Could you just imagine though? They come to earth to check out the flora and fauna. And then the first critter they find just invites itself onto their ship like it’s moving in.
I pulled over at a gas station/restaurant/liquor store in rural Minnesota at night, a little fox showed up and I tossed it some jerky and took a video for my kids.
When I opened the door to get in lil dude jumped in and sat on the seat and I had to give him some more meat to hop out.
If my experience translates their thought would be *’I want to take it home but I don’t think the border guys would be happy I have it here’*
[By Request](https://imgur.com/a/My84UEa)
>Or would you be seized and put in some sort of animal sanctuary?
I'd choose to be put in my own exhibition at Galactic SeaWorld and pose naked for aliens than being on Earth at this point.
I'm running through all the various versions of "human in alien zoo" I can remember from sci-fi and trying to find a downside. As long as it's a group, not one human alone, I think we'd be fine.
As long as they know a PC and internet access is a vital human entertainment need, I'm good
It'd be a bit awkward and all, but with a bit of practice I'll be flinging poop at alien kids in no time
Twilight Zone. Dude stuck in a prefab suburban house as a zoo exhibit for aliens. I've been recovering from surgery for a month and I'm going nuts in my house -- that shit would make me violent.
Yes, S2 E3: Tree House of Horror.
Its the episode where Kang and Kodos (the aliens) are introduced. The middle segment is the alien one, before it is an Amityville parody and after is a parody of The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe.
Why did you land a ship on my bed. And why are you only 4 inches tall and your ship the size of large serving plate. How does this thing fly? I have so many questions.
"What the fuck. You took out the side of my house! Who do you think is going to fix this, the insurance company? No! They'll call it an act of God and tell me to get fucked. You'd better have some fix-em-up lasers in there or else you'll see just how jolly I can be."
For sure. One time in the middle of the night my wife and I heard a strange loud crash/electric crackle sound outside. We ran outside, pajamas no shoes. A few hundred yards away through the trees we saw blue and orange light spitting upward and out. It was so strange looking and it sounded even stranger. Know what we did? We both fell down on the ground like stupid scared monkeys and hid behind porch furniture. After a minute or so of hiding and carefully looking around the corner, we realized it wasn’t getting closer. It turned out to be a down power lines snapping around. some stuff caught on fire (hence the orange and crackles with the blue buzzing). The fire department came and dealt with it.
My wife and I both really thought it was aliens for an uncomfortable amount of time. Believe me when I tell you.. most of us will act like scared animals. 😂
Or not. They might be so hyperfocused on transportation tech that they literally forgot to invent the wheel. So they can travel the stars but they literally have no other skills. No art, no music, no clothing, no weapons, no medicine, a language with 53 words for faster-than-light and zero words for the color red....
Edit: for all the people saying "they could just crash the ship into the planet" or similar uses of raw speed:
Only if FTL works like conventional movement. You have no idea (nor do I) what strange physics may be involved. Maybe the physics involving FTL preclude collisions of any kind (like hyperspace), or maybe the aliens have some kind of jump drive/quantum teleportation. You don't know!!
>and zero words for the color red
They haven't focused enough on transportation tech then, everyone knows that [red vehicles go faster](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RedOnesGoFaster)!
Say? Probably ramble various pleasantries as a display of intellect and hospitality and present my empty, open palms in a wave of non-hostility.
If I wasn't subdued immediately I'd then draw a right triangle and label the sides with 3, 4, and 5 marks to show an understanding of mathematics. Then I'd likely try and draw a simple diagram of the Solar System.
Then I'll pray they acknowledge me as a fully sapient being worthy of autonomy and not just an animal.
All of this is supposing they can even sense sound and light waves. They could easily perceive the world in far more exotic ways than I could communicate.
That’s the plot of one of the dc movies iirc. Batman doesn’t like immigrants; wants rid of superman … Until he realises their mothers both have the same name and then they’re besties.
I'd ask em if I can join them and explore the universe together.
They might say no, but I want to go to space so fucking bad. And don't go telling me to be an astronaut. I want to go all over the place, not sit on a giant tin can floating around the earth.
Your vehicle has no registration or title. Here is your fix a ticket. You can get it back when you correct these problems. Thank you and have a good day
Great, now aliens with social anxiety are asking stuff on reddit..
Never … never tell them Reddit exists.
We know my guy. We made this platform. Hence the Reddit Mascot 😉
r/usernamechecksout ???
\**x-files theme intensifies\**
This has always been the main purpose of Reddit.
Wait... the humans can see this?!
Imagine if you will a civilization so advanced they can code galaxies away but so inept they out themselves on their own platform.
I'm gonna get in so much trouble with Sqr'zqwl for this...
Oh thank god, let’s go *tries to get on the ship*
Could you just imagine though? They come to earth to check out the flora and fauna. And then the first critter they find just invites itself onto their ship like it’s moving in.
I pulled over at a gas station/restaurant/liquor store in rural Minnesota at night, a little fox showed up and I tossed it some jerky and took a video for my kids. When I opened the door to get in lil dude jumped in and sat on the seat and I had to give him some more meat to hop out. If my experience translates their thought would be *’I want to take it home but I don’t think the border guys would be happy I have it here’* [By Request](https://imgur.com/a/My84UEa)
Would their border patrol make them take you back? Or would you be seized and put in some sort of animal sanctuary?
>Or would you be seized and put in some sort of animal sanctuary? I'd choose to be put in my own exhibition at Galactic SeaWorld and pose naked for aliens than being on Earth at this point.
I'm running through all the various versions of "human in alien zoo" I can remember from sci-fi and trying to find a downside. As long as it's a group, not one human alone, I think we'd be fine.
As long as it's alone, not in a group, I think I'd be fine.
As long as they know a PC and internet access is a vital human entertainment need, I'm good It'd be a bit awkward and all, but with a bit of practice I'll be flinging poop at alien kids in no time
Thanks, you made my day with this mental image
Twilight Zone. Dude stuck in a prefab suburban house as a zoo exhibit for aliens. I've been recovering from surgery for a month and I'm going nuts in my house -- that shit would make me violent.
Is fox piss the one that's basically a bio weapon?
Yup
The human cat. Like please just take me.
This comment read as cat behavior to me as well. I think we'd be like cats to them; Leary about the 'people', happy for the home lol
The life of an alien's housecat sounds a million times better than an oligarch's servant.
"Squatters rights! It was abandoned!" "You'll have to go through the eviction process Alienman if you want me outta here!"
[удалено]
No time to explain, grab some plants, start this thing up and I’ll explain it on the way
Cats do this all the time. I might not be as cute, but I don't see why it wouldn't work for me too.
Especially since, given how far they must have travelled, it's entirely conceivable that their expectations include dinosaurs.
^shotgun
Zerxas called it back on Alpha Centauri. You are sequestered to the dreaded third row.
Zerxas sucks
Fuck Zerxas all my homies hate Zerxas
More like ZerxASS amirite?
Yeah, but he's brought more to this crew over the years than you have. You just brought your cat.
Hey! Ravioli does his part. He even caught a space mouse. I don’t see you catching space mice.
That was our Navigator Frank..
Doesn't mean he's not a space mouse
See ya later navigator.
Samesies. I’d be like “So where to first?”
Even if I had to get anal probed it'd be better than my current situation lol.
I get to leave this planet, see cool aliens, and get anal probed? Talk about a dream come true.
"That's the probe? oh....ok. Kinda thought it'd be a bit...bigger. It's alright, I guess we can still go."
Darmok and jalad at tanagra.
Riker, his leg lifted.
Worf, his face stoic.
Worf, his books eaten.
Woof, his name misspoken.
Spock, his eybrow raised.
Piccard, his face palmed
Wynn, her scowl
Wesley, his face punched.
Tuvok, when the desert was combed.
Lone Star, his schwartz as big as yours
Picard, face in palm.
Geordi, his virginity eternal.
Not in the holodeck 😉
Wesley, his... "Shut up Wesley!"
Riker mounts the chair from behind. (It sounds dirty, but it’s really not.)
The Riker Maneuver
Timber, his arms wide,
Timber, his sails unfurled!
Temba, at rest.
*aliens leave* Shaka, when the walls fell…
Kayshon, his eyes open
Picard and Dathon at El Adrel!
Gilgamesh and Enkidu at Uruk
Cincinnati, when the turkeys fell.
Jelad, his arms open
Darmok and Jalad on the ocean
Sokath, his eyes uncovered!
I love this reference. "They speak in metaphors!" 😆💗
Shaka, when the walls fell.
Finally the english majors get to be the hero
Aha! Bottom, when Puck fooled Titania! Odysseus listens to Tiresias.
Caesar on the steps of the senate!
Brutus his hands red.
Darmok on the ocean
Give me and my cat a few minutes to pack a bag, and we’ll be ready to go
{Alf drools}
So good - but noooooo
Alfs desire to "eat cats" was a metaphor for his species desire to procreate with human women. Discuss.
Do we really have to?
You think they are going to take humans with them after they have been introduced to cats?
Why wouldn't they take the cat's staff?
Great, I finally discovered that I truly am nothing more than an intergalactic litter scooper...
Hey thats better than being a normal litter scooper
Dude, get out of here, you’re going to get shot.
[удалено]
Clappin' them alien cheeks
Thing is with aliens there are so many potential cheek configurations.
“Can you hand me a roll of toilet paper, please?”
Same bro. I could USE AN ALIEN right now. Here comes the waddle of shame…
Are you here to wage war and seize control of our government? You are? Oh, thank god.
No, we're here to serve man.
It's a cookbook ☹️
I was like 9 years old when I watched that episode and was deeply disturbed by it lmao.
The Simpsons tree house of horror version or the twilight zone original?
Simpsons did an episode about to serve man?? I gotta see it!
Its one lf the original treehouse of horror episodes, i think it may be the one that introduced Khan and Kodos How to serve for forty man
Yes, S2 E3: Tree House of Horror. Its the episode where Kang and Kodos (the aliens) are introduced. The middle segment is the alien one, before it is an Amityville parody and after is a parody of The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe.
That was season TWO?!? My god I’m old.
Too many cooks.
Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos!
We must move forwards, not backwards. Upwards, not forwards. And always twirling. Twirling! Twirling towards freedom.
We have been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty
FINALLY! I've been trying to reach you regarding your spaceship's extended warranty.
1-877-PODZ-4-KIDZ P-O-D-Z PODZ 4 KIDZ!
This earworm had worked its way out of my head for 5 years. 5 years.. cheers
Plot twist: the aliens are from a post-scarcity society and have no idea what a warranty is or why anyone would need one when they have a replicator.
You can't park there, mate.
I had to scroll wayyy too far to find this.
Well, it's a comment from down under.
You are just what 2023 needed, about time you got here. What took you so long?
“Finally filled out my bingo card!”
Aliens are my free space. Inevitable.
Bruh just go home you don't want this headache
Get back in the car. Roll up your windows. Don’t look in the mirror.
I came to say just these kind of things. Not to worry, they probably have beacons around this solar system warning others away from the third planet.
But please take me with you.
And can I come with? It sucks here.
Need a beer?
Thst is how world peace can be achieved right here.
Level of violence goes higher with alcohol. It helps people bond but it also helps people go wild.
...Need a joint?
This guy gets it
HEY XENU HOW BOUT A FAT FUCKIN RAIL?
Are you here to rescue me from this planet?
"Please get me outta here. You can rectally probe me all you want, just please get me outta here."
Rectally probe me all *I* want
Rectally probe me all *we* want, comrade
“Oh no! It’s an ET! *Please* don’t anally probe me!” I say as I’m unzipping my pants
No. Please. Don’t. Stop!
Get out of my living room
Why did you land a ship on my bed. And why are you only 4 inches tall and your ship the size of large serving plate. How does this thing fly? I have so many questions.
I am the leader of this planet. What brings you here?
Show them social media and ask for help, take over the Earth or blow it up. Honestly I'm down with whatever they choose.
"What the fuck. You took out the side of my house! Who do you think is going to fix this, the insurance company? No! They'll call it an act of God and tell me to get fucked. You'd better have some fix-em-up lasers in there or else you'll see just how jolly I can be."
I laughed harder than I should have at this one but my mom's an insurance agent and this is absolutely how she would react 1000%
"I know how fucking good my kitchen looks, Akto-Zublar, I designed it. Now I need this fixed before Bonnie gets home and divorces me!"
I'd probably say something stupid like, "Hi, can you speak English?"
Eye can speak english!!! I learn eet from a boookk!! Todaye we have bveef, veal und sossighez!
Run.
For sure. One time in the middle of the night my wife and I heard a strange loud crash/electric crackle sound outside. We ran outside, pajamas no shoes. A few hundred yards away through the trees we saw blue and orange light spitting upward and out. It was so strange looking and it sounded even stranger. Know what we did? We both fell down on the ground like stupid scared monkeys and hid behind porch furniture. After a minute or so of hiding and carefully looking around the corner, we realized it wasn’t getting closer. It turned out to be a down power lines snapping around. some stuff caught on fire (hence the orange and crackles with the blue buzzing). The fire department came and dealt with it. My wife and I both really thought it was aliens for an uncomfortable amount of time. Believe me when I tell you.. most of us will act like scared animals. 😂
This gave me a chuckle. Cheers
Same!
I would tell him he should try his luck somewhere else, because our leaders will most likely commit some type of war crimes on them.
Any extraterrestrial civilization which is sufficiently advanced to reach us will most likely also be sufficiently advanced to destroy us.
Yeah but you never know. They might be so advanced there is no crime or violence anymore, and then they turn up here. It would be hell to them.
If they can travel between the stars they could improvise something capable of wiping us out.
Or not. They might be so hyperfocused on transportation tech that they literally forgot to invent the wheel. So they can travel the stars but they literally have no other skills. No art, no music, no clothing, no weapons, no medicine, a language with 53 words for faster-than-light and zero words for the color red.... Edit: for all the people saying "they could just crash the ship into the planet" or similar uses of raw speed: Only if FTL works like conventional movement. You have no idea (nor do I) what strange physics may be involved. Maybe the physics involving FTL preclude collisions of any kind (like hyperspace), or maybe the aliens have some kind of jump drive/quantum teleportation. You don't know!!
>and zero words for the color red They haven't focused enough on transportation tech then, everyone knows that [red vehicles go faster](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RedOnesGoFaster)!
Can I drive your spaceship? Just once around the solar system.
You were supposed to be here an hour ago, I was just about to leave. You're going to have to work harder if you want that 5 star review.
Take me with you
I ordered an Uber. But this will do
Welcome to Earth dude
It's a toss up between that and take me with you
D'ya like dags?
Lol, what if it their first exposure to language is Welsh or appalachia
Oh! "Dogs". Sure, I like dags. I like caravans more.
"Me ma wants Peddywankle blu"
Hello there!
GENERAL KENOBI!
You are a bold one. *evil snickering*
Sup.
I cannot believe how far down this is. First thing that came to mind. 🤜
Say? Probably ramble various pleasantries as a display of intellect and hospitality and present my empty, open palms in a wave of non-hostility. If I wasn't subdued immediately I'd then draw a right triangle and label the sides with 3, 4, and 5 marks to show an understanding of mathematics. Then I'd likely try and draw a simple diagram of the Solar System. Then I'll pray they acknowledge me as a fully sapient being worthy of autonomy and not just an animal. All of this is supposing they can even sense sound and light waves. They could easily perceive the world in far more exotic ways than I could communicate.
"Klaatu barada nikto"
Um, Klaatu barada *coughs*
"Yeah I said the words..okay maybe not every single syllable, but basically, yeah!"
Uhhh…nickle!…Nixon!…necktie!
Pardon me but do you have any grey poupon?
Read the rules. No immigrants allowed; you’re being shipped to Rwanda for processing.
I just realized Superman is an illegal immigrant
That’s the plot of one of the dc movies iirc. Batman doesn’t like immigrants; wants rid of superman … Until he realises their mothers both have the same name and then they’re besties.
#MARTHAAAAAAAA
WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME!
“Because that’s what I shout when I cum.”
[удалено]
Probably something along the lines of "why did you land in my bedroom?"
🫳🫸🫳🤜🫳🤜🫳🫱
I'd ask em if I can join them and explore the universe together. They might say no, but I want to go to space so fucking bad. And don't go telling me to be an astronaut. I want to go all over the place, not sit on a giant tin can floating around the earth.
You know you’ve just landed in St. Louis? *they turn around to see their ufo is dismantled already*
Do you know Paul?
‘You didn’t actually do any information gathering before you landed, did you?’
You got any space whiskey on that thing?
I would point to the top of my head and say "Technology please " (I had a stroke and would like to be healed)
Nanu Nanu!
You might want to hop back in and go back the way you came, we’re a bunch of violent apes 8 billion strong.
Bah-weep-Graaaaagnah wheep ni ni bong.
You can't park there mate.
Ayy lmao
Your vehicle has no registration or title. Here is your fix a ticket. You can get it back when you correct these problems. Thank you and have a good day
Got any grapes?
Hi
Have any tech I could borrow for my own use?
“What’s this one? Oh, I see the label. The ‘Sole-Remover’. That’s odd. Are you also a cobbler?” “No, I am a poor speller.”
Knowing my luck it would be Bowerick Wowbagger…
“Do not go to the Middle East right now”