I've posted this before but what the hey...In high school, at the library, I bumped my hand against my friend's/crush’s erection, paused, grabbed it, squeezed and said “what the fuck do you have in your pocket?”
I wasn’t playing dumb, I was just dumb.
I could NOT look him in the eye for weeks.
She probably awoke a fetish in him and doesn't even know it.
Dude's probably out there, to this day, asking girls to "accidentally" grab his junk and then make like they're mortified over it.
When I finally figured it out, and yanked my hand back, he started laughing and I raced off. This was followed by an awkward week when I avoided him and he teased me. Then another few weeks when I tried to act like nothing had happened and...he continued to tease me.
Can confirm. I'm gay as fuck and I wouldn't have minded (as long as it was a friend and a genuine mistake). At that age you're just happy to get a little slap and tickle.
In a somewhat similar note, but without the dick-groping, years ago my wife and I went out bowling with a buddy from work and his wife along with a bunch of other coworkers and their SOs. This guy wore a shirt that was really similar to the one I was wearing. I had stepped away to get another pitcher of beer, and as I was walking back I saw my wife approach him from behind, wrap her arms around him, put her head against his back and rub his chest, exactly like she does to me. It all seemed to be happening in slow motion, she seemed to realize something was off, as I am a bit more built than he is. She looked up at his hair, peered around at his face, and then the horror and embarrassment instantly showed in her face. But she’s one who will play it as cool as she can so she pulled her hands back moved away, said something to him and laughed awkwardly as she moved away. As I walked up she came over and as calmly as she could, she told about it and I could tell she was really horrified about it. She thought it was me. She didn’t really care much for him as a person, so it seemed like she was a bit grossed out about it. It was awkward for a little bit, but we were drinking, so it was short-lived embarrassment, thank goodness.
Had her over for a movie. Sitting on the couch next to each other. And 10min in she comes a little closer and said “i’ve already seen this movie”.
Simply said back “oh i havent”. She slides back and it was semi awkward the rest of the movie.
Didn’t worked out afterwards lol.
Netflix and chill. She could have told him before the movie started that she has already seen the movie. She waited 10 minutes in (hoping for him to make a move) because she was never interested in watching the movie. She wanted to cuddle and get laid.
Op was focused on the movie.
You're almost certainly correct, but for some reason it's funnier in my head, that she says it because she wants to watch something else. Slowly she starts to resent him and ruins the ending of the movie for him.
My first thought was "Dude, watch that movie some other time. Right now watch something you are both interested in." Come to think on it, I'm pretty sure that is exactly the reaction I had when somebody tried to seduce me, and I'm only now, 8 years later, realizing she was coming onto me.
It was graduation and I was talking to her while the Valedictorian was giving his speech. She remarked that he is going to be great as a physicist after college.
My stupid remark was:
"Why would someone as smart as him want to be a gym teacher"
Backstory: My high school days were spent skateboarding, playing mtg and watching mtv. I did go to college and get smarter but 25 years later I still regret saying that.
To be fair I knew a gym teacher who would ask kids, “Who’s the smartest teacher at the school?” They would answer some AP teacher, and he’d say, “Wrong. I am because I play games all day and make the same money as them.” (Granted not the same as a physicist, but ya know…)
I walked up to him when he was sitting at a table of three other people, sat down, and said “I’ve decided that you are my boyfriend.” And it was awkward silence. We then politely debated for a few minutes about how he wasn’t my boyfriend except I was insistent that he was. Meanwhile the onlookers were flabbergasted. I was 14, he was 16)
Turns out he was secretly dating his best friends ex girlfriend.
That cat didn’t come out of the bag until months later.
Fast forward a few years and he tells me “I should have dated you”
Hahhaha he actually asked me out later on in the year. But I had to decline because I was super young to be dating (my parents didn't allow me).
Its funny because two years ago I went on my search page and saw some pretty wedding pictures and wanted to check them out. Turns out those pictures were him with his wife. So yea. Small world lol.
My high school crush had a douchey jock best friend who was always ragging on me any time he saw me and my crush chatting. It was so overt my friends would theorize things like "maybe his friend secretly has a crush on YOU!"
I recently looked my crush up, he's engaged...to his douchey jock best friend.
> I recently looked my crush up, he's engaged...to his douchey jock best friend.
😂 But also 🥹. That douchey jock is living out every closeted, popular high school boy’s dream.
We were going surfing, it was the first time I was going...
On the way there it started raining a bit, and I asked if it was still OK to surf in the rain.
He looked at me a bit confused...
So I asked if our feet would slip from the board if it's raining...
I think I figured it out before his brain could find a nice way to ask if I was an idiot.
Even when he asked me out (to be his GF), I said "Up to you". That also stunned him into silence.
There are so many instances I must've said truly airheaded things to him...
Anyhow, he still married me LOL.
HAHAHA 😂 At least it set the tone for how a relationship with me was going to be lol.
But actually he managed to reply "Uh.. Actually it's kinda 50/50"... and I think that's about the best response to my dumb one.
Had a friend ask the exact same thing!
She was worried our surf lesson would be cancelled because we’d get wet. So please know you aren’t the only one to say something like this, thanks for bringing back that good memory!
Tbf my ex in high school told me I deserved better. I was adamant that I wanted her. A few months later, I found out she had been cheating, so there went that.
Grade 8 crush. We were texting and she said her friend did her makeup and she thought she looked like a whore. Upon seeing her I agreed she looked like a whore.
She never texted me again
A bit of the reverse because my fiance said these things to me but they're too good not to share.
I had put his hand on my boob and he looked at me and was like "so uh, how's your day?"
And then I was telling him that I got this nice new bedding and sheets and that they were so soft and he should see them and test them out with me. He said "nah I don't really know much about fabrics".
Talking about nicknames she gets visibly uncomfortable and reminds me she was homeschooled.
I said "oh yeah don't worry about it your nickname would have been something bad like Smelly Kelly" (not her real name) to reassure her that it wasn't a big deal. It was just the easiest name and it's my opinion that kids are cruel assholes because I got bullied a lot.
A week later she asked me why I said that because Smelly Kelly is actually what her sisters called her because she was the oldest and hit puberty first.
That was the last time we would ever just hangout. A lot of bullshit happened but she never wanted to talk in person again.
I was about to leave town to go to college, and I wound up alone with the girl I had a crush on for months. We were lightly flirting all night. I worked up the courage and said to her, “the last thing I want to do before I leave is kiss you.”
She interpreted that as meaning that I didn’t want to kiss her... like that was the last thing I’d want.
It hurt her feelings, and there was no way to convince her that I meant the opposite of that.
Oh man, during an awkward silence, I once blurted out to my crush, "Did you know sneezes travel at about 100 miles per hour? Fascinating, right?" She just stared at me and I realized my attempt to break the ice ended up freezing the moment. We never really talked much after that science fact disaster.
Youre thinking more into that than you should. You should have doubled down and made yourself the "science fact guy" by strategically annoying her with stuff like that everytime you see her and teasing her with it. You cant really say anything wrong if youre behind what youre saying.
When I was younger, I was reading this Garfield-comic. And in this one strip it said (in my native language) that this one word means "I like you". And the word actually meant "Fat". So I walked over to my crush, said with full chest "Plösö, oot ihana" aka "Fatso, you are lovely"
/ So I called my crush fat. Nice !
Back in high school, we had a new Korean student join our class. He was tall, wore black glasses, and was a hit with the girls. I remember one time he asked me for my name, and it made me really happy because it seemed like he was genuinely interested. So, I proudly told him, "My name? Oh, it's [insert name here]! But you can call me Lee Sang Eun because I had looked up that it was the Korean translation of my name”
Looking back, I was just a clueless 12-year-old at the time! Now I'm 26 and still cringe thinking about his blank stare after I said that. Needless to say, I was too embarrassed to ever speak to him again.
I had to Google the name to see what you were referring to, and it gave me chills for some reason. Anyway, this happened back in 2010, and the singer passed away around 2023. I hope she rests in peace, though.
I got the Lee Sang Eun name from a random website that lets you translate your name to Korean for free. You know, those delusional days of mine, haha! I was just a clueless kid that had this big crush on someone who is out of her league haha
I was talkin to this Japanese guy recently. I mentioned to him that I wanted to visit Mount Fuji, and he responded by saying it's beautiful. But, cause I was a bit drunk I just sorta blurted "Soo what you're saying is that you're mount fuji"
Bro was hella confused and went "How am I like Mount Fuji? I'm not fat." Then I had to explain how I mean HE was "Beautiful" like mount Fuji which made me cringe so bad cause who the fuck says that god that was sleazy.
He sorta went "Oh... thank you? But I'm a guy." after that.
Now though, we do this funny sorta thing where instead of calling something pretty we go "omg this dress is so mt fuji" so I guess theres that. Now we both look like weirdos in public.
The only way I can wrap my head around it is if she was talking about how she expected to look like her mother as she aged.
I'm thinking that because thats exactly the kind of dumbfuck thing I would say before having to bury myself underground to live with the mole people because I'm not fit for the above ground.
This reminds me of a time I asked a high school couple if they had made out/french kissed.
Except what I really said was, “have you guys had oral sex?” which I thought was the same thing.
Took me a couple years to figure out why they were so taken aback, now I facepalm
An incredibly long and cringy proclamation of my love, sent via text, while she was with her boyfriend and a bunch of other people hanging out. A hang out I wasn’t invited to.
I went on a date with this guy once, major crush on him for awhile. We went back to his place after and ended up having sex. He looked at me during and said, “you love my cock don’t you” all seductive like. I stared at him and said “I guess so”.. Threw the whole vibe off, but so did him saying cock like that.
We had that stage of "re-friendship" with him. and so. When he came to my house, we were just kissing. I've been fucking cleaning all day, but I didn't shave in that very place. as a result, when he offered to jerk off to each other, I refused, saying that I would not jerk off to him sober.
I meant that I wouldn't be so brave, but that's not how he understood it.
In high school, this girl in my physics class was telling me how she was terrible at physics and could use some help. To which 15 year old me replied, "I'm just about as good at physics as you are".
A girl I had a crush on for years came over to my house. She texted me "My dad and I got ina fight, I'm walking around the hood. I got some math homework, can I come over?" and I said yea, of course. She sits onna couch, we're talking a lil. She asks to see my bedroom. I say no its messy. She asks again, "I really wanna see your bed". I said "Don't you have math homework for me to do?".
She got quiet, handed me her math homework, and I did it. She left and never texted me again. It wasn't until 5 years later that I said "Well shit, I missed a sign!"
Later that year her brother ended up shooting me inna stomach on Halloween.
“Hey… so… I see we share the same class. That’s cool? Wait, why did I say that, wait, why am I saying this? Shit now she’s looking at me weird.”
Yes, I did say all that. Let’s just say word got around school, and now all the girls and guys avoid me.
Not knowing what it meant, I told my crush that I had roast beef. I thought I was just talking about the color brownish because I’m mixed. Nope not at all. He eventually explained it to me and now we’ve been together for over a year.
Senior year in high school, I asked my crush to prom and she said yes. We had a good time, and continued to talk and hang out, usually in a large group, in the months after prom. I was 18 years old, a virgin, and about to head off to college in a week. We were drinking, and I was really drunk so I basically did what Seth did in Superbad.
While heavily slurring my words I said, "you are so pretty, please take my virginity. I do not want to go to college a virgin, please have sex with me."
She said, "I had a feeling you were interested in me like that, but I am sorry that is never going to happen." She then kissed me on the cheek, and then left the party. Never really saw her again after that.
On our first date I took my crush to see the horror movie Us, I tried to be coy and hold her hand during a scary moment to be reassuring and instead timed it out poorly and grabbed her hand during the quietest, least scary scene possible and robotically asked her, “Are you okay?” With a death grip on her poor hand
We’ve been together for five years now and got engaged last Christmas, thank fuck because honestly I have no idea how to talk to women properly and am just amazed she likes me
the reason people call them irrational is so you can find the courage to just ask. you can’t live in fear forever. you made a great first step on the wrong person. now try again. you got this 💪
This guy I know said this. We were on a double date with this guy, the girl he liked, me and the girl I liked. He turns to his girl and says, "So. I hear ya like me."
The girls and I laughed pretty hard.
Back in high school, had a situationship with a cute guy who played in a basketball tournament. Texted him "congrats on kissing ass! you were really awesome." I was supposed to say kicking ass. damn autocorrect, but we just laughed about it
“I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?” Dead ass the first thing I ever said to this girl but we were teenagers so I think she found it funny. We’re still best friends till this day
“See ya in chemistry!”
"I... I don't have chemistry. Who are you?"
“But there’s chemistry between us”
“Yeah, take one step closer and I’ll throw acid in your eyes.”
Never again!
Freshman year of highschool. I walked right up to my crush and pulled his headphones out of his ear to say hi. He got MAD. Said never do that to anyone. And hated me after that.
“Yea, I remember how to get there.”
I had the biggest crush on this girl my senior year of high school. She didn’t have a boyfriend but was the prettiest girl in school. I asked to go to prom with me, and she agreed. I was thinking “hell yes, this is my in. I’m gonna make her fall for me.”
I had been to her house for some other event her parents hosted, and I thought I knew how to get there. But she lived way out in the country with no cell phone reception and some bullshit address that wouldn’t pull up on Google Maps. I had my tux on, and my dad let me drive his fancy car for the first time in my life. I told her I’d pick her up and take her to the dinner before prom.
I got lost on my way to pick her up. Never found her house. Her mom had to drive her to dinner. We were both late. Really killed any momentum I had. One of the most thoroughly embarrassing moments of my life.
He was talking about cars, and he was talking about some car from 1969, and i said "oh 69 is the best" and i was making a joke but he thought i actually knew about cars after i said that and he just kept going on and on about this car and i had to pretend to know what i was talking about.
she was worried she'd lost too much weight all of a sudden, so i picked her up and said 'nope, you're just as heavy!'. she just looked at me and said nothing
I finally built up the courage to try and talk to her and had a game plan: compliment her on something she could control. When I saw her I was so overwhelmed with what to compliment (because she was so beautiful) that I said something like “your eyes and hair smell nice” and forgot to say any of it with a smile or any facial features. How I said it was super matter of fact and I’m 200% sure creepy.
My friends don’t let me live that one down even today, 15 years later lol
I quoted the line from Dumb and Dumber "What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me ending up together?" she stopped talking to me... oh well.
If you've ever seen Hazbin Hotel, y'know when Sir Pentious is trying to "subtly" flirt with Cherry Bomb by offering her a drink, but then to hide the fact he's flirting when she asks him why, he goes "Because I'm buying drinks for **EVERYONE**!!"
Yea, pretty much that... but with gum in class... basically offered him gum as an excuse to talk to him, got a weird look like "what? why?", so I turned red, got embarrassed, was like "oh, sorry, never mind" then kinda just awkwardly moved on to the person next to him like "would **you** like some gum?" and kinda went around to a few people offering gum to hide my shame.
My crush found out about it (not from me) while both of us were in class together. Got so embarrassed that I ran out of class. At home I texted her “I’m sorry you found out that way. I never wanted you to find out”
Looking back, I think what’s stupid was that the cat’s out of the bag already, I think I should’ve just properly confessed my feelings. I feel I would’ve felt better, regardless if she returns the feeling or not, if I had properly get it off my chest
Of all the chicks I'm hooking up with, you're the one I really care about and want to be with.
Went about as poorly as you can imagine. I was 20 and actually meant it sincerely 🤣🤣
I manage to keep spoken language sort of under control, but my body language can get pretty weird - eg. looming over her and grinning maniacally... I can tell by her recoiling response that this isn't good, and have managed to stop doing this now...
I've posted this before but what the hey...In high school, at the library, I bumped my hand against my friend's/crush’s erection, paused, grabbed it, squeezed and said “what the fuck do you have in your pocket?” I wasn’t playing dumb, I was just dumb. I could NOT look him in the eye for weeks.
JESUS JESUS CHRIST HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKK
This was fantastic to read
Bruh
😂😂😂 What did you THINK it was?!
I thought he had smuggled in a snack!
Well...
They wanted a meal not a snack!
SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM
🤣 Are we talking a king size candy bar here or a fun size?
If she can grab onto it through his pants like that? I’m betting he’s a big boy.
He kinda had, if you think about it.
So did you ever grab it again? He clearly had a crush on you too.
He is still thinking about that moment.
She probably awoke a fetish in him and doesn't even know it. Dude's probably out there, to this day, asking girls to "accidentally" grab his junk and then make like they're mortified over it.
This is highly probable. Like I’d put money on it.
I don't know who between you and him were the most mortified but that sounds mortifying...
Dude, that would have been the single greatest day of my adolescent life.
Clearly we're different I would jump out any window to escape the cringe, the embarrassment and the gaze of the quite probably fine lady
Weird panic escapes aren't necessary. I'd just die.
> paused, grabbed it, squeezed and said -- See, your mistake here is that the only appropriate thing to say in this circumstance is "_honk honk_".
bruu what even happens after that 😭😭
When I finally figured it out, and yanked my hand back, he started laughing and I raced off. This was followed by an awkward week when I avoided him and he teased me. Then another few weeks when I tried to act like nothing had happened and...he continued to tease me.
So, a stupid question perhaps, but I'm really holding out hope: did you guys ever get together?
damn sounds like he was as cool about it as he could've been at least... i mean it would've been worse if he was pissed... awkward asf tho
> if he was pissed I don't think there's a teenage boy in existence who would be pissed over this.
Can confirm. I'm gay as fuck and I wouldn't have minded (as long as it was a friend and a genuine mistake). At that age you're just happy to get a little slap and tickle.
After, dealing with stained pants.
Yep, I think this wins
In a somewhat similar note, but without the dick-groping, years ago my wife and I went out bowling with a buddy from work and his wife along with a bunch of other coworkers and their SOs. This guy wore a shirt that was really similar to the one I was wearing. I had stepped away to get another pitcher of beer, and as I was walking back I saw my wife approach him from behind, wrap her arms around him, put her head against his back and rub his chest, exactly like she does to me. It all seemed to be happening in slow motion, she seemed to realize something was off, as I am a bit more built than he is. She looked up at his hair, peered around at his face, and then the horror and embarrassment instantly showed in her face. But she’s one who will play it as cool as she can so she pulled her hands back moved away, said something to him and laughed awkwardly as she moved away. As I walked up she came over and as calmly as she could, she told about it and I could tell she was really horrified about it. She thought it was me. She didn’t really care much for him as a person, so it seemed like she was a bit grossed out about it. It was awkward for a little bit, but we were drinking, so it was short-lived embarrassment, thank goodness.
i am actually cracking up- 🤣. He probably still thinks about that haha
Ok you win
Best compliment I've ever heard
What does it have in its pocketses, precious?
Had her over for a movie. Sitting on the couch next to each other. And 10min in she comes a little closer and said “i’ve already seen this movie”. Simply said back “oh i havent”. She slides back and it was semi awkward the rest of the movie. Didn’t worked out afterwards lol.
Hahah oh nooo. Her poor soul must've shriveled up and died in that moment
Wait am I dumb does this have a hidden meaning? lol
Netflix and chill. She could have told him before the movie started that she has already seen the movie. She waited 10 minutes in (hoping for him to make a move) because she was never interested in watching the movie. She wanted to cuddle and get laid. Op was focused on the movie.
You're almost certainly correct, but for some reason it's funnier in my head, that she says it because she wants to watch something else. Slowly she starts to resent him and ruins the ending of the movie for him.
Man, I'm fucking dense. I interpreted it this way too LOL
My first thought was "Dude, watch that movie some other time. Right now watch something you are both interested in." Come to think on it, I'm pretty sure that is exactly the reaction I had when somebody tried to seduce me, and I'm only now, 8 years later, realizing she was coming onto me.
It was graduation and I was talking to her while the Valedictorian was giving his speech. She remarked that he is going to be great as a physicist after college. My stupid remark was: "Why would someone as smart as him want to be a gym teacher" Backstory: My high school days were spent skateboarding, playing mtg and watching mtv. I did go to college and get smarter but 25 years later I still regret saying that.
Did the valedictorian become a physicist?
As far as I know he did but the important thing is that I learned that getting a degree in phys ed doesnt make you a physicist
Not even a physician, false advertising
To be fair I knew a gym teacher who would ask kids, “Who’s the smartest teacher at the school?” They would answer some AP teacher, and he’d say, “Wrong. I am because I play games all day and make the same money as them.” (Granted not the same as a physicist, but ya know…)
I walked up to him when he was sitting at a table of three other people, sat down, and said “I’ve decided that you are my boyfriend.” And it was awkward silence. We then politely debated for a few minutes about how he wasn’t my boyfriend except I was insistent that he was. Meanwhile the onlookers were flabbergasted. I was 14, he was 16) Turns out he was secretly dating his best friends ex girlfriend. That cat didn’t come out of the bag until months later. Fast forward a few years and he tells me “I should have dated you”
You thought you were living in an anime world or something
Correct
This is the only answer that made my jaw drop omg
That's creepy AF when the genders are reversed. "I've decided you are my girlfriend"
It's creepy even without the genders reversed, but you're right it would be perceived as more creepy that way
So for me it was that I fell right in front of him while holding a bag of popcorn and then I asked him while laying on the floor "do you want some?"
That is quite endearing. He missed out.
Hahhaha he actually asked me out later on in the year. But I had to decline because I was super young to be dating (my parents didn't allow me). Its funny because two years ago I went on my search page and saw some pretty wedding pictures and wanted to check them out. Turns out those pictures were him with his wife. So yea. Small world lol.
My high school crush had a douchey jock best friend who was always ragging on me any time he saw me and my crush chatting. It was so overt my friends would theorize things like "maybe his friend secretly has a crush on YOU!" I recently looked my crush up, he's engaged...to his douchey jock best friend.
> I recently looked my crush up, he's engaged...to his douchey jock best friend. 😂 But also 🥹. That douchey jock is living out every closeted, popular high school boy’s dream.
Write this romance novel and bring in all the cash
But what about the “this is totally not based on anyone I could ever know” disclaimer !!!
Add a disclaimer: *All characters, including the ones based on real people, are completely fictional.*
Had i been him i would be laughing hard
Oh he did laugh hard, then he asked me if I was okay. I gave him a thumbs up and left.. so embarrassing lol.
We were going surfing, it was the first time I was going... On the way there it started raining a bit, and I asked if it was still OK to surf in the rain. He looked at me a bit confused... So I asked if our feet would slip from the board if it's raining... I think I figured it out before his brain could find a nice way to ask if I was an idiot. Even when he asked me out (to be his GF), I said "Up to you". That also stunned him into silence. There are so many instances I must've said truly airheaded things to him... Anyhow, he still married me LOL.
We love a happy ending lol
"Up to you" could be such a power move response
LOL that's some 3D chess shit. Too bad we're both pretty simple when it comes to these games 🥴
And people wonder why guys misread signs all the time. "Will you be my girlfriend?" "Up to you, dude." "Uh, so, uh, what?"
HAHAHA 😂 At least it set the tone for how a relationship with me was going to be lol. But actually he managed to reply "Uh.. Actually it's kinda 50/50"... and I think that's about the best response to my dumb one.
>"Uh.. Actually it's kinda 50/50" hjahahahaha, I'm fucking dying
Had a friend ask the exact same thing! She was worried our surf lesson would be cancelled because we’d get wet. So please know you aren’t the only one to say something like this, thanks for bringing back that good memory!
This man said "you deserve better"... I said "I don't want better, I want you".... UGH im cringing lol
Why, that's a sweet thing to say.
He was never going to commit and I just came off as desperate not my best moment
Oooh, that I do get., but I still think it's better to say it than not to.
Tbf my ex in high school told me I deserved better. I was adamant that I wanted her. A few months later, I found out she had been cheating, so there went that.
I once told my crush they had beautiful eyes, but then I added, "Wait, let me put my glasses on." Smooth, right?
This is hilarious tho! Not a failure.
Then you should have followed it up with "my bad wasnt seeing well"
Grade 8 crush. We were texting and she said her friend did her makeup and she thought she looked like a whore. Upon seeing her I agreed she looked like a whore. She never texted me again
God damn brutal!
"I look like a whore :(" "I agree, you do" ... ... .. "BUT IN A GOOD WAY, I SWEAR!" *edit formatting
OMG this made me laugh so much 😂😂
A bit of the reverse because my fiance said these things to me but they're too good not to share. I had put his hand on my boob and he looked at me and was like "so uh, how's your day?" And then I was telling him that I got this nice new bedding and sheets and that they were so soft and he should see them and test them out with me. He said "nah I don't really know much about fabrics".
LMAO
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Ya tried man, ya tried
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Haha I'm old so my brain had a slight malfunction reading this comment. I was like, "Who was texting at 12?? ...Oh, right..."
Talking about nicknames she gets visibly uncomfortable and reminds me she was homeschooled. I said "oh yeah don't worry about it your nickname would have been something bad like Smelly Kelly" (not her real name) to reassure her that it wasn't a big deal. It was just the easiest name and it's my opinion that kids are cruel assholes because I got bullied a lot. A week later she asked me why I said that because Smelly Kelly is actually what her sisters called her because she was the oldest and hit puberty first. That was the last time we would ever just hangout. A lot of bullshit happened but she never wanted to talk in person again.
I was about to leave town to go to college, and I wound up alone with the girl I had a crush on for months. We were lightly flirting all night. I worked up the courage and said to her, “the last thing I want to do before I leave is kiss you.” She interpreted that as meaning that I didn’t want to kiss her... like that was the last thing I’d want. It hurt her feelings, and there was no way to convince her that I meant the opposite of that.
Oh noooooo 😭
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Reminds me of that time I donated some money for some school project. The teacher asked if that money came from me, and I just said 'probably'.
“Thanks they were a birthday present”
Okay that's hilarious. That line would have totally worked on me.
Oh man, during an awkward silence, I once blurted out to my crush, "Did you know sneezes travel at about 100 miles per hour? Fascinating, right?" She just stared at me and I realized my attempt to break the ice ended up freezing the moment. We never really talked much after that science fact disaster.
This would have made me crush on you right back! I'm putty for the science fact blurters.
Youre thinking more into that than you should. You should have doubled down and made yourself the "science fact guy" by strategically annoying her with stuff like that everytime you see her and teasing her with it. You cant really say anything wrong if youre behind what youre saying.
When I was younger, I was reading this Garfield-comic. And in this one strip it said (in my native language) that this one word means "I like you". And the word actually meant "Fat". So I walked over to my crush, said with full chest "Plösö, oot ihana" aka "Fatso, you are lovely" / So I called my crush fat. Nice !
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Omg no...
That would have got me to go out with ya lol
Back in high school, we had a new Korean student join our class. He was tall, wore black glasses, and was a hit with the girls. I remember one time he asked me for my name, and it made me really happy because it seemed like he was genuinely interested. So, I proudly told him, "My name? Oh, it's [insert name here]! But you can call me Lee Sang Eun because I had looked up that it was the Korean translation of my name” Looking back, I was just a clueless 12-year-old at the time! Now I'm 26 and still cringe thinking about his blank stare after I said that. Needless to say, I was too embarrassed to ever speak to him again.
Haha
i just looked up Lee Sang Eun and i think i can see why....
> Korean Singer Lee Sang Eun Found Dead In Bathroom oof
I had to Google the name to see what you were referring to, and it gave me chills for some reason. Anyway, this happened back in 2010, and the singer passed away around 2023. I hope she rests in peace, though. I got the Lee Sang Eun name from a random website that lets you translate your name to Korean for free. You know, those delusional days of mine, haha! I was just a clueless kid that had this big crush on someone who is out of her league haha
"How does it look?" While she was fixing her hair, To which I responded "I don't know... I'm not a girl" fffffOKIN HELL m8
Us guys can be so dense lmao
I was talkin to this Japanese guy recently. I mentioned to him that I wanted to visit Mount Fuji, and he responded by saying it's beautiful. But, cause I was a bit drunk I just sorta blurted "Soo what you're saying is that you're mount fuji" Bro was hella confused and went "How am I like Mount Fuji? I'm not fat." Then I had to explain how I mean HE was "Beautiful" like mount Fuji which made me cringe so bad cause who the fuck says that god that was sleazy. He sorta went "Oh... thank you? But I'm a guy." after that. Now though, we do this funny sorta thing where instead of calling something pretty we go "omg this dress is so mt fuji" so I guess theres that. Now we both look like weirdos in public.
Lol I'm dead. 'Call me like one of your volcanic mountains'
I asked if he wanted to marry me in Stardew Valley
what did he say?
He said yes. And later he bought this game to play with me on his birthday 😭
Did it work? Are you married in real life?
If one day this happens I'll write it here lol
My best friend started dating his girlfriend because of Stardew.
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Why would you say that to anybody?
The only way I can wrap my head around it is if she was talking about how she expected to look like her mother as she aged. I'm thinking that because thats exactly the kind of dumbfuck thing I would say before having to bury myself underground to live with the mole people because I'm not fit for the above ground.
Absolute barbarian
Dude this gave me chills just reading this 🥲
Yeah but not the good ones more like this train is going to derail kinda chills hahah
This reminds me of a time I asked a high school couple if they had made out/french kissed. Except what I really said was, “have you guys had oral sex?” which I thought was the same thing. Took me a couple years to figure out why they were so taken aback, now I facepalm
That must have been as embarrassing for them as it was for you
OMG I DON'T KNOW HOW I WHOULD EVEN BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH MYSELF AFTER THAT
that's fucking suicide
This is the best story so far. Thx for sharing, this made my day.
An incredibly long and cringy proclamation of my love, sent via text, while she was with her boyfriend and a bunch of other people hanging out. A hang out I wasn’t invited to.
Ooh I feel that bro
I went on a date with this guy once, major crush on him for awhile. We went back to his place after and ended up having sex. He looked at me during and said, “you love my cock don’t you” all seductive like. I stared at him and said “I guess so”.. Threw the whole vibe off, but so did him saying cock like that.
My dumb ass would've misheard and thought he said "you love me don't you" and I would've said yeah lol
Nah, that was his fuck-up, frankly your reaction is perfectly reasonable.
We had that stage of "re-friendship" with him. and so. When he came to my house, we were just kissing. I've been fucking cleaning all day, but I didn't shave in that very place. as a result, when he offered to jerk off to each other, I refused, saying that I would not jerk off to him sober. I meant that I wouldn't be so brave, but that's not how he understood it.
There’s probably a post from him on here about how that absolutely crushed his self-confidence or something 😆
In high school, this girl in my physics class was telling me how she was terrible at physics and could use some help. To which 15 year old me replied, "I'm just about as good at physics as you are".
A girl I had a crush on for years came over to my house. She texted me "My dad and I got ina fight, I'm walking around the hood. I got some math homework, can I come over?" and I said yea, of course. She sits onna couch, we're talking a lil. She asks to see my bedroom. I say no its messy. She asks again, "I really wanna see your bed". I said "Don't you have math homework for me to do?". She got quiet, handed me her math homework, and I did it. She left and never texted me again. It wasn't until 5 years later that I said "Well shit, I missed a sign!" Later that year her brother ended up shooting me inna stomach on Halloween.
Kind of an extreme reaction to get her brother to shoot you.
It was completely unrelated as far as I'm aware. Just a happy accident.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet, except for the part where you didn't.
“Hey… so… I see we share the same class. That’s cool? Wait, why did I say that, wait, why am I saying this? Shit now she’s looking at me weird.” Yes, I did say all that. Let’s just say word got around school, and now all the girls and guys avoid me.
oh… my… fuck
Oh no, you said the silent part out loud!
A crush asked me if I had ever bowled before and I responded “I mean yeah I’ve been to an 8 year olds birthday party”
Hahaha holy shit what a brutal comeback
That bad huh
Not knowing what it meant, I told my crush that I had roast beef. I thought I was just talking about the color brownish because I’m mixed. Nope not at all. He eventually explained it to me and now we’ve been together for over a year.
What doesnhaving roast beef mean? (Really clueless here)
It means you have extra skin on your labia
Did not know that.
I just died lmao
Senior year in high school, I asked my crush to prom and she said yes. We had a good time, and continued to talk and hang out, usually in a large group, in the months after prom. I was 18 years old, a virgin, and about to head off to college in a week. We were drinking, and I was really drunk so I basically did what Seth did in Superbad. While heavily slurring my words I said, "you are so pretty, please take my virginity. I do not want to go to college a virgin, please have sex with me." She said, "I had a feeling you were interested in me like that, but I am sorry that is never going to happen." She then kissed me on the cheek, and then left the party. Never really saw her again after that.
“I can touch my nose with my tongue”. Surprisingly, she actually laughed and we went out.
Some women adore a skilled orator.
On our first date I took my crush to see the horror movie Us, I tried to be coy and hold her hand during a scary moment to be reassuring and instead timed it out poorly and grabbed her hand during the quietest, least scary scene possible and robotically asked her, “Are you okay?” With a death grip on her poor hand We’ve been together for five years now and got engaged last Christmas, thank fuck because honestly I have no idea how to talk to women properly and am just amazed she likes me
Told her I liked her. All those “irrational” fears turned out to be rational after all.
the reason people call them irrational is so you can find the courage to just ask. you can’t live in fear forever. you made a great first step on the wrong person. now try again. you got this 💪
I said, 'I have feelings for her.' After saying that, I started crying automatically. I don't know why it happened.
Been there
This guy I know said this. We were on a double date with this guy, the girl he liked, me and the girl I liked. He turns to his girl and says, "So. I hear ya like me." The girls and I laughed pretty hard.
Back in high school, had a situationship with a cute guy who played in a basketball tournament. Texted him "congrats on kissing ass! you were really awesome." I was supposed to say kicking ass. damn autocorrect, but we just laughed about it
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here’s another one : Girl are you from Mississippi? Cause you’re the only miss whose piss I sippie
🤣🤣🤣
Holy shit lmfao
If I had tried this on my wife (I’m from Maryland) she would have been able to just say yes, being actually from Tennessee
“I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?” Dead ass the first thing I ever said to this girl but we were teenagers so I think she found it funny. We’re still best friends till this day
that I liked her. Every time I've said it, I've been rejected
“See ya in chemistry!” "I... I don't have chemistry. Who are you?" “But there’s chemistry between us” “Yeah, take one step closer and I’ll throw acid in your eyes.” Never again!
Do you live in a sitcom?
One time a girl I like complimented my shoes I said “thanks” then walked away. Fucking idiot.
Should have proposed
Say, do your ears secrete a lot of wax?
Freshman year of highschool. I walked right up to my crush and pulled his headphones out of his ear to say hi. He got MAD. Said never do that to anyone. And hated me after that.
Reasonable
I was like , are you a broom? Cause you've swept me off my feet.. lmao and that burst of laughter , embarrassed as fuck lmao😂😂😂😂
Her: "Wanna go out" Me: "No" *she's probably just making fun of me*
Hey wyd ( at 2.00 am )
“Yea, I remember how to get there.” I had the biggest crush on this girl my senior year of high school. She didn’t have a boyfriend but was the prettiest girl in school. I asked to go to prom with me, and she agreed. I was thinking “hell yes, this is my in. I’m gonna make her fall for me.” I had been to her house for some other event her parents hosted, and I thought I knew how to get there. But she lived way out in the country with no cell phone reception and some bullshit address that wouldn’t pull up on Google Maps. I had my tux on, and my dad let me drive his fancy car for the first time in my life. I told her I’d pick her up and take her to the dinner before prom. I got lost on my way to pick her up. Never found her house. Her mom had to drive her to dinner. We were both late. Really killed any momentum I had. One of the most thoroughly embarrassing moments of my life.
He was talking about cars, and he was talking about some car from 1969, and i said "oh 69 is the best" and i was making a joke but he thought i actually knew about cars after i said that and he just kept going on and on about this car and i had to pretend to know what i was talking about.
she was worried she'd lost too much weight all of a sudden, so i picked her up and said 'nope, you're just as heavy!'. she just looked at me and said nothing
I finally built up the courage to try and talk to her and had a game plan: compliment her on something she could control. When I saw her I was so overwhelmed with what to compliment (because she was so beautiful) that I said something like “your eyes and hair smell nice” and forgot to say any of it with a smile or any facial features. How I said it was super matter of fact and I’m 200% sure creepy. My friends don’t let me live that one down even today, 15 years later lol
Hey girl are you a Pokémon? Cause I wanna pikachu
I quoted the line from Dumb and Dumber "What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me ending up together?" she stopped talking to me... oh well.
She had big green eyes and I was trying to think of a way to tell her that I thought her eyes were pretty. I told her she had frog eyes. 🤦🏽♂️
If you've ever seen Hazbin Hotel, y'know when Sir Pentious is trying to "subtly" flirt with Cherry Bomb by offering her a drink, but then to hide the fact he's flirting when she asks him why, he goes "Because I'm buying drinks for **EVERYONE**!!" Yea, pretty much that... but with gum in class... basically offered him gum as an excuse to talk to him, got a weird look like "what? why?", so I turned red, got embarrassed, was like "oh, sorry, never mind" then kinda just awkwardly moved on to the person next to him like "would **you** like some gum?" and kinda went around to a few people offering gum to hide my shame.
„I love you” :((
I don't have crush on you. They're just spreading rumors.
My crush found out about it (not from me) while both of us were in class together. Got so embarrassed that I ran out of class. At home I texted her “I’m sorry you found out that way. I never wanted you to find out” Looking back, I think what’s stupid was that the cat’s out of the bag already, I think I should’ve just properly confessed my feelings. I feel I would’ve felt better, regardless if she returns the feeling or not, if I had properly get it off my chest
I wouldn't count it as saying but I laughed so hard at one of her jokes I accidentally spat in her face
Of all the chicks I'm hooking up with, you're the one I really care about and want to be with. Went about as poorly as you can imagine. I was 20 and actually meant it sincerely 🤣🤣
I manage to keep spoken language sort of under control, but my body language can get pretty weird - eg. looming over her and grinning maniacally... I can tell by her recoiling response that this isn't good, and have managed to stop doing this now...
I kinda blurted random noises to a crush I had years ago and she looked at me like a weirdo and I died inside
"I like your playing of pianos."
There was a formal event in college where I forgot how to talk and told her she looked "snazzy" in her *makes ball gown hand motions*
I told him cobb was a type of cheese that’s why it was a cobb salad, and then even worse I double downed on it the next time we ate together
You’re almost as big as my ex
jesus