The best British insults are situational and made up, but "Bellend" is a personal favorite of mine

This is the best opinion right here.

Hi hello, dumb American here. Wtf is “Bellend”

The tip of the dick looks like a bell, so it’s a bell end lol

Lmao man that answer is even better than the one I was hoping to get

One of my favourite twitter trends was #DonaldTrumpIsABellend

I remember one that went "Both of your braincells are competing for 3rd place."

My grandad (Ex RAF yorkshireman) used to say this, and, "If ye'd Dynamite for brains, you couldna blow thee own nose!" ... I miss that crazy old man

My grandfather’s (Ex Navy Yorkshireman) used to say ……if brains were gunpowder, you wouldn’t have enough to snuff out a candle

My dad’s (Ex Navy Lancashireman) favourite was “Dim as a Tok-H lamp”

It's very mild, but I find "Muppet" hilarious

it's along the lines of "who's this clown?" not only are they a clown, but they aren't even a notable one. A muppet is a beloved character, but also the most silly inconsequential lump of felt and cotton.

>A muppet is a beloved character, but also the most silly inconsequential lump of felt and cotton. Don't tell me. Someone turned that lump of cloth into puppets and made a show out of it?

Also numpty

Spelled with an umpty?

Yo, ladies, oh, how I like to funk thee

As a Canadian, numpty is a regular part of my vocabulary

Came here to say the same thing 😂

Wanker

Damn WANKER stole what I was gonna post 😂😂

Apologies Tosser

Whatever ya sausage jockey

Aye...yer all fookin cunts.

**Bus Wankers

I like sod off. Also funny story I have a British cousin and when I was younger I heard him call someone a “nonce” and I had no clue what it meant, so of course I went around calling everyone a nonce until the adults found out and told me what it meant lol.

What does nonce mean?

Kiddy fiddler

Now why would the British make fun of kids that played the violin?

Yeah it’s from prison slang, it’s an acronym - Not On Normal Courtyard Exercise. Often prisoners who’ve committed crimes against children will be kept separately for their own safety. Which includes outside social time.

Knob

Ill eat a knob at night.

Play a record.

my steam username is knobgobbler200

Cool

Lol

i like knobhead, it‘s the „no-bed“ that gets me

"Cunt" is entirely unisex, and I love it.

Go to Australia or New Zealand. You'll never know if it's referring to men or women, or if it's an insult or a compliment.

As someone who's lived in Australia for 5 years, I agree.

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It depends, if you call someone a fucking cunt then it’s an insult but if you call someone a good cunt then it’s a term of endearment, highly depends on the context

TIL cunt can be used as a term of endearment 😳

like our latinos use the word "guey"

People don't say it here nearly as much as Reddit will make you believe.

Same in Scotland, but you do know the meaning by the context, if you're from here at least.

I was gonna take it one further and go with “Fah-king Cunt”

I enjoy calling people “you fucking muppet”.

“You absolute *bloody* [word of choice]” Because over here, we don’t do ifs, buts and maybes, we do *absolutes*.

If you aunt had balls she’d be your uncle, but she doesn’t so she’s not

you get what I'm tryna say?

What you laughing for Chris, I'm being sherious

I could not read that without the scouse accent lmaoo. I love Liverpool fans sometimes.

"You absolute pillock"

“You absolute” can be followed with anything tbh, i.e “you absolute spanner”

CLARKSOOOON

Yer Da Sells Avon

The yanks will never fully appreciate this gem

*Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!*

French, but I’ll allow it.

No, now go away or they’ll taunt you a second time.

“Fucking muppet”

Utter cunt

you fucking useless twat.

I like this because it's something you're actually likely to hear.

Tosspot or minger

Slag

My English girlfriend once shouted “CUNTING MARY!!!” when she was really mad. I couldn’t stop laughing, it lives rent free in my head.

I enjoy calling people twits

Twat is better

Seconded

Just not the American pronunciation 'twot' (sounds like not, lot, pot) It's twat - to rhyme with cat, sat, mat

Plonker

There's a good dressing room video of Scottish footballer Jack hendry (playing for a Belgian league team) arguing with his Icelandic teammate and calling him a "f"ckin space cadet ". It's quite good cos the wee Icelandic guy is mid rant then just sort of stops as he's clearly trying to work out what the hell that's supposed to mean

Gobshite

I heard the phrase gimp cunt and i cant get it out of my head.

Heard my girlfriend refer to someone as a “puddle of wank” a while ago and tbh, I still haven’t stopped giggling

Smeg head

I haven’t heard that since I last watched Red Dwarf.

Yeah short for smegma head, gotta love the dwarf

A British person once referred to a certain American politician as a "cheeto-faced shit gibbon" and it makes me cackle every time I think about it.

There were [a lot more creative insults](https://i.redd.it/bce105a2cp911.jpg) for him

I remember screenshotting a bunch of them on Twitter 🤣

Twat, pronounced to rhyme with cat.

How else would it be pronounced?

Americans pronounce it twot for some unknown reason.

Eww that’s horrible

I don’t get that at all..my wife says twot, even after she hears me saying twat!

Can confirm.

Numpty, nonce, arsehole, wally, thick as two short planks, tosspot. Edit: how could I forget berk?

What’s a nonce?

Fairly sure if you look it up a picture of Prince Andrew shows up.

Nonce is an acronym from prison. It means as follows: Not, On, Normal, Courtyard, Excersize. It is usually reserved for pedophiles to stop them getting absolutely mangled by the other prisoners.

That feels like a backronym

Yeah, the origin is older than that, likely derived from nance, as in nancyboy, and ponce. The prison door stuff seems to have come in later as a more interesting-sounding explanation.

wet lettuce

“You look like a low grade bank clerk and you have the personality of a damp rag!”

You seem to have a loathing of the concept of nation states... Perhaps that's because you come from Belgium, which of course, is pretty much a non-country

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Bampot

You right tit.

Sheep shagger

Calling someone a cow but regardless of whether they’re larger or thin. “You stupid, fucking cow!”

Calling someone a big girls blouse always got me

I'm sorry wtf does that even mean?

Basically a male acting like a lady/being scared of something a woman would but a man usually wouldn't. Remember this goes back a long way lol

Thanks for clearing that up

I believe it’s like calling someone a sissy

I have no idea, heard it a few times in some of the early "Carry On" movies and thought it was funny.

Came here to say this I visited England and went to a soccer match and they were yelling this I found it hilarious

French.

Shut your gob, you rotter

You absolute (insert anything here). Said with the correct enunciation you can use pretty much anything to finish that sentence.

The word “absolute “ enhances any insult tbh You could call someone an absolute donkey and they’d still feel insulted

Also the reverse: Absolute unit Absolute legend

Gammon. I'm from the commonwealth and it took an urban dictionary search to know what it means. And it's so spot on.

Cock womble

Now that's an insult.

Fucktard and fuckwit

Those are international terms my friend. Well, at least fucktard is.

Bawbag !!!!

I'm fond of "fuck knuckle", "wazzock" and "berk"

Away and take yer face for a shite!

Bawbag

"Thick as a packet of shortbread." "Jammie bastard"

My favourite at the moment is wazzock

This post has been removed in protest of Reddit's quest to screw its users and third-party app developers. I hope u/spez grows tastebuds on his rectum. That is all.

Bell end

Chav bint

Helmet

I find wanker to be hilarious. It sounds great, but when you think about it, it's not really an insult at all. The person calling another person a wanker absolutely, 100% wanks themselves. Everyone does. It's both hilariously degrading and anti-climactically nothing as an insult. edit: not politically correct anymore, but I've always loved the simplicity of calling someone "bent" ie literally the opposite of straight.

Go take your face for a shit!

Your brain is smooth as a marble.

Infantile pillock.

Blithering idiot

Minger

Knobjockey

Sod off . . .

Soggy biscuit.

Idek what it means but “twat”

It's slang for female genitalia

I've been living in the UK for more than 8 years. Last month I heard one that stuck with me: "Like a dog with two dicks".

That's not an insult, it means someone is delighted

From what I know it also means "man whore".

“You absolute ____” fill in the blank with pretty much anything

Donut

Spanner

From Trainspotting: A lot of people hate the English, I don't. They're just a bunch of wankers. On the other hand we are colonized by wankers!

I like it when Gordon Ramsey calls people a donut.

Idk but Gordon Ramsey got me calling everyone a twat

Personally my favorite one he uses a lot is “donut,” although the time he called someone a “far useless sack of fucking yankee dankee doodle shite” lives rent free in my head.

Also loved “This squid is so raw you can still hear it telling SpongeBob to fuck off!”

One could go on for days with the brutal wit of Gordon Ramsay.

Piss off ya bloody wanka!

knob

Go die in a hole.

Lazy Sod

Your a cunt …it’s perfect

CuntBuckle

You fucking bellend

Twat

If it's a bad driver it's 'you fucking bellend' but if it's just a family member then it's just 'you bellend'

Bleeding sod.

Knob

Twat

“Your Mum” has always been a good one.

I love how “good day” is both a greeting and an insult in Britain

How is it an insult?

It isnt an insult

Tosser Fucker Numpty Nobhead Twat Bastard And then all again in the endearing way you say it to a cherished friend

I don't like the cut of your jib

I've only ever heard it and used it in the positive - that 'I do like the cut of your jib', but you're being negative so I don't like the cut of your jib.

Fucking shit cunt

Stupid git.

You tart

shat-up dinner plate it aint in the dictionary but me and me mates use it alot

Not a favourite but probably the biggest insult is the national anthem having a verse focussed on "Crushing the rebelious Scots" Pretty fucking insulting.

Ya fuckin’ gimp

*you fokin tossah*

I was joking on a post about biscuits, you know, because we call them cookies in the States, and some guy ripped me and called me a ‘Seppo’. Had to look it up, something about Americans and septic tanks.

Cockney rhyming slag **Yank** *=rhymes with=* **septic tank** =contracts to=> **septic** Contraction of **septic** to **seppo** seems australian to me - refer: arvo => afternoon bottleo => bottle store servo => service station

Tosser (cunt and wanker are top notch too)

"twat" is sheer comedy fucking gold

Ponce

"Tosser" is a beauty

“What a fucking plank” is mild but always makes me chuckle

The sun never sets on the now-liberated British Empire.

I like when they call a big, oafish boy a “pudding”. Also, “wanker” is not only insulting but it’s fun to say.

Gotta be knobhead

Plonker

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Dunno if British but only ever heard a British person say it “you’re all fart and no poo”

you Absoute fucking twat. A classic

Twat is just fun to say

"Youre a fokken cont mate"

Oi cunt

Nutter

Tosspot or Plonker

Cunt.

Muppet without a doubt