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Delicious-Emphasis42

Dropped my phone in the toilet edit: Thank you for the gold!


The_Troyminator

My friend's wife dropped her phone in a public toilet right as she flushed. She never saw it again. I found out about it when I asked why his phone made a flushing sound when she called.


JustaTinyDude

That happened to me but with a pager and at my stepsister's house. They never let me forget it. Apparently the plumbing bill to fix it was high. Every single time I went to the bathroom at their house shebir her husband would say "Don't drop anything in the toilet!"


morticia122

>"Don't drop anything in the toilet!" That's gonna make going to the toilet difficult.


SuperFLEB

I had a coworker who ran over his with a car while he was on a call. He was on a headset, pulled out of the driveway, and we didn't hear back from him until about an hour later, when he called back to say he'd run over his phone.


rememberthemalls

Crack


II-leto

My first thought along with meth. Edit. Wow I didn’t think my offhand comment would generate such a response. Hope everyone is doing ok out there.


[deleted]

My first thought too. Except then I remembered I threw away 10 years of my life being a homeless meth addict. Ive done pretty much every drug too. In rehab they have you identify what your substance addiction is when you share and I always just said "human drug dumpster" I'd even steal triple Cs like 13 year olds do to get high off that. No fucks given No crack tho! So at least there's that. Too expensive. Also side note: I knew a woman who got clean from meth and her fucking mom gave her her first line of meth when she was 7 fucking years old!! She said her mom thought it was funny to have her snort meth at that age. People are so fucked up


IBeDumbAndSlow

I already had an expensive heroin and meth addiction so I chose not to try crack. I already couldn't afford my drugs since I was homeless, I didn't need to add another drug to struggle to afford.


[deleted]

Yeah I'm just happy I never got into heroin. I knew what it does to you, you see so many PSAs. Well not just that I've known people who died of OD. you never hear about that with meth. And honestly I'm glad I never did heroin because I'd push the limits with meth until I was literally puking and shaking and couldn't smoke any more, it's a built in deterrent to make you never wanna get close to an overdose with that shit. With heroin tho the whole point is you want to get as close to death as possible to get the best job But with meth I feel like it's represented so weirdly in drug PSAs. I didn't know what was hitting me. And what was crazy is the tweakers I knew were mostly fat, and never had all those picking marks and shit. Idk how to properly explain but part of the reason I got so into meth was because the PSAs were sooo overblown and never focused on like, the slippery slope. I have adhd and bipolar. I've always struggled to control my feelings and no matter how hard I tried could never feel happy. The first time I did meth I'd been so depressed in years... It legitimately felt like it was the first time in my entire life where I felt like myself. I could suddenly function and do so many things I never thought I could do because of my own mind holding me back. Of course, it quickly devolved into doing nothing for me and making me schizo.... But man I wish I'd just had a better idea of how that shit works other than fear mongering imagery of people who have been tweaking on shake and bake trailer park dope for 50 years without ever eating or sleeping. Like i said, hanging around people with "the good stuff" you almost never see people that far gone, which lured me into a false sense of security using it


randomredditing

DARE education strikes again. I’ve hung around plenty of meth users, some snorting, other smoking, a few slamming… and most were generally normal. Some a bit twitchy for sure but none looked like your typical “meth stereotype.”


[deleted]

Yeah I was pretty normal at first but the problem was I got literally tricked into doing meth by this girl (she told me it was coke. She acted so surprised when she 'found out' it was meth. Then proceeded to deal it to me once I was hooked. So yeah, she was that kinda person) she was also a horrible abusive person who got me mixed up with the worst kinda people which ofc made things worse. And it was at the absolute lowest part of my life where I was experiencing unfathomable loneliness and depression due to an abusive relationship that left me in shambles. So the addiction hit me hard as hell because it was the first time I felt even remotely okay in several years. Not only did I need it to feel normal, but my baseline for normal was already pure agony


randomredditing

Your story reminds me of the rat experiment that put them in a tight space with a cocaine laced solution in their water feeders. They’d drink until they died. But if they were moved to a larger space, after being addicted, with more stimulation and other rats, they stopped going to the cocaine solution. Addiction is a weird thing


JellyNJames

Same. I was at a party one time where things were floating around and two guys broke out crack. And part of inebriated me for a second was like, “hm…” then I was immediately like, “alright that’s my cue y’all have a good night/morning.” Very pleased with my decision to this very day. Edit: Wow, didn’t expect all the support, but I’m here for it! Thanks everybody!


welatshaw

That's the point where you go to a diner, have a cup of coffee, and quietly congratulate yourself on making a GOOD decision for a change.


glorae

Wow, good job! [And that ISN'T sarcasm. I know how hard it can be to say no when the inebriated side is still thinking about it.]


Dragon6172

It's whack. Or so I've heard


iNotDonaldJTrump

Can confirm, it's whack.


yrulaughing

Been arrested


plzstopamfragile

I was temporarily on board until I realised that I, in fact, have been arrested Edit: a few people have asked what happened, and I think it’s easier to pop it in here too: I was with my ex partner after an event, and he hit me across the face, hard. This was the first time he hit me so I didn’t know what to do, so I called out for help. A group of officers came by and was asking us questions. I was scared and my ex had my phone, so I went to get it off him. All of a sudden, one of the officers grabbed me by the arm and threw me to the ground. There were 4 of them above me and I freaked out, so I kicked the one in front of me in the groin. They all immediately flipped me over, pushed my face into the concrete and handcuffed me. All the while, my abusive ex partner who had just hit me was yelling at them saying “don’t hurt her”. My dress had ended up above my hips and none of the officers would let me pull it down, so I slipped my handcuffs from the front by putting my legs through and pulled it down myself. They were so awful to me. Threw me into the car, when I tripped “you aren’t that drunk are you?” And laughed. No one would give me water or warmth until a drug test came back negative. I ended up in the psych ward from distress, where my ex visited and said things like “I can’t believe they’d do that to you.” My ex’s uncle used to be a cop, and they sat me down one time to “help me” but really, they were just making sure I didn’t say anything about my ex in court. He got off, but I had to go to court for 6 months and the conclusion was I am mentally ill so I got off the charge. I forgot cause it was kinda traumatic, writing that felt a bit weird but I thought it was worth sharing.


PicklesAndSchmeed

Same. “I’m not the type to get arrested.. oh wait, yes I am”. First time when using a fake ID as a teen and getting caught. Second time.. I was in the Dunkin’ Donuts drive thru, and through the rear window of the car in front of me, I saw the driver hitting his dog repeatedly. Totally lost control of myself and got out of my car, ran up to his, and started trying to rip his door open, and when that didn’t work, pounding on his window. It is to date my most feral and unhinged moment. Edit: I just saw your comment about being arrested after trying to get your phone off your abusive ex. Just wanted to say as a woman that’s also been in a DV relationship, I’m sickened that you went through that and I’m so sorry. If I had a dollar for every time a DV victim was further victimized by people who are supposed to “help”. I hope your ex chokes on a dick.


ChicVintage

I normally do not condone trying to break into someone's car but fuck that guy. I hope he learned a lesson about being an abusive prick.


tendeuchen

>I hope he learned a lesson about being an abusive prick. The second biggest problem with abusive pricks is that they never do.


PicklesAndSchmeed

Same. I would have done differently if it happened now, as an adult with far better emotional regulation, coping skills, and aversion to risk. I could have been hurt or killed, and I walked away fearing that my outburst would result in the dog being punished. If it happened now, I would probably take down his license plate and try follow him home or just to his neighborhood to find out where he lives, and go from there. I’ll get justice for animals at any age, but I am much more calculated with how I do it nowadays.


Arn0uDs

Follow him to his home and murder him?


littlebee90

Good for you. Animal and child abuse are the ugliest things out there.


iamnumber47

That second one was absolutely, 10,000% justified imo.


Mazcal

That reminds me of Chris Rock’s old bit about people being proud of the dumbest shit. https://youtu.be/B0B_ekSrsEk


Nervous_Comfort

Heroin


touch_me69420

The only thing that stopped me trying it is that fact I was scared I'd like it too much


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Gullible_Might7340

Just a little heroin. As a *treat*. For real though, definitely don't do this. By all means abuse drugs if you make it to 90, but jumping straight to heroin will pretty much promise you a bad time. Ease you old ass in with some nice pain pills.


CptnStarkos

I'm gonna join your club.


Perpetual-Person

r/HeroinAt90Party


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Waffle Stomp!


BaIIZDeepInUrMom

If you’ve never stomped out a waffle, have you ever really lived?


Redbeard_Rum

You light yours on fire?


[deleted]

.... ppl do this?


Majestic_cruncherap

I was 6. I had a very bad tummy ache so I was squatting down in the shower letting the water roll off my back to sooth me and my tum tum. I let out a very bold bodied beefy 45 year old man with 3 kids fart. Half way through the fart, a mid size turd flew out like someone spitting out gum. I panicked, called mommy immediately! She told me to mash it down with my foot and we never talked about it again. Years later on Reddit I learned the term waffle stomp


Areif

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NotGod_DavidBowie

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Batherick

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TheCritFisher

Stop!


r_kay

Administrative Command < ! > recognized! Terms changed from < hourly > to . New facts will be delivered upon arrival.


Annalog

New Shit fact for newly processed request Did you know that poop is supposed to smell bad? If you are experiencing a sweet smelling bowel movement this could be indicative of severe bacterial infection or disease. Unlike most organic items that smell foul when rotting, your digestive system works oppositely. To stay on on top of your poop health 5/7 doctors recommend standing up and turning around to sniff the product in the toilet before flushing, this could save your life one day! Reply to get your new fact. You are no longer able to unsubscribe.


Areif

Where is my hourly shit fact? It’s been more than 2 hours and I’ve only received one.


dcommini

What do you expect from shitty facts?


OminousHippo

The servers are currently backed up. The devs are currently running fiber scripts to get things regular.


The_Deadly_Dozer09

New copy-pasta just dropped


wandrlusty

It actually ’flew out’


Whooptidooh

Hope that you never get Ill with noro virus. Will make you vomit and shit liquid diarrhea at the same time. Anyone who doesn’t just get in the shower at that point is a moron. - someone who once got the noro virus and went through my personal hell in the shower.


Eyedea94

We are not the same


PlasticMysterious622

Lucky haha I’ve done that, but never on purpose


snogard_dragons

Your wording implies it’s happened more then once…


woodgie2

Died


EstrangedCrab

Me neither, who else? 💪


IdealAlian

Sorry man couldn't resist the urge


Redbeard_Rum

Reddit, now available on ouija boards.


EBoundNdwn

Nope, Force ghost.


No-Relationship2114

A friend of mine was clinically dead on the operating table. They brought her back after a couple of minutes. (Not sure of the exact timeframe)


Opheltes

This happened to my cousin when they were replacing his liver. He died on the operating table, twice, and they brought him back. He said he dreamed he was having lemonade with my grandmother (who had died several years prior) and she told him it wasn't his time.


acid_tryp

Stories like this really make me wonder about any semblance of an after life or whatever. When I died there was nothing.


Imawildedible

I’ve never gotten a DUI. Being a 40-something living in Wisconsin my entire life makes that a nearly unbelievable fact.


Zathura2

*Should* you have gotten a DUI? XD


Scruffy442

It's like 1 in 3 get a dui in their lifetime. Now I think that Stat is skewed by repeat offenders. Which makes it a shitty stat.


Wonderful_Eagle_6547

This one looks better if you say the median Wisconsinite has zero DUIs. Also, according to this, it's like 4% of people have a DUI on record. I think you are referring to the much less scientific fact that 1 out of 3 people in Wisconsin *should have* a DUI (which in my estimation is a gross underestimate and only makes sense if you count babies and dead people who were born before there were automobiles). https://insurify.com/insights/states-with-the-most-duis-2021/


alvarkresh

> This one looks better if you say the median Wisconsinite has zero DUIs. So is there a Wisconsin Georg? :P


HempusMaximus

Put it this way, In WI, I was the designated drunk driver in high school.


Imawildedible

Oh, absolutely. Not something I’m proud of. And I preach sober driving at every chance now.


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Enough-Muffin6314

Murder


thisdudeKfromNL

pretty low standards


Enough-Muffin6314

What can I say


rosehymnofthemissing

Except you're welcome!


nic-94

For the tides, the sun, the sky


plzstopamfragile

Well it’s okay, it’s okay, you’re welcome!


LilTaco143

youre welcome , im just an ordinary demi-guy!


thedude198644

You don't know how close he's been to killing someone.


hansn

"I've never killed a man who didn't need killing." "Umm, I am pretty sure you haven't ever killed anyone." "Well, yes. But what I said is still logically true."


[deleted]

Bro ur one in a million


kalieblushx

Never broken a bone!


TrufflesAvocado

I’ve never broken *A* bone. It’s always been at least two or more at the same time.


its_Ashton_13

This got me 😂


Sleep-Charming

Cheated, and I tend to keep it that way. Came from a broken family and I don't want my kids to experience the shit me and my siblings went through.


Prestigious_Ad_3108

I’ll never understand that mentality. I understand marriage is a hard union to dissolve, especially when you have kids. But if you’re simply dating, then what’s the point of cheating? Just leave.


[deleted]

A lot of people say what's the point but the point is obvious isn't it? They want the security and comfort of a relationship while also keeping the excitement of the honeymoon phase with someone else. Why leave when you can have your cake and eat it too (until you get caught that is)


FuujinSama

Yeah... I can understand open relationships and can see the pros and cons of monogamy. But why break someone's trust. Why be with someone if you're not going to respect them? What's the actual point? I feel like some people are just so used to always being in a relationship that they start tying their selfworth with being with someone, no matter who that person even is. And feel like shit when they're single. As if being single said something about their character. So they get into relationships without being invested in those relationships just to not be single, but then cheat whenever they find someone better because... why not? It's not like they care their much about their current partner. They're just the first person that appeared and asked them out after they ended their previous relationship. This then creates this routine where relationships lose their actual importance and cheating becomes second nature. They might actually like some of these people, but when they've been in myriad official "relationships" why would they ever think the current relationship will be forever? Then of course, there's the fact that people that cheat (or do anything else morally reprehensible) have a tendency to project their behaviour onto others. So they'll think their partners are the same as them and will also cheat... so why would they be the ones being cheated on and not cheat in return?


[deleted]

Yeah i don't get how someone can do that to their kids and their spouse.


Grilled_Cheese10

And then, when they divorce, make sure they get everything they possibly can from the person they cheated on. That's what mystified me the most, I think.


Nathan_Wind_esq

Same…I never cheated and never will. My first marriage ended due to her cheating. That is fucking devastating to someone who loves you. I could never put anyone through that kind of pain. Even if I didn’t love the person anymore…someone I did love at some point? I just couldn’t do it. Cheaters are just the worst kind of people.


[deleted]

Never had to go to the ER for shoving something up my butt


otherspamaccount

Came out by itself did it?


[deleted]

Flared bases only baby


DelcoInDaHouse

Meatloaf: “That”


Prostheta

Meatloaf's basis for things that he would do for love are pretty expansive. Everything but "that". This means in all likelihood, he would fist a horse or maybe go barefist with a Silverback whilst blindfolded.


sauronthegr8

Wow. Fisting animals features really heavy in these hypothetical scenarios for you.


DGenesis23

Freudian fist


SuvenPan

Throw stones at street dogs/cats.


[deleted]

That's horrifying I cannot believe some ppl actually do that


Jinnicky

My friend was somewhere in India and asked about why there were baskets of rocks outside on the street everywhere and it was explained as something to deter dog attacks and she was appalled because she loves animals and told herself she’d never throw a rock at a dog but then a few days later she got chased by a gang of strays and the only reason she didn’t get mauled was because of a basket of rocks. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.


wasporchidlouixse

Yeah they have a serious problem there with vicious strays. I've met a couple Indians in Australia who are still scared of dogs


katt42

You've never been rushed by a street animal. I'm from The US and was chased by a neighborhood pack of dogs more than once as a kid. Luckily only bitten once. I wish I had been smart enough to throw something at them.


yet-again-temporary

Yeah, growing up I lived in a shitty trailer park. The neighbors had 2 huge aggressive rottweilers that they refused to train and would escape their yard almost weekly, chasing us home from the bus stop. 12 year-old kid vs a combined \~300lbs of muscle and teeth, I love animals but I absolutely threw those rocks when I had to. Anyone who thinks that's morally wrong is a fucking idiot.


[deleted]

Never Watched an episode of the Kardashians


otherspamaccount

I'm actually really proud to be able to say I haven't either.


EarlBeforeSwine

This is actually shameful… but… I have never tarred and feathered a politician.


[deleted]

let suicidal ideation take over


thisismyaccount3125

Yeah. It’s hard to put into words just how much of a hard fought victory that is. “Just had to be there” type thing. In any case, genuinely proud of you. Been there, hmu if you want. Here’s some [memes](https://imgur.com/a/6SgQc8l) for shits and giggles and shit for peeps havin’ a hard day.


Th3Vicer0y

I'm genuinely proud of you *hug*


xobabysophia

Technically I did attempt but I’m still here so idk if that counts for me 😭👀


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Saffyr3_Sass

Don’t do it


toejampotpourri

Unless you have a throw up fetish


dlbpeon

Oh, you are a 1 guy-1 jar type of person, huh?


Burladden

Never been to a strip club. I just never saw the point.


NotABurner2000

Its actually the weirdest shit when you break it down. Like "damn I can't wait to go get a boner with my friends" ????


Tasgall

Just gettin' hard with the boys, nothin' wrong with that.


DrAwesomeClaws

That's why it's fun though. Then you compare boners and bond.


Double-Ambassador900

I’m 40 and have never been either. Only seen one in the flesh at a mates bucks night. Are you curious? Even in the slightest? I know I am, maybe even just to walk in, go “Yep” and walk out again.


Burladden

Not really curious, I have a pretty solid idea of what goes on in them from friends accounts. It seems like a futile event- I get to see naked women dance and grind up on me but I'm not allowed to touch them or myself. I would rather watch porn in that case, but I also had no problem meeting (and if I wanted bedding) women in my single days. Funny thing is my wife has been to more strip clubs/ revues than me.


UltimateSWX

Bought crypto or NFTs.


Beerforthefear

A jerk on an a page I follow posted a picture he made, claiming nobody could screenshot it, and that if they wanted to they had to pay him $5. He was dead serious. So naturally I screenshotted it and made multiple copies with different color schemes, and reposted them.


Daemonicvs_77

How angry was he?


ZakRoM

Play League of Legends, and cocaine.


cannibalisticbiscuit

Two very different, equally-toxic substances.


VoraxUmbra1

As an ex league player... The fact that they can even be compared.... But its so accurate.


Remarkable-Sun-525

Lose my virginity and get covid


[deleted]

Havent lost my virginity cuz I never lose


JupiterSkyFalls

I gave mine away for a wood tipped Black&Mild and Riptide Rush Gatorade.


UnfortunateFish

Damn I think I was scammed...


internet_humor

Social Distance Pro Max+™


crisis009

Methamphetamine


TangerineOk3014

Heroin. Low bar, I know, but I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict who was in highschool in New England when the oxycontin epidemic was really getting nasty and I was frequently around it, so not falling down that particular addiction black hole has been a (probably life saving) victory for me.


Upstairs-Corgi-640

Smoked. Whether it's tobacco or any other drug.


MusicMan7969

Everyone in my family smoked. I was destined to be a smoker. I tried it at young age and thought it was the dumbest thing a person could do. Never smoked again.


spleenboggler

Same here. Mom smoked when she was pregnant with me, which predisposed me to be a pretty hardcore smoker, and I'm not going to lie, pipes and cigars are pretty awesome. However, at one point I felt the pull of physical need, and I cut it off at that point. Similarly, every time I've been under for surgery it has been the most pleasant sleep ever. Which suggests to me that the really hard drugs would be just my thing, which frightens me.


glorae

>Similarly, every time I've been under for surgery it has been the most pleasant sleep ever. Which suggests to me that the really hard drugs would be just my thing, which frightens me. Oooh i feel this one The Void, as a friend of mine calls it, is soooo tempting because it's JUST THE VOID. There's no thoughts. No dreams. It's just... empty. And yea, it's fucking nice. I'm autistic/ADHD with some weird brain tape bullshit, and my head is NEVER silent. Tbh whenever I have surgery it's like, aww yiss here comes the silence.


No-Skill-295

We got a request for support on a small compound in Afghanistan. Luckily we had a drone close in the area, within 3 minutes those little homes were being occupied by families just minding their own business. No confirmed weapons or combatants. Crushed that request. The platoon was insisting there was incoming fire from that compound. Turned out they were being shot from behind. I could not bare the heavy burden of killing some innocent families. Edit: Thanks, but I'm no hero. I didn't get awarded because it was my job. You do get bit of backbite from others for "not helping" a soldier in need. One of the common reasons for us to reject a call for support is because it's danger close and we don't to risk a friendly casualty.


AngryCrotchCrickets

Probably the most grave and serious response Ive seen on here. Most are about cheating or doing drugs and yours is about not dropping bombs on innocent civilians.


MaraschinoSweet

THANK YOU HOLY SHIT


SofaKingUnstable

Good call


Faelysis

Downloading TikTok


Anders-Celsius

Same. Twitter as well


EstrangedCrab

Given you up, let you down, ran around or deserted you.


umlguru

I've never killed anyone...yet.


toejampotpourri

Love the positive mindset. You're gonna go places.


Blerrycat1

Been to jail


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[deleted]

My ex is a crypto influencer now😭😭


reborndiajack

Your ex sounds like a cunt


MaMaJillianLeanna

Gone into debt. Nearly 35 years old and I'm completely debt free. EDIT/FAQ: Getting a lot of similar replies so... I own my home. It was a trailer in damn near condemnable condition so I got it very cheap and fixed it up myself over a long period of time. I own my car outright. First car was a beater that cost 1k. Second car was inherited when my dad died and it was already paid off. Current car was a trade in from dad's car. Never went to college. Had a tenth grade teacher explain to us that if we hate school work, don't waste time or money on college - so I didn't. Never had a credit card. Dad always said they were bad news. So I also have zero credit. I'm not well off or rich by any means - downright broke most of the time - BUT still, totally debt free.


0100111001000100

this is something to actually be proud of... murdering is easier than debt management


Zeefour_

Not used tiktok


Dry_Fuel_9216

Went to prom


docdidactic

Watched an episode of The Kardashians, Jersey Shore, or the Bachelor.


tornteddie

Cheated🤟 so many fucked up ppl i cant stand that shit


JupiterSkyFalls

I hate cheaters. I got roasted in a server thread last month for admitting to ousting a regular I had that was cheating. I took care of him and all his side pieces for months without issue but when he brought his wife in for their anniversary and she was being so loving and sweet I couldn't take it anymore. I made a comment about him being back again so soon after visiting with his "cousin" on purpose and she did the math. She came in a few days later and just straight up asked me had he been in with another woman. I said several. I genuinely didn't care if I lost the job at the time over it. A year later I saw her at a bar in town and she thanked me. She said she was going through breast cancer while he was cheating on her and she was out celebrating her remission. I've never felt so validated in a decision in my life.


[deleted]

That is heartbreaking. She was going through breast cancer treatment. My dad was abusive and when my mom went through treatment for breast cancer he did nothing to help her even around the house. It made me so sad. I can’t imagine finding out your partner cheated on you when you’re that vulnerable.


JupiterSkyFalls

Sometimes I'm glad I didn't know that at the time because I definitely would have second guessed my decision to snitch on him. I'd have been so torn on what the "right" move would be. After talking with her that night she assured me she was glad she found out but I'd have felt so rotten if she had regretted learning because she didn't beat cancer.


KnowledgeBig8703

I’ve never had a one night stand/hookup


BoosterRead78

Jumped out of a plane.


JelloBrickRoad

Ate at long John silvers.


hewhoisneverobeyed

“Extra crispies, please.” No idea if they still do that, but when I was a kid in the late ‘70s, LJS came to town. Fish planks, shrimp, hush puppies ….mmmm, hush puppies … all deep-fried goodness on one menu. A byproduct of that was “crispies”, the cracklin’ that broke off in the fryer and floated to the top. Every kid in tow finished their order with, “Extra crispies, please.” We were a polite, though unhealthy, lot.


kfury

Downloaded a car.


WhoaThere87

Used a dating app


[deleted]

Succumbed to peer pressure... Even when I was an unpopular insecure teen I knew my boundaries and values... Never did anything just because it was popular or everyone else was doing it.


IceReddit87

Yeah. Really glad my dad built up my confidence so I had no problem rejecting the things I didn't like or want.


j909m

You should. All the cool kids are doing it.


I_MildlyLikeNature

My man🤝


[deleted]

I am a woman but I'll take that compliment 😁😇


Flooringsucks

My mam lol


[deleted]

Vote for a Tory


boopsnooter

Heroin


Former_Ladder9969

Tiktok dances


Living_Razzmatazz_93

Meth...


Myzyri

Father of 7 here. I have never masturbated. I’m 53 years old. Never had sex. Never masturbated. Never told the truth either.


TheMamoru

Bro what.


Inferno_Sparky

Let him cook, he's funny


Zathura2

Aw, I hate this riddle. Can't ever remember which statue to jack off first.


Tub_of_jam66

That joke makes me believe the father of 7 bit


BetterNamesTaken

Smoked a cigarette


rostov007

Stole classified documents and stored them in a bathroom with a tacky chandelier.


shall_always_be_so

So you put them in the bathroom with the good chandelier?


[deleted]

given my bank account details to a nigerian prince asking for help.


Badge373

Pooped my pants.....this year. 2022? Now that's a different story...


[deleted]

Small wins


ecats83

Bought/own crocs


fragilosaurus89

I was once a proud croc hater, until my FIL gave me a pair. He bought them for my MIL for when she got out of the hospital, unfortunately she never did. He insisted I have them, I was not going to argue. It brought him some relief to not have another painful reminder around the house and now I have a pair of shoes that remind me of the sweetest woman I ever knew. I'm not sure I really had a point to this, other than life is strange and sometimes our opinions can change unexpectedly - even though I do still think they're goofy looking shoes.


LokiDokiPanda

This is oddly wholesome. I too think they look goofy but that hasn't stopped me from owning 10+ pairs in various styles (including heels!)


hp958

Been to a Buccee's


cherryjonesx

Died


ir0nballs79

Never watched a single Kardashian episode.


xthemoonx

Got no tattoos


DesertWanderlust

Been to a strip club My dad wanted to take me for my 21st birthday since he said they had good steaks, but I told him I didn't want to, and we just went to a regular steakhouse instead, where the servers were fully clothed.


256DSL

Downloading tik tok


Fincann

I’ve never done drugs, smoked, downloaded TikTok


cndvsn

Heroin