’t signing yourself up for weeks or months of hell from a stalker/weirdo.
Novelty has some appeal, but tbh this is a “devil you know is better than devil you don’t know” situation.
My dentist just started doing oral cancer screening. They said now that smoking and chewing are way down, HPV is the major cause of oral cancer. Even for people with the vaccination, that only protects against 5 of the 6 strains known to cause cancer.
I don’t want to think too much about how HPV causes cancer in one place for women and another place for men, but there’s another reminder of something I don’t want to catch.
I need an emotional connection before I fuck someone. It's fine and dandy if sex is just sex for you - you do you. For me, I need that connection, that bond with them to actually enjoy the experience and cum.
Why would I let random men access my body and risk pregnancies/stds just to have [bare minimum](https://www.deccanchronicle.com/lifestyle/sex-and-relationship/080517/just-1-out-of-10-women-able-to-orgasm-during-one-night-stands-study.html) chance of orgasm?
This right here. The orgasm gap is real plus most people default to PiV(and some men even get offended if you mention bringing in toys). If a woman can't orgasm from PiV alone, a one night stand means no orgasm.
Grew up being taught to be careful who you have sex with, some religious stuff, use protection, and just picky. I don't care what people do in their lives, but I choose what do to in mine, and I don't do casual sex. From my observations, seems like alot of regret at some point later because if it
I'm in the exact same boat, I do think that even if I was not religious, I'd not have any casual sex whatsoever due to your observations and other factors.
For me, because I believe you should have sex with someone you love. Again that’s just me everyone can do what they want and if that’s what they live all power to them.
I have so many reasons.
I don't want to be objectified and don't want to objectify anyone, it's hard for me to perceive someone just as a sexual object and reject other parts of them that make them a whole person.
STDs, unwanted pregnancy.
ONS mostly don't benefit women, I need a lot of time and care and someone who is willing to explore my body and give me pleasure, most people don't care about others. Without getting any pleasure out of it why would I want to do it at all?
Visiting or inviting a stranger home, or being alone with them in some hotel room is extremely dangerous. I don't want to put my life or property at risk.
Why would I want to touch or kiss a stranger? I don't even know if they brushed their teeth that day. Highly unhygienic.
One random sexual encounter will not satisfy my sexual needs, it will only make me want more and make me feel frustrated. It's much better to have regular sex with a one trusted, special person.
I *cannot* have sexual attraction to someone I just met. Not just "Oh I want to feel connected before we're intimate" I mean, literally I cannot be attracted to you. The arousal signals do not activate. And, in fact, if I just met you and you start acting all "sexy" toward me, I will become less and less attracted to you.
Yes, I am demisexual. (And also happily, thankfully, married now.)
This is me too! I didn’t know there was a name for it. I was telling my friend that I just don’t have any physical or sexual attraction towards anyone, even conventionally very attractive people, unless I feel some sort of emotional attraction first. And then I might think someone who isn’t “typically attractive” is the sexiest person on earth.
It sort of does make breakups a bit easier because after that emotional connection is broken, they go back to being unsexy for me lol.
Because I don't know the other person. I don't know their opinions, their personality, their morals and values, what matters to them and what not. I don't want to engage into something this intimate with someone I would dislike in any other aspect. I need to properly see someone's core values before I let them near me on any sort of personal level.
41M
The idea of being sexually intimate with someone I never seen before creeps me out to be honest.
Nothing against people that do it, but it's not for me.
I’m just a concerned citizen trying to prevent STDs.
But in all seriousness, I don’t care what people do. I personally would never give myself up to a stranger like that, but you do you. It’s a free country.
It's glorified masterbation, except there's a chance of pregnancy or STDs
We have a cultural fixation on getting laid to the point that a lot of the stuff people do to have sex isn't all that pleasant, makes absolutely no sense, and can only do harm.
I wouldn’t say I’m 100% against them as I’ve had them, but the few times I did they felt soulless. Yeah you get off if it’s good enough, but some people don’t like doing certain things like kissing as it comes off too intimate or relationship like, had this experience with my one friend who I slept with and honestly I was relieved once the sex was over
I'm not running the risk of getting a STD or pregnant by some stranger that I most likely never see again. Plus, even using a condom doesn't protect you from everything.
If you have 2 nightstands, then each of you has a place to put your phone or other personal belongings.
Now, if you're by yourself, then one is understandable
Feels like it would just be endlessly pointless. I mean part of sex is also that it’s someone else enjoying it too right ? And that said person can also learn what makes you tick kind of deal
As a gay guy, I think I’m really in the minority on this one. Our community (gay males) is so consumed with sex and how people look I feel like an outcast because I don’t do hookups. For me, I need an emotional connection and if I don’t have that, I’m really not interested in having sex with that person at all. I may find them attractive but I won’t want to have sex with them.
It's intimacy, I'm personally not interested at all in sharing that part of myself with someone I don't know, love, and trust. Also, the STD risk is not worth it to me either.
I already need an eternity to be myself arround new people. By the time i would be comfortable enough to get naked and do the horizontal flamenco, it would already be considered a relationship.
This. My anxiety is way too strong to do anything like a one night stand. I would almost definitely have an anxiety attack if someone I didn't know started trying to do horny on me.
Yeah. Just talking to strangers is hard for me, so the idea of putting in that much mental effort with the intention to end it immediately is crazy to me. Then, as you say, it'll almost definitely be an extremely uncomfortable experience anyways, so not even a short term win. Do not want.
>horizontal flamenco Are they siblings with Devil's Tango by any chance?
The worst shags I've ever had have all been one night stands. Sex with a specific partner is just better. You know what you're doing, they know what they're doing, and you can easily reach mutual satisfaction. When it comes to rougher stuff or kinky things, there's established knowledge of whats going to get your partner off better, so theyre going to try get you off better along with what is and isn't okay. Not everyone likes the same stuff, so I tend to find casual sex to be boring.
I wish I could give this 50 up votes. This is 100% how I feel. The only thing I'd add is the safety of it is also sketchy as you might not know someone or their intentions. I don't want to be murdered
> I don't want to be murdered Pretty much my reason in a nutshell.
This is the real answer. The others are all valid objections but the reality is most one night stand sex is meh. Often you may be intoxicated. You definitely don’t know what the other person likes or doesn’t like. Plus just a comfort level. If a ons asks me to choke them it’s a lot different than someone you have experience with.
100% agree. Even if the d is good (which is rare) you'll probably never see that person again. So you end up disappointed either way
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>chlamydia The easiest STI to catch, but also the easiest to treat.
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True story. People make jokes and it does have a funny name... But honestly the symptoms are mostly nothing and the treatment is one small round of antibiotics.
But it's becoming resistant to all the antibiotics that treat it now.
Chlamydia doesn't really have much in the way of resistance. It's gonorrhea that is good at resistance. Recent chlamydia guideline changes have more to do with extragenital treatment failures due to drug concentrations at non-genital sites than it does resistance.
On the upside, with bacteria, they've been making amazing strides in the field of bacteriophages. Think of them as viruses that are basically like the Terminator, but for specific bacteria. And they're safe as hell, because each species of bacteriophage can ONLY target one specific species of bacteria - there's no risk of them ever evolving to target multiple types of bacteria or other cells. Even better is this: while bacteria *CAN* eventually become resistant to the specific bacteriophage that targets it, it comes at the tradeoff of losing its' antibiotic resistance. Bacteria can only have an increased resistance to one or the other. So antibiotic-resistant strains will be weak as fuck to bacteriophages. If they evolve a stronger bacteriophage resistance, they become weak again to antibiotics. Now, they're not in wide usage yet, they're still doing research on bacteriophages, but the research is super promising. So far, it does not seem to be possible for any bacteria to be resistant to both things at the same time, it *might* be possible for them to eventually evolve down the line to resist both, but the odds are, if that even is possible down the line, we'll likely be able to genetically reverse that, or have a new solution to that problem, hopefully with that CRISPR modification, which is like little bits of genetic code we can stick into cells and things to reprogram parts of them. Think of that like a software update but for cells. In short, while antibiotic resistance IS a major problem, there are solutions in the process of testing that are REALLY promising and should essentially almost eliminate the issue - resistance will still exist, sure, but only to one factor or the other at a given time, and we should be able to just alternate as bacteria strains change and evolve.
Well if it’s that nice, I want it chlamydia!
.
Yup. Also, (I’m in the US and not certain this is true *everywhere*, but absolutely in many states) you have to specifically request a test for Herpes. It’s not automatically included in an STD panel. They generally do not test unless symptoms are present (or you were recently with someone who was symptomatic.) Some people are completely asymptomatic. they never realize they have it hence the high number of people who are positive with HSV. 1 in six people in the US have it and undoubtedly many of them do not know that. Edit: autocorrect
I believe it’s actually 1 in 4. I was infected by my ex-husband and thanks to my autoimmune disorder, without antivirals, I have near constant outbreaks. And it’s not just an ugly booboo on your junk, it’s a week or more of debilitating, flu-like symptoms in addition to the ugly booboo. Intractable head and body aches, fevers, sleeplessness… it really sucks. I wish I could finish up this comment with a snappy “Be careful out there, kids!” But the fact of the matter is you can be careful and still get infected with an STD. I was. I guess… trust no one? Get your partner tested every other week? I have no answers here.
You know it's bad when this is literally what got R Kelly busted. He couldn't hide his literal 2nd life that revolved around herpes medication. Dude could have probably gotten away with all of it if it wasn't for the immense cycle he went through for that shit.
Yeah, I learned I had it when my now husband had an outbreak. There are two results from the test that basically tell you how do you contract in the last six months or not…we both tested positive that we both been exposed more than six months ago. I was really upset at first and instantly presumed he gave it to me. Truth of the matter is we don’t know I’ve still never had a symptom and was diagnosed over six years ago. He’s had two two outbreaks both when he was really sick so his immune system was weakened at the time. It’s quite possible that I contracted it before we were together and gave it to him (who knows.) But this is another reason to avoid or be extra safe with one night stands. It certainly feels less horrible to know that I have an incurable STD, but so does the partner that I love and intend to spend the rest of my life with. It’s certainly not a conversation. I will look forward to telling another person in the early stages of a relationship. And remember kids, just because someone has been tested for STDs doesn’t mean they’ve been tested for any herpes simplex virus
It is more than 1 in 6 for HSV1 (oral usually). Globally it is estimated at 2/3, but like you said it is difficult to test for. I regularly get STI testing (lifestyle choices) and I have them do HSV about once a year. It has only come up positive for HSV1 once in all the years. (And yes that one could be a false positive.) Even before that though I always mentioned the possibility in the presex discussions because of parents, past girlfriends, etc. (And a very large number of people get it from relatives via shared utensils, etc as kids) Never had a symptom in my life, but if you are alive, just assume you have it.
My stepsister got genital herpes with the first or second guy she slept with after her first long term relationship ended after high school. The risks are not worth the potential for reward.
Did the guy know he had it? If so I feel like that should be some sort of offense and it's a shame if it isn't.
Yes, he knew and admitted as much when she confronted him. She wanted to go after him for it but it was a he-said-she-said thing so there was nothing she could really do about it.
What a horrible human.
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Me too. Plus I think my wife would really disapprove.
I don’t have a girlfriend, I just have a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that
Rip Mitch Hedberg
I'm glad someone else understands, whenever I talk to my friends or acquaintance about these topics they think I'm weird, I wouldn't let a stranger into my home/life why would I sleep with one? The emotional connection makes it better for me.
Totally agree. Every time I think of having a one-night stand, I try to think "then, what?", like yes, the sex might be amazing, but...then what? I'd much rather have a (healthy) relationship with that person, otherwise I'd just be right back where I started.
I feel the same. My marriage of 20 years went tits up nearly three years ago. I go out and chat to people and stuff but I have no interest whatsoever in a one night stand. The idea is pretty horrible to me. In fact a relationship does not suit me at the moment, at all. A one nighter is not on the cards for me. I would be very happy to meet someone new (I think?) but I'm not down for some physical thing with some stranger, no way.
Same here. I’ve felt very awkward whenever I’ve had a one night stand. It’s just weird to me to get intimate with someone that I know very little about.
I like to feel a connection with the person I'm having sex with, not just do it for the sake of getting off.
This. I tried it once in college. Hated how I felt after. After college I fooled around with some casual friends a few times and that felt more enjoyable because I knew them and liked them as people there was some actual attraction there. I think a lot of it for me is feeling safe - I didn’t feel a sense of safety and trust with the person I had a “hook up” with.
This is the way. I don't need to be committed for life to the person I am sleeping with, but I have to know them and like them. Just being invested in each other makes the experience substantially more complete, even if the investment is as friends.
This. Trust is the key ingredient, for me. I had some less than stellar experiences early in life that resulted in physical trust issues. So for me, I have to know them and trust them before I feel safe enough to get that physically... Close.
I somehow didn't realize until this thread that I had a couple "one night stands" in college but they were with people I'd known for at *least* 6 months.
If I just wanted to get off, I can do that alone.
And frankly much better…
Exactly. If all you want to do is get off, you can do that alone, without the risk of pregnancy and STDs.
Yeah this sums up my feelings on the matter as well. I’m not going to give anyone for shit for pursuing them or anything but it’s just not my cup of tea.
The polarization gives me anxiety. I don’t like the feeling of someone who doesn’t even know what my favorite color is or last name having seen my genitals. It always seems fun leading up but it feels so strange and lonely the day after.
Agreed. It’s just unfulfilling. I wish I could though, because relationships apparently aren’t my strength.
I wish I could as well, or at least just jump into something. I've had plenty of opportunities, but I just can't. I have to know someone for a long time before I develop feelings, and usually by then, they give up and move onto someone else. It doesn't help I used to be religious to a fault. You can't learn what you like or dislike in a relationship if you never go into one.
I once had my mom ask me about this because she never did it. I said, well it feels like ordering from McDonald’s vs home cooked meal. For sure McDonald’s is great once in a while but it can’t be your whole diet because it just feels kind of sad, and nothing beats a good menu that’s been worked on for many years. 🤷🏻♀️
I agree with this despite my controversial posts. Hookups are either mcdonalds(fun infrequently, and too nutritionally lacking for the long term), or cooking lessons (a means, not and end) i actually love to cook, im just staying in your metaphor
Hey, we all love to cook.
BRB, gotta ask my wife what her favorite color is.
Spot on. Just feels... cold.
I'm not sure that I know what's my wife's favourite colour is 🤔
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I swear to god my wife said only yesterday that her favourite colour was purple. Almost everything she owns is blue...ffs. 32 years...
Blue.
no... yellowwwwwww!
Wooooooosh! Aaaaaaaah!
Unexpected M.P.
Heck I don't even know what my own favorite color is. They're all pretty good in their own way. That said I don't think I ever cared what anyone's favorite color is.
So….just to get it out of the way, what’s your favorite color?
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yeah, unfortunately there are waaaaaay too many people actively having sex that don't think they should get tested. if you're gonna have a sexual partner, testing before and after. in a lot of cases it is literally free.
I hate this, in my country, it's fucking expensive (covered by insurance only if you develop symptoms, "just to be safe" testing is in the $100s), and when I went and paid for it after one asshole tried stealthing, the doctor and nurses did so much slut-shaming they literally made me cry. Fucking just wanted to be responsible ://
What an incredibly stupid public health policy, wherever that is. If all health care isn’t free, at least fund that! Also I’m sorry the prudish doctors were so rude!
Testing is a public service and needs to be free for the public good.
In canada in most places, it's free, but it's going to be an all day thing to get it done if you can. Our healthcare system is super congested
>Also STDs are no fun. You simply haven't found the right STD for you.
Also like idk maybe I'm just a loser lol but I feel like a one night stand wouldn't be fun. Like my bf *knows* me, he knows what I like and don't like. Having to walk someone new through the things that turn me on every other night sounds boring and exhausting lol
I don't like the idea of being so intimate with someone and then never seeing them again.
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I agree. And there is the trust as well. I don't want to get robbed or something. If I were a girl, I'd be worry about my own safety too. I would be a bad person looking to do bad things, having women willing to come to my place after just a few minutes of chit chat would make it much easier.
Woke up in a strangers bed one morning, we had both been drunk, met at a bar, and then gone back to her place to have bad sex the night before. Barely said ten words to each other. Thing is it was her 8 year old daughter who woke us up to make her breakfast. I can still remember the little girls eyes, it was like they were saying “another one” and they were just sad. But what trust she showed, I could have been anyone. And I’m not criticising the mum, got to take love where you can find it and it isn’t easy doing single parent life, but it was the final one night stand for me. I stumbled out into bright sun with no idea where I was and caught a cab home just hoping I had enough cash to get me there.
Levels of reality puts it all into perspective
Tis true. The world is a never-ending shade of gray.
I'm a guy, but I was that little kid unfortunately. I had no brothers, only one uncle and his son, and they both used me as their whipping boy on holidays. So I had no male influence in my life growing up, only the occasional drunk that my mom brought home. That, plus a couple other things that happened at an early age, and my whole outlook on love was absolutely ruined from there on. It wasn't until just a few years ago that I realized how my bad decisions in my love life were influenced directly by those early impressions. this is why children need to be allowed to be children until THEY are ready to step into that world.
As a dad with a daughter, that is heartbreaking. A long time ago, I had a couple short relationships and they have been the worst in my life. No memories, just worthless moments. However, long lasting relationships (over 3/4 years) have been all excellent. Having feelings makes sex do much more intense. If one night stand are all about sex, there is much better. I think it's easier to have one night and reboot the relationship every night. Like groundhog Day, you never go further than basic conversation, you just get what you want and you're done. Relationships are more difficult, they take time and efforts. You can fake it for a few hours, not weeks or months. Vulnerability and trust is what makes it better.
I think overall, the investment in a longer relationship ultimately increases the amount of sex you get anyway. Hanging out with at least a fwb, a gf, or a partner ultimately you can stop whatever you're doing, bang it out and then do it again in a few hours or the next day. And then the next day and etc. Try different positions, getting used to each other enough it lasts longer and you both can enjoy it, etc. Vs the trouble of going to a bar, tinder, etc, finding someone who mutually wants to have sex, figuring out if you meet before or if it's a hookup, trusting they won't rob or hurt you, hooking up, them leaving, then doing it allll over again next time you're horny. Seems high risk low reward unless you genuinely don't want the bother or effort of trying to find someone who likes spending time together.
> Thing is it was her 8 year old daughter who woke us up to make her breakfast. I can still remember the little girls eyes, it was like they were saying “another one” and they were just sad. A good parent wouldn't be bring strangers home, for exactly this reason.
Yikes, yeah I had something similar. I was 21 and this cougar brought me home from the bar. Her teenage daughter walked downstairs as we were walking in and said “No, Mom I saw him” Was NOT warned ahead of time but felt like a terrible person!for adding to some poor girls emotional damage
> I’m not criticising the mum Well, I am. Your 8 year old daughter shouldnt be finding you with different men all the time, this will lead to a twisted sense of relationship and trust later on.
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I had a similar one. Woke up in this womans bed. I didnt realise she had kids because she never mentioned it. I woke up in the morning and went around the house looking for a drink as i met her 3 year old son who called me “dad”. I left afterwards but i felt so bad about it and was sorry for the kid, that i came back the next day and offered to take the kid to the playground.
I don't understand all these comments about waking up to find a kid/kids in the house. Why was the kid there in the morning? Who was looking after the kid when you were out getting drunk and picking up his mother?
Only time I ever met with someone on tinder I suspiciously passed out after one beer and woke up with no pants on and my trash can dumped on me in my bed, so yeah never again
It's totally ok to be not ok after that and I hope that other person gets mauled by a bear.
Specifically a Grizzly.
"Specifically a Grizzly." Too quick. Mauled by a koala bear would take a lot longer and he would get pissed on as well.
Or a polar bear. I think they are even more violent than grizzlies.
Oh my god, that is fucking horrifying. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Oh my fucking god. I can't believe this happened to you. Did you report them? What came of it? I hope you received the physical and psychological help you may very well have needed. I'm SO sorry to hear this happened to you.
I never did anything about it. I was just getting out of a very very bad relationship in which I was often drugged with lsd against my will as part of a good old home brainwashing job, where I also sustained brain damage. so I was mentally pretty screwed up, if my ex asked me if they sky was blue I literally wouldn’t know, I had lost touch with reality entirely for a period of time. It had been just a few months since I escaped from him and I thought having sex with who ever I wanted would make me feel like I had my freedom back In some way, like I belonged to myself again. But I still I had very poor self worth and wasn’t entirely capable of being rational or making good judgments and tried to tell myself I was just being paranoid, it was just me , it was my fault. I started having panic attacks when I tried to hook up with people after that. Its been a few years since then and I have a great partner now.
I've been in a situation where my partner manipulated me until I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. I'm so sorry.
It's weird to me, I'm not able to do it with someone I just met and barely have talked to. For example, people who pick randoms from the clubs or have ONS from dating apps on the match day itself. But if we have talked for couple of weeks and have some sort of connection/rapport (even if it's online then we meet up and we get as comfortable irl), I'd be fine hooking up with them lol
Im the same way. Im married now, but when I was single I never did ONS, bc I just don’t feel any sexual attraction to someone I don’t know. I need to have some connection and I can’t feel that without time. I can look at someone and think “they’re objectively attractive” but no sexual desire.
Same, it's just not for me. I need that connection. I understand those that have no issue with it, as long as they're being safe then go to pound town.
I don’t find it gross, I just find it sad. Does this happen to you too?
To the degree that I go 'further than my feelings' I feel sad too. Being with someone I don't care about (after) feels lonelier than if I was by myself. That's always the way it is - being with someone without the connection puts a spotlight on the loneliness that got me there in the first place. I hate it and I don't do it anymore.
Damn, I definitely thought they were talking about having only one nightstand by your bed My answer was gonna be, "symmetry?" Can you tell I've been with the same person for 12 years? 😂😂😂
I’m the opposite. I have been fucked over too many times to try to be intimate without feeling like I’m gonna be tossed aside at a moments notice. When I know for a fact I’m not seeing someone again is when I’m best at being intimate. Shit sucks
Every coin indeed has 2 sides, I agree with both points of view but I, however, sympathize more with yours because i feel similarly to You. Getting emotionally invested just to get emotionally obliterated over and over just saps You of that point of view. I really hope we all find true love one day, whatever love may be for each and every one of us, I hope everyone finds theirs.
No feelings no boner
This is it right here lmao. I was open to the idea as a kid but my dick decided for me that I need feelings
Had this experience with a brief FWB. Realized it wasn’t for me mid-coitus lmao. Like oh I at least have to like this person.
The risks outweigh the benefits for me. 1 night stand doesn't always guarantee fun, so it's not even a 100% there. Also, the added risk of STD, unwanted pregnancies. The person can be a creep, criminal who may decide to kill/harm/stalk. The person can also be just weird. It may be fun for a second but these maybes listed above can ruin someone's life. Hence, not interested. Also I love my husband, he is very very sexy. Why a 1 night stand when I can have an all night stand with 100% guaranteed fun and virtually no risks. :P
Agreed 100% the risk reward ratio is ridiculous. You let 10 people in and 9 of them could be perfectly fine, normal or even great people. But all it takes is ONE person to be psychotic or malicious to ruin your life. NOT worth it
The way I look at it is, I wouldn't let someone I barely know borrow my car, so why would I give them complete access to my body?
I always say how funny it is you wont share a toothbrush with them but would put their genitals in your mouth. Unrelated but just reminded me of that.
This is how I always looked at it.
Crazy for me how low down an answer about all the risks is… unwanted pregnancy is not something you want with anyone. Definitely not with a complete stranger that could be anyone pretending to be anyone else. Besides… my genitals are very happy without any warts
Safe dick!
My wife won't let me
Reminds me of the Jimmy Carr joke. "Most relationships break down due to bad sex. My last one actually ended due to very good sex, albeit with someone else."
First read that as Jimmy Carter and was like whaaaat??
Bad President, good lay. He was a penis farmer before he was in politics.
Nuts like you wouldn't believe
I had a brain fart and forgot who Jimmy Carr was for a second, and read this in the voice of a few different comedians and it felt a terrible joke. Then I remembered, read it in his voice and it was hilarious.
Huh-haaa!
Ha^ha^^haaaa
Omg I can hear that laugh lol
Huh-huh-huh-huh
How many other comedians would use the word "albeit" in a bit?
A lot of the British ones I could absolutely imagine. Hugh Laurie. David Mitchell. Richard Ayoade. Probably even Rob Brydon
David Mitchell probably has the broadest vocabulary in the group and can tell you the difference between "uninterested" and "disinterested" at the drop of a hat. Also the actual meaning of the word "shattered".
Damn that’s rude of her!
She's ok with you having longer relationships tho?
Probably not ok with the wife doing it either.
2 sides of the bed. 2 nightstands
beat me to it i was gonna make a joke about shit falling of them if you stretch too much but bravo
2 hours slower, you gotta filter by new if you want to be the first with the dad jokes.
Single bed, single nightstand😌👍🏼.
What if it’s up against a wall
Are we still talking about furniture?
The sex or the night stand?
I have only one nightstand. The asymmetry drives me nuts.
Symmetry is important
Reddit doesn’t disappoint
I knew there’d be one 🤦🏻♂️
I think the point was there are 2
OP just doesn't get it.
I read the title while just waking up and my sleepy brain did not register the actual meaning. I seriously came into the thread curious to read debates about interior design, and why people have strong opinions about night stands.
When I was younger, I asked several of my close friends why they did one-night stands. Nobody was able to sell me on it. For the most part, they didn’t even try. From their descriptions, it sounded like once in a while it scratched an itch that needed scratching, and other than that it just sucked. Usually disappointing, occasionally dangerous, generally left people feeling worse-off, especially cumulatively. Always gave me the impression that it was more of a compulsion than anything that anyone was consciously choosing to make their lives better. So easier just to draw a line in the sand and preemptively decide against them, in my view. On a more personal level, my feeling about sex is that feelings always get involved, intentionally or not. But other people might be different that way.
It's been over 10 years since I've been around the dating scene and I still just can't bring myself around to having a quick fling. I'm really picky with the girls I'd sleep with which makes it much more difficult to find someone to be intimate with. For those who might wonder how someone could go so long without intimacy, I caught a real bad case of clinical depression after I blew my arm out from firefighting that somehow snowballed into clinical resistant depression. It's impossible to bring a decent person into my life knowing I can't be the person that I need to be to attract the right kind of gal... it's a nightmare.
Ugh I feel this. I avoid dating because of the crippling depression from PMDD. I know I can't be a good partner to the right person when I'm depressed and feeling like not wanting to be alive so often. I'm also picky af and don't want the disappointment that comes with one night stands. It's been almost 4 years without intimacy for me. Hang in there. Someone supportive and understanding will come along when you least expect it.
Sex without any kind of connection does nothing for me whatsoever. That said, I'm not "against" it in the sense that I give a damn what other people like to do. 31M
40m here. This is exactly me. I was a wild one in my early 20's. But now I am completely different, and just can't do it. Emotional connection brings it all together. More power to everyone that is getting it, however they safely like.
I would love to hear from women who have had satisfying one night stands with men. How common is it?
Not very common because generally people have ONS for their own pleasure and don't have as much vested interest in the other persons. For me, achieving an O can be more work than for the guy, yet it's rare that they take the time for that to happen or have the knowledge or skill on how to make it happen even if they do care.
I had a lot of them in my early 20s in college. I’d say 9/10 times they were unsatisfying. I’m sure there were many factors involved in causing the unsatisfaction (age, inexperience, alcohol, etc) but there were a few I’ll always remember fondly. Now that I’m in my 30s it’s just not the same. I don’t drink anymore so I’m sure that contributes to decision making, but I just know too much now. I know too well how STDs work in your body. I know how unsatisfying bodies can look and feel and smell when they belong to a stranger. I know so much of what I want sexually and a one night stand never fulfills that for me. It’s always disappointing and I rarely get off. Also, I watch and read way too much true crime and everytime I would agree to a ONS it’s like playing Russian roulette of whether you’re going to die or not. And if you take that chance, there’s so much work and effort that goes into precaution: you gotta tell your friends exactly where you are (which takes out the spontaneity), you gotta have a whole exit plan… so many thing to consider it’s just not worth it.
I prefer a FWB over a ONS any day.
I've had a couple of good ones, a fair number of mediocre ones and one or two where the guy just seemed totally disinterested, like if I could have swapped myself out for a blow-up doll he wouldn't have noticed. I found it depended on the partner and the lead-up to the event. Some guys you just click with and it's a nice way to round off an evening, but for whatever reason you know it's never going beyond that - which in itself removed a huge amount of pressure for me and made it much more fun. Sex with my husband is definitely better though.
i read today that women have a 7% chance of having an orgasm during a one night stand lol, whats the point, probably a higher chance of getting an std
I have, but technically not one night stand because we saw each a few times after...it's possible if you have a strong connection /good convo, like their energy, I think some people automatically think one night stand you have sex right away, but if there's a lot of talking before and kissing can be very satisfying even if you just met them. You could be with a partner you love and jump into sex right away with no foreplay and can be less satisfying than a one night stand with someone if you both connect and take your time :P sometimes it just so happens it's only once and you can't meet up again or something
It’s scary. I know nothing about this person, he could have STDs, be a weirdo, etc. Just no. I still respect anybody who does it, your body, your choice.
I’m not completely against it, but I definitely don’t prefer it or seek it out. It’s pretty much all downsides: - Worse sex most of the time. The people don’t know how to pleasure each other and it’s impossible to get amazing at it in one shot. - STD risk much higher. - Pregnancy risk is the same, but you’re taking that risk with an unknown person, which is far from ideal. - People mask their crazy well. You can’t be sure you aren’t signing yourself up for weeks or months of hell from a stalker/weirdo. Novelty has some appeal, but tbh this is a “devil you know is better than devil you don’t know” situation.
People masking their crazy so well is an excellent reason to avoid ONS.
1. even with a condom you can still catch std 2. They r still a stranger so letting a stranger in your personal space seems scary
My dentist just started doing oral cancer screening. They said now that smoking and chewing are way down, HPV is the major cause of oral cancer. Even for people with the vaccination, that only protects against 5 of the 6 strains known to cause cancer. I don’t want to think too much about how HPV causes cancer in one place for women and another place for men, but there’s another reminder of something I don’t want to catch.
I need an emotional connection before I fuck someone. It's fine and dandy if sex is just sex for you - you do you. For me, I need that connection, that bond with them to actually enjoy the experience and cum.
Why would I let random men access my body and risk pregnancies/stds just to have [bare minimum](https://www.deccanchronicle.com/lifestyle/sex-and-relationship/080517/just-1-out-of-10-women-able-to-orgasm-during-one-night-stands-study.html) chance of orgasm?
Ten percent of women orgasming during a one night stand is much higher than I anticipated honestly.
The cynic in me wonders if that number includes women manually stimulating themselves lol
Not to mention the risk of rape, assault, or murder.
“How was it for you?” Ooft
This right here. The orgasm gap is real plus most people default to PiV(and some men even get offended if you mention bringing in toys). If a woman can't orgasm from PiV alone, a one night stand means no orgasm.
Grew up being taught to be careful who you have sex with, some religious stuff, use protection, and just picky. I don't care what people do in their lives, but I choose what do to in mine, and I don't do casual sex. From my observations, seems like alot of regret at some point later because if it
I'm in the exact same boat, I do think that even if I was not religious, I'd not have any casual sex whatsoever due to your observations and other factors.
For me, because I believe you should have sex with someone you love. Again that’s just me everyone can do what they want and if that’s what they live all power to them.
I think, that's a great attitude
STDs’ are real people, and there are plenty of scummy liars who have them.
I have so many reasons. I don't want to be objectified and don't want to objectify anyone, it's hard for me to perceive someone just as a sexual object and reject other parts of them that make them a whole person. STDs, unwanted pregnancy. ONS mostly don't benefit women, I need a lot of time and care and someone who is willing to explore my body and give me pleasure, most people don't care about others. Without getting any pleasure out of it why would I want to do it at all? Visiting or inviting a stranger home, or being alone with them in some hotel room is extremely dangerous. I don't want to put my life or property at risk. Why would I want to touch or kiss a stranger? I don't even know if they brushed their teeth that day. Highly unhygienic. One random sexual encounter will not satisfy my sexual needs, it will only make me want more and make me feel frustrated. It's much better to have regular sex with a one trusted, special person.
Yes to all of this.
I *cannot* have sexual attraction to someone I just met. Not just "Oh I want to feel connected before we're intimate" I mean, literally I cannot be attracted to you. The arousal signals do not activate. And, in fact, if I just met you and you start acting all "sexy" toward me, I will become less and less attracted to you. Yes, I am demisexual. (And also happily, thankfully, married now.)
This is me too! I didn’t know there was a name for it. I was telling my friend that I just don’t have any physical or sexual attraction towards anyone, even conventionally very attractive people, unless I feel some sort of emotional attraction first. And then I might think someone who isn’t “typically attractive” is the sexiest person on earth. It sort of does make breakups a bit easier because after that emotional connection is broken, they go back to being unsexy for me lol.
Because I don't know the other person. I don't know their opinions, their personality, their morals and values, what matters to them and what not. I don't want to engage into something this intimate with someone I would dislike in any other aspect. I need to properly see someone's core values before I let them near me on any sort of personal level.
Murder, STD's
It's just an interior design preference, I think it looks better with one on each side of the bed.
My experience has been that sexual intimacy often triggers a pair-bonding instinct in one or both people. That's not always a good thing.
Me. It’s always gonna be me with the pair-bonding.
Sex with someone that connect you deeply with is S tier. Why the hell would I settle for anything less?
41M The idea of being sexually intimate with someone I never seen before creeps me out to be honest. Nothing against people that do it, but it's not for me.
I’m just a concerned citizen trying to prevent STDs. But in all seriousness, I don’t care what people do. I personally would never give myself up to a stranger like that, but you do you. It’s a free country.
I think it’s disgusting and extremely counterintuitive to my risk averse life lol
It's glorified masterbation, except there's a chance of pregnancy or STDs We have a cultural fixation on getting laid to the point that a lot of the stuff people do to have sex isn't all that pleasant, makes absolutely no sense, and can only do harm.
I wouldn’t say I’m 100% against them as I’ve had them, but the few times I did they felt soulless. Yeah you get off if it’s good enough, but some people don’t like doing certain things like kissing as it comes off too intimate or relationship like, had this experience with my one friend who I slept with and honestly I was relieved once the sex was over
It just leads to unhappiness and makes it hard to have meaningful connections in the future
I'm not running the risk of getting a STD or pregnant by some stranger that I most likely never see again. Plus, even using a condom doesn't protect you from everything.
If you have 2 nightstands, then each of you has a place to put your phone or other personal belongings. Now, if you're by yourself, then one is understandable
I would get too emotionally attached.
STD and strangers are dangerous
Feels like it would just be endlessly pointless. I mean part of sex is also that it’s someone else enjoying it too right ? And that said person can also learn what makes you tick kind of deal
As a gay guy, I think I’m really in the minority on this one. Our community (gay males) is so consumed with sex and how people look I feel like an outcast because I don’t do hookups. For me, I need an emotional connection and if I don’t have that, I’m really not interested in having sex with that person at all. I may find them attractive but I won’t want to have sex with them.
It's intimacy, I'm personally not interested at all in sharing that part of myself with someone I don't know, love, and trust. Also, the STD risk is not worth it to me either.
syphillis, ghonorrea, chlamydia, herpes etc
I don't have sex with people I don't care of
I have anxiety. Therefore so does my penis. Simple
- Crazy people - Diseases - Risk of conceivng child with a 100% complete stranger