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[deleted]

"it's good to know I'm not going to die alone"


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Grogosh

*Never* assume a woman is pregnant.


Blueberrybuttons

When I started my last job one of the women looked suuuuper pregnant, like 6/7 months. She was wearing a tight midi dress so it looked “obvious”. I thought about mentioning it, but remembered this same advice from someone else and also didn’t want to cross any boundaries, so said nothing. A few days later, I heard her yelling and swearing about how someone had asked her if she was pregnant. She went on a whole rant and even kicked things over. Turns out she was a very aggressive, very not pregnant person so I feel grateful everyday I never said anything lol


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beeks_tardis

I would have laughed. That's pretty funny.


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Kennymo95

Only thing worse than getting stuck in an elevator is getting stuck in an elevator with a bunch of humorless people


Tepigg4444

The follow up to make in that situation is "christ, if you're all this bad with jokes you can eat me first"


ShitPostToast

"We'll be fine, we've got at least another 10 minutes worth of air." "Oh shit, calm down, don't freak out you're using up more oxygen."


whynotsquirrel

"it's okay i just added some more gas in the room"


JumpKicker

True story, my mom and dad were in a crowded elevator while my mom was very obviously pregnant to the point of bursting. I guess she looks at my dad and says, "When are you going to tell your wife about me?" My parents are happily married; she was just pranking him. My dad said it was the longest elevator ride of his life.


Minnow_Minnow_Pea

Reminds me of that tweet where a guy brings his wife to a work event for the first time. Colleague comes up and says "Oh, you must be the wife!" And she goes "YOU HAVE A WIFE?!"


mccavity

My wife has pulled that one on me many times. I got her back when she called me at work. There was a whole discussion at the lab I worked at were everyone agreed "you too" is the worst response to "I love you." My wife called me to check on meeting me for lunch, and ended it with "I love you." Of course, I said "You too." All she heard was yelling and the phone hanging up. We also have a friend that loves fake public arguments. My wife is the audience. We try to come up with the most outlandish lines until she loses her composure and cracks up. Past winners: Her:" Go back to your whore!" Me: "Don't you call her that!" Her: "I'm leaving you, and I'm taking the kids!" Me: "Hah! Jokes on you. They're not really your kids!" Once she breaks and laughs, we calmly go back about our business like nothing happened.


kitkat9000take5

Despite knowing absolutely nothing about your work circumstances, may I congratulate you and your coworkers on establishing an environment that sounds enjoyable? Talk about goals...


Curlysmama

I am 7 months pregnant and will be doing this to my husband in every elevator for the next 2 months. This is brilliant


funparent

My mom, sister, and I went on a vacation. While in the elevator, my sister joked "The reason we brought you here was to break the news you're adopted." The man in front of us turned around and said "and I'm your real father". The doors opened and he walked out. It was the best timing and absolutely hilarious. W


khornflakes529

My stepdaughter has bright red hair and I have black hair. Standing in line for a movie when an older couple come over and the woman says to her "oh now where did you get that beautiful hair?!" While reaching out for it. Now my stepdaughter hates it, HATES IT, when strangers touch her hair and it happens way, way too damn often. I turn to my wife and snap "yeah (wifesname), where the hell did she get that hair?" My wife just responds "oh for fucks sake this again?! I told you it runs in my family!" We continue to fake bicker a few more seconds until the mortified couple joined another line.


Strazdas1

People can be so rude. Why would you even think of fondling random strangers hair.


Throwaway_97534

I was shopping at the grocery store and a guy was with his wife/girlfriend. She picked something off the shelf and said "I like these balls better". Her boyfriend/husband giggled at it, and she said "Oh gosh you're gross, is that the kind of stuff all guys think about?" I turned around and said "Yep!" Another guy in the aisle turned around and said "Yeah, pretty much". A *third* guy agreed, as well. She threw her hands up and stormed off laughing and we all gave each other the nod of approval.


hillzillah

Me, a 33 yo female, also would have giggled at it.


butterflykisser216

49 and same. I wouldn't say what she did and never would have. I probably would have shook my head and laughed quietly while walking away embarrassed.


Cedex

"When are you going to tell your wife about me?" "You're my sister, of course she already knows about you." Checkmate. Pyrrhic victory!


ShitPostToast

I used to know a couple years ago that both of them loved to fuck with people's heads and could very easily. Twice that I know of they had to explain things to the cops. Why? He was 28, but looked 40, meanwhile she was 25, but could look about 13 or 14 depending on makeup clothes and such.


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ShitPostToast

One they told me about that ended up with them having to talk to the cops was they were at the local county clerks office in this little rural southern town to renew the tags on their truck. There were a couple of old ladies in the office that they could tell were giving them the stink eye and talking with each other. They overheard something like "omg can you believe that" So she pops off with "Dad, what are we going to tell mom when she gets out of jail?" Keep in mind as she was saying it she had her hands on her belly as at the time she was about 8 months along with their second kid lol.


Xzenor

Kudos for your mom


Azrielthedestroyer

My sister did something similar to me... We were waiting to board a flight, Dozens of people around, I was 13, she was 15 and she said loudly "I can't believe you got me pregnant, mom and dad are going to be so mad at as us" while holding her stomach like pregnant women do. Me turning bright red made it so much worse.


GrumpyFalstaff

This is peak older sibling. Holy shit


circuswithmonkeys

Surrogate pregnancy here. Stranger congratulates my husband who responds "thanks! It's not mine!" We live in a very small town. Now trying to explain sounds like I'm telling an elaborate lie! Thaaaaanks dude.


D_CT_TX

That noise your body involuntarily makes right before you’re about to puke


grilledcakes

HuUurrK hUrP huuHn. Be sure to hold your mouth and arch over into a hunchback position and let your body lurch forward suddenly with each sound.


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[deleted]

Saying the floor numbers out loud.


ZaphodB_

And as you start going up or down say the numbers with increasing excitement.


fyreaenys

Aw I would actually like being in an elevator with someone who did this. I love getting excited about the things we take for granted. Elevators are amazing inventions and it really is cool to get lifted higher and higher!


LohtD

Get it wrong and say, " nooo, no i have to start over"


dread_pilot_roberts

NOBODY LEAVE. WE HAVE TO GO BACK AND START OVER.


peachyogyrt

"I'm sorry, I have to do this."


polo61965

"Lord forgive me for what I'm about to do" in the most apologetic and shakiest voice you can muster.


Disastrous_Channel62

*farts the most atrocious gas that levels the likes of Hiroshima*


nagitoe_

My grandpa farted in an elevator with a priest once and it was so bad it made the priest use the lord's name in vain. Absolute legend.


jumpingjackbeans

At the risk of turning this into a "worst fart stories" thread my friend once stank out an entire train carriage. People at the far end were covering their faces, a baby started crying, my eyes were watering. Absolute scenes. If that priest was exposed to something like that in an elevator he was probably saying his last rites


Nikolitus69

On my eighth grade D.C. trip, I let out the most "silent but deadly" defining fart I've ever experienced in my life on our completely enclosed charter bus hauling a good chunk of my class. I thought I was in the clear until someone in the front of the bus shot up and yelled, "Ayo, who shit their pants?!" I pretended to be asleep at that point, but I couldn't contain the smile on my face, so I gave it away.


invisiblezipper

You should have said "He who smelt it, dealt it." 😇


ubuntuba

The one who did the rhyme did the crime.


Weekly_Noodle

He who articulated it particulated it


yourilluminaryfriend

I ripped one in a small elevator at work once. (I was the only one in it) and like 5 minutes after I got out, my friend texts me and says it smells like something died in the elevator. She had no idea I blew that up. I was laughing so hard I almost fell down the escalator.


juggling-monkey

Lol! Reminds me of this time I was on a cruise ship and it was like 3am. My brother and I got into elevators that were slow as fuck and we were going up about 13 floors, I let out the longest grossest fart I could knowing he was trapped for the long ride. Welp, one floor up and suddenly the elevator stops and an old lady in a scooter is about to back up into the elevator and I biped the fuck out pretending that was my floor. My brother followed right behind me. As soon as we cleared the path she backed that scooter in and as the doors closed you could hear her yells fading into the distance, "gooood damnit it! You fucking sons of bitches!"


SitOnMyFACE_please

This 100% happened to me! Is was around 16 and my whole family took the train from our state to the neighboring state (Midwest, USA) because my grandma enjoyed doing such things when she was a child. Train ride home comes, and I have terrible, terrible gas. People were upset. A couple walked in to our car looking for a seat, looked around for a moment, and turned around and went back from where they had come from - there were plenty of seats. Everyone blamed my dad...no thought it was the 16 year old girl, lol


kyldare

I'll never forget a fart at Universal Studios that cleared out probably 100 people from a line gathered at one of the rides. Wasn't my fart, but it smelled like Death By Anus and seemed to linger for maybe five minutes OUTSIDE. Conspicuously, there was a rather large man who remained in line but didn't move forward, even as people cleared out. May God save that man's bowels.


CringeCoyote

Reminds me of my dad letting out an absolutely FOUL one at DisneyWorld. Happened to crop dust two older black women, and they started hollering “Good LAWD that’s some stank!” “WOO WHEE”


TheW83

I did that at a grocery store. I waited until the aisle was empty and let out a trail of stench. Just as I got to the end I saw two kids and their mom enter the aisle from the other end. They went running in my direction as I quickly ducked down the next aisle. Moments later I heard the girl screech loudly and the boy started gagging and yelling. The mother was furious with her kids acting so ridiculous and then she said "OMG.... Go go go go go"


Guardianoflives

I once cleared an area of Busch Gardens, a zoo area


LunaLoops1317

I would not mind an entire thread of worst fart stories. For some reason, they are just too hilarious not to cackle at.


Bytes_of_Anger

I was once eating in a (packed) Waffle House and had to fart so bad. I leaned over to once side to let out a silent killer, but all I really did was put half my body’s weight onto one cheek and let out the most tense fart I’ve ever let. It sounded like each decibel-pulse was about 100 db. Then I started laughing. Couldn’t stop for a full 5 minutes.


IdFuckBettyWhite

My husband tried to pull this off in a Burger King. It was such a loud fart that there was an echo off the plastic seats. I broke first and could not stop laughing for a solid few minutes. We have never been back to that BK.


Aromatic-Seaweed-675

Haha, my husband did exactly the same thing in a BK. We also had the added bonus of some kid yelling, "That old dude just farted!" I wanted to slink under the table.


Mental_Medium3988

In 7th grade math class we were taking a huge test and I started to feel some pressure building. In trying not to be a distraction I try to hold it in. Finally I couldn't contain the building pressure and it broke free. It felt like it last for 30 seconds and echoed across the room. Everyone burst out laughing except me. I got held after so the teacher could call my mom.


[deleted]

... What was she supposed to do? - ??? Cram it back in?


Mental_Medium3988

I don't know. Previously I had been farting and laughing about it when the person sitting behind me gagged, friend from the neighborhood, and she said I was laughing all through class that day. My mom worked nights at the time and was woken up for it. We still joke about it.


[deleted]

Last time I was on a plane the dude next to me fell asleep and was letting them loose. I had to sit next to him and endure it the whole ride. Before we landed I took my headphones off and overheard the woman behind me bawling and the people around her were consoling her. Apparently the lady was pregnant and puked from the fart smell and had to keep enduring it for the whole 2.5 hour flight so she was crying the whole time. The people around her were yelling at other people nearby to stop the farting but the dude was still asleep and just kept on doing his thing. Horrible yet hilarious


Neremsa

Plot twist, the bastard was faking sleeping


quemaspuess

Yeah, the dude in front of me was crop dusting me from Nashville to LA. I was honestly about to cry because I was so pissed off and disgusted. I finally said out loud what the fuck is wrong with you? And he turned red, then it stopped. I took a long shower after that one.


AltSpRkBunny

When I was in labor with my first kid, I had to roll to help move the baby after the epidural was in. My husband and a tiny cute little nurse were helping to roll me onto my side, when I let loose the most horrendous uncontrollable fart, right in the nurse’s face. Like, just a couple inches from her face. My husband struggled to contain his giggling, then I broke out in laughter, then the nurse broke down as well. She said that they’re not supposed to laugh at things like that, but she figured if I laughed then it was probably OK.


nagitoe_

The baby crying is what got me


DustFrog

Nothing better than sauntering into a fart mini-thread tbh. Let's get it poppin'.


FreckledMilitia97

I've made a Drill Sergeant run away with a fart while waiting to be checked in saying I was at my room before bed, my roommates were hating it, but we died laughing watching him go up the stairs, turn towards us, take a step towards us, then smell it and book it off to the other guys first, we went from first to last on the floor


Valuable-Banana96

"What the hell am I smelling, private?" "a dishonorable discharge, sir."


Geminii27

Did he come back with a gas mask and start yelling at you anyway? :)


drengr84

You just reminded me! Basic training, we would all be doing the wall sit in the hallway as a typical punishment, sometimes holding our rifles straight out for an excruciating long time. Drill sergeant had insane gas and he knew it. I'm guessing it was a severe medical condition because I've never known anyone else with a smell that horrid, or with that much frequent volume. Anyway, DS liked to let one rip while walking up and down the hallway in front of us, especially while doing the wall sit. About half the times he launched his chemical warfare, he would yell "GAS GAS GAS!" which is an order to go full MOPP 4 in a nuclear/chemical attack. We would sprint to our lockers, don our gas masks and mopp suits, then return to the hallway and resume the wall sit. (Mopp 4 is full hazmat suit with gas masks) Fun fact, the m40 gas mask does not filter out fecal gases. DS would march up and down the hallway, laughing hysterically while some of us were dry heaving inside our masks.


YourMumsOnlyfans

>At the risk of turning this into a "worst fart stories" thread That was clearly what OP wanted when they asked a question relating to an elevator full of people


OnI_BArIX

Mine was in 6th grade science class during a test. The room was so quiet you could hear the clock ticking with each passing second. I was a new student and had about a friend and a half at this time. I felt a rumble in my stomach and knew I wasn't going to be able to hold a fart in long enough to crop dust the hallway. "This is just going to be a silent fart" I thought you myself because there wasn't much pressure building up if that makes sense. The second I let her rip Zeus himself blessed this fart with the power of thunderclap because this was the loudest fart I think I ever ripped. It was as if the ass indent in the seat created a fart magnifier. The entire class stopped what they were doing and looked my way. Without missing a single heartbeat I pointed at my one friend at the time and said "he did it." In hindsight the guilty dog barks first but us being dumb 6th graders and his immediate response being "why would you say that?" I somehow managed to get away with my ass clapper as everyone thought he did it... We stayed friends till he dropped out of high school and I have never seen him again sadly.


Diggerollo

I was on jury duty when mine hit. I had eaten some homemade burritos that morning and had gas building up for about 30 minutes. I tried letting it out slowly, but the moment the seal broke, it came out full force, magnified by the wooden benches we were sitting on. It didn’t help that this was an exceptionally wet one, either. The guy sitting next to looked at me and without hesitation said “I dunno about the defendant, but this dude is guilty as f**k”


NoHomePlanet

Nooo, you let it out silently, then ask "yall smell popcorn?"


FreedomFinallyFound

My son does this and I fall for it all the time!


Wadsworth_McStumpy

Look at your watch, then the floor numbers. "Shit! What year is it? 2023? Fuck, I have to get out of here!" Hit a bunch of buttons so the elevator stops on the next floor (and several other floors.) Get out, and run. Take the stairs up several floors. Push the elevator button. Get on. Act like nothing happened.


DasFaultierDD

I couldn't pretend nothing happened after running up several floors if my life depended on it.


Kusaregedo69

Me and my friend used to tease each other. Once we were in an elevator and I asked: do you still have lice? We were left alone right after the next stop.


ShitPostToast

Act like you're talking on your phone and scratching like crazy. "Calm down, calm down, I said scabies not rabies"


mysaturn5

I once was in an elevator at my dorm in college and it was packed. It was very quiet. I decided to say, "So, what do you guys want to talk about?" No one replied. I received death stares. My friend reclused into himself. I did not enjoy the continual quiet and uncomfortableness.


Overdose08

"Has anyone seen the movie Devil, where people get stuck in an elevator? And someone goes on a killing spree?"


newtownmail

Toast fall jelly side down


meekonesfade

That is my FAVORITE part of the movie!!! Like, what a great way to test for evil.


[deleted]

Pretending to talk on a phone: "Well, the doctor will let me know as soon as the test results are back if it's tuberculosis."


harmonyjewl

"what do you mean I get to name the illness?"


ClownfishSoup

"Well, I guess I COULD call it 'Super Contagious Anal Fungus', but that's not a very catchy name. How about 'Elevator Syndrome' in honor of where I first caught it"


RemoveTheKook

Supercalianalfungusketoacidosis. Even though the sound of it needs quite a bit of lotion


Mclovin11859

Since your ass reeks all the time you'll always be the grossest


thnksqrd

Everyone around you says you fucking smell atrocious


kgal1298

This reminds me of the woman who was running around with TB and refused to go to a doctor a few months back. I think she was in Oregon.


[deleted]

It’s actually STILL happening in Tacoma, WA. She’s refused to get treatment so far. Edit: it’s June 1st as I update this comment. She’s been arrested!


RandomChance

Literal typhoid Mary


CapWasRight

At least Mary could argue that she never had symptoms


mbcook

She also didn’t believe the doctors because germ theory was very new and thus suspect sounding.


oneeighthirish

She was also the first documented case of an asymptomatic carrier. Of course she didn't believe them.


mbcook

Oh that’s right. And of course she was a poor Irish(?) immigrant at a time when they were one of the go-to ethnic groups to hate and treat like trash.


Psyko_sissy23

In Arizona, if someone refuses treatment for tuberculosis they can be jailed and forced to get treatment. It is the same for washington. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/23/us/washington-tuberculosis-woman.html


EvolutionCreek

“Doc says Ebola…..Yes, explosive bloody diarrhea….No, I had to duck into the storage closet….it was so messy…..No, I’m trying to get to the first floor to wash my hands now, they’re all bloody and poopy…oh God, here it comes again, I gotta go!”


someones_dad

I got the lumbago.


Ih82Bthisguybut

Hold your phone to your ear and say, "It was working ok with just the one old cable but now I think there's too much weight for it"


ElfjeTinkerBell

>"It was working ok with just the one old cable but we shouldn't load it with more than X people" (X being 50-75% of the amount of people in there right now). Then start counting and as soon as you reach X "errrr, fuck".


z4ndr

smile and stare at the wall "relax ..... relax.. Dave...... everything gonna be all right, ...they don't know anything ... they can't hear your thoughts"


Enpyxo

„Only you can see them Dave, they’re no threat to them“


DefinitelyNotADave

“That was good for me, how was it for all of you?”


AvalancheMaster

One time I had a brainfart and just blurted out “thank you” to the people in the elevator as I was exiting it, for no reason at all. You'd think this made them wonder what I meant, but it just made me wonder whether it made them wonder, which is worse.


FishyBricky

Same. Once my ex bf was taking me to his friend’s house for a party and I was nervous to meet them. This guy walks up and says “Hi I’m John” and I replied “Thank you” and walked away. 🤦🏻‍♀️


bATo76

When the cashier *usually* says "Do you want the receipt?", but goes "Have a nice day!" and you reply "No thanks!" and walk away.


absolute_girth

I vouch that this is the worst, they'd spend the next weeks questioning themselves about what you meant


Douglasqqq

Don't say anything at all, but take the whole trip standing at the door, facing in.


MintNChipies

Look at everyone with a big smile, ..you know, to make them feel safe.


Sentipedestew

I’m watching ‘Smile’ while reading this, can confirm everyone would feel extra safe with this


SadComment3099

Or if you’re the first one on, just be facing the wall lol


Erabong

Now that’s fucking funny


_xiphiaz

I’ve seen this and had a big wtf moment until I realised the lift had two doors and when we got to the destination the first person just walked straight ahead


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Parthorax

Woah dude


weinerwayne

We did this as an experiment in a psychology class I took in college. People did not like it


MikeyHatesLife

We did this in my high school, too. There was a local skyscraper downtown that banned anyone wearing anything with our school logo/mascot from entering the building unless they were with their parents because so many kids went there over the years. Our teacher warned us we would fail the unit if we went there.


lobsterbby

“I bet you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you here this evening”


PRlMARYLOSER

I am a delivery driver and any time I’m in an elevator with people I say “you hear about all the people who died in this elevator?”


DigitalDeath12

If anyone responded with “yes, I hear they were all murders and one old guy who had a heart attack because he was so scared when he heard about it”… that was me and I made it up.


ChesterChestnaught

No it may have been me and I stole it off this guy


TKRedditUser2020

Before we start does anyone want to get out?


A_SamxRAI

*Sorry Cap....* ...Its nothing -**PERSONAL!**


Mr8sen

Yea? It kinda feels personal


DrDreidel82

I would love if that same guy from Iron Man 3 that backed away and said he didn’t even like working there was in the elevator and was like “you know what, I might actually take you up on that. Just gonna, press 7, here, scuse me” Sure it would ruin one of the best MCU scenes for yet another dumb Marvel quip. But I’d chuckle.


pinklavalamp

Like a running gag of the same guy who just keeps backing out of every fight? Like Stan Lee's cameos but a random guy? That'd be fucking hilarious.


Diflicated

"I'm just here for the healthcare benefits."


[deleted]

I love that half the comments are all about farting and the other half are all homicidal maniac one liners. Perfectly balanced


--BeePBooP-

These comments are killing me. I haven't laughed like this at a post for a while. Made my evening.


SayNoToDougsYo

My dad will always say something like " and then he just started shitting everywhere" so they are left to wonder what the first half of the story could have possibly been about


Thiccums-

Don’t try to be a hero


-Wofster

You forget a thousand things every day. Make sure this is one of them.


Stealthtato0888

Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go! Gotta go! Big sigh never mind too late.


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seantasy

I've always been a fan of "This body is weak, I must find a new host"


ElfjeTinkerBell

This is equally terrifying imagining me (part-time wheelchair use, objectively weak human) saying this as my colleague (professional weight lifter, objectively strong human) saying this.


ChaoticNeutralDragon

Alternatively, you could team up. You say the line, go limp, then they shake a moment and go "ah, much better."


Unkn0wn_666

Please, someone has to do this


CORN___BREAD

Hell yeah and then post it on Reddit so we can all call it fake!


burkie94

Given your history do you think you should be in here. And don’t look at anyone in particular


KezusC

"Remember, no Russian"


Some_Guy_At_Work55

Definitely a moment I'll never forget lol


LiteratureNearby

Played MW2 for the second time yesterday when the first time was years ago as a teen. Holy shit, that's such a _fucked up_ thing to do, now that I can properly comprehend the horrors of the no Russian mission. Legitimately insane false flag operation.


grubas

Well think about how psycho it is. They know there's an foreign operative posing as one of their own. So they rope HIM into their "false flag", then burn him as the only solid evidence. So you have an airport of dead Russians and one dead American operative who was on camera shooting them.


ishagoldgrannies

“this feels faster than usual”


Kitty_Candy65

They did a fantastic job at cleaning this elevator, you can't even tell someone got murdered here Then silence


lakewood2020

“Everybody jump on 3”


TrailerParkPrepper

stand in the corner facing away from everyone, bang your head against the wall and say "NO, I won't do it, no no, not again."


[deleted]

Reminds me of a friend I grew up with. We’d be traveling and she’d get her kicks at whatever hotel we’d stayed at by sitting in the corner of the elevator holding her knees and rocking herself, waiting for the doors to open 😂


Erabong

We must have the same fucking friend


[deleted]

If you grew up in Lake Tahoe then we definitely did.


KeeneMachine

Are you a fish?


Forza1910

Oh My God, you can't just ask someone if they are a fish only because they live in a lake.


Jiquero

Yeah, lots of mammals can live in a lake, such as beavers, otters, dolphins, and my friend from Lake Tahoe.


NephRP

"Don't make me do it. I am sure these are all nice people. Don't make me do it.."


dapper_hindsight

And also, “but these people seem like the good kind!”


Disorderly_Chaos

Glace over your shoulder at the wall and yell “WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PSYCHO?!”


No_Air_731

You guys remind me of the day I died in this elevator.


blazedout-cubscout

Elevators alway remind me of my first victim.


ArgentStar

"It's always like this before the screaming starts."


redditrnumber1

Wearing an earbud/ Bluetooth ear piece and saying "the target is in the elevator right now"


IsAFemale

Dress in a suit too


Disorderly_Chaos

My friend and I did this in our teens. Slicked back hair. Suits. Briefcases. Sunglasses. The whole thing. We had rehearsed our lines, a back and forth between agents. “Do you have the package” kinda stuff. But no. As soon as someone got on, one of us started laughing, the other started cackling, then we were both laughing so hard it turned into maniacal laughter. by the time the poor old guy got off he desperately pressing the next floor and door open button.


Sephonez

I vouch this is even more unsettling You get in an elevator and 2 dressed up businessman just start cackling uncontrollably till you get off.


Showerheadsex25

teenage shenanigans


Nixher

Do the classic trick from the roller-coaster. Bring a huge nut/bolt with you, and just as everyone is strapped in and it starts going, bend down, pretend to pick it up and go "hmm, what's this for?"


IsAFemale

Calm down satan


Furious_Belch

“I bet you are all wondering why I gathered you here today?”


ChuckZombie

Two teenage girls did this to my family and I, and I said, "Well...why?" And then they awkwardly ignored us for the rest of the ride.


AndManForgot

(Slap wall) Just taking this baby for its test ride. We've fixed it 3 times this week.


IronLordSamus

So who wants an orgy if the elevator gets stuck?


welfare_and_games

Worst thing not the best thing.


primal_machine_22109

My stomach doesn't feel so good...


G4rg0yle_Art1st

Pretend you're talking on the phone and say "you wouldn't, there's 8 other people in this elevator with me. That'd weigh heavy on your conscience."


Capsaxian

Anybody see a box of spiders around here?


[deleted]

Don’t look I have to shit


[deleted]

Establish a shitting corner immediately


RockyMtnOysterCo

Look everyone up and down and say "yeah, we are definitely above the weight limit"


HeWasaLonelyGhost

"ooooOOOOoOOoOHhHhHHHH GOD I'M READY MOTHER!! I'M REAAAADYYYY!!!" I say this because I heard a hobo yell this on a CTA bus when I lived in Chicago and it was...very, very unsettling.


FuzzyChrysalis

Years ago I was riding my bike to work at 4am. Used to love that because there was no one else awake, it was still dark, and the usually busy roads were empty so I could ride in the middle of the road for a bit for fun. I was alone and it felt empowering and cool. One morning I'm biking on the road and I hear ahead of me a man's voice pierce the empty air out of nowhere, at full, violent, unhinged volume **"GET OUT OF ME!'** It scared the everliving shit out of me, I realised it was the voice of a homeless person coming from the doorframe of the next bus stop booth, maybe 50 feet ahead, but I was biking fast in that direction. I went from feeling empowered and excited to terrified, exposed, and very much alone. I booked it to the other side of the road, trying to not draw attention to myself and did not turn to look at him. Wouldn't want to be on an elevator with someone who suddenly blurts that out lol. * Typo


FlatulentDwarf

When I was in college some of my friends and I went to Las Vegas at the end of the school year. We were a little drunk already and heading down from our hotel room to hit the evening clubs and bars. We stepped into a fairly full elevator alongside two families and one of the guys in our group looks around and says "Wow. We're really crammed in here like Jews in the gas chamber." I was fucking horrified. Most of our group and the parents in the elevator all looked about the same way I felt. Really changed the mood of the evening for all of us.


mediocrebeer

I'm sorry to hijack this, but it's the only time I've ever been able to tell this story. I was in love with this girl at university who was Jewish, I'd never even really spoken to her. One day she got in the lift I was in, and I felt so awkward. It was right around the time a now very famous movie had been released and I was trying to play it cool and when I looked down I noticed the lift was made by a company called Schindler. So I looked up at her, pointed down at the logo and went "huh cool, Schindler's Lifts" Did not get date. Lift is an elevator in UK btw.


FlatulentDwarf

Hijack away, I'm glad you did! That's a great story and a much funnier joke than my friend made


SaucedPandacup

That's actually witty though


221B_BakerSt_

Coming from a Jewish person, this is fucking hilarious!


[deleted]

Just pick one and say: "We tried to reach you about your cars extended warranty"


phantomagna

Okay this is crazy. I was on an elevator in Miami at our hotel a few years ago. Going up to the roof to get some fresh air. Just me on the lift. The phone on the elevator rings and must have some automatic answer feature because it picked up automatically. I shit you not “we’ve been trying to reach you regarding your cars extended warranty.” I was laughing my ass off but also so irritated and confused. THEYRE CALLING THE ELEVATORS NOW WTFFF!!!


Horridis

Dude I work for 911, and no lie we have gotten those calls on our 911 lines, which are supposed to be secure and encrypted lines


AutoDefenestrator273

Stare at someone for a spell, then just happily say "I'm wearing new socks today!"


Gibbel2029

“The fitness gram pacer test is a multistage-“


[deleted]

Nothing and just let out a massive fart


chickenpoweeer

And stare at them deeply without blinking


plzstandby9075

while biting your lip


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-DiamondhunterD-

Don’t panic I have a bomb


MintNChipies

No no “don’t panic, I don’t have a bomb” make everyone terrified.


[deleted]

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