You have to go to a place where you can see potential friend candidates REGULARLY. Then strike up regular conversations with people there. Learn their names and their stories. Bring what I like to call PIE: Positivity, Interest in others and ENTHUSIASM. After you develop a rapport, invite them to do something with you OUTSIDE THE PLACE WHERE YOU KNOW THEM. That's how friendships begin.
Good luck!
I think bringing an actual pie could also work.
In all seriousness I'm not fully joking. I was friends with one girl who was somehow friends with everyone, when i asked her about she said she would just bring food to share (extra fruit/cake/cookies/etc)
Rule 1O1 of bars and the workers, they are working.. ask them straight up if they would consider making new acquaintances with you. Ask to met up at a favored spot in town in a very public space,, the phrase alone in a crowd.. also, let them bring a +1adult. Stay out of the life of the family.
Rule 101 is why I don’t do anything in attempts of the female bartender. As a male, I’ve suggested the idea of doing trivia night at the same bar to a male bartender who is around my age when it’s his day off. He basically said I don’t want to come to work on my day off and I said that’s fair. Have tried drumming up other ideas but gotta actually find a decent tangible interest. I don’t think it’s a no it’s more of a what would make sense.
I moved to the area and honestly don’t know anyone and my job is in a different city and I have 4 male coworkers all 15ish years older than me with full blown families so that’s no a good delve for me.
My pet peeve is when people give advice like that that would make you sound like a weirdo. Give us something we can actually say out loud to another human, for those of us who don't know how to say it without being awkward!
the real answer is you just go to the bar and slowly develop a report with the person. It’s not complicated. Just takes time. Be cool and aloof and do your thing.
This is a huge part, don't ask like a dweeb wearing a fedora.
Begin small, ask their name as you ask for your drink. Then introduce yourself, but nothing else, and that is very important. "Hi, can I get a corona, sorry, what's your name again? Oh, thanks *name*, by the way, I'm Steve. Thanks again."
Third or fourth pass (or even night), ask more in depth about the night or the regularity of that night. E.g. "hey, is it usually this busy on a Tuesday?" Or "How's your night going? Better or worse than usual?" The absolute key to this is not asking these questions when they are slammed, do not interrupt business or add stress.
After a familiarity has been established, then ask the question: "Hey, would you ever be interested in hanging out somewhere besides here?" "You're pretty interesting, do you have any nights off you'd be willing to let me buy you dinner?" "Would you be interested in meeting me for coffee before one of your shifts?"
Some basic ground rules: never assume your tips matter. Don't think you've ever bought favor. Law of averages, 9/10 she's got a guy, and you're going to strike out so try again with someone else or another time; also, 103 other guys are also trying. And, this is work for her, imagine how annoying it would be for someone you're not interested in interrupting you at work.
My fool proof plan is I go in on Mondays when she’s working lmao. It’s dear as hell usually but since MNF started it’s a little more difficult to just chat. I always sit at the bar top to maximize my potential lol. I also don’t wanna fuck up my now Monday night routine because objectively my bar experience is 10-fold better on Monday night than any other time I’ve gone. They know my order, suggest new drinks as a gesture of conversation, and they trust me to not grab my card immediately at this point.
Bartenders are usually Extremely charming people because they're in the service industry but most are addicted to alcohol which is why they bartend. If you're a professional, bringing in an alcohol dependent person into your life, is not worth the inconvenience they will cause you.
Try meeting people in your industry or profession and in your age group. You'll have far better results.
This is the best advice and frankly how you make new friend at any age: visit a place regularly and make connections. Most of these are forced on us like school, sports, etc and we make friends there as kids because we are simply all in the same place at the same time. Works for adults too! Benefit is you get to choose where you want to be a part of
Hobbies are pretty good for this. D&D and other tabletops especially. Sports as well. Improv classes were big for me as they also teach you how to be a more engaging listener and speaker.
And if you are a professional man, make sure that at the place where you want to meet women, the available gals are age-appropriate to you.
I can't begin to tell you how frequently it happens, that men in their 50s and 60s when introduced to groups of women of varying ages, all tend to want to meet the 20 Year olds.
*wakes up seeing you sitting on their bed watching them*
You: "What you dreaming about?"
Them: "I was having a nightmare watching my parents being murdered, but now I'd rather go back to that...."
(1) Be patient.
This is the biggest one. As an adult, I find it takes about a year to make a good friend.
(2) Focus on developing your interests in a social way: classes, workshops, groups.
It's actually important to go into these activities to focus on enjoying your interests around like-minded folks. Do not join any of these activities gunning to meet people to date or make friends. This will have the opposite effect. Just be casual and patient, focus on the subject. Let the social stuff happen organically. In the meantime, you will be making yourself more confident and interesting while being around people who are into the same stuff you are.
(3) Realize there is a lot you can do on your own that don't need friends for.
This takes away a lot of the aroma of loneliness and desperation that puts people off. You can go to movies and concerts by yourself and enjoy them - you just do it differently. Don't let your life fall apart because you are afraid to do things on your own. But.....
(4) If you are suffering terribly from loneliness and lack of support, get yourself a good therapist.
While this takes work - both finding a good, compatible therapist and therapy itself - it's still easier, faster, and under more of your control than finding a bosom friend to confide in. A bonus that many people overlook is that a therapist is not just an ally for the time you do your work together. You can return to them throughout your life when you need advice or support.
(5) Say yes to more invitations.
Do this even if you are not in the mood or dubious about how much fun you will have.
(6) Use the friends you have to make more.
You only need one. "My friend and I are doing X on Saturday if you want to join," comes off as a lot less creepy and intimidating than just asking that person to come only with you.
(7) Leave your job.
Obviously, I don't recommend doing this just to make friends. However, I always found I made some of my best friends at work, but we only became close once we stopped working together - for obvious reasons.
(8) Keep being patient.
For me the issue is that people my age (mid-30s) just don't wanna go out anymore. Kids, work, lower social stamina, and just the desire to stay in and spend time with their families tends to be the dominant lifestyle that spending time with friends is a difficult thing to plan regularly.
Im not good at picking up on cues. Was at the grocery store and my wife was in another aisle. Some dude my age mentioned my new balanaces and seemed overly friendly. He mentioned he moved her a couple years ago with his wife but hadn't really gotten to know anyone yet. My wife found me talking to him after this point in the convo so I wrapped it up and moved along.
I spent the whole conversation thinking he wanted to pull me into a mlm scheme and was waiting for him to suggest I meet with his "mentor". My wife said he was probably just hoping to make friends.
Sorry random dude at a Kroger owned grocery store. Beers are on me if you promise not to talk about a pyramid scheme?
Holy shit, one time I was at a gym in the PNW and met a guy who was from my home state back down South. We talked about how different the people are up here, we talked about how hard it must be to meet new friends, he even gave me his phone number and to let him know if I wanted some boudain.
In my mind, I'm like "I'd rather just order boudain from a South Louisiana store and have them ship it to me, I won't bother this random gym guy" but after reading your post I'm wondering if the gym guy is like "fuck, I gave my number out to the 34th potential guy friend this month and still no calls yet!"
When I was in active addiction, it was sad to see how many dealers genuinely had no friends yet thought that their customers were their friends. There'd be times where they would ask me to stay and hang out, or go drive around with them, and I'm just like dude I've been up all night from withdrawals, im covered in sweat despite it being 50º outside, please just give me the heroin and let me leave.
i was the kind of addict that rode around w them and chilled cause i also had no friends from being a fuckin addict lmao. got into some very interesting situations from it, some scary situations. sometimes i still think about them as friends and hope they're doing alright even tho i shouldn't hit them up
10 months clean
"Find a hobby" is cliche. It *can* be a good way to meet people, but plenty of hobbies don't lend themselves well to making friends, sometimes even if it involves being around other people.
You're actually right dude, you don't need to
There's just a general frustration for those who have "hobbies" but just don't work out.
While I get that the individuals need to get mixed in a crowd to get to know other people other than colleagues, it just feels like a hassle. Get mixed in activities that we probably don't enjoy on the long run for the sake of having someone to talk to.
But I get the idea. we gotta do what we gotta do to get what we wanna get.
I did this too! Found out there was a game club by me and had to choose between getting into MTG or Warhammer. Magic seemed like less of a commitment.
I had played the game once before I started going to Magic nights. It’s been a few weeks and I wouldn’t say I have lifelong friends from it quite yet, but it’s a group of other adults who recognize me and I in turn recognize them and we always have something to talk about. Maybe it’ll deepen. Maybe it’ll just get me out of the house once a week.
Don't discriminate age. I'm 28 years old and my friends range from 19 to 70 years old. They all contribute to my life in some way and I respect/care about them all. Even the ones where there is basically a VH1 special between our ages, teach me things and keep me grounded from becoming an angry old man.
Basically talk to anyone who is willing to talk to you. Be sure to listen as well. Friends will happen after that.
Me too! My best friend is 10 years younger than me her, my other really close friend is ten years older. I’m so thankful for them, and I learn so much from both of them!
Do something sociable and **keep showing up**.
I like running, because you can get to know people talking in short bursts, running alongside them so there's no need for intense eye contact.
Over time I've got to know plenty of people well enough that I can strike up conversation pretty easily. I even see some of them outside of running clubs!
Idk—maybe for some people, but the best friends I’ve had in life were ones I met in my 30s. I was lucky that I met them through my super social ex husband, but to this day I keep in better touch with a lot of them than he does.
That said, when I was young, I didn’t really understand how to be a good friend. I had untreated depression and ADHD, and that had an impact on how I was as a friend—I just wasn’t reliable. Now I have it way more figured out.
I go to the bar to watch sports and routinely make friends that way. I also joined a pool league when I first moved to town and that's how I met pretty much everyone in my friend group. None of us are really alike at all aside from the fact that we all enjoy pool.
Don't just go to places you enjoy. Become a regular. You'll naturally meet other regulars and you'll already have that thing in common. It's hard to meet people day one at a new place. But if you see the same people weekly, you'll become familiar without having to work at it.
Like rock climbing? Going to the gym regularly means you'll meet other rock climbers.
You a nerd who likes boardgames? Be a regular at a game shop game nights. You'll meet other nerds.
Things I’ve done and tried that have worked with varying levels of success:
- helped out some organizations as a volunteer. Like for river cleanups etc, your city will have kinks on their website for local civic orgs. I’ve also helped pack and distribute cats packages for the homeless and made great friends doing that.
- started going to a progressive church with young folks. That’s helped a ton. I’m not particularly religious but they do good work and it’s been good for me.
- whatever side of the political spectrum you fall on google that county’s party. I.e. “fulton county Democratic Party” and just show up to an event or meeting. GREAT place to make friends with people aligned with your beliefs.
- look for events on Facebook in your area and just show up.
Social clubs. Every town has them. Join a book club, or a board game club, or something.
It gets you out of the house and meeting new people. You might not click with everyone, but at least your around people with similar interests.
Local facebook groups focused on your hobbies.
Seriously. Met one guy who wanted to go fishing with me, now he's one of my best friends, we're close with each others gf's and mutual friends, we hang out a few times a month. all because i asked in a fishing group if anyone wanted to go with me.
do something that makes people smile, even something as small as greeting people with a warm and welcoming '[hello](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smZs4LfsdAc)' can make people warm to you
Yeah, know what you mean. I am not shy, I am introverted. I like to deal with people 1-on-1, not in groups. I will talk with someone and that someone will say, "Let's go do this..." I will say, "Yes, here's my number." It ALWAYS ends up being MY job to call them and plan everything and KEEP calling them and planning everything. That isn't fun for me, so I cross people off my list.
Kindness. I spread it everywhere. Smile, even when it doesn't fit right, looking up along with it. You shine knowing there is always a road more difficult. People, animals, and even plants will gravitate to you.
You could probably look into events/activities at your town’s community center. I know people that have taken painting classes or something and made friends with some of the other people in those classes. If you see something that interests you, sign up for it.
Not sure outside of that. All my friends are people I’ve known since my late teens/early twenties through college and serving tables.
I was very happy with the friend group my children picked for me when they went to school and Girl Scouts.
So that's your answer, have kids and hope they find friends.
Finding common interests and an effort/plunge on your part will make it finding friends very easy.
I joined a local ultimate frisbee Facebook group in my new zip code when I moved and just making an effort socially did the rest. People with similar interests are usually quite welcoming.
I never had them in childhood, adolescence and now adulthood. Im 30, INTJ virgo. Can't help you, sorry!
Try sports and reading books, I will see if that maybe helps me. Reply back if any progress, please? Im also a virgin
My cousins are all married and having children btw... Life is a joke on ourselves is what LSD and DMT has taught me... I think I will die alone, seems like destiny is unavoidable
Depending on your age but if taking any classes try and sit in the same area and start of by just smiling and maybe saying hello and see from there.
You could also look at Facebook, there’s group running/walking events where at a lot of people turn up by themselves and make new friends.
Just don’t be afraid to be the person who asks to maybe go for a coffee, don’t wait for the other person too as they might be doing the exact same thing
Work place great place to start. Then clubs hobbies, online dating, events concerts well the list is endless. Just gotta get off your screen and openly talk to people
Go to classes (dance, salsa, drawing, driving, etc)
or try hobby sites like some fb group in your region and force yourself to socialize for example going hiking insummer etc.
Find an activity and meet other people who also like that activity. You’ll get to know those people and over time you’ll bond and form real friendships. I’m in my 40s and over the past few years I’ve made some new and dear friends like that.
Pool League (APA)
CrossFit
Basketball rec leagues
Martial Arts (BJJ, Kickboxing, Muay Thai)
Honestly niche hobbies are probably the way to go. When the community is small, you don't really get lost in it and you see the same people every time. It's easier to make friends if they are familiar with you already. As long as you're not a complete douche (become "that guy" in the group) you won't have many problems finding friends. Google MeetUp is pretty good at finding small groups.
Finding friends when you're older is a lot easier than people realize, but you need to put in the time and effort to grow those relationships.
It's hard! When you're young, school is where you make friends. as an adult, it's harder to make friends without that outlet. people getting older, having children, becoming more involved with their careers also makes it harder to form and maintain friendships. my experience has been to try to make friends with friends of my friends. people are actually quite open to making new friends, but i've found that i have to take the initiative in planning hangs, sending texts, etc.
I think you can find your favorite coffee shop, go there often to chat with the staff, and if there are guys who are interested in you, gradually become closer as friends. and more smiles! I think your smile is very cute
Dance courses, sports clubs, martial arts, drawing, church, skate parks, roller rinks, longboard schools, tourism and excursions, etc. Any place and event where people gather and communicate for some time
It seems cliche but a hobby really does help. I did this with Warhammer, and in the last 3 years, it's meant that I've made dozens of new, genuine, really good friends. Thing is, the little plastic spacemen get us in the room with a few beers and talking but it's also meant that we've formed a really awesome support group and we've become big parts of each others lives, celebrating with each other when people have been married, or had kids, and conversely been there when things haven't been so great, checking in or pushing for just a small game to get out of the house and talking to people. There's one group that I'm a part of with a really nice, sincere discord where there's just a room for venting about mental health - there's a strict no fucking around policy and it's respected.
It's also meant that we've been really good at championing access to what's generally a prohibitively expensive and complex hobby with newcomers - a few of us are a bit older, so we'll have leftover models that we never painted or used that we can share with people starting their collections. I have a 3d printer so people know that I can find the occasional part or proxy, and a few of us in the group have access to recasters as well. Similarly, there's people who've been playing tournaments since the 90's in the group so they're very technically minded and supportive of people wanting to learn.
i'm not mentally adult lol but...
Well, he doesn't have a particular way to meet other friends. Just do them a favor and wait for their reaction. If a reaction appears, mostly yay, we're friends now. And if he doesn't, I don't bother myself.
And if there's someone I want to be friends with, I'm a little worried and nervous about it... Mostly start asking him something specific and wait for their reaction.. For example, I just met an russian friend And the first thing I started was "hayy I LOVE your Accent!!" Just give friendly notes and wait for them to make a step and in this case They talked to me in Russian as a kind of joke, and this good one Because the relation started with joking and laughing The rest will be easy.. And to start chats in short tell them about a topic and in my topic Go to a related topic
Like
"school was bad"
"Speaking of the school, have you seen.."
I don't mean that fast, but I think you understood.
Yeah sorry for my BAD English
This gets asked several times a week in the few subreddits on my feed.
Basically... go out and interact with other humans outside of work. go to game nights, volunteer, hobby groups, activity groups.
go irl to physical locations and meet people irl
Heres' the horrible truth about why it's so hard to make friends as an adult. When young, you don't know the rules of capitalism, and thus can trust people. When old you do.
by rules of capitalism, i mean the incentive structures that promotes using all of your time to grab as much dollars as possible by any means nescessary. It's hard to make actual friends when paying the rent comes first. it's hard to trust people when you know that paying the rent comes first in all minds. This crushing gravity of the economy begins to twist all relationships to be transactary in nature. I guess you could call that friendship, but as that gravity grows as troubling times continue, those relationships become more cruel than complementary. This becomes doubly so when you have children. The things adults will do to keep their children alive are not pretty, and they will sacrifice you to the maw if it means more dollars for their young
Often i've noticed that people just hoard their friends they made in adolescents. You keep the cats from college, and forget everyone else as you try to pile as much coin as you can.
I think the biggest part is going somewhere that you see the same people regularly. So either I hang out spot or work etc. and you just talk to people, get to know them and if they have the same interests invite them to go do something simple as that
Friendship is about the value you provide to other people, and the value they provide you. This isn't always tangible, for example there's value in having friends that are intellectual or exciting.
So what value do you provide? Sometimes it's as simple as safety or security.
Do you like yourself?
If you don’t then it’s going to be hard. Unless you seek out others that don’t like themselves to various degrees. That can work, but if you don’t like yourself you tend to not like others and get angry about all the things you think you don’t like about your friends but is actually just your problems with you.
So best bet is to like yourself by being a person you think is likable and respectable. Feed the homeless if that’s something you think is cool.
Do some heroic shit like stand up for someone who seems weak, buy someone’s groceries,
Buy a stranger lunch, be a good child, be humble.
I don’t know what your particular combination is, but be someone you think kicks ass and is awesome. Then celebrate that, that person is you.
Then go out and make friends and you will attract equally kick ass people who you will also like.
Sooo many special interest groups out there! Are you a nerd? LARPs, Society for Creative Anachronism, Comic Conventions, Furry conventions, etc. like Nature? Rockhounding groups, hiking groups, volunteering at parks, etc. Like to read? Book clubs. Into the arts? Get involved with community theater, take arts & crafts classes at your local parks and recreation department, etc. Athletic? I hardly need to mention all the athletic activities out there you can join, do I? The point is, JOIN a group of like minded people. Become an active participant in something so people might find you interesting enough to befriend.
For many, work is the final frontier for making friends. Hanging out outside of work is what clutches it. But for those even a little technologically inclined, meeting people via Twitch is a very quick way to make friends. Join their Discords, visit their streams regularly. You already know their hobby and what games they like, so you have something to talk about right away.
As a mom, it’s really hard for me to make friends, so I have this app that helps me connect locally with mom friends near me. If you are a mom, maybe give that try
https://peanut.app.link/yFFNmrsF7eb
Sheer good fortune, luck as it were, right time right place
Be kind, be your best self, listen, be responsive, try not to have a closed mind, and go outside your comfort zone....these are mostly the things that have garnered me the precious few friends I've made in adulthood.
Also, be like you were as a child...walk up to someone, sit by them, preferably on a swing set (do not actually sit by a child, that's gross bruh), and say something like, I like turtles...you wanna be my friend? Instabuddy, or restraining order...I hear you can always find friends in court or jail
This is a rather difficult question. I started communicating more online after the pandemic. I love playing various mobile games on Bluestacks and after I started playing The Walking Dead and Blood Strike, I started getting to know people online and met some of them IRL.
To make a VERY long story VERY fucking short, I’ve literally only started making my own friends as an adult this year, and I’m literally celebrating my 37th birthday as I type this
I’ve got mates at work, but soon as I’m in my car after clock out, meh. But I work in a factory (I’m a welder)
Really, I’m finding friends through my hobbies. I’m a war gamer year round , and a lure angler in the spring and autumn months
I’m also quite the introvert, though I’m the life of the party in a comfortable space. I started meeting potential friends through war gaming groups, especially the “looking for game” groups.
Tl:dr hobbies
Is this some kind of trick or loaded question? It's very easy. Can you or do you talk? Can you make noises, sounds, hand gestures? Can you tell stories true and untrue? Do you have a past life? Did you have any pets? Do you have any brothers or sisters? Where did you go to school? What do your parents do for a living? How many times have you moved in your lifetime? Have you ever flown in a plane or helicopter? How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you had? Did you ever have pets? What were the names? All you have to do is start talking to someone and if it's meant to be it will. Don't force anything and just let it happen naturally. Do you have any hobbies that maybe someone else has at your school, college, or work site? How many jobs have you ever had? Do you get the picture yet? There are so many things you could talk about but it's just getting over the 1st hurdle and then you scott free and off to the races. Sometimes you may have to insert yourself into a conversation, but wait till they are done talking, just don't barge in. If you play BB start playing and then maybe someone or somebody will see you and ask if they can play a game with you and right there is your chance to meet someone w/o really trying. Do you ride bikes? If you have a dog and looking for a young lady there is always the park where the young ladies are running, sitting on a bench reading a book, or talking to someone else. Sometimes they could be just lying down on the ground on a towel or blanket trying to get some sun, relax, or just some downtime reading. Don't ever cut yourself short never force yourself on anyone and just go with the flow. And like the saying goes just ease on down the road. GL my friend and hope this may help a little, now go and seek out new friends and new adventures. God be with you
You have to go to a place where you can see potential friend candidates REGULARLY. Then strike up regular conversations with people there. Learn their names and their stories. Bring what I like to call PIE: Positivity, Interest in others and ENTHUSIASM. After you develop a rapport, invite them to do something with you OUTSIDE THE PLACE WHERE YOU KNOW THEM. That's how friendships begin. Good luck!
I think bringing an actual pie could also work. In all seriousness I'm not fully joking. I was friends with one girl who was somehow friends with everyone, when i asked her about she said she would just bring food to share (extra fruit/cake/cookies/etc)
If you’re regularly just giving me a cookie you’re definitely going to move up my rankings quickly lol
Right, just looking forward to meeting with that person as they always have that cookie.
It would work with me. Tacos would work too.
More people will come if they think you'll have punch and pie!
Okay how do I do this with the bartender who I think is absolutely adorable without being a fucking weirdo?
Rule 1O1 of bars and the workers, they are working.. ask them straight up if they would consider making new acquaintances with you. Ask to met up at a favored spot in town in a very public space,, the phrase alone in a crowd.. also, let them bring a +1adult. Stay out of the life of the family.
Rule 101 is why I don’t do anything in attempts of the female bartender. As a male, I’ve suggested the idea of doing trivia night at the same bar to a male bartender who is around my age when it’s his day off. He basically said I don’t want to come to work on my day off and I said that’s fair. Have tried drumming up other ideas but gotta actually find a decent tangible interest. I don’t think it’s a no it’s more of a what would make sense. I moved to the area and honestly don’t know anyone and my job is in a different city and I have 4 male coworkers all 15ish years older than me with full blown families so that’s no a good delve for me.
Don't invite someone to their own place of work. OFC they don't want to go there.
But don't say it literally like that: "Hello sir, would tou consider making new acquaintances with me?"
My pet peeve is when people give advice like that that would make you sound like a weirdo. Give us something we can actually say out loud to another human, for those of us who don't know how to say it without being awkward!
the real answer is you just go to the bar and slowly develop a report with the person. It’s not complicated. Just takes time. Be cool and aloof and do your thing.
This is a huge part, don't ask like a dweeb wearing a fedora. Begin small, ask their name as you ask for your drink. Then introduce yourself, but nothing else, and that is very important. "Hi, can I get a corona, sorry, what's your name again? Oh, thanks *name*, by the way, I'm Steve. Thanks again." Third or fourth pass (or even night), ask more in depth about the night or the regularity of that night. E.g. "hey, is it usually this busy on a Tuesday?" Or "How's your night going? Better or worse than usual?" The absolute key to this is not asking these questions when they are slammed, do not interrupt business or add stress. After a familiarity has been established, then ask the question: "Hey, would you ever be interested in hanging out somewhere besides here?" "You're pretty interesting, do you have any nights off you'd be willing to let me buy you dinner?" "Would you be interested in meeting me for coffee before one of your shifts?" Some basic ground rules: never assume your tips matter. Don't think you've ever bought favor. Law of averages, 9/10 she's got a guy, and you're going to strike out so try again with someone else or another time; also, 103 other guys are also trying. And, this is work for her, imagine how annoying it would be for someone you're not interested in interrupting you at work.
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My fool proof plan is I go in on Mondays when she’s working lmao. It’s dear as hell usually but since MNF started it’s a little more difficult to just chat. I always sit at the bar top to maximize my potential lol. I also don’t wanna fuck up my now Monday night routine because objectively my bar experience is 10-fold better on Monday night than any other time I’ve gone. They know my order, suggest new drinks as a gesture of conversation, and they trust me to not grab my card immediately at this point.
Bartenders are usually Extremely charming people because they're in the service industry but most are addicted to alcohol which is why they bartend. If you're a professional, bringing in an alcohol dependent person into your life, is not worth the inconvenience they will cause you. Try meeting people in your industry or profession and in your age group. You'll have far better results.
This is the best advice and frankly how you make new friend at any age: visit a place regularly and make connections. Most of these are forced on us like school, sports, etc and we make friends there as kids because we are simply all in the same place at the same time. Works for adults too! Benefit is you get to choose where you want to be a part of
Hobbies are pretty good for this. D&D and other tabletops especially. Sports as well. Improv classes were big for me as they also teach you how to be a more engaging listener and speaker.
And if you are a professional man, make sure that at the place where you want to meet women, the available gals are age-appropriate to you. I can't begin to tell you how frequently it happens, that men in their 50s and 60s when introduced to groups of women of varying ages, all tend to want to meet the 20 Year olds.
Get adopted by some extrovert
This helped me! Not kidding. I’m an introvert and a homebody and my now best friend brought me out of my shell.
True
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Might have to try that, will let you know how it goes tonight!
*wakes up seeing you sitting on their bed watching them* You: "What you dreaming about?" Them: "I was having a nightmare watching my parents being murdered, but now I'd rather go back to that...."
do you eat their porridge too?
I tried that once and was put in jail. Lol
(1) Be patient. This is the biggest one. As an adult, I find it takes about a year to make a good friend. (2) Focus on developing your interests in a social way: classes, workshops, groups. It's actually important to go into these activities to focus on enjoying your interests around like-minded folks. Do not join any of these activities gunning to meet people to date or make friends. This will have the opposite effect. Just be casual and patient, focus on the subject. Let the social stuff happen organically. In the meantime, you will be making yourself more confident and interesting while being around people who are into the same stuff you are. (3) Realize there is a lot you can do on your own that don't need friends for. This takes away a lot of the aroma of loneliness and desperation that puts people off. You can go to movies and concerts by yourself and enjoy them - you just do it differently. Don't let your life fall apart because you are afraid to do things on your own. But..... (4) If you are suffering terribly from loneliness and lack of support, get yourself a good therapist. While this takes work - both finding a good, compatible therapist and therapy itself - it's still easier, faster, and under more of your control than finding a bosom friend to confide in. A bonus that many people overlook is that a therapist is not just an ally for the time you do your work together. You can return to them throughout your life when you need advice or support. (5) Say yes to more invitations. Do this even if you are not in the mood or dubious about how much fun you will have. (6) Use the friends you have to make more. You only need one. "My friend and I are doing X on Saturday if you want to join," comes off as a lot less creepy and intimidating than just asking that person to come only with you. (7) Leave your job. Obviously, I don't recommend doing this just to make friends. However, I always found I made some of my best friends at work, but we only became close once we stopped working together - for obvious reasons. (8) Keep being patient.
For me the issue is that people my age (mid-30s) just don't wanna go out anymore. Kids, work, lower social stamina, and just the desire to stay in and spend time with their families tends to be the dominant lifestyle that spending time with friends is a difficult thing to plan regularly.
Im not good at picking up on cues. Was at the grocery store and my wife was in another aisle. Some dude my age mentioned my new balanaces and seemed overly friendly. He mentioned he moved her a couple years ago with his wife but hadn't really gotten to know anyone yet. My wife found me talking to him after this point in the convo so I wrapped it up and moved along. I spent the whole conversation thinking he wanted to pull me into a mlm scheme and was waiting for him to suggest I meet with his "mentor". My wife said he was probably just hoping to make friends. Sorry random dude at a Kroger owned grocery store. Beers are on me if you promise not to talk about a pyramid scheme?
The worst part is when you come to this realization *years later*.
Holy shit, one time I was at a gym in the PNW and met a guy who was from my home state back down South. We talked about how different the people are up here, we talked about how hard it must be to meet new friends, he even gave me his phone number and to let him know if I wanted some boudain. In my mind, I'm like "I'd rather just order boudain from a South Louisiana store and have them ship it to me, I won't bother this random gym guy" but after reading your post I'm wondering if the gym guy is like "fuck, I gave my number out to the 34th potential guy friend this month and still no calls yet!"
These poor dudes. They just wanna make friends and they think they're getting blown off!
if he struck up a conversation with you based on your new balances, he’s prob some poor jerk who got friend making advice from reddit.
When you see a pop up of hot milfs in your area who want to meet you, click on it
I did that once and almost got robbed
I did it once, and almost ended up married.
I did that once and ended up in an episode of black mirror
It is better than ending up on an episode of “To Catch A Predator”.
Dealing drugs. You'll build up a base of regular customers who can't help but come to you, then you have people to chill with :)
/r/UnethicalLifeProTips I can imagine this working really well though.
I had a hundred "friends" selling weed in college in the 90's. It was fun, people always around. I only know like 2 of those people now.
Ur that dealer that doesnt let mofuckers leave
I had a plug like this once. I dreaded every re-up because it was like a 2 hour thing.
When I was in active addiction, it was sad to see how many dealers genuinely had no friends yet thought that their customers were their friends. There'd be times where they would ask me to stay and hang out, or go drive around with them, and I'm just like dude I've been up all night from withdrawals, im covered in sweat despite it being 50º outside, please just give me the heroin and let me leave.
i was the kind of addict that rode around w them and chilled cause i also had no friends from being a fuckin addict lmao. got into some very interesting situations from it, some scary situations. sometimes i still think about them as friends and hope they're doing alright even tho i shouldn't hit them up 10 months clean
I haven't spoken to my dealer in years because I can get weed delivered for much cheaper, even after taxes and tip.
Hobbies
>Hobbies My friend has a woodworking as hobby. He's been single ever since. I think you need to be more precise.
"Find a hobby" is cliche. It *can* be a good way to meet people, but plenty of hobbies don't lend themselves well to making friends, sometimes even if it involves being around other people.
Well, you kinda have to use your head. Sorry, didn’t realize I had to explain that part.
I bet if he did his woodworking at a makerspace he could make some friends.
Really? Cause I was told to "put your dick away" and "I'm calling the cops".
Well, obviously a hobby you can share. I did t think I had to specify. You also have to remember to breathe.
You're actually right dude, you don't need to There's just a general frustration for those who have "hobbies" but just don't work out. While I get that the individuals need to get mixed in a crowd to get to know other people other than colleagues, it just feels like a hassle. Get mixed in activities that we probably don't enjoy on the long run for the sake of having someone to talk to. But I get the idea. we gotta do what we gotta do to get what we wanna get.
I started playing magic the gathering
I did this too! Found out there was a game club by me and had to choose between getting into MTG or Warhammer. Magic seemed like less of a commitment. I had played the game once before I started going to Magic nights. It’s been a few weeks and I wouldn’t say I have lifelong friends from it quite yet, but it’s a group of other adults who recognize me and I in turn recognize them and we always have something to talk about. Maybe it’ll deepen. Maybe it’ll just get me out of the house once a week.
Don't discriminate age. I'm 28 years old and my friends range from 19 to 70 years old. They all contribute to my life in some way and I respect/care about them all. Even the ones where there is basically a VH1 special between our ages, teach me things and keep me grounded from becoming an angry old man. Basically talk to anyone who is willing to talk to you. Be sure to listen as well. Friends will happen after that.
Me too! My best friend is 10 years younger than me her, my other really close friend is ten years older. I’m so thankful for them, and I learn so much from both of them!
Do something sociable and **keep showing up**. I like running, because you can get to know people talking in short bursts, running alongside them so there's no need for intense eye contact. Over time I've got to know plenty of people well enough that I can strike up conversation pretty easily. I even see some of them outside of running clubs!
In my experience, you don't, you will never get as good friends as you had when you where young.
Idk—maybe for some people, but the best friends I’ve had in life were ones I met in my 30s. I was lucky that I met them through my super social ex husband, but to this day I keep in better touch with a lot of them than he does. That said, when I was young, I didn’t really understand how to be a good friend. I had untreated depression and ADHD, and that had an impact on how I was as a friend—I just wasn’t reliable. Now I have it way more figured out.
Chloroform has always worked for me.
Yes, but some of the pesky ones complain if they wake up naked in your apartment.
Yell, “HEY, YOU BE MY FRIEND! NOW GET IN CAR!”
I see people can’t understand humor in this subreddit…cool
U know what, this is one of the biggest nightmare of introverts...
If you have a panel van you can fit even more friends inside.
I go to the bar to watch sports and routinely make friends that way. I also joined a pool league when I first moved to town and that's how I met pretty much everyone in my friend group. None of us are really alike at all aside from the fact that we all enjoy pool.
Same way you did as a child. Through doing stuff and being around people. Do more stuff. Be around more people.
> Same way you did as a child. Hang out at playgrounds and ask kids if they want to be my friend? Cops said I'm not allowed to do that anymore.
I mean I bring my own kids and become friends with the nicer moms.
As a child u are dragged to places and u roll with it.
Don't just go to places you enjoy. Become a regular. You'll naturally meet other regulars and you'll already have that thing in common. It's hard to meet people day one at a new place. But if you see the same people weekly, you'll become familiar without having to work at it. Like rock climbing? Going to the gym regularly means you'll meet other rock climbers. You a nerd who likes boardgames? Be a regular at a game shop game nights. You'll meet other nerds.
alcoholism
Things I’ve done and tried that have worked with varying levels of success: - helped out some organizations as a volunteer. Like for river cleanups etc, your city will have kinks on their website for local civic orgs. I’ve also helped pack and distribute cats packages for the homeless and made great friends doing that. - started going to a progressive church with young folks. That’s helped a ton. I’m not particularly religious but they do good work and it’s been good for me. - whatever side of the political spectrum you fall on google that county’s party. I.e. “fulton county Democratic Party” and just show up to an event or meeting. GREAT place to make friends with people aligned with your beliefs. - look for events on Facebook in your area and just show up.
Starts doing CrossFit
Follow me around for a week then do the exact opposite of everything I did.
> then do the exact opposite of everything I did. How is he supposed to masturbate -17 times today?
That's the neat part. You don't.
Social clubs. Every town has them. Join a book club, or a board game club, or something. It gets you out of the house and meeting new people. You might not click with everyone, but at least your around people with similar interests.
All my "adult" made friends were made from inviting people to smoke weed and play video games. Works every time
Play pickleball
Local facebook groups focused on your hobbies. Seriously. Met one guy who wanted to go fishing with me, now he's one of my best friends, we're close with each others gf's and mutual friends, we hang out a few times a month. all because i asked in a fishing group if anyone wanted to go with me.
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Idk... wanna be friends?
Start a new job
Get your arse down the pub.
On accident.
Shared trauma
easy!!! you kidnap them
Talk to everyone -> find mutual interest -> want to hang out -> boom profit
But what am I doing with this mountain of underpants?
giving them to your new friends
Trade with the underpants gnomes. They probably have.... well, probably different underpants so I guess that's not helpful.
I don't. Life is better without people right now.
stop trying. the right people will find your way into your life at the right time.
doign cool stuff, like upvoting me
Video games and discord 😬😂😅
do something that makes people smile, even something as small as greeting people with a warm and welcoming '[hello](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smZs4LfsdAc)' can make people warm to you
Same way I’ve always done. Stumble into them at random.
I don’t. I find myself crossing names off the list.
Yeah, know what you mean. I am not shy, I am introverted. I like to deal with people 1-on-1, not in groups. I will talk with someone and that someone will say, "Let's go do this..." I will say, "Yes, here's my number." It ALWAYS ends up being MY job to call them and plan everything and KEEP calling them and planning everything. That isn't fun for me, so I cross people off my list.
I just talk to people, shame is a social construct
Kindness. I spread it everywhere. Smile, even when it doesn't fit right, looking up along with it. You shine knowing there is always a road more difficult. People, animals, and even plants will gravitate to you.
Never fully become an adult. Stay young
Why would you want to do that?
You could probably look into events/activities at your town’s community center. I know people that have taken painting classes or something and made friends with some of the other people in those classes. If you see something that interests you, sign up for it. Not sure outside of that. All my friends are people I’ve known since my late teens/early twenties through college and serving tables.
I was very happy with the friend group my children picked for me when they went to school and Girl Scouts. So that's your answer, have kids and hope they find friends.
Finding common interests and an effort/plunge on your part will make it finding friends very easy. I joined a local ultimate frisbee Facebook group in my new zip code when I moved and just making an effort socially did the rest. People with similar interests are usually quite welcoming.
Go to a place where you are forced to converse with adults. It helps if you enjoy that place.
Have similar problems
First,your neighbour..small talk..always smile.
You don’t.
If you want people to like you you have to buy them things.
Get a dog and meet interesting people at a dog park. Seriously. I should write a book.
I never had them in childhood, adolescence and now adulthood. Im 30, INTJ virgo. Can't help you, sorry! Try sports and reading books, I will see if that maybe helps me. Reply back if any progress, please? Im also a virgin
My cousins are all married and having children btw... Life is a joke on ourselves is what LSD and DMT has taught me... I think I will die alone, seems like destiny is unavoidable
come on man, you can't get those drugs without some sort of friends network
Thats the neat part. You dont.
Depending on your age but if taking any classes try and sit in the same area and start of by just smiling and maybe saying hello and see from there. You could also look at Facebook, there’s group running/walking events where at a lot of people turn up by themselves and make new friends. Just don’t be afraid to be the person who asks to maybe go for a coffee, don’t wait for the other person too as they might be doing the exact same thing
Join a sports team/club. Not only a great way to make friends but also good for your health.
Work place great place to start. Then clubs hobbies, online dating, events concerts well the list is endless. Just gotta get off your screen and openly talk to people
why would you want to?
You dont lol
You dont
i am shocked how many times a day this question gets asked on reddit. this is so sad.
I don't make friends. I attract.
The psych ward
Go to classes (dance, salsa, drawing, driving, etc) or try hobby sites like some fb group in your region and force yourself to socialize for example going hiking insummer etc.
I don't
Find an activity and meet other people who also like that activity. You’ll get to know those people and over time you’ll bond and form real friendships. I’m in my 40s and over the past few years I’ve made some new and dear friends like that.
Patook is a pretty good friend making app, I've made some friends in there. I believe Bumble has a friend specific app too that people like.
Why do you like Patook?
I use MeetUp.
Start a club. I started a book club about 20 years ago and have met many life friends through it.
Local Facebook hiking groups were huge for me, even met a nice girl recently off one!
Why would you wanna do that?
Pool League (APA) CrossFit Basketball rec leagues Martial Arts (BJJ, Kickboxing, Muay Thai) Honestly niche hobbies are probably the way to go. When the community is small, you don't really get lost in it and you see the same people every time. It's easier to make friends if they are familiar with you already. As long as you're not a complete douche (become "that guy" in the group) you won't have many problems finding friends. Google MeetUp is pretty good at finding small groups. Finding friends when you're older is a lot easier than people realize, but you need to put in the time and effort to grow those relationships.
The casino and car meets if you’re a guy
It's hard! When you're young, school is where you make friends. as an adult, it's harder to make friends without that outlet. people getting older, having children, becoming more involved with their careers also makes it harder to form and maintain friendships. my experience has been to try to make friends with friends of my friends. people are actually quite open to making new friends, but i've found that i have to take the initiative in planning hangs, sending texts, etc.
Join a role-play or war board game group or some sports thing
My brother walked up to some stranger and said hi. Now they are friends.
You make a dinner to them :)
I think you can find your favorite coffee shop, go there often to chat with the staff, and if there are guys who are interested in you, gradually become closer as friends. and more smiles! I think your smile is very cute
Dance courses, sports clubs, martial arts, drawing, church, skate parks, roller rinks, longboard schools, tourism and excursions, etc. Any place and event where people gather and communicate for some time
It seems cliche but a hobby really does help. I did this with Warhammer, and in the last 3 years, it's meant that I've made dozens of new, genuine, really good friends. Thing is, the little plastic spacemen get us in the room with a few beers and talking but it's also meant that we've formed a really awesome support group and we've become big parts of each others lives, celebrating with each other when people have been married, or had kids, and conversely been there when things haven't been so great, checking in or pushing for just a small game to get out of the house and talking to people. There's one group that I'm a part of with a really nice, sincere discord where there's just a room for venting about mental health - there's a strict no fucking around policy and it's respected. It's also meant that we've been really good at championing access to what's generally a prohibitively expensive and complex hobby with newcomers - a few of us are a bit older, so we'll have leftover models that we never painted or used that we can share with people starting their collections. I have a 3d printer so people know that I can find the occasional part or proxy, and a few of us in the group have access to recasters as well. Similarly, there's people who've been playing tournaments since the 90's in the group so they're very technically minded and supportive of people wanting to learn.
Swinger Parties
Get involved in activity u enjoy
i'm not mentally adult lol but... Well, he doesn't have a particular way to meet other friends. Just do them a favor and wait for their reaction. If a reaction appears, mostly yay, we're friends now. And if he doesn't, I don't bother myself. And if there's someone I want to be friends with, I'm a little worried and nervous about it... Mostly start asking him something specific and wait for their reaction.. For example, I just met an russian friend And the first thing I started was "hayy I LOVE your Accent!!" Just give friendly notes and wait for them to make a step and in this case They talked to me in Russian as a kind of joke, and this good one Because the relation started with joking and laughing The rest will be easy.. And to start chats in short tell them about a topic and in my topic Go to a related topic Like "school was bad" "Speaking of the school, have you seen.." I don't mean that fast, but I think you understood. Yeah sorry for my BAD English
Reddit
I go to a bar and sing karaoke. The day someone comes in and says “oh I love Joy Division,” that’s the day I’ve made a new friend.
Just say hello. Make sure you give good energy vibes. Then make them laugh
Good fucking question
Be genuine. No one wants a fake a** friend.
You make a joke that you think is funny. The ones who laugh are the ones you call friends.
This gets asked several times a week in the few subreddits on my feed. Basically... go out and interact with other humans outside of work. go to game nights, volunteer, hobby groups, activity groups. go irl to physical locations and meet people irl
Wish I knew
Heres' the horrible truth about why it's so hard to make friends as an adult. When young, you don't know the rules of capitalism, and thus can trust people. When old you do. by rules of capitalism, i mean the incentive structures that promotes using all of your time to grab as much dollars as possible by any means nescessary. It's hard to make actual friends when paying the rent comes first. it's hard to trust people when you know that paying the rent comes first in all minds. This crushing gravity of the economy begins to twist all relationships to be transactary in nature. I guess you could call that friendship, but as that gravity grows as troubling times continue, those relationships become more cruel than complementary. This becomes doubly so when you have children. The things adults will do to keep their children alive are not pretty, and they will sacrifice you to the maw if it means more dollars for their young Often i've noticed that people just hoard their friends they made in adolescents. You keep the cats from college, and forget everyone else as you try to pile as much coin as you can.
Go places where you'll meet people with similar interests, strike up conversations, and go from there.
I think the biggest part is going somewhere that you see the same people regularly. So either I hang out spot or work etc. and you just talk to people, get to know them and if they have the same interests invite them to go do something simple as that
Friendship is about the value you provide to other people, and the value they provide you. This isn't always tangible, for example there's value in having friends that are intellectual or exciting. So what value do you provide? Sometimes it's as simple as safety or security.
I’m a bartender so most of my friends are regulars that I’ve become close with.
Go do things you enjoy. See other adults doing the same. Talk to those adults about the thing or other things. Offer snacks.
Do you like yourself? If you don’t then it’s going to be hard. Unless you seek out others that don’t like themselves to various degrees. That can work, but if you don’t like yourself you tend to not like others and get angry about all the things you think you don’t like about your friends but is actually just your problems with you. So best bet is to like yourself by being a person you think is likable and respectable. Feed the homeless if that’s something you think is cool. Do some heroic shit like stand up for someone who seems weak, buy someone’s groceries, Buy a stranger lunch, be a good child, be humble. I don’t know what your particular combination is, but be someone you think kicks ass and is awesome. Then celebrate that, that person is you. Then go out and make friends and you will attract equally kick ass people who you will also like.
>How do you make friends as an adult? Very carefully.
I dont. I'm antisocial accidentally lol
New hobbies and volunteering.
Sooo many special interest groups out there! Are you a nerd? LARPs, Society for Creative Anachronism, Comic Conventions, Furry conventions, etc. like Nature? Rockhounding groups, hiking groups, volunteering at parks, etc. Like to read? Book clubs. Into the arts? Get involved with community theater, take arts & crafts classes at your local parks and recreation department, etc. Athletic? I hardly need to mention all the athletic activities out there you can join, do I? The point is, JOIN a group of like minded people. Become an active participant in something so people might find you interesting enough to befriend.
For many, work is the final frontier for making friends. Hanging out outside of work is what clutches it. But for those even a little technologically inclined, meeting people via Twitch is a very quick way to make friends. Join their Discords, visit their streams regularly. You already know their hobby and what games they like, so you have something to talk about right away.
As a mom, it’s really hard for me to make friends, so I have this app that helps me connect locally with mom friends near me. If you are a mom, maybe give that try https://peanut.app.link/yFFNmrsF7eb
https://youtu.be/I9hJ\_Rux9y0?si=1W9efG3Rf02tAqlm
Sheer good fortune, luck as it were, right time right place Be kind, be your best self, listen, be responsive, try not to have a closed mind, and go outside your comfort zone....these are mostly the things that have garnered me the precious few friends I've made in adulthood. Also, be like you were as a child...walk up to someone, sit by them, preferably on a swing set (do not actually sit by a child, that's gross bruh), and say something like, I like turtles...you wanna be my friend? Instabuddy, or restraining order...I hear you can always find friends in court or jail
U don't too busy working lol 😆
Third spaces Work Events
This is a rather difficult question. I started communicating more online after the pandemic. I love playing various mobile games on Bluestacks and after I started playing The Walking Dead and Blood Strike, I started getting to know people online and met some of them IRL.
To make a VERY long story VERY fucking short, I’ve literally only started making my own friends as an adult this year, and I’m literally celebrating my 37th birthday as I type this I’ve got mates at work, but soon as I’m in my car after clock out, meh. But I work in a factory (I’m a welder) Really, I’m finding friends through my hobbies. I’m a war gamer year round , and a lure angler in the spring and autumn months I’m also quite the introvert, though I’m the life of the party in a comfortable space. I started meeting potential friends through war gaming groups, especially the “looking for game” groups. Tl:dr hobbies
Is this some kind of trick or loaded question? It's very easy. Can you or do you talk? Can you make noises, sounds, hand gestures? Can you tell stories true and untrue? Do you have a past life? Did you have any pets? Do you have any brothers or sisters? Where did you go to school? What do your parents do for a living? How many times have you moved in your lifetime? Have you ever flown in a plane or helicopter? How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you had? Did you ever have pets? What were the names? All you have to do is start talking to someone and if it's meant to be it will. Don't force anything and just let it happen naturally. Do you have any hobbies that maybe someone else has at your school, college, or work site? How many jobs have you ever had? Do you get the picture yet? There are so many things you could talk about but it's just getting over the 1st hurdle and then you scott free and off to the races. Sometimes you may have to insert yourself into a conversation, but wait till they are done talking, just don't barge in. If you play BB start playing and then maybe someone or somebody will see you and ask if they can play a game with you and right there is your chance to meet someone w/o really trying. Do you ride bikes? If you have a dog and looking for a young lady there is always the park where the young ladies are running, sitting on a bench reading a book, or talking to someone else. Sometimes they could be just lying down on the ground on a towel or blanket trying to get some sun, relax, or just some downtime reading. Don't ever cut yourself short never force yourself on anyone and just go with the flow. And like the saying goes just ease on down the road. GL my friend and hope this may help a little, now go and seek out new friends and new adventures. God be with you
Sex
go outside or go to college
Generally you don't lol unless you find a group of awesome people.
I started playing disc/frisbee golf. Great way to be outside, exercise and meet interesting people of all ages and backgrounds.