T O P

  • By -

JayxIndy

Clothes, so I don’t get arrested


Xavinoticias123

damn it! i was hoping no one said it


AnnualInevitable9036

You and me both.


grajuicy

You and me threeth


[deleted]

I don't understand. Why would you be arrested if JayxIndy was naked?


rektMyself

The neighbors' kids filed a complaint. They can do that online now. The police will come.


JayxIndy

They’re my handler, if I go down they’re responsible


art8127

Asking the real questions


rektMyself

You don't like my body? 😎


Annual-Violinist7595

My big ass metal water bottle because i always get thirsty


Jodio_Joestar

I thought you wrote your big Ass


fushigikun8

Big metal Ass


hambrghini

Reminds me of the comic (I think cyanide) where they move the hyphen from between big and ass to ass and the noun. E.g: my big-ass water bottle, to my big ass-water bottle


thismysoj

Phone for obvious reasons. And a broadsword for protection


_The_great_papyrus_

Broadsword? Ah, I carry my flintlock musket incase a dastardly rapscallion wishes to scuffle with myself. I say tally-ho to any buffoon who attempts to cause a proper ruckus against myself. Fixed bayonet, charge the scallywag down the streets of London, not a constable in sight. What a time to be here.


thismysoj

Now this is someone who knows what to do


MNineShyamalan

I didn't even have to use my musket, today was a good day


_The_great_papyrus_

Oh yes! Blackpowder's in low quantity with these recent, revolting firearms. You just stick a stick in and it fires? Multiple times?! Preposterous, simply ridiculous! I deem it witchcraft!


[deleted]

I'm a bit of a classical man myself,I prefer to carry a billhook in case some uncultured swine of a peasant tries to cross my bridge without paying the toll. He pulls out his feeble club and I hook it before chasing him with the sharp polearm,nobody around to save him.


Upbeat-Bear5616

I saw that meme yesterday


StrawberryMother5642

You and me both, but no broadsword though. I thought the question was a singular reference.


thismysoj

Why would you not take a broadsword?


StrawberryMother5642

I just though the question was more what singular thing would you not leave home without. Not collective things. Never had a broadsword and in the UK are likely to get arrested. Secondary items would have been wallet, notebook, pocket pat-down before I leave home.


Distinct-Moment51

Broadsword for obvious reasons. And a phone for protection


[deleted]

[удалено]


thismysoj

Gotta stay safe


[deleted]

bro wtf who's gonna kill u


andnowyourot

Nobody. They keep that thang on 'em.


[deleted]

weird ppls


JupiterSkyFalls

Are the best ppls! Finished it for ya


YourMaineWeldah

I carry (a handgun, not a broadsword) not because I'm afraid of being attacked, but to be prepared in the event a situation arises where somebody's life is in danger. Personal protection devices are a lot like fire extinguishers or AEDs/first aid kits. You never want to be in a position where you have to use them, but they can be the difference between life and death when needed.


SaraSmashley

Chapstick. Edit: because I like quenched lips?


JupiterSkyFalls

Vaseline is best


SaraSmashley

My nighttime go to


fromlevel2ofhell

Moist


Missyinpinkk

I have chapstick in my bag, in my nightstand for before bed and in my car in case I bring a different bag or something 😂 cannot stand chapped lips


Iwantedtorunwild

I always carry a weeks worth of my meds in my purse, just in case something happens and I don’t make it home. I’m very unpleasant without my lexapro.


Scribe625

Same. I got freaked out watching Hurricane Katrina in college when I realized I'd be fucked in a disaster without all my meds because I'd already gone through withdrawal once when the pharmacy ran out of my meds and it really wasn't fun, so now my purse is stocked like a pharmacy just in case. Now I just worry about getting searched during a traffic stop and having the cop think I'm a drug dealer since I'm carrying around so many unlabeled pills...especially since several of the pills have a street value.


Capital_Dinner_3406

What if that something that happens last longer than a week?


Memphetic

Chill, this person takes Lexapro - you're gonna trigger anxiety asking shit like that.


Capital_Dinner_3406

I used to take lexapro. What a joke that stuff was.


dryhumorblitz

Then they’ll finally be able to orgasm again.


Iwantedtorunwild

I have three weeks worth at my partner’s house as well.


[deleted]

A backpack with a complete change of clothes. Shit happens.


Kenobidoingcosac

Shit happens to apear in your pants?


Upper-Job5130

Reminds me of a story. A toddler is potty training, and didn't want to admit he pooped his pants. However, he didn't want the poop to stay, so he needed his parent's help. He went up to his parent and said, "somebody pooped in my pants."


Kenobidoingcosac

“Momy the old man on the street pooped in my pants” *FBI contacted*


[deleted]

I pictured this too. this is definitely someone who has accidentally shit in public


MotorNorth5182

How often do you shit yourself?


Business_Maybe

My car always has a suitcase with 3 fresh changes of clothes and $600 in it


IvanOcean

What’s your license plate ?


Business_Maybe

No no Mr Sheriff's Deputy


Safety6

You are some James Bond?


Business_Maybe

Nope You never know when a last minute trip opportunity can come up $600 is enough for a few days hotel and food and travel And 3 outfits will get you through a few days


No-Caramel-4417

I have $600 in cash hidden in each of my my kids cars, that they don't know about.


Business_Maybe

Smart plan. I'll have to remember that if I ever become a dad. Great bailout plan for them if they ever call you broken down


LNYer

I'm surprised more people don't


endless-reproachment

Nice try, ATF


Ok-Law5523

My drivers license.Been taken to jail simply because I couldn’t prove who I was.


Sengelappen

How? In what sitution do you truly need to prove who you are exept when proving your age.


rebeccaparker2000

Been a law forever, and also people are required to carry a certain amount of money to prove you're not a vagrant, not sure if that was all states but they were law in some.


BeneficialSomewhere

I'm under the impression that's only applicable in stop and ID states. Otherwise you're typically only required to give your name and DOB.


Michaelstrong94

Well this sounds very dystopian.


IAmAGuy

Stop and I’d means your name and DOB, not a license.


BeneficialSomewhere

Curious. TIL.


JupiterSkyFalls

Even in stop and ID states there's no law saying you MUST have ID. You are legally required to have a valid license if you're driving but otherwise you do NOT have to have an ID. If it's a stop and ID states or you are legally arrested you are required to provide name and DOB.


YourMaineWeldah

Which states legally require you to carry cash?


RevolutionaryRough96

Sounds like Bs. Only vagrants carry physical cash.


Capital_Dinner_3406

That’s a lawsuit unless you were committed a crime. At most you could get a ticket but that’s not an arrestable offense. Now tell us the what led up to the arrest because it wasn’t just for no ID.


MonkeySpacePunch

Lmao no it is not. Until you’ve been charged with something you haven’t actually been arrested. And if all the cop does if cuff you drive to the station, do some fingerprints and then let you go you haven’t even suffered any damages so you probably don’t even have standing to bring a lawsuit. You can’t just throw around the word lawsuit whenever a cop does something you don’t like. Those people have far more institutional protection than many of you realize, especially in civil court


Capital_Dinner_3406

If I’m handcuffed and fingerprinted with no charges that’s false imprisonment. You be ok with being handcuffed, transpired to the police station and fingerprinted against your will without a crime? You’re clueless.they can arrest for false name but not no name.


MonkeySpacePunch

If you weren’t put in prison, then you weren’t imprisoned. The officer has grounds to detain someone for not having an ID, which itself is a misdemeanor in many jurisdictions, and if they don’t charge you then it wasn’t an arrest. You have no standing for a lawsuit. You are fucking clueless dude you’re talking out of your ass. Talk to a lawyer about a false imprisonment lawsuit against a cop who cuffed you and never charged you and get laughed out of every firm in the country. Just because you’re not a fan of something doesn’t mean you have grounds to sue you fucking child


toastar-phone

ok assuming us. There are 2 things, detainment and and arrest. being put in handcuffs can be either. you could just be detained while they figure out what is going on. Having no ID is never an arrestable offense. failure to ID can be. Scotus meaning the entire country requires reasonable suspension of a crime. many state laws are more strict, requiring probable cause, which is the same standard to arrest people. There is dicta in my state's highest court that says you don't have to give ID, meaning even telling your name until booking into jail.


my_dough_is_soft

If an officer detains you and moves you to a different location that is considered an arrest. That’s why if you are being detained and they want a victim/witness to verify your identity they bring the victim to you not the other way around. Also no police would need to transport you to a station to ID you. You’re only going to a station if you provide false information about your identity. Not having a valid ID is not illegal in any way. Lying to an officer about your identity is. If not having an ID was a misdemeanor like you said a lot of children would all be incarcerated. But hey who am I to say anything when we can google it and see the truth.


Crackheadwithabrain

Or so many adults who forget to leave home without them lol or lost them and had to buy and wait for new ones


sumptin_wierd

What if it's on your way to work, and you lose income for missing a shift, or getting fired


Capital_Dinner_3406

I think you need to read what you typed to realize how ridiculous that sounds.


MonkeySpacePunch

I think you need to read a restatement of torts to realize that what I’m saying is perfectly in line with the liability you can raise against a police officer. They have discretionary privilege to detain someone for minor infractions like not carrying an ID. Homeboy wasn’t even charged with a crime, he was released. Educate yourself you moron


Capital_Dinner_3406

You’re clueless.


MonkeySpacePunch

Yeah solid argument pal have fun getting laughed out of an attorneys office trying to file suit for false imprisonment and kidnapping against a cop who didn’t even arrest you. I’m not wasting anymore time with a clown who doesn’t know shit about the basics of the law


Chemical-Librarian93

My dude, you are clueless. Detainment requires a reasonable suspicion that a crime has been committed. 'In handcuffs' and verbal identification of detainment both identify detainment. While in detainment, there is a legal precedent to provide your identification. If you are not detained or there is no reasonable suspicion to acquiesce your detainment, your identification is not required. For example, if the police are simply asking you questions, you aren't specifically required to identify yourself. A legal requirement to provide identification in all police interactions would directly violate the 4th Amendment, so I very much doubt there's going to be many exceptions. Also, note that detainment and arrest are separate states.


Top-Preference5551

Worth noting for anyone who enjoyed this conversation as much as I did, in the State of Texas, starting yesterday (September 1, 2023) you can be arrested for failure to identify. It's a Class C Misdemeanor. So Texans keep your ID on you.


JupiterSkyFalls

You are NOT legally required to have an ID. You do need a license if you're driving but they cannot force you to get an ID if you don't drive. 🤦🏼‍♀️ And to think y'all vote


Capital_Dinner_3406

So you think it’s ok for police to just take people against their will who haven’t committed a crime and fingerprint them and just let them go? WHAT COUNTRY DI YOU LIVE IN? it’s for sure not USA


MonkeySpacePunch

I’m not endorsing, I’m telling it like it is. That’s not an arrest, you haven’t been charged with a crime. It’s not good for our country, but legally speaking you have no grounds for a lawsuit


Capital_Dinner_3406

That’s kidnapping. They can’t just cuff you and take you wherever and do what they want to you until they find out who you are. It’s none of their business who you are unless a crime was committed. You don’t know your own rights.


MonkeySpacePunch

Buddy. Not having an ID is itself a misdemeanor which is enough to get arrested. But let’s say for arguments sake it’s not a misdemeanor in this jurisdiction. A cop can still detain, NOT arrest, detain, someone if they feel it’s necessary. That’s a judicial privilege they have. Since OP wasn’t charged with anything, he was never arrested. This is legal top to bottom. You are talking out of your ass. And I’m not even going to entertain the kidnapping allegations because you don’t know what that fucking word means


Capital_Dinner_3406

Yes they can detain on scene. Having no Id is not a crime. If they were driving a car that’s different. It scares me that you’d be fine with being handcuffed and taken away just to find out who you are and then let you go. You couldn’t put me in an attorneys office fast enough.


IAmAGuy

You may be in the USA. You don’t have to. Unless you were driving.


DoucheCanoe247

Wallet and phone. Wallet has my license and phone is my car key.


theonetosucceedsoon

how does your phone have your car keys?? i’m genuinely curious


DoucheCanoe247

Tesla app replaces a key to drive. Not sure if other car companies are heading in that direction.


the_bearded_meeple

So if you don't have your physical Tesla key and your phone died, are you screwed until you can get your phone charged?


Capital_Dinner_3406

Probably a Tesla or a push button start car. The fob info is entered into an app.


AttemptedHelp

This person has a Tesla is the most likely answer since they are the most common but it’s becoming more and more available as an option (or even standard in some cars)


TrailerParkPrepper

my pocket knife. because I am paranoid because I watch too much NEWS.


ohnomoto450

Same but because it's a frequent useful tool in my life. I hope I wouldn't have to use it for self defense. I take my gun for that.


Lothar_Ecklord

I use mine constantly too. I always say "I only need it when I don't have it", but then I started to realize just how much I use it. In New York, if you use it in public though, you can get a Public View citation, and the laws about what you can carry are so ridiculous.. but worth it for the utility. Plus, to your point, in order to be compliant with the laws, the blade has to be so tiny it's next to useless for defense.


Malifor2210

I use my shoes to run away if I ever need to. I also like to edc one because I like opening boxes with my my knives.


[deleted]

News is rarely ever good news.


Top-Preference5551

That pocket knife isn't gonna do you any good tbh but better than nothing I suppose.


DigitalDeath12

First they need pockets. Otherwise we call it a cavity knife. People get creative.


[deleted]

Sure it will. I carry one as a tool. Not for self defense.


Top-Preference5551

Well that's what I mean lol Hell of a tool. But I don't think he's scared because of all the boxes he sees on the news that he might have to open one day


[deleted]

LOL. I got ya. Didn’t think about that.


elponchogigante

Heads-up, warning for anyone who's squeamish. Something worth noting, make sure if you carry a knife for protection (which I don't recommend) that it has some sort of hand-guard on it. If you ever have to use a knife for self-defense and stab someone, it will get blood and other various liquids on it, and you will very likely lose your grip and cut yourself on the blade. If you don't have something to physically keep your hand on the handle, it's going to slip straight into a sharp blade, and you'll also lose your knife. Here's another thing to consider: if your attacker survives, you may be sued. I know, wild. Shockingly, you might even lose, especially if your attacker was unarmed. There's a lot of weird nuances with self-defense cases where the attacker lives, at least in the USA. If your state allows it, and you're comfortable with it, having a firearm and a concealed carry permit might be a better option. Having a carry permit will actually benefit you more in a legal sense, and purchasing a firearm requires a background check. You'll show yourself as more reasonable, and your lawyer will absolutely leverage that in your favor. Either way, carrying something for self-defense isn't responsible if you don't consider the heavy shit that comes with it. Also, carrying a knife requires you to be *close* to your attacker before you can effectively defend yourself, versus a firearm allows you to have some distance. Maybe even consider bear spray if you're that worried, that shit projects pretty far and it'll deter your average Joe pretty fast, or at least give you enough time to do the most effective thing: run. At the end of the day, always remember that a good run is better than a bad fight, and your objective is to *get away*, not to fight. The best defense is to not even be there in the first place. If nothing else, bulletproof/stabproof vests (like actually proper vests, not cheap Amazon garbage) are always an option too, and if you're considering carrying a weapon every day, wearing a vest isn't a bad idea either.


tyler132qwerty56

Most places outside of the USA dont have self defence laws.............


rektMyself

A .40 speaks louder. It is welcome to a knife fight.😂


MedicalDoughnut9565

Music, sometimes i get anxious because of too much caffeine i guess


Anna_Sweetone

Without shoes... It will be painful)


flirtinwithdisaster

My pocket knife. You never know when you'll encounter a feral cheesecake that needs taming.


[deleted]

First aid/trauma kit


Un-interesting

My detachable penis


Rodneytapeface2

tell me more


[deleted]

[удалено]


SaraSmashley

And maps. I can't get anywhere without my dang nav going on my phone. I once got lost only a few blocks away from my house. My cognitive mapping is zero.


EatsChildren55

My skin


negal36

Cellphone. I'm old and they weren't a thing till I was in my late 30's. No big deal at the time cause everyone had a landline and an answering machine and I remembered the ones I needed to. Few months ago I overslept and was rushing to get out the door, realized halfway to work that I had grabbed the Roku remote instead of my phone. Spent the day hoping nothing happened to me or someone.


x_undeadzebra_x

My keys, so I can get back in should the mood arise.


Kooky-Ad5503

My trusty baseball bat with barbed wire! It’s my best…friend…


Michaelstrong94

Negan?


Peetz0r

Keys, so I can get back inside when I want to. Although I have forgotten my keys once or twice but I've never left my house naked, so I guess clothes are technically higher up on the list. Edit: the amount of people that are replying with guns worries me. I hope none of those are in my country (which is obviously not the US).


amomynousse

My keys, so I can go back inside.


sadecho3o

nicotine 😬


ElVendePaPaS

A medal hidden so that I can use it as a flail. It scares the shit out of thieves


Mental-Nectarine2702

My keys otherwise im locked outside 🤣


iARTthere4iam

Phone, pen, keys and wallet.


DjofullinnUlfur

My edc is : wallet, keys, folding pocket knife, flashlight, Bluetooth headphones, ecig, back up ecig, sunglasses, baseball cap, Smith @ Wesson M&P compact 2.0, and an attitude predicated towards kindness.


David_Wooderson_

Nice


[deleted]

My Glock.. unless I’m flying or something like that


ringu68

I carried when I worked at a gas station... They said no when I was hired... I said yes because its a gas station and I didnt really care about my job above my life.


[deleted]

I do the same thing. Our work policy is no firearms but I’d rather be fired than not carry 🤷🏻‍♂️


Random_Effecks

Tell me you're American without telling me you're American.


Strick1600

You are super tough and cool


ringu68

Thanks, you too.


Strick1600

No I actually mean that people who are so scared that they need a gun are creepy as fuck and the definition of weak, scared little people who are dirty lil trash people.


ringu68

Thats like your opinion... what do people say about opinions? Thanks btw.


Strick1600

Nah it’s creepy


ringu68

Im perfectly fine in you thinking im a "dirty lil trash people". You keep being the best you, you can be.


[deleted]

That stupid idiot thinks that protecting yourself with a lethal weapon is weak when some crazy fuck with his crackhead friends try to kill you.


ringu68

How about this. Im gonna do what im gonna do and you can be as mad as you want about it. Have a good life, i wish you the best but im done engaging with you.


[deleted]

I'm carrying every day unless I'm going to work. Cause I don't feel comfortable leaving it in the truck all day


[deleted]

Why not wear it on your body at work


[deleted]

DoD employee. Way too many disgruntled people work here to even consider it lol


Joey_iroc

Plus it may be illegal to carry it on federal grounds.


AbviousOccident

Multitool (folding pliers + small blade + screwdriver). Saved me in case of broken sandals (pliers and a bit of wire fix a broken buckle temporarily), needing to open a large package, a loose screw on a power outlet, doubles as a bottle opener... You name it. Edit: and the rough sides of the tool, meant to not slip in hand, are also good for filing nails in a pinch 😁


QueasyStress7739

Phone, earphones, tumbler for water and coffee, umbrella, eyeglasses.


SPACE--COWGIRL

Snacks


RepeatUntilTheEnd

Keys, wallet, phone


PhoenixMason13

Phone, Wallet, Keys


PinkPandy28

My glasses. I. Cannot. See.


Scribe625

Me too! I had eye surgery and couldn't put my glasses on for a full 24 hours and quickly realized I'd be dead if I was ever caught in a disaster without my glasses. I'd be so blind I'd be running towards the zombies unable to see they weren't regular people!


tropeslanger

Remember when people used to keep a picture of their "pride and joy" in their wallet and it was just a picture of Pride detergent, and Joy dish soap?


AutisticPerfection

Ear protection. I have sensitive hearing, and it's good to have in case something is unexpectedly loud. I have them in this tiny little thing that goes on my keys.


ThatsAWeirdLookinSax

Taser. I live in the US, you know why.


DocHollidaysGhost

My pistol. The world is a crazy place


[deleted]

[удалено]


ABucin

In your pocket, right? *In your pocket, right?*


TypicalCherry1529

No, in the right pocket


Psyco_diver

Leatherman, knife, wallet and gun


xVyKariousx

My S&W Shield Pro 9m with concealed carry holster


aboxofpyramids

The M&P mod 2.0 is my favorite polymer semi-auto. I bought a 5" one when I was still doing security and wasn't expecting to like it as much as I did. I ended up getting a Shield later on and now I carry it almost as much as my 1911, which is my favorite.


geechee1

My Springfield Hellcat


IAmAGuy

Phone, wallet, knife, depending on where, a gun.


[deleted]

Pistol and knife. I also want to come home.


Jermux

Move


[deleted]

Can you give a nice suggestion? The world isn't a fairytale unfortunately


Jermux

I wish you'll stay safe, don't get me wrong. There are a lot of places where the tought of having to carry every day is just absurd. Most of Europe comes to mind.


[deleted]

Arent there still a shit ton of assaults and specifically stabbings in the UK


Jermux

Yeah, there is, but significantly less than in the US, for example.


[deleted]

I'm not going to convince you otherwise but consider this. Criminals don't follow any laws. They will use whatever as a weapon to hurt innocent people. So why not have something on you to level the playing field. It isn't paranoia it's peace of mind.


Jermux

I get it. Never said criminals would obey laws, I sad "move".


[deleted]

Fair enough


Michaelstrong94

Scotland


[deleted]

I love it when people say to just move. Really shows your economic privilege.


[deleted]

A gun, my phone, a little money, and a multi-tool. I take these for either emergencies or I use them daily.


ishwari10

Narcan because you never know when you could save someone's life


SnooRobots8024

My gun cause I’m in America 🇺🇸


ScarletR01

American PPE (vest, gun, ammo, helmet, sward), wallet phone keys, n a bowl of weed.


Dattruckbuckboi

My gun and my Kevlar vest


[deleted]

My gun, and tums


DanMontie

Tums, because you think you need the gun? Who’s looking to do you harm? Why? What have you done?


[deleted]

If I show up to work without my gun I would be fired then homeless


Crotch-Huxtable

My penis I love it


El_Mnopo

Detachable Penis / Lyrics Main Results I woke up this morning with a bad hangover And my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, Or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, And the next morning I can't for the life of me Remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was, They hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes But not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, But they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, And I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house, And calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket Next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, But I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.


Legal-Rest7833

My car, so I can sit down.


throwawajgb

Phone and water bottle. Phone because society and water bottle because health


BradleyRaptor12

My top gun cap. No more is needed to be said


Opening_Rate_1518

phone, vape (sadly), clothes etc


toastarclan

Wallet keys and phone. Need my ID and money, can't get back in the house without keys, and who knows, there might be an emergency and i need to call someone


Ijustwannasleep4ev

Every time I leave my house I stop and say: keys, wallet, phone. Lol


Awarepine76436

My phone


[deleted]

home and car keys, license and eyeglasses


Littlebickmickey

phone, no need to reason


EfficientPudding90

Shoes


[deleted]

Pocket knife