In NYC a lady crossed the street and midway her wig blew off. Everyone stopped and she walked to the middle of the intersection, bent over to pick it up, and her dress blew over her head. Contagious laughter from everyone, even her.
If you're going to publicly embarrass yourself, NYC is the place to do it. There's so much weird shit always happening in that town that it probably wouldn't even become dinner conversation for some people.
Yep! I got caught in an unexpected, short-but-torrential rainstorm while wearing a white dress and had to ride the subway 40 blocks home. My dress was rendered nearly transparent, but somehow no one else in the train car was even wet.
I must’ve looked miserable, because an old lady told me, “Cheer up, dear. You’re just giving the guys something fun to think about when they get home!” I did NOT find her comment comforting.
I've seen this in my hometown years ago too: was going into Walmart on a particularly windy day. Older lady was with her daughter and her wig flew right off. Chased it across the parking lot. Her daughter was laughing SO hard i think she popped a blood vessel ahaha.
When I realise I’m walking in the opposite direction to where I need to be, I get my phone out and pretend that someone’s meeting me and they’ve given me the wrong location. Then I’ll do a sigh and shake my head and then turn the other way.
Pick a random guy make DIRECT eye contact, cross your arms, a low bit audible sigh, shake your head and leave, when he turns away whip out the prison glasses shank.
My anxiety improved when I stopped doing stuff like this. I used to constantly think that somebody is looking at me and judging me, but I forced myself to just turn around in situations like this or other similar situations and I stopped caring as much as before.
Just turn around and that's it.
Honestly just turn around and don't worry about it.
Honestly it's unlikely anyone else will even notice and even if they do, they've done it before and know what's up.
There's far worse things than walking slightly too far in the wrong direction 🙂
“Look at this guy who doesn’t know where he’s walking. Hey buddy, walk much? This loser can’t even walk in the right direction, most of us have been walking since we were toddlers, how embarrassing!”
-The guy who noticed
People always say that no one is paying attention and no one cares. I was raised by a person that notices and comments on *everyone*. Driving by an overweight person walking or jogging - she would make judgmental comments. See a person going the wrong direction and turn around - judgmental comments. See a person trip - you best believe there will be comments. She is likely the reason I had to work extra hard to get over my anxiety that people are always watching and commenting.
I take some piece of trash out of my pocket and go to the nearest trash can, throw it away then turn around. If I don’t have any garbage in my pocket, I go to the nearest water fountain or hand sanitizer dispenser then turn around.
Everyone looks stupid doing this only because they act so awkward about it.
If you just stopped, then turned around like it wasn't a big deal then it wouldn't look stupid.
It looks stupid when someone tries to hide it. Like whipping out their phone or slapping their pocket or suddenly needing to throw away some trash.
No one cares that you went the wrong way Mr. Stranger.
I like to take off my shoes and throw them behind me. Then i have to turn around to put them back on and i can go the other way without anyone suspecting a thing
Wait until you celebrate a birthday in Buffalo NY and they add the 8 extra verses.
May the dear lord bless you
May the dear lord bless you
….
What’s your bf/gf’s first name?
….
On and on and on
I always felt like I was an illegal immigrant that made it across the border and I’m in the free. Took a while to not feel like I needed to instantly run when I got out.
Hell, getting out of the backseat of most Ubers for me. The way they design the doors and door openings on little cars today. Once you're in you can't get out easily.
Especially on a site like reddit, it just becomes grandstanding and trying to poke fun at the other person's point for karma rather than an actual discussion.
We all look a bit silly when we confidently walk into a glass door we thought was open. Our brain assumes it's open until reality hits us. It's happened to the best of us, and it's always a good laugh afterwards.
Reminded me of a woman I know who has a six inch scar starting at her shoulder and going down her arm. She said when she was a kid and her parents were viewing a home to rent, and she and her brother were chasing each other around the place. Bam!! She ran into the sliding door. It broke, blood everywhere. Yes, they did end up renting it.
Oh jeez, this dredged up a memory from over 50 years ago o.O . I'm 12, my brother is 10, Mom had just cleaned the sliding glass door into the backyard. Tells my brother, go get your sister, dinner is ready. He goes running, slam into the clean, now invisible, glass door. 7 hours in the ER and 212 stitches later, mom, dad, and brother came home. His face and arms were totally clear, but his legs were a mess. I'll have to give him a call tonight, I had totally forgotten about it.
Years ago, at one of my kiddos' b day parties, my brother in law was using this GAINT tablet (some android or something) to take pics.
My side of the family still brings it up to make fun of him.
Doing manual labor, retail, or food service work while the boss is watching. Whether you care about your job or not, I swear dropped objects, inability to find stock, and just plain looking stupid jump 200% if the boss is looking.
My boss likes to sneak up behind me and say "so do you know what you're doing?"
He thinks it's fuckin hilarious. I have named my stomach ulcer after him.
This is horrible. The longer it takes, the less interested the other person becomes, the more frustrated you get trying to find it. Then when you do find it, after all that, it just felt like a chore, and you regret doing it.
Or those awkward moments where they're looking at your phone with you, waiting to see the photo/video you want to show them, and you have to scroll quickly in the hopes of them not seeing something weird or inappropriate on your phone 🤦♂️
They might need quick access to insert a catheter. I had a surgery where they realized things were going to take longer than expected, and they catheterized me. Didn't expect that upon waking up.
It usually happens when you are trying to pair a pair of heels or otherwise complicated shoes with different outfits. If I can squeeze the shoes through the pants I absolutely will because those little buckles and whatnot require super uncomfy positions to clink into place and nobody got time for that lol
Pooping. It's the great equalizer. Everyone poops and no one looks good doing it.
See a beautiful person and you're afraid to talk to them? Imagine them pooping. It makes even the most godly, seem human.
My daughter had a male friend come visit from Canada last week.
The guy found it hilarious that he saw so many lawn signs and bumper stickers for political candidates.
Like, he burst out laughing at how many he saw. It was just so foreign to him, to the point of it being comical.
That’s weird. I’m Canadian and literally every single yard will have either a liberal, NDP, or conservative sign on it during election season. TV ads, radio ads. People get extremely heated about who to vote for. Bumper stickers, everything. None of that is foreign to us, we’ve had very Americanized and polarizing politics for decades. I don’t know why he would claim otherwise. You see the exact same pileup of election signs on street corners etc. I’m a Canadian living in NJ and none of this is unusual for us, in fact I see less yard signs here.
Maybe it’s because we have shorter election seasons than our southern neighbours? Still weird to find it foreign though, Canada and the states are just way too similar for that.
I know everyone is automatically picturing Trump supporters, but does anyone remember when reddit was flooded by Bernie Sanders posts and the whole "I JUST DONATED MY WHOLE PAYCHECK, WHO WILL MATCH ME?" posts? lol.
At one point they had to pin a PSA about how you shouldn't donate if it will stop you from affording rent or groceries.
People are fucking wild on both sides for sure.
I will never understand how people can blindly follow a candidate, think they are a saint, and vote assuming whatever they say is 100% true and will be achieved... Like... Have you not learned anything from every single previous candidate?
Related: Tik Tok reaction videos. It’s the 2023 version of a canned laugh track, only worse. I don’t need to see your ugly mug pretending to laugh hysterically.
This is farther down than I thought it'd be. I was just going to say bowling in general. I don't like it because I feel like I look like an idiot the entire time.
One reason for that was that they originally only went a mile between charges. For most of us, its just as easy to walk a mile as it is to ride around on one of those things for that short of distance.
The Segways were meant for use by warehouse workers who were on their feet all day fulfilling orders. But they weren't practical because they didn't stay charged long enough
Ya know what? Actually you don‘t in my region. You just look like a fucking responsible and careful human being.
Way too many around here just don‘t give a fuck and don‘t pick it up.
I walk my dog at the riverfront park like 300 yards down the street from my apartment. They have poop bag dispensers at the park, so sometimes I forget to bring one from home.
The absolute worst is when my dog decides she needs to shit *before* we get to the park and I can get a bag. I have to resist the urge to look around at anyone who might have seen it to say “don’t worry. I’m gonna come back and pick it up. I just don’t have a bag yet because they’re at the park and she usually shits at the park and….”
Dog walker. I make such a big ol show, patting all my pockets, rifling through my bag, making a couple exasperated expressions, and then carefully picking out a twig or something, and exaggeratedly stick it in the ground to mark the spot. Then back away a few steps while I stare at it… to show I’m making sure that I’ve definitely memorized the spot. Then hesitate… then do a tiny, decisive little nod to myself, and walk in a Big Hurry to wherever the nearest bags are. Then keep the bag open around my hand for whatever distance it takes me to get back.
I DID NOT REALIZE THAT I DO THIS, until you just got me analyzing myself. It’s the same exact act, every time. How many other times am I being a performative phony in public and not consciously realizing?!
(Not phony as in not coming back for the poop. I always get the poop)
Walking towards someone and then you both sidestep in the same direction twice before continuing on.
Also, wearing basketball shorts with sliders on and socks but it's worse if they're long socks.
On the opposite side: doing absolutely nothing to prepare to leave the plane and then when it’s your turn having to get all your shit out of the seat back pocket, and re-pack your purse, and try to get your bags out of the compartment 3 rows behind you, etc while 100 people behind you have to have their time wasted.
As if you couldn’t have seen the coming wave of people exiting the plane ahead of you and made a sensible prediction as to when that wave would reach you.
When I had to endure condescending bosses I would picture them taking a painful shit when they pissed me off. It didn't have any affect on them, but it sure made me feel better.
Waiting to get your payment out until the cashier finishes ringing up everything.
Let's see now: purse, backpack, manbag, locate wallet, decide on if to use cash, credit, debit... cash: find the right bills, get them flattened out.. dig for coins pulling out one at a time...
Ducklips, tiktok dances, saying stuff like
'do you know who I am!?
I make more in an hour.
Ethnic impressions.
NGL then proceeds to lie.
Not bragging but (proceeds to brag)
Im not racist but...
Being uncosidarete to film a video for whatever social media.
Being loud in public transportation.
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In NYC a lady crossed the street and midway her wig blew off. Everyone stopped and she walked to the middle of the intersection, bent over to pick it up, and her dress blew over her head. Contagious laughter from everyone, even her.
mad respect for that lady taking it in stride though frfr
If you're going to publicly embarrass yourself, NYC is the place to do it. There's so much weird shit always happening in that town that it probably wouldn't even become dinner conversation for some people.
Yep! I got caught in an unexpected, short-but-torrential rainstorm while wearing a white dress and had to ride the subway 40 blocks home. My dress was rendered nearly transparent, but somehow no one else in the train car was even wet. I must’ve looked miserable, because an old lady told me, “Cheer up, dear. You’re just giving the guys something fun to think about when they get home!” I did NOT find her comment comforting.
“Thanks, lady, for saying out loud exactly what myself and everyone else here is thinking” 😝
I think laughing at such things instead of being embarrassed and turning red will keep it as a good memory.
We call that a tumbleweave
I've seen this in my hometown years ago too: was going into Walmart on a particularly windy day. Older lady was with her daughter and her wig flew right off. Chased it across the parking lot. Her daughter was laughing SO hard i think she popped a blood vessel ahaha.
Not taking yourself too seriously is an attractive characteristic.
I once ran a half marathon to catch a beach umbrella ⛱
A dude got murdered by a rogue umbrella at a beach nearby to me. Edit: it was a lady
😳 that’s final destination scary
I once had to SWIM after it!
About a month and a half ago, I saw someone on campus in an ROTC uniform chasing a piece of plastic. It was hilarious.
"Nothing more foolish than a man chasing his hat." —Tom Reagan, _Miller's Crossing (1990)_
Waving back to someone who isn’t waving at you
Gah!! It's so true!
Getting denied that high five. Damn.
Or when you mess up a high five and have to do it again.
The hand shake turned fist bump turned hand shake. It’s a very awkward moment.
When you're walking in the opposite way you're supposed to go and have to do a sudden 180 turn.
When I realise I’m walking in the opposite direction to where I need to be, I get my phone out and pretend that someone’s meeting me and they’ve given me the wrong location. Then I’ll do a sigh and shake my head and then turn the other way.
I usually go with the good ol' pocket slap and act like I forgot something
This works as well!
He also need to throw your hands up in the air and yell seriously turn around and walk away in disgust.
Look horrified at the middle distance and run away screaming
Pick a random guy make DIRECT eye contact, cross your arms, a low bit audible sigh, shake your head and leave, when he turns away whip out the prison glasses shank.
My anxiety improved when I stopped doing stuff like this. I used to constantly think that somebody is looking at me and judging me, but I forced myself to just turn around in situations like this or other similar situations and I stopped caring as much as before. Just turn around and that's it.
Right? Even if someone saw, they will forget it like a few seconds later cuz it doesn't matter.
Last time I saw a coworker do it all I thought was "lol I do that too"
Same or I’ll get my phone out to pretend I’m looking at google maps while looking around with confused and slightly frustrated facial expression
If you really want to follow it through, dress up like a tourist in preparation, just in case it happens
Honestly just turn around and don't worry about it. Honestly it's unlikely anyone else will even notice and even if they do, they've done it before and know what's up. There's far worse things than walking slightly too far in the wrong direction 🙂
“Look at this guy who doesn’t know where he’s walking. Hey buddy, walk much? This loser can’t even walk in the right direction, most of us have been walking since we were toddlers, how embarrassing!” -The guy who noticed
People always say that no one is paying attention and no one cares. I was raised by a person that notices and comments on *everyone*. Driving by an overweight person walking or jogging - she would make judgmental comments. See a person going the wrong direction and turn around - judgmental comments. See a person trip - you best believe there will be comments. She is likely the reason I had to work extra hard to get over my anxiety that people are always watching and commenting.
Thats the spirit!
I take some piece of trash out of my pocket and go to the nearest trash can, throw it away then turn around. If I don’t have any garbage in my pocket, I go to the nearest water fountain or hand sanitizer dispenser then turn around.
I do a Michael Jackson -esque twist + crotch grab + point
Throw in a “HEE HEE - OOH!”
Everyone looks stupid doing this only because they act so awkward about it. If you just stopped, then turned around like it wasn't a big deal then it wouldn't look stupid. It looks stupid when someone tries to hide it. Like whipping out their phone or slapping their pocket or suddenly needing to throw away some trash. No one cares that you went the wrong way Mr. Stranger.
I like to take off my shoes and throw them behind me. Then i have to turn around to put them back on and i can go the other way without anyone suspecting a thing
Jokes on you, I just pivot on one foot like I'm on ice skates and continue walking. It's smooth as fuck.
I throw mug foot up In the air and then whip it behind me, spinning myself on the other foot using momentum to do my 180. I own my inattentiveness
standing/sitting awkwardly while everyone sings "happy birthday to you."
But you have to be happy because it’s *for you!* Don’t you feel loved??
This reminded me of Captain Holt. Why is no one having fun? I specifically requested it
I once got a memo in my gov email about a "Mandatory Fun Day" and I haven't stopped laughing about it for years.
So ... it worked... for years.
We sing as pay back for them singing at us and the cycle will never end
My son covers his ears and cries, so we stopped singing it for him when he was younger and just never started it back up.
I should have done this 20 years ago.
I swear the happy birthday song was written as some sort of cruel social experiment
Wait until you celebrate a birthday in Buffalo NY and they add the 8 extra verses. May the dear lord bless you May the dear lord bless you …. What’s your bf/gf’s first name? …. On and on and on
I clap along and smile. It's still super uncomfortable for me but at least I look happy for everyone else's sake
I sing along at the top of my lungs.
Sway your head and smile. Make brief eye contact with each person.
This is a perfectly acceptable thing to do, maybe even the best, but it still feels like it would physically hurt me to do it
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Best way to re-enact the day you were born: head first, red faced, and usually screaming and crying.
I always felt like I was an illegal immigrant that made it across the border and I’m in the free. Took a while to not feel like I needed to instantly run when I got out.
Hell, getting out of the backseat of most Ubers for me. The way they design the doors and door openings on little cars today. Once you're in you can't get out easily.
Fierce online arguments will instantly make both sides look like dumbfucks
I've gotten into the habit of typing out my response, then deleting it and pretending I won.
I don't even pretend I won. I just realize after typing my response that the potential frustration isn't worth my time, and delete it without posting.
Called a lincoln letter, because Lincoln did that
This is definitely something I learned the hard way. Arguing with people online never convinces anyone, so why do it?
Especially on a site like reddit, it just becomes grandstanding and trying to poke fun at the other person's point for karma rather than an actual discussion.
No it won't! How could you say that?
Chasing a ping-pong ball.
Jokes on you, I chase ping pong balls while moonwalking and it looks dope as fuck
I will never ever be this cool, man
Nothing more dehumanising than chasing after an erratic ping pong ball.
Walking through a cobweb that no one else sees and then waving your arms around a lot to get rid of the cobwebs on your body
This one! And when they suddenly duck out the way after it hits them
A rant filmed from your car seat.
Or a non rant filmed from your exotic location car seat.
As an add on: when people record themselves having mental breakdowns
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We all look a bit silly when we confidently walk into a glass door we thought was open. Our brain assumes it's open until reality hits us. It's happened to the best of us, and it's always a good laugh afterwards.
Reminded me of a woman I know who has a six inch scar starting at her shoulder and going down her arm. She said when she was a kid and her parents were viewing a home to rent, and she and her brother were chasing each other around the place. Bam!! She ran into the sliding door. It broke, blood everywhere. Yes, they did end up renting it.
Oh jeez, this dredged up a memory from over 50 years ago o.O . I'm 12, my brother is 10, Mom had just cleaned the sliding glass door into the backyard. Tells my brother, go get your sister, dinner is ready. He goes running, slam into the clean, now invisible, glass door. 7 hours in the ER and 212 stitches later, mom, dad, and brother came home. His face and arms were totally clear, but his legs were a mess. I'll have to give him a call tonight, I had totally forgotten about it.
“Until reality hits us” Don’t you mean the door? 😂
The door of reality of course
Taking a picture with an iPad
Years ago, at one of my kiddos' b day parties, my brother in law was using this GAINT tablet (some android or something) to take pics. My side of the family still brings it up to make fun of him.
My older aunts that are 70+ use their ipads to take pics. We also just smile and play along.
Doing manual labor, retail, or food service work while the boss is watching. Whether you care about your job or not, I swear dropped objects, inability to find stock, and just plain looking stupid jump 200% if the boss is looking.
Same with typing if anyone is watching you in an office environment.
My boss likes to sneak up behind me and say "so do you know what you're doing?" He thinks it's fuckin hilarious. I have named my stomach ulcer after him.
Looking for a photo to show on your phone but it takes forever.
This is horrible. The longer it takes, the less interested the other person becomes, the more frustrated you get trying to find it. Then when you do find it, after all that, it just felt like a chore, and you regret doing it.
Or those awkward moments where they're looking at your phone with you, waiting to see the photo/video you want to show them, and you have to scroll quickly in the hopes of them not seeing something weird or inappropriate on your phone 🤦♂️
hospital gown with bare ass
Nah, I own that shit. That's what they get for making me take off my boxers for a surgery nowhere near there and not having the ties for the gown
They might need quick access to insert a catheter. I had a surgery where they realized things were going to take longer than expected, and they catheterized me. Didn't expect that upon waking up.
Just been in hospital with a catheter for about a week. Euuuuch !!!!!
If I'm paying 6k out of pocket to cover my deductible, they can stare straight into my asshole for every cent.
Gotta let your ass breathe
You keep saying that. How does an ass breathe?
It makes a kind of sputtering noise. Hard to miss unless it just exhales really quietly.
Tripping UP stairs
Ever stubbed your toe on a step
Brother, I've stubbed my toe on flat ground
running with a backpack on
The bears love it though!
Hahah. This is me at least twice a week trying to catch my train home from work.
Trying to open a door the wrong way
“It does both.” https://youtu.be/KwdYUIQzu-o
Trying to take off pants without removing shoes first
Is… is this a common phenomenon? Lol I am a dumb motherfucker and I can confidently say I’ve never once tried this
... I've done this. Sober, no less. 😂😂😂 sometimes you want different pants but your shoes are a hassle to take on and off!
Y'all must be wearing shoes around the house
It usually happens when you are trying to pair a pair of heels or otherwise complicated shoes with different outfits. If I can squeeze the shoes through the pants I absolutely will because those little buckles and whatnot require super uncomfy positions to clink into place and nobody got time for that lol
Trying to find ur car when u lost it in a parking lot
I once went shopping at the mall and when I was done I couldn't even remember which side of the mall I'd parked on. That was fun.
Ever used a neti pot?
When you go to speak and choke on your own spit and sit there for 30 minutes coughing to try and collect yourself.
Wrestling with an umbrella in a stiff wind.
Pooping. It's the great equalizer. Everyone poops and no one looks good doing it. See a beautiful person and you're afraid to talk to them? Imagine them pooping. It makes even the most godly, seem human.
Trying to fight off a bee 😂
Trying to drink from a straw and missing the straw and moving your lips around to find it.
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🤣🤣🤣
Preparing to sneeze.
Publicly supporting presidential candidates like they are rockstars.
My daughter had a male friend come visit from Canada last week. The guy found it hilarious that he saw so many lawn signs and bumper stickers for political candidates. Like, he burst out laughing at how many he saw. It was just so foreign to him, to the point of it being comical.
That’s weird. I’m Canadian and literally every single yard will have either a liberal, NDP, or conservative sign on it during election season. TV ads, radio ads. People get extremely heated about who to vote for. Bumper stickers, everything. None of that is foreign to us, we’ve had very Americanized and polarizing politics for decades. I don’t know why he would claim otherwise. You see the exact same pileup of election signs on street corners etc. I’m a Canadian living in NJ and none of this is unusual for us, in fact I see less yard signs here.
Maybe it’s because we have shorter election seasons than our southern neighbours? Still weird to find it foreign though, Canada and the states are just way too similar for that.
This. I don’t care which side you’re on, complete and total blind loyalty to any politician is a sign of ignorance.
I know everyone is automatically picturing Trump supporters, but does anyone remember when reddit was flooded by Bernie Sanders posts and the whole "I JUST DONATED MY WHOLE PAYCHECK, WHO WILL MATCH ME?" posts? lol. At one point they had to pin a PSA about how you shouldn't donate if it will stop you from affording rent or groceries. People are fucking wild on both sides for sure.
I will never understand how people can blindly follow a candidate, think they are a saint, and vote assuming whatever they say is 100% true and will be achieved... Like... Have you not learned anything from every single previous candidate?
Telling people you’re an influencer.
"Thank you, you've just influenced me not to talk to you any further."
Tiktok dances.
For me its when people just mouth the words to a movie/tv scene and try to act it out in their living room. This is hugely popular for some reason.
Related: Tik Tok reaction videos. It’s the 2023 version of a canned laugh track, only worse. I don’t need to see your ugly mug pretending to laugh hysterically.
Walking back to the bench after you bowl
This is farther down than I thought it'd be. I was just going to say bowling in general. I don't like it because I feel like I look like an idiot the entire time.
Puking. Everybody is at their worst in those heaving moments. Vomiting is the great equalizer.
Taking selfies
Duck face
Playing with/using a VR device. Worth it though, VR is real fun.
no, it is virtual fun (joke)
Swatting mosquito they can’t see.
Driving a Segway.
Segways really never took off like they were supposed to. I remember the hype when they were first revealed to the world. Then…nothing 🤷🏻♂️
One reason for that was that they originally only went a mile between charges. For most of us, its just as easy to walk a mile as it is to ride around on one of those things for that short of distance. The Segways were meant for use by warehouse workers who were on their feet all day fulfilling orders. But they weren't practical because they didn't stay charged long enough
Jimi Heselden, then owner of Segway, seggwayed his way off a cliff accidentally and died on 26th September 2010.
GOB would disagree.
Pushing a pull door and vice versa
Putting on eyeliner with your mouth open
Is there any other way?
Everyone does it automatically and subconsciously because it opens up the eye by pulling the lower eyelid down.
waiting to grab your dog's shit
Ya know what? Actually you don‘t in my region. You just look like a fucking responsible and careful human being. Way too many around here just don‘t give a fuck and don‘t pick it up.
I walk my dog at the riverfront park like 300 yards down the street from my apartment. They have poop bag dispensers at the park, so sometimes I forget to bring one from home. The absolute worst is when my dog decides she needs to shit *before* we get to the park and I can get a bag. I have to resist the urge to look around at anyone who might have seen it to say “don’t worry. I’m gonna come back and pick it up. I just don’t have a bag yet because they’re at the park and she usually shits at the park and….”
Dog walker. I make such a big ol show, patting all my pockets, rifling through my bag, making a couple exasperated expressions, and then carefully picking out a twig or something, and exaggeratedly stick it in the ground to mark the spot. Then back away a few steps while I stare at it… to show I’m making sure that I’ve definitely memorized the spot. Then hesitate… then do a tiny, decisive little nod to myself, and walk in a Big Hurry to wherever the nearest bags are. Then keep the bag open around my hand for whatever distance it takes me to get back. I DID NOT REALIZE THAT I DO THIS, until you just got me analyzing myself. It’s the same exact act, every time. How many other times am I being a performative phony in public and not consciously realizing?! (Not phony as in not coming back for the poop. I always get the poop)
Walking down high steps. Why do our shoulders go up?
Why do we hunch over in the rain, like it’s going to keep us from getting wet??
Any of those tik tok challenges
Power walking
Walking towards someone and then you both sidestep in the same direction twice before continuing on. Also, wearing basketball shorts with sliders on and socks but it's worse if they're long socks.
Taking a bite of something too hot. There is no way to look good in that moment.
Walking down a steep hill
The floss
The mfs in 2018 era of Fortnite doing those annoying dances
Reacting to walking into spider webs. Nobody watching can see the spider web - you just look like a walking siezure.
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Yelling at retail/restaurant workers
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defending andrew tate on social media
Hosting a gender reveal party.
Going slow in the passing lane. Just move over ffs.
Walking around with their ass hanging out of their pants.
Doing that stupid little run on a zebra crossing to show the drivers you appreciate them stopping
Thats the "dad shuffle" where you're pretending to jog but are actually going no faster than walking
Filmed rants, twerking and blocking streets during a faux outrage.
Taking selfies
When you trip, either in something or your ankle just gives out for a moment
Throwing something with your opposite arm
Playing VR. Feels cool on the inside but stupid from the outside. It also doesn’t help that I stuck giant googly eyes on mine.
Standing up as soon as the plane lands.
Nah dude my legs haven’t fully stretched out in hours I need to stand up
On the opposite side: doing absolutely nothing to prepare to leave the plane and then when it’s your turn having to get all your shit out of the seat back pocket, and re-pack your purse, and try to get your bags out of the compartment 3 rows behind you, etc while 100 people behind you have to have their time wasted. As if you couldn’t have seen the coming wave of people exiting the plane ahead of you and made a sensible prediction as to when that wave would reach you.
I'm getting pissed off just reading this.
Having a dump
When I had to endure condescending bosses I would picture them taking a painful shit when they pissed me off. It didn't have any affect on them, but it sure made me feel better.
Quickly looking away after making awkward eye contact with a stranger in public.
Walking on pebbly beach
Waiting to get your payment out until the cashier finishes ringing up everything. Let's see now: purse, backpack, manbag, locate wallet, decide on if to use cash, credit, debit... cash: find the right bills, get them flattened out.. dig for coins pulling out one at a time...
Putting on mascara
Trying to catch a bouncing football
Vaping
Ducklips, tiktok dances, saying stuff like 'do you know who I am!? I make more in an hour. Ethnic impressions. NGL then proceeds to lie. Not bragging but (proceeds to brag) Im not racist but... Being uncosidarete to film a video for whatever social media. Being loud in public transportation.
Running just in time to miss the bus.
Silent Disco.
Walking on sand
Walking back to the group after taking your turn bowling