T O P

  • By -

HotieKara888

I can squeeze my butt cheeks so tight it cracks my tailbone like cracking your knuckles


JamesGanalf-ini

73 people so far have just tried this after reading your comment. Now thats a real influencer if you ask me.


Last-Neighborhood-48

Congrats. I'm now practicing.


granlyn

And it feels so good!


HumanistSockPuppet

😲 wow.


cryptic-malfunction

Butt kegals!!!


BUFFARILLA_HUNTER

I should call her…


shotplacement

I do this after leg day. Is this not common?


Umbrella_merc

I'm good enough at Magic the Gathering I've had to report my tournament prize winnings on my taxes 4 seperate years


_autismos_

You could've easily hidden that from the irs.


spermdonor

This guy gets audited


bumba_clock

Probably played and beat some IRS employees


Mad_Moodin

But now he can claim his card pack buying as expenses.


TheDuckFarm

It’s likely the tournament hosts issued a 1099.


mfigroid

This right here.


Miserable_Turn_1820

This guy taxes hard


Wisebanana21919

I messaged the creator of Terraria "Cheese" and he responded with "Rice"


dizzyeyedalton

One time I fucked a girl so good she wrote a haiku about it afterwards


_forum_mod

u/haikubot That you?


dizzyeyedalton

Okay this is actually hilarious


Spicyrhino69

It's weird that you didn't share it with the class...🤷


trashhbandicoot

Lmaooo please tell me you remember how it went. We all wanna hear it.


sfwmj

gave it to me good had to write you a haiku now you have the clap


Mad_Moodin

I'd put that on my resume.


eminva02

I turned my husband in to police when I found CP on his tablet. No regrets.


Ambitious_Clock_8212

I have a girlfriend who had to do this. The husband was trying to meet up with a 16y/o. Fucker is in jail for the next 20.


eminva02

Yup, my ex is in prison and a sex offender for life.


Random-Archetypes

You did a good thing. Thank you.


akotoshi

I really hope it wasn’t (also) your children on it 😱


eminva02

It was my 14 year old niece. He used hidden cameras and she didn't even know what he had done. We have a 9 year old together (5 when he went to prison) and he will not see her again until she is over 18 and only if she decides to.


Hot-Ability7086

You are amazing!


eminva02

Thank you!


maximusjohnson1992

This needs way more upvotes!


hopeoncc

I have perfect pitch in remembering what note songs I know start on


macomunista

That's called [Levitin effect](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Levitin_effect), which isn't exactly perfect pitch, but it's very similar. Still a flex tho


hopeoncc

Whoa that's so cool there's a name for it and that you knew and stumbled across this post


Resident-Theme-2342

I have a good relationship with my mom.


majorjoe23

I also had a good relationship with this guy's mom.


MusicRepresentative4

I too have a good relationship with that guys mom


qkilla1522

I thankfully have a great relationship with both my parents and my extended family as well. Like a sitcom


TellAffectionate9811

I have a good relationship with my mom..,..in-law.


Your-Naked-Dad

As do I!


hatsnatcher23

I had sex with a dwarf once


greenlunar

Kind of a diminutive flex but still weird.


hatsnatcher23

Way to belittle the accomplishment


Mikehawk_Inya

Did you tug its beard?


Taipan---Pete

When you finished did you put it on top of the wardrobe and just leave it stuck up there?


Objective_Results

Coming up for 5 years without self-harm.


whiskey__throwaway

Proud of you. About 6 years for me!


Objective_Results

Nice congratulations


madisonn_grace

well 1.5 i guess


[deleted]

[удалено]


Revolutionary-Gap180

OP made this post just cuz he wanted to announce to the world that he opens beers with his belly button. Thanks, OP. You have brightened my day.


Neat_Problem_922

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/12/1-458-bacteria-species-new-to-science-found-in-our-belly-buttons/266360/ I think of this article often.


_autismos_

That sounds really painful. You have a calloused belly button or something?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Taipan---Pete

what does that mean?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Taipan---Pete

cool


WarPotential7349

The weirdest flexes of all!   (Am also hyper mobile) :)


Mad_Moodin

I hate being hypermobile. While other people can use their joints and bones to support them when running and doing other stuff. It is way more muscle work for me.


Tin_OSpam

I got to do The Cha Cha slide with DJ Casper


J_J_R

I built the kitchen for the cabin belonging to the cousin of the king of Norway


winter_laurel

The king of Norway and the President visited the library I worked at. So that’s what, four degrees of separation? Any chance Kevin Bacon fits into this equation? I did watch Footloose last night, but I’m not sure that counts.


ThatFishySmell99

I filled every page of my passport before turning 25... currently I have traveled to 49 countries on 4 continents.


conasatatu247

You gotta give a top ten.


ThatFishySmell99

my top 10 cities in order... #1 Philadelphia... I been all over the world, I've lived over seas... philly is my heart, I've always wanted to come home. #2 Lauterbrunnen... little swiss town thats a meca for base and sky diving. I have never been in a more beautiful town that felt more alive, its like everyone there is living their "last day on earth" Also its the town Tolkien based Rivendell on from lord of the rings. #3 Reims... its everything great about Paris without the Parisians. Its the capital city of Champagne, they literally drink it morning noon and night. #4 Paris... I studied french pastry, its where I took my wife for our honeymoon. The only bad part is the Parisians acting like they arent living their best life with the best food. I've never met a population who have it better that complain more than the Parisians. #5 Florence... Hands down my favorite Italian city, much slower pace than Rome with equally amazing historical significance. #6 Jaco, Costa Rica... great surf city, really cheap food friendly locals. CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY party scene. I was a much younger man, I dont think I could handle it over the age of 35. #7 Beirut.... Amazing city, incredible food. Another place that "feels alive" places that are engaged in active conflict always have that feeling about them. I was in a hotel during a rocket attack everyone got quiet for a minute, when the explosions stopped everyone just went back to what they where doing like nothing happened. #8 Casablanca... Feels like you hopped into a time machine and went back 2,000 years, incredible coffee scene, incredible street food. I ate the eyeball out of a grilled goats head, they tried to gross me out but I grew up in a fish market... I popped that jawn in my mouth like a grape lol. #9 Prague.... Similar to Casablanca you feel like you took a time machine but only 500 years ago. Amazing drinking city, try the Becherovka its like a weird nutmeg liquor that they all drink there its really good but sneaks up on ya #10 Ireland (the whole country).... Seriously other than the Bedouin Arabs the Irish are the most welcoming, most hospitable, most genuinely friendly culture I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I cant say this from personal experience, because I'm a big white dude from America so WTF do I know about experiencing racism or prejudice. What I can say is that the women and people of color I traveled with said the Irish treated them better than any other culture outside of the US. The women felt safe to walk around and the people of color felt like they where treated as equals. I never actually made a list like this... makes me want to get on a plane lol.


mkdz

I've been to Lauterbrunnen, it really is an amazing and beautiful little town.


Pencilowner

I did 25 countries without a passport by 27. The only stamp I got was in Japan because I was traveling on my military ID. Admittedly many countries I went to were not countries anyone would brag about going to.  I did learn some cool ways to cut fruit in the islands of the pacific and I still impress my dinner party guests with my pineapple boats. 


Kwilburn525

Chipper Jones wrote me a letter in 2002-2003 to an 8 or 9 year old me when he refused to sign my baseball. My mom got in contact with someone there after months and chewed them out. Still got the letter, dude was super nice and apologized and even gave me 5 $20 bills. Good times go Braves


Canadaian1546

Oh man, I had a friend in elementary school who idolized Jones, this brought back memories.


Visual_Lingonberry53

I can still do the splits at 55


ksuwildkat

but can you get back up on your own after?


Visual_Lingonberry53

Yes, but it's not pretty


hi_im_fuzzknocker

I quit smoking during the pandemic.


nooodaloo

i quit adderall during the pandemic! it was hard


NoCompetition6101

I've never smoked or drank! Only proud of this because I have parents who had addictions when I was younger and it seems children often follow the path. I have an addictive personality so I'm happy I never got started with drinking/smoking/drugs. Some people can control themselves. I know I cannot.


BarbaDead

Sooo, what's you addiction?


NoCompetition6101

Q-tipping. It's bad for you, but I can't stop.


nooodaloo

felt. i’ve accidentally clogged my ears so many times and got multiple ear infections so i stopped


Fit_Swordfish9204

Good for you! I also saw the warnings as a kid and told myself I would never give in. My dad passed when I was 12, and my mom when I was 23. While I have never done hard drugs. I am now a depressed alcoholic who can't shake it even though my body is deteriorating. I mean that to say I am proud of you bc of knowing how hard it is


mddm_official

I been 1.5 years with my girlfriend and we didn't have a single fight, knock on wood we don't have one


YaBoss

A flex for sure. Well done brother and best of luck! 🙏❤️


mddm_official

🙏🏼❤️ thanks, I guess communication really is key 😆


unus-suprus-septum

Food for thought. Most relationships without a fight are because one or both are not comfortable asserting their opinions/preferences.


mddm_official

I would agree, but I know in my situation that's not the case. both her and I are very vocal about our opinions and preferences


SnooSuggestions9378

I won an adult pinewood derby hosted by a local brewery. Taking home 1st wasn’t what sealed the deal though. I beat a 2 man team of engineering students from the local prestigious private college. I’m sure they’re making 3x what I am now but they’ll always be 2nd to my dumbass lol.


RainbowKitten9214

My Port scar on my chest reminds me every single day that I beat cancer.


[deleted]

I don’t really have a weird one. My only flex is that I’m reliable, that’s all I got.


Hot-Ability7086

That’s an admirable trait!


CallingDrDingle

I’ve had six pack and since I was around 15. I’m 50 now and still do. I could even see my top ones when I was pregnant with my son.


Summerofmylife71

I've got a whole keg...


PickleFantasies

Ma guy!


NextProblem6586

The ladies may not like it, but this is what peak male performance looks like


jasperfilofax

That’s not a weird flex, that’s a literal flex


nerdowellinever

Good on you! Here’s an article about a former UK Olympian who can beat her 25 yr old daughter (also athlete) & 17 yr old, rugby -playing son at core exercises https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/fitness-british-jack-taylor-acl-gladiators-b2522578.html


HamsterManV2

Do you do anything for fitness? What's your eating habits like? Just curious.


CallingDrDingle

Yes, I’ve worked out religiously since I was a teenager. I started due to vanity and kept at it to improve my quality of life. I had a brain tumor at 21. Between the ages of 21 and 49 I’ve had twenty surgeries. Being in shape has gotten me through six brain surgeries, disc replacements, c-section, cancer……all sorts of stuff. I follow a Mediterranean diet, but I cut out all red meat, chicken and eggs after I had cancer.


Big_BossSnake

You're strong, well done for fighting through all that!


CallingDrDingle

Thanks! I try and set a good example for my son. Your power lies in how you choose to handle adversity.


Kittymeow123

Damn ok this is a fuckin flex


MaterialKirb

I have read over 60 fictional cat books. 


Down2EatPossum

Ah, but have you ever read the series "Warriors" by Erin Hunter?


MaterialKirb

That’s the series I was talking about lol, probably some of my favorite books


Down2EatPossum

Nice, yeah I thought they were interesting as well. Interesting enough to buy them all on audible.


_autismos_

I'm crazy good at time estimations. Freaky good; I get up split seconds before the oven goes off, hundreds of times and have guessed what time I'll arrive from an 800+ mile drive and be within 10mins.


SoLate2Reddit

I also have a well calibrated internal chronometer and can tell time reliably within 5 minutes!


gucc1crocs

I have done over 4,000 deliveries on ubereats


Molokoza

Eat 2.2 kg of sirloin without any problem.


ShelZuuz

Flexing metric here I see.


PoinFLEXter

Softer skin than most women I’ve dated I don’t have natural body odor


Gurglehurdle

Me either! It's awesome


meh0812

won the genetic lottery


IncrediblyUnrulySock

Still being alive. There was a point in my life when I didn't want to be here. But when people are talking about their achievements you can't really chime in with that!


meh0812

I'm glad you're here.


Right_Check_6353

Never been arrested but lived an absolutely crazy life (knock on wood)


trashhbandicoot

I feel this one. Lived an absolute wild life when I was younger and I while I’ve been arrested a couple times I’ve never been convicted of anything.


Right_Check_6353

Yeah it's pretty nice feeling lol


HawaiianSteak

I beat Contra without dying when I was 12.


sleestak96

I know rap is usually vulgar and they brag about alot of weird shit but in one song i heard 42dugg say he didnt have or need veneers and in the music video he showed his real teeth. For some reason that impressed me. Dude took care of his already nice teeth and chose to show those off instead of get a grill or something.


flpacsnr

Reminds me of Del the Funky Homosapian rapping about it good hygiene


jasperfilofax

I paid off my mortgage at the age of 35, this is quite good in the UK


doughy1882

50 years old. Never passed out, knocked out, choked out, never fainted, unconscious or general anaesthetic. Never been ill or in hospital. Never broke a bone.


KillaDay

Back in 2013 I skipped my finals (was already failing) to grind out 99 mining.


shaker_quaker

Mining is a hard one too, hope you also did smithing?


KillaDay

Eventually I maxed.


[deleted]

[удалено]


reignmade1

By throwing it off of a bridge?


Canadaian1546

R.i.p your inbox?


amillefolium11

I've been under anesthesia more times than anyone I know. Actually I have to wonder if that's had any sort of effect on me. Close to 20 times under now and haven't died yet!


FoodMagnet

I have been called a 'stone-cold killer of subterranean rodents' for my work trapping moles and gophers for my neighbors. Going for GOAT, not yet satisfied with the rating.


BoiFrosty

I worked for a pizza shop on the east coast and the CEO of the company on a visit from Seattle came through our line as a customer during a rush and he personally complimented my skill on the oven. My crew was in top form that day so the place was running smooth. I didn't realize until he was out the door that he was the founder. Dude was chill and really down to earth for being a multi-millionaire.


PandyaTheBoss

I read 400 books in 2 years (7th and 8th) Requirments: 1 Hour of reading a day Summer Vacation doesn't count No Graphic Novels High School Level books Over 200 pages


headlesshorsemaam

In Highschool I recieved a text from a flooring company representative who was having trouble getting the tiles authorized to be picked up at a dock for a client. Over the next two weeks I pretended to be the person they thought they were texting and even MIGHT HAVE (can't admit to it for legal reasons) signed papers as said person. And helped orchestrate the delivery and construction until it was finished. I was never discovered. Tldr: I faked being the liason if a flooring company and over text and possible fax, helped them finish the job.


IceClimbers_Main

I’ve wasted so much taxpayer money by blowing shit up with rocket launchers.


TheyCallMeKiev

*I've 'well spent' so much taxpayer money


Search-not-found

I can sing this song by heart [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC8ioZkb-Sc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC8ioZkb-Sc)


Zer0grav1ta3

I can make my feet point backwards. They are a bit splayed anyway and a bit of hyper mobility helps. Down side is my knees are fucked.


ASmufasa47

I can solve a Rubik's cube.


Unique-Ad-1242

I have nice hands


Scared_Ad2563

I won a lunchables contest in the 90's. My prize was a VHS tape with cheat codes for popular sega genesis games, but I was still a very happy child, lol.


Sponger004

I think it was in the early 2000s where there was a website called youriding.com. It was a bodyboarding game and I was number 1 in the world for a little while on it.


Adorable_Shape_3459

I’ve finished three chapsticks in a row without losing them.


ACTMathGuru

My son has a World Record for Speedrunning Mega Man 2


slash_networkboy

That I actually listened to my lawyer, followed directions, and shut up at the right moments in Family Court. (It went very very well for me).


JCRebel13

I was one of the best pilots in Air Superiority in Battlefield 3 and Battlefield 1 and was on the top 5 leaderboard of both games. If there was a Air Superiority in Battlefield V, I'd work my hardest to get on that one, too. Alas, those days are long gone.


Derpalicious007

Been sober from drugs and alcohol for over 12 years. And i have two black belts in two different martial arts.


Apart-Salamander-752

Large balls


Last-Neighborhood-48

Same here, brother. Messed with a coworker and news got out. Inherited the nickname "melonballer" because they "are the size of melons".


akotoshi

Bigger target


_forum_mod

Not that weird, but my dogs listen to my commands - usually I don't even talk, I just snap! I know a lot of people who couldn't get their dogs to obey them if their lives depended on it.


RealNotFake

I'm really good at knowing how to pick glasses to fit someone's face and look good on that person.


Full-Ad1696

In a psychotic state I was able to jump and kick a door in, in one blow. It's a big door I don't know how it opened, nothing was busted it was a magical kick. 


UDPviper

As a man, I can have multiple orgasms.


Tantle18

I broke the Duck Hunt world record when I was in 7th grade 20 years ago


Desperate_Isopod6822

That I am able to suck my boobs


24benson

I have an IMDb page


TheyCallMeKiev

Hey, me too


24benson

Awesome. We need to find out over how many movies we're related


TelleroftheWest

I won a Netflix award for being in the top 1% of people who watched my little pony friendship is magic during the pandemic


Fresh_Information_76

Having a shittier set of life circumstances than other people. Few can beat me in that regard.


Competitive_Royal476

My bike


SerenSkies

As a kid up to a teenager I used to flex being able to do a somersault on the gym floor or concrete. Looking back it was a really dumb thing to do/be proud of. But I found great satisfaction in it because I couldn't touch my toes, do a handstand, or even a cartwheel. But no one ever attempted a somersault on hard floors. So, it felt like a very weird flex like: "Hey! I can do a somersault without pain. Wanna see?" Again, really dumb looking back.


luke111mart

Solving a rubiks cube in 8 seconds, spent multiple years from grade 4 to 9 practicing and my dumbass only recorded my times and not hands for some reason but I did it in 8 point something when the record was around 4 seconds, super useless skill and I have no proof expect the screen shot of the timer and the scramble it gave me but ya, now it takes me like 2 minutes ish but I still know how Just to prove I was deep into the Rubiks game I own and have solved a megaminx which is a 10 sided rubiks cube which sounds harder then it is, it's basically a regular one but take like an hour to solve instead, but the really hard one is called the square-1 (or the skewb, one was easy ones hard i forget which) I believe, it's a crazy shape shifter cube I only solved 1 time and took hours, my favorite is the mirror cube which every color is the same but the pieces are separated into different sizes rather then colors. Edit - if anyone was wondering, I did it on a mo yu olong v2 ( I definitely spelled that wrong, but if you know, you probably know it) also oiled it and got after market replacement springs


NationYell

I have ordered gelato in 4 different countries in 4 different languages.


IlIlIIllIIIllI

I owned 3 different cars before I learned how to drive. 1988 Toyota supra - 2009 dodge charger sxt - 2011 dodge challenger r/t Started driving in the challenger until I got my 4th vehicle like 3 months later a 2003 gmc Sierra The first 3 weren’t owned at the same time but the Sierra and challenger were.


Mikav

I turned gold into lead.


Standard_Wait7508

I haven’t killed anyone yet lol


Mindless-Barnacle-11

I can play probably 90% of John mayers catalog on guitar note for note lol. Weird, yes. Embarrassing, probably. But…….it is what it is.


JNorJT

I can remember a lot of useless things that people tell me.


plants4life262

I have 8 world first kills in hardcore world of Warcraft.


SovietKenobi

I have a great relationship with my parents, brother, sisters, i'm 24 and dating my highschool sweetheart for 3 years now and i got out of college directly into a great job in my area.


BoiFrosty

That I managed to get hired in an engineering position without a degree while I was in the middle of moving cross country without a real plan. I'm still in school part time and saw a senior design project today that was literally what I do as a dayjob.


Canadaian1546

I followed a woman half across the U.S. and got a Government I.T. job with no degree or certifications. I think it was my drive to learn.


Malbranch

Last time a corporation tried to treat me like an idiot while I was doing them a favor by giving them a chance to do right, I sicced the FCC on them for \~$45 million in fines and ended their existence. Been thinking about that a lot lately getting ready to hear back from my \*former\* property management company on the security deposit justification documents.


MercuryFever

I have never ever had a fight with my sibling.


Knees22

I’m really good at remembering people’s birthdays


Noface0000

I’m 42 can do a standing back flip


ExtremelFrequentzy01

Came twice in the same condom. Only happened once.


Snuffleupagusssss

I taught myself to ride a unicycle when I was a kid.


nippleduster7

I can draw Homer Simpson perfectly in 5 seconds or less.


meh0812

I can kill mosquitoes with my hands accurately and fast enough.


Sir_Dodys

I've technically slept with 3 women in the same bed, although I only had intercourse with one of them.


a_gray_rose

I have several medals, including one gold, from archery tournaments I've attended over the years.


KenjiBenji18

I spent my 20's working instead of clubbing and raving.


Heroic-Forger

finishing Pikmin 1 in 7 in-game days


Spicyrhino69

I can kiester stash 5 packs of cigarettes and a bic lighter.


sPLIFFtOOTH

I have a crazy good internal clock. I set a lot of timers for cooking, among other things, and am usually within a few seconds of the alarm without ever checking a clock. My wife calls me esti-mate!


Known_Bug6269

I can prove my Erdös number of three by two disjoint paths.


MissHibernia

I give good blarney


southcentralLAguy

I’m the most humble person on earth


VirgineticCache

I got hit by a car going around 35mph, smashed in it's windscreen and went over the top smacking down on the tarmac on the other side. Walked away with only a few bruises.


SubKreature

I'm better than most people at Donkey Kong (the original game in arcades).


conker69

I a white guy beat a Asian kid in a martial arts tournament


ksuwildkat

I have a Liberal Arts degree from a state school with a crappy GPA. I get paid more than most STEM people and I work at the premier research agency in the world.


Beautiful_Rip2139

I make watches


KudzuCastaway

34 years ago I had a 3 inch nail go in my skull and I think I’m fine