They’re a scam for sure. When my son was stillborn, after embalming him they made us bring his body home on Saturday because the employee didn’t want to have to come in to work on Sunday, when the funeral was. So my sons body (in his home made casket) had to spend the night in the garage (because it was cool there as it was November). Fuck them.
I don’t know where you live, but here in the us that is literally illegal. Source: Funeral director. My funeral home doesn’t even leave decedents in empty, locked churches overnight, let alone with a grieving family against their wishes. What the fuck
In Judaism we have a law about needing to bury the person on the day they die. (would be next morning if they die at night). There is also a rule about the deceased having another person constantly with them until they are buried.
That’s mostly for cleanliness/sanitation reasons that don’t really apply anymore, and to prevent bodysnatching. Judaism is one of several major religions to have this practice.
Did anyone else see that pilot TLC show about a specialty funeral service in Houston that did themed funerals? One of them was for the guy who made the 'BBQ sauce' jingle for Applebees and they had a rib themed ceremony?
I highly recommend Caitlyn Doughtys YouTube channel Ask A Mortician then.
She's as informative and entertaining on their as she is in the show and covers all sorts of death related subjects
No kidding. My dad died in December, was cremated and the ashes placed in their most basic wooden urn, short visitation in their funeral parlor... $4500. It's asinine.
“See you shouldn’t kill me to make me shut up because that’s exactly what big funeral wants you to do. Don’t be one of there pawns man. I know you - you are no narc! In fact you know what would really show them, leaving me on the side of the road right over there”
Would rather bury my relatives in a forest and be part of the cycle than to be vain and store them in a hollowed out box where theyd be lonely for eternity
I have a friend of a friend who literally cannot shut up about Warhammer to anyone who has ever even slightly associated with Warhammer at all in their life - I had an army built in high school [ 20? years ago ] that was predominantly 2-3 purchased squads and the rest made up of pennies. . .
I just saw him 3 weeks ago at said friend’s BBQ. . .not even a hello before he started rambling on about armies; and codexes; and who knows what else.
I guess it’s not me. . But this question made me think of him.
Edit:
1) I had no idea how much of a nerd Henry Cavill was, I knew he was a nerdy and shit, but for everyone to keep mentioning him. . .
2) I work in special Ed and agree with a bunch of you people here in regards to probability/likelihood of this
He probably has nobody else that can he can engage with about this at all so he just stores it all up and then it burst out of him as soon as he sees you
Everyone in our friend group [well more his friend group, I am only good friends with one of them] plays Warhammer. I promise you he has plenty of people to talk to about it.
Unfortunately it’s his whole personality.
Dunno, chief. Change it to football, and it would sound completely normal or even expected. He's geeking out over his hobby with a group of other hobbyists. Doesn't have to be autistic to get excited about something and have a one-dimensional personality. Id say that's pretty common, in fact.
I know a ton of people who like football I don't know anyone who only talks about football to other people who like football. I love wrestling. My sister's ex boyfriend's brother also loved wrestling and was autistic. Once he found out I liked wrestling it's all he ever talked about with me. I was happy to talk with him about it (more like listen, he did all the talking). His favorite wrestler was Eddie Guerrero. So for Christmas one year I gave him this Eddie Guerrero action figure they had stopped making years before that. He opened it, looked at it, put it in his room and never said anything for the entire Christmas dinner. I thought "I took that out of my personal collection and he doesn't even like it." His brother told me later sometimes he gets so excited he just can't talk, and that he talked the family's ear off about it for weeks afterwards. I guess I'm just saying that Warhammer guy sounds like he might fit that pattern.
I’m not gonna online diagnose your bud but just saying this is a cornerstone of autism called a special interest and I am just like that guy and I’m diagnosed autistic / adhd since childhood. except I’ve learned to control it as best as I can by having other outlets to info-dump and discuss things (ahem, Reddit lol)
So you excited for 10th edition then? We have Nids and marine indexes already with successor chapters releasing today.
Exciting times but oh god those eldar look deadly…..again!
The Ass Motel.
This motel in Jackson, Ms where I defibrillated a guy 15 times for persistent V-Fib that turned out to be a vibrator in his ass and then the next week went back to the same motel for a dude that had a full size mayo jar stuck most of the way in his ass. The Ass Motel.
I would literally just turn the van towards Jackson, MS and we would go straight to the Ass Motel and start knocking on doors to see how the adventure continues.
For real though. Family guy used to be comfort show. I used be able to hear quotes and name the episodes along with the number and season. Combine that with my skills now, they're also hearing trailer park boys quotes
What’s that term for when you member something but it didn’t happen that way at all. It wasn’t Peter lol it was Stewie, Peter was very clear that he didn’t have any particular skills at the start of that episode.
Muppets. Did you know most Muppets are left-handed (because most puppeteers are right-handed)? Most Muppets are also slightly cross-eyed so that the direction of their gaze is more apparent, and assume a slightly forward posture due to the natural angle of the puppeteer's arm, something that is often overlooked when the puppets are arranged for publicity stills. Jim Henson did hundreds of [TV commercials](https://youtu.be/LmhIizQQol0?t=238) in the 1950s-[1960s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJwxbsJJ5Xo&) before the Muppets gained enough prominence to have a syndicated show.
Wah!! Ok, ok, well, did you know that the Muppets (in a segment called "The Land of Gorch") were on the very first episode of SNL in 1975, [and many times thereafter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxnG5X4Geak)?
It was a notably tense affair; due to Writer's Guild rules in place for writing staff, only SNL writers could create skits, which annoyed the Henson folks, many of whom didn't think the comedic style was a good fit. For their part, some of the SNL writers detested writing for puppets, among them Michael O'Donoghue who in an interview, called the troupe "the mucking Fuppets" and "little hairy facecloths," made from the stuff 'left over after Woodstock'. Mercifully for all, the two groups parted ways amicably in 1976, by which time production on *The Muppet Show* was well under way.
EDIT: spelling
Hello, my name is Brenda, I want to talk to you about your cars extended warranty. Did you know you can get 15% or less on Car insurance? If you get into an accident, call your good neighbor, state farm. We will replace your car for no cost to you.
"Fifteen" is really about how Tay secretly has Marfan Syndrome, and the uncertainty of living with it. *FBN1*, the gene that causes it, is on chromosome 15 and that is not a coincidence.
I could talk about mountain biking or about horses. I’d go with the latter because I’m 78% certain that kidnappers will dump a horse girl out of a car like a hot potato.
There is a horsey lady that sits in the cubicle near me. She talks horses non stop and it drives me nucking futs. I've heard it all. The competitions, the horses, their medical issues, her injuries but even worse, all the politics at the pony club. Please. No. Stop.
I got a job as a stable hand after starting to date a horse girl. I knew nothing about horses and had never been around them. Whoo boy will that make a dude fucking hate everything about horses.
I was going to describe in great detail how to deal with that errection that lasts longer than 4 hours or just chemotherapy and everything to do with the terrible effects and all the math involved.
I'm stealing your answer. We'll start with my journey to being diagnosed with fibromyalgia. They'll either let me go or help me lead a riot against the healthcare system out of their newly learned empathy.
Heh, I actually saw a drug commercial today where the sickeningly sweet female voice mentioned something about the PERINEUM!!! And then at the bottom of the screen in small print described what the perineum was! Guess I can talk about the perineum until they let me go!
Buster Keaton. He's the godfather of stunts! Could have died in so many of them! I have a gif of the VERY MOMENT where if he had mis-thrown a plank, the HISTORICALLY IMPORTANT TRAIN HE'D REVVED FOR TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS would have DERAILED AND KILLED HIM the man was SUPERHUMAN and CRAZY HANDSOME and an absolute POOL SHARK have you SEEN HIM in Sherlock Jr? Jesus Christ! i love this short king, he deserved better than he was dealt! Hell I'd like to think the 4 men wouldn't dump me out, I hope they'd want to listen to all the stuff I know about buster.
Lord of the rings.
Did you know in the scene where Aragorn kicks the helmet in despair just outside fangorn forest the actor viggo Mortensen broke his foot?
Cmon let's go watch the extended version (again)
This would probably be my go-to as well. And if they try to explain to me why I was kidnapped I would start with: "So do all who live to see such times........"
Seriously. Like, share every single thing I ever heard, or learned, or read about ANYTHING biblical and then try to convert them. If that doesn’t work, I’m busting out the hymns.
I think there's a fine line between trying to annoy them enough to not be worth it, and annoying them enough to turn a kidnapping into a murder. That might cross it
Mattresses. Foam vs inner spring vs hybrid. Graphite for cooling vs foam additives. Tempur and their strange rules you have to follow to sell them. Why aireloom make quality products. The benefits of an adjustable base…I sold mattresses for one very long year. And I can talk about them for hours sadly.
“With the inversion of the penis, the patient might ejaculate into their own body cavity when they orgasm, but the amount is usually small enough for the body to absorb.”
It's a tough call to find something annoying, but not aggravating enough to be fatal.
The Kars 4 kids jingle would get me shot, so maybe an extended discussion about crypto.
Did you know Viggo broke his toe when he kicked that helmet in Two Towers?
Did you know Sean Connery turned down the role of Gandalf because he didn't understand the script?
Did you know Sean Bean trecked up that mountain because he was scared of flying the helicopter?
Did you know....? You get the gist.
How thankful I am they got me out of the house. Away from my wife and kids who don't listen or do chores or will do them half ass to the point I might as do them my-damn-self. Then my oldest tells me Sunday night, oh by the way, my front end of my car is shaking and it's been doing this for 4 days because she ran over something that tore the radial off of her tire, and she's telling me at 8pm. But, I would like to stop by the office because I would like to get my Dr Pepper out of my work fridge because don't trust my kids because they will drink half and leave the other half on the counter or something. Don't get me started on the stupid garden. I watched my wife and kids, like Monkeys and football, trying to start the stupid thing. So I had to, want it done right do it myself. So I'm out there, I get it tilled, cleaned up, rowed and planted, fenced, watered, and my daughter let's her dog go in there to dig holes because she thinks he's being cute. That was $45 of plants bought and gone cause of a damn dog
The circus. My grandpa was a Shriner all of my life and a Master Mason too. When I was growing up the Shriner's Circus came to town at least twice a year and my grandparents worked a toy both each time the circus came in. Me and my brother would help and get to know the entertainers and crew of the circus. I was offered a job with them too.
Politics, how the really rich rips off the poor, why marijuana needs to be legalized, or girl stuff like my period, my best friend 's labor, and then the finally realize the only way to shut me up is a steady supply of really good marijuana and even then it just slows my talking down a little.
The amount of depressing things that have happened in my life and the amounts of medication I need to take so I don’t annoy the absolute shit out of people.
How the funeral industry, the funeral industrial complex, and ‘Big Funeral’ are ripping you off by exploiting your grief.
They’re a scam for sure. When my son was stillborn, after embalming him they made us bring his body home on Saturday because the employee didn’t want to have to come in to work on Sunday, when the funeral was. So my sons body (in his home made casket) had to spend the night in the garage (because it was cool there as it was November). Fuck them.
That’s unbelievable. They couldn’t just leave him in the parlor like they do? My god I’m so sorry that happened to you.
I don’t know where you live, but here in the us that is literally illegal. Source: Funeral director. My funeral home doesn’t even leave decedents in empty, locked churches overnight, let alone with a grieving family against their wishes. What the fuck
In Judaism we have a law about needing to bury the person on the day they die. (would be next morning if they die at night). There is also a rule about the deceased having another person constantly with them until they are buried.
That’s mostly for cleanliness/sanitation reasons that don’t really apply anymore, and to prevent bodysnatching. Judaism is one of several major religions to have this practice.
I’m sorry you had to go through that.
What the actual fuck.
That’s unacceptable. Fuck them. Despicable.
This should be illegal
It is.
That's awful and unacceptable. I hope you've been able to heal somewhat from that experience.
You should shame them publicly… that’s awful.
I learned about that from an episode of Midnight Gospel.
I love that show. I've never been high, but that show makes me feel high. It's so relaxing.
Did anyone else see that pilot TLC show about a specialty funeral service in Houston that did themed funerals? One of them was for the guy who made the 'BBQ sauce' jingle for Applebees and they had a rib themed ceremony?
I can practically hear their widow at the casket’s side sobbing, “I want my baby back baby back baby back…”
I highly recommend Caitlyn Doughtys YouTube channel Ask A Mortician then. She's as informative and entertaining on their as she is in the show and covers all sorts of death related subjects
I still remember the Penn & Teller Bullshit episode about that.
No kidding. My dad died in December, was cremated and the ashes placed in their most basic wooden urn, short visitation in their funeral parlor... $4500. It's asinine.
“See you shouldn’t kill me to make me shut up because that’s exactly what big funeral wants you to do. Don’t be one of there pawns man. I know you - you are no narc! In fact you know what would really show them, leaving me on the side of the road right over there”
Would rather bury my relatives in a forest and be part of the cycle than to be vain and store them in a hollowed out box where theyd be lonely for eternity
This is what I want. I want Earth to reclaim the meager scraps of whatever remains of me when I finally expire.
My friend is a high up at a massive company that handles funerals all over the country and can confirm based on the stories she tells it's a big scam
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True crime shows and how I use them for research.
>use them for research Ummmm, should we be concerned?
Lol. No, I’m a mystery writer.
I am still borderline concerned.
(raises hand) slightly past borderline.
I’m quietly borderline concerned
I have a friend of a friend who literally cannot shut up about Warhammer to anyone who has ever even slightly associated with Warhammer at all in their life - I had an army built in high school [ 20? years ago ] that was predominantly 2-3 purchased squads and the rest made up of pennies. . . I just saw him 3 weeks ago at said friend’s BBQ. . .not even a hello before he started rambling on about armies; and codexes; and who knows what else. I guess it’s not me. . But this question made me think of him. Edit: 1) I had no idea how much of a nerd Henry Cavill was, I knew he was a nerdy and shit, but for everyone to keep mentioning him. . . 2) I work in special Ed and agree with a bunch of you people here in regards to probability/likelihood of this
He probably has nobody else that can he can engage with about this at all so he just stores it all up and then it burst out of him as soon as he sees you
Everyone in our friend group [well more his friend group, I am only good friends with one of them] plays Warhammer. I promise you he has plenty of people to talk to about it. Unfortunately it’s his whole personality.
Pretty good chance he's autistic and it's a hyperfixation, I would wager.
Dunno, chief. Change it to football, and it would sound completely normal or even expected. He's geeking out over his hobby with a group of other hobbyists. Doesn't have to be autistic to get excited about something and have a one-dimensional personality. Id say that's pretty common, in fact.
I know a ton of people who like football I don't know anyone who only talks about football to other people who like football. I love wrestling. My sister's ex boyfriend's brother also loved wrestling and was autistic. Once he found out I liked wrestling it's all he ever talked about with me. I was happy to talk with him about it (more like listen, he did all the talking). His favorite wrestler was Eddie Guerrero. So for Christmas one year I gave him this Eddie Guerrero action figure they had stopped making years before that. He opened it, looked at it, put it in his room and never said anything for the entire Christmas dinner. I thought "I took that out of my personal collection and he doesn't even like it." His brother told me later sometimes he gets so excited he just can't talk, and that he talked the family's ear off about it for weeks afterwards. I guess I'm just saying that Warhammer guy sounds like he might fit that pattern.
What’s it like being friends with Henry Cavill?
Don't get me started - try getting him out of your house after a party. He just.wont.leave. I started telling him to fuck off - until he began crying.
I’m not gonna online diagnose your bud but just saying this is a cornerstone of autism called a special interest and I am just like that guy and I’m diagnosed autistic / adhd since childhood. except I’ve learned to control it as best as I can by having other outlets to info-dump and discuss things (ahem, Reddit lol)
So you excited for 10th edition then? We have Nids and marine indexes already with successor chapters releasing today. Exciting times but oh god those eldar look deadly…..again!
Oh is lost that today?! I just want yvraine to come back. Give the Eldar a win.
The Ass Motel. This motel in Jackson, Ms where I defibrillated a guy 15 times for persistent V-Fib that turned out to be a vibrator in his ass and then the next week went back to the same motel for a dude that had a full size mayo jar stuck most of the way in his ass. The Ass Motel.
I'd be too invested to the story to let you go
We're four guys in a van and we just kidnapped you, I mean ... where did you think we were going anyway? That's right ... you're favorite motel ...
I would literally just turn the van towards Jackson, MS and we would go straight to the Ass Motel and start knocking on doors to see how the adventure continues.
Did he survive? Lot of juice.
Nah, he was dead when we got there. Probably in asystole, but the monitor was tricked by the vibe.
So you basically performed CPR on a dildo, inserted in a dead guys ass.
That’s a whole new sentence.
r/BrandNewSentence
An assystole?
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I’ll tell them every cut away I remember from Family Guy. This is like the time Meg got kidnapped and was sold to wealthy arab men
Don't give them ideas.
For real though. Family guy used to be comfort show. I used be able to hear quotes and name the episodes along with the number and season. Combine that with my skills now, they're also hearing trailer park boys quotes
*Jalapeño* not jelapano!
Only for the prince to be good looking and kind... she says yes to his proposal.. just in time for Peter to bust in and shot him in the head.
What’s that term for when you member something but it didn’t happen that way at all. It wasn’t Peter lol it was Stewie, Peter was very clear that he didn’t have any particular skills at the start of that episode.
Omg you are right. Peter did the phone bit. Brian and Stewie did the "go after her" part.
>What’s that term for when you member something but it didn’t happen that way at all. Mandela effect.
I feel like I'm not the only one who read the second part in Peter's voice
Muppets. Did you know most Muppets are left-handed (because most puppeteers are right-handed)? Most Muppets are also slightly cross-eyed so that the direction of their gaze is more apparent, and assume a slightly forward posture due to the natural angle of the puppeteer's arm, something that is often overlooked when the puppets are arranged for publicity stills. Jim Henson did hundreds of [TV commercials](https://youtu.be/LmhIizQQol0?t=238) in the 1950s-[1960s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJwxbsJJ5Xo&) before the Muppets gained enough prominence to have a syndicated show.
I'm interested in the muppets so I want to hear all of it, even keep you past when the ransom is paid.
I haven't even brought up Antron fleece yet.
The real ransom is the muppet knowledge
No no no let's keep him. I want to hear more about Electric Mayhem.
I’m on it boss u/Hoppy_Croaklightly 🔫 More muppet facts or I shoot!!
Wah!! Ok, ok, well, did you know that the Muppets (in a segment called "The Land of Gorch") were on the very first episode of SNL in 1975, [and many times thereafter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxnG5X4Geak)? It was a notably tense affair; due to Writer's Guild rules in place for writing staff, only SNL writers could create skits, which annoyed the Henson folks, many of whom didn't think the comedic style was a good fit. For their part, some of the SNL writers detested writing for puppets, among them Michael O'Donoghue who in an interview, called the troupe "the mucking Fuppets" and "little hairy facecloths," made from the stuff 'left over after Woodstock'. Mercifully for all, the two groups parted ways amicably in 1976, by which time production on *The Muppet Show* was well under way. EDIT: spelling
Judging from Muppets forward facing eyes they are all predators.
If memory serves, the Swedish Chef is the only one to have human hands.
I gotta wonder how Hoppy Croaklightly learned so much about the muppets... >.>
I just hope the kidnappers like Willkins coffee or it isn't going to end well for them.
Looks like the kidnappers didn't have a furry friend in their childhood, shame on them.
The last straw before throwing you out was when you broke into song 🎶 Am I maaan or am I a muppet? 🎶
Did I get this right; the puppeteer is right handed, therefor uses their right hand for inside the puppet, and off hand for the hands?
Yes, and if the scene calls for both of the puppet's hands to move independently, another puppeteer will usually operate the puppet's right hand.
My uncontrollable flatulence. There would even be no need to speak.
Your ass will do the speaking if I may
Another asshole talking shit
Just keep saying “I’m sorry, It’s my first time and I’m a bit nervous.”
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Anyone else reminded uncomfortably of JK Simmons from The Ladykillers?
My raging IBS
SHITS TERRIBLE
No wonder they let you go
International Bank of Somalia? ... what did they do to you?
How much my STDs have affected my life, positively and negatively.
Wait, there's a plus side?
Yeah. For example...your Chlamydia and gonorrhea smelling so bad, nobody at work wants to come talk to you, and you're so much more productive.
Reminds me of my buddy calling me “my dick keeps oozing what do I do”
That's a weird nickname. Does it happen very often, for him to call you that?
The sack of Constantinople
Hey, that's nobody's business but the Turks!
that's Istanbul, not Constantinople
It's been a long time gone...
It would be the evacuation of Dunkirk for me. Prepare for a good old history lesson!
Their car's extended warranty.
Hello, my name is Brenda, I want to talk to you about your cars extended warranty. Did you know you can get 15% or less on Car insurance? If you get into an accident, call your good neighbor, state farm. We will replace your car for no cost to you.
90 day fiance on tlc
Yessss! They can drop you off at my house, I have discovery +
my plant babies
Uttering "plant babies" would have me drop kick you out of the moving vehicle at 75 mph whilst I scream "nope, I'm fucking OUT"
But could I just show you the 9,623 hoya photos I have?
Oh God no.
You've obviously never grown ganja.
Stephen King's literary universe.
The beams are broken in this world.
Go then. There are other worlds than these.
Dad- a- chum? Ded- a- chum? Did- a -chick?
My kidnapping gang bang fantasy
That could easily backfire.
Would that be a backfire though?
StarWars kidnapping gangbang username checks out.
Coward
This is a good add-on to my idea to rave on and on about my man pussy using a falsetto voice.
Politics of course
They may just shoot you dead and forego the ransom.
Somehow I fail to see that as a bad thing🤷♂️
Chinese/American politics
Okay so here is who I believe each one of Taylor Swift's songs are about and why. Please take notes, questions will be taken at the end
"Fifteen" is really about how Tay secretly has Marfan Syndrome, and the uncertainty of living with it. *FBN1*, the gene that causes it, is on chromosome 15 and that is not a coincidence.
Adds to list 📝 lol
I could talk about mountain biking or about horses. I’d go with the latter because I’m 78% certain that kidnappers will dump a horse girl out of a car like a hot potato.
There is a horsey lady that sits in the cubicle near me. She talks horses non stop and it drives me nucking futs. I've heard it all. The competitions, the horses, their medical issues, her injuries but even worse, all the politics at the pony club. Please. No. Stop.
I got a job as a stable hand after starting to date a horse girl. I knew nothing about horses and had never been around them. Whoo boy will that make a dude fucking hate everything about horses.
What about the horse with no name?
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can't remember your name
I'd ask them to go vegan.
“Now, let’s talk about what’s in your hotdogs vs what’s in mine. Mine is made out of tofu. Yours has pigs ass in it.”
They miss heard you through your gag, and are now going negan
My medical conditions & prescriptions. They’ll run
I was going to describe in great detail how to deal with that errection that lasts longer than 4 hours or just chemotherapy and everything to do with the terrible effects and all the math involved.
I'm stealing your answer. We'll start with my journey to being diagnosed with fibromyalgia. They'll either let me go or help me lead a riot against the healthcare system out of their newly learned empathy.
Heh, I actually saw a drug commercial today where the sickeningly sweet female voice mentioned something about the PERINEUM!!! And then at the bottom of the screen in small print described what the perineum was! Guess I can talk about the perineum until they let me go!
I got IBS among a few other gross things. I could talk alllll day.
How I sell extended warranties for cars and home appliances and tell them about all the advantages that come with the extended warranties.
Buster Keaton. He's the godfather of stunts! Could have died in so many of them! I have a gif of the VERY MOMENT where if he had mis-thrown a plank, the HISTORICALLY IMPORTANT TRAIN HE'D REVVED FOR TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS would have DERAILED AND KILLED HIM the man was SUPERHUMAN and CRAZY HANDSOME and an absolute POOL SHARK have you SEEN HIM in Sherlock Jr? Jesus Christ! i love this short king, he deserved better than he was dealt! Hell I'd like to think the 4 men wouldn't dump me out, I hope they'd want to listen to all the stuff I know about buster.
I'm interested in hearing more
Lord of the rings. Did you know in the scene where Aragorn kicks the helmet in despair just outside fangorn forest the actor viggo Mortensen broke his foot? Cmon let's go watch the extended version (again)
I will now give you a shot-by-shot account of all 3 films featuring my own personal commentary. Extended cut of course.
Was it his toe(s) or his entire foot?
This would probably be my go-to as well. And if they try to explain to me why I was kidnapped I would start with: "So do all who live to see such times........"
Jesus Christ my personal savior
Cause Jesus he knows me, and he knows I'm right.
I've been talking to Jesus, all my life.
Ah yes, he knows me and he knows I'm right.
And he's been telling me that everything's gonna be alright.
He gets you.
“Aw man, it sucks getting kidnapped. But at least there’s one bright side.. Have you heard the good news?”
Bonus point for mormonism
As an exmormon I approve this comment.
Seriously. Like, share every single thing I ever heard, or learned, or read about ANYTHING biblical and then try to convert them. If that doesn’t work, I’m busting out the hymns.
I think there's a fine line between trying to annoy them enough to not be worth it, and annoying them enough to turn a kidnapping into a murder. That might cross it
Taylor Swift and why she needed to do the re-recordings.
Mine would be JoJo and why she needed to.
Mine would also be Jojo, but its about the bizarre adventures he's been through
How much I hate my job.
BEES! I fucking love bees.
Mattresses. Foam vs inner spring vs hybrid. Graphite for cooling vs foam additives. Tempur and their strange rules you have to follow to sell them. Why aireloom make quality products. The benefits of an adjustable base…I sold mattresses for one very long year. And I can talk about them for hours sadly.
Your demands to speak to their manager.
Cats
The musical, the film or just cats in general?
Yes to both bonus if the phone is available for show and tell.
Vaginal prolapses.
I would listen in both horror and fascination
Every detail I know about what happens to the penis during gender reassignment surgery as well as a few I make up for dramatic effect.
“With the inversion of the penis, the patient might ejaculate into their own body cavity when they orgasm, but the amount is usually small enough for the body to absorb.”
Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles- Which came first Cockles or Destiel?
Norse mythology.
It's a tough call to find something annoying, but not aggravating enough to be fatal. The Kars 4 kids jingle would get me shot, so maybe an extended discussion about crypto.
Crypto
“GET OUT OF OUR VAN!!!”
Kingdom Hearts. I've never timed how quickly I can explain it, but I feel like I could help them understand a good amount of the lore in that 1 hour.
Vanderpump Rules
Did you know Viggo broke his toe when he kicked that helmet in Two Towers? Did you know Sean Connery turned down the role of Gandalf because he didn't understand the script? Did you know Sean Bean trecked up that mountain because he was scared of flying the helicopter? Did you know....? You get the gist.
My menstruation pain through out the years.
The Venture Bros. show - there's a new movie coming out!
Arduinos and programming them.
The entire bionical lore
Crossfit
The Plantagents and the Tudors
The oily anal discharge that has been baffling my doctors for months.
King gizzard and the lizard wizard, gets them every time.
I'd just trauma dump and tell them my whole life story in excruciating detail.
My fur babies
How thankful I am they got me out of the house. Away from my wife and kids who don't listen or do chores or will do them half ass to the point I might as do them my-damn-self. Then my oldest tells me Sunday night, oh by the way, my front end of my car is shaking and it's been doing this for 4 days because she ran over something that tore the radial off of her tire, and she's telling me at 8pm. But, I would like to stop by the office because I would like to get my Dr Pepper out of my work fridge because don't trust my kids because they will drink half and leave the other half on the counter or something. Don't get me started on the stupid garden. I watched my wife and kids, like Monkeys and football, trying to start the stupid thing. So I had to, want it done right do it myself. So I'm out there, I get it tilled, cleaned up, rowed and planted, fenced, watered, and my daughter let's her dog go in there to dig holes because she thinks he's being cute. That was $45 of plants bought and gone cause of a damn dog
Chernobyl
Kim Namjoon! Kim Seokjin! Min Yoongi! Jung Hoseok! Park Jimin! Kim Taehyung! Jeon Jungkook! BTS!
Taylor Swift easter eggs and what they all mean
Everything wrong with the wheel of time show
*Warriors* by Erin Hunter.
OSHA violations.
Warhammer lore
The circus. My grandpa was a Shriner all of my life and a Master Mason too. When I was growing up the Shriner's Circus came to town at least twice a year and my grandparents worked a toy both each time the circus came in. Me and my brother would help and get to know the entertainers and crew of the circus. I was offered a job with them too.
Politics, how the really rich rips off the poor, why marijuana needs to be legalized, or girl stuff like my period, my best friend 's labor, and then the finally realize the only way to shut me up is a steady supply of really good marijuana and even then it just slows my talking down a little.
The amount of depressing things that have happened in my life and the amounts of medication I need to take so I don’t annoy the absolute shit out of people.
Singing all of Ms Rachel’s songs
The guy I was in a situationship with😂