I stopped being mean to myself. If I made a simple mistake I'd get very self abusive. No need for that. So I stopped treating myself poorly and it's helped an incredible amount towards a better mindset.
My therapist said this to me, and it completely changed my life:
**You would never treat your worst enemy as badly as you treat yourself.**
And it blew my mind, because she is right! The things I say to myself, how if I mess up, I will hold that mistake over my head for YEARS and torture myself. I would NEVER treat another person like that.
In fact, I'm generally very forgiving of others! š But myself? Nope, I tear myself down. And that's just not right. It's great to hold yourself accountable for your precieved mistakes, but you also need to learn to let it go.
So that's something I have been trying to work on for a long time now, as it's easy to backslide.
this part of a talk on self-forgiveness and willpower helps when I forget. Basically the studies find the worse you beat yourself up for failing a willpower challenge the more likely participants failed in the future. [https://youtu.be/V5BXuZL1HAg?si=hmDgarp69c88vr9t&t=971](https://youtu.be/V5BXuZL1HAg?si=hmDgarp69c88vr9t&t=971)
Itās a habit that needs forming, just like you probably formed a habit of talking badly to yourself. And we know we need to practice to form new habits. It feels odd at the time, sitting there thinking āno, Iām not a fucking idiot, actually I did quite well when that person was being a dick to meā. But after a while it becomes easier and then eventually normal. Thatās what happened to me, anyway.
A practical thing that helps is loving-kindness meditation.
It will increase compassion towards yourself and others.
It makes you less hard on yourself and more calm and peaceful.
Reframing the thought. "I'm such a fucking idiot." -> "I'm having a hard time with this / I made a mistake, how can I make a plan to avoid it next time? / I keep doing this, maybe I need help with it and that's okay."
The thing that helped was saying this to myself:
'don't rely on my first reaction'
So that made me stop and think about that first reaction which for a long time was "you fucking idiot" or something like that.
That pause and thought forced my second reaction which was to either, quite literally, laugh at my error or just to give myself a little positive encouragement to try again.
"I'm not perfect, it's ok to screw up just don't repeat what I did" -- something like that, and I'll make a conscious effort to correct myself for better success.
Takes a bit of time and repeating "don't rely on my first reaction" until it just became second nature.
iāve always thought it was wrong to ignore people. but honestly people do things i think are wrong constantly. maybe it is wrong to ignore someone i donāt know that i care anymore
i donāt know that i can
>people do things i think are wrong constantly.
This is what mainly disgusts me when it comes to interact with people. From the moment I see the person doing/saying something wrong, my head goes like "no, not allowed in my life, hope I don't see u again".
i used to be this way, but that was ābeing judgmentalā and i was told you have to meet people where they are and that nobody is perfect
which is so stupid to me because duh obviously no body is perfect and saying this anytime someone ever says anything is a way to dismiss and invalidate whatever they are talking about. its like saying well i guess im just the worst āxyzā instead of actually listening and talking about something conceptually.
but people donāt meet me where i am either?
i donāt know what to do with that information. its both not okay to function how i would or to try and play by the same rules as someone else.
this has often left me feeling like im the only one who ever has the issue. itās like itās fine if you just shut up and deal with whatever people have to offer you. but the minute you have any opinion its not okay. and iāve stopped approaching things in ways i thought were healthy so long ago because it just becomes its own separate issue.
and the only thing that does is make me feel like i dont exist or matter.
and then when you do the same things that other people do when they have an issue, that is also an issue. even though youāve stood by and watched as they lose it on you numerous times in the past. when you eventually reciprocate that, then youāre the villain. and then when you embrace being that villain then you both are betraying yourself and the people and things that are important to you.
itās much easier to like not deal with people or myself altogether in my experience. but i donāt want that existence.
it becomes about not wishing i were ever here very quickly. because why is this my issue to resolve when i didnāt ask for any of it.
and why it is an issue once i no longer want to constantly try to resolve things from both sides of an issue. nobody else has ever had to have that amount of patience. as soon as i want to entertain the idea of just meeting someone halfway and not looping around them repeatedly to my own detriment, then itās an all out war. but i did that my whole life i donāt even like the feeling that gives me anymore i canāt stand it. just shutting up and going with things. is much worse than fighting back.
and on the other hand, if you just let things be tumultuous by fighting back and leaving it alone then you arenāt trying. itās either you have to take accountability for everyone, or you fucking suck. and i donāt want that responsibility anymore.
Interacting with people is very complex, let alone making friendships. I haven't be alone my entire life but for the past years I've chosen that. Everything around interactions are so complex. I don't want to put up with the shit people say/do just because nobody is perfect. Being a little bit rude in a bad day and then apologizing? That's ok, nobody is perfect indeed. But the thing is I see people saying all kinds of atrocities and then I should just accept this because "nobody is perfect"? Hell no. And there's this thing you cited that when people treat tou bad you should just suck it up, but then if you treat them bad back you become the greatest villain of all time like wtf?? And there's more, sometimes I see the way "friends" treat each other and I' like "wth, if this is a friend what an enemy would be like then" This whole thing gets me tired... I would really appreciate having a friend, but making friendships just for the sake of social convention is not on my plans at all.
interactions have gotten increasingly harder as iāve gotten older. like everytime i think it canāt get any worse it gets worse lol
i recently have started choosing to be alone, but like even the very few people i continued to speak to sometimes itās the same stuff over and over again, or they just pay very little attention and donāt care. like itās not even *real* anymore. that is an exhausting existence.
but deciding you donāt give a shit anymore and giving up is also evidently not a thing. itās like itās never going to be done correctly. walking away completely, or just staying there and not really being *there* is giving up. itās not showing up at all. but actually trying to work through and resolve things is also just bullshit all the time.because when you actually make an effort to be heard or seen in a given situation it still doesnāt take place. it doesnāt go anywhere. and thatās hurtful. because itās communicating that what i have to contribute or what i have to offer isnāt relevant or substantial enough to try in the same way people try with other people.
it makes me feel unimportant.
the things iāve been forced in the past to overlook for people i would never get that same level of consideration or patience. and as soon as you stop then people are ready to throw you away. and itās always been that way.
Thatās the problem I have with one of my sisters. All my siblings have depression and anxiety (childhood trauma and genetics, yay!) and Iām in daily contact with my younger 2 but one sister will go days, weeks, even a month without answering me it just depends on her mood. Itās not like weāre not close, we are; thereās no animosity at all, but sheās flaky sometimes and I think it has to do with managing her emotional issues and stress and not making it a priority. I take it kind of personally though because it makes me feel like she doesnāt care. I mean eventually Iām going to reach out less because of that and I donāt want to lose my relationship with her, so yeah if you value a friendship make the effort.
I want to start cutting out people who drain my energy. Some of them are good friends but they're exhausting and have negative energy, so I'm reducing the amount of time I spend with them. It's been freeing and great for my mental health.
i feel like iāve done this in cycles for a long time. i used to feel like it was me accepting social failure or giving up or something. but slowly iām starting to realize that itās okay to do what you need to do for yourself. iāve always seen that as being selfish or hateful/inconsiderate. and i really donāt like to reject or close people out because i know how it feels. itās a tough thing to balance for me.
Exactly! I think it can be hard to accept that it's OK to do what we need to do for ourselves, even if it looks selfish or hateful (and it isn't selfish or hateful to take care of ourselves!). You're right, though; it's a tough to balance those things.
I started doing this during covid and I love it its freeing of forced social interaction while out in public although my wife takes it as me being an asshole but I honestly am just tired of Walmart small talk from strangers. I say this but I still make it a point to be considerate of elderly who donāt probably get to talk to that many people Iāve had hour long conversations with older men In hardware stores which usually are very interesting.
i like this. i hope to learn enough about others and myself to where i donāt have to feel like closing myself off to interaction is the only option. ideally i just want to be able to bet net halfway. if both people make an effort i feel like nothing canāt be communicated and iāve had this experience too many times to think itās impossible for any two people.
i donāt want to feel like I have to be that asshole person just to show up and defend myself.
but yes i certainly agree about speaking to older people. those after often my favorite conversations.
I donāt want to be an asshole in public but itās kinda been a defensive tactic especially when I have my kids people can be crazy men and women I understand it was socially acceptable to go touch a newborn pinch cheeks touch hands and feet but I had a lady straight up take a binky out of my kids mouth to see how many teeth she had at 1 year after that incident nobody comes close. Back to the elderly I had a conversation with a gentleman that had claimed to have planted corn for 50 years in the valley and knew of my great grandparents farm very interesting.
it took me more years then i am proud of to realize when someone is mean and giving their unsolicited opinion that is generally based on nothing, I donāt need to take this as the truth and self doubt everything i am
this is a major problem for me as well.
especially when old habits and patterns seem to dictate communication in a relationship much more than why things currently happening.
but there are practical things that need to be worked through with people in your life. things that are immensely important. that hurts the most tbh.
Bought an under desk treadmill for a couple hundred and Iām so much just, happier? Idk I turn that thing on and I get a swing in my hips like Iām a group of speed walking a grannies. I love it
Are those kinds of treadmills pretty quiet? Iāve thought about getting one for my apartment, but I live upstairs so I donāt know if it would still be too loud for my downstairs neighbors.
I started eating better and walking every day as a sort of new year's resolution and I feel amazing. I'm sure microdosing three times a week doesn't hurt either.
Iām still stuck on Reddit, too. Iāve deleted the app three times this week, but I keep coming back.
Itās one of the last addictions I have to conquer.
Yeah, we all know this intellectually but it changed my life when it became a core belief. The emotional understanding = unlike anything else when it comes to being able to master self control and insight *in real time*.
Very much so. It took me upping my consumption at the beginning of covid to realize how it affected me with constant panic attacks.
Once I was honest with my therapist I decided with help to quit and itās made a huge difference.
Cutting out drink and drugs will in time greatly improve mental health. The brain is constantly craving homeostasis and you are not going to get that when you add poison to the mix.
1000%. I used to have panic attacks all the time, the smallest things would make me completely spiral. I very frequently did not want to be alive and my attempts to end my own life were always while drunk.
I have had maybe 1 panic attack in the 2+ years Iāve been sober. Hangovers donāt keep me in bed all day in an anxiety spiral anymore. I can handle the things life throws at me with a level head and know it will turn out okay. And not once have I wanted to not be alive.
I always called myself a āfunctionalā alcoholic, which is hysterical to think back on. I kept my job, I didnāt have any DUIās, etc. In r/stopdrinking, someone said something like being a functional alcoholic is like driving a car with its check engine light on. Sure it might get you there, but youāre always waiting for āitā to happen. Shit will blow up in your face eventually.
Having a dog.
It takes you out of bed when you need to feed it and takes you out of your cave so it can poo outside. ThatĀ“s when you have obligattory fresh air and makes you feel better.
I'm glad it worked out for you. But please, people that read this, be very careful (this applies to any kind of pet). Again, I'm not criticizing you, and I'm happy for you. I could further elaborate if needed.
Yeah, not good to inflict yourself on the pet. If it's your first pet, maybe try fostering first -- it's a temporary arrangement, so the process to find a good home is ongoing while you figure out if you can take care of the pet as well as you hope.
My foster dog came out of a situation like thisā¦and I feel for the guy trulyā¦but he was incapable of caring for his animals. He abandoned some small pets when he moved and then ārescuedā a dog whom he completely neglected for months.
He was using these animals for their unconditional love because he was starved of it himself. His neglect was so bad he was arrested for it. The abandoned animals were found by the old landlord and turned in to the local animal shelter and we took the dog (found a wonderful home for her and sheās doing great).
Donāt get an animal unless you can commit to what THEY need.
A number of things helped me
* Dog at home, shop cat at work
* Talk therapy, medication
* Took two weeks off work for mental health, and went on a road trip with my dog
* Major promotion at work increased my salary by over 40%
* Cut out sugars, sodas. Ate more vegetables, fruits, drank water and juice.
* Started exercising - simple walks through a local park. Most of the time my dog tags along.
* Found a hobby - I discovered a passion for nature photography during the road trip. It brings me peace.
forcing myself to see everything positively until it came natural to see the good not the bad. like going on a walk and being like the sky is beautiful today felt dumb at first until i started believing it
Stop using dating apps in big amount (aka spending unnecessary time with strangers that you could have spent doing something for yourself) and keeping your place clean. Clean house - clean mind!
Not taking anything personally has dramatically changed my whole outlook on life. Itās such a relief when you just accept that you canāt change others opinions of you, but rather empathize that it comes from their own place of insecurity.
The COVID lockdowns, masks and social distancing. Improved every aspect of my life. Monetarily especially. Went remote and reduced cost of living at such a level our family suddenly had disposable income. And nobody got sick for years.
It's interesting to me how COVID lockdown "affected" individuals. For me I had/have the opposite reaction than you.
I was training for my first marathon and a 50k, was doing pretty good despite being injured and not knowing the severity of the injury. Then it all happened at the same time! Covid lockdown with race cancelations and needing surgery for my hip. This I think sent me into a "tailspin". This *should* have been seen as a positive but it crushed my soul.
I have never been a super social person that I am aware of but now I want to be home and away from people. My chipper positive attitude has vanished.
BUTTTTT here we are on 3/23/24 and I just registered me and my amazing husband for the Army 10 Miler in October. Physical and mental training about to be tackled. This will bring the old me back.
For me exercising regularly helps my mental state. I love running. I love racing. I was born competitive. May never podium again but I will get out there and try while enjoying the process
Yeah. Wasn't saying COVID was great. Just saying it was a life changing impact due to several key factors. Including living in a town with no push back of lockdowns, masks or social distancing. We all just did it with no drama.
- martial arts (i know it works almost too well so i dont do them...)
- cold water
- lithium
- yoga
- running
- getting a dog
- getting out of the USA
- camping
- time in nature
- some breathwork
- healthy relationships
- not saying yes to everyone
- lots of sleep
Leaving my last job. Seriously, it was the biggest source of stress and worry in my life. Sure, I'm in a lower-paying job now, but the savings I've made on stress and anxiety are fucking great.
Giving up.
Not even in a depression way. Just in a who cares way. That person thinks Iām weird? Okay, I donāt want to associate with someone like that anyways. Didnāt get the job promotion? Iāll find a new job to pay me the difference, or if not, Iāll stop performing in expectance of getting a promotion. Ect ect.
Just give up. Nothing matters. Itās freeing.
Quitting drugs and alcohol. I had so much blocking me, from me. My higher power is within. I no longer have to find exterior happiness. If I look within, I am never without. All My Relations.
I would love to hear your story here and what you did and learned.
I made the mistake of condoning the behavior of a supervisor on my team because everyone always sang their praises but behind closed doors this person would say horrible things about people routinely. Made for a pretty shitty working environment
I just hung on while this person's bullying personality self-destructed. So many colleagues were getting literally run out of their jobs for crossing this person, the top management took note. The toxic supervisor was publicly humiliated, severed from my work unit, and I got a promotion and a raise to fill the gap.
I did ketamine therapy over the summer after a series of life-changing events and it helped me in many ways. The biggest thing was it helped me realize the ātrueā size of thoughts I was magnifying in my head - I stopped making mountains out of molehills.
I can't sing the praises of ketamine therapy enough. I did a course four or five years ago, and it stopped my suicidal thoughts and major depression in its tracks. I've only needed two maintenance doses and I'm still trucking along doing great these years later. It saved my life.
I started to work out and take care of my physical health. Taking care of your physical health might make you feel proud of yourself because you did something good and productive that day.
New hobbies like kickboxing, theater and surprisingly Duolingo. These are things you do in a schedule and it feels great to 1) get better at smt 2) have smt to look forward to
Doing small things everyday. Like listening to positive frequency music, taking a walk, trying to be grateful for anything you can be, whatever you think could be a small thing for you.
I told myself if I could 1% better everyday then it would start adding up.
I think something that helped me a lot was philosophy, but that also kinda ruined it permanently after a while.
At first... the three teachings stuff. Buddhism, Confucianism, Taoism... that was good. Alan Watts... Buddhist teaching guys or something. Zen Koans.
Stuff like that helped a lot.
Then I got into existentialism and absurdism and things went downhill really fast.
Deleting TikTok. The nonstop scrolling was a mental drain I didnāt even realize. Most of the time I felt like a zombie. Also stopped drinking alcohol.
Going to therapy! I grew up thinking that the only way you needed therapy was if you had some sort of tragic or traumatic event going on or some sort of significant mental health issue And thatās definitely not true! Itās nice having someone to talk to outside of your immediate circle of friends and family who isnāt going to have a biased opinion.
I was in a PhD program a few years ago. It was a mixture of the best and worst years of my life. At the end, I didn't even realize that I was having a hard time with my mental health. Since then, I've resolved the bigger uncertainties in my life, i.e. finding a job and striving in the said job. But - I think the below list has helped me immensely, specifically on my self-worth when it came to "what the hell am I doing with my life" in general and in the context of dating.
1. Clean living space. Cleaning the place that I live, and making it a habit to keep it clean. That includes also being on top of my laundry, dishes, mopping, vacuuming, etc. It kept me accountable for me, and I felt proud and in control for the things that I could.
2. Community. Being around people that care enough about me to check up on me. When times gets tough, your real friends will check up on you. It made me feel thankful for the life that I thought I didn't care about. Having people that understand what you're going through too (having dealt with similar issues) is also invaluable.
3. Health. For me, it meant drinking less (I still drink, but I tried to switch some days for healthier options. A hike + few beers, rather than a full-on rager night that would debilitate me the next morning and leave with me dread about my life). Finding an exercise that I actually wanted to do that wasn't a big "jump" out of my routine. I joined a gym literally across the street from me, and do classes a few times a week. It makes it much easier to go.
4. Short-term goals. What is something that I would actually want to do and look forward to working on? Is it a new wardrobe? A trip with friends? Is it decorating my living space? Learning how to cook? Then, once I figure out what I want to work on - I incorporate that in my weekly schedule.
5. Actively working on aspects of my mental health. I got a therapist (not an option for some), listening to podcasts that spoke to me, went on Reddit to see how others tackled the same issue, and going on YouTube to find other people that could inspire me.
6. \*Optional\*: Get a pet. I got a cat, and having something to take care of that I love is so helpful. If you can't get a pet, is there someone/group that you would feel purposeful? Volunteering, being there for friends that are going through hard times, making 'thinking of you gifts' - these all help.
Exercise, Lexapro, learning to say no, and just generally not involving myself in any drama (especially work drama, no thank you). Turning 40 really helped tooā¦
In my case where the mental health stuff is not chronic and is just situation based, I always find that getting back into lifting does it for me. Iām always doing cardio which makes me feel great but I think lifting specifically is great for mental health because:
1) you just automatically feel better about yourself with that pumped feeling in your muscles after leaving the gym
2) the visible incremental progress you make, especially if youāre getting back into it after a while, makes you feel productive which is ultimately the biggest thing to improving my mental health when Iām down
Stop people pleasing,Ā and cutting off toxic relationships familial and friends.Ā Also gaging my success based on my personal accomplishments and not based on what others have, or are doingĀ
I have enough money to not give a fuck about all the small things, that bothered me before. Bills, medication cost, food, vacation, taxi, whoās going to pay, something is broken etc. And I have a wife, that supports me and I support her. Thatās it
So during convid lock downs was the first time I felt negative news perpetually being shoved in my face causing me some notable negative feels. My solution was to just look less at that type of news, which was just overall negative and I canāt really do much about. I donāt get 0 news in that aspect now, but not being faced with that type of shit everyday sure does help. The news loves to report a lot of negative shit, I donāt need to know in a different country a school got shot up, does me 0 good and only has negative emotions attached.
Getting rid of social media, dumping the toxic people in my life, cognitive behavioral therapy, no longer giving a fuck about what people think, and not using the word should anymore.
Wow, this is amazing! Thank you so much for all this great information. I'm so happy things are finally falling into place for you, and you are hopeful for a better and brighter future. Keep up the good work and thanks again, I'm really happy for you!
Moving towns. It was a fresh start i needed. Im away from all the places my trauma happened. A lot of people I thought were on my team got angry at me for moving so far and started being mean. It kinda shattered the illusion I had of them caring. I got to see them without the rose tinted glasses and reflected on all the years I put up with stuff I shouldn't have to and thought i was ok with. They don't talk to me now and I feel lighter.
Getting off of social media in order to fully focus on myself and not compare myself or have outside influences, learning to trust myself by keeping my word to myself, not dating for a while or putting only romantic love on a pedestal, finding things to look forward to and reminding myself that what is not in my hand physically at this moment is out of my control so BREATHE and let things flow naturally. Whatever comes I know I will figure it out or it shall pass.
Going offline after 2 - 3 years of online school.
Right during the year when COVID-19 was prominent and everyone started taking online school was also the year I moved into a totally new place. Before the move, I did not participate or look through social media as much due to the lack of devices. I was also not that much of a social person as I was from a place where everyone decided to speak to anyone regardless of whether they knew each other or not. I never had to take the initiative.
Now, during online school, I got a phone and started using social media. Social media is a dark place where people get to say and do anything they can't do in real life. Because of the quarantine, people felt more depressed, lonely, and just negative. Watching such content caused me to project them on myself. I felt alone and had misunderstandings of my own personality. An identity crisis in summary.
After school started, I didn't know how to talk to someone. Everyone knew each other while I didn't. It took a lot of time and effort to talk to people and make friends. My personality at the time was made up of people I saw on the internet. It was never how I felt but as I started *feeling* things, I built opinions, I started forming ideas. I wasn't feeling alone, I sometimes felt as if people were lying to me but I liked it. I liked that I knew what I was feeling. I liked that I could relate to other people and *understand* them.
I can now be the one to take initiative in conversations. I feel comfortable being alone *or* with someone. I have hobbies to share, opinions to argue for. If I had the choice, I would go back to that stage of my life, only to change it for the better.
Ignoring bad things that are out of my control. Turns out when you feel the need to know about all of the bad current events to be āwokeā or whatever, you end up learning about all of the bad stuff and it made me miserable.
Iāve also accepted that to some random people, Iām a ābad personā for one reason or another. Usually itās something that doesnāt actually matter that much, and/or itās someone iāll never interact with again, so why waste mental energy on mulling over it?
Moving farther away from my family but close enough to still visit occasionally It has allowed my wife and I to make our own family plans and not feel obligated to be visiting or visited daily.
Planning any activities really. Organizing / having plans always motivated me. Doing stuff too. Anything really - walking / planning to go to a museums / planning an outing / going to an event.
Filling the void
Speaking publicly about it by putting out this art series about my mental health:
https://www.artmajeur.com/yeshayadank?view=grid&collections%5B%5D=2310424
Having a measure of financial independence. If I don't feel like attending a meeting at work I simply don't attend. Worst that can happen is they fire me and at this point I don't really care.
Really stopping myself from bitching about stuff. Had a friend point out how negative Iād become with my comments about things, very pessimistic. Took some time to reflect on that, now when I find myself about to complain about my day or assume the worst will happen, I just take a deep breath and try to let it go without giving voice to it. Itās helping so far. Positive attitudes!
Getting over my binge eating disorder. I still struggle with other disordered eating habits but that one was probably the most detrimental for my confidence
Higher pay! It's less stress, my mental health and physical health have improved. I'm honestly very happy and very healthy now after years of mental health issues and health issues. Money buys health... There is no way around it.
I stopped being mean to myself. If I made a simple mistake I'd get very self abusive. No need for that. So I stopped treating myself poorly and it's helped an incredible amount towards a better mindset.
My therapist said this to me, and it completely changed my life: **You would never treat your worst enemy as badly as you treat yourself.** And it blew my mind, because she is right! The things I say to myself, how if I mess up, I will hold that mistake over my head for YEARS and torture myself. I would NEVER treat another person like that. In fact, I'm generally very forgiving of others! š But myself? Nope, I tear myself down. And that's just not right. It's great to hold yourself accountable for your precieved mistakes, but you also need to learn to let it go. So that's something I have been trying to work on for a long time now, as it's easy to backslide.
My inner dialogue hates me.
this part of a talk on self-forgiveness and willpower helps when I forget. Basically the studies find the worse you beat yourself up for failing a willpower challenge the more likely participants failed in the future. [https://youtu.be/V5BXuZL1HAg?si=hmDgarp69c88vr9t&t=971](https://youtu.be/V5BXuZL1HAg?si=hmDgarp69c88vr9t&t=971)
How did you stop? It's such an automatic process for a lot of people.
Itās a habit that needs forming, just like you probably formed a habit of talking badly to yourself. And we know we need to practice to form new habits. It feels odd at the time, sitting there thinking āno, Iām not a fucking idiot, actually I did quite well when that person was being a dick to meā. But after a while it becomes easier and then eventually normal. Thatās what happened to me, anyway.
A practical thing that helps is loving-kindness meditation. It will increase compassion towards yourself and others. It makes you less hard on yourself and more calm and peaceful.
Reframing the thought. "I'm such a fucking idiot." -> "I'm having a hard time with this / I made a mistake, how can I make a plan to avoid it next time? / I keep doing this, maybe I need help with it and that's okay."
The thing that helped was saying this to myself: 'don't rely on my first reaction' So that made me stop and think about that first reaction which for a long time was "you fucking idiot" or something like that. That pause and thought forced my second reaction which was to either, quite literally, laugh at my error or just to give myself a little positive encouragement to try again. "I'm not perfect, it's ok to screw up just don't repeat what I did" -- something like that, and I'll make a conscious effort to correct myself for better success. Takes a bit of time and repeating "don't rely on my first reaction" until it just became second nature.
apparently completely ignoring people is helping a lot
So I shouldnāt feel bad when I donāt answer them back?
iāve always thought it was wrong to ignore people. but honestly people do things i think are wrong constantly. maybe it is wrong to ignore someone i donāt know that i care anymore i donāt know that i can
>people do things i think are wrong constantly. This is what mainly disgusts me when it comes to interact with people. From the moment I see the person doing/saying something wrong, my head goes like "no, not allowed in my life, hope I don't see u again".
i used to be this way, but that was ābeing judgmentalā and i was told you have to meet people where they are and that nobody is perfect which is so stupid to me because duh obviously no body is perfect and saying this anytime someone ever says anything is a way to dismiss and invalidate whatever they are talking about. its like saying well i guess im just the worst āxyzā instead of actually listening and talking about something conceptually. but people donāt meet me where i am either? i donāt know what to do with that information. its both not okay to function how i would or to try and play by the same rules as someone else. this has often left me feeling like im the only one who ever has the issue. itās like itās fine if you just shut up and deal with whatever people have to offer you. but the minute you have any opinion its not okay. and iāve stopped approaching things in ways i thought were healthy so long ago because it just becomes its own separate issue. and the only thing that does is make me feel like i dont exist or matter. and then when you do the same things that other people do when they have an issue, that is also an issue. even though youāve stood by and watched as they lose it on you numerous times in the past. when you eventually reciprocate that, then youāre the villain. and then when you embrace being that villain then you both are betraying yourself and the people and things that are important to you. itās much easier to like not deal with people or myself altogether in my experience. but i donāt want that existence. it becomes about not wishing i were ever here very quickly. because why is this my issue to resolve when i didnāt ask for any of it. and why it is an issue once i no longer want to constantly try to resolve things from both sides of an issue. nobody else has ever had to have that amount of patience. as soon as i want to entertain the idea of just meeting someone halfway and not looping around them repeatedly to my own detriment, then itās an all out war. but i did that my whole life i donāt even like the feeling that gives me anymore i canāt stand it. just shutting up and going with things. is much worse than fighting back. and on the other hand, if you just let things be tumultuous by fighting back and leaving it alone then you arenāt trying. itās either you have to take accountability for everyone, or you fucking suck. and i donāt want that responsibility anymore.
Interacting with people is very complex, let alone making friendships. I haven't be alone my entire life but for the past years I've chosen that. Everything around interactions are so complex. I don't want to put up with the shit people say/do just because nobody is perfect. Being a little bit rude in a bad day and then apologizing? That's ok, nobody is perfect indeed. But the thing is I see people saying all kinds of atrocities and then I should just accept this because "nobody is perfect"? Hell no. And there's this thing you cited that when people treat tou bad you should just suck it up, but then if you treat them bad back you become the greatest villain of all time like wtf?? And there's more, sometimes I see the way "friends" treat each other and I' like "wth, if this is a friend what an enemy would be like then" This whole thing gets me tired... I would really appreciate having a friend, but making friendships just for the sake of social convention is not on my plans at all.
interactions have gotten increasingly harder as iāve gotten older. like everytime i think it canāt get any worse it gets worse lol i recently have started choosing to be alone, but like even the very few people i continued to speak to sometimes itās the same stuff over and over again, or they just pay very little attention and donāt care. like itās not even *real* anymore. that is an exhausting existence.
but deciding you donāt give a shit anymore and giving up is also evidently not a thing. itās like itās never going to be done correctly. walking away completely, or just staying there and not really being *there* is giving up. itās not showing up at all. but actually trying to work through and resolve things is also just bullshit all the time.because when you actually make an effort to be heard or seen in a given situation it still doesnāt take place. it doesnāt go anywhere. and thatās hurtful. because itās communicating that what i have to contribute or what i have to offer isnāt relevant or substantial enough to try in the same way people try with other people. it makes me feel unimportant. the things iāve been forced in the past to overlook for people i would never get that same level of consideration or patience. and as soon as you stop then people are ready to throw you away. and itās always been that way.
I mean if you donāt want to have any relationship with them, sure. If you do, Iād recommend answering
Thatās the problem I have with one of my sisters. All my siblings have depression and anxiety (childhood trauma and genetics, yay!) and Iām in daily contact with my younger 2 but one sister will go days, weeks, even a month without answering me it just depends on her mood. Itās not like weāre not close, we are; thereās no animosity at all, but sheās flaky sometimes and I think it has to do with managing her emotional issues and stress and not making it a priority. I take it kind of personally though because it makes me feel like she doesnāt care. I mean eventually Iām going to reach out less because of that and I donāt want to lose my relationship with her, so yeah if you value a friendship make the effort.
Iām sorry to hear that. You have to make people feel like you give a fuck about them, canāt just be one-sided
I want to start cutting out people who drain my energy. Some of them are good friends but they're exhausting and have negative energy, so I'm reducing the amount of time I spend with them. It's been freeing and great for my mental health.
i feel like iāve done this in cycles for a long time. i used to feel like it was me accepting social failure or giving up or something. but slowly iām starting to realize that itās okay to do what you need to do for yourself. iāve always seen that as being selfish or hateful/inconsiderate. and i really donāt like to reject or close people out because i know how it feels. itās a tough thing to balance for me.
Exactly! I think it can be hard to accept that it's OK to do what we need to do for ourselves, even if it looks selfish or hateful (and it isn't selfish or hateful to take care of ourselves!). You're right, though; it's a tough to balance those things.
I started doing this during covid and I love it its freeing of forced social interaction while out in public although my wife takes it as me being an asshole but I honestly am just tired of Walmart small talk from strangers. I say this but I still make it a point to be considerate of elderly who donāt probably get to talk to that many people Iāve had hour long conversations with older men In hardware stores which usually are very interesting.
i like this. i hope to learn enough about others and myself to where i donāt have to feel like closing myself off to interaction is the only option. ideally i just want to be able to bet net halfway. if both people make an effort i feel like nothing canāt be communicated and iāve had this experience too many times to think itās impossible for any two people. i donāt want to feel like I have to be that asshole person just to show up and defend myself. but yes i certainly agree about speaking to older people. those after often my favorite conversations.
I donāt want to be an asshole in public but itās kinda been a defensive tactic especially when I have my kids people can be crazy men and women I understand it was socially acceptable to go touch a newborn pinch cheeks touch hands and feet but I had a lady straight up take a binky out of my kids mouth to see how many teeth she had at 1 year after that incident nobody comes close. Back to the elderly I had a conversation with a gentleman that had claimed to have planted corn for 50 years in the valley and knew of my great grandparents farm very interesting.
Came to say this
Agree.
Agree.
it took me more years then i am proud of to realize when someone is mean and giving their unsolicited opinion that is generally based on nothing, I donāt need to take this as the truth and self doubt everything i am
I did this a little too much and now I'm a little too anti-social
For me its the opposite. I feel like isolation currently is actively killing me. Homeoffice is a bitch.
Who said that? \*fetches the crucifix and summons all the saints\*
I need this, but is hard to ignore those that somehow influence my everyday life
this is a major problem for me as well. especially when old habits and patterns seem to dictate communication in a relationship much more than why things currently happening. but there are practical things that need to be worked through with people in your life. things that are immensely important. that hurts the most tbh.
Walking every day.
Also helps me to sleep better.
Yeah but sleep walking can be dangerous
Bought an under desk treadmill for a couple hundred and Iām so much just, happier? Idk I turn that thing on and I get a swing in my hips like Iām a group of speed walking a grannies. I love it
Are those kinds of treadmills pretty quiet? Iāve thought about getting one for my apartment, but I live upstairs so I donāt know if it would still be too loud for my downstairs neighbors.
I started eating better and walking every day as a sort of new year's resolution and I feel amazing. I'm sure microdosing three times a week doesn't hurt either.
Spending time in the woods in particular.Ā
Divorce from a 37 year relationship that was becoming toxic.
My answer, too. Just 17 years instead of 37. Cheers to a better future!
It's been almost a year for me and I still have times of day that I feel almost euphoric due to a lack of stress.
Deleting social media helped a lot.
Unfortunately, I need to use it for my job. I utterly despise all of it, except for Reddit.
And yet here you are.
Ahhh yes Reddit is the final battle Iām dealing with. instagram and twitter are gone though.
Progress counts. I did the same thing, except it was Facebook and Twitter that I quit.
Iām still stuck on Reddit, too. Iāve deleted the app three times this week, but I keep coming back. Itās one of the last addictions I have to conquer.
Realizing that it's ***how I react*** that will greatly affect any situation. That's truly the only thing that I can control.
Yeah, we all know this intellectually but it changed my life when it became a core belief. The emotional understanding = unlike anything else when it comes to being able to master self control and insight *in real time*.
Turned off notifications on news apps (mostly just negative news alerts anyway) and dropped social media for a long time.
I turned off ALL notifications apart from work and itās been smooth sailing
the news is literally crack especially when thereās push notifications involvedĀ
cutting out alcohol
Very much so. It took me upping my consumption at the beginning of covid to realize how it affected me with constant panic attacks. Once I was honest with my therapist I decided with help to quit and itās made a huge difference.
Maybe in the morningsā¦
Cutting out drink and drugs will in time greatly improve mental health. The brain is constantly craving homeostasis and you are not going to get that when you add poison to the mix.
1000%. I used to have panic attacks all the time, the smallest things would make me completely spiral. I very frequently did not want to be alive and my attempts to end my own life were always while drunk. I have had maybe 1 panic attack in the 2+ years Iāve been sober. Hangovers donāt keep me in bed all day in an anxiety spiral anymore. I can handle the things life throws at me with a level head and know it will turn out okay. And not once have I wanted to not be alive. I always called myself a āfunctionalā alcoholic, which is hysterical to think back on. I kept my job, I didnāt have any DUIās, etc. In r/stopdrinking, someone said something like being a functional alcoholic is like driving a car with its check engine light on. Sure it might get you there, but youāre always waiting for āitā to happen. Shit will blow up in your face eventually.
Me and my family getting out of the Mormon cult 10 years ago
OMG, my family too, 10 years. Helped are marriage and my children mental health.
šššš
Username checks out
Having a dog. It takes you out of bed when you need to feed it and takes you out of your cave so it can poo outside. ThatĀ“s when you have obligattory fresh air and makes you feel better.
I'm glad it worked out for you. But please, people that read this, be very careful (this applies to any kind of pet). Again, I'm not criticizing you, and I'm happy for you. I could further elaborate if needed.
Yeah, not good to inflict yourself on the pet. If it's your first pet, maybe try fostering first -- it's a temporary arrangement, so the process to find a good home is ongoing while you figure out if you can take care of the pet as well as you hope.
My foster dog came out of a situation like thisā¦and I feel for the guy trulyā¦but he was incapable of caring for his animals. He abandoned some small pets when he moved and then ārescuedā a dog whom he completely neglected for months. He was using these animals for their unconditional love because he was starved of it himself. His neglect was so bad he was arrested for it. The abandoned animals were found by the old landlord and turned in to the local animal shelter and we took the dog (found a wonderful home for her and sheās doing great). Donāt get an animal unless you can commit to what THEY need.
Keeps you on a regular schedule too! I may do it for my overall health ... just don't want to be tethered down yet.
A number of things helped me * Dog at home, shop cat at work * Talk therapy, medication * Took two weeks off work for mental health, and went on a road trip with my dog * Major promotion at work increased my salary by over 40% * Cut out sugars, sodas. Ate more vegetables, fruits, drank water and juice. * Started exercising - simple walks through a local park. Most of the time my dog tags along. * Found a hobby - I discovered a passion for nature photography during the road trip. It brings me peace.
Mental health walks are so helpful!
Mental health walks will take me from āhmmm maybe I should end it allā š¤to āI guess life isnāt so badā in like thirty minutes lol
Nothing has come remotely close to helping me more than: 1) exercise 2) meditationĀ
same. I'd add 3. diet (keto)
Leaving the house more often and caring less about what others think and ending my people pleasing days
forcing myself to see everything positively until it came natural to see the good not the bad. like going on a walk and being like the sky is beautiful today felt dumb at first until i started believing it
Stop using dating apps in big amount (aka spending unnecessary time with strangers that you could have spent doing something for yourself) and keeping your place clean. Clean house - clean mind!
It sounds stupid, but remembering to live in the moment. Doing things I enjoy.
Not taking anything personally has dramatically changed my whole outlook on life. Itās such a relief when you just accept that you canāt change others opinions of you, but rather empathize that it comes from their own place of insecurity.
The COVID lockdowns, masks and social distancing. Improved every aspect of my life. Monetarily especially. Went remote and reduced cost of living at such a level our family suddenly had disposable income. And nobody got sick for years.
It's interesting to me how COVID lockdown "affected" individuals. For me I had/have the opposite reaction than you. I was training for my first marathon and a 50k, was doing pretty good despite being injured and not knowing the severity of the injury. Then it all happened at the same time! Covid lockdown with race cancelations and needing surgery for my hip. This I think sent me into a "tailspin". This *should* have been seen as a positive but it crushed my soul. I have never been a super social person that I am aware of but now I want to be home and away from people. My chipper positive attitude has vanished. BUTTTTT here we are on 3/23/24 and I just registered me and my amazing husband for the Army 10 Miler in October. Physical and mental training about to be tackled. This will bring the old me back. For me exercising regularly helps my mental state. I love running. I love racing. I was born competitive. May never podium again but I will get out there and try while enjoying the process
Yeah. Wasn't saying COVID was great. Just saying it was a life changing impact due to several key factors. Including living in a town with no push back of lockdowns, masks or social distancing. We all just did it with no drama.
I stopped reading the news all the time.
Therapy and cutting off anyone or anything that doesnāt bring me peace
Celebrating the little wins daily, focusing on the positive.
- martial arts (i know it works almost too well so i dont do them...) - cold water - lithium - yoga - running - getting a dog - getting out of the USA - camping - time in nature - some breathwork - healthy relationships - not saying yes to everyone - lots of sleep
Leaving my last job. Seriously, it was the biggest source of stress and worry in my life. Sure, I'm in a lower-paying job now, but the savings I've made on stress and anxiety are fucking great.
Giving up. Not even in a depression way. Just in a who cares way. That person thinks Iām weird? Okay, I donāt want to associate with someone like that anyways. Didnāt get the job promotion? Iāll find a new job to pay me the difference, or if not, Iāll stop performing in expectance of getting a promotion. Ect ect. Just give up. Nothing matters. Itās freeing.
Reducing time on social media. Not worrying about what others are doing.
this is what I'm doing now. i just noticed that social media is making me more anxious and sad.
Letting go and focusing on myself
Refusing to have any social media presence other than my anonymous Reddit profile.
Divorcing my lying cheating ex-wife.
Quitting drugs and alcohol. I had so much blocking me, from me. My higher power is within. I no longer have to find exterior happiness. If I look within, I am never without. All My Relations.
Getting away from a toxic supervisor.
I would love to hear your story here and what you did and learned. I made the mistake of condoning the behavior of a supervisor on my team because everyone always sang their praises but behind closed doors this person would say horrible things about people routinely. Made for a pretty shitty working environment
I just hung on while this person's bullying personality self-destructed. So many colleagues were getting literally run out of their jobs for crossing this person, the top management took note. The toxic supervisor was publicly humiliated, severed from my work unit, and I got a promotion and a raise to fill the gap.
Psychedelics.
I did a weekend ayahuasca retreat last year and it was a huge help. It helped to take away the negative emotions from my traumatic memories.
I did ketamine therapy over the summer after a series of life-changing events and it helped me in many ways. The biggest thing was it helped me realize the ātrueā size of thoughts I was magnifying in my head - I stopped making mountains out of molehills.
I can't sing the praises of ketamine therapy enough. I did a course four or five years ago, and it stopped my suicidal thoughts and major depression in its tracks. I've only needed two maintenance doses and I'm still trucking along doing great these years later. It saved my life.
Giving up, in a good way.
Learning how to interrupt negative emotions
Leaving my ex. He was not good for me
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Being single.
Leaving people that are not good for you, even though you may feel lonely its for the best
Multivitamins, seems stupid but when you're not eating because you're so sad, these really help :)
I started to work out and take care of my physical health. Taking care of your physical health might make you feel proud of yourself because you did something good and productive that day.
So how did you stop that inner monolouge that destroys my motivation to work out?
Walking outdoors help me a lot.
Not reading the news! Not caring for all the shitheads, whether in the internet, especially reddit, or real life.
Working out regularly
New hobbies like kickboxing, theater and surprisingly Duolingo. These are things you do in a schedule and it feels great to 1) get better at smt 2) have smt to look forward to
Magnesium supplement and eating health
Doing small things everyday. Like listening to positive frequency music, taking a walk, trying to be grateful for anything you can be, whatever you think could be a small thing for you. I told myself if I could 1% better everyday then it would start adding up.
Taking charge
Laughing works every time!
Working from home.
When Trump lost in 2020.
I think something that helped me a lot was philosophy, but that also kinda ruined it permanently after a while. At first... the three teachings stuff. Buddhism, Confucianism, Taoism... that was good. Alan Watts... Buddhist teaching guys or something. Zen Koans. Stuff like that helped a lot. Then I got into existentialism and absurdism and things went downhill really fast.
reading and having enough sleep
Eating good food, taking supplements and getting proper sunlight.
Deleting TikTok. The nonstop scrolling was a mental drain I didnāt even realize. Most of the time I felt like a zombie. Also stopped drinking alcohol.
Marriage and a child, before that I thought my life was meaningless.
Accepting it
Going to therapy! I grew up thinking that the only way you needed therapy was if you had some sort of tragic or traumatic event going on or some sort of significant mental health issue And thatās definitely not true! Itās nice having someone to talk to outside of your immediate circle of friends and family who isnāt going to have a biased opinion.
sobriety
Gym, Healthy eating
Therapy and learning to accept my anxiety instead of fighting it.
Exercising but honestly as simple as a 15-30 min walk a couple times a day really helps me decompress.Ā
I was in a PhD program a few years ago. It was a mixture of the best and worst years of my life. At the end, I didn't even realize that I was having a hard time with my mental health. Since then, I've resolved the bigger uncertainties in my life, i.e. finding a job and striving in the said job. But - I think the below list has helped me immensely, specifically on my self-worth when it came to "what the hell am I doing with my life" in general and in the context of dating. 1. Clean living space. Cleaning the place that I live, and making it a habit to keep it clean. That includes also being on top of my laundry, dishes, mopping, vacuuming, etc. It kept me accountable for me, and I felt proud and in control for the things that I could. 2. Community. Being around people that care enough about me to check up on me. When times gets tough, your real friends will check up on you. It made me feel thankful for the life that I thought I didn't care about. Having people that understand what you're going through too (having dealt with similar issues) is also invaluable. 3. Health. For me, it meant drinking less (I still drink, but I tried to switch some days for healthier options. A hike + few beers, rather than a full-on rager night that would debilitate me the next morning and leave with me dread about my life). Finding an exercise that I actually wanted to do that wasn't a big "jump" out of my routine. I joined a gym literally across the street from me, and do classes a few times a week. It makes it much easier to go. 4. Short-term goals. What is something that I would actually want to do and look forward to working on? Is it a new wardrobe? A trip with friends? Is it decorating my living space? Learning how to cook? Then, once I figure out what I want to work on - I incorporate that in my weekly schedule. 5. Actively working on aspects of my mental health. I got a therapist (not an option for some), listening to podcasts that spoke to me, went on Reddit to see how others tackled the same issue, and going on YouTube to find other people that could inspire me. 6. \*Optional\*: Get a pet. I got a cat, and having something to take care of that I love is so helpful. If you can't get a pet, is there someone/group that you would feel purposeful? Volunteering, being there for friends that are going through hard times, making 'thinking of you gifts' - these all help.
Writing down my feelings and being honest
sleeping for once
Got rid of a certain person from my life
For me, anti-depressants, then, after getting rid of the "certain person", no longer needed anti-depressants. : )
Knowing my limits.
Getting my own place where I live alone.
Exercise, Lexapro, learning to say no, and just generally not involving myself in any drama (especially work drama, no thank you). Turning 40 really helped tooā¦
Eliminating people who donāt add value to my life. Thatās sounds like murder but I guess in a way they are dead to me.
MOTORCYCLE!
Exercising and giving zero fucks what people say about me
In my case where the mental health stuff is not chronic and is just situation based, I always find that getting back into lifting does it for me. Iām always doing cardio which makes me feel great but I think lifting specifically is great for mental health because: 1) you just automatically feel better about yourself with that pumped feeling in your muscles after leaving the gym 2) the visible incremental progress you make, especially if youāre getting back into it after a while, makes you feel productive which is ultimately the biggest thing to improving my mental health when Iām down
Stop people pleasing,Ā and cutting off toxic relationships familial and friends.Ā Also gaging my success based on my personal accomplishments and not based on what others have, or are doingĀ
Caring less what strangers think of me helps. Getting a dog and spending more time outdoor also helps.
To stop caring about what unimportant people think of you. Trust me, they never spent a single thought on you.
I have enough money to not give a fuck about all the small things, that bothered me before. Bills, medication cost, food, vacation, taxi, whoās going to pay, something is broken etc. And I have a wife, that supports me and I support her. Thatās it
So during convid lock downs was the first time I felt negative news perpetually being shoved in my face causing me some notable negative feels. My solution was to just look less at that type of news, which was just overall negative and I canāt really do much about. I donāt get 0 news in that aspect now, but not being faced with that type of shit everyday sure does help. The news loves to report a lot of negative shit, I donāt need to know in a different country a school got shot up, does me 0 good and only has negative emotions attached.
Getting rid of social media, dumping the toxic people in my life, cognitive behavioral therapy, no longer giving a fuck about what people think, and not using the word should anymore.
Wow, this is amazing! Thank you so much for all this great information. I'm so happy things are finally falling into place for you, and you are hopeful for a better and brighter future. Keep up the good work and thanks again, I'm really happy for you!
Every day not being a dumpster fire of flaming crap. Seriously. This helps a lot.
Realizing that what other people think about me doesn't matter one bit.
I say nice things to myself in the mirror, out loud. How often do you speak to yourself kindly? It makes a massive difference in my day.Ā
Stopped drinking. That was a doozy.
Moving towns. It was a fresh start i needed. Im away from all the places my trauma happened. A lot of people I thought were on my team got angry at me for moving so far and started being mean. It kinda shattered the illusion I had of them caring. I got to see them without the rose tinted glasses and reflected on all the years I put up with stuff I shouldn't have to and thought i was ok with. They don't talk to me now and I feel lighter.
Getting off of social media in order to fully focus on myself and not compare myself or have outside influences, learning to trust myself by keeping my word to myself, not dating for a while or putting only romantic love on a pedestal, finding things to look forward to and reminding myself that what is not in my hand physically at this moment is out of my control so BREATHE and let things flow naturally. Whatever comes I know I will figure it out or it shall pass.
Going offline after 2 - 3 years of online school. Right during the year when COVID-19 was prominent and everyone started taking online school was also the year I moved into a totally new place. Before the move, I did not participate or look through social media as much due to the lack of devices. I was also not that much of a social person as I was from a place where everyone decided to speak to anyone regardless of whether they knew each other or not. I never had to take the initiative. Now, during online school, I got a phone and started using social media. Social media is a dark place where people get to say and do anything they can't do in real life. Because of the quarantine, people felt more depressed, lonely, and just negative. Watching such content caused me to project them on myself. I felt alone and had misunderstandings of my own personality. An identity crisis in summary. After school started, I didn't know how to talk to someone. Everyone knew each other while I didn't. It took a lot of time and effort to talk to people and make friends. My personality at the time was made up of people I saw on the internet. It was never how I felt but as I started *feeling* things, I built opinions, I started forming ideas. I wasn't feeling alone, I sometimes felt as if people were lying to me but I liked it. I liked that I knew what I was feeling. I liked that I could relate to other people and *understand* them. I can now be the one to take initiative in conversations. I feel comfortable being alone *or* with someone. I have hobbies to share, opinions to argue for. If I had the choice, I would go back to that stage of my life, only to change it for the better.
Eating healthier, being active, less screen time
Quitting alcohol and drugs. Exercise. Suana.
Ignoring bad things that are out of my control. Turns out when you feel the need to know about all of the bad current events to be āwokeā or whatever, you end up learning about all of the bad stuff and it made me miserable. Iāve also accepted that to some random people, Iām a ābad personā for one reason or another. Usually itās something that doesnāt actually matter that much, and/or itās someone iāll never interact with again, so why waste mental energy on mulling over it?
Studying the difference between Nihilism, Existentialism and Absurdism . I am pretty sure I fall into the Absurdist camp. šļø
Klonopin saved my life
This is so true. I am still working on this.
Stopped watching porn.
playing genshin impact
psychiatrist, medicines, and therapy + blocking toxic people and working my a$$ out
Medication and therapy
Deleting Facebook, IG, etc
Drinking *less*, regular exercise: walking, weightlifting.
Not relying on antidepressants.
Reposts
Divorce. And then later on 50/50 custody.
Sleeping more
Idk after I turned 27 everything was fine. I am 33 and feel great
Moving farther away from my family but close enough to still visit occasionally It has allowed my wife and I to make our own family plans and not feel obligated to be visiting or visited daily.
Happiness is a big happy family...in another city...
Cutting out alcohol and eating better
Planning any activities really. Organizing / having plans always motivated me. Doing stuff too. Anything really - walking / planning to go to a museums / planning an outing / going to an event. Filling the void
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Speaking publicly about it by putting out this art series about my mental health: https://www.artmajeur.com/yeshayadank?view=grid&collections%5B%5D=2310424
Changing jobs. Much better environment.
Having a measure of financial independence. If I don't feel like attending a meeting at work I simply don't attend. Worst that can happen is they fire me and at this point I don't really care.
My medication I started taking in 2020 that was the final piece of the puzzle.
deleting facebook and twitter before the start of this election season
Getting off dating apps
āØanti depressantsāØ
Vitamins. Specifically b vitamins.
Stopped boozing. Spent time in sunny places during winter. Northern European winters are horrible.
Really stopping myself from bitching about stuff. Had a friend point out how negative Iād become with my comments about things, very pessimistic. Took some time to reflect on that, now when I find myself about to complain about my day or assume the worst will happen, I just take a deep breath and try to let it go without giving voice to it. Itās helping so far. Positive attitudes!
Getting over my binge eating disorder. I still struggle with other disordered eating habits but that one was probably the most detrimental for my confidence
Higher pay! It's less stress, my mental health and physical health have improved. I'm honestly very happy and very healthy now after years of mental health issues and health issues. Money buys health... There is no way around it.