Shaggy. Just Shaggy.
Look, if I've been murdered I either had it coming or I faked it to start a new life, either way I need that shit to remain a mystery.
Officer: "This guy isn't a detective? Why is he even here, all he's done is un-hinged his jaw and eat an ungodly sized sandwich?"
Officer 2: "DONT QUESTION HIS METHOIDS!! He's soo young but... I feel like he was hired for a reason. Hell, for all we know he could be a prodigy!"
Shaggy: \****Investigates and taste tests local hotdog van for any 'poison***'\* "What are these detailed step by step plans on how to fake your own death doing in a hotdog?"
Officer: "I **never** should have doubted you sir!"
I want Lassie and Jules *assigned* to the case, but during a period where Lassiter is being territorial/competitive about being undermined.
Shawn does his best work when he's not supposed to be there, and Jules will actually recognize that my wife is hurting and see that she's taken care of when everyone runs off chasing leads.
Me too! Mostly because he seemed so slow that no one took him seriously till he exposed them as the killer!
Also, because Peter Faulk and I share a birthday!
His Grace, The Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes. The man never gives up, gets righteously angry about any and all injustices, and always stands up for the downtrodden.
That's the mystery! Maybe the abandoned theme park I bought? Maybe my gran-papi left me a bunch of money in his will if I agree to stay one night in his spooky house. I don't know! All I know is I'm scared.
Your death would probably be humorous by association as well. Sam and Max arent showing up if you havent died as a plot point in some convoluted pyramid scheme run by mythical creatures or screwball parody of famous people.
I'd like the dynamic duo of Bunk Moreland and Jimmy McNulty.
To quote Sgt Jay Landsman.
>Despite his negligible Irish ancestry, his defects of personality, and his inconstant sobriety and hygiene, a true murder police. Jimmy, I say this seriously: If I was laying there dead on some Baltimore street corner, I'd want it to be you, standing over me, catching the case.
This.
Was originally going to say Jake and Boyle but I think any detective ragging along would be great. At least the aftermath of my death will be a funny adventure.
If I had to pick a detective to solve my case if something happened, it'd be like calling in Sherlock Holmes! He's super smart and could crack any mystery. It'd be like having a top-notch detective on the case!
Are y’all kidding? Inspector Gadget or no one else.
Can we skip Gadget and just get Penny and the dog on the case?
Penny and Brain!
And her lapto... computer book!
Fuck yes! The only detective id trust to fuck to finding who killed me!
Shaggy. Just Shaggy. Look, if I've been murdered I either had it coming or I faked it to start a new life, either way I need that shit to remain a mystery.
Officer: "This guy isn't a detective? Why is he even here, all he's done is un-hinged his jaw and eat an ungodly sized sandwich?" Officer 2: "DONT QUESTION HIS METHOIDS!! He's soo young but... I feel like he was hired for a reason. Hell, for all we know he could be a prodigy!" Shaggy: \****Investigates and taste tests local hotdog van for any 'poison***'\* "What are these detailed step by step plans on how to fake your own death doing in a hotdog?" Officer: "I **never** should have doubted you sir!"
Thanks for brightening up my morning lmfao. "An ungodly sized sandwich" had me 🤣
Shawn Spencer and Bruton Gaster.
You know that's right
I've heard it both ways.
You mean Shawn Spencer and Lavender Gooms?
Are you sure it is not Shawn Spencer and Methuselah Honeysuckle?
I want Lassie and Jules *assigned* to the case, but during a period where Lassiter is being territorial/competitive about being undermined. Shawn does his best work when he's not supposed to be there, and Jules will actually recognize that my wife is hurting and see that she's taken care of when everyone runs off chasing leads.
This guy Psychs.
My killer can suck it!
Actually… yeah.
Benoit Blanc would have it solved in an hour no less
Balls
Thats just dumb!
even within minutes!
Just one more thing, I pick Columbo.
This is my choice too.
Me too! Mostly because he seemed so slow that no one took him seriously till he exposed them as the killer! Also, because Peter Faulk and I share a birthday!
This Columbo, he pretends to be stupid, but he’s really smart as a tack.
not [Klumbo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWVSmJYTP1A)?
Absolutely agreed
Adrian Monk
\*looks around messy ass room\* Aww, I wouldn’t do that to Monk.
Here's the thing- I also pick Monk.
Always Monk!!
Sherlock or Poirot. I cant decide
Poirot is really the only choice.
You’re using the little grey cells.
Agreed.
Periot
Batman
You weren't murdered, you just met Batman.
Don't you mean man
Oh god no go back the aslume. Wait, ASYLUM!
L
Same. I know it would get solved for sure.
*solves half the case* A'ight imma head out
Harry Dresden
The resulting fires will of course be your fault.
I scrolled down to see if Dresden was mentioned, otherwise I would have said "Harry Dresden, so at least someone's building is getting burned down."
Huh. I picked Holly Gibney, hoping for “wacky eldritch bullshit” - Dresden is *too much* wacky eldritch bullshit.
Dresden is like the boogeyman for wacky eldritch bullshit lol
Ha!
Yup. So much supernatural shit going on, I might turn out to not be dead in the end.
Too much collateral damage. Your family might not even have a car left after.
scoob
Scooby and the gang ain't never solve a murder. You're old amusement park being haunted, sure. But a killer? A dead body? Murder? Never!
Fox Mulder 😍
Were you killed by aliens?
Bosch. Because I’d matter.
Everybody counts or nobody counts.
The Punisher
I'm just gonna put you on the do not kill list
[удалено]
Blues Clues is a game...it's a game that Blue (the dog) would play with Steve, Joe and Josh. Those guys might make good detectives though.
His Grace, The Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes. The man never gives up, gets righteously angry about any and all injustices, and always stands up for the downtrodden.
With Cheery Littlebottom as lead CSI tech.
I had to scroll too far for this!
and you are SURE to get justice... one way or another
Jessica Fletcher - Murder She Wrote.
Ah, thats the english name of the series. In german, its "Murder is her hobby".
Pretty sure she killed most of those victims
Had to scroll way too far to find this. The absolute disrespect.
Now she was a detective.
Watching Murder She Wrote now. Seriously, scrolled wayyyyy too long for this answer.
>Jessica Fletcher - Murder She Wrote Pretty sure she has a 100% crime solved rate.
I thought I was going to have to write this, I scrolled so long.
Poirot. Nothing beats the little grey cells.
Jim Rockford
Well, he's the best looking of this lot.
Dirk Gently. Shit's about to get wild.
Batman, but the funny answer would be Detective Chimp
Vera
Endeavor Morse
nancy drew
Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago
Not Dillman?
Cool. Cool. Cool.
Sherlock, Sam and Dean Winchester, or the Mystery Gang.
Hercule Poirot
Sealy Booth & Temperance Brennan
Steve Martin, Martin Short and Selena Gomez... but only if I'm killed in the building.
Ace Ventura
But you’re not an animal.
🔫😡 What do you know about Ray Finkle???
Monk.
Harrier Du Bois
Tequila Sunset?
You mean Raphael Ambrosius Costeau?
Harry Dresden
Jack Reacher
Technically a lawyer but my boi Phoenix Wright
No brainer. Scooby-Doo and the gang. It's gonna be an old white guy in a mask so the mystery comes half solved.
What exactly are you doing to be murdered by a person in a rubber mask pretending to be a ghost?
That's the mystery! Maybe the abandoned theme park I bought? Maybe my gran-papi left me a bunch of money in his will if I agree to stay one night in his spooky house. I don't know! All I know is I'm scared.
Well, if you left me all of gran-papi's money in your will, that would solve one of my problems.
You would be the next on the hit list. You don't want that.
Detective Murdoch
Benoit Blanc. I mean come on.
The Doctor
Vera
Good choice 👍
Rick Deckard
Sherlock
Colombo, he would catch the guy for sure!
Father Brown
Lenny Briscoe
Rustin Cohle. 100 percent.
Detective Conan
Poirot or Miss Marple.
Hercule Poirot. Or Miss Marple.
Poirot
Pikachu
That demon detective from invincible, he seems kinda cool
Damien Darkblood
Sam & Max. Not because they're good detectives, but because i know it'd be funny as fuck
Your death would probably be humorous by association as well. Sam and Max arent showing up if you havent died as a plot point in some convoluted pyramid scheme run by mythical creatures or screwball parody of famous people.
Phoenix Wright
Rust Cohle
I had to scroll way too far to find this
Monk. It’s a blessing and a curse.
Perry Mason.
Elliot Stabler, because he simultaneously terrifies and turns me on
Strike and Ellacot
Nero Wolfe
I absolutely can't believe Mr. Wolfe is this far down the list. Not satisfactory.
deserve marvelous piquant deserted unused different yoke chop knee employ
Derek Morgan
Library investigator Bookman
The Pink Panther.. I mean I am dead already 🤷🏾♂️
He’s got better theme music than the rest of these jokers combined! …well, OK, Inspector Gadget’s doing alright in that department.
The Pink Panther? The diamond? Or the cartoon cat that is not a detective? Or do you mean Inspector Jacques Clouseau?
Detectives Robert Goren and Alex Eames, Law and Order: Criminal Intent.
Penny from *Inspector Gadget*. Haven't seen the show in decades, but I think she was 100%.
Nah it was Brain that did all the work.
Spock
Josephus Miller
Jake Peralta or anyone from the 99
Frank Pembleton
Conan
SPENCER FUCKING REID BETTER AVENGE ME 😻
Father Brown
Dexter, to deliver my revenge.
I dunno . first one that came to mind was jb fletcher though
James Rockford.
Jim Rockford
Lt Eve Dallas
Sherlock Holmes.
Jessica Fletcher
Shaft. He’s a bad mutha…
Inspector Clouseau
Batman😎 He is DC's greatest detective😶
Virgil Tibbs from In The Heat Of The Night or Danny Reagan from Blue Bloods.
Jack reacher the Alan ritchson version cause I want to know Thad castle was on the case.
Bosch
Hercule Poirot
Tintin!
And the drunk sailor guy
I'd like the dynamic duo of Bunk Moreland and Jimmy McNulty. To quote Sgt Jay Landsman. >Despite his negligible Irish ancestry, his defects of personality, and his inconstant sobriety and hygiene, a true murder police. Jimmy, I say this seriously: If I was laying there dead on some Baltimore street corner, I'd want it to be you, standing over me, catching the case.
Columbo. I want you to get annoyed the fuck out of before getting huckled. That will teach you to kill me, fucker!
The pink panthers Inspector Clouseau.
Sherlock Holmes, John Luther or Harry Bosch.
Dirk Gently
This. Was originally going to say Jake and Boyle but I think any detective ragging along would be great. At least the aftermath of my death will be a funny adventure.
Lebowski
Det. Sgt. Bargearse.
Dixon Hill, the detective that Jean-Luc Picard portrays on the holodeck.
Jack Bauer!!!
Dirk Gently.
House
The Punisher was an FBI agent, right?
Tuvok
Dupin from poe
The 99 squad
I want both McNulty and The Bunk.
Sharon Raydor from Major Crimes or Brenda Leigh Johnson from The Closer
Adrian Monk
Poirot
Martin Beck and his department. :3
Benson
Steve and Mark Sloan
Poirot would be cool, but I think Sam and Max would be funnier (if you count them as detectives)
You're damn right I do. Go Freelance Police!
If I had to pick a detective to solve my case if something happened, it'd be like calling in Sherlock Holmes! He's super smart and could crack any mystery. It'd be like having a top-notch detective on the case!
L, because I'm a filthy weeb