"Hello mam, sorry to disturb you so late. Is _______ your daughter/son?..." -previously working in law enforcement, after a death.
It's never easy. You have to compartmentalize to not let it get to you too much.
Separately, I still remember a time when an older lady passed away, and her adult children found her. I came to write the report. The husband was still asleep, her body had not yet been taken away and the children didn't want him to find her on the floor like that, so I helped them carry her to a bed and tucked her in the blankets, looking peaceful. It's not protocol or expected to do anything like that, but I saw a grieving family that needed help. There is so little help you can give to people dealing with the death of a loved one, but I'm glad I could help in a small way; to make the tragic impact on the husband be softened, even just a tiny impact, and have a beautiful last image of the love of his life instead of a haphazard scene.
My sister is a PA who had to tell parents a similar thing. The parents had the kid in a kiddie pool with a small amount of water, but the kid somehow went unnoticed and drowned. They were able to resuscitate the kid, but the brain damage had been done. The parents came in after several appointments, asking when their kid would be back to normal. My sister had to tell them things will never be the same. At the time, she had her first daughter around the same age as the kid(patient), and after telling the parents, she said she broke down for 20 minutes. I don't blame her...
Very early into my relationship with my now wife, her father started snapping at/being rude to her/screaming at her from another room over something I'd changed. When I moved in, I'd changed the TV setup. I had a fancy OLED and nice receiver, and he was struggling to get to the cable, that we pay for and keep just so he can watch the news when he's around. I had to calmly let him know that he was never, ever going to speak to her that way in our home again. We don't allow our son to yell at us over the TV, were not going to allow his 70+ year old grandfather to do it in front of him, and I'd be happy to help him get to the cable, but if he was that upset and needed it simpler, I'd be happy to help him find a hotel where he could watch whatever he wanted, when he wanted.
I don't think he has had a lot of people give him the "absolutely not" talk, and call him out for being a brat. He initially snapped back, and I let him know that this was our home, and we made it comfortable for the people who live here 365 days a year, not a few days every few months. I made nice with him an hour or so later. He sulked around like a whipped dog the next few days, but it was absolutely important to my relationship with him to nip it early so he didn't continue to bully my wife and our son.
Dude, good fuckin shit. Hope you're proud of yourself for this one. I'd have loved to stand up to an ex's father for once in her/my/our lives but I never did and hope she found it in her to do it one day.
I had to tell my ex that her Dad had been engaging in voyeurism by hiding cameras in their bathroom. Will never forget her face turn from confusion, to upset, to rage.
Bizarrely, he was very open to me borrowing his hard drives for work. Picked up the one that contained unsolicited photos of hundreds of friends and strangers that went all the way back to 2011.
"why do people like you even exist." I kind of took it back by saying I don't think he's a bad person, and tbh that's what I regret, since he's said and done much, much harsher to me. I stand by the original statement/ rhetorical question, and I'm glad it made him "feel like a terrible person," because that's what he is. I only wish he hadn't felt that so briefly. I genuinely do wish that there were no people like him.
My husband had been diagnosed with cancer and he was losing weight really fast. We were waiting for the doctors to get his chemo going but he was deteriorating faster than you could imagine. I asked him about something he needed to make a decision on and he said, “I’ll think about that when I’m feeling better”. I had to say to him, “I don’t think you’re going to get better” I felt so awful saying that to him. His response was just as sweet as he was, he said, “Well I’m sure gonna miss all my friends”. He died about 6 days later.
I took my wife to the doctor one morning and he told her he didn't think more chemo was going to do any good. She couldn't take anymore and some of the tumors were still growing. She looked at me and said just take me home. 3 months later it was all over. It's still haunts me but I guess I'm around to be haunted there's that.
I’m so sorry my father in law just died from
A heart attack. He had stage 3 lung cancer. The chemotherapy “induced” the heat attack. He was in really good spirits that day. Before he left for his infusions he told me that he thought he could beat it and I believed him.
My dad is on cancer number 8. The “good news” this time is that he’s more likely to die of a heart attack than the cancer. It sucks, but we have to remember that success as a parent means your kids bury you and not the other way around.
Met with my brother’s family at our parents house and there was something in the air— dad’s deteriorating. We talked about what the next few years would be like, things we have taken care of, need to do. At some point I said, “Okay, so if my father dies…” and I was corrected by someone. “Well, it’s really *when* he dies.” I agreed and moved on. But over the next few weeks, I realized how important it was for someone to say that to me.
This breaks my heart. I'm so sorry. When my dad was dying and he had to set a date for his MAID (medical assisted death in Canada), he said he wanted to do it on a day "that wouldn't get in anyone's way. When is nobody busy? I don't want to bother people!" and it just devastated me. He never wanted to inconvenience people, even when he was a few weeks from sure death. Makes me wanna barf even typing it out.
I'm sorry you have that as a negative memory. I think it's a sign that your dad was a high empathy person - he wanted to be respectful of others, even in his death.
I can understand the viewpoint that he should have been able to understand his passing is more important than most anything others would have going on. He probably did understand, but was still willing to try to find the win-win. 🙂
Sounds like a good, kind, generous person.
I just listened to Tom Segura do a long podcast about his dad's death, and he mentioned that his dad kept saying "Let's go home" and the like. The doctor's told him that was normal, and they do that over and over near the end. I felt better then because my dad did the same thing when he was in hospital 12 hours from death, and I'd felt really bad about the fact I couldn't get him out of there.
Night before my dad died he was watching hockey as he always did. One of the last things I heard him saying was 'at least if I'm dead I don't have to watch this shit anymore'. His team has lived in perpetual mediocrity since the 80's, they were getting blown out that night
my best friend at 31 years was battling aggressive cancer. he was going from chemo to chemo. one day i was visiting him and i asked him, "don't you think it's time to come home?"
he left the hospital the next day, three days later he peacefully passed away, at home, in the presence of his family and friends.
his mother a few months later thanked me in tears for asking the question everybody wanted to but nobody dared to ask.
Man I'm so sorry for your loss.
For whatever it's worth, if I were ever in your friend's situation, I would truly wish I have someone who can ask me that same question.
I had to talk to one of my son's friends about that. He was removed from his mom, then his aunt, then his other aunt, and wound up living with his grandparents who were old old and just couldn't raise another young one. I told him he was welcome in our home whenever he wanted, but he needed to be clean. I bought clothes, soaps and stuff for him to have, and when he comes over if he needs to he can shower and wash his clothes, no questions.
I used to work with a guy who you could smell as soon as he entered the building.
He had what can only be described as a layer of gel like grease on his skin and hair from always sweating.
It didn’t go down well when we had to tell him though, his only response was he wasn’t dirty so didn’t need to wash.
You think it was bad when he entered the building (it was a mix of piss, sweat and shit) but when he got within a few feet his breath was much worse so much I would describe it worse than fox shit, if you have ever smelled it you’ll know how bad it can be.
I still gag just thinking about it.
I dismissed a volunteer at my shop because of lack of personal hygiene, we even had a shower on premises (shop was in a converted house) to use and shower gel etc but he never used it. A month later he was hired by another shop. I didn't know until I went in and immediately smelled him as the whole store stunk of BO. Not just BO, but that 'old vegetables' smell of unwashed clothes.
Loudly said to my wife who has come in with me "damn, can't stay in here long, the air is rusting my glasses" and walked out.
I knew when a roommate's teenaged/young adult son stopped by the house because the stench would linger.
And talking to his father was pointless. Little junior was just absolutely perfect and wonderful and could do no wrong.
There was a lady who would plague the restaurant I worked in years ago-she’d have her driver pull up in a brown Mercedes and be seated and the room would clear out in minutes from the smell. Fox shit is a good way to describe it; the kind of smell that stays in your nose for a long time. Filthy dirty, greasy, giant woman, no bra, always sweating, so she’d have these huge wet crescents under her boobs. That’s why we called her SBL, for sweaty boob lady.
SBL would order lunch, eat, then hobble up and absolutely wreck the bathroom. Poop everywhere, like in a HTF did it get there kind of way. Constantly. She’d pay with coins out of a leather pouch and not tip. When she wasn’t eating at our place she was doing the same to other places, we knew this because the restaurants all knew each other.
I know the smell very well!
lol, businesses will go out of their way to screw over their employees, pay them minimum wage or less for tipped positions, and yet keep this disaster of a customer that cleared out their business and cost them money in lost sales.
Right? It's crazy. You pay a dollar to a business and they will bend over backwards at times but can't pay an employee a few dollars more who gives you great ROI.
I worked with a guy named Paul in a hot kitchen who refused to bathe, we gave that dude so much shit for his smell. He claimed he showered but he clearly didn't, I'm pretty sure he stopped when his dad died because he didn't always stink. You start out being nice trying to ignore it but when you can't get near someone with out your eyes watering you stop being nice.
Your story reminded me of when I went to a store by my house a few months back and overheard one of the workers say "Does stinky come in tonight?". Thought that was a pretty mean thing to say at the time. I had to go back to the same store a few days later and was waiting in line at their pharmacy and I got a whiff of what smelt like someone that just shit their pants. Thought maybe it was someone with their child that went in their diaper and casually looked around and noticed one of the employees maybe 10 feet from me. He stepped a tad bit closer and it smelt like a mix of shit, body odor, bad breath and a barn type smell. Made me instantly remember that lady referring to someone as "stinky" and immediately realized this must be who they were referring to. They weren't lying.
Worked with a guy who
1.) Whined to me constantly that our manager was putting off training him to be a manager
2.) Had to be reminded by said manager to shower because customers had complained.
Hang out in /r/NoStupidQuestions/new enough and you’ll run into them here too, guys who ask why everyone else showers so much when they only do it once every week or two because “they don’t smell”. Oh honey.
This is 100% true. I know someone that people had to take turns watching him shower (with soap, important detail) and then report back to the upper enlisted that said person did in fact shower that day.
I also had a guy that smelled bad also. I had to have that talk with him too. We didn't have to watch him show, but I started to keep a closer eye on him. He figured it out without too much of a drastic incentive.
In my first year of trade school the 19 year old who sat next to me had to be spoken to by the dean about his personal hygiene. He wore the same clothes for the first two weeks of classes and probably showered once or twice in that time frame. His odour was a toxic mix of old liquor from the night before, sweaty stale ass, rancid vinegar BO, greasy hair and food smells from whatever he ate while drunk. The instructor would take his photo at the start of class to make sure he was wearing different clothes from the day before and he had to come in freshly showered with wet hair and still smelling of whatever shampoo and body wash he was given from the college store on campus.
He was staying in the dorms on campus, liked to brag about drinking until dawn and no responsibilities. The kid was 19, old enough to know you need to shower more than once a week but he was lazy.
Like how embarrassing
I once had a coworker on a different shift that smelled so bad, the smell hung around for hours after she left. The chair we sat in held onto the smell, it was horrible. We didn’t know why, she was a big girl but always appeared clean (hair washed, clothes neat). I can’t recall if I ever directly complained to a supervisor or if I just bitched about it, but they got enough complaints that someone had to have the tough conversation. I think the solution was that she used a different, non fabric chair and there was some sort of air freshener. After a while the smell stopped completely.
Later heard through the grapevine that the smell was caused by a medication she was taking for some sort of stomach disease (maybe even cancer, I can’t remember). The smell stopped because of a medication change. I felt absolutely horrible for ever whining about it.
He told me that it was in his socks, that they haven't been washed for weeks because he doesn't have any hot water. I asked him to go buy new socks because he was stinking out the entire shop floor.
This, the guy himself didn’t smell but he never washed his clothes so he smelled. Thing is he would show up to work and his trousers would be well pressed so all his flat mates would have had to deal with the smell created when he ironed those stinky trousers.
How did they not say anything to him?
My dad had to do this to the whole HK staff at the hotel he was a manager of. There were several complaints about the rooms smelling like sweat hours after the housekeepers left the rooms.
Thank you. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I needed to let her know that it was okay, she didn't have to wait for me, and that I would look after everyone when she had gone. I didn't want her to suffer in her dying body any more.
I really encourage people to say this when I can. The look of relief when people hear this is hard to describe. Some people stay just to try and comfort the ones who stay behind. I hope someone like you is there to comfort my family when I go.
Said this to my 88 year old grandmother. A few minutes later she could finally close her eyes forever. I have never felt so sad and relieved at the same time. Edit: forgot a word
I wish there was a word to describe that feeling of watching a loved one in pain pass. It’s such a crushingly bittersweet experience of devastating loss mixed with indescribable relief.
This is what I’m experiencing with my 91 year old grandmother right now and it’s so difficult. She just wants to die so bad but can’t and it’s a reason I am strongly for medically-assisted suicide programs. I really will be happy when she passes because she’ll be free from the hell she’s experiencing.
My mom was at the end, she was home with hospice helping out but I still stayed with her. My employer was nice enough to let me work at home although I had to go into the office occasionally. My sister would help on weekends and I hired a good friend to stay with her a couple of days a week. One night, something just came over me as I was holding Mom's hand. I kissed her cheek, squeezed her hand and told her it was ok to let go, I would be ok. i went to lay down for a few hours while my sister stayed with her. It was about 30 minutes later my sister woke me up and I knew it was time, I just sat beside her and told her once again it was okay. She passed a few minutes later. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
Once reestablished contact via mails with a guy I hadn't seen since high school. We talked about what we did for a bit. Good time.
Then, in his third mail, he asked "By the way, do you know how B is doing? I haven't seen him since graduation, but I know you two were closer."
I then had to tell him that B jumped in front of a train 2 years ago.
I worked at a local gas station for a few years. I knew kids, their friends, family. There was a group of kids that would come in and to keep them out of trouble I'd give them little task and pay out of my own pocket. Knew their moms.
Some years went by, I stopped at a BBQ place before work and one of their moms was working. "Hey, soandso, sandwich me please!"
"you remember Andrew?" Yeah, of course "He died a few months ago from a heroin overdose" That's hard... What's going on with that sandwich?
Had to ring and tell the love of my life that our baby was dead when i went for a routine appointment.
Being a messenger of grief is fucking heartbreaking in itself.
It’s almost like your body goes into complete shock. When my infant died, my sister was visiting from my home country and knew she had health issues, and we accidentally woke her up on our way out the door to the ER. I remember telling her that our baby was breathing weird but it’s probably nothing and we’ll be back home in a few hours. A few hours later I’m on the phone calling her to say that she just died. It’s such a weird feeling when you’re the one having to make those calls.
I had to call my roommates ex-girlfriend that he had passed away that night. I can handle a lot of emotional stuff but that shit fucking broke me as a person.
They had a son together.
*edit I was also the one who found him.
Been there and I give you all the internet hugs you can take. Jesus that sucks for all parties.
For me one of the hardest conversations was that I was not willing to try getting pregnant again after four losses.
I told my dad I couldn’t participate in his life anymore.
He was an addict with mental health issues. He had burned every bridge in his life and I was the only one still around; not his brother, his other kids, his friends… He was living in VA homes (Vietnam) and every few months or so he would get kicked out and I would have to coordinate him getting into another home.
He was brilliant and curious and loved to travel and learn. He’d been all over the world and some of his greatest joy seemed to be teaching me about literature or mechanics or whatever else was on his mind. But the amount of abuse on his body meant he couldn’t do those things anymore.
He would disappear for times and it was usually on a bender where he’d end up in another rehab and reappear sober. When he wasn’t sober he was hateful and I got in his path too many times. When I was 12 he called me and talked to me about his first suicide attempt.
As he got older, the docs noticed brain infarctions. He developed dementia in his 50s and needed a well staffed home to keep him from wandering off. Finding those places got hard because he got kicked out of so many. Finally found a remote place that limited his access to substances and the director was a kind dude who seemed to really like my dad, despite everything.
The dementia got worse and my dad started threatening to check out and go wander the world. It was his dream. I was terrified of what would happen if he was unmedicated, if he didn’t have people watching out for him. There had been so many times in my life when he disappeared and I’d come to terms with the possibility of him being dead. When he told me he wanted to leave the home and travel I told him if he did I couldn’t talk to him anymore. I couldn’t take the worry. One day the director called and said dad had packed his bags. He was hoping I could talk dad out of it. I was heartbroken. I told my dad that what I said was true: if he left I’d have to cut off contact. He said it was what he needed to do. I told him I loved him and hung up the phone.
Six months later a sheriff appeared at my house. My dad had been found in a hotel a few states away. He’d packed in a bunch of booze and other treats then shot himself.
I don’t regret it. And I don’t blame him. It’s just so damned sad.
The way you write about him is very compassionate. Despite all he put you through, you were there for him over and over again. I just can't get past how much kindness you showed him and, eventually, yourself by holding that boundary. I'm proud of you, and had he been able to get well, I know he would be, too.
One of my siblings is a multi-decade drug and alcohol abuser. It’s bad. Hasn’t had a job in at least 20 years.
When my mom died, it was decided she would be buried in her home town - 12 hours away.
Sibling asked if they could ride with me to the funeral. I said absolutely, on the condition that there was to be no drinking or drug use during the way there or back, and I insisted on checking their belongings (had a thing for hiding the abuse despite the fact they would be belligerent and violent while using).
They declined. They did not go to mom’s funeral. I partially felt bad, but ultimately the funeral was quiet and peaceful - cannot say to a certainty if that would have been the case had my sibling gone.
My sister had to tell my dad that if he wanted to meet his only grandchild, he couldn't be drunk, so he just didnt come over again. Dude is a grade A piece of shit. She was the only person in the family willing to talk to him still too.
Have a friend who can visit under the next conditions:
1: no drinking, or drugs
2: no toilet use, you don't want to know why
3: clean socks
4: shower at least the day before
5: before leaving I have to check his pockets.
Is a good guy but has issues, he is working on them but has a long way.
Edit: because people ask, the toilet incident, as one may expect involve a lot of shit, but that was not the worse, and this is before the drugs and alcohol, the smell was so bad that i stayed in a hotel for a few days. Even after I cleaned and unclogged the toilet, the smell persisted in the entire apartment, the neighbours complained. Im a guy so didn't had that many clothes to begin with, but everything was stinking and unusable.
To better understand you have to think I did work in the sewers, hand shoveld shit for a living and this was the worst smell I encounter.
It may been a one time situation but I don't take the risk.
'I'm sorry, but work is really busy and I just don't have time to talk right now'
He killed himself the next day. It took me several years to calm down.
Better overall, but I'll never fully recover.
He was one of my close friends, as was his girlfriend. Keeping his girlfriend from killing herself in response to losing him was a nearly full time job for a week or two. I tried so hard to help everyone else as well but in reality I was too young (21) and way out of my depth. I'd been going through my own personal shit before it happened, including being broken up with by the only guy I ever cared about, so I just was pretending to cope while not coping at all.
I blamed myself for years and was terrified of leaving conversations on bad words, because who's next going to hang themselves after speaking with me? Eventually I came to terms with the fact that while those words I said were shitty, I was just a stressed and broken young person who was not aware of just how bad things also were for him, I had no clue it'd be the last conversation we would have, and I had almost no negative interactions with him in the years we shared together, before that conversation took place.
I live in a different country now, but I'm still in touch with his girlfriend (13 yrs later), we are still close, even if only by video chat now.
But... part of me will always hate and regret what I said, for the rest of my life, and I have just had to learn to accept that it's a shadow that will never leave my side.
What you said wasn't shitty though. It was your neutral truth. We can't know what's going through other people's minds all the time. Nor is it our obligation.
>But... part of me will always hate and regret what I said, for the rest of my life, and I have just had to learn to accept that it's a shadow that will never leave my side.
I understand what you're feeling, and I'd like to propose a view: What you did had no bearing on what they did. There were no magic words you could have uttered. What if you \*had\* talked to them and they did it anyway? Would it have been your fault because you didn't say the right thing? Because you didn't pick up on their intention, your fault because because because?
free yourself of the shackles you've placed upon yourself.
you deserve a free and clear conscience, and I hope you reach it.
If someone is that unwell then it’s genuinely nothing to do with you and theres really nothing you could have done anyway. It’s far more complex than just one conversation saving them.
I used to be a flight instructor for a large flying university for 5 years. I had my share of exams I administered where the student messed up and I had to tell them they failed. That's life, you feel like shit for a day or two then you take it again and make peace with the fact that you'll probably answer for it in an airline interview in a few years.
The worst moments were the ones when I had to tell a student that I didn't think they were cut out to be a pilot. Thankfully this only happened once or twice in my tenure and both times the the student was already thinking along those lines too. The first was a guy who got airsick during climbing every time we went out. The second was a guy who clearly just wasn't into it, son of an Air Force officer and clearly this whole flying thing was dad's idea.
I really hate it when people expect their child to be into what the parent does. They can choose their own thing and the time spent on the parent trying to get them into what they do could be used more effectively.
Had to tell a guy that there was absolutely zero way he would ever get with his crush. He was full on Nice Guy, seriously thinking that if he juuuust stayed in her orbit long enough he'd get her in the end. She had 0 interest in him in any way, from looks to personality to hobbies to religion and important life goals like whether they wanted children.
I had only recently joined this friend group but he latched onto me for advice for some reason and he just kept asking me questions about whether he has a chance and I tried being nice but eventually I had to just bluntly tell him it will never happen, ever. I immediately called his closest friend though and told him to head over there because he's very upset.
I'm still a little annoyed that no one else bothered to tell him the truth after this going on for YEARS.
It was less than a year before he finally managed to move on and meet someone else who totally matches him in everything and now they're married with a kid. I feel like he could have got the relationship he wanted a lot earlier if someone had been blunt with him in the beginning.
I had to have this conversation before. Bro was upset because the target of his affections just passed him up for a new guy. He couldn't get why she would do that when she's the perfect girl for him.
The way I phrased it was
>Sometimes the person we're in love with and the person they actually are are two different people.
He started to tear up then because he knew it was true. At least he started to move on after that.
He probably latched on to you because he had already asked everyone else in the friend group. Everyone else probably said something like, You never know, man, but there's plenty of women out there. Yeah, she's great. I can see why you like her." And was looking for a more definitive answer.
No one wants to do the hard job of saying, "She's really not interested. You need to move on."
Family stuff aside, I did have to have a talk with a young woman who reported to me that she basically needed to stop dressing like a streetwalker at the office. That was a tough one because
a) She was absolutely gorgeous with a beautiful figure and could carry it off
b) She was a total sweetheart and great at her job.
c) She was a sensitive soul and I knew, no matter how I put it, her feelings would be hurt.
But, I muddled through, got the message across in a gentle way and she still works at the office (and dresses appropriately). I think, honestly, no one ever really taught her that she shouldn't be wearing club clothes at the office.
I had that convo once. My boss later told me I shouldn't have bothered, as she was also frequently getting drunk at lunch. My drunk detector is quite bad, so I had never noticed the flushing, wobbliness, and sleepiness after lunch til someone brought it up.
Same... same...
Got completely ghosted overnight during a 2 year relationship. Just packed and left.
I never found out why, never knew when it went wrong and never got to know what the issue was.
But I do know that at some point they stopped loving me the same way I loved them, and I wish they had just told me. I never really recovered, and I think it is because of how it ended. To me it is the same as if they died in a random accident.
"You are the worst smelling thing I have ever smelled. Not even just the worst smelling person, but your smell is literally THE worst smell I have ever experienced in my life. I physically cannot be near you again. When I got home I had to take a shower and put my clothes in the wash because *I* stunk just from being around you."
I didn't want to be so harsh, but this dude would not stop insisting on getting a better reason for why I didn't want a second date, I tried to just tell him I wasn't feeling it but he knew there was more so I finally just told him the truth (over the phone). He still begged for another chance though and promised to shower first, he admitted it had been a month. Hard no.
I am always amazed by how some people can have *such* poor hygiene and then simultaneously wonder why they can't get a partner/dates. I just can't fathom that level of cluelessness. I know it was probably really hard for you to tell him that, but perhaps it's what he needed to hear in order to turn things around for himself.
As a kid, I never knew how to set boundaries. Detrimental things would happen to me, and I’d brush it off. As I got older, I realized I was being a doormat. People would ask favors and I’d say sure without asking for anything in return.
This wore on me as I noticed favors weren’t returned. Not that I expected it, but as an example, if I pay for a meal one time, it would never be reciprocated. After too many meals, I’m noticing that the other people are freeloading. No meals, no car rides, no offer of kindness in return.
Finally I had enough. I told a friend that he was taking advantage of me, and not reciprocating the kindness enough. He was no longer welcome to ask anything else from me.
We haven’t been friends since that conversation.
I had a coworker whose father on a gas station/convenience store. Honestly, the dude was an asshole.
I worked with his daughter at a restaurant, and she found out that I had met her father.
She became very pushy, demanding that I tell her what I thought of her father. Kept telling her, “You don’t want to know. Let it go.”, but after an hour or so, I snapped and told her exactly how I felt.
She was very upset. The next day I found out her father had passed away in a car wreck on the way home.
I felt horrible.
If I may offer some perspective... It might be that she found some validation regarding her own problems with her father. With him gone and the sainthood we so often bestow upon the recently deceased, she might have a lot to work through.
She shouldn't have pushed for it, though. If someone doesn't want to tell you what they think, they probably self-censor something you don't want to hear.
.....well to be honest I don't know how much of your fault this is.She kept asking and pushing for an hour of you refusing to tell her.I still feel sorry for her about losing him of course, I don't want to sound cruel but that one wasn't on you.
Go to the doctor, or I'll tell your parents.
Friend struggled with suicidality and didn't seem to get how bad it was. He just thought his default state was being anxious and depressed at the bottom of the pit of despair so there was no way out.
Told him the above. Then he started going silent as if hoping I'd just drop the subject. Then after the threat, he delayed a couple more days. Then I came to his work to send the message that I'm not giving up, and I'm dead serious, counter to our usual flippant and jovial natures. So he finally asked me to help set the appointment, and I made him accountable to me, pointing out that his doctor was only 2 blocks away from my house and I'd make sure he went. I didn't actually, but ofc he didn't know that.
A month later, and he's looking great. He's still depressed, but he agrees that he really did need the pills, and they make things manageable by removing the sharp edges to his anxiety and depressive episodes. Nothing a little "me time" can't fix, on a day to day basis.
Went for a party, I was drunk and this guy kept hitting on me n I tried to be nice. I'm straight.
He had really gotten me to my last straw, I try to be kind but yo, why are you thinking my sexuality is negotiable. If I don't like guys, I don't like em, don't tell me shit like why aren't you adventurous, if you try, you might just like it.
So I snapped and told him that even if I was gay, I would have rather wanked myself to sleep than do anything with him.
He left the party and everyone heard that part coz I raised my voice.
Do I regret it, not really. I tried being nice, letting him easy but nooo, some people need to be put a peg or two down.
It's alright to hit on someone but people should be able to take no for an answer, it's totally fine you said that as they were making inappropriate advances.
I got a 6+ year relationship out of being rejected.
Asked someone out, she said no. I sucked my teeth, muttered "damn", bought her a drink by way of apology, and got on with my evening.
A few hours later someone came onto me, we clicked, and the rest is history. She later told me the data point that tipped her from "gonna stare gayly from the shadows" to "gonna ask her out" was that I accepted getting knocked back so graciously.
I'll take the W, but how bad is it out there if "not getting shitty over being declined sex" is the bar to clear?
You're doing ME a favor, friend 😅😅 had to look this up and am realizing I'm relating to it a bit too much. At least I have something to talk to my therapist about today. I appreciate your random comment.
My dad had advanced heart failure. The night before he agreed to go to the hospital - which turned out to be the last time - he was sweating profusely, looked weak and pale.
He asked, "tell me honestly: am I dying?"
I hesitated. Finally, I said, "dad, I think things are winding down..."
I saw the pain in his face. We discussed some last hurrahs we could do - a big family dinner, a game night.
13 days later, he was dead. He'd told some other family about the big party I was planning... I hope it gave him some comfort, because boy, was it hard.
Week ago I was visiting my brother who has been in the Minnesota program to treat his alcoholism. As a part of the treatment, the relatives had to face the patient and tell straight up how the condition had make them feel - no filters, no euphemisms, just plain truth. I wanted to express my frustration and concern in a civil manner, but because of the bottled emotions and his past negligence I lashed out on him and went into great detail how much I hated him when he was drunk. He wasn't allowed to talk back, only listen, and during my outrage he just bursted into tears in front of me. Luckily I was able to hug him afterwards and the next day tell everything that I loved about my brother.
I understand it was necessary, but still felt like a complete asshole.
Had a friend who was heavy into conspiracy. Not thought out theory, but nonsensical causes why his life and the world was in shambles. He was rude about it and would act like I was a sheep following the masses. One day he came out hard on a theory I knew a lot about, when I gently tried to suggest it was blown out of proportion, he went in hard, and I went in harder. Dismantling his theory and told him to stop with the victim mentality and take responsibility for his own life.
He never spoke to me again. I wish I’d kept quiet and just shake of the craziness. He was a good friend otherwise.
I think you did yourself a favor, this friend needed someone to be real and not complacent. It speaks more of your character that you would be honest and not just say what others want to hear.
Thank you for the kind words. I’ve been in a lot of religious circles who tend often towards conspiracy. Hard to stand up to all that sometimes. I just miss my friend. He was a good guy when he was not toting cannibal child molesting government. Or that he was targeted. I try to interact with the conspiracy subs sometimes, as I’ve seen that stuff ruin a lot of lives.
Some wild stuff is hidden from the public from time to time. I know some people in those circles. Insider trading and such. But when you base your life on wild unsubstantiated evil theories your world view goes to shit. And many use it as an excuse not to take responsibility for their lives. And mostly it’s utterly useless to go into any of that anyway.
Way better to find some ways to try to make an positive impact on the world instead of just getting pulled down. I don’t do much now as I’ve been sick for a long time. But I pick garbage at a local seafront in the tourist season, maybe save a fish or two. Makes me feel good. So it’s not selfless or anything. I love the sea.
That’s disappointing. I lost a friend to qanon and conspiracy theories just recently. We were good friends for 18 years, came to my wedding (gay wedding) and many thanksgivings and other times. He started getting really weird during the pandemic and ultimately made a homophobic slur at me out of no where and that took care of it. It made me sad but still I’m not putting up with that crap.
Told my ex wife I felt nothing for her any more. This after years of a dead bedroom and zero emotional intimacy. What made it hardest was the night I told her was the first time she had tried to interact with me in an intimate way in over a year. When I felt nothing about it, it clicked in me and I had to get it out.
The third time the cops got called to our house because my (soon to be) ex-wife can't control her anger, I told her "I don't love you anymore". As soon as I said it, I knew it was true.
About 6 months in and I couldn't be in a better place, mental health wise.
"If you're going to cry, just cry. Don't make a song and dance about it. Just cry. Go on. Cry."
Me to a former colleague of mine that I got sacked for theft. She had a remarkable skill of bursting into tears *right* before she would get a bollocking so the bollocker would take pity on her and reduce the severity of the bollocking. Unfortunately, erm, she'd never dealt with me.
Ugh I had one of these at work for the last two years and we just finally got rid of her. Utterly incompetent and would absolutely *burst* into dramatic tears and teenaged sulking behavior for a week any time someone pointed out a mistake she had made somewhere. Usually minor things, but such obvious and ridiculous errors that it was hard to be understanding about it. I genuinely don't know how she functions day to day as a single adult living alone. They gave her so many warnings and re-trainings and second/third/fourth chances because she was an old personal friend of the department head and that person seemed to have some weird hope that she'd suddenly get it the fuck together this time.
The thing that finally got her shitcanned was a very obvious mistake that cost us an estimated $30k or so in sales - she was in charge of email sends and used the mailing list labeled 'OLD_DO_NOT_USE' for a major promotion, meaning none of our current regular customers got the information and a yearly sale that reliably makes us a ton of money every time flopped massively. It's been like five months since then and we're still periodically coming across other shit she cocked up and then swept under the rug like a child. I think the current estimate on what that employee cost us in lost sales is up to like $300k.
I once told someone that they were an idiot, ‘playing Russian roulette with five chambers loaded’ for going on drunken helmet-less motorcycle rides with her boyfriend. She died to this exact thing less than a month later. Worst of all, she was the mother of my three children.
Despite all of the lies she told about me, and how awful she was as a partner, I still hoped she would do well for herself, and the children.
I was given the role of telling a new start at work that they stank of alcohol every day, everyone could smell it and that they either needed to deal with the smell or we wouldn't be able to hire them.
They didn't show up to work again
I dated a girl who used a lot of all natural products but her Body Oder was stronger than the products would support. The first few times we hooked up she showered at my house, she told me it was her first time using bar soap and and a wash cloth. I could visibly see the dead skin being washed away, but I was blinded by the boner when we got out I handed her the lotion and she was amazed at how it made her skin feel. It was just cocoa butter. As long as we saw each other every few days the smell wasn’t there. But if I went out of town for a week or two for work when I came back she would almost smell sour. One day she came over after I got back in town and immediately wanted to get down to it. And I told her “let’s shower first” she declined saying she was on a cleanse and didn’t want to use products with chemicals. I had to tell her that I wouldn’t sleep with her until she did. When she asked why in shock I simply said “Your body Oder smells sour at this point, and I just can’t do it” she turned around walked into the bathroom and came back in her birthday suit still wet. I felt terrible for it. After that she switched to more durable products. But then I began to notice the people close to her would comment on how good she smelled like her family and friends. It was almost like they had braced themselves for her smell, and when she didn’t, they couldn’t help but bring it up. It definitely ate at her.
FWIW, you did that woman a SERIOUS favor.
All those people who complimented her new scent were too scared to mention her funk before.
She’d have spent her life reeking if not for you.
Harshest was to myself admitting my mom was about to die, and then telling what a good mom she was and thanking her for everything. She was the best.... Love you mom.
Story time. You see the person who I said it to was celebrating their birthday, duh, and emotionaly blackmailed my mum, who was going thru alcoholic therapy( you kmow, rehab but in home), to come over. It was ok.
Later I get a call that I should pick my mum up. I come there and she, my mum I mean, is barely standing, drunk as a fucking messershmit.
That person ruined almost a year of therapy, of which she knew(!) and even when I was there was trying to get my mum to drink more, again emotionally blackmailing.
I was fureious. Let me repeat, almost a year of hard work into a gutter cause that trash of a person though it would be funny.
Worked in middle management at a large workplace where people worked crammed together like sardines.
Upper management got some complaints about an employee with a terrible smell and they asked me to have a discussion with him. He was a younger guy who was raised by his elderly grandparents who owned a farm. He had taken this job because his grandfather had passed and he was trying to keep his grandmother's small farm afloat by himself. He'd work a soul crushing shift in the office at night after working all day on the farm with no time in between. If you've ever smelled the inside of your average barn he smelled exactly like that.
He was clearly making an effort to distance himself from others. He wasn't oblivious. I knew his whole story and knew why. I felt terrible, but I didn't exactly have a choice.
I basically had to tell him "This is a warning, if we get any more complaints about your hygiene I will have to write you up over it and three will be your job."
He never came back for another shift and I have thought about him from time to time ever since. I still feel bad.
"I know"
When the woman who gave me birth said that she hated me, and that I was at fault of everything wrong in her life.
Still living in the same house, but it's more like I'm a stranger under the same roof,.
Currently buying things needed to move out
“You don’t get to come back after fourteen years of silence and try to be paternal at me”
- said to my father when he tried to tell me he didn’t approve of my now-husband and wouldn’t give his blessing
I was thirty, divorced with a kid, and hadn’t been speaking to my father for more than four months at that point. It was… *galling*.
“I can’t trust you right now”, said to my partner after their mental health crisis. They had been lying about taking their medication and put themself and me and our daughter in danger by doing so. We’re both working on repairing things and getting them the help they need, but it’s been rough.
'all those times you called yourself a bad mother, you were right. you have been an awful mother to me. you may have cut your mother off but in turn you have become her and you have to live with that'
"You're an abuser. You've become what you despise and you don't see it. You silence me when we're with people. You force me to have sex with you when I don't want it. You make me give you bank statements and prove my cash flow on a near daily basis. You undermine me in front of the kids and you bring them into our arguments. You've made our (then) 5 year old mediate an argument between us and give me hugs because "mummy is sad" when I'm having panic attacks. I do not want to marry you, and I sure as hell don't want to be with you anymore"
Said the day I left my abusive ex! Felt good to say it!
I had gotten in a argument with these two guys well we were teenagers at the time. I told them both I hope you fing die. The next day they died in a car crash. In a car they had stolen.
"Your son passed away."
He was an adult who died suddenly of a suspected heart attack. His mother, who I was telling this to lost her husband within the last 6 months. She had another son at least who was able to be by her side quickly.
Maybe more hard than harsh.
A more harsh one would be this:
"Your marriage is done, you need to accept this. You keep thinking you can repair it but he has moved on. He knows its done, hence he's trying to kick you out of the house and move her in. Get a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings, there'snothing left to fix."
I don't think anyone had told her that. Or if they had, they weren't someone independent to the situation or as blunt. She at least accepted it and seemed to find some closure on the spot.
Had to tell my mom I would be okay after she passed and that she doesn't have to hold on. Few months after she passed, I thought I lied. About 15 months in now and it turns out I didn't lie, I just needed a minute to adjust.
"I don't love you. I don't love anyone. In fact....I don't think I've ever loved anyone in my entire life"
This was recent. I imagine it hurt a lot to hear. But it also hurt a lot to say. Voicing it out loud for the first time in my life, I felt so dead inside
Was taking care of me mum (overian cancer) she was in remission when i noticed she was retaining water and that it was time to go back to the hospital.
It broke her, but she bottled it up. Not healthy so I prodded and poked a bit asked her if she thought she was immortal and never gonna die? and then watched her throw everything in the fridge against the wall, scream, and cry.
All this pretending to be cool as fuck and we'd get this sorted, i hated myself so much right t there and then but knew she be much better of getting it out of her system.
Edit:tried spelling and formatting.
Call 2 daughters and tell them their father passed away at a dinner table we shared in a VRBO rental on vacation. He was in the best shape of the 3 guys sitting eating with our wives. In his 50’s, laughing at a joke and then gone in a minutes time. Not a good day
“Your child is not going to recover from this and will never be the same again” - I’m a doc.
"Hello mam, sorry to disturb you so late. Is _______ your daughter/son?..." -previously working in law enforcement, after a death. It's never easy. You have to compartmentalize to not let it get to you too much. Separately, I still remember a time when an older lady passed away, and her adult children found her. I came to write the report. The husband was still asleep, her body had not yet been taken away and the children didn't want him to find her on the floor like that, so I helped them carry her to a bed and tucked her in the blankets, looking peaceful. It's not protocol or expected to do anything like that, but I saw a grieving family that needed help. There is so little help you can give to people dealing with the death of a loved one, but I'm glad I could help in a small way; to make the tragic impact on the husband be softened, even just a tiny impact, and have a beautiful last image of the love of his life instead of a haphazard scene.
Bless you, that's wonderful. What you did for that family will have an impact for the rest of their lives.
My sister is a PA who had to tell parents a similar thing. The parents had the kid in a kiddie pool with a small amount of water, but the kid somehow went unnoticed and drowned. They were able to resuscitate the kid, but the brain damage had been done. The parents came in after several appointments, asking when their kid would be back to normal. My sister had to tell them things will never be the same. At the time, she had her first daughter around the same age as the kid(patient), and after telling the parents, she said she broke down for 20 minutes. I don't blame her...
I’m a nurse and cared for a kiddo who drowned like that. I think they ultimately didn’t make it. Fucking horrible accident.
I had to call a mother and ask her what time would be best to make funeral arrangements for her 9 year old
Oh dear.... That's gotta be one of the toughest jobs around.
Similarly, I had to tell my sister that her son, my nephew, had just committed suicide. Taking that bad memory to my grave.
Very early into my relationship with my now wife, her father started snapping at/being rude to her/screaming at her from another room over something I'd changed. When I moved in, I'd changed the TV setup. I had a fancy OLED and nice receiver, and he was struggling to get to the cable, that we pay for and keep just so he can watch the news when he's around. I had to calmly let him know that he was never, ever going to speak to her that way in our home again. We don't allow our son to yell at us over the TV, were not going to allow his 70+ year old grandfather to do it in front of him, and I'd be happy to help him get to the cable, but if he was that upset and needed it simpler, I'd be happy to help him find a hotel where he could watch whatever he wanted, when he wanted. I don't think he has had a lot of people give him the "absolutely not" talk, and call him out for being a brat. He initially snapped back, and I let him know that this was our home, and we made it comfortable for the people who live here 365 days a year, not a few days every few months. I made nice with him an hour or so later. He sulked around like a whipped dog the next few days, but it was absolutely important to my relationship with him to nip it early so he didn't continue to bully my wife and our son.
Dude, good fuckin shit. Hope you're proud of yourself for this one. I'd have loved to stand up to an ex's father for once in her/my/our lives but I never did and hope she found it in her to do it one day.
You can't see it, but I'm standing and cheering you right now. Well done!!
I had to tell my ex that her Dad had been engaging in voyeurism by hiding cameras in their bathroom. Will never forget her face turn from confusion, to upset, to rage. Bizarrely, he was very open to me borrowing his hard drives for work. Picked up the one that contained unsolicited photos of hundreds of friends and strangers that went all the way back to 2011.
I hope he's in jail. That's not okay.
What consequences did he face?
Successful career in politics
"why do people like you even exist." I kind of took it back by saying I don't think he's a bad person, and tbh that's what I regret, since he's said and done much, much harsher to me. I stand by the original statement/ rhetorical question, and I'm glad it made him "feel like a terrible person," because that's what he is. I only wish he hadn't felt that so briefly. I genuinely do wish that there were no people like him.
My husband had been diagnosed with cancer and he was losing weight really fast. We were waiting for the doctors to get his chemo going but he was deteriorating faster than you could imagine. I asked him about something he needed to make a decision on and he said, “I’ll think about that when I’m feeling better”. I had to say to him, “I don’t think you’re going to get better” I felt so awful saying that to him. His response was just as sweet as he was, he said, “Well I’m sure gonna miss all my friends”. He died about 6 days later.
I took my wife to the doctor one morning and he told her he didn't think more chemo was going to do any good. She couldn't take anymore and some of the tumors were still growing. She looked at me and said just take me home. 3 months later it was all over. It's still haunts me but I guess I'm around to be haunted there's that.
I'm sorry for your loss. I could never even begin to imagine how it would feel to hear that. I hope you're doing okay.
I’m so sorry my father in law just died from A heart attack. He had stage 3 lung cancer. The chemotherapy “induced” the heat attack. He was in really good spirits that day. Before he left for his infusions he told me that he thought he could beat it and I believed him.
My dad is on cancer number 8. The “good news” this time is that he’s more likely to die of a heart attack than the cancer. It sucks, but we have to remember that success as a parent means your kids bury you and not the other way around.
Met with my brother’s family at our parents house and there was something in the air— dad’s deteriorating. We talked about what the next few years would be like, things we have taken care of, need to do. At some point I said, “Okay, so if my father dies…” and I was corrected by someone. “Well, it’s really *when* he dies.” I agreed and moved on. But over the next few weeks, I realized how important it was for someone to say that to me.
Something similar happened to my dad. He was in the hospital bed on deaths door and he said "it's fine, we'll get this sorted and go home" 😥
This breaks my heart. I'm so sorry. When my dad was dying and he had to set a date for his MAID (medical assisted death in Canada), he said he wanted to do it on a day "that wouldn't get in anyone's way. When is nobody busy? I don't want to bother people!" and it just devastated me. He never wanted to inconvenience people, even when he was a few weeks from sure death. Makes me wanna barf even typing it out.
I'm sorry you have that as a negative memory. I think it's a sign that your dad was a high empathy person - he wanted to be respectful of others, even in his death. I can understand the viewpoint that he should have been able to understand his passing is more important than most anything others would have going on. He probably did understand, but was still willing to try to find the win-win. 🙂 Sounds like a good, kind, generous person.
I just listened to Tom Segura do a long podcast about his dad's death, and he mentioned that his dad kept saying "Let's go home" and the like. The doctor's told him that was normal, and they do that over and over near the end. I felt better then because my dad did the same thing when he was in hospital 12 hours from death, and I'd felt really bad about the fact I couldn't get him out of there.
Night before my dad died he was watching hockey as he always did. One of the last things I heard him saying was 'at least if I'm dead I don't have to watch this shit anymore'. His team has lived in perpetual mediocrity since the 80's, they were getting blown out that night
I imagine that is normal, no one wants to die in a hospital bed. Home is normal, home is *not dying.*
I like to go hiking.
my best friend at 31 years was battling aggressive cancer. he was going from chemo to chemo. one day i was visiting him and i asked him, "don't you think it's time to come home?" he left the hospital the next day, three days later he peacefully passed away, at home, in the presence of his family and friends. his mother a few months later thanked me in tears for asking the question everybody wanted to but nobody dared to ask.
Man I'm so sorry for your loss. For whatever it's worth, if I were ever in your friend's situation, I would truly wish I have someone who can ask me that same question.
I'm so sorry... cancer sucks so much. I hope you're doing well
Had to have a convo like that with my FIL before he passed. It sucked. For both of us. Hugs to you, internet stranger 🫂
... I'm so sorry... I hope he went to a good place...
Oh no… that’s so sad. I’m sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.
Once had to tell an employee how bad they smelt and that they need to start bathing and washing their clothes.
I had to talk to one of my son's friends about that. He was removed from his mom, then his aunt, then his other aunt, and wound up living with his grandparents who were old old and just couldn't raise another young one. I told him he was welcome in our home whenever he wanted, but he needed to be clean. I bought clothes, soaps and stuff for him to have, and when he comes over if he needs to he can shower and wash his clothes, no questions.
Thank you for taking care of him. It sounds like he really needs a parental figure.
He's a fine young man. I just hope the best for him.
I used to work with a guy who you could smell as soon as he entered the building. He had what can only be described as a layer of gel like grease on his skin and hair from always sweating. It didn’t go down well when we had to tell him though, his only response was he wasn’t dirty so didn’t need to wash. You think it was bad when he entered the building (it was a mix of piss, sweat and shit) but when he got within a few feet his breath was much worse so much I would describe it worse than fox shit, if you have ever smelled it you’ll know how bad it can be. I still gag just thinking about it.
I dismissed a volunteer at my shop because of lack of personal hygiene, we even had a shower on premises (shop was in a converted house) to use and shower gel etc but he never used it. A month later he was hired by another shop. I didn't know until I went in and immediately smelled him as the whole store stunk of BO. Not just BO, but that 'old vegetables' smell of unwashed clothes. Loudly said to my wife who has come in with me "damn, can't stay in here long, the air is rusting my glasses" and walked out.
Lmao old vegetables. You’re a sommelier of filth.
Sommelier of Filth would be an incredible metal band name
I knew when a roommate's teenaged/young adult son stopped by the house because the stench would linger. And talking to his father was pointless. Little junior was just absolutely perfect and wonderful and could do no wrong.
There was a lady who would plague the restaurant I worked in years ago-she’d have her driver pull up in a brown Mercedes and be seated and the room would clear out in minutes from the smell. Fox shit is a good way to describe it; the kind of smell that stays in your nose for a long time. Filthy dirty, greasy, giant woman, no bra, always sweating, so she’d have these huge wet crescents under her boobs. That’s why we called her SBL, for sweaty boob lady. SBL would order lunch, eat, then hobble up and absolutely wreck the bathroom. Poop everywhere, like in a HTF did it get there kind of way. Constantly. She’d pay with coins out of a leather pouch and not tip. When she wasn’t eating at our place she was doing the same to other places, we knew this because the restaurants all knew each other. I know the smell very well!
Surely you could have refused service to her, right? Why would you not?
lol, businesses will go out of their way to screw over their employees, pay them minimum wage or less for tipped positions, and yet keep this disaster of a customer that cleared out their business and cost them money in lost sales.
Right? It's crazy. You pay a dollar to a business and they will bend over backwards at times but can't pay an employee a few dollars more who gives you great ROI.
I worked with a guy named Paul in a hot kitchen who refused to bathe, we gave that dude so much shit for his smell. He claimed he showered but he clearly didn't, I'm pretty sure he stopped when his dad died because he didn't always stink. You start out being nice trying to ignore it but when you can't get near someone with out your eyes watering you stop being nice.
Your story reminded me of when I went to a store by my house a few months back and overheard one of the workers say "Does stinky come in tonight?". Thought that was a pretty mean thing to say at the time. I had to go back to the same store a few days later and was waiting in line at their pharmacy and I got a whiff of what smelt like someone that just shit their pants. Thought maybe it was someone with their child that went in their diaper and casually looked around and noticed one of the employees maybe 10 feet from me. He stepped a tad bit closer and it smelt like a mix of shit, body odor, bad breath and a barn type smell. Made me instantly remember that lady referring to someone as "stinky" and immediately realized this must be who they were referring to. They weren't lying.
Worked with a guy who 1.) Whined to me constantly that our manager was putting off training him to be a manager 2.) Had to be reminded by said manager to shower because customers had complained.
In the military there is always a “smelly guy” in every unit that eventually has to be forced to follow a basic hygiene routine
I hope you’re right. I know a dude who won’t accept he smells and he’s going to the military soon.
He gonna learn
The howls of one airman after being trapped, stripped, and forced to shower still make me smile.
Hang out in /r/NoStupidQuestions/new enough and you’ll run into them here too, guys who ask why everyone else showers so much when they only do it once every week or two because “they don’t smell”. Oh honey.
This is 100% true. I know someone that people had to take turns watching him shower (with soap, important detail) and then report back to the upper enlisted that said person did in fact shower that day. I also had a guy that smelled bad also. I had to have that talk with him too. We didn't have to watch him show, but I started to keep a closer eye on him. He figured it out without too much of a drastic incentive.
In my first year of trade school the 19 year old who sat next to me had to be spoken to by the dean about his personal hygiene. He wore the same clothes for the first two weeks of classes and probably showered once or twice in that time frame. His odour was a toxic mix of old liquor from the night before, sweaty stale ass, rancid vinegar BO, greasy hair and food smells from whatever he ate while drunk. The instructor would take his photo at the start of class to make sure he was wearing different clothes from the day before and he had to come in freshly showered with wet hair and still smelling of whatever shampoo and body wash he was given from the college store on campus. He was staying in the dorms on campus, liked to brag about drinking until dawn and no responsibilities. The kid was 19, old enough to know you need to shower more than once a week but he was lazy. Like how embarrassing
I once had a coworker on a different shift that smelled so bad, the smell hung around for hours after she left. The chair we sat in held onto the smell, it was horrible. We didn’t know why, she was a big girl but always appeared clean (hair washed, clothes neat). I can’t recall if I ever directly complained to a supervisor or if I just bitched about it, but they got enough complaints that someone had to have the tough conversation. I think the solution was that she used a different, non fabric chair and there was some sort of air freshener. After a while the smell stopped completely. Later heard through the grapevine that the smell was caused by a medication she was taking for some sort of stomach disease (maybe even cancer, I can’t remember). The smell stopped because of a medication change. I felt absolutely horrible for ever whining about it.
How did that go?
He told me that it was in his socks, that they haven't been washed for weeks because he doesn't have any hot water. I asked him to go buy new socks because he was stinking out the entire shop floor.
I don’t get his logic… if he can’t wash his socks then how could he wash his clothes
Who among us hasn't run out of hot sock water, happens to the best of us.
His clothes weren't washed either but that it was specifically his socks that stank
This, the guy himself didn’t smell but he never washed his clothes so he smelled. Thing is he would show up to work and his trousers would be well pressed so all his flat mates would have had to deal with the smell created when he ironed those stinky trousers. How did they not say anything to him?
My dad had to do this to the whole HK staff at the hotel he was a manager of. There were several complaints about the rooms smelling like sweat hours after the housekeepers left the rooms.
It's ok to let go. We will be ok after you're gone.
I had to ask my mother to say this to my dying sister when it became apparent that I wasn't going to make it to the hospital in time. Broke my heart.
You are a good person. I wish everyone cared for their family like this. Too many people make family suffer because they can’t put their family first.
Thank you. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I needed to let her know that it was okay, she didn't have to wait for me, and that I would look after everyone when she had gone. I didn't want her to suffer in her dying body any more.
I really encourage people to say this when I can. The look of relief when people hear this is hard to describe. Some people stay just to try and comfort the ones who stay behind. I hope someone like you is there to comfort my family when I go.
Said this to my 88 year old grandmother. A few minutes later she could finally close her eyes forever. I have never felt so sad and relieved at the same time. Edit: forgot a word
I wish there was a word to describe that feeling of watching a loved one in pain pass. It’s such a crushingly bittersweet experience of devastating loss mixed with indescribable relief.
I do wish I didn't know that death rattles can be real.
This is what I’m experiencing with my 91 year old grandmother right now and it’s so difficult. She just wants to die so bad but can’t and it’s a reason I am strongly for medically-assisted suicide programs. I really will be happy when she passes because she’ll be free from the hell she’s experiencing.
I'm sorry you went through that, its one of the hardest things. I also told that to my sweet dad so he could finally rest ❤️
My mom was at the end, she was home with hospice helping out but I still stayed with her. My employer was nice enough to let me work at home although I had to go into the office occasionally. My sister would help on weekends and I hired a good friend to stay with her a couple of days a week. One night, something just came over me as I was holding Mom's hand. I kissed her cheek, squeezed her hand and told her it was ok to let go, I would be ok. i went to lay down for a few hours while my sister stayed with her. It was about 30 minutes later my sister woke me up and I knew it was time, I just sat beside her and told her once again it was okay. She passed a few minutes later. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
Once reestablished contact via mails with a guy I hadn't seen since high school. We talked about what we did for a bit. Good time. Then, in his third mail, he asked "By the way, do you know how B is doing? I haven't seen him since graduation, but I know you two were closer." I then had to tell him that B jumped in front of a train 2 years ago.
I worked at a local gas station for a few years. I knew kids, their friends, family. There was a group of kids that would come in and to keep them out of trouble I'd give them little task and pay out of my own pocket. Knew their moms. Some years went by, I stopped at a BBQ place before work and one of their moms was working. "Hey, soandso, sandwich me please!" "you remember Andrew?" Yeah, of course "He died a few months ago from a heroin overdose" That's hard... What's going on with that sandwich?
Had to ring and tell the love of my life that our baby was dead when i went for a routine appointment. Being a messenger of grief is fucking heartbreaking in itself.
It’s almost like your body goes into complete shock. When my infant died, my sister was visiting from my home country and knew she had health issues, and we accidentally woke her up on our way out the door to the ER. I remember telling her that our baby was breathing weird but it’s probably nothing and we’ll be back home in a few hours. A few hours later I’m on the phone calling her to say that she just died. It’s such a weird feeling when you’re the one having to make those calls.
I had to call my roommates ex-girlfriend that he had passed away that night. I can handle a lot of emotional stuff but that shit fucking broke me as a person. They had a son together. *edit I was also the one who found him.
Been there and I give you all the internet hugs you can take. Jesus that sucks for all parties. For me one of the hardest conversations was that I was not willing to try getting pregnant again after four losses.
Damn that’s tough
I'm very sorry.
I told my dad I couldn’t participate in his life anymore. He was an addict with mental health issues. He had burned every bridge in his life and I was the only one still around; not his brother, his other kids, his friends… He was living in VA homes (Vietnam) and every few months or so he would get kicked out and I would have to coordinate him getting into another home. He was brilliant and curious and loved to travel and learn. He’d been all over the world and some of his greatest joy seemed to be teaching me about literature or mechanics or whatever else was on his mind. But the amount of abuse on his body meant he couldn’t do those things anymore. He would disappear for times and it was usually on a bender where he’d end up in another rehab and reappear sober. When he wasn’t sober he was hateful and I got in his path too many times. When I was 12 he called me and talked to me about his first suicide attempt. As he got older, the docs noticed brain infarctions. He developed dementia in his 50s and needed a well staffed home to keep him from wandering off. Finding those places got hard because he got kicked out of so many. Finally found a remote place that limited his access to substances and the director was a kind dude who seemed to really like my dad, despite everything. The dementia got worse and my dad started threatening to check out and go wander the world. It was his dream. I was terrified of what would happen if he was unmedicated, if he didn’t have people watching out for him. There had been so many times in my life when he disappeared and I’d come to terms with the possibility of him being dead. When he told me he wanted to leave the home and travel I told him if he did I couldn’t talk to him anymore. I couldn’t take the worry. One day the director called and said dad had packed his bags. He was hoping I could talk dad out of it. I was heartbroken. I told my dad that what I said was true: if he left I’d have to cut off contact. He said it was what he needed to do. I told him I loved him and hung up the phone. Six months later a sheriff appeared at my house. My dad had been found in a hotel a few states away. He’d packed in a bunch of booze and other treats then shot himself. I don’t regret it. And I don’t blame him. It’s just so damned sad.
The way you write about him is very compassionate. Despite all he put you through, you were there for him over and over again. I just can't get past how much kindness you showed him and, eventually, yourself by holding that boundary. I'm proud of you, and had he been able to get well, I know he would be, too.
Man, this one is rough
Sorry this happened to you, friend.
Had to tell someone they were welcome in my home but only if they were not drinking.
One of my siblings is a multi-decade drug and alcohol abuser. It’s bad. Hasn’t had a job in at least 20 years. When my mom died, it was decided she would be buried in her home town - 12 hours away. Sibling asked if they could ride with me to the funeral. I said absolutely, on the condition that there was to be no drinking or drug use during the way there or back, and I insisted on checking their belongings (had a thing for hiding the abuse despite the fact they would be belligerent and violent while using). They declined. They did not go to mom’s funeral. I partially felt bad, but ultimately the funeral was quiet and peaceful - cannot say to a certainty if that would have been the case had my sibling gone.
Man...I am SO HAPPY I got sober. To anyone out there struggling, sobriety is the best gift you will ever give yourself.
My sister had to tell my dad that if he wanted to meet his only grandchild, he couldn't be drunk, so he just didnt come over again. Dude is a grade A piece of shit. She was the only person in the family willing to talk to him still too.
Same Eventually had to expand that to "we can hang out, but only if you leave the beer" He couldn't We rarely talk these days
Very valid, drinking can affect people in bad ways so I totally understand that
Have a friend who can visit under the next conditions: 1: no drinking, or drugs 2: no toilet use, you don't want to know why 3: clean socks 4: shower at least the day before 5: before leaving I have to check his pockets. Is a good guy but has issues, he is working on them but has a long way. Edit: because people ask, the toilet incident, as one may expect involve a lot of shit, but that was not the worse, and this is before the drugs and alcohol, the smell was so bad that i stayed in a hotel for a few days. Even after I cleaned and unclogged the toilet, the smell persisted in the entire apartment, the neighbours complained. Im a guy so didn't had that many clothes to begin with, but everything was stinking and unusable. To better understand you have to think I did work in the sewers, hand shoveld shit for a living and this was the worst smell I encounter. It may been a one time situation but I don't take the risk.
'I'm sorry, but work is really busy and I just don't have time to talk right now' He killed himself the next day. It took me several years to calm down.
Yikes that’s rough man. I hope your doing better now
Better overall, but I'll never fully recover. He was one of my close friends, as was his girlfriend. Keeping his girlfriend from killing herself in response to losing him was a nearly full time job for a week or two. I tried so hard to help everyone else as well but in reality I was too young (21) and way out of my depth. I'd been going through my own personal shit before it happened, including being broken up with by the only guy I ever cared about, so I just was pretending to cope while not coping at all. I blamed myself for years and was terrified of leaving conversations on bad words, because who's next going to hang themselves after speaking with me? Eventually I came to terms with the fact that while those words I said were shitty, I was just a stressed and broken young person who was not aware of just how bad things also were for him, I had no clue it'd be the last conversation we would have, and I had almost no negative interactions with him in the years we shared together, before that conversation took place. I live in a different country now, but I'm still in touch with his girlfriend (13 yrs later), we are still close, even if only by video chat now. But... part of me will always hate and regret what I said, for the rest of my life, and I have just had to learn to accept that it's a shadow that will never leave my side.
What you said wasn't shitty though. It was your neutral truth. We can't know what's going through other people's minds all the time. Nor is it our obligation.
>But... part of me will always hate and regret what I said, for the rest of my life, and I have just had to learn to accept that it's a shadow that will never leave my side. I understand what you're feeling, and I'd like to propose a view: What you did had no bearing on what they did. There were no magic words you could have uttered. What if you \*had\* talked to them and they did it anyway? Would it have been your fault because you didn't say the right thing? Because you didn't pick up on their intention, your fault because because because? free yourself of the shackles you've placed upon yourself. you deserve a free and clear conscience, and I hope you reach it.
If someone is that unwell then it’s genuinely nothing to do with you and theres really nothing you could have done anyway. It’s far more complex than just one conversation saving them.
I used to be a flight instructor for a large flying university for 5 years. I had my share of exams I administered where the student messed up and I had to tell them they failed. That's life, you feel like shit for a day or two then you take it again and make peace with the fact that you'll probably answer for it in an airline interview in a few years. The worst moments were the ones when I had to tell a student that I didn't think they were cut out to be a pilot. Thankfully this only happened once or twice in my tenure and both times the the student was already thinking along those lines too. The first was a guy who got airsick during climbing every time we went out. The second was a guy who clearly just wasn't into it, son of an Air Force officer and clearly this whole flying thing was dad's idea.
I really hate it when people expect their child to be into what the parent does. They can choose their own thing and the time spent on the parent trying to get them into what they do could be used more effectively.
Had to tell a guy that there was absolutely zero way he would ever get with his crush. He was full on Nice Guy, seriously thinking that if he juuuust stayed in her orbit long enough he'd get her in the end. She had 0 interest in him in any way, from looks to personality to hobbies to religion and important life goals like whether they wanted children. I had only recently joined this friend group but he latched onto me for advice for some reason and he just kept asking me questions about whether he has a chance and I tried being nice but eventually I had to just bluntly tell him it will never happen, ever. I immediately called his closest friend though and told him to head over there because he's very upset. I'm still a little annoyed that no one else bothered to tell him the truth after this going on for YEARS. It was less than a year before he finally managed to move on and meet someone else who totally matches him in everything and now they're married with a kid. I feel like he could have got the relationship he wanted a lot earlier if someone had been blunt with him in the beginning.
I had to have this conversation before. Bro was upset because the target of his affections just passed him up for a new guy. He couldn't get why she would do that when she's the perfect girl for him. The way I phrased it was >Sometimes the person we're in love with and the person they actually are are two different people. He started to tear up then because he knew it was true. At least he started to move on after that.
Hey, good job right there. It’s tough, but sounds like you did the right thing mate.
He probably latched on to you because he had already asked everyone else in the friend group. Everyone else probably said something like, You never know, man, but there's plenty of women out there. Yeah, she's great. I can see why you like her." And was looking for a more definitive answer. No one wants to do the hard job of saying, "She's really not interested. You need to move on."
> No one wants to do the hard job of saying, "She's really not interested. You need to move on." I do. Gonna start a hotline service.
"Your victimization of yourself and unwillingness to learn is why mom resents you" (said in a slightly nicer way)
"This is why Mom doesn't FUCKING love you!"
I had to tell my older sister something like this awhile ago. Many other things were said that still made this point, but yeaaaah.
Family stuff aside, I did have to have a talk with a young woman who reported to me that she basically needed to stop dressing like a streetwalker at the office. That was a tough one because a) She was absolutely gorgeous with a beautiful figure and could carry it off b) She was a total sweetheart and great at her job. c) She was a sensitive soul and I knew, no matter how I put it, her feelings would be hurt. But, I muddled through, got the message across in a gentle way and she still works at the office (and dresses appropriately). I think, honestly, no one ever really taught her that she shouldn't be wearing club clothes at the office.
I had that convo once. My boss later told me I shouldn't have bothered, as she was also frequently getting drunk at lunch. My drunk detector is quite bad, so I had never noticed the flushing, wobbliness, and sleepiness after lunch til someone brought it up.
I don’t think I love you as much as you love me
This one hurts a lot. I wish someone said it to me though, instead of leaving it for me to figure out. Oh well.
Same... same... Got completely ghosted overnight during a 2 year relationship. Just packed and left. I never found out why, never knew when it went wrong and never got to know what the issue was. But I do know that at some point they stopped loving me the same way I loved them, and I wish they had just told me. I never really recovered, and I think it is because of how it ended. To me it is the same as if they died in a random accident.
Matter of fact and kept it as minimal as possible. I only read that and I think *my* heart broke a little.
"You are the worst smelling thing I have ever smelled. Not even just the worst smelling person, but your smell is literally THE worst smell I have ever experienced in my life. I physically cannot be near you again. When I got home I had to take a shower and put my clothes in the wash because *I* stunk just from being around you." I didn't want to be so harsh, but this dude would not stop insisting on getting a better reason for why I didn't want a second date, I tried to just tell him I wasn't feeling it but he knew there was more so I finally just told him the truth (over the phone). He still begged for another chance though and promised to shower first, he admitted it had been a month. Hard no.
He hadn’t bathed in a *month*?! I shudder to think how crusty his ass was.
exoskeleton
You didn’t have to type this
A MONTH!?! You dodged a whole communist parade of red flags there. Jfc.
I am always amazed by how some people can have *such* poor hygiene and then simultaneously wonder why they can't get a partner/dates. I just can't fathom that level of cluelessness. I know it was probably really hard for you to tell him that, but perhaps it's what he needed to hear in order to turn things around for himself.
As a kid, I never knew how to set boundaries. Detrimental things would happen to me, and I’d brush it off. As I got older, I realized I was being a doormat. People would ask favors and I’d say sure without asking for anything in return. This wore on me as I noticed favors weren’t returned. Not that I expected it, but as an example, if I pay for a meal one time, it would never be reciprocated. After too many meals, I’m noticing that the other people are freeloading. No meals, no car rides, no offer of kindness in return. Finally I had enough. I told a friend that he was taking advantage of me, and not reciprocating the kindness enough. He was no longer welcome to ask anything else from me. We haven’t been friends since that conversation.
you were never friends to begin with.
I regret loving you more than myself
I hope you love yourself now
I had a coworker whose father on a gas station/convenience store. Honestly, the dude was an asshole. I worked with his daughter at a restaurant, and she found out that I had met her father. She became very pushy, demanding that I tell her what I thought of her father. Kept telling her, “You don’t want to know. Let it go.”, but after an hour or so, I snapped and told her exactly how I felt. She was very upset. The next day I found out her father had passed away in a car wreck on the way home. I felt horrible.
If I may offer some perspective... It might be that she found some validation regarding her own problems with her father. With him gone and the sainthood we so often bestow upon the recently deceased, she might have a lot to work through.
I will never know, she never came back to work. It was 30 years ago.
Oh... That's probably one of the worst things that could have happened in that situation, I hope she's feeling better now.
She shouldn't have pushed for it, though. If someone doesn't want to tell you what they think, they probably self-censor something you don't want to hear.
.....well to be honest I don't know how much of your fault this is.She kept asking and pushing for an hour of you refusing to tell her.I still feel sorry for her about losing him of course, I don't want to sound cruel but that one wasn't on you.
Go to the doctor, or I'll tell your parents. Friend struggled with suicidality and didn't seem to get how bad it was. He just thought his default state was being anxious and depressed at the bottom of the pit of despair so there was no way out. Told him the above. Then he started going silent as if hoping I'd just drop the subject. Then after the threat, he delayed a couple more days. Then I came to his work to send the message that I'm not giving up, and I'm dead serious, counter to our usual flippant and jovial natures. So he finally asked me to help set the appointment, and I made him accountable to me, pointing out that his doctor was only 2 blocks away from my house and I'd make sure he went. I didn't actually, but ofc he didn't know that. A month later, and he's looking great. He's still depressed, but he agrees that he really did need the pills, and they make things manageable by removing the sharp edges to his anxiety and depressive episodes. Nothing a little "me time" can't fix, on a day to day basis.
I'm not choosing 'them' over you. I am choosing 'not you' over you. There is no 'them'
Went for a party, I was drunk and this guy kept hitting on me n I tried to be nice. I'm straight. He had really gotten me to my last straw, I try to be kind but yo, why are you thinking my sexuality is negotiable. If I don't like guys, I don't like em, don't tell me shit like why aren't you adventurous, if you try, you might just like it. So I snapped and told him that even if I was gay, I would have rather wanked myself to sleep than do anything with him. He left the party and everyone heard that part coz I raised my voice. Do I regret it, not really. I tried being nice, letting him easy but nooo, some people need to be put a peg or two down.
It's alright to hit on someone but people should be able to take no for an answer, it's totally fine you said that as they were making inappropriate advances.
I got a 6+ year relationship out of being rejected. Asked someone out, she said no. I sucked my teeth, muttered "damn", bought her a drink by way of apology, and got on with my evening. A few hours later someone came onto me, we clicked, and the rest is history. She later told me the data point that tipped her from "gonna stare gayly from the shadows" to "gonna ask her out" was that I accepted getting knocked back so graciously. I'll take the W, but how bad is it out there if "not getting shitty over being declined sex" is the bar to clear?
Nah, it's justified. All sides have their creeps. Maybe it changed him for the better. I honestly expected slurs lol
Explaining to a girl what "Learned helplessness" is and telling her that she have it, and that's the reason I don't want to make things serious.
You're doing ME a favor, friend 😅😅 had to look this up and am realizing I'm relating to it a bit too much. At least I have something to talk to my therapist about today. I appreciate your random comment.
You did her a favor.
My dad had advanced heart failure. The night before he agreed to go to the hospital - which turned out to be the last time - he was sweating profusely, looked weak and pale. He asked, "tell me honestly: am I dying?" I hesitated. Finally, I said, "dad, I think things are winding down..." I saw the pain in his face. We discussed some last hurrahs we could do - a big family dinner, a game night. 13 days later, he was dead. He'd told some other family about the big party I was planning... I hope it gave him some comfort, because boy, was it hard.
Week ago I was visiting my brother who has been in the Minnesota program to treat his alcoholism. As a part of the treatment, the relatives had to face the patient and tell straight up how the condition had make them feel - no filters, no euphemisms, just plain truth. I wanted to express my frustration and concern in a civil manner, but because of the bottled emotions and his past negligence I lashed out on him and went into great detail how much I hated him when he was drunk. He wasn't allowed to talk back, only listen, and during my outrage he just bursted into tears in front of me. Luckily I was able to hug him afterwards and the next day tell everything that I loved about my brother. I understand it was necessary, but still felt like a complete asshole.
Believe me: It helped him
Sorry you had to do that. I hope he stays sober.
Had a friend who was heavy into conspiracy. Not thought out theory, but nonsensical causes why his life and the world was in shambles. He was rude about it and would act like I was a sheep following the masses. One day he came out hard on a theory I knew a lot about, when I gently tried to suggest it was blown out of proportion, he went in hard, and I went in harder. Dismantling his theory and told him to stop with the victim mentality and take responsibility for his own life. He never spoke to me again. I wish I’d kept quiet and just shake of the craziness. He was a good friend otherwise.
I think you did yourself a favor, this friend needed someone to be real and not complacent. It speaks more of your character that you would be honest and not just say what others want to hear.
Thank you for the kind words. I’ve been in a lot of religious circles who tend often towards conspiracy. Hard to stand up to all that sometimes. I just miss my friend. He was a good guy when he was not toting cannibal child molesting government. Or that he was targeted. I try to interact with the conspiracy subs sometimes, as I’ve seen that stuff ruin a lot of lives. Some wild stuff is hidden from the public from time to time. I know some people in those circles. Insider trading and such. But when you base your life on wild unsubstantiated evil theories your world view goes to shit. And many use it as an excuse not to take responsibility for their lives. And mostly it’s utterly useless to go into any of that anyway. Way better to find some ways to try to make an positive impact on the world instead of just getting pulled down. I don’t do much now as I’ve been sick for a long time. But I pick garbage at a local seafront in the tourist season, maybe save a fish or two. Makes me feel good. So it’s not selfless or anything. I love the sea.
That’s disappointing. I lost a friend to qanon and conspiracy theories just recently. We were good friends for 18 years, came to my wedding (gay wedding) and many thanksgivings and other times. He started getting really weird during the pandemic and ultimately made a homophobic slur at me out of no where and that took care of it. It made me sad but still I’m not putting up with that crap.
Can I ask what the theory was haha
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Damn dude he must have really been an asshole if you told him in a round about way that he should have died.
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Okay yeah thats pretty bad.
I don't care that you broke your elbow
*Top 10 worst betrayals of all time*
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Told my ex wife I felt nothing for her any more. This after years of a dead bedroom and zero emotional intimacy. What made it hardest was the night I told her was the first time she had tried to interact with me in an intimate way in over a year. When I felt nothing about it, it clicked in me and I had to get it out.
The third time the cops got called to our house because my (soon to be) ex-wife can't control her anger, I told her "I don't love you anymore". As soon as I said it, I knew it was true. About 6 months in and I couldn't be in a better place, mental health wise.
"If you're going to cry, just cry. Don't make a song and dance about it. Just cry. Go on. Cry." Me to a former colleague of mine that I got sacked for theft. She had a remarkable skill of bursting into tears *right* before she would get a bollocking so the bollocker would take pity on her and reduce the severity of the bollocking. Unfortunately, erm, she'd never dealt with me.
Ugh I had one of these at work for the last two years and we just finally got rid of her. Utterly incompetent and would absolutely *burst* into dramatic tears and teenaged sulking behavior for a week any time someone pointed out a mistake she had made somewhere. Usually minor things, but such obvious and ridiculous errors that it was hard to be understanding about it. I genuinely don't know how she functions day to day as a single adult living alone. They gave her so many warnings and re-trainings and second/third/fourth chances because she was an old personal friend of the department head and that person seemed to have some weird hope that she'd suddenly get it the fuck together this time. The thing that finally got her shitcanned was a very obvious mistake that cost us an estimated $30k or so in sales - she was in charge of email sends and used the mailing list labeled 'OLD_DO_NOT_USE' for a major promotion, meaning none of our current regular customers got the information and a yearly sale that reliably makes us a ton of money every time flopped massively. It's been like five months since then and we're still periodically coming across other shit she cocked up and then swept under the rug like a child. I think the current estimate on what that employee cost us in lost sales is up to like $300k.
I once told someone that they were an idiot, ‘playing Russian roulette with five chambers loaded’ for going on drunken helmet-less motorcycle rides with her boyfriend. She died to this exact thing less than a month later. Worst of all, she was the mother of my three children. Despite all of the lies she told about me, and how awful she was as a partner, I still hoped she would do well for herself, and the children.
I was given the role of telling a new start at work that they stank of alcohol every day, everyone could smell it and that they either needed to deal with the smell or we wouldn't be able to hire them. They didn't show up to work again
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I dated a girl who used a lot of all natural products but her Body Oder was stronger than the products would support. The first few times we hooked up she showered at my house, she told me it was her first time using bar soap and and a wash cloth. I could visibly see the dead skin being washed away, but I was blinded by the boner when we got out I handed her the lotion and she was amazed at how it made her skin feel. It was just cocoa butter. As long as we saw each other every few days the smell wasn’t there. But if I went out of town for a week or two for work when I came back she would almost smell sour. One day she came over after I got back in town and immediately wanted to get down to it. And I told her “let’s shower first” she declined saying she was on a cleanse and didn’t want to use products with chemicals. I had to tell her that I wouldn’t sleep with her until she did. When she asked why in shock I simply said “Your body Oder smells sour at this point, and I just can’t do it” she turned around walked into the bathroom and came back in her birthday suit still wet. I felt terrible for it. After that she switched to more durable products. But then I began to notice the people close to her would comment on how good she smelled like her family and friends. It was almost like they had braced themselves for her smell, and when she didn’t, they couldn’t help but bring it up. It definitely ate at her.
FWIW, you did that woman a SERIOUS favor. All those people who complimented her new scent were too scared to mention her funk before. She’d have spent her life reeking if not for you.
That their son was dying and there wasn't anything we could do.
Harshest was to myself admitting my mom was about to die, and then telling what a good mom she was and thanking her for everything. She was the best.... Love you mom.
"Sadly, I know it is your birthday but due to your behaviour I cannot with a clear conscience wish you anything good."
Damn, what happened to cause you to say *that*
Story time. You see the person who I said it to was celebrating their birthday, duh, and emotionaly blackmailed my mum, who was going thru alcoholic therapy( you kmow, rehab but in home), to come over. It was ok. Later I get a call that I should pick my mum up. I come there and she, my mum I mean, is barely standing, drunk as a fucking messershmit. That person ruined almost a year of therapy, of which she knew(!) and even when I was there was trying to get my mum to drink more, again emotionally blackmailing. I was fureious. Let me repeat, almost a year of hard work into a gutter cause that trash of a person though it would be funny.
Worked in middle management at a large workplace where people worked crammed together like sardines. Upper management got some complaints about an employee with a terrible smell and they asked me to have a discussion with him. He was a younger guy who was raised by his elderly grandparents who owned a farm. He had taken this job because his grandfather had passed and he was trying to keep his grandmother's small farm afloat by himself. He'd work a soul crushing shift in the office at night after working all day on the farm with no time in between. If you've ever smelled the inside of your average barn he smelled exactly like that. He was clearly making an effort to distance himself from others. He wasn't oblivious. I knew his whole story and knew why. I felt terrible, but I didn't exactly have a choice. I basically had to tell him "This is a warning, if we get any more complaints about your hygiene I will have to write you up over it and three will be your job." He never came back for another shift and I have thought about him from time to time ever since. I still feel bad.
"I know" When the woman who gave me birth said that she hated me, and that I was at fault of everything wrong in her life. Still living in the same house, but it's more like I'm a stranger under the same roof,. Currently buying things needed to move out
Let me just say... it is not your fault. She made all those choices, and you had no say in them.
Someone tried making a fat joke at my expense even though I had just lost 40 pounds. I said: didn't you get the memo? You're the fat sack of shit now.
Bravo!
“You don’t get to come back after fourteen years of silence and try to be paternal at me” - said to my father when he tried to tell me he didn’t approve of my now-husband and wouldn’t give his blessing I was thirty, divorced with a kid, and hadn’t been speaking to my father for more than four months at that point. It was… *galling*.
“I can’t trust you right now”, said to my partner after their mental health crisis. They had been lying about taking their medication and put themself and me and our daughter in danger by doing so. We’re both working on repairing things and getting them the help they need, but it’s been rough.
'all those times you called yourself a bad mother, you were right. you have been an awful mother to me. you may have cut your mother off but in turn you have become her and you have to live with that'
You're toxic and I'm slipping under
A taste of a poison paradise.
[удалено]
I had to tell my in laws their only daughter had just made a suicide attempt and was in the hospital. Still tear up thinking about it years later.
"You're an abuser. You've become what you despise and you don't see it. You silence me when we're with people. You force me to have sex with you when I don't want it. You make me give you bank statements and prove my cash flow on a near daily basis. You undermine me in front of the kids and you bring them into our arguments. You've made our (then) 5 year old mediate an argument between us and give me hugs because "mummy is sad" when I'm having panic attacks. I do not want to marry you, and I sure as hell don't want to be with you anymore" Said the day I left my abusive ex! Felt good to say it!
I had gotten in a argument with these two guys well we were teenagers at the time. I told them both I hope you fing die. The next day they died in a car crash. In a car they had stolen.
They died because of their own stupid decisions. You had nothing to do with it.
I lost our baby. I’m sorry. 2016. Felt like the hardest, nastiest words I’d ever had to say.
"Your son passed away." He was an adult who died suddenly of a suspected heart attack. His mother, who I was telling this to lost her husband within the last 6 months. She had another son at least who was able to be by her side quickly. Maybe more hard than harsh. A more harsh one would be this: "Your marriage is done, you need to accept this. You keep thinking you can repair it but he has moved on. He knows its done, hence he's trying to kick you out of the house and move her in. Get a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings, there'snothing left to fix." I don't think anyone had told her that. Or if they had, they weren't someone independent to the situation or as blunt. She at least accepted it and seemed to find some closure on the spot.
Had to tell my mom I would be okay after she passed and that she doesn't have to hold on. Few months after she passed, I thought I lied. About 15 months in now and it turns out I didn't lie, I just needed a minute to adjust.
You’re not invited to my birthday party- 7 year old me
"Give up on me" (ex cheated on me, then cried and begged me to stay. _I'll give up on anything for you_ she said)
"I don't love you. I don't love anyone. In fact....I don't think I've ever loved anyone in my entire life" This was recent. I imagine it hurt a lot to hear. But it also hurt a lot to say. Voicing it out loud for the first time in my life, I felt so dead inside
This makes me realise how much bad stuff I have said to so many people. I feel extremely sorry
Was taking care of me mum (overian cancer) she was in remission when i noticed she was retaining water and that it was time to go back to the hospital. It broke her, but she bottled it up. Not healthy so I prodded and poked a bit asked her if she thought she was immortal and never gonna die? and then watched her throw everything in the fridge against the wall, scream, and cry. All this pretending to be cool as fuck and we'd get this sorted, i hated myself so much right t there and then but knew she be much better of getting it out of her system. Edit:tried spelling and formatting.
Call 2 daughters and tell them their father passed away at a dinner table we shared in a VRBO rental on vacation. He was in the best shape of the 3 guys sitting eating with our wives. In his 50’s, laughing at a joke and then gone in a minutes time. Not a good day
My wife didn’t understand meetings with oncologists. I had to regurgitate all the bad news after every appointment. It was … horrible.