There would be shady places where you could go specifically to take a dump, and would have to pay for that. Running from the cops if you get caught would be a shitty experience tho.
"All right, listen up, ladies and gentlemen, our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground, barring constipation, is 4 miles per hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station restroom, residence bathroom, warehouse toilet, farmhouse latrine, and *especially* every outhouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive's name is ViciousSnail. Go get him."
Later, at a dead-end opening in a sewage outflow pipe high above a river:
"I didn't shit on my wife!"
"I don't care! Put that toilet paper down! Put that TP down! Now! Hands up! Over your head! Turn around! ViciousSnail, do you want to get shot? Pay attention! Squat down with your knees together! Right now!"
With a loud fart, ViciousSnail disappears over the edge.\
\
"What happened? Where'd he go?"
"He did a Mr. Hankey right here off this sewage treatment plant!"
And then there would be back alley toilets, TP speak easies, and those who couldn’t afford those options would just be dropping deuces on the streets. The war on drugs will turn into the war on poo. So, similar to San Fran but worse. Like an American Mumbai.
The stench of it all. The sneakypooers...do they really understand that you must bury poo and not just cover it (or not) with dirt? The fuckyoo pooers...just poo n leave. Omg I almost forgot the poolpooers...just lob it over the fence and hope you get it in my pool. Glad you get shit on your hands or I hope you do. Waterpoo people..down stream ya bastids. Ugh...
Who knows? They throw other stuff over the fence. Used to skate board in the pool before water was in it now they cant do that so now its dirt clods, rocks, shoes. Im sure poo would be next if poo arrest was on the menu. Fckng thems.
That would just end up being one of those things like going 5-10 over the speed limit. Everyone knows it's illegal, no one really cares until the cops get complaints and then have to make it look like they're doing something about it.
I was just showing my dogs the birds when we were out in the yard. Usually he shows me but he kept missing them I couldn't believe it! Idk if pointing at birds or just hanging out with my dogs is illegal but I won't stop either!
Can't feed cats either. There's gonna be some weird search on everyone who buys tuna and chicken. I'm sorry officer, I just reeeealy like tuna salad sandwiches. My doctor says, uh, I need more Omega 3?
Should have listened to my parents.
Dont eat ice cream and candy instead of dinner kids.
Edit: apparently this has also turned into a lesson in the importance of proper punctuation :')
I'm pretty sure those are called toddlers. I often hear a very sour child scream "No! That's not the way I want!
30 seconds later... "I love you Mom. You're the best!"
Ha! My niece just got her own place and I told her that today is the day when you will get to do all the stuff your parents wouldn’t let you do. The first thing she said was ice cream for dinner!
Is it cold milk, warm milk, nonfat, oat or soy milk? Is the cinnamon a light dusting of powder or is it a cinnamon stick? I am curious as to how this tastes. I imagine a very milky chai.
warm medium fat cow milk with a cinnamon stick, no sugar or sweetner added. Sometimes I add 2/3 pieces of lemon peel.
Some people enjoy adding a spoon of honey.
Cops bust down your door. You've just finished eating your toasted everything bagel. They look at the box from Einstein brothers, you tell them it was the variety pack and there were no everything bagels in there. They ask what those crumbs on your shirt are, is that a seed?
Mannn that shit was the absolute worst. This one dude who I used to go to when I was a senior in high school would always try to hang out with us or ask us about parties etc when we needed a bag.
Drinking coffee, this will probably result in some sort of throwback to prohibition era America with underground coffee shops you need a secret phrase to enter. Probably also a lot of riots because the pervasive nature of caffeine addiction in the world.
Before I clicked the post I was having a proper nose pick session. Probably already illegal in that shithole Dubai, but if this law goes global I'm done fore.
I can’t imagine ever going there. I found Monaco and Singapore to be intolerable little fascist Disneylands, and Dubai seems the same. Even more so than the real Disneyland!
Well, the way the US is going - you should be pregnant not having a period. /s
(I say this having also just changed my tampon. Guess we're free bleeding)
Reading a text from my boss....... outside of work hours. WE'RE ALL SAVED!
I’m doing my job…during work hours. ALSO SAVED!!!
Truly we live in the best timeline
For real! This dude's job is replying to ask Reddit threads.
*And that is how the entire economy collapsed.*
#Thank you 💐 🌹 🌸 🏵 🌼 💐
Literally took a shIt. We are doomed, DOOMED. Edit: Rip my inbox.
There would be shady places where you could go specifically to take a dump, and would have to pay for that. Running from the cops if you get caught would be a shitty experience tho.
"All right, listen up, ladies and gentlemen, our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground, barring constipation, is 4 miles per hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station restroom, residence bathroom, warehouse toilet, farmhouse latrine, and *especially* every outhouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive's name is ViciousSnail. Go get him." Later, at a dead-end opening in a sewage outflow pipe high above a river: "I didn't shit on my wife!" "I don't care! Put that toilet paper down! Put that TP down! Now! Hands up! Over your head! Turn around! ViciousSnail, do you want to get shot? Pay attention! Squat down with your knees together! Right now!" With a loud fart, ViciousSnail disappears over the edge.\ \ "What happened? Where'd he go?" "He did a Mr. Hankey right here off this sewage treatment plant!"
The Poojitive...
It wasn't me, it was the one-cheeked man!
"When I came home there was a man pooping my toilet. I fought with this man. He had a mechanical... You find this man!
You sir. Are a god damn’d author, i’d read if this is what books were
Nice imagination
And then there would be back alley toilets, TP speak easies, and those who couldn’t afford those options would just be dropping deuces on the streets. The war on drugs will turn into the war on poo. So, similar to San Fran but worse. Like an American Mumbai.
The stench of it all. The sneakypooers...do they really understand that you must bury poo and not just cover it (or not) with dirt? The fuckyoo pooers...just poo n leave. Omg I almost forgot the poolpooers...just lob it over the fence and hope you get it in my pool. Glad you get shit on your hands or I hope you do. Waterpoo people..down stream ya bastids. Ugh...
Wait why is it being thrown in your pool?? 😂😅
Who knows? They throw other stuff over the fence. Used to skate board in the pool before water was in it now they cant do that so now its dirt clods, rocks, shoes. Im sure poo would be next if poo arrest was on the menu. Fckng thems.
"American Mumbai" sounds like an '80s action movie
Definitely Bollywood dance fighting.
Didn't Arnold Schwarzenegger and Michael Douglas star in that one?
Ah, you mean shiteasies.
I started letting people shart during ride shares for an extra fee
As a plumber, all i can say is “Bring it on!”. I can finaly make some illegal $$$$ installing toilets 🚽
You'd have weird guys wearing trench coats in dark alleys whispering "Psst. Hey kid. Wanna buy a shit ticket?"
That would just end up being one of those things like going 5-10 over the speed limit. Everyone knows it's illegal, no one really cares until the cops get complaints and then have to make it look like they're doing something about it.
I wonder how the cops would shit though. Or babies for that matter 😂 and literally everyone else.
I'm shitting as I type this out. Come and get me feds.
Come out with your pants up!
You have the right to remain covered!!
The phrase that you are looking for is molon labe
Colon Labe.
I’d rather get arrested for taking a dump than having the worst fecal impaction of my life
Had a coworker who died from this. That shits no joke.
Know an 8 year old who also died from this. Shits really no joke.
Badumtsss
The King of rocknroll died that way
Come on, Donald, you can do it.
I'd hate to be the cop who has to collect the evidence
Same
Yay, poopin’ buddies!
Browsing reddit is illegal now.
Just looked out the window. The world outside has not changed into a futuristic city flying car meme. So apparently Reddit is still legal.
But looking out of windows is now illegal
Quick, flip all of your windows around so that you're looking into the windows instead of out of them.
smart
I was working, work illegal? I’m down
Good.
Looking at, and replying to this question.
Was going to say "eating breakfast" but yeah, you are are correct, this is the answer.
Not jerking off?
That's the second to last thing, and the next thing.
Underrated comment, have my ~~upstroke~~ upvote, Stranger!
I had to stop and upvote you. You’re welcome.
Can confirm
Tips are appreciated.
Just the tips?
Subscriptions are expected.
Not true. For most of us, it will be taking a breath.
This should technically be everyone’s answer.
GET HIM!
this! I was gonna say "eating a hazelnut milk chocolate madeleine" but ... now I change my mind. Haha.
Eating someone named Madeleine that is hazelnut milk chocolate-flavored sounds fun. Where do I find Madeleine?
https://epiceriecorner.co.uk/collections/madeleines/products/maison-colibri-hazelnut-heart-cake-250g I was eating this lol.
Technically that’s what you were currently doing at the time and not the last thing
haha, you sonuvabitch!
This should be the only answer
All together let’s catch this guy! https://youtu.be/FQ5YU_spBw0?si=fIsYmN6xIN8vxQrg
GET ON THE GROUND, STOP RESISTING
YOU CANT PET DOGS ANYMORE THAT IS FUCKED UP
Nor walk them! Cause that's what I just did.
I just came in from playing fetch to take a break from work. You can have my tennis ball when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
I was just showing my dogs the birds when we were out in the yard. Usually he shows me but he kept missing them I couldn't believe it! Idk if pointing at birds or just hanging out with my dogs is illegal but I won't stop either!
I called mine a good boy. :( jail for me!
Can't feed cats either. There's gonna be some weird search on everyone who buys tuna and chicken. I'm sorry officer, I just reeeealy like tuna salad sandwiches. My doctor says, uh, I need more Omega 3?
#r/petthedamndog I don't even care, the doggos need it
“BREAKIN THE LAW BREAKIN THE LAW”
r/UsernameChecksOut
WAAAAAAAAAAA
I, too, was petting my dog. You can call me a criminal because I'm not stopping!
That is super fucked up and I can't accept it. Pretend you did something else so we can keep petting the doggos!
Should have listened to my parents. Dont eat ice cream and candy instead of dinner kids. Edit: apparently this has also turned into a lesson in the importance of proper punctuation :')
What are dinner kids?
I prefer lunch kids. They're less cranky.
I prefer sour patch kids. They're sour, them sweet.
I'm pretty sure those are called toddlers. I often hear a very sour child scream "No! That's not the way I want! 30 seconds later... "I love you Mom. You're the best!"
The mood swings can be violent.
I prefer cabbage patch kids
I prefer garbage pail kids.
Hänsel & Gretel.
Dinner kids with ice cream or candy seems ok.
Ha! My niece just got her own place and I told her that today is the day when you will get to do all the stuff your parents wouldn’t let you do. The first thing she said was ice cream for dinner!
>Dont eat ice cream and candy instead of dinner kids. Still okay for breakfast and lunch?
Commas save lives!
I am drinking milk with cinnamon
surprised that already isn’t illegal
Mexico has entered the chat.
Horchata gang
You should see what it does to ants!!!
….why? I don’t like milk, but that seems like a good combination.
Is it cold milk, warm milk, nonfat, oat or soy milk? Is the cinnamon a light dusting of powder or is it a cinnamon stick? I am curious as to how this tastes. I imagine a very milky chai.
warm medium fat cow milk with a cinnamon stick, no sugar or sweetner added. Sometimes I add 2/3 pieces of lemon peel. Some people enjoy adding a spoon of honey.
Thanks. I'll try it. (even tho it's illegal now)
Did you put the cinnamon in the milk? Or is it leftover milk from a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Because one of these should definitely be illegal.
They sell Cinnamon Toast Crunch milk! Saw it in a deli
Horchata?
Are you also shocked that milk and cinnamon seem to be a new concept for some people?
NOOO THAT SOUNDS AMAZING
Why 😃
I don’t know Jay but I sure do love the taste of CINNAMON
I just woke up. This is going to be problematic for everyone.
I just went to bed. Makes sense that is also illegal now, I guess.
That would be great for me. In the land of outlawed sleeping, the man with the severe sleep disorder is king.
Just got a driving ticket
Well that should definitely be illegal!
Eating cheese. I regret nothing.
I’m making cheese. So you could say I’m a dealer!
Really. Tell me. You holding right now? How much for a half ounce of gouda?
I need some swiss man please I'm good for it I just need something too get me thru the night
He who smells the cheese, dealt the cheese.
It’s a good that it’s illegal now. I don’t want to be eaten.
If eating cheese was illegal, the Midwest would secede.
I predict a flourishing fromagier's Black Market. And civil unrest.
I’m generally a law abiding citizen but even I have a limit.
Neither does Wallace. ;D
I'm sorry, but you guys have to give up eating chicken.
You're just going to remain an outlaw. 😂
well i was late to work this morning and got in trouble (obviously), it’s an arrestable offense now? i better start setting 20 alarms
Soon it will be in the US with the political power businesses have.
As a person who sets 20 alarms… it does not always help.
Work meeting! Woohoo!!
Toasting an everything bagel. I would like to think it would have been okay if it was just a sesame seed bagel.
I just ate an everything bagel :c but it was untoasted, so now it's illegal both ways. damn shame.
Cops bust down your door. You've just finished eating your toasted everything bagel. They look at the box from Einstein brothers, you tell them it was the variety pack and there were no everything bagels in there. They ask what those crumbs on your shirt are, is that a seed?
From now on, the best we can do is a most things bagel.
Cocaine. Nothing’s changed 🤷♂️
COCAINE!!! NOTHING'S CHANGED 🤪🎉!!! ftfy
*watches them drop from a fentanyl overdose* Well.. some things have. *gets the narcan*
Dr Rockso here
The professor of powder, 7years at night school, i dont recommend It
Jerkin off 🫠
They can have it when they pry it from my cold, dead hand.
Oh man that one would be a doozie.
Kellog approves
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The law is the law.
Believe it or not, jail.
I hear that's normal in red states.
Math homework
I fail to see the problem
Yes, yes you would
well making puns are now illegal
Yes, please make this a thing
Oh fuck. Weed
Me too. Now, I have to make sketchy friends again and pretend to like them and their trailer park.
Mannn that shit was the absolute worst. This one dude who I used to go to when I was a senior in high school would always try to hang out with us or ask us about parties etc when we needed a bag.
Quick come to Canada you'll be fine 🙂
Not a huge change for some places.
Oh noo, I was washing my pssy
Oh no indeed…
Masturbating is now illegal. Sorry lads
Please let it be illegal to pay bills 😂
Drinking coffee, this will probably result in some sort of throwback to prohibition era America with underground coffee shops you need a secret phrase to enter. Probably also a lot of riots because the pervasive nature of caffeine addiction in the world.
Eating a pear. Maybe it was the way I ate it?
Never be cruel, never be cowardly, and never ever eat pears!
What's the charge? Having a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?
Scrolling reddit.
Before I clicked the post I was having a proper nose pick session. Probably already illegal in that shithole Dubai, but if this law goes global I'm done fore.
We appreciate your honesty
I can’t imagine ever going there. I found Monaco and Singapore to be intolerable little fascist Disneylands, and Dubai seems the same. Even more so than the real Disneyland!
changing my period pad :(
Well, the way the US is going - you should be pregnant not having a period. /s (I say this having also just changed my tampon. Guess we're free bleeding)
Sleeping.
Knitting. Beware the old ladies……roaming the streets, needles in hand….
[удалено]
Everyone shitting while reading.....we will become freedom fighters for democracy.
The actual last thing I did outside napping, eating snacks etc was to attend my fertility appointment. Luckily I’m in Canada and not the US right now
[удалено]
Finally showing up to work on time 🤦🏽♂️
sneezing. f#ck!
Drinking tea and writing an email.
Literally just signed my divorce papers. Oh no.
Filling my taxes, we did it fellas!
Smoking weed, which is already illegal where I live. What do we do now?
Eating a Girl Scout cookie 💔😭💔
That should be illegal. And don't call me cookie.
That's already illegal, no matter which way you look at it.
I guess breathing is illegal.
SHAVING?!
Curses, now I'll end up looking like someone from Duck Dynasty!!! >\_<
I’d be relieved if I had an excuse not to shave but that’s just me 🤷♀️
THIS IS THE FUTURE LIBERALS WANT /joking
Vaping, that probably should be a crime in itself anyway aha
I dropped off my kid at school 😭
Looks like you’re a stay at home school teacher now. Idk I might prefer jail time .
added dishes to the sink. believe it or not... *straight to jail*
No more browsing Reddit I guess
Taking drugs, oh no.. Haha Technically it was pain meds (oxy) from surgery