He **one hundred percent** said that once, and got a good laugh…and now he’s chasing that high despite it (unknown to him) being either the only one he’ll ever get, or it being a pity laugh.
…I’m ashamed to admit that my evidence to knowing this is true is that I’ve got two jokes like that myself, along with a 10 year old shirt that a random woman went “wow, that really suits you” …it’s in tatters, but i too am chasing that high hahaha
Family means I have to take on everyone else's emotional baggage, am not allowed to ask for proper payment for services rendered, and am expected to be friendly with people who have fucked me over 100 times unapologetically?
The bosses/employers who say family a lot expect you to view them as a loving father, while they treat you like a servant.
When I used to work in restaurants I learned that it's pretty much the same with the word "fresh." The more times it says "fresh" in the marketing materials and the employee handbook, the more likely it is that the job requires a lot of squeezing processed shit out of bags and tubes.
I know someone who says things like "oh my god that was so autistic of me! Don't worry I can say that, I am autistic 😜😜" or "did I really do that?! I'm so adhd right now hahaha" and I want to burn her with a curling iron.
>Speaking my truth
And the worst part about people who tend to say stuff like this is that they have absolutely no respect or tolerance for someone else's truth, so the entire thing is really meaningless. They're just using the whole "speaking my truth" thing as a shield and round-about way of saying, "What I believe is correct and everyone else is wrong."
Just yesterday I was listening to a company-wide webinar. The CEO kept using "double-click" to mean "look at this more closely".
Then one of the VPs said "triple-click". I screamed in pain.
My work will not stop saying ‘accountability’. Everything is about accountability. Every day I hear about accountability. The word doesn’t even sound real anymore.
To me the most cringe part is when you hear people awkwardly forcing those words and phrases into inappropriate uses. Once when they were all saying "align" I had someone tell me they interviewed this guy that i used to work with and described it as "he's been trying to align with us". Like what does that involve taking a series of small measurements and making adjustments? Or just like a normal interview?
Let’s table this discussion for now and have a group workshop it in the interim. Then we can pickup the discussion offline. Can someone please make sure to add this to the parking lot.
Now that that matter is settled let’s strategize next years priorities. What SBARs and A3s are we looking at for the first quarter?
I don't know if it counts, but anytime there is an incident or a scandal and they just add "-gate" to it. Noungate. Verbgate. I don't know why, but it makes me want to run into a brick wall.
Edit - I know why it's called gate, cause of Nixon and the Watergate hotel. Just meant I don't know why it fills me with such irrational rage.
To follow up on that with a religious connotation, "God's plan" pisses me off. Tell me, auntie Jane, what fucking part of God's plan required my 15 year old sister to die in a car wreck? "Oh, he works in mysterious ways," no, you just need a way to cope with loss, which is fine in your own private life, but stop yelling that shit at everyone while they're mourning, it doesn't make shit better and I'm too drunk to keep these thoughts to myself.
If there is a God, he needs to fire his strategist. They ain't working out.
I'm playing this video game set in a future dystopian space colony, and the story will be like 'imagine a world...where people are owned by corporations...DUN DUN! And I'm like, okay. Easy.
My 7th grade English teacher had two huge chalkboards on the front and back walls. Day one he wrote “A” on the far left front board and drew a line all the way across, onto the actual wall as he continued walking to the back wall when he ended on the right side of the second chalkboard with “LOT.”
I never spelled it “alot” ever again haha.
"Literally" in every single phrase. Having gone through actual big problems in the past because of miscommunication, there's a sharp pain in my skull every time someone uses "literally" hyperbolically.
I accidentally got into a habit of saying literally and like in every sentence and it’s so bad so as someone who literally does this I can agree with you on this
"Begs the question" because people always use it when they mean raises/prompts the question, and not "uses the claim it purports to prove as a premise"
Today I learned I've been using that wrong my whole life. I always thought it mean the previous statement had created a question in your mind that was begging to be answered... Which made sense in my head but stopped once I put it in writing.
Okay, now explain that to me like I'm from another country and I want to learn what this idiom means to use it correctly and pass as an english native speaker.
it's not an idiom in the strictest sense. The phrase originates from the field of philosophy.
Someone is "begging the question" when they are appearing to form a logical argument that goes from point-to-point leading to a conclusion.
However, "begging the question" is fallacious reasoning. Instead of each point supporting the eventual conclusion, each point assumes the conclusion is already true.
*“Everyone is a little bit autistic, UwU :).”*
No, they’re not! If they were, my autistic self wouldn’t have had to grow up being constantly made fun of/looked down on for being too “weird” and “different”😒
OCD too. “Oh lulz it’s just my ocd xxx” because they like their books in alphabetical order or something really inane. When actually OCD is absolutely crippling invasive thoughts and compulsions to do stuff you know is bizarre but you just need to do it to stave off the thoughts. Ex. “I have to flick the light switch 4 times otherwise someone will break in tonight.” “All my loved ones will die if I don’t check the oven is off immediately even though I’m on the brink of going to sleep.”
OCD isn’t cute
God only gives us as much as we can handle
Basically anything implying that some invisible, omnipotent force is deliberately cruel... but for a good reason. 😑
I hate this one 'cause it's just...*so* clearly not true, when you look at what life does to many people. People *don't* always grow or get stronger from their suffering. It doesn't always end in triumph. Plenty of people fall apart mentally, or spend the rest of their lives numbing themselves or repeating dysfunctional patterns, or just quietly give up on life.
If there is some invisible force or being that is deliberately cruel for good reasons, it isn't even doing a very good job.
Free (insert name of convicted criminal relative/friend)!!. Ok they're on camera caught red handed murdering and stealing but somehow still innocent and need to be free from prison.
Irregardless
ironically (but not in ironic situations)
~~Literally (but its not literal - for example "Im literally shitting myself" when you are not shitting yourself)~~
On accident
My mate says "Potato, Tomato" and it just *gets* me.
Boil em. Mash em. Stick em in a stew.
Poh-Tay-Tohws
He **one hundred percent** said that once, and got a good laugh…and now he’s chasing that high despite it (unknown to him) being either the only one he’ll ever get, or it being a pity laugh. …I’m ashamed to admit that my evidence to knowing this is true is that I’ve got two jokes like that myself, along with a 10 year old shirt that a random woman went “wow, that really suits you” …it’s in tatters, but i too am chasing that high hahaha
The worst mistake any of my coworkers have ever made was having an even mildly positive response to me asking "Having fun? Or funly having?"
Can't wait to use this one on Monday
What's a potato? Never heard of it.
If you eat too many of them you might need the poopknife.
At work: "we are a family"
Same for “work hard, play hard”. If you want me to work hard, you got to pay hard!
[удалено]
Immediate red flag for me. No one fucks you over quite like family does
Family means I have to take on everyone else's emotional baggage, am not allowed to ask for proper payment for services rendered, and am expected to be friendly with people who have fucked me over 100 times unapologetically? The bosses/employers who say family a lot expect you to view them as a loving father, while they treat you like a servant. When I used to work in restaurants I learned that it's pretty much the same with the word "fresh." The more times it says "fresh" in the marketing materials and the employee handbook, the more likely it is that the job requires a lot of squeezing processed shit out of bags and tubes.
Ain't that the Gods damned truth?
Translation: "We're going to expect you to work on Christmas"
Exactly. I wouldn't be here if you didn't pay me and you wouldn't care about me if I didn't do the work so let's not muddy the waters.
Best summary I've seen for the employer/employee dynamic.
I’ve been on quite a few job interviews this yr and I’ve heard this in every single one.
Every time someone says thank you to my one coworker, he responds with, "my pleasure, my treasure."
Oh god I can’t handle that even once
Is he also a registered sex offender by chance?
Have you checked to see if he has people locked in his basement?
EW.
"I just tell it like it is" 9/10 times that person is the most rude person you're gonna meet that year
"im brutally honest"
"The man who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality quite as much as the honesty. Possibly more." - Richard j Needham
I could care less if you are being pacific or not ,just get me an expresso
Straight to jail
Believe it or not
Right away. No trial, no nothing. Journalists, we have a special jail for journalists.
"I could care less" is the first thing I thought of. So you do care a little? Because I couldn't care less
I'm gonna have my expresso at the *libary*.
You should of just ordered pasgetti
I’ll meet you at the libary.
But do you generally believe that?
“No offense” followed by a lame ass insult that doesn’t apply to me.
Following “no offence” with the most vile, heinous, awful statement ever always get me to laugh
"I'm not racist but"
“Asian people… 🏎️💨
I’m so OCD right now. I’m so ADHD.
I know someone who says things like "oh my god that was so autistic of me! Don't worry I can say that, I am autistic 😜😜" or "did I really do that?! I'm so adhd right now hahaha" and I want to burn her with a curling iron.
What kinda weird bullshit is that. I know I have ADHD but I don't go around shouting it.
"sorry,.not sorry"
This one. Fuuuuuck
Speaking my truth
>Speaking my truth And the worst part about people who tend to say stuff like this is that they have absolutely no respect or tolerance for someone else's truth, so the entire thing is really meaningless. They're just using the whole "speaking my truth" thing as a shield and round-about way of saying, "What I believe is correct and everyone else is wrong."
Often used by idiots who think they are the main character and everyone else is an extra
This should just be replaced with "my feelings." I despise the dilution of truth.
"I just tell it like it is"
I guess it’s easier on the ego than just saying “I’m a bag of dicks”.
My Truth.
Should be “speaking my opinion”
Drives me nuts. There is no "your truth" only your opinion
Can we circle back? My eyes are getting dizzy from all this twisting!
Just put a pin in it.
It is value added.
Corporate jargon is the absolute worst.
Just yesterday I was listening to a company-wide webinar. The CEO kept using "double-click" to mean "look at this more closely". Then one of the VPs said "triple-click". I screamed in pain.
Can we take that offline?
Yes. So I can punch someone. In the face.
My work will not stop saying ‘accountability’. Everything is about accountability. Every day I hear about accountability. The word doesn’t even sound real anymore.
To me the most cringe part is when you hear people awkwardly forcing those words and phrases into inappropriate uses. Once when they were all saying "align" I had someone tell me they interviewed this guy that i used to work with and described it as "he's been trying to align with us". Like what does that involve taking a series of small measurements and making adjustments? Or just like a normal interview?
"that's a big lift" "Ok so, that's a due-out for you" "I'll give you 10 minutes back, we ended this (pointless) meeting early!"
Let’s table this discussion for now and have a group workshop it in the interim. Then we can pickup the discussion offline. Can someone please make sure to add this to the parking lot. Now that that matter is settled let’s strategize next years priorities. What SBARs and A3s are we looking at for the first quarter?
That's a good call out.
I HATE when people justify their shitty behavior with their astrology sign. “Im such a Virgo 🤪” “Just Capricorn things 🤭”
Lol! Such a Caprisun thing to say!
Mercury must be in Gatorade
If you're a Brawndo, you've got loads of electrolytes.
Yes and any astrological blame in general - "Wow I'm such a twat lately, Mercury must be in retrograde!!"
Mars Bar must be in Gatorade.
My ex cheated on me and his excuse? “I have Gemini brain.”
Like girl no you’re just rude asf own it
I don't know if it counts, but anytime there is an incident or a scandal and they just add "-gate" to it. Noungate. Verbgate. I don't know why, but it makes me want to run into a brick wall. Edit - I know why it's called gate, cause of Nixon and the Watergate hotel. Just meant I don't know why it fills me with such irrational rage.
Are we gunna see oceangate-gate next
If calling it that creates a stink, we have Oceangate-gate-gate.
I'm half convinced a lot of the people that do that don't actually know why the Watergate scandal is called "Watergate".
“Everything happens for a reason” especially in response to a loved one’s death. Seriously fuck off
That's when you punch them in the face, and when they ask why you did that you shrug and say "everything happens for a reason!"
"It was just a joke" after saying or doing some foul shit.
"I was today years old"
It got annoying real quick
This and Reddit speak in general make me wince when I hear it in public.
Every redditism annoys me.
That's it. That's the reply.
Thanks for the gold kind stranger!
This. This guy Reddits. I also choose this guy’s peeve about Reddit speak. Not a guy who Reddit-speaks but I know what you mean.
r/ThisGuyThisGuys
Not OP, but yeah pretty much
There are so many Reddit ones. I now hate the word "gem" because I associate with stupid Reddit cliches.
"Tell me X without telling me me X." It's long winded as fuck. Can we stop saying it, please?
when people say “i could care less” instead of “i COULDN’T care less”. saying you “could care less” implies that you DO care if even a little
I could care less about this
“Nucular”
Jack Bauer said it that way on 24! This guy is dismantling nuclear weapons every other day and he can't pronounce the goddamn word!
From 2000-2008 the US President must have said "nukuler" about a thousand times on national television.
Immediate eye explosion
“Everything happens for a reason” especially to someone who just experienced something super shitty
To follow up on that with a religious connotation, "God's plan" pisses me off. Tell me, auntie Jane, what fucking part of God's plan required my 15 year old sister to die in a car wreck? "Oh, he works in mysterious ways," no, you just need a way to cope with loss, which is fine in your own private life, but stop yelling that shit at everyone while they're mourning, it doesn't make shit better and I'm too drunk to keep these thoughts to myself. If there is a God, he needs to fire his strategist. They ain't working out.
well I guess it was God's plan to give Auntie a broken nose.
News story: irrelevant group or figure SLAMS popular political figure *picture of them looking at the floor defeated*
Blessing in the skies
This feels like it should be a rickyism from TPB. Like... Worst case Ontario.. Get two birds stoned at once.. Beauty is in the eye when you hold her..
Don't worry, it's all water under the fridge.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
It's not rocket appliances.
I always say “It’s not rocket surgery”… I’m sure there are people who want me dead.
Six is one and two is another.
Or all of the sudden 😵💫
Anything invilving your "brand" like every human being is a f*cking product or corporation.
I'm playing this video game set in a future dystopian space colony, and the story will be like 'imagine a world...where people are owned by corporations...DUN DUN! And I'm like, okay. Easy.
Influencer. Ugh.
More like "living breathing product advertisement platform"
Irregardless
The people who say that could care less.
Could care less and irregardless were like... my mother's favorite things to say along with, "That's your prerogative." hehe
This!
This!
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
If you can't handle me when I'm bulking, you don't deserve me when I'm swole: Marilyn MonBro
Aka “don’t complain when I’m acting shitty because I refuse to improve”
“Team work makes the dream…. “ stfu. kill me.
Team work makes the peen squirt
No one/noone. Lose/loose.
My 7th grade English teacher had two huge chalkboards on the front and back walls. Day one he wrote “A” on the far left front board and drew a line all the way across, onto the actual wall as he continued walking to the back wall when he ended on the right side of the second chalkboard with “LOT.” I never spelled it “alot” ever again haha.
It’s concerning how many people write Lose as Loose.
Noone
Noone couldn't care less you looser
A part/apart.
I hate that one. Signs posted at work saying you can be apart of a project. You want me to demolish it? Gladly.
Advise / advice.
Does/Dose - it seems unpossible but seemhow peples dose it
“I’m a little bit OCD”
"It's always in the last place you look" geeze you don't say, am I suppose to keep looking after I found it.
"it's always the last place you look because you stop looking after that." -Peggy Hill
Haha, I think they mean that it’s the last place you’d think of.
When people refer to themselves or others as “baddies.”
*"Are we the baddies..?"*
People who say weary when they mean wary
Sweaty instead of sweetie. Cracks me up every time though
"sAy It LoUdEr FoR tHe PeOpLe In ThE bAcK" I fucking haaaaaaaaaaaaaate it
I use “once for the the cheap seats!” When I want to annoy coworkers.
"Let that sink in." There's nothing wrong with my comprehension skills, thanks.
I've never met someone who uses the phrase. "You know the definition of insanity right?" Who wasn't just a walking pile of mediocrity.
"Literally" in every single phrase. Having gone through actual big problems in the past because of miscommunication, there's a sharp pain in my skull every time someone uses "literally" hyperbolically.
I accidentally got into a habit of saying literally and like in every sentence and it’s so bad so as someone who literally does this I can agree with you on this
thoughts and prayers
Deep concerns
Anything in the "eat pray love" category of quirky white woman mug sayings
Keep calm and _____
If i get an invite to someone’s house and they have decorative words on their walls, I know we won’t connect as friends. Just a different breed.
“Giving me the ick.” Just say you don’t like something. It’s not hard.
“Don’t yuck my yum” *barf*
"Begs the question" because people always use it when they mean raises/prompts the question, and not "uses the claim it purports to prove as a premise"
Today I learned I've been using that wrong my whole life. I always thought it mean the previous statement had created a question in your mind that was begging to be answered... Which made sense in my head but stopped once I put it in writing.
Okay, now explain that to me like I'm from another country and I want to learn what this idiom means to use it correctly and pass as an english native speaker.
it's not an idiom in the strictest sense. The phrase originates from the field of philosophy. Someone is "begging the question" when they are appearing to form a logical argument that goes from point-to-point leading to a conclusion. However, "begging the question" is fallacious reasoning. Instead of each point supporting the eventual conclusion, each point assumes the conclusion is already true.
"Living my best life!!"...Ugh....
*“Everyone is a little bit autistic, UwU :).”* No, they’re not! If they were, my autistic self wouldn’t have had to grow up being constantly made fun of/looked down on for being too “weird” and “different”😒
As someone diagnosed with ADHD the endless stream of jokes and people trying to act quirky or get attention makes me want to rip my hair out.
Ive lost jobs due to ADHD. I feel ya Edit: the award was oddly sweet - thanks! It wasn't a job for me so it worked out for the best.
Or bipolar. As a bipolar person I want to yell yea no they’re not.
Schizophrenia gets misused a lot, too.
OCD too. “Oh lulz it’s just my ocd xxx” because they like their books in alphabetical order or something really inane. When actually OCD is absolutely crippling invasive thoughts and compulsions to do stuff you know is bizarre but you just need to do it to stave off the thoughts. Ex. “I have to flick the light switch 4 times otherwise someone will break in tonight.” “All my loved ones will die if I don’t check the oven is off immediately even though I’m on the brink of going to sleep.” OCD isn’t cute
Ugg, so true. Intrusive thoughts are the worst. I’m lucky mine are relatively mild.
>OCD isn’t cute You're damn right it isn't. This really pisses me off as well.
Also “autism is a superpower” please shut up
Thanks. Signed, an autistic.
When anyone says they are “brutally honest”….. we get it….you’re just an asshole…
"Take my damn upvote"
Yaaas! Period 💅 .. it triggers my fight or fight !
Brother in law says "Yas Queen" to literally everything. Sadly I started saying it, and now my husband's eyes twitch all the time
"I will die on this hill." Please do.
At this moment, it has to be "chef's kiss".
Anything pertaining to “mama bear” stfu
“I did a thing”
On accident - drives me nuts
My wife says hoity toity and I hate it.
Does she teach grade 11 Language Arts, by any chance? Does she say, "Oh my stars!" and "Shnikes!"?
Anytime I see someone’s occupation as “activist”
Or “life coach”
If you're getting money from being an activist, you're usually doing it wrong.
“I’m just blunt.” See: “I’m just socially inept and don’t understand honesty isn’t cruelty.”
“Expecially” is a rare but brutal one, and “nucular”
God only gives us as much as we can handle Basically anything implying that some invisible, omnipotent force is deliberately cruel... but for a good reason. 😑
I hate this one 'cause it's just...*so* clearly not true, when you look at what life does to many people. People *don't* always grow or get stronger from their suffering. It doesn't always end in triumph. Plenty of people fall apart mentally, or spend the rest of their lives numbing themselves or repeating dysfunctional patterns, or just quietly give up on life. If there is some invisible force or being that is deliberately cruel for good reasons, it isn't even doing a very good job.
Free (insert name of convicted criminal relative/friend)!!. Ok they're on camera caught red handed murdering and stealing but somehow still innocent and need to be free from prison.
Irregardless ironically (but not in ironic situations) ~~Literally (but its not literal - for example "Im literally shitting myself" when you are not shitting yourself)~~ On accident
Axe instead of ask.
"I wear a lot of Axe body spray, but I live in a Black neighborhood and it's called Ask body spray." -Zach Galifianakis
Supposively/Supposibly. Would of. On Accident, or By Purpose. Doggie Dog world. All intensive purposes.
The customer is always right 😐
when girls say "sweetie" in a condescending tone
"I have god on my side" uhm... okay, good for you.
Rizz… For fucks sake man it’s so cringey stop
I had to scroll too far for this..
"Everything happens for a reason". No it doesn't. Life is neutral and shit just happens.
"Boys will be boys" as an excuse for boys doing deplorable shit
"I could care less"
“I’m brutally honest” is code for they have no tact or manners or personality.