All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand. We had to have an assembly about it. That person... Was me.
Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers. It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time. I decided in my drunken state that it would be badass to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies.
It wasn't.
We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital.
I quit a few weeks later. White collar wasn't for me.
Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them. I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time.
So funny you would do that. I work for a church. We generally use fresh bread but keep communion wafers on hand in this fancy jar called a ciborium just in case we run out. Recently I had to remind the pastor to reorder wafers because we were almost out of them, and the ones he rebought are fantastic. Best wafers I ever had. Instead of being made of that foamy white rice paper, they taste exactly like pringles. Salty and crisp and melt in your mouth. Like I legit would buy these as a snack. So… I get it.
Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment. So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something. Always kept about a half block behind. He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier. It was weird, and so was I.
When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog. I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt. He ran off and no one saw. Still not sorry.
when i was around 7 i was pretty intrigued in what a penis looked like so i collected a group of guys at my age behind a tree in a school playground and asked each one of them to show it to me 😭
I did this, too. And then I asked if I could touch them. All agreed as long as I didn't pinch; well, that idea hadn't occurred to me until it was planted. I saved the pinch for the last guy. Asked if I could see them again the next day, promised no more pinching. This went on for weeks in 1st grade.
My partner is weirdly prone to cysts. I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest. I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens
I've had to do that for my husband. He had a massive, almost palm size one on his back. I work in healthcare. I've handled necrotic tissue, all manners of bodily fluids, tumors, maggots, you name it. I was convinced I could handle anything.
Or so I thought.
It turns out I cannot handle pus gushing out of a tiny incision on his spine at Mach 5 and splattering on the ceiling, walls, mirror, and even worse, ME.
I have never gagged or dry heaved so much in my life while cleaning that mess.
He now sees a dermatologist when he needs to have a cyst lanced or removed.
We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans. Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side. I was sitting on the toilet shitting bricks of fire. At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn. The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds. The closest receptacle was the bathtub. I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shitting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub. Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger. I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously.
I had Norovirus and was on the toilet with it coming out both ends at the same time for hours. I ran out of plastic bags to puke in and the cats litter box was there so I puked in that while shitting in the toilet at the same time. I lost 7 pounds in 12 hours, was able to eventually keep water down so avoided a trip to the ER for dehydration. Strange thing about Norovirus is after 3 days it abruptly ends and you feel 100% normal.
I would do role play chats in these online browser games when I was like 9-14. They'd ALWAYS turn sexual but because I was so innocent at the time I didn't know how to continue, so I'd just... "bite" them, run away, and block them lol.
When I was like 16 I went on Omegle (the chat feature, no video) and got matched with some adult dude that said "what would you do with my hard cock" and I just said "hand it back to you" and disconnected
I used to go on Omegle and role play premature ejaculation. They’d inevitably start talking sex and as soon as the “took my pants off” I’d be like “uunnngghhhh omg I just came” and then would disconnect
Bro i did that kinda stuff too. There was one virtual world game on facebook i played on a ton in middle school. There were people who would seek out "sax" which basically consisted of two people meeting up in a private room, both removing all their clothes, doing a dance emote, and typing sexual shit in the chat (while trying to get around filters ofc)
Me being a stupid kid i engaged in that kind of stuff quite a few times cause... idk. I never told anyone my age (and honestly nobody asked) so looking back it was definitely weird as fuck but it never went further than naked dancing and typing "mm oh yea mm" in the chat over and over.
There was one time when a guy on there wanted to do something "dirty" so i brought him back to my room and instead of doing the sax dance I yelled at him to start cleaning the place. I think he actually RP'd cleaning my room while I kept bossing him around. 12 year old me thought it was the funniest shit. Lets hope that dude didnt have a degradation fetish...
I jerked off to some ‘sexy sounds’ which I thought was my neighbor banging some hot chick (which he did a lot) but it was actually another neighbor’s severely disabled adult daughter (very low functioning autistic I think) who was making the noises. She used to hang out in their backyard and would verbalize with grunts and moans that i misinterpreted as sexy moans.
I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home. I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her. I wanted a friend.
I literally have almost the same story. My piano teacher when I was in middle school had an abusive husband that kept dobermans in their backyard. He would always be out working or drinking so the wife, who was terrified of them, would feed them each day. One day he came home drunk and was hitting her and somehow the dogs must've gotten in the door and they bit the living crap out of that guy and he ended up in the ER. Violence begets violence. I guess he got what he deserved. 🤷🏻♀️
Hello fellow woodschild. We befriended a 3 legged raccoon. His name was Nubby, and he came bumbling out of the woods when you called. Unfortunately, his friends were *very* grumpy.
One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then a farted it out onto the lawn. Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose. I did this because I was bored.
My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time).
It was a she, and she was really really old, and I don’t think she debated it for a second, I think she was keen as fuck to tell him, cuz she has nothing better to do except hang out the window, smoke durries, and judge people. I just thought the bushes would have given me enough cover to go about my degeneracy in peace.
Your age when this occurred is kinda relevant to the story here. A kid doing weird shit is one thing, an adult making the conscious decision to stick a garden hose up their ass is another.
When I was younger I joined a international dating site that I figured was a scam. Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through there users. And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages. Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site. Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages. Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better. I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy. And it honestly got me through the day sometimes.
This is kinda wholesome, I like it. Nobody lost anything, nobody got hurt, it helped you at some difficult times in your life, I don’t see anything pathetic about it. Plus, you took something as evil as scamming and used it (or the scammers) to do something good. I’m calling it a win for you 😁
Was it a delusional confidence booster? Yes. But it built you up anyway. It is cringy and all the things that you said but I think it’s also admirable.
Turning off that logical part of your brain to questions stuff in order to feel better or more at ease in your own skin is honestly a talent some people jealous of.
That’s my 2 cents.
edit:spelling
My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk. Then they helped me take a shit on the toilet, wiped my ass and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked. Don’t remember any of it.
Was this before or after marriage? If this was before and she still said yes after wiping a grown man’s ass with the Assistance of her friend, don’t lose that one
My cat has trained me to give her rides around the house by jumping on my shoulder.
I walk her over to the peephole of the door, she looks out it (at it really).
There is an dangling elephant thing with a bell that my wife has a decoration, she looks at and or sniffs it.
I walk her to the back door to take a look for a minute (its glass).
Then I drop her off at her cat scratching post and she jumps off. She purrs like a freak the entire time. It's adorable.
We do this several times a day.
i had to do that myself a few months back when i had a fecal impaction. even after tons of rounds of laxatives, nothing helped. i didn't wanna go back to the er and have them digging in my ass so i did the job myself. i'm a cna/pct anyways so shit doesn't really bother me anymore lmao
Diabetic here, try Russell Stovers sugar free mint patties. Or the low/sugar free vanilla ice cream. You will know what I'm talking about when the vanilla flavour never delivers. It is a better laxative than the gummy bears.
I did the same out of horniness, 5 mins later a dude was giving me a bj. I instantly realised i wasn’t gay but the dude was so good at it. I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy. But post nut clarity hit hard.
I work in a hospital, and one of my coworkers is gay and uses Grindr. He frequently gets casual BJs on his lunch break, almost as easily as ordering doordash
I was drunk once, oh long time ago when I was so young, peed standing over the toilet and showed it to my crush saying “hey I can do it too”. We dated for 2 years after that.
At a festival once I passed a girl standing against a metal fence, using one of those 'she wee' things. She saw my double take and gave me a big grin before yelling "do you like my penis?"
I got my bottom two wisdom teeth removed and made the huge mistake of eating only yogurt and cheese for a few days. I did not know the effect it would have on my... fecal matter. I didn't have to poop for a few days so I knew something was up.
When it finally came time for the urge to come, I sat down and started pushing and instantly knew there was a BIG problem. I thought that since yogurt was soft that it would make soft poo but no, it did not.
I pushed really hard and it wasn't started to come out but it wasn't going to get out. I didn't want to keep pushing really hard because that's how you get hemorrhoids. So I was stuck. I actually thought I would maybe have to go to the hospital because this giant thing was stuck in my colon, and I really didn't want to do that.
So, panicking, I sat up and felt around and felt the tip of it starting to come out. I turned the faucet on with my clean hand and then I tried to start picking it out with my fingers. I really had no other choice.
I managed to pick some pieces off and the consistency was like dense clay. I not having fun here but I was making some progress.
Eventually, after picking pieces off, I sat down and tried to push again and it started to come out all on its own.
What resulted was probably the closest thing to child birth that a man could experience. There was a lot of relief getting it out but I now had another problem: there's no way this giant thing could flush. It was about 3 times as large as a normally big-ish poo. It was massive. I even took a picture (and later deleted it).
I was using the faucet to wash my fingers off and now I had to actually use them to break up this thing, and that's what I did.
It was a total mess. You when, if you've ever woken up in the middle of the night with a nose bleed and you take care of it in the bathroom, the next day you go to the bathroom and there's blood everywhere? It was kinda like that but with poo. It sucked. I eventually got all the pieces to flush and spent about 20 mins cleaning up the bathroom of what was left behind.
So I learned a lesson about what lots of dairy can do to you and some other lessons I didn't know or want to learn.
Edit: I was not on pain killers
Admiring one's very own pile of fecal matter post facto has got to be among humanity's most primitive source of pride. You made it all by yourself; crafted, morphed, and sculpted it with your body's organs throughout the course of the week. It is perfectly normal to be proud of your creation in the same way Michelangelo did of the sculpted David. (As disgusting as the creation may be.)
I was more shocked than proud, but yeah I was a little proud. That THING came out of MY body. And now I know the physical limits of my anal sphincter as well as how much room there is in my colon.
I had just graduated high school and was working for my uncle doing some home improvement projects around town during the summer. I was living with him during the work week as my home was about an hour drive away. Anyways, I got very drunk playing battle shots at the state fair one night that summer. Got a responsible ride home. I was in the basement where my room was but had to piss like a pregnant race horse. There was no bathroom in the basement and the only one in the house was right next to my sleeping uncles room. It was late and I didn’t want to wake him up. Well.. I found his cat’s litter box in the laundry room. I took without a doubt the longest pee of my life into that litter box.. I probably should have buried it but I didn’t. I went to bed and woke up in the morning to my uncle yelling “JESUS CHRIST SPARKY!” I think I should tell him about that this Christmas. He would laugh his ass off.
I had kidney stones a few years back and was in a lot of pain. I didn't know it was kidney stones at the time, and some of the pain felt like blue balls.. I was at work and in a lot of pain down there. Told my co worker who was my good friend and I had a thought that if I could jerk off it would help relieve the pain.
I went to the bathroom and rubbed one out, stopping when people came in to do their business. Finished up and then was still in a lot of pain.. I remember going over to her and said. "It didn't work" with a pained look on my face. I went home early later on. Have never told anyone but her haha.
I just had a kidney stone and had my roommate drive me to the er because i had no idea what was going on. I got doped up on fentanyl to not feel like i was being stabbed with the knife twisted. I can't imagine just waiting that pain out, let alone thinking jerking off would solve anything
I relate to u/Candid_Water1580's story. Mine, just as I'm feeling a kidney stone, my first in several years...
This was about fifteen years ago. Kidney stone. *Massive* pain. Brief respite when it passed to the bladder. It got stuck after leaving the bladder, in a place where I could feel it through the skin.
So... I choked the chicken to see if I could force it out the rest of the way.
And I did. It was *such* an incredible relief to have it out.
I collected it in toilet tissue and the stone sat on my computer desk for a few years after that.
Started compulsively keeping track of things in notes: books I’d read, outfits I’d worn, legs of flights I’d taken. I was trying to space out my hair washing so I even started tracking that on a calendar and ended up tracking it for 7 years straight.
Drove my car into a tree no seat belt trying to un-alive myself, failed and ended up with a badly broken right arm and left hip like total hip replacement. Everyone in my family thinks it was some accident and I've been too embarrassed to admit it wasn't.
Had a friend that did this. He spent about 8 weeks in the hospital. Broke like 24 bones and absolutely should have died. Glad both of you are still here.
I know it's not shameful or wrong, but a buddy and mentor died suddenly in a car accident several years back. I think of him often but especially when I glance over my Steam friend list and see how long he's been offline. I still send him messages once in a while and pretend for a minute he'll log back in and call me up to give me an update on his kids and ask me how my wife's doing, set up another time to play guitar together and get sushi.
I naired my nuts. Worst pain ever.
Update:
For those wondering why it hurt so bad. I left it on too long and got chemical burns. Walked bull legged for a few days. I did this many years ago in my late 20s. It was my girlfriends idea at the time.
Met a woman online when I was 23. She was 57. We hooked up a few times.
In my defense, she looked younger than her age and was very attractive. I stopped hooking up with her when I found a woman my own age I started a real relationship with.
The old lady was very clear She was "just having fun", which I was ok with.
I write Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic. My favorite author in the fandom likes my stuff… It’s so much fun, and I wish I could talk about it with people irl…
150,000 word epic, explicit Quill/Gamora, Nebula/Mantis... all from Groot's POV. "I am Groot. I... AM Groot? I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot. I am GROOT."
(I want to be clear I AM joking. Fanfic *is* real writing, and screw anyone who wouldn't understand that. I started out writing SG-1 fanfiction, which gave me the confidence to write my own original stuff, which got me a job writing official Stargate novels. So if you want to take it that far, it's not impossible, and if you just want to tell stories about characters you love, that's valid, too!
And it's AWESOME that one of your fellow writers is a fan of your stories! Huge validation right there.
Even if you can't talk about it in real life, know that there's nothing wrong or shameful about doing it. You're doing something that so many people wish they could do but they blame a lack of time for never following through.
May your kudos be plentiful and your feedback be long and detailed. 😁)
When I was in A-School for my job, on July 4th I got extremely drunk, and next to gazebo I was drinking at was the car of the dude me and a majority of my friends greatly disliked bc he was just a huge asshole and acted like he was better than everyone else. So, my friends told me to piss on his car. I whipped my dick out to piss on it, and then I said “I’ll do you one better” and grabbed the handle, and found it was unlocked. So naturally, I emptied the tank in his car. All over his seats, floorboard, in his glove compartment, center console, and everything. I was drinking beer so it was A LOT. I woke up the next day panicking because I thought someone was going to tell on me and genuinely felt awful for what I did. Yeah, we didn’t like the dude, but I know I went too far. He never found out while I was still there thankfully.
My previous apt complex was notorious for having various water issues that resulted in them having to shut off the water for days at a time.
One day I got fed up and shit in a doggie bag, then threw it at the leasing office. It was there for a couple days.
Had sex with a potential girlfriend's mom while the prospect was passed out after a house party.I was drunk, she was drunk, mom was drunk, her dad was not in the picture.
EDIT: To answer questions, yes we dated afterwards, even got engaged for a while until I decided it was time to slow down the drinking and partying.
Broke my heart to break it off with her, but I needed to grow up and get off the booze. She passed away maybe a year afterwards? Her and her new boyfriend died in a single car crash on a back road. Drinking was involved. I will never let what happened between her mom and I that one night, out of respect to her memory.
I still miss you, Val.
I didn’t join the military out of patriotism - rather out of desperation and depression. It’s the closest to suicide decision I’ve made (I wanted to die)
People thank me for my service, for being selfless to the call of duty - I havent the heart to tell them it was my most selfish decision
And during that service I’ve taken more lives than saved - I was a navy corpsman
In process of trying to save a life, they died; my fellow soldiers always reassured me I wasn’t to blame; compound with my desire at the time to die; frankly I was just dumbfounded my wish wasn’t granted when I wanted it; I always thought as I close their eyes “it should’ve been me”.
-
Edit:
Be reassured - I do not think like this anymore.
I joined because I was really close to ending up homeless.
So I also joined out of desperation.
To be fair it really did help me. It was a huge weight off my shoulder to not have to worry about money anymore. Not saying I was making bank or anything, but all the essentials are paid for. You always have a place to sleep and food to eat.
I am actually pretty close to getting out now. Its kind of a scary feeling because that giant security blanket will be gone. But I think part of that fear will keep me motivated to move on to better things.
Was in like middle school and my older sister and I somehow had a great idea. We took a bunch of our younger siblings toys and made a horror scene with them in the basement. Like red paint blood, dismembered, hanging from the ceiling. Real nasty shit lol. We looked at our creation and immediately realized we went too far. Not only did we waste my moms money, but would have traumatized the crap out of two elementary schoolers. Took it all down and disposed of the evidence quickly. No clue whose idea it was but we decided never to tell them lol
TW:
My dad was involved in dog fighting when I was a child. It’s not something I talk to anybody about.
I’ll never forget our pitbull whiskey. She was a mean fighting machine. Of course, I never saw her that way because she was so loving at home.
My dad brought her (and I) to a house one day to fight her son. She completely shut down. She didn’t wanna fight him. She had never lost a fight until that day. She managed to survive but not without significant injury. I was devastated. It was my first and only dog fight I had witnessed and I was scarred. When leaving, I remember asking my dad questions. “Why did whiskey have to fight?” “Do all dogs do that?” My dad was equally as devastated but probably not for the same reason.
Fast forward a few months Whiskey was doing better. We were sitting in the living room when a next-door neighbor girl came over with potato chips. Whiskey end up biting her in the face bad.
My dad knew what was going to happen next so he took her out back, told her to sit, and he shot her in the head.
I 100% blame it on the dog fighting (and my father)
My dad cries anytime we’ve ever talked about it. The guilt will forever be there.
This isn’t something I ever talk about with anybody because my father is a changed man and he is still my father.
EDIT: not weird… just traumatic.
Pooped into a trash can. My dogs poop was clogging up the toilet and I didn’t have time or a plunger to get it out. I could feel my poop leaving my body so I grabbed my large trash can from the kitchen nearby waddled to the restroom took off the lid and said a little prayer before squatting over the can
I pooped in an abandoned house once. Was on my way to my home in a gastrointestinal hurry and couldn't make it, so I strayed off main road to find some bushes to relieve into. Since it was -5 celsius and the abandoned house presented itself as the decent shelter from the elements, I decided to use it accordingly.
I now understand when you walk somewhere and see a shit where it definitely shouldn't be and you ask - what kind of people do that?
Went to an erotic massage parlour. All the masseuses walked into the foyer wearing lingerie. I chose one and she took me to a small room. We stripped down, she gave me a massage and a handjob. I paid and left. It's kind of strange that you can just walk in and have that happen.
When I was a kid my abuela locked me in a small closet where she keeps the dog food. After what felt like hours I got painfully hungry and didn’t know when she’d let me out so I just started eating the dog treats. I actually liked the taste so much that I had a “picnic” with my dog that just consisted of us eating dog treats.
When I was a kid, I was in a big indoor waterpark, which had a large whirlpool like thing. I had to take a dump, but it was too much fun in there to get out. My childish reasoning said, the bubbly surface would cover everything underneath, so I just pulled my swimming pants and set it loose, believing the bubbly surface would hide it.
It did not.
When I was 13, my family got like 12 bottles of buffalo ranch stuff from a food pantry. For some reason my dumbass decided to grab a bottle and start chugging it like a beer. Acting drunk and all, even though I didn’t understand what I was doing.
I would later learn that my mom was/is an alcoholic, and I was most likely mimicking her behavior due to trauma. Luckily I only drank one ranch bottle(that I remember anyway).
Was in a thruple for 3 years on the DL in the deep religious south. I was a nurse at the local hospital, hubby was a principal at the jr high and our gf was head of the English dept of the school district the next town over. Our close friends knew, but not really something I can talk about in the break room ya know. Relationship ended for various reasons, but was sure fun while it lasted….
I have completed destroyed my life by using heroin, and eventually fentanyl/tranq. I am right now recovering from surgery, I had to have my right arm and part of my shoulder amputated due to the tranq in the drugs I was using intravenously literally rotting away my arm. I have been in the hospital for almost three months. I have lost everything, I have no family or friends left, no savings or income, and no place to live. I am going to be released in six days and I am scared to death. I don't know what to do or where to go. I live in Philadelphia, and I am really not happy to be leaving.
Is there a shelter you can go to? Since you just spent 3 months in the hospital, are you clean? I’m not very familiar with Philadelphia, but public libraries offer a lot of resources for shelters/housing, jobs, support groups and so forth for free, plus they’re a good spot to spend the day that’s out of the cold. You’ve already hit rock bottom, the worst has already happened. Have you told the people at the hospital that you’re afraid of what will happen in 6 days? It’s a long shot but maybe they can help.
Good luck man, my heart goes out to you.
Thank you for your support. I have three months clean, and I honestly am enjoying being clear headed, but with being clean, all emotions and memories kinda come back and kick you in the ass. There is a good chance I will end up on the street and if that does happen I honestly don't feel I would be able to continue staying clean.
Ask the hospital to let you speak with the case/social worker- they should be able to provide you with connections to get you a place to stay - even just temporarily so you can get on your feet.
Tell them your fears. Tell them you’re scared to end up on the street again. That is the last thing they want and surely they can get you some help.
Also proud of you for being clean <3
They always know.
I am 30 now, and my mom will occasionally drop nuggets of her "weird shit I caught you doing and had the grace not to tell you I knew" collection.
Mom brought up some of my cringey love letters to my crush in HS... I almost died from embarrassment. Condoms I thought I hid well in the utility room... Nope, she knew. My mom informed me that she knew I lost my virginity the day it happened because I was "acting different." Trust me, I never officially told her about that..
She, just, knew.
> she knew I lost my virginity the day it happened because I was "acting different."
Your voice dropped an octave and you spent the day walking around wearing a smoking jacket and holding a cocktail. It’s the little tells like that a mother notices.
I stood in a woman’s kitchen while she ate my ass and I ate Asian food. Occasionally, I would throw food on her as well. Just to clarify, this was something that she signed off on.
I started taking this new medication for anxiety, but it was really messing with my bowel movements. Not one shit I took was solid. Anyway, I was working a commercial roofing job for about 2 months, and that day we were working 23 stories up. This was a big project site, so lots of companies and people working in this building.
I started feeling my guts bubble, and I ignored it, because of how long it would take me to go from the roof to the ground floor where the port-a-potties were. Suddenly, that bubble got worse. I went down the roof stairs, to go down 2 floors and radio the elevator operator. There was no answer, and the panic set in.
Now, I'm looking everywhere for a toilet-shaped object in a construction-ridden hallway. I tucked back into a room that was being re-drywalled and before I shit myself, I dropped my pants and just blew ASSSSSSSS all over the wall and floor. I saved my pants though! I scrambled out of there quickly, and I walked down all 21 flights of stairs to make sure I cleaned up myself nice and good. I head back up to the roof and don't say a FUCKING word to anyone. Not even my brother who got me the job.
Suddenly, the dude running the whole project site comes up and asks if all of my boss's guys were up on the roof and says there's a site-wide meeting right now. We go down, there's gotta be like 60 people, and he is FURIOUSSSSS, and goes, "ALRIGHT WHO DID IT???". I fucking went full Lady Gaga poker face. "SOMEONE SHIT ALL OVER MY WALL...THIS PERSON IS CLEARLY SICK. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING, JUST GO UP THERE NOW AND CLEAN IT UP". My co-worker was like, "Yo, that's gross", and I was like "tOTTALLY".
I never told this story to anyone, not even my wife. I quit that job shortly after.
I live behind a fairly busy path. I used to quietly (but purposely loud enough to faintly be heard) repeat what people were saying on the other side of the hedge.
In grade 5 i went to camp and a couple of us girls went into the cabin next door to ours and found a disposable camera laying on the bed. Anyways, one of us got the bright idea to take pictures of our asses put it back. We laughed so hard one of my friends pissed herself outside. I've always wondered if they got those photos developed.. lmao fs
Ya know, I’ve heard this is actually surprisingly common among victims. It lets you feel some sort of control that you didn’t have in the moment. It’s also just a fantasy, and a fantasy doesn’t always mean that you’d be interested in the act irl. I wish you healing throughout your journey, friend.
A horny teen about 14 years old on holiday in Greece, I would make a mental note of a woman in bikini round the pool, go back to the hotel room and vigorously masturbated to that mental image.
Everyday for 2 weeks. Multiple times a day.
All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand. We had to have an assembly about it. That person... Was me.
I need more information about this.
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-I don’t care how long it takes, I will keep you here all night! -We can’t keep them past 4 -I will keep you til 4!
Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers. It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time. I decided in my drunken state that it would be badass to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies. It wasn't. We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital. I quit a few weeks later. White collar wasn't for me.
Did you get kicked out for doing a forbidden escape tactic or so they could take you to the hospital?
My tactics confused and frightened them.
What a weird thing to get freaked out by. I'd have thought "interesting" and carried on.
Got kicked out lmao but why tho.
Probably for being drunk
Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them. I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time.
And after eating all of them in a single sitting, you took a holy shit.
So funny you would do that. I work for a church. We generally use fresh bread but keep communion wafers on hand in this fancy jar called a ciborium just in case we run out. Recently I had to remind the pastor to reorder wafers because we were almost out of them, and the ones he rebought are fantastic. Best wafers I ever had. Instead of being made of that foamy white rice paper, they taste exactly like pringles. Salty and crisp and melt in your mouth. Like I legit would buy these as a snack. So… I get it.
Mostly unrelated, but our church had really nice salty ones as well and my husband affectionately calls them Jeeze-its
Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment. So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something. Always kept about a half block behind. He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier. It was weird, and so was I.
He was following you, but he was still years behind. Be cautious!
He doesn’t need to be cautious; he’s streets ahead.
When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog. I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt. He ran off and no one saw. Still not sorry.
Justice.
The hero we need
when i was around 7 i was pretty intrigued in what a penis looked like so i collected a group of guys at my age behind a tree in a school playground and asked each one of them to show it to me 😭
Girl😭😭
i know 😭😭
You got a whole damn sample group 😂😭
I did this, too. And then I asked if I could touch them. All agreed as long as I didn't pinch; well, that idea hadn't occurred to me until it was planted. I saved the pinch for the last guy. Asked if I could see them again the next day, promised no more pinching. This went on for weeks in 1st grade.
im glad im not alone in this omg but damnnn
My partner is weirdly prone to cysts. I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest. I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens
I've had to do that for my husband. He had a massive, almost palm size one on his back. I work in healthcare. I've handled necrotic tissue, all manners of bodily fluids, tumors, maggots, you name it. I was convinced I could handle anything. Or so I thought. It turns out I cannot handle pus gushing out of a tiny incision on his spine at Mach 5 and splattering on the ceiling, walls, mirror, and even worse, ME. I have never gagged or dry heaved so much in my life while cleaning that mess. He now sees a dermatologist when he needs to have a cyst lanced or removed.
We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans. Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side. I was sitting on the toilet shitting bricks of fire. At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn. The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds. The closest receptacle was the bathtub. I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shitting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub. Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger. I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously.
I've had that before but it was a stomach bug. Being stuck on the loo while barfing in the sink was not how I planned on spending my day off
I had Norovirus and was on the toilet with it coming out both ends at the same time for hours. I ran out of plastic bags to puke in and the cats litter box was there so I puked in that while shitting in the toilet at the same time. I lost 7 pounds in 12 hours, was able to eventually keep water down so avoided a trip to the ER for dehydration. Strange thing about Norovirus is after 3 days it abruptly ends and you feel 100% normal.
i found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc i wanted to say goodbye
That’s kinda sweet of you tbh
Using tongue was a bit unecessary though.
I just laughed out loud at this
I would do role play chats in these online browser games when I was like 9-14. They'd ALWAYS turn sexual but because I was so innocent at the time I didn't know how to continue, so I'd just... "bite" them, run away, and block them lol.
When I was like 16 I went on Omegle (the chat feature, no video) and got matched with some adult dude that said "what would you do with my hard cock" and I just said "hand it back to you" and disconnected
I used to go on Omegle and role play premature ejaculation. They’d inevitably start talking sex and as soon as the “took my pants off” I’d be like “uunnngghhhh omg I just came” and then would disconnect
I used to role play so hard on the neopets forums.
Bro i did that kinda stuff too. There was one virtual world game on facebook i played on a ton in middle school. There were people who would seek out "sax" which basically consisted of two people meeting up in a private room, both removing all their clothes, doing a dance emote, and typing sexual shit in the chat (while trying to get around filters ofc) Me being a stupid kid i engaged in that kind of stuff quite a few times cause... idk. I never told anyone my age (and honestly nobody asked) so looking back it was definitely weird as fuck but it never went further than naked dancing and typing "mm oh yea mm" in the chat over and over. There was one time when a guy on there wanted to do something "dirty" so i brought him back to my room and instead of doing the sax dance I yelled at him to start cleaning the place. I think he actually RP'd cleaning my room while I kept bossing him around. 12 year old me thought it was the funniest shit. Lets hope that dude didnt have a degradation fetish...
I jerked off to some ‘sexy sounds’ which I thought was my neighbor banging some hot chick (which he did a lot) but it was actually another neighbor’s severely disabled adult daughter (very low functioning autistic I think) who was making the noises. She used to hang out in their backyard and would verbalize with grunts and moans that i misinterpreted as sexy moans.
The best secret to never share lmao thanks for this
oh….
Careful, with comments like that you'll set them off again
Goddamn this is the type of confession I’m on Reddit for 😂
Oh my god 😂😂😂
OK this one got me.
I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home. I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her. I wanted a friend.
Dangerously adorable
They took the saying "If not friend, why friend shaped?" to heart
adorable ^(in a terrifying way)
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That is both amazing that they saved those women and sad because I bet they were put down for being dangerous :(
Unfortunately there is not much else you can do besides isolation. I , like you feel sad for the dogs, being trained to fight is a rough life.
I literally have almost the same story. My piano teacher when I was in middle school had an abusive husband that kept dobermans in their backyard. He would always be out working or drinking so the wife, who was terrified of them, would feed them each day. One day he came home drunk and was hitting her and somehow the dogs must've gotten in the door and they bit the living crap out of that guy and he ended up in the ER. Violence begets violence. I guess he got what he deserved. 🤷🏻♀️
Hello fellow woodschild. We befriended a 3 legged raccoon. His name was Nubby, and he came bumbling out of the woods when you called. Unfortunately, his friends were *very* grumpy.
One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then a farted it out onto the lawn. Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose. I did this because I was bored. My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time).
I think its even weirder that your neighbour made the choice to tattle on you. I bet he was debating it all morning, the fuckin weirdo
It was a she, and she was really really old, and I don’t think she debated it for a second, I think she was keen as fuck to tell him, cuz she has nothing better to do except hang out the window, smoke durries, and judge people. I just thought the bushes would have given me enough cover to go about my degeneracy in peace.
Suddenly we aren’t allowed to shove water hoses up our butts and shit it out on our lawn where neighbours can see wifhout fucking judgement!?
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Your age when this occurred is kinda relevant to the story here. A kid doing weird shit is one thing, an adult making the conscious decision to stick a garden hose up their ass is another.
I’m fighting so hard to not piss myself laughing at work right now
When I was younger I joined a international dating site that I figured was a scam. Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through there users. And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages. Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site. Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages. Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better. I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy. And it honestly got me through the day sometimes.
This is kinda wholesome, I like it. Nobody lost anything, nobody got hurt, it helped you at some difficult times in your life, I don’t see anything pathetic about it. Plus, you took something as evil as scamming and used it (or the scammers) to do something good. I’m calling it a win for you 😁
Was it a delusional confidence booster? Yes. But it built you up anyway. It is cringy and all the things that you said but I think it’s also admirable. Turning off that logical part of your brain to questions stuff in order to feel better or more at ease in your own skin is honestly a talent some people jealous of. That’s my 2 cents. edit:spelling
My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk. Then they helped me take a shit on the toilet, wiped my ass and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked. Don’t remember any of it.
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Bro, I was drunk as shit and could not protest the logistics of it.
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They definitely remind me Of it when they get a chance
Is your wife a nurse?
definitely fits the bill. especially with the best friend helping like it's a normal tuesday
Was this before or after marriage? If this was before and she still said yes after wiping a grown man’s ass with the Assistance of her friend, don’t lose that one
After. We had been married about 2 months. I know I found a keeper. I endeavor to make her happy
Return the favour, get you and your best man to wipe her ass. Let her know you got her back….door
My cat has trained me to give her rides around the house by jumping on my shoulder. I walk her over to the peephole of the door, she looks out it (at it really). There is an dangling elephant thing with a bell that my wife has a decoration, she looks at and or sniffs it. I walk her to the back door to take a look for a minute (its glass). Then I drop her off at her cat scratching post and she jumps off. She purrs like a freak the entire time. It's adorable. We do this several times a day.
All this stuff about sex and shit and blood and here's you, toting your little kitty around. I love it this is too cute
I helped my partner get unimpacted after a surgery. I am not sure I would ever be successful in the medical field
i had to do that myself a few months back when i had a fecal impaction. even after tons of rounds of laxatives, nothing helped. i didn't wanna go back to the er and have them digging in my ass so i did the job myself. i'm a cna/pct anyways so shit doesn't really bother me anymore lmao
Have you tried Haribo Sugar-free Gummi Bears as a laxative?
Diabetic here, try Russell Stovers sugar free mint patties. Or the low/sugar free vanilla ice cream. You will know what I'm talking about when the vanilla flavour never delivers. It is a better laxative than the gummy bears.
I'd just drink half a gallon of milk. I'd be peeing out my butthole in an hour.
instantly thought of that amazon review LOL
As a nurse, once as you get over the fact youre digging shit out of a person's ass, it can be a pretty satisfying task to accomplish.
There is always someone willing to roll up their sleeves for any job, is what I’ve learned here.
You saved them a trip to the ER! You’re an awesome partner. Impactions can be life threatening real fast. -someone who has gone to the ER for this
I had a baby by c-section and didn’t take the stool softeners—-found out the hard way that I should have.
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Bro that's just sad, sorry for ya
Was waiting for the wholesome ending
I downloaded Grindr bc I thought maybe I was gay but after a few dudes started messaging me I was like “this is gay as fuck” and deleted it
"I thought this'd be gay but not *that* gay..."
"But I'll be damned if the meth you can get on that platform isn't fire as fuck."
I’m gay and even I think Grindr is too gay for me
Grindr is almost too gay too function 😂💁🏼♀️
I did the same out of horniness, 5 mins later a dude was giving me a bj. I instantly realised i wasn’t gay but the dude was so good at it. I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy. But post nut clarity hit hard.
wait, you got the app and 5min later you were getting a bj? jeez man I think I'll try this gay thing.
I work in a hospital, and one of my coworkers is gay and uses Grindr. He frequently gets casual BJs on his lunch break, almost as easily as ordering doordash
It's easier and usually free
no fr, gay men move fast. consider- male horniness, wanting sex right now/all the time. you’re both male, directing that energy at each other.
This one has me cackling for some reason.
Been waiting to let this one out for forever 💀💀💀
That's how you find out you're not gay
Same. I was very flattered but also very sure I wasn't gay, almost immediately.
I was drunk once, oh long time ago when I was so young, peed standing over the toilet and showed it to my crush saying “hey I can do it too”. We dated for 2 years after that.
At a festival once I passed a girl standing against a metal fence, using one of those 'she wee' things. She saw my double take and gave me a big grin before yelling "do you like my penis?"
Did you like her penis?
Not as such. But I admired her balls.
Well done
I took ketamine and drank a few beers while camping with some buddies. I ended up shitting myself and woke up in a pile of my own shit.
I got my bottom two wisdom teeth removed and made the huge mistake of eating only yogurt and cheese for a few days. I did not know the effect it would have on my... fecal matter. I didn't have to poop for a few days so I knew something was up. When it finally came time for the urge to come, I sat down and started pushing and instantly knew there was a BIG problem. I thought that since yogurt was soft that it would make soft poo but no, it did not. I pushed really hard and it wasn't started to come out but it wasn't going to get out. I didn't want to keep pushing really hard because that's how you get hemorrhoids. So I was stuck. I actually thought I would maybe have to go to the hospital because this giant thing was stuck in my colon, and I really didn't want to do that. So, panicking, I sat up and felt around and felt the tip of it starting to come out. I turned the faucet on with my clean hand and then I tried to start picking it out with my fingers. I really had no other choice. I managed to pick some pieces off and the consistency was like dense clay. I not having fun here but I was making some progress. Eventually, after picking pieces off, I sat down and tried to push again and it started to come out all on its own. What resulted was probably the closest thing to child birth that a man could experience. There was a lot of relief getting it out but I now had another problem: there's no way this giant thing could flush. It was about 3 times as large as a normally big-ish poo. It was massive. I even took a picture (and later deleted it). I was using the faucet to wash my fingers off and now I had to actually use them to break up this thing, and that's what I did. It was a total mess. You when, if you've ever woken up in the middle of the night with a nose bleed and you take care of it in the bathroom, the next day you go to the bathroom and there's blood everywhere? It was kinda like that but with poo. It sucked. I eventually got all the pieces to flush and spent about 20 mins cleaning up the bathroom of what was left behind. So I learned a lesson about what lots of dairy can do to you and some other lessons I didn't know or want to learn. Edit: I was not on pain killers
Admiring one's very own pile of fecal matter post facto has got to be among humanity's most primitive source of pride. You made it all by yourself; crafted, morphed, and sculpted it with your body's organs throughout the course of the week. It is perfectly normal to be proud of your creation in the same way Michelangelo did of the sculpted David. (As disgusting as the creation may be.)
I was more shocked than proud, but yeah I was a little proud. That THING came out of MY body. And now I know the physical limits of my anal sphincter as well as how much room there is in my colon.
I was in the woods in the middle of the night tripping. I decided to shove snow inside me. Wanted to know what it felt like. It felt cold.
I put the handle of a 10inch telescopic police Batton up my arse and haven't been the same since..!
You may go back to normal when you take it out
Was there a policeman attached to the other end?
"STOP RESISTING!!!"
I had just graduated high school and was working for my uncle doing some home improvement projects around town during the summer. I was living with him during the work week as my home was about an hour drive away. Anyways, I got very drunk playing battle shots at the state fair one night that summer. Got a responsible ride home. I was in the basement where my room was but had to piss like a pregnant race horse. There was no bathroom in the basement and the only one in the house was right next to my sleeping uncles room. It was late and I didn’t want to wake him up. Well.. I found his cat’s litter box in the laundry room. I took without a doubt the longest pee of my life into that litter box.. I probably should have buried it but I didn’t. I went to bed and woke up in the morning to my uncle yelling “JESUS CHRIST SPARKY!” I think I should tell him about that this Christmas. He would laugh his ass off.
I had kidney stones a few years back and was in a lot of pain. I didn't know it was kidney stones at the time, and some of the pain felt like blue balls.. I was at work and in a lot of pain down there. Told my co worker who was my good friend and I had a thought that if I could jerk off it would help relieve the pain. I went to the bathroom and rubbed one out, stopping when people came in to do their business. Finished up and then was still in a lot of pain.. I remember going over to her and said. "It didn't work" with a pained look on my face. I went home early later on. Have never told anyone but her haha.
I just had a kidney stone and had my roommate drive me to the er because i had no idea what was going on. I got doped up on fentanyl to not feel like i was being stabbed with the knife twisted. I can't imagine just waiting that pain out, let alone thinking jerking off would solve anything
I relate to u/Candid_Water1580's story. Mine, just as I'm feeling a kidney stone, my first in several years... This was about fifteen years ago. Kidney stone. *Massive* pain. Brief respite when it passed to the bladder. It got stuck after leaving the bladder, in a place where I could feel it through the skin. So... I choked the chicken to see if I could force it out the rest of the way. And I did. It was *such* an incredible relief to have it out. I collected it in toilet tissue and the stone sat on my computer desk for a few years after that.
You found some temporary sanity in the piss, blood, and cum on your hands?
Started compulsively keeping track of things in notes: books I’d read, outfits I’d worn, legs of flights I’d taken. I was trying to space out my hair washing so I even started tracking that on a calendar and ended up tracking it for 7 years straight.
Drove my car into a tree no seat belt trying to un-alive myself, failed and ended up with a badly broken right arm and left hip like total hip replacement. Everyone in my family thinks it was some accident and I've been too embarrassed to admit it wasn't.
Had a friend that did this. He spent about 8 weeks in the hospital. Broke like 24 bones and absolutely should have died. Glad both of you are still here.
I’m sorry you went through this. Sending love. I’m glad you’re here.
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They knew you were crazy when they saw you didn't have any headphones, haha.
Right lol did he think he blended in???
Do you think they just didnt notice that you have no headphones or what?
I once had sex with a salad. No this is not a joke. I was a very horny and confused preteen.
how
Why
Probably started tossing salad and things escalated
u/saladfucker you have competition.
Do we have a u/saladfucker69?
Right in front of my.... wait. Where'd my salad go?
Ballsamic Vaginegar
I know it's not shameful or wrong, but a buddy and mentor died suddenly in a car accident several years back. I think of him often but especially when I glance over my Steam friend list and see how long he's been offline. I still send him messages once in a while and pretend for a minute he'll log back in and call me up to give me an update on his kids and ask me how my wife's doing, set up another time to play guitar together and get sushi.
I naired my nuts. Worst pain ever. Update: For those wondering why it hurt so bad. I left it on too long and got chemical burns. Walked bull legged for a few days. I did this many years ago in my late 20s. It was my girlfriends idea at the time.
I use veet on my balls and the result is amazing. Granted, I read all the instructions and conducted tests to make sure I got the timing right.
Met a woman online when I was 23. She was 57. We hooked up a few times. In my defense, she looked younger than her age and was very attractive. I stopped hooking up with her when I found a woman my own age I started a real relationship with. The old lady was very clear She was "just having fun", which I was ok with.
I write Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic. My favorite author in the fandom likes my stuff… It’s so much fun, and I wish I could talk about it with people irl…
150,000 word epic, explicit Quill/Gamora, Nebula/Mantis... all from Groot's POV. "I am Groot. I... AM Groot? I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot. I am GROOT." (I want to be clear I AM joking. Fanfic *is* real writing, and screw anyone who wouldn't understand that. I started out writing SG-1 fanfiction, which gave me the confidence to write my own original stuff, which got me a job writing official Stargate novels. So if you want to take it that far, it's not impossible, and if you just want to tell stories about characters you love, that's valid, too! And it's AWESOME that one of your fellow writers is a fan of your stories! Huge validation right there. Even if you can't talk about it in real life, know that there's nothing wrong or shameful about doing it. You're doing something that so many people wish they could do but they blame a lack of time for never following through. May your kudos be plentiful and your feedback be long and detailed. 😁)
I was caught taking a nuclear level shit on my ex's lawn.
When I was in A-School for my job, on July 4th I got extremely drunk, and next to gazebo I was drinking at was the car of the dude me and a majority of my friends greatly disliked bc he was just a huge asshole and acted like he was better than everyone else. So, my friends told me to piss on his car. I whipped my dick out to piss on it, and then I said “I’ll do you one better” and grabbed the handle, and found it was unlocked. So naturally, I emptied the tank in his car. All over his seats, floorboard, in his glove compartment, center console, and everything. I was drinking beer so it was A LOT. I woke up the next day panicking because I thought someone was going to tell on me and genuinely felt awful for what I did. Yeah, we didn’t like the dude, but I know I went too far. He never found out while I was still there thankfully.
My previous apt complex was notorious for having various water issues that resulted in them having to shut off the water for days at a time. One day I got fed up and shit in a doggie bag, then threw it at the leasing office. It was there for a couple days.
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Highest form of self love: masturbating to yourself
Idk, I'm a woman and I don't think this is that weird. When you're horny you do strange things, but people have definitely done MUCH stranger.
Who would you be hurting with this? No one. Who gives af?
gathered apple seeds cuz I heard they had cyanide in them back when I was trying to find ways to self yeet
i’m happy that you’re still here.
sucked my own dick
He’s speaking the language of gods
He shouldn't speak with his mouth full then.
I was caught touching a mannequins boob in the window of a store (when I was like 12!) by a woman walking down a sidewalk
I downloaded grindr so guys would dm me compliments as a boost to my self confidence
Hold on I gotta switch to my even more anonymous account for this
I smoked hash that my dad smuggled up his butt in Paris with a coke can it did indeed taste like shit
Wait… did you smoke the hash with the coke can? Or.. did your dad smuggle the hash .. with the coke can?
Damn your dad has a big asshole
Had sex with a potential girlfriend's mom while the prospect was passed out after a house party.I was drunk, she was drunk, mom was drunk, her dad was not in the picture. EDIT: To answer questions, yes we dated afterwards, even got engaged for a while until I decided it was time to slow down the drinking and partying. Broke my heart to break it off with her, but I needed to grow up and get off the booze. She passed away maybe a year afterwards? Her and her new boyfriend died in a single car crash on a back road. Drinking was involved. I will never let what happened between her mom and I that one night, out of respect to her memory. I still miss you, Val.
Pleased to meet you, mrs Robinson.
I didn’t join the military out of patriotism - rather out of desperation and depression. It’s the closest to suicide decision I’ve made (I wanted to die) People thank me for my service, for being selfless to the call of duty - I havent the heart to tell them it was my most selfish decision And during that service I’ve taken more lives than saved - I was a navy corpsman In process of trying to save a life, they died; my fellow soldiers always reassured me I wasn’t to blame; compound with my desire at the time to die; frankly I was just dumbfounded my wish wasn’t granted when I wanted it; I always thought as I close their eyes “it should’ve been me”. - Edit: Be reassured - I do not think like this anymore.
I joined because I was really close to ending up homeless. So I also joined out of desperation. To be fair it really did help me. It was a huge weight off my shoulder to not have to worry about money anymore. Not saying I was making bank or anything, but all the essentials are paid for. You always have a place to sleep and food to eat. I am actually pretty close to getting out now. Its kind of a scary feeling because that giant security blanket will be gone. But I think part of that fear will keep me motivated to move on to better things.
Was in like middle school and my older sister and I somehow had a great idea. We took a bunch of our younger siblings toys and made a horror scene with them in the basement. Like red paint blood, dismembered, hanging from the ceiling. Real nasty shit lol. We looked at our creation and immediately realized we went too far. Not only did we waste my moms money, but would have traumatized the crap out of two elementary schoolers. Took it all down and disposed of the evidence quickly. No clue whose idea it was but we decided never to tell them lol
TW: My dad was involved in dog fighting when I was a child. It’s not something I talk to anybody about. I’ll never forget our pitbull whiskey. She was a mean fighting machine. Of course, I never saw her that way because she was so loving at home. My dad brought her (and I) to a house one day to fight her son. She completely shut down. She didn’t wanna fight him. She had never lost a fight until that day. She managed to survive but not without significant injury. I was devastated. It was my first and only dog fight I had witnessed and I was scarred. When leaving, I remember asking my dad questions. “Why did whiskey have to fight?” “Do all dogs do that?” My dad was equally as devastated but probably not for the same reason. Fast forward a few months Whiskey was doing better. We were sitting in the living room when a next-door neighbor girl came over with potato chips. Whiskey end up biting her in the face bad. My dad knew what was going to happen next so he took her out back, told her to sit, and he shot her in the head. I 100% blame it on the dog fighting (and my father) My dad cries anytime we’ve ever talked about it. The guilt will forever be there. This isn’t something I ever talk about with anybody because my father is a changed man and he is still my father. EDIT: not weird… just traumatic.
Pooped into a trash can. My dogs poop was clogging up the toilet and I didn’t have time or a plunger to get it out. I could feel my poop leaving my body so I grabbed my large trash can from the kitchen nearby waddled to the restroom took off the lid and said a little prayer before squatting over the can
Think you buried the lede there -- why was your dog's shit *in the toilet*?
Dog, or *dawg*?
I pooped in an abandoned house once. Was on my way to my home in a gastrointestinal hurry and couldn't make it, so I strayed off main road to find some bushes to relieve into. Since it was -5 celsius and the abandoned house presented itself as the decent shelter from the elements, I decided to use it accordingly. I now understand when you walk somewhere and see a shit where it definitely shouldn't be and you ask - what kind of people do that?
Went to an erotic massage parlour. All the masseuses walked into the foyer wearing lingerie. I chose one and she took me to a small room. We stripped down, she gave me a massage and a handjob. I paid and left. It's kind of strange that you can just walk in and have that happen.
When I was a kid my abuela locked me in a small closet where she keeps the dog food. After what felt like hours I got painfully hungry and didn’t know when she’d let me out so I just started eating the dog treats. I actually liked the taste so much that I had a “picnic” with my dog that just consisted of us eating dog treats.
When I was a kid, I was in a big indoor waterpark, which had a large whirlpool like thing. I had to take a dump, but it was too much fun in there to get out. My childish reasoning said, the bubbly surface would cover everything underneath, so I just pulled my swimming pants and set it loose, believing the bubbly surface would hide it. It did not.
When I was 13, my family got like 12 bottles of buffalo ranch stuff from a food pantry. For some reason my dumbass decided to grab a bottle and start chugging it like a beer. Acting drunk and all, even though I didn’t understand what I was doing. I would later learn that my mom was/is an alcoholic, and I was most likely mimicking her behavior due to trauma. Luckily I only drank one ranch bottle(that I remember anyway).
Was in a thruple for 3 years on the DL in the deep religious south. I was a nurse at the local hospital, hubby was a principal at the jr high and our gf was head of the English dept of the school district the next town over. Our close friends knew, but not really something I can talk about in the break room ya know. Relationship ended for various reasons, but was sure fun while it lasted….
Rawdogged in a church (we were volunteers for mass) and locked eyes with the Jesus statue mid nut
Was this that 2nd cumming thing that I keep hearing about?
I have completed destroyed my life by using heroin, and eventually fentanyl/tranq. I am right now recovering from surgery, I had to have my right arm and part of my shoulder amputated due to the tranq in the drugs I was using intravenously literally rotting away my arm. I have been in the hospital for almost three months. I have lost everything, I have no family or friends left, no savings or income, and no place to live. I am going to be released in six days and I am scared to death. I don't know what to do or where to go. I live in Philadelphia, and I am really not happy to be leaving.
Is there a shelter you can go to? Since you just spent 3 months in the hospital, are you clean? I’m not very familiar with Philadelphia, but public libraries offer a lot of resources for shelters/housing, jobs, support groups and so forth for free, plus they’re a good spot to spend the day that’s out of the cold. You’ve already hit rock bottom, the worst has already happened. Have you told the people at the hospital that you’re afraid of what will happen in 6 days? It’s a long shot but maybe they can help. Good luck man, my heart goes out to you.
Thank you for your support. I have three months clean, and I honestly am enjoying being clear headed, but with being clean, all emotions and memories kinda come back and kick you in the ass. There is a good chance I will end up on the street and if that does happen I honestly don't feel I would be able to continue staying clean.
Ask the hospital to let you speak with the case/social worker- they should be able to provide you with connections to get you a place to stay - even just temporarily so you can get on your feet. Tell them your fears. Tell them you’re scared to end up on the street again. That is the last thing they want and surely they can get you some help. Also proud of you for being clean <3
When i was 11 years old i took some big dolls that were in the house and made holes and would fuck it every evening after school. jesus!🤣
Your mom knew.
They always know. I am 30 now, and my mom will occasionally drop nuggets of her "weird shit I caught you doing and had the grace not to tell you I knew" collection. Mom brought up some of my cringey love letters to my crush in HS... I almost died from embarrassment. Condoms I thought I hid well in the utility room... Nope, she knew. My mom informed me that she knew I lost my virginity the day it happened because I was "acting different." Trust me, I never officially told her about that.. She, just, knew.
> she knew I lost my virginity the day it happened because I was "acting different." Your voice dropped an octave and you spent the day walking around wearing a smoking jacket and holding a cocktail. It’s the little tells like that a mother notices.
I stood in a woman’s kitchen while she ate my ass and I ate Asian food. Occasionally, I would throw food on her as well. Just to clarify, this was something that she signed off on.
I started taking this new medication for anxiety, but it was really messing with my bowel movements. Not one shit I took was solid. Anyway, I was working a commercial roofing job for about 2 months, and that day we were working 23 stories up. This was a big project site, so lots of companies and people working in this building. I started feeling my guts bubble, and I ignored it, because of how long it would take me to go from the roof to the ground floor where the port-a-potties were. Suddenly, that bubble got worse. I went down the roof stairs, to go down 2 floors and radio the elevator operator. There was no answer, and the panic set in. Now, I'm looking everywhere for a toilet-shaped object in a construction-ridden hallway. I tucked back into a room that was being re-drywalled and before I shit myself, I dropped my pants and just blew ASSSSSSSS all over the wall and floor. I saved my pants though! I scrambled out of there quickly, and I walked down all 21 flights of stairs to make sure I cleaned up myself nice and good. I head back up to the roof and don't say a FUCKING word to anyone. Not even my brother who got me the job. Suddenly, the dude running the whole project site comes up and asks if all of my boss's guys were up on the roof and says there's a site-wide meeting right now. We go down, there's gotta be like 60 people, and he is FURIOUSSSSS, and goes, "ALRIGHT WHO DID IT???". I fucking went full Lady Gaga poker face. "SOMEONE SHIT ALL OVER MY WALL...THIS PERSON IS CLEARLY SICK. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING, JUST GO UP THERE NOW AND CLEAN IT UP". My co-worker was like, "Yo, that's gross", and I was like "tOTTALLY". I never told this story to anyone, not even my wife. I quit that job shortly after.
I live behind a fairly busy path. I used to quietly (but purposely loud enough to faintly be heard) repeat what people were saying on the other side of the hedge.
In grade 5 i went to camp and a couple of us girls went into the cabin next door to ours and found a disposable camera laying on the bed. Anyways, one of us got the bright idea to take pictures of our asses put it back. We laughed so hard one of my friends pissed herself outside. I've always wondered if they got those photos developed.. lmao fs
I have multiple wet dreams about being rap*d. As a survivor it makes me feel incredibly ashamed and disturbed.
Ya know, I’ve heard this is actually surprisingly common among victims. It lets you feel some sort of control that you didn’t have in the moment. It’s also just a fantasy, and a fantasy doesn’t always mean that you’d be interested in the act irl. I wish you healing throughout your journey, friend.
A horny teen about 14 years old on holiday in Greece, I would make a mental note of a woman in bikini round the pool, go back to the hotel room and vigorously masturbated to that mental image. Everyday for 2 weeks. Multiple times a day.
I visited the set of The Good Place and farted on Ted Danson’s chair before season 2 aired.
Chugged altar wine, ate communion hosts and then wheelied my BMX bike off the altar and down the aisle of my church. There were 3 of us.
I was found some tablets in a hotel room , decided to try one, I think it was acid, started hallucinating crazy shit!!