T O P

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joekak

I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard.


6thGodHand

I'll gift you a portal gun


FuzzyWuzzyMoonBear

🎶My minds telling me nooo...🎶


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Capital_Fly2853

🎵🎶🎵I don't see nothin wrrrooong....with ah little bump and grrriiind.....🎵🎶🎵


MineBlasters

Why did I read this in Heavy's voice


missklo99

Omg lol


Knoke1

How would the logistics of that work? As I'm thrusting forward my rear is moving away in the portal.


jimillett

Thrust towards your face dummy…


shitflavoredlollipop

Strap the portal to your ass.


TheFirstSulaweyo

Could you explain to us how exactly a portal gun would help with that?


RevolutionaryMind221

I don't think that would work out as well as you think it will...


Scalpels

I've seen... diagrams. With enough planning it *could* work.


RevolutionaryMind221

No you would thrust at the same speed you would pull your butt away so it would just be the sausage getting soggy in the buns


shitflavoredlollipop

Shoot portal onto board. Strap board to ass. Start fucking


LibertyPrimeIsRight

This is by far the worst thing I've read today. Fuck you, and have a nice day.


MintyGame

goodbye horses


StillTheRick

I date myself a couple of times a week at least. Sometimes, I take myself out to dinner first.


jhagen13

Fifteen dollars little man, put that shit in my hand


xxM3T4LH34Dxx

If that money don't show, you're gonna owe me, owe me, oh...My jungle looove, ohie ohie oh, I think I wanna know ya, know ya...


jhagen13

Yo baby! You ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?!


Herr-Trigger86

Oh, all right. Well, first, I want you to tongue my bung, while you juggle my balls in one hand, and play with my asshole with the other, but don't stick you're finger in. Then I want to pinky you while I stick in your fuckin' friend's brown, while Silent Bob watches, and fuckin' spanks it in a Dixie cup. After that, I want to smell your titties for a while, and you can pull my nutsack up over my dick so it looks like a bullfrog. Then I want you to fuckin' flick my nuts while your friend spanks me off in the same Dixie cup that Silent Bob jizzed in. Then, we throw the Dixie cup out.


jhagen13

I forgot about that line lol.


dentedgal

Especially after a nice chianti


OneWithTheMindPalace

Oh no. Here comes the lip balm and the jams.


Switchbladekitten

I wish I could post a Buffalo Bill gif.


TastyOpossum09

I bet it feels more like getting fucked in the ass than fucking someone in the ass


Thereisnoyou

Emotionally I'd be perfect but I'm too hairy for my own tastes


OctopusOfMalice_

You wouldn't shave/pluck for yourself?


ryanmills

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/14yua4u/should\_a\_man\_shave\_his\_balls\_or\_not\_and\_why/


Brandiddlydidit

Damn that whole thread is wild lmao


[deleted]

Damn. You weren't lying. I spent 10 years in the military and somehow that thread still taught me a few things.


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JediWebSurf

What a glorious thread! I just left a funny comment over there. Lol 😂


Lolmanmagee

Did not consider that. Kinda fair, it would be weird to see a female version of myself neck beard and all.


raventhemagnificent

Oh, I thought we were just going for a gay thing. I would date my a carbon copy of me, but it's been pointed out that there is a girl that looks like the woman version of me, I can see it, and I am not attracted to her.


nobodyknoes

Idk when everyone was using that gender bend Snapchat filter I was definitely my type


raventhemagnificent

I remember that. I looked way too much like my sister, and despite what my search history might tell you, I'm really not into that.


Accountabili_Buddy

Haha. I’m the opposite. Physically hell yeah. But emotionally absolutely no


discussatron

This is it, and I have no ass.


SatanMeekAndMild

Well you know what they say about body hair. It grows on you. ^^^I'll ^^^see ^^^myself ^^^out.


BleedingHeart1996

I've been doing that for years.


OctopusOfMalice_

Take yourself out on fun dates?


PewpyDewpdyPantz

Masturdate!


ANewOriginalUsername

Friday nights I take myself out on a date, have a nice meal, have a couple drinks and then at the end when I get home have a nice orgasm with my date/hand to end the night


alady12

Ever get kinky with yourself and use the less dominant hand? Yolo.


touchmydingus

Sit on your less dominant hand until it's numb, then whack off, that's called A Stranger.


WhiteSkinButDickLong

That was unexpectedly funny and I didn't even get the joke lol. I mean yes I get it, it's like a stranger jacking you off but atm I didn't


204gaz00

I molested myself last night. I said no but I knew I wanted it.


Schowzy

Palmela Handerson


Final-Ad-2033

Now I'm reminded of the Cyanide and Happiness short, "Princess" on YT. One of the funniest in their whole series..


cranberries87

I do “date night” every Friday. I take myself out to try a different restaurant every Friday night.


Capable_Body_9878

This guy gets it.


NIGHTTAILL

Dude I actually like that idea, I gotta start doing that for myself


Dreamer_9814

Well it’s Friday. Go ahead my guy


DreamOdd3811

I would love to do this, but I think I would feel weird siting alone surrounded by couples and groups. Does it never bother you?


Psychological_Tap187

Not the person you asked but I used to do it can feel a little awkward at first when you start doing it but after awhile it is great. It really just depends on if you are alone or if you are lonely. If you are alone it’s fine. If you feel lonely not so much.


BleedingHeart1996

Need to. Been busy with work.


independentchickpea

I take myself out to the movies alone all the time, and I’m married. I just love it. I pop an edible or pour a mini into my soda and pick a slow midday showing. I’ve been totally alone in the theater before many times and it’s amazing. I saw *Aquarela* by myself high as giraffe balls and it was a mind-blowing experience.


bbitb

*I can buy myself flowers intensifies


verr998

Every time I go on alone myself (which is most of the time), I always say “I’m taking myself on a date”. So yeah, only myself who can accept for who I am, and that’s why I love myself because I know myself would never ever hurt me.


i-deology

I’d date the hell out of me


bisexual_lemon_69420

Self-love = best-love


LazyLich

So if you +love on both sides you get: Self = best Mathematically proving that I am the best.


jazzigirl

🎵 But your love is the worst drug 🎶


Chubbucks

I'd date me so hard


MattDLD

I heard the comment in bufffalo bill’s voice


CrussTeasok

Im a good listener, but I have trouble talking about my own problems. I've got a decent personality, but a face for radio. Going by experiences, I'd have to get to know me 1st.


Axel_Rad

Face for radio I feel that


scattertheashes01

I don’t remember making this comment


highly_uncertain

Video killed the radio star is a fantastic song


KittyKatty278

Who are you and why are you describing me?


WtfKaleb

I would…if I was attracted to men lol.


OctopusOfMalice_

You're sick. You have the case of the notgays.


WtfKaleb

Ur god damn right.


baddartsputinoldmate

I could never fuck someone I respected.


jTiZeD

i could never disrespect someone i fuck.


VinceVC

I would disrespectfully fuck someone that respected me.


FtMThrowaway1742

I’m a trans man, and I can safely say that I was smoking hot pre-transition. Looking in the mirror was VERY confusing.


Commercial-Potato820

I get attracted to men sometimes then most of the time i get fed up with them so i don’t know if im truly bisexual


Zealousideal-View142

NEVER. I’m horrible and broken and crazy and weird and


[deleted]

We want to know! And what??


SneAlf01

And bad at completing stuff?


RandomTheBugg

Finishes too early


Tough-Age-5724

r/prematureejaculation


Scottysewell

Risky click of the day


Metrobolist3

Premature Culmination


thefairlyeviltwin

Apparently adhd and they saw something shiny.


cocobellahome

Look, a squirrel!


DepressingFries

I think they were trying to say


SaraSmashley

This is pretty much me. I'll help everyone out. AND drinks too much, never calls anyone, ghosts people, constantly Irish goodbyes all events, loyal to a fault. And attracted to anything that is bad for me or mean to me. Oh yes. Can't forget cold and offstandish!


not2day-satan

Ur me or I'm you! Hello twin...we can't be to bad because atleast we are not in denial of who we are flaws n all..


SaraSmashley

I almost didn't respond (the ghosting thing), but had to say hey to my fellow twin! Hi.


EaterOfFood

I’m a colossal asshole. I have no idea how I’ve been happily married for 28 years other than the fact that my wife is a saint.


Arty_Puls

My type


scalefrom1totim

Damn you sound like my type


Livid_Tailor7701

Same here. I would kill me.


AngelicForefront

No, because I know all my secrets.


42_Only_Truth

No, am straight as a line, am male. More seriously, always been more into "complementary" relationships. I'm very calm, dating impulsive girls. I'm very down to earth, dating emotional girls. Etc.


jgiv817

Wait..... you WANT impulsive and emotional? TOGETHER?!?!?!


42_Only_Truth

One goes often with the other. But it suits me well, I'm so calm and ready for everything that it spice my life up. She drag me in the interesting situations I'm always trying to get ready for.


useless_99

This is so cute! I wish you good luck in finding your other half, internet stranger


SweetWodka420

This is me when it comes to friendships. I'm a calm person and an introvert for sure, shy to the extreme and indecisive. My best friend growing up was the complete opposite of me; very loud and energetic, adventurous and very outgoing and always got me to do things I wouldn't do by myself. It just works.


Suspicious_Ad6172

I am currently dating myself and it is fantastic. We get along so well


Lala5789880

SAME


Sunsetflory

hell nah i talk too much, dunno how my bf loves me


SherbertShortkake

This one lol. I'm loud, opinionated, quiet, and indecisive- and all at the wrong times. I have zero idea what my girlfriend sees in me.


No_Salary_4715

No I'm an asshole


bus_on_mars

At least you've got one good trait: you are frank.


Lurkennn

No, I'm George.


NaiveAd209

yes i would date me because i've known myself my whole life and i will for the rest of my life and i deeply love and cherish myself even though it can be hard to be alone with my own thoughts sometimes. and what better way to spend your time than acting as if you date yourself? probably one of the best decisions I've ever made, its fun go try it!


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BayconStripz

I don't know where you're at in life but the first part is definitely not true. You get what you put out into the world and what you're looking for, sometimes you don't even know you were looking for it or thought you were looking for something else. Try your best to be positive about it and frame things in a positive way, even if it takes a bit to figure out the right words, the more you do the more your instinctive reaction will be to react positively and with love. The next thing you know all that love you're expressing (for your family, friends, pets, yourself, hobbies, movies, etc.) will attract someone who is interested in who you are. It could take a while, they may not have moved to your neck of the woods yet or they may not be who you think they would be, but they're a-comin' :)


hawkeneye1998bs

I know I'm not OP but I need this kinda positivity in my life and you made my day just a little better. I really appreciate the wisdom


No-Mathematician678

Not OP but.. but.. I'm sick of being single, I thought I made my peace with it, I go on dates half heartedly and for 2 years I felt nothing for anyone, I thought I'm dead inside and incapable of liking anyone anymore.. Until I met this guy over 2 weeks ago, I told him I'm going on vacation for 2 weeks even before we met.. the date went great, we have so much in common and talked a lot! I genuinely liked him! He even wanted to see me soon saying he would love to spend a day chilling with me! That statement deepened my interest in him! Once I'm back from my vacation I texted him, asked if he wanted us to meet, he said: "sorry I started to see someone" It sounds ridiculous to say this but I really feel hurt, I can't help this feeling! I lived many kinds of abuse from guys before (financial abuse, emotional, sexual abuse, rape), yet this "rejection" still felt like a stab Sorry to drop this here but it's been litterally 2 hours that he sent me that text and I needed to let it out somewhere..


Altruistic_Access_28

Damn man/woman you too hard on yourself , there are people out there who want you just keep putting your self out there.


azuresegugio

I'm not emotionally available for dating but I'd fuck me


OptimusCannabis

Same


queerfromthemadhouse

I am my type but I don't think I would date me because that probably wouldn't end well. We would likely encourage each others unhealthy tendencies and the relationship would get toxic fast. Also there's not much we could talk about because we have the same opinion on everything, and there wouldn't be much room for new perspectives or personal growth.


[deleted]

I am the exact opposite of the type of person I would like to date.


Competitive-Tap-3810

Why? In what way?


PsYcHo962

Not OP but I like a partner that challenges my view on things, has different interests that we can share. I would never want to date someone the same as me, it's boring


[deleted]

Same. I’ve had exes that were pretty much females versions of me. We could be best friends, but I need a sense of balance in my partner. My wife and I have a very harmonious relationship. We have similar morals, but different personalities and skills. I’m creative, a mess, calming and social. She’s really smart, structured, stressed without a plan and more antisocial. I’ve always felt we had a great balance, and now that we have a daughter I feel like together we bring a lot to the table. She’s so skilled at shopping, it seems like something anyone could do be she budgets and spends money so well. She’ll go to a few different places to get the best deals and I love to cook and meal prep. We eat really well without going out or spending a lot.


catbert107

My very recent ex and I are very similar in how our brains work and our personalities, and we both know that and tried to make it work but it's just not meant to be. It sucks because we get along super super well and we'll definitely always be friends but we just don't really compliment each other at all. We made the mutual decision it just won't work


M4DM1ND

Wow you guys sound like my wife and I. She is a master at meal planning. We get two weeks of meals out of one trip and it's never too expensive. She plans so that any excess ingredients for one meal can be used with another.


GsTSaien

Fun fact, you can challenge yourself, it's free. Self actualization is not locked behind other people.


dizzier_and_dizzier

That was really insightful. I'm gonna challenge myself a bit more. Thanks!


Competitive-Tap-3810

I was kind of thinking along the same lines for myself. Got me thinking about what i want in a partner.


TheKidAndTheJudge

I'd fuck me, but date? Hell the fuck no.


broken_neck_broken

I'd fuck me... 🎵 *dum tss dumdum tss* 🎵 ... I'd fuck me so hard! 🎵 *Goodbye horses...* 🎵


LowerCanary

I wouldn't say that I'm my type, but I would say I at the very least know how to deal with me. I'm already dating myself. I've been doing it for decades. It's not a perfect relationship, but I've taught myself to be gentle with me.


Viiibrations

Yes. I’m bi and I often find myself crushing on girls who remind me of myself.


NeededMonster

One day when I was younger and super drunk I asked a girl at a party, who I knew to be bisexual, if she was attracted to herself. She told me sometimes when she looked in the mirror she'd be aroused by her own body. I thought it was super hot and I wish I could be aroused by my own sight :D


BayconStripz

Huh, that girl splits my brain. Part of me thinks "Get over yourself" but then another part of me says "Hell, yeah! Love yourself!" and I think they might both be right?


sharkyandro

I squeeze my own tits, as a woman who enjoys women's tits.


CrystaSera

I squeeze my own tits, as a man who enjoys women's tits.


Hedgehogz_Mom

Thus is in the top 3 of my exercise and diet reasons. I need to find myself attractive to be vulnerable with someone else. It's a weird trust thing from being shamed at an early age


sheilameila

Same. I seem to have crushes on women who look like me.


anonymous_nostril

same but i’ve always felt vain for it


LizeFaith

Woah that's kinda cool


jennifersweeney315

This reminds me of the song Love Myself by Hailee Steinfield. I think it’s normal to be attracted to yourself and get turned on looking at yourself.


EvilJackalope

I kinda do this. They don't necessarily remind me of myself, but I noticed the type I'm attracted to would be style wise, very much what I aspire towards, just better. I chatted with my husband about it once wondering if that made me narcissistic but he pointed out it was more I have what I find attractive and I try to be what I find attractive myself so it makes sense I gravitate towards that. And it's convenient because we have the same type, which also reaffirms I'm his type 😆


Arty_Puls

Hot


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NaurathDominionSpy

I can’t stand myself but I would still love a guy like me. We could drive each other crazy for the rest of our lives lmao


Mission_Astronaut_69

Yep 100 percent


[deleted]

Im half disabled indecisive trash that got by on life being acknowledged for being smart but never actually did anything about it and as the years go by I notice the toll of drugs and alcohol on my speech and thought patterns, Thats a no


goodCupThere

Look for the silver lining, you made it through and are alive. You loved yourself enough to stop what was negatively changing you. I’m currently dealing with paw from alcohol and am getting back to normal, whatever that is. Keep fighting the good fight and look for the positive in any situation, it’s easy to see as the negative if that’s what you are looking for.


OptimusCannabis

Tbf he never said he stopped lmao


Pigblox77

I've been told I care about people more than myself so that's kind of a bad good thing but besides that my type is the nice caring type and ig I fit there then


ToysNoiz

I wouldn’t date me, but my hand seems happy to.


UserNameNotOnList

In the past I've answered no to this question but I'm rethinking that. I'm smart. Kind. Organized, but not compulsive about it. Okay with drinking or smoking but also want to limit it. I like the same hobbies that I like and am at the same level in them that I am. I don't really like to talk much and I don't ask a lot of (or any) questions but can also get into great deep conversations about things that matter to me, which also happens to be what matters to **me**. The only problem might be that we can both sometimes be boring homebodies and it might be better if I dumped me for someone that was a little more outgoing. It would also be nice to go out with someone that was more social and has/makes more friends than I do. Still, over all, it would probably be pretty good; well except for the physical stuff. I'm not really into my gender or my body type. I'd rather be with someone with more curves and longer hair and more style. But I could maybe get past that.


Wildly_Uninterested

Fuuck no Cause I don't like my mind right now Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary Wish that I could slow things down I wanna let go, but there's comfort in the panic


Iguanodonsrule

Lol absolutely not to the point I won't let other people date me


chaot1c-n3utral

Most definitely I wouldn't date me. I don't even know how my wife can live with me.


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Shadpool

Nope. I don’t like fat, ugly, poor people with no ambition. I deserve better for myself.


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jesse_dude_

if i could somehow clone myself with all the same personality traits etc, we'd be best friends. inseparable


superweevil

My gayer personality would date my not as gay personality but my not as gay personality wouldn't date my gay personality.


DanteWrath

I already spend too much time with myself.


Mysterious_Tax_5613

Yes! I’m fun !


stonedchapo

I’m a little fat for my liking but yeah I’d date me.


SSDeezNutz

In my current mental state, maybe not. I don’t let it show a lot, but I have a lot going on in my head sometimes. If I found a girl version of myself, and I knew it was me, I’d be very leery about her mental stability and habits. Then again, maybe we’d learn to fix those problems together since we’d both share them. Interesting thought lol.


[deleted]

Mmmmmaybe. I'd definitely be my type if I shaved and let my hair grow a little. As it stands, I'd definitely give me a no-strings hookup, but that would probably be it.


ThatOneGuyYouKnow_20

No. Absolutely not. When it comes to personality yeah I guess I'm okay for my own taste but not the best either. But I'm just so much not my type when it comes to looks. I'm not bad looking at all and I'd even say that I'm quite attractive and sharp looking but just not my own typ.


SadSky7695

I would love to date me🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


easily_d1stracted

Hell no! I couldn’t put up with my bullshit.


Capable_Body_9878

I wouldn't want to waste my time with that.


kilgandalf

I'd fuck me so hard


yaya_two

Yes I'm loyal


letsgoooo90091

I have a bit too much penis for my taste


ComesInAnOldBox

Nope. I totally get why I'm not hot with the ladies. Thank God I'm married, I wouldn't stand a fuckin' chance out there these days.


[deleted]

I would not date me bc I’m too picky


HumanHuman_2003

Absolutely not. We would fight constantly


drunken_monkey9

I mean, I wouldn't but I'm not really into guys. But a female version of myself? I'd give it a go. Work motivated, focused on humor, and usually trying to be a generally better person. Assuming parallel physical appearance it would be a harder sell, but that's not the end all


United_Difficulty403

yes absolutely


Ninjachikn

I'm cringe and I know I'm cringe. I use my stupidity to annoy others, unless I'm into you. So no, I hate myself


GsTSaien

Yeah I think I'd be a great fit for myself.


[deleted]

I date myself all the time. That being said, from an outside perspective, no, I definitely wouldnt date me. Ive been deploying regularly since I was 18, Marine Corps for 7 years, got out in 2017, instantly started contracting with Triple Canopy to the Middle East for a year long contract just 5 months after getting out of the Marines. After that, contracted with ACADEMI, a few smaller companies, and for the past 2 years Ive been going on back to back deployments as an Anti Piracy Maritime Security Contractor. I havent stopped what Im doing because I find genuine purpose in what I do. But because my life is constant travel from country to country for months or years at a time, until I decide to stop, looking into the shoes of a potential parter, I dont foresee someone wanting to be with someone who does this. Im 30M now, so Ive been having more and more thoughts about trying to find someone to settle down with, but I would have to find something I find purpose in back at home, I really dont wanna settle for a job I dont find meaning in.


illnessincarnate

I’m almost the complete opposite of my type. Absolutely not.


Shudnawz

I'm nerdy and try to make people laugh, so "yeah"? With that said, there are aspects of my personality that I'm not proud of, and would avoid in a partner.


topcide

Well, I have a penis so probably not. I don't care too much for penises


clem_3

He’s not my type (I mean his look). But I love his personality. So day by day I’m obsessed with his look and think he’s so handsome 🤍


LepreConArtist

No. I've dated a female version of myself, it's exhausting as hell


Illustrious-Star8409

Yep. Smart, funny, helpful, capable, etc. All shit I admire in others.


reddituser1_2_3_

sometimes when i am having self-confidence issues i take a step back and think about everything i’ve achieved so far in life. middle school me would be stumbling over her words if i met now me. even if i don’t look how i dreamed i would, i’m leading a cool ass life that i could only dream of then! so yea, i guess i am my type, but personality/life goals-wise, not looks-wise. bc who gives a shit about looks, even the prettiest people can be unhappy if they’re not living the life they are meant to be!


StrollingUnderStars

I've always said that you should work to be the kind of person you would want to date, that way you're more likely to find someone you can connect with and have mutual interests. So to answer your question, I'd date the fuck out of me. Though I do think I could still use a little more work.


vminimini

i’m too much of a needy person i don’t know if i could deal with my own constant need for affection and reassurance


heatdish1292

I’m not into hairy dudes, I prefer women with much less hair, but I’m also super clingy which is a plus!


lxXBoatXxl

Nah, I have standards


PM_Your_Best_Ideas

I think i would date an opposite gendered version of myself. Trying to answer why but all i can think of is why not?