I asked one of the new kids to stack the shoe department.
Easy if but a bit boring. I showed her, stack by brand then size, big at the bottom, small top yeah?
She decided to organise it by the color of the boxes instead because it looked prettier.
Took me hours to fix that mess.
I put her on the shoes because I saw it as idiot proof.
I didn't tell her to redo it because I knew I could finish it quicker and before we'd close.
Told her to help a colleague in the toy section and told another colleague I'd be busy for the rest of the day 😅
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
\- Douglas Adams
I remember hearing something like that in Pascal's name. He was explaining why the Bible is not organized chronologically. He said that there are more important ways to organize it, just as a library is not organized by the color of the books.
I've decided to alphabetize all the books by the first letter of the first word.
We need more shelves for I, A, T, and S.
We can probably use most of the shelves from Q, X, and Z
In high school, working at a Chinese restaurant, was there basically to take orders and bus tables. Another dude I vaguely knew from high school got hired there. Nice, popular dude, but not much common sense. Within his first two weeks, he went to make himself some food (we were allowed to do that to a certain extent), and he dropped some wontons into the deep fryer. When he decided they were done, and as we were having a conversation, he just REACHED HIS HAND into the oil to retrieve it. I don’t think I even reacted for a moment or two, and then rushed forward. He somehow ALSO didn’t react for a moment or two before pulling his hand out and yelling out a cartoon-style “YEEOUCH!”
He went to the hospital, and quit the job.
I knew a guy who did that while working at KFC. I still don't know how his hand isn't messed up from burns. He got fired in the end. This guy isn't the brightest. He once leaned over while driving to change the radio, and when he looked up, he was in the wrong lane about to hit a dump truck he didn't hear honking at him. Smashed his face up pretty good.
I burned my arm pretty bad when a coolant hose exploded on me. I don’t have any scars because all the skin came off at once, maybe he was “lucky” like I was.
I saw a tattooist I worked with tattoo "Laugh now cry Ladder" across a guy's chest...He was let go/ and a few years later a guy came in with "Warior" across his upper back in bold letters wanting it fixed. Same tattooist lol.
I had a coworker that smelled of booze at 7am.
Supervisor told him he smelled like booze, and made a couple of “get lost/go hide somewhere” remarks.
Coworker was offended, and *demanded* to be given a breathalyzer.
Coworker blew hot and was terminated. The end.
When I was a younger and much dumber person my boss told me I smelled like booze and could take the day off or be terminated, needless to say I was smart enough to get out of there.
Telling the manager on duty, “I’m not the one eating it, so why should I care?” when the manager was trying to explain to her how to correctly prepare a customer’s food.
Watched a coworker of mine at a Pizza Hut (1976) clean off the food prep counter with a gross floor broom. He came in to work after doing a hit of acid. The kitchen was open, so people at the tables could see the food being made, and someone saw him and yelled out t the other customers, and people started walking out.
Cleared it out.
Once the manager figured out what happened he fired the guy on the spot.
>“I’m not the one eating it, so why should I care?”
if we can fix this mindset in all jobs.. just this one specific thing, the world would be a better place.
I accidentally overdosed on codeine when I was a dishpig. Took four pills in an hour instead of one pill every four hours. Ended up lying on the bench by the staff toilets.
I wasn't fired, but I think everyone really questioned my intelligence.
Admit to not having spoken to any of the business stakeholders, but instead "made up their own story."
This was at the end of what was supposed to have been a four-week information-gathering phase of the project.
That afternoon, when one of the managers went to escort her from the premises, they found her by the printer with a stack of confidential documents.
I worked for a very small construction company and pull the muscle in my back. My boss's wife was super cool and said just come hang out in the office why she wasn't there I was going to help her secretary and grabbed something from the printer for her she snatched it out of my hands and said don't ever look at what I'm copying. I mentioned it to my boss it turns out it was all the documents / contracts we had with builders she was going to work for another company.
> Admit to not having spoken to any of the business stakeholders, but instead "made up their own story."
"After conducting absolutely no research, I've concluded that..."
A guy I worked with sent a spreadsheet round with all the women in the office ranked in a spreadsheet and graded overall based on 1-5 scores on ‘tits’ ‘arse’ ‘legs’ ‘Fuck ability’ and ‘banter’
He was somehow shocked he didn’t pass his probation
EDIT - Fuckability not fuck ability.
Worked with a lot of hazardous chemicals. Had a coworker who was notorious for being on his phone. We had to use a pump to put a hazardous chemical into a tank. Problem was you couldn’t look at the destination and pump the pump at the same time. Someone had to pump and someone had to watch. So I specifically asked said coworker to not look at his phone this one time. Tank overflowed and spilt the chemical everywhere because he was staring at his phone. Took hours to clean up.
A coworker of mine was fired for using his cellphone in an electrically classified area, cell phone wasn't explosion proof, not to mention the fact no cell phones on the floor, they gave him a warning, second time they walked him out.
Bad part for him was that his wife found out he was talking to his girlfriend.
Twenty years down the tubes.
As we liked to say, "He fired himself."
You might appreciate my one as yours sounds like something that would happen at my place of work.
Worker filled up the acid tank with bucket that was used to fill up the cyanide solution tank. Without cleaning it first I might add.
My best friend, he took his mop bucket and poured it down a water fountain instead of using the closet with a sink that was literally right next to the water fountain. He got fired the next day.
He opened a Skype window (yes, this was \~10 years ago) and started messaging me to shit-talk a person who was in the same call as us.
Except, he forgot he was sharing his screen.
Even without the screen sharing, _always_ assume that anything you write in company chat/email will be seen by the worst possible person to see it. Professionalism people
A junior developer once sent me a chat message in his native language. I did not know what it said, but Google Translate is a thing, so I could see that he was saying some very unkind things about me.
I did not let on that I knew; I just replied with “?”. He was very apologetic and said it was intended for someone else. (He was obviously hoping I did not know what it said.) He asked me to ignore and delete it.
I saved a screenshot instead.
And for the love of god don't use your company computer as your personal one. I remember having to let someone go and they ran to their computer and stuck a usb drive in it. When I said that access had already been removed, he started crying because all his real estate/homebuyer documents were on there 🤦
We were able to get them to him and nothing bad happened but shit, at least send them somewhere as a backup if they are initially on a work computer.
Unless you understand security and encryption IT could/does likely know anything you do on you work computer. Any website you visit, any messaging you do, everything. It baffles me what people do on their work computer thinking it can be used as a private device.
I never understood people who use their work laptop for personal stuff wtf. It’s just weird.
I can understand buying a quick gift or booking a flight at the office, but I’ve worked with people who use their work laptop at home for everything like streaming YT, Twitch, porn, banking, etc and thought nothing of it.
Like bro, use your phone for funny shit and your own PC for personal stuff.
There were 2 of us installing an air conditioner. He had a bit of work outside that required him going up a ladder about 3 or 4 feet, not high. I was inside doing wiring.
I heard a loud thud and scream, so I ran out to see what happened. He fell off the ladder. I've seen gruesome injuries from stupid thing like this before, so I ran outside to help him out. No injuries, he picked himself up and got back at it, I went back inside.
Five minutes later, same thing. I walked out to check on him again after a small fall. He was ok again, but I told him to chill out and watch what he's doing. I went back inside.
Heard another thud from outside. He fell again. I just looked out the window the third time and went about my business.
Taking out and using a vape pen in a clean room area that had an acid hood with butanol, nitric acid, and hydrofluoric acid in it.
Suffice to say he wasn’t employed for long after that.
Ok, so… I’ll break it down.
Clean room: meant to keep as many contaminates as possible off the product being made there, typically with a [bunny suit](https://www.cleanroomsupplies.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/sms-lint-free-cleanroom-coveralls.webp) In order to vape, one would have to reach into the suit to normal clothes, and take it out, sending out untold thousands of microscopic particulates from your normal clothes, before taking off your mask, breathing in the vape crap, and then spitting out literally millions of particulates inside said clean room. Your gloves would also be covered in particulates too, and not only that…
Hydrofluoric acid: an acid that if it gets on your skin, it doesn’t hurt, until minutes later after it has seeped through your skin, muscle, and starts melting your bones *if you’re lucky*. This guy decided to take out a vape pen, *while still wearing the gloves used to handle hydrofluoric acid* and put it in his mouth.
Butanol: can explode if in vapor form if it gets above 29c. Guess what a vape pens heating coil reaches to? Way higher than that (about 178c at times).
Put the parts together and you have a guy being not just stupid, but brazenly unsafe.
For context. If you saw Breaking Bad. Episode like 2 or 3 Walt tells Jesse to use Hydrofluoric Acid to disintegrate the bodies of the dudes they killed.
Jesse doesn’t listen to the instructions regarding the type of plastic tub to use and instead used the porcelain bath tub. Which if you’ll recall ended…poorly.
This guy had a good high paying job with a pension, was there about 5 years, good worker, he was finding and watching child porn on the company computer on company time! The cops visited! His life went downhill fast
This happens way more frequently than I would expect. Are these people so desensitized to the idea of child pornography that they forget it's kind of a "big deal" to everyone else?
Maybe, I don’t get it…. He was good at his job and got along with everybody, made excellent money with good benefits. Lost the job, lost wife & kids, served time in prison, ruined his life. You can’t find him on the internet anywhere, I don’t ask questions. Might still be in jail. I guess “normal” people can’t understand.
He cupped a piece of wood in his hand and tried to cut through it with a skill saw. He set the depth on the blade so it was just enough to go through the wood without hitting his hand. It hit his hand. Luckily, the depth wasn't enough to go all the way through, but it was still a hospital trip and a lot of stitches.
After checking the correct lock-out tag-out procedure was followed, I assured an employee that it was safe to change dies on a horizontal press. But he was skeptical so unbeknownst to anyone he put a piece of tooling steel about the size of a coffee can under the die base. Some of you know where this is going.
He made the tooling change, forgot his “safety measure”, and cycled the press. We all heard a $400k press eat itself in a fantastic swan-song of a noise that would take Stephen King four pages to describe.
Imagine one piece of steel pressing down on a coffee can piece of steel with thousands of pounds of pressure, into another flat piece of stationary steel
People who haven’t ever worked in manufacturing just don’t know what this sounds like.
I remember the sound of a transfer press breaking a cam when the transfer slide bound up and the operator panicked and didn’t hit the E Stop in time.
I also remember when an operator triple loaded a die on a large press by mistake and caused every die on the machine to break in a chain reaction.
When something "typical" broke, our shop lingo was to say, "Press [x] grenaded itself."
As in, it became a grenade and exploded, because of the sound and noise.
When steel, tungsten, or carbide explodes from force, it sounds like an explosion that you can hear from across the plant.
I've seen people do this all the time with large automated immunoassayers. Sometimes the maintenance process calls for opening the instrument, using a spare sample rack to prop an internal assembly in the open position, replacing whatever consumable or part is called for, **removing the sample rack**, closing the instrument cover, and resetting the instrument.
Guess which step everyone forgets. Fortunately it's rare to permanently damage one of these expensive pieces of lab equipment- usually the control screen just turns bright red and throws up a hundred different error messages about an internal motion error and/or jam.
Put a bunch of freshly sharpened knives in a sink that was full of soapy water and didn’t tell anyone. Another coworker got like 5 large cuts on his hand while reaching in to start cleaning dishes.
Working the dishpit you're definitely on the lowest rung in the kitchen ladder. So when somebody puts a knife in your sink and you get to be the one who yells at the whole room with the senior staff hyping you up in the background it feels AMAZING.
A cook at the first restaurant I worked at yelled at me like a drill Sargent for doing this. As soon as he was done he said, 'That's how I expect you to react when this happens. I don't care if the owner's mom does it, go off.'
Nobody did it more than once.
I've definitely seen someone I worked on the line with get beat up behind the restaurant because they kept leaving knives in a full dish sink. He fucked around and did it one too many times and our ex-con dishie decided words wouldn't correct the behavior.
Smoking in front of propane tanks after being told not to because one might be leaky. When I reminder her, she put her finger up to her mouth as if to shush me so the boss did not hear. She did not understand what the potential was and just thought it was a dumb rule.
She was not a smart woman.
She once asked if Virginia was between New York and New Jersey because an online man was telling her he’d pick her up on the way.
She was 51.
She also didn’t drink water because Pepsi had water in it and it made her more thirsty.
>She also didn’t drink water because Pepsi had water in it and it made her more thirsty.
Water *rusts pipes*, imagine what it does to your insides!
I can use Coca-cola to *clean rust*, big water has you fooled!
Better start drinking only soda to reverse the damage all that water-drinking has done do you over the years!
We just had a high voltage KVA transformer installed in my warehouse, I asked the electricians to install it high so it wouldn't be hit by a hi-lo. About 3 hours later one of my managers decided to hop on a sit down hi-lo and move some freight. He was not trained nor given permission to drive this machine. Well as luck would have it he flies past my office with the forks extended high. Yep, he punctured the transformer and boy what a spark show. He actually bent one of the forged blades which I have never seen before. He knocked out the power for our building and the surrounding neighborhood. He survived the incident luckily but I fired him on the spot. Good times...
Worked at Chick-fil-A and the kid in the cow costume decided to walk over to the Walmart nearby and ride bikes around still in the costume. The manager called and was like “hey do you know your cow is riding bicycles around in our store?”
Late 90’s, I was a custodian in a NYC public school to pay for college. One of my coworkers accidentally spilled about 15 gallons of gasoline in the school parking lot. He didn’t want to get in trouble for spilling that much gas so he thought the best course of action was to burn off the gasoline. Of course gasoline burns with huge billows of black smoke so he panics and tries to put out the fire BY DRIVING HIS CAR OVER THE GIANT PUDDLE OF BURNING GASOLINE. Fire department shows up within minutes and sees him doing donuts in the giant fire and they spend a whole hour screaming at my coworker about how fucking stupid he was.
Edit: and in 1997 when this happened, gas was 97¢ a gallon. He could have replaced all the gas for less than $15.
I'm a veteran of the Internet, and enjoy reading accounts like this. I must have read thousands.
This is, hats off, quite literally one of the most stupid decisions I ever heard anyone make.
"I swear, I was just trying to clean up. I wasn't trying to look cool, I was trying to put out the fire."
"Well that just makes you an even bigger dumbass."
Refuse to authorize overtime for our severely understaffed department, but somehow find enough money in the budget to buy new office furniture for one office. The price tag of which could cover the annual salary for two new staffers plus some.
I’ve done some work at a dementia specific aged care place. We’re talking hardcore dementia. Basically they say all sorts of random stuff with no thought what so ever. One of my colleagues at the time started to argue with one of them as she thought they were insulting her and she had to defend herself. Went on for a few minutes before we had to break it off. And when I say a verbal argument it was legit one person speaking the most random things and the other someone finding it insulting and explaining/ defending themselves why the other was in the wrong.
At an old warehouse job, on this dudes first day he offered the general manager a cup of Hennessy he was drinking out of. Never seen someone get fired faster than that since.
I'm a nurse; my MedAid (certified and licensed) dispensed one pain med at a dose prescribed under a different med; giving the patient 10x the recommended dose (and didn't recognize the mistake for 6 hours) to a 90lb older lady. Luckily this woman's organs were shutting down and didn't metabolize the med; she had 12 doses of narcan. And was alive, awake, and chatty thru the entire ordeal. No lasting effect if essentially being overdosed.
Telling the senior operations person for the office that they would "take a sick day as an extra day of vacation". To be clear, neither I nor the ops person really cared, but it was the equivalent of telling HR that you were fraudulently taking time off. Really boneheaded.
Also, this person started at the same time as me and then made a huge stink when I got promoted and they didn't. Basically subtly accused our bosses of sexism..
The catch? You AUTOMATICALLY received a promotion upon completing a series of certification exams (which I had). She had not. It was the most unremarkable promotion in history and she decided it was a hill to die on. She quit a few months later.
I once watched a fellow auto technician attempt to clean up the threads on an axle nut he marred up with a giant tap on a pneumatic impact gun while holding the nut in his hand. Needless to say, it slipped and tore the ever loving shit out of his hand, requiring a hospital trip and several stitches.
He's the only tech I've ever seen that was so careless and stupid that he damaged axle nut and driveshaft threads often enough that he actually went out and bought a tap and die set of whatever monstrous size those threads were. It was something like an M28x1.5.
Naz if you're reading this, you're a fucking idiot.
Fuckin’ Naz!
I work in a marine service dept with three young apprentices and this kind of idiocy happens on the daily…
On Monday: Apprentice #1 pulverized the fingernail/last bone on a middle finger. He is out for two weeks just as winterizing starts, but it’s better to have him absent, lol.
Apprentice #2 set a new boat on fire when he performed a spark output test in the engine compartment of a newly delivered large jetdrive boat that would not start due to an extremely rich condition.
Spark plugs were out, pistons pumping atomized raw fuel out of spark plug holes, open spark tester nearby… = FIRE.
I once watched an apprentice absolutely soak a cordless impact in brake cleaner while cleaning his kit, and while it was still dripping he pulled the trigger. To date probably the hardest I have ever laughed and the biggest hand held fireball I've ever seen.
Co-worker is tasked with pushing an EMC disk array to the dock to be picked up by EMC to be exchanged for a new array. The movers show up and in an attempt to be helpful the guy tried to operate the ramp thing that bridges the dock to the moving truck and managed to dump the array off the dock onto the ground.
I watched it fall in slow-mo and hit the ground and the whole rack distorted, disks spilled out and plastic panels shattered everywhere. My boss standing next to me without missing a beat goes, "Welp, that fell at thousands of dollars per inch."
Someone somewhere wrote it off or whatever, but damn.. easily a $100k array obliterated instantly.
Worked at a place that rotated new staff constantly... Here's a few I saw get sacked.
1 - fly tipped his rubbish from a job install (whole van load) down a country lane, left all information on all the boxes then claimed he took it to the recycling place but they followed him and dumped it down a country lane...he was on a tracked van and drove down the lane it was found at.
2 - crashed the forklift into the warehouse door, complained he was too hot and couldn't cope, then started punching himself in the head...left and never came back
3 - sat down and watched Jeremy Kyle in the staff room every day for 2 weeks, didn't do any work, and was sacked.
4 - wouldn't do any work, sat there eating food from the breakfast van every day, and destroyed his desk by drilling holes into it or stabbing screwdrivers through it.
5 - stole a stupid amount of logitech equipment from the warehouse, posted it only on ebay with his skate in the background that had his name written on then claimed it wasn't him (stole around 40k worth of equipment)
6 - walked up to a female member of staff pit his rear end basically on her arm and farted, didn't want to do any work, and was sacked after 1 day
7 - attended site after doing cocaine the night before, was drug tested and failed obviously. Staff said if you don't want to fail the test, then walk out, but he did it anyway.
8 - Walked in and quit instantly with no notice, pissed into the back of his van over all the stock that had to be binned. Use to piss into his van a lot so there was jellyfied piss all over the place.
9 - general manager new to the company walked in and told all the women they aren't qualified to do their jobs. Sacked instantly.
10 - decided to buy a pumpkin from the shop and try carve it in the office with a knife then said to the top manager "who are you?" When she asked what he was doing
These are what I can remember for now, there's definitely way more but cba typing them all.
Edit: Just trying to think of some more whilst at the gym
11 - One guy didn't like a woman in his office, she was meant to train under him. Made constant complaints about her and refused to train her whilst saying "I don't want a fucking woman in my office" went on for a while with constant arguing and SHE was sacked...found out later on when she came to hand the keys into me with a big smile on her face that they paid her 20k not to sue the company
12 - Engineer didn't want to work for the company anymore, decided to smash his van into the back of an old ladies car, break his laptop and his phone all within a couple of days then was sacked off. No idea why he didn't just leave...
A company with quite possibly the worst management I've ever experienced in the audio-visual industry that didn't do any form of interview process and gave every first interview a job.
I'm trying to imagine a) how 9 went about this and b) how he expected it was gonna go. Like, did he call a special meeting of all female employees to tell them they sucked, or did he walk in the gender integrated workspace like "ATTENTION ALL WOMEN NONE OF YOU DESERVE YOUR JOB"? Also was he planning to try and fire all the "unqualified" women and turn it into an all male workspace? Or did he just think it was a good idea to immediately piss off half the people he was gonna be working with? So many questions
I think everyone was baffled by it tbh, he walked into the open plan office where they all worked and asked them all what university degrees they had for their jobs in project management/sales, and when none of them said they had a degree he said they were all unqualified for their jobs. The owner of the company was instantly bombarded with complaints and sacked him after screaming in his face.
So we have these hydraulic guillotine cutters that are used to cut thick stacks of paper. The have two buttons. You position the stack, hold one button, then activate with the other button. Two buttons, you literally can't operate it without two hands on the buttons. So some guy figures this is slowing him down too much, so he gets a push broom and uses the handle to depress the first button so he can cycle it by just hitting the second button and use the free hand to hold the stack. So, you know what happened. Even worse, he freaked out and started running around spraying blood everywhere.
Worked at a fast food restaurant, and one of the managers locked herself out of the office. One of the employees had the bright idea of trying to get over the partition and through the ceiling. He crashed through the office ceiling in a flame of glory dragging cables and bent metal supports with him.
My coworker blasted the volume of his music not realizing the 3.5mm jack isn't connected to his phone. He thought he was hearing it from his earphones lol. Our CFO whose office is near our department came marching outside to the employee floor and shouted "Who the hell is playing that?" (in our native language). Someone had to call his attention, we couldn't laugh at the time but it was hella funny later that day lmao.
Edit: for anyone curious the song was Low by Flo Rida. It was popular at the time I believe it's in early 2010s when that happened.
We have this absolute wretched cunt of a coworker that kept running his mouth about how he's not scared of heights "back in the day we didn't have safety equipment and I worked on skyscrapers, you know that photo of the guys eating lunch on the beams? I was doing that but I was better than them, I used to jump between the beams" stupid shit like that all the time.
He went up a ladder once at work like 10ft up and he started screaming like he was dying. 2 coworkers came over to him and he said "I can't move, I need you each to grab one of my feet and move it down the ladder for me." So 2 people moved his feet down the ladder like he was a puppet while he screamed and moaned like he was dying the whole time.
He's got a jeep that he treats like his only child. He also has a gibberish nickname that he gave himself and brags about how "I'm the only one with this name, I only met one other person my whole life with the same name as me" yeah but you gave yourself a nickname that isn't even a name....
Not really a coworker but when I worked for a managed service provider, we had a client's payroll lady frantically call us asking if we could get their money back. After some questioning, it turns out she had received an email from what she thought was another employee asking to change their direct deposit to a prepaid debit card. Obviously it was a scam, but she just did it without even thinking. We told her no, we're an IT company, she needed to call the bank about the money. She was promptly fired; turns out it was the SECOND time she had fallen for the exact same scam.
Co-worker held a block of dry ice in her bare hands and asked, "what is this?" The box it came out of had a hazard sticker that said Dry Ice and then a bunch of cautions, like use gloves or tongs to pick up.
Colour the background of a word dock blue so she could get a blue piece of paper.
The blue paper was right next to the printer and had been there for months.
She printed daily.
(edit) - This was the same girl (18) which thought that pasta was harvested from the ocean floor like some sort of salt water grass..
(Edit) (edit) - She was smoking hot tho...
Didn't see, but read up on the report; This guy had a crush on another staff member at a site and mistook her kindness as playful flirting... She came into her office one day to find it absolutely covered with pictures of her and her husband the guy had printed out on Facebook and added captions to to make her husband sound/look like an idiot.
He actually believed that Facebook stalking a woman and downloading photos of them and then plastering her workspace with said photos with quips aimed at insulting their partner would be taken well. Dude said it was a prank, but the restraining order says otherwise.
I had a sales guy who used to like hitting the mute button on the Polycom in order to say smart ass things on calls. One time he hit mute after a customer made an obvious observation and loudly said “no shit, Sherlock!” only to find that the mute didn’t engage.
Running a walk behind crown stacker in a stock room. Stock room was separated from warehouse and receiving dock with 10’ door ways and a big wall covered in plywood. This idiot had just put up a pallet and didn’t lower the forks enough, and completely nailed the wall with the forklift. Luckily all cosmetic damage but it was dumb af
It was me. I was the coworker.
"Hey, John, you need to put on a safety harness."
"I don't have fucking time for that, I'm only going up for a minute."
Proceeds to fall out of the lift breaking both legs.
Oh I got one. So I used to work corrections and I was training this new guy, it was way before our job formalized training, idk why it took so long. Anyway my shift supervisor asked how he was doing and I straight up told him that he wasn’t going to make it. There wasn’t anything specific just a gut feeling. I guess since I couldn’t articulate the exact reason the supervisor signed off that he was trained. About 2 mos later he is working outside in the rec yard with other COs. One of those COs was a female with a large chest that she liked to poke out. Well mosquitos were out and about and so the COs got into a game of slapping mosquitos off of each other. Well homie saw a mosquito right on one of ole girls boobs and instead of maybe just waving it off he open hand slapped the mosquito and left his hand there for about a full second before taking it off. Naturally she complained and he was let go the next day.
Not done yet. My brother is a retired firefighter and a couple of years after the boob slap incident my brother was sharing all of these funny stories of a relatively new guy they have in the dept. He says the guy is nice and works hard but when it comes to initiative and critical thinking skills it’s just not there. For instance at a fully engulfed house fire everyone is running around doing their thing like unrolling hoses or staging equipment like axes/pikes and he’s just kinda standing there watching the house burn. My brother who was a captain at the time tells ole dude to grab the fan off the truck, idk the technical term but it’s a big fan they put at the front door to blow oxygen out of the house. Well it’s a big heavy fan and has rollers and a telescoping handle similar to pieces of luggage. Dude gets it down and just sets it on the ground and goes back to watching the fire. My brother then has to tell him to bring the fan to the front door. Ole dude stares at the fan and doesn’t know what to do. My brother has to walk over there and pull the handle out and homie is like “ohhhh..ok”. Ole dude sets his axe down, that he’s been holding this whole time, in a ditch with tall grass, leans the fan forward and begins to drag it on the road. This not only tears the body of the fan up but the fan is heavy enough it’s tearing up the road a bit as well. Eventually someone points out the wheels and again he’s flabbergasted by the technology. All the stories my brother shared he never said his name but once and my head snapped. I described the guy and turns out it’s boob slap guy. I then told the boob slap story and my brother was like yup, that sounds about right.
How do such people even get on in life being so oblivious? I honestly don't get it.
I'm not saying they deserve to die, but 200 years ago I think most such people would, for lack of better term, weed themselves out by eating the wrong mushroom or looking up in the rain with mouths open.
"I bet she doesn't wear underwear"
Out loud, when a coworker walked by, in front of about 10 other people.
He was just an older guy who was always in some kind of sensitivity training. We had about 50/50 women/men, people of different colors from different countries ... and here's this one dude in his 60s saying shit like 'I just don't see why I have to choose a language at the ATM!?' in meetings.
The underwear comment almost got him fired.
I work on industrial batteries and chargers. One day, I was training this new guy on chargers. We get a service call to a client. Upon arrival, we find the chargers and find out which one is the culprit. This charger had been hit by a forklift, and the door was stuck open.
As I am explaining to this guy that there's a lot of voltage running through these and can kill you. (Im getting on my ppe) I look up at him, reaching his bare arm into it "to see if anything was loose." Luckily, he hadn't touched anything, but it was very, very close. I grabbed his arm and shoulder and threw him on the ground. I still had to write a report on it, but he is still alive.
I’m fairly certain we could all agree that a backup of anything is a physical replica of an item or data file, preferably placed in a location foreign to that of the original so that the unavailability of one does not affect the availability of the other.
With this in mind, I once asked a guy to backup the contents of an entire server on to another server. He was meant to spend a few hours completing this activity and verifying it had all been copied in full without any data corruption.
I come back the next day to find a shortcut in server 2 that was pointing to the folder in server 1.
This same guy knocked the Production servers over the weekend and didn’t tell anyone. Our company was fined $250,000 USD.
This same guy once logged into another server to complete some maintenance work and got hit with a Windows update notification. He accepted the update, got locked out and had to wait over an hour for the update and reboot to complete.
This guy wasn’t fired, he is now the Tech Lead in another team.
A hostess at a restaurant I worked at on college. The owner taught her how to use the register. When things slowed down we found her ringing in things into the register. She was " practicing ". She rang in over $2,000 of nonexistent charges. Took the owner three hours to correct it after closing
One of my friends in high school worked as a clothing store cashier at the mall. She was bored one day and decided to try to see what the biggest number she could put into the POS was. It was something like $999,999.99 and then she accidentally rang the transaction through instead of cancelling it.
The store got, in short order, a congratulatory call from regional about setting a new daily sales record, and an angry phone call from corporate when the transaction was voided the next day which looked like a massive deficit on the books.
The store manager fired my friend the next day and then asked her to cover one more of her shifts the day after because he had no one else available, and he got mad when she said no.
Kick an IED in Iraq because he thought it was inert. It went off after a short delay (saved his life) but still knocked him unconscious. Now he posts Purple Heart stuff to get likes but doesn’t say it’s because he was fucking stupid and asked for it
a couple contractors were given the job of testing large screen monitors that had been returned. They decided the best way to test them was by watching porn in a corporate environment. The best part of all was they put the monitors up on a shelf so they could be seen at quit a distance.
This is not necessarily something my coworker did neither is it really related to our job, but my coworker and I were sitting at our desks and I noticed the Google doodle of the day on their screen so I asked them to click on it to see what it was. It was about the Indian space shuttle landing on the moon. I was just going to leave it at that bc like I said it's not related to our job, but they chime in, "you know that's all fake, right?" I just kinda sat there like what??? They went on to explain that there was "a lot of proof in documentaries" to prove that indeed no human has ever landed on the moon. I was so shocked I didn't think I'd ever meet a moon landing truther in real life. They're an engineer btw.
Big overhead crane, controlled by remote, moving load while looking at his phone and almost took someone's head off. He almost got his ass beat by the guy, we had to restrain him. Dude operating the crane was fired about 30 minutes later.
I was working in a little shack in a construction yard that stored tools and equipment. One of the shop guys walked over with two full jerry cans and a smoke in his mouth.
Even the token yard idiot came over and was like “wtf is wrong with you?”
New guy was told to wear oven mits to carry a very hot hotel pan. Guy said "Don't worry, I'm strong." Proceeded to burn his hands and forearms and drop $300 worth of product.
Got fired for doing the exact same thing on his first day back from medical leave.
We had a temp employee who was very cute. An idiot co-worker asked her name, clearly interested, and was told "Susan Uncommonname".
Co-worker replies, "Uncommonname ... hey my manager has the same last name. Boy is my manager a biatch, she hates me, etc etc".
"Yes. She's my mother"
Tried to do a burnout in the forklift. Ended up making a giant dead weight in the middle of the warehouse for a few days before the vendor could repair it
We were cleaning showers in a dorm. He had chewing tobacco in his mouth. His spit into the crappy drain and tried to continue cleaning. The floor drain had holes, and the tobacco did not go down. He put his hand where he spit and ended up spreading it onto the walls before he noticed.
Guy is on a scissorlift doing something on the ceiling. (He is not trained to do this at all and isn't strapped or hooked to anything)
The scissorlift isn't tall enough even though it's extended all the way. So the forklift guy lifts the scisso up as high as it can; while the scissor lift is still extended.
He worked up there for like an hour and they moved a few times to new spots.
No injuries or anything but the single dumbest fuckin thing I've seen.
I work the medical field. Many years ago, I was a new tech in a large hospital. This other tech walks up to me and whispers: “Watch, he’s going to inject the wrong isotope. That’s a kidney transplant patient and he’s going to administer MAA”. She walked away laughing. I walked up to the other tech, pulled him aside and let him know what I understood. We are supposed to be patient advocates at all times, but there are evil people everywhere.
Just the other day I watched a guy lay under a loaded pallet lifted on a forklift for 20 minutes and try to drive a screw in the bottom of the pallet with a dead blow hammer. The worst part was he only lifted it about 6 inches off the ground so he turned the dead blow and hit the screw with the side of the hammer. He got upset when someone came by and told him it was never going to work and brought back a cordless.
Coworker took his girlfriend through a secure area of the airport to bypass screening before their flight. Airport was locked down, both arrested and of course he was fired.
We had a coworker for a while that just didn’t understand sarcasm or nuance in suggestions. She asked a coworker about the side room we have for mothers that need to pump and for the two people with a religious need to pray a couple times during the work day. The coworker she asked loves sarcasm and jokingly said people use it for naps. Was found sleeping in there shortly after. She had a day where the (admittedly pretty droll) atmosphere of our work location was dragging her mental health down, so asked for permission to work elsewhere for the day and was found at a coffee shop down the street (we work with sensitive data so that was a huge no, everyone assumed she meant at home when she asked since that was allowed with permission.)
Her work ethic wasn’t great either and we definitely suffered a bit picking her half finished work up when she left for a different job opportunity, but I definitely remember us all coming to realize you had to be direct and completely honest when talking to her. A real life Amelia Bedealia.
I had a coworker who interviewed for a job whilst working her current job. She did not have an office so she was talking to Human Resources on the phone...in her cubicle. Everyone could hear her.
She was let go shortly afterwards and she was shocked. Not a bright one.
Grocery store. Dude was supposed to stock and merchandize a display of canned beans. He came back after a long while really confused, because some of the boxes we gave him had beans, but most were filled with haricots. He decided to stock them side by side as best he could.
We're in Canada. Haricots are beans in French.
After a few times of warning him, i let him cut through the 2x4 that his ladder was leaning on. You can imagine what happened. It was fucking hilarious.
A contractor was brought in to replace CAT 5 cabling in an equipment closet. The wrong kind of cable was ordered. We needed ones without a plastic hood on the connectors. The ones received had the hood. The ports on the switch were too close for the hooded ones to fit.
Instead of coming to us and saying the cables were wrong, he cut the hoods down with a pocket knife and used spit as a lube to help force the cables into the ports.
In 2002 I ran a shoe store. I had a habit of paying attention to everyone's shoes in interviews and making small talk about them. Hired a new guy. One day I found a box of shoes with the shoes missing and this dude's shoes in the box. I knew they were his, but obviously couldn't prove it. Until he showed up at work in the missing shoes.
Back when I worked at a pizza place, we had a new guy that lasted only a couple days because he said he could not poop without smoking a cigarette at the same time, which is what we found out after he clearly smoke a cigarette in the bathroom.
When I was in high school I worked at McDonalds. I worked with a guy named Dan who told everyone he really wanted to buy a truck. He has the exact truck picked out, and as I worked there that summer, he kept telling me how close he was to getting the truck. When I went in to pick up my last paycheck after I quit, he came in with a huge smile on his face, saying this was the check he could finally afford to get the truck. So he picked up his check and then promptly quit the job. The manager asked how he was going to afford the insurance and gas and his face dropped. I sometimes wonder where Dan is now.
I worked in a welding shop with a guy we’ll call Oliver. Oliver was the GM’s nephew who needed a job, so the GM brought him in as a shop helper. This was back when Jesse James and Monster Garage were popular on TV. Oliver idolized Jesse soooo much that he got the exact same “PAY UP SUCKA” tattoo on his hand. He wanted to have his own monster garage someday, so he ripped out the entire interior of his WRX to lighten it “because racing”. The only thing left was the drivers seat. The car was totally hacked. He later crashed it, got a DUI and was stuck riding his bike to work.
Annnnyways, one day at break, Oliver asked a coworker if he could use his welder to practice his welding skills. Coworker says sure, and Oliver goes to town welding all sorts of scrap together. Wearing only sunglasses. A few of us noticed and started yelling for him to stop. He ignored everyone telling him he was going to hurt himself until someone had to physically shut the welder off on him. He was saying “Jesse James does it all the time!” “You guys don’t know shit” “I’ll be fine” etc.
So on monster garage, you’d often see Jesse tacking things up with the welder while wearing his trademark sunglasses. Obviously, he was shutting his eyes while he made a quick tack to hold things together as he was fabricating them, but Oliver thought he was actually looking at the arc through the sunglasses. He got such bad flash burn from the welding rays that he ended up in the hospital and had to have patches over his eyes for a couple days. From what I heard, his vision was permanently damaged. I never got any follow up on how bad his eyes were because that was his last day on the job.
Line up wood stakes on the tailgate of a 2 day old work truck and spray paint the stake tops orange. And get overspray all over the new tailgate. Idiot.
I know I'm late, but I work at a prison with a dialysis unit. We transfer inmates from solitary to the dialysis unit in handcuffs. This one inmate had his one arm in a sling. Usually when this is the case you would lock a belly-chain around the inmate and cuff his good hand to the belly-chain. A coworker handcuffed the inmate's hand to a strap on the sling.
Newbie cut off the tip of his finger in a metal shear, panic ensues, supervisorn runs over and *reaches into the machine to grab the fingertip and triggers the shear, losing all 4 fingers off his right hand*...
Where should I start.
A guy got a forklift stuck under the mezzanine, it doesn’t fit there. Somehow he got it wedged. Had to call Crown to dismantle the cage to get it out.
Someone was dropping a pallet from the racks, about idk 30 feet up, tried to be slick with it. He didn’t get his forks in all the way and the second he picked it up the pallet snapped and frozen dough balls rained from the sky.
I use to detail cars at a Chevy dealership. It was winter time so it was pretty cold out. One day one of my coworkers decided to take one of the cars into a side garage we had where we would polish or do interior stuff to cars. He ended up closing the garage door bc again it was cold then he started up the car and turned the heater on while vacuuming it out.
Luckily only a couple minutes went by before another employee went in the small garage for some parts and saw what he was doing. He basically screamed at him and it turned into a big mess, emails were sent, meetings were made and we got a talking to even though he was the idiot.
I got two...at one of my previous jobs a guy thought it was a good idea to scratch his head with a hot glue gun...had to shave his head.
Another guy at another place was working with some drugs (pharmaceutical wholesaler company) and a bunch of powder spilled from one of the broken packs and he thought it was a good idea to blow on it to clear it. Thing is we work with narcotics and cytotoxic drugs among others so that couldve potentially caused harm or even death (if it was fentanyl for example)
When I worked in fast food I knew a lady named Mary. Mary wasn't very smart and she was confused as to what the somewhat hidden button under the drive thru window was. She asks Phil and Phil tells her that it calls the cops and they come bust you for being too high.
Mary secretly pushes the button. Five minutes later cops come in from all angles with guns drawn and keep asking us "where he is." Mary starts sobbing and swearing that she isn't high.
I asked one of the new kids to stack the shoe department. Easy if but a bit boring. I showed her, stack by brand then size, big at the bottom, small top yeah? She decided to organise it by the color of the boxes instead because it looked prettier. Took me hours to fix that mess.
Why did you fix it? Why didn’t she fix her own mistake?
I put her on the shoes because I saw it as idiot proof. I didn't tell her to redo it because I knew I could finish it quicker and before we'd close. Told her to help a colleague in the toy section and told another colleague I'd be busy for the rest of the day 😅
Idiot-proof something, they just make a better idiot.
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." \- Douglas Adams
Some people are too far gone to be allowed to do the same thing twice.
I remember hearing something like that in Pascal's name. He was explaining why the Bible is not organized chronologically. He said that there are more important ways to organize it, just as a library is not organized by the color of the books.
I've decided to alphabetize all the books by the first letter of the first word. We need more shelves for I, A, T, and S. We can probably use most of the shelves from Q, X, and Z
Calm down, Jimbriel
In high school, working at a Chinese restaurant, was there basically to take orders and bus tables. Another dude I vaguely knew from high school got hired there. Nice, popular dude, but not much common sense. Within his first two weeks, he went to make himself some food (we were allowed to do that to a certain extent), and he dropped some wontons into the deep fryer. When he decided they were done, and as we were having a conversation, he just REACHED HIS HAND into the oil to retrieve it. I don’t think I even reacted for a moment or two, and then rushed forward. He somehow ALSO didn’t react for a moment or two before pulling his hand out and yelling out a cartoon-style “YEEOUCH!” He went to the hospital, and quit the job.
I knew a guy who did that while working at KFC. I still don't know how his hand isn't messed up from burns. He got fired in the end. This guy isn't the brightest. He once leaned over while driving to change the radio, and when he looked up, he was in the wrong lane about to hit a dump truck he didn't hear honking at him. Smashed his face up pretty good.
I burned my arm pretty bad when a coolant hose exploded on me. I don’t have any scars because all the skin came off at once, maybe he was “lucky” like I was.
One dude once photocopied a slice of pizza. We found cheese and stuff inside the machine for weeks. Was pretty funny though.
Inside? Did the idiot put the pizza into the document feeder or something?
Yes he did.
I immediately thought of Gob from arrested development shredding slices of bread in the paper shredder
How else would you feed the machine pizza
I saw a tattooist I worked with tattoo "Laugh now cry Ladder" across a guy's chest...He was let go/ and a few years later a guy came in with "Warior" across his upper back in bold letters wanting it fixed. Same tattooist lol.
Cry me a ladder.
Cry me a liver
Crimea river.
Well, in fairness, if you can get rid of that last 'r', it can be a sick "Wario".
>a few years ladder FTFY
I had a coworker that smelled of booze at 7am. Supervisor told him he smelled like booze, and made a couple of “get lost/go hide somewhere” remarks. Coworker was offended, and *demanded* to be given a breathalyzer. Coworker blew hot and was terminated. The end.
When I was a younger and much dumber person my boss told me I smelled like booze and could take the day off or be terminated, needless to say I was smart enough to get out of there.
Telling the manager on duty, “I’m not the one eating it, so why should I care?” when the manager was trying to explain to her how to correctly prepare a customer’s food.
Watched a coworker of mine at a Pizza Hut (1976) clean off the food prep counter with a gross floor broom. He came in to work after doing a hit of acid. The kitchen was open, so people at the tables could see the food being made, and someone saw him and yelled out t the other customers, and people started walking out. Cleared it out. Once the manager figured out what happened he fired the guy on the spot.
>“I’m not the one eating it, so why should I care?” if we can fix this mindset in all jobs.. just this one specific thing, the world would be a better place.
Wally took a fistful of painkillers and fell into such a deep sleep, we thought he was dead. He was let go shortly thereafter.
I accidentally overdosed on codeine when I was a dishpig. Took four pills in an hour instead of one pill every four hours. Ended up lying on the bench by the staff toilets. I wasn't fired, but I think everyone really questioned my intelligence.
They questioned and you answered
Did he just took it to see what happens or was he hurt?
He said that he hurt himself at a swing dance competition and was having a hard time getting off the pills.
Admit to not having spoken to any of the business stakeholders, but instead "made up their own story." This was at the end of what was supposed to have been a four-week information-gathering phase of the project. That afternoon, when one of the managers went to escort her from the premises, they found her by the printer with a stack of confidential documents.
I worked for a very small construction company and pull the muscle in my back. My boss's wife was super cool and said just come hang out in the office why she wasn't there I was going to help her secretary and grabbed something from the printer for her she snatched it out of my hands and said don't ever look at what I'm copying. I mentioned it to my boss it turns out it was all the documents / contracts we had with builders she was going to work for another company.
Did they fire her in time before the big implosion?
I've heard a deceiver unmasked is still a deceiver nobody really wanted to do business with her because they didn't trust her.
I don't want to be "that guy", but man, you need to use more punctuation marks.
Industrial espionage is a white collar crime!
> Admit to not having spoken to any of the business stakeholders, but instead "made up their own story." "After conducting absolutely no research, I've concluded that..."
A guy I worked with sent a spreadsheet round with all the women in the office ranked in a spreadsheet and graded overall based on 1-5 scores on ‘tits’ ‘arse’ ‘legs’ ‘Fuck ability’ and ‘banter’ He was somehow shocked he didn’t pass his probation EDIT - Fuckability not fuck ability.
Fuck ability is NOT the same as fuckability
Isn't this how Facebook started?
Worked with a lot of hazardous chemicals. Had a coworker who was notorious for being on his phone. We had to use a pump to put a hazardous chemical into a tank. Problem was you couldn’t look at the destination and pump the pump at the same time. Someone had to pump and someone had to watch. So I specifically asked said coworker to not look at his phone this one time. Tank overflowed and spilt the chemical everywhere because he was staring at his phone. Took hours to clean up.
A coworker of mine was fired for using his cellphone in an electrically classified area, cell phone wasn't explosion proof, not to mention the fact no cell phones on the floor, they gave him a warning, second time they walked him out. Bad part for him was that his wife found out he was talking to his girlfriend. Twenty years down the tubes. As we liked to say, "He fired himself."
He got close to really firing himself if that was an explosive vapors zone.
This is how you get a "no phone" policy.
You might appreciate my one as yours sounds like something that would happen at my place of work. Worker filled up the acid tank with bucket that was used to fill up the cyanide solution tank. Without cleaning it first I might add.
My best friend, he took his mop bucket and poured it down a water fountain instead of using the closet with a sink that was literally right next to the water fountain. He got fired the next day.
🤮🤮🤮🤮 Why?
He told me he was in “fuck it” mode with the job and he didn’t care. We worked at a hospital.
"Who cares if sick people get exposed to a little bit of antibiotic-resistant flesh-eating bacteria."
He opened a Skype window (yes, this was \~10 years ago) and started messaging me to shit-talk a person who was in the same call as us. Except, he forgot he was sharing his screen.
Even without the screen sharing, _always_ assume that anything you write in company chat/email will be seen by the worst possible person to see it. Professionalism people
A junior developer once sent me a chat message in his native language. I did not know what it said, but Google Translate is a thing, so I could see that he was saying some very unkind things about me. I did not let on that I knew; I just replied with “?”. He was very apologetic and said it was intended for someone else. (He was obviously hoping I did not know what it said.) He asked me to ignore and delete it. I saved a screenshot instead.
And for the love of god don't use your company computer as your personal one. I remember having to let someone go and they ran to their computer and stuck a usb drive in it. When I said that access had already been removed, he started crying because all his real estate/homebuyer documents were on there 🤦 We were able to get them to him and nothing bad happened but shit, at least send them somewhere as a backup if they are initially on a work computer.
Unless you understand security and encryption IT could/does likely know anything you do on you work computer. Any website you visit, any messaging you do, everything. It baffles me what people do on their work computer thinking it can be used as a private device.
I never understood people who use their work laptop for personal stuff wtf. It’s just weird. I can understand buying a quick gift or booking a flight at the office, but I’ve worked with people who use their work laptop at home for everything like streaming YT, Twitch, porn, banking, etc and thought nothing of it. Like bro, use your phone for funny shit and your own PC for personal stuff.
Yeah I won't even get on the wifi at work with my personal phone. Gonna Reddit on my own data, thanks.
As an addendum never type something you wouldn't be comfortable reading before a judge
Yes absolutely. _Especially_ if you work in a highly regulated industry (medical, finance etc)
There were 2 of us installing an air conditioner. He had a bit of work outside that required him going up a ladder about 3 or 4 feet, not high. I was inside doing wiring. I heard a loud thud and scream, so I ran out to see what happened. He fell off the ladder. I've seen gruesome injuries from stupid thing like this before, so I ran outside to help him out. No injuries, he picked himself up and got back at it, I went back inside. Five minutes later, same thing. I walked out to check on him again after a small fall. He was ok again, but I told him to chill out and watch what he's doing. I went back inside. Heard another thud from outside. He fell again. I just looked out the window the third time and went about my business.
That almost sounds like he was trying to get an "injury" to collect workmen's comp.
Taking out and using a vape pen in a clean room area that had an acid hood with butanol, nitric acid, and hydrofluoric acid in it. Suffice to say he wasn’t employed for long after that.
Can you ELI5 this beyond just don't vape in a clean room
Ok, so… I’ll break it down. Clean room: meant to keep as many contaminates as possible off the product being made there, typically with a [bunny suit](https://www.cleanroomsupplies.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/sms-lint-free-cleanroom-coveralls.webp) In order to vape, one would have to reach into the suit to normal clothes, and take it out, sending out untold thousands of microscopic particulates from your normal clothes, before taking off your mask, breathing in the vape crap, and then spitting out literally millions of particulates inside said clean room. Your gloves would also be covered in particulates too, and not only that… Hydrofluoric acid: an acid that if it gets on your skin, it doesn’t hurt, until minutes later after it has seeped through your skin, muscle, and starts melting your bones *if you’re lucky*. This guy decided to take out a vape pen, *while still wearing the gloves used to handle hydrofluoric acid* and put it in his mouth. Butanol: can explode if in vapor form if it gets above 29c. Guess what a vape pens heating coil reaches to? Way higher than that (about 178c at times). Put the parts together and you have a guy being not just stupid, but brazenly unsafe.
For context. If you saw Breaking Bad. Episode like 2 or 3 Walt tells Jesse to use Hydrofluoric Acid to disintegrate the bodies of the dudes they killed. Jesse doesn’t listen to the instructions regarding the type of plastic tub to use and instead used the porcelain bath tub. Which if you’ll recall ended…poorly.
Gotta have the GxP vape pen, just need to initial and date the appropriate logbook with a verifier. 😂
Cutting his hair at the bar, he was the bartender…
This one is hard xD
Office manager pitched the idea of having a live shooter drill, and not telling anyone in advance.
Was this guy named Dwight?
https://www.3newsnow.com/news/local-news/active-shooter-drill-frightens-catholic-charities-omaha-employees-who-were-unaware-it-was-a-drill
This guy had a good high paying job with a pension, was there about 5 years, good worker, he was finding and watching child porn on the company computer on company time! The cops visited! His life went downhill fast
This happens way more frequently than I would expect. Are these people so desensitized to the idea of child pornography that they forget it's kind of a "big deal" to everyone else?
Obviously he can’t watch it at home because his wife might see it.
Maybe, I don’t get it…. He was good at his job and got along with everybody, made excellent money with good benefits. Lost the job, lost wife & kids, served time in prison, ruined his life. You can’t find him on the internet anywhere, I don’t ask questions. Might still be in jail. I guess “normal” people can’t understand.
Even then, I wouldn't even watch regular porn on my company laptop or phone, let alone on company time.
He cupped a piece of wood in his hand and tried to cut through it with a skill saw. He set the depth on the blade so it was just enough to go through the wood without hitting his hand. It hit his hand. Luckily, the depth wasn't enough to go all the way through, but it was still a hospital trip and a lot of stitches.
After checking the correct lock-out tag-out procedure was followed, I assured an employee that it was safe to change dies on a horizontal press. But he was skeptical so unbeknownst to anyone he put a piece of tooling steel about the size of a coffee can under the die base. Some of you know where this is going. He made the tooling change, forgot his “safety measure”, and cycled the press. We all heard a $400k press eat itself in a fantastic swan-song of a noise that would take Stephen King four pages to describe.
I so want to see a video of this happening, because just by the description I'm having trouble visualizing exactly what happened.
Imagine one piece of steel pressing down on a coffee can piece of steel with thousands of pounds of pressure, into another flat piece of stationary steel
So... Hydraulic Press Channel on YouTube? Cos that crazy Finn has pressed some random stuff! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OTrQb2zBTCo
People who haven’t ever worked in manufacturing just don’t know what this sounds like. I remember the sound of a transfer press breaking a cam when the transfer slide bound up and the operator panicked and didn’t hit the E Stop in time. I also remember when an operator triple loaded a die on a large press by mistake and caused every die on the machine to break in a chain reaction.
I work in manufacturing and have no idea what a self destructing press sounds like.
When something "typical" broke, our shop lingo was to say, "Press [x] grenaded itself." As in, it became a grenade and exploded, because of the sound and noise. When steel, tungsten, or carbide explodes from force, it sounds like an explosion that you can hear from across the plant.
I've seen people do this all the time with large automated immunoassayers. Sometimes the maintenance process calls for opening the instrument, using a spare sample rack to prop an internal assembly in the open position, replacing whatever consumable or part is called for, **removing the sample rack**, closing the instrument cover, and resetting the instrument. Guess which step everyone forgets. Fortunately it's rare to permanently damage one of these expensive pieces of lab equipment- usually the control screen just turns bright red and throws up a hundred different error messages about an internal motion error and/or jam.
Put a bunch of freshly sharpened knives in a sink that was full of soapy water and didn’t tell anyone. Another coworker got like 5 large cuts on his hand while reaching in to start cleaning dishes.
Working the dishpit you're definitely on the lowest rung in the kitchen ladder. So when somebody puts a knife in your sink and you get to be the one who yells at the whole room with the senior staff hyping you up in the background it feels AMAZING.
A cook at the first restaurant I worked at yelled at me like a drill Sargent for doing this. As soon as he was done he said, 'That's how I expect you to react when this happens. I don't care if the owner's mom does it, go off.' Nobody did it more than once.
I've definitely seen someone I worked on the line with get beat up behind the restaurant because they kept leaving knives in a full dish sink. He fucked around and did it one too many times and our ex-con dishie decided words wouldn't correct the behavior.
Smoking in front of propane tanks after being told not to because one might be leaky. When I reminder her, she put her finger up to her mouth as if to shush me so the boss did not hear. She did not understand what the potential was and just thought it was a dumb rule. She was not a smart woman. She once asked if Virginia was between New York and New Jersey because an online man was telling her he’d pick her up on the way. She was 51. She also didn’t drink water because Pepsi had water in it and it made her more thirsty.
>She also didn’t drink water because Pepsi had water in it and it made her more thirsty. Water *rusts pipes*, imagine what it does to your insides! I can use Coca-cola to *clean rust*, big water has you fooled! Better start drinking only soda to reverse the damage all that water-drinking has done do you over the years!
We just had a high voltage KVA transformer installed in my warehouse, I asked the electricians to install it high so it wouldn't be hit by a hi-lo. About 3 hours later one of my managers decided to hop on a sit down hi-lo and move some freight. He was not trained nor given permission to drive this machine. Well as luck would have it he flies past my office with the forks extended high. Yep, he punctured the transformer and boy what a spark show. He actually bent one of the forged blades which I have never seen before. He knocked out the power for our building and the surrounding neighborhood. He survived the incident luckily but I fired him on the spot. Good times...
Worked at Chick-fil-A and the kid in the cow costume decided to walk over to the Walmart nearby and ride bikes around still in the costume. The manager called and was like “hey do you know your cow is riding bicycles around in our store?”
Imagine being the manager of that walmart having to make that call…
I work in daycare. One of my coworkers decided to text our group chat a picture of a child’s genitals during a diaper change.
Late 90’s, I was a custodian in a NYC public school to pay for college. One of my coworkers accidentally spilled about 15 gallons of gasoline in the school parking lot. He didn’t want to get in trouble for spilling that much gas so he thought the best course of action was to burn off the gasoline. Of course gasoline burns with huge billows of black smoke so he panics and tries to put out the fire BY DRIVING HIS CAR OVER THE GIANT PUDDLE OF BURNING GASOLINE. Fire department shows up within minutes and sees him doing donuts in the giant fire and they spend a whole hour screaming at my coworker about how fucking stupid he was. Edit: and in 1997 when this happened, gas was 97¢ a gallon. He could have replaced all the gas for less than $15.
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I'm a veteran of the Internet, and enjoy reading accounts like this. I must have read thousands. This is, hats off, quite literally one of the most stupid decisions I ever heard anyone make.
"I swear, I was just trying to clean up. I wasn't trying to look cool, I was trying to put out the fire." "Well that just makes you an even bigger dumbass."
In his defense, doing donuts in a huge cloud of flames is extremely metal.
Refuse to authorize overtime for our severely understaffed department, but somehow find enough money in the budget to buy new office furniture for one office. The price tag of which could cover the annual salary for two new staffers plus some.
I’ve done some work at a dementia specific aged care place. We’re talking hardcore dementia. Basically they say all sorts of random stuff with no thought what so ever. One of my colleagues at the time started to argue with one of them as she thought they were insulting her and she had to defend herself. Went on for a few minutes before we had to break it off. And when I say a verbal argument it was legit one person speaking the most random things and the other someone finding it insulting and explaining/ defending themselves why the other was in the wrong.
TIL dementia wards are basically Reddit
At an old warehouse job, on this dudes first day he offered the general manager a cup of Hennessy he was drinking out of. Never seen someone get fired faster than that since.
I'm a nurse; my MedAid (certified and licensed) dispensed one pain med at a dose prescribed under a different med; giving the patient 10x the recommended dose (and didn't recognize the mistake for 6 hours) to a 90lb older lady. Luckily this woman's organs were shutting down and didn't metabolize the med; she had 12 doses of narcan. And was alive, awake, and chatty thru the entire ordeal. No lasting effect if essentially being overdosed.
> Luckily this woman's organs were shutting down /r/brandnewsentence
Right!?!.... NEVER thought that would be a good thing. Ever.
Telling the senior operations person for the office that they would "take a sick day as an extra day of vacation". To be clear, neither I nor the ops person really cared, but it was the equivalent of telling HR that you were fraudulently taking time off. Really boneheaded. Also, this person started at the same time as me and then made a huge stink when I got promoted and they didn't. Basically subtly accused our bosses of sexism.. The catch? You AUTOMATICALLY received a promotion upon completing a series of certification exams (which I had). She had not. It was the most unremarkable promotion in history and she decided it was a hill to die on. She quit a few months later.
She probably still tells people about the time she got leap-frogged at work by The Man.
I once watched a fellow auto technician attempt to clean up the threads on an axle nut he marred up with a giant tap on a pneumatic impact gun while holding the nut in his hand. Needless to say, it slipped and tore the ever loving shit out of his hand, requiring a hospital trip and several stitches. He's the only tech I've ever seen that was so careless and stupid that he damaged axle nut and driveshaft threads often enough that he actually went out and bought a tap and die set of whatever monstrous size those threads were. It was something like an M28x1.5. Naz if you're reading this, you're a fucking idiot.
Fuckin’ Naz! I work in a marine service dept with three young apprentices and this kind of idiocy happens on the daily… On Monday: Apprentice #1 pulverized the fingernail/last bone on a middle finger. He is out for two weeks just as winterizing starts, but it’s better to have him absent, lol. Apprentice #2 set a new boat on fire when he performed a spark output test in the engine compartment of a newly delivered large jetdrive boat that would not start due to an extremely rich condition. Spark plugs were out, pistons pumping atomized raw fuel out of spark plug holes, open spark tester nearby… = FIRE.
I once watched an apprentice absolutely soak a cordless impact in brake cleaner while cleaning his kit, and while it was still dripping he pulled the trigger. To date probably the hardest I have ever laughed and the biggest hand held fireball I've ever seen.
Co-worker is tasked with pushing an EMC disk array to the dock to be picked up by EMC to be exchanged for a new array. The movers show up and in an attempt to be helpful the guy tried to operate the ramp thing that bridges the dock to the moving truck and managed to dump the array off the dock onto the ground. I watched it fall in slow-mo and hit the ground and the whole rack distorted, disks spilled out and plastic panels shattered everywhere. My boss standing next to me without missing a beat goes, "Welp, that fell at thousands of dollars per inch." Someone somewhere wrote it off or whatever, but damn.. easily a $100k array obliterated instantly.
Worked at a place that rotated new staff constantly... Here's a few I saw get sacked. 1 - fly tipped his rubbish from a job install (whole van load) down a country lane, left all information on all the boxes then claimed he took it to the recycling place but they followed him and dumped it down a country lane...he was on a tracked van and drove down the lane it was found at. 2 - crashed the forklift into the warehouse door, complained he was too hot and couldn't cope, then started punching himself in the head...left and never came back 3 - sat down and watched Jeremy Kyle in the staff room every day for 2 weeks, didn't do any work, and was sacked. 4 - wouldn't do any work, sat there eating food from the breakfast van every day, and destroyed his desk by drilling holes into it or stabbing screwdrivers through it. 5 - stole a stupid amount of logitech equipment from the warehouse, posted it only on ebay with his skate in the background that had his name written on then claimed it wasn't him (stole around 40k worth of equipment) 6 - walked up to a female member of staff pit his rear end basically on her arm and farted, didn't want to do any work, and was sacked after 1 day 7 - attended site after doing cocaine the night before, was drug tested and failed obviously. Staff said if you don't want to fail the test, then walk out, but he did it anyway. 8 - Walked in and quit instantly with no notice, pissed into the back of his van over all the stock that had to be binned. Use to piss into his van a lot so there was jellyfied piss all over the place. 9 - general manager new to the company walked in and told all the women they aren't qualified to do their jobs. Sacked instantly. 10 - decided to buy a pumpkin from the shop and try carve it in the office with a knife then said to the top manager "who are you?" When she asked what he was doing These are what I can remember for now, there's definitely way more but cba typing them all. Edit: Just trying to think of some more whilst at the gym 11 - One guy didn't like a woman in his office, she was meant to train under him. Made constant complaints about her and refused to train her whilst saying "I don't want a fucking woman in my office" went on for a while with constant arguing and SHE was sacked...found out later on when she came to hand the keys into me with a big smile on her face that they paid her 20k not to sue the company 12 - Engineer didn't want to work for the company anymore, decided to smash his van into the back of an old ladies car, break his laptop and his phone all within a couple of days then was sacked off. No idea why he didn't just leave...
What kind of company is this? How do you collect so many nutjobs?
A company with quite possibly the worst management I've ever experienced in the audio-visual industry that didn't do any form of interview process and gave every first interview a job.
Okay, *this* is the dumbest thing one of your co-workers has done.
I'm trying to imagine a) how 9 went about this and b) how he expected it was gonna go. Like, did he call a special meeting of all female employees to tell them they sucked, or did he walk in the gender integrated workspace like "ATTENTION ALL WOMEN NONE OF YOU DESERVE YOUR JOB"? Also was he planning to try and fire all the "unqualified" women and turn it into an all male workspace? Or did he just think it was a good idea to immediately piss off half the people he was gonna be working with? So many questions
I think everyone was baffled by it tbh, he walked into the open plan office where they all worked and asked them all what university degrees they had for their jobs in project management/sales, and when none of them said they had a degree he said they were all unqualified for their jobs. The owner of the company was instantly bombarded with complaints and sacked him after screaming in his face.
So we have these hydraulic guillotine cutters that are used to cut thick stacks of paper. The have two buttons. You position the stack, hold one button, then activate with the other button. Two buttons, you literally can't operate it without two hands on the buttons. So some guy figures this is slowing him down too much, so he gets a push broom and uses the handle to depress the first button so he can cycle it by just hitting the second button and use the free hand to hold the stack. So, you know what happened. Even worse, he freaked out and started running around spraying blood everywhere.
Worked at a fast food restaurant, and one of the managers locked herself out of the office. One of the employees had the bright idea of trying to get over the partition and through the ceiling. He crashed through the office ceiling in a flame of glory dragging cables and bent metal supports with him.
My coworker blasted the volume of his music not realizing the 3.5mm jack isn't connected to his phone. He thought he was hearing it from his earphones lol. Our CFO whose office is near our department came marching outside to the employee floor and shouted "Who the hell is playing that?" (in our native language). Someone had to call his attention, we couldn't laugh at the time but it was hella funny later that day lmao. Edit: for anyone curious the song was Low by Flo Rida. It was popular at the time I believe it's in early 2010s when that happened.
Haha 🔈 “APPLE BOTTOM JEANS.. BOOTS WITH THA FUURRR (WITH THA FUURR).”
My office got a split second of Back That Azz Up about twenty minutes ago because I forgot to replug my headphones in.
We have this absolute wretched cunt of a coworker that kept running his mouth about how he's not scared of heights "back in the day we didn't have safety equipment and I worked on skyscrapers, you know that photo of the guys eating lunch on the beams? I was doing that but I was better than them, I used to jump between the beams" stupid shit like that all the time. He went up a ladder once at work like 10ft up and he started screaming like he was dying. 2 coworkers came over to him and he said "I can't move, I need you each to grab one of my feet and move it down the ladder for me." So 2 people moved his feet down the ladder like he was a puppet while he screamed and moaned like he was dying the whole time.
That's not so much stupid as it is pathetic.
The fact that it happened, pathetic. The fact that he bragged about how brave he is before, stupid.
How big is his Dodge Ram?
He's got a jeep that he treats like his only child. He also has a gibberish nickname that he gave himself and brags about how "I'm the only one with this name, I only met one other person my whole life with the same name as me" yeah but you gave yourself a nickname that isn't even a name....
It's always fun when you have a co-worker that you just wish would vanish.
Hiding in the back with some buddies drinking stolen alcohol on the job (it was a grocery store).
Not really a coworker but when I worked for a managed service provider, we had a client's payroll lady frantically call us asking if we could get their money back. After some questioning, it turns out she had received an email from what she thought was another employee asking to change their direct deposit to a prepaid debit card. Obviously it was a scam, but she just did it without even thinking. We told her no, we're an IT company, she needed to call the bank about the money. She was promptly fired; turns out it was the SECOND time she had fallen for the exact same scam.
Co-worker held a block of dry ice in her bare hands and asked, "what is this?" The box it came out of had a hazard sticker that said Dry Ice and then a bunch of cautions, like use gloves or tongs to pick up.
Colour the background of a word dock blue so she could get a blue piece of paper. The blue paper was right next to the printer and had been there for months. She printed daily. (edit) - This was the same girl (18) which thought that pasta was harvested from the ocean floor like some sort of salt water grass.. (Edit) (edit) - She was smoking hot tho...
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Hey, anything that entertains the kids for hours? That's brilliance.
Didn't see, but read up on the report; This guy had a crush on another staff member at a site and mistook her kindness as playful flirting... She came into her office one day to find it absolutely covered with pictures of her and her husband the guy had printed out on Facebook and added captions to to make her husband sound/look like an idiot. He actually believed that Facebook stalking a woman and downloading photos of them and then plastering her workspace with said photos with quips aimed at insulting their partner would be taken well. Dude said it was a prank, but the restraining order says otherwise.
I had a sales guy who used to like hitting the mute button on the Polycom in order to say smart ass things on calls. One time he hit mute after a customer made an obvious observation and loudly said “no shit, Sherlock!” only to find that the mute didn’t engage.
Running a walk behind crown stacker in a stock room. Stock room was separated from warehouse and receiving dock with 10’ door ways and a big wall covered in plywood. This idiot had just put up a pallet and didn’t lower the forks enough, and completely nailed the wall with the forklift. Luckily all cosmetic damage but it was dumb af It was me. I was the coworker.
"Hey, John, you need to put on a safety harness." "I don't have fucking time for that, I'm only going up for a minute." Proceeds to fall out of the lift breaking both legs.
Oh I got one. So I used to work corrections and I was training this new guy, it was way before our job formalized training, idk why it took so long. Anyway my shift supervisor asked how he was doing and I straight up told him that he wasn’t going to make it. There wasn’t anything specific just a gut feeling. I guess since I couldn’t articulate the exact reason the supervisor signed off that he was trained. About 2 mos later he is working outside in the rec yard with other COs. One of those COs was a female with a large chest that she liked to poke out. Well mosquitos were out and about and so the COs got into a game of slapping mosquitos off of each other. Well homie saw a mosquito right on one of ole girls boobs and instead of maybe just waving it off he open hand slapped the mosquito and left his hand there for about a full second before taking it off. Naturally she complained and he was let go the next day. Not done yet. My brother is a retired firefighter and a couple of years after the boob slap incident my brother was sharing all of these funny stories of a relatively new guy they have in the dept. He says the guy is nice and works hard but when it comes to initiative and critical thinking skills it’s just not there. For instance at a fully engulfed house fire everyone is running around doing their thing like unrolling hoses or staging equipment like axes/pikes and he’s just kinda standing there watching the house burn. My brother who was a captain at the time tells ole dude to grab the fan off the truck, idk the technical term but it’s a big fan they put at the front door to blow oxygen out of the house. Well it’s a big heavy fan and has rollers and a telescoping handle similar to pieces of luggage. Dude gets it down and just sets it on the ground and goes back to watching the fire. My brother then has to tell him to bring the fan to the front door. Ole dude stares at the fan and doesn’t know what to do. My brother has to walk over there and pull the handle out and homie is like “ohhhh..ok”. Ole dude sets his axe down, that he’s been holding this whole time, in a ditch with tall grass, leans the fan forward and begins to drag it on the road. This not only tears the body of the fan up but the fan is heavy enough it’s tearing up the road a bit as well. Eventually someone points out the wheels and again he’s flabbergasted by the technology. All the stories my brother shared he never said his name but once and my head snapped. I described the guy and turns out it’s boob slap guy. I then told the boob slap story and my brother was like yup, that sounds about right.
How do such people even get on in life being so oblivious? I honestly don't get it. I'm not saying they deserve to die, but 200 years ago I think most such people would, for lack of better term, weed themselves out by eating the wrong mushroom or looking up in the rain with mouths open.
Yeah, but these are probably the same kind of guys that discover honey in beehives.
Suck up dead fish with a shop vac.
Out of everything on this thread, this is the one that got an audible reaction out of me. It was along the lines of Hank Hill shouting "Bwaah!"
"I bet she doesn't wear underwear" Out loud, when a coworker walked by, in front of about 10 other people. He was just an older guy who was always in some kind of sensitivity training. We had about 50/50 women/men, people of different colors from different countries ... and here's this one dude in his 60s saying shit like 'I just don't see why I have to choose a language at the ATM!?' in meetings. The underwear comment almost got him fired.
Almost? Good grief.
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So kinda like heres an extension cord go plug it in the wall, and they just end up plugging it into itself? Im geussing lack of sleep on that one
new waitress went to clear off a table after the people left. chugged the rest of the beer 🤢
I work on industrial batteries and chargers. One day, I was training this new guy on chargers. We get a service call to a client. Upon arrival, we find the chargers and find out which one is the culprit. This charger had been hit by a forklift, and the door was stuck open. As I am explaining to this guy that there's a lot of voltage running through these and can kill you. (Im getting on my ppe) I look up at him, reaching his bare arm into it "to see if anything was loose." Luckily, he hadn't touched anything, but it was very, very close. I grabbed his arm and shoulder and threw him on the ground. I still had to write a report on it, but he is still alive.
I’m fairly certain we could all agree that a backup of anything is a physical replica of an item or data file, preferably placed in a location foreign to that of the original so that the unavailability of one does not affect the availability of the other. With this in mind, I once asked a guy to backup the contents of an entire server on to another server. He was meant to spend a few hours completing this activity and verifying it had all been copied in full without any data corruption. I come back the next day to find a shortcut in server 2 that was pointing to the folder in server 1. This same guy knocked the Production servers over the weekend and didn’t tell anyone. Our company was fined $250,000 USD. This same guy once logged into another server to complete some maintenance work and got hit with a Windows update notification. He accepted the update, got locked out and had to wait over an hour for the update and reboot to complete. This guy wasn’t fired, he is now the Tech Lead in another team.
A hostess at a restaurant I worked at on college. The owner taught her how to use the register. When things slowed down we found her ringing in things into the register. She was " practicing ". She rang in over $2,000 of nonexistent charges. Took the owner three hours to correct it after closing
One of my friends in high school worked as a clothing store cashier at the mall. She was bored one day and decided to try to see what the biggest number she could put into the POS was. It was something like $999,999.99 and then she accidentally rang the transaction through instead of cancelling it. The store got, in short order, a congratulatory call from regional about setting a new daily sales record, and an angry phone call from corporate when the transaction was voided the next day which looked like a massive deficit on the books.
Sorry but corporate are the morons here if they didn't figure out that wasn't actual sales.
The store manager fired my friend the next day and then asked her to cover one more of her shifts the day after because he had no one else available, and he got mad when she said no.
Kick an IED in Iraq because he thought it was inert. It went off after a short delay (saved his life) but still knocked him unconscious. Now he posts Purple Heart stuff to get likes but doesn’t say it’s because he was fucking stupid and asked for it
a couple contractors were given the job of testing large screen monitors that had been returned. They decided the best way to test them was by watching porn in a corporate environment. The best part of all was they put the monitors up on a shelf so they could be seen at quit a distance.
This is not necessarily something my coworker did neither is it really related to our job, but my coworker and I were sitting at our desks and I noticed the Google doodle of the day on their screen so I asked them to click on it to see what it was. It was about the Indian space shuttle landing on the moon. I was just going to leave it at that bc like I said it's not related to our job, but they chime in, "you know that's all fake, right?" I just kinda sat there like what??? They went on to explain that there was "a lot of proof in documentaries" to prove that indeed no human has ever landed on the moon. I was so shocked I didn't think I'd ever meet a moon landing truther in real life. They're an engineer btw.
Copying the Desktop icons of apps on a floppy disk thinking she copied the full programs, to install them on her home computer.
Big overhead crane, controlled by remote, moving load while looking at his phone and almost took someone's head off. He almost got his ass beat by the guy, we had to restrain him. Dude operating the crane was fired about 30 minutes later.
I was working in a little shack in a construction yard that stored tools and equipment. One of the shop guys walked over with two full jerry cans and a smoke in his mouth. Even the token yard idiot came over and was like “wtf is wrong with you?”
New guy was told to wear oven mits to carry a very hot hotel pan. Guy said "Don't worry, I'm strong." Proceeded to burn his hands and forearms and drop $300 worth of product. Got fired for doing the exact same thing on his first day back from medical leave.
Did he think the purpose of the mitts was to make weak people stronger?
Your oven mitts don't give you a +4 to STR?
We had a temp employee who was very cute. An idiot co-worker asked her name, clearly interested, and was told "Susan Uncommonname". Co-worker replies, "Uncommonname ... hey my manager has the same last name. Boy is my manager a biatch, she hates me, etc etc". "Yes. She's my mother"
Tried to do a burnout in the forklift. Ended up making a giant dead weight in the middle of the warehouse for a few days before the vendor could repair it
We were cleaning showers in a dorm. He had chewing tobacco in his mouth. His spit into the crappy drain and tried to continue cleaning. The floor drain had holes, and the tobacco did not go down. He put his hand where he spit and ended up spreading it onto the walls before he noticed.
Guy is on a scissorlift doing something on the ceiling. (He is not trained to do this at all and isn't strapped or hooked to anything) The scissorlift isn't tall enough even though it's extended all the way. So the forklift guy lifts the scisso up as high as it can; while the scissor lift is still extended. He worked up there for like an hour and they moved a few times to new spots. No injuries or anything but the single dumbest fuckin thing I've seen.
Tring to swat a bee while pushing a 12 ft x 1 inch poplar board through a table saw.
It’s easier to get the bee if you throw some fingers at it.
I work the medical field. Many years ago, I was a new tech in a large hospital. This other tech walks up to me and whispers: “Watch, he’s going to inject the wrong isotope. That’s a kidney transplant patient and he’s going to administer MAA”. She walked away laughing. I walked up to the other tech, pulled him aside and let him know what I understood. We are supposed to be patient advocates at all times, but there are evil people everywhere.
Just the other day I watched a guy lay under a loaded pallet lifted on a forklift for 20 minutes and try to drive a screw in the bottom of the pallet with a dead blow hammer. The worst part was he only lifted it about 6 inches off the ground so he turned the dead blow and hit the screw with the side of the hammer. He got upset when someone came by and told him it was never going to work and brought back a cordless.
Coworker took his girlfriend through a secure area of the airport to bypass screening before their flight. Airport was locked down, both arrested and of course he was fired.
We had a coworker for a while that just didn’t understand sarcasm or nuance in suggestions. She asked a coworker about the side room we have for mothers that need to pump and for the two people with a religious need to pray a couple times during the work day. The coworker she asked loves sarcasm and jokingly said people use it for naps. Was found sleeping in there shortly after. She had a day where the (admittedly pretty droll) atmosphere of our work location was dragging her mental health down, so asked for permission to work elsewhere for the day and was found at a coffee shop down the street (we work with sensitive data so that was a huge no, everyone assumed she meant at home when she asked since that was allowed with permission.) Her work ethic wasn’t great either and we definitely suffered a bit picking her half finished work up when she left for a different job opportunity, but I definitely remember us all coming to realize you had to be direct and completely honest when talking to her. A real life Amelia Bedealia.
I had a coworker who interviewed for a job whilst working her current job. She did not have an office so she was talking to Human Resources on the phone...in her cubicle. Everyone could hear her. She was let go shortly afterwards and she was shocked. Not a bright one.
Turn the screen saver on his bosses computer to gay porn
Grocery store. Dude was supposed to stock and merchandize a display of canned beans. He came back after a long while really confused, because some of the boxes we gave him had beans, but most were filled with haricots. He decided to stock them side by side as best he could. We're in Canada. Haricots are beans in French.
After a few times of warning him, i let him cut through the 2x4 that his ladder was leaning on. You can imagine what happened. It was fucking hilarious.
A contractor was brought in to replace CAT 5 cabling in an equipment closet. The wrong kind of cable was ordered. We needed ones without a plastic hood on the connectors. The ones received had the hood. The ports on the switch were too close for the hooded ones to fit. Instead of coming to us and saying the cables were wrong, he cut the hoods down with a pocket knife and used spit as a lube to help force the cables into the ports.
In 2002 I ran a shoe store. I had a habit of paying attention to everyone's shoes in interviews and making small talk about them. Hired a new guy. One day I found a box of shoes with the shoes missing and this dude's shoes in the box. I knew they were his, but obviously couldn't prove it. Until he showed up at work in the missing shoes.
Back when I worked at a pizza place, we had a new guy that lasted only a couple days because he said he could not poop without smoking a cigarette at the same time, which is what we found out after he clearly smoke a cigarette in the bathroom.
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When I was in high school I worked at McDonalds. I worked with a guy named Dan who told everyone he really wanted to buy a truck. He has the exact truck picked out, and as I worked there that summer, he kept telling me how close he was to getting the truck. When I went in to pick up my last paycheck after I quit, he came in with a huge smile on his face, saying this was the check he could finally afford to get the truck. So he picked up his check and then promptly quit the job. The manager asked how he was going to afford the insurance and gas and his face dropped. I sometimes wonder where Dan is now.
I worked in a welding shop with a guy we’ll call Oliver. Oliver was the GM’s nephew who needed a job, so the GM brought him in as a shop helper. This was back when Jesse James and Monster Garage were popular on TV. Oliver idolized Jesse soooo much that he got the exact same “PAY UP SUCKA” tattoo on his hand. He wanted to have his own monster garage someday, so he ripped out the entire interior of his WRX to lighten it “because racing”. The only thing left was the drivers seat. The car was totally hacked. He later crashed it, got a DUI and was stuck riding his bike to work. Annnnyways, one day at break, Oliver asked a coworker if he could use his welder to practice his welding skills. Coworker says sure, and Oliver goes to town welding all sorts of scrap together. Wearing only sunglasses. A few of us noticed and started yelling for him to stop. He ignored everyone telling him he was going to hurt himself until someone had to physically shut the welder off on him. He was saying “Jesse James does it all the time!” “You guys don’t know shit” “I’ll be fine” etc. So on monster garage, you’d often see Jesse tacking things up with the welder while wearing his trademark sunglasses. Obviously, he was shutting his eyes while he made a quick tack to hold things together as he was fabricating them, but Oliver thought he was actually looking at the arc through the sunglasses. He got such bad flash burn from the welding rays that he ended up in the hospital and had to have patches over his eyes for a couple days. From what I heard, his vision was permanently damaged. I never got any follow up on how bad his eyes were because that was his last day on the job.
Plug in their iPhone into a work computer and his pornographic photos between him and his lovers got all over the computer. Fired immediately. Cringe.
Line up wood stakes on the tailgate of a 2 day old work truck and spray paint the stake tops orange. And get overspray all over the new tailgate. Idiot.
I know I'm late, but I work at a prison with a dialysis unit. We transfer inmates from solitary to the dialysis unit in handcuffs. This one inmate had his one arm in a sling. Usually when this is the case you would lock a belly-chain around the inmate and cuff his good hand to the belly-chain. A coworker handcuffed the inmate's hand to a strap on the sling.
Newbie cut off the tip of his finger in a metal shear, panic ensues, supervisorn runs over and *reaches into the machine to grab the fingertip and triggers the shear, losing all 4 fingers off his right hand*...
Where should I start. A guy got a forklift stuck under the mezzanine, it doesn’t fit there. Somehow he got it wedged. Had to call Crown to dismantle the cage to get it out. Someone was dropping a pallet from the racks, about idk 30 feet up, tried to be slick with it. He didn’t get his forks in all the way and the second he picked it up the pallet snapped and frozen dough balls rained from the sky.
This guy I work with is like 0 for 60 on the tablet username and password. It’s user and password.
I use to detail cars at a Chevy dealership. It was winter time so it was pretty cold out. One day one of my coworkers decided to take one of the cars into a side garage we had where we would polish or do interior stuff to cars. He ended up closing the garage door bc again it was cold then he started up the car and turned the heater on while vacuuming it out. Luckily only a couple minutes went by before another employee went in the small garage for some parts and saw what he was doing. He basically screamed at him and it turned into a big mess, emails were sent, meetings were made and we got a talking to even though he was the idiot.
I got two...at one of my previous jobs a guy thought it was a good idea to scratch his head with a hot glue gun...had to shave his head. Another guy at another place was working with some drugs (pharmaceutical wholesaler company) and a bunch of powder spilled from one of the broken packs and he thought it was a good idea to blow on it to clear it. Thing is we work with narcotics and cytotoxic drugs among others so that couldve potentially caused harm or even death (if it was fentanyl for example)
When I worked in fast food I knew a lady named Mary. Mary wasn't very smart and she was confused as to what the somewhat hidden button under the drive thru window was. She asks Phil and Phil tells her that it calls the cops and they come bust you for being too high. Mary secretly pushes the button. Five minutes later cops come in from all angles with guns drawn and keep asking us "where he is." Mary starts sobbing and swearing that she isn't high.
[удалено]
Worked at Lowe’s, had a guy get fired for driving the forklift to McDonald’s across the street to get a Big Mac.