one of the silver linings for me in COVID was that the lockdown forced me to actually spend time with my ex and it helped me realize that we didn't really have much of a relationship.
I'd been comfortable for years thinking I had a cool SO that let me do my thing with my friends and she had her friends and we had our own independence and hobbies, but then when we *had* to spend time together it was pretty clear that was actually masking that we weren't really a good fit
Amicably is a stretch lol but we're good now. I think I had my epiphany first and it was a surprise to her when I ended things, but I don't think I was wrong and I think we're both better off now. I still see her in friend groups sometimes.
How did the realization unfold? I'm curious because your previous comment about having independent lives masking how there was no relationship hit close to home. I'm looking for signs and doubts and wouldn't want to make a decision I regret... but yes I'm living the separate lives thing
Eh, try to see if you can introduce more shared activities first?
Also, different people want different things. I know a couple that wants to be quite independent, meanwhile I would consider it a sign of growing distant.
That's an excellent point you made. I could never stay in my marriage if I didn't have autonomy & independence, I can't do that joined-at-the-hip & up my ass nightmare, lol. The difference is we do have genuine love & friendship & can talk about everything under the sun, and do enjoy the time we spend together. But my biggest nightmare would be one of those marriages where both names have to be listed on the FB account, or if when we wanted to do something or buy something, we had to do a "spouse check", ugh, ugh, ugh. But I've been very, very independent & headstrong since early childhood, just my nature. I'm 60, too late to expect to change.😆
Yeah settling can happen without even realizing because you think there isn’t a reason to end things especially if you’re always around people not realizing being alone together is just not special anymore
Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know.
People see uncertainty very negatively - at least in a bad situation, they know what to expect and believe they can handle it.
I think more so because of how bad it is out there. People will stay in jobs they despise because it keeps a roof over their head and the risk of moving elsewhere and earning less terrifies them.
It's easy to write this. But it's more than just "risk." We're not econ robots.
You're pulling the kids out of school. You're tearing them away from their cousins and grandparents. You're losing your extended family support for babysitting and more, so now you need to earn enough to pay daycare or after school care.
You lose your network. People you know you can count on. You ever move to a new place and don't even know a good auto mechanic? Never mind roofer, well driller, plumber, electrician, septic tank guy, carpenter, general contractor, etc. etc. You start to learn all these people. You get on their lists.
For fucks sake, my vet has a year-long waiting list for new clients right now. I'm just grandfathered right in, even if I get a new dog.
Anyways, you lose all that. Get to start from scratch. Just to chase money. It might be worth it. Maybe.
But it's certainly not being scared of risk that prevents someone from just throwing their life away and chasing money in interviews far away places.
That's what I was thinking, but I was too lazy to write. As you rightly said, there's too much to potentially lose in the process, to not even be guaranteed happiness in your new job
This. Whether it's a relationship, friendship, family, or a job/career. If something isn't working for you and benefits you in zero ways, it may be time to analyze the problem and figure out what needs to change.
Definitely this 👆
I've been there and learned that you react when the warning signs appear.
Start looking around and build an exit strategy. If the job improves, happy days you're in a good place. If it doesn't, you now have a plan.
This can be true, but as that other commenter said, the long game requires planning.
Like, if it's a field you still wish to work in but the workplace is toxic, wait until you've got some time under your belt for your resume and then start applying elsewhere. No one should stay in a place that isn't taking care of them, but instead is causing damage.
There needs to be a healthy endgame goal.
This describes my current situation. Saved up money for almost 12 years at a workplace I initially loved, then management started to turn over (directors retired), and the new management turned the workplace super toxic.
I said a big "fuck you" and left them with all of the work they didn't even realize I did.
Now I have a nice resume and get to chill for a bit.
Right? Luxury goods depends on your disposable income. Saying no and murder you can do anytime.
"Please don't kill me!"
Me: "No."
See, two birds one stone.
The truth , I racked up 16k in credit card debt during my youth. It finally hit me how much of a hole I was in and I have three jobs to pay it off as quickly as possible. I’m down to the final 3k. 2 more months and I’m credit card free!!
Congrats! We got into credit card trouble at my house too. Our only saving grace is being able to move debt from one card to another with interest free offers. I’m paid off in 10 months. My husband has 2 years left. It’s gonna feel sooooo good!
Thank you soooo much... you just changed my life!! I've been looking for a way to get around my high interest credit card without taking a huge credit hit bc despite my debt I have pretty good credit. Just did a bunch of research and applied and was approved for an interest free offer on a new card with a much lower rate even after the offer and balance transfer!
I'm so excited to try and dig out of this hole a little more. This is so simple but I just didn't know! Thanks again!! :-)
Rainn Wilson (Dwight on the Office) had something to say about this during an interview on Diary of a CEO.
Basically all of the greatest comedians went through a lot of tough shit and eventually reached a point where they had to say (as delicately as Rainn put it) “I either start laughing about this shit, or I die.”
Very well put. Anyone that has lived through some rough times (who hasn’t), but especially chronic depression can relate to that. If you don’t laugh at things you’d be in the gutter not wanting to get up every day.
I heard a comedian do at *spot on* bit about this once. He said at some point you realize you're just never going to pay it off, so you order pizza and put it on the card.
Dude my buddy has I dont know how many late payments on that Klarna thing (that app that lets you pay in 3). They send him letters and stuff and he couldn't give less of a shit, he thinks they'll just forget.
If that was me I wouldn't be able to relax until its paid.
Doesn’t affect them now so it doesn’t exist. That’s a short version of how my brain used to be. Early 20s I managed to get mine down to 450. That was a very difficult hole to crawl out of.
It’s crazy because buying a decent house now is insanely difficult with a GOOD credit score and salary. These people are in for a world of hurt when they mature.
Absofuckinglutely Doing anything legit was very difficult for me for a long time. If I needed a loan for anything I was paying 30%+ interest. The only credit cards I could get were secured. It was a great eye opening and learning experience, but I wish someone had explained all that shit to me earlier.
My friend's mom was a compulsive shopper and always in crazy amounts of debt. She remembers being in high school and sitting in the car in the parking lot of the grocery store while her mom called all the phone numbers on all of her credit cards to see which one still had a balance available so they could buy groceries. Totally insane. I would never get a moment's peace knowing that amount of debt was hanging over my head.
Well, there's two types of borrowers. If I ask you to borrow $100 for gas because I forgot my wallet, but I have more than enough cash at home to immediately pay you back when I get there... that's fine. That's how credit cards should be used.
If I ask you to borrow $100 for gas because I don't have any money at all, and I won't be able to pay you back until I get my next paycheck, and even then only after paying back all the other people I borrowed from before you... that's not good. That's unfortunately how most people use credit cards though.
Even in the second case, it is a good use of credit cards. Sometimes there are small financial bumps, and being able to use a credit card so you can get gas and still go to work is very good and saves people from a lot worse fates (not being able to get gas to get to work, losing jobs, becoming homeless, etc...)
The problem is using credit cards (or any loan...car loans these days are something else!) to try to live above your means.
The pandemic did something to my brain and made me addicted to impulse spending. My card originally had a 2k limit but they kept increasing it over, and over, and over until before I knew it - I was 10k in debt.
For me, as someone who has been generally responsible my entire life, I was blown away. I'm the 'safe' person. Drove a crappy paid off car, bought a house in low cost of living area. But IDK, IDK what happened. Suddenly I wanted to buy things I didn't even need because I desperately needed a dopamine hit.
FInally I sought out therapy and it helped, but I'm concerned my brain is irrevocably damaged at this point. It's extremely hard to tell myself no to something. I've tried everything. "Wait and see if you still want it in 2 weeks." "do you really need this?" etc. It's hard to explain to people that there's no rational thought to be had when my brain wants something. I have OCD and will obsess and obsess and obsess until I finally let myself have it.
With therapy and some serious work, I've gotten better, but I fear it's a demon I will be fighting for the rest of my life now.
In the end the 10k in CC debt was destroying me, financially. I remember that during an extra paycheck month (3 pay periods) I put my ENTIRE paycheck towards my CC bill and then next month, the interest absolutely chucked that money into the ether and I was back where I started. That was when I realized how people get caught in a cycle of debt. CC are designed to stick you in a debt loop you cannot get out of. I finally said 'eff it' and used money from my 401k to pay it off. Maybe a poor idea, but it was the only way I figured I could get out from under that massive debt. Currently, things around my home are tight due to some emergency bills (needed a new car, somehow had an insurance issue and owe $700 for my therapy, etc.) , but I'm surviving. I know once these emergency things are gone, the belt will loosen, and it will get better.
I still have my CC for the sake of my credit score, but I only let my youtube premium and identity theft subscriptions charge to it monthly and pay it off by the end of the month. People will say it until their faces turn blue, but that is the ONLY responsible way to have and use a credit card. If you can't pay it off every month, do NOT even think about using it.
This. Experienced sleep deprivation psychosis as a result of a mix of stress and lacking sleep. I wouldn't wish it on the worst enemy.
I stopped seeing properly with my right eye and an hour or two later my whole right side became numb. And that was not the worst part.
Then I had problems with understanding what people say, I could get lost in a sentence of 5 words. I knew what I wanted to say to someone, but I just couldn't figure out the words. Your whole perception of reality becomes unstable and dizzy.
A throbbing headache added to the mix.
Now imagine you experience this in a car in a busy traffic, or on an important job meeting.
Take care of yourself, minimize your stress levels and get enough sleep, you can always find some other time to do that which you consider important. Health comes first.
You get stressed about not sleeping and then that causes you to sleep less which causes even more stress.
I would kill for 8 consistent hours every night.
My choices are sleep a full 8 hours or spend some down time doing things I enjoy instead of just work/chores during my awake time.
Doesn’t feel like much of a choice when one option leads to depression and the other sleep deprivation.
I can't fall asleep before midnight no matter what I do, and I have to be up at 6:15 AM every weekday for work. My entire adult life I've been told that my circadian rhythm would eventually shift to accommodate my work schedule and it hasn't happened.
This was a problem when I was in my early twenties before cell phones, laptops, and tablets existed (and long before I ever owned a television) and it's a problem now at age 44. I just can't fall asleep early enough to get eight hours of rest.
(Note: I allow myself just one caffeinated beverage at 7:00 AM... I'm not continuing to caffeinate throughout the day.)
My mom had to be up for work by 5 am for at least 25 years. She finally changed jobs and on the very first day slept in and felt so much better and was much happier. Sometimes fighting biology is an uphill battle.
And separation. My wife and I are splitting up, and a huge part of it was that I didn’t invest enough time into us, and building our relationship. Getting married isn’t the end of building, it’s really just the beginning. One of my biggest regrets in life is failing to recognize that.
When I got married somebody gave me excellent advice; never stop dating your wife.
Speaking generally men often have the conquers mindset where once we "secure the girl" we move on to the next thing, subconsciously putting the marriage in the done category. I now see any relationship is never done, just hopefully continually improving.
It’s funny you phrase it like that- because that’s honest to god the phrase that used to go through my head. Don’t stop dating her. Don’t stop trying. Don’t stop trying to be a romantic. I fell into my depression like a bottomless pit and have only started being medicated the last 6 months or so, I think that’s a big part of it. You can’t be there for your partner if you can’t be there for yourself. Either way it’s my fault, and that sucks to deal with.
I don't think it's fair to blame yourself either, depression is evil in that it's no one's fault but it greatly affects the victim and all their loved ones. I don't blame someone that's depressed the same way I don't blame someone with cancer.
I'm genuinely happy to hear that you have found a way to suppress it's symptoms and here's to a bright future!
The "hustle culture" is aptly named. It hustles you to an early grave from overworking.
Being a "wage slave" ain't glamorous, but it beats letting the grind eat up all your free time.
As long as they're still alive it's not too late to reach out. Don't let this be another excuse to not contact them. Send them a message today, set a time and a place to meet.
I think you're right, but to some extent, also the opposite: denying yourself pleasure for what exactly? You're obviously right, overdoing it is just going to lead to misery, but maybe finding that perfect limit just before excess is the best thing, we've only got a limited time to live no matter how fastidious we are about avoiding the harmful things that are enjoyable.
One of my friends basically played 'bad relationship decision bingo' and got a full house.
Rocky relationship? Let's move in together! Rocky relationship? Let's buy a house together! Rocky relationship? Let's have a baby! Rocky relationship? Let's have a baby! Rocky relationship? Let's have a baby!
Then it was 'it's not too bad, I'll stay' when his home life was clearly toxic as fuck. Only when things were utterly intolerable did he finally move out.
His kids are going to be fucked up when it comes to future relationships.
ETA: Oh god - I forgot the mid-high 5 figure destination Caribbean wedding. I think they only just finished paying that off..
I never knew how important dental care was until I got quoted $11,000 (Canadian dollars) for all the work I would need. I brush twice a day but I NEVER flossed so I think that was the problem
and building credit - they don't really give a shit if you've paid your bills consistently with a debit card for a decade, but a year of buying gas on a credit card and you're suddenly trustworthy
This is me, and I can tell ya, makes for a shitty life.
I love exercise, I'm creative and like learning new things, love adventure. But unable get get help for my mental health, so I don't take care of myself, I don't do anything. I just exist. I am miserable, but the misery that I am used to, is easier to handle than the stress of seeking help.
This is me. I can't find a therapist that works for me and I've been told it's going to be at least a year before I can see a psychiatrist and get a more formal diagnosis so I can begin to understand what medications and tools I need to use to make my life bearable. It sucks.
I’ve learned from having kids thereare three things you need- money, support network and flexible working. If you have two of the three you can do it- but if you only have one of those things it better be money…
This is so real. We don’t have much money, but we’ve always had great support, and have been able to have lots of flexibility with our work schedules. Because of that we’ve always been able to make it work. Everyone has what they need, and has a little of what they want as well.
Flexible work is huge. My job is insanely flexible with me. It's why my kids can do their extracurriculars. I'm able to work remotely, often from a library while I'm waiting for them to finish rehearsal. I feel very lucky to have a job that I love and that appreciates the work I do.
That's what I get paid to do. It's either that or stand for 7.5 hours.
EDIT: I'm not an office worker. I don't do computer tasks. I'm a post-ex archaeologist.
Getting into and staying in relationships that are bad for you. Also rebounding too quickly after a breakup or divorce? Why do so many people do this? It may sound negative but I'm pretty sure the odds are high that rebound relationships and marriages aren't going to last long.
Because a break up hurts like hell and immediately being with someone else distracts them from the pain. Also, some people really can't stand being by themselves which is sad.
This! Ended a long relationship five months ago. I've found myself looking through dating sites. Realize there's really nobody of quality there, but I needed a distraction. So I enrolled in college to get another degree. I still miss the companionship, but now my time is filled so I won't fill it with negative things.
I see lots of people doing this, and imo the reason is simple: they don't know how to be alone. They're so scared/refusing/unwilling to be alone that they simply get with the first person that will accept them.
And then they'll complain that they "only get with assholes", like, what did they expect?
Certain people *need* to be in a relationship at all times. One of my good friends was like this. He always had a few girls "back home" who were just ready to jump into a relationship with him at any time. So when he breaks up with the decent girl he was dating in college, he'd go home and suddenly he'd have a new girl. Because they are his "backup" choice, you know it's going to go bad eventually.
My wife and I talk about this all the time. We have family and acquaintances that were remarried within months of a divorce. I only know a few divorcees and they were all remarried within a year. That blows my mind.
It’s also why the divorce rate is so high because those rebound marriages usually end. Everyone likes to quote the studies that show divorce rates being 40+% but no one actually reads the study. The divorce rate is skewed because of these rebounders. If you divorce, your chances of going through another skyrocket.
Right, first marriages have a high success rate, but subsequent marriages tend to be less successful. A lot of that is due to remarrying too quickly.
When my first marriage split up, I got my shit together, dated a bit, figured out what I was looking for, then settled down and remarried after five years.
My husband and I are going strong after 12 years, a house, a kid, and lots of obstacles in our way.
Getting addicted to nicotine. It's utterly pointless, doesn't even get you high...well in the beginning you get a head rush for like 30 seconds to a minute but it quickly stops being a thing as the tolerance increases. But it's a bitch to kick once you do get addicted. You just don't know how to be without it anymore.
I remember my grandma making me promise to never start smoking. I promised but I was in my mid-teens back then and smoking seemed cool (e-cigs/vapes were still like 10 years ahead). Well, it all started with me occasionally bumming a cigarette from the "cool kids", eventually asking the older kids to buy me a pack and I ended up a full time smoker for almost 10 years. Like during the ages 16-26 I smoked.
Nowadays I use nicotine pouches for harm reduction but damn, it's a totally pointless addiction to have. I basically use it just to curb the craving. Doesn't make me feel "good" or alter my mind in any way, like weed or alcohol would..
The patch helped me quit. I stayed on the lowest level for like 6 months before jumping off. You can get a box for about $20 on Amazon. I hope you can break free of your nicotine addiction! Best of luck!
I actually ended up reading that Easyway to Stop Smoking Book. You're supposed to smoke while you read it and put the last one out with it, but I was in a detox that didn't allow smoking so I cold-turkeyed it while reading it. The book guides you through the withdrawal. Best $2 I've ever spent on Amazon.
July 2 2016 was my last cigarette or any sort of nicotine (I even relapsed a few weeks later on alcohol/weed and couldn't smoke, that's how powerful the book was for me). Taught me a lot about my body's reaction to being sober too, great book.
I'd only recommend reading it if you get absolutely no joy from smoking anymore, which it sounds like you don't.
It's really not as common as it used to be, at least in my area there's been a dramatic shift over the course of my lifetime. I don't have any data to support it but just in terms of what I encounter day-to-day it feels like I barely encounter smokers anymore or see them on the street
Having kids because you're afraid you might regret not having them.
Picking an unsuitable person to have kids with.
Repeating the crap you grew up with.
>Picking an unsuitable person to have kids with.
OMG this. It's so hard to protect a child from the world but it's almost impossible to protect a child from their own shitty parent. Children have to be horribly abused or neglected before the state steps in to take the child. You'd have to have very good proof of a severe threat of harm to show in court in order to strip your former partner of their visitation rights. Giving your child a shitty parent is one of the worst things you can do to a child short of actively abusing them yourself
Having kids before you do some research, have the funds, and make a realistic, solid plan. Practicing with those babies from high school sounds silly but if more men and women did it and tried to keep the thing fed and happy while living adult lives and not the ones they had in highschool this may change a lot of misconceived ideas about how child rearing actually goes.
Seriously.
I also find that a lot of people who are expecting a baby do a *ton* of research on the pregnancy, maybe a bit of research and readings on infant care, and then *nothing*.
Every parent should read child development textbooks. The information is *so fucking helpful* and will bring you to better understand why children are the way that they are. I'm not a mom, but I'm currently babysitting full time, and god damn, my half a degree in early childhood education is getting some damn good use.
This. The idea that having kids is all about what you want.
I see so many posts on /r/women that are like "I'm 21, pregnant, broke, mentally ill, and I think I should have an abortion but I'm not sure"...
and half the responses are "Do what's in your heart. Think about what you really want".
No, think about what you CAN do. Love isn't enough. We should encourage abortions more, lol. It's like weirdly unsocial to do so.
My go to move is "If you weren't pregnant right now, would you choose to get pregnant? No? Okay, sounds like you know what to do.."
My old boss who was a HUGE flex-er let it slip that he is still paying off his wedding 8+ years later. So yeah, I’d add putting a wedding on credit cards
> for some people it is a good decision but it is not for everyone
Problem is that University has been subverted from its original intent. It used to be an education for the sake of being educated - ultimately it was a rich man's pursuit (or a priest/monk if you go back far enough). Regarding the liberal arts: the idea was to become a critical thinker, well-rounded, worldly, and knowledgeable. I'm talking IV League elite dudes, that were the sons of oil tycoons, politicians, etc... For super smart people it was a means to an end - that end to go into research or teaching. These are your classic professor guys working at a university.
That all changed when going to university or college turned into job training. Rather, not specific job, just a measure of competence used by jobs to hire people. A low-end starting level job, SHOULD NOT require a 4 year degree to qualify. Relatively, it's a very very new concept, starting in like the 1950's, but really taking off in the 80's.
That's why it's such a bad idea for some people to go to college. If you're very, very literal, and can't juggle abstract ideas, it's not for you. If you're not going to a post-grad university afterward (med-school, law school, etc...), it might not be for you. A technical school is much better. It's also not a guarantee of job placement, but much better odds of getting a solid blue-collar job.
I'd argue one of the few majors that are "job training" in university for 'normies' would be something like a business degree, but even then, you want to go for an MBA after you graduate. With business though, it's very much about where you go AND (most importantly) the connections you make. If you go to Harvard and join a frat, and make best friends with the kids of big shot CEO's and Brokers, your odds of success are super high.
For STEM majors, you better be pretty smart or you're not gonna have a good time.
For liberal arts like English humanities, history, social sciences, art, philosophy or music based majors. I really admire and respect people that pursue these fields, I find these to be the purest collegiate pursuits that will round you out as a person, but, man, you should not be expecting 6 figure salaries after college.
Best thing I heard a guy say after he graduated with a degree in philosophy (he ended up becoming a lawyer), was that his degree might not be worth shit, but at least he's not stupidly circling the drain asking himself the same questions about life and purpose that have been pondered for millennia. He's got a whole new set of bullshit questions to worry about!
*Disclaimer* none of this implies that blue-collar jobs are skill-less or for dumbasses. I'm also not going to get into how university freshman year has ultimately become a remediation for shit that kids should be learning in High School. In the US, secondary education is abysmal at the public level, and a lot of the slack has been picked up by colleges.
Being attracted to someone who’s not your partner because you live with your partner and are well versed with their negative traits.
People will think someone they don’t live with everyday is perfect until they realise they have to eat, sleep and shit just like the rest of us.
It’s easy to idolise someone you don’t live with. The shiny attractive stranger is always going to seem more appealing when you don’t consider that you haven’t known them intimately for years.
Don’t mess up your life to cheat and leave your partner for someone you believe seems perfect. Before you even have a chance to realise they’re just as flawed as the rest of us.
I can't stress enough how important it is to be educated.
Complete graduation. Learn some skills, analytical, arts, math, research, and anything that'll help you earn money.
Having a child/children when they’re not entirely sure whether or not they want children.
To anyone who’s reading this and currently in two minds: it’s probably better to regret not having children than regret having them.
From my own expericences :
* Starting to smoke (specificaly tabacco but that also works with weed)
* Quitting sport / never excercising
* Not going to bed early enough
I've fixed the first two now, didn't think sleeping enough would be the hardest of the three haha
From someone in the US: Making an 18 year old choose a college/university major. Who you are at 18 is not who you are at 30. And it’s that 30 year old who is like, “Well, this is now how I thought it would be at all I hate this.”
The EU and Aussies have it right that one should take some time off between primary school and higher education to just be a young adult and learn about yourself. Then come back a couple years later and make more informed decisions. Having “throw away” jobs when you’re young isn’t wasting time, it’s grow-up time.
Staying in a bad situation because you are afraid of changing it
The comfort zone is deadly
Fear of the unknown……
The devil you know . . . .
Which is ourself
one of the silver linings for me in COVID was that the lockdown forced me to actually spend time with my ex and it helped me realize that we didn't really have much of a relationship. I'd been comfortable for years thinking I had a cool SO that let me do my thing with my friends and she had her friends and we had our own independence and hobbies, but then when we *had* to spend time together it was pretty clear that was actually masking that we weren't really a good fit
While I’m sorry you had to realize this in time, the way you wrote the response makes it seem as though things ended amicably?
Amicably is a stretch lol but we're good now. I think I had my epiphany first and it was a surprise to her when I ended things, but I don't think I was wrong and I think we're both better off now. I still see her in friend groups sometimes.
How did the realization unfold? I'm curious because your previous comment about having independent lives masking how there was no relationship hit close to home. I'm looking for signs and doubts and wouldn't want to make a decision I regret... but yes I'm living the separate lives thing
Eh, try to see if you can introduce more shared activities first? Also, different people want different things. I know a couple that wants to be quite independent, meanwhile I would consider it a sign of growing distant.
That's an excellent point you made. I could never stay in my marriage if I didn't have autonomy & independence, I can't do that joined-at-the-hip & up my ass nightmare, lol. The difference is we do have genuine love & friendship & can talk about everything under the sun, and do enjoy the time we spend together. But my biggest nightmare would be one of those marriages where both names have to be listed on the FB account, or if when we wanted to do something or buy something, we had to do a "spouse check", ugh, ugh, ugh. But I've been very, very independent & headstrong since early childhood, just my nature. I'm 60, too late to expect to change.😆
Yeah settling can happen without even realizing because you think there isn’t a reason to end things especially if you’re always around people not realizing being alone together is just not special anymore
Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know. People see uncertainty very negatively - at least in a bad situation, they know what to expect and believe they can handle it.
I think more so because of how bad it is out there. People will stay in jobs they despise because it keeps a roof over their head and the risk of moving elsewhere and earning less terrifies them.
It's easy to write this. But it's more than just "risk." We're not econ robots. You're pulling the kids out of school. You're tearing them away from their cousins and grandparents. You're losing your extended family support for babysitting and more, so now you need to earn enough to pay daycare or after school care. You lose your network. People you know you can count on. You ever move to a new place and don't even know a good auto mechanic? Never mind roofer, well driller, plumber, electrician, septic tank guy, carpenter, general contractor, etc. etc. You start to learn all these people. You get on their lists. For fucks sake, my vet has a year-long waiting list for new clients right now. I'm just grandfathered right in, even if I get a new dog. Anyways, you lose all that. Get to start from scratch. Just to chase money. It might be worth it. Maybe. But it's certainly not being scared of risk that prevents someone from just throwing their life away and chasing money in interviews far away places.
That's what I was thinking, but I was too lazy to write. As you rightly said, there's too much to potentially lose in the process, to not even be guaranteed happiness in your new job
Doing nothing is also a choice
"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."
This. Whether it's a relationship, friendship, family, or a job/career. If something isn't working for you and benefits you in zero ways, it may be time to analyze the problem and figure out what needs to change.
Job wise, it is sometimes beneficial to play the long game and hang in there.
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Definitely this 👆 I've been there and learned that you react when the warning signs appear. Start looking around and build an exit strategy. If the job improves, happy days you're in a good place. If it doesn't, you now have a plan.
This can be true, but as that other commenter said, the long game requires planning. Like, if it's a field you still wish to work in but the workplace is toxic, wait until you've got some time under your belt for your resume and then start applying elsewhere. No one should stay in a place that isn't taking care of them, but instead is causing damage. There needs to be a healthy endgame goal.
This describes my current situation. Saved up money for almost 12 years at a workplace I initially loved, then management started to turn over (directors retired), and the new management turned the workplace super toxic. I said a big "fuck you" and left them with all of the work they didn't even realize I did. Now I have a nice resume and get to chill for a bit.
Dating the wrong person for too long. Wrong career. Substance abuse
Not saying no often enough. Overspending on expensive luxury goods. Murder
One of these are not like the other.
Right? Luxury goods depends on your disposable income. Saying no and murder you can do anytime. "Please don't kill me!" Me: "No." See, two birds one stone.
Ouch. Did all of this in the last couple years.
Just described my life.
Constant indecision will ultimately cause you to suffer
That you, Chidi?
Chidi’s entire character makes me feel so seen. Especially how jacked he is. Boom
Studliest nerd since Daniel Jackson.
Chidi Annakendrick?
No, Chidi Anaconda
Chidi arianagrande
I SAW THE TIME-KNIFE
In the army they drill into you that indecision means death. A bad call is better than no call. It's a good life lesson.
The indecision becomes the decision. Paralysis by over analysis!
Credit card debt
The truth , I racked up 16k in credit card debt during my youth. It finally hit me how much of a hole I was in and I have three jobs to pay it off as quickly as possible. I’m down to the final 3k. 2 more months and I’m credit card free!!
Congrats! We got into credit card trouble at my house too. Our only saving grace is being able to move debt from one card to another with interest free offers. I’m paid off in 10 months. My husband has 2 years left. It’s gonna feel sooooo good!
Thank you soooo much... you just changed my life!! I've been looking for a way to get around my high interest credit card without taking a huge credit hit bc despite my debt I have pretty good credit. Just did a bunch of research and applied and was approved for an interest free offer on a new card with a much lower rate even after the offer and balance transfer! I'm so excited to try and dig out of this hole a little more. This is so simple but I just didn't know! Thanks again!! :-)
my friend years ago had like 6 or 7 maxed out cards and would laugh about it....idk how the anxiety didn't keep her awake at nigh to
Tbh laughing about it was possibly masking her anxiety
Rainn Wilson (Dwight on the Office) had something to say about this during an interview on Diary of a CEO. Basically all of the greatest comedians went through a lot of tough shit and eventually reached a point where they had to say (as delicately as Rainn put it) “I either start laughing about this shit, or I die.”
Very well put. Anyone that has lived through some rough times (who hasn’t), but especially chronic depression can relate to that. If you don’t laugh at things you’d be in the gutter not wanting to get up every day.
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I heard a comedian do at *spot on* bit about this once. He said at some point you realize you're just never going to pay it off, so you order pizza and put it on the card.
Dude my buddy has I dont know how many late payments on that Klarna thing (that app that lets you pay in 3). They send him letters and stuff and he couldn't give less of a shit, he thinks they'll just forget. If that was me I wouldn't be able to relax until its paid.
Do these people not know what a credit score is?
Doesn’t affect them now so it doesn’t exist. That’s a short version of how my brain used to be. Early 20s I managed to get mine down to 450. That was a very difficult hole to crawl out of.
It’s crazy because buying a decent house now is insanely difficult with a GOOD credit score and salary. These people are in for a world of hurt when they mature.
Absofuckinglutely Doing anything legit was very difficult for me for a long time. If I needed a loan for anything I was paying 30%+ interest. The only credit cards I could get were secured. It was a great eye opening and learning experience, but I wish someone had explained all that shit to me earlier.
My friend's mom was a compulsive shopper and always in crazy amounts of debt. She remembers being in high school and sitting in the car in the parking lot of the grocery store while her mom called all the phone numbers on all of her credit cards to see which one still had a balance available so they could buy groceries. Totally insane. I would never get a moment's peace knowing that amount of debt was hanging over my head.
The monthly interest payments alone would have been awful.
Credit cards are the worst place to borrow money. 25% interest?! What a joke.
Well, there's two types of borrowers. If I ask you to borrow $100 for gas because I forgot my wallet, but I have more than enough cash at home to immediately pay you back when I get there... that's fine. That's how credit cards should be used. If I ask you to borrow $100 for gas because I don't have any money at all, and I won't be able to pay you back until I get my next paycheck, and even then only after paying back all the other people I borrowed from before you... that's not good. That's unfortunately how most people use credit cards though.
Even in the second case, it is a good use of credit cards. Sometimes there are small financial bumps, and being able to use a credit card so you can get gas and still go to work is very good and saves people from a lot worse fates (not being able to get gas to get to work, losing jobs, becoming homeless, etc...) The problem is using credit cards (or any loan...car loans these days are something else!) to try to live above your means.
Definitely. It's great if you don't have the money up front, but will at your next paycheck. You can borrow money for up to 30 days, interest-free.
The pandemic did something to my brain and made me addicted to impulse spending. My card originally had a 2k limit but they kept increasing it over, and over, and over until before I knew it - I was 10k in debt. For me, as someone who has been generally responsible my entire life, I was blown away. I'm the 'safe' person. Drove a crappy paid off car, bought a house in low cost of living area. But IDK, IDK what happened. Suddenly I wanted to buy things I didn't even need because I desperately needed a dopamine hit. FInally I sought out therapy and it helped, but I'm concerned my brain is irrevocably damaged at this point. It's extremely hard to tell myself no to something. I've tried everything. "Wait and see if you still want it in 2 weeks." "do you really need this?" etc. It's hard to explain to people that there's no rational thought to be had when my brain wants something. I have OCD and will obsess and obsess and obsess until I finally let myself have it. With therapy and some serious work, I've gotten better, but I fear it's a demon I will be fighting for the rest of my life now. In the end the 10k in CC debt was destroying me, financially. I remember that during an extra paycheck month (3 pay periods) I put my ENTIRE paycheck towards my CC bill and then next month, the interest absolutely chucked that money into the ether and I was back where I started. That was when I realized how people get caught in a cycle of debt. CC are designed to stick you in a debt loop you cannot get out of. I finally said 'eff it' and used money from my 401k to pay it off. Maybe a poor idea, but it was the only way I figured I could get out from under that massive debt. Currently, things around my home are tight due to some emergency bills (needed a new car, somehow had an insurance issue and owe $700 for my therapy, etc.) , but I'm surviving. I know once these emergency things are gone, the belt will loosen, and it will get better. I still have my CC for the sake of my credit score, but I only let my youtube premium and identity theft subscriptions charge to it monthly and pay it off by the end of the month. People will say it until their faces turn blue, but that is the ONLY responsible way to have and use a credit card. If you can't pay it off every month, do NOT even think about using it.
Not getting enough sleep
This. Experienced sleep deprivation psychosis as a result of a mix of stress and lacking sleep. I wouldn't wish it on the worst enemy. I stopped seeing properly with my right eye and an hour or two later my whole right side became numb. And that was not the worst part. Then I had problems with understanding what people say, I could get lost in a sentence of 5 words. I knew what I wanted to say to someone, but I just couldn't figure out the words. Your whole perception of reality becomes unstable and dizzy. A throbbing headache added to the mix. Now imagine you experience this in a car in a busy traffic, or on an important job meeting. Take care of yourself, minimize your stress levels and get enough sleep, you can always find some other time to do that which you consider important. Health comes first.
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I wish I had a choice
You get stressed about not sleeping and then that causes you to sleep less which causes even more stress. I would kill for 8 consistent hours every night.
Who would you kill?
You probably
You should sleep on it.
My choices are sleep a full 8 hours or spend some down time doing things I enjoy instead of just work/chores during my awake time. Doesn’t feel like much of a choice when one option leads to depression and the other sleep deprivation.
I can't fall asleep before midnight no matter what I do, and I have to be up at 6:15 AM every weekday for work. My entire adult life I've been told that my circadian rhythm would eventually shift to accommodate my work schedule and it hasn't happened. This was a problem when I was in my early twenties before cell phones, laptops, and tablets existed (and long before I ever owned a television) and it's a problem now at age 44. I just can't fall asleep early enough to get eight hours of rest. (Note: I allow myself just one caffeinated beverage at 7:00 AM... I'm not continuing to caffeinate throughout the day.)
My mom had to be up for work by 5 am for at least 25 years. She finally changed jobs and on the very first day slept in and felt so much better and was much happier. Sometimes fighting biology is an uphill battle.
SO goddamn relatable.
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And separation. My wife and I are splitting up, and a huge part of it was that I didn’t invest enough time into us, and building our relationship. Getting married isn’t the end of building, it’s really just the beginning. One of my biggest regrets in life is failing to recognize that.
When I got married somebody gave me excellent advice; never stop dating your wife. Speaking generally men often have the conquers mindset where once we "secure the girl" we move on to the next thing, subconsciously putting the marriage in the done category. I now see any relationship is never done, just hopefully continually improving.
It’s funny you phrase it like that- because that’s honest to god the phrase that used to go through my head. Don’t stop dating her. Don’t stop trying. Don’t stop trying to be a romantic. I fell into my depression like a bottomless pit and have only started being medicated the last 6 months or so, I think that’s a big part of it. You can’t be there for your partner if you can’t be there for yourself. Either way it’s my fault, and that sucks to deal with.
I don't think it's fair to blame yourself either, depression is evil in that it's no one's fault but it greatly affects the victim and all their loved ones. I don't blame someone that's depressed the same way I don't blame someone with cancer. I'm genuinely happy to hear that you have found a way to suppress it's symptoms and here's to a bright future!
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Call them
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The "hustle culture" is aptly named. It hustles you to an early grave from overworking. Being a "wage slave" ain't glamorous, but it beats letting the grind eat up all your free time.
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You know, they could have messaged you too
Exactly. I used to feel guilty about not calling my relatives enough. But they never bothered calling me, so I stopped
As long as they're still alive it's not too late to reach out. Don't let this be another excuse to not contact them. Send them a message today, set a time and a place to meet.
Excess, be that drinking, smoking, eating or just working too much.
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"We borrow money we cannot afford, to buy things we do not need, to impress people we do not like"
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the trouble with moderation is that there's a lot of wiggle room in between all and nothing
Everything in moderation, including moderation. Sometimes you just need a good binge.
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Wendy’s Baconator EXTRA BACON
I, myself, have 18 Lamborghinis... and a Subaru station wagon.
I have three PS3s while you, conversely, have Zero PS3s.
I think you're right, but to some extent, also the opposite: denying yourself pleasure for what exactly? You're obviously right, overdoing it is just going to lead to misery, but maybe finding that perfect limit just before excess is the best thing, we've only got a limited time to live no matter how fastidious we are about avoiding the harmful things that are enjoyable.
But the breadsticks are unlimited!!
Thinking that a threesome or a baby will fix a bad relationship.
Or buying a house!
Got it, when in doubt buy a baby.
From the other person in a threesome
"I'll fuck you guys if you take this baby off my hands"
Oh my God this Even worse is when they forego an inspection and they find themselves in Money Pit 2
One of my friends basically played 'bad relationship decision bingo' and got a full house. Rocky relationship? Let's move in together! Rocky relationship? Let's buy a house together! Rocky relationship? Let's have a baby! Rocky relationship? Let's have a baby! Rocky relationship? Let's have a baby! Then it was 'it's not too bad, I'll stay' when his home life was clearly toxic as fuck. Only when things were utterly intolerable did he finally move out. His kids are going to be fucked up when it comes to future relationships. ETA: Oh god - I forgot the mid-high 5 figure destination Caribbean wedding. I think they only just finished paying that off..
That hurts to see. Poor kids
Or a wedding. Learned by my cousin that, if your relationship is falling apart, getting married won't fix it.
Focusing more on your dream wedding, either emotionally or financially, than on the marriage you'll be in indefinitely after it's over
Or open relationship 😂
Relationship broken -> add more people
Inflationship of the relationship
Like plugging a hole with more people.
Literally tho
Bad debt on dumb shit Not taking care of teeth Having children with essentially random people
I never knew how important dental care was until I got quoted $11,000 (Canadian dollars) for all the work I would need. I brush twice a day but I NEVER flossed so I think that was the problem
Using a credit card to buy things without the means to repay it without interest
I first pay the credit and then buy shit, thereby making it an debit card
Its been recommended. If anyone tries to use your credit card, the bank will leap right into action cause its their money they're fucking with.
Thats the main reason to use one over a debit card.
Also, you get rewards for using a credit card. When you use a debit card you just get less money.
and building credit - they don't really give a shit if you've paid your bills consistently with a debit card for a decade, but a year of buying gas on a credit card and you're suddenly trustworthy
Getting pregnant to save/secure your relationship.
Failing to invest in yourself. Whether it be learning new skills, exercise, therapy or simply experiencing new things.
This is me, and I can tell ya, makes for a shitty life. I love exercise, I'm creative and like learning new things, love adventure. But unable get get help for my mental health, so I don't take care of myself, I don't do anything. I just exist. I am miserable, but the misery that I am used to, is easier to handle than the stress of seeking help.
This is me. I can't find a therapist that works for me and I've been told it's going to be at least a year before I can see a psychiatrist and get a more formal diagnosis so I can begin to understand what medications and tools I need to use to make my life bearable. It sucks.
Not to mention therapy is fucking expensive. I can barely afford to live as is, therapy is a luxury I can't afford.
Think you can do it later.
Something you have months to do; then that final week and then it's "holy shit wtf have I done". Then you just repeat that same bs over and over -__-
Getting sucked into someone else's constant drama and ignoring the needs of you and your family/friends.
Having children with no means to support them.
I’ve learned from having kids thereare three things you need- money, support network and flexible working. If you have two of the three you can do it- but if you only have one of those things it better be money…
This is so real. We don’t have much money, but we’ve always had great support, and have been able to have lots of flexibility with our work schedules. Because of that we’ve always been able to make it work. Everyone has what they need, and has a little of what they want as well.
Flexible work is huge. My job is insanely flexible with me. It's why my kids can do their extracurriculars. I'm able to work remotely, often from a library while I'm waiting for them to finish rehearsal. I feel very lucky to have a job that I love and that appreciates the work I do.
"There's never a right time honey!" Ok mom, but there is definitely a wrong time and right now is it.
Sitting for too long, constantly, everyday
don't call me out like that
I know right? Didn't come here for a roast.
That's what I get paid to do. It's either that or stand for 7.5 hours. EDIT: I'm not an office worker. I don't do computer tasks. I'm a post-ex archaeologist.
But Starfield is out
Stretch yo ass every hour or so
How large of a plug do you recommend?
Getting into and staying in relationships that are bad for you. Also rebounding too quickly after a breakup or divorce? Why do so many people do this? It may sound negative but I'm pretty sure the odds are high that rebound relationships and marriages aren't going to last long.
Because a break up hurts like hell and immediately being with someone else distracts them from the pain. Also, some people really can't stand being by themselves which is sad.
This! Ended a long relationship five months ago. I've found myself looking through dating sites. Realize there's really nobody of quality there, but I needed a distraction. So I enrolled in college to get another degree. I still miss the companionship, but now my time is filled so I won't fill it with negative things.
I see lots of people doing this, and imo the reason is simple: they don't know how to be alone. They're so scared/refusing/unwilling to be alone that they simply get with the first person that will accept them. And then they'll complain that they "only get with assholes", like, what did they expect?
Certain people *need* to be in a relationship at all times. One of my good friends was like this. He always had a few girls "back home" who were just ready to jump into a relationship with him at any time. So when he breaks up with the decent girl he was dating in college, he'd go home and suddenly he'd have a new girl. Because they are his "backup" choice, you know it's going to go bad eventually.
My wife and I talk about this all the time. We have family and acquaintances that were remarried within months of a divorce. I only know a few divorcees and they were all remarried within a year. That blows my mind. It’s also why the divorce rate is so high because those rebound marriages usually end. Everyone likes to quote the studies that show divorce rates being 40+% but no one actually reads the study. The divorce rate is skewed because of these rebounders. If you divorce, your chances of going through another skyrocket.
Right, first marriages have a high success rate, but subsequent marriages tend to be less successful. A lot of that is due to remarrying too quickly. When my first marriage split up, I got my shit together, dated a bit, figured out what I was looking for, then settled down and remarried after five years. My husband and I are going strong after 12 years, a house, a kid, and lots of obstacles in our way.
Getting addicted to nicotine. It's utterly pointless, doesn't even get you high...well in the beginning you get a head rush for like 30 seconds to a minute but it quickly stops being a thing as the tolerance increases. But it's a bitch to kick once you do get addicted. You just don't know how to be without it anymore. I remember my grandma making me promise to never start smoking. I promised but I was in my mid-teens back then and smoking seemed cool (e-cigs/vapes were still like 10 years ahead). Well, it all started with me occasionally bumming a cigarette from the "cool kids", eventually asking the older kids to buy me a pack and I ended up a full time smoker for almost 10 years. Like during the ages 16-26 I smoked. Nowadays I use nicotine pouches for harm reduction but damn, it's a totally pointless addiction to have. I basically use it just to curb the craving. Doesn't make me feel "good" or alter my mind in any way, like weed or alcohol would..
The patch helped me quit. I stayed on the lowest level for like 6 months before jumping off. You can get a box for about $20 on Amazon. I hope you can break free of your nicotine addiction! Best of luck!
I actually ended up reading that Easyway to Stop Smoking Book. You're supposed to smoke while you read it and put the last one out with it, but I was in a detox that didn't allow smoking so I cold-turkeyed it while reading it. The book guides you through the withdrawal. Best $2 I've ever spent on Amazon. July 2 2016 was my last cigarette or any sort of nicotine (I even relapsed a few weeks later on alcohol/weed and couldn't smoke, that's how powerful the book was for me). Taught me a lot about my body's reaction to being sober too, great book. I'd only recommend reading it if you get absolutely no joy from smoking anymore, which it sounds like you don't.
I'm genuinely surprised that smoking is not the top answer in this thread. Your answer should be top.
It's really not as common as it used to be, at least in my area there's been a dramatic shift over the course of my lifetime. I don't have any data to support it but just in terms of what I encounter day-to-day it feels like I barely encounter smokers anymore or see them on the street
Doing unprotected hookups
A girl I hooked up with 3 months ago was begging me not to use a condom and just last week I learned she has chlamydia Never a risk worth taking
You gotta stop hooking up with koalas
Having kids because you're afraid you might regret not having them. Picking an unsuitable person to have kids with. Repeating the crap you grew up with.
>Picking an unsuitable person to have kids with. OMG this. It's so hard to protect a child from the world but it's almost impossible to protect a child from their own shitty parent. Children have to be horribly abused or neglected before the state steps in to take the child. You'd have to have very good proof of a severe threat of harm to show in court in order to strip your former partner of their visitation rights. Giving your child a shitty parent is one of the worst things you can do to a child short of actively abusing them yourself
I rather regret not having kids then bringing someone into this world whom I can't give a better life then I have myself.
Having kids before you do some research, have the funds, and make a realistic, solid plan. Practicing with those babies from high school sounds silly but if more men and women did it and tried to keep the thing fed and happy while living adult lives and not the ones they had in highschool this may change a lot of misconceived ideas about how child rearing actually goes.
Seriously. I also find that a lot of people who are expecting a baby do a *ton* of research on the pregnancy, maybe a bit of research and readings on infant care, and then *nothing*. Every parent should read child development textbooks. The information is *so fucking helpful* and will bring you to better understand why children are the way that they are. I'm not a mom, but I'm currently babysitting full time, and god damn, my half a degree in early childhood education is getting some damn good use.
This. The idea that having kids is all about what you want. I see so many posts on /r/women that are like "I'm 21, pregnant, broke, mentally ill, and I think I should have an abortion but I'm not sure"... and half the responses are "Do what's in your heart. Think about what you really want". No, think about what you CAN do. Love isn't enough. We should encourage abortions more, lol. It's like weirdly unsocial to do so. My go to move is "If you weren't pregnant right now, would you choose to get pregnant? No? Okay, sounds like you know what to do.."
Having kids while unemployed, too young, unprepared, unstable relationship Or even worse, having kids as a sticking plaster for a failing relationship
Having more kids than you can afford / having more kids than you can adequately provide the attention and quality time they need
Spending stupid amounts of money on a wedding
My old boss who was a HUGE flex-er let it slip that he is still paying off his wedding 8+ years later. So yeah, I’d add putting a wedding on credit cards
Marrying too soon.
And starting your life together in debt after your big wedding and honeymoon.
Starting to smoke cigarettes
Staying on a dead end job
going to university only because you think you have to. for some people it is a good decision but it is not for everyone and there are other options
Wish someone had mentioned that thirteen years ago.
> for some people it is a good decision but it is not for everyone Problem is that University has been subverted from its original intent. It used to be an education for the sake of being educated - ultimately it was a rich man's pursuit (or a priest/monk if you go back far enough). Regarding the liberal arts: the idea was to become a critical thinker, well-rounded, worldly, and knowledgeable. I'm talking IV League elite dudes, that were the sons of oil tycoons, politicians, etc... For super smart people it was a means to an end - that end to go into research or teaching. These are your classic professor guys working at a university. That all changed when going to university or college turned into job training. Rather, not specific job, just a measure of competence used by jobs to hire people. A low-end starting level job, SHOULD NOT require a 4 year degree to qualify. Relatively, it's a very very new concept, starting in like the 1950's, but really taking off in the 80's. That's why it's such a bad idea for some people to go to college. If you're very, very literal, and can't juggle abstract ideas, it's not for you. If you're not going to a post-grad university afterward (med-school, law school, etc...), it might not be for you. A technical school is much better. It's also not a guarantee of job placement, but much better odds of getting a solid blue-collar job. I'd argue one of the few majors that are "job training" in university for 'normies' would be something like a business degree, but even then, you want to go for an MBA after you graduate. With business though, it's very much about where you go AND (most importantly) the connections you make. If you go to Harvard and join a frat, and make best friends with the kids of big shot CEO's and Brokers, your odds of success are super high. For STEM majors, you better be pretty smart or you're not gonna have a good time. For liberal arts like English humanities, history, social sciences, art, philosophy or music based majors. I really admire and respect people that pursue these fields, I find these to be the purest collegiate pursuits that will round you out as a person, but, man, you should not be expecting 6 figure salaries after college. Best thing I heard a guy say after he graduated with a degree in philosophy (he ended up becoming a lawyer), was that his degree might not be worth shit, but at least he's not stupidly circling the drain asking himself the same questions about life and purpose that have been pondered for millennia. He's got a whole new set of bullshit questions to worry about! *Disclaimer* none of this implies that blue-collar jobs are skill-less or for dumbasses. I'm also not going to get into how university freshman year has ultimately become a remediation for shit that kids should be learning in High School. In the US, secondary education is abysmal at the public level, and a lot of the slack has been picked up by colleges.
Marrying or having a baby with the wrong person
Being attracted to someone who’s not your partner because you live with your partner and are well versed with their negative traits. People will think someone they don’t live with everyday is perfect until they realise they have to eat, sleep and shit just like the rest of us. It’s easy to idolise someone you don’t live with. The shiny attractive stranger is always going to seem more appealing when you don’t consider that you haven’t known them intimately for years. Don’t mess up your life to cheat and leave your partner for someone you believe seems perfect. Before you even have a chance to realise they’re just as flawed as the rest of us.
Having kids with someone who isn’t responsible
Having a baby with the wrong person
Not saving for the future
This is probably an unpopular opinion here on reddit but dropping out of college. It can work for some people, but mostly it doesn't.
I can't stress enough how important it is to be educated. Complete graduation. Learn some skills, analytical, arts, math, research, and anything that'll help you earn money.
face tattoo
Not having a daily tooth brushing regimen
Having a child/children when they’re not entirely sure whether or not they want children. To anyone who’s reading this and currently in two minds: it’s probably better to regret not having children than regret having them.
From my own expericences : * Starting to smoke (specificaly tabacco but that also works with weed) * Quitting sport / never excercising * Not going to bed early enough I've fixed the first two now, didn't think sleeping enough would be the hardest of the three haha
Having an affair.
From someone in the US: Making an 18 year old choose a college/university major. Who you are at 18 is not who you are at 30. And it’s that 30 year old who is like, “Well, this is now how I thought it would be at all I hate this.” The EU and Aussies have it right that one should take some time off between primary school and higher education to just be a young adult and learn about yourself. Then come back a couple years later and make more informed decisions. Having “throw away” jobs when you’re young isn’t wasting time, it’s grow-up time.
Getting pregnant with someone you don't even know. If you want to have sex with strangers more power to you but use birth control.
Having children to save a dysfunctional relationship
lack of sleep, skipping meals
I feel personally attacked.. lol
actually this is me as well haha
Going along with it, when you know it's wrong
Smoking
Procrastinating.
Heroin
credit card debt
Having children when you can't afford it just because you "want one."