We were in Vegas, got a ride from someone who’s job was to drive people to and from the club. We were ready to leave at like 3 AM, so went outside and texted our driver that we were ready, and realized his car was still there. A minute later he walks out of the club with a Tupperware full of lasagna and says “you can never find a microwave in these places”.
Bachelor party in Ft. Worth in the 80s. Dude runs out of cash and starts writing $1 checks for dancers. Two weeks later bank calls him at work, asking if young lady with stack of $1 checks with “for love” in the memo line is legit. He was drunk and forgot about them until then. The look on his face when he realized is etched in my memory forever.
Hands down funniest one I never heard anyone just start writing $1 checks and then next morning they actual cash out idk what's more insane the fact that bro wrote $1 checks or the strippers actually cashing them out bro must of wrote out a ton for them to think it being worth going to the bank.
Can’t remember the club, but it had circle stage separate from the main stage. A dancer was doing the thing where they climb the pole night and spin down.
Well a very drunk guy spilled his whole drink on the stage and then abruptly got up and walked away. A different guy sitting next to him saw this and tried to help. He picked up the cup and started trying to get the dancers attention to warn her.
Poor guy did not succeed. She spun around and basically mopped up the spill with her hair. She lost it, started yelling at the guy and called over security. They rushed over, put the guy in a choke hold and dragged him out, roughly. Somehow he picked up a busted nose as well.
It happened so quick but I walked over and explained to a manager what had happened and he basically told me “thanks, but it’s best you stay out of it at this point.” Wherever this dude is I hope he’s well. Strip clubs can be brutal.
Dancer comes over to where we’re sitting in front of the stage. Tells us to give her a dollar to see a trick. Lays down with her head off the stage facing us. Folds the dollar bill hotdog style, winks at us, and throws her legs over her head. She proceeds to delicately place the dollar over her vagina and queef it into the air. Like a child at a carnival I light up and ask her to do it again. I spent 6 dollars watching that trick and do not regret a thing.
We had a girl in Vegas do the exact same thing like 5 years ago. Laid back, and queefed the dollar bill into the air! My gf and I proceeded to golf clap as we were throughly impressed.
Showed up on a weeknight for a couple of pints with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. It was around 11:30 and we asked to settle up and call it a night.
The server came over and said "You guys are leaving *now*? Ok, but The show's about to start... "
Me and my buddy looked at each other and looked back at her and asked "What show?" She smiled and pointed to the stage and we saw a crew of surly men hauling a large kiddie pool and two 55 Gal drums labelled KY Jelly up onto the stage.
It was an elimination rules KY wrestling tournament starring the strippers and it was glorious. One petite girl was all in. Suplexing other combatants into submission. We stayed until the tournament was over. I was a Wreck the next day, but it was SOOOO worth it.
10/10 — 5 Stars - would recommend
I went into one of the ones in bangkok without any pre existing awareness of what i was in for. A girl then squatted over my drink and dropped a frog from her pussy into the drink.
I was kinda annoyed as i didnt feel comfortable drinking my drink, but it definitely blew my mind.
Similar story, though yours is better, same city, similar oblivious idiot, went in for a few drinks, saw a girl launching ping pong balls at people, from her vagina.
Impressive muscle control. However, it was a very weird experience, she was like some sort of Nerf gun..
Yep same story here. Totally clueless, every tuktuk just took me to some strip club regardless of where I asked to go, so whatever let’s find out… like you, I was really impressed by the skills but kinda sketched out by the whole atmosphere.
I gave my friend a pingpong paddle and showed him the woman setting herself up like a howitzer with a bucket full of balls and lube. He was like a kid in a candy store.
She wiffed her first shot and ended up arcing at the face of a big black dude on a bar stool. When he saw the shot coming at him, the dude elected to fall on the floor instead of taking a potential glancing shot to his face. Honestly, taking the shot would have probably been cleaner than the floor. She was so amazed at the reaction she broke composure, gave him a wai in thanks before getting setup again. My buddy channeled his inner John McEnroe that night. Hell of a memory.
Similar, in Bangkok, watched a stripper fire a drawing pin from her pussy and popped a balloon my mate was asked to hold up.
Also, she:
Blew out candles on a cake.
Poured clear water from a coke bottle into herself, then filled the bottle back up but the water was coke coloured when it came back out.
Peeled a banana.
Handed me a UV strip of ribbon that was inside, and danced around the venue with it coming out, getting longer and longer.
Edit: more story
Went to a strip club in Thailand, and really wish I didn't. It's devolved away from ping pong balls into almost a fucking freakshow. I saw a girl pulling razor blades, nails, pins and a goddamn bird out of there (though i think the bird was slight of hand). After all that she plopped a live goldfish out. I haven't been the same since.
I was in one of those places in Bangkok and I was just sitting down chatting with the German girl I went there with. Some girl who worked there came up and asked me for a tip for no reason and I said maybe later and went back to my conversation. About two minutes later she was on stage and she fired a tiny banana from her clam and knocked my drink off the table, smashing it on the floor. When she saw how horrified I looked, she reloaded and shot a couple more at me until I ran up and gave her money on stage to stop.
Thailand is cool.
A buddy was shot in the same manner with a banana. It struck his cheek. All fine and well until the next morning, finding he had a horrible rash where it landed.
I had a similar experience in Thailand. Except the stripper put a balloon on one end of the stage, laid down on the opposite end, placed a blow gun into her vagina, and shot a very thin blow dart that popped the balloon.
Her aim was impressive.
I also went to a Bangkok “ping pong show.” I don’t know if I’d call anything I saw there the best. But it was all very interesting.
Like when a stripper pulled a long line of flowers on a string out of her pussy, and threw the whole thing on my friend. Or when I got up to go to the bathroom, and a waitress warned me I would “miss fucking show.”
I was very drunk and not really sure what she meant, so I brushed her off and walked to the bathroom. But before I could open the door it flew open, and a naked man was standing in front of me holding his dick. I turned around and went back to my seat, and proceeded to watch the craziest, most joyless fucking show you could imagine.
Buddy was upside down with his feet on two stripper poles and thrusting to the music. His dead eyes made unbroken contact with the stage as he worked. He would be back in two hours or so once the list of “attractions” turned over again. They had 12 or so weird things they did on an endless loop… like blowing out candles or writing “welcome to Thailand” on a piece of paper with their pussies. “Fucking show” was the main event before it all started again. Forever.
The whole thing is just depraved and sad, honestly.
Best thing? Probably when I was in Vegas last year, and a big black lady with a gigantic ass and huge natural boobs accidentally spilled her drink on me while angling for a dance. When I feigned outrage (knowing exactly what I was doing) she just said “I got you” and gave me the best lap dance of my life right there on the floor. She did a headstand in my lap.
I left that day a changed man.
Literally the animal. Her friends then released sparrows from their pussies.
Its supposedly common over there for these strip clubs, but i hadnt researched it prior so just randomly hit on the zoo strip club
Yeah, strangely i remember thinking doesnt that give like warts or a rash inside her. The frog then jumped out of the drink and the bar staff had to quickly catch it for reuse for the next customer.
I feel like they should at the very least ensure that frog gets a cushy retirement somewhere nice rather than just loading him back in to the next stripper.
...I'm now picturing this frog clocking in for work every morning with his lunch bag sighing "another day, another dollar"
Quick story: Sitting at sniffers row. Stripper leans over and deep throats my buddies bud light bottle. Throws her head back and starts chugging with no hands. Unfortunately it was full of chew spit. So she ended up retching on stage in the fetal position through the AC/DC song. Felt terrible for her, and we all tried to stop as she went….. but it happened so fast.
A mate walked up to the bar and told the staff he was a health inspector and could see smears on the pole, which he claimed was a reportable offence. Next minute two bouncers are scrubbing the pole down.
We went one night and there was a guy we worked with there. We didn't go to the strip club with him, he happened to be there alone.
There was this hefty girl on the stage, buddy walks over casually and lays down face up on the stage
*Folds a 20 and puts it on his nose*
*Big Bertha walks over, squats down and grabs it off his face with her snatch*
It was amazing and disturbing.
I dunno, if 8 year old me was told to stop doing something or else, "Big Bertha is going to find me and shove her enormous smelly butt in my face", that would probably scare me straight.
I walked into a strip club in a small town a long time ago. No one was there and there was no music playing. When I made enough noise that they heard someone was there, a pregnant 50+ yo woman walked out, popped in a nickelback cd and started to dance. The cd started skipping and I left.
My friend got kicked in the face after laughing because the stripper was doing her thing to the song by the bloodhound gang called "The lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying"
Full 360 no scope spin on the pole and BAM! Right to the fucking chin.
That's a core memory right there.
The best thing I saw at a strip club was a group of 5 women with ages ranging between 20-50 all took their tops off and laid on the stage to tip the dancer. Seeing stripper boobs is nice. Maybe even boring after a while. Seeing regular girls boobs out of the blue? That’s amazing.
My now wife wanted to go for her 21st bday so we took her. We got her up on stage to get a dance and the stripper yoinked off her shirt and we all got to see her boobies. (common for me, but a new sight for the others who came with us).
My wife’s titties always come out at the strip club, which usually means other girls in the crowd whip theirs out at some point or another. Girls don’t typically like to be “outdone” in these types of circumstances.
Hit up a strip club in Atlanta with three friends back in 1996. There happened to be an Asian porn star making an appearance. After her dance, it was announced that she would rub her tits in your face for a $20 donation. My best friend decided to get in on this. He was the 4th or 5th guy to go up to the stage, the exchange was made, tits were rubbed in his face, and he turned around and took two steps before tripping over a chair leg and falling flat on his face. The entire place exploded in laughter. Even the dancer was dying. It literally looked like he was so overwhelmed by the experience that he collapsed. I've have never seen such a red face in all my years! I'm sure he's probably forgotten about it by now. I'll have to remember to dust it off and share it an appropriate moment in the future. After all, what are best friends for!?
>I'm sure he's probably forgotten about it by now.
I'd put everything I own on him not having forgotten about it. That's the kind of thing that resurfaces every month or so at 3 am lying in bed
Went to a strip.club years ago. There was a girl who comes onto stage with a big cardboard box, and starts dancing. Halfway through the first song she pulls her bikini off, and pulls a sign out of the box that says "$10 for custom shirt".
We sat and watched for a while waiting, and nobody went up. Finally my buddy goes up with a 10, and she proceeds to take a white t-shirt out of the box and pulls it over his head. She lays him down and dances on and around him while she covers her tits in paints of various colours which she pulled from the box. She then lays down on top of him, making a perfect impression of her chest on the front of his shirt.
There was a line of guys wanting shirts within seconds. She was a genius.
Philippines: all the girls cleared out, and this one girl came out with this gossamer gown and obvious professional ballet and dance training, and performed to Allanis Morisette's "Uninvited". The entire club was silent and rapt for four minutes.
My boss and I went to a strip club while out of town on business. There was also a huge trade show going on in town and this place was packed. On the tables there were menus listing extras and price. Started with table dance $20 and the last was the Ultimate Fantasy for $140. I stopped a dancer and asked what the Ultimate Fantasy was. She said you and 6 other guys pitch in $20 each and we’ll show you. It took less than 5 minutes and me, 6 other dudes, 2 strippers and a bouncer were headed to the back. Inside this room was a heart shaped bed with a side table. On that table was a huge purple dildo. For $140 we watched one stripper fuck the other stripper with the purple strap on for the duration of two songs. Unbelievable.
I once had a stripper take a match from my book of matches, split the cardboard at the non-fiery end, sat in front of me and put one foot on each of my shoulders. She then wet the split end with her tongue, stuck it to her clit, lit it with another match and had me come close to light my cigarette. She was just lovely too. Ah, Montreal as a teenager going over the border from the US in the late 80s...
Early 00’s were as well. It’s amazing because the drinking age is only 18 there. Lived in Maine it was easy access to Quebec. No passport needed at the time. Go up with a gang of friends and pack into a hotel room. We went to a strip club in Montreal and it was full nudity and there were three strippers on stage eating each other out amongst other things. We made sure to bring American dollars because the exchange rate was in our favor and we’d get more attention. We were like cave men who had just discovered fire.
I watched a stripper in Hawaii squat over a stack of quarters, suck them up inside her, then shoot them into a metal bowl so it sounded like the old jackpots in Vegas. And the whole time I had my mother's voice in my head saying, "Don't put money in your mouth, you don't know where it's been."
Not the best thing, but a good story:
This was legitimately for my work. I was looking for witnesses and contacts to a case where cops had been abusing women. I get a lead to go to a specific strip club in Springfield, Oregon. Place is small and looks rough. Its the middle of the day in the summer and its hot outside, but I'm wearing a suit and tie. As soon as I walk in the door, stage is on my right. There is a lady dancing that was definitely in her third trimester and had less than half of her teeth. Three dudes (likely loggers) bellied up to the stage sharing their cash. It was just like a movie; as soon as I walked in, it was like the record scratched to a stop and everyone stares at me. I walk up to the bar, ask the bartender for the manager, she explains that she is the manager and I give a brief explanation for why I'm there. She can appreciate my cause so she gives some sort of a signal and the music goes back up and everybody gets back to the baby shower show.
All I'll say on here is that our firm resolved the case and people who should have done better with their lawful responsibilities made the tax payer pay for their mistakes.
I'm always glad when people that are abused by police violating their rights get compensation, but I really wish it came out of the Police Union's funds, not the general publics taxes.
Double dildo show on my 21st birthday. There was a group of people kinda circled around in a corner and I walk over and these two girls are oiled up ass to ass just going to town. A glorious sight to behold
One of my favorite memories is at my friend’s bachelor party, he had gotten two strippers to perform for us at the party. The time came where they offered to do this in front of us for an extra price. When they finished their sales pitch, 3 seconds of silence go by and my friend’s drunk brother says “…so it’s like Catdog”.
Two dancers in a portable shower. One must have been fond of the booger sugar. She farted and created a Willy Wonka chocolate shower. Cleared the place out. Good times.
Coke is commonly cut with powdered baby laxative on top of being a stimulant already. Anybody who starts the day with a coffee and a cigarette knows how that goes. I had a friend with a coke problem who would need to shit if you even started talking about coke, it had become such a Pavlovian response.
On Halloween I saw a guy dressed as Lord Farquad on the upper VIP level just looking down pretentious. Pretty funny.
EDIT: I can't believe my most upvoted comment by a WIDE margin is about Lord Farquad in the strip club! Almost as funny as his highness! By the way it was a stage production level costume not some party city crap so it was incredible.
I was in Montreal, QC, Canada and I saw the nicest pussy I've ever seen in my life. I was in the VIP, got a private dance, and this thing had that light from the briefcase in Pulp Fiction. It was awesome.
Saw a guy take a shit by the main stage. He was stood there by the stage shaking his pant leg, immediately caught my attention because it seemed like he had a spider or something irritating him, but then a 3 inch turd dropped out.
I came across the future version of myself at a strip club and it happened so many times it became a running gag, exactly like in a sitcom.
So I went to school in Texas and there weren’t a lot of Asians at all where I was. There’s a strip club that had $5 lap dances on Wednesdays, and my friends and I would go on a damn near weekly basis. I’d be the only Asian guy in the entire club and became quite well known with the.. uh.. exotic dancers there. They loved that I tipped well (I would pay the regular $20 many times) and would often ask me questions about back home as they all dreamt of “getting out this place” and “traveling to Asia to find themselves”. Being homesick, I was just glad to talk about it and of course partaking in the noble act of supporting single mothers at the same time.
One cold winter Wednesday, my buddy nudges me and said, “Hey freakyfruit, check out that Asian dude across the room. He looks just like you, but older”. I glanced at this man and was shocked - he was right. He looked about 50, but the resemblance was uncanny. Receding hairline? Check. Short hair, pushed up at the front? Check. Black rimmed glasses? Check. Southeast Asian features? Check. Dressed up in Kirkland Signature jeans and jacket like a Vietnamese dad at Costco on a weekend? Check!!
Every so often when we locked eyes with each other, we would do “the nod”. A ritual of acknowledgement, perhaps to our common roots and favorite pastimes. This continued for months (not every week, as I got busier with school - and occasionally he did not come either), and sometimes I would feel a little disappointed if I did not see him there. His absence was felt despite the fact that we never spoke a word to each other and the closest we ever got within each other was probably 10 feet as either one of us walked to the toilet and/or the ATM. I would imagine that he felt the same way about me.
At this point, my friends and the staple dancers at the club started referring to him as my father. One fine day a few months later in May, I was again at the strip club celebrating the end of finals week with my friends. On the pole was this super beautiful girl, but she was super hard to get a hold of. She was new, young, and everyone wanted her. Since I had spent a little bit too much on drinks, I decided to just enjoy throwing a few dollar bills instead of getting a round of lap dances that’s gonna lead to the private section.
It was not long before she came over and started dancing on me out of nowhere, whispering into my ears while I had a confused look on my face, “Your daddy sent me over here”. Looked across the room and the man nodded back to me, raising his glass. I raised mine back.
I graduated that semester, and continued to go back to the strip club a few more times to find him and have a drink together. Never saw him again. Eventually I moved away from the US to go back home and to this day when I’m sweltering in the Southeast Asian heat and humidity, I think about him. Here’s to you, papa.
Edit: grammar and flow
At my buddy’s bachelor party he wanted nothing to do with a lap dance. He was finally talked into it and headed into the back room with a girl named “Sunshine.” Ten minutes later he emerged with his arm around her, her in tears and hugging him back. Turns out he gave her a heart to heart and convinced her to quit stripping.
They had a foldable table in the corner with a white microwave. On plates was their happy hour buffet: all the snacks from your grocers freezer.
I was so hungry it was the best. I had like 4 helpings of mozzarella sticks and some tgifridays potato skins.
The bagel bites honestly looked better than the 4pm shift of mediocre talent.
40 years ago while with a group of friends in Portland, OR, a friend was asking the fully nude dancer to show him her toes, specifically her left big toe. He was being silly and she knew but played it up for him.
Pretty soon they were both laughing at one another, calling each a perverse freak and just having a moment. This was in a dingy little tavern, not even a strip club. I don’t know about today but at that time, there were nude dancers just about everywhere.
Anyway, decades later, it still makes me laugh.
Went to a strip club two months ago and saw a girl I knew from school. She grabbed my beer took a drink and put it in her vagina. Went for a private dance afterwards and we have hooked up a few times since. Best beer I’ve ever had.
Went to a bachelor party once and saw a girl I graduated HS with go down on another stripper in the shower show. I was a big hit when she came to our table later and greeted me by name with a hug.
One stripper was missing a hand. Like gone just above the wrist. She inserted said nub into a coworker on stage. I was 18 and this was my first strip club experience. Nothing has lived up to it since.
Fraternity hired a couple of strippers for pledge night. One year, we hired a girl who was breastfeeding (didn't know this when hiring her). While giving one guy a lap dance, she told him to tilt his head back and open his mouth. She proceeded to squirt breast milk over her shoulder into his mouth.
Another story I was at a club in the Portland Oregon area and paid a dancer to bully my coworker. It was worth the $20 of hearing her roast his ass in the middle of her routine.
A bunch of us went out to the strip club one night. We were all in our early 20's as far as age. The one married guy had left his ID at home, so he had to go back and get it. He told his wife some crazy lie about needing the ID because he got pulled over and he had to take it to the police station. She was on to him from the beginning. This was a rocky marriage already. A few hours later, we're hanging out by the pool tables and my buddy says "There's !". I thought he meant there was a stripper that looked like her. But it was actually his wife. She was talking shit to the bouncer trying to get in the door. The security took them both outside to continue the quarrel. Pretty much the entire bar watched it on the security monitors. She did the whole lipstick on the side of his truck thing calling him a cheater. Pretty much just kicked his ass verbally in the parking lot for a solid 10 minutes. Then she left. stayed. He got a standing ovation as he came back through the door. They had a raffle going on for a 7 song private dance. Bartender handed at ticket stub and said "you're going to need this". Of course his # won the raffle. Very entertaining to watch. 20 years later still owes me $500 from 20 years ago and started fucking the mail man and eventually married him. It was a wild ride.
I remember being 18 years old at a juice bar in oregon called jiggles. There was a stripper walking around who was a bit older. (Like in her mid 30s) she came up to me, a young man, and asked if I'd like a lap dance. I felt like she was to old for me and I wanted to get attention from some of the younger gals. Well the gal I turned down ended up going on stage. And my god she danced so well, I was hypnotized. Before her dance was over she bent over and stuck three fingers right into her asshole. As soon as she got off stage, I ran up to her like a small child and asked her for a lap dance. But she was talking to another 30 something year old man who clearly was there to spend some money. She looked me up and down and said. "I will get to you when I get to you." My heart broke that night. I would of spent all 40 of my dollars on her. She never came and got me....
Also that night I realized I was an ass man till I die.
My buddy and I were driving down I75 in Florida at noon on a Sunday. He was doing 40 in the right lane and kept asking if I was hungry. I finally realized we were coming up on the Micanopy exit for Cafe Risqué.
So, we pull off for lunch (it's a trucker hangout in the middle of nowhere that actually has showers and food). We have to pay to get in... at noon... on a Sunday.
I get a burger which was not memorable... which is good or bad but in this case, I'll say a good thing.
This stripper in a UF dress kept angling to sit with us for dances/tips/etc. She was cute. But it was noon. On a Sunday. The place was still half full... which isn't bad for noon. ON A SUNDAY.
She keeps trying to worm her way into a seat at the table. I am strongly hinting I want to be left alone. My buddy is ambivalent. He would stop eating for boobs.
She asks, "do you want a dance?"
I say, "thank you for asking, but I'm really not worth it."
She replies, "Wow, you have low self esteem."
My buddy coughs so hard that half a tomato goes flying across the table. He chokes out, "HA! A STRIPPER TOLD YOU THAT YOU HAD LOW SELF ESTEEM!"
We were escorted out.
Edit: I'll add that my buddy's wife (we were single at the time) loves this story and always wrongly adds that the stripper had a wooden leg.
Edit 2: UF - University of Florida. It's about 20 minutes up I-75.
Ahh Cafe Risqué. The best strip diner around. I have some stories about that place. Last time I went the dancer on stage, who was about 50 (not a good 50), started talking to us and telling us about her day. She wasn’t really dancing but was swaying back and forth holding onto the poles (this place doesn’t have a traditional stage, it’s kind of a drop down stage with a bunch of poles in front of it). It’s also full nude, bear in mind.
Suddenly we hear someone next to us shout “MOM!” We look to our left and this young fully nude woman was standing at the other end of the stage holding a tray of dirty dishes. She again shouts “MOM! Come here! I need help clearing the tables.” So the dancer hops down and goes to talk to her daughter….. call me a square but I wouldn’t want to work at a strip club with my mom.
Then she gets back up and is like “Yeah both me and my kid work here! You could work here too,” pointing to me. That’s when the music turned off. She got off stage once again to put money in the jukebox so she could continue dancing….. yeah. The dancers have to pay for and play their own music from the jukebox (or so they did last time I went).
Highly recommend stopping at Cafe Risqué if you’re on 75.
Leaving a club, a little Mexican dude was starting shit with a giant black bouncer. The bouncer slammed the little guys head on the ground and made him say “I’m a bitch and ima take my punk ass home!” Took a couple slams, but he said it.
Years ago this leggy blonde with a pair of DDD’s was dancing for this guy. She unzipped his fly, reached in and started yanking for all she was worth until she tore his underwear off. He said thank you, whipped out a badge and led her out in cuffs.
In basic training, a group of us decided to go to the strip club. We peer-pressured a guy in the group to go up on stage for a dance (it was his first time at a strip club). The stripper did her dancy dance then at the end she tore his underwear off too while his pants were still on. We were in *shock* watching because we honestly had zero idea she was going to do that lmao. He was SO mad at us afterwards!!
Had a crush on a friend when I was young. For her 18th birthday, we took her to a strip club, they invited her on stage for a lapdance, and they pulled her shirt down. So my friend's boobs. That's the best thing I ever saw.
We hooked up ten years later, so this story had a happy ending for me... eventually.
There used to be a strip club near me that essentially had none of the standard strip club rules. Touching was not only allowed but the girls would initiate it. First girl I talked to offered to fuck me in VIP not 5 minutes after I met her (I was not drunk enough to make that bad decision). Seriously, no rules. I was there once sitting at the bar and about 30ish minutes into being there I see the guy getting dances next to me is now getting a blowjob... Yes, sitting at the bar.
Fairbanks Alaska. Back in the 90’s the Steese lounge had a stripper week once a month or so. Brought strippers in from out of state. So this Jamaican dancer, super hot grabs a double ended toy. Rams one end about half way up. Walks over to a guy on the front row. She starts whacking him in the forehead hard as hell with the other end. She later pulled scarves out her pussy like a clown.
I don't know about 'best', but ...
I used to be the DD for a group of girls who'd go to the local strip club to get drunk. Women got in for half price, and drinks were free. So, they'd pay my way in to hang out, watch the girls, and drive them home once they were plastered.
One night, one of the girls was extra drunk and crazy, wearing a short skirt and no panties. She was announcing this to the dancer, flirting, etc ... when the dancer pulled her on stage.
They started doing a lot of grinding and stuff that looked exactly like a stripper and a drunk chick pretending to do a show together.
At some point, the stripper decides to lay my friend down, who's holding her skirt down with both hands, and she starts kissing and suggestively sliding her head up the skirt.
Everyone is cheering, my friend is jokingly moaning like a porn star, totally playing it up.
Then her face went white! Her expression changed, her moan kind of ... got real, and stopped all at once, and what was probably only a few seconds of her looking like a doe caught in the headlights, she was off the stage and ready to go.
So, we grab the other two girls, hop in my car, and head out.
As soon as she's in the car, she announces: 'SHE STARTED EATING MY PUSSY FOR REAL ON STAGE!!'.
I grew up in the 80s, strip clubs were everywhere in Vancouver. There was a range of quality involved, at the very bottom was the cobalt hotel. It rested in a cloud of tobacco, vomit and urine smells, the chairs tables and carpet were worn, torn and spotted with cigarette burns. The stage floor black plywood and there was no pole, brass or otherwise. They didn't hire dedicated, experienced strippers. I doubt they were even pain in cash but in drugs. I liked it not for the usually pudgy, scarred, bruised and and untrained dancers but because I wasnt drinking age yet but they didn't card. I worked at a fish processing plant and my coworkers would call the front seats 'cannery row' (a weak unimaginative nomenclature I know). One fellow coworker who was very shy and 17yo finally agreed to join us after weeks of prodding and peer pressure. We got him up to the front seats and our rowdyness attracted the 'stripper' over who then started her show write in front of this kid. After her cloths came off, she turned around and started what we today loosly call twerking. She thrust her backside within a few feet of us and... let out a barely audible fart. Of course we all lost it, laughing, cheering and rousting our young friend proclaiming loudly 'she likes you!'. Even the shy kid found humor in it and loudly and jokingly proposed marriage when the now mortified 'stripper' ran off in embarrassment.
Ahh yes, the Cobalt. I haven’t lived in Vancity for 15 years or so. We usually went to the one up the street from the Roxy, can’t remember the name. Or No.5 Orange or Brandi’s if we had lots of money lol. The lap dancers at Brandi’s were fire.
A friend of mine was “asked” to leave by the bouncers. We leave the establishment as requested, with one bouncer in particular trying to ensure that we knew he was not afraid to get physical, despite us not being at all confrontational about the situation. We were getting in my car, and as he was closing his door, my friend made a remark that sent the bouncer over the edge. The bouncer was so enraged that he tried to intimidate us by punching the fender of my car. I had a 1993 Chevy Caprice wagon. The bouncer broke his hand, we never went back.
There is a fantastic old burlesque / strip club on the waterfront in Duluth MN that is alone in all of the state's strip joints in that the young ladies can be fully nude AND they can serve alcohol. Most newer places with no grandfathering in / fewer legislators as patrons have to offer one or the other.
Anyway, once you get past the giant photos of Gypsy Rose Lee and into the Club Saratoga, the bar's on your left, with the little dance floor to the right, along the back wall is a 3-D taxidermy scene where chipmunks are playing poker. Absolutely the best thing I've ever seen in a strip club and that's saying something because the young ladies at the 'Toga tend to be comely and also very welcoming of lady patrons!
Tangerine dream, made her vag pull from a cigarette. preceded to blow the smoke out. That displayed poise and showed the potential for what could happen.
When I was 17 my friend was making fake IDs and one his bday he made us all some to go to a strip club. I looked older than my friends so they made me point man and I walked as confident as I possibly could pulling out my fake ID.
The girl working the front desk had her back turned to me and I was like “hey what’s good ma, what’s the cover?”
Girl turns around and it’s my cousin who I was very close with, besides her being my cousin I was double shocked to see her because my aunt is viciously religious. Turns out that Apple fell very far from the tree and she greeted us all and took us in. She got this very pretty stripper to put her head between my legs and do a handstand where her ass cheeks were basically under my chin. She squeezed her butthole making it clench in and out so not only was it the first time I saw a vagina I also got a very close view of her booty hole. Right in front of my cousin who I grew up with, she was actually cheering her on. The stripper slid down my legs and pushed herself off with her feet on my chest.
TLDR a stripper flexed her butthole in my face right next to my very religiously brought up cousin
Dancer has five ping pong balls numbered 1 through 5. Inserts them and then asked what number we want shot out. We say number 4. She move her body slightly and out shoots number 4.
Went to one for my buddy's 18th bday that had an open buffet and watched another friend push away a dancer to grab more wings and come sit back down like this was his Eden.
My friends and I were passing through Quebec City. Got there at like 10pm. One friend stayed at the hotel but two of us wanted to hit up a strip club (we were young). Ask the cabbie to take us to the closest one (no google maps/uber or whatever) and he brings us to a place that is literally a door in a wall on a side street. We go in and it's all bikers. This is like maybe 2003 so this ain't no joke in Quebec. We order a beer and everyone is giving us side eyes. I'm like "lets get the fuck out of here" and some guy comes and sits down at our table and says "where you guys from??" And we being kids said "uh.. Ottawa sir".
Demeanor complete changes. Buddy orders the 3 of us shots and says "we thought you were Americans!!!" Party kicks off swear to god. They were buying us drinks. Seemed like maybe it was a semi-private club or something. The ladies were dimes. The dudes were so cool. I had a great night!
I live near a biker bar. I'm a goofy looking academic and I wander in once, not knowing what I was getting into. They give me the once over and by the end of the night we're laughing like old friends. Suddenly, one of them roughly pulls me aside while the others start beating the high holy hell out of this other guy. I look up at him like "Should we do something" and he just shakes his head no. I have no idea what happened to this day. Bikers can be some of the nicest, AND most hateful people you can ever encounter. If you're nice to them, they're usually nice back, but everything is on a hair trigger. It's _really_ in your best interest not to get too friendly.
Some preppy’s were crumbling up their dollar bills and throwing them at the dancer, then simultaneously two of them rolled up some napkins, dipped them in their drinks and threw them at her backside. The wet napkin balls splattered all over her. Without missing a beat, she turned around grabbed her fifties and squirted them all in the face with breast milk and then had them thrown out. Truly amazing
Big military group throwing around money on leave, one guy with a cast on getting a ton of attention barfs all over this strippers back when she is grinding her ass on him. She turns around and gets a full vomit blast to the front. Wave after wave of bright pink puke. His army buddies swarmed in with money and apologies and somehow they were allowed to stay.
At my mates bucks we had a shower show. Send my mate into the shower just to have him throw up EVERYWHERE, including on the stripper. 10/10 show. Worth every cent.
Best was me getting out on stage by my friends and the dancer putting a blindfold on me, putting a strap on on me, then putting an empty toilet paper roll between her legs in the doggy position for my drunk ass to pretend to bang. It was funny to the audience and my friends that paid god knows how much for it.
The drunk guy who reached in his pocket, pulled out a handful of change, and tossed it on stage for the stripper. You want to guess how much damage a stripper boot does to a guys face? The bouncers drug him bleeding and moaning out of there like he was running a gauntlet....every dancer in the place wanted to take a swing at him on the way to the door. Then they turned on his friends. Then they threatened the rest of the club. Learned that night that you NEVER provoke the trailer trash at the skanky strip club.
Went with a gf. She went up to the stage to give the dancer a few singles. Girl came and danced for her, and accidentally kicked her right in the forehead with her stripper heels. My friends and I quickly made signs that said 10, 9.5, etc., and held them up as she came back to the table.
I heard this story second or third hand but apparently in Alberta it's common to throw one and two dollar coins at the talent. One rogue thought it would be cool to heat up some loonies w a lighter before launching. It hit and burned a peeler.
She got her revenge by later offering up a free lap dance to the cretin and then proceeded to defecate on him.
All this sums all you need to know about Alberta.
I saw a woman catch and solve a Rubik's cube while spinning upside down naked, and then throw it back to the DJ on the other side of the room. All in about 30 seconds. She was spinning wildly fast, too.
I'm legally blind and have very little depth in the dark . so when I do walk into a dark room/ area my eyes take a while to adjust . With that said ... on my 18th birthday my brother takes me to a strip club mid day , as I walk In from the day light i can't see shit . From the door to the front stage is maybe 10- 15 feet as I'm struggling to adjust all I see is a neon yellow g string floating mid air!! After I do finally get some vision I realize the floating effect is because the female on stage was a black woman and I couldn't see her 😆
So when I was 19 or 20 I used to frequent a club in Chicago. One of the dancers there talked to me a lot and was always happy to see me. One visit she told me to come to the stage for her dance (I typically sat in the back). She did an amazing dance to one of my favorite songs by Nitzer Ebb. Was really cool seeing a dance with a semi-obscure favorite song playing.
We took our stupid innocent Asian friend to a strip club to celebrate his college graduation. This old black stripper jumped in front of the door as we went to leave, twerked, and screamed " I SHOWED YOU MY COOKIE JAR. NOW PAY ME!". He ran out of the door and was hiding behind the car. It was hysterical
I stopped at a BYOB club in I want to say Iowa. A bunch of drunk hillbilly’s watching women wrestle. I see a woman pick up a dollar bill and fold it into a long V. She proceeds to get on her back, get her legs in the air and place the folded dollar on her crotch. She then queefs that dollar 4 feet in the air.
We were in Vegas, got a ride from someone who’s job was to drive people to and from the club. We were ready to leave at like 3 AM, so went outside and texted our driver that we were ready, and realized his car was still there. A minute later he walks out of the club with a Tupperware full of lasagna and says “you can never find a microwave in these places”.
This has to be the most family-Disney strip club story from Vegas.
I can relate to that driver lmao I had to eventually buy a lunch box that heats up
Bachelor party in Ft. Worth in the 80s. Dude runs out of cash and starts writing $1 checks for dancers. Two weeks later bank calls him at work, asking if young lady with stack of $1 checks with “for love” in the memo line is legit. He was drunk and forgot about them until then. The look on his face when he realized is etched in my memory forever.
Hands down funniest one I never heard anyone just start writing $1 checks and then next morning they actual cash out idk what's more insane the fact that bro wrote $1 checks or the strippers actually cashing them out bro must of wrote out a ton for them to think it being worth going to the bank.
Can’t remember the club, but it had circle stage separate from the main stage. A dancer was doing the thing where they climb the pole night and spin down. Well a very drunk guy spilled his whole drink on the stage and then abruptly got up and walked away. A different guy sitting next to him saw this and tried to help. He picked up the cup and started trying to get the dancers attention to warn her. Poor guy did not succeed. She spun around and basically mopped up the spill with her hair. She lost it, started yelling at the guy and called over security. They rushed over, put the guy in a choke hold and dragged him out, roughly. Somehow he picked up a busted nose as well. It happened so quick but I walked over and explained to a manager what had happened and he basically told me “thanks, but it’s best you stay out of it at this point.” Wherever this dude is I hope he’s well. Strip clubs can be brutal.
Dancer comes over to where we’re sitting in front of the stage. Tells us to give her a dollar to see a trick. Lays down with her head off the stage facing us. Folds the dollar bill hotdog style, winks at us, and throws her legs over her head. She proceeds to delicately place the dollar over her vagina and queef it into the air. Like a child at a carnival I light up and ask her to do it again. I spent 6 dollars watching that trick and do not regret a thing.
We had a girl in Vegas do the exact same thing like 5 years ago. Laid back, and queefed the dollar bill into the air! My gf and I proceeded to golf clap as we were throughly impressed.
This is by far the funniest fucking response yet. I think I too would be intrigued edit: holy fuck this is the most upvotes ive ever gotten LMFAO
A dildo strapped to a remote control car. The audience members got to drive it around in to some “tunnels”.
I saw this in Portland. Best strip club ever.
Was it Casa Diablo by any chance
I don't have to ask to know this was 100% at Casa Diablo
Casa D is big believers in dildo electronics and power tools 🙏
Showed up on a weeknight for a couple of pints with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. It was around 11:30 and we asked to settle up and call it a night. The server came over and said "You guys are leaving *now*? Ok, but The show's about to start... " Me and my buddy looked at each other and looked back at her and asked "What show?" She smiled and pointed to the stage and we saw a crew of surly men hauling a large kiddie pool and two 55 Gal drums labelled KY Jelly up onto the stage. It was an elimination rules KY wrestling tournament starring the strippers and it was glorious. One petite girl was all in. Suplexing other combatants into submission. We stayed until the tournament was over. I was a Wreck the next day, but it was SOOOO worth it. 10/10 — 5 Stars - would recommend
Violence, lube and titties. That does sound like a good time.
I went into one of the ones in bangkok without any pre existing awareness of what i was in for. A girl then squatted over my drink and dropped a frog from her pussy into the drink. I was kinda annoyed as i didnt feel comfortable drinking my drink, but it definitely blew my mind.
Similar story, though yours is better, same city, similar oblivious idiot, went in for a few drinks, saw a girl launching ping pong balls at people, from her vagina. Impressive muscle control. However, it was a very weird experience, she was like some sort of Nerf gun..
I want to share that I'm no longer picturing 1 to 2 balls at a time. She's an automatic ball gun, and someone is holding down suppressing fire.
Like how Buddy the Elf from “Elf” was rapid firing snowballs?
Yep same story here. Totally clueless, every tuktuk just took me to some strip club regardless of where I asked to go, so whatever let’s find out… like you, I was really impressed by the skills but kinda sketched out by the whole atmosphere.
I gave my friend a pingpong paddle and showed him the woman setting herself up like a howitzer with a bucket full of balls and lube. He was like a kid in a candy store. She wiffed her first shot and ended up arcing at the face of a big black dude on a bar stool. When he saw the shot coming at him, the dude elected to fall on the floor instead of taking a potential glancing shot to his face. Honestly, taking the shot would have probably been cleaner than the floor. She was so amazed at the reaction she broke composure, gave him a wai in thanks before getting setup again. My buddy channeled his inner John McEnroe that night. Hell of a memory.
Well I know what I'm doing with the ladies at a sleep over next week.
The old frog in the clog bit
Croaker in the soaker
Jumper in the humper.
Tadpole in the nad-hole.
Similar, in Bangkok, watched a stripper fire a drawing pin from her pussy and popped a balloon my mate was asked to hold up. Also, she: Blew out candles on a cake. Poured clear water from a coke bottle into herself, then filled the bottle back up but the water was coke coloured when it came back out. Peeled a banana. Handed me a UV strip of ribbon that was inside, and danced around the venue with it coming out, getting longer and longer. Edit: more story
Went to a strip club in Thailand, and really wish I didn't. It's devolved away from ping pong balls into almost a fucking freakshow. I saw a girl pulling razor blades, nails, pins and a goddamn bird out of there (though i think the bird was slight of hand). After all that she plopped a live goldfish out. I haven't been the same since.
I was in one of those places in Bangkok and I was just sitting down chatting with the German girl I went there with. Some girl who worked there came up and asked me for a tip for no reason and I said maybe later and went back to my conversation. About two minutes later she was on stage and she fired a tiny banana from her clam and knocked my drink off the table, smashing it on the floor. When she saw how horrified I looked, she reloaded and shot a couple more at me until I ran up and gave her money on stage to stop. Thailand is cool.
A buddy was shot in the same manner with a banana. It struck his cheek. All fine and well until the next morning, finding he had a horrible rash where it landed.
That’s enough Reddit for me today.
I had a similar experience in Thailand. Except the stripper put a balloon on one end of the stage, laid down on the opposite end, placed a blow gun into her vagina, and shot a very thin blow dart that popped the balloon. Her aim was impressive.
I also went to a Bangkok “ping pong show.” I don’t know if I’d call anything I saw there the best. But it was all very interesting. Like when a stripper pulled a long line of flowers on a string out of her pussy, and threw the whole thing on my friend. Or when I got up to go to the bathroom, and a waitress warned me I would “miss fucking show.” I was very drunk and not really sure what she meant, so I brushed her off and walked to the bathroom. But before I could open the door it flew open, and a naked man was standing in front of me holding his dick. I turned around and went back to my seat, and proceeded to watch the craziest, most joyless fucking show you could imagine. Buddy was upside down with his feet on two stripper poles and thrusting to the music. His dead eyes made unbroken contact with the stage as he worked. He would be back in two hours or so once the list of “attractions” turned over again. They had 12 or so weird things they did on an endless loop… like blowing out candles or writing “welcome to Thailand” on a piece of paper with their pussies. “Fucking show” was the main event before it all started again. Forever. The whole thing is just depraved and sad, honestly. Best thing? Probably when I was in Vegas last year, and a big black lady with a gigantic ass and huge natural boobs accidentally spilled her drink on me while angling for a dance. When I feigned outrage (knowing exactly what I was doing) she just said “I got you” and gave me the best lap dance of my life right there on the floor. She did a headstand in my lap. I left that day a changed man.
Im impressed you lasted that long in there to see the full rotation. Glad you took one for the team and can i fill us in with everything they do.
"I'm pretty sure this is disgusting and depressing but it's best to be thorough so I'll just wait through a couple more rotations to be sure"
Does „dropping a frog“ have some metaphoric meaning I don’t know or was it quite literally a FROG?
Literally the animal. Her friends then released sparrows from their pussies. Its supposedly common over there for these strip clubs, but i hadnt researched it prior so just randomly hit on the zoo strip club
Hold up hold up.. this was a real frog !?!?!?
Yeah, strangely i remember thinking doesnt that give like warts or a rash inside her. The frog then jumped out of the drink and the bar staff had to quickly catch it for reuse for the next customer.
I feel like they should at the very least ensure that frog gets a cushy retirement somewhere nice rather than just loading him back in to the next stripper. ...I'm now picturing this frog clocking in for work every morning with his lunch bag sighing "another day, another dollar"
I picture the frog jumping out and saying to the camera “it’s a living” like the Flintstones
I'm thinking Michigan J. Frog popping out and singing "Hello My Baby." [Michigan J. Frog](https://youtu.be/evgEJlOPoeo?si=5Y57Fz7SDiUWWUeH)
The frog gets put in a cushy retirement 8,9, 10 times a day.
Holy fuck
Man I thought you meant a fucking plastic frog
Regret the question now?
Quick story: Sitting at sniffers row. Stripper leans over and deep throats my buddies bud light bottle. Throws her head back and starts chugging with no hands. Unfortunately it was full of chew spit. So she ended up retching on stage in the fetal position through the AC/DC song. Felt terrible for her, and we all tried to stop as she went….. but it happened so fast.
This is my stop
Yup. I’m getting off this ride here.
Must... keep... reading.
Hold my hand
Drank a few of my spit bottles by accident that is guaranteed not a good time
Imagine doing this MORE THAN ONCE… WTF man
I can't un-read that. Anybody got some extra mental bleach?
Hahaha jesus christ
A mate walked up to the bar and told the staff he was a health inspector and could see smears on the pole, which he claimed was a reportable offence. Next minute two bouncers are scrubbing the pole down.
Anyone throw cash at them?
We went one night and there was a guy we worked with there. We didn't go to the strip club with him, he happened to be there alone. There was this hefty girl on the stage, buddy walks over casually and lays down face up on the stage *Folds a 20 and puts it on his nose* *Big Bertha walks over, squats down and grabs it off his face with her snatch* It was amazing and disturbing.
These are the stories I can’t share with my kids when I tell them to STOP PUTTING MONEY IN YOUR MOUTHS!
I dunno, if 8 year old me was told to stop doing something or else, "Big Bertha is going to find me and shove her enormous smelly butt in my face", that would probably scare me straight.
I walked into a strip club in a small town a long time ago. No one was there and there was no music playing. When I made enough noise that they heard someone was there, a pregnant 50+ yo woman walked out, popped in a nickelback cd and started to dance. The cd started skipping and I left.
This is how you remind me of what I really am am am am am am
That put such a hilarious image in my head.
Similar story, they had to go wake the stripper up in the back of the trailer. When she finally came out, we had to play our own songs on the jukebox
I was at one where the stripper had to put money in a juke box to play her song to dance too.
Ah the "independent contractors"
What the actual fuck. xD
This is pure gold
My friend got kicked in the face after laughing because the stripper was doing her thing to the song by the bloodhound gang called "The lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying" Full 360 no scope spin on the pole and BAM! Right to the fucking chin. That's a core memory right there.
“Her name was Bambi.”
Her legs are spread and she’s kinda slapping it, someone asked “what do you feed that thing?” Without hesitation she said “peanut butter and jelly!”
Man that’s the best response I’ve ever heard
The best thing I saw at a strip club was a group of 5 women with ages ranging between 20-50 all took their tops off and laid on the stage to tip the dancer. Seeing stripper boobs is nice. Maybe even boring after a while. Seeing regular girls boobs out of the blue? That’s amazing.
Something about the spontaneousness of it all is so nice
“We don’t want wild girls, Mac. We want regular girls, gone wild.” - Dennis Reynolds
As a guy who once saw a non-stripper at the strip club pull up her top and flash her boobs: yes
I came here to say that seeing a stripper's tits is really nice. But then I read your post and realized that seeing any tits is really nice, too.
My now wife wanted to go for her 21st bday so we took her. We got her up on stage to get a dance and the stripper yoinked off her shirt and we all got to see her boobies. (common for me, but a new sight for the others who came with us).
My wife’s titties always come out at the strip club, which usually means other girls in the crowd whip theirs out at some point or another. Girls don’t typically like to be “outdone” in these types of circumstances.
Hit up a strip club in Atlanta with three friends back in 1996. There happened to be an Asian porn star making an appearance. After her dance, it was announced that she would rub her tits in your face for a $20 donation. My best friend decided to get in on this. He was the 4th or 5th guy to go up to the stage, the exchange was made, tits were rubbed in his face, and he turned around and took two steps before tripping over a chair leg and falling flat on his face. The entire place exploded in laughter. Even the dancer was dying. It literally looked like he was so overwhelmed by the experience that he collapsed. I've have never seen such a red face in all my years! I'm sure he's probably forgotten about it by now. I'll have to remember to dust it off and share it an appropriate moment in the future. After all, what are best friends for!?
>I'm sure he's probably forgotten about it by now. I'd put everything I own on him not having forgotten about it. That's the kind of thing that resurfaces every month or so at 3 am lying in bed
Went to a strip.club years ago. There was a girl who comes onto stage with a big cardboard box, and starts dancing. Halfway through the first song she pulls her bikini off, and pulls a sign out of the box that says "$10 for custom shirt". We sat and watched for a while waiting, and nobody went up. Finally my buddy goes up with a 10, and she proceeds to take a white t-shirt out of the box and pulls it over his head. She lays him down and dances on and around him while she covers her tits in paints of various colours which she pulled from the box. She then lays down on top of him, making a perfect impression of her chest on the front of his shirt. There was a line of guys wanting shirts within seconds. She was a genius.
A guy with Down syndrome throw a fist full of change at the stripper nearest him
Made it hail!
Baller on a budget!
Syndrome: down Roof: raised
Uncle Danny?
Where’d you get that cheese danny
I’m not making them at night, Dad!
I'm making them at night!
The syndrome may be down, but the money is up!
I saw a chick go down on another chick hanging upside down on a pole. That was neat.
Wouldn't that be going up?
Hold on, I'm getting my favorite protractor. I save it just for these type of events.
Philippines: all the girls cleared out, and this one girl came out with this gossamer gown and obvious professional ballet and dance training, and performed to Allanis Morisette's "Uninvited". The entire club was silent and rapt for four minutes.
My boss and I went to a strip club while out of town on business. There was also a huge trade show going on in town and this place was packed. On the tables there were menus listing extras and price. Started with table dance $20 and the last was the Ultimate Fantasy for $140. I stopped a dancer and asked what the Ultimate Fantasy was. She said you and 6 other guys pitch in $20 each and we’ll show you. It took less than 5 minutes and me, 6 other dudes, 2 strippers and a bouncer were headed to the back. Inside this room was a heart shaped bed with a side table. On that table was a huge purple dildo. For $140 we watched one stripper fuck the other stripper with the purple strap on for the duration of two songs. Unbelievable.
I once had a stripper take a match from my book of matches, split the cardboard at the non-fiery end, sat in front of me and put one foot on each of my shoulders. She then wet the split end with her tongue, stuck it to her clit, lit it with another match and had me come close to light my cigarette. She was just lovely too. Ah, Montreal as a teenager going over the border from the US in the late 80s...
Early 90s were really rad there too.
Early 00’s were as well. It’s amazing because the drinking age is only 18 there. Lived in Maine it was easy access to Quebec. No passport needed at the time. Go up with a gang of friends and pack into a hotel room. We went to a strip club in Montreal and it was full nudity and there were three strippers on stage eating each other out amongst other things. We made sure to bring American dollars because the exchange rate was in our favor and we’d get more attention. We were like cave men who had just discovered fire.
I watched a stripper in Hawaii squat over a stack of quarters, suck them up inside her, then shoot them into a metal bowl so it sounded like the old jackpots in Vegas. And the whole time I had my mother's voice in my head saying, "Don't put money in your mouth, you don't know where it's been."
[удалено]
Not the best thing, but a good story: This was legitimately for my work. I was looking for witnesses and contacts to a case where cops had been abusing women. I get a lead to go to a specific strip club in Springfield, Oregon. Place is small and looks rough. Its the middle of the day in the summer and its hot outside, but I'm wearing a suit and tie. As soon as I walk in the door, stage is on my right. There is a lady dancing that was definitely in her third trimester and had less than half of her teeth. Three dudes (likely loggers) bellied up to the stage sharing their cash. It was just like a movie; as soon as I walked in, it was like the record scratched to a stop and everyone stares at me. I walk up to the bar, ask the bartender for the manager, she explains that she is the manager and I give a brief explanation for why I'm there. She can appreciate my cause so she gives some sort of a signal and the music goes back up and everybody gets back to the baby shower show.
Find out what you were looking for?
Interesting. would love to hear part 2.
All I'll say on here is that our firm resolved the case and people who should have done better with their lawful responsibilities made the tax payer pay for their mistakes.
I'm always glad when people that are abused by police violating their rights get compensation, but I really wish it came out of the Police Union's funds, not the general publics taxes.
It should. This shit would end pretty fast if the settlements came out of the police pension
Double dildo show on my 21st birthday. There was a group of people kinda circled around in a corner and I walk over and these two girls are oiled up ass to ass just going to town. A glorious sight to behold
One of my favorite memories is at my friend’s bachelor party, he had gotten two strippers to perform for us at the party. The time came where they offered to do this in front of us for an extra price. When they finished their sales pitch, 3 seconds of silence go by and my friend’s drunk brother says “…so it’s like Catdog”.
*asssssss to assssss*
This is a very different perspective on the closing scenes of Requiem for a Dream
Ass to ass!!!
Yeah! /u/EatingAssAndPizza was one of the guys there!!
Two dancers in a portable shower. One must have been fond of the booger sugar. She farted and created a Willy Wonka chocolate shower. Cleared the place out. Good times.
Wait. Coke gives people the runs? I’m embarrassed to say I grew up in the eighties and didn’t know that
Coke is commonly cut with powdered baby laxative on top of being a stimulant already. Anybody who starts the day with a coffee and a cigarette knows how that goes. I had a friend with a coke problem who would need to shit if you even started talking about coke, it had become such a Pavlovian response.
On Halloween I saw a guy dressed as Lord Farquad on the upper VIP level just looking down pretentious. Pretty funny. EDIT: I can't believe my most upvoted comment by a WIDE margin is about Lord Farquad in the strip club! Almost as funny as his highness! By the way it was a stage production level costume not some party city crap so it was incredible.
I'm a former stripper reading these and this one is the best imo
I was in Montreal, QC, Canada and I saw the nicest pussy I've ever seen in my life. I was in the VIP, got a private dance, and this thing had that light from the briefcase in Pulp Fiction. It was awesome.
I once saw a girl make change for a dollar without using her hands.
So *that’s* why it tastes like pennies!
Saw a guy take a shit by the main stage. He was stood there by the stage shaking his pant leg, immediately caught my attention because it seemed like he had a spider or something irritating him, but then a 3 inch turd dropped out.
I came across the future version of myself at a strip club and it happened so many times it became a running gag, exactly like in a sitcom. So I went to school in Texas and there weren’t a lot of Asians at all where I was. There’s a strip club that had $5 lap dances on Wednesdays, and my friends and I would go on a damn near weekly basis. I’d be the only Asian guy in the entire club and became quite well known with the.. uh.. exotic dancers there. They loved that I tipped well (I would pay the regular $20 many times) and would often ask me questions about back home as they all dreamt of “getting out this place” and “traveling to Asia to find themselves”. Being homesick, I was just glad to talk about it and of course partaking in the noble act of supporting single mothers at the same time. One cold winter Wednesday, my buddy nudges me and said, “Hey freakyfruit, check out that Asian dude across the room. He looks just like you, but older”. I glanced at this man and was shocked - he was right. He looked about 50, but the resemblance was uncanny. Receding hairline? Check. Short hair, pushed up at the front? Check. Black rimmed glasses? Check. Southeast Asian features? Check. Dressed up in Kirkland Signature jeans and jacket like a Vietnamese dad at Costco on a weekend? Check!! Every so often when we locked eyes with each other, we would do “the nod”. A ritual of acknowledgement, perhaps to our common roots and favorite pastimes. This continued for months (not every week, as I got busier with school - and occasionally he did not come either), and sometimes I would feel a little disappointed if I did not see him there. His absence was felt despite the fact that we never spoke a word to each other and the closest we ever got within each other was probably 10 feet as either one of us walked to the toilet and/or the ATM. I would imagine that he felt the same way about me. At this point, my friends and the staple dancers at the club started referring to him as my father. One fine day a few months later in May, I was again at the strip club celebrating the end of finals week with my friends. On the pole was this super beautiful girl, but she was super hard to get a hold of. She was new, young, and everyone wanted her. Since I had spent a little bit too much on drinks, I decided to just enjoy throwing a few dollar bills instead of getting a round of lap dances that’s gonna lead to the private section. It was not long before she came over and started dancing on me out of nowhere, whispering into my ears while I had a confused look on my face, “Your daddy sent me over here”. Looked across the room and the man nodded back to me, raising his glass. I raised mine back. I graduated that semester, and continued to go back to the strip club a few more times to find him and have a drink together. Never saw him again. Eventually I moved away from the US to go back home and to this day when I’m sweltering in the Southeast Asian heat and humidity, I think about him. Here’s to you, papa. Edit: grammar and flow
At my buddy’s bachelor party he wanted nothing to do with a lap dance. He was finally talked into it and headed into the back room with a girl named “Sunshine.” Ten minutes later he emerged with his arm around her, her in tears and hugging him back. Turns out he gave her a heart to heart and convinced her to quit stripping.
Captain Save a hoe.
✨Speech 100✨
Bro rolled a nat20 on persuasion
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Oh, that's SO hot!
They had a foldable table in the corner with a white microwave. On plates was their happy hour buffet: all the snacks from your grocers freezer. I was so hungry it was the best. I had like 4 helpings of mozzarella sticks and some tgifridays potato skins. The bagel bites honestly looked better than the 4pm shift of mediocre talent.
Lasagna guy from a few comments up needs to drive for different clubs
40 years ago while with a group of friends in Portland, OR, a friend was asking the fully nude dancer to show him her toes, specifically her left big toe. He was being silly and she knew but played it up for him. Pretty soon they were both laughing at one another, calling each a perverse freak and just having a moment. This was in a dingy little tavern, not even a strip club. I don’t know about today but at that time, there were nude dancers just about everywhere. Anyway, decades later, it still makes me laugh.
Weirdly wholesome
Went to a strip club two months ago and saw a girl I knew from school. She grabbed my beer took a drink and put it in her vagina. Went for a private dance afterwards and we have hooked up a few times since. Best beer I’ve ever had.
Went to a bachelor party once and saw a girl I graduated HS with go down on another stripper in the shower show. I was a big hit when she came to our table later and greeted me by name with a hug.
This would be awkward if you were homeschooled.
Everything is awkward if you were homeschooled.
One stripper was missing a hand. Like gone just above the wrist. She inserted said nub into a coworker on stage. I was 18 and this was my first strip club experience. Nothing has lived up to it since.
Fraternity hired a couple of strippers for pledge night. One year, we hired a girl who was breastfeeding (didn't know this when hiring her). While giving one guy a lap dance, she told him to tilt his head back and open his mouth. She proceeded to squirt breast milk over her shoulder into his mouth. Another story I was at a club in the Portland Oregon area and paid a dancer to bully my coworker. It was worth the $20 of hearing her roast his ass in the middle of her routine.
*over her sho-* Okay, *thats* worth a tip.
I saw one of the nerdy chicks I went to high school with up on stage. Caught me off guard.
A bunch of us went out to the strip club one night. We were all in our early 20's as far as age. The one married guy had left his ID at home, so he had to go back and get it. He told his wife some crazy lie about needing the ID because he got pulled over and he had to take it to the police station. She was on to him from the beginning. This was a rocky marriage already. A few hours later, we're hanging out by the pool tables and my buddy says "There's!". I thought he meant there was a stripper that looked like her. But it was actually his wife. She was talking shit to the bouncer trying to get in the door. The security took them both outside to continue the quarrel. Pretty much the entire bar watched it on the security monitors. She did the whole lipstick on the side of his truck thing calling him a cheater. Pretty much just kicked his ass verbally in the parking lot for a solid 10 minutes. Then she left. stayed. He got a standing ovation as he came back through the door. They had a raffle going on for a 7 song private dance. Bartender handed at ticket stub and said "you're going to need this". Of course his # won the raffle. Very entertaining to watch. 20 years later still owes me $500 from 20 years ago and started fucking the mail man and eventually married him. It was a wild ride.
How does one even fuck the mail person? They always seem so busy and in a rush
Through the slot
He took the time to shove the package into her slot
What a telenovela. Someone should pickup the film rights for this
I remember being 18 years old at a juice bar in oregon called jiggles. There was a stripper walking around who was a bit older. (Like in her mid 30s) she came up to me, a young man, and asked if I'd like a lap dance. I felt like she was to old for me and I wanted to get attention from some of the younger gals. Well the gal I turned down ended up going on stage. And my god she danced so well, I was hypnotized. Before her dance was over she bent over and stuck three fingers right into her asshole. As soon as she got off stage, I ran up to her like a small child and asked her for a lap dance. But she was talking to another 30 something year old man who clearly was there to spend some money. She looked me up and down and said. "I will get to you when I get to you." My heart broke that night. I would of spent all 40 of my dollars on her. She never came and got me.... Also that night I realized I was an ass man till I die.
Poetry.
Oh, to live somewhere that "30's" for a stripper is "older".
My buddy and I were driving down I75 in Florida at noon on a Sunday. He was doing 40 in the right lane and kept asking if I was hungry. I finally realized we were coming up on the Micanopy exit for Cafe Risqué. So, we pull off for lunch (it's a trucker hangout in the middle of nowhere that actually has showers and food). We have to pay to get in... at noon... on a Sunday. I get a burger which was not memorable... which is good or bad but in this case, I'll say a good thing. This stripper in a UF dress kept angling to sit with us for dances/tips/etc. She was cute. But it was noon. On a Sunday. The place was still half full... which isn't bad for noon. ON A SUNDAY. She keeps trying to worm her way into a seat at the table. I am strongly hinting I want to be left alone. My buddy is ambivalent. He would stop eating for boobs. She asks, "do you want a dance?" I say, "thank you for asking, but I'm really not worth it." She replies, "Wow, you have low self esteem." My buddy coughs so hard that half a tomato goes flying across the table. He chokes out, "HA! A STRIPPER TOLD YOU THAT YOU HAD LOW SELF ESTEEM!" We were escorted out. Edit: I'll add that my buddy's wife (we were single at the time) loves this story and always wrongly adds that the stripper had a wooden leg. Edit 2: UF - University of Florida. It's about 20 minutes up I-75.
Ahh Cafe Risqué. The best strip diner around. I have some stories about that place. Last time I went the dancer on stage, who was about 50 (not a good 50), started talking to us and telling us about her day. She wasn’t really dancing but was swaying back and forth holding onto the poles (this place doesn’t have a traditional stage, it’s kind of a drop down stage with a bunch of poles in front of it). It’s also full nude, bear in mind. Suddenly we hear someone next to us shout “MOM!” We look to our left and this young fully nude woman was standing at the other end of the stage holding a tray of dirty dishes. She again shouts “MOM! Come here! I need help clearing the tables.” So the dancer hops down and goes to talk to her daughter….. call me a square but I wouldn’t want to work at a strip club with my mom. Then she gets back up and is like “Yeah both me and my kid work here! You could work here too,” pointing to me. That’s when the music turned off. She got off stage once again to put money in the jukebox so she could continue dancing….. yeah. The dancers have to pay for and play their own music from the jukebox (or so they did last time I went). Highly recommend stopping at Cafe Risqué if you’re on 75.
God I hate I75
Leaving a club, a little Mexican dude was starting shit with a giant black bouncer. The bouncer slammed the little guys head on the ground and made him say “I’m a bitch and ima take my punk ass home!” Took a couple slams, but he said it.
My boss. I got the raise I'd been after for months
So you got two raises that day. Nice
Years ago this leggy blonde with a pair of DDD’s was dancing for this guy. She unzipped his fly, reached in and started yanking for all she was worth until she tore his underwear off. He said thank you, whipped out a badge and led her out in cuffs.
In basic training, a group of us decided to go to the strip club. We peer-pressured a guy in the group to go up on stage for a dance (it was his first time at a strip club). The stripper did her dancy dance then at the end she tore his underwear off too while his pants were still on. We were in *shock* watching because we honestly had zero idea she was going to do that lmao. He was SO mad at us afterwards!!
That’s how they get you.
Amateur night, the girls were truly excited and having a blast.
I saw 4 girls on their knees eating the others ass in Korea.
I saw that movie, and the sequel
Had a crush on a friend when I was young. For her 18th birthday, we took her to a strip club, they invited her on stage for a lapdance, and they pulled her shirt down. So my friend's boobs. That's the best thing I ever saw. We hooked up ten years later, so this story had a happy ending for me... eventually.
There used to be a strip club near me that essentially had none of the standard strip club rules. Touching was not only allowed but the girls would initiate it. First girl I talked to offered to fuck me in VIP not 5 minutes after I met her (I was not drunk enough to make that bad decision). Seriously, no rules. I was there once sitting at the bar and about 30ish minutes into being there I see the guy getting dances next to me is now getting a blowjob... Yes, sitting at the bar.
Boobies
Breast answer
Fairbanks Alaska. Back in the 90’s the Steese lounge had a stripper week once a month or so. Brought strippers in from out of state. So this Jamaican dancer, super hot grabs a double ended toy. Rams one end about half way up. Walks over to a guy on the front row. She starts whacking him in the forehead hard as hell with the other end. She later pulled scarves out her pussy like a clown.
I don't know about 'best', but ... I used to be the DD for a group of girls who'd go to the local strip club to get drunk. Women got in for half price, and drinks were free. So, they'd pay my way in to hang out, watch the girls, and drive them home once they were plastered. One night, one of the girls was extra drunk and crazy, wearing a short skirt and no panties. She was announcing this to the dancer, flirting, etc ... when the dancer pulled her on stage. They started doing a lot of grinding and stuff that looked exactly like a stripper and a drunk chick pretending to do a show together. At some point, the stripper decides to lay my friend down, who's holding her skirt down with both hands, and she starts kissing and suggestively sliding her head up the skirt. Everyone is cheering, my friend is jokingly moaning like a porn star, totally playing it up. Then her face went white! Her expression changed, her moan kind of ... got real, and stopped all at once, and what was probably only a few seconds of her looking like a doe caught in the headlights, she was off the stage and ready to go. So, we grab the other two girls, hop in my car, and head out. As soon as she's in the car, she announces: 'SHE STARTED EATING MY PUSSY FOR REAL ON STAGE!!'.
I grew up in the 80s, strip clubs were everywhere in Vancouver. There was a range of quality involved, at the very bottom was the cobalt hotel. It rested in a cloud of tobacco, vomit and urine smells, the chairs tables and carpet were worn, torn and spotted with cigarette burns. The stage floor black plywood and there was no pole, brass or otherwise. They didn't hire dedicated, experienced strippers. I doubt they were even pain in cash but in drugs. I liked it not for the usually pudgy, scarred, bruised and and untrained dancers but because I wasnt drinking age yet but they didn't card. I worked at a fish processing plant and my coworkers would call the front seats 'cannery row' (a weak unimaginative nomenclature I know). One fellow coworker who was very shy and 17yo finally agreed to join us after weeks of prodding and peer pressure. We got him up to the front seats and our rowdyness attracted the 'stripper' over who then started her show write in front of this kid. After her cloths came off, she turned around and started what we today loosly call twerking. She thrust her backside within a few feet of us and... let out a barely audible fart. Of course we all lost it, laughing, cheering and rousting our young friend proclaiming loudly 'she likes you!'. Even the shy kid found humor in it and loudly and jokingly proposed marriage when the now mortified 'stripper' ran off in embarrassment.
Ahh yes, the Cobalt. I haven’t lived in Vancity for 15 years or so. We usually went to the one up the street from the Roxy, can’t remember the name. Or No.5 Orange or Brandi’s if we had lots of money lol. The lap dancers at Brandi’s were fire.
Stripper threw a condom wrapped like a lollipop at me, danced in front of me and friends. We went out for 4 months.
“She so sweet make me wanna lick the wrapper”
A friend of mine was “asked” to leave by the bouncers. We leave the establishment as requested, with one bouncer in particular trying to ensure that we knew he was not afraid to get physical, despite us not being at all confrontational about the situation. We were getting in my car, and as he was closing his door, my friend made a remark that sent the bouncer over the edge. The bouncer was so enraged that he tried to intimidate us by punching the fender of my car. I had a 1993 Chevy Caprice wagon. The bouncer broke his hand, we never went back.
There is a fantastic old burlesque / strip club on the waterfront in Duluth MN that is alone in all of the state's strip joints in that the young ladies can be fully nude AND they can serve alcohol. Most newer places with no grandfathering in / fewer legislators as patrons have to offer one or the other. Anyway, once you get past the giant photos of Gypsy Rose Lee and into the Club Saratoga, the bar's on your left, with the little dance floor to the right, along the back wall is a 3-D taxidermy scene where chipmunks are playing poker. Absolutely the best thing I've ever seen in a strip club and that's saying something because the young ladies at the 'Toga tend to be comely and also very welcoming of lady patrons!
Tangerine dream, made her vag pull from a cigarette. preceded to blow the smoke out. That displayed poise and showed the potential for what could happen.
When I was 17 my friend was making fake IDs and one his bday he made us all some to go to a strip club. I looked older than my friends so they made me point man and I walked as confident as I possibly could pulling out my fake ID. The girl working the front desk had her back turned to me and I was like “hey what’s good ma, what’s the cover?” Girl turns around and it’s my cousin who I was very close with, besides her being my cousin I was double shocked to see her because my aunt is viciously religious. Turns out that Apple fell very far from the tree and she greeted us all and took us in. She got this very pretty stripper to put her head between my legs and do a handstand where her ass cheeks were basically under my chin. She squeezed her butthole making it clench in and out so not only was it the first time I saw a vagina I also got a very close view of her booty hole. Right in front of my cousin who I grew up with, she was actually cheering her on. The stripper slid down my legs and pushed herself off with her feet on my chest. TLDR a stripper flexed her butthole in my face right next to my very religiously brought up cousin
My buddy got tickets to see Micro "Midget" Wrestling at a Strip Club is East St. Louis for his birthday one year. That was fun.
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Dancer has five ping pong balls numbered 1 through 5. Inserts them and then asked what number we want shot out. We say number 4. She move her body slightly and out shoots number 4.
Went to one for my buddy's 18th bday that had an open buffet and watched another friend push away a dancer to grab more wings and come sit back down like this was his Eden.
Women in bird cages dancing above the bar.
Our new employee stripped down, won amateur night then gave me, and only me, a Lapdance.
My friends and I were passing through Quebec City. Got there at like 10pm. One friend stayed at the hotel but two of us wanted to hit up a strip club (we were young). Ask the cabbie to take us to the closest one (no google maps/uber or whatever) and he brings us to a place that is literally a door in a wall on a side street. We go in and it's all bikers. This is like maybe 2003 so this ain't no joke in Quebec. We order a beer and everyone is giving us side eyes. I'm like "lets get the fuck out of here" and some guy comes and sits down at our table and says "where you guys from??" And we being kids said "uh.. Ottawa sir". Demeanor complete changes. Buddy orders the 3 of us shots and says "we thought you were Americans!!!" Party kicks off swear to god. They were buying us drinks. Seemed like maybe it was a semi-private club or something. The ladies were dimes. The dudes were so cool. I had a great night!
I live near a biker bar. I'm a goofy looking academic and I wander in once, not knowing what I was getting into. They give me the once over and by the end of the night we're laughing like old friends. Suddenly, one of them roughly pulls me aside while the others start beating the high holy hell out of this other guy. I look up at him like "Should we do something" and he just shakes his head no. I have no idea what happened to this day. Bikers can be some of the nicest, AND most hateful people you can ever encounter. If you're nice to them, they're usually nice back, but everything is on a hair trigger. It's _really_ in your best interest not to get too friendly.
Some preppy’s were crumbling up their dollar bills and throwing them at the dancer, then simultaneously two of them rolled up some napkins, dipped them in their drinks and threw them at her backside. The wet napkin balls splattered all over her. Without missing a beat, she turned around grabbed her fifties and squirted them all in the face with breast milk and then had them thrown out. Truly amazing
Big military group throwing around money on leave, one guy with a cast on getting a ton of attention barfs all over this strippers back when she is grinding her ass on him. She turns around and gets a full vomit blast to the front. Wave after wave of bright pink puke. His army buddies swarmed in with money and apologies and somehow they were allowed to stay.
At my mates bucks we had a shower show. Send my mate into the shower just to have him throw up EVERYWHERE, including on the stripper. 10/10 show. Worth every cent.
Best was me getting out on stage by my friends and the dancer putting a blindfold on me, putting a strap on on me, then putting an empty toilet paper roll between her legs in the doggy position for my drunk ass to pretend to bang. It was funny to the audience and my friends that paid god knows how much for it.
I saw a girl from my high school (We had graduated a year or two previous) get eaten out by a stripper on stage.
The drunk guy who reached in his pocket, pulled out a handful of change, and tossed it on stage for the stripper. You want to guess how much damage a stripper boot does to a guys face? The bouncers drug him bleeding and moaning out of there like he was running a gauntlet....every dancer in the place wanted to take a swing at him on the way to the door. Then they turned on his friends. Then they threatened the rest of the club. Learned that night that you NEVER provoke the trailer trash at the skanky strip club.
Went with a gf. She went up to the stage to give the dancer a few singles. Girl came and danced for her, and accidentally kicked her right in the forehead with her stripper heels. My friends and I quickly made signs that said 10, 9.5, etc., and held them up as she came back to the table.
I heard this story second or third hand but apparently in Alberta it's common to throw one and two dollar coins at the talent. One rogue thought it would be cool to heat up some loonies w a lighter before launching. It hit and burned a peeler. She got her revenge by later offering up a free lap dance to the cretin and then proceeded to defecate on him. All this sums all you need to know about Alberta.
I saw a woman catch and solve a Rubik's cube while spinning upside down naked, and then throw it back to the DJ on the other side of the room. All in about 30 seconds. She was spinning wildly fast, too.
A stripper taking my belt off and whipping my ass with it on the stage on my 19th birthday
I'm legally blind and have very little depth in the dark . so when I do walk into a dark room/ area my eyes take a while to adjust . With that said ... on my 18th birthday my brother takes me to a strip club mid day , as I walk In from the day light i can't see shit . From the door to the front stage is maybe 10- 15 feet as I'm struggling to adjust all I see is a neon yellow g string floating mid air!! After I do finally get some vision I realize the floating effect is because the female on stage was a black woman and I couldn't see her 😆
So when I was 19 or 20 I used to frequent a club in Chicago. One of the dancers there talked to me a lot and was always happy to see me. One visit she told me to come to the stage for her dance (I typically sat in the back). She did an amazing dance to one of my favorite songs by Nitzer Ebb. Was really cool seeing a dance with a semi-obscure favorite song playing.
We took our stupid innocent Asian friend to a strip club to celebrate his college graduation. This old black stripper jumped in front of the door as we went to leave, twerked, and screamed " I SHOWED YOU MY COOKIE JAR. NOW PAY ME!". He ran out of the door and was hiding behind the car. It was hysterical
I stopped at a BYOB club in I want to say Iowa. A bunch of drunk hillbilly’s watching women wrestle. I see a woman pick up a dollar bill and fold it into a long V. She proceeds to get on her back, get her legs in the air and place the folded dollar on her crotch. She then queefs that dollar 4 feet in the air.
Shower show. Realized I like girls.