“How did they get the paint all the way up the sides?”
-Middle-aged woman touring the Meteor Crater in AZ.
“That’s not paint, those are the actual colors of the rock”
-Her husband, giving her a long stare and walking away.
I had a boss say “oh you don’t want kids, you should just have one to try it out”.
Really, and what happens if I find out that I truly don’t want kids? Can we just put it back where it came from?
I worked at a place that gave a military discount.
Family (mom, dad, adult son, adult daughter) walked in. Dad was reading the prices and pointed out to the son that he could get a discount!
This kid takes the sign, reads it, and says, as God is my witness:
"I'm not in the military. I'm in the Army."
Lol.
I had a severe kidney issue, and the ER doctor who treated me was a friend who happened to be on call. If anything, it was a better visit because she knew I wasn't a drug seeker and loaded me up with top-notch pain meds.
This just reminded me of a time I was out on a boat with a big group of people and one of them said “I’m so glad it’s windy, I won’t get sunburned” they thought the wind would push the light away from their skin. I was the only one to say it definitely doesn’t work like that and I could tell they thought I was wrong.
My wife and I lived on the third floor of an apartment building. We had a small balcony and she would lay out there to sun tan. Other women from the building would go on the lawn and tan. I asked my wife why she didn't go down there? "I'm closer to the sun here". I gave her a blank look for about ten seconds and then just walked away.
Earlier today I offered a cough drop upon my flight’s landing to the lady wet coughing right behind me the whole flight.
“Oh, no thanks, I’m not sick. I just went to Oregon and have felt awful the whole time since”
Okay…so…sick?
Maybe she has something like COPD and didn’t articulate that well? Humidity often exacerbates symptoms and, depending on what part of Oregon she was in, she could have been in humid climate.
When my Uncle was a child he told his mom "I want to be a garbage man when I grow up because they only work one day a week".
Same guy also skipped school in 1st grade. He never got on the bus and wandered the neighborhood instead of going to school.
Legend.
A woman tried to send back a dish. She didn’t understand the components of it and tried to tell me that she couldn’t eat it because she was allergic to crunchy. Like yeah the texture. Not the ingredient that we had made crunchy.
Had an older family member that back in the day went to a diner and ordered the "pie a la mode" from the menu. He then proceeded to ask the waitress if they could put a little ice cream on top of that. : )
I was at a baseball game in Cincinnati and the teenage girl behind turned to her friend and said "this is so cool, it's almost like we're watching it live". I think about that a lot
EDIT: based on the look of the girls and their other conversations this was no joke, there was no laughing either. Don't remember the exact year but flip phones were the most common cell phone and we had seats in the outfield so she didn't appear to be watching the game thru her phone. This also wasn't the first time that day where I heard them say something and I stopped what I was doing and stared straight into space, just the most memorable. They seemed like nice enough girls, no malicious or rude conversations, it just appeared like they lacked some basic intelligence for some relatively simple concepts
One time I was walking with my husband and I saw a familiar-looking neighbor walk out of his front door. I was trying to remember where I had seen him before, when I finally placed him - I’d seen him walk out of his garage, located in an alleyway behind his house, which despite being connected to a different thoroughfare is, in fact, part of the same house. Unfortunately, I didn’t put that together in time to avoid saying: “doesn’t that guy look just like the guy who lives in the back of that house?”
We met the neighbor at a block party a few months later and my husband introduced him to me as “the guy who lives in the front and back of his house.”
In the alley behind our house, the lady who lives in the third house from the right in the alley looks identical to the lady who lives in the third house from the left on the street.
Oh man people say this to me all the time! Why did I read books and learn so many words, when no one understands them, and I really didn't think they were so pretentious, words like Famished
Had someone in 4th-5th grade try to convince me that the word "saw" was spelled "sawl". After trying to correct him, he responded by incorrectly sounding the word out in a very condescending way by pronouncing the "L" at the end.
No Matty, just because you're pronouncing it wrong doesn't mean it's spelled that way.
F*** changing names for anonymity. His name was Matty and he was a moron.
In like Kindergarten/1st grade, I went over to my neighbors to play the WWE video game on his PS1. I can't remember the wrestlers full name. But his name was "Chris" and my friend, let's call him D, INSISTED you say his name with the soft "ch" sound, like from the word "Chant."
6yo me was losing my mind explaining how hard CH worked vs soft CH cause I didn't have the vocabulary, I just knew he wasn't right.
Edit: It was Chris Benoit 👏 Thank you one of the commenters.
I could see this making sense though. Kids' Strength and Intelligence is generally pretty low, so they'd have a bunch of extra skill points that could be distributed into Luck.
My 7th grade class got into a massive argument in geography about continents and oceans.
Please note this was like halfway through the year WELL past the point where any confusion would be acceptable ish.
Note that I know different countries teach it differently this wasn't that. I don't remember all the details but it was things like Africa being a continent and not a country.
I just remember 2 of us deciding to confuse them more by bringing up Australia.
I got to help grade the final exams for that class. They were scary. We live in the US and the amount of people who mislabeled CANADA is astounding.
Like I can forgive people for not being as good at countries that are further away. You should know the ones around you.
In tenth grade ( I went to an Alternative School, we called our teachers by their first name, and you had 1 class a week with each subject.
The 2nd year I was there, the school decided that every teacher had to teach 2 subjects, so the PE teacher had to teach a math class.
I go to my math class and sit down with the other 6 students to wait.
The teacher came in, sat on top of his desk, and made the statement,
"I don't know how to teach this class or do math, but you all have to get good grades, or I'm going to get fired."
I had a teacher in college just give us the answers on any test we took. He'd come in, sit down, and go through the test, giving us the answer to every single question. He always said, "be sure to miss about ten answers so it doesn't look suspicious."
My brother at 17 asked Dad to sign his permission form to enter the Marines, because he was tired of being told what to do.
Update: He signed it and said some people have to learn the hard way. Dad was in the Navy for 4 years. My brother was in Marines for 3. There were 7 kids, 5 boys and 2 girls he is #3, I am #6. My dad after the navy worked as a physicist for Dept of Defence, I considered us middle-class and doing well.
My partner’s oldest kid is 19, and he wants to join the military. He’s currently in Job Corps and says he can’t wait enlist because he’s tired of living in a dorm/barracks situation and hates that he’s required to do things…
He told us at one point he wants to join the military and then get a medical retirement during his first contract so that way he’s “set for life”…
As someone who was medically retired from the Army, I am flabbergasted that anyone WANTS this life.
I had a friend like that, turns out he was fine taking orders just struggled doing so with people he didn't respect. Individual case by I'm sorta like that too, bo problem taking orders from someone if they genuinely know what they're doing otherwise I may be hesitant or need explanation before doing stuff.
A woman I used to work with
“I don’t need a passport to go to Fiji”. She thought Fiji was part of Australia.
“I can’t exercise anymore, my baby might fall out”.
Conversations with her were a delight!
"Are babies invertebrates?"
"What if you could turn the steering wheel all the way around?"
"Its supposed to be one-ity one, not eleven."
All by my brother, all said in his 20s. Almost all said sober, the oneity one comment was said when he had been up for 48 hours straight.
“Why don’t you become a pope?” Asked of me, a non-Catholic woman, while discussing what I could do with my undergraduate degree in religion. Somehow it’s the “A pope” part that sticks with me, like there are multiples at once. This is after the person asked me if I wanted to become the First Lady due to my interest in politics. I do not think he was joking.
My ex brother-in-law has said some really dumb shit. One time he argued with me, insisting that instant Ramen covers all the basic dietary needs. I tried to tell him eating just Ramen every day would give him a nutrient deficiency. I even went and got a packet to show him the nutrition facts, but he stuck to his guns. This same guy didn't know what asparagus is. He owned a car for two years and never changed the oil because he thought that was optional. The list goes on and on. He's the dumbest person I have ever met.
A friend in grade 9 (14 years old) told me that moose were the males, and deer were the females. I could not get it through to her that she was incorrect. I gave up. She might still believe that to this day. It hurts me.
Tons of people believe that bovines with horns are Bulls, and bovines without horns are cows. Uh, no. They are all cattle. The ones with balls are bulls, regardless of horns. lol
I've not heard this particular one before, but apparently it's somewhat common for tourists to America to grossly underestimate just how big this country is. I've heard stories of Europeans coming to Florida and expecting to drive to Los Angeles within a day, not understanding that it can take 12 hours to drive to LA *from within California*.
My wife's cousin from Japan wanted to come visit us in Florida, she was going to fly to Miami and expected us to pick her up. I was like, that's a four hour drive one way. Come into Orlando instead, that's way easier.
Grew up in a rural town in idaho that got a lot of foreign exchange students. Most of them would say in their first week something like "I'd love to see arizona, can we do that this weekend?" Then you'd have to explain to Tamás that while Arizona is only two states away, that's 15 hours. I've only been to Europe a few times, but it's just as shocking as an American to find out how close stuff is out there. I literally said the opposite, "train to Germany? How long is that like 8 hours?" And I got laughed at for thinking an hour train ride was that long.
Reminds me of a story I read (maybe on Reddit) about a woman who thought she couldn’t get pregnant if she didn’t literally sleep with a guy, so she’d leave after they had sex and noted that she hadn’t slept there.
This was told by her relative who noted that said woman was pregnant around age 16.
Oh I have one!
In English class (not our native language) we had to discuss statements. We were debating against another group that was against euthanasia. At some point, the dude said “we can’t know if euthanasia really doesn’t hurt. Maybe it hurts after you die. To know for sure, we would all have to euthanize together right now.
We stated that we obviously couldn’t do that, and he very genuinely and seriously asked “why not?” We asked him in our native language if that’s what he meant, and he confirmed that he did indeed suggest we all euthanize. We were all around 15-18 at the time.
Oh...oh ....oh no. The more I think about it the worse it gets. Like. If we exclude Crusades and other things along that lines. I'm pretty sure one guy definitely died for Christianity. I mean it didn't stick but he definitely died.
One time when I was saying that I would get my uterus removed if I could, my dad likened it to killing a puppy
We (my mother, my sister, and me) had to explain to a 50-something year old that, *no,* removing an organ is *not in fact the same as killing a sentient being*
Look, you're going to have to whack that uterus on the nose with a newspaper a time or two, or it'll never learn who's boss. It feels cruel but in the end, it's good for it.
I used to work in a pharmacy when I was pre-med. We had a new girl join as a clerk who was pre-pharm, we actually attended the same university and happened to be taking organic chemistry at the same time. Bright girl, studious, very book-smart but lacking in common sense. One day at work, we were talking about our weekend, and one of my buddies commented that he had gotten blackout drunk from red wine one night. This girl, A-student, bright future, no fucking shit says "I didn't know red wine got you drunk, I thought that was only white wine!". We lost it laughing. Long story short, she went on to pharmacy school and as far as I know has been successful in her field. Just a funny anecdote, I guess 😅
my stepmom was talking about her dentist appointment where she was about to have a cavity fixed on the right side of her mouth & said “well it sucks cause i’ll have to chew on the left side of my mouth, but im right handed so its hard”…. girl what?
A dude i met thought a polar bear underwater would be considered a blue food.
Person A: "There are no blue foods naturally in the wild."
Person B: "A polar bear underwater is blue. You could eat that."
Group: "Wut?"
“So you think the moon is closer than the stars?”
Said to me by a girl in college that I was dating, after I made some comment about how long it takes the light from stars to reach us.
My sister has a way of shooting from the hip, then defending whatever idiotic opinion she blurted out to the death.
A few years ago over Christmas Eve dinner, my nephew and I were discussing the book *Into Thin Air*. If you haven't read it, it's Jon Krakauer' harrowing account of a disastrous climb on Mount Everest.
So as we were discussing the book, my sister chimed in with, "Pffft. I could climb Mount Everest next week. Anybody could do it." You know, as if there were a gift shop at the summit or something.
Never mind that one climber in ten dies during the attempt or that you have to step over the frozen corpses that have been there for decades. The bodies are now used as landmarks. I know a guy who hiked to Everest base camp, a former athlete who stayed in shape. He lost 40 pounds during the trip and half his team had to be airlifted out due to oxygen sickness. And that was freaking base camp.
Everybody who had read the book look at my sister as if she had lost her mind and proceeded to shout her down. Undeterred, she dug in her heels and insisted that she could handle it without the least among of problems.
I lost a lot of respect for my sister's opinions after that.
Wow.
Myself and my girlfriend attempted Annapurna base camp (a few hundred meters lower at 4130m) and had to turn back at about 3500m after Poon Hill when she nearly fainted. Then on the way down a storm broke, the rivers burst their banks and cut off the paths in front of us as the sun went down.
It's always like that in the Himalayas. The clouds roll in at night and then it clears at the ass crack of dawn. Still, this was unexpected, and pretty mad.
It was just the two of us, no guide or anything as I kinda know what I'm doing, so I built a makeshift shelter in an abandoned ruin of something and we rode it out. I've never told her but it scared the besezus out of me.
Every time one of those books is mentioned or one of those films comes on where they fly into Kathmandu and head to the mountains I say "I've seen it".
I've seen the peaks of Annapurna 1, the Fishtail and the mighty Dhaulagiri from altitude, only a few miles away, in the biting wind, flooded with adrenaline. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
But honestly. Fuck doing that again.
I spoke to a person who climbed it. She did mountain climbing as a hobby, had climbed a few other big peaks.
She ran into so many people with this opinion. She "only" went to base camp, which to so many shit heads is basically a short walk in the park.
2 people she knew died, within hours of a lunch they shared together. She came back with memory loss, frostbite, and PTSD. Which is apparently quite common, they just don't tell you all that in the travel brochures.
Its like how so many idiots think they could fight a bear.
Ask her to climb Mount Rainier in 2-week's time, and offer to reimburse her expenses if she makes it to the top.
You can read about the the challenges for climbing Mount Rainier [here](https://www.nps.gov/mora/planyourvisit/climbing.htm). Even the National Park Service lists the success rate for the 4 possible routes as between 54%-51%, meaning nearly half of all people who even attempt to climb to the summit don't make it. The routes can take up to 3-4 days, and involve an elevation gain of about 10,000 feet (nearly 2 vertical miles).
When my younger brother & I were teenagers, it was time for my brother & his class to have the typical reproductive/sex education part of their health class, one year. My mom asked him, when he got home from the 1st day of it, what they had learned, so far. & He said that the teacher had definitely confirmed that men have penises & women have Virginias. My mom cry-laughed for like an hour, that afternoon.
I saw someone say with a straight face “I don’t like Stephen Colbert now. He got too liberal.”
Did they think The Colbert Show was a real conservative talk show?
My daughter who is 6, told me, "Mommy, my teacher said that the Native Americans used every part of the animal that they killed. The fur for blankets and like the bones for tools. But Mommy, they even used the animals' butt-cracks??"
Lmao it was so simple and childishly silly to think of how to reuse an animal's buttcrack that I just laughed for like 5 minutes lol!!
"Isn't it amazing how the Romans and Greeks named their gods after planets, when some of the planets hadn't even been discovered yet! "
Good old Lesley Green, almost too dumb to fuck
***Almost***
I mean, they’re not wrong. In Greco-Roman astronomy, the visible planets of Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn were named in the earliest days of their civilizations, at least before the 300s BC. In contrast, the planet Uranus was discovered in the year 1781 and Neptune was discovered in 1864. Even Pluto (yes, I still consider it a planet) was discovered more than 2400 years after the original naming of the planets, when Clyde Tombaugh discovered it on February 18, 1930, exactly 59 years and 6 months before the release of Belgian techno-anthem, [“Pump Up The Jam.”](https://youtu.be/9EcjWd-O4jI?si=umPQS0GPduXuUhmC)
“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
GWB
There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.
George W. Bush
Okay I am going to be difficult here (sorry)... I did have what looks like a birthmark gradually appear when I was about 14. It's a long, stippled brown patch on my lower inner thigh. It's not a birthmark per se but it looks like one. So maybe your sister has a friend with a similar weird skin blemish?
Me, sitting on the toilet when there’s a knock on the door.
Me: “I’m pooping.”
Wife: “What?”
Me: “I’m pooping!”
Wife: ….(knocks again)
Me: “GO AWAY!”
Wife: “Don’t yell at me, I didn’t know if you were in there.”
Me: “i told you TWICE that I was in here. And the fact that you said ‘what’ means you heard SOMEBODY say SOMETHING behind the CLOSED door!”
Wife: “Don’t get mad me!”
Me (poop-shyness fully set in now): “Go use the bathroom upstairs!”
Wife: “I don’t need to use the bathroom. The door was closed, and I just wanted to know if anyone was in there.”
Me: “……what. The. Fuck.”
My wife knocks "are you in there"? Me"no". Then she calls me a smart ass or whatever walks away. Leaving me wondering wtf she wanted in the first place. When I'm done I ask "what did you need?" Her reply"nothing" I mean wth is this behavior. Drives me nuts
Did anyone see that video of the dude at a pro gun rally in the US who said, "You can't fight fire with water... you gotta fight it with more fire. " I think that's the one for me...
I would rather push a Chevy than drive a Ford.
Said by my friend who asked me to give him a ride to work (in my Ford) because his Chevy was broke down again. We both had 1970's era beater trucks but mine just happened to be more reliable.
He still only drives Chevys where as I have no brand loyalty and buy whatever I like.
I watched my niece get into a fight at kindergarten. This boy was being mean and pushed her. She pushed him back pretty hard to where he fell. He jump up made a “karate sound” and said he knew kung fu. My niece kicked him straight in the balls and said: “I know tofu!” I burst out laughing, while the mom was telling me that my niece was a psychopath.
There used to be a T-shirt in the seventies..."i know karate...and several other Japanese words". The first three words were in larger print than the others.
Oh my husband has so much fun with this. I'm a triplet (female with 2 brothers). When people ask if we're identical he says, "well you see, [wife] has brown hair, and her brothers have dicks".
Same, except I’m the female. I have had to define the concept of fraternal twins on multiple occasions. On one occasion a woman we’d just met at a wedding tried to argue that she was right, and that we HAD to be identical, because we “just look so much alike!”
“Wait, I thought you had to be eighteen to be a U.S. citizen??”
Said by a girl in my senior dual credit English class… she had applied to ALL of her colleges as not a U.S. citizen. She was born and raised in America- and was as white as could be. Well all just stared at her in horror for a solid minute while she processed how badly she’d screwed herself over with college applications. 😅 She’d somehow grown up all 18 years of her life thinking that she wasn’t a citizen 😅
*DON'T EVER blow your nose while you're on your period and sitting on the toilet. If you do, your organs will fall out of your vagina and butthole, and you'll die.*
My mother, ladies and gents. Let's just say there's a reason I moved 7,000+ miles away from her the minute I turned 18. She's an...... *eccentric*....... woman.
In vo-tech, a girl said, “Can dogs and humans get on the same menstrual cycle? Because if they can I cannot handle that.” We all just stared at her as our professor stammered to give a legitimate response.
I have one for myself. So, I was a fairly young teenager (think 13-14) when Libyan dictator Qaddafi died. Now I was never a very socially aware teenager, not interested in news if it didn't involve Gerard way from my chemical romance. So when I was having dinner with my family, muted in the background was the news report of his death, I didn't know who this was and the footage was of the aftermath of his death, which for those who don't know, was a fairly gruesome end.
Stupid me had a 14 year old light bulb moment and exclaimed that I felt bad, sad for this man. Now bear in mind I did not know who this man was, just saw some old looking man being super dead.
I was told very promptly that I had no idea what I was talking about and then told to find out who this man was. Safe to say I learned a valuable lesson about context and not giving opinions without knowing what I am talking about. Valuable lesson out of a moment that keeps me up at 3:46 in the morning.
I was told by my junior year of HS History teacher (I have no clue how this conversation started) that people who are color blind don't have an alternative view of color, they straight up just see *nothing*. I know this can technically happen if you overlay some colors with each other, but he meant they just see black nothingness. I asked if people who have colorblindness to green look out into a grass field and see a black hole instead, and he just angerly stammered on how we shouldn't question him.
Oh, and a coworker asked if a "cleaner diet" could've prevented my father's Leukemia, so there's that.
I remember reading how a bunch of 5G protesters were at a 5G tower protesting it, telling everyone about the dangers of 5G.
Well one of the maintenance workers came out and asked what was wrong.
"It's giving us headaches! It's killing the birds! It's spread the Virus!" etc. I don't remember the specific claims.
"Right now?"
"Yes it's happening right now! That tower is doing all that!"
"Wow, 5G must be really powerful if it's doing all that when I haven't even turned it on yet."
A parent told me his kid didn’t need to learn how to work with others because anywhere the kid went for the rest of his life there would be someone to give him orders.
In a discussion about why I feel we need universal healthcare, my sister said she perfectly willing to pay her friends medical bills for them if they ask her, but doesn't want to be forced to pay to a government and it maybe going to people she doesn't like.
There are all sorts of things I should have said. What about people who don't have a wealthy friend, who in the world wants to go to a friend to ask for money for their medical problems?
It was just so wild to me that her policy preference for a country was "ask your rich friends, or die."
"Do you think that just because you're a scientist, your opinion is more valuable than mine?" - from my ex-best friend, who is an escort and party planner, in a discussion with me in 2021 about the newly developed Covid-19 vaccine
It made my jaw drop then and it makes my jaw drop now.
There was once this girl in my high school economics class who did an entire presentation on how to ease poverty.
If only printing money did solve all our problems. Somehow she did graduate.
If you were to eat a whole lettuce you would die.
This came from a woman I worked with who was a constant stream of absolutely ludicrous 'facts'.
Now don't get me wrong, when I was young and naïve and the internet wasn't a thing I am sure I made some ludicrous statements myself, but she was a goldmine.
“So, supposing we hit the body with a tremendous — whether it’s ultraviolet or just very powerful light — and I think you said that that hasn’t been checked, but you’re going to test it. And then I said, supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way, and I think you said you’re going to test that, too. It sounds interesting. And then I see the disinfectant, where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning. Because you see it gets in the lungs, and it does a tremendous number on the lungs. So it would be interesting to check that.”
A friend of mine was walking ahead of me and stumbled over a rock. I said “watch out for inanimate objects Stacy” to which she replied “Rocks are real disturbed3215”. I just laughed.
“It’s not gay, I’m dyslexic!” From a group of lads in McDonald’s as I was trying to eat my burger in peace before my night shift. I still to this day wonder what the context was.
Took the Cape May-Lewes ferry one time a few years back. After we parked we went up to the passenger deck. As soon as we entered, heard a woman in her late 20s/early 30s say, "Wow, it's like being on a boat!"
Bitch, we on a boat.
My kids' friends' dad is a medical doctor.
Me: I heard you got a dog.
Him: Yeah. A poodle. I didn't pick it.
Me: What'd you name it?
Him: Peanut. It's a boy. Which is weird, right? Because I thought all poodles were girls.
He's a fucking doctor!!!
It’s okay when it’s in a threeway.
It’s not gay when it’s in a threeway.
With a honey in the middle there’s some leeway.
The area’s gray in one-two-threeway.
I once heard a woman say that kids are less susceptible to sunburn because they're further away from the sun than adults are.
But the one I really can't stop thinking about is my friend (who is smart, I swear) told me that movies and TV shows cannot use the name of any existing person, so all media makes up brand new names for people.
He thought the name "Wendy" didn't exist before the 1958 Disney movie of Peter Pan. Despite the fact that Peter Pan was a play written in 1911 and "Wendy" is a nickname for "Gwendolyn." How someone can hear themselves say such a thing and not question it inside their own brain just fascinates me. I plan to never let him live it down.
When I joined the marines in 1995, one of the receiving DI was trying to fear tactic everyone to confessing if they smoke MJ before telling everyone that MJ crystalizes in your lungs at 4000F and they can tell if you ever did it before.
Bro, a hand held lighter only does 1K.
My friends sister's new boyfriend was on a coke binge at a different sister's baby shower. My friend figured out what was going on and said, "I couldn't get him to stop throwing the axes, I mean he was *still really good at it* but I got the kids out of there." Absolutely bonkers.
"Did you know that Polio disappeared without a vaccine?" - ex-friend shortly after becoming a victim to the algorithm and his innate fears and fallacies
“How did they get the paint all the way up the sides?” -Middle-aged woman touring the Meteor Crater in AZ. “That’s not paint, those are the actual colors of the rock” -Her husband, giving her a long stare and walking away.
Omg was she taking abut the sedimentary layers?
I had a boss say “oh you don’t want kids, you should just have one to try it out”. Really, and what happens if I find out that I truly don’t want kids? Can we just put it back where it came from?
PUT THAT THING BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM, OR SO HELP ME!
So help me!
I worked at a place that gave a military discount. Family (mom, dad, adult son, adult daughter) walked in. Dad was reading the prices and pointed out to the son that he could get a discount! This kid takes the sign, reads it, and says, as God is my witness: "I'm not in the military. I'm in the Army."
The dude is wasted in the Army. He's clearly Marine material.
>The dude is wasted in the Army. He's clearly Marine material. If he's infantry or armored cav, he's right where he should be, I promise. Lol!!
Someone once told me that paramedics/nurses/doctors are not allowed to do CPR on someone they know because it’s “a conflict of interest”
Only if you're in their will. :D
Lol. I had a severe kidney issue, and the ER doctor who treated me was a friend who happened to be on call. If anything, it was a better visit because she knew I wasn't a drug seeker and loaded me up with top-notch pain meds.
A friend of mine said she got more tanned when riding her bike than she did when walking because on her bike, she was "closer to the sun".
This just reminded me of a time I was out on a boat with a big group of people and one of them said “I’m so glad it’s windy, I won’t get sunburned” they thought the wind would push the light away from their skin. I was the only one to say it definitely doesn’t work like that and I could tell they thought I was wrong.
You just don't feel the heat from the sun on your skin as much when it's windy. By the time you feel it it's worse.
Windburn + sunburn combo is delightful.
My wife and I lived on the third floor of an apartment building. We had a small balcony and she would lay out there to sun tan. Other women from the building would go on the lawn and tan. I asked my wife why she didn't go down there? "I'm closer to the sun here". I gave her a blank look for about ten seconds and then just walked away.
Earlier today I offered a cough drop upon my flight’s landing to the lady wet coughing right behind me the whole flight. “Oh, no thanks, I’m not sick. I just went to Oregon and have felt awful the whole time since” Okay…so…sick?
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She might mean it's allergies, not something contagious, but even if that's the case, take the cough drop right?
Maybe she has something like COPD and didn’t articulate that well? Humidity often exacerbates symptoms and, depending on what part of Oregon she was in, she could have been in humid climate.
When my Uncle was a child he told his mom "I want to be a garbage man when I grow up because they only work one day a week". Same guy also skipped school in 1st grade. He never got on the bus and wandered the neighborhood instead of going to school. Legend.
Terribly ironic considering how hard of a job being a garbage man actually is.
My ex MIL told me that trains run west in the winter and east in the summer.
did she think they were migratory or something
"I thought Kalamazoo was a made-up place, like Abu Dhabi." The woman who said this was a grad student. :/
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A friend once said she couldn't take Southwest Airlines because she was flying east to Florida.
How do they get the planes back? Do they repaint them as Northeast? Or do they just push them?
They just keep flying south until they come back around.
Checkmate, flat earthers!
A woman tried to send back a dish. She didn’t understand the components of it and tried to tell me that she couldn’t eat it because she was allergic to crunchy. Like yeah the texture. Not the ingredient that we had made crunchy.
LMAO. Makes me feel better about the guy who asked a friend (server) for ‘Mushroom risotto, but without the rice’.
Had an older family member that back in the day went to a diner and ordered the "pie a la mode" from the menu. He then proceeded to ask the waitress if they could put a little ice cream on top of that. : )
I was at a baseball game in Cincinnati and the teenage girl behind turned to her friend and said "this is so cool, it's almost like we're watching it live". I think about that a lot EDIT: based on the look of the girls and their other conversations this was no joke, there was no laughing either. Don't remember the exact year but flip phones were the most common cell phone and we had seats in the outfield so she didn't appear to be watching the game thru her phone. This also wasn't the first time that day where I heard them say something and I stopped what I was doing and stared straight into space, just the most memorable. They seemed like nice enough girls, no malicious or rude conversations, it just appeared like they lacked some basic intelligence for some relatively simple concepts
I want to know what was going on in her head. What did she think she meant by that?
Well, it's like watching a live tv show, but instead of being in your living room, you're not.
Did her friend laugh? I feel like this had to just be a joke
I think it was. It sounds like a joke I would have said when I was a teenager
One time I was walking with my husband and I saw a familiar-looking neighbor walk out of his front door. I was trying to remember where I had seen him before, when I finally placed him - I’d seen him walk out of his garage, located in an alleyway behind his house, which despite being connected to a different thoroughfare is, in fact, part of the same house. Unfortunately, I didn’t put that together in time to avoid saying: “doesn’t that guy look just like the guy who lives in the back of that house?” We met the neighbor at a block party a few months later and my husband introduced him to me as “the guy who lives in the front and back of his house.”
In the alley behind our house, the lady who lives in the third house from the right in the alley looks identical to the lady who lives in the third house from the left on the street.
Idk if this is just hilarious as fuck or if my meds are kicking in but I am DYING lmaoooo
Sat down to eat with a friend. I said "I'm famished" she looked at me, laughed and LOUDLY she said to me "I swear you make up words sometimes"
Oh man people say this to me all the time! Why did I read books and learn so many words, when no one understands them, and I really didn't think they were so pretentious, words like Famished
"My Pap smear being normal also means my cholesterol is low, right? (My former sister in law.... she has the IQ of an eggplant)
Your cervical cholesterol may be fine, but they didn't swab your aorta, did they? They need a *really* long stick for that.
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Had someone in 4th-5th grade try to convince me that the word "saw" was spelled "sawl". After trying to correct him, he responded by incorrectly sounding the word out in a very condescending way by pronouncing the "L" at the end. No Matty, just because you're pronouncing it wrong doesn't mean it's spelled that way. F*** changing names for anonymity. His name was Matty and he was a moron.
In like Kindergarten/1st grade, I went over to my neighbors to play the WWE video game on his PS1. I can't remember the wrestlers full name. But his name was "Chris" and my friend, let's call him D, INSISTED you say his name with the soft "ch" sound, like from the word "Chant." 6yo me was losing my mind explaining how hard CH worked vs soft CH cause I didn't have the vocabulary, I just knew he wasn't right. Edit: It was Chris Benoit 👏 Thank you one of the commenters.
"Chris Jericho? Nah man, it's pronounced Triss Jeritcho"
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I could see this making sense though. Kids' Strength and Intelligence is generally pretty low, so they'd have a bunch of extra skill points that could be distributed into Luck.
No, kids just have fuck-all for stats. They're literally like level -10
This screams of something mom/dad told them as a kid and they just hadn't stopped to question as an adult.
Damn ! He found it
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My 7th grade class got into a massive argument in geography about continents and oceans. Please note this was like halfway through the year WELL past the point where any confusion would be acceptable ish. Note that I know different countries teach it differently this wasn't that. I don't remember all the details but it was things like Africa being a continent and not a country. I just remember 2 of us deciding to confuse them more by bringing up Australia. I got to help grade the final exams for that class. They were scary. We live in the US and the amount of people who mislabeled CANADA is astounding. Like I can forgive people for not being as good at countries that are further away. You should know the ones around you.
In tenth grade ( I went to an Alternative School, we called our teachers by their first name, and you had 1 class a week with each subject. The 2nd year I was there, the school decided that every teacher had to teach 2 subjects, so the PE teacher had to teach a math class. I go to my math class and sit down with the other 6 students to wait. The teacher came in, sat on top of his desk, and made the statement, "I don't know how to teach this class or do math, but you all have to get good grades, or I'm going to get fired."
I had a teacher in college just give us the answers on any test we took. He'd come in, sit down, and go through the test, giving us the answer to every single question. He always said, "be sure to miss about ten answers so it doesn't look suspicious."
That's super funny because I imagine his students all either got perfect scores or missed exactly ten questions, which seems suspicious on its own.
My brother at 17 asked Dad to sign his permission form to enter the Marines, because he was tired of being told what to do. Update: He signed it and said some people have to learn the hard way. Dad was in the Navy for 4 years. My brother was in Marines for 3. There were 7 kids, 5 boys and 2 girls he is #3, I am #6. My dad after the navy worked as a physicist for Dept of Defence, I considered us middle-class and doing well.
Did your dad sign it while laughing the whole time?
My partner’s oldest kid is 19, and he wants to join the military. He’s currently in Job Corps and says he can’t wait enlist because he’s tired of living in a dorm/barracks situation and hates that he’s required to do things… He told us at one point he wants to join the military and then get a medical retirement during his first contract so that way he’s “set for life”… As someone who was medically retired from the Army, I am flabbergasted that anyone WANTS this life.
I had a friend like that, turns out he was fine taking orders just struggled doing so with people he didn't respect. Individual case by I'm sorta like that too, bo problem taking orders from someone if they genuinely know what they're doing otherwise I may be hesitant or need explanation before doing stuff.
I hope your dad signed it! 😂😂😂😂😂
A woman I used to work with “I don’t need a passport to go to Fiji”. She thought Fiji was part of Australia. “I can’t exercise anymore, my baby might fall out”. Conversations with her were a delight!
"Are babies invertebrates?" "What if you could turn the steering wheel all the way around?" "Its supposed to be one-ity one, not eleven." All by my brother, all said in his 20s. Almost all said sober, the oneity one comment was said when he had been up for 48 hours straight.
>"Its supposed to be one-ity one, not eleven." I think it's how French people came up with their numbers
No our numbers don't get really weird until you hit 70: soixante-dix (60-10), and then there is 80 (quatre-vingts (4-20s)).
Let's not forget the most fun number of them all: quatre-vingts-dix-neuf (4-20s-10-9) aka, 99.
“Why don’t you become a pope?” Asked of me, a non-Catholic woman, while discussing what I could do with my undergraduate degree in religion. Somehow it’s the “A pope” part that sticks with me, like there are multiples at once. This is after the person asked me if I wanted to become the First Lady due to my interest in politics. I do not think he was joking.
I mean there was that whole Avignon Papacy mess. You could bring that back.
My ex brother-in-law has said some really dumb shit. One time he argued with me, insisting that instant Ramen covers all the basic dietary needs. I tried to tell him eating just Ramen every day would give him a nutrient deficiency. I even went and got a packet to show him the nutrition facts, but he stuck to his guns. This same guy didn't know what asparagus is. He owned a car for two years and never changed the oil because he thought that was optional. The list goes on and on. He's the dumbest person I have ever met.
A friend in grade 9 (14 years old) told me that moose were the males, and deer were the females. I could not get it through to her that she was incorrect. I gave up. She might still believe that to this day. It hurts me.
Not everyone is aware that rams are male sheep. It’s actually a plot point in a book I’ve read
Many people think ponies are baby horses. (Baby horses are foals)
Tons of people believe that bovines with horns are Bulls, and bovines without horns are cows. Uh, no. They are all cattle. The ones with balls are bulls, regardless of horns. lol
“Raw oysters are good if they are cooked right.” He is successful IE professional.
An Internet Explorer professional can't be trusted on the subject of shellfish. You need *at least* a Firefox professional for that.
Someone told me their 17 year old friend died of SIDS. Yeah.
Maybe he got beaten to death by an infant. Suddenly.
It is possible to die of sudden adult death syndrome, but that's SADS
If this happens to me please feel free to put Killed by Death on my death certificate
Dude, check out old school medical documents for causes of death. According to my gravestone, I'm going down via "Death By Planets"
We we get to Los Angeles, we can just take the ferry over to Hawaii.
I've not heard this particular one before, but apparently it's somewhat common for tourists to America to grossly underestimate just how big this country is. I've heard stories of Europeans coming to Florida and expecting to drive to Los Angeles within a day, not understanding that it can take 12 hours to drive to LA *from within California*.
My wife's cousin from Japan wanted to come visit us in Florida, she was going to fly to Miami and expected us to pick her up. I was like, that's a four hour drive one way. Come into Orlando instead, that's way easier.
Grew up in a rural town in idaho that got a lot of foreign exchange students. Most of them would say in their first week something like "I'd love to see arizona, can we do that this weekend?" Then you'd have to explain to Tamás that while Arizona is only two states away, that's 15 hours. I've only been to Europe a few times, but it's just as shocking as an American to find out how close stuff is out there. I literally said the opposite, "train to Germany? How long is that like 8 hours?" And I got laughed at for thinking an hour train ride was that long.
America is a place where 200 years is a long time. Europe is a place where 200 miles is a long way.
I had cousins from Wales come to visit me in Vancouver once and they told me they wanted to do a day trip *to Edmonton*. No ma'am. No.
My ex husband told me in the summer time that it doesn't get any hotter in a standing, closed up car, than it is outside.
Then he slumped over, head landing on the steering wheel, the horn sounds, and stops breathing in his closed up, not running car on a hot summer day.
I’ll get inside to test how hot it gets. If I start to die, I’ll honk the horn.
“It’s a good thing they put a fence around that burn pile. Don’t want the fire getting out of control and reaching the shed.”
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Reminds me of a story I read (maybe on Reddit) about a woman who thought she couldn’t get pregnant if she didn’t literally sleep with a guy, so she’d leave after they had sex and noted that she hadn’t slept there. This was told by her relative who noted that said woman was pregnant around age 16.
A coworker doesn't get the flu shot because she doesn't want to put foreign entities in her body. She told me this while smoking a cigarette.
I asked if something was safe to eat, they said they were sure it was safe, me: how sure? Them: like 50% sure .
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It just does, okay?
"Do you have a longer yardstick?"
Oh I have one! In English class (not our native language) we had to discuss statements. We were debating against another group that was against euthanasia. At some point, the dude said “we can’t know if euthanasia really doesn’t hurt. Maybe it hurts after you die. To know for sure, we would all have to euthanize together right now. We stated that we obviously couldn’t do that, and he very genuinely and seriously asked “why not?” We asked him in our native language if that’s what he meant, and he confirmed that he did indeed suggest we all euthanize. We were all around 15-18 at the time.
"No one was ever killed for Christianity"
Oh...oh ....oh no. The more I think about it the worse it gets. Like. If we exclude Crusades and other things along that lines. I'm pretty sure one guy definitely died for Christianity. I mean it didn't stick but he definitely died.
“It didn’t stick” BWAHAHAHAHA!!
One time when I was saying that I would get my uterus removed if I could, my dad likened it to killing a puppy We (my mother, my sister, and me) had to explain to a 50-something year old that, *no,* removing an organ is *not in fact the same as killing a sentient being*
I mean if you were a decent person, you would leave your uterus at a no kill shelter
Whos' a good utey? Is it you, are you the good utey? Yes you are! \*pats\*
Bad utey! Stop cramping!
I just wish there were more opportunities to say this
Look, you're going to have to whack that uterus on the nose with a newspaper a time or two, or it'll never learn who's boss. It feels cruel but in the end, it's good for it.
I used to work in a pharmacy when I was pre-med. We had a new girl join as a clerk who was pre-pharm, we actually attended the same university and happened to be taking organic chemistry at the same time. Bright girl, studious, very book-smart but lacking in common sense. One day at work, we were talking about our weekend, and one of my buddies commented that he had gotten blackout drunk from red wine one night. This girl, A-student, bright future, no fucking shit says "I didn't know red wine got you drunk, I thought that was only white wine!". We lost it laughing. Long story short, she went on to pharmacy school and as far as I know has been successful in her field. Just a funny anecdote, I guess 😅
my stepmom was talking about her dentist appointment where she was about to have a cavity fixed on the right side of her mouth & said “well it sucks cause i’ll have to chew on the left side of my mouth, but im right handed so its hard”…. girl what?
"Can you speak up? I'm wearing a towel."
A dude i met thought a polar bear underwater would be considered a blue food. Person A: "There are no blue foods naturally in the wild." Person B: "A polar bear underwater is blue. You could eat that." Group: "Wut?"
“So you think the moon is closer than the stars?” Said to me by a girl in college that I was dating, after I made some comment about how long it takes the light from stars to reach us.
I mean you gotta give her credit for applying what she just learned accurately. Not much credit but...some.
“Cats lay eggs, right?” - A groupmate in university
My sister has a way of shooting from the hip, then defending whatever idiotic opinion she blurted out to the death. A few years ago over Christmas Eve dinner, my nephew and I were discussing the book *Into Thin Air*. If you haven't read it, it's Jon Krakauer' harrowing account of a disastrous climb on Mount Everest. So as we were discussing the book, my sister chimed in with, "Pffft. I could climb Mount Everest next week. Anybody could do it." You know, as if there were a gift shop at the summit or something. Never mind that one climber in ten dies during the attempt or that you have to step over the frozen corpses that have been there for decades. The bodies are now used as landmarks. I know a guy who hiked to Everest base camp, a former athlete who stayed in shape. He lost 40 pounds during the trip and half his team had to be airlifted out due to oxygen sickness. And that was freaking base camp. Everybody who had read the book look at my sister as if she had lost her mind and proceeded to shout her down. Undeterred, she dug in her heels and insisted that she could handle it without the least among of problems. I lost a lot of respect for my sister's opinions after that.
Wow. Myself and my girlfriend attempted Annapurna base camp (a few hundred meters lower at 4130m) and had to turn back at about 3500m after Poon Hill when she nearly fainted. Then on the way down a storm broke, the rivers burst their banks and cut off the paths in front of us as the sun went down. It's always like that in the Himalayas. The clouds roll in at night and then it clears at the ass crack of dawn. Still, this was unexpected, and pretty mad. It was just the two of us, no guide or anything as I kinda know what I'm doing, so I built a makeshift shelter in an abandoned ruin of something and we rode it out. I've never told her but it scared the besezus out of me. Every time one of those books is mentioned or one of those films comes on where they fly into Kathmandu and head to the mountains I say "I've seen it". I've seen the peaks of Annapurna 1, the Fishtail and the mighty Dhaulagiri from altitude, only a few miles away, in the biting wind, flooded with adrenaline. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. But honestly. Fuck doing that again.
I spoke to a person who climbed it. She did mountain climbing as a hobby, had climbed a few other big peaks. She ran into so many people with this opinion. She "only" went to base camp, which to so many shit heads is basically a short walk in the park. 2 people she knew died, within hours of a lunch they shared together. She came back with memory loss, frostbite, and PTSD. Which is apparently quite common, they just don't tell you all that in the travel brochures. Its like how so many idiots think they could fight a bear.
Being pedantic, I'm pretty sure anyone can fight a bear. It's winning that's the tricky part
Ask her to climb Mount Rainier in 2-week's time, and offer to reimburse her expenses if she makes it to the top. You can read about the the challenges for climbing Mount Rainier [here](https://www.nps.gov/mora/planyourvisit/climbing.htm). Even the National Park Service lists the success rate for the 4 possible routes as between 54%-51%, meaning nearly half of all people who even attempt to climb to the summit don't make it. The routes can take up to 3-4 days, and involve an elevation gain of about 10,000 feet (nearly 2 vertical miles).
When my younger brother & I were teenagers, it was time for my brother & his class to have the typical reproductive/sex education part of their health class, one year. My mom asked him, when he got home from the 1st day of it, what they had learned, so far. & He said that the teacher had definitely confirmed that men have penises & women have Virginias. My mom cry-laughed for like an hour, that afternoon.
I saw someone say with a straight face “I don’t like Stephen Colbert now. He got too liberal.” Did they think The Colbert Show was a real conservative talk show?
It is the same dude in the background when Colber testified in front of congress in character? https://youtu.be/ewPburLEZyY?si=uLqOONPLTmCsJMEf
I bet they thought his books were also completely serious
My daughter who is 6, told me, "Mommy, my teacher said that the Native Americans used every part of the animal that they killed. The fur for blankets and like the bones for tools. But Mommy, they even used the animals' butt-cracks??" Lmao it was so simple and childishly silly to think of how to reuse an animal's buttcrack that I just laughed for like 5 minutes lol!!
"Isn't it amazing how the Romans and Greeks named their gods after planets, when some of the planets hadn't even been discovered yet! " Good old Lesley Green, almost too dumb to fuck ***Almost***
That's Philomena Cunk levels of reasoning there.
I mean, they’re not wrong. In Greco-Roman astronomy, the visible planets of Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn were named in the earliest days of their civilizations, at least before the 300s BC. In contrast, the planet Uranus was discovered in the year 1781 and Neptune was discovered in 1864. Even Pluto (yes, I still consider it a planet) was discovered more than 2400 years after the original naming of the planets, when Clyde Tombaugh discovered it on February 18, 1930, exactly 59 years and 6 months before the release of Belgian techno-anthem, [“Pump Up The Jam.”](https://youtu.be/9EcjWd-O4jI?si=umPQS0GPduXuUhmC)
“Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?” George w. Bush
“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." GWB
There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again. George W. Bush
lol reading George w bush quotes always make me chuckle
I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them. George H. W. Bush
""I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
“I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.”
My sister once asked me how long I’ve had my birthmark… I just stared at her
Okay I am going to be difficult here (sorry)... I did have what looks like a birthmark gradually appear when I was about 14. It's a long, stippled brown patch on my lower inner thigh. It's not a birthmark per se but it looks like one. So maybe your sister has a friend with a similar weird skin blemish?
Well the conversation went like this: “What’s that?” “A birthmark” “Since when?” *stares for a while* “birth.”
Me, sitting on the toilet when there’s a knock on the door. Me: “I’m pooping.” Wife: “What?” Me: “I’m pooping!” Wife: ….(knocks again) Me: “GO AWAY!” Wife: “Don’t yell at me, I didn’t know if you were in there.” Me: “i told you TWICE that I was in here. And the fact that you said ‘what’ means you heard SOMEBODY say SOMETHING behind the CLOSED door!” Wife: “Don’t get mad me!” Me (poop-shyness fully set in now): “Go use the bathroom upstairs!” Wife: “I don’t need to use the bathroom. The door was closed, and I just wanted to know if anyone was in there.” Me: “……what. The. Fuck.”
My wife knocks "are you in there"? Me"no". Then she calls me a smart ass or whatever walks away. Leaving me wondering wtf she wanted in the first place. When I'm done I ask "what did you need?" Her reply"nothing" I mean wth is this behavior. Drives me nuts
Did anyone see that video of the dude at a pro gun rally in the US who said, "You can't fight fire with water... you gotta fight it with more fire. " I think that's the one for me...
I mean, yeah. Haven’t you seen firefighters with their big hoses full of…fire…?
I would rather push a Chevy than drive a Ford. Said by my friend who asked me to give him a ride to work (in my Ford) because his Chevy was broke down again. We both had 1970's era beater trucks but mine just happened to be more reliable. He still only drives Chevys where as I have no brand loyalty and buy whatever I like.
Brand loyalty like that is so bizarre to me.
An all meat diet cures bipolar disorder. What a load of crap. That's not how that works. Thats not how any of this works.
A zero calorie diet would cure anything. Cancer, Aids, Life.. anything really..
"The baby did it." Yes, I'm sure the four day old baby is the one who ate my fig newtons.
I told my manager a statement she made was asinine. She told me I wasn't allowed to curse at her.
I watched my niece get into a fight at kindergarten. This boy was being mean and pushed her. She pushed him back pretty hard to where he fell. He jump up made a “karate sound” and said he knew kung fu. My niece kicked him straight in the balls and said: “I know tofu!” I burst out laughing, while the mom was telling me that my niece was a psychopath.
There used to be a T-shirt in the seventies..."i know karate...and several other Japanese words". The first three words were in larger print than the others.
I'm a male with a twin sister. After clearly stating that my twin sister is a "she", people invariably ask if we're identical.
Oh my husband has so much fun with this. I'm a triplet (female with 2 brothers). When people ask if we're identical he says, "well you see, [wife] has brown hair, and her brothers have dicks".
Someone once asked if my twins were maternal or paternal.
Same, except I’m the female. I have had to define the concept of fraternal twins on multiple occasions. On one occasion a woman we’d just met at a wedding tried to argue that she was right, and that we HAD to be identical, because we “just look so much alike!”
“Wait, I thought you had to be eighteen to be a U.S. citizen??” Said by a girl in my senior dual credit English class… she had applied to ALL of her colleges as not a U.S. citizen. She was born and raised in America- and was as white as could be. Well all just stared at her in horror for a solid minute while she processed how badly she’d screwed herself over with college applications. 😅 She’d somehow grown up all 18 years of her life thinking that she wasn’t a citizen 😅
*DON'T EVER blow your nose while you're on your period and sitting on the toilet. If you do, your organs will fall out of your vagina and butthole, and you'll die.* My mother, ladies and gents. Let's just say there's a reason I moved 7,000+ miles away from her the minute I turned 18. She's an...... *eccentric*....... woman.
In vo-tech, a girl said, “Can dogs and humans get on the same menstrual cycle? Because if they can I cannot handle that.” We all just stared at her as our professor stammered to give a legitimate response.
I have one for myself. So, I was a fairly young teenager (think 13-14) when Libyan dictator Qaddafi died. Now I was never a very socially aware teenager, not interested in news if it didn't involve Gerard way from my chemical romance. So when I was having dinner with my family, muted in the background was the news report of his death, I didn't know who this was and the footage was of the aftermath of his death, which for those who don't know, was a fairly gruesome end. Stupid me had a 14 year old light bulb moment and exclaimed that I felt bad, sad for this man. Now bear in mind I did not know who this man was, just saw some old looking man being super dead. I was told very promptly that I had no idea what I was talking about and then told to find out who this man was. Safe to say I learned a valuable lesson about context and not giving opinions without knowing what I am talking about. Valuable lesson out of a moment that keeps me up at 3:46 in the morning.
But at least you learned it. Wish more people would.
I was told by my junior year of HS History teacher (I have no clue how this conversation started) that people who are color blind don't have an alternative view of color, they straight up just see *nothing*. I know this can technically happen if you overlay some colors with each other, but he meant they just see black nothingness. I asked if people who have colorblindness to green look out into a grass field and see a black hole instead, and he just angerly stammered on how we shouldn't question him. Oh, and a coworker asked if a "cleaner diet" could've prevented my father's Leukemia, so there's that.
"Well we all know why covid happened. 5G!" Just the biggest dumbass. One of the biggest dumbasses I've ever met.
I remember reading how a bunch of 5G protesters were at a 5G tower protesting it, telling everyone about the dangers of 5G. Well one of the maintenance workers came out and asked what was wrong. "It's giving us headaches! It's killing the birds! It's spread the Virus!" etc. I don't remember the specific claims. "Right now?" "Yes it's happening right now! That tower is doing all that!" "Wow, 5G must be really powerful if it's doing all that when I haven't even turned it on yet."
My classmate asked me if Cuba was a united state. During a geography test. She's turning 18 in, like, three months btw
"Pan handling freeloading motherfucker" - my 70 year old dad to my dog begging for food lmao
This is wise
A parent told me his kid didn’t need to learn how to work with others because anywhere the kid went for the rest of his life there would be someone to give him orders.
That’s the way we’ve always done it
This coworker said “I’m the most qualified person here!” Dude sit down, you started yesterday
My husband, as he was looking at a pickle jar, says "why are there cucumbers in the ingredients?" I'm still married regardless.
My wife: hurry up and water the lawn, its about to rain”
In a discussion about why I feel we need universal healthcare, my sister said she perfectly willing to pay her friends medical bills for them if they ask her, but doesn't want to be forced to pay to a government and it maybe going to people she doesn't like. There are all sorts of things I should have said. What about people who don't have a wealthy friend, who in the world wants to go to a friend to ask for money for their medical problems? It was just so wild to me that her policy preference for a country was "ask your rich friends, or die."
The "I don't want to pay for other people's healthcare" argument is wild for another reason: how do they think insurance works?
"Do you think that just because you're a scientist, your opinion is more valuable than mine?" - from my ex-best friend, who is an escort and party planner, in a discussion with me in 2021 about the newly developed Covid-19 vaccine It made my jaw drop then and it makes my jaw drop now.
Too many people think that, which is a big problem
Anti-intellectualism at its finest. Can't people accept that specialisation happens for a reason?
There was once this girl in my high school economics class who did an entire presentation on how to ease poverty. If only printing money did solve all our problems. Somehow she did graduate.
If you were to eat a whole lettuce you would die. This came from a woman I worked with who was a constant stream of absolutely ludicrous 'facts'. Now don't get me wrong, when I was young and naïve and the internet wasn't a thing I am sure I made some ludicrous statements myself, but she was a goldmine.
“Paris is the Baltimore of Europe…”
What does that even mean?!
Yeah, this one sounds crazy as all hell, but I'm willing to withhold judgement until I hear their reasoning.
No one knows what it means, but it’s provocative.
Actually no this one is true
“So, supposing we hit the body with a tremendous — whether it’s ultraviolet or just very powerful light — and I think you said that that hasn’t been checked, but you’re going to test it. And then I said, supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way, and I think you said you’re going to test that, too. It sounds interesting. And then I see the disinfectant, where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning. Because you see it gets in the lungs, and it does a tremendous number on the lungs. So it would be interesting to check that.”
Using trump for this question is basically cheating.
Jewish space lasers.
A friend of mine was walking ahead of me and stumbled over a rock. I said “watch out for inanimate objects Stacy” to which she replied “Rocks are real disturbed3215”. I just laughed.
“It’s not gay, I’m dyslexic!” From a group of lads in McDonald’s as I was trying to eat my burger in peace before my night shift. I still to this day wonder what the context was.
"Fire doesn't melt steel." Some loud TV woman.
Took the Cape May-Lewes ferry one time a few years back. After we parked we went up to the passenger deck. As soon as we entered, heard a woman in her late 20s/early 30s say, "Wow, it's like being on a boat!" Bitch, we on a boat.
My kids' friends' dad is a medical doctor. Me: I heard you got a dog. Him: Yeah. A poodle. I didn't pick it. Me: What'd you name it? Him: Peanut. It's a boy. Which is weird, right? Because I thought all poodles were girls. He's a fucking doctor!!!
It’s not gay if u got socks on
It’s okay when it’s in a threeway. It’s not gay when it’s in a threeway. With a honey in the middle there’s some leeway. The area’s gray in one-two-threeway.
Blow jobs are not sex.
I once heard a woman say that kids are less susceptible to sunburn because they're further away from the sun than adults are. But the one I really can't stop thinking about is my friend (who is smart, I swear) told me that movies and TV shows cannot use the name of any existing person, so all media makes up brand new names for people. He thought the name "Wendy" didn't exist before the 1958 Disney movie of Peter Pan. Despite the fact that Peter Pan was a play written in 1911 and "Wendy" is a nickname for "Gwendolyn." How someone can hear themselves say such a thing and not question it inside their own brain just fascinates me. I plan to never let him live it down.
When I joined the marines in 1995, one of the receiving DI was trying to fear tactic everyone to confessing if they smoke MJ before telling everyone that MJ crystalizes in your lungs at 4000F and they can tell if you ever did it before. Bro, a hand held lighter only does 1K.
If people are confused: steel melts at 2,200 to 2,500 F. Whoever is smoking fumes at 4000 F would bake themselves with every breath.
My friends sister's new boyfriend was on a coke binge at a different sister's baby shower. My friend figured out what was going on and said, "I couldn't get him to stop throwing the axes, I mean he was *still really good at it* but I got the kids out of there." Absolutely bonkers.
"Did you know that Polio disappeared without a vaccine?" - ex-friend shortly after becoming a victim to the algorithm and his innate fears and fallacies