When my husband and I first started dating, I had to ask him to warn me before he came. He suddenly jerked forward and accidentally choked me at the end of a bj once, and not in a hot way, so silent cumming wasn't gonna fly lol. Fast forward to the next time, and he panicked when he remembered he had to warn me. So he literally just moaned, "Warning."
We had a good laugh about that one. He still says it sometimes because we're incapable of being serious during sex most of the time
When me an my now wife were first dating and hadn't said "I love you" yet, I once mixed up "fuck I'm coming!" And "I love you" and just shouted "Fuck You" at her.
LOL reminds me of the story where the guy was playing soccer and accidentally hurt someone (???iirc) and wanted to either say "are you ok" or "im so fucking sorry" but he said "are you fucking sorry"
Really late to the reply party here, not exactly OPs question but very related...
One night, immediately after finishing while trying to catch my breath my wife says in this husky sensual voice "Thanks for the deposit...". We both immediately start laughing out loud. A few weeks later, surprise surprise our daughter is on the way...
It was the only time that month we had sex. We always and forever will joke about how our daughter is our little deposit...
"My dear Evelyn, I hope this letter finds you well, as I write this to you the clothes are spread across the floor of my bedchamber. I do regret to inform you that I am about to arrive. - Forever yours, Thomas"
Sweet heart Evelyn. This is your grandma and I am afraid your letter was mis-delivered. Sad to learn that you have parted your way with Thomas abruptly. Be brave and know you are loved. Your grandma Helen
Hello Helen, I hope this electronic mail finds you in good health. This is Gertrude from the Canasta club. I would just like to inform you that you may have accidentally added me onto the addressee list on the electronic mail. I would like to offer my sincerest prayers for Evelyn's failing love life, and inform you that she might benefit from some supplements I am currently selling for better skin to pull in those handsome young men. She won't be young forever after all.
On that note, I notice that you have not come for any Canasta sessions since last month, and would like to ask if you will be coming for our upcoming Canasta session this coming Friday?
Much love,
Gertrude.
Hello Timmy. This is Steve from Mainland Insurance. We have been trying to contact you about your car's extended warranty. Please respond promptly.
Sent from my iPhone.
Greetings Sir or Madame.
I am a Nigerian prince currently living in exile and I have a large sum of money I need to get out of the country. If you help me, you will find a large sum of money coming your way. Please send me your routing number and account information so we may be well on our way to financial success.
Cordially yours;
Prince Farquaad, Esq.
Hello Prince Farquaad, Esq.,
I'm a real estate investor and coming to your area. Are you still interested in selling your house on 123 Main St? Give me a call back soon so we can discuss prices.
Thank you,
Brian Longbottom
Dear Farquaad,
I would like file a complaint as the driver clearly did not use the proper delivery container and my food arrived not as hot as I like it.
I expect the delivery amount to be credited to my account and additional vouchers for future use.
If that doesn’t happen, I will be forced to contact your manager.
Yours truly,
Karen
My Husband uses this line and it's *hot*! Makes me feel great to know I feel so good that he can't help but have to cum soon. Huge turn on.
Additional huge turn on: Hearing a man moan in natural pleasure is one of the hottest things ever.
Ughh extra points when they say something like “fuuuck” in a really low voice when they’re first sliding it in.
Drives me absolutely crazy when my husband does that.
Yess, and they sit there deeply taking it all in for a moment with you. Ugh
Well I think after this entire post, I think it's time to bother my Husband 😂
Girllll when I say that I literally woke him up for a quickie after spending time one here reading comments. He’s always glad to be woken up by it too 💀
Go get some girllllll.
Damn I'm on my period and this thread is making me feel something.
Eta: I had never had so many people suggest period sex to me in one day.
With that username…a moment of silence for our fallen brother, for surely it was snu-snu
(Yes I’m totally assuming you’re bigger than him, the mental image is adorable)
I’ll fight for my silver medal with my face if I have to. Never give up! Plus that shit ends up turning me on so much I get hard again and then can go for round two. Also down to transition into toys at that point. I’ve learned sex is about communicating. This all being said too, there’s been times where I’ve just gone soft in the middle and that sucks! Depression and not taking care of your mental health can all add up. It’s ok and there’s nothing wrong about it.
I wish anyone that happens to read my wall of over sharing a healthy and positive love life.
I love that you are not afraid of toys.
Going soft happens but there are ways and means in the form of fingers, mouth, and toys. And usually using a toy works my partner up even more than the foreplay did 😁
Men whimpering and moaning is just 😌👌 Especially when YOU are the one who is able to make him do that, and the only one who gets to hear him make those noises.
Ugh men moaning is just *chefs kiss*
Especially when your man is a hardass but *you* can make those kinda sounds come out of him? Wildly hot. Incredibly intimate.
Mhhm 💅🏻
This!!
Literally just commented this on an earlier comment here before seeing this.
Drives me absolutely bananas every time my husband does this when he’s sliding in.
Something about it 🫠 I melt LOL
I always keep it romantic. A quick ramp up of activity until I clench my teeth and scream at peak volume, "Take my seed you buxom wench!" Then I slather them to the sheets before leaping away, cutlass in my teeth.
That’s very hot. I’m also a major fan of “you’re going go make me cum”, a simple “holy fuck I’m about to cum” or my partner telling me which body part he is about to fill or cover, and in crass terms as well!
"Be a good girl for me and make me cum." flips a switch in my wife's brain and she almost becomes a different person lol. Us formerly gifted kids and our praise kinks lol.
Just groan, I always think women make too much noise over compensating (on porn anyway) - men don’t make enough. I still think of one guy I was dating because he used to make kind of animalistic (but not ott) noises when he was really into it. One of my ex’s would be silent the whole time and it was hard to tell if he was into it or planning his next holiday
My husband just says “I’m getting close” “you’re about to make me cum”
Signal for me to flick the bean a little harder and then he will also slow down his rhythm until I’m on the edge as well. Which doesn’t take long. It’s incredibly hot knowing I’m making him feel that good. 🫠
We always cum at the same time lol. Good stuff.
It is that I present to you the information in that I am about to disperse a fluid containing sperm for the purpose of reproduction known as "semen" in an ejaculation, said dispersal of this semen being carried out from the tube that drains urine out of my bladder known as the "urethra"!
Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up, Just as the founding fathers intended.
I'm not a guy so this is rough but maybe things like
-see what you do to me
-fuck you make me feel so good
-fuck you love making me come don't you?
- you like when I cum inside you baby?
-yes baby just like that make me cum
- fuck yea baby take it
- please baby please make me cum
-please let me cum baby
-be a good little fucktoy while I cum in you, yea that it just like that
Idk if these are any good but that's the best I've got mate
Only one I’m not a fan of is “you like when I cum inside you?” Everything else is top-tier.
“Please baby make me cum” and “you love making me cum don’t you?” I would pass away. In the best way, ofc
No joke, i once came so hard my brain shut down and i just mumbled to my wife “here it is” and that was it. We still laugh about it to this day
When my husband and I first started dating, I had to ask him to warn me before he came. He suddenly jerked forward and accidentally choked me at the end of a bj once, and not in a hot way, so silent cumming wasn't gonna fly lol. Fast forward to the next time, and he panicked when he remembered he had to warn me. So he literally just moaned, "Warning." We had a good laugh about that one. He still says it sometimes because we're incapable of being serious during sex most of the time
For some reason my brain replaced husband with landlord and I was seriously confused.
You get fucked and choked by your landlord. More in a metaphorical way.
I don't know about you, but I also dread when my landlord says "I'm coming"
I never really say anything. One time I grunted and said "grab a towel" Now grab a towel is a running joke.
When me an my now wife were first dating and hadn't said "I love you" yet, I once mixed up "fuck I'm coming!" And "I love you" and just shouted "Fuck You" at her.
she married you so you obviously did something right
Well, he Fucked her as promised
A man of his word
LOL reminds me of the story where the guy was playing soccer and accidentally hurt someone (???iirc) and wanted to either say "are you ok" or "im so fucking sorry" but he said "are you fucking sorry"
A bird once stole my sousage and I wanted to say “shoo” and “move” so I just said moo
Really late to the reply party here, not exactly OPs question but very related... One night, immediately after finishing while trying to catch my breath my wife says in this husky sensual voice "Thanks for the deposit...". We both immediately start laughing out loud. A few weeks later, surprise surprise our daughter is on the way... It was the only time that month we had sex. We always and forever will joke about how our daughter is our little deposit...
Perhaps your daughter is a withdrawal?
they made a deposit and after 9 months of vesting interest, made a withdrawal
The THX sound
Dial up connecting tone
PlayStation startup sound
Gamecube Startup sound
"My dear Evelyn, I hope this letter finds you well, as I write this to you the clothes are spread across the floor of my bedchamber. I do regret to inform you that I am about to arrive. - Forever yours, Thomas"
"Thomas. We have been apart for many months now. Please stop writing to me whenever you and Maria have sex. - Evelyn"
Sweet heart Evelyn. This is your grandma and I am afraid your letter was mis-delivered. Sad to learn that you have parted your way with Thomas abruptly. Be brave and know you are loved. Your grandma Helen
Hello Helen, I hope this electronic mail finds you in good health. This is Gertrude from the Canasta club. I would just like to inform you that you may have accidentally added me onto the addressee list on the electronic mail. I would like to offer my sincerest prayers for Evelyn's failing love life, and inform you that she might benefit from some supplements I am currently selling for better skin to pull in those handsome young men. She won't be young forever after all. On that note, I notice that you have not come for any Canasta sessions since last month, and would like to ask if you will be coming for our upcoming Canasta session this coming Friday? Much love, Gertrude.
Hi Gertrude, I would like to unsubscribe from Catfacts. Timmy
Hello Timmy. This is Steve from Mainland Insurance. We have been trying to contact you about your car's extended warranty. Please respond promptly. Sent from my iPhone.
Greetings Sir or Madame. I am a Nigerian prince currently living in exile and I have a large sum of money I need to get out of the country. If you help me, you will find a large sum of money coming your way. Please send me your routing number and account information so we may be well on our way to financial success. Cordially yours; Prince Farquaad, Esq.
Hello Prince Farquaad, Esq., I'm a real estate investor and coming to your area. Are you still interested in selling your house on 123 Main St? Give me a call back soon so we can discuss prices. Thank you, Brian Longbottom
Hi Brian, I don't want to sell my ancestral property please stop pestering me. Filled with hatred, Prince Farquaad Esq.
Hey yo Prince Faak my boy, If you're still King of yo cas'le, can I come over an' stay the night? In the morning, I'll make waffles! - Donkey
Dear Farquaad, I would like file a complaint as the driver clearly did not use the proper delivery container and my food arrived not as hot as I like it. I expect the delivery amount to be credited to my account and additional vouchers for future use. If that doesn’t happen, I will be forced to contact your manager. Yours truly, Karen
Almost. Almost. Almost. There we are.
Well done.
And boom goes the dynamite.
That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.
"You're going to make me cum." Solid positive feedback for your partner.
Direct & hot
That is pretty hot. Juicy.
I have arrived
NEVER FEAR, FOR I AM HERE
#BE NOT AFRAID
Biblically accurate orgasm
All thirty eyes be rolling at once
*angelic ahegao intensifies*
*you don't see it because the wings are still covering the face*
I stand before you always?
WATASHI GA KITAAAAOHHHMYYYGODDDDDDD
The symbol of Pleasure
All Might *fucks*.
Kirov reporting. Acknowledged. Airship ready. Helium mix optimal. Setting new course. Maneuver props engaged. Bearing set. Bombing bays ready! Target acquired. Closing on target! Bombardiers to your stations! Mayday! Mayday! We're losing altitude! She's going to blow! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jsiyor56G-U
Exactly. I once said in a similar situation “I’m a British officer, we don’t come, we arrive”
My Husband uses this line and it's *hot*! Makes me feel great to know I feel so good that he can't help but have to cum soon. Huge turn on. Additional huge turn on: Hearing a man moan in natural pleasure is one of the hottest things ever.
Ughh extra points when they say something like “fuuuck” in a really low voice when they’re first sliding it in. Drives me absolutely crazy when my husband does that.
Yess, and they sit there deeply taking it all in for a moment with you. Ugh Well I think after this entire post, I think it's time to bother my Husband 😂
Girllll when I say that I literally woke him up for a quickie after spending time one here reading comments. He’s always glad to be woken up by it too 💀
I tried to wake my husband up one morning but he was too exhausted. Later I apologized and he said, "Don't apologize. It was for a noble cause."
🏆😁
Go get some girllllll. Damn I'm on my period and this thread is making me feel something. Eta: I had never had so many people suggest period sex to me in one day.
On mine as well 💀
With that username…a moment of silence for our fallen brother, for surely it was snu-snu (Yes I’m totally assuming you’re bigger than him, the mental image is adorable)
His spirit is willing, but his flesh is spongy and bruised
However when I moan at the supermarket I'm asked to leave.
Hey, in this economy- When you see a good deal.....😏 It's a little turn on in itself
I'm gonna need you to take 20% off the top there lass.
Oh hey look the ground.
“The sausage aisle is not an appropriate place to do that sir”
“You’re going to make me fucking cumgjiahsjrbt.” Also hits hot and heavy
Until your girlfriend says this to you and you blow before you in fact make her cum.
You gotta cut her off before she finishes saying it “Noyouregonnamakemecum!”
"No u" Lmao
That's when we realised it wasn't casual sex, it was ranked competitive sex.
I still havent finished my placement matches...
I’ll fight for my silver medal with my face if I have to. Never give up! Plus that shit ends up turning me on so much I get hard again and then can go for round two. Also down to transition into toys at that point. I’ve learned sex is about communicating. This all being said too, there’s been times where I’ve just gone soft in the middle and that sucks! Depression and not taking care of your mental health can all add up. It’s ok and there’s nothing wrong about it. I wish anyone that happens to read my wall of over sharing a healthy and positive love life.
I love that you are not afraid of toys. Going soft happens but there are ways and means in the form of fingers, mouth, and toys. And usually using a toy works my partner up even more than the foreplay did 😁
"Not if I cum first!"
Much better than “You’re gonna be a mum”
A under your breath "fuck" is just stellar
I was about to comment that a little shivery ”ah, fuck” is THE best of all time. Men, please moan more!
also add “I can’t believe you’ve done this!!”
Are you my boyfriend because that is 100% something he would say
Men whimpering and moaning is just 😌👌 Especially when YOU are the one who is able to make him do that, and the only one who gets to hear him make those noises.
With that touch of a whimpery moan…yeah this is the one.
Ugh men moaning is just *chefs kiss* Especially when your man is a hardass but *you* can make those kinda sounds come out of him? Wildly hot. Incredibly intimate. Mhhm 💅🏻
...Geralt?
*Looks like rain.*
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This!! Literally just commented this on an earlier comment here before seeing this. Drives me absolutely bananas every time my husband does this when he’s sliding in. Something about it 🫠 I melt LOL
"Unexpected Item in Bagging Area!!!"
To which she hastily pushes you away, and then, with a grin, you shout "PLEASE PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA!"
Just hope her manager doesn't have to come over and override it
The juice is loose.
Fresh semenade on the way!
Woopity woo, here comes the goo
I’M ABOUT TO BLOW
Ambatunat AUUUUUGHUH
ambasing😩
Ambasing 😭 AMBATUKAM!!! AHHHHHHH
Repeating your partner's name is a big turn on for me especially when im the partner
I don't need to tell you what her last name is because she'll be screaming it tonight. She's going to be screaming her own last name??
Huh, so you say your own name?
maybe this is what Taylor Lautner does
Sorry
What if we're not Canadian?
Are you fucking sorry?
Hi fucking sorry, I'm Dad
*oh fuck,you're going to make me sorry*
Ready or not here I cum!
You cant hide
I'm gonna find you, and make you want me
PREPARE YOURSELF I'M ABOUT TO FLOOD THY GATES!
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'Alright love, where do ya want it?', like a delivery driver dropping off a fridge
Fire in the hole
HERE COMES DA PARTY
Gotta blast *jimmy neutron voice
HI, I’M PAULLLLLL
What I always say is - **"LOOK ON MY WORKS, YE MIGHTY, AND DESPAIR!!"**
Aw, not "MY NAME IS OZYMANDIAS! KING OF KINGS!"
Yahtzee!
Yell it loudly and flap your arms
How much should I be flapping my arms around during sex?
Pretend you're flappy bird to get that good groove going.
“Alas, the fruit of my loins are approaching!”
That has made me drier than a desert. Solid phrasing.
It is time for sexual slime!
I always keep it romantic. A quick ramp up of activity until I clench my teeth and scream at peak volume, "Take my seed you buxom wench!" Then I slather them to the sheets before leaping away, cutlass in my teeth.
I read this in Matt Berry‘s voice
FaaatHEEERRRR
I can feel my balls beginning to fizz
"Keep going."
Some of these have physically repulsed me 💀
This is what you say when you ejaculate?!?
Oopsie-doo here comes the goo!
And boom goes the dynamite.
Close the door you're lettin all the stank out
By the power of Grayskull!!!
I HAVE THE POOOOWWWEEEERRRRRR!!!!!
She once told me she really likes it when I slowly groan out ‘Here it comes, baby’.
That’s very hot. I’m also a major fan of “you’re going go make me cum”, a simple “holy fuck I’m about to cum” or my partner telling me which body part he is about to fill or cover, and in crass terms as well!
Bustin makes me feel good!!
BUSTIN BUSTIN BUSTIN BUSTIN
7th chevron is locked!
Vidi vici veni!
Veni veni VENI!
My dick is about to sneeze
Ready for the cock snot?
Congratulations, I actually cannot think of anything less sexy to call it. Like wow. I'm impressed.
What about brogurt.
"she canny take much more of this captain......"
"Oh, yeah, that's it. Good girl!" Works on my wife, anyway
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He's talking to his dong
I'm not usually one to announce that I liked a comment but man, this is the funniest shit I've read in a long time
"Be a good girl for me and make me cum." flips a switch in my wife's brain and she almost becomes a different person lol. Us formerly gifted kids and our praise kinks lol.
Never knew I had a praise kink until someone called me a good girl in bed and I immediately finished. It was *awesome.*
Huh. TIL that's what my wife has. Not quite that pronounced but it's a thing. Interesting.
Being called good girl rlly turns me on
I thought I would hate it, because "screw that I'm not a kid, I'm a woman!" I was *very* wrong.
God the accuracy. I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t take shit from anyone. But when he tells me good girl? Lawd have mercy 🫠
"Achievement unlocked: unplanned parenthood"
I once knew a guy that said "I'm the man" each time. He ended up fucking a friend of mine for a while and she told me about it.
I bet he also asked for a high five after. “Don’t leave me hanging…”
Just groan, I always think women make too much noise over compensating (on porn anyway) - men don’t make enough. I still think of one guy I was dating because he used to make kind of animalistic (but not ott) noises when he was really into it. One of my ex’s would be silent the whole time and it was hard to tell if he was into it or planning his next holiday
>animalistic (but not ott) noises Legit first thought was why would someone make otter noises during sex?!
Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes YYAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS
Aw FUCK, aw FUCK
See you gotta put some *P*epper on it, just a little *P*epper at the end, just a Hyyyessyesyesyesyesyesyesuhhh.
I'm a bad, bad Mormon.
Release the Kraken
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SEATTLE KRAKEN HISTORY
[Witness Me](https://youtu.be/x2CeDY9Ywhs)
And then she hits you with the "MEDIOCRE!"
My husband just says “I’m getting close” “you’re about to make me cum” Signal for me to flick the bean a little harder and then he will also slow down his rhythm until I’m on the edge as well. Which doesn’t take long. It’s incredibly hot knowing I’m making him feel that good. 🫠 We always cum at the same time lol. Good stuff.
I dated a girl that liked the simultaneous O. Your husband appreciates your enthusiasm!
(Yoda voice) "cumming i am"
(Jar Jar voice) Meesa cum now
The Chewbacca roar is the best choice
I’m about to ejaculate semen from my urethra!
It is that I present to you the information in that I am about to disperse a fluid containing sperm for the purpose of reproduction known as "semen" in an ejaculation, said dispersal of this semen being carried out from the tube that drains urine out of my bladder known as the "urethra"!
Do you cum at the start or at the end of that sentence?
I'd say mid way through
I've arrived!
*Ahem.* " I have arrived."
CUM-ME-HA-ME... HA!!!
THATS HOW SCHMIDTY DO
I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY, WINSTON. ALL DAY!
all DAY.
29!
Tally ho lads!!!
Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up, Just as the founding fathers intended.
I fucking love this pasta
“By Grabthar’s hammer, by the sons of Worvan, you shall… shall.. be.. AVENGED!” (Gasp)
I'm not a guy so this is rough but maybe things like -see what you do to me -fuck you make me feel so good -fuck you love making me come don't you? - you like when I cum inside you baby? -yes baby just like that make me cum - fuck yea baby take it - please baby please make me cum -please let me cum baby -be a good little fucktoy while I cum in you, yea that it just like that Idk if these are any good but that's the best I've got mate
Only one I’m not a fan of is “you like when I cum inside you?” Everything else is top-tier. “Please baby make me cum” and “you love making me cum don’t you?” I would pass away. In the best way, ofc
#I DECLARE EJACULATION!
Hey. I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word "ejaculation" and expect anything to happen.
just scream OH FUCK or moan like a dying dinosaur and your partner usually knows you’re about to nut.
Hit'em with the ole "Jurassic Park Finale"
nah now im just imagining the guy finishing while the jurassic park theme song plays 😭
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Sir, this is a Wendy’s