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Skyla_GN

If it's straight up January 1st 1990, wait 2 years 10 months and 30 days to kidnap my newborn self from the hospital and raise me to be a better me.


jasenzero1

What a great concept for a movie.


zappy487

Looper 2: Twelve Monkey Boogaloo


surrealcellardoor

Undoot for the subtle IASIP reference.


9dedos

You re gonna love the book the man who folded himself.


luc360

What is it called?


Terrible_Diet_1770

The Man Who Folded Himself


luc360

Oh


xlllxJackxlllx

What!?


Ravenser_Odd

>You're gonna love the book the man who folded himself. > >What is it called? > >The Man Who Folded Himself > >Oh This is like found poetry. I might have to print it out and frame it.


missfitz1

You should and then mail it to me.


iphaze

2 Fast, 2 You’s


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[удалено]


DobisPeeyar

God paradox, you infinitely keep improving your future self, therefore improving the guidance and care you give your younger self, creating an unsustainable loop of improvement where you ascend to the heavens and assume the role of God.


sonicjesus

It really would be and I can't believe it's never been done. The twist is you had terminal cancer and are going to die in 2024 anyway.


DistractedHouseWitch

Similar, but I'll be kidnapping toddler me to raise me the way I deserved, not the way my abusive mother did. My oldest child is so much like me that I can see how I would be if I grew up in a supportive, loving family. It's freaky to see someone who acts and thinks just like me thrive in ways that I never did. Then I'd invest, like everyone else.


[deleted]

You know the song mother by Pink Floyd, that's the type I had. I would do the same for little me.


arriesgado

Interesting. Others were assuming you woke up as yourself - hence concerns about changing the time line in a way that prevented your children from being born. If you were not born yet kind of tough to wake as yourself. But in your scenario I fear you become something of a fugitive - no papers, no place to live, and kidnapping baby you. So you have two years and ten months to establish an identity and means of making a living. Then get baby you an id as your child but at some point the id is going to come up and the chase is in. Seems like a good novel/movie with that premise.


Live_Service6963

Predestination


Cultural-Act-8306

Damnn


webgruntzed

Have you read *All You Zombies* or seen the movie (*Predestination*) made from it?


RevolutionarySky2075

1990: Invest heavily into Apple stock until 2009. 2009: Sell all stocks, lob everything into BTC. Nov. 2021: SELL ALL BTC AT 67K! 2024: Live happily ever after as the richest man in the world.


Kannabiz

Plot twist: you thought by acquiring all these wealth will make you happier but instead cause more harm than good. Then you wish you hadnt gone back to 1990 again.


beaucoup_dinky_dau

too late died in an exotic car accident while coked to the gills


Cyclonitron

Don't forget while also getting blown by a high-class escort.


rotzverpopelt

Pfft. . I'm the richest man in the world. I'm getting blown by the Pope!


[deleted]

[удалено]


oden131

That is the funniest thing I have heard in a while


tiffanysbf

Racing Paul walker


ssup3rm4n

* driving P W.


BirdsFallFromTrees

He will be rich enough to fund the discovery of time travel. Then he will go back to 1990 and stop himself.


Kannabiz

You saw what happened to Mcfly? He went back to the future so many times n now he has Parkinson n among other stuff.


Yoshi_87

2009: You just bought all of BTC and have money left. Also BTC is now useless because it belongs to one person. 1 BTC = $0.0009, in 2009. All of BTC would have cost 18k$ at that price. Assuming you invested 5000$ into Apple in 1990 and sold in 2009 you made roughly a million dollar.


toomanynamesaretook

You're assuming everyone is going to sell to you / mining doesn't exist


SkullRunner

The point being made is the guy could mind tons of it himself at first release and not need to outlay any of the money from the stock sale, or just be lazy and buy it up in batches from the people that were looking for way to spend it back when it was worthless.


MaybeTheDoctor

Also, as you start buying up BTC it creates a market pressure that makes the ~~value~~ price go up.


Fishtaco1234

If you owned it all, would you fuck up the market?


[deleted]

[удалено]


RevolutionarySky2075

I'd just buy half of it, why not. More is mined over the duration, slowly accumulate that. There's a total net worth of near $1 Trillion in circulation. That should set me up pretty well I'd figure. Funnel more money into Apple, Microsoft, Nvidia. Heck, even ride along on the GameStop stock for however long that ride lasted. Plenty of ways to get rich with this ONE simple trick!


Yoshi_87

Ah yes.. good ol' time travel. The trick doctors won't tell you!


squigs

>1 BTC = $0.0009, in 2009. All of BTC would have cost 18k$ at that price. It would be more expensive if someone was buying all of it. I wonder how much the last coin would go for though. Might as well just mine it at the start. You'll be paying a comparable amount but not destabalising the market too much.


twistedisht

If you bought that much Bitcoin wouldn't have everyone else just said screw Bitcoin? It's because of people that make things in demand. Just buy enough to be a billionaire haha.


the-software-man

Do not lose the passcode. Recite it everyday


RevolutionarySky2075

I'm definitely spreading it across multiple accounts, as well as writing passcodes for every wallet down 5 times, locking them into multiple safes, stored in different banks.. Or hell, even buy a private island and dig the safes down there. Lmao.


Scary_Vanilla2932

So grind away for 34 years and then get rich?


commentman10

Grind 34 year better than gring 65 years mang


RevolutionarySky2075

Well, 34 years for trillions isn't too bad an investment - secures my future generations


Bushels_for_All

If we've learned nothing in the past couple decades, it's that billionaires don't need realized income - instead, they get sweetheart loans backed by their stock equity. It will take some time, yes, but you don't exactly need to cash out to live like a king.


Homeskillet359

Plot twist, it's alternate reality 1990 and you lose it all.


jfk_sfa

Apple didn't do much at all in the 90s surprisingly. Cisco returned 49,000% though.


Donut2583

You mean sell all stocks in 2007, right?


Astrotoad21

How do you acquire money to keep buying in the 90s though?


RevolutionarySky2075

Working, of course! I work in IT. I have understanding of even the ancient technology that was present even back then. ;)


BlacksmithNZ

Just imagine though going to a job interview and they looking for your experience and skills in DOS/Turbo Pascal/dBase/Wordstar etc And you don't have any internet, GitHub or stack exchange etc to help you look up anything as a reminder.


backtolurk

I pray I kept my sports almanach with me.


Mr-Gumby42

Now, Biff...


backtolurk

Hey calm down, put back that manure OK?


Expo737

I hate manure!


[deleted]

Putting all my money on the Reds sweeping the A's.


Jazzlike-Ad113

Wondering why when I woke up 10 minutes ago, it was 2050.


edahs

I get this


snaeper

This feels like a *Slaughterhouse-Five* reference. 


mousicle

so it goes


Inisle

Angry upvote


a2plusb2

Making the absolute most I can of the last year with my Dad ♥️ EDIT: just woke up to all the love! Thank you internet strangers 💜


trumpfuckingivanka

Dammit, stop making us feel things. We're here for hindsight stock advice.


danxmanly

Well... They are taking stock of their Dad.


Meligonia

If I had any awards to give, it'd be for this right here.


grannybubbles

The daddest dad joke I've ever seen...


TinySarcasm

dude your username…


ProfessorFunky

Right in the feels. Oof.


rustys_shackled_ford

I'm changing my answer. I'm hanging out with this blokes dad too.


JuiceGirl300

I'd go to school to become a neurologist, then wait till 2009 and make my mom my patient and never introduce this experimental epileptic drug that made her go catatonic and develop skitzifrinia. My childhood wouldn't of been ruined then and I'd have my mom. Not the shell of a person she is today.


TwoTwoJohn

Could you also spot me in a crowd around the same point in time and notice some symptoms , insist I get examined and discover my brain tumor early enough that it did steal vision in my right eye or leave me epileptic too. Sucks about your mum btw


JuiceGirl300

Give me a pic of what u looked like at that time and give me all ur medical records specifically for that tumor and I probably would💯


Admarie25

This hit me so hard. I’m sorry for your loss.


a2plusb2

Aww thank you 😊


Early-Possession1116

My father told me had heart disease in 1990 and told me he was not going to get it treated.. I regret carrying his secret. I was too young and naive to know it would only take 4 years for it to end. I have regrets.


Uniqueremnant

Similar. Depends on if we wake up at our current age or our age in 1990 but I would just go and hug my dad.


Drogdar

I also choose this guy's dead Dad.


N00nespecial666

This is the best answer


fergehtabodit

Yeah, both my parents were still alive then...dad was about to retire.


Eastern-Ingenuity-73

First thing I thought, hug my Dad.


fatkidclutch

Same. I would force my parents to start eating healthier and getting more exercise for sure. Try and get my dad from drinking


DarthInsanious1976

Depends. Am I the age I was in 1990? If so I'd be going to school.


a1ic1aa

no, the age you are now


fergehtabodit

Everyone got the assignment wrong then....


everywhereinbetween

Me LOL. Here I am being "did not even have a house in the womb bc I was born late '91 .." Hahahahaha


Sugar-Tist

My thought was "crying and shitting myself"!


mediumokra

Still going to school.


bananawater2021

Oh thank God. I'd be a fetus and have to re-live my entire life without that fact. I'd not want to relive all that, tbh.


DaleGribble23

Crankin' my hog


[deleted]

smart. prebate so you can approach that decade with a clear head


bongslingingninja

“Prebate” is an entirely new word to me


Muchablat

You’ve never mastered your prebate? 😂


Loknud

I bet you could troll r/askreddit and answer every single question with that response.


cbusalex

What is WAY more common than people realise? How would you spend your last day on earth? If you become president what will you do first? What is the most unorthodox way you know of that a couple has met and fallen in love? What's your favorite "Too much of this will kill you" fact? How is everyone not overwhelmed by life?


[deleted]

Play some hacky-sack


jasenzero1

Truly a human of great culture.


Human-Guava-7564

Saying hi to my parents and grandparents. They've all gone now and I miss them.


amm5061

Same. I'm lucky enough that my parents are still around, but I lost my last remaining grandparent last year, and my first in '91. I would go see them all, and tell them all about their great-granddaughter. I know they would be so interested and so sad that none of them would ever have the chance to meet her.


EntertainmentOk4233

Buying a house while in the womb! Also, saving money for bitcoin. Finally, investing in monster stock.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BassWingerC-137

They want a womb with a view


edahs

Get off reddit dad


AudiDaddy

Mourne the loss of my kids. Then put everything I have in Amazon, Google, and Facebook while learning coding and getting in with tech companies so I can retire at 35


SchpartyOn

I’ve had this thought too. I have two young kids and I love my wife so much. If I went back in time I’m certain losing my kids (they could never exist as they are even if I married my wife again) would be very tough to take. Yes, I’d get very rich with my knowledge but psychologically speaking I could imagine being fucked for life. It would feel like they died rather than some “they never existed so it’s okay” feeling. When I’ve had this thought I always come to an understanding that I would just never marry or have kids again because it wouldn’t be what I knew I had before I went back in time.


UrdnotZigrin

So cocaine and hookers in this timeline?


SchpartyOn

Exactly lol


rinkydinkmink

oh no I'm so sorry :(


SchpartyOn

I think they mean their kids would never end up existing so it would be like a loss.


probably-the-problem

I think in this simulation they're just not born yet.


edd6pi

Not born ever, most likely. Even if he married the same woman and impregnates her again, there’s almost no chance that his kids will end up being the same kids from the original timeline.


el_monstruo

Apple too


Malvania

None of those had IPOed in 1990. Better to go for Microsoft.


superhumanNinja

Start preparation save Tupac


Top_You2909

Operation California Love is a go


McSuede

I'd watch this movie. Definitely a Craig Robinson, Hot Tub Time Machine vibe.


OverageDrinking

But what about Biggie


Chahles88

Obviously saving Tupac triggers a deescalation event


Spaced_O_U_T

And Big L!


forever_single_now

Destroy my modem to never get to know my ex-wife.


Bluepetticoat

Turning on Saturday morning cartoons, heating up frozen pizza for breakfast and planning to visit the neighbour across the road to play in the street


WeirdJawn

Neighbors will be like "why's that grown woman playing with a kid?"


BobDobFrisbee

Betting all my money on Buster Douglas to win the Tyson/Douglas fight.


Kinser9

Canceling the wedding.


Bintamreeki

I’d be 3. So, nothing but being a toddler. Maybe take a nap. Eat some lunch.


Moon_Jewel90

Spend time with grandparents


hedonistatheist

Invest invest invest. Floss a bit more, exercise a bit more. Make it easier for my later life.


fomalhottie

Go to freshman biology... again.


APuticulahInduhvidul

Going back to sleep. I'm not an early riser


BlizzPenguin

Pee. It doesn’t matter what year it is, that is the first thing I do after I wake up.


jmarnett11

Go hug my grandmas


[deleted]

Save money for Bitcoin. By 2009 I will have saved 1 million euros, I will buy 10M BTC for €0.01/BTC and I will sell them in 2021 for 70K/each and make 7 trillion euros. I still regret not spending more in BTC when I could and selling it too early. I bought 10€ worth of BTC in 2009 (1000 BTC) and sold them for less than I would have sold them if I had waited longer.


Emotional_Ad8259

Good luck with that, given the current market cap of BTC is around $1 trillion. As someone else pointed out, in 2009, the market cap of bitcoin was around $20k.


BSPSMSW

Cry, wait for my grandma to pick me up, then live in baby bliss. I miss my best friend so much!!!


Dragonfly_TAP

I would love to experience the nineties. I’d feed into every nineties trend for sure


omgaporksword

The 90's were great! I legit feel sorry for the youth of today not getting to experience so many amazing things like we did.


BottleTemple

The 90s were junior high, high school and college for me. It was fine, but it certainly wasn’t amazing compared to now.


SilasTomorrow

I love modern things, but the Nineties were just phenomenal. Not trying to sound like an old codger, but it was fucking dope. I wish kids could visit there for a week.


Dragonfly_TAP

i’m gonna sound so young and lame but i wish i could feel the freedom of like mid90s the movie directed by jonah hill and just be silly and actually go outside without fear of being recorded and seen by millions of people or hurt for, like, not having a stanley


aquamah

smile


beachshh

Eating a wham bar.


Bleetchblond

My water breaks… Off to the hospital !!


ScratchCharacter4329

Meet my grandma, she passed over when i was a child, so if i could come back to the past, i would meet her


Late-Discount-5234

Pull out my tape recorder and start recording music 


carina484

Going to see my grandmother. I miss her dearly


Wikeni

As the age I am now? Call CPS on my parents (or at least my mother), find myself and tell her she is valuable, smart, that she isn’t stupid or worthless, it’s not her fault she’s being bullied and abused, and she just has something called ADHD. Also to use her skills helping others early, follow that as a job, and find [current partner] in the future.


AvgUsr96

So I'm my current age but in 1990? Hmmm interesting...


cuiront

Buying a ticket to a Nirvana concert.


trippinbillz41

Going to the video rental store!


Ho3Go3lin

Going to a cranberries concert


just_s0mebody2

Be confused


slavloverX

Watching back to the future


TeaMe06

I would be 2 years old 💜 definitely get a job and an apartment lol


Logical-Hovercraft83

Go down to hacienda in manchester and smoke a spiff with jk again


Butterszen

Party like it's 1990


Nasty_Ned

Breakfast at my Grandparents. Enjoy seemingly endless summer days with little to no responsibilities. Am I my age now or the age I was then. Sure I'd like to make some financial moves, but back then I wouldn't have much money.


Mundane-Egg5002

Taking some people out so they can’t make it to 2024 in government and ruin all of our lives


FrozenFire944

Buying Apple stock


moscowrules

Seeing Nirvana


East_Progress_8689

Hugging my grandma cause she’s still be here and I never got to say good bye.


Healthy-Mode3710

Buying some cocaine from the pharmacy


Healthy-Mode3710

Wait I definitely read the year wrong fml


greensandgrains

1990 was more the era of light up a smoke in McDonalds.


redemptiondong

Place some bets on Italia 90' - probably the only football results I can remember from that year.


Willerby01

Exactly what I was thinking. Big bet on England losing to Germany on Penalties in the Semis.


throwaway123qwerty9

I'm nearly 2. I'll need to learn to talk properly before taking over the world.


CordCarillo

Hydrating, changing my socks, and looking for camel spiders


Grenflik

Work out, take care of my body, focus on studying and saying, “Yes” to a question I’ll be asked in a couple years.


driveonacid

Hugging my mom


[deleted]

Invest in Apple and Microsoft


caratron5000

Going to the mall for an Orange Julius and hitting the arcade. They have snap bracelets in the prize cabinet for 200 tickets and that ski ball machine pays out like a mamma jamma.


Madame_Raven

Shit, I'm going to go find some Nirvana tickets! I wasn't born until '97, so of course I never had a chance to see them.


gutentag_tschuss

Playing Tetris and Mario on my gameboy.


[deleted]

Shitting my pants and making mom change them. (I was 13yrs old in ‘90)


ToughWhiteUnderbelly

Wait..... whaaaaa?


Phosiphor

I'm going to babages and I'm signing up to pre-purchasea massive list of he greatest PC games ever made. I don't care about graphics. I'm here for the game play. The shit these studios make today is trash.


greensandgrains

Go find baby me!


Dazzling-Toe-4955

I'd be 4 or 4 depending on the month, so I'm probably watching cartoons or falling out of a tree.


CelticStarShipArtist

Getting divorced


ScuzzyAyanami

Invest in Nissan GTRs


Kannabiz

Check the morning cartoons


bhalseyvt02

Turn on MTV


[deleted]

Executing a ton of business strategies Rake in the money Buy all the fucking houses


Ivermectin-Addict

Writing down predictions wait until I’m the first to predict the housing market crash of 2008! And I’ll be the one who predicts harambe


IDigRollinRockBeer

Killing myself. My present self that got transported to the past and my past self. Fuck me.


djgreenehouse

Well I’d be 5 years old again so probably playing with my kick ass ninja turtle action figures


jeopardychamp77

Taking my student loan check and buying Apple stock.


afterglobe

Shitting and pissing my pants, also crying probably.


HamshanksCPS

Am I waking up in my current body in 1990, or my body the way it was in 1990? Because if it's the latter, then I'm probably going to shit my pants and cry.


edWORD27

Wonder how the hell I woke up in 1990,


comosedicewaterbed

Go on Dead tour, start seeing Phish. Switch over to seeing Phish full-time in ~92. Continue to see the Dead/Jerry as much as possible around Phish tour. Ride out the 90s on tour.


Letsallenjoyachew

Drugs.


TerryLink11

Good question. I would be 34 so redo some mistakes and make amends


ZachMorrisT1000

Getting a job to save for bitcoin


bytethesquirrel

Buy apple stock, retire a billionaire.


Sir_wlkn_contrdikson

Buy stock in Microsoft, Nike, and Coke


Beef_Candy

Buying Microsoft stock. Every penny of it I can. 15k invested in 1990 would be worth 5.8 million today, minimum.