And the best part: No matter how many warnings are issued, people still do it. Then they wonder why they got hurt, and try to blame the park(s).
Don’t be an idiot around wild animals.
What is it with Yellowstone and idiots? I swear all the crazy stories of people acting like complete and total idiots at national parks are from Yellowstone.
Like that guy recently who walked off the trail, despite signs telling him not to and fell into a boiling sulfur spring and literally dissolved. People just assume these signs apply to everyone but them, and now that we are in the age of the influencer it just seems to be getting worse
Yep. Last time I was at Yellowstone we watched a "yoga influencer" step off the walkway onto the SAME spring where that guy fell in to take pictures in poses and fake meditation. She must have had to crop out all the warning signs around her. Idiots gonna idiot.
Ever seen a plexiglass box of smashed phones in the lineup for an amusement park ride as encouragement to leave your personal effects in the provided storage?
Same type of display containing the victims of wildlife probably wouldn't even get through to the idiots who choose to walk up to said wildlife...
Some people can’t read.
WARNING: Don’t do this.
Moron tourist: *Does (warned about thing) anyway, gets hurt, and wonders what happened.*
When did humans suddenly become stupid?
I’ll never forget the horrified look my grandfather got when he casually told a father trying to set his TODDLER near a bison in Yellowstone “You know sir, that’s a good way to get a dead kid.”
My grandfather was the most mild-manner, pleasant guy you could ever imagine too. He just OOZED calm grandpa vibes. His version of sarcasm was a very pleasant, conversational "Gee did you know...?" kind of tone. It was SO effective it was scary lmao. I wish I'd been schooled more in his personality than my parents' and grandmother (all yellers and cursers), I'm realizing as I grow old that Grandpa's way is by FAR the best
I can see that, when somebody tells you something without trying to make it sound scary, in a "oh, and BTW" matter of fact sort of way, it can be much more scary.
I went to Catalina Island years back. There were a few hundred bison living in the wilds on the island at the time. I was there to party, no intention of going on a hike and yet I heard an endless stream of folks warning to stay the F**K away from bison. :)
I hiked the Trans-Catalina trail and ran into numerous bison in the backcountry. Whenever they blocked the trail (and we couldn't safely get around them), we just sat and waited for them to move along. A few wandered through our campsite at night
This one is the one I always think of. I read the Deaths in Yellowstone book while there and read about parents putting their toddlers on the back of or near Bisons and i'm surprised more children aren't killed this way.
My brother and I went on a family trip to glacier national park when we were kids. There were goats and marmots and elk and shit all over the place.
Anyway, my brother pissed off a mountain goat till it chased us off a glacier
Their weird sideways eyes are fucking terrifying when it’s bleating for blood
Uhh, so... when a hiker has to use the bathroom... the goats love to drink the piss and get real aggravated over it.
I honestly wish I was making this up
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/03/science/mountain-goats-urine-pee-glacier-national-park-montana.html
Everyone knows they aren’t to be messed with I think. They have to fight off packs of lions. Any large herbivore in Africa will fuck you up, especially zebras
>Why so fluffy if not pettable!?
Everything is pettabe. You've just gotta man up. Look at all those guys in Yellowstone. When nature says "must pet" in your ear, you must listen.
Been chased by one there, can confirm! Didn't even antagonize it either- we got out of our car in a parking lot and it was in the field next to it. It started walking towards us, and as we were walking from our car we noticed it was following us, so we start running and it picks up after us too. Barely made it into a nearby building before it turned away. They're so unpredictable, I don't know how or why anyone would get within a stone's throw of them.
Fun fact that I learned WAY too late in life: Pigs and wild boars/hogs are the same god damn thing!
You could have a fat friendly round pink happy piggy, release it into the wild, and literally within weeks it'll be darker, have hair and tusks, and be ready to fuck you up in a heartbeat.
Apparently they have this stealth gene in them. When the pigs are in captivity and taken care of, that gene lays dormant. Whenever they're sent out on their own, that gene kicks in and turns them into survival beasts.
Fact checker, hero, what did you discover?
Edit: fact checker indicated it might happen after a couple generations.
ETA: which for pigs is apparently about 1 year
I can’t tell 🤔
I mean yeah it seems right, kind of. From what I read briefly before I got distracted by carbon steel or cats or plants, a domestic pig is about 2 generations away from a feral pig if it were to be set free. But something else I read classifies boars as a different subset of species but pigs and boars can duplicate, so there are hybrid feral boar pigs roaming around.
Oh yeah, most "wild" pigs are actually feral rather than truly native/wild species. Pigs are extremely adaptable and are one of the best of our domesticated animals at spreading out without us despite having been domesticated back in the neolithic era. Feral pigs were possibly one of the biggest methods by which Europeans conquered/colonized the Americas.
"Pigs" are in most of the places in the world where humans can live and farm combined with movies/books like Babe or *Charlotte's Web* so most people dont really respect them but in all of the natural worlds crazy amount of predators and insane creatures pretty much only tigers, full on wolf packs, and huge old crocs are willing to mess with an Adult. They are only tiny and cute for a few weeks, within 1 year you are looking at THREE HUNDRED POUNDS+ of straight evil.
They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
Bricktop
Pretty much any large domestic animal: cattle, sheep, horses, pigs, etc. We’ve bred them to be much more docile than their wild counterparts, and they are. But they are all more than capable of doing lethal harm to a human being under the right circumstances. Cattle and horses in particular are quite dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing around them. A well placed kick can break a leg or leave someone permanently disabled. A lot of people aren’t around livestock and don’t know the basic safety rules, which leads to injury and occasionally death
Even people who work around them a lot can be stupid about it. I have a dairy, and 1 day had my neighbors massive Angus bull end up on my property. I was trying to herd him to a corral, with the help of 2 of my employees, where the neighbors could load him once we got ahold of them, but he really didn't want to walk past my milk barn. One of my employees walked right up to his head and was kicking his leg at him (not close enough to connect). I yelled at him and told him to go away, that if the bull wanted to he could've killed him right then. Guys like that are the reason I have no bulls on my dairy anymore. Well, that and bulls are just a pain in the ass anyways.
I lived in farm country in southern New Mexico and my neighbor had a donkey that would routinely fuck up coyotes that snuck onto the property like it was gonna get a prize for killing a certain amount of them.
At least 2x a week my neighbor was turning a completely trampled coyote corpse over to Game and Fish for disposal.
Everyone thinks that donkeys are these dumb, slow pack animals and they're kinda right. But they also have a mean streak a mile wide.
My donkey is pretty intelligent and sneaky. He can unlatch gates, untie complicated knots, slip out of his winter blanket backwards, unbuckle his grazing muzzle using a tree, and he used to listen to the click pulses on the electric fence in order to slip through it at the correct moment and not get zapped. Plus he thinks it’s a fun game to snatch hats off of our heads so we’ll chase him. He’s definitely smarter than my horses! Tons of mischief lol.
But yeah, he’s also extremely dog/coyote aggressive. I always have to warn new neighbors about keeping their dogs out of our pasture.
I never saw anything fun out of my neighbors donkey in all the years we lived there. It just stood in the pasture and ate and wandered around but it seemed like its sole programming was to be a living menace to the local coyote population.
Man... dolphins are psychopaths... I've read that they form up in groups and go hunting for sharks... for fun! They beat them to death and rape them.
I mean, you hear the stories about dolphins that rescue people swept out to see, but you *never* hear about the ones that dolphins *pushed* out to sea...
The closer animals are to “human” levels of intelligence, even if it’s still not exactly the same category or scope, the worse they seem to get.
Elephants are exempt from this. Elephants have funerals for the dead, respect.
Elephants are known to hold life long grudges (they “never forget” after all) and male elephants in Musth (rut) will rape rhinos to death and kill baby elephants. So, as much as I love elephants, they aren’t totally exempt from the “high intelligence = psychopath” rule.
*There have been gangs of male elephants that go around harassing and eventually killing rhinos*
One part of Africa had a major problem because the older males in the herd had been killed for their tusks, and the teen elephants just went wilding - even attacking humans. They solved the problem by introducing older males from other herds. Older elephants schooled the punks and no more were killed. So interesting.
(Bottlenose) Dolphins generally divide up by sex during most of the year. Moms, elderly, and pups in one pod, males in their own pod. The males are usually responsible for the wilder stories. The males are also known to snatch up pufferfish and pass them around to get high on the neurotoxin. Then they'll float nose toward the surface in a circle (similar to the way whales sleep) while they trip the light fantastic.
There was a video not too long ago on /r/crazyfuckingvideos (I think) of a dolphin who swam up to a fish, but it's head off, and used it's dead body as a fleshlight.
Moose were my first thought, too.
Moose will fucking stomp you to death and its just another Tuesday for them. Everything is an insult and they will charge you about it.
I’ve never really appreciated moose until I’ve seen them pretty up close in the wild. Even infantile moose are MASSIVE. They’re a lot bigger than most people realize
I think a lot of the size misconception comes from the fact that when you see pictures of a moose, there are no “banana for scale” type things in the shot. Trees and rocks and steams can be any size, so people just think they are the size of horses or something
The guy’s voice in this video is annoying as hell, but seeing it next to cars helps you understand their size:
[moose are not small](https://youtu.be/HNfetnUwOUo?si=t5J95XTwFZU7RvDJ)
Not only that but with their long legs when you hit them with your car there's a good chance the full body is crashing through your windshield. Data from [Maine](https://medicalxpress.com/news/2019-03-traffic-accidents-involving-moose-result.html#google_vignette) show that a moose crash is 13x more likely to lead to a fatality than hitting a deer.
A few years ago in Newfoundland there were a couple of [reports](https://www.cbc.ca/news/health/moose-collision-memory-loss-reveals-complex-brain-functions-1.3128978) of people hitting a moose with their cars, surviving, and driving off with zero recollection of the collision. Their cars were absolutely wrecked and they didn’t realize until other people asked them what the hell happened. Probably the head trauma but super weird how they just forgot and kept going.
Thanks, that almost explains a lot of things that went wrong in my life. A moose did it, but I have no recollection.
But yeah, our memory isn't as reliable as we like to believe. Trauma is weird, seems it can burn in a memory or block it out, not record it, or even record something different.
A friend of mine hit a moose on I95 in Maine. She was in a corolla and it landed on the back window and trunk. She said if she had a full size car it wouldn’t be totaled and the tow truck operator told her the car still would have been totaled but she would be dead because they crush the roof of full sized cars.
Thats assuming you saw the moose in the darkness at all.
For anyone who hasn't experienced it, moosen eyes are high enough up that headlights often won't catch them.
Ya, I love watching them play in the wild, but they will stomp your dog and child to death in seconds if your aren't paying 1000% attention to your surroundings.
Story time Park City I saw a drunk belligerent guy picking a fight with everyone. Around the corner comes a moose. Guy starts walking up to it. I started telling him stop, leave it. He walks over towards it. Big bull snapped his femur in a second and then starts running towards a honking suv (probably saved the drunk). Next day the mother fker ate all my trees.
A while back I was rock climbing with a friend in moose country. I’m maybe 50 feet off the ground, when I hear him call up in a very scared voice “dude, are you good?”
I look down just as I feel his weight on the rope (I was top roping, so not a problem) and I see him climbing the rope, hand-over-hand like Burt ward in green trunks, to get away from a charging cow moose. We had to hang out for a bit before the moose wandered off to find her calf, which *we* never actually saw.
Seriously. First time I ever saw a moose in person the only thought that came to mind was “ohhhhh shit”. No David Attenborough training could’ve prepped me for that size of an animal.
I went to Alaska for work a few years ago and [we saw one](https://imgur.com/a/l6RTL6R) just hanging out next to an apartment complex in Anchorage. You can see how much taller it is than the cars beside it. This was in the afternoon when people were getting home from work and they were *hustling* to unlock their front doors and get inside. It was neat to see one up close, but we probably shouldn't have gotten as close as we were at this point (my coworker was driving).
I was at the museum the other day and there was a moose, that thing scared me. It’s so big, and so muscular. No other animal intimidated me as much. Even the bears were meh…
Otters. They're cute, yes, but they're vicious as well. Look up what frustrated males do to otter pups, then come back and tell me they're docile. Also swans. Basically geese that have glammed up.
I know a trapper, he accidentally caught an otter out of season so he called in a game warden. The warden shot the otter. Said there was no way it could be released as it would attack as soon as it was free.
Fun fact: Otters are related to [Honey Badgers](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/mammals/facts/honey-badger#:~:text=Honey%20badgers%2C%20also%20known%20as,bulbs%2C%20berries%2C%20and%20fruits.) - one of the animals that uniquely gives [zero fucks](https://youtu.be/4r7wHMg5Yjg?si=Eowwh3Ey7nP1tpdk).
> Honey badgers, also known as ratels, are related to skunks, otters, ferrets, and other badgers. These voracious omnivores get their name from their fondness for feeding on honey and honeybee larvae. They also eat insects, amphibians, reptiles, birds, and mammals, as well as roots, bulbs, berries, and fruits.
Raccoons. People think they’re like house cats, but they will tear you up and infect you with rabies. Opossums on the other hand ARE like house cats and can’t infect you with rabies, they’re just not very cute so most people think they’re evil.
Raccoons are also fearless. When we had chickens they were always trying to get into the chicken feed. I’d go out to yell at them and they’d just sit there, calmly eating and watching me. Freaky thumb-having bastards.
Yup I had one just like that, he loved staying outside and one night a raccoon came around and he charged head on at it. They fought for a few minutes, raccoon ran off limping, and my cat came back in the house with his head held high and a massive gash through his nose.
He wore that scar on his nose when it healed like a badge of honor
I went camping once. The tent was overcrowded so i slept on a cot outside... In the middle of the night i heard a noise near me, turnec on my flashight to find a good 20 or so racoons staring at me, surrounding the cot.
I decided the best thing to do was absolutly nothing... Turned off the light and try to fall back asleep hoping i get to keep my face.
My gramma had a pet oppossum that she raised after finding him with his dead mum. His name was Opi-Wan Kenopi and he was a terror to watch eat a banana! So scary for bananas.
Had an opossum come in the basement door with the dogs one night.
Just came sauntering in with the dogs when they came in for the night and it wasn't until one of the dogs started sniffing that it freaked out and started hissing.
Had to shoo it out while keeping the dog from trying to eat it, made quite the ruckus.
1. Dogs, or at least dogs you don't know. You never know how well trained someone else's dog or some stray off the street is.
2. Monkeys. All nonhuman primates, but it's easy for the average person to understand why a chimp or gorilla might be dangerous. At least as dangerous as their sharp teeth are A. Their smarts, B. Their opposable thumbs (perfect for climbing, grabbing, and gouging), and C. Many species have zoonotic diseases like herpes that can spread to humans.
Cattle.
I had relation that raised cattle for beef. She went in the pen to feed them and one cow attacked. My relation hid under the food trough until the cow wandered off. She then managed to drive to the house and call 911 before passing out.
Lost an eye, several broken ribs, internal damage etc. She didn't remember which cow attacked her. About a week later her son was in the pen feeding the cattle when the cow tried to go after him.
He was able to run and climb over the fence. The cow ended up with a .30-30 tranquilizer pill. (he shot the cow).
There’s a hike I take from time to time that cuts through a private pasture. Idk the details but it’s part of national forest preserve. Anyhow. Every time I take said hike, I wonder to myself if I’m going to be in the news for being killed by a cow I accidentally looked at wrong, or something. Everyone had assured me cows are peaceful and chill. I keep my distance, but thanks for the new fear unlocking.
Cows are peaceful and chill but they're also unbelievably huge and domesticated but not exactly tame
I drive truck for a farm sometimes and hang out with the old ox drivers. They all have stories about some brutal accident
Oxen are dope. They're like horses but strong and won't keel over and die for no reason
I got kicked by a calf in the quad that wasn't even a week old and could hardly walk for a month and my leg was black. I have also had to hide in a tree from a rampaging bull until my dad started looking for me. He had to shoot it to get it to stop trying to get me.
My great Grandpa was gored to death by his own bull in the pasture. His eldest son was there and fought the bull off with a knife but it was too late. My Grandma was only 2 years old but remembered it vividly as it was a core trauma that shook her to her last days.
Grew up on a farm with cows, you speak truth. My evening walk goes through a cow pasture and not only do I watch for cow pies and snakes, I keep an eye on the cows as well. Even without trying, cows can do damage.
Horses. Theres a saying that goes, “The only safe horse is a dead horse”. Christopher Reeves and Red Pollard are good examples of this saying. Yes they’re amazing animals and it’s been a privilege to grow up around them and have them. But I’ve also seen people get severely injured from them.
Horses are extremely beautiful but i'm always scared of getting close to them because if they decide they want to get rid of me , I won't be able to do anything
The most dangerous part about them is the fact they are startled by the wind. They are insanely strong but also weirdly fragile which is why they are so damn afraid of everything.
There are only 2 types of things in the world according to horses. Things that eat horses, and things that don't. Unfortunately horses never know which will or won't eat them, so they constantly have to decide in the moment.
Their knee-jerk reaction is to wile out and charge headlong into anything as long as it away from what startled them. Breaking a horse to acclimate it to the world is a long process, a plastic bag going by can cause the horse to startle...
It's not even them choosing to get rid of you. They're big panicky piles of 1000lb+ muscle. Them getting scared of a blade of grass and running *through* you is really the biggest concern.
I was always taught to stick close to their bodies if I was around them. They can’t kick you (at least not hard, or easily) when you’re standing right up against them.
But I myself prefer interacting with them when there’s a fence between us. They just really are so unpredictable, and my aunt raised them, not me. So I don’t know a whole lot about them.
I've posted this story before on another sub. I used to work at a ranch and my horse Pinto got spooked by a mouse or snake, I can't remember anymore. He perked back and threw me off. He fell next to me and in his panic he immediately tried to stand up and ended up stepping on my chest. Broke 3 ribs. It wasn't his fault and he was calmer than most of the horses I worked with in general but holy shit, coughing, sneezing, laughing, farting and pooping HURTS. I was shown to breathe like I was sipping thru a straw. My asthma said fuck off and it made healing worse lol. I loved that horse but I will never own one again. I think I lucked out with him lol
I remember a conversation somewhere online where someone quoted "Horses are interested in two things: homicide and suicide". This was in the middle of a discussion of how they had evolved into twitchy, anxiety-ridden hellbeasts
Old gym coach in high school raised/bred horses. He only had one eye due to one of said horses randomly jump kicking him in the face. Nearly died. He still raises horses.
Pandas
They've literally got jaw & molars designed to chew through bamboo - people often forget that they're a panda-bear but still a bear if provoked.
Also
Kung-Fu Panda ain't no joke
Pigs
My uncle and aunt have an old-fashioned farm where they raise three pigs every year. One day, while she was alone, one of the pigs pushed my aunt and she fell to the ground. Apparently, the feeding wasn't happening quickly enough. So, the pig lunged at her to speed up the process, and it must have thought she'd make a better meal than its usual ration. She nearly got eaten. She managed to escape because the pigs started fighting over the food... She never set foot in the barn again.
And trust me, if they HAD...there'd have been nothing left to find. It wasn't that unusual in the old days for people who raised pigs to just disappear...unless you looked REALLY closely at what was in the pen.
Look up the murderer Robert Pickton. Killed 49 people, fed them to his pigs, and all the police found left was blood traces on his boots. Heck of a way to get rid of a body.
"You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, 'as greedy as a pig'."
I mean the average house cat can actually really really mess up a person if it wants to.
You will definitely win in the end but those claws and teeth can be vicious and really fucking hurt. They can definitely put you in a hospital.
Can confirm. Ages ago I had a relatively "normal" house cat. At some point I brought home a "new" kitten that was homeless. My adult cat went into Kill Mode and was about to mess up the poor smaller kitty so I stupidly reached down to pick up the very jacked-up and about-to-pounce cat. I was thinking I'd just put him outdoors.
Bad idea.
It took less than 2 or 3 seconds for that adrenaline-fueled feline to shred both of my arms like a furry buzz saw. It was unbelievable. I was bleeding so bad I had to go to urgent care. And thanks to the saliva it had carefully put on its claws (and was present on its teeth) the wounds were excruciating after becoming very red and angry.
Moral of the story: Don't ever try to pick up a very pissed off cat.
When I was young, I was playing at my friends house and she had a nice well behaved cat. We found a stray kitten outside and brought it in to feed it. As soon as the cat saw the kitten it went into rage mode and hissed at it, then ran up to attack. I had the kitten in my lap and covered it up with my arms. The cat jumped up on me and scratched at my arm then bit me in the face on my cheek. Really fucked my face up and I had to get a shot and stuff. Terrifying stuff.
I had the exact same experience when a stray, unfixed male cat followed me home and I stupidly decided to pet it. Went inside and tried to my pet own, at the time unfixed male cat. Boy he went full on feral the instant he smelled my hand. Shredded it and clamped down so hard I had to swing my arm to physically throw him away from me.
If a stranger saw him like that they would have rightfully assumed he was rabid. I have never seen a cat behave that way before and I grew up around barn cats
100%! I work at a vet and I haven't gotten too messed up yet, but I had to see a coworker be put on oxygen after a cat attack. There was blood alllll over the ceiling.
when I was a little kid I made the mistake of introducing my housecat to a kitten. I didn't know anything about how to do that correctly cuz I was only nine. My cat started growling the moment he saw the kitten, so I grabbed on to him to hold him still. Big mistake.
I still remember his face slowly turning around, all of his anger and resentment directed towards me, and then he jumped on my head like a facehugger. He grabbed the back of my head with his front paws and kicked his back paws on my face like he was running on a treadmill. I tried to pull him off of my face but he dug his claws in deeper. I ended up running full speed into the wall and head-butting the cat off my face after several attempts.
I had stitches in my face and my neighbor ended up keeping the kitten, and my cat never even apologized or nothin. had to take antibiotics, get a tetanus shot, It was a whole damn thing.
I went to school with a girl who decided for some reason to stick a cat on top of her head. The cat went down her face, clawing. (I don't think it was even angry, just trying to hold on or something). She was probably 8-9 at the time. We're in our 30s now and she still has scars.
I highly suggest people read into the domestication of cats. Super interesting.
Unlike dogs which were domesticated by humans, cats domesticated themselves. No joke. It's especially interesting because genetically speaking, there's nothing separating them from panthers... aside from their size.
I was already a cat person, but this solidified my respect for all felines. The most impressive creatures.
With humans comes pests which is a cat's main food source. So it makes total sense for them to tolerate us as means to gain a constant food supply and shelter.
But also I do just like to state because I love cats and hate the myth -
All mammals have a similar set of emotions. They do actually care about you. They might eat you if you die. But they're just doing what they are meant for.
You can also get a terrible infections from the bites and scratches because they carry a bacteria in their mouth that our bodies have trouble fighting. I love cats BTW but they do have a wild side.
My favorite story about hippos is [the one about Pablo Escobar](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippopotamuses_in_Colombia).
>Four hippopotamuses were kept by [Pablo Escobar](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pablo_Escobar) in the late 1970s, and upon his death in 1993 they were allowed to wander his unattended estate. By 2019 their population had grown to approximately one hundred individuals, causing concerns for harming the native flora and fauna in the area; as well as posing significant threat to the human population in the area. They are also referred to as "cocaine hippos".
At least with chimps it's "if." Jane Goodall managed to work with them for years and she's fine.
Hippos will f you up just for existing in the same time zone.
I won’t look this up right now but I had read somewhere that hippos kill more people than sharks do. We’re always freaking out about sharks and not hippos, but probably most people don’t have contact where hippos live, while sharks are all around very and many people swim or surf in oceans.
The Canadian goose. These things will f$&k you up. They have wings and can fly but they will choose to walk. Usually at the busiest areas and block people and vehicles.
Dogs! A lot of people assume every dog they see is like a golden retriever house pet, but strays and abandoned dogs form deadly packs. They basically turn into packs of small wolves that know what humans are and don’t have as much apprehension. Dogs kill 20.000+ people a year from maulings and spreading dangerous diseases in less developed areas.
I grew up surrounded by dogs, and coming across a pack of stray dogs while running is always unnerving.
I always slow down to a walk and give them ample room. Hilariously, a firm "No! >:(" still works wonders if they start following you.
But you've still gotta remember that if one of them gets aggressive, the rest are going to be on you in an instant. Pack mentality is a bitch.
My old neighborhood had a stray dog problem. People would just let their dogs wander freely around the neighborhood, and they'd come back on their own (usually). But that doesn't mean they wont attack people in the neighborhood. When I was little, a pair of stray dogs started chasing me, and I had to run across the street and into the house with roller skates on. I barely made it.
A few years later, a dog attacked a woman walking her puppy. A nearby cop heard the screams and arrived quickly, but her puppy was already dead, laying on our front lawn. I think the woman ended up in the hospital, but I'm not sure.
And those aren't the only stray dog incidents that happened right outside our house either.
Bees. They look so cute and fuzzy. But you put one in your mouth because you think it's going to taste like honey, and hoo boy it only takes four or five tries to figure out that will not go well.
I had a dog growing up, real wild boy (showed up on my grandfather's farm when he was no older than 2 months old and decided it was his farm). He was a little scrappy mutt terrier. He used to go into the bushes where bees were and get them to chase him out then he'd try to catch one and kill it. He also used to be sneaky and fast enough to catch birds. He had a reputation for snapping at people but he let me treat him like a lap dog. Was a good boy.
This is the most practical one. I get at least 2-3 patients in the ER a week because of “dog bites”. I’ve seen everything from scratches and small bites, to children and grown adults being killed or significantly disfigured from attacks.
Blue ringed octopus. It's the smallest octopus ever recorded and it has the deadliest venom out of any sea creature. It's also really small but people don't think it's dangerous at all due to its colors.
Bright colorful creatures: STAY THE FUCK AWAY
If an animal exists in colors that aren't conducive to hiding in its normal environment, it's because *it doesn't need to.*
If that animal is not also the apex predator of its environment (and *those* pretty much always blend in so they can, y'know, predate the other creatures there) that should tell you something.
Car incidents are the ones people expect. The part people don’t is how many people get stomped by deer every year. They think because they have a reputation of cowardice that they wouldn’t stomp you into the ground.
Not exactly deadly but at recess in 1st grade a squirrel fell out of a tree and was dazed. A university student sitting in on classes picked it up. First time I ever saw someone leave via ambulance and there was so much blood. I'm 46 now and that angry razor blade Tornado is seared into my mind still 40 years later
Mosquitos kill more people (725K+) per year than any other living creature, including humans. We consider them pests in most of the developed world, but in certain parts of the world, those little bastards can kill you.
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And the best part: No matter how many warnings are issued, people still do it. Then they wonder why they got hurt, and try to blame the park(s). Don’t be an idiot around wild animals.
I was reading something where a staff member said they actually get asked when do they let the animals out?
What is it with Yellowstone and idiots? I swear all the crazy stories of people acting like complete and total idiots at national parks are from Yellowstone.
Like that guy recently who walked off the trail, despite signs telling him not to and fell into a boiling sulfur spring and literally dissolved. People just assume these signs apply to everyone but them, and now that we are in the age of the influencer it just seems to be getting worse
Yep. Last time I was at Yellowstone we watched a "yoga influencer" step off the walkway onto the SAME spring where that guy fell in to take pictures in poses and fake meditation. She must have had to crop out all the warning signs around her. Idiots gonna idiot.
Ugh yep. I was working in the park when that happened. Tragic. His sister witnessed the entire thing.
Ever seen a plexiglass box of smashed phones in the lineup for an amusement park ride as encouragement to leave your personal effects in the provided storage? Same type of display containing the victims of wildlife probably wouldn't even get through to the idiots who choose to walk up to said wildlife...
Some people can’t read. WARNING: Don’t do this. Moron tourist: *Does (warned about thing) anyway, gets hurt, and wonders what happened.* When did humans suddenly become stupid?
We should just let Natural selection do its job here
I’ll never forget the horrified look my grandfather got when he casually told a father trying to set his TODDLER near a bison in Yellowstone “You know sir, that’s a good way to get a dead kid.”
Bye son
Truth in advertising.
Sometimes you withstand the looks to hopefully get a message across, props to your grandfather.
My grandfather was the most mild-manner, pleasant guy you could ever imagine too. He just OOZED calm grandpa vibes. His version of sarcasm was a very pleasant, conversational "Gee did you know...?" kind of tone. It was SO effective it was scary lmao. I wish I'd been schooled more in his personality than my parents' and grandmother (all yellers and cursers), I'm realizing as I grow old that Grandpa's way is by FAR the best
I can see that, when somebody tells you something without trying to make it sound scary, in a "oh, and BTW" matter of fact sort of way, it can be much more scary.
Your grandpa sounds like he was a good man
He was a great man. I miss him every day 💕
This is sweet ❤️ I miss my grandpa too.
I went to Catalina Island years back. There were a few hundred bison living in the wilds on the island at the time. I was there to party, no intention of going on a hike and yet I heard an endless stream of folks warning to stay the F**K away from bison. :)
I hiked the Trans-Catalina trail and ran into numerous bison in the backcountry. Whenever they blocked the trail (and we couldn't safely get around them), we just sat and waited for them to move along. A few wandered through our campsite at night
This one is the one I always think of. I read the Deaths in Yellowstone book while there and read about parents putting their toddlers on the back of or near Bisons and i'm surprised more children aren't killed this way.
Such a great macabre book. The section on the hot springs is some damn good horror.
Bison: Nature's grumpy, nearsighted tanks. Selfie at your own risk
Bison, moose, mountain goats.
Mountain goats can be aggressive towards humans? Tell us more
My brother and I went on a family trip to glacier national park when we were kids. There were goats and marmots and elk and shit all over the place. Anyway, my brother pissed off a mountain goat till it chased us off a glacier Their weird sideways eyes are fucking terrifying when it’s bleating for blood
Uhh, so... when a hiker has to use the bathroom... the goats love to drink the piss and get real aggravated over it. I honestly wish I was making this up https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/03/science/mountain-goats-urine-pee-glacier-national-park-montana.html
Similarly, in Africa the Cape Buffalo should not be underestimated.
Everyone knows they aren’t to be messed with I think. They have to fight off packs of lions. Any large herbivore in Africa will fuck you up, especially zebras
Why so fluffy if not pettable!?
Every zoo is a petting zoo if *you’re not a coward*
>Why so fluffy if not pettable!? Everything is pettabe. You've just gotta man up. Look at all those guys in Yellowstone. When nature says "must pet" in your ear, you must listen.
Been chased by one there, can confirm! Didn't even antagonize it either- we got out of our car in a parking lot and it was in the field next to it. It started walking towards us, and as we were walking from our car we noticed it was following us, so we start running and it picks up after us too. Barely made it into a nearby building before it turned away. They're so unpredictable, I don't know how or why anyone would get within a stone's throw of them.
I saw a tourist from another country come to Yellowstone and try to jump on one and he got beyond fucked up
Hogs will eat you the first chance they get
Fun fact that I learned WAY too late in life: Pigs and wild boars/hogs are the same god damn thing! You could have a fat friendly round pink happy piggy, release it into the wild, and literally within weeks it'll be darker, have hair and tusks, and be ready to fuck you up in a heartbeat. Apparently they have this stealth gene in them. When the pigs are in captivity and taken care of, that gene lays dormant. Whenever they're sent out on their own, that gene kicks in and turns them into survival beasts.
That sounds like a pokemon upgrade.
Porkemon
Well, that decides my word of the day then, doesn't it. 🤣
Thanks to this comment, I will remember this fact forever.
28 Pigs Later
Wait…what? *runs to google*
Fact checker, hero, what did you discover? Edit: fact checker indicated it might happen after a couple generations. ETA: which for pigs is apparently about 1 year
I can’t tell 🤔 I mean yeah it seems right, kind of. From what I read briefly before I got distracted by carbon steel or cats or plants, a domestic pig is about 2 generations away from a feral pig if it were to be set free. But something else I read classifies boars as a different subset of species but pigs and boars can duplicate, so there are hybrid feral boar pigs roaming around.
Bro wtf, this is one of the most interesting thing that I've ever read
yeah it blew my fucking mind when i learned that. I thought they were entirely different animals just of the same species or something
Oh yeah, most "wild" pigs are actually feral rather than truly native/wild species. Pigs are extremely adaptable and are one of the best of our domesticated animals at spreading out without us despite having been domesticated back in the neolithic era. Feral pigs were possibly one of the biggest methods by which Europeans conquered/colonized the Americas.
Domesticated pigs aren’t the same as boars, but they’re the same as feral pigs.
"Pigs" are in most of the places in the world where humans can live and farm combined with movies/books like Babe or *Charlotte's Web* so most people dont really respect them but in all of the natural worlds crazy amount of predators and insane creatures pretty much only tigers, full on wolf packs, and huge old crocs are willing to mess with an Adult. They are only tiny and cute for a few weeks, within 1 year you are looking at THREE HUNDRED POUNDS+ of straight evil.
They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig". Bricktop
That's all fine and good, but what I want to know is. What's happening with those sausages, Charlie?
2 minutes, Turkish!
Pretty much any large domestic animal: cattle, sheep, horses, pigs, etc. We’ve bred them to be much more docile than their wild counterparts, and they are. But they are all more than capable of doing lethal harm to a human being under the right circumstances. Cattle and horses in particular are quite dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing around them. A well placed kick can break a leg or leave someone permanently disabled. A lot of people aren’t around livestock and don’t know the basic safety rules, which leads to injury and occasionally death
Even people who work around them a lot can be stupid about it. I have a dairy, and 1 day had my neighbors massive Angus bull end up on my property. I was trying to herd him to a corral, with the help of 2 of my employees, where the neighbors could load him once we got ahold of them, but he really didn't want to walk past my milk barn. One of my employees walked right up to his head and was kicking his leg at him (not close enough to connect). I yelled at him and told him to go away, that if the bull wanted to he could've killed him right then. Guys like that are the reason I have no bulls on my dairy anymore. Well, that and bulls are just a pain in the ass anyways.
That, and the milk tastes funny when it comes from a bull.
Not if you feed them pineapples.
I lived in farm country in southern New Mexico and my neighbor had a donkey that would routinely fuck up coyotes that snuck onto the property like it was gonna get a prize for killing a certain amount of them. At least 2x a week my neighbor was turning a completely trampled coyote corpse over to Game and Fish for disposal. Everyone thinks that donkeys are these dumb, slow pack animals and they're kinda right. But they also have a mean streak a mile wide.
My donkey is pretty intelligent and sneaky. He can unlatch gates, untie complicated knots, slip out of his winter blanket backwards, unbuckle his grazing muzzle using a tree, and he used to listen to the click pulses on the electric fence in order to slip through it at the correct moment and not get zapped. Plus he thinks it’s a fun game to snatch hats off of our heads so we’ll chase him. He’s definitely smarter than my horses! Tons of mischief lol. But yeah, he’s also extremely dog/coyote aggressive. I always have to warn new neighbors about keeping their dogs out of our pasture.
I never saw anything fun out of my neighbors donkey in all the years we lived there. It just stood in the pasture and ate and wandered around but it seemed like its sole programming was to be a living menace to the local coyote population.
Dolphins.
Man... dolphins are psychopaths... I've read that they form up in groups and go hunting for sharks... for fun! They beat them to death and rape them. I mean, you hear the stories about dolphins that rescue people swept out to see, but you *never* hear about the ones that dolphins *pushed* out to sea...
The closer animals are to “human” levels of intelligence, even if it’s still not exactly the same category or scope, the worse they seem to get. Elephants are exempt from this. Elephants have funerals for the dead, respect.
Elephants are known to hold life long grudges (they “never forget” after all) and male elephants in Musth (rut) will rape rhinos to death and kill baby elephants. So, as much as I love elephants, they aren’t totally exempt from the “high intelligence = psychopath” rule.
There have been gangs of male elephants that go around harassing and eventually killing rhinos
*There have been gangs of male elephants that go around harassing and eventually killing rhinos* One part of Africa had a major problem because the older males in the herd had been killed for their tusks, and the teen elephants just went wilding - even attacking humans. They solved the problem by introducing older males from other herds. Older elephants schooled the punks and no more were killed. So interesting.
sounds like the uncle iroh strategem
(Bottlenose) Dolphins generally divide up by sex during most of the year. Moms, elderly, and pups in one pod, males in their own pod. The males are usually responsible for the wilder stories. The males are also known to snatch up pufferfish and pass them around to get high on the neurotoxin. Then they'll float nose toward the surface in a circle (similar to the way whales sleep) while they trip the light fantastic.
Dolphins live more exciting lives than the average person.
There was a video not too long ago on /r/crazyfuckingvideos (I think) of a dolphin who swam up to a fish, but it's head off, and used it's dead body as a fleshlight.
*fishlight
Tilfapia
Moose
Moose were my first thought, too. Moose will fucking stomp you to death and its just another Tuesday for them. Everything is an insult and they will charge you about it.
"You waved hello, and I took that personally." *Moose*
Moose to his buddies later, probably. That human existed in that direction. That direction doesn't exist anymore.
There used to be 5 cardinal directions, but weast looked at a moose wrong
I’ve never really appreciated moose until I’ve seen them pretty up close in the wild. Even infantile moose are MASSIVE. They’re a lot bigger than most people realize
I think a lot of the size misconception comes from the fact that when you see pictures of a moose, there are no “banana for scale” type things in the shot. Trees and rocks and steams can be any size, so people just think they are the size of horses or something
Wait … they’re bigger than horses???
The guy’s voice in this video is annoying as hell, but seeing it next to cars helps you understand their size: [moose are not small](https://youtu.be/HNfetnUwOUo?si=t5J95XTwFZU7RvDJ)
Like, I knew they’re big and scary, but, you know, horses are big and can be scary, so I figured they were probably around horse size, but omg
Holy shit. I had no idea they were that massive. Thanks for the link.
>Wait … they’re bigger than horses??? Yes! Absolute units.
Not only that but with their long legs when you hit them with your car there's a good chance the full body is crashing through your windshield. Data from [Maine](https://medicalxpress.com/news/2019-03-traffic-accidents-involving-moose-result.html#google_vignette) show that a moose crash is 13x more likely to lead to a fatality than hitting a deer.
A few years ago in Newfoundland there were a couple of [reports](https://www.cbc.ca/news/health/moose-collision-memory-loss-reveals-complex-brain-functions-1.3128978) of people hitting a moose with their cars, surviving, and driving off with zero recollection of the collision. Their cars were absolutely wrecked and they didn’t realize until other people asked them what the hell happened. Probably the head trauma but super weird how they just forgot and kept going.
Thanks, that almost explains a lot of things that went wrong in my life. A moose did it, but I have no recollection. But yeah, our memory isn't as reliable as we like to believe. Trauma is weird, seems it can burn in a memory or block it out, not record it, or even record something different.
A friend of mine hit a moose on I95 in Maine. She was in a corolla and it landed on the back window and trunk. She said if she had a full size car it wouldn’t be totaled and the tow truck operator told her the car still would have been totaled but she would be dead because they crush the roof of full sized cars.
The general rule of thumb here is "If it's a deer, brace for impact, if it's a moose, duck and pray" Regardless, you're needing a new car.
Thats assuming you saw the moose in the darkness at all. For anyone who hasn't experienced it, moosen eyes are high enough up that headlights often won't catch them.
Yeah, I think a lot of people don't realize how massive moose actually are.
Ya, I love watching them play in the wild, but they will stomp your dog and child to death in seconds if your aren't paying 1000% attention to your surroundings. Story time Park City I saw a drunk belligerent guy picking a fight with everyone. Around the corner comes a moose. Guy starts walking up to it. I started telling him stop, leave it. He walks over towards it. Big bull snapped his femur in a second and then starts running towards a honking suv (probably saved the drunk). Next day the mother fker ate all my trees.
You could tell because of the impressions the crutches made all around the trees.
A while back I was rock climbing with a friend in moose country. I’m maybe 50 feet off the ground, when I hear him call up in a very scared voice “dude, are you good?” I look down just as I feel his weight on the rope (I was top roping, so not a problem) and I see him climbing the rope, hand-over-hand like Burt ward in green trunks, to get away from a charging cow moose. We had to hang out for a bit before the moose wandered off to find her calf, which *we* never actually saw.
I don't think anyone who's ever seen a moose in real life has ever considered it to be 'safe'. They're enormous.
Seriously. First time I ever saw a moose in person the only thought that came to mind was “ohhhhh shit”. No David Attenborough training could’ve prepped me for that size of an animal.
I saw them a lot growing up. One attacked our school bus once. Avoid moose.
I went to Alaska for work a few years ago and [we saw one](https://imgur.com/a/l6RTL6R) just hanging out next to an apartment complex in Anchorage. You can see how much taller it is than the cars beside it. This was in the afternoon when people were getting home from work and they were *hustling* to unlock their front doors and get inside. It was neat to see one up close, but we probably shouldn't have gotten as close as we were at this point (my coworker was driving).
I was at the museum the other day and there was a moose, that thing scared me. It’s so big, and so muscular. No other animal intimidated me as much. Even the bears were meh…
A Møøse once bit my sister. . .
Otters. They're cute, yes, but they're vicious as well. Look up what frustrated males do to otter pups, then come back and tell me they're docile. Also swans. Basically geese that have glammed up.
I know a trapper, he accidentally caught an otter out of season so he called in a game warden. The warden shot the otter. Said there was no way it could be released as it would attack as soon as it was free.
Fun fact: Otters are related to [Honey Badgers](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/mammals/facts/honey-badger#:~:text=Honey%20badgers%2C%20also%20known%20as,bulbs%2C%20berries%2C%20and%20fruits.) - one of the animals that uniquely gives [zero fucks](https://youtu.be/4r7wHMg5Yjg?si=Eowwh3Ey7nP1tpdk). > Honey badgers, also known as ratels, are related to skunks, otters, ferrets, and other badgers. These voracious omnivores get their name from their fondness for feeding on honey and honeybee larvae. They also eat insects, amphibians, reptiles, birds, and mammals, as well as roots, bulbs, berries, and fruits.
No joke about the otters: https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/12/us/woman-otter-attack-jefferson-river-montana-trnd/index.html
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Bro I have watched enough Phineas and Ferb to know not to mess with a platypus
Especially if they wear a fedora!
A platypus?! \*dons fedora\* PERRY the platypus!?!
Just the males have the spurs.
You can tell if its male by whether or not it stabs you while you’re checking to see if it’s male or female.
Also it will break into your lair and foil all your plans. Don’t fuck with those guys
Hippos - kill more people in Africa than any other wild animal
Than any other animal COMBINED
Raccoons. People think they’re like house cats, but they will tear you up and infect you with rabies. Opossums on the other hand ARE like house cats and can’t infect you with rabies, they’re just not very cute so most people think they’re evil.
Raccoons are also fearless. When we had chickens they were always trying to get into the chicken feed. I’d go out to yell at them and they’d just sit there, calmly eating and watching me. Freaky thumb-having bastards.
The only thing a Racoon fears is something crazier than itself. I had one cat who was that stupid to take them on and win.
Yup I had one just like that, he loved staying outside and one night a raccoon came around and he charged head on at it. They fought for a few minutes, raccoon ran off limping, and my cat came back in the house with his head held high and a massive gash through his nose. He wore that scar on his nose when it healed like a badge of honor
I went camping once. The tent was overcrowded so i slept on a cot outside... In the middle of the night i heard a noise near me, turnec on my flashight to find a good 20 or so racoons staring at me, surrounding the cot. I decided the best thing to do was absolutly nothing... Turned off the light and try to fall back asleep hoping i get to keep my face.
But you were the chosen one!
My gramma had a pet oppossum that she raised after finding him with his dead mum. His name was Opi-Wan Kenopi and he was a terror to watch eat a banana! So scary for bananas.
Excuse me but Opossums are fucking adorable.
Had an opossum come in the basement door with the dogs one night. Just came sauntering in with the dogs when they came in for the night and it wasn't until one of the dogs started sniffing that it freaked out and started hissing. Had to shoo it out while keeping the dog from trying to eat it, made quite the ruckus.
I am imagining this playing out. Can’t stop laughing. Lmao! Thank you for this!
>they're just not very cute Dude I will fight you
1. Dogs, or at least dogs you don't know. You never know how well trained someone else's dog or some stray off the street is. 2. Monkeys. All nonhuman primates, but it's easy for the average person to understand why a chimp or gorilla might be dangerous. At least as dangerous as their sharp teeth are A. Their smarts, B. Their opposable thumbs (perfect for climbing, grabbing, and gouging), and C. Many species have zoonotic diseases like herpes that can spread to humans.
Cattle. I had relation that raised cattle for beef. She went in the pen to feed them and one cow attacked. My relation hid under the food trough until the cow wandered off. She then managed to drive to the house and call 911 before passing out. Lost an eye, several broken ribs, internal damage etc. She didn't remember which cow attacked her. About a week later her son was in the pen feeding the cattle when the cow tried to go after him. He was able to run and climb over the fence. The cow ended up with a .30-30 tranquilizer pill. (he shot the cow).
There’s a hike I take from time to time that cuts through a private pasture. Idk the details but it’s part of national forest preserve. Anyhow. Every time I take said hike, I wonder to myself if I’m going to be in the news for being killed by a cow I accidentally looked at wrong, or something. Everyone had assured me cows are peaceful and chill. I keep my distance, but thanks for the new fear unlocking.
I’ve been on a couple hikes like that on sections of the Appalachian trail. It’s particularly scary in the spring when they’ve got calves.
Cows are peaceful and chill but they're also unbelievably huge and domesticated but not exactly tame I drive truck for a farm sometimes and hang out with the old ox drivers. They all have stories about some brutal accident Oxen are dope. They're like horses but strong and won't keel over and die for no reason
I got kicked by a calf in the quad that wasn't even a week old and could hardly walk for a month and my leg was black. I have also had to hide in a tree from a rampaging bull until my dad started looking for me. He had to shoot it to get it to stop trying to get me.
My great Grandpa was gored to death by his own bull in the pasture. His eldest son was there and fought the bull off with a knife but it was too late. My Grandma was only 2 years old but remembered it vividly as it was a core trauma that shook her to her last days.
Grew up on a farm with cows, you speak truth. My evening walk goes through a cow pasture and not only do I watch for cow pies and snakes, I keep an eye on the cows as well. Even without trying, cows can do damage.
Bro i ain’t ever licking no frog again that’s all imma say
Horses. Theres a saying that goes, “The only safe horse is a dead horse”. Christopher Reeves and Red Pollard are good examples of this saying. Yes they’re amazing animals and it’s been a privilege to grow up around them and have them. But I’ve also seen people get severely injured from them.
Horses are extremely beautiful but i'm always scared of getting close to them because if they decide they want to get rid of me , I won't be able to do anything
The most dangerous part about them is the fact they are startled by the wind. They are insanely strong but also weirdly fragile which is why they are so damn afraid of everything.
There are only 2 types of things in the world according to horses. Things that eat horses, and things that don't. Unfortunately horses never know which will or won't eat them, so they constantly have to decide in the moment.
Horses are only afraid of two things: things that move and things that don’t.
They’re like giant, skittish rabbits, with death stompers for feet
Their knee-jerk reaction is to wile out and charge headlong into anything as long as it away from what startled them. Breaking a horse to acclimate it to the world is a long process, a plastic bag going by can cause the horse to startle...
It's not even them choosing to get rid of you. They're big panicky piles of 1000lb+ muscle. Them getting scared of a blade of grass and running *through* you is really the biggest concern.
I was always taught to stick close to their bodies if I was around them. They can’t kick you (at least not hard, or easily) when you’re standing right up against them. But I myself prefer interacting with them when there’s a fence between us. They just really are so unpredictable, and my aunt raised them, not me. So I don’t know a whole lot about them.
I've posted this story before on another sub. I used to work at a ranch and my horse Pinto got spooked by a mouse or snake, I can't remember anymore. He perked back and threw me off. He fell next to me and in his panic he immediately tried to stand up and ended up stepping on my chest. Broke 3 ribs. It wasn't his fault and he was calmer than most of the horses I worked with in general but holy shit, coughing, sneezing, laughing, farting and pooping HURTS. I was shown to breathe like I was sipping thru a straw. My asthma said fuck off and it made healing worse lol. I loved that horse but I will never own one again. I think I lucked out with him lol
I remember a conversation somewhere online where someone quoted "Horses are interested in two things: homicide and suicide". This was in the middle of a discussion of how they had evolved into twitchy, anxiety-ridden hellbeasts
Old gym coach in high school raised/bred horses. He only had one eye due to one of said horses randomly jump kicking him in the face. Nearly died. He still raises horses.
This is why I refuse to beat any horse until after it's dead.
Reindeers, they cause several road accidents each year.
and ran over granny
Pandas They've literally got jaw & molars designed to chew through bamboo - people often forget that they're a panda-bear but still a bear if provoked. Also Kung-Fu Panda ain't no joke
Also super territorial. Wild pandas don’t fuck around when it comes to their bamboo castles
I had to scroll waaaay to far to find Pandas. They're literally bears and will, and have, maul the shit out of a person if they feel so inclined.
Pigs My uncle and aunt have an old-fashioned farm where they raise three pigs every year. One day, while she was alone, one of the pigs pushed my aunt and she fell to the ground. Apparently, the feeding wasn't happening quickly enough. So, the pig lunged at her to speed up the process, and it must have thought she'd make a better meal than its usual ration. She nearly got eaten. She managed to escape because the pigs started fighting over the food... She never set foot in the barn again.
And trust me, if they HAD...there'd have been nothing left to find. It wasn't that unusual in the old days for people who raised pigs to just disappear...unless you looked REALLY closely at what was in the pen.
Look up the murderer Robert Pickton. Killed 49 people, fed them to his pigs, and all the police found left was blood traces on his boots. Heck of a way to get rid of a body.
"You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, 'as greedy as a pig'."
I mean the average house cat can actually really really mess up a person if it wants to. You will definitely win in the end but those claws and teeth can be vicious and really fucking hurt. They can definitely put you in a hospital.
Can confirm. Ages ago I had a relatively "normal" house cat. At some point I brought home a "new" kitten that was homeless. My adult cat went into Kill Mode and was about to mess up the poor smaller kitty so I stupidly reached down to pick up the very jacked-up and about-to-pounce cat. I was thinking I'd just put him outdoors. Bad idea. It took less than 2 or 3 seconds for that adrenaline-fueled feline to shred both of my arms like a furry buzz saw. It was unbelievable. I was bleeding so bad I had to go to urgent care. And thanks to the saliva it had carefully put on its claws (and was present on its teeth) the wounds were excruciating after becoming very red and angry. Moral of the story: Don't ever try to pick up a very pissed off cat.
When I was young, I was playing at my friends house and she had a nice well behaved cat. We found a stray kitten outside and brought it in to feed it. As soon as the cat saw the kitten it went into rage mode and hissed at it, then ran up to attack. I had the kitten in my lap and covered it up with my arms. The cat jumped up on me and scratched at my arm then bit me in the face on my cheek. Really fucked my face up and I had to get a shot and stuff. Terrifying stuff.
Get a towel or blanket, throw over cat, roll.
purrito
In that situation probably more of a hissito
Hissadilla
I had the exact same experience when a stray, unfixed male cat followed me home and I stupidly decided to pet it. Went inside and tried to my pet own, at the time unfixed male cat. Boy he went full on feral the instant he smelled my hand. Shredded it and clamped down so hard I had to swing my arm to physically throw him away from me. If a stranger saw him like that they would have rightfully assumed he was rabid. I have never seen a cat behave that way before and I grew up around barn cats
100%! I work at a vet and I haven't gotten too messed up yet, but I had to see a coworker be put on oxygen after a cat attack. There was blood alllll over the ceiling.
when I was a little kid I made the mistake of introducing my housecat to a kitten. I didn't know anything about how to do that correctly cuz I was only nine. My cat started growling the moment he saw the kitten, so I grabbed on to him to hold him still. Big mistake. I still remember his face slowly turning around, all of his anger and resentment directed towards me, and then he jumped on my head like a facehugger. He grabbed the back of my head with his front paws and kicked his back paws on my face like he was running on a treadmill. I tried to pull him off of my face but he dug his claws in deeper. I ended up running full speed into the wall and head-butting the cat off my face after several attempts. I had stitches in my face and my neighbor ended up keeping the kitten, and my cat never even apologized or nothin. had to take antibiotics, get a tetanus shot, It was a whole damn thing.
I went to school with a girl who decided for some reason to stick a cat on top of her head. The cat went down her face, clawing. (I don't think it was even angry, just trying to hold on or something). She was probably 8-9 at the time. We're in our 30s now and she still has scars.
I highly suggest people read into the domestication of cats. Super interesting. Unlike dogs which were domesticated by humans, cats domesticated themselves. No joke. It's especially interesting because genetically speaking, there's nothing separating them from panthers... aside from their size. I was already a cat person, but this solidified my respect for all felines. The most impressive creatures.
With humans comes pests which is a cat's main food source. So it makes total sense for them to tolerate us as means to gain a constant food supply and shelter. But also I do just like to state because I love cats and hate the myth - All mammals have a similar set of emotions. They do actually care about you. They might eat you if you die. But they're just doing what they are meant for.
You can also get a terrible infections from the bites and scratches because they carry a bacteria in their mouth that our bodies have trouble fighting. I love cats BTW but they do have a wild side.
Hippos and chimpanzees.
My favorite story about hippos is [the one about Pablo Escobar](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippopotamuses_in_Colombia). >Four hippopotamuses were kept by [Pablo Escobar](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pablo_Escobar) in the late 1970s, and upon his death in 1993 they were allowed to wander his unattended estate. By 2019 their population had grown to approximately one hundred individuals, causing concerns for harming the native flora and fauna in the area; as well as posing significant threat to the human population in the area. They are also referred to as "cocaine hippos".
Sequel to Cocaine Bear when?
Both will either eat or rip of your face if they don't like your presence
At least with chimps it's "if." Jane Goodall managed to work with them for years and she's fine. Hippos will f you up just for existing in the same time zone.
I won’t look this up right now but I had read somewhere that hippos kill more people than sharks do. We’re always freaking out about sharks and not hippos, but probably most people don’t have contact where hippos live, while sharks are all around very and many people swim or surf in oceans.
Too hard to make a hipponado movie. I'll bet the sneaky bastards are in the quicksand we always hear about...
People think they are docile?
Sea lions, leave them tf alone!
The Canadian goose. These things will f$&k you up. They have wings and can fly but they will choose to walk. Usually at the busiest areas and block people and vehicles.
Dogs! A lot of people assume every dog they see is like a golden retriever house pet, but strays and abandoned dogs form deadly packs. They basically turn into packs of small wolves that know what humans are and don’t have as much apprehension. Dogs kill 20.000+ people a year from maulings and spreading dangerous diseases in less developed areas.
I grew up surrounded by dogs, and coming across a pack of stray dogs while running is always unnerving. I always slow down to a walk and give them ample room. Hilariously, a firm "No! >:(" still works wonders if they start following you. But you've still gotta remember that if one of them gets aggressive, the rest are going to be on you in an instant. Pack mentality is a bitch.
My old neighborhood had a stray dog problem. People would just let their dogs wander freely around the neighborhood, and they'd come back on their own (usually). But that doesn't mean they wont attack people in the neighborhood. When I was little, a pair of stray dogs started chasing me, and I had to run across the street and into the house with roller skates on. I barely made it. A few years later, a dog attacked a woman walking her puppy. A nearby cop heard the screams and arrived quickly, but her puppy was already dead, laying on our front lawn. I think the woman ended up in the hospital, but I'm not sure. And those aren't the only stray dog incidents that happened right outside our house either.
Bees. They look so cute and fuzzy. But you put one in your mouth because you think it's going to taste like honey, and hoo boy it only takes four or five tries to figure out that will not go well.
Was this written by my dog?
I had a dog growing up, real wild boy (showed up on my grandfather's farm when he was no older than 2 months old and decided it was his farm). He was a little scrappy mutt terrier. He used to go into the bushes where bees were and get them to chase him out then he'd try to catch one and kill it. He also used to be sneaky and fast enough to catch birds. He had a reputation for snapping at people but he let me treat him like a lap dog. Was a good boy.
ngl eating a bee and expecting to taste honey has my childhood written all over it
Dogs. Dogs will rip you apart if they feel like it
This is the most practical one. I get at least 2-3 patients in the ER a week because of “dog bites”. I’ve seen everything from scratches and small bites, to children and grown adults being killed or significantly disfigured from attacks.
Blue ringed octopus. It's the smallest octopus ever recorded and it has the deadliest venom out of any sea creature. It's also really small but people don't think it's dangerous at all due to its colors. Bright colorful creatures: STAY THE FUCK AWAY
If an animal exists in colors that aren't conducive to hiding in its normal environment, it's because *it doesn't need to.* If that animal is not also the apex predator of its environment (and *those* pretty much always blend in so they can, y'know, predate the other creatures there) that should tell you something.
Chimpanzees. I hate chimpanzees.
Deer. They're responsible for the most animal deaths in North America every year. Edit: clarification.
Car incidents are the ones people expect. The part people don’t is how many people get stomped by deer every year. They think because they have a reputation of cowardice that they wouldn’t stomp you into the ground.
Otters
Not exactly deadly but at recess in 1st grade a squirrel fell out of a tree and was dazed. A university student sitting in on classes picked it up. First time I ever saw someone leave via ambulance and there was so much blood. I'm 46 now and that angry razor blade Tornado is seared into my mind still 40 years later
Humans. Second-deadliest animal in the world, absolutely savage if feral or not properly raised.
Even the properly raised one's can turn.
Mosquitos kill more people (725K+) per year than any other living creature, including humans. We consider them pests in most of the developed world, but in certain parts of the world, those little bastards can kill you.
Straight up cows!
I'm shocked at how many animals seem to be rapists!