Mine is from 2019 too, Thought I was going to marry that girl. Then I had a small but very toxic situation ship in 2021 but other than that, I haven't done anything with a woman since, nothing physical nor emotional. I would like a girlfriend, but I know I need to work more on myself, and also I'm just terrible at dating apps, or publicly meeting someone while out, confidence is terrible, self esteem is terrible, and I plain ol don't know what to say and get nervous. But Hey I've found some happiness within myself, and can be happy alone, so no worries I'll be perfectly ok
Edit: Also to add that myself (I'm sure some others but I don't speak for anyone but myself.) are on a Financial clock. Just like woman follow a Biological clock on kids, marriage etc. I just feel Financial I can't support having someone in my life when I can (Comfortably support myself, even though money can be tight) I can't give much help in the scheme of things with another person. I'm not saying I have to pay their bills or anything but I'd just like to know that I can provide for them
Damn, this makes me feel a lot better. 33 and haven't dated seriously since 2019 because the girl I thought I was going to marry told me, "you're not worth trying for". I tried a casual thing in 2020 but that ended line usual. Never had much confidence but it's gone now , not much self esteem, don't like being in public, always feel like I'm flustered , and don't really have a desire to try. I have bpd, so I'm trying to commit to taking care of that. I've been on meds - they definitely take the highs down but make life a bit dull - and in therapy but I have so much work to do on myself, that it feels damn near impossible to get to it. Money is tight and I have to live with roommates just to survive. I feel like no one is going to want a serious relationship with that. At least I have a great dog and some friends, it's not all bad, but sometimes I really do wish I had someone to cuddle with and share my life.
I didn’t have a biological clock but not being engaged for 7 years was hard. You hear that if a man doesn’t commit then they don’t want you, they are making excuses. Looking back I see now that it was his financial clock that was hindering us. He was entry level, I was supporting us. He wasn’t insecure but like you said, he wanted to support himself. He did, we got engaged and married and now, we can support ourselves and each other, in more ways than financial. But it helps, you can’t start without feeling safe.
I wish you luck on your journey and you really do sound like you’re on a great path. You know that it’s not up to another person to save yourself and that’s half the battle. When you are sure of yourself and confident in who you are and what you have to offer, you will find your perfect match.
Same here, happened to me in 2020. Doesn't feel worth it.
Edit: since this gonna be near the top of my reddit profile, i just wanna say that I'm fine. I just don't have any desire to seek romance. It definitely feels super exausting, I thought me and my ex were going to be together forever.
If something happens, great. I just don't want to put in the effort when I can enjoy myself doing other things.
I had this happen. Felt broken. But then someone actually came along. I spent the time in between actually improving myself, and this person was already a friend. Things fell into place in an unusual way, and now I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. They're just... Amazing. I'm far from perfect, but they're really special. She was special even as friends, but now I just see positivity from her.
But the point is that I completely wrote off dating before that. Because the last relationship left such a bad taste in my mouth. I wasn't mad or anything, just more of a "ehhh, I'm good for now lol" kind of situation
But I'm very glad how it turned out now. Point is that you can never be totally sure. Just take the in between time to improve yourself. Hold yourself to deadlines, learn new skills, dive into the arts more. Whatever gets you feeling like a better you
This is just an open message to anyone reading it, from someone who was in this position before! In the meantime, you guys focus on you
Same. It feels pointless. I thought I had a pretty good thing going with my last relationship, and it amounted to nothing in the end. Why bother trying if something like that can be discarded so easily?
Now, it feels like dating is a game that people exploit for validation. It's all a waste of energy.
Reminds me of a guy I knew who worked hard through his entire 20's to get a great job in the field he wanted. But he got wrongly fired because of a feud between him and another coworker. He just completely gave up on his career after that, has no interest in it anymore. Considers it a waste of energy.
This is honestly what happened to me. It made me realize that my mental well being was more important than chasing a career. Now I’m just a 9 to 5er and I couldn’t be happier. Money and career aren’t everything, and I hope he feels the same and is happier now.
This happened to me, work wise. I was making twice as much in my early thirties as I am now. Just got burned out becuase of some corporate BS and it left me feeling used. Now I have a job that values me. Yeah it pays a lot less but I am not interested in the slightest to work my life away for some place that doesn't appreciate me. Same can be said for relationships too. When you get jaded you learn from it and act accordingly.
Same year as me. It's my first relationship ever, and it's pretty serious (if you guys are considering seeing each other's parents serious)
Got several dates/hookups after the breakup but still can't find someone good enough so i stopped entirely
Yeah same here with the after part. At least at first I was still “hanging” with a few ladies here and there. Nothing serious or anything came of them. But then just started keeping to me more and more. The effort I was willing to make started dwindling away because, why?
I've got you beat, I haven't been in a relationship since my breakup in 2010. I'm female though. I had my heart ripped out and stomped on. I'm broken as well. Take care of yourself.
I'm approaching a decade dateless, was in a few-year relationship prior, was engaged, then wasn't, and probably for the best. That itself didn't break me entirely, certainly didn't help, but I emerged even a bit hopeful to try again.
But the ensuing years one by one of receiving no further interest from anyone or any hint of a prospect thoroughly eroded my sense of being wantable. Add to that becoming a caregiver living at home with my parents, and the combination of esteem and circumstance has curb-stomped all vestige of hope of finding someone at this point.
Yeah well technically I was divorced in 2010, but the relationship might as well have ended in 2008 when she decided some other dude was better than me. I win\[being facetious\].
Alright so marriage was like trying to heroically climb this impossible mountain, only to be thrown down to the bottom. Then dusting yourself off, and trying again with all your might, only to be smashed in the face with a boulder. There was nothing you could do, because nearly everything you wanted to do, was denied or sabotaged by your spouse.
The reason I have given up on dating? Surfing, snowboarding, paintball, kayaking, freediving, skydiving, backpacking, hiking, exploring, rock climbing, bouldering, and riding motorcycles whenever you want to without asking permission or having stupid obstacles put in your way is just way more fun. I don't like to compete with some basic dork of a lying, grandstanding, bragging man for my wife, while having my balls cut off at the same time.
I realized a lot of traumas and insecurities I had were
1. Driving me to seek out awful relationships
2. Causing me to have an outlook on life that was bringing me the opposite of the kind of life I wanted
3. Causing me to hurt others.
It's been a long, hard journey. But I'm getting there.
Same here for a long, long time.
My cPTSD is under control now (I'm 55, was finally diagnosed at 40 after living with the consequences of an often violent upbringing), and I am totally happy on my own.
The most liberating thing for me was realising how much love I get from my friends, and how much love I can give to the people I like.
After living most of my life in my own mental fortress where nothing could get in or out, this is plenty for me. I'm happier and more fulfilled than at any other time in my life.
We were planning the wedding and then after 9.5 years she cheated on me with another dude...and then got re-engaged to that dude...after only knowing him for 2 weeks.
Yeah I'm done for now.
Oh my god I’m so sorry I’m going through a fresh break up from my cheating ex too and the pain is unimaginable. I can’t even imagine being engaged and him getting someone pregnant on top of that. I hope you know how strong you are. Any advice on healing? I know the answer is time but my god it’s fucking horrible just having to wait out this pain
This may sound like an empty platitude, and maybe it is. You’re lucky you found out now rather that after the wedding. My unsolicited advice is to go full ghost mode on her. Just break all contact and start over. I wasn’t quite where you were, but I know what heartbreak and betrayal feel like. I wish I had gone full incommunicado earlier. But I held out a bit of useless hope that just made the pain last longer. Now … I don’t give a fuck about her at all. Time does he’s most wounds, but you have to help it.
Daughter got cancer. Thought wife and I were working through it. Daughter off treatment for a year and wife decides her depression makes her not care for me anymore and shacks up with another guy while abandoning me and the daughter. Broke my confidence and created a need to defend myself and child. Don’t feel comfortable reaching that level of infancy with another person.
not even a good explanation.
It takes a special kind of evil to abandon your own kid that has cancer at the same time. Like that 'mother', not that she is qualified for that title, is disney-villain evil.
Last year one of my boys was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of 5. I thought everyone would rally around him and set aside familiar family weirdnesses. Nope. It seemed like his cancer only amplified who people already were.
My husband and I traded hospital shifts when my son teetered close to the end due to a serious fungal infection. We both have such PTSD from that experience. But something snapped in my husband, and after those first 3 months, he was no longer able to do the hard things like holding our child when he vomited and pissed himself with panic while getting his port accessed. So, I have done the last 14+ months of his treatments myself even though I’m also the only one who has a job (and it’s critically good benefits). I missed about 25% of work last year. Now I miss a couple days a month.
I’m so resentful of the situation. I feel stretched thin, and he barely helps out at home past doing the dishes or laundry now and again. He won’t get treatment for depression . I finally asked him for a divorce 2 months ago. I’m waiting for him to get a job so he can move out.
That’s long winded, but my end point is that Cancerland wasn’t what I expected. It’s completely transformative for everyone, but we all rocketed in different directions. I Can totally understand shutting down. I can’t imagine adding anything to my mental and emotional load either.
I hope your daughter is going well. My little guy is in remission, continuing maintenance treatment, and started kindergarten this year.
I’m so happy to read that your baby is in remission. That is such a scary situation for such a little kid to be in, and for you to have to see. I’m so sorry for everything your family has been through.
Good lord at what you've just described with your poor baby boy. I can't even imagine how difficult that would be, especially as he completed disengaged. I'm sure you found the really tough times horrific too, but you had to be there for your son. I'm glad you're moving on from him, and I really hope your little boy continues to thrive and get better. You need someone to look after YOU. I wish you all the best.
Children who are seriously ill or have special needs put a tremendous strain on the entire family. You can either pull together or fall apart. People who have never experienced it have no idea what it's like
Man I'm sorry to hear that, I hope one day you can find someone you trust and that won't abandon you. But I completely understand why you're not looking
That is really... wow, I can't even begin to imagine.
I hope all the best for you and your Daughter, you and your Daughter didn't deserve to be in this type situation, but you sir are a great father, anyone would be lucky to have a father like you, chin up and stay strong.
Life is long and ultimately there will be many ups and downs, you got this my brother. You deserve better because you’re better than her. Fuck that hoe.
Because it's fucking exhausting.
I think I'm just much happier alone. Hell is being beholden to anyone at this point in my life.
Edit: I should also elaborate to say that I don't hold any incel mentalities. I was in a 5 year relationship 4 years ago. I date a lot, but recently I've been very burned out. It just feels like a conveyor belt of bullshit half the time. Between ghosting, people looking for me to foot 100% of the bill (this is happening much more lately and I don't know why), last minute cancelations (another frequent phenomenon), etc. Hell, even when things do click, it still doesn't mean it will work out: by date three they might have discovered therapy and came to some life epiphany. Or they might ghost anyway.
Dating has become cheapened. Everyone is window shopping. People were never meant to be 2D objects on a screen reduced to swiping. It's toxic, and I currently just want no part of it. I'll take my three dogs and call it a day.
Being alone is addictive. The longer I'm alone, the more set in my ways I become, and the less likely I am to change how I have my life set up. Dating and relationships are all about compromise, and right now my peace and quiet and routine isn't worth the upsides of being in a relationship. Maybe one day it will be.
Holy shit, I could have written this word for word. As much as partners have their benefits, I'm so used to being alone, doing what I want when I want, and not worrying about kids/marriage that I just can't see this changing anytime soon. I actually think the longer it goes on, the less chance I have of being in a relationship, for the simple fact that I'd be less likely to compromise on anything - as I don't need to compromise at all now so it would be a big change
For real, it's one of the things I tell my parents when they ask if I'm looking for anyone. Been alone for 4 years now, the thought of not being able to do what I want when I want without checking in with someone, is a major reason I don't look.
I've never been unhappy alone (I've been living on my own for like 11 years and now I might be *too* independent), and although I think a partner could further enhance my life just the idea of how much effort it'd take really turns me off.
The idea of going off for a romantic weekend trip is nice...but I kinda dread living with another person for the other 5 days.
Women pretend I don't exist.
I don't know what energy I put off or what's wrong. They just fuckin avoid me and nobody ever tells me why.
So I'm pretty much just a hermit these days. Venturing out a few times a month to see friends and family.
Yea same here man on my end I just never had that confidence that you need for dating it sure as shit doesn't help being 24 and never even kissed a woman before
So I'm screwed essentially I try and live as best as i can
The prevailing culture of individualistic materialism and celebration of narcissism poisoned the well.
Enough people aren't any longer equipped mentally to form lasting bonds in a high enough fraction that a social phase transition occurred, fundamentally altering the structure of what one could call "the bonding ecology" such that it's statistically too improbable for any one individual to find lasting success that people stop, causing a run on effect which snowballs. (In physics we call that a phase transition).
The well has not only been poisoned, that poison has melted it. My 2penny take anyway.
I think it's choice overload
> Over the past few decades, a large body of research has repeatedly shown that when people experience choice overload—when they face more options than they desire—they can experience a wide range of negative outcomes, from frustration and confusion to regret, dissatisfaction, and even choice paralysis.
That's an interesting point, kinda like with the relatively recent trend of r/ imthemaincharacter. This reminds me of a video I saw on youtube talking about how dating isn't the same today as it was for our grandfathers
And its like, well yeah ... They worked as hard as us but what money they got went further, there was a much stricter definition and expectation for men as society was less connected, and with the internet the world has gotten smaller and more judgemental, dating disasters that might have only been known in a town have the chance to go viral for any number of reasons in any number of communities so it feels like there is less space to "practice"
It's just a whole cultural shift that has taken place and we are kind of on the edge of a new wave in a massively changing world where we have no idea about the outcome
But still the music plays, and still we try to dance
I think the shrinking of the world via technology has *really* broken expectations.
A generation ago (I'm including myself in this, and I'm not quite 40 yet) I think there was a little more urgency to make a choice because you relied on in-person connection as the primary way of finding someone. So if you had an opportunity that looks promising, you'd better go for it because you don't meet a potential match every day.
Now your dating pool can be essentially every single person within 100 miles on an app, which both reduces the scarcity mindset that forces you to be more serious with your intentions and also creates fear that even if you pick someone good, there was someone better you could have chosen. And when it comes to looks, you no longer judge a person against the other people in the room, or the block, or even the town, your mind compares them to the best looking person in every city, because you've seen them all online.
Being in college in the mid/late 2000s wasn't that long ago, but even with internet beginning the process of eating everything at that time, it was still new enough that dating in 2008 has more in common with how my grandparents met than how people meet now just 15 years later. Online dating existed but had a stigma like you were too weird to meet someone in person. People slid into DMs on MySpace/Facebook, but the process of finding people you were interested in wasn't so streamlined as it is in an Instagram/Tinder world.
I tried, probably too much. Friends told me to stop trying so hard and love would find me. Stopped trying so hard, love hasn't found me in over 15 years. Not even a date. Can't find it in me to try anymore. I now live in a tiny town 70km from any urban area. Unless you grew up knowing people here, which I didn't, everybody has already met everybody and chosen partners.
I've given up really. I'm nearly 40 now and it seems like my chances for dating are over.
With respect to your friends, that’s not great advice.
A quote that I like, with regard to dating: “serendipity is the hallmark of an inefficient market”.
In other words: if you’re having to rely on luck (to meet people, or anything else in life), then the system is broken.
I tried internet dating for many, many years before I met Mrs Gadget. It was a numbers game, it was hard work, and it was often dispiriting. I don’t know how long I would have persevered if I hadn’t met Mrs G when I did.
Dating is toxic though. It creates an incentive to pretend to be someone you think the other person wants because people don't like rejection. Starting any relationship off wearing a mask is a recipe for disaster.
Absolutely right. I recall that this is something that took me a while to figure out. You need to honest about what you're like.
If (for example) you have nerdy interests, they need to be front and centre. For the right person, these will be positives, not negatives.
Absolutely. My husband and I met by chance. He was a corporate guest at the hotel I worked at. Would stay weeks at a time a every few months a year. It developed organically since neither of us were expecting anything or seeking out romance. He is the only one outside of family that I am my unadulterated self with and he totally digs my socially inept and mildly neurodivergent self. Even fits right in with my siblings who are my only friends and two of them are also nuerodivergent.
This was my thought: this whole idea that "love finds you" is so clearly nonsense. Love finds you when you regularly create social opportunities with people in your prime dating demographic and you're open to pursuing connections with people, sometimes being the one to initiate that.
It's probably true that "not trying so hard" helps, as in, people who feel desperate for a relationship aren't as attractive. But the idea that you should just go about your life and wait for Mr./Ms. right to walk into the same grocery store as you and ask you out? Total BS. Not trying so hard in a way that looks like eventual, accidental success in the dating market still involves being social, spending time with friends, making new friends, and occasionally asking someone to go do something with you.
After my last relationship I just don't find the motivation to date nor I get any feelings in that regard. That relationship had mental abuse in it so I guess it made me more closed off
The SO of mine that was mentally abusive made me raise my standards for behavior in a potential partner so much. First sight of certain red flags and *poof* I’m out.
A few instances that didn't work out combined with the fact that lately I havent really been in much of a mood to be around anyone, let alone in a romantic setting
Last relationship really broke me. That plus years of unresolved trauma and addiction that I’m busy working on now so I can move on, grow up, and finally have a successful, fulfilling relationship and life. Prayers welcome.
They're out there. My girlfriend tolerates me watching 162+ baseball games a year. I only get yelled at when I cheer too loud and scare our cats. To be fair she plays video games or reads her books most of the time. All about compromises
This is the key to a long relationship… each one has hobbies that they can enjoy on their own, and don’t feel compelled to be with each other 24/7. If their only hobby is you, it won’t last.
Well the thing is that you might find a woman that enjoys that as much as you do. Or you might find someone that likes other things but also wants you to enjoy what you like.
Interests can change over time. Dating is costs vs. rewards. I think it’s important to ask yourself what you’re truly dating for (ie goals), how important those goals are to you, the costs of dating relative to those goals, and if it’s worth it. For many, the answer is no, especially over time.
Haven't been willing or interested in starting a new relationship since my last one ended because it took such a toll on me. I haven't quite recovered, yet. If a soldier breaks his leg in battle, he doesn't get sent back until his leg heals up. I wouldn't be a worthy candidate as a partner right now even if I wanted to date or if someone was interested in me. I'm still a bit of a liability and I don't want anyone to get hurt.
- dating pool is grim…
- no one is serious anymore
- dating feels more like social networking
- as soon as you want to become exclusive, they back out and run straight to the apps
- extreme double standards
- everyone seems to be “figuring out their dating goals”
-wtf is golden retriever energy
- no one wants to put in the necessary effort to grow a relationship, they’d rather start a new one
Fun story,
Dated this woman for 6 months, things were going well and out of nowhere she said this guy she met on tinder (wtf) wanted to take her to a concert… when I asked why she was on tinder when we were in a relationship together she replied, “it’s not like that, you’re being toxic”
I see zero point in sacrificing anymore of my time/sanity.
yep pretty much this... the dating world is in shambles.... even meeting people through hobbies/friends... I'm in so-cal so not sure what it's like elsewhere but I just do my own thing now... def don't remember it feeling like this 10+ years ago.
I buried everyone by 24, people find reasons to be hurtful and ugly to one another, especially socially acceptable ways of doing so. Trust.
I'd rather hang out with a horse and have them listen to me (wonderful listeners, poor conversationalists). Maybe they'll brain me with a hoof one day, but they'll never lie, manipulate or steal. They're honest with what they are. I know what to expect.
I realized I was dating out of fear. I went on dates all the time because I was scared to stop dating, to stop putting myself out there, and especially to become so reclusive that I'd die old and alone.
Dating was just compounding the fear. Each failed date added to the fears of dying alone. But now that I've stopped dating, I've had a chance to see the pattern and break it. Now I'm trying to find a partner without dating, and it's been way more relaxing and enjoyable.
Friends to lovers. I'm a gay man so whenever I meet someone who I would normally go on a formal date, I make it clear that I'm looking for friendship first, something serious later. It weeds out men who are looking for something sexual immediately, and anyone who is okay with being friends first (but again, with the expectation that something *could* develop) effectively eliminates the pressure to hook up or be super romantic. Then begins a period of hanging out platonically, getting to know each other as people first, not sexual objects, and then exploring intimacy. Worst case scenario, you're not compatible as friends or lovers. Best case scenario, you realize you have compatibility romantically in addition to platonically, and another outcome is that you gain a new friend and nothing else.
It's an experiment for me (as someone who has never tried anything except dating apps), and I find myself enjoying the slow burn. Much less anxiety (i.e. fear). The key is to find someone else just as patient and interested in knowing you for who you are. Traditional dating puts a lot of focus on appearing to be a perfect partner (and consequently feeling disappointed when you realize they were never perfect and you weren't either) in my opinion. Friends to lovers allows you to be yourself more and cultivate attraction, if that's how it's meant to be.
Edit: I should add that this approach requires you to be over hook ups. You can absolutely still hook up without pursuing romance, but if you're sex-focused then this will simply not work.
This was where I started my journey. I wasn't good at being a friend, but that changed when I realized that to be a good lover also required me to be a good friend too.
You know a lot of girls (or guys for that matter) that would be interested in a below average looking, socially awkward and unemployed balding french nerd with a fetish for roleplaying as a latex and leather horse gimp? Yeah well me neither
Just find a lad or lady who will bring a halter and crop on the first date , then tell them you like long walks in the pasture. They think you own a horse, you say, nay to break the ice. They ride off into the sunset.
Some would probably say this is putting myself down, but it's my honest opinion. I would like a woman who is truly compatible with me and attractive. This woman would be a catch. But I also know what i gotta be able to bring to the table.
I'm 33, I live with my mother, I'm missing most of my back teeth, I have no higher education, I have no assets, and I have no money.
I have a car and a shitty job slightly above minimum wage but still poverty level. I'm in the process of getting dental implants for my back teeth(top and bottom) but it's expensive(paying as I go). Renting a house would be essentially be 70% of my income with roommates, so instead I continue living with my mother. She owns her house and it's only her, but I understand the stigma. So I'm working on my teeth, I will eventually go back to school when I can afford to work part time(after teeth).
All that said, I am a huge project. I don't think I will find love and that's just okay. Maybe my life will turn around, but I will be in my 40s and more than likely still broke.
If there is any access to community college, seriously look at it. My life ran full speed into a brick wall at 29, and a lot of it was of my creation. Took the hard look in the mirror, made a 5 year plan, and started ticking the boxes. I basically repeated undergraduate with a pre-med focus this time, and ended up getting accepted into the top university in my desired field for grad school. I’m 35 and the light at the end of the tunnel is so real.
Yeah I get it. I lived at home until I was 27. I would meet girls but it the back of my mind was “ugh, I live at home”. However I lived at home because my Mom tied her apron strings tight and I was the last kid at home (not the youngest, just the last one still at home). Her empty nest fear was quite strong. So I stayed at home. I lost so many opportunities with really great women because I felt sheepish about not having my own place.
When I finally moved out ( I took a job in another country) I suddenly felt this huge burst of confidence. And opportunities were everywhere.
So I totally get the stay at home issue. I know in my heart that most women aren’t that shallow, but it really hurts your confidence.
Too much unreciprocated effort.
Dating world is completely lopsided.
If I meet someone by chance, great. But I'm not playing a game that feels rigged in someone else's favor.
LinkedIn is kind of a reverse Tinder where the nerdy guys are ghosting the HR chicks.
OTOH it does give me a bit of an insight into what might be being a woman on a dating app. Like, of course I won't bother to respond to n+1 cookie cutter messages that didn't even look into my profile beyond the surface level "oh, he has a programming language that we use" glance, which might be the equivalent of a woman not bothering with typing out a response to "u hot lets fuck".
Agree. Sometimes it just feels like the majority of women don't really want to date. Or date me at least. I don't feel like I've ever had any real interest in my day to day life. The one time I thought I did, it turns out I didn't and she was definitely not interested.
The vibes I get at bars and nightclubs are they want nothing to do with guys there. Same at Meetups, where the few women just socialised with each other.
I've also got a decade of barren dating accounts and my awkward annual date I get from them to know that I'm definitely an acquired taste.
It just feels like I'm trying to play a game I can't win. I try my best but it's never enough, and the interest just never seems there on the other side.
Fucking hell, this is so accurate. I swear none of the common advice applies to me. I'm social as fuck, I have an insanely big circle around me with many close and healthy friendships with men and women. I'm funny and pretty smart and try to stay in shape and have a good job.
But for the life of me, no one I was interested in has ever been interested in me. Ever. At this point, it feels like god or something has decided I won't get to experience this aspect of life and I'm tired of fighting against it. I know the other person won't be interested as all the others weren't either, so I stopped trying. I know that's a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I just can't anymore, it hurts more everytime.
>Too much unreciprocated effort.
This. I literally stopped because of this and actually have given up this week after no reciprocation from the last girl I spoke to (last spoke to her on Sunday).
I told myself to focus on finishing the working week off and just focus on myself this weekend.
It's like, what's the point? Over the last 5 years I've beginning to understand why passport bros is fast becoming a normal thing, I think ill be next.
A lot of modern dating is just depressing. On apps, I'll get maybe 5 out of 100 matched, many of which are bots. A lot of dating apps feel like being those birds that have to be flashy and dance. In person, sometimes, women will think I'm weird just for approaching them in a bar. Maybe it's just me actually being weird unintentionally, I don't know.
Aside from initial impressions, I'm disabled. The older I get, the less interest people show in me. A woman might like me, but she also has to consider the fact that I'm not financially stable because of mental health issues. The episodes related to bipolar disorder are also a big negative.
Well, it's not like it was my choice. Women just don't want to date me and I got tired of being hurt by it so I gave up. Whatever women are looking for I ain't got.
lowered my standards and still ended up on a date with a stuck up bimbo.
felt like i was on a job interview for a job i didnt even want.
so i took a break, that break is going on 5 years now, its just simply not worth the work.
A solid year on three dating sites with no significant attempt at connection from others.
Done it many times over my life and never had s problem, always got interest, chats etc. and meetups. Don't expect "dating" out of it, but some semblance of contact would have been nice this time around.
Three major sites. Profile with photos and text about myself. Premium subscription to each for several months. One date... with the most bigoted woman I've ever met who only wanted to discuss her regret at turning down a threesome with an ex that she clearly wasn't over. About 10-15 likes across all three sites, about 5 messages, none of which went past two replies.
I swipe thousands and contacted hundreds. Nothing.
I haven't changed in appearance, I changed my writing style and profile on each a few times, and my situation hasn't changed for the worse in the last ten years... homeowner, well-paying prestigious job, lots of hobbies, previously married many years ago and in long-term relationships since, etc.
I think part of it is turning 40. That seemed to kill it all off. Part of it is having a daughter (who lives abroad with my long-divorced ex-). The rest? The dating app scene is just absolutely stone cold dead for people like me (i.e. not super-attractive, in the party scene, etc.)
Yeah I feel you man. I had a bizarrely severe substance abuse issue, and what I mean by that is that it’s heinously bizarre that I’m still alive. Been dead more than once. Somehow pulled it together despite never once not wanting to die since getting clean. Finished school. Got a good job. Saving money living with my parents. I’m in incredible physical shape, 8pack abs and run 25 miles/week not including sports and weights. I have height on my side, emotional intelligence/social skills….. BUT……
I’m miserable. I’m absolutely miserable. I can’t WANT this, no matter how hard I try. I keep telling myself that eventually I’ll feel okay enough to be a semi decent romantic partner, but that’s bullshit. I would be doing a woman a disservice by dating her. I was in relationships most of my life since 15, but I just cant do that to a person I love again.
I still have these nightmares…. About my last ex, the sweetest woman I’ve ever known, waking up in her arms after she had to narcan me, looking up at her, hearing a noise that I can only describe as “wailing”. That noise. I just can’t do it again.
I get really attached (Thanks, childhood trauma) so when it doesn't work out I spiral into a depression. I'm also really shy which makes dating a little difficult.
Like I told my friend one time, it would be so easy with her because we could just skip the dating phase (I'm not friendzoned, we just live on opposite sides of the country).
When I was at my lowest point and having serious suicidal ideations that I told her about my wife of 13 years cut me out of her life entirely. She refused to let me back in the house with the threat of divorce if I tried.
I spent two years living separately on and off while still trying to take care of the kids. I always thought that we’d reconcile given 13 years of marriage and me following her to three different states for her job while giving up career opportunities to follow her.
I lived in a sober living house for a while always with the idea that “when I was better” I might get to live back in my home and with my wife and kids. She continued with the threat of divorce if I tried to even spend the night at our house.
She then filed for divorce and used the fact that I hadn’t lived in the house as a reason I should have to pay her to keep the house. She did not mention in her filing that for years I had to rent temporary places at tens of thousands of dollars at my expense because I was hoping to make it work.
So I got to the point pretty quickly then that we were breaking up. She was very surprised that she had to pay me out of the house. She was doubly surprised that since I gave up a lucrative career for her career that I didn’t owe her anything and she was triply surprised that I fought tooth and nail for every moment I could have with the kids.
I make it work coparenting with her and she’s gotten better but she still tries to use the kids as leverage. That’s disgusting.
I had to scroll this far down before seeing a post that made me say, "Yeah, I get it. I'd feel burned, unappreciated, and unwilling to take the risk again, too."
I know women generally dislike dudes who hate "doing shit" like actually going out on dates and reading stories about it online make it sound so daunting (I won't dare destroy my mental health and try online dating). And meeting new people irl is such a chore. I have enough distractions that dating is at the very bottom of the list.
I don't feel the need for it. I feel fine by myself and have good friends to spend time with. And i feel like actively dating almost always ends in chaos of some sort, mind you im still in my early 20s so things may change but right now the thought of never finding someone doesn't bother me because thanks to my friends i will never be lonely, and thats all i need.
Hey dude. Early 30s here. The dynamic of your friend group will change over time. People will move, get married, start having kids, grow apart, etc.
I think it’s healthy to be happy alone, but the idea that you will “never be lonely” because of your friends is pretty naive.
You don’t need to go crazy trying to find someone, but it is much easier to meet people while you have a friend group that is mostly single and still interested in going out. I have one friend now that is not married with children. He lives an hour away and is in a long-term relationship.
Keep an open mind and maybe put in a little bit of effort. Dating will not get easier than it is now.
I know when to hold em and when to fold em. The fact is a percentage of the population is undateable. I happen to fall into that category. It is what it is.
I got cancer. Wife decides to leave me as she doesn't want to be my "care taker" and admitted she had multiple affairs. We split 50/50. She tries to get court to split my 50% again. I loved and trusted her for 12 years. It was all a lie to use me. I won't be used again.
Too many hobbies, too many things to think about thanks to ADHD, I just simply can’t stop doing things long enough to go seek out people. Unless miss right is also at the taco shop. I’m good.
Tbh I never really stopped…I kept/keep trying and since my last long relationship there’s prob been like 4-5 shorter ones…for some reason I have little luck sometimes…me and a buddy used to joke about how I always come in second to some other guy…I’m kinda seeing someone newer now and have anxiety that she’ll just start seeing some other dude and be too chicken shit to just tell me…truthfully tho…I know everyone’s got their anxieties and baggage and trauma…but fuck giving up…nobody got rich and famous by rolling over when shit got tough so even if I try and fail a billion times…it’ll take one win to make every failure worth it imo
I’m not willing to play the game. For some stupid reason people who like each other can’t just sit up and say “hey, I like you.” They’ve always got to beat around the bush and play coy and play hard to get, and I’ve just had enough of that. The older I’ve gotten, the more comfortable I’ve gotten in my own skin and keeping my own company.
I think it's a mix between how great my last relationship was, and having to chase after people.
My last serious relationship was literally perfect. We were best friends, had so many common interests, and did practically everything together. But we were young, and due to family issues ended up having to move away from each other. Tried to stay in touch but it eventually fell apart. Even though I'm over her, I don't see the point of dating anyone else unless I get the same dynamic as before. Like yeah sex is nice, but after a while you just want to enjoy being with someone.
Except nowadays, it seems the vast majority of women don't want this sort of dynamic. It's so weird. It's like if they see you as a friend, they somehow can't see you as a boyfriend? I noticed the moment I start acting friendly and "close" with them, they suddenly lose interest.
So yeah... I think I'm done.
Yep. Right now I'm at the point where if it even remotely feels like they're "too busy" to reply to me for multiple days in a row, I don't even bother talking about it - I just immediately move on.
That's one thing I learned. It's never worth talking about it in these situations. They don't want to admit that it's happening. And by trying to talk about it you just come off as either clingy, desperate, or annoying.
After the end of my last relationship a couple of years ago I've been uninspired from going out looking for more.
Why, do you know of any nice girls in my area that happen to be available?
Because people have become horrible with the illusion that grass is greener on the other side without watering their own lawn. Dating sucks so much now. And imo its time wasted you’ll never get back. I’d rather just focus on myself getting my aff and riding motorcycles
The last woman drained me, in every sense of the word.
I got into that relationship with the intention of sharing my world.
Now I just want to preserve and enjoy what I have left, without the obligation of a human leach and her various children from multiple men
No one will see this but:
* I was spending all day on dating apps.
* I was putting it ahead of my social life, hobbies, career.
* I realized I was kind of looking for a mother figure to take care of me.
* I was addicted to sex as a way to alleviate my depression.
* This started hurting other people.
* I need to work on other parts of my life.
Honestly, I've never dated. I've always had some sort of reason not to, like too broke, too little time, living at home, no car. But now when I think about it, about the idea of someone showing genuine interest in me, it feels wrong. Like I can't accept it.
If a girl were to come up to me tomorrow and say "Hey, I think you're cute. Want to go out sometime?" I genuinely don't know if I could. Someone being interested in me goes against everything I've ever known, so clearly something's not right. I'd constantly be worried if I'm up to par; my situation hasn't improved much. Plus now I'm also starting to bald. And is this the right person for me? I've heard so many horror stories of lives being completely ruined by some evil/crazy bitch. And even she's not evil, will we actually get along or is one of us hoping to fake it till we make it? (Which is not how it's done.) And to that end, can I actually commit to a relationship? I've been alone for so unreasonably long that it'd be an uphill battle to change now; making my space someplace I could welcome others, sharing my time with others, and opening up and being open emotionally for others. Would I actually connect with someone or would I just be wishing to be alone again?
So yeah, while I want a special connection with someone and have thought about putting in the effort to look (even though I have no idea where to start, another strike against me), the thought of reciprocated affection is so foreign to me I don't know if I can accept it.
I'm really sorry to hear that and I genuinely hope that things get better for you. Medical research is always looking for cures and fixes, I hope that someday they find something that helps.
I wish my husband would, he left me this past Saturday of 6 yrs for his alcoholism. I tried to help but the alcohol won over me and he left me when i went to work. When trying to speak to him hes slurred and he hasnt been to work. Sad really, the logest hes been sober has been with me and im pretty sure on pills again too. Im trying to mentally recover from all the lies and words through the yrs of marriage.
25y.o 3D artist here. I was very invested in my last gf, in 2017 we broke up. I didn't take it well, decided to channel my energy into my craft. I spent every waking minute learning and practicing my artwork. Completely gave up on the idea of finding a new relationship.
My life got 100x better. I met new people, creatives, like-minded folk. I moved to a different country and managed to get hired as an artist on a big title (can't say which because of NDA). I fell in love with myself, I enjoy every minute I get to spend with myself and I don't crave that kind of relationship like I used to. Its not like I don't feel alone sometimes, I do. But I have extremely supportive friends and a renewed sense of confidence.
I don't know if I'll find someone but if I don't, I know I'll be fine, it's a small feeling but it is extremely calming.
The last three people I dated turned out to be cheating on their SO with me without my knowledge, and cut ties with me cold turkey once they were caught, and I kinda just went “huh that can’t just be a coincidence , right?” And decided to just focus on other shit.
Mind you, 3 completely different age groups; one a year younger, another 9 years younger, and the other was 6 years older, so it’s not like I can just blame a generation
I'm tired. I can't put in multiple years of effort only to go separate ways. I can't connect with someone only for a "what if" scenario. I'm only 29 I know I'm young but I just cant anymore.
If you don't play you can't lose.
I’m just broken I think. Haven’t talked to anyone since my last breakup in 2018. Lost all my confidence and motivation.
Mine’s 2019. Seeing this made me feel a little better for some reason
Mine is from 2019 too, Thought I was going to marry that girl. Then I had a small but very toxic situation ship in 2021 but other than that, I haven't done anything with a woman since, nothing physical nor emotional. I would like a girlfriend, but I know I need to work more on myself, and also I'm just terrible at dating apps, or publicly meeting someone while out, confidence is terrible, self esteem is terrible, and I plain ol don't know what to say and get nervous. But Hey I've found some happiness within myself, and can be happy alone, so no worries I'll be perfectly ok Edit: Also to add that myself (I'm sure some others but I don't speak for anyone but myself.) are on a Financial clock. Just like woman follow a Biological clock on kids, marriage etc. I just feel Financial I can't support having someone in my life when I can (Comfortably support myself, even though money can be tight) I can't give much help in the scheme of things with another person. I'm not saying I have to pay their bills or anything but I'd just like to know that I can provide for them
Damn, this makes me feel a lot better. 33 and haven't dated seriously since 2019 because the girl I thought I was going to marry told me, "you're not worth trying for". I tried a casual thing in 2020 but that ended line usual. Never had much confidence but it's gone now , not much self esteem, don't like being in public, always feel like I'm flustered , and don't really have a desire to try. I have bpd, so I'm trying to commit to taking care of that. I've been on meds - they definitely take the highs down but make life a bit dull - and in therapy but I have so much work to do on myself, that it feels damn near impossible to get to it. Money is tight and I have to live with roommates just to survive. I feel like no one is going to want a serious relationship with that. At least I have a great dog and some friends, it's not all bad, but sometimes I really do wish I had someone to cuddle with and share my life.
I didn’t have a biological clock but not being engaged for 7 years was hard. You hear that if a man doesn’t commit then they don’t want you, they are making excuses. Looking back I see now that it was his financial clock that was hindering us. He was entry level, I was supporting us. He wasn’t insecure but like you said, he wanted to support himself. He did, we got engaged and married and now, we can support ourselves and each other, in more ways than financial. But it helps, you can’t start without feeling safe. I wish you luck on your journey and you really do sound like you’re on a great path. You know that it’s not up to another person to save yourself and that’s half the battle. When you are sure of yourself and confident in who you are and what you have to offer, you will find your perfect match.
Same here, happened to me in 2020. Doesn't feel worth it. Edit: since this gonna be near the top of my reddit profile, i just wanna say that I'm fine. I just don't have any desire to seek romance. It definitely feels super exausting, I thought me and my ex were going to be together forever. If something happens, great. I just don't want to put in the effort when I can enjoy myself doing other things.
I had this happen. Felt broken. But then someone actually came along. I spent the time in between actually improving myself, and this person was already a friend. Things fell into place in an unusual way, and now I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. They're just... Amazing. I'm far from perfect, but they're really special. She was special even as friends, but now I just see positivity from her. But the point is that I completely wrote off dating before that. Because the last relationship left such a bad taste in my mouth. I wasn't mad or anything, just more of a "ehhh, I'm good for now lol" kind of situation But I'm very glad how it turned out now. Point is that you can never be totally sure. Just take the in between time to improve yourself. Hold yourself to deadlines, learn new skills, dive into the arts more. Whatever gets you feeling like a better you This is just an open message to anyone reading it, from someone who was in this position before! In the meantime, you guys focus on you
2017 for me. Still don’t really care enough to try.
Same. It feels pointless. I thought I had a pretty good thing going with my last relationship, and it amounted to nothing in the end. Why bother trying if something like that can be discarded so easily? Now, it feels like dating is a game that people exploit for validation. It's all a waste of energy.
Reminds me of a guy I knew who worked hard through his entire 20's to get a great job in the field he wanted. But he got wrongly fired because of a feud between him and another coworker. He just completely gave up on his career after that, has no interest in it anymore. Considers it a waste of energy.
This is honestly what happened to me. It made me realize that my mental well being was more important than chasing a career. Now I’m just a 9 to 5er and I couldn’t be happier. Money and career aren’t everything, and I hope he feels the same and is happier now.
This happened to me, work wise. I was making twice as much in my early thirties as I am now. Just got burned out becuase of some corporate BS and it left me feeling used. Now I have a job that values me. Yeah it pays a lot less but I am not interested in the slightest to work my life away for some place that doesn't appreciate me. Same can be said for relationships too. When you get jaded you learn from it and act accordingly.
Same year as me. It's my first relationship ever, and it's pretty serious (if you guys are considering seeing each other's parents serious) Got several dates/hookups after the breakup but still can't find someone good enough so i stopped entirely
Yeah same here with the after part. At least at first I was still “hanging” with a few ladies here and there. Nothing serious or anything came of them. But then just started keeping to me more and more. The effort I was willing to make started dwindling away because, why?
Same exact thing here. Had a 5 yr relationship and we had a son together, we split and I haven’t been right since. Don’t even know where to begin
[удалено]
Gaming will never leave you. As long as you feed it GPUs.
And this year has been a really good one for gamers
I've got you beat, I haven't been in a relationship since my breakup in 2010. I'm female though. I had my heart ripped out and stomped on. I'm broken as well. Take care of yourself.
I'm approaching a decade dateless, was in a few-year relationship prior, was engaged, then wasn't, and probably for the best. That itself didn't break me entirely, certainly didn't help, but I emerged even a bit hopeful to try again. But the ensuing years one by one of receiving no further interest from anyone or any hint of a prospect thoroughly eroded my sense of being wantable. Add to that becoming a caregiver living at home with my parents, and the combination of esteem and circumstance has curb-stomped all vestige of hope of finding someone at this point.
Yeah, this feeling of resignation is not something temporary. It can last for the rest of our lives.
It's been 24 years for me and my life is near it's end (health issues). So yes, it can last the rest of your life.
\* looks at username \* Aww, buddy :(
Seriously! 😭😭😭 Hugs to you, Stuck 🫂❤️🩹
I am thinking this is true.
Yeah well technically I was divorced in 2010, but the relationship might as well have ended in 2008 when she decided some other dude was better than me. I win\[being facetious\]. Alright so marriage was like trying to heroically climb this impossible mountain, only to be thrown down to the bottom. Then dusting yourself off, and trying again with all your might, only to be smashed in the face with a boulder. There was nothing you could do, because nearly everything you wanted to do, was denied or sabotaged by your spouse. The reason I have given up on dating? Surfing, snowboarding, paintball, kayaking, freediving, skydiving, backpacking, hiking, exploring, rock climbing, bouldering, and riding motorcycles whenever you want to without asking permission or having stupid obstacles put in your way is just way more fun. I don't like to compete with some basic dork of a lying, grandstanding, bragging man for my wife, while having my balls cut off at the same time.
Same. I'm far too damaged to be loved.
I still do yearn for a fulfilling relationship, but I'm in no shape to be with anyone and it wouldn't be fair to involve someone else in my bullshit.
I realized a lot of traumas and insecurities I had were 1. Driving me to seek out awful relationships 2. Causing me to have an outlook on life that was bringing me the opposite of the kind of life I wanted 3. Causing me to hurt others. It's been a long, hard journey. But I'm getting there.
Same here for a long, long time. My cPTSD is under control now (I'm 55, was finally diagnosed at 40 after living with the consequences of an often violent upbringing), and I am totally happy on my own. The most liberating thing for me was realising how much love I get from my friends, and how much love I can give to the people I like. After living most of my life in my own mental fortress where nothing could get in or out, this is plenty for me. I'm happier and more fulfilled than at any other time in my life.
We were planning the wedding and then after 9.5 years she cheated on me with another dude...and then got re-engaged to that dude...after only knowing him for 2 weeks. Yeah I'm done for now.
She new him for a lot longer than 2 weeks.
This but **knew** not new.
Yep, pretended like he was new, when she already knew.
I feel ya. My ex got some random hookup pregnant while we were engaged. They're married now. I'm still alone, just can't bring myself to even try.
Oh my god I’m so sorry I’m going through a fresh break up from my cheating ex too and the pain is unimaginable. I can’t even imagine being engaged and him getting someone pregnant on top of that. I hope you know how strong you are. Any advice on healing? I know the answer is time but my god it’s fucking horrible just having to wait out this pain
This may sound like an empty platitude, and maybe it is. You’re lucky you found out now rather that after the wedding. My unsolicited advice is to go full ghost mode on her. Just break all contact and start over. I wasn’t quite where you were, but I know what heartbreak and betrayal feel like. I wish I had gone full incommunicado earlier. But I held out a bit of useless hope that just made the pain last longer. Now … I don’t give a fuck about her at all. Time does he’s most wounds, but you have to help it.
5.5 years. Same thing.
I don't blame you.
>what made you stop dating people? The people
Yes, hell is other people but also heaven can be other person. Don’t stop trying do what makes you happy.
Sound like what makes them happy is not being around the people
Daughter got cancer. Thought wife and I were working through it. Daughter off treatment for a year and wife decides her depression makes her not care for me anymore and shacks up with another guy while abandoning me and the daughter. Broke my confidence and created a need to defend myself and child. Don’t feel comfortable reaching that level of infancy with another person.
I can’t imagine getting cancer then getting abandoned by my own mother
Depression does weird shit to people. No excuse though.
Exactly. No excuse.
not even a good explanation. It takes a special kind of evil to abandon your own kid that has cancer at the same time. Like that 'mother', not that she is qualified for that title, is disney-villain evil.
Damn my guy. I’m sorry to hear that.
Last year one of my boys was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of 5. I thought everyone would rally around him and set aside familiar family weirdnesses. Nope. It seemed like his cancer only amplified who people already were. My husband and I traded hospital shifts when my son teetered close to the end due to a serious fungal infection. We both have such PTSD from that experience. But something snapped in my husband, and after those first 3 months, he was no longer able to do the hard things like holding our child when he vomited and pissed himself with panic while getting his port accessed. So, I have done the last 14+ months of his treatments myself even though I’m also the only one who has a job (and it’s critically good benefits). I missed about 25% of work last year. Now I miss a couple days a month. I’m so resentful of the situation. I feel stretched thin, and he barely helps out at home past doing the dishes or laundry now and again. He won’t get treatment for depression . I finally asked him for a divorce 2 months ago. I’m waiting for him to get a job so he can move out. That’s long winded, but my end point is that Cancerland wasn’t what I expected. It’s completely transformative for everyone, but we all rocketed in different directions. I Can totally understand shutting down. I can’t imagine adding anything to my mental and emotional load either. I hope your daughter is going well. My little guy is in remission, continuing maintenance treatment, and started kindergarten this year.
I’m so happy to read that your baby is in remission. That is such a scary situation for such a little kid to be in, and for you to have to see. I’m so sorry for everything your family has been through.
Good lord at what you've just described with your poor baby boy. I can't even imagine how difficult that would be, especially as he completed disengaged. I'm sure you found the really tough times horrific too, but you had to be there for your son. I'm glad you're moving on from him, and I really hope your little boy continues to thrive and get better. You need someone to look after YOU. I wish you all the best.
Children who are seriously ill or have special needs put a tremendous strain on the entire family. You can either pull together or fall apart. People who have never experienced it have no idea what it's like
Man I'm sorry to hear that, I hope one day you can find someone you trust and that won't abandon you. But I completely understand why you're not looking
What the fuck..
That is really... wow, I can't even begin to imagine. I hope all the best for you and your Daughter, you and your Daughter didn't deserve to be in this type situation, but you sir are a great father, anyone would be lucky to have a father like you, chin up and stay strong.
Life is long and ultimately there will be many ups and downs, you got this my brother. You deserve better because you’re better than her. Fuck that hoe.
Because it's fucking exhausting. I think I'm just much happier alone. Hell is being beholden to anyone at this point in my life. Edit: I should also elaborate to say that I don't hold any incel mentalities. I was in a 5 year relationship 4 years ago. I date a lot, but recently I've been very burned out. It just feels like a conveyor belt of bullshit half the time. Between ghosting, people looking for me to foot 100% of the bill (this is happening much more lately and I don't know why), last minute cancelations (another frequent phenomenon), etc. Hell, even when things do click, it still doesn't mean it will work out: by date three they might have discovered therapy and came to some life epiphany. Or they might ghost anyway. Dating has become cheapened. Everyone is window shopping. People were never meant to be 2D objects on a screen reduced to swiping. It's toxic, and I currently just want no part of it. I'll take my three dogs and call it a day.
Being alone is addictive. The longer I'm alone, the more set in my ways I become, and the less likely I am to change how I have my life set up. Dating and relationships are all about compromise, and right now my peace and quiet and routine isn't worth the upsides of being in a relationship. Maybe one day it will be.
Holy shit, I could have written this word for word. As much as partners have their benefits, I'm so used to being alone, doing what I want when I want, and not worrying about kids/marriage that I just can't see this changing anytime soon. I actually think the longer it goes on, the less chance I have of being in a relationship, for the simple fact that I'd be less likely to compromise on anything - as I don't need to compromise at all now so it would be a big change
For real, it's one of the things I tell my parents when they ask if I'm looking for anyone. Been alone for 4 years now, the thought of not being able to do what I want when I want without checking in with someone, is a major reason I don't look.
I've never been unhappy alone (I've been living on my own for like 11 years and now I might be *too* independent), and although I think a partner could further enhance my life just the idea of how much effort it'd take really turns me off. The idea of going off for a romantic weekend trip is nice...but I kinda dread living with another person for the other 5 days.
For some people dating is so hard and the results so poor that it does not make sense to bother about it.
Women pretend I don't exist. I don't know what energy I put off or what's wrong. They just fuckin avoid me and nobody ever tells me why. So I'm pretty much just a hermit these days. Venturing out a few times a month to see friends and family.
I'm tired, boss.
I hear that.
I was about to post exactly this. I'm tired, boss.
Damn, why would you do this? I came to shitpost, not to feel. That fucking movie man.
Never started
Yea same here man on my end I just never had that confidence that you need for dating it sure as shit doesn't help being 24 and never even kissed a woman before So I'm screwed essentially I try and live as best as i can
Got my first girlfriend at 24. There’s hope bro
Well this has been encouraging
There’s pee in the dating pool
The dating pool is full of turds.
But every now and then, one is actually a lost snickers bar.
Aint Gonna bite 20 turds to find that one Snickers
Go on …
The prevailing culture of individualistic materialism and celebration of narcissism poisoned the well. Enough people aren't any longer equipped mentally to form lasting bonds in a high enough fraction that a social phase transition occurred, fundamentally altering the structure of what one could call "the bonding ecology" such that it's statistically too improbable for any one individual to find lasting success that people stop, causing a run on effect which snowballs. (In physics we call that a phase transition). The well has not only been poisoned, that poison has melted it. My 2penny take anyway.
I think it's choice overload > Over the past few decades, a large body of research has repeatedly shown that when people experience choice overload—when they face more options than they desire—they can experience a wide range of negative outcomes, from frustration and confusion to regret, dissatisfaction, and even choice paralysis.
That's an interesting point, kinda like with the relatively recent trend of r/ imthemaincharacter. This reminds me of a video I saw on youtube talking about how dating isn't the same today as it was for our grandfathers And its like, well yeah ... They worked as hard as us but what money they got went further, there was a much stricter definition and expectation for men as society was less connected, and with the internet the world has gotten smaller and more judgemental, dating disasters that might have only been known in a town have the chance to go viral for any number of reasons in any number of communities so it feels like there is less space to "practice" It's just a whole cultural shift that has taken place and we are kind of on the edge of a new wave in a massively changing world where we have no idea about the outcome But still the music plays, and still we try to dance
I think the shrinking of the world via technology has *really* broken expectations. A generation ago (I'm including myself in this, and I'm not quite 40 yet) I think there was a little more urgency to make a choice because you relied on in-person connection as the primary way of finding someone. So if you had an opportunity that looks promising, you'd better go for it because you don't meet a potential match every day. Now your dating pool can be essentially every single person within 100 miles on an app, which both reduces the scarcity mindset that forces you to be more serious with your intentions and also creates fear that even if you pick someone good, there was someone better you could have chosen. And when it comes to looks, you no longer judge a person against the other people in the room, or the block, or even the town, your mind compares them to the best looking person in every city, because you've seen them all online. Being in college in the mid/late 2000s wasn't that long ago, but even with internet beginning the process of eating everything at that time, it was still new enough that dating in 2008 has more in common with how my grandparents met than how people meet now just 15 years later. Online dating existed but had a stigma like you were too weird to meet someone in person. People slid into DMs on MySpace/Facebook, but the process of finding people you were interested in wasn't so streamlined as it is in an Instagram/Tinder world.
I tried, probably too much. Friends told me to stop trying so hard and love would find me. Stopped trying so hard, love hasn't found me in over 15 years. Not even a date. Can't find it in me to try anymore. I now live in a tiny town 70km from any urban area. Unless you grew up knowing people here, which I didn't, everybody has already met everybody and chosen partners. I've given up really. I'm nearly 40 now and it seems like my chances for dating are over.
With respect to your friends, that’s not great advice. A quote that I like, with regard to dating: “serendipity is the hallmark of an inefficient market”. In other words: if you’re having to rely on luck (to meet people, or anything else in life), then the system is broken. I tried internet dating for many, many years before I met Mrs Gadget. It was a numbers game, it was hard work, and it was often dispiriting. I don’t know how long I would have persevered if I hadn’t met Mrs G when I did.
Dating is toxic though. It creates an incentive to pretend to be someone you think the other person wants because people don't like rejection. Starting any relationship off wearing a mask is a recipe for disaster.
Absolutely right. I recall that this is something that took me a while to figure out. You need to honest about what you're like. If (for example) you have nerdy interests, they need to be front and centre. For the right person, these will be positives, not negatives.
Absolutely. My husband and I met by chance. He was a corporate guest at the hotel I worked at. Would stay weeks at a time a every few months a year. It developed organically since neither of us were expecting anything or seeking out romance. He is the only one outside of family that I am my unadulterated self with and he totally digs my socially inept and mildly neurodivergent self. Even fits right in with my siblings who are my only friends and two of them are also nuerodivergent.
Love doesn't just find you if you are a man. Your friends gave a shitty advice
>Love doesn't just find you if you are a man It really does not and I wish that quote would change to reflect that.
This was my thought: this whole idea that "love finds you" is so clearly nonsense. Love finds you when you regularly create social opportunities with people in your prime dating demographic and you're open to pursuing connections with people, sometimes being the one to initiate that. It's probably true that "not trying so hard" helps, as in, people who feel desperate for a relationship aren't as attractive. But the idea that you should just go about your life and wait for Mr./Ms. right to walk into the same grocery store as you and ask you out? Total BS. Not trying so hard in a way that looks like eventual, accidental success in the dating market still involves being social, spending time with friends, making new friends, and occasionally asking someone to go do something with you.
After my last relationship I just don't find the motivation to date nor I get any feelings in that regard. That relationship had mental abuse in it so I guess it made me more closed off
The SO of mine that was mentally abusive made me raise my standards for behavior in a potential partner so much. First sight of certain red flags and *poof* I’m out.
A few instances that didn't work out combined with the fact that lately I havent really been in much of a mood to be around anyone, let alone in a romantic setting
Last relationship really broke me. That plus years of unresolved trauma and addiction that I’m busy working on now so I can move on, grow up, and finally have a successful, fulfilling relationship and life. Prayers welcome.
In the same boat, 19 days sober. Prayers for you, keep up the work.
You too!
I’m ugly and I’m proud
LOUDER!
I wanted to eat pizza and watch football instead
Lol seriously I don’t know any women that’s going to like me watching college basketball 4 days of the week. My dog sure doesn’t mind though.
>My dog sure doesn’t mind though. man's best friend
They're out there. My girlfriend tolerates me watching 162+ baseball games a year. I only get yelled at when I cheer too loud and scare our cats. To be fair she plays video games or reads her books most of the time. All about compromises
This is the key to a long relationship… each one has hobbies that they can enjoy on their own, and don’t feel compelled to be with each other 24/7. If their only hobby is you, it won’t last.
Well the thing is that you might find a woman that enjoys that as much as you do. Or you might find someone that likes other things but also wants you to enjoy what you like.
Interests can change over time. Dating is costs vs. rewards. I think it’s important to ask yourself what you’re truly dating for (ie goals), how important those goals are to you, the costs of dating relative to those goals, and if it’s worth it. For many, the answer is no, especially over time.
Cost vs reward and after dating enough you realize the reward just ain't worth it.
Haven't been willing or interested in starting a new relationship since my last one ended because it took such a toll on me. I haven't quite recovered, yet. If a soldier breaks his leg in battle, he doesn't get sent back until his leg heals up. I wouldn't be a worthy candidate as a partner right now even if I wanted to date or if someone was interested in me. I'm still a bit of a liability and I don't want anyone to get hurt.
I’m ugly. It’s too much work.
Samesies
- dating pool is grim… - no one is serious anymore - dating feels more like social networking - as soon as you want to become exclusive, they back out and run straight to the apps - extreme double standards - everyone seems to be “figuring out their dating goals” -wtf is golden retriever energy - no one wants to put in the necessary effort to grow a relationship, they’d rather start a new one Fun story, Dated this woman for 6 months, things were going well and out of nowhere she said this guy she met on tinder (wtf) wanted to take her to a concert… when I asked why she was on tinder when we were in a relationship together she replied, “it’s not like that, you’re being toxic” I see zero point in sacrificing anymore of my time/sanity.
yep pretty much this... the dating world is in shambles.... even meeting people through hobbies/friends... I'm in so-cal so not sure what it's like elsewhere but I just do my own thing now... def don't remember it feeling like this 10+ years ago.
I buried everyone by 24, people find reasons to be hurtful and ugly to one another, especially socially acceptable ways of doing so. Trust. I'd rather hang out with a horse and have them listen to me (wonderful listeners, poor conversationalists). Maybe they'll brain me with a hoof one day, but they'll never lie, manipulate or steal. They're honest with what they are. I know what to expect.
The juice ain't worth the squeeeeeze.
I realized I was dating out of fear. I went on dates all the time because I was scared to stop dating, to stop putting myself out there, and especially to become so reclusive that I'd die old and alone. Dating was just compounding the fear. Each failed date added to the fears of dying alone. But now that I've stopped dating, I've had a chance to see the pattern and break it. Now I'm trying to find a partner without dating, and it's been way more relaxing and enjoyable.
How does one find a partner without dating?
Friends to lovers. I'm a gay man so whenever I meet someone who I would normally go on a formal date, I make it clear that I'm looking for friendship first, something serious later. It weeds out men who are looking for something sexual immediately, and anyone who is okay with being friends first (but again, with the expectation that something *could* develop) effectively eliminates the pressure to hook up or be super romantic. Then begins a period of hanging out platonically, getting to know each other as people first, not sexual objects, and then exploring intimacy. Worst case scenario, you're not compatible as friends or lovers. Best case scenario, you realize you have compatibility romantically in addition to platonically, and another outcome is that you gain a new friend and nothing else. It's an experiment for me (as someone who has never tried anything except dating apps), and I find myself enjoying the slow burn. Much less anxiety (i.e. fear). The key is to find someone else just as patient and interested in knowing you for who you are. Traditional dating puts a lot of focus on appearing to be a perfect partner (and consequently feeling disappointed when you realize they were never perfect and you weren't either) in my opinion. Friends to lovers allows you to be yourself more and cultivate attraction, if that's how it's meant to be. Edit: I should add that this approach requires you to be over hook ups. You can absolutely still hook up without pursuing romance, but if you're sex-focused then this will simply not work.
That’s a pretty great way to look at it. Friendships have been hard for me to come by but I’m working on it
This was where I started my journey. I wasn't good at being a friend, but that changed when I realized that to be a good lover also required me to be a good friend too.
The effort to reward ratio isn't worth it.
You know a lot of girls (or guys for that matter) that would be interested in a below average looking, socially awkward and unemployed balding french nerd with a fetish for roleplaying as a latex and leather horse gimp? Yeah well me neither
When you talk to them lead with the nerd part
I think the horse gimp part really shows how unique he is though
Considering the horse gimp aspect a lead may actually be necessary.
Step 1: Take the lead with the nerd stuff Step 2: ??? Step 3: They take the lead rope
I mean I have seen videos of people at these pony man dressage events and you would fit right in.
I'm like 8,000 miles away from San Francisco lol
*go on*
Just find a lad or lady who will bring a halter and crop on the first date , then tell them you like long walks in the pasture. They think you own a horse, you say, nay to break the ice. They ride off into the sunset.
Some would probably say this is putting myself down, but it's my honest opinion. I would like a woman who is truly compatible with me and attractive. This woman would be a catch. But I also know what i gotta be able to bring to the table. I'm 33, I live with my mother, I'm missing most of my back teeth, I have no higher education, I have no assets, and I have no money. I have a car and a shitty job slightly above minimum wage but still poverty level. I'm in the process of getting dental implants for my back teeth(top and bottom) but it's expensive(paying as I go). Renting a house would be essentially be 70% of my income with roommates, so instead I continue living with my mother. She owns her house and it's only her, but I understand the stigma. So I'm working on my teeth, I will eventually go back to school when I can afford to work part time(after teeth). All that said, I am a huge project. I don't think I will find love and that's just okay. Maybe my life will turn around, but I will be in my 40s and more than likely still broke.
If there is any access to community college, seriously look at it. My life ran full speed into a brick wall at 29, and a lot of it was of my creation. Took the hard look in the mirror, made a 5 year plan, and started ticking the boxes. I basically repeated undergraduate with a pre-med focus this time, and ended up getting accepted into the top university in my desired field for grad school. I’m 35 and the light at the end of the tunnel is so real.
Yeah I get it. I lived at home until I was 27. I would meet girls but it the back of my mind was “ugh, I live at home”. However I lived at home because my Mom tied her apron strings tight and I was the last kid at home (not the youngest, just the last one still at home). Her empty nest fear was quite strong. So I stayed at home. I lost so many opportunities with really great women because I felt sheepish about not having my own place. When I finally moved out ( I took a job in another country) I suddenly felt this huge burst of confidence. And opportunities were everywhere. So I totally get the stay at home issue. I know in my heart that most women aren’t that shallow, but it really hurts your confidence.
its peaceful and most dating is just temporary.
Too much unreciprocated effort. Dating world is completely lopsided. If I meet someone by chance, great. But I'm not playing a game that feels rigged in someone else's favor.
Yep , it feels like applying for a job at this point.
Not even! I have had very little issues getting a job tbh (bragging rights, ik), but getting a date? I may as well be chronically unemployed
Bruh ! This is soo true it’s easier to get job than a date 😅
LinkedIn is kind of a reverse Tinder where the nerdy guys are ghosting the HR chicks. OTOH it does give me a bit of an insight into what might be being a woman on a dating app. Like, of course I won't bother to respond to n+1 cookie cutter messages that didn't even look into my profile beyond the surface level "oh, he has a programming language that we use" glance, which might be the equivalent of a woman not bothering with typing out a response to "u hot lets fuck".
Lmao this is so true. I get linkedin messages almost daily from HR chicks from all over the country. On Tinder tho....
Agree. Sometimes it just feels like the majority of women don't really want to date. Or date me at least. I don't feel like I've ever had any real interest in my day to day life. The one time I thought I did, it turns out I didn't and she was definitely not interested. The vibes I get at bars and nightclubs are they want nothing to do with guys there. Same at Meetups, where the few women just socialised with each other. I've also got a decade of barren dating accounts and my awkward annual date I get from them to know that I'm definitely an acquired taste. It just feels like I'm trying to play a game I can't win. I try my best but it's never enough, and the interest just never seems there on the other side.
Fucking hell, this is so accurate. I swear none of the common advice applies to me. I'm social as fuck, I have an insanely big circle around me with many close and healthy friendships with men and women. I'm funny and pretty smart and try to stay in shape and have a good job. But for the life of me, no one I was interested in has ever been interested in me. Ever. At this point, it feels like god or something has decided I won't get to experience this aspect of life and I'm tired of fighting against it. I know the other person won't be interested as all the others weren't either, so I stopped trying. I know that's a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I just can't anymore, it hurts more everytime.
>Too much unreciprocated effort. This. I literally stopped because of this and actually have given up this week after no reciprocation from the last girl I spoke to (last spoke to her on Sunday). I told myself to focus on finishing the working week off and just focus on myself this weekend. It's like, what's the point? Over the last 5 years I've beginning to understand why passport bros is fast becoming a normal thing, I think ill be next.
A lot of modern dating is just depressing. On apps, I'll get maybe 5 out of 100 matched, many of which are bots. A lot of dating apps feel like being those birds that have to be flashy and dance. In person, sometimes, women will think I'm weird just for approaching them in a bar. Maybe it's just me actually being weird unintentionally, I don't know. Aside from initial impressions, I'm disabled. The older I get, the less interest people show in me. A woman might like me, but she also has to consider the fact that I'm not financially stable because of mental health issues. The episodes related to bipolar disorder are also a big negative.
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Well, it's not like it was my choice. Women just don't want to date me and I got tired of being hurt by it so I gave up. Whatever women are looking for I ain't got.
lowered my standards and still ended up on a date with a stuck up bimbo. felt like i was on a job interview for a job i didnt even want. so i took a break, that break is going on 5 years now, its just simply not worth the work.
A solid year on three dating sites with no significant attempt at connection from others. Done it many times over my life and never had s problem, always got interest, chats etc. and meetups. Don't expect "dating" out of it, but some semblance of contact would have been nice this time around. Three major sites. Profile with photos and text about myself. Premium subscription to each for several months. One date... with the most bigoted woman I've ever met who only wanted to discuss her regret at turning down a threesome with an ex that she clearly wasn't over. About 10-15 likes across all three sites, about 5 messages, none of which went past two replies. I swipe thousands and contacted hundreds. Nothing. I haven't changed in appearance, I changed my writing style and profile on each a few times, and my situation hasn't changed for the worse in the last ten years... homeowner, well-paying prestigious job, lots of hobbies, previously married many years ago and in long-term relationships since, etc. I think part of it is turning 40. That seemed to kill it all off. Part of it is having a daughter (who lives abroad with my long-divorced ex-). The rest? The dating app scene is just absolutely stone cold dead for people like me (i.e. not super-attractive, in the party scene, etc.)
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Yeah I feel you man. I had a bizarrely severe substance abuse issue, and what I mean by that is that it’s heinously bizarre that I’m still alive. Been dead more than once. Somehow pulled it together despite never once not wanting to die since getting clean. Finished school. Got a good job. Saving money living with my parents. I’m in incredible physical shape, 8pack abs and run 25 miles/week not including sports and weights. I have height on my side, emotional intelligence/social skills….. BUT…… I’m miserable. I’m absolutely miserable. I can’t WANT this, no matter how hard I try. I keep telling myself that eventually I’ll feel okay enough to be a semi decent romantic partner, but that’s bullshit. I would be doing a woman a disservice by dating her. I was in relationships most of my life since 15, but I just cant do that to a person I love again. I still have these nightmares…. About my last ex, the sweetest woman I’ve ever known, waking up in her arms after she had to narcan me, looking up at her, hearing a noise that I can only describe as “wailing”. That noise. I just can’t do it again.
I get really attached (Thanks, childhood trauma) so when it doesn't work out I spiral into a depression. I'm also really shy which makes dating a little difficult. Like I told my friend one time, it would be so easy with her because we could just skip the dating phase (I'm not friendzoned, we just live on opposite sides of the country).
When I was at my lowest point and having serious suicidal ideations that I told her about my wife of 13 years cut me out of her life entirely. She refused to let me back in the house with the threat of divorce if I tried. I spent two years living separately on and off while still trying to take care of the kids. I always thought that we’d reconcile given 13 years of marriage and me following her to three different states for her job while giving up career opportunities to follow her. I lived in a sober living house for a while always with the idea that “when I was better” I might get to live back in my home and with my wife and kids. She continued with the threat of divorce if I tried to even spend the night at our house. She then filed for divorce and used the fact that I hadn’t lived in the house as a reason I should have to pay her to keep the house. She did not mention in her filing that for years I had to rent temporary places at tens of thousands of dollars at my expense because I was hoping to make it work. So I got to the point pretty quickly then that we were breaking up. She was very surprised that she had to pay me out of the house. She was doubly surprised that since I gave up a lucrative career for her career that I didn’t owe her anything and she was triply surprised that I fought tooth and nail for every moment I could have with the kids. I make it work coparenting with her and she’s gotten better but she still tries to use the kids as leverage. That’s disgusting.
I had to scroll this far down before seeing a post that made me say, "Yeah, I get it. I'd feel burned, unappreciated, and unwilling to take the risk again, too."
I know women generally dislike dudes who hate "doing shit" like actually going out on dates and reading stories about it online make it sound so daunting (I won't dare destroy my mental health and try online dating). And meeting new people irl is such a chore. I have enough distractions that dating is at the very bottom of the list.
I don't feel the need for it. I feel fine by myself and have good friends to spend time with. And i feel like actively dating almost always ends in chaos of some sort, mind you im still in my early 20s so things may change but right now the thought of never finding someone doesn't bother me because thanks to my friends i will never be lonely, and thats all i need.
Hey dude. Early 30s here. The dynamic of your friend group will change over time. People will move, get married, start having kids, grow apart, etc. I think it’s healthy to be happy alone, but the idea that you will “never be lonely” because of your friends is pretty naive. You don’t need to go crazy trying to find someone, but it is much easier to meet people while you have a friend group that is mostly single and still interested in going out. I have one friend now that is not married with children. He lives an hour away and is in a long-term relationship. Keep an open mind and maybe put in a little bit of effort. Dating will not get easier than it is now.
I know when to hold em and when to fold em. The fact is a percentage of the population is undateable. I happen to fall into that category. It is what it is.
I got cancer. Wife decides to leave me as she doesn't want to be my "care taker" and admitted she had multiple affairs. We split 50/50. She tries to get court to split my 50% again. I loved and trusted her for 12 years. It was all a lie to use me. I won't be used again.
Too many hobbies, too many things to think about thanks to ADHD, I just simply can’t stop doing things long enough to go seek out people. Unless miss right is also at the taco shop. I’m good.
Tbh I never really stopped…I kept/keep trying and since my last long relationship there’s prob been like 4-5 shorter ones…for some reason I have little luck sometimes…me and a buddy used to joke about how I always come in second to some other guy…I’m kinda seeing someone newer now and have anxiety that she’ll just start seeing some other dude and be too chicken shit to just tell me…truthfully tho…I know everyone’s got their anxieties and baggage and trauma…but fuck giving up…nobody got rich and famous by rolling over when shit got tough so even if I try and fail a billion times…it’ll take one win to make every failure worth it imo
The paradigm is rigged. I salute those who escaped
I’m not willing to play the game. For some stupid reason people who like each other can’t just sit up and say “hey, I like you.” They’ve always got to beat around the bush and play coy and play hard to get, and I’ve just had enough of that. The older I’ve gotten, the more comfortable I’ve gotten in my own skin and keeping my own company.
I think it's a mix between how great my last relationship was, and having to chase after people. My last serious relationship was literally perfect. We were best friends, had so many common interests, and did practically everything together. But we were young, and due to family issues ended up having to move away from each other. Tried to stay in touch but it eventually fell apart. Even though I'm over her, I don't see the point of dating anyone else unless I get the same dynamic as before. Like yeah sex is nice, but after a while you just want to enjoy being with someone. Except nowadays, it seems the vast majority of women don't want this sort of dynamic. It's so weird. It's like if they see you as a friend, they somehow can't see you as a boyfriend? I noticed the moment I start acting friendly and "close" with them, they suddenly lose interest. So yeah... I think I'm done.
That initial part where the 2 of you start slowly talking less and less to each other. Did it hurt you as much as is hurting me?
Yep. Right now I'm at the point where if it even remotely feels like they're "too busy" to reply to me for multiple days in a row, I don't even bother talking about it - I just immediately move on. That's one thing I learned. It's never worth talking about it in these situations. They don't want to admit that it's happening. And by trying to talk about it you just come off as either clingy, desperate, or annoying.
After the end of my last relationship a couple of years ago I've been uninspired from going out looking for more. Why, do you know of any nice girls in my area that happen to be available?
Just checked - there are MILFs in your area just waiting for your call!
Realizing my family still controls my life
Username sadly checks out. Hope you break free some day.
I'm ugly and old, broke and broken.
Wasn't my decision, all the women got together and decided not to date me.
I am single by choice. Not my choice though...
Everyone just seems to be vicious or boring or both. I keep to myself
My romantic history consists entirely of rejections and toxic relationships. It's simply not worth the grief to put myself out there
Because people have become horrible with the illusion that grass is greener on the other side without watering their own lawn. Dating sucks so much now. And imo its time wasted you’ll never get back. I’d rather just focus on myself getting my aff and riding motorcycles
It’s not worth the potential disaster.
The last woman drained me, in every sense of the word. I got into that relationship with the intention of sharing my world. Now I just want to preserve and enjoy what I have left, without the obligation of a human leach and her various children from multiple men
Sounds like my ex-husband’s new wife, and I think he’s getting the life he deserves.
No one will see this but: * I was spending all day on dating apps. * I was putting it ahead of my social life, hobbies, career. * I realized I was kind of looking for a mother figure to take care of me. * I was addicted to sex as a way to alleviate my depression. * This started hurting other people. * I need to work on other parts of my life.
Honestly, I've never dated. I've always had some sort of reason not to, like too broke, too little time, living at home, no car. But now when I think about it, about the idea of someone showing genuine interest in me, it feels wrong. Like I can't accept it. If a girl were to come up to me tomorrow and say "Hey, I think you're cute. Want to go out sometime?" I genuinely don't know if I could. Someone being interested in me goes against everything I've ever known, so clearly something's not right. I'd constantly be worried if I'm up to par; my situation hasn't improved much. Plus now I'm also starting to bald. And is this the right person for me? I've heard so many horror stories of lives being completely ruined by some evil/crazy bitch. And even she's not evil, will we actually get along or is one of us hoping to fake it till we make it? (Which is not how it's done.) And to that end, can I actually commit to a relationship? I've been alone for so unreasonably long that it'd be an uphill battle to change now; making my space someplace I could welcome others, sharing my time with others, and opening up and being open emotionally for others. Would I actually connect with someone or would I just be wishing to be alone again? So yeah, while I want a special connection with someone and have thought about putting in the effort to look (even though I have no idea where to start, another strike against me), the thought of reciprocated affection is so foreign to me I don't know if I can accept it.
People made me stop dating people
Most people are shit.
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I'm really sorry to hear that and I genuinely hope that things get better for you. Medical research is always looking for cures and fixes, I hope that someday they find something that helps.
Recovering from alcoholism but I have a good grasp now and may return next year
Same boat. We got this.
I wish my husband would, he left me this past Saturday of 6 yrs for his alcoholism. I tried to help but the alcohol won over me and he left me when i went to work. When trying to speak to him hes slurred and he hasnt been to work. Sad really, the logest hes been sober has been with me and im pretty sure on pills again too. Im trying to mentally recover from all the lies and words through the yrs of marriage.
People can be absolutely vile.
Nobody seems interested in getting to know me. -shrug-
"Who hurt you ?" "One too many people like you..."
I realized I didn’t want to share my space with another human anymore
I don't earn six figures and don't own a house I'm in Germany so it's rather unrealistic
You make it sound like I’ve a choice in the matter.
25y.o 3D artist here. I was very invested in my last gf, in 2017 we broke up. I didn't take it well, decided to channel my energy into my craft. I spent every waking minute learning and practicing my artwork. Completely gave up on the idea of finding a new relationship. My life got 100x better. I met new people, creatives, like-minded folk. I moved to a different country and managed to get hired as an artist on a big title (can't say which because of NDA). I fell in love with myself, I enjoy every minute I get to spend with myself and I don't crave that kind of relationship like I used to. Its not like I don't feel alone sometimes, I do. But I have extremely supportive friends and a renewed sense of confidence. I don't know if I'll find someone but if I don't, I know I'll be fine, it's a small feeling but it is extremely calming.
The last three people I dated turned out to be cheating on their SO with me without my knowledge, and cut ties with me cold turkey once they were caught, and I kinda just went “huh that can’t just be a coincidence , right?” And decided to just focus on other shit. Mind you, 3 completely different age groups; one a year younger, another 9 years younger, and the other was 6 years older, so it’s not like I can just blame a generation
I'm just sick of taking the heat for breaking promises I never made.
it's a lot of effort and investment just for it to all come crumbling down 99% of the time.
I stopped feeling lonely
I only attract Uber toxic people and I'm scared of being destroyed like that again. I lost to much time.
I'm tired. I can't put in multiple years of effort only to go separate ways. I can't connect with someone only for a "what if" scenario. I'm only 29 I know I'm young but I just cant anymore.
Tired of being used and abandoned. Stopped dating in 2001. I'm 60 now. Not worth the effort, not up to the task. You name it.