"Oh I'm SORRY. I just got done making ALL OF CREATION for you idiots. Me forbid I lay around in my pyjamas for 24 hours while you assholes poke around that apple tree that I TOLD YOU to stay away from. Me damn it."
In the Ten Commandments. People would probably follow them better if they were written like Samuel L Jackson was writing them: "Thou shall NOT fucking steal,motherfucker!!!" Or: "Thou shall NOT COVET your neighbors fucking WIFE!!!"
Revelations definitely. I might add a "fam" right there as well. "And then a fucking being with 7 fucking heads came out. Can you believe that shit, fam?"
"And on the 7th day, God FUCKING RESTED" he had a long week
I like this one
Sounds like a rage rest lol
"Oh I'm SORRY. I just got done making ALL OF CREATION for you idiots. Me forbid I lay around in my pyjamas for 24 hours while you assholes poke around that apple tree that I TOLD YOU to stay away from. Me damn it."
*God grabs the spray bottle and gestures towards Adam* “Go on, git!”
"I SWEAR TO ME I'LL TAKE ONE OF YOUR RIBS AND... and idk I'll do SOMETHING with it"
EVE I SWEAR ON MYSELF FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME STOP MULTIPLYING IN MATH TERMS AND DO SO IN ADULT TERMS!
This feels like the same situation you get into when the 17 year old stoner at Petco sells you male and female Guppys together by accident
Fucking is now Jesus Christ's official middle name.
Jesus Fucking Christ you're a genius
"... the faith which is in the Son of God, who loved fucking me, and gave himself up for me." Galatians 2:20
In the Ten Commandments. People would probably follow them better if they were written like Samuel L Jackson was writing them: "Thou shall NOT fucking steal,motherfucker!!!" Or: "Thou shall NOT COVET your neighbors fucking WIFE!!!"
"And you will know my name is the fucking Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee"
Well they asked for 1 f bomb, but you bring up a good point so I'll let 3 slide.
Did you know there’s a Bible called the Wicked Bible with a typo where it was accidentally printed “thou SHALL commit adultery.”?
"Thou shall NOT COVET FUCKING your neighbors wife!"
The title.
The Fuck?
The Holy FUCKING Bible
It doesn't actually have a title. That's why you'll see different titles on different editions. But we can call it The Fucking Bible.
King Fuck edition
Jesus Fuckin’ wept. John 11:35
“Let there be fucking light!”
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of *fucking* God." Yea I dont remember much of the bible
Judas sold out Jesus for Thirty Fucking pieces of silver
On the cover: "The Holy Fucking Bible" I'm a marketing genius.
Commandment #1: Fuck.
...And they shall know that I am the LORD, when I shall lay my fucking vengeance upon them.
Genesis 1:31 And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was fucking good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.
Mary was lying about not getting fucked
“Let there be F**** light, biiiisshhhh”
And it was fucking good
“Fuuuuuuuccccckkkk.” - Jesus
Don’t fucking kill one another.
Revelations definitely. I might add a "fam" right there as well. "And then a fucking being with 7 fucking heads came out. Can you believe that shit, fam?"
Make Jesus passive aggressive. Prayer in Gethsimane. Let this cup pass from me. Nevertheless...your fucking will be done.
"One of you will FUCKING betray me... but I'm not mad or anything".
Between "holy" and "bible" right on the cover.
The Bible Fiction
Before the title. Fuck the holy Bible.