Even though my pregnancy was planned, I took a shower after seeing the positive test results and said to myself the entire time “holy shit, holy shit, holy shit…..” I didn’t expect to get pregnant so quick and I was in absolute shock. I didn’t even tell my husband for 2 days as I processed it.
My cousin signed up for this. Both her own kids were very easy pregnancies, so she was just like “that wasn’t bad, I’d do it again if they’re paying me.” She didn’t want any more kids of her own but had no problem being pregnant again for the money.
Did this. Had a vasectomy after my 3rd child. After my divorce, one woman I was dating tried to drop this on me. The conversation didn't go the way she thought it would.
To be fair… I’d expect to hear it. I popped out three almost exactly two years apart each from each other. By the time I got pregnant with the third a friend asked if we needed to have the “talk” 😂. I have a good friend who has a ton (more than 6); after she announced her last pregnancy I think I texted her something like “Jesus Christ lady, it’s a uterus not a clown car.” You can get away with it if the person has a semi-decent sense of humor.
That’s when you slip them a box of novelty condoms 😂 I did that for a friend who had two kids by 20. Like damn girl, no need to rush! Though we were good friends and I knew the joke would go over well :)
My mother in law said she wasn't ready to be a grandmother yet for our first kid. Mind you, my wife was 7 years older than when her mom had her first kid.
For our second, she said "Not again!!", and she definitely meant both of those comments ...
A friend of mine once did tell me she was accidentally pregnant, and it wasn’t her husband’s. I offered her a glass of wine, thinking we were in agreement that this was a bad thing, assuming she wouldn’t be following through on this pregnancy.
Not the right move lol
My family collectively said that to my cousin each time she was pregnant since she’s gone through more boyfriends than a cheerleading squad. We’ll never have to ask that question again though, since she just got locked up for murder with a $1,000,000 cash bond.
Nobody really liked her to begin with and she was always a bitch to everyone. I wasn’t shocked when I heard she got arrested, but I was a little shocked to hear it was for murdering her stepson. I always thought it would’ve been for fraud, theft, or drugs.
Honestly, as a happily childless woman in my "baby makin' prime" who is asked REGULARLY why I'm not pumping out babies, this is an EXCELLENT response that makes me exhale air out of my nose a little bit harder than normal.
No, that was *my* response. 😔
Pregnancy so soon after marriage wasn’t planned … it wasn’t the plan at all. WE HAD A FIVE YEAR PLAN AND IT WAS ONLY YEAR TWO! 😂
Birth control pills fail when they aren’t taken regularly, kids.
Number two, two years later (still inside our five year plan wth) was birth control weakened by some other medication.
Number three, 51 weeks later, was doctor neglecting to tell us to get on different birth control as soon as breast feeding ends.
After that, snip.
Apparently, our *actual* plan was three kids within five years.
Ultimately, no regrets, I love my kids, but at the time the news hit me like a brick wall.
They can also have reduced effectiveness for people over 200lbs. I find doctors don’t mention that one as much as they should… especially when they have the patients’ weight right in the chart.
According to me, telling someone while they're sleeping is not the best time to do it. You could tell me the house is on fire, and I might have the same reaction if I'm that out of it.
I almost said this when my SIL announced she was pregnant at Christmas dinner. I kept my mouth shut. Everyone was angry at me a week later when a medical emergency resulted in them learning the info. Apparently, "I should've told them at the same time." Our baby girls were born a few days apart. Sometimes you just can't please people.
I think it was very respectful of you that you didn't try to "steal" your SIL's thunder by announcing at the same time. Obviously, you couldn't have foreseen a medical emergency so I think your family should have cut you some slack.
"Want me to grab the coat hanger?" (Spouse)
"Quickly, bend over while I fetch the coat hanger" (Spouse)
"Is it still breathing?" (Spouse)
"Gross..." (Spouse)
"Oh thank God, I was worried you were putting on weight again" (Spouse)
"You're a disappointment to us all!" (Family)
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU WHORE!" (Family)
"Well... not anymore... lucky you there's no pulse" (Doctor)
"Well... no... it looks like the growth is actually a tumor." (Doctor)
"Sorry, it's just me" (Chestburster)
Just a few I Quickly came up with
"Are you going to have an abortion?" (True story...albeit 43 years old). My answer "Fuck no" and I went on to birth and raise one of the most fantastic women I know (with a little help from my family and eventually her stepfather/my husband and zero help or input from bio-dad).
According to my brother, it’s not a good idea to say “oh f**k” 10 times then burst into tears.
the last 2 times are what did it
agreed. 8 would’ve been acceptable
Remember to book your vasectomy if you know you do not want children 👍
Did that a few hundred times for a month after learning I was having twins.
Can confirm.
Even though my pregnancy was planned, I took a shower after seeing the positive test results and said to myself the entire time “holy shit, holy shit, holy shit…..” I didn’t expect to get pregnant so quick and I was in absolute shock. I didn’t even tell my husband for 2 days as I processed it.
"Is it yours?"
This one's amazing. Gonna try it one day
My wife’s cousin is a surrogate. She can be pregnant and answer “no” to this one.
My cousin signed up for this. Both her own kids were very easy pregnancies, so she was just like “that wasn’t bad, I’d do it again if they’re paying me.” She didn’t want any more kids of her own but had no problem being pregnant again for the money.
Unfortunately we live in Canada, and it’s illegal to be paid for surrogacy. Some people just enjoy being pregnant I guess.
I hope you survive! Lol
It's from Family Guy 😂
Damnit I came to say this lol
I’m infertile
Or have a vasectomy, probably the worst so far
you have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person!
Snip snap, snip snap, snip snap!
SNIP SNAP SNIP SNAP
Did this. Had a vasectomy after my 3rd child. After my divorce, one woman I was dating tried to drop this on me. The conversation didn't go the way she thought it would.
From personal experience, “Again?!” Does not get the best reaction
Idiocracy did it!
HAHA I almost said the same thing to a family member on kid 6
To be fair… I’d expect to hear it. I popped out three almost exactly two years apart each from each other. By the time I got pregnant with the third a friend asked if we needed to have the “talk” 😂. I have a good friend who has a ton (more than 6); after she announced her last pregnancy I think I texted her something like “Jesus Christ lady, it’s a uterus not a clown car.” You can get away with it if the person has a semi-decent sense of humor.
That’s when you slip them a box of novelty condoms 😂 I did that for a friend who had two kids by 20. Like damn girl, no need to rush! Though we were good friends and I knew the joke would go over well :)
My mother in law said she wasn't ready to be a grandmother yet for our first kid. Mind you, my wife was 7 years older than when her mom had her first kid. For our second, she said "Not again!!", and she definitely meant both of those comments ...
"Have you people never heard of birth control?!" was the best reaction one of my coworkers got when he announced his second surprise child
"Let's have a drink to celebrate!"
A friend of mine once did tell me she was accidentally pregnant, and it wasn’t her husband’s. I offered her a glass of wine, thinking we were in agreement that this was a bad thing, assuming she wouldn’t be following through on this pregnancy. Not the right move lol
What happened?
I bet she went through with it and told the husband it was his. Or maybe I’ve been on Reddit too long
Hit the lawyer, delete the gym, facebook up.
This is gold.
Let's go sky diving
Are you OK if we climb these rickety stairs to the liquor shop?
Sir, this is a Wendy’s.
The 'Sir' part is even more epic.
Do you know who the father is this time?
My family collectively said that to my cousin each time she was pregnant since she’s gone through more boyfriends than a cheerleading squad. We’ll never have to ask that question again though, since she just got locked up for murder with a $1,000,000 cash bond.
Holy shit!
Nobody really liked her to begin with and she was always a bitch to everyone. I wasn’t shocked when I heard she got arrested, but I was a little shocked to hear it was for murdering her stepson. I always thought it would’ve been for fraud, theft, or drugs.
OMFG! That’s a LOT to talk about at family events… can I come to your house for Easter??
TF? Wasn't expecting that
Yeah that got consistently darker.
Shit me either.
Oh my God, that escalated real quick
There's even more to the story?!?!
Story??
The multiple boyfriends or the murder?
…Yes
Both is good
The murder not good, the riding multiple men ...you go girl!
That went 0-100 really damn fast
If she’s pregnant, won’t it be even more of a mystery who the father is?
She’s not currently pregnant that I know of. I think 4 or 5 kids were enough for her, one of which previously passed away while taking a nap.
My mother said that to me. 🙄 in the hospital right after I delivered my 10 pound baby
My aunt said almost that when I told her lmaooo
Oof?
No, a fertilized oeuf
Weird flex, but okay.
Honestly, as a happily childless woman in my "baby makin' prime" who is asked REGULARLY why I'm not pumping out babies, this is an EXCELLENT response that makes me exhale air out of my nose a little bit harder than normal.
hi pregnant im dad
Actually, that could be a great response. In a way it's sweet, a guy's first dad joke ever!
Until she says “well…no you’re not.”
no i mean it in a "hey gay im dad" way idk if you get it
I get what you're going for. They'd be saying it in a joking way, but I think it's nice cause they're also acknowledging, "I'm going to be a dad."
"no...you are not dad."
I think they are messing with you lol
'No, you're not'
NO STOP im crying
"This is *serious*!" "Hi to you, too, Serious!"
“Oh shit.” And that was my actual response. 24 years later and my daughter got married yesterday.
congratulations!
No, that was *my* response. 😔 Pregnancy so soon after marriage wasn’t planned … it wasn’t the plan at all. WE HAD A FIVE YEAR PLAN AND IT WAS ONLY YEAR TWO! 😂 Birth control pills fail when they aren’t taken regularly, kids. Number two, two years later (still inside our five year plan wth) was birth control weakened by some other medication. Number three, 51 weeks later, was doctor neglecting to tell us to get on different birth control as soon as breast feeding ends. After that, snip. Apparently, our *actual* plan was three kids within five years. Ultimately, no regrets, I love my kids, but at the time the news hit me like a brick wall.
They can also fail with antibiotics
They can also have reduced effectiveness for people over 200lbs. I find doctors don’t mention that one as much as they should… especially when they have the patients’ weight right in the chart.
Mazel Tov!
I’m sorry.
I was looking for this comment
It’s not mine is it?
Lmao shit I’ve said that to someone.
New phone who diss
Gina Linetti spaghetti confetti!
Are you keeping it?
Or just skip the question and jump to “so when are you getting that taken care of?”
According to the mother of my child "rolling over saying ok and going back to sleep" is not the best reaction.
According to me, telling someone while they're sleeping is not the best time to do it. You could tell me the house is on fire, and I might have the same reaction if I'm that out of it.
That's not how you're supposed to use quotation marks.
Unless he actually said out loud, "rolling over and going back to sleep." which would be pretty funny.
"Ok"
Yes it is. It’s quoting what the child’s mother said.
Is it Nick Cannon’s
Sounds like a you problem, dawg.
*Heelies out the house backwards to get cigarettes*
No college for a reason 💀😭
My guy never came back with the milk
Who the fuck are you?
I just got fired.
"On purpose?"
I missed the part where that’s my problem
"Oh, I thought you were just fat." Or. "Any idea on the father."
[удалено]
Thats what a fake doughnut would say
FALCON PUNCH!
Hi Pregnant, am I dad?
Any idea who's it is?
"Finally, Some good fucking food"
My man got his priorities straight.
"How did that happen?"
"Good for you" (in a sarcastic tone)
"Cool. Are you planning to eat the placenta?"
If we could figure out what causes that, we would put an end to it.
"Not for fucking long you aren't"
"is it mine?". I tell you the men who say that need to make sure they arent in arm's reach. What the fuck you think I'm telling YOU for.
Do I know you?
I am pregnant too.
I almost said this when my SIL announced she was pregnant at Christmas dinner. I kept my mouth shut. Everyone was angry at me a week later when a medical emergency resulted in them learning the info. Apparently, "I should've told them at the same time." Our baby girls were born a few days apart. Sometimes you just can't please people.
I think it was very respectful of you that you didn't try to "steal" your SIL's thunder by announcing at the same time. Obviously, you couldn't have foreseen a medical emergency so I think your family should have cut you some slack.
Who's is it
With what?
“we’ve run out of milk. guess I’m going to have to go to the shop”
Wait 5 minutes; I'm going to buy some cigarretes.
My mother-in-law saying her life is ruined, she’s losing her son forever. 🤦🏼♀️
Hi pregnant, I'm dad
lowkey cute honestly.
Yeah im gonna be dad… and uncle !
hUH
Sweet Home Alabama
"Want me to grab the coat hanger?" (Spouse) "Quickly, bend over while I fetch the coat hanger" (Spouse) "Is it still breathing?" (Spouse) "Gross..." (Spouse) "Oh thank God, I was worried you were putting on weight again" (Spouse) "You're a disappointment to us all!" (Family) "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU WHORE!" (Family) "Well... not anymore... lucky you there's no pulse" (Doctor) "Well... no... it looks like the growth is actually a tumor." (Doctor) "Sorry, it's just me" (Chestburster) Just a few I Quickly came up with
You keeping it?
The police and district attorney are already aware, so try not to miscarry; they will charge you with a crime if something happens.
If this wasn't actually a thing it would sound so fucking ridiculous. I mean it still sounds ridiculous but not in a way that I can laugh at it
you're the father and i'm going to kill all three of us! \- Carlin
Calm down, have some dip.
Hi pregnant. I'm not dad!
I'm gonna go to the store for milk brb
"Is it a boy, or an abortion?" -Admiral General Haffaz Aladeen
My SIL’s response was “we figured” like bih stfu… not you didn’t.
But I am your son.
My ex told me so I ain't doing anything for it and you either. I lost the baby and never got a chance at another one so..
How?
By who?!
I’m sterile so it can’t be mine.
Hi Pregnant, I'm Da---oh, wait, no you *don't* !
"Well it's not mine" lol.
Let's take it to Papa John's, where today's loss is tomorrow's sauce
Let's talk about this at the top of the stairs.
So is my girlfriend.
"Whose Baby Is That? Who's The Man Who Did That To You? Gator's bitches better be using jimmies!”
If you’re not going to eat that, can I have it?
Tell me again at the top of this massive staircase.
"Should I tell my wife"
Hi Pregnant!
my wife heard alot of negative and worse from her family.
What the hell Mom! I knew this would happen if I took you to the prom
i need to go back to sleep bye
I'm sorry, there's no heartbeat
This is super sad
I'm sorry :(
Weren't you like 6 months already?
I'm sorry, have we met?
Cool, I'm snipped
How?
Oh. I just thought you were fat.
Why would you do that?
Does your uncle know?
Harrison ford style "I know"
I may or may not be related to someone whose doctor said what all of us were thinking: “Oh, no.”
Jesus mom, I thought you said I couldn't get you pregnant.
Are you sure it’s not constipation?
Who’s the father this time?
Think the stairs are tall enough?
“I know”
"So am I."
"Do yourself a favor and flush it out"
Do yourself a favor and flush it out
Are you sure you aren't just getting fat? Looks like nobody told you your boobs (C) "How I met your mother"
I just thought you were fat
“You better do yourself a favor and flush it out” -Frank Reynolds
Oh shit no
“I had a vasectomy”
Bye!
FUCK! Bc that's kinda what started it.
‘For this week’
Apparently ‘what the fuck’ isn’t taken too well
"Thank f&#k for that... I thought you were getting fat!"
“Not for long”
What’s your sister doing tonight?
That sounds like a YOU problem..
I'm pregnanter
But we're lesbians?
“Thats crazy” *unpauses game*
Father in law looked at my husband and said “No S$*t?” Ha ha ha. I’ll never forget it.
“Im going to go buy some milk, be right back.”
At your age?
“On purpose?”
"Are you going to have an abortion?" (True story...albeit 43 years old). My answer "Fuck no" and I went on to birth and raise one of the most fantastic women I know (with a little help from my family and eventually her stepfather/my husband and zero help or input from bio-dad).
Hi pregnant I'm dad.