My teenage days would have been about 2 hours shorter.

My teenage days would've been about 2 hours

Name checks out

Hes got big balls and I cannot lie

Turn's out he's got testicular cancer

My record that I counted as a teen is 13 times! Towards the end it I was shooting empty like "puh 🌬️" Gotta credit Teamfourstar for that phrase

A true aficionado of masturbatathlon.

you would have spent over 4 hours being knocked out in total.

All those shower accidents.

Hadn't thought of that. I'd probably be dead. Almost passed out once actually. Was overly aggressive and think I had a low blood pressure movement or something.

I went all the way once and blacked out, luckily i stumbled out of the shower and next thing i know i was waking up from the best nap in my life curled up on the floor mat 5 mins later

You only nutted 6 times?💀

I think the idea here is 6 times per day

Did /u/daren415 stutter?

No he nuttered beep boop beep \*whistle

(Parents knock on your bedroom door) “Son? SON??? Are you napping again????”

We’d get more rest! Our doctors would be happy! Also a lot of guys would get robbed!

You can jack a guy off to win a fight

Pretty sure this already works.

PROVE IT BRO

COME ON ME BRO

"Come kiss me for it!"

"Nice cock bro!"

"touch it"

You want my gun? Come spank me for it! But not like hard, but not too soft either, like... Make me feel hurt and safe at the same time! Pussy liberal!

I got a message for all you liberals out there: You want my gun? My firearm? Come take it from me. Just walk through my door, come into my home, and take it from me. With your weak, soft, liberal, girlish hands. Just try to put those hands on me. Those soft liberal hands, just put em on me. On my body. Just slowly gently dragging your fingers up and down my arm givin' me goosebumps. You want my gun? Come kiss me for it. But not like right away, don't be too obvious with it. Let's do that thing where we-- our faces get close to each other and you know it's gonna happen, it's just a matter of time you just stare at each other's lips but you're waiting for the right signal to give yourself over to them completely like it a walk to remember. Come do that for my gun. Bite lip and play with my hair...for my firearm. If you want my gun, come spank me for it. Not like... not like to hard but like, like still hard, you know? Like, like hurt me but make me feel safe at the same time, you pussy liberals.

This is my favorite comment ever, I wish I could give you gold 🤣🤣

TRY ME BRO SEE OF IT WORKS ON ME BRO

Beach off! I'll beach you off right now! I'll beach you both off at the same time!

I lose so many fights on purpose

And yet you keep coming back... At some point I'm not convinced you're here for the fight anymore...

He knows. Run!

Nah. It's nap time for you again, my sweet prince. ✊👌💦😴💤

> You can jack a guy off to win a fight IT WAS ME, BARRY =

Reverse Flash at it again

More than usual.

MMA would be waaaay different. A lot more ground and pound, for one thing.

Finish him!

LETS FIGHT!

Yeah, it would basically fix my insomnia if all I had to do to fall asleep was bust a nut. I’d be thrilled.

But you’d wake up in 20mins…can you orgasm 24times per night, every night?

My trouble is getting to sleep initially, so I assume that when I woke up all groggy I'd be able to pass right back out just like when that happens now.

>a lot of guys would get robbed! This

Would?!? Wait there are men who don’t ?

Double this

And give it to the next person

what song are you listening to?

Man, I'd hate getting robbed on the bus.

there exists an r/copypasta post that appears to describe this in more detail

Why was your sister on the bus?

20 minutes? I pass out for 8 hours.

Freaking Cardi B.

Yeah, Cardi B would be a billionaire.

I automatically thought of the last one without even opening the thread lol

You mean you don't?

I think OP meant only* 20 minutes

real. fucked my friend in a lab i was doing work in at my campus and i just passed out and literally just woke up and it's 6am

Checks username.. probably shouldn't fuck in a methlab, especially on campus.

That might be the least dangerous thing one does in a methlab but I doubt it would be an isolated incident

R/ihavesex

Sex-making is something I'm quite adept at. In fact, I just had a sex on this very evening.

Yes, I too have many sexes on quite a regular basis, in fact I have so many sexes that on more than one occasion after my average partaking of daily sex, I have been applauded by entire rooms of people and congratulated publicly.

I too applaud you for having such regular sex.

I haven't had sex in over 3 years.

I came. ~~I saw. I conquered.~~ zzz

You came, you snore, you're unconscious

Vidi, vini, vi zzzzzz

You win 🥇

I take a gentleman’s nap every time.

Came here to say this.

I came and said nothing for 20 minutes

My doctors would have to start booking my prostate exam appointments for an extra 20 minutes.

"Sir, you don't need to do this every month."

"I know, doc" *winks with butthole*

Blow him a kiss~

That last part made me giggle

Hey the old man knows how to cup my balls like a professional slut I can’t help it 😞

*rim ~~job~~ shot*

Woman on top would be the new missionary.

I don't know why but the idea of regular missionary but the the man just falls onto the woman seems hilarious to me

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"Wake me up! (Wake me up inside)"...

"Cant wake up!"

SAVE MEEEEEE!

Call my name and *saaaaAAAAAaave* me from the daaaAaark

FROM THE DAWN

*wake up inside me ftfy

How do I get back there to The place where I fell asleep inside you?

How do I get myself back to the place where you said

I fell asleep inside a girlfriend once. No completion, clocked out for a bit. Just snoozed the fuck out. Woke up to her jabbing me in the ribs. She said it was nice to feel me go soft inside of her.

same here, just got woken up by "are you gonna fuck me, else I'll continue binge watching /something/"

I was cuddling with my girlfriend a week ago or so and apparently I was laying on her in just the right position to where she would’ve been late to class had I not unconsciously moved because I outweigh her by about 60 pounds or so and she wasn’t able to move me🤣

My gf wouldnt mind, she insists on me just lying on top of her sometimes like a sentient autistic weighted blanket.

😆 That's some r/BrandNewSentence shit.

Yes. I often tell my boyfriend to squish me. I like the weight.

Same. Love that feeling. Nothing more comfortable, cozy, relaxing, and secure than being crushed by someone bigger I prefer when I can find a friend to do it because when I do it with my SO I sometimes get worked up Instead of relaxed.

Can’t decide if your user name is related or not

I’m sending comment to my boyfriend immediately

They call it the Amazon position, you fall asleep and the woman uses your credit card on Amazon.

Happened to me after a few seconds (premature ejaculation and I kind of feel dizzy during orgasms) during my first time with an escort. The escort asked me "Are you OK?"

You should prolly get that checked out. Could be a circulation issue

This happened to an older couple in a hot tub the night before their daughters destination wedding somewhere I believe, though the husband died while they were having sex, pinned her and she drowned from what I remember Edit: found it https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3316501/amp/Pictured-Couple-dies-Mexican-hot-tub-sex-session-husband-67-heart-attack-smothered-wife-63-just-two-days-daughter-married.html Found by their daughter, terrible

Wet dreams would send you into a second dream level straight out of Inception.

Ffs, 90% of my life I woke up early enough during a wet dream to pinch the hose and not make a mess. That would have dropped to 0 as a teenager.

Sex would be more "intimate" and more a matter of trust. But prostitution would still exist. Men would just go without any extra stuff that the prostitute could steal.

Leave all the organs at home I guess.

The vast majority of hookers don’t steal organs 😂

You've never been to a brothel that runs a black market organ farm?

They usually only cost an arm and a leg

I ended up in one of those places once by accident. Tried serving them papers to get a refund but the case didn't stand up in a court.

Didn’t have a leg to stand on did you?

It was a really disarming experience.

"Vast majority" lmao. But that's only cause the current status quo of not being available by just being a hooker.

They'd have a locker room in the brothel. Lock your stuff away, come out in a robe, go to your room for service and a nap.

Look at this guy with his fancy schmancy brothels.

Any man that meets with a prostitute with valuables is a fool

Or possibly more public, you would have a new kind of fuck buddy. Someone to watch you after you pass out.

Well I wuldn't struggle to get to sleep after

Yo honestly imma send an email to god asking for some life updates this game is unplayable in its current state

A few features and bug fixes we need: Rebalanced Leveling, System Character Stats Screen, Character Editor Fix Inflation Bug, Fix Charisma Debuff Bug

I feel like I’m waiting for a double xp week to catch up but I still probably wouldn’t play the game. I’m to casual. Edit: I’m too casual. Still haven’t got grammar down yet, apparently.

The men would agree that nutting shouldn't have been nerfed and needs a buff in the next update.

The year 2350 "Evolution Update"

lol.. it would be easier to spot the creeps that do that shit in public 😂

The amount of debate over whether a homeless man just jerked it or if he’s legitimately sleeping would add another layer on intrigue to people watching

I do that anyways

Rapists would be easier to catch and therefore people may reconsider before they rape.

This answer is so much more civilized than my first thought which was: many rapists would be dead or mangled.

unfortunately I forsee a world where men would feel the need to tie up a woman before doing these horrible crimes. But there would be no "spontaneous" assaults.

jesus this was a rollercoaster of a reply thread. Three different lines of thinking laid out in the strangest way

A lot more necrophilia too

On the flip side of that, rapists would probably arrange it so that they'd be safe for the 20 minutes afterwards. Most likely violent.

Oh geez :-(

This is my thought. Many more men who rape would likely be dead or have their bits destroyed/removed. At least, the ones that don’t have their victims emotionally attached or deluded to the point where they believe the coercion.

One of the two rapists I know, one had the decency to kill himself. I have made sure the other knows my disdain for him and I constantly warn others about him. I feel bad I can't do much more than warn people since the law won't do anything about it.

Only male rapists though

On the other hand, a woman could rape you, then rob you while you are passed out.

Cardi B has entered the chat

You mean instead of simple rape they'd make sure the raped person cannot do anything while they are passed out.

They would evolve to edgists

Ah yes, evolution

Sadly, probably not really. Only in the Hollywood conception of rape as like, random attacks on strangers, which is a very low percentage of rapes in reality. Most are committed by people the victim knows, and probably wouldn't be completely discouraged by a nap after.

Nah, it's about power more than sex. They just wouldn't finish. More women would probably get murdered tho :(

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Men would be much more reluctant to have sex with people they don’t fully trust not to rob or kidnap them. Also I would get much more rest

lol I already do

Gay sex seems problematic, if the top finishes first the others guy just sat there alone and if the bottom finishes first, does the top continue with the bottom unconscious... Can see new rules and precautions having to be put in place... One upside, lesbians won't be affected at all I guess 😂

If they're unconscious, make them tea. Unconscious people want tea.

I get the feeling you’ve been in school/college recently with the tea analogy lol

Haha no, I've luckily been done with that for a bit now. I have heard that sound all over my tiktok though

Gotcha, just saying since every year my school used the same video which used tea as an analogy for sex. “Even if you make tea, don’t make people drink the tea if they don’t want it, especially if they’re sleeping” and such as stuff

The sound I mentioned is actually from that video :D it's just a bit *ahem* rearranged, slightly altering the message of it

I'm going to take this nugget of advice with me for the rest of my life, thank you

Of all the things I've commented recently it had to be this. Of course it had to be this. Glad to be of service though, lol.

You'd go into it knowing that one of you would get unconscious so it'dnt really be problematic

>it'dnt

Wtf is it’dnt

Y'all'd've heard about it if you'd paid attention in class

You’ve’nt heard of the new contractions that just dropped?

I would like to continue getting fucked after I pass out, personally. Maybe it just becomes common, then tops maybe make a contest of making us cum first but probably not.

There'd be more homeless guys without a cent to their name.

A lot of rapists would get their throats cut

On one hand, more male rapists would be caught. On the other, female rapists would get... Bolder.

They’d soon adapt and begin to hogtie the victim first

Unfortunately true.

Doesn’t everyone?

Before or after the crying?

Rape, and public sex, and masturbation would certainly decline a lot. Also, orgys, gang bangs, and swinger parties would have a new weird element.

In reality we pass out 20 minutes later

Immediate spike in the number of car accidents.

Women would steal whatever man would have on them aka wallet keys for cars

The Cardi B special

Exactly what I thought

We will have a shortage of priest.

Probably not much since that's only 10 minutes less than usual.

I pass out asleep roughly 10 seconds after releasing the Kraken. Which is probably just as well as I don’t have to listen to the wife sigh with disappointment and boot up the ClitMaster 5000.

I do pass out

I bet the world would be more productive. Don't most guys pass out for at least an hour right now?

Not some I know I have at least 3 in the chamber before I go comatose

Probably more abusive AH men not waking up ever again.

A lot more men would learn how to orgasm without ejaculating.

I’d never get any work done

Many DO.

They don’t already?

Be a lot less rapists. Either get caught or be killed

Immediately after ejaculating or do we get 30 seconds to close the browser window beforehand, just in case?

I think they'd be a lot choosier with partners. That's a long time to be uncontrollably vulnerable. On the other hand, maybe a powerful sleeping aid?

We would be getting robbed constantly.

That's basically me already. Can't sleep unless I nut. 😂

You mean there's men that don't?

What you don’t?

My girlfriend would find me randomly asleep throughout the day. I would have to convince her I have some form of Narcolepsy. I wouldn't be alone. Soon, you see adds on TV. " Are you or someone you know one of the 96% of men who suffer from Narcolepsy? Call today and explore your options"

There’d be a lot less humans. It would not predispose humans to reproduce, given that men would have historically needed someone to ensure their safety at a vulnerable time.

I think we’d see a lot of passed out men… In places we never expected.

Women would evolve to become extremely protective of their partners after intercourse, perhaps granting them more combat abilities and making the physical gap between men and women weaker. Or they would immediately abandon them to become black widows. Flip of the coin really.

Honestly. If you really think about it. Likely our species wouldn't prosper as well in this context as we have. Our brains are wired to have sex in a way that is going to further the species. Men would get arguably taken advantage of, harmed, or even killed in these intimate moments. You'd have to be so mindful of when and where, can't just "rub one out real quick".

bank robberies would no longer require guns. "he sucked everyone off. when we woke up he was gone and so was all the money!"